@@ericamoore7128 I really don't understand it lol i refuse to believe it has always been this difficult...but maybe it was and we just have more access to people's unhappiness now with social media? Are people just being more reckless with each other's emotions?
I recently broke things off with a guy. Yes, we had an amazing connection/chemistry and yes I wanted to be with him because honestly I feel like he's my soulmate. So much in common, would pour into me (when it worked for him), and he was my safe space. But he would let me down SOOO many times - from the small things (to calling at a certain time) to the big things (coming to see me and then going ghost - we were long distance). This went on for years. Him ghosting when I asked something of him. So I had to let him go. And yes I've communicated how I was feeling in a loving and supportive way SO MANY TIMES. But yeah...he just wasn't following though. It was very tough to let him go. But I love me more. I need a man who will follow through with action, not just words. But I know God has something amazing in my future.
I am in a long distance relationship also. We were pouring in to each other and planning marriage. He misinterpreted a text. I had gum surgery and he texted me right before but not for 7hrs and I was in excruciating pain. I texted him why he didn't check on me? He said his daughter was burned from a pressure cooker. I asked why he didn't say something once he got in the car? He felt I was being selfish and not selfless from the text. It took a toll on our relationship. He wouldn't answer my calls/texts though I tried to tell him he's entitled to his feelings but his punishment didn't fit the crime. I would never diminish her or downgrade her suffering. We are just starting to talk again but it's difficult because I apologized for anything he interpreted as not caring but he gave me no apology for the misinterpretation, how his rejection and dismissal of me hurt me. Is it fixable? Yes. Will take some time but I am not pouring this time, I'm dripping into him. I had been by myself for over 3yrs by choice. Working on and loving me and had 2yrs of intense therapy and I'm not going to feel how I felt those almost 3wks again.
Dating potential will have you drained and heartbroken ......90% of the time u see more potential in them then they see in themselves...dnt waste your time or energy
Ladies gentle reminder You cannot go back and change the begining But you can start where you are and change the ending Be selfish with your time Most men dont deserve it
I love him so much but loving him is killing me. Mentally emotionally and spiritually ✨ but i have to lose him to love me and find myself again. Ive lost who i am im gone
Good for you….I’m tired✌️…. i’ve come to the conclusion if God means for me to be married, he will find me you put so much energy into seeking and longing and wanting someone it’s literally mentally draining and I will not leave this earth in this state, but will enjoy my singlehood, and all this life has to offer instead of putting so much energy into potential for marriage
I love how you always flip the switch. You’ve made me look deep into my own trauma on what I’ve been accepting. What I’ve learned since watching you is until I’m able to give myself everything that I desire from a partner… I shouldn’t be dating. Once I’m at that level my partner will enhance what I already have 😊
That’s why this is my guy! I love that he encourages true healing. It’s too easy to be out here broken and projecting brokenness. MOST of us should be in therapy before trying to date anybody 😂
15’53”- “is he even trying?” this point is so useful: after expressing in a loving matter and comforting tone, saying “this is simply what I meant and I never view u as an opponent”, “but a teammate to work something out together”, this man instantly turning the table on me and making a big accusation of “this is the last time blah blah” and I will NOT do any further of putting time into dating” (btw the putting time to date part is so laughable cuz both parties putting time into meeting up and I spent money paid his meal)-he takes no accountability whatsoever and instantly lashing on attack. Immediately seeing this action, I walk away, and I’m genuinely ok with walking away. This is NOT a guy to even build anything with, even in the starting phase of dating he has so many accusations, how can we imagine what will happen when life gets hard?
So many times I have seen video on ‘how to make a man want you ‘ how to make a man love you , this is why a man don’t want to be with you , and do this to make a man love you more , and women suck it up and latched on to the words with desperation, men ain’t that special nor complicated at the end of it , it boils down to a person character and morals , hardly you see videos on how to make a woman want you , love you ,respect you , take care of you , support you more , because it’s clear the women feeling does not matter , lots of women are just desperate to please men , and when the men shows up as their real selves and broke their heart , they are left damage and bitter How about love on yourself ladies , just fall in love with yourselves, tell yourself girl I am fabulous I am beautiful and wonderfully made , he is bless to have me, and ladies show up as yourself decent clean and honest
16:01-16:50 YOU NAILED IT. you literally described my situation. He's impossible to work with. He never fought for the relationship. Had I not approached him and said anything, he wouldn't say a word. He's an immature woosy, and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted 😩
Thanks. I wrote a letter and he wasn't responsive. I was used because I'm financially stable, cash home buyer, retired, travel and he saw these things and kept taking advantage by asking for things.I love myself enough to walk away. I'm the daughter of the most High and I deserve better. I blame myself also for being so trusting and believing the lies after a woman answered his phone and said she was his fiancé. He lied of course. But I've convinced myself I deserve better. Thanks for this video.
not necessarily... we all have room to learn and grow... there are questions in life that should be asked and, thank the Good Lord, Stephan seems to have a lot of the answers... 🥰
I needed to hear this. I broke up with him a month ago because it was so toxic I couldn't do it anymore. Everything he did was my fault, once he was angry with me all hell would break loose, he didn't care who was around when he would yell at me or insult me. I kept telling myself he could adjust, get better, mature, be financially stable, stop being aggressive but it wasn't happening. Your videos help my healing process so much as I keep questioning my decisions. Im used to toxic relationships and getting uncomfortable with them is so difficult.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you, I appreciate the time you took to acknowledge and respond to this. Im going to keep putting me first from now on! Ive wasted so many precious years being abused by different men that I just have to make it stop already.
Totally agree about writing a letter. It gives the writer the opportunity to speak truthfully without being interrupted and make adjustments before the postman rings. Hopefully, the recipient will read it more than once for understanding .
My guy insists texting is talking. My view is there is no communication. He hides behind texts. Usually my long versions, he’s short, replies but never answers the Q. Is texting the same as a letter?
Ouch!!!! The truth hurts! I’ve been there, done that! I’m in the process of healing. I pray I heal completely so that I can be more discerning when it comes to dating and who I should invest my time in. Thank you so much Stephan!!!! God bless you!
Thanks I needed to hear this !! I’m just waiting to mail my engagement ring 💍 back to my ex I just want to learn the lesson , pass the class and go !! I need someone that’s willing to give me the same thing that I give it hurts but I know there’s a man out here that’s gonna match my energy ❤
I kept the engagement ring from my abusive ex in my wallet to remind me that I let a bad situation drag along and got my family's hopes up because he always said "sorry". The more he said sorry the worse the abuse got and the more painful his behaviour became
I needed this. We've been going back and forth for the last 5 years. He spends lots of time with me either in person or on the phone. He checks on me, tries to make sure I'm OK, helps me when he wants to, etc. But he won't commit and his reason is because I always have an issue with something he has done every two weeks *it's the same issue, lack of commitment thus lack of safety*. So I asked him why do all that he does with me and his response I enjoy you. It's so confusing 😕 It's a continual wheel of insanity.
Let me start by saying I am sorry you've been doing this for so long. It must be mentally and emotionally exhausting. You're better than this, sis. He is putting it on you but it isn't you! He's manipulating you. I watch these videos a lot and what he says continuously is a man isn't making you his girlfriend bc 1) he doesn't have to or 2) bc he doesn't see you as the one. Love yourself more than you love him ❤️
@meditationovermedication Exactly! I've watched a lot of Stephans videos and even bought all of his books. I agree, and I'm definitely not getting any younger. Thank you sis! ❤️
I fully expressed myself and it was not received even when calm. Apparently I am the wrong one. I told him my issues and mistakes; he knows deep down all the work I have done to heal and improve. I asked him if he could think of anything he or his family is contributing to our relationship breaking down or helping with the bad issues/ bad perception he tells me I have. He has nothing. Its all me. He is a “great guy”. He doesnt want to hear where I see improvement needed but I have to take his disapproval and down all our necks when he is pissed enough cuz he is being interrupted. He claims misunderstanding but we keep having them! I continue cuz I married him and 17 yrs and 4 kids as a stay at home mom who homeschools… its not bad enough to bounce and cause upheaval but if it gets worse… I dont know . Its tough but I dont even care anymore if he blames me. I realize it reflects on him rather than me. When I am honest with my struggles with our relationship, he just gets angry and shuts down… it hurts more cuz he claims I dont care about his emotions but when I ask, he clams up or just yells at me and wont accept mine.
*Recognizing these signs is a step towards self-respect and empowerment. Let's use this wisdom to choose partners who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate our efforts.*
Daammmnnn yeah I see potential in him and I am willing to help him get there emotionally, mentally, and financially. He doesn’t have anything for me at this moment but it was love at first sight. Now that I think about it….maybe I did trick myself into believing I love him bc the sex was good. Come to conclusion: I think I am going through this confusing relationship bc the sex is good and I see potential in him to the point I want to try and get him good for me so that I can have a good man along with the good sex. I just might have to give him his last gift and walk away! Thank you Stephan!!
This is very good analysis of why some of us endure poor relationships. I'm pretty sure I stayed with my first boyfriend for so long because I was avoiding dealing with the feelings of other men, and dealing with being single while I was working full time and going to college full time.
Steve you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the "fixable issues". The home body individual is not so much an issue, but being a year into the relationship and he says that he doesn't go out, when in the beginning he did, or try to put me off on someone else to ease the conflict of him not taking my concerns into consideration. I take issue with that. Dont start something that your not willing to finish with a person. Especially when the other person shows up for you.
URGENT ⚠️😢 hope this comment helps others. Im not sure which video it was but you mentioned getting help when we experience any type of abuse. I called multiple numbers and couldn't get through because of high call volume, call couldn't be completed as dialed messages, calling outside of business hours and being told i will get a call back when i finally get through to a live person answering service and them never calling back, they said they forwarded my message as urgent and they open tomorrow morning. I spoke to someone yesterday who confirmed that they most likely will not call you back and YOU HAVE TO KEEP CALLING/TRYING. I will try to wait until tomorrow morning to call back but in the meantime ill be watching videos like these to keep me distracted, listening to music, enjoying a nice meal, shower, etc . Good luck everyone, we got this, dont give up. Thank you Stephan 🙏🏾
You need to call 911, get a restraining order and possibly move to another state and take some self defense classes, keep mase spray on you and get your gun permit learn gun safety
@stephan the example you use that he doesn’t like going out was perfect and he won’t change is so true . I have a yard and sometimes I use to ask my ex to help me cut the grass he told me no he not a outdoor man. Helping me with yard work is important to me , sometimes I need help and at that point I knew my life would not be happy, he hardly help put up a picture on the wall for me. I knew we weren’t compatible and he doesn’t have the desire to change.
Those were clear signs you should stop being with him 🙏 Check out the seven signs you are not compatible with that man 👉 th-cam.com/video/GZJX187yuq8/w-d-xo.html
My ex enjoyed going out most weekends with friends he would take me along. I like staying home. After a while I became burnt out and resentful. I never communicated my feelings which I regret. I saw it as we were incompatible.
I knew I needed to move forward when everything seemed same old same old ... he even wore the same pants I was like na this ain't it... besides finding out he was narcissist as well . People will do stuff you don't like on purpose just to make you leave .
Thank you for sharing this ❤ you keep opening my eyes to the reality and how important is self love and emotional intelligence. It’s better to be alone that with someone who makes you feel alone anyway.
I recently broke up with my fiancée who is the father of my daughter, after a 11 year relationship. I found out that he was spending time with a another younger lady. We have also had a talk about getting married, and he now tells me that he does not believe in marriage. He is asking me to come back. But not getting married after 11 years is a deal breaker. I genuinely love him, but I am standing my ground. I am working on myself.
I am so happy I found your Channel, you are a blessing! Your content is so accurate, you speak the truth, you speak to my Heart, to my spirit. I am writing this from Dakar, Sénégal. I send you a lot of Sun 😊 @Stephen
It's interesting. After living with a guy for several years, my mother phoned me out of the blue and asked me if I was in love with him. (This behaviour of hers was very unusual, she would not normally ask me personal questions like this, so, in retrospect, I think it was my partner's mother who got my mother to ask me the question because she was concerned about her son.) Anyhow, as I was on the phone with my mother, I considered the question and then said, "I love him but I'm not in love with him." There was no repercussions from what I had said. Nobody told me that wasn't good enough. It was only much later that I realised that my mother (in trying to protect me) told others that I was in love with him. I went on to marry him. Indeed, as you say, Stephan, I chose him because it was an easy, available option and it gave me a sense of safety because I was so much stronger than him emotionally and mentally. That scenario was safe for me because, as a girl, I had experienced sexual abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you, Stephan. I'm a self-improvement junkie already, but I just purchased your book "Finding Love After Heartbreak". With deep wounds, I feel they can always be revisited and worked on further. Thanks again. Your content and communication is the best ever.
Hi, I'm from Jamaica. It's my first time texting. I just woke up and saw this reading. I know that it's God who allows me to see this clip from you Stehan. MAJORITY of what you just mention, is talking about me, because I'm in that situation with a guy whom I LOVE SO DEARLY, but he DOESN'T have the smell feelings for me. I'm AFRAID to leave him because I'm afraid of starting over. 😢😢😢 I REALLY REALLY LOVE this guy but unfortunately he DOESN'T feel the same way about me. And how do I know that he doesn't; its because I see ALL of it in his action, and he tells me that he doesn't love me as well. Please pray for yo one day have the courage to walk away. Thanks much
Young lady!! It's hard to face been there done that actions don't lie or hide pray to your higher being..and ask God to take this spirit away from you!! I will pray to you myself!!
Baby, you have your answer. Let him go. YOU are the prize!! Love yourself to such a high standard, that any man who doesn’t meet that level can no longer stand in your presence. Please love yourself more, let him go, and work on building your self esteem.
Why do I feel like this meesage is attacking me? It's really on point 😅 I agree with writing a letter💯. I always do that so they can fully understand all my concerns... 😊
The timing of this right on time. I am in the middle of typing a letter to him and in taking a break came across this video. Thank you for your insight and to all those who have commented - thank you
Lesson: If I'm getting what I want from the relationship, there's no incentive to become a better partner. I asked myself the other day, after becoming a better and better person, how much more do I need to do to get my relationship needs met also? With this lesson, I now ask myself, does this apply to me or him? Does he want to try? Or do I need to let go of my dream with him? I'm probably attached to his potential because it's not an attachment to how well he meets my relationship needs.
Thank you so much for this video, it provided some much needed clarity for me as I am in to process of letting someone go. I wrote a list of what I loved about him, and how he poured into me, and the pouring in list was so much briefer than I expected. Thank you. Can I request that you make a video on how you know you are healing? I have been working on healing for some time (including using your book Love After Heartbreak 🎉🥳), but things still seem to feel a little raw at times. I’m just wondering if my self work and prayer is working. Thank you ♥️🙏🏿
This is such important what you are saying. Effort and progress is really important. Unhealthy behaviors and toxic energy. And the derailing of the efforts he is showing meeting the energy is such a struggle.
This is so true because with my last relationship I was with him because I felt safe but I wasn’t in love with him, he just grew on me and I got attached.
I think that the biggest fear most people have, is they have a gut feeling something isn’t right. So the fear of being wrong and losing the person they actually truly wanted. But sometimes we get a gut feeling something isn’t right, gut feeling they cannot be trusted, etc
I just had to finally let go of my dismissive avoidant partner . He just doesn’t have the self awareness to change or see what he’s doing to me is abusive . He’s oblivious, thinks he’s a great guy . 57 and chooses to live with his mom . He lived with me for 2 months and then realized he couldn’t. I’m so tired of the gaslighting , circular “discussions” ( arguments) , ugh I could keep going but it’s pointless. He won’t pay for therapy .. and he’s got a master’s degree and makes decent money , not great but he’s got zero bills at moms house . I’m over it .
Sounds like my previous marriage. Your ex may be neurodiverse (high functioning, but on the autism spectrum). I dealt with that 💩 for 7 miserable years before I realized what type of situation this was. My peace and happiness now that I’m out of that neurodiverse marriage is indescribable. Never again!
Yep I walked away from mine 2 years an avodent they don't have the capacity to meet your needs look at Rc Blake about you can't fix them he talks about these men never again sis.
Stephan the best example of “not fixable” is when 1 of you wants children (or has them already) & the other really doesn’t want to be a parent. I’ve been through this myself on both sides at different times in my life, even with a great man who had kids & a BM I just didn’t want to deal with. No amount of effort in that situation would’ve changed it. In fact maybe it’s worth a whole video on this topic ❤
Yep! Like my husband, who has one, me with none, but he didn't want anymore. I'm 47 now and feel stuck. Wish I had left, but I didn't. Now I'm here resenting him for that amongst other stuff.😢
Whew you literally just spoke what I’m going through in my life rt now in the first 4 minutes of this video!!!!!. I felt as if I was in a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. This video was sent by God tonight! Thank you Lord!
6:30 damn I really needed to hear this. I want to heal but where do I begin and what do I do? Could you please make video on healing? Or could anyone share their tips and what has helped you? Thanks!
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll add it to my list of requested videos! In the meantime, you might like this video on dating a mama's boy 👉 th-cam.com/video/MmIzJyAu4jQ/w-d-xo.html 👈 I pray that you receive the peace and love you deserve ❤️ Get your copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 www.loveafterheartbreak.com. This book will lead you to find peace and happiness in your life.
He should be his own reason to become a better man i love men who wanted to change for himself knowing its needed and healing doesnt supposed to stop as your growing into a different you
I haven't need to chase Anyone nor try convince Because I believe if someone likes you in affect it is their choice as I wouldn't begin to insult the intelligence of a Man. By assumption . That he isn't capable of his own decision. I am happy if I bring about positive feeling to my knowledge This shouldn't require force . When one is a woman .
Hi @Stephan, been watching your vid for several months and I have just come across this video now which hits me hard because Im kinda in the exact situaton. Been praying for God’s guidance what to do and this video just recommended this one when I opened the app right after I reached home after attending mass. I guess your advise is what God is conveying to me now, so thank you so much for helping people undergoing the same situation Im in
#1 hit hard. Why indeed?!? He shows Zero interest, doesn’t initiate anything, etc. But I’ll tell you-#2 hit hard, too, because there is a decades long history and insane “unspoken” love, chemistry & connection. We just know that we know, one phone call and we’d drop everything to be there for the other in need. Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. Love and connection and chemistry is great. But without honest, open communication from both sides, no matter how much love there is, one person can’t carry the relationship. It just can’t work. 😢
14 yrs I've been with my partner which I really loved him... but my love has gone for him now he put me through so much with his manipulation, control freak , he bread crumbed me 😢 I've walked away but he dosent let me go 🚶♀️... he dosent want to change to become a better man 👨... He keeps drinking smokes so many cigars and spends a lot of money 💰 You are 💯 % right ✅️ I need to heal ! 😢 I did really love him.. ❤ ...
I am so interested in him because I love his creativity his intelligent side written on a Piece of paper not mirroring any other reflections! The art of words coming to live on peoples mouths as if they wrote the words themselves! The smile on his face reminds you of a Christmas morning longing to unwrap a gift!
I clicked this video not expecting the first point... then hearing if it's X, Y and Z (reasons or close to answers i have) that it's the wrong relationship... well.. what else is here cause so far I'm called out and that's okay. It's good sometimes to get that wake up call.
I don’t have this issue with my man, but I live listening because you never know & you want to make sure you did make the correct choice of finding your significant other. Thank you for these videos 😊
These pointers are just more confirmation that women really need to stop letting our nurturing and empathetic sides overrule our common sense and reality. The longer we stay in ambivalent or obviously undesirable situations, the more attached we get and we lean more to the sunken cost fallacy (not wanting to let go of the time we put in and then sadly putting in more time hoping for a return in our investment) or worse, time passes and we become bitter. Sometime the favor we need to do, is to do ourselves a favor and chuck up the deuces. ✌🏾
💯Get your copy of the bestselling book "He's Lying Sis" here --> www.heslyingsis.com
Every video I watch brings me closer and closer to becoming a nun. Dating is exhausting.
Wow! you too! How can something so simple, be this hard!
@@ericamoore7128 I really don't understand it lol i refuse to believe it has always been this difficult...but maybe it was and we just have more access to people's unhappiness now with social media? Are people just being more reckless with each other's emotions?
Am gone😂
Amen!! I am thinking of names for dogs right now. Lol 😂
Same here, because wow. I've been single for 7 months. I think I'll just continue with this, it's less stressful than dating 😂
I recently broke things off with a guy. Yes, we had an amazing connection/chemistry and yes I wanted to be with him because honestly I feel like he's my soulmate. So much in common, would pour into me (when it worked for him), and he was my safe space. But he would let me down SOOO many times - from the small things (to calling at a certain time) to the big things (coming to see me and then going ghost - we were long distance). This went on for years. Him ghosting when I asked something of him. So I had to let him go. And yes I've communicated how I was feeling in a loving and supportive way SO MANY TIMES. But yeah...he just wasn't following though. It was very tough to let him go. But I love me more. I need a man who will follow through with action, not just words. But I know God has something amazing in my future.
SISSSS...SAME thing happened to me! I had to block him. It was too much. He kept breaking up with me for silly reasons and coming back!
I love that you knew your worth enough to leave 😢❤ love that for you
@@MakaylaPosey - Thank you so much! I was sad for about a day and a half but then I bounced back. Lol.
My current situation.. very similar. I chose to move on. It's not worth it.
I am in a long distance relationship also. We were pouring in to each other and planning marriage. He misinterpreted a text. I had gum surgery and he texted me right before but not for 7hrs and I was in excruciating pain. I texted him why he didn't check on me? He said his daughter was burned from a pressure cooker. I asked why he didn't say something once he got in the car? He felt I was being selfish and not selfless from the text. It took a toll on our relationship. He wouldn't answer my calls/texts though I tried to tell him he's entitled to his feelings but his punishment didn't fit the crime. I would never diminish her or downgrade her suffering. We are just starting to talk again but it's difficult because I apologized for anything he interpreted as not caring but he gave me no apology for the misinterpretation, how his rejection and dismissal of me hurt me. Is it fixable? Yes. Will take some time but I am not pouring this time, I'm dripping into him. I had been by myself for over 3yrs by choice. Working on and loving me and had 2yrs of intense therapy and I'm not going to feel how I felt those almost 3wks again.
Dating potential will have you drained and heartbroken ......90% of the time u see more potential in them then they see in themselves...dnt waste your time or energy
I’m 21 and been going thru that for 3 yrs with my bf . Smh been the same since we been together . I had so much hope for nothing
Yessss sis
P
Ladies gentle reminder
You cannot go back and change the begining
But you can start where you are and change the ending
Be selfish with your time
Most men dont deserve it
Kindly don’t say that, there are a lot of good men out there!
Thank u
100
🔥
You can't make it work if you're working by yourself... Nicely said.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Amen! Especially when he is very disrespectful!
I love him so much but loving him is killing me. Mentally emotionally and spiritually ✨ but i have to lose him to love me and find myself again. Ive lost who i am im gone
Bro you helped me to take a better decision . I'll wait more on the Lord for a woman who loves more God than me .
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
I love what you said .
Dating has been so difficult! It gets so overwhelming. I will not give up. I know that God has my king out here somewhere!
I pray you find the happiness you deserve❤
Amennn girl im with u on that 1
Good for you….I’m tired✌️…. i’ve come to the conclusion if God means for me to be married, he will find me you put so much energy into seeking and longing and wanting someone it’s literally mentally draining and I will not leave this earth in this state, but will enjoy my singlehood, and all this life has to offer instead of putting so much energy into potential for marriage
I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
If it’s confusing then it’s time to let go but if you have peace with him all the time then move forward cause God is peace!
It's true how we will stay in a situation because it seems safer instead of moving on.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
It's called "settling"....😒
I’m tired of trying to find love ❤️
It's dead
I moved on a long time ago ! That’s why I’m still single . However, I am waiting patiently for : The Man That God Has For Me . ( Period 💯) !
❤
I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
Hi
Same here waiting for the man God has for me
Praying for all of us.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you 💙
A hard part is the punishment part. It's hard to remain nice and sweet and positive while seeing if someone will show up for you.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Or they have lied and cheated
I love how you always flip the switch. You’ve made me look deep into my own trauma on what I’ve been accepting. What I’ve learned since watching you is until I’m able to give myself everything that I desire from a partner… I shouldn’t be dating. Once I’m at that level my partner will enhance what I already have 😊
That’s why this is my guy! I love that he encourages true healing. It’s too easy to be out here broken and projecting brokenness. MOST of us should be in therapy before trying to date anybody 😂
@@pennyrs29agreeeed💯
I feel I needa be in therapy my self😂😂
15’53”- “is he even trying?” this point is so useful: after expressing in a loving matter and comforting tone, saying “this is simply what I meant and I never view u as an opponent”, “but a teammate to work something out together”, this man instantly turning the table on me and making a big accusation of “this is the last time blah blah” and I will NOT do any further of putting time into dating” (btw the putting time to date part is so laughable cuz both parties putting time into meeting up and I spent money paid his meal)-he takes no accountability whatsoever and instantly lashing on attack. Immediately seeing this action, I walk away, and I’m genuinely ok with walking away. This is NOT a guy to even build anything with, even in the starting phase of dating he has so many accusations, how can we imagine what will happen when life gets hard?
So many times I have seen video on ‘how to make a man want you ‘ how to make a man love you , this is why a man don’t want to be with you , and do this to make a man love you more , and women suck it up and latched on to the words with desperation, men ain’t that special nor complicated at the end of it , it boils down to a person character and morals , hardly you see videos on how to make a woman want you , love you ,respect you , take care of you , support you more , because it’s clear the women feeling does not matter , lots of women are just desperate to please men , and when the men shows up as their real selves and broke their heart , they are left damage and bitter
How about love on yourself ladies , just fall in love with yourselves, tell yourself girl I am fabulous I am beautiful and wonderfully made , he is bless to have me, and ladies show up as yourself decent clean and honest
I wish I had looked up videos like this 14yrs ago
16:01-16:50 YOU NAILED IT. you literally described my situation. He's impossible to work with. He never fought for the relationship. Had I not approached him and said anything, he wouldn't say a word. He's an immature woosy, and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted 😩
Thanks. I wrote a letter and he wasn't responsive. I was used because I'm financially stable, cash home buyer, retired, travel and he saw these things and kept taking advantage by asking for things.I love myself enough to walk away. I'm the daughter of the most High and I deserve better. I blame myself also for being so trusting and believing the lies after a woman answered his phone and said she was his fiancé. He lied of course. But I've convinced myself I deserve better. Thanks for this video.
Sign #1 You’re watching this video ❤❤
Lol
Right
That part.
not necessarily... we all have room to learn and grow... there are questions in life that should be asked and, thank the Good Lord, Stephan seems to have a lot of the answers... 🥰
😂😂😂😂😂😂 got me
This comment just gave me heart burn lord😢
I needed to hear this. I broke up with him a month ago because it was so toxic I couldn't do it anymore. Everything he did was my fault, once he was angry with me all hell would break loose, he didn't care who was around when he would yell at me or insult me. I kept telling myself he could adjust, get better, mature, be financially stable, stop being aggressive but it wasn't happening. Your videos help my healing process so much as I keep questioning my decisions. Im used to toxic relationships and getting uncomfortable with them is so difficult.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you, I appreciate the time you took to acknowledge and respond to this. Im going to keep putting me first from now on! Ive wasted so many precious years being abused by different men that I just have to make it stop already.
Stephan got a video for everything.
Messing w/ him imma be single til I’m 80 😂
I’ll be single til I’m 100 😂 these men are stressing me out and I don’t even have one😂😂😂😂
😂😂🤗🤗
😂😂😂😂😂
"And the reality is that being with this man is distracting you from the work that you need to do." 💯 Ka-pow! 💥
You're absolutely right!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I think it's you who's absolutely right. I love it.
Totally agree about writing a letter. It gives the writer the opportunity to speak truthfully without being interrupted and make adjustments before the postman rings. Hopefully, the recipient will read it more than once for understanding .
My guy insists texting is talking. My view is there is no communication. He hides behind texts. Usually my long versions, he’s short, replies but never answers the Q. Is texting the same as a letter?
I finally had to accept that he would just not make an effort. Words never matched actions. Sports & guy friends were his top priority. 😢
Ouch!!!! The truth hurts! I’ve been there, done that! I’m in the process of healing. I pray I heal completely so that I can be more discerning when it comes to dating and who I should invest my time in. Thank you so much Stephan!!!! God bless you!
Healing is definitely key and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏
This is 100% pure unaltered TRUTH. This man has a gift.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
He's really a special relationship coach, I pray God gives me a chance to meet him soon
Thanks I needed to hear this !! I’m just waiting to mail my engagement ring 💍 back to my ex I just want to learn the lesson , pass the class and go !! I need someone that’s willing to give me the same thing that I give it hurts but I know there’s a man out here that’s gonna match my energy ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
I kept the engagement ring from my abusive ex in my wallet to remind me that I let a bad situation drag along and got my family's hopes up because he always said "sorry". The more he said sorry the worse the abuse got and the more painful his behaviour became
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Amen to that thank you 🙏 I appreciate that soo much
@@fisf.2148 I can understand that ❤️ I hope you are happier now or on your way to happiness
Love doesn't hurt
You're absolutely right. Love is not supposed to hurt ❤ 🙏
Yes love hurts when it's one sided
I needed this.
We've been going back and forth for the last 5 years.
He spends lots of time with me either in person or on the phone. He checks on me, tries to make sure I'm OK, helps me when he wants to, etc.
But he won't commit and his reason is because I always have an issue with something he has done every two weeks *it's the same issue, lack of commitment thus lack of safety*. So I asked him why do all that he does with me and his response I enjoy you. It's so confusing 😕
It's a continual wheel of insanity.
Let me start by saying I am sorry you've been doing this for so long. It must be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
You're better than this, sis. He is putting it on you but it isn't you! He's manipulating you. I watch these videos a lot and what he says continuously is a man isn't making you his girlfriend bc 1) he doesn't have to or 2) bc he doesn't see you as the one.
Love yourself more than you love him ❤️
@meditationovermedication
Exactly! I've watched a lot of Stephans videos and even bought all of his books. I agree, and I'm definitely not getting any younger. Thank you sis! ❤️
Not to tell you what to do; but I had a guy like that…immature and constantly changing his mind and my answer is Dumb His Ass!!
Dump
@@AnnWoodford76 hugs and positive vibes to you. Your king is waiting for you 😊
I fully expressed myself and it was not received even when calm. Apparently I am the wrong one. I told him my issues and mistakes; he knows deep down all the work I have done to heal and improve. I asked him if he could think of anything he or his family is contributing to our relationship breaking down or helping with the bad issues/ bad perception he tells me I have. He has nothing. Its all me. He is a “great guy”. He doesnt want to hear where I see improvement needed but I have to take his disapproval and down all our necks when he is pissed enough cuz he is being interrupted. He claims misunderstanding but we keep having them!
I continue cuz I married him and 17 yrs and 4 kids as a stay at home mom who homeschools… its not bad enough to bounce and cause upheaval but if it gets worse… I dont know . Its tough but I dont even care anymore if he blames me. I realize it reflects on him rather than me.
When I am honest with my struggles with our relationship, he just gets angry and shuts down… it hurts more cuz he claims I dont care about his emotions but when I ask, he clams up or just yells at me and wont accept mine.
*Recognizing these signs is a step towards self-respect and empowerment. Let's use this wisdom to choose partners who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate our efforts.*
You are the best Dating coach.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Daammmnnn yeah I see potential in him and I am willing to help him get there emotionally, mentally, and financially. He doesn’t have anything for me at this moment but it was love at first sight. Now that I think about it….maybe I did trick myself into believing I love him bc the sex was good. Come to conclusion: I think I am going through this confusing relationship bc the sex is good and I see potential in him to the point I want to try and get him good for me so that I can have a good man along with the good sex.
I just might have to give him his last gift and walk away!
Thank you Stephan!!
Omg I have been praying for God to show me what to do next and I came across this video. Thank God for confirmation! Thank you! Praise the Lord! ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
This is very good analysis of why some of us endure poor relationships. I'm pretty sure I stayed with my first boyfriend for so long because I was avoiding dealing with the feelings of other men, and dealing with being single while I was working full time and going to college full time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
Steve you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the "fixable issues". The home body individual is not so much an issue, but being a year into the relationship and he says that he doesn't go out, when in the beginning he did, or try to put me off on someone else to ease the conflict of him not taking my concerns into consideration. I take issue with that. Dont start something that your not willing to finish with a person. Especially when the other person shows up for you.
Thank you, Stephen. I truly value your perspective on relationships.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
URGENT ⚠️😢 hope this comment helps others. Im not sure which video it was but you mentioned getting help when we experience any type of abuse. I called multiple numbers and couldn't get through because of high call volume, call couldn't be completed as dialed messages, calling outside of business hours and being told i will get a call back when i finally get through to a live person answering service and them never calling back, they said they forwarded my message as urgent and they open tomorrow morning. I spoke to someone yesterday who confirmed that they most likely will not call you back and YOU HAVE TO KEEP CALLING/TRYING. I will try to wait until tomorrow morning to call back but in the meantime ill be watching videos like these to keep me distracted, listening to music, enjoying a nice meal, shower, etc . Good luck everyone, we got this, dont give up. Thank you Stephan 🙏🏾
USA... made an assumption, apologies if I am in error
You need to call 911, get a restraining order and possibly move to another state and take some self defense classes, keep mase spray on you and get your gun permit learn gun safety
I pray you found safety❤
I think the letter is best because there is no negative voice or pressure on the other person and it gives our best accounting of the situation.
You're absolutely right 💯
@stephan the example you use that he doesn’t like going out was perfect and he won’t change is so true . I have a yard and sometimes I use to ask my ex to help me cut the grass he told me no he not a outdoor man. Helping me with yard work is important to me , sometimes I need help and at that point I knew my life would not be happy, he hardly help put up a picture on the wall for me. I knew we weren’t compatible and he doesn’t have the desire to change.
Sounds like he was unmotivated. Now he’s in the EX-FILES where he belongs. lol
👌🏿Happy to hear you left that lazy sob!👊🏾
You dodged a missile😂
Those were clear signs you should stop being with him 🙏 Check out the seven signs you are not compatible with that man 👉 th-cam.com/video/GZJX187yuq8/w-d-xo.html
My ex enjoyed going out most weekends with friends he would take me along. I like staying home. After a while I became burnt out and resentful. I never communicated my feelings which I regret. I saw it as we were incompatible.
Get rid of him. He sounds like a user.
I knew I needed to move forward when everything seemed same old same old ... he even wore the same pants I was like na this ain't it... besides finding out he was narcissist as well . People will do stuff you don't like on purpose just to make you leave .
Thank you for sharing this ❤ you keep opening my eyes to the reality and how important is self love and emotional intelligence. It’s better to be alone that with someone who makes you feel alone anyway.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
I recently broke up with my fiancée who is the father of my daughter, after a 11 year relationship. I found out that he was spending time with a another younger lady. We have also had a talk about getting married, and he now tells me that he does not believe in marriage. He is asking me to come back. But not getting married after 11 years is a deal breaker. I genuinely love him, but I am standing my ground. I am working on myself.
I am so happy I found your Channel, you are a blessing! Your content is so accurate, you speak the truth, you speak to my Heart, to my spirit. I am writing this from Dakar, Sénégal. I send you a lot of Sun 😊 @Stephen
Welcome aboard, and don't forget to subscribe and click on the notification bell to be notified whenever I release a new video ❤ 🙏
It's interesting. After living with a guy for several years, my mother phoned me out of the blue and asked me if I was in love with him. (This behaviour of hers was very unusual, she would not normally ask me personal questions like this, so, in retrospect, I think it was my partner's mother who got my mother to ask me the question because she was concerned about her son.)
Anyhow, as I was on the phone with my mother, I considered the question and then said, "I love him but I'm not in love with him."
There was no repercussions from what I had said. Nobody told me that wasn't good enough. It was only much later that I realised that my mother (in trying to protect me) told others that I was in love with him. I went on to marry him.
Indeed, as you say, Stephan, I chose him because it was an easy, available option and it gave me a sense of safety because I was so much stronger than him emotionally and mentally. That scenario was safe for me because, as a girl, I had experienced sexual abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you, Stephan. I'm a self-improvement junkie already, but I just purchased your book "Finding Love After Heartbreak". With deep wounds, I feel they can always be revisited and worked on further. Thanks again. Your content and communication is the best ever.
Hi, I'm from Jamaica. It's my first time texting. I just woke up and saw this reading. I know that it's God who allows me to see this clip from you Stehan. MAJORITY of what you just mention, is talking about me, because I'm in that situation with a guy whom I LOVE SO DEARLY, but he DOESN'T have the smell feelings for me. I'm AFRAID to leave him because I'm afraid of starting over. 😢😢😢 I REALLY REALLY LOVE this guy but unfortunately he DOESN'T feel the same way about me. And how do I know that he doesn't; its because I see ALL of it in his action, and he tells me that he doesn't love me as well. Please pray for yo one day have the courage to walk away. Thanks much
Young lady!! It's hard to face been there done that actions don't lie or hide pray to your higher being..and ask God to take this spirit away from you!! I will pray to you myself!!
Baby, you have your answer. Let him go. YOU are the prize!! Love yourself to such a high standard, that any man who doesn’t meet that level can no longer stand in your presence. Please love yourself more, let him go, and work on building your self esteem.
My situation is so bizarre as talented and insightful as you are you would squirm with disbelief
Trust me you aren't alone! I'm literally embarrassed to even describe my situation to anyone because even in my mind it's baffling 😵💫
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏
Its the Accountability for me
This video is helped me from making a bigger fool of myself and I appreciate it so much
I’m abt to cry. This message is def for me😭‼️
🙏
This guy speaks the raw truth.
💯 yes!
Why do I feel like this meesage is attacking me? It's really on point 😅
I agree with writing a letter💯. I always do that so they can fully understand all my concerns... 😊
Sameeee. I’m abt to cryyyy😭🥹🥲😭🥹🥲
The timing of this right on time. I am in the middle of typing a letter to him and in taking a break came across this video. Thank you for your insight and to all those who have commented - thank you
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Girl, my letter is written and in an envelope. I REFUSE TO GIVE HIM THAT POWER. SILENCE IS LOUD!😂
I needed this. Stephan you always show up for me at the right time 💛
Lesson: If I'm getting what I want from the relationship, there's no incentive to become a better partner.
I asked myself the other day, after becoming a better and better person, how much more do I need to do to get my relationship needs met also?
With this lesson, I now ask myself, does this apply to me or him?
Does he want to try? Or do I need to let go of my dream with him?
I'm probably attached to his potential because it's not an attachment to how well he meets my relationship needs.
Thank you so much for this video, it provided some much needed clarity for me as I am in to process of letting someone go. I wrote a list of what I loved about him, and how he poured into me, and the pouring in list was so much briefer than I expected. Thank you.
Can I request that you make a video on how you know you are healing? I have been working on healing for some time (including using your book Love After Heartbreak 🎉🥳), but things still seem to feel a little raw at times. I’m just wondering if my self work and prayer is working. Thank you ♥️🙏🏿
my last relationship was pretty much like that.
You better say THIS‼️‼️‼️‼️
This is such important what you are saying. Effort and progress is really important. Unhealthy behaviors and toxic energy. And the derailing of the efforts he is showing meeting the energy is such a struggle.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
This is so true because with my last relationship I was with him because I felt safe but I wasn’t in love with him, he just grew on me and I got attached.
Thanks so much for your videos! Very helpful
I think that the biggest fear most people have, is they have a gut feeling something isn’t right. So the fear of being wrong and losing the person they actually truly wanted.
But sometimes we get a gut feeling something isn’t right, gut feeling they cannot be trusted, etc
I just had to finally let go of my dismissive avoidant partner . He just doesn’t have the self awareness to change or see what he’s doing to me is abusive . He’s oblivious, thinks he’s a great guy . 57 and chooses to live with his mom . He lived with me for 2 months and then realized he couldn’t. I’m so tired of the gaslighting , circular “discussions” ( arguments) , ugh I could keep going but it’s pointless. He won’t pay for therapy .. and he’s got a master’s degree and makes decent money , not great but he’s got zero bills at moms house . I’m over it .
Sounds like my previous marriage. Your ex may be neurodiverse (high functioning, but on the autism spectrum). I dealt with that 💩 for 7 miserable years before I realized what type of situation this was. My peace and happiness now that I’m out of that neurodiverse marriage is indescribable. Never again!
Yep I walked away from mine 2 years an avodent they don't have the capacity to meet your needs look at Rc Blake about you can't fix them he talks about these men never again sis.
Stephan the best example of “not fixable” is when 1 of you wants children (or has them already) & the other really doesn’t want to be a parent. I’ve been through this myself on both sides at different times in my life, even with a great man who had kids & a BM I just didn’t want to deal with. No amount of effort in that situation would’ve changed it. In fact maybe it’s worth a whole video on this topic ❤
Yep! Like my husband, who has one, me with none, but he didn't want anymore. I'm 47 now and feel stuck. Wish I had left, but I didn't. Now I'm here resenting him for that amongst other stuff.😢
Why are you talking to me that way 😢😢😢. I’m going to work on me . Thank you 🙏
This message was definitely for me
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
You’re videos are so helpful , thanks for allowing God to use you ! ❤❤❤
Whew you literally just spoke what I’m going through in my life rt now in the first 4 minutes of this video!!!!!. I felt as if I was in a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. This video was sent by God tonight! Thank you Lord!
Same here especially when he said talk to him or write a letter to him that got me because I just wanted to conclude without talking.
I think I’m going to give up
Before you give up on dating, try changing your focus from dating to learning, and you will start to see positive results in your dating experiences!
Kindred /Friendship with cordial give and take, but know each other’s intentions both already on a mission.
So knowledgeable. Love how you explain things- clear and concise. My brain can actually process all of the info lol
6:30 damn I really needed to hear this. I want to heal but where do I begin and what do I do? Could you please make video on healing? Or could anyone share their tips and what has helped you? Thanks!
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll add it to my list of requested videos! In the meantime, you might like this video on dating a mama's boy 👉 th-cam.com/video/MmIzJyAu4jQ/w-d-xo.html 👈
I pray that you receive the peace and love you deserve ❤️ Get your copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 www.loveafterheartbreak.com. This book will lead you to find peace and happiness in your life.
Time 😊
He should be his own reason to become a better man i love men who wanted to change for himself knowing its needed and healing doesnt supposed to stop as your growing into a different you
Stephan, thank you. This is verbatim my situation you have articulated. And I choose to agree there are good men out there.
He needs to help me out. His videos though getting me through my thoughts ❤
❤ 🙏
This is the video I was looking for. I needed to hear every single word. I have to let him go 😢
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
I haven't need to chase Anyone nor try convince Because I believe if someone likes you in affect it is their choice as I wouldn't begin to insult the intelligence of a Man. By assumption . That he isn't capable of his own decision. I am happy if I bring about positive feeling to my knowledge This shouldn't require force . When one is a woman .
Hi @Stephan, been watching your vid for several months and I have just come across this video now which hits me hard because Im kinda in the exact situaton. Been praying for God’s guidance what to do and this video just recommended this one when I opened the app right after I reached home after attending mass. I guess your advise is what God is conveying to me now, so thank you so much for helping people undergoing the same situation Im in
Attached ❤❤❤❤
So right ❤❤❤
So true❤❤❤
#1 hit hard. Why indeed?!? He shows Zero interest, doesn’t initiate anything, etc. But I’ll tell you-#2 hit hard, too, because there is a decades long history and insane “unspoken” love, chemistry & connection. We just know that we know, one phone call and we’d drop everything to be there for the other in need. Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. Love and connection and chemistry is great. But without honest, open communication from both sides, no matter how much love there is, one person can’t carry the relationship. It just can’t work. 😢
😂Hey, I had to smile. It's really kinda sad, but truly , God is the best choice!
Much needed to hear this. Glad I came across this video. Thanks!!
My pleasure ❤️
Stephan, you made us all women wiser when it comes to dating and choosing men😅
Thanks for all the wisdom that Father God gave you to help us ! Protection.
🙏 I appreciate that!
You cant change a person even if they try to change for you at the beggining,they end up in rage and upset by being made to do things they dont like
14 yrs I've been with my partner which I really loved him... but my love has gone for him now he put me through so much with his manipulation, control freak , he bread crumbed me 😢 I've walked away but he dosent let me go 🚶♀️... he dosent want to change to become a better man 👨...
He keeps drinking smokes so many cigars and spends a lot of money 💰
You are 💯 % right ✅️ I need to heal ! 😢 I did really love him.. ❤ ...
I am so interested in him because I love his creativity his intelligent side written on a Piece of paper not mirroring any other reflections! The art of words coming to live on peoples mouths as if they wrote the words themselves! The smile on his face reminds you of a Christmas morning longing to unwrap a gift!
He went off in this video in a good way 😂😩 Love it!
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching. I appreciate that!
You talking your stuff and im right Thank you 💙💙
Can you make a video about how to know if you‘re attached or in love?
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
This man is the man.
I clicked this video not expecting the first point... then hearing if it's X, Y and Z (reasons or close to answers i have) that it's the wrong relationship... well.. what else is here cause so far I'm called out and that's okay. It's good sometimes to get that wake up call.
I don’t have this issue with my man, but I live listening because you never know & you want to make sure you did make the correct choice of finding your significant other. Thank you for these videos 😊
That positive impact question was deep.
These pointers are just more confirmation that women really need to stop letting our nurturing and empathetic sides overrule our common sense and reality. The longer we stay in ambivalent or obviously undesirable situations, the more attached we get and we lean more to the sunken cost fallacy (not wanting to let go of the time we put in and then sadly putting in more time hoping for a return in our investment) or worse, time passes and we become bitter. Sometime the favor we need to do, is to do ourselves a favor and chuck up the deuces. ✌🏾
Honestly
Thank you so much for this tactful truth!
This video is very very helpful to me at this moment ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
Every time I see your video I'm like omg he is talking to me
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks your welcome 🙏
Thanks you this actually why I'm single and putting God first in all I do im not giving up on love