Mind Blind and Dating | Aphantasia
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 19 ต.ค. 2024
- Aphantasia, also known as Mind blindness is the inability to visualize in your mind's eye. When I first started dating my husband, I remember realizing that I couldn't describe what he looked like to my roommate. I knew this was really strange, but it was years before I knew what aphantasia was or that other people could actually visualize what people looked like in their minds!
This is not a medical channel, I am not giving out medical advice, just my personal experience. And everyone with these neurodivergencies will have their own unique experiences.
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So relatable! I’ve known I have aphantasia but had never heard of the terminology for not being able to relive memory - thank you for that. I don’t have memories- just recall of pictures or being told stories enough times..
I remember how sad my wife was when I explained to her that if I’m not constantly seeing her face or pictures of her, I can’t necessarily recall what her face looks like, or how sad my parents were when I explained that I have virtually zero memories from childhood.
Also I saw my neighbor of five years at Kroger the other day - knew that I should know the person, but had no idea how or who it was. So uncomfortable and embarassing!
I tend to explain it to people by saying I just have to ‘know’ things because I can’t picture them.
So interesting Amanda! I remember the first time you and I met in person after talking on the phone for a couple of months. I was like, how will she know it is me? As you remember, we met up at Michaels arts and crafts lol. I mean, I guess my white cane gave it away ha, but still it was interesting knowing what probably was going through your head before you walked into the store to look for me. And also, for me being completely blind, I have to know voices extremely well and that can be hard especially if I’ve only met someone a couple of times. That’s why I like for people to tell me their names when they say hello and give me a connection to how I know them because it’s so hard for me to remember everybody I meet. Anyways, you’re doing a great job love the content! And you sound beautiful :-)
On a funny note, sometimes I have to ask my kids, who are you? My girls sound a lot alike, especially if they only give me a brief greeting it can be hard haha
I think because I'd watched your channel for a while before we met I also had a visual description built up in my mind for you. Plus like you said, white cane! Also, luckily Michael's isn't too crowded. But yep, anytime I'm meeting up with someone new it's so nerve wracking!
I find myself re explaining this to certain people at the moment having just started at a new place of training and work (separate places) simultaneously. There's an enormous amount of anxiety around possibly not recognising certain people that you're 'supposed to' & who'll be important in future months & more. I'm also wondering more about heredity as my 5 yo, presumed autistic also asks me on occasion, while we're out, 'Are you my Mama?' and he seems not to spot me during school pickup unless he's remembered what I'm wearing.
It really is stressful! Especially when you don't understand why you don't recognize people. Now in some cases, I can tell people before meeting up that it's difficult for me, so they should look out for me. Plus my curly hair can be easy to spot. But that doesn't always work out and then there's the times when you run into someone unexpectedly!
I have aphantasia and your facial recognition challenges are exactly the same for me. It definitely takes many meetings. Often i need to rely on context to know who I'm talking too. Lol
I would add that for me when watching a movie or new tv series i have trouble if there's many characters.
Too many characters in a movie make me so confused too, especially if they have similar features.
I relate to this in a couple of interesting (I think lol) tangential ways that are possibly autistic traits. For one, I have a hard time recognizing faces in a crowd-even family and friends. It’s not like I forget what they look like, and it’s not flat out impossible-sometimes it’s easier than others-but it’s generally far more difficult for me than most other people.
And the other thing, which I’m pretty sure is just an adaptation to prevent sensory overload, is I am almost guaranteed to not be the first to recognize people I know in places I don’t expect them to be. Like at the grocery store or a restaurant. They always see me first and I’m always taken aback for a second while I process this sudden unexpected interaction.
It's common for neurodivergent people to have more than one neurodivergency and sometimes it can be complicated sorting out the traits of each one. I didn't realize faces in crowds was a common autistic one, but it makes sense. Add aphantasia and yeah...difficultly level up!
I’ve recently started dating someone with aphantasia. Do you have any insights on how it might impact a relationship? What I can do to be helpful? Or in your case what you think made your relationship work with your husband?
Power to you for sharing your stories!
Great question. Honestly people with aphantasia have adapted so well, we honestly didn't even know other people could visualize. Collectively we thought it was a big metaphor when people talked about counting sheep and visualizing your happy place. We can THINK about sheep, but it doesn't really do much to help us fall asleep so we usually think it's bizarre that works for some people. Then we learn that most people can see the sheep and our minds are blown. But as to it effecting a relationship, I don't really see how it would. One thing to be aware of is many people with one neurodivergency find out they have others, even if they don't know it. I'm not saying that's 100% true, but it seems to be common. Good luck in your new relationship and thanks so much for commenting! ❤️
I am personally exploring the possibility of having aphantasia and/or sdam and as a woman not being able to visualize or fantasize hinders my sex life. Men want to be desired physically but I struggle to build that physical appetite when they’re not physically present without the mental pictures. It hurts them deeply when I have to explain that I don’t fantasize about them and they usually don’t understand that I’m literally not able to.
I am personally exploring the possibility of having aphantasia and/or sdam and as a woman not being able to visualize or fantasize hinders my sex life. Men want to be desired physically, but I struggle to build that physical appetite when they’re not physically present without the mental pictures. It hurts them deeply when I have to explain that I don’t fantasize about them and they usually don’t understand that I’m literally not able to.
Neurodivergent spectrum is a hard concept for some people to grasp, I think. Might be another video idea to go more in depth with that.
Really great idea!
Same thing with my wife i just couldnt see what she looked like even still i can only give rough details ir colour hair how long hair is rough height and thats it its even the same with my kids
Yep. Totally relatable.