Top 3 Myths About Marriage Everyone Believes
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ก.ย. 2024
- We hear them all the time. Famous sayings about love and marriage. And while it all sounds accurate on paper, what does the research say?
Myths like:
"My soul mate is out there somewhere!"
"Once a cheater, always a cheater."
"Good sex in the beginning of your marriage means great sex for the rest of the marriage!"
Whether they are true or untrue, what can we learn from them?
Let's talk about it in today's episode of Relationship Radio.
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Speaking to once a cheater always a cheater myth...this is a myth. As a Christian, I immediately looked to King David who was a cheater, saw and admitted his sin, was forgiven, and never cheated again. I just celebrated my 34th anniversary. My wife cheated on me several years ago. She, like David, was extremely remorseful, we worked extremely hard to repair deep wounds, and like David, she has received my forgiveness and God's forgiveness. Our Godly covenant was reestablished.
How do you know David never cheated again and your wife is not cheating on you now? (for sure)
@@orangeandslinky you don't know. But I'm pretty confident that David in the Bible didn't. God knew his heart, his imperfection and his reasons. It was really terrible what he did but no-one is perfect. Saying that, many couples never cheat when both are reasonably healthy emotionally and mentally.
@@matilda4406 according to women's videos they love cheating and love bragging about it. God gave King David more than one wife and was mad at him for taking a woman who was the wife of just one husband. You being "pretty confident " means absolutely nothing at all.
@@orangeandslinky ok Orangepeel. Yes a lot of people cheat today, a lot of people are nasty horrible people. But not everyone is that way
King David had multiple wives and maaany concubines on top. Yeah, he didn't "cheat", but he was definitely "sleeping around" by our definitions.
My husband cheated when my kids were just getting into early teens (a very vulnerable age). When I found out, he already decided to stay in the marriage. I had to decide if I wanted to. I only stayed because of my kids and am glad I did. The recovery was heart wrenching and I told him I would only go through this once. We have now been married 39 years. It’s good. Not perfect. 😊
I'm sorry this happened to you, if it were not for the kids, you could have left because your husband, but you made the right decision staying for the kids, putting them first, too many broken households today and its sad to see how the kids of broken families turn out late in life. Sorry you had to go through that and best wishes.
He cheated again but learned from getting caught and was more cautious with the other women.
Am happy For you, but it's not easy. God must have step in for you all this time.
In Jesus name Amen! I shall be praying for you and your family for continued mercy, discernment, love and fullfillment!
Yeah my husband cheated too, found out about a year ago right before our 22nd anniversary. I’m here at least until our youngest finishes school. As of right now I doubt I will stay but who knows. I do love him, rather I love who I thought he was. Unfortunately he was never the man I thought he was. That’s the thing if they loved us they would not have even wanted to be intimate with another person let alone actually made the choice to be. No way do I want to be in the 70’s with a cheating senile husband.
I would have a very hard time ever trusting a person that cheated on me
I believe once a cheater always a cheater. .
as well you should! but if that person is willing to change and you see the change in their attitude, their respect towards you, and their commitment to the relationship, it is possible to rebuild. and it is a long process. but worth it
Chances of a cheater cheating again are I'd say about eighty five percent. But for any of you out there who have been cheated on and stayed with your woman, Let me explain something to you. You will never ever fully trust her again! Been through all that c*** already. When a woman cheats on you it is the ultimate disrespect and betrayal that she could possibly do to you. Never take her back
Meeee toooo! Good heavens. You just couldn’t, ever, no matter what, ever put it out of the back of your mind. And soul mates is such a idiotic idea, sorry. Even if they never cheated again, I can see what they’re saying, but how could you ever be sure? It’s hard enough to be absolutely trusting WITHOUT a proven cheat, you know?🤷♀️
@@omar-uu8qo Or a man, Omar. Either way is horrible,and it very hard to trust your spouse.
I was taught the one soul mate myth growing up & it kept me in an abusive relationship for years. Thankfully, I finally got out
I was cheated on after 36 years of marriage. Worst thing anyone can do to you. I have moved on and I am remarried now and happy.
Trust and respect are earned. Cheating breaks those. It's certainly possible that one who cheats may never cheat again, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily a reason to stay with them. Cheating, to me, shows a significant deficiency in one's decision-making and values, which are not qualities I'd want in a partner.
Exactly, and what is the worst thing is, the cheater is not getting punished for the crime that he/she did. But instead get rewarded back to that marriage.
I do think that it is possible, that a person that cheated one time, may never do it. But when that person cheated on someone, he/she lied, disrespected, deceived and used that person.if they want to leave someone and have an affair with someone, they can simply divorce or break the Relationship, if they can't work with it. The fact that they are even trying to justify by saying that there are many different reasons for cheating, it is like saying there are many different reason for raping. Of Course no crime happens without a reason, and nothing justifies this crime.
The cheaters usually do that, because they want to keep one option in their hand. Like how we don't move on to another job, before securing a new and better one. And meanwhile this cheater just keeps using the victim. And if they don't find someone better, they return back to the person. They talk about divorce and breakup, once they get caught. They don't do that before cheating though.
It is unforgivable. The people who forgive cheaters in relationships, simply let other potential cheaters know that they can get away with it.
FOOL me Once Shame on YOU... FOOL me TWICE. There AIN'T NO SECOND TIME..
Says the one who had absolutely nothing to do with it in their mind
Yep. There comes a time when you may have to cut your losses and move on. You'll always be wondering "when next" as time goes on with each unexpected delay home, home absence, etc. Not worth the anxiety.
I think if you cheat once it’s easier to do it again. If he cheats with you he will cheat on you.
No
Debbie, I agree.
The forgiven person has a lot to be grateful for, it's like a second marriage, and that is why he or she will do the best with a strong energy to prove everything and love to the other spouse.
I hear you there! I experienced a dastardly decade in an abusive marriage, because I thought it was always my place to forgive and give them the benefit of the doubt. Well, I finally discovered that this definitely doesn't work when One is married to a narcissist.
@@christinaheath3442 God bless and keep you away from the narcissist! My experience was with one too.
I love it, thank you. I’m a single, Christian man who loves the Lord and the ministry. I find your content to be very biblically sound and realistic to our times.
I need a serious man white
@@CynthiaAlorney-kh8hq I'm sure you do
Whatever you do don't get married. Sadly it's about the most foolish thing any man could do in the west
I dont even understand why people cheat. If your going to cheat, why get married? Speaking from someone who has been married 20 years and not cheated. I get my needs and wants from my wife
You get your needs and wants from your wife. You have your answer. You are very lucky and are in a sound relationship
@@laurawalker546 the way things are now, with the degradation of basic morals we are lucky to have each other. Being fairly happily married 20 years with my two sons living with BOTH parents, is the way it should be but rarely is anymore
Someone gives up on trying to get their needs met inside the marriage. They do not communicate, or communicate strongly enough their needs to their partner and perhaps find it easier to find it with someone else new. Sad how common this is ...
Don't believe anyone goes into a marriage with intentions to cheat.Find it hard to understand the mindset of some Christians.We can repent and be forgiven for every single but infidelity?
I’ve always thought this too
I just realized yall are dad and daughter, you guys keep it so professional. I hope you continue to do more of these.
Noooooo way. I certainly understand the optimism that someone should have as a Christian in regard to a persons ability to change… But if you marry a cheater… woooo buddy… be prepared to live with the results and to only blame yourself when…
yes, they are giving TERRIBLE advice on adultery
Cut your losses. S/he has already shown what they are and capable of. Trust will never be fully restored and the cloud will follow your thinking 'til the end.
Cheating is a choice .
Being faithful is a choice .
God has given us a Will to choose .
Like every area in our life .
What ever you choose to do ,
It’s your choice ,
Think it through and count the cost .
Be rational and logical.
If you choose to never bathe again , that’s your choice .
But don’t be surprised if no one wants to be around you ,
Just saying 😂
Nicely said it 👍
I can understand the request for a credit score. My father had three marriages all with women who had zero control of their desire to spend money. As a result they managed to be able to keep him poor no matter how much money he made. He often held down two different jobs to try and keep up with it but it was like trying to swim up stream for him all the time.
For whatever reason there are women who spend money like it grows on trees and their credit scores will tell on them.
Regarding God having the perfect mate for a person I think people need to read what the Apostle Paul stated about remaining single if you can because you will complicate your life if you marry. He wasn't saying it was wrong to marry, but he never spoke in terms of seeking out a soul mate other than to encourage Christians to marry only in the Lord. If God had the perfect soulmate set up for each person as some believe then Paul would have been in conflict with God's purpose by recommending that people remain single if they can.
I wish "once a cheater always a cheater" was a myth - but many of us who have gone through multiple rounds of "wreck"onciliation and repeated betrayals - sadly learn the hard way that the myth is true. But I'm glad you were able to work things out with your wife. You must be a unicorn.
I have been cheated by my husband many times, he keep asking for forgiveness and sorry. He got a heart attack and I forgave him to be there for him, and then we went to a lawyer to sign an agreement. Few years later he cheated again, a week after that he got cancer and again I forgave him and be there for him. Now 10 yrs after he cheated again, I have enough! I don't have time for an ungrateful person like him. I believe karma is real!
You are an amazingly good person.
Karma knows!!
@@enjoylifesteve3925 God Bless you! 🙏
God Bless YOU!!
And, BTW, Happy Mothers Day if you are a Mom!!
1st time heart atk, 2nd time cancer, 3rd time death??? lol
@@dian277 heart attack was after 2nd time, and this is not the 3rd, I always forgive him but now I'm kind of make up my mind even he said he only like talking to the woman not love her, they are doing it online as they live in different country.
Curing cheaters are a difficult - probably the most difficult dysfunctional behaviour to cure. To approach it without the Almighty + a value system is a no go. It also asks for an individual to experience regret, deep remorse + corrective behaviour.
If the cheating spouse does not realise she/he is on a steep decline, has too much to loose + will probably start over many times over, there simply is no cure for them.
"Curing Cheaters" is a misnomer. Only the person can change themselves, and they must want to change.
I'm more concerned with "are you on any medications?" Than credit score lol
What about Gene testing
"Once a cheater always a cheater" may have exceptions, but I believe it is safer to believe it than not believe it. You as the recipient will always be wondering what the other person is doing when he or she is away from you or vice versa. Trust is broken with an affair and I doubt it is ever fully restored. The question is, "what's your tolerance for the uncertainty"? For me, it isn't worth it. The other person has shown what they are and what they're capable of. I'm not that desperate or needy. Life's too short to live under such uncertainty. Nor do I need to.
Some people actually change but some people dont and cheat multiple times. When it keeps happening, im walking away.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Even if it is just in memory
I agree cheating is a series of actions and a lot of lies leading up to those.
I agree with the soul mate thing. It's funny because there is an instance of a "soul knit" relationship in the Bible, but that was between Johnathan and David who were best friends. I think it would be unfair for us to only get one chance at a fulfilling marriage.
To the cheating thing, I agree that it's not true. But I don't think I could stay with my partner if she cheated on me. What we don't talk about enough is how cheating is a *series* of actions. Creeping, doing the deed, hiding it, etc. It's way too much intentionality in it for it to be considered a mistake imo.
I agree with you the pool is more way more deeps than it looks from distance
I totally agree with you. It's only a mistake if you didn't realize you were doing it.
Cheating on one side, comes with whole forgiveness from other.
@@iratyul5453 I'll forgive, but that doesn't mean I have to stay
I like to think that soul mates are made, not found. It's the willingness to pursue a lifelong relationship, put in the effort, and stick together through thick and thin that makes you soul mates instead of just happening to find each other and expecting everything to be perfect.
Cheating is for me unforgivable. I don`t care how this situation got assembled. Its over! I`m a male by the way.
Good brother. I made the mistake of forgiving once. Because of the delusion. Punished for that. Never ever forgive or stay with a cheater.
If you believe what God's Word says, then that is bad advice friend. "With man it's impossible, but with God ALL things are possible". No intention to offend, but God is WELL ABLE to put an end to your fable! People limit God too much, but we are really limiting ourselves to TRULY BELIEVE and TRUST HIM. Why? Cause we are really not RENEWING our mind. How do we do that? The WORD of GOD. When? EVERYDAY. He's the King of the Universe. He is the Master Potter and were little clay pieces! It's nothing for Him! WooWoo! 🙌
No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand.
Isaiah 40:15 NLT
I agree with you. That's one line you don't cross.
I don't know why anyone would stay with a cheater or take them back. That basically gives them permission to do it again. One time that's it. I would never be able to trust them again.
There's a lot of things you'd do in a marriage that you think you'd never do. Depends on your circumstances.
It's a good thing God doesn't have that attitude, as per the book of Hosea.
You got trust issues. You came by them honestly... but they are *your* trust issues that *you* must deal with. Its not the other persons responsibility... even though it may be their fault.
Agree 100%
You might be surprised. I will admit this was in 2011 last I heard, but I remember reading from a study that was conducted with divorced people. They found out that in the majority of the situations where the wife cheated, the husband sought after redemption/forgiveness in the marriage; not divorce. But in the majority of the situations where the husband cheated, the wife divorced him and drained him for all he was.
Makes you wonder. IDK what it is today, but I know one thing. Our western society incentivizes women to get divorced, because they are many times set for life without the "headache" of having to be selfless in your marriage.
The reason for the credit score is to see if someone is financially irresponsible. And, yes, that makes a huge difference in marriage. As do other "deal breakers" like not having a substance abuse problem, not having kids, or not being divorced.
And "once a cheater, always a cheater" is generally true. Yes, some people feel real remorse and want to save the marriage. Most do not.
Exactly
In reality it's hard to prove one way or the other, since most subscribe to the "once a cheater, always a cheater" myth.
Not really
Took some time to listen to this, the idea that you can fix a marriage after infidelity and it be happy and healthy again is complete BS unless someone is so insecure they can't walk, even then it's not really happiness as much as apathy. They mentioned no one is perfect, I agree with that but plenty of people haven't ever cheated and never will, excusing the behavior is what got our society to where it is.... I believe you should forgive people but I don't believe you should stay in a relationship where someone cheated the likelihood it will happen again is just too high they need to lose you to realize your value. Maybe then they won't continue hurting people in the future....
Yeah, hopefully they won't hurt anybody in the future and maybe they will even have a relationship in which they are faithful to their spouse, but I do not believe it could successfully take place in the relationship with the person they cheated on, because they cheated for a reason- they weren't satisfied with the person they chose to marry and they didn't love and respect them enough not to cheat.
It’s absolutely true about cheating, sorry….my wife cheated on me. Left me three years later for the same guy.
If it was with the same person, I agree it can happen again. If all ties are not cut the chances are very high it will be rekindled. I know from experience.
@@TM_Stone yep, same person from 3 years ago . A co worker
@Gandalf TheWise what does AP mean?
Your wife was keeping you as an option, just in case The AP was not better than you, or the AP don't provide any opportunity for her. You have been treated like a job. Like how we keep one job in hand, till we find a better one.
I was treated the same way as well.
They wilk only come back to you, if they are sure that you are better than their AP.
Never accept these trashes.
I know how you felt.
I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Relationships are built on trust, and by cheating said virtue is shattered into a million pieces. No man OR woman with self-respect should take them back as they lose respect from their cheating or immoral significant other. Plus, a woman's past matters to guys like myself, and women will focus on a man's future prospects, and most guys in their eyes are invisible to them or they find no attraction to them at all, and I'm definitely one of them. This is called hypergamy, and I've learned this lesson and my life has improved a lot.
Cheating is a symptom of unresolved issues and a need to work on communication skills.
Yes, and also usually one person for whatever reason cannot handle conflict and face the issues head on.
The reason for "once a cheater, always a cheater is that cheating has the same qualities of other addictions like alcohol, gambling... Also, like addictions, the propensity to cheat in similar for that of all addictions- whether one does again or not. So the saying has merit and is backed by studies.
What about when the cheater leaves for an affair partner thinking it’s his soulmate and he changes his ways to be better than how he was in the marriage?
Absolutely that happened to me as well
Wow that's a very interesting question. In many of our courses, we discuss how someone can be attracted to someone who either contradicts their own beliefs and values, OR they can become attracted to someone who has an even higher set of beliefs and values than their own. We are adding this question to our list of future video content to film. It sounds like Dr. Beam may be able to shed even more light on the subject. Sorry to hear you are going through this, but the first thing you should be doing is what we tell most people. Focus on your PIES! Focus on becoming the most attractive you can be physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually for your age and situation in life.
There’s no such thing as a cheater leaving for a soul mate.
The cheat didn’t learn their lesson and just hop straight into another relationship.
You do changing OUTSIDE of a relationship. Not inside one.
So the cheat hasn’t learnt any new lessons and just takes all of the baggage they had in their previous relationship straight into the new one. No downtime.
Eventually, the cheat will just get bored and cheat again. Even with a so called soulmate.
@@thewilder-side2990 It did not just happen. You decided to do it.
Some people bring out the best in us, some do not. What people really are eventually comes out with time, no exceptions.
I have been divorced since 2009. I was married in 1993. I got divorced by a person who I thought would never leave me. I did try dating for a few years, but now I don't even want to bother dating anyone. I actually want to repent of ever getting close to my ex-wife. I avoid her now and wish I would have been given a death sentence instead of a divorce decree.
I am sorry you feel this way. God loves is the most beautiful loves we can all find and he can help you to find the one.
praying for healing. "Healing with Jesus is a journey". - Joy T Mendoza
Do you have children?
@@KumariKumari-fw7nc ,
Yes. They are mostly grown up now.
@@alexanderlapp5048 I too didn't see it coming, but should have. I didn't think she was capable of such a thing. I no longer want to even touch the "filthy rag" the rare times it is necessary we meet up. I really feel at peace in my very peaceful rural, and quiet abode. I do what I want when I want. No stress, no hassle, no drama! Life is great.
It's not a myth if it is generally true. Once a cheater always a cheater is a general truth, their are exceptions, certainly with God there are exceptions
You are correct ... sort of. When it is stated as a scientific fact "Once a cheater, always a cheater", then it's false, and a myth, even if generally true. If it's stated as generally true: "Once a cheater, usually a cheater", then it's true and not a myth.
@@guygifford is it most widely stated as scientific fact? I think anyone who says it would quickly admit that there are exceptions to it. Either way I agree with tour statements
Nah once a cheater is always a cheater. My ex told me she cheated in the past. After she dumped me she said she slept with a married man twice.
8 years we did every day before we have children. After I found out my husband cheated on me, I am not interested of doing it with him.
I don’t blame you. You are married to an immature and selfish man. A super turn off.
Yes Joyce I have felt the same way. One doesn’t look at their spouse the same way. I don’t desire him the way I use to. Having a drink of alcohol before the “act” helps to relax me and forget about the hurt. I’m still married after 42 years. Marriage can be a sacrifice at times for both partners.
Cheating in longterm marriage is still fixable, but for short term relationship with no consequences of cheating(i.e. only consequence is breaking up) is never fixable. Because cheaters and liars dont flip a switch and become honest people, they just get better at "HIDING IT" .
I guess the advice was partially agreeable. Having been a victim of both scenarios i will stand my statement above. And the statistical analysis would align with my viewpoint.
Interesting talk. A man or woman wanting to know the other's credit score makes excellent sense. One doesn't want to be with a spendthrift who has no concept of how to manage one's finances. That could lead to disaster within the relationship. Next, a partner wanting the other to be available to go on a holiday makes pure sense. Where is the relationship if one cannot enjoy the company of the other when needed!!
"He better be working"
"What, I don't even know my credit score?!"
What's wrong with wanting to know credit score?
Hello honey
@@mariemunzar6474 I actually agree.
Yeah I cheated when I was younger. Right after the birth of my son. I had so many things that where going on and I cheated. We got threw it and have been together for 28 years. Never would do it again. Hear is the thing if I would not of done it I would not of have learned the things I needed too and not had our beautiful daughter. Im very grateful for my lessons and helped make me a better person.
My second marriage at 25 fixing to celebrate 30 years married and he only strayed once. With a happy ending massage. He immediately felt guilty and called me to confess and beg forgiveness. I refuse to give up my good life because he was honest and remorseful.
Credit score makes a lot of sense in my opinion. Credit score speaks volume of an individual responsibility Level.
This is bs. Who is supposed to be in charge over it and how do you want to measure the individual circumstances? Every human being needs to do this for himself.
*There must never be a totalitarian authority, who decides over somebody's human value.*
Once a cheater always a cheater is a credit score mentality..people change and grow..credit scores take forever to change....heart to heart communication and transparency is the way to go..just sayung
As you get farther into and get serious about making a life long relationship it may become one of the discussions you should end up having. Proper use of credit isn’t bad, but the habitual use of it is bad. You can have a great score and not be healthy in your money life. Literally the only major use of credit should be a home that you quickly pay down to even clear that debt. Debt enslaves people and is a risk not worth taking. There are other exceptions like in business using a loan to move to the next level, but that even should be done with caution so you don’t crash your business
I second this opinion.
Something people don't seem to get is that credit scores isn't some type of income score. It's a score that roughly shows how well you handle your debts. I'm poor and my credit score is near perfect. 780ish. I've met lawyers with credit scores so bad they can't get financed for a car.
Yeah the score can't account for everything. For example if you have a million dollars in your mattress then you can pretty much use credit in such a way that to the system would make you appear irresponsible and your score will tank. But in general it does a decent job.
There's also quirks that would make people point out as proof of it being bad. Like spending 800 of a 1000 limit and the score dropping 30 points. Well the thing is firstly the score will go back when you pay it off. Second, in general it's not a good idea to make a habit of nearly maxing out your credit anyway.
People needs to accept that this score is a rough reflection on how they handle obligations. These obligations are financial and have legal backing so if you're not taking them seriously and doing everything possible to fulfill them then what hope do obligations have if they have nothing to back them?
I had the worst score possible in 08. I was 60k in debt and couldn't find work. It was so bad I was taken to court. That experience changed my life. When I finally found work several months later it was for min wage and as the debts kept growing from interest it felt hopeless. But I did it. Threw my entire paycheck into that hole while buying only the bare essentials and moving back with family. And I had to make HUGE changes to my life to do it but it was done. And the entire time making below the national average. Now years later I have almost as much in savings as I had in debt. I will only buy things if I have all the money for it already. I can't remember the last time I didn't have all the money saved for a purchase. My life is so much less stressful now and I'm only ever reminded whenever I hear about someone stressing over getting a few hundred dollars for something important and feeling kinda shocked for a moment wondering how that's an issue for them.
So yeah if you're a man and you have options then a credit score is a reasonable thing to ask for. Don't worry, a high score is a really straight forward thing to achieve. It's not like we're asking for something that's impossible for you to change like how tall you are....lol not sure who would care about something like that. Seems like something a shallow person would value.
I am so glad to hear the sex statistics. My spouse is divorcing me because of frequency after 35 yrs of marriage. I think this is a very important & real issue with older couples. Specially when a woman 's hormones affect the issue so much!!! I do not think men completely understand what our bodies go through not only with pregnancy and motherhood but also with menopause. Question for you; how does a hysterectomy affect sex??? Thank you!
People today are lovers of themselves and they only think about what they need. I found that in marriage as well. Older women get the right end of the deal. I don’t even know what true love is anymore because older men want younger women
My advice is to find a way to let him have you. We only live once. There will come a time when nobody wants us in that regard. Only a husband is suited for that activity in the first place.
@Gandalf TheWise i thought men hate it when women fake it
I'm so sorry to hear about you getting divorced after so many decades that's heartbreaking.
And we don't as women know the half of what is going on with our bodies ... I had a period of time where I felt truly dead inside. At the age of 50 ... men and women need to get schooled in all this because it is a shock and it is a rough few years because of the changes in the body, and even the games or tricks to our minds.
If it's cheating and domestic violence I don't think that's healthy for the kids. To each their own.
I dont believe in "soul mates" the way we think about it, but i do believe there is one person. God knows everything that is supposed to happen. He knows who you will marry. He made eve for adam. He didnt make eve, and Julie, and stacey, and rebecca, then say "here adam, pick one". No, adam came to god and said he was lonely, and god made eve and said "here is the companion ive made for you". God may have put "options" in front of you, but he already knew at the dawn of time who you would be with. This is why when you get married, its forever. If god gave you this person, and there are problems in the marriage, that means god wants you to have those problems. Its a challenge, its suffering you must go through. You must rise above and fix it. Dont say, oh im unhappy, this isnt who im supposed to be with. No, youre supposed to say this is the person im supposed to he with so i have no choice but to fix it.
I am in agreement with all your points except the cheater part. I've seen too many couples that say they regret it but end up doing it again but this time hide it better. Are there exceptions to the rule maybe but we can't go by exceptions
Love is patient Love is Kind Love endures all things! St. Paul the Apostle of the Gentiles Love is a decision not an emotion! K
What is there to do when a spouse walks out on 27 years for her affair partner and even when you say I forgive you they look you dead in the face and say “ I didn’t do anything wrong”….. ?
Hey Big Phil, so sorry to hear you are going through this. Because of the complexity of this situation, we would strongly advise you reach out to us directly! You can call us at 1 (866) 903 0990 and be connected with one of our Client Representatives who will guide you to the best resources we have available for your situation. You can also schedule the call yourself for a time that works best for you by following this link: marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/
We look forward to speaking with you directly if you will allow it!
@Gandalf TheWise - With that reaction, if you got back together you could count on her continuing to shop around. Be happy you learned now, don’t look back, and move on with your own life. Assuming you have children don’t tell them why you are divorcing. If STBX tries to poison your relationship with the kids, simply tell them the two of you have irreconcilable differences, you will always be Dad and always love them. Tell them it’s personal, you can tell them her claims are false but also tell them you love them too much to bad mouth their mother to them. Kids generally see through BS, but need to be made to feel safe. It’s not their fault...
Please explore whether these sayings are myths.
"Happy wife/happy life" and "Happy spouse/happy house".
Thank you.
A higher credit score implies personal and financial responsibility.
If they have a low credit score, you need to investigate WHY.
I would caution people to not be so hung up on the credit score thing. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances other than frivolous spending.
When God grants the grace, any person, including cheaters, can repent and have had change of life.
Key word "can" ,it is possible, but not likely
I believe soulmates are what we become, after both have done the work to make their relationship safer, stronger and richer for both. As for cheating, my second, late husband and I had an electricity and cultivated it. I actually only fantasized about HIM. Sex? He and I only had 8 years before his sickness took him, but we kept sex fun by laughing at our occasional clumsiness and by using toys, role-playing and other experimenting. We were in our 50s and 60s, were no sexual Olympians, but we got creative. It ain't over 'til you want it to be.
Why do so many women want it to be over?
@@orangeandslinky probably because their partner does not respect them or honor their wishes
@@elaineshiffer6929 We know for sure that is not men's thinking at all.
The cheater thing is hard one because not one person is like the other and not one situation is like the other situation 😅 the point on the soul mate is beautiful because is romantic and most people use it to justify their own desires without reason if you choose right in the beginning of dating and right marriage I believe it’s a soulmate choose for sure I wouldn’t rush a decision that is going to change my life completely and marriage is a vow not only to another person but by tradition is a vow to God himself (I’m catholic Cristian) if you are going to stand in front of him and swear fidelity on someone I hope you swear it on your soulmate of at least someone compatible enough 😅
Cheaters only stop cheating,when they are to old or unattractive to find someone to cheat on with.
My older unattractive husband continuously cheated on me, I kicked him out…. Cheaters are cheaters regardless of age or looks
What I mean is that it's about statistics, probability, and the best predictor of future behavior being past behavior. What else is there to go on?...
Also, anyone who says it's not true is probably more likely to be a cheater, lol. Why else would you sympathize, unless you've been targeted for love bombing by one. Then cognitive dissonance kicks in hard.
some do repent and change, but it is RARE
@@LHP069 "unattractive" is relative. unattractive to you maybe attractive to others. Besides, i get the vibes you may have contributed to his cheating on you with the way you were quick to describe him with such a word. Maybe you made him feel so unwanted and unappreciated and that opened him up for temptation. Just thinking aloud though.
6:41 wrong, all the people i know that were cheaters are divorced, i traveled constantly in 4,5 countries in Europe and i've never meat one couple where someone has cheated and got away with it, it always ended in divorce. As much i like to think that people can change, there is a very small percentage that actualy do, the rest will keep hurting their loved ones again and again. It's disingenious to advice people to forgive cheating, there's way to many people involved that have to suffer over and over, just because someone can't control it's urges.
It’s really sad….
Would you consider if a husband was emotionally cheating, as cheating?
It’s just heartbreaking…
....it's not true...until it is....
I believe why people want to know another person's credit score is to see how responsible they are with handling money. I don't think anybody would want to be in a relationship with one that spends $2 for every $1 they make. We've been married 35 years, and went to the Marriage Helper workshop in Nashville. It works! We are stronger together now than we have ever been. The 5 therapist that we went to before finding Marriage Helper were actually tearing us further apart. Marriage Helper brought us back together. Thank you so much!
Yeah, you definitely can't fall in love with literally anyone...
Nobody's perfect, people make mistakes, and a cheater can learn from his/her mistakes and change their ways.
You are a cheater I would assume, let your next option know that, before you make him, invest his time on you.
sometimes they do. The only thing they regret is getting caught.
Of course its a myth.... and not all people who cheat or cheated on loose their relationship, and we all need to respect that.
Just most, And that needs to be pointed out as well
I think there are exceptions to the rule on this ....
There are probably some men and women who need a second chance,
but if theres a pattern of cheating ..chances are he or she will not change.
Not a good idea to reconnect with old flames on Facebook when your married. You are being unfaithful to your wife in your heart when you pray this destructive game. Stop it immediately. You choose to stay in love or not. The consequences related to looking up old flames just ain't worth it.
I had mine for 32 yrs, he died suddenly 21 yrs ago....I'm still single.....yes, I compare!
I was a cheater and my current wife was a cheater but I can promise you that this man will never cheat again.
Yes, there are exceptions for everything. But it is just safer to stay away from cheaters. For me cheating is heavily embedded into a person's character.
I do believe when a couple is looking towards marriage seriously, sharing credit profiles and having a deep discussion of finance is appropriate. Before then, it’s not tactful. Pay attention to other clues about how they handle money in the early stages of dating.
Marriage is about the dumbest thing any man could ever do on a simple cost benefit analysis
@@fredstriker2042 What about men who will advance economically by marrying a woman who earns more than him and comes to the marriage with assets? For example, I own my own home, and live in a marital property state. As soon as I marry and commingle funds with my husband, adding him to my bank accounts, he automatically becomes half owner of my house which I currently own 100% myself. He doesn’t own a home prior to marriage, and now suddenly he owns half the home with no real investment.
It wasn't a myth in my ex wife's case. She wasn't remorseful, but wanted to stay after multiple affairs over the years. I think its more true than a myth.
The credit score is fairly reasonable, considering one thing a man might want out of a prospective wife is that she’s not a frivolous spender.
In my humble opinion a woman will hanker after the first one she had intercourse with. The spirit tie needs to be broken
I love this dad and daughter's pod cast! I just discovered them
The length of a marriage is not an indicator óf it's health.
"He better be working"
"What, I don't even know my credit score"
Honey, he just has the same standard you have for him.
The only thing a cheater regrets is getting caught.
I didn't get caught. I told the truth and left because I knew I didn't deserve that person anymore. I do regret my choice. What was I thinking. But i am a fair person and wouldn't drag on a relationship in untruthfulness.
Since no-ones perfect how can we expect to find a perfect mate if perfection doesn't exist in people.
What would be considered good enough intimacy If one perhaps only knew of "ok" intimacy? Great subject to bring up thank you!
Not sure how to tag you in the post but to the Dad and Daughter in the video; I think going over Matthew 5:27 would be good as I see many in the comments don’t fully understand all the ways in which one can cheat and to make it worse they grossly generalize based on passed experience’s and emotions. Thanks!
I’ve recently met a woman in her early 60is attractive gym person active fun confident who has told me that she cheated on her husband throughout her 20yr marriage All was good in beginning but all the traits are there now that it can happen again, the flirting, the mind games the non contact the girly holidays, nights out’ soul weekends parties away, it’s all unfolding infront of me” do I trust my gut feeling an leave? She says she loves me and we should enjoy the moments! I’m in not in a good place!
and she is in her 60s? Wonderful. I guess she is a lost cause. But dude, what are you doing with a 60-something year old woman?
A partner who doesn’t spend more than she makes
I can understand why men would be picky certainly about women with large college debts. Maybe, the credit score is perhaps going too far, but if I was a young man, and I wanted to start a family, I would probably want to avoid women with big college/university debts. If I'm going to provide for a family, I don't want to be saddled with her debt. I think that makes perfect sense if I was a young man looking to start a family.
Exactly, and what is the worst thing is, the cheater is not getting punished for the crime that he/she did. But instead get rewarded back to that marriage.
I do think that it is possible, that a person that cheated one time, may never do it. But when that person cheated on someone, he/she lied, disrespected, deceived and used that person.if they want to leave someone and have an affair with someone, they can simply divorce or break the Relationship, if they can't work with it. The fact that they are even trying to justify by saying that there are many different reasons for cheating, it is like saying there are many different reason for raping. Of Course no crime happens without a reason, and nothing justifies this crime.
The cheaters usually do that, because they want to keep one option in their hand. Like how we don't move on to another job, before securing a new and better one. And meanwhile this cheater just keeps using the victim. And if they don't find someone better, they return back to the person. They talk about divorce and breakup, once they get caught. They don't do that before cheating though.
It is unforgivable. The people who forgive cheaters in relationships, simply let other potential cheaters know that they can get away with it.
I can understand the credit score. Marriage is a financial commitment also, and you are asking for problems if you go into it with somebody who's irresponsible with money. Believe me.
Ok, here is a good one, what do you say about a husband who cheats on his wife and gets married to this woman in another country? I’m divorcing him!
Well im a Christian and believe that intrust the LORD that HE will protect us and there wulill be no cheating from either spouse because i pray it over our relationship.
I don't know if it's a myth or not, but I've always heard that you have to have a date night once a week to keep your marriage healthy.
I've always wondered how married couples with young children (toddlers & babies) can possibly manage to do that especially when they live far from family and don't have a trusted babysitter.
I was a cheater at the beginning of my marriage. First five years. I finally admitted everything. I have never cheated after we agreed to try and make it work. We still have some serious issues we both need to deal with. It’s been 5 years since I stopped cheating. We have three toddlers now. Like I said before we still have more serious issues to deal with. I keep working and trying my best. I want to see some change in my husband. He needs to work on himself as well. I feel like I’m always the one the is called the “problem” and if I just change my ways then maybe we can be together. I want to stay in a happy and healthy marriage. The dynamic isn’t nearly as qual as it should be.
And this is why people should NEVER EVER cheat the first time round.
Your partner hasn’t gotten over the resentment of the betrayal. And now you are feeling like all the work on the relationship is done by you.
Now both of you are feeling the resentment and neither cares anymore. There’s only one way that your relationship is heading and that is straight for divorce.
And now you both have children together. What a mess..
Are you the more feminine one in the relationship ? Look at why you cheated and address that maybe?
"I want to see some change in my husband. He needs to work on himself as well"
You see the problem here? You're deflecting. YOU'RE the one who cheated. The problems lay on YOU.
your presentation and observations are interesting and helpful. Many may agree with you on many issues. One of the points that is missing, is betrayal, and it's on many levels (vows/beliefs/standards/feelings/love/friendship/add more that i may have missed). A sense of betrayal can be one of the most difficult deal with. Many times it can't be repaired, and may result in anger and retribution that may or may not be justified. I'm sure many will agree; many more may disagree. Everything is relative to the individuals in the relationship, and the importance they place on each belief/feeling they have.Bear in mind that once one person abandons their standard, they may never really hold it in such high regard again.
I believe people who cheat in a marriage should lose custody of their kids get nothing and go to prison!
Since sin is sin would you recommend the same for all? Is repentance acceptable for every sin but infidelity?
@@barbararichardson2747 is not about the sin aspect of it, it is about causing severe emotional and psychological damage to another person done another way this is felony Abuse. Not to mention its breaking not just a religious oath but also a legally binding contract. In any other case violation of a legal contract means you forfeit any claims you had. And doing so not only harms the spouse but also harms the children! If we wanted to make this a religious argument I personally believe if you cheat on a spouse you should be put to death but we cannot rule our society on religious beliefs as we are a nation with freedom of religion so as we don't all share the same beliefs we cannot rule in that manner. I also believe the parents of the cheater should be the ones to do it.
The biggest two criteria? For men - she has to be slim. For women - he has to be tall.
Good grief, that penny analogy CAN'T be true! I've been married for nearly twenty four years and yes, we have slowed down, but just basic math on averages shows I would have been out of pennies at my fifth wedding anniversary. Are y'all people not getting married til you're 65???
I don't believe the statement "I don't know my credit score." It is available with all major credit cards and also with checking accounts. Credit scores are a good indicator of many things, it works.
Excellent video! Keep up the excellent work that you both do…
The credit score inquiry has to do with personal accountability and responsibility. Much like an alcoholic or a drug addict, there are individuals who look for support for their bad decisions, and nothing else. Denying this or acting like its wrong to look at financial stability within an individual's mindset is precarious at best, as money is the number one destroyer of marriages and relationships, by far. I wouldn't necessarily demand to see a credit score with a potential mate, but I would absolutely watch for this and count this as a sign of stability with a long term partner. It's not weird. It's being careful, especially as a man, considering divorce court stats today.
So was he faithful in his 2nd marriage? He didnt actually confirm. I totally get the thing with the credit score. I worked in the debt advice industry for 10 years and had an awful ex that sponged money and never had any money and had no credit score - this person was a nightmare
Yes, he was and is faithful… I guess, you missed that.
@@myahill7475 ah right, I didn't hear that, I just heard him say he was unfaithful and then got re-married. I'm kind of confused by the fidelity thing when it comes to men either way
The penny in a jar for the first two years is a myth, I think it's an excuse to get lazy in trying to have a great marriage. After 34 years it's still great every time.
Excellent, thank you!
When two hands take hands marriage the have nothing to come pair there love making to it come after love and love will work it out.
i love that table. wood and epoxie resin table. so nice. this dudes voice is awesome!
I wrestle with this because if "the one" is a myth, then what's the point?
I do not believe that the cheating thing ever really goes away.
I believe that nobody' is perfect,if someone cheats me I will give him another chance,as long as he told me about it smile
God works in misterious ways
Mysterious 😊😉