One of the Hardest Things We've Had To Do As A Foster Parent // placement disruption 2 times
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 มิ.ย. 2024
- This fall, we unfortunately had to disrupt two foster placements. It was SO HARD and we never wanted to move a child from our home, but it was the best thing for the foster youths and for us.
There is definitely a NEED in every state for foster parents. I hope this encourages you to take the first step to get licensed yourself or help a foster parent local to you :)
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8:20 Second disruption
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We had to disrupt a placement after 6 days this past April. We’ve been fostering for many years, and I’ve learned that not all children “fit” into our home. It’s OK to admit that we can’t handle certain behaviours, or personalities, and we need to give ourselves grace. I’ve disrupted 2 placements, and now in hindsight, God needed us for the placement that came after. ❤️🙏
Not sure why TH-cam shows me foster parenting videos, but you & all the other foster parents are amazing. I could not handle these difficult children. Thanks for all the help you provide to the kids in your community.
Thank you for sharing
We are foster parents and unfortunately we have actually decided to close our license , won’t share why but it was a hard decision
Yes, hard decisions. I’m realizing more and more that sometimes foster parenting is good for a season. Thank you for your time as a foster parent!
I don't see failure. I see growth for you and for the foster youth. Sometimes everyone needs a reset and the move allowed the foster youth to have a reset/fresh beginning.
There is no judgement.
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for your comment. Yes, it has been a good reset for her and for us.
Thank you for sharing! My husband and I have not had to disrupt a placement yet. We’ve been close and tried, but thankfully family therapy has worked for us. The behind the scenes is much more difficult than some people realize and it’s hard to not feel like a failure yourself. But God has a greater plan and His timing is perfect! Praying for y’all and all of my fellow foster parents. Praying we lead these children as best as we can, for as long as they are in our care, and show them the love God shows us daily 🙏
Amen! Oh my goodness! Your prayer made me tear up 😢 thank you for taking time to write that out
I’m so glad you’re still texting with the teen who was in your care. I’m sure that helps solidify for her that you care so much for her. ❤
Yes, so thankful she still texts with me! She is an awesome teen. Our home was just not the best fit for her.
The decision so difficult. Especially when a child has a lot of challenging behaviors & doesn't fit into that moment you're in.
It's a hard needle to thread. Protecting the kids is the most important thing. That's a good practice.
Yes 😔
I just love your videos Lisa. I’m learning so much, please don’t ever stop ❤ lots of love from Australia 🇦🇺
Thanks for being real and for caring for so many children.
You are doing an amazing job
well done!! truly. Such a difficult situation but your efforts to try and handle it as best possible are so evident. Thank you for sharing.
❤️ thanks
Thank you for sharing all the pieces of foster care! I’ve been there and know those feelings of guilt. Well done for advocating for what’s best for all the children in your home. It’s heartbreaking having to disrupt, but it’s even more devastating to allow the stress and turmoil to continue on and on. ❤
Yes, you said that perfectly!
You gave so much. Don't feel down. Prayers! We learn as we go. My husband and I have been foster parents for over years now.
Thank you for your encouragement ❤️
You are such wonderful foster parents, you don't even know. And you are learning so much and growing even more through these hardships. Thank you for all the hard work and love you're putting into this.
Thank you 🥰
I had to disrupt my very first placement after 5 months. And yes I felt like a failure but at the end of the day you are just one human and can only sacrifice so much. I would have done the same thing. It's why I only take younger children.
Thanks for your encouragement ❤️
Thanks for sharing these hurdles you had to take in past weeks. It is super hard to make that decision to disrupt a placement but it is also a wise thing to do to protect yourself and the children/teenagers involved. What is really important and helpful I am sure is that you kept in touch and continue to show that you care. It is very valuable to know that there can still be this meaningful connection, that will be part of her support system.
Dealing with family members who are in direct contact with older foster kids in your care through phones or social media sure puts an extra level of difficulty to the job you are doing, especially if their involvement is conflicting with the house rules.
Mooi
Thanks for your comment ❤️
Oh man! I related with this video so so much. We have been fostering for 2.5 years (mostly teens) and had a few disruptions, some our choice and some our teens choice. It can be so difficult watching them make poor choices and feeling trapped and helpless in your own home. Phones with teens have been our biggest battle unfortunately to the point of physical violence 😢. Praying for you guys and praying that you have peace. Sometimes we do all we can and it just isn’t a good fit.
Thanks for sharing! Yes, man phones are a HUGE struggle.
Trying to focus on healthy ways to use the phone instead of being consumed by them!
You are not a failure….I have felt the same way with my own kids…you do the best for your family and your placement. Safety is so important. You care so much it hurts more. One day at a time. Merry Christmas 🎄
Thanks for the encouragement ❤️
I am so proud of you for knowing what was best for everyone involved. If you hadn't decided to find a better fit for her, then you wouldn't be able to say yes to the other kids now in your care. How amazing is God's timing! I also love that you are still able to connect with her and that you are able to hear firsthand that she has a family that fits her needs better. What a crazy journey God has brought you on ever since you stepped into his calling for your lives! Such an incredible story and testimony you both have to share...your channel is my absolute favorite one to watch because it is so inspiring. Any time I feel like there are too many road blocks and hurdles in my life, after watching your videos I am always motivated to just take the next step. I struggle with having blind faith and just simply following where Christ leads, but hearing your stories, God's crazy timing, and the flip from bad to good leaves me wanting the same. Thank you for all you do! Not just caring for these kids but for being such a light for Jesus to all who hear your story!
Oh man, yeah I like knowing the plan, but every day, God is letting me know I can trust in Him with the unknowns.
Thanks for your comment!
19:55 It's amazing how quickly kids can change. The fact that you now have a cordial relationship with her should be an encouragement to you.❤
Yes, I’m so thankful she still communicates with me and we were able to wish each other a Happy Thanksgiving and she’s been telling me a little of what she’s been up to ❤️
I know it was the best call for her and for us for her to go someplace different- it was still a hard decision to make when we both didn’t know the outcome.
@@HappyHoppe right! Hindsight is 20/20.
Thanks for sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. It's always hard when bio families interfere with your household. We adopted our foster kids they are kin. We still have interference from bio mom. It is so challenging. You are doing good. And just know Guilt is a useless emotion. My therapist tells me that all the time and she's right.
Thank you for your encouragement ❤️
That 1st 17 year old you talked about in the beginning sounds like an absolute gem! I can't wait to hear more about her.
She really is an amazing girl with a HUGE heart and always wants to help others!
Unfortunately, she’s also the one that wasn’t a good fit for own home and we later had to disrupt :/
@@HappyHoppe oh really? Those two stories seemed to be about different people, especially the throwing books😯
Two different people, yes - So the 9 year old is the one who threw the books. And the 17 year old who said we should take the 9 year old is the 17 year old we later disrupted
I had to disrupt last month for a teen who was engaging in very unexpected and dangerous behaviours. It was so so emotional and like you I have been unable to tell everyone.. bc i feel so much judgment :( but like you, if people truly knew what was happening the would likely not judge me. It was so hard. I walk with you. It is so difficult.
Thanks for your encouragement- I’m SO sorry you also had a similar experience ❤️
yes. I hope one day I will trust again to foster. Taking a break and focusing on respite. I was lied to a lot regarding the level of need/unexpected behaviours that I knew we were not equipped to support through. My boundaries were so clear. We can handle many things and it is also healthy to have those boundaries which align with your values. Really tricky. REALLY tricky. I am so happy for you that you found a more appropriate placement after and I know that those kids needed you too and it was a better fit. @@HappyHoppe
16:57 I'm calling it. That was a terrible oversight. But I also know you didn't do it maliciously or intentionally. The foster care system is complicated and sometimes the first time navigating a situation, you make decisions you know that you don't want to make again. I am so thankful for grace.
Yes, I should’ve had a conversation with her first BEFORE DCS, but I really didn’t think they’d call her immediately after I talked with them 😔 it just made a hard situation worse.
@@HappyHoppe you don't know what you don't know.❤️
I also thought I would never displace a child. I thought all kids needed was a loving home. Our very first placement was a boy who had severe mental health issues that were beyond what we could handle. I wonder how he's doing and hope he was able to get the help he needed. Our next placement was a four year old boy that we adopted. I encourage you to forgive yourself. I hope this next placement goes better for you and Peter.
Thanks for that encouragement ❤️
We have 4 of our children and took in 2 brothers back in October. We didn't realize just how much medical needs they would have. There have been appointments after appointments of dental work due to poor hygiene and catching up on immunizations and now a surgery for the oldest brother. It has caused me to have to spend hours at a time at appointments esp. the ones where they have to get teeth extracted. I feel like I am neglecting my first call at home with my other kids and we have now come to the conclusion that we will have to disrupt placement because this is too much for everyone involved. This will be our first time doing this and it is extremely hard. My husband is having to request more time from work just so I can get one of the boys to an appointment of some sort and it's just getting harder. It's effecting our bios and I can not ignore it any longer. Any encouragement or advice would be much appreciated. As well as prayers more than anything.
Yes prayers 🙏 you can talk to your foster care agency and they do have providers who can help with appointments.
I understand lots of appointments are exhausting.
Talk with your caseworker through your struggles and see if they are able to help with appointments. Also, reach out to see if there is any other local foster parents or local friends who could watch your bios for the appointment times, or even if DCS would allow another foster parent to take them to appointments.
If not, let them know you are unable to care for the kids.
You need to take care of your own family’s health and needs too.
Praying 🙏
I've been through this as well and I still wish that I could have done better and feel that I failed. Still I know that there was no way that it would have worked. I had to choose between her and my bio toddler. People think what they will but they don't know the details.
Yes, thanks for this encouragement ❤️ it’s so hard to explain unless you live it out.
What I have to tell myself and hopefully this is encouraging to you as well is that I did the best I could at the time and know what to do differently in the future.
What kind of phone restrictions do you suggest? I have a teen foster child and the phone issues are causing problems.
They didn’t come to the decision easy they thought. Of it and prayed Every thing happens the way it needs to also each hard thing teaches us something and it plays out the way it needs to just know that u gave them love they won’t for get that
Through everything you’ve been through, I absolutely LOVE your prospective ❤️ Yes, we can learn through the hard things. 🙏
Love your content. The bg music on today’s video is way too loud just some feedback from a loyal viewer. The music is overpowering your great message ❤
Thanks and thanks for that feedback- I tried something different 🤪 I’ll correct it in the future :)
@@HappyHoppe awe shoot! Lol keep trying new stuff 👍🏻.
It happened the way it was supposed to to happen u not a failure. It happened for the best for her and your family
If you can foster a 17 year old, you can do anything. Obviously any 17 year old can be challenging because they are on the cusp of adulthood, but add being in care... I can't even fathom.
Yes, teens can be challenging, but also wonderful - it’s great to have conversations with them that you hope will stick and make a difference.
They are able to comprehend a lot more how their choices can determine their life.
It’s not about us Mrs H it’s is what’s best for u and Mr H. I’m a foster kid I had so many placements where I loved it but it didn’t work out nothing I did it was just cuz my medical needs r hi it was to much I have beeen adopted 11 times. 3. It didn’t work cuz one of my mines died my dad. Does and. They moved for family stuff the rest. They were abusive to me it start to be fine then after so long I got abused
Oh my. I’m so sorry for your experiences :/ thanks for your comment
Phones can make things really difficult!
Yes!!
I haven't disrupted yet... But i have held the hand of the foster parent of my placement's sibling and told them they are not a failure if they disrupt. Fyi, i was never asked but I never would have agreed to take this sibling either because of their violent behaviors. We need to be safe, the youth need to be safe, and sometimes kids need more help to be safe then we can provide. I have started to think its a red flag when foster parents say they would never ever disrupt - so your record of never disrupting is more important than a child's safety?
When you first get into foster parenting, you don’t think you’ll disrupt.
But now I realize that it is what’s best in some cases.
I’m confused by your last sentence /question. We have disrupted.
sure, I can clarify. I was speaking not to you but in general. I have run across some foster care influencers who say foster parents should never disrupt a placement for any reason and they'll point to the fact that they have never disrupted as proof that it can be done - and I think that is a red flag (not in every situation but in some). I do think most people go into this thinking they never will, but I think safety of the child and safety of the family play a very important role in disruption conversations. For example if you have a child with violent behaviors that you aren't managing well and you've run out of new things to try, is it really in the child's best interest to stay in the home where they run the risk of getting arrested or going to juvie for harming another member of a family when there are other placement options available that could get that youth the help they need? Hope this makes more sense.@@HappyHoppe
Oh yes, that makes sense! And I think anyone can think “oh I’d never disrupt” until you get a hard to handle kid.
Thanks for clarifying
12:44 Is a reason for that identified? Google the spoon theory. If she really doesn't have a lot of spoons and isn't just being obstinate, then pushing her is a terrible idea.
Some of it was understandable and we were accommodating but it didn’t make it any easier.
So you have the other 17 year old and the new sibling set? Very hard situation if bio parent is saying your rules don't matter/don't have to follow them. Yes, you can't make people 'do' anything but it is a home and everyone in it has to follow basic rules. The phones are such an addiction.
It really is hard!
Certain kids need certain homes don’t feel bad
It’s never easy but sometimes you have to do what’s best for everyone
It's not about the child. Ever greedy jerks.
parenting is so hard-
😕 yes!
R u worried about the likes of the 17 year old finding your videos and maybe not liking it? Just curious I know u haven't mentioned names etc but she would obviously recognize u
The 17 year old may know about her channel her first placement did cause they with covered faces of course sometimes appeared in videos
No, I was careful in what I did share so that it wouldn’t paint her in only a negative picture.
She is an amazing girl going through a super hard time in her life and we were just not the best home for her at this time.
I love her so much and want the best for her and I know she knows that ❤️