@@ericamoore7128 I really don't understand it lol i refuse to believe it has always been this difficult...but maybe it was and we just have more access to people's unhappiness now with social media? Are people just being more reckless with each other's emotions?
I recently broke things off with a guy. Yes, we had an amazing connection/chemistry and yes I wanted to be with him because honestly I feel like he's my soulmate. So much in common, would pour into me (when it worked for him), and he was my safe space. But he would let me down SOOO many times - from the small things (to calling at a certain time) to the big things (coming to see me and then going ghost - we were long distance). This went on for years. Him ghosting when I asked something of him. So I had to let him go. And yes I've communicated how I was feeling in a loving and supportive way SO MANY TIMES. But yeah...he just wasn't following though. It was very tough to let him go. But I love me more. I need a man who will follow through with action, not just words. But I know God has something amazing in my future.
I am in a long distance relationship also. We were pouring in to each other and planning marriage. He misinterpreted a text. I had gum surgery and he texted me right before but not for 7hrs and I was in excruciating pain. I texted him why he didn't check on me? He said his daughter was burned from a pressure cooker. I asked why he didn't say something once he got in the car? He felt I was being selfish and not selfless from the text. It took a toll on our relationship. He wouldn't answer my calls/texts though I tried to tell him he's entitled to his feelings but his punishment didn't fit the crime. I would never diminish her or downgrade her suffering. We are just starting to talk again but it's difficult because I apologized for anything he interpreted as not caring but he gave me no apology for the misinterpretation, how his rejection and dismissal of me hurt me. Is it fixable? Yes. Will take some time but I am not pouring this time, I'm dripping into him. I had been by myself for over 3yrs by choice. Working on and loving me and had 2yrs of intense therapy and I'm not going to feel how I felt those almost 3wks again.
Dating potential will have you drained and heartbroken ......90% of the time u see more potential in them then they see in themselves...dnt waste your time or energy
Ladies gentle reminder You cannot go back and change the begining But you can start where you are and change the ending Be selfish with your time Most men dont deserve it
not necessarily... we all have room to learn and grow... there are questions in life that should be asked and, thank the Good Lord, Stephan seems to have a lot of the answers... 🥰
Good for you….I’m tired✌️…. i’ve come to the conclusion if God means for me to be married, he will find me you put so much energy into seeking and longing and wanting someone it’s literally mentally draining and I will not leave this earth in this state, but will enjoy my singlehood, and all this life has to offer instead of putting so much energy into potential for marriage
I love him so much but loving him is killing me. Mentally emotionally and spiritually ✨ but i have to lose him to love me and find myself again. Ive lost who i am im gone
I love how you always flip the switch. You’ve made me look deep into my own trauma on what I’ve been accepting. What I’ve learned since watching you is until I’m able to give myself everything that I desire from a partner… I shouldn’t be dating. Once I’m at that level my partner will enhance what I already have 😊
That’s why this is my guy! I love that he encourages true healing. It’s too easy to be out here broken and projecting brokenness. MOST of us should be in therapy before trying to date anybody 😂
So many times I have seen video on ‘how to make a man want you ‘ how to make a man love you , this is why a man don’t want to be with you , and do this to make a man love you more , and women suck it up and latched on to the words with desperation, men ain’t that special nor complicated at the end of it , it boils down to a person character and morals , hardly you see videos on how to make a woman want you , love you ,respect you , take care of you , support you more , because it’s clear the women feeling does not matter , lots of women are just desperate to please men , and when the men shows up as their real selves and broke their heart , they are left damage and bitter How about love on yourself ladies , just fall in love with yourselves, tell yourself girl I am fabulous I am beautiful and wonderfully made , he is bless to have me, and ladies show up as yourself decent clean and honest
*Recognizing these signs is a step towards self-respect and empowerment. Let's use this wisdom to choose partners who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate our efforts.*
16:01-16:50 YOU NAILED IT. you literally described my situation. He's impossible to work with. He never fought for the relationship. Had I not approached him and said anything, he wouldn't say a word. He's an immature woosy, and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted 😩
Totally agree about writing a letter. It gives the writer the opportunity to speak truthfully without being interrupted and make adjustments before the postman rings. Hopefully, the recipient will read it more than once for understanding .
My guy insists texting is talking. My view is there is no communication. He hides behind texts. Usually my long versions, he’s short, replies but never answers the Q. Is texting the same as a letter?
I needed to hear this. I broke up with him a month ago because it was so toxic I couldn't do it anymore. Everything he did was my fault, once he was angry with me all hell would break loose, he didn't care who was around when he would yell at me or insult me. I kept telling myself he could adjust, get better, mature, be financially stable, stop being aggressive but it wasn't happening. Your videos help my healing process so much as I keep questioning my decisions. Im used to toxic relationships and getting uncomfortable with them is so difficult.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you, I appreciate the time you took to acknowledge and respond to this. Im going to keep putting me first from now on! Ive wasted so many precious years being abused by different men that I just have to make it stop already.
Lesson: If I'm getting what I want from the relationship, there's no incentive to become a better partner. I asked myself the other day, after becoming a better and better person, how much more do I need to do to get my relationship needs met also? With this lesson, I now ask myself, does this apply to me or him? Does he want to try? Or do I need to let go of my dream with him? I'm probably attached to his potential because it's not an attachment to how well he meets my relationship needs.
I needed this. We've been going back and forth for the last 5 years. He spends lots of time with me either in person or on the phone. He checks on me, tries to make sure I'm OK, helps me when he wants to, etc. But he won't commit and his reason is because I always have an issue with something he has done every two weeks *it's the same issue, lack of commitment thus lack of safety*. So I asked him why do all that he does with me and his response I enjoy you. It's so confusing 😕 It's a continual wheel of insanity.
Let me start by saying I am sorry you've been doing this for so long. It must be mentally and emotionally exhausting. You're better than this, sis. He is putting it on you but it isn't you! He's manipulating you. I watch these videos a lot and what he says continuously is a man isn't making you his girlfriend bc 1) he doesn't have to or 2) bc he doesn't see you as the one. Love yourself more than you love him ❤️
@meditationovermedication Exactly! I've watched a lot of Stephans videos and even bought all of his books. I agree, and I'm definitely not getting any younger. Thank you sis! ❤️
Thanks I needed to hear this !! I’m just waiting to mail my engagement ring 💍 back to my ex I just want to learn the lesson , pass the class and go !! I need someone that’s willing to give me the same thing that I give it hurts but I know there’s a man out here that’s gonna match my energy ❤
I kept the engagement ring from my abusive ex in my wallet to remind me that I let a bad situation drag along and got my family's hopes up because he always said "sorry". The more he said sorry the worse the abuse got and the more painful his behaviour became
Ouch!!!! The truth hurts! I’ve been there, done that! I’m in the process of healing. I pray I heal completely so that I can be more discerning when it comes to dating and who I should invest my time in. Thank you so much Stephan!!!! God bless you!
15’53”- “is he even trying?” this point is so useful: after expressing in a loving matter and comforting tone, saying “this is simply what I meant and I never view u as an opponent”, “but a teammate to work something out together”, this man instantly turning the table on me and making a big accusation of “this is the last time blah blah” and I will NOT do any further of putting time into dating” (btw the putting time to date part is so laughable cuz both parties putting time into meeting up and I spent money paid his meal)-he takes no accountability whatsoever and instantly lashing on attack. Immediately seeing this action, I walk away, and I’m genuinely ok with walking away. This is NOT a guy to even build anything with, even in the starting phase of dating he has so many accusations, how can we imagine what will happen when life gets hard?
URGENT ⚠️😢 hope this comment helps others. Im not sure which video it was but you mentioned getting help when we experience any type of abuse. I called multiple numbers and couldn't get through because of high call volume, call couldn't be completed as dialed messages, calling outside of business hours and being told i will get a call back when i finally get through to a live person answering service and them never calling back, they said they forwarded my message as urgent and they open tomorrow morning. I spoke to someone yesterday who confirmed that they most likely will not call you back and YOU HAVE TO KEEP CALLING/TRYING. I will try to wait until tomorrow morning to call back but in the meantime ill be watching videos like these to keep me distracted, listening to music, enjoying a nice meal, shower, etc . Good luck everyone, we got this, dont give up. Thank you Stephan 🙏🏾
You need to call 911, get a restraining order and possibly move to another state and take some self defense classes, keep mase spray on you and get your gun permit learn gun safety
Thanks. I wrote a letter and he wasn't responsive. I was used because I'm financially stable, cash home buyer, retired, travel and he saw these things and kept taking advantage by asking for things.I love myself enough to walk away. I'm the daughter of the most High and I deserve better. I blame myself also for being so trusting and believing the lies after a woman answered his phone and said she was his fiancé. He lied of course. But I've convinced myself I deserve better. Thanks for this video.
I fully expressed myself and it was not received even when calm. Apparently I am the wrong one. I told him my issues and mistakes; he knows deep down all the work I have done to heal and improve. I asked him if he could think of anything he or his family is contributing to our relationship breaking down or helping with the bad issues/ bad perception he tells me I have. He has nothing. Its all me. He is a “great guy”. He doesnt want to hear where I see improvement needed but I have to take his disapproval and down all our necks when he is pissed enough cuz he is being interrupted. He claims misunderstanding but we keep having them! I continue cuz I married him and 17 yrs and 4 kids as a stay at home mom who homeschools… its not bad enough to bounce and cause upheaval but if it gets worse… I dont know . Its tough but I dont even care anymore if he blames me. I realize it reflects on him rather than me. When I am honest with my struggles with our relationship, he just gets angry and shuts down… it hurts more cuz he claims I dont care about his emotions but when I ask, he clams up or just yells at me and wont accept mine.
@stephan the example you use that he doesn’t like going out was perfect and he won’t change is so true . I have a yard and sometimes I use to ask my ex to help me cut the grass he told me no he not a outdoor man. Helping me with yard work is important to me , sometimes I need help and at that point I knew my life would not be happy, he hardly help put up a picture on the wall for me. I knew we weren’t compatible and he doesn’t have the desire to change.
Those were clear signs you should stop being with him 🙏 Check out the seven signs you are not compatible with that man 👉 th-cam.com/video/GZJX187yuq8/w-d-xo.html
My ex enjoyed going out most weekends with friends he would take me along. I like staying home. After a while I became burnt out and resentful. I never communicated my feelings which I regret. I saw it as we were incompatible.
This is very good analysis of why some of us endure poor relationships. I'm pretty sure I stayed with my first boyfriend for so long because I was avoiding dealing with the feelings of other men, and dealing with being single while I was working full time and going to college full time.
Yes. I've been doing this for four years. I have tried to change my boyfriend's habits to make him better for me. At the same time, I'm afraid of being alone. I wouldn't want to break up and, so to speak, start over. But I have to face my own challenges..
I haven't need to chase Anyone nor try convince Because I believe if someone likes you in affect it is their choice as I wouldn't begin to insult the intelligence of a Man. By assumption . That he isn't capable of his own decision. I am happy if I bring about positive feeling to my knowledge This shouldn't require force . When one is a woman .
I knew I needed to move forward when everything seemed same old same old ... he even wore the same pants I was like na this ain't it... besides finding out he was narcissist as well . People will do stuff you don't like on purpose just to make you leave .
Thank you for sharing this ❤ you keep opening my eyes to the reality and how important is self love and emotional intelligence. It’s better to be alone that with someone who makes you feel alone anyway.
Steve you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the "fixable issues". The home body individual is not so much an issue, but being a year into the relationship and he says that he doesn't go out, when in the beginning he did, or try to put me off on someone else to ease the conflict of him not taking my concerns into consideration. I take issue with that. Dont start something that your not willing to finish with a person. Especially when the other person shows up for you.
It's interesting. After living with a guy for several years, my mother phoned me out of the blue and asked me if I was in love with him. (This behaviour of hers was very unusual, she would not normally ask me personal questions like this, so, in retrospect, I think it was my partner's mother who got my mother to ask me the question because she was concerned about her son.) Anyhow, as I was on the phone with my mother, I considered the question and then said, "I love him but I'm not in love with him." There was no repercussions from what I had said. Nobody told me that wasn't good enough. It was only much later that I realised that my mother (in trying to protect me) told others that I was in love with him. I went on to marry him. Indeed, as you say, Stephan, I chose him because it was an easy, available option and it gave me a sense of safety because I was so much stronger than him emotionally and mentally. That scenario was safe for me because, as a girl, I had experienced sexual abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you, Stephan. I'm a self-improvement junkie already, but I just purchased your book "Finding Love After Heartbreak". With deep wounds, I feel they can always be revisited and worked on further. Thanks again. Your content and communication is the best ever.
The timing of this right on time. I am in the middle of typing a letter to him and in taking a break came across this video. Thank you for your insight and to all those who have commented - thank you
I am so happy I found your Channel, you are a blessing! Your content is so accurate, you speak the truth, you speak to my Heart, to my spirit. I am writing this from Dakar, Sénégal. I send you a lot of Sun 😊 @Stephen
I really don’t think women are as naive any more about men like that. Women who have a career and piece of mind they don’t really want the headache, nobody want the BS in their life anymore. A lot of men nowadays got too much baggage with them. Many women are waking up and smelling the coffee.
Here’s my measuring stick; if they have issues of character…done..zero Tolerance!! If it’s leaving shoes in wrong place..well you can work with that. So ask yourself this constant question: is it character?
Exactly!!!!! I can work with doesn’t like going out too much but I can’t be with loses his mind if I put up a small boundary. If he gets very angry or acts like a man child.
I just had to finally let go of my dismissive avoidant partner . He just doesn’t have the self awareness to change or see what he’s doing to me is abusive . He’s oblivious, thinks he’s a great guy . 57 and chooses to live with his mom . He lived with me for 2 months and then realized he couldn’t. I’m so tired of the gaslighting , circular “discussions” ( arguments) , ugh I could keep going but it’s pointless. He won’t pay for therapy .. and he’s got a master’s degree and makes decent money , not great but he’s got zero bills at moms house . I’m over it .
Sounds like my previous marriage. Your ex may be neurodiverse (high functioning, but on the autism spectrum). I dealt with that 💩 for 7 miserable years before I realized what type of situation this was. My peace and happiness now that I’m out of that neurodiverse marriage is indescribable. Never again!
Yep I walked away from mine 2 years an avodent they don't have the capacity to meet your needs look at Rc Blake about you can't fix them he talks about these men never again sis.
Hi, I'm from Jamaica. It's my first time texting. I just woke up and saw this reading. I know that it's God who allows me to see this clip from you Stehan. MAJORITY of what you just mention, is talking about me, because I'm in that situation with a guy whom I LOVE SO DEARLY, but he DOESN'T have the smell feelings for me. I'm AFRAID to leave him because I'm afraid of starting over. 😢😢😢 I REALLY REALLY LOVE this guy but unfortunately he DOESN'T feel the same way about me. And how do I know that he doesn't; its because I see ALL of it in his action, and he tells me that he doesn't love me as well. Please pray for yo one day have the courage to walk away. Thanks much
Young lady!! It's hard to face been there done that actions don't lie or hide pray to your higher being..and ask God to take this spirit away from you!! I will pray to you myself!!
Baby, you have your answer. Let him go. YOU are the prize!! Love yourself to such a high standard, that any man who doesn’t meet that level can no longer stand in your presence. Please love yourself more, let him go, and work on building your self esteem.
So if you put it in a letter and he's a sensitive guy he just might break up and that's okay because his feelings are hurt and he needs time. Explain to him best you can that you would like to work things through but respect his need for space. Now you will see where you stand. A year ago I did something similar to this and he broke it off with me for a month. Not giving me a chance to respond to his rebuttal at all and cutting off all contact. Pretty brutal. So I made note of that tactic because long-term that won't work. But I really felt like he didn't understand what I was actually saying, so I had Grace and was patient and just stepped back to being his friend and let him cool down and regroup. After some time went by, he realized he didn't want to do this without me in his life and he agreed to our new terms. We talked through the struggles he had been having with me and suddenly they weren't deal-breakers. Ummm, so I'm aware that may not be settled law in the future. We learn from the people in our lives and I don't know what he and I are being prepared for. So I'm willing to have some things flagged but not resolved. I do know how we feel about each other and I know this is not a common relationship, starting over like we did. And we have been together for another year now, which puts us at 3 years this month. We both have things with special needs adult kids to work through before we could marry or combine households. But we have discussed that notion and a timeline and exchanged promise or commitment rings. We finally started going to church together after talking about doing so for a year-and-a-half before. We didn't actually know what kind of Christians each other was and that was a problem. We never prayed together, we never prayed before meals, and Scripture never came up in his conversation, so I was definitely concerned. I found a church with Saturday evening services and eventually we started going out on a date afterwards...NO overnights. It was tricky, but I wanted what God wanted. I was only going to see that if I was Brave and did things God's way. Finally everything was in proper alignment with God at the center, and yes, we stopped the intimacy. We have learned so much about one another that we missed at the beginning! We have so much fun. Exploring things around town and discussions instead of always being about Romance. It's been amazing and I'm ashamed to say I'm surprised. God is very smart. And this Man of Mine agreed to it! Him being a Christian was a prerequisite for dating but there are different levels and styles and that really matters. Unequally yoked is also about what their walk with God looks like and involves, where does prayer come in, worship, Church involvement, all of it matters. You cannot assume someone will grow into your style of Christianity. They have to do what their mission is. And you can't give up yours. It's not a deal-breaker but it's definitely something to seriously consider and put the prayer where there are differences between you. He was a traditional Christian for much of his adult life, prayed in private more regularly than me actually, occasionally read scripture. He was also not as serious about the do's and don'ts as I was in relationships, but much more serious about the do's and don'ts in living life. Conflict resolution has to be healthy or you're not going to make it. Relationships are negotiations not standoffs. Let people be who they are. Conform to the person that God wants you to be and then see what happens. So I'm telling you all this to say, Don't be afraid to hold someone loosely to see if they come towards you or if they are a runner. Give them weeks to regroup, but not years. He went zero contact on me after blasting me over-the-phone but God had me hit pause. So I put us back in the friend zone and decided we have to be best friends or we're not going to make it anyway. We did start dating again after our separation and it grew into us, but stronger and better. Sometimes they have to go date other people to understand what you're talking about. Set them free and trust God. That's why you have to hold your temper and arrogance and be a good friend regardless helping them find the right person until you can see if you are the one or not. Three times I've had proposals and had the get serious talk about life and things and they broke up and got married to the very next girl within a few months. Not meant to be. But this guy, he came back. He's no pushover and we are still negotiating through things but he came back because of wanting me. And we both know that we survived and grew stronger over it. And we both knew where we stood. I like The Written Letter because you know exactly what you said and they can't twist it with what they heard because they were upset or thinking about their rebuttal. That phone call we had was still debatable if we covered all of his points which I have also take a note of. He said yes but I don't think so. Don't be afraid to find the right person. You're going to have to be brave. But you want to be equally yoked and this is how to find out because you won't be exactly alike. You can never find the right person if you are not honest with them. It won't last if you guys can't troubleshoot problems in a healthy and adult way. So there's really nothing to lose. Don't waste your life. Don't be mean to people but speak the truth in love. Anything less is deception and is as bad as a flat-out lie in God's eyes. Just step back and slow it down and be really good friends and let things unfold from there. Do not white-knuckle. You're not being nice if you are not telling your true thoughts well within reason. Don't lead people on and deceive them. Also be very conscious of the fact that you will likely have a pile of infractions you have done to him and they will also come your way. This is a practice test for your troubleshooting as a couple down the line. Be friends first! And when you know you are not the one for them, briefly and kindly tell them. I say text because there's no discussion about your decision and it gives them a chance to react before they face you, if they ever do. You can follow up later and extend your friendship as sincere but do not leave them on and have them hold out hope for you to change your mind. Strong boundaries but be compassionate and let them get used to the idea of you being less than they had hoped for. By God's grace you will both come out as better people and partners❤. Quick to listen, so to speak, slow to anger. As much as it depends on you remain at peace with them. There's only one right person and everyone else was a break up so don't sweat it. Recover and move on.
I like this advice. My person got scared and ran. There wasn't a question about feelings. He just couldn't handle them. So I'll let him go and leave it with God and pray that he works on himself while I work on myself.
Thank you so much for this video, it provided some much needed clarity for me as I am in to process of letting someone go. I wrote a list of what I loved about him, and how he poured into me, and the pouring in list was so much briefer than I expected. Thank you. Can I request that you make a video on how you know you are healing? I have been working on healing for some time (including using your book Love After Heartbreak 🎉🥳), but things still seem to feel a little raw at times. I’m just wondering if my self work and prayer is working. Thank you ♥️🙏🏿
Why do I feel like this meesage is attacking me? It's really on point 😅 I agree with writing a letter💯. I always do that so they can fully understand all my concerns... 😊
Stephan the best example of “not fixable” is when 1 of you wants children (or has them already) & the other really doesn’t want to be a parent. I’ve been through this myself on both sides at different times in my life, even with a great man who had kids & a BM I just didn’t want to deal with. No amount of effort in that situation would’ve changed it. In fact maybe it’s worth a whole video on this topic ❤
Yep! Like my husband, who has one, me with none, but he didn't want anymore. I'm 47 now and feel stuck. Wish I had left, but I didn't. Now I'm here resenting him for that amongst other stuff.😢
I'm a realist, I can see nonsense straight away and do not lie to myself , even when the truth hurts. But reality is that he did a huge amount for me once we were in a relationship. He decorated & repaired my whole house, free, working hard to make it as I wanted because he knew how much I needed that. But then the disrespect started....he would be seriously late ( asking me to accept he is working late...) ,he started shifting or cancelling plans...I pulled away & said I will take a break. He was v upset & said I am looking for faults. He came back, but without changing, he delayed me again, or talking about other women wanting him...or not keeping his word on what we would agree ( at his own suggestion). It became too painful to see this. The energy became too toxic. I'm not perfect, but his energy was changed. It was like he wanted me to chase him this time round.
That's horrible, you need someone who is caring and loving. You deserve better hun, praying for God to send you one He wants you to have, then you have that special man a Keeper.
Sounds like my narcissist ex. Run to save your life! There ARE REAL men out there, who will show you they care with kind words AND gestures when you’re down. Never mistake someone who wants you for someone who deserves you. Stay safe! ❤
The same thing happens to me never check up on me or call I bounce back wonderful he reach out to me I said who is this I get straight to the point telling him never ever to contact me that’s 4 yrs ago am at a better place
This is such important what you are saying. Effort and progress is really important. Unhealthy behaviors and toxic energy. And the derailing of the efforts he is showing meeting the energy is such a struggle.
Great advice. Are we allowed to ask if it’s working for you? I love taking advice from people who are actually experiencing a healthy love relationship
I thought I fell in love with a man I never met for four months recently. No catfish as I did see him on video. Thing was, he put absolutely NO effort into the relationship and I strongly suspect he just enjoyed the validation, attention and the prospect of sex upon his return from London. I foolishly gave him a HUGE pass considering he was a lawyer and I thought he was super busy. No one is THAT busy that they can't call you. They are juggling you. It's embarrassing to admit yet I gave him a warning shot to change. He profusely apologized yet still made no effort. I bailed and blocked him. Too paintful. I gave him the opportunity to respond, yet he didn't, hence the block. There comes a point where you are seeing a preview on how you'll be treated later. Even if this man proposed to me, I'd be lonely and scared he'd cheat on me. Not a happy life.
14 yrs I've been with my partner which I really loved him... but my love has gone for him now he put me through so much with his manipulation, control freak , he bread crumbed me 😢 I've walked away but he dosent let me go 🚶♀️... he dosent want to change to become a better man 👨... He keeps drinking smokes so many cigars and spends a lot of money 💰 You are 💯 % right ✅️ I need to heal ! 😢 I did really love him.. ❤ ...
Whew you literally just spoke what I’m going through in my life rt now in the first 4 minutes of this video!!!!!. I felt as if I was in a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. This video was sent by God tonight! Thank you Lord!
I am so interested in him because I love his creativity his intelligent side written on a Piece of paper not mirroring any other reflections! The art of words coming to live on peoples mouths as if they wrote the words themselves! The smile on his face reminds you of a Christmas morning longing to unwrap a gift!
These pointers are just more confirmation that women really need to stop letting our nurturing and empathetic sides overrule our common sense and reality. The longer we stay in ambivalent or obviously undesirable situations, the more attached we get and we lean more to the sunken cost fallacy (not wanting to let go of the time we put in and then sadly putting in more time hoping for a return in our investment) or worse, time passes and we become bitter. Sometime the favor we need to do, is to do ourselves a favor and chuck up the deuces. ✌🏾
EXCELLENT ❤️ I have a FRIEND that's dating a major Hollywood Oscar winner... She is madly in LOVE with him but...2 things he is a major womanizer and tells her not to believe what she sees in the newspapers about him dating other women, especially White women. Anyway, I told her to stop wasting her time, but she will not stop seeing him. I am going to leave it alone..She is my best friend and I don’t want to see her hurt...
sometimes you just gotta stop telling 'em... and be there for the fallout when it happens... prayers for you in your friendship and for her in her pursuit of happiness... may you both be Blessed... 🙏🏾🤲🏾
Wow so just had an ex come back in my life after 3 years now we have talked on and off even year ago long story short he claims to be a changed man and also apologizes for his past behavior ghosting me I am taking it one day at a time and if someone comes along oh well for him
I don’t have this issue with my man, but I live listening because you never know & you want to make sure you did make the correct choice of finding your significant other. Thank you for these videos 😊
6:30 damn I really needed to hear this. I want to heal but where do I begin and what do I do? Could you please make video on healing? Or could anyone share their tips and what has helped you? Thanks!
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll add it to my list of requested videos! In the meantime, you might like this video on dating a mama's boy 👉 th-cam.com/video/MmIzJyAu4jQ/w-d-xo.html 👈 I pray that you receive the peace and love you deserve ❤️ Get your copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 www.loveafterheartbreak.com. This book will lead you to find peace and happiness in your life.
He should be his own reason to become a better man i love men who wanted to change for himself knowing its needed and healing doesnt supposed to stop as your growing into a different you
This is so true because with my last relationship I was with him because I felt safe but I wasn’t in love with him, he just grew on me and I got attached.
#1 hit hard. Why indeed?!? He shows Zero interest, doesn’t initiate anything, etc. But I’ll tell you-#2 hit hard, too, because there is a decades long history and insane “unspoken” love, chemistry & connection. We just know that we know, one phone call and we’d drop everything to be there for the other in need. Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. Love and connection and chemistry is great. But without honest, open communication from both sides, no matter how much love there is, one person can’t carry the relationship. It just can’t work. 😢
There is no way in the world. I'm altering my outward appearance. Just to make a man like me more. If you cannot love, accept, appreciate, and respect me for who I am then he doesn't deserve me anyway.
💯Get your copy of the bestselling book "He's Lying Sis" here --> www.heslyingsis.com
Every video I watch brings me closer and closer to becoming a nun. Dating is exhausting.
Wow! you too! How can something so simple, be this hard!
@@ericamoore7128 I really don't understand it lol i refuse to believe it has always been this difficult...but maybe it was and we just have more access to people's unhappiness now with social media? Are people just being more reckless with each other's emotions?
Am gone😂
Amen!! I am thinking of names for dogs right now. Lol 😂
Same here, because wow. I've been single for 7 months. I think I'll just continue with this, it's less stressful than dating 😂
I recently broke things off with a guy. Yes, we had an amazing connection/chemistry and yes I wanted to be with him because honestly I feel like he's my soulmate. So much in common, would pour into me (when it worked for him), and he was my safe space. But he would let me down SOOO many times - from the small things (to calling at a certain time) to the big things (coming to see me and then going ghost - we were long distance). This went on for years. Him ghosting when I asked something of him. So I had to let him go. And yes I've communicated how I was feeling in a loving and supportive way SO MANY TIMES. But yeah...he just wasn't following though. It was very tough to let him go. But I love me more. I need a man who will follow through with action, not just words. But I know God has something amazing in my future.
SISSSS...SAME thing happened to me! I had to block him. It was too much. He kept breaking up with me for silly reasons and coming back!
I love that you knew your worth enough to leave 😢❤ love that for you
@@MakaylaPosey - Thank you so much! I was sad for about a day and a half but then I bounced back. Lol.
My current situation.. very similar. I chose to move on. It's not worth it.
I am in a long distance relationship also. We were pouring in to each other and planning marriage. He misinterpreted a text. I had gum surgery and he texted me right before but not for 7hrs and I was in excruciating pain. I texted him why he didn't check on me? He said his daughter was burned from a pressure cooker. I asked why he didn't say something once he got in the car? He felt I was being selfish and not selfless from the text. It took a toll on our relationship. He wouldn't answer my calls/texts though I tried to tell him he's entitled to his feelings but his punishment didn't fit the crime. I would never diminish her or downgrade her suffering. We are just starting to talk again but it's difficult because I apologized for anything he interpreted as not caring but he gave me no apology for the misinterpretation, how his rejection and dismissal of me hurt me. Is it fixable? Yes. Will take some time but I am not pouring this time, I'm dripping into him. I had been by myself for over 3yrs by choice. Working on and loving me and had 2yrs of intense therapy and I'm not going to feel how I felt those almost 3wks again.
Dating potential will have you drained and heartbroken ......90% of the time u see more potential in them then they see in themselves...dnt waste your time or energy
I’m 21 and been going thru that for 3 yrs with my bf . Smh been the same since we been together . I had so much hope for nothing
Yessss sis
P
You can't make it work if you're working by yourself... Nicely said.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
Ladies gentle reminder
You cannot go back and change the begining
But you can start where you are and change the ending
Be selfish with your time
Most men dont deserve it
Kindly don’t say that, there are a lot of good men out there!
Thank u
100
🔥
Sign #1 You’re watching this video ❤❤
Lol
Right
That part.
not necessarily... we all have room to learn and grow... there are questions in life that should be asked and, thank the Good Lord, Stephan seems to have a lot of the answers... 🥰
😂😂😂😂😂😂 got me
This comment just gave me heart burn lord😢
Dating has been so difficult! It gets so overwhelming. I will not give up. I know that God has my king out here somewhere!
I pray you find the happiness you deserve❤
Amennn girl im with u on that 1
Good for you….I’m tired✌️…. i’ve come to the conclusion if God means for me to be married, he will find me you put so much energy into seeking and longing and wanting someone it’s literally mentally draining and I will not leave this earth in this state, but will enjoy my singlehood, and all this life has to offer instead of putting so much energy into potential for marriage
I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
I love him so much but loving him is killing me. Mentally emotionally and spiritually ✨ but i have to lose him to love me and find myself again. Ive lost who i am im gone
Bro you helped me to take a better decision . I'll wait more on the Lord for a woman who loves more God than me .
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
I love what you said .
I moved on a long time ago ! That’s why I’m still single . However, I am waiting patiently for : The Man That God Has For Me . ( Period 💯) !
❤
I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
Hi
Same here waiting for the man God has for me
Praying for all of us.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you 💙
If it’s confusing then it’s time to let go but if you have peace with him all the time then move forward cause God is peace!
"And the reality is that being with this man is distracting you from the work that you need to do." 💯 Ka-pow! 💥
You're absolutely right!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks I think it's you who's absolutely right. I love it.
It's true how we will stay in a situation because it seems safer instead of moving on.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
A hard part is the punishment part. It's hard to remain nice and sweet and positive while seeing if someone will show up for you.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Or they have lied and cheated
I love how you always flip the switch. You’ve made me look deep into my own trauma on what I’ve been accepting. What I’ve learned since watching you is until I’m able to give myself everything that I desire from a partner… I shouldn’t be dating. Once I’m at that level my partner will enhance what I already have 😊
That’s why this is my guy! I love that he encourages true healing. It’s too easy to be out here broken and projecting brokenness. MOST of us should be in therapy before trying to date anybody 😂
@@pennyrs29agreeeed💯
I feel I needa be in therapy my self😂😂
I’m tired of trying to find love ❤️
It's dead
So many times I have seen video on ‘how to make a man want you ‘ how to make a man love you , this is why a man don’t want to be with you , and do this to make a man love you more , and women suck it up and latched on to the words with desperation, men ain’t that special nor complicated at the end of it , it boils down to a person character and morals , hardly you see videos on how to make a woman want you , love you ,respect you , take care of you , support you more , because it’s clear the women feeling does not matter , lots of women are just desperate to please men , and when the men shows up as their real selves and broke their heart , they are left damage and bitter
How about love on yourself ladies , just fall in love with yourselves, tell yourself girl I am fabulous I am beautiful and wonderfully made , he is bless to have me, and ladies show up as yourself decent clean and honest
Stephan got a video for everything.
Messing w/ him imma be single til I’m 80 😂
I’ll be single til I’m 100 😂 these men are stressing me out and I don’t even have one😂😂😂😂
😂😂🤗🤗
Love doesn't hurt
You're absolutely right. Love is not supposed to hurt ❤ 🙏
Yes love hurts when it's one sided
*Recognizing these signs is a step towards self-respect and empowerment. Let's use this wisdom to choose partners who genuinely appreciate and reciprocate our efforts.*
16:01-16:50 YOU NAILED IT. you literally described my situation. He's impossible to work with. He never fought for the relationship. Had I not approached him and said anything, he wouldn't say a word. He's an immature woosy, and I'm just mentally and emotionally exhausted 😩
Totally agree about writing a letter. It gives the writer the opportunity to speak truthfully without being interrupted and make adjustments before the postman rings. Hopefully, the recipient will read it more than once for understanding .
My guy insists texting is talking. My view is there is no communication. He hides behind texts. Usually my long versions, he’s short, replies but never answers the Q. Is texting the same as a letter?
I needed to hear this. I broke up with him a month ago because it was so toxic I couldn't do it anymore. Everything he did was my fault, once he was angry with me all hell would break loose, he didn't care who was around when he would yell at me or insult me. I kept telling myself he could adjust, get better, mature, be financially stable, stop being aggressive but it wasn't happening. Your videos help my healing process so much as I keep questioning my decisions. Im used to toxic relationships and getting uncomfortable with them is so difficult.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks thank you, I appreciate the time you took to acknowledge and respond to this. Im going to keep putting me first from now on! Ive wasted so many precious years being abused by different men that I just have to make it stop already.
Lesson: If I'm getting what I want from the relationship, there's no incentive to become a better partner.
I asked myself the other day, after becoming a better and better person, how much more do I need to do to get my relationship needs met also?
With this lesson, I now ask myself, does this apply to me or him?
Does he want to try? Or do I need to let go of my dream with him?
I'm probably attached to his potential because it's not an attachment to how well he meets my relationship needs.
I wish I had looked up videos like this 14yrs ago
I needed this.
We've been going back and forth for the last 5 years.
He spends lots of time with me either in person or on the phone. He checks on me, tries to make sure I'm OK, helps me when he wants to, etc.
But he won't commit and his reason is because I always have an issue with something he has done every two weeks *it's the same issue, lack of commitment thus lack of safety*. So I asked him why do all that he does with me and his response I enjoy you. It's so confusing 😕
It's a continual wheel of insanity.
Let me start by saying I am sorry you've been doing this for so long. It must be mentally and emotionally exhausting.
You're better than this, sis. He is putting it on you but it isn't you! He's manipulating you. I watch these videos a lot and what he says continuously is a man isn't making you his girlfriend bc 1) he doesn't have to or 2) bc he doesn't see you as the one.
Love yourself more than you love him ❤️
@meditationovermedication
Exactly! I've watched a lot of Stephans videos and even bought all of his books. I agree, and I'm definitely not getting any younger. Thank you sis! ❤️
Not to tell you what to do; but I had a guy like that…immature and constantly changing his mind and my answer is Dumb His Ass!!
Dump
@@AnnWoodford76 hugs and positive vibes to you. Your king is waiting for you 😊
Thanks I needed to hear this !! I’m just waiting to mail my engagement ring 💍 back to my ex I just want to learn the lesson , pass the class and go !! I need someone that’s willing to give me the same thing that I give it hurts but I know there’s a man out here that’s gonna match my energy ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you and I pray that you receive the man who is truly best for you, the man God has for you 🙏
I kept the engagement ring from my abusive ex in my wallet to remind me that I let a bad situation drag along and got my family's hopes up because he always said "sorry". The more he said sorry the worse the abuse got and the more painful his behaviour became
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Amen to that thank you 🙏 I appreciate that soo much
@@fisf.2148 I can understand that ❤️ I hope you are happier now or on your way to happiness
Ouch!!!! The truth hurts! I’ve been there, done that! I’m in the process of healing. I pray I heal completely so that I can be more discerning when it comes to dating and who I should invest my time in. Thank you so much Stephan!!!! God bless you!
Healing is definitely key and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏
This is 100% pure unaltered TRUTH. This man has a gift.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
He's really a special relationship coach, I pray God gives me a chance to meet him soon
15’53”- “is he even trying?” this point is so useful: after expressing in a loving matter and comforting tone, saying “this is simply what I meant and I never view u as an opponent”, “but a teammate to work something out together”, this man instantly turning the table on me and making a big accusation of “this is the last time blah blah” and I will NOT do any further of putting time into dating” (btw the putting time to date part is so laughable cuz both parties putting time into meeting up and I spent money paid his meal)-he takes no accountability whatsoever and instantly lashing on attack. Immediately seeing this action, I walk away, and I’m genuinely ok with walking away. This is NOT a guy to even build anything with, even in the starting phase of dating he has so many accusations, how can we imagine what will happen when life gets hard?
URGENT ⚠️😢 hope this comment helps others. Im not sure which video it was but you mentioned getting help when we experience any type of abuse. I called multiple numbers and couldn't get through because of high call volume, call couldn't be completed as dialed messages, calling outside of business hours and being told i will get a call back when i finally get through to a live person answering service and them never calling back, they said they forwarded my message as urgent and they open tomorrow morning. I spoke to someone yesterday who confirmed that they most likely will not call you back and YOU HAVE TO KEEP CALLING/TRYING. I will try to wait until tomorrow morning to call back but in the meantime ill be watching videos like these to keep me distracted, listening to music, enjoying a nice meal, shower, etc . Good luck everyone, we got this, dont give up. Thank you Stephan 🙏🏾
USA... made an assumption, apologies if I am in error
You need to call 911, get a restraining order and possibly move to another state and take some self defense classes, keep mase spray on you and get your gun permit learn gun safety
Thanks. I wrote a letter and he wasn't responsive. I was used because I'm financially stable, cash home buyer, retired, travel and he saw these things and kept taking advantage by asking for things.I love myself enough to walk away. I'm the daughter of the most High and I deserve better. I blame myself also for being so trusting and believing the lies after a woman answered his phone and said she was his fiancé. He lied of course. But I've convinced myself I deserve better. Thanks for this video.
I finally had to accept that he would just not make an effort. Words never matched actions. Sports & guy friends were his top priority. 😢
I fully expressed myself and it was not received even when calm. Apparently I am the wrong one. I told him my issues and mistakes; he knows deep down all the work I have done to heal and improve. I asked him if he could think of anything he or his family is contributing to our relationship breaking down or helping with the bad issues/ bad perception he tells me I have. He has nothing. Its all me. He is a “great guy”. He doesnt want to hear where I see improvement needed but I have to take his disapproval and down all our necks when he is pissed enough cuz he is being interrupted. He claims misunderstanding but we keep having them!
I continue cuz I married him and 17 yrs and 4 kids as a stay at home mom who homeschools… its not bad enough to bounce and cause upheaval but if it gets worse… I dont know . Its tough but I dont even care anymore if he blames me. I realize it reflects on him rather than me.
When I am honest with my struggles with our relationship, he just gets angry and shuts down… it hurts more cuz he claims I dont care about his emotions but when I ask, he clams up or just yells at me and wont accept mine.
Omg I have been praying for God to show me what to do next and I came across this video. Thank God for confirmation! Thank you! Praise the Lord! ❤
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
You are the best Dating coach.
❤️ 🙂 Thank you!
@stephan the example you use that he doesn’t like going out was perfect and he won’t change is so true . I have a yard and sometimes I use to ask my ex to help me cut the grass he told me no he not a outdoor man. Helping me with yard work is important to me , sometimes I need help and at that point I knew my life would not be happy, he hardly help put up a picture on the wall for me. I knew we weren’t compatible and he doesn’t have the desire to change.
Sounds like he was unmotivated. Now he’s in the EX-FILES where he belongs. lol
👌🏿Happy to hear you left that lazy sob!👊🏾
You dodged a missile😂
Those were clear signs you should stop being with him 🙏 Check out the seven signs you are not compatible with that man 👉 th-cam.com/video/GZJX187yuq8/w-d-xo.html
My ex enjoyed going out most weekends with friends he would take me along. I like staying home. After a while I became burnt out and resentful. I never communicated my feelings which I regret. I saw it as we were incompatible.
Get rid of him. He sounds like a user.
Thank you, Stephen. I truly value your perspective on relationships.
Glad to hear that, thank you for your response!
This is very good analysis of why some of us endure poor relationships. I'm pretty sure I stayed with my first boyfriend for so long because I was avoiding dealing with the feelings of other men, and dealing with being single while I was working full time and going to college full time.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing from you ❤
I think the letter is best because there is no negative voice or pressure on the other person and it gives our best accounting of the situation.
You're absolutely right 💯
Yes. I've been doing this for four years. I have tried to change my boyfriend's habits to make him better for me. At the same time, I'm afraid of being alone. I wouldn't want to break up and, so to speak, start over. But I have to face my own challenges..
I haven't need to chase Anyone nor try convince Because I believe if someone likes you in affect it is their choice as I wouldn't begin to insult the intelligence of a Man. By assumption . That he isn't capable of his own decision. I am happy if I bring about positive feeling to my knowledge This shouldn't require force . When one is a woman .
I knew I needed to move forward when everything seemed same old same old ... he even wore the same pants I was like na this ain't it... besides finding out he was narcissist as well . People will do stuff you don't like on purpose just to make you leave .
Thank you for sharing this ❤ you keep opening my eyes to the reality and how important is self love and emotional intelligence. It’s better to be alone that with someone who makes you feel alone anyway.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
Steve you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the "fixable issues". The home body individual is not so much an issue, but being a year into the relationship and he says that he doesn't go out, when in the beginning he did, or try to put me off on someone else to ease the conflict of him not taking my concerns into consideration. I take issue with that. Dont start something that your not willing to finish with a person. Especially when the other person shows up for you.
It's interesting. After living with a guy for several years, my mother phoned me out of the blue and asked me if I was in love with him. (This behaviour of hers was very unusual, she would not normally ask me personal questions like this, so, in retrospect, I think it was my partner's mother who got my mother to ask me the question because she was concerned about her son.)
Anyhow, as I was on the phone with my mother, I considered the question and then said, "I love him but I'm not in love with him."
There was no repercussions from what I had said. Nobody told me that wasn't good enough. It was only much later that I realised that my mother (in trying to protect me) told others that I was in love with him. I went on to marry him.
Indeed, as you say, Stephan, I chose him because it was an easy, available option and it gave me a sense of safety because I was so much stronger than him emotionally and mentally. That scenario was safe for me because, as a girl, I had experienced sexual abuse.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that and pray that you heal from all that you have been through 🙏
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you, Stephan. I'm a self-improvement junkie already, but I just purchased your book "Finding Love After Heartbreak". With deep wounds, I feel they can always be revisited and worked on further. Thanks again. Your content and communication is the best ever.
My situation is so bizarre as talented and insightful as you are you would squirm with disbelief
Trust me you aren't alone! I'm literally embarrassed to even describe my situation to anyone because even in my mind it's baffling 😵💫
I'm sorry to hear about that and I pray that you heal from all that you have been through and be able to keep moving in faith 🙏
The timing of this right on time. I am in the middle of typing a letter to him and in taking a break came across this video. Thank you for your insight and to all those who have commented - thank you
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Girl, my letter is written and in an envelope. I REFUSE TO GIVE HIM THAT POWER. SILENCE IS LOUD!😂
Ask urself why do u even want him
Absolutely!
I think I’m going to give up
Before you give up on dating, try changing your focus from dating to learning, and you will start to see positive results in your dating experiences!
You cant change a person even if they try to change for you at the beggining,they end up in rage and upset by being made to do things they dont like
I am so happy I found your Channel, you are a blessing! Your content is so accurate, you speak the truth, you speak to my Heart, to my spirit. I am writing this from Dakar, Sénégal. I send you a lot of Sun 😊 @Stephen
Welcome aboard, and don't forget to subscribe and click on the notification bell to be notified whenever I release a new video ❤ 🙏
I really don’t think women are as naive any more about men like that. Women who have a career and piece of mind they don’t really want the headache, nobody want the BS in their life anymore. A lot of men nowadays got too much baggage with them. Many women are waking up and smelling the coffee.
Here’s my measuring stick; if they have issues of character…done..zero
Tolerance!! If it’s leaving shoes in wrong place..well you can work with that. So ask yourself this constant question: is it character?
Exactly!!!!! I can work with doesn’t like going out too much but I can’t be with loses his mind if I put up a small boundary. If he gets very angry or acts like a man child.
We all have character flaws
Thank you- that helps
This guy speaks the raw truth.
💯 yes!
I just had to finally let go of my dismissive avoidant partner . He just doesn’t have the self awareness to change or see what he’s doing to me is abusive . He’s oblivious, thinks he’s a great guy . 57 and chooses to live with his mom . He lived with me for 2 months and then realized he couldn’t. I’m so tired of the gaslighting , circular “discussions” ( arguments) , ugh I could keep going but it’s pointless. He won’t pay for therapy .. and he’s got a master’s degree and makes decent money , not great but he’s got zero bills at moms house . I’m over it .
Sounds like my previous marriage. Your ex may be neurodiverse (high functioning, but on the autism spectrum). I dealt with that 💩 for 7 miserable years before I realized what type of situation this was. My peace and happiness now that I’m out of that neurodiverse marriage is indescribable. Never again!
Yep I walked away from mine 2 years an avodent they don't have the capacity to meet your needs look at Rc Blake about you can't fix them he talks about these men never again sis.
Hi, I'm from Jamaica. It's my first time texting. I just woke up and saw this reading. I know that it's God who allows me to see this clip from you Stehan. MAJORITY of what you just mention, is talking about me, because I'm in that situation with a guy whom I LOVE SO DEARLY, but he DOESN'T have the smell feelings for me. I'm AFRAID to leave him because I'm afraid of starting over. 😢😢😢 I REALLY REALLY LOVE this guy but unfortunately he DOESN'T feel the same way about me. And how do I know that he doesn't; its because I see ALL of it in his action, and he tells me that he doesn't love me as well. Please pray for yo one day have the courage to walk away. Thanks much
Young lady!! It's hard to face been there done that actions don't lie or hide pray to your higher being..and ask God to take this spirit away from you!! I will pray to you myself!!
Baby, you have your answer. Let him go. YOU are the prize!! Love yourself to such a high standard, that any man who doesn’t meet that level can no longer stand in your presence. Please love yourself more, let him go, and work on building your self esteem.
I needed this. Stephan you always show up for me at the right time 💛
I’m abt to cry. This message is def for me😭‼️
🙏
So if you put it in a letter and he's a sensitive guy he just might break up and that's okay because his feelings are hurt and he needs time. Explain to him best you can that you would like to work things through but respect his need for space. Now you will see where you stand.
A year ago I did something similar to this and he broke it off with me for a month. Not giving me a chance to respond to his rebuttal at all and cutting off all contact. Pretty brutal. So I made note of that tactic because long-term that won't work. But I really felt like he didn't understand what I was actually saying, so I had Grace and was patient and just stepped back to being his friend and let him cool down and regroup.
After some time went by, he realized he didn't want to do this without me in his life and he agreed to our new terms. We talked through the struggles he had been having with me and suddenly they weren't deal-breakers. Ummm, so I'm aware that may not be settled law in the future. We learn from the people in our lives and I don't know what he and I are being prepared for. So I'm willing to have some things flagged but not resolved.
I do know how we feel about each other and I know this is not a common relationship, starting over like we did. And we have been together for another year now, which puts us at 3 years this month. We both have things with special needs adult kids to work through before we could marry or combine households. But we have discussed that notion and a timeline and exchanged promise or commitment rings.
We finally started going to church together after talking about doing so for a year-and-a-half before. We didn't actually know what kind of Christians each other was and that was a problem. We never prayed together, we never prayed before meals, and Scripture never came up in his conversation, so I was definitely concerned. I found a church with Saturday evening services and eventually we started going out on a date afterwards...NO overnights. It was tricky, but I wanted what God wanted. I was only going to see that if I was Brave and did things God's way.
Finally everything was in proper alignment with God at the center, and yes, we stopped the intimacy. We have learned so much about one another that we missed at the beginning! We have so much fun. Exploring things around town and discussions instead of always being about Romance. It's been amazing and I'm ashamed to say I'm surprised. God is very smart. And this Man of Mine agreed to it! Him being a Christian was a prerequisite for dating but there are different levels and styles and that really matters. Unequally yoked is also about what their walk with God looks like and involves, where does prayer come in, worship, Church involvement, all of it matters. You cannot assume someone will grow into your style of Christianity. They have to do what their mission is. And you can't give up yours. It's not a deal-breaker but it's definitely something to seriously consider and put the prayer where there are differences between you. He was a traditional Christian for much of his adult life, prayed in private more regularly than me actually, occasionally read scripture. He was also not as serious about the do's and don'ts as I was in relationships, but much more serious about the do's and don'ts in living life. Conflict resolution has to be healthy or you're not going to make it. Relationships are negotiations not standoffs. Let people be who they are. Conform to the person that God wants you to be and then see what happens.
So I'm telling you all this to say, Don't be afraid to hold someone loosely to see if they come towards you or if they are a runner. Give them weeks to regroup, but not years.
He went zero contact on me after blasting me over-the-phone but God had me hit pause. So I put us back in the friend zone and decided we have to be best friends or we're not going to make it anyway. We did start dating again after our separation and it grew into us, but stronger and better.
Sometimes they have to go date other people to understand what you're talking about. Set them free and trust God. That's why you have to hold your temper and arrogance and be a good friend regardless helping them find the right person until you can see if you are the one or not. Three times I've had proposals and had the get serious talk about life and things and they broke up and got married to the very next girl within a few months. Not meant to be.
But this guy, he came back. He's no pushover and we are still negotiating through things but he came back because of wanting me. And we both know that we survived and grew stronger over it. And we both knew where we stood.
I like The Written Letter because you know exactly what you said and they can't twist it with what they heard because they were upset or thinking about their rebuttal. That phone call we had was still debatable if we covered all of his points which I have also take a note of. He said yes but I don't think so.
Don't be afraid to find the right person. You're going to have to be brave. But you want to be equally yoked and this is how to find out because you won't be exactly alike. You can never find the right person if you are not honest with them. It won't last if you guys can't troubleshoot problems in a healthy and adult way.
So there's really nothing to lose. Don't waste your life. Don't be mean to people but speak the truth in love. Anything less is deception and is as bad as a flat-out lie in God's eyes. Just step back and slow it down and be really good friends and let things unfold from there. Do not white-knuckle. You're not being nice if you are not telling your true thoughts well within reason. Don't lead people on and deceive them.
Also be very conscious of the fact that you will likely have a pile of infractions you have done to him and they will also come your way. This is a practice test for your troubleshooting as a couple down the line. Be friends first! And when you know you are not the one for them, briefly and kindly tell them. I say text because there's no discussion about your decision and it gives them a chance to react before they face you, if they ever do. You can follow up later and extend your friendship as sincere but do not leave them on and have them hold out hope for you to change your mind. Strong boundaries but be compassionate and let them get used to the idea of you being less than they had hoped for. By God's grace you will both come out as better people and partners❤. Quick to listen, so to speak, slow to anger. As much as it depends on you remain at peace with them. There's only one right person and everyone else was a break up so don't sweat it. Recover and move on.
I like this advice. My person got scared and ran. There wasn't a question about feelings. He just couldn't handle them. So I'll let him go and leave it with God and pray that he works on himself while I work on myself.
Your story sounds kinda similar to mine, but I haven’t even broke it off with him…yet!
Thank you so much for this video, it provided some much needed clarity for me as I am in to process of letting someone go. I wrote a list of what I loved about him, and how he poured into me, and the pouring in list was so much briefer than I expected. Thank you.
Can I request that you make a video on how you know you are healing? I have been working on healing for some time (including using your book Love After Heartbreak 🎉🥳), but things still seem to feel a little raw at times. I’m just wondering if my self work and prayer is working. Thank you ♥️🙏🏿
Kindred /Friendship with cordial give and take, but know each other’s intentions both already on a mission.
You better say THIS‼️‼️‼️‼️
Why do I feel like this meesage is attacking me? It's really on point 😅
I agree with writing a letter💯. I always do that so they can fully understand all my concerns... 😊
Sameeee. I’m abt to cryyyy😭🥹🥲😭🥹🥲
This video is helped me from making a bigger fool of myself and I appreciate it so much
Why do i even want him?
Hmmmmm.....
I dont need the rest of this video now.
I will though.
I'm happy this has been helpful to you. Don't forget to share so that others can receive love, healing, and clarity ❤ 🙏
Stephan the best example of “not fixable” is when 1 of you wants children (or has them already) & the other really doesn’t want to be a parent. I’ve been through this myself on both sides at different times in my life, even with a great man who had kids & a BM I just didn’t want to deal with. No amount of effort in that situation would’ve changed it. In fact maybe it’s worth a whole video on this topic ❤
Yep! Like my husband, who has one, me with none, but he didn't want anymore. I'm 47 now and feel stuck. Wish I had left, but I didn't. Now I'm here resenting him for that amongst other stuff.😢
I'm a realist, I can see nonsense straight away and do not lie to myself , even when the truth hurts. But reality is that he did a huge amount for me once we were in a relationship. He decorated & repaired my whole house, free, working hard to make it as I wanted because he knew how much I needed that. But then the disrespect started....he would be seriously late ( asking me to accept he is working late...) ,he started shifting or cancelling plans...I pulled away & said I will take a break. He was v upset & said I am looking for faults. He came back, but without changing, he delayed me again, or talking about other women wanting him...or not keeping his word on what we would agree ( at his own suggestion). It became too painful to see this. The energy became too toxic. I'm not perfect, but his energy was changed. It was like he wanted me to chase him this time round.
Why on earth do we torment ourselves
He didnt check up on me when i was on my sick bed for 3 days...hes now asking for my forgiveness...should i forgive him...@ Stephan
No🥺😬
You deserve someone Who cares for you🤗👌
That's horrible, you need someone who is caring and loving. You deserve better hun, praying for God to send you one He wants you to have, then you have that special man a Keeper.
You may forgive him, but know forgiveness is not for him but for you so you don't hold a grudge.
And No, to taking him back.
Sounds like my narcissist ex. Run to save your life!
There ARE REAL men out there, who will show you they care with kind words AND gestures when you’re down. Never mistake someone who wants you for someone who deserves you. Stay safe! ❤
The same thing happens to me never check up on me or call I bounce back wonderful he reach out to me I said who is this I get straight to the point telling him never ever to contact me that’s 4 yrs ago am at a better place
This message was definitely for me
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏
This is such important what you are saying. Effort and progress is really important. Unhealthy behaviors and toxic energy. And the derailing of the efforts he is showing meeting the energy is such a struggle.
It definitely isn't an easy situation, but the focus needs to be on doing what is truly best 🙏
Great advice. Are we allowed to ask if it’s working for you? I love taking advice from people who are actually experiencing a healthy love relationship
I thought I fell in love with a man I never met for four months recently. No catfish as I did see him on video. Thing was, he put absolutely NO effort into the relationship and I strongly suspect he just enjoyed the validation, attention and the prospect of sex upon his return from London. I foolishly gave him a HUGE pass considering he was a lawyer and I thought he was super busy. No one is THAT busy that they can't call you. They are juggling you. It's embarrassing to admit yet I gave him a warning shot to change. He profusely apologized yet still made no effort. I bailed and blocked him. Too paintful. I gave him the opportunity to respond, yet he didn't, hence the block. There comes a point where you are seeing a preview on how you'll be treated later. Even if this man proposed to me, I'd be lonely and scared he'd cheat on me. Not a happy life.
Thank you for sharing your experience! Hopefully, it will help others learn from it. I appreciate that 🙏
14 yrs I've been with my partner which I really loved him... but my love has gone for him now he put me through so much with his manipulation, control freak , he bread crumbed me 😢 I've walked away but he dosent let me go 🚶♀️... he dosent want to change to become a better man 👨...
He keeps drinking smokes so many cigars and spends a lot of money 💰
You are 💯 % right ✅️ I need to heal ! 😢 I did really love him.. ❤ ...
Stephan, you made us all women wiser when it comes to dating and choosing men😅
That's a Word from the Lord * "You cantake it work, if you're working by yourself!"
Every time I see your video I'm like omg he is talking to me
❤️ 🙂 Thank you for watching!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks your welcome 🙏
Thanks you this actually why I'm single and putting God first in all I do im not giving up on love
Whew you literally just spoke what I’m going through in my life rt now in the first 4 minutes of this video!!!!!. I felt as if I was in a personal therapy session. Thank you so much. This video was sent by God tonight! Thank you Lord!
Same here especially when he said talk to him or write a letter to him that got me because I just wanted to conclude without talking.
You’re videos are so helpful , thanks for allowing God to use you ! ❤❤❤
Thanks for all the wisdom that Father God gave you to help us ! Protection.
🙏 I appreciate that!
How can you get out of the relationship when your kids are attached and you don’t want to hurt them again.
I am so interested in him because I love his creativity his intelligent side written on a Piece of paper not mirroring any other reflections! The art of words coming to live on peoples mouths as if they wrote the words themselves! The smile on his face reminds you of a Christmas morning longing to unwrap a gift!
He's a homebody with me, but when I'm away, yes, he hangs out with hi buds and suddenly not a homebody
These pointers are just more confirmation that women really need to stop letting our nurturing and empathetic sides overrule our common sense and reality. The longer we stay in ambivalent or obviously undesirable situations, the more attached we get and we lean more to the sunken cost fallacy (not wanting to let go of the time we put in and then sadly putting in more time hoping for a return in our investment) or worse, time passes and we become bitter. Sometime the favor we need to do, is to do ourselves a favor and chuck up the deuces. ✌🏾
Honestly
EXCELLENT ❤️ I have a FRIEND that's dating a major Hollywood Oscar winner...
She is madly in LOVE with him but...2 things he is a major womanizer and tells her not to believe what she sees in the newspapers about him dating other women, especially White women. Anyway, I told her to stop wasting her time, but she will not stop seeing him.
I am going to leave it alone..She is my best friend and I don’t want to see her hurt...
sometimes you just gotta stop telling 'em... and be there for the fallout when it happens... prayers for you in your friendship and for her in her pursuit of happiness... may you both be Blessed... 🙏🏾🤲🏾
@@ginahouston9352 THANK YOU SWEETIE..It's heartbreaking...I will be there for her. I have known her since we were in 1st grade....
Wow so just had an ex come back in my life after 3 years now we have talked on and off even year ago long story short he claims to be a changed man and also apologizes for his past behavior ghosting me I am taking it one day at a time and if someone comes along oh well for him
🙏 I hope you reach the point of truly doing what is best.
@@MeetStephanSpeaks does that mean don’t give him a chance?
@@AnnDonley No you shouldn’t. Anyone that ghosts is bound to do it again because they got away with it the first time
@@blackbutterfye I need to correct that he didn’t ghost me we always communicated.
Can you make a video about how to know if you‘re attached or in love?
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
Soooo true, let his ass go!!!
Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate hearing from you ❤️
Lol 💕
I don’t have this issue with my man, but I live listening because you never know & you want to make sure you did make the correct choice of finding your significant other. Thank you for these videos 😊
Stephan you make a woman think and look deep within herself.
6:30 damn I really needed to hear this. I want to heal but where do I begin and what do I do? Could you please make video on healing? Or could anyone share their tips and what has helped you? Thanks!
Thanks for the suggestion. I’ll add it to my list of requested videos! In the meantime, you might like this video on dating a mama's boy 👉 th-cam.com/video/MmIzJyAu4jQ/w-d-xo.html 👈
I pray that you receive the peace and love you deserve ❤️ Get your copy of "Love After Heartbreak" here 👉 www.loveafterheartbreak.com. This book will lead you to find peace and happiness in your life.
Time 😊
He should be his own reason to become a better man i love men who wanted to change for himself knowing its needed and healing doesnt supposed to stop as your growing into a different you
This is so true because with my last relationship I was with him because I felt safe but I wasn’t in love with him, he just grew on me and I got attached.
Much needed to hear this. Glad I came across this video. Thanks!!
My pleasure ❤️
#1 hit hard. Why indeed?!? He shows Zero interest, doesn’t initiate anything, etc. But I’ll tell you-#2 hit hard, too, because there is a decades long history and insane “unspoken” love, chemistry & connection. We just know that we know, one phone call and we’d drop everything to be there for the other in need. Unfortunately, that’s just not enough. Love and connection and chemistry is great. But without honest, open communication from both sides, no matter how much love there is, one person can’t carry the relationship. It just can’t work. 😢
There is no way in the world. I'm altering my outward appearance. Just to make a man like me more. If you cannot love, accept, appreciate, and respect me for who I am then he doesn't deserve me anyway.
Can you please do a video on not to Date Married man plz?
Great suggestion, I will add it to my list to get it done!
@@MeetStephanSpeaks Thank you.
And men on separation or going through divorce.
Well done date a married man.He can't make you happy. He just a reason to cheat and complain about his wife.
Walk 🚶♀️
This is the video I was looking for. I needed to hear every single word. I have to let him go 😢
I'm happy this has been helpful to you 🙏