Without minimizing the societal and legal truths pointed out in this video, marriage is still a good thing. I've been married for 21 years and we have 4 kids. We've had our rough times, but when we got married, we both took our marital vows seriously - we were both determined to make it work. My marriage has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I receive support, companionship, encouragement, appreciation, love, and kids. My wife and kids make me want to be a better man. Since the majority of comments come from men, perhaps Kait would do well to provide some solutions as she analyzes the problem - something beyond mgtow. Still, I appreciate all Kait does to try to understand men's experiences and feelings. She gives a voice to men. Sadly, these videos end up only preaching to the choir.
Bud, I'm not going to bet millions of dollars on a single digit percent chance of success. I would much rather not get legally married and if a good woman comes along, she wont require legal marriage to have a family.
Mgtow is a solution though, you may not like it because it doesn't fit your niche world view. But for majority of men mgtow is a way better option than gambling your life a way with a woman who can toss a marriage away because she had a bad headache in the morning.
It’s not about marrying the wrong woman. It’s about a system that’s bias against men at all levels. For example: She stays: you pay She leaves: you pay She cheats: you pay You stay: you pay You leave: you pay You cheat: you pay Can you see a pattern?
Wouldn't both lose? More money in joint income, more support from the person they value most, and more stability in a family. Men tend to remarry within a couple years after their spouse dies because it's too hard for them to be alone. If both people are mature and prioritizes each other... It's a complete loss. Some divorces are a compromise like if someone has cancer and the divorce is preferred so the medical debt doesn't get to the spouse should the worst happen but they still live together as though married and have their asset arrangements. I guess I get $100 every other month for taking care of 3 kids with my ex husband. It's actually easier not taking care of him. I am having my pay in full to manage the budget with my credit score. I got to buy my own car, health insurance, cell phone, home internet, and mortgage. I get to work my own pace at home without him yelling about something. I get more support from having my family, friends, and former in-laws. I have 4 days a month not responsible for anyone. I have a better work, social, and home balance. Now it is tempting to get my ex in my house to pay the bills and all the responsibilities involved especially with a disabled kiddo with therapy, doctors, surgery post op care, teacher meetings, and needing help in the bathroom after hitting puberty. Then the oldest with athletic track meets and middle boy ADHD and IEP in school. Gotta clean up, laundry, dishes, trash, cook 3 meals, and work up to 60 hour weeks starting the day at 4am. I had to do it all when married anyways but it was like being trapped asking permission for $20, use the phone, or use the car. I was degraded because he had to maintain control. I was responsible by staying sober watching him and aware that I need to hide the keys or try to calm him down if he gets bad. He also dumped me. I just followed through on the divorce when he realized he lost stability through me when his girlfriend was bad news.
@@crunchyman5330 It is a good plan, then they have to fight against one another in court and that's how they will tear each other arguments apart. The same this as when you have too many kids with too many different baby mamas, court can't justify paying for one kid but not paying for another 3-4-5 kids the same amount and they have to take into consideration your earning potential so they will just throw out the whole thing.
Our laws are designed to protect women in the 1920's, not 2020's. They need to be seriously updated if women want marriage. For now most men are DONE WITH THIS UNFAIR CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!
Changing the laws won't correct their nature that allows them to take every advantage of those laws, that allows them to feel worthy of their fathers delaying retirement to pay for degrees in policy making to worsen the laws for their fathers, brothers and sons... It won't change the nagging, the irrational arguments, the negativity... Marriage is over, relationships are over, trust is over. Congratulations l-dies.
@@csn10 You are correct, our culture used to actively fight against women's nature, ...NOT any more! We all have baggage from our survival stranguries of the past 10,000 years, but women seem to be way worse than men for whatever reason. Not their fault, but men make a serious conscious effort against the dark sides our nature (most anyway), but with women, most DO NOT! That is the problem of today, when our culture shifted (by design by evil people), removed the only other "check"against womens' nature, ...NOT GOOD!
A few years ago the men talking about this were ridiculed as in-cells. Now women realize that if men are single, they remain single too. Keep up the good work gents, don't be lured by sweet words back to gyno ocracy.
Yeah, even at this time too, I was aware of the full picture, but the guy that unalived himself, “the ultimate incel” was trying to open people’s eyes. It’s a shame. A damn shame. I feel so much for him having endured any of what he did that lead him there. It’s horrible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he was perfect and always 200% right but still he was on point a whole lot.
Worked with a guy who was dicorced but his kids were his life (lived in PA). He got "partial custody" but also ex got permission to move them to FLA to make sure he wouldn't have easy access to them. Out of desperation and depression he "un-alived" himself. This was 30 years ago. Wonder what mommy dearest told them about the situation. 😞
Everybody who wants to improve the situation of men is attack and shamed, even it is something like suicide prevention. An feminists call this a patriarchy.
@@mackenheimer Too many options, too privileged. they won't change until they have no privilege left. zero, not a one and then they live how the other half lives.
@@mackenheimer They openly encourage others to seek starter marriages. They even post videos they made themselves and admit to it freely in interviews. Why there's any trust left from the remaining 4 in 1000 men marrying is beyond me?
I know it, the older I get and the more tame the s.drive gets the more I realize that when you are young many things you do is only because of the oneeyed little guy down there. It is kind of freeing the s.drive not being so imminent anymore.
This!!! I'm glad it's going down. I'm 47 now, and I have been saying the same thing recently. If I do get into a relationship, I know what I want now is good conversation and sex is much less important. It's great and all, it is not the main thing anymore. I am hoping that will help me make better choices in female companions. Gen X, our fathers and uncles really failed us by not teaching us about female nature.
My ex falsely accused me of abuse during our divorce and it caused me to never see my child again. It was 16 years ago and I still have such rage over it that I would not give my ex a glass of water if she were on fire.
One of my friends is dealing with the exact same issue. I'm sorry you've been through that, but also proud that you're still here. She knows people in the "industry" so they know how to write stuff in her advantage. It didn't matter that there were police reports and psychological reports available on her. They granted her the kids and now she is telling the judge that "she doesn't think he is stable enough to have the kids over". Why? Because he started to expose the system on LinkedIn. He started to tell HIS story. Do you remember how Feminists keep telling "I wish he would share more and be vulnerable." yeah - they will use that against you.
My uncle once married a woman whom he loved. They divorced 6 months later. One of his friends overheard her talking with her girlies about the "rich" guy she was living in a huge house with multiple cars, and how she was going to divorce him and take half of everything... She didn't want kids with him though, because he was out of a job and wouldn't get child support. His friend told him about her, and he laughed and said not to worry. She filed for divorce and he happily signed it. The house was his mother's house, his cars were his brother's and mother's cars. He owned nothing, and his rich family was putting him up at their place while he was clearing several large loans from a failed business venture. She got half his loans and ended up paying him.
@TDOTSE1 normally, no... But she wanted all assets and liabilities split 50/50. Everything... And since she was under the misguided belief that he had more, she had a lot to gain. She was hoping to get her loans paid off too and was hoping to saddle him with the debt for the wedding and the ring. He agreed to the 50/50 split of all assets and liabilities. They both submitted their financial records to the courts. He had nothing. Could prove the assets she wanted were not his, and his bank showed massive debts, living in overdraft, no bills to pay, only looking for a job to pay off his loans after he already lost a house, car and all his possessions to bailiffs. She had her own car which she had to sell, her own savings which she partially accrued while with him, living off his mother's money. He got half the savings she had accrued, half her car that he got her a deal on with my cousin, half her jewelry and other assets. It was enough to pay off a good chunk of his debts, especially since she took on half the liabilities for his failed business, the marriage and the ring. She did protest and beg to take back the deal, but they'd already both signed the divorce papers and agreements. It went to court, he won...
I was lucky that my wife and I were both poor when she decided to divorce me. I didn't have to pay her a cent, hire an attorney, or even set foot in a courtroom. She just packed up her shit and moved out of our little apartment. I was obviously sad for about a week, until I realized this was actually the best thing that had ever happened to me. Now, almost 30 years later, I'm an old man, happily living in peace and quiet and spending most of my money on my hobbies. I never got married again and would not recommend it.
The happiest couple I know… they aren’t even married Yet they have kids and I’m best friends with their son And they live a pretty nice life still happy
I took it anyways. 26 years this December. Do not get me wrong, however; two of her brothers are on their second marriages, as well as one of my sisters. And a huge chunk of my extended family of origin-- the women have been quite wretched, 3 generations' worth, at least. This includes an aunt who dropped off the face of the earth after divorcing my father's little brother after 40+ years. Those that still live and interact with us at all generally treat my wife like shit. So let that sink in a while
The only reason to cohabitate is to build a nest for kids. The prerequiste for this is a firm and stable relationship with a reasonable, mentally grown, family minded women. Good luck finding her. 😀
@@MidnightatMidian The laws need changed. This is not going to happen as long as women and lawyers are profiting from destroying men. Therefore, by not getting involved with women, women will eventually have to decide whether to fix the problem they created or to let society collapse.
That’s been my strategy for the last 2 years and every time feelings of loneliness creep into my heart I remind myself of the personal and financial costs. The answer is a get a pet.
@@kennethdickson7243 Yes, I regularly visit the horse and donkey corrals. I love to pet and talk to them. They are so kind and gentle. Plus, this way I don't need to buy and feed a dog or cat that shits into my house. lol.
James Sexton put it best when he pointed out that the entire marriage contract is a garbage contract, because it's only enforced in one direction. Everything women want from a husband can be enforced by law, and can continue being enforced on him well after the marriage ends. But the things a man wants from a wife (e.g sex, comfort, and nurturing) can't even be enforced during the marriage. Legal marriage has literally nothing to offer men, and this is made worse by women gaslighting men that he's "insecure" if he doesn't want to marry, or if he suggests a pre-nup to give him even a smidge of protection down the road when she changes her mind.
That's easy to understand when men gave women the right to vote in the 20s one of the arguments that anti sufferagette women gave for not giving the right to vote to women is that they could be drafted and sent to war. Men said that's ok you'll get the right to vote and you don't have to worry about the draft you'll be exempt. So it's actually Men's fault that women don't have to register as they didn't require it when the 19th was passed.
I lost my best friend to suicide last year. He had struggled since his divorce in 2015 and I watched helplessly as his health and happiness declined. I largely blame the legal system, which I believe acted in a way to keep him in court and thus, kept the attorneys rich. To make matters worse, he was lost in this new world of dating and not dealing with it very well. Just days before he died, he confided that the world around him changed so much just in the last 5 years that he felt totally lost.
SMH, it is not the lawyers fault, but him and his wife which created the situation. Years prior that man didn't care about the marriage laws or divorce laws until his happy ever after was done. Then he wanted to feel some type of way because a person didn't want to be with him anymore. That is life my guy. You all want to blame the lawyers and justice system, I need to remind you that the person you loved and told all of us that was different and would never divorce you or whatever went to the lawyer and justice system. The person you loved, the lawyers didn't force her to do anything
@@ObstaclestoOpportunitiesSo the predatory legal system and the pair of sights that profit off the exploitation is not to blame, but a man probably largely ignorant to the system is entirely to blame. Gotcha.
My ex told me a man who can not make 100k a year is not a real man. This was from a woman who never had a full time job plus thought of herself as deeply spiritual.
@@Remianen Oh yes, good point! Plus, many men are so great in their profession/passion but just cannot make that kind of money doing so, e.g., painters, great novelists, scientists. Many of those only got real famous after they died. Some of my friends have been real good, award winning professional dancers, still full of life and skill. Women love them. But they were never able to make a lot of money. This is just not in the cards for most dancers.
I somehow, somehow managed to have a career as a musician in the 21st century. No b*tch is EVER going to shame me for that f*cking AMAZING achievement.
The only real purpose for marriage is kids. having kids in a 2 parent stable household. but with divorce laws being SO goddamn pro-mother and ZERO protections against her being bored or seduced by Chad in Sales at work...even kids is a game of Russian roulette, hoping she won't decide after 10 years to just bail and take half of everything you've built.
During the process, you can be told that you have to live elsewhere, but still pay for all of the utilities you're not able to use, and make the mortgage payment. Your soon to be ex can increase the level of cable or phone service, and has no reason to use them responsibly since you're stuck with the bill. You can't reduce service without getting penalized in court. The court will only rarely enforce the orders when the wife violates them, but a man had better not step out of line, and better be ready at all times to demonstrate that he has not violated any aspect of the orders if she claims he has. When you're in court on a temporary hearing, you'll have an hour or less, and she has half of that time to vilify you without having to substantiate it. If you even get a chance to bring up her malfeasance, the judge is already sick of it, and won't hear it. A man has to go to court and prove he's a competent parent, but a woman is presumed to be a competent parent, even with stark evidence to the contrary. The federal government pays "Matching funds" to states for child support orders, so if your obligation is $1,000 per month, the state gets somewhere between $350 and $650. This gives the state the incentive (some states, like Texas, codify that into law) to arrange custody in a way that maximizes one party's support obligation, and thus the state's payout. Right there, is a huge conflict of interest to undermine your marriage and your relationship with your children, in spite of all of the evidence that demonstrates that children have better outcomes the more time they spend with their fathers, and, ironically, that single fathers are the best single parents. In addition to having your income "imputed", to set the maximum obligation, the court will also oblige the man to pay for the kids' health insurance and 50% of all uninsured medical costs (which magically works out to 100%, because she's not going to pay!) The court will also order "services" from counselors and other "concerned agencies" etc., all on a sliding scale, of course, so the working spouse has to pay considerably more than the non-working one. All the better for those groups if both parents are professionals, as some women are finding out. It's all "In the best interests of the children", so they'll rationalize forcing you to spend 10s of thousands, "because we have to err on the side of caution." Women can loot their 401k prior to divorce, spending it or concealing it without consequence, but then help themselves to *his* later on in life when it matures, or even force him to sell off half of it and pay the penalty and taxes, so long as she gets half. Women are also more successful at both hiding marital assets prior to divorce, and leaving the workforce for a better division of the marital estate, where a judge will presume a man is capable of a certain level of income and set his obligations based on the judge's estimation. What women get away with "For the kids!" is astounding. Men also end up with the liabilities in the marital estate, regardless of who actually created the debt, while women get the lion's share of the assets. Men can also have their *separate* property taken from them, as there's several ways to encumber it, or him to the point where he has to sell assets. Men can expect to pay for both attorneys, and thus, she's going to pick the most expensive one, who's going to try to financially burden him in order compel him to accept an even more unfair divorce settlement as the attorneys are burning through the assets as fast as they can. "Stated" reasons aside: women file for divorce because they'll get the kids and the lion's share of the marital estate, and this disparity where one party has a huge consequence, but the other will be rewarded, undermines the union from the start. It's an easy, rational decision. There's few downsides for women for just going "I'm bored", and kicking the man to the curb. We have a problem with single moms, both the married kind and the divorced kind, because we reward women for becoming single moms. We reward women for being belligerent and antagonistic towards their children's fathers. Our culture demonizes and vilifies just about every positive male / father role model it can. The Duluth model pretty much blames men, and men alone, for anything wrong in the marriage, even when she's the bad actor. Advocates for the Duluth model "train" judges in finding fault with men. Women will lie, often engaging their family to support her claims of abuse or other pathology. It's quite common for a woman to call the police to have her husband arrested on a false allegation, to kick off the divorce and put him at an even further disadvantage in court. I'll point out that the goal of feminism was to destroy men and families. There's no better demonstration of that than family court. I spent 13 years in family court. I will *never* put myself in that position again.
I live in a different western country to you, but you could have written this textured detail to the letter about my experience - it's pretty much the same set of laws in substance, all over the Western world. I have had plenty of bad things happen to me in life, some of them outside the average (been a hospital outpatient since birth and lucky to be alive), lost my Dad when I was young etc, experienced poverty, but nothing, nothing compares to my experience in divorce, which brought me closer to death than all the rest ever did. As a piece of public policy, I find it insane that governments have laws that actively inflict such not just harm, but inhumanity on good people. Like, yes, there's inhumanity in many things governments do, but these are rightly or wrongly (as the case may be) targeted at "bad" people (foreign enemies, criminals etc). Nominally at least, 'good' hard working ordinary folk, are what every politician of every stripe says they are there to back, and seeks the votes of. Yet we have this one place that is divorce, where the government creates laws that enables women to weaponise them and conduct full blown "lawfare" on good, lawabiding, hard working men and fathers. It's insane. I keep coming back to that word as during the process that was the only way I could deal with all the events- to think, that I was dealing with insanity, there was no other explanation. You couldn't explain why it was good for the children for a father to be dismantled until he was close to dead. You couldn't explain why the massive financial collapse was good for the kids. Why any of it was good for anyone except my wife. There are bad men, but currently, the law is structured as if there aren't bad women. There is a critical need to right this imbalance. I don't know how you survived 13 years of the family court system. Many men walk away or delete themselves, and when you're in the machine, it's easier to understand why. All the best to you and thank you for your write up, which put it better than I ever could.
This is pretty horrifying, yet accurate. I wish in schools young men about to graduate HS had a life skills class, with this post as required reading. We need a better structure regarding family law, top-down.
Yup. Either don't marry or understand you need to be sure she's happy like your life depends on it. Don't initiate divorce unless she's truly insane / physically dangerous. Marriage is a matriarchy even more than outside marriage. Unless you're in that top 10% or so of men. Those guys can just enjoy the women of thier choice. Shouldn't marry, though.
Why marry a woman who won't even have kids with you? Doesn't compute in my brain. You were basically doing charity. If there are no kids, she can work, make her own money and pay for her expenses. Just like any childless adult who is single.
@yusufraage8554 I married the woman that I loved and because of my faith it's what I believe in. To show her honor and respect. I did not want children My entire life And she knew that before we married and she was okay with it. Not everyone Wants or has the desire for children.
The best way to avoid divorce is to avoid marriage. I can’t think of a single argument as to why anyone should ever involve the State in their personal relationship. Can you? it’s just baffling to me.
Marriage is a religious function, it should be done within the confines of religion. The state commodified marriage to extract money out of you, and it's ungodly to invoke the evil government as the authority for the marriage.
@@mackenheimer Well, no need to stick it in... lol. Seriously, that's how birth controlahas been done thoughout thousands of years before modern contraception such a pills and condomes.
That is useful, but not the core issue at hand. Abolishing No Fault divorce just kicks the can down the road. What now? They just make up excuses and lies for something you did/did not do in the relationship to get out of the relationship. The issue is not them needing or not needing a reason, its the falsity of said reason. We need to have full investigations of any and all attempted divorces to make sure what the party filing for divorce is actually happening, and if a party is found to be willfully lying about their reasoning, they be punished harshly for it.
Abolish divorce laws. How u justify stealing half the property? Even if I murder someone, i don't lose any property, I just go to jail for long time. U r telling me marrying is a bigger offense than murder? The penalty does sure say that
Marriage does not mean what it used to. It’s just a way for a woman to get an easy paycheck and a bunch of stuff while on the guy’s end, it just says he’s dumb enough to give half his shit to some random girl who was more than likely not even there in his life while he was building himself up.
@@hellfiresmore2706 What if the woman is making more, paying the bills, and maybe have the mortgage in her name? Why would she want a man? If you drew a blank... You really believe in the red pill to never understand what modern working women want/ need from a man. Watch the break up with Jennifer Anniston. That's a common complaint to get a divorce is not having emotional and stable support. Women want men to share their lives and passions with. They need support with the daily chores or even in a duel income. They need a man to build a family with. They don't need a man to provide protection but need a man to be safe for them and reliable to his core. It's bad that when I got divorced... I had so much more support. I had my mom, my brother, my in-laws, old highschool friends, and even a roommate to split the chores with. The husband is expected to be greater than all those people because I would have considered my husband the person I relied on most in this world. He dumped me but I followed with divorce and found out life was easier without him. I chose wrong aka believed him at work that he was reliable and believed he cared about me when he got me a book and trips.
In the vast majority of cases, as a man you don't know if your wife is truly somebody you should have trusted with that, until it's too late because you just found out that she wasn't somebody worthy of your trust... Men don't have any way to know for a fact that the woman we are dating and or married to is a trustworthy woman; the only way for us to know if she's trustworthy or not is when she betrays us which obviously means she's not trustworthy; there is no way to prove that she's trustworthy anymore... This means that you don't know until it's too late... Why would we spend all that time and effort trying to find a woman, who lets be honest would be more rare than a unicorn; (that's why good women are referred to by the moniker "unicorn" in modern day) when we could just avoid dating and marriage all together, leading to us actually finding a surprising level of happiness? Edit: at the end of the day, the fictional unicorn, is a albino horse with a horn on its head... You could theoretically find a albino horse with some random mutation that leaves it with a horn on its head, and most of the time, at least when it comes to the United States; that would actually be easier to find; then a good woman that you can realistically trust to be by your side and not ruin the rest of your life in some divorce... Again, there are reasons why good women have been given the moniker "unicorn". It's because of how unlikely you are to find one, because they're just so rare in this country...
I’m sharing this with my kids. (Adult) They already understand in the reasons in their mind. My daughter already told me that I waited 15 years to long. They didn’t understand I was allowing me to take all the abuse to shield them. I really like your send off. 😊
The misandric laws that oppress men should receive the spotlight, thanks Kait for highlighting them, yet the little things that get left out have the the biggest impact on men. A good example is the expectation by society and the wife for the man to continue loving her dutifully even after her mask slips off, that is to say when her loving & caring act ends abruptly after the honeymoon stage. This expectation to continue to serve even after you have been discarded forms the basis of lifetime alimony laws, and child support (which should be called Ex-wife compensation for sleeping with you). The grand con played on men is the ignorance of their inherent insignificance in modern marriage. Men believe that they mattered at the start and fell out of favor along the way, but in fact, if it wasn't you reading from the marriage script she would have found someone else to play that role: You didn't become insignificant, you were always insignificant.
I genuinely hate that and idk if its my own bias that disagrees strongly with the idea that a mans love is irrelevant (as I have an incredible partner I would go to war with) or that i am so far out of touch with modern women that I just missed the part when men are a point of selfish gain to be played with...either way, it doesn't sit well. Women would never allow that and it certainly wouldn't be swept under the rug as nothing.
@@Kaitdoespsych - Growing up in the 70s and having 11 (count them; eleven) uncles, during President Jimmy Carters years of STAGFLATION, one uncle after the other loses their blue collar job. And one after the other "aunt" leaves her husband (my uncles) because he lost his job because of Jimmy Carters stagflation. It took me until my 40s to understand that this is standard and typical behavior for XX. We aren't human to them. According to XXs we're here simply to perform the function of protecting and providing for them. We don't actually matter to them. XX love men the same way they love their car, Pragmatically. As long as he's useful and makes her look good she'll keep him around. The moment he stops, she'll kick him to the curb. This is also why XX HEIGHT inncells with a ruthless passion; inncells aren't useful to them. Whereas men love XX selflessly; this is why we lay our lives down for our families. (Intentional misspelling because censorship)
Our modern culture just doesn’t support values that are REQUIRED to make a marriage last. The value of it has been stripped bare especially for the men
Our modern culture is "The people" a culture only exist with the people and they have to support the agenda. At the end of the day it is the people which make a choice on what their culture will be
Men have all of the responsibility (Provide, Protect, Parental Responsibility) with none of the authority. ALL of the parts the man is expected to do can and will be enforced by law ("he stopped paying for all my makeup and nails and stuff. that's spousal financial abuse!") where all of the parts the man is supposed to get in trade (intimacy, support, cooperation, children) are completely left up to the wife.
It was actually the lack of individual growth that led to her affairs. Refusing to communicate, refusal to work on her attitude towards me, refusal to acknowledge her behavior as severely self destructive. I believed she struggled, the reality was that she enjoyed her struggle story.
Really appreciate you going over these topics in your busy life. Hope your channel grows . Men and women desperately need wisdom in this confusing world.
Marriage is absolutely a fools errand. Nothing more. I've met to many men broken in half in divorce. I will be damned if I let my sons degrade and compromise themselves into that failed institution.
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Disagree. The number 1 reason for divorce isn't the one stated... we see the lopsided value in initiation. (It goes up to 90 percent for college educated women btw). The reason is actually that we have a system that incentivizes and rewards divorce causing people to think about it a lot more and justify it later. Best outcome for most women is getting all his money and none of the responsibility or price of getting there/dealing with him.
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Basically for all the talk, women are acting practically too.
I have a good friend who became a lawyer a few years ago while working her way up through the ranks in Human Resources. We became friends at a previous-previous job. She's recently shared with me a phenomenon that's being witnessed. And that's women playing a long game of dating, getting married, and waiting for that right time to file for divorce to reap the maximum financial benefits. It's like playing the stock market and waiting for the right time to sell the stock for maximum gains. She says lawyers are seeing these patterns, but unfortunately with the laws structured the way they are, there's not a damn thing that can be done. Women are going as far as researching which states are beneficial for divorces and finding ways to move the family there. It's underhanded, dirty, and scary that this is being done.
In the UK you don’t even need to be married, you just have to live with a person for 6 months and then she has rights to half of all your stuff just like she would if she was married.
@ I think it’s a bit daft personally, there have been many couples that lived together for way more than 6 months before getting married. Why? Because they weren’t ready to commit, therefore the law shouldn’t treat unmarried people who have only lived together for 6 months like married couples.
It's crazy that we have to be excited that one state, florida, finally recently ended lifetime alimony. We are begging for scraps over here when it comes to policy progress
The Florida law changed nothing! It was just to lure simps to marry It changed to 75% of timespan from lifetime, which is enough for her to find another simp to milk out. And most importantly, there's no change in alimony or child support cases , or attorney fees.
I’ll agree with what was mentioned about men being falsely accused of things that was never done, because it happened to me, never married her and I’m glad of that but her and the dude she left me for tried to mess up my reputation with some false stuff. Glade the judge saw threw it.
Years ago, a friend of a friend went through a divorce. As part of the division of assets, she received his family's baseball card collection. This was a collection handed down from his grandfather, then father, then him. He fought that asset seizure and lost as the judge ruled that she get it. It destroyed him. Not just because it was his family's, but that once she got a hold of it, she sold it for $300K. And guess what, because it was received as part of a divorce (alimony), it wound up being tax free for her. A number of years later, he learned that she filed for divorce after she learned about the baseball card collection after his father died. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
Jesus Christ.... I'll trust your account is true, and say that as a European (where divorce settlement rules are bad enough) you guys in the US are fkd -up sideways & ways again like it's a fck joke.... I'm speechless. Someone commented somewhere above, in the Western world, women enjoy protective divorce laws from the 1920s, that's gotta go. Heck, even in a murder case you don't get half of the shit of the killer... What an age we're living in. Just worrying for my boys now. Whishing you the best.
I still remember one of my teachers at school joking with another teacher about why men shouldn't get married these days and I never understood it as a child I thought he was a bad person saying that. As I have got older and looked back although they should of kept their banter in private I understand now that he wasn't bad he was actually probably rather rational.
No fault divorce is fine, as long as their is 0 financial incentive to do so. You don't own the property? You don't get it. You didn't work? Okay, that's your own fault. You didnt contribute to retirement funds? You don't get it.
The paradox of marriage for modern men is that when you are 20 and have nothing it might be a risk worth taking, but at that point few women are interested in marriage. Then when your hit your 30's and are more established the women are finally ready to settle down, but you have considerably more to lose so it is no longer a desirable proposition. Divorce laws are crafted around the concept of 2 people building a life together from a young age but that no longer happens so they are not fit for purpose. In practice divorce courts reward women for breaking the contract by awarding them assets their men earned prior to marriage, so for men marriage is generally no longer a risk worth taking.
A very old lady once told me, if you ever meet a women it is HER responsibilty to be happy, not yours. Too bad this wisdom is not spread among young women.
This is so frickin funny, just imagine how many reasons 69% of women use to initiate divorces, all they had to do was to discuss it with their husband but no, they'll just write some stupid reason and collect all of his money, disgusting.
Good things some states are reforming their laws. I will bring this up at the Nevada State Legislature in February. Our wedding sector in Las Vegas may go in shambles soon.
I have never seen your videos, but it is more than good enough for me to subscribe. The loneliness and the isolation in man's life ofther a divorce, especially with children's, is a real issue.
It exists during marriage as well. Men make a commitment for good or bad. During marriage women will make your life miserable but you stay for children, meanwhile she poisoning your children against you.
A quick note on alimony and child support: both of these funds are taxable, meaning the government wants you to divorce so that they can make money off of you, hence they always shut down bills and laws addressing these issues.
I use to date a girl with master degree of clinical psychology. It was exhausting experience.. She was always analyzing me, every move, every word, every step.. When I broke I feld relief . I rather date a nun... but my dating is over now
Ditto, 100% agreed. Proud father of 2 boys here. Caring and worrying, and wholeheartedly trying help them navigate the modern gender debacle minefield...
I was raised by a single mother. Yes, i'm a dropout as well but that was my own doing however mothers absolutely have no idea how to raise sons. The amount of shit i had to unlearn once i got into adulthood was insane.
gyus you don't NEED to marry 😅. plenty of happy couples out there. turns out, without being made to care for each other by the state, people still choose to do just that, even when they aren't legally obligated to do so.... as it should be.
After my wife booted me out then had a baby with a different man after being with her for 5 years I was homeless for nearly half a year in a large city while couch surfing to rebuild my life. The lesson I learned was to never become complacent in a relationship and to better pay attention to what she does instead of what she says. I made many mistakes and I probably deserved my homelessness at the time. Still, I feel like she took advantage of me and I let her do it. She got what she wanted out of me and then tossed me away like a bad piece of fruit.
Wait, I just had to finally pop on and make a comment... You were such a tremendous find today. Your videos, specifically the 40 things men wish you knew, really hit home in a way I've not felt since finding Jordan Peterstone years ago. I've now watched around 7 of your similarly focused videos and all I ca say is....thank you so much for all that information and spending the time putting yourself out there to share it. You literally painted my thoughts and inner wiring of my mind on a pallete of words. I've sent that video to my wife with a promise to do any 30+ minutes task I'll do while she watches it, just so she can get a clear picture of how I view things and how it's been for me, from someone other than me(so objectively free of any baggage). Really, thank you kindly 🙏
Very interesting that you had to literally pay your wife with "Doing Chores" just so she can watch the Video that expresses how you feel. Couldn't you just ask her to watch the Video. You should really examine that. Your Doing TIME my Friend and you don't even know it, Wish you the Best.
I have friends at my jiu-jitsu gym who want to get better. Everyone else’s children, love rolling and learning new things to try out on their friends. I’ve helped out with Guitar, base drums and piano over the years. I’ve helped people of all ages through Spanish in German classes or Rehab from injuries. It used to really bother me that women enjoy being cruel for cruelty sake, but I’ve chosen to fill my life with people. I believe that I enhance their short time on this earth and I too cherish those interactions.
Man, I beat the odds then because I never married my partner of 15 years because I'm on disability and I can't lose my medical coverage or I'll die. I broke it off with her in September and my quality of life shot up to the moon. No more migraines. No more aneurysm scares. Losing weight... The only bad thing is we had to redo my credit card because her name was on it and I'm down to a MUCH lower limit as a result. Considering I revile owing money, I'm not exactly sad about it. Maybe my next partner will put in effort and not treat me like a trophy in the back of her closet. I'm worth more than that.
Thanks for this Kait. All these points you mention really hit the nail on the head when I think back on my previous relationship and how we messed up. Hearing you clarify these things and how they can lead to resentment, adultery and separation really makes sense now but I wasn't able to put my finger on it back when. Knowing where I went wrong will help me in the future.
If a lack of physical intimacy is a precursor to divorce, how are men supposed to handle a womans fluctuating hormone cycle (especially as she ages) where sex is the furthest thing on her mind? He wants to keep the connection going, but doing the right thing like having kids or staying with her for decades just ends up hurting him in the long run.
& this is why I won’t marry .. not gonna risk my pension . I’ve seen too many guys working in their late 60’s when they should be retired. I ask why they’re still working … 99.9% of the time the answer is “ my ex took me to the cleaners “ ….
Per family law, she is entitled to the lifestyle she has become accustomed to even AFTER a split. If her income is reduced after the split (e.g. psychological reasons), she can ask the court for increased support payments. If he came into the relationship with assets, e.g. real estate, the price appreciation during the marriage, gets split 50-50. In the USA & Canada, there is no adjustment for price inflation when the assets are split. If he entered the marriage with a house 100% paid for, at the end of a 10 year marriage he takes out a loan to buy back the 35% of house that the state gave to her. Marriage is a menage a trois. The state is the 3rd partner.
Just once I'd like to see a man insist that she provide a housekeeper, accountant, prostitute, gardner, and babysitter to meet the lifestyle HE is accustomed to. 😂
Kait a couple important points you should cover: what happens when struggling, it very much seems that when a woman is struggling and can't take care of herself and children that there are several support structures both financial and emotional provided to them, where when a man is suffering in the same way they instead of help they are persecuted and called out for their failure and even incarcerated, that's right put in jail for their failure. This is a serious situation that gets glossed over and not paid enough attention to.
Something to keep in mind when a father has a 50-50 time share with kids his work takes a hit. If he has his kids 2.5 days each week those are days he will probably have less time at the office. Companies and managers tend to dislike this. A guy is supposed to be a dedicated worker. If he stays at office, his kids don’t have him for homework and bonding. Society expects him to be the provider but not at home.
Kait, you're killing it man! Another banger of a video. As someone who believes in the institution of marriage, It does give me pause. Who you choose to marry is arguably one of the most crucial decisions one can make in his/her life.
Hands down the most important point made in this video is to *select your partner carefully.* Men, I know you know this (or should), but I am going to repeat it: a pretty external appearance is not an indicator of a good marriage. I don't have the facts or figures on it, but I believe the purpose of the beauty industry is two-fold: giving women confidence and luring men in. And it works, to some degree, for both (although I might argue that the women with a brain see the hollowness of the confidence granted, and it drives them to a worse headspace). It's been my experience (from a 20+ year relationship with nearly 17 years of it being marriage and two kids - sons that are going to have to navigate the relationship minefield in the next ten years) that three things are necessary to make a relationship long-term. The first is reciprocity. This isn't "I do x so she'll keep doing y," either - it's more like "I genuinely care for her, so I will do this. She genuinely cares for me, and that's why she does that." It isn't giving to get, it's both sides giving out of care for the other. I get that this makes you *obscenely* vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It makes her feel that way, too, and she has all of her girlie friends, a ton of celebrities and other public figures, and every social and non-social media outlet telling her you are trying to. But she still has to join you in mutual reciprocity if the relationship will work, and if she won't, it's best you know that early, which is why things like the coffee date exist. The next thing that is necessary to make a long-term relationship viable is appreciation. You can be giving your all to a relationship, and if it doesn't appear to hold value to your partner, it hurts. Now, sometimes this is unintentional, and I'd suggest both grace (assuming they did not mean to be unappreciative from the start) and communication to attempt to resolve it. It means, yes, having a hard and uncomfortable conversation with someone who might not see eye to eye with you and may very likely get defensive. It's important to set a tone for this early in the relationship: if I am bothered by something you said/did/didn't do, I'm going to discuss it with you as nicely as I can, and if you make those conversations needlessly difficult, I will view it as a sign of incompatibility. You also need to show that same level of appreciation, modeling how you would like appreciation to look in the relationship. Sometimes it's a verbal acknowledgement, or a pat on the butt, or whatever makes you feel like your giving was happily and gratefully received. Not every partner has the same take on appreciation, but all want appreciation. You have to show it, and you have to expect some. Finally, there has to be interest. Society tells a lot of girls that all they need is to be pretty, and they can have any man they want. Society tells men to be rich and powerfully-built and they can have any woman they want. While these shows often allure the other on a biological, subconscious level, they aren't enough to keep interest. Men will remind women in unkind terms that looks fade, and women (as shown in the video) can take a lot of those things from a man in a divorce that she's encouraged to take. Genuine interest in a person is far from superficial, and it looks wildly different as some people appreciate some traits and not others. For some examples: In The Big Bang Theory, Penny starts to become dissatisfied in her relationship with Leonard and calls it boring, until she visits him at the lab one day, and he waxes poetic on Simulation Theory, reminding her that what she loves about him is just how brilliant he can be sometimes. She verbalizes it (and then rewards it). In my marriage, early on, I expressed (not to my wife, but often where she could hear it) my admiration for what she did for a living: she was a preschool teacher at a school that focused on helping kids with hearing loss adjust to their assisting technologies and bringing them up to speed on communication and socialization so that they could be ready for a normal kindergarten experience. That, to me, is a very difficult field that requires a lot of patience, and I often compared it to working tiny miracles. My work has never been so praised by my wife, but she has said on many, many occasions, how much she appreciates my ability to watch two TH-cam videos and then attempt (with a high rate of success!) repairs, craft projects, and new skills. She openly praises my ability to take a problem that she actually means for me to solve and solve it while costing the least amount of money possible (which, honestly, is the thing she also appreciates her dad and a few other male role models in her life for). Without this interest to spur each of us into the mutual reciprocity, and being grateful for said reciprocity, the relationship cannot last long-term. I agree that, in this video, there are a million good reasons not to marry. I would argue that there is an asterisk on that. What it should say is more like "There are a million reasons why men need to be far more choosy of whom they marry, and women need to realize that the dynamics behind marriage are changing as a result of feminism driving progressive policies in some places while maintaining the archaic ones that still serve them well. Marriage is still absolutely feasible, and it is a rewarding experience when done right. Men, we need to be done with shut-up rings, and we need to be actively having discussions about reciprocity and appreciation as requirements, instead of bowing the knee to "happy wife, happy life." I know that we often feel like any time she's upset, the relationship is in danger, but if we aren't being real about making our relationships mutually fulfilling, those relationships were doomed anyway. We need to have a spine and advocate for ourselves earlier on, instead of fighting for the fairness after the ring is on. (On a purely personal note: Kait, I'm pretty sure you aren't wearing your jacket like that normally. I understand that you have to get more engagement to get your content out to other people, and I have no right to tell you what to do, but I personally felt like it detracts a little from the message, and more importantly the values you express - marriage being both good and important, men's issues being heard as clearly as women's issues, and overall helping men and women into healthy headspaces about each other. Just my two cents, feel free to ignore it! 😄)
I'm going through my second divorce now, and I guess I can consider myself lucky in a couple of respects. I have full custody of my son and she is going to be paying me child support. The bad part is she destroyed me financially and to date keeps screwing me over by not holding up her end of debts that were accumulated during the marriage. The funny thing is that even with all that I am already doing better than her financially even with all the responsibility of raising my son on my own. It's also crazy how many the points you made in this video actually applied to me. I definitely lost my identity in my marriage though I had no outlet as I had to take full responsibility for everything from the beginning. I for one am never getting married again and would advise any young man to think twice about getting married and definitely to never marry a single mother.
If you've ever had joint accounts with her at a financial institution, close *all* of your accounts and open new ones at a different financial institution. Banks will use a "right of offset" to take money from you, claiming all of your accounts were seen as "joint". Myself and several people I've known have woken up to find their account drained just prior to making their mortgage payment, because their ex-spouse hasn't made her car payment in 3 months, or defaulted on a credit card with the bank. You can, of course, take her to court, as the bank will pleasantly explain, but you won't even make back the attorney expense to do so.
First time marriages end in divorce 46%, thats not taking into consideration religious marriage specifically, which is significantly lower, closer to 10% or less. @7:53 this is why real religious marriages tend to last. They both understand that in marriage, the two become one, she is his, and he is hers and nobody except that religions god can separate them. There is no, need to fell like youve lost your individuality, you're no longer an "individual", til your dying breath.
Marriage was supposed to protect a woman's ability to raise her children while enforcing a psychology of men providing for women's needs, and Men shaped their lives around living up to this task. Then women's number one priorities were not having to be a wife, providing for all her own needs, and only having children when she wants and with the man she wants, all of which overthrows men's place in society and marriage as a husband. If a woman doesn't Need a man is she really going to Want one?
I, alternatively, am going to use this comment to encourage men _not_ to get married... ever. The reasons you listed for #2 was a nice run down of why _women,_ not men get divorced. Psychologically speaking, you gave us a great overview of why _you_ (or the women in your social group) would get divorced, with all the fem-centric concerns that basically break down to a far simpler statement... 'You let her get bored!' The problem with that assessment is the following; there is literally nothing that will prevent her from getting bored, even if you never do the same thing twice, she _will_ get bored of the constant changes!!! This is a *_very_* important take-away that I hope any man reading will get. If you have observed a female for long enough you will have observed that she can be unnecessarily dramatic and then on a dime absolutely hate drama, perform mood swings, want one thing one minute and something totally different the next, feel absolute disdain for you doing something she wanted you to do, etc. These are all an effort, on her part, to avoid at all costs the one thing she dreads most of all, more then actual physical harm, more then the lose of a loved one, and more then the possibility of complete social rejection... _Boredom!_ She fears it, she hates it, she will do _anything_ to avoid it. When a woman explains that she cheated because she felt 'unfulfilled'. She means, 'I was bored'! When she complains that 'you don't talk to me', she means, 'I don't find the things you have said interesting, and I am bored'! The guys who read this will think of innumerable examples that when they think about them will make more sense if viewed through the light of her boredom!!! In short, unless her goal was always to milk you for cash (that is, she was being honest with you about her feelings, originally), you will still lose in the end... she will get bored. Once you have allowed her (in her view) to get bored a little, she will just gather every moment of boredom after that first moment as part of a grand tapestry of total boredom. That tapestry will have a antagonist, which will be you, and will be all she can ever see about you *forever.* You lose no matter what, and she now feels obligated to get revenge for the boredom, she never spoke of, but, in her mind is all your fault. She has several options available to choose from, none of them as boring as she believes you are. 1. She can drag you through the nastiest court proceeding her and her lawyer can devise, preferably publicly. 2. She can drag your name through the deepest darkest mud her social group can find, privately, so that you never know a moment of social peace again. Etc., But, the worst may be that she can choose to stick with you to mete out continual passive-aggressive jabs and hooks throughout the rest of your life... keeping you on the line with just enough sweetness that you never actual can get enough footing to realize what she is doing. And, she will do all of this for no other reason then she needs to avoid sinking into the oblivion that is *_her own_* sense of boredom!!! Is a marriage _supposed to be_ two people working together in tandem to make one working existence. Ideally, yes. But, if you were here to get good advice on how to make that happen, ask yourself: Why does not one of these videos (from anyone) highlight any feature of marriage that is more beneficial to men then women?!?! Talking... a feminine specialty, emotions... a feminine specialty, dividing the household workload... a feminine desire, male providership (while he competes against her self-providership)... a feminine desire, etc. Not one of them advises for some quiet time to just relax and be comfortable in each others existence, some private time to just be comfortable with your individual existence, some no-drama time just to be together as your honest selves, etc. ... things that might make the relationship better from the male perspective... (not even an attempt at equalized viewpoint between the two extremes!) ...because those things would be Boring, right?!?!
I knew ever since i was younger, when i first learned about the risks, the 50% rule, and alimony (but i can undsrstand child support), that marriage was a trap for men. You're really putting your life and happiness in the hands of an emptionally driven individual. 42 now. Never been married. Not exactly happy, but i am financially stable and i have full control of my life.
Stay strong friend. The thing with smartly avoided bs is that you end-up never truly knowing that you did, or what exactly it would have cost you otherwise… If you catch my drift. But, if I may risk a friendly advice, marriage and 'commitment' are one thing, doesn't mean the only option left is to close oneself to having relationships. Who knows, you might hit the jackpot, there are still a lot of good women out there, more than we probably care to see sometime. Wishing the best.
I like your video endings. You're a cool chick. The number one cause of divorce is marriage. Been there twice, been divorced twice, and there won't be a third one.
Breaks my heart to see people using each other, even if it's mutual. Let's see everyone as his/her inner being&experiencing.. If two people want to get married, they really need to have many heart-to-hearts about "Will this [historical template] genuinely make us into better people longterm?" I remember my wife used to tell her colleagues what an amazing husband I was! But I think marriage made me complacent in my assumptions. Shouldn't we have kids? Guilt, implicit pressure, not understanding the potential impact. (Before marriage, this was no issue. But Kait insists that sex should be aiming towards reproduction.) Instead, as soon as a child may be on its way, there should be, for mutual reassurance, a contract signed so each clearly knows his/her responsibilities and rights going forward. The deeper question is, How do we create a Home. Want all people to feel belonging in this world/universe - no need to be like an alien among aliens anymore🌦️🌱🌌
There's another girl doing these types of videos but i see right through her she's trying to sell something its fake. Kaits videos are genuine and not meant to get anything out of people just good ole great info thanks kait. Your husband is very lucky to find some one like you.
So you as a man now know how the game is rigged and how you are perceived. The real question now is how you are going to pick yourself back up and avoid the pitfalls moving forward. Much like with the game of chess, you can't dwell on the pieces you've already lost but rather making your current situation work with the pieces you still have on the board.
As a young man I enfantilized marriage, and wanted someone i could commit the rest of my life to so badly. Looking back now that im 32, im glad that never came to fruition, and that i stayed level headed and career focused. Really actually feels like ive dodged alot of bullets through life.
Just had a woman from a dating app that i met up with try to word-police the word "situation", and gas-light me into thinking it means something SOOOO disrespectful or rude towards her, when all i did was ask a question about her current life/schedule/family/kids/work situation. This has happened to me over a dozen times, but its always a totally different word, in a different scenario.... I honestly think that when women are emotional, their brains are somewhere else, speaking in their own code, that ultimately means nothing. She has a feeling, but has no idea how to express it, or incorporate it into communicating or relating FAIRLY with another human being. "Don't treat us like we're objects." Okay, then develop your brain and how to show it. Learn that personality traits are not things you wear like a denim shirt hanging off your shoulders. You can't just abandon all principles because you're a little upset. It means you have no principles. So what exactly are you good for then? Being sweet and nice, only when you feel like it? But then you become other people I want nothing to do with when you feel like it? There's nothing men can do to avoid these ugly and exhausting behaviors.
Without minimizing the societal and legal truths pointed out in this video, marriage is still a good thing.
I've been married for 21 years and we have 4 kids. We've had our rough times, but when we got married, we both took our marital vows seriously - we were both determined to make it work. My marriage has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I receive support, companionship, encouragement, appreciation, love, and kids. My wife and kids make me want to be a better man.
Since the majority of comments come from men, perhaps Kait would do well to provide some solutions as she analyzes the problem - something beyond mgtow.
Still, I appreciate all Kait does to try to understand men's experiences and feelings. She gives a voice to men. Sadly, these videos end up only preaching to the choir.
I appreciate you and this comment 🙏🏼
what solutions could she possibly offer? oh yeah, telling men not to get married. simple.
Bud, I'm not going to bet millions of dollars on a single digit percent chance of success. I would much rather not get legally married and if a good woman comes along, she wont require legal marriage to have a family.
Mgtow is a solution though, you may not like it because it doesn't fit your niche world view. But for majority of men mgtow is a way better option than gambling your life a way with a woman who can toss a marriage away because she had a bad headache in the morning.
@@endofexistence2149 i concur completely, why gamble with a system literally designed to destroy you at every turn? No thanks.
It is mind boggling that so many men are just finally waking up and realizing that modern women do not even view men as human beings.
They think of us as a whole different species.
It's because that narrative has been on steriods for the past decade and since the boom of socal media, men are seeing this in 4K.
Not modern women but women period welcome to the reality which existed before, nothing new here.
They just see men as a resource. And are constantly looking for a better supply.
@@ardvark8699 No marriage, no cohabitation, if you see red flag it's just renting my friend. :)
It’s not about marrying the wrong woman. It’s about a system that’s bias against men at all levels. For example:
She stays: you pay
She leaves: you pay
She cheats: you pay
You stay: you pay
You leave: you pay
You cheat: you pay
Can you see a pattern?
you cheat: you're a disgusting pig.
she cheats: you weren't fulfilling her needs.
@Ben-l8i3m So marry more than 1 woman? That's genius, take a problem and multiply it!
Wouldn't both lose? More money in joint income, more support from the person they value most, and more stability in a family. Men tend to remarry within a couple years after their spouse dies because it's too hard for them to be alone. If both people are mature and prioritizes each other... It's a complete loss. Some divorces are a compromise like if someone has cancer and the divorce is preferred so the medical debt doesn't get to the spouse should the worst happen but they still live together as though married and have their asset arrangements.
I guess I get $100 every other month for taking care of 3 kids with my ex husband.
It's actually easier not taking care of him. I am having my pay in full to manage the budget with my credit score. I got to buy my own car, health insurance, cell phone, home internet, and mortgage. I get to work my own pace at home without him yelling about something. I get more support from having my family, friends, and former in-laws. I have 4 days a month not responsible for anyone. I have a better work, social, and home balance.
Now it is tempting to get my ex in my house to pay the bills and all the responsibilities involved especially with a disabled kiddo with therapy, doctors, surgery post op care, teacher meetings, and needing help in the bathroom after hitting puberty. Then the oldest with athletic track meets and middle boy ADHD and IEP in school. Gotta clean up, laundry, dishes, trash, cook 3 meals, and work up to 60 hour weeks starting the day at 4am. I had to do it all when married anyways but it was like being trapped asking permission for $20, use the phone, or use the car. I was degraded because he had to maintain control. I was responsible by staying sober watching him and aware that I need to hide the keys or try to calm him down if he gets bad.
He also dumped me. I just followed through on the divorce when he realized he lost stability through me when his girlfriend was bad news.
@@crunchyman5330 It is a good plan, then they have to fight against one another in court and that's how they will tear each other arguments apart. The same this as when you have too many kids with too many different baby mamas, court can't justify paying for one kid but not paying for another 3-4-5 kids the same amount and they have to take into consideration your earning potential so they will just throw out the whole thing.
Money money money, ain't it funny, in a rich man's world.
Saying men are ‘tired’ is an understatement.
Like saying homeless veterans r tired
Our laws are designed to protect women in the 1920's, not 2020's.
They need to be seriously updated if women want marriage.
For now most men are DONE WITH THIS UNFAIR CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!
NOt likely they will continue getting played because you all think it was better in the past. LOL you were still manipulated
@@ObstaclestoOpportunitiesYou could still find an undamaged virgin in the past. My grandmother's marriage lasted for life, but my mother's did not.
Changing the laws won't correct their nature that allows them to take every advantage of those laws, that allows them to feel worthy of their fathers delaying retirement to pay for degrees in policy making to worsen the laws for their fathers, brothers and sons... It won't change the nagging, the irrational arguments, the negativity...
Marriage is over, relationships are over, trust is over. Congratulations l-dies.
@@csn10 You are correct, our culture used to actively fight against women's nature, ...NOT any more!
We all have baggage from our survival stranguries of the past 10,000 years, but women seem to be way worse than men for whatever reason.
Not their fault, but men make a serious conscious effort against the dark sides our nature (most anyway), but with women, most DO NOT!
That is the problem of today, when our culture shifted (by design by evil people), removed the only other "check"against womens' nature, ...NOT GOOD!
It was the "no fault" divorce that ruined marriage in the late 60's
Ignore women, get the bag, dodge the draft.
Don't serve a society that doesn't serve you in turn.
Maybe a bit harsh, but essentially true. Especially that second sentence.
@@Doberman_6773 where is it harsh?
@@Doberman_6773life is harsh, women don't fight, it is what it is
@@Doberman_6773 Western society hates men. How is that harsh to say the truth?
Don’t forget “paint the miniatures”
A few years ago the men talking about this were ridiculed as in-cells. Now women realize that if men are single, they remain single too. Keep up the good work gents, don't be lured by sweet words back to gyno ocracy.
For many no matter how well enmity is disguised as amity, they'll not get anywhere. Because amity is how they do enmity.
Yeah, even at this time too, I was aware of the full picture, but the guy that unalived himself, “the ultimate incel” was trying to open people’s eyes. It’s a shame. A damn shame. I feel so much for him having endured any of what he did that lead him there. It’s horrible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying he was perfect and always 200% right but still he was on point a whole lot.
Worked with a guy who was dicorced but his kids were his life (lived in PA). He got "partial custody" but also ex got permission to move them to FLA to make sure he wouldn't have easy access to them. Out of desperation and depression he "un-alived" himself. This was 30 years ago. Wonder what mommy dearest told them about the situation. 😞
Everybody who wants to improve the situation of men is attack and shamed, even it is something like suicide prevention. An feminists call this a patriarchy.
Not many women are complaining. They don't need men anymore. The State provides resources. A good man is a luxury, not a necessity.
Act accordingly.
Men date to find someone to marry
Women date to find someone to divorce
I can't tell you how many women I've heard refer to their first marriage as a test marriage. It sickens me every time I hear them brag about it.
@@mackenheimer Too many options, too privileged. they won't change until they have no privilege left. zero, not a one and then they live how the other half lives.
@@mackenheimer They openly encourage others to seek starter marriages. They even post videos they made themselves and admit to it freely in interviews.
Why there's any trust left from the remaining 4 in 1000 men marrying is beyond me?
I know it, the older I get and the more tame the s.drive gets the more I realize that when you are young many things you do is only because of the oneeyed little guy down there. It is kind of freeing the s.drive not being so imminent anymore.
This!!! I'm glad it's going down. I'm 47 now, and I have been saying the same thing recently. If I do get into a relationship, I know what I want now is good conversation and sex is much less important. It's great and all, it is not the main thing anymore. I am hoping that will help me make better choices in female companions. Gen X, our fathers and uncles really failed us by not teaching us about female nature.
My ex falsely accused me of abuse during our divorce and it caused me to never see my child again. It was 16 years ago and I still have such rage over it that I would not give my ex a glass of water if she were on fire.
That's terrible. I hope your child finds out the truth in time.
Use this line "I wouldn't even spit on her if she was on fire."
I support your right to be angry
One of my friends is dealing with the exact same issue. I'm sorry you've been through that, but also proud that you're still here.
She knows people in the "industry" so they know how to write stuff in her advantage. It didn't matter that there were police reports and psychological reports available on her.
They granted her the kids and now she is telling the judge that "she doesn't think he is stable enough to have the kids over". Why? Because he started to expose the system on LinkedIn. He started to tell HIS story.
Do you remember how Feminists keep telling "I wish he would share more and be vulnerable." yeah - they will use that against you.
Sorry to hear that
My uncle once married a woman whom he loved. They divorced 6 months later. One of his friends overheard her talking with her girlies about the "rich" guy she was living in a huge house with multiple cars, and how she was going to divorce him and take half of everything... She didn't want kids with him though, because he was out of a job and wouldn't get child support.
His friend told him about her, and he laughed and said not to worry.
She filed for divorce and he happily signed it.
The house was his mother's house, his cars were his brother's and mother's cars. He owned nothing, and his rich family was putting him up at their place while he was clearing several large loans from a failed business venture.
She got half his loans and ended up paying him.
Wow 😂😂😂 never really knew you inherited liabilities in divorce unless you signed documents as a guarantor
@@TDOTSE1 You don't unless the loans were incurred during the marriage, and even then, only personal loans not business ones. Story is fake lol.
@TDOTSE1 normally, no... But she wanted all assets and liabilities split 50/50. Everything... And since she was under the misguided belief that he had more, she had a lot to gain. She was hoping to get her loans paid off too and was hoping to saddle him with the debt for the wedding and the ring. He agreed to the 50/50 split of all assets and liabilities. They both submitted their financial records to the courts. He had nothing. Could prove the assets she wanted were not his, and his bank showed massive debts, living in overdraft, no bills to pay, only looking for a job to pay off his loans after he already lost a house, car and all his possessions to bailiffs.
She had her own car which she had to sell, her own savings which she partially accrued while with him, living off his mother's money.
He got half the savings she had accrued, half her car that he got her a deal on with my cousin, half her jewelry and other assets. It was enough to pay off a good chunk of his debts, especially since she took on half the liabilities for his failed business, the marriage and the ring.
She did protest and beg to take back the deal, but they'd already both signed the divorce papers and agreements. It went to court, he won...
Sounds like she got some of what was coming to her for her selfishness and greed.
@@KivlorThat's not true if both spouse partners were involved in the business ventures.
"Grew apart" is a euphemism for
"I don't wanna talk about it".
"Grew apart" is womanese for "got bored with him" or "lost that loving feeling."
I was lucky that my wife and I were both poor when she decided to divorce me. I didn't have to pay her a cent, hire an attorney, or even set foot in a courtroom. She just packed up her shit and moved out of our little apartment. I was obviously sad for about a week, until I realized this was actually the best thing that had ever happened to me. Now, almost 30 years later, I'm an old man, happily living in peace and quiet and spending most of my money on my hobbies. I never got married again and would not recommend it.
Damn that’s crazy but I understand it man
More power to you brother. :)
Marriage isn’t for everyone 🤷🏽♀️glad you found your peace
Peace is priceless
The happiest couple I know… they aren’t even married
Yet they have kids and I’m best friends with their son
And they live a pretty nice life still happy
As a man, definitely do not get married or even co-habitate. Not at all worth the risk
I took it anyways. 26 years this December. Do not get me wrong, however; two of her brothers are on their second marriages, as well as one of my sisters. And a huge chunk of my extended family of origin-- the women have been quite wretched, 3 generations' worth, at least.
This includes an aunt who dropped off the face of the earth after divorcing my father's little brother after 40+ years.
Those that still live and interact with us at all generally treat my wife like shit. So let that sink in a while
The only reason to cohabitate is to build a nest for kids. The prerequiste for this is a firm and stable relationship with a reasonable, mentally grown, family minded women. Good luck finding her. 😀
The only way to win is not to play.
Or change the rules of the game...
@@MidnightatMidian The laws need changed. This is not going to happen as long as women and lawyers are profiting from destroying men. Therefore, by not getting involved with women, women will eventually have to decide whether to fix the problem they created or to let society collapse.
💯
That’s been my strategy for the last 2 years and every time feelings of loneliness creep into my heart I remind myself of the personal and financial costs. The answer is a get a pet.
@@kennethdickson7243 Yes, I regularly visit the horse and donkey corrals. I love to pet and talk to them. They are so kind and gentle. Plus, this way I don't need to buy and feed a dog or cat that shits into my house. lol.
James Sexton put it best when he pointed out that the entire marriage contract is a garbage contract, because it's only enforced in one direction. Everything women want from a husband can be enforced by law, and can continue being enforced on him well after the marriage ends. But the things a man wants from a wife (e.g sex, comfort, and nurturing) can't even be enforced during the marriage. Legal marriage has literally nothing to offer men, and this is made worse by women gaslighting men that he's "insecure" if he doesn't want to marry, or if he suggests a pre-nup to give him even a smidge of protection down the road when she changes her mind.
I'll never understand how women are allowed to vote without being required to register for selective service.
Because of simps in government who still wanted to pedestalize women.
Men are simps and always seek to protect women regardless of their levels of logic and creativity, they loss to fantasy
Agreed
That's easy to understand when men gave women the right to vote in the 20s one of the arguments that anti sufferagette women gave for not giving the right to vote to women is that they could be drafted and sent to war. Men said that's ok you'll get the right to vote and you don't have to worry about the draft you'll be exempt. So it's actually Men's fault that women don't have to register as they didn't require it when the 19th was passed.
They don't even have to be drafted to front line jobs. They can be drafted into a Rosie riveter job.
I lost my best friend to suicide last year. He had struggled since his divorce in 2015 and I watched helplessly as his health and happiness declined. I largely blame the legal system, which I believe acted in a way to keep him in court and thus, kept the attorneys rich. To make matters worse, he was lost in this new world of dating and not dealing with it very well. Just days before he died, he confided that the world around him changed so much just in the last 5 years that he felt totally lost.
SMH, it is not the lawyers fault, but him and his wife which created the situation. Years prior that man didn't care about the marriage laws or divorce laws until his happy ever after was done. Then he wanted to feel some type of way because a person didn't want to be with him anymore. That is life my guy. You all want to blame the lawyers and justice system, I need to remind you that the person you loved and told all of us that was different and would never divorce you or whatever went to the lawyer and justice system. The person you loved, the lawyers didn't force her to do anything
I'm sorry for your loss.
How much did his ex-wife benefit from the divorce?
@@ObstaclestoOpportunitiesSo the predatory legal system and the pair of sights that profit off the exploitation is not to blame, but a man probably largely ignorant to the system is entirely to blame. Gotcha.
@@ObstaclestoOpportunitiesalways the mans fault ey? Gotchya
My ex told me a man who can not make 100k a year is not a real man.
This was from a woman who never had a full time job plus thought of herself as deeply spiritual.
By that logic, a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding day, is not a real woman.
@@Remianen Oh yes, good point! Plus, many men are so great in their profession/passion but just cannot make that kind of money doing so, e.g., painters, great novelists, scientists. Many of those only got real famous after they died.
Some of my friends have been real good, award winning professional dancers, still full of life and skill. Women love them. But they were never able to make a lot of money. This is just not in the cards for most dancers.
If a woman believes in astrology then she’s a dumbass.
I somehow, somehow managed to have a career as a musician in the 21st century. No b*tch is EVER going to shame me for that f*cking AMAZING achievement.
As a man in the west, in the end, the partner that most benefited my life was...no one. Once I acclimated to solitude, I realized I'd become Free.
The partner that’ll most benefit your life is a pet or a best bro.
Mah homies.
This video is a perfect example of why no one can explain how secular men benefit from marriage. 😂
The only real purpose for marriage is kids. having kids in a 2 parent stable household. but with divorce laws being SO goddamn pro-mother and ZERO protections against her being bored or seduced by Chad in Sales at work...even kids is a game of Russian roulette, hoping she won't decide after 10 years to just bail and take half of everything you've built.
That one of the reasons men don’t like to marry anymore. For men marry is emotional and commitment, for women it’s just a business case
I learned this the hard way. lol.
During the process, you can be told that you have to live elsewhere, but still pay for all of the utilities you're not able to use, and make the mortgage payment. Your soon to be ex can increase the level of cable or phone service, and has no reason to use them responsibly since you're stuck with the bill. You can't reduce service without getting penalized in court. The court will only rarely enforce the orders when the wife violates them, but a man had better not step out of line, and better be ready at all times to demonstrate that he has not violated any aspect of the orders if she claims he has.
When you're in court on a temporary hearing, you'll have an hour or less, and she has half of that time to vilify you without having to substantiate it. If you even get a chance to bring up her malfeasance, the judge is already sick of it, and won't hear it.
A man has to go to court and prove he's a competent parent, but a woman is presumed to be a competent parent, even with stark evidence to the contrary.
The federal government pays "Matching funds" to states for child support orders, so if your obligation is $1,000 per month, the state gets somewhere between $350 and $650. This gives the state the incentive (some states, like Texas, codify that into law) to arrange custody in a way that maximizes one party's support obligation, and thus the state's payout. Right there, is a huge conflict of interest to undermine your marriage and your relationship with your children, in spite of all of the evidence that demonstrates that children have better outcomes the more time they spend with their fathers, and, ironically, that single fathers are the best single parents.
In addition to having your income "imputed", to set the maximum obligation, the court will also oblige the man to pay for the kids' health insurance and 50% of all uninsured medical costs (which magically works out to 100%, because she's not going to pay!)
The court will also order "services" from counselors and other "concerned agencies" etc., all on a sliding scale, of course, so the working spouse has to pay considerably more than the non-working one. All the better for those groups if both parents are professionals, as some women are finding out. It's all "In the best interests of the children", so they'll rationalize forcing you to spend 10s of thousands, "because we have to err on the side of caution."
Women can loot their 401k prior to divorce, spending it or concealing it without consequence, but then help themselves to *his* later on in life when it matures, or even force him to sell off half of it and pay the penalty and taxes, so long as she gets half. Women are also more successful at both hiding marital assets prior to divorce, and leaving the workforce for a better division of the marital estate, where a judge will presume a man is capable of a certain level of income and set his obligations based on the judge's estimation. What women get away with "For the kids!" is astounding.
Men also end up with the liabilities in the marital estate, regardless of who actually created the debt, while women get the lion's share of the assets.
Men can also have their *separate* property taken from them, as there's several ways to encumber it, or him to the point where he has to sell assets. Men can expect to pay for both attorneys, and thus, she's going to pick the most expensive one, who's going to try to financially burden him in order compel him to accept an even more unfair divorce settlement as the attorneys are burning through the assets as fast as they can.
"Stated" reasons aside: women file for divorce because they'll get the kids and the lion's share of the marital estate, and this disparity where one party has a huge consequence, but the other will be rewarded, undermines the union from the start. It's an easy, rational decision.
There's few downsides for women for just going "I'm bored", and kicking the man to the curb. We have a problem with single moms, both the married kind and the divorced kind, because we reward women for becoming single moms. We reward women for being belligerent and antagonistic towards their children's fathers.
Our culture demonizes and vilifies just about every positive male / father role model it can. The Duluth model pretty much blames men, and men alone, for anything wrong in the marriage, even when she's the bad actor. Advocates for the Duluth model "train" judges in finding fault with men.
Women will lie, often engaging their family to support her claims of abuse or other pathology. It's quite common for a woman to call the police to have her husband arrested on a false allegation, to kick off the divorce and put him at an even further disadvantage in court.
I'll point out that the goal of feminism was to destroy men and families. There's no better demonstration of that than family court. I spent 13 years in family court. I will *never* put myself in that position again.
I live in a different western country to you, but you could have written this textured detail to the letter about my experience - it's pretty much the same set of laws in substance, all over the Western world. I have had plenty of bad things happen to me in life, some of them outside the average (been a hospital outpatient since birth and lucky to be alive), lost my Dad when I was young etc, experienced poverty, but nothing, nothing compares to my experience in divorce, which brought me closer to death than all the rest ever did. As a piece of public policy, I find it insane that governments have laws that actively inflict such not just harm, but inhumanity on good people. Like, yes, there's inhumanity in many things governments do, but these are rightly or wrongly (as the case may be) targeted at "bad" people (foreign enemies, criminals etc). Nominally at least, 'good' hard working ordinary folk, are what every politician of every stripe says they are there to back, and seeks the votes of. Yet we have this one place that is divorce, where the government creates laws that enables women to weaponise them and conduct full blown "lawfare" on good, lawabiding, hard working men and fathers. It's insane. I keep coming back to that word as during the process that was the only way I could deal with all the events- to think, that I was dealing with insanity, there was no other explanation. You couldn't explain why it was good for the children for a father to be dismantled until he was close to dead. You couldn't explain why the massive financial collapse was good for the kids. Why any of it was good for anyone except my wife. There are bad men, but currently, the law is structured as if there aren't bad women. There is a critical need to right this imbalance. I don't know how you survived 13 years of the family court system. Many men walk away or delete themselves, and when you're in the machine, it's easier to understand why. All the best to you and thank you for your write up, which put it better than I ever could.
This is pretty horrifying, yet accurate. I wish in schools young men about to graduate HS had a life skills class, with this post as required reading. We need a better structure regarding family law, top-down.
Just run away, literally as soon as she says divorce go to another country or state
Thank you for the detailed explanation, it is truly illuminating. This sounds awful. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
Yup. Either don't marry or understand you need to be sure she's happy like your life depends on it. Don't initiate divorce unless she's truly insane / physically dangerous.
Marriage is a matriarchy even more than outside marriage.
Unless you're in that top 10% or so of men. Those guys can just enjoy the women of thier choice. Shouldn't marry, though.
32 years with my ex wife. Brutal divorce without any children. Sexless marriage etc. I'm done with women. Happy now.
Why marry a woman who won't even have kids with you? Doesn't compute in my brain. You were basically doing charity. If there are no kids, she can work, make her own money and pay for her expenses. Just like any childless adult who is single.
move overseas, its a game changer.
@yusufraage8554 I married the woman that I loved and because of my faith it's what I believe in. To show her honor and respect. I did not want children My entire life And she knew that before we married and she was okay with it. Not everyone Wants or has the desire for children.
The best way to avoid divorce is to avoid marriage.
I can’t think of a single argument as to why anyone should ever involve the State in their personal relationship. Can you?
it’s just baffling to me.
Marriage is a religious function, it should be done within the confines of religion. The state commodified marriage to extract money out of you, and it's ungodly to invoke the evil government as the authority for the marriage.
As the Fella once said, the leading cause of divorce is marriage!
@@CaptainCoook spot on. The sate should not handle marriage. It is a religious commitment.
Yup. Just like the best way to not get pregnant is to not have sex. Easy as.
@@mackenheimer Well, no need to stick it in... lol. Seriously, that's how birth controlahas been done thoughout thousands of years before modern contraception such a pills and condomes.
Remember, Chad and Tyrone is always available to help your wife cheat and then divorce you. 😅
Such great friends. lol.
Abolish no fault divorce. If you’re going to skip out on your vows, you leave with nothing.
That is useful, but not the core issue at hand. Abolishing No Fault divorce just kicks the can down the road. What now? They just make up excuses and lies for something you did/did not do in the relationship to get out of the relationship. The issue is not them needing or not needing a reason, its the falsity of said reason. We need to have full investigations of any and all attempted divorces to make sure what the party filing for divorce is actually happening, and if a party is found to be willfully lying about their reasoning, they be punished harshly for it.
Abolish divorce laws. How u justify stealing half the property? Even if I murder someone, i don't lose any property, I just go to jail for long time. U r telling me marrying is a bigger offense than murder? The penalty does sure say that
@@frustationoverloaded5976 Sheeeesh you got a point there friend. Murder, does seem to be a lesser crime in the eyes of the law o_0
Why should Men sign a marriage contract through the government where 1 party is rewarded for breaking it?
Marriage does not mean what it used to. It’s just a way for a woman to get an easy paycheck and a bunch of stuff while on the guy’s end, it just says he’s dumb enough to give half his shit to some random girl who was more than likely not even there in his life while he was building himself up.
@@hellfiresmore2706 What if the woman is making more, paying the bills, and maybe have the mortgage in her name? Why would she want a man?
If you drew a blank... You really believe in the red pill to never understand what modern working women want/ need from a man. Watch the break up with Jennifer Anniston. That's a common complaint to get a divorce is not having emotional and stable support. Women want men to share their lives and passions with. They need support with the daily chores or even in a duel income. They need a man to build a family with. They don't need a man to provide protection but need a man to be safe for them and reliable to his core.
It's bad that when I got divorced... I had so much more support. I had my mom, my brother, my in-laws, old highschool friends, and even a roommate to split the chores with. The husband is expected to be greater than all those people because I would have considered my husband the person I relied on most in this world. He dumped me but I followed with divorce and found out life was easier without him. I chose wrong aka believed him at work that he was reliable and believed he cared about me when he got me a book and trips.
In the vast majority of cases, as a man you don't know if your wife is truly somebody you should have trusted with that, until it's too late because you just found out that she wasn't somebody worthy of your trust...
Men don't have any way to know for a fact that the woman we are dating and or married to is a trustworthy woman; the only way for us to know if she's trustworthy or not is when she betrays us which obviously means she's not trustworthy; there is no way to prove that she's trustworthy anymore...
This means that you don't know until it's too late... Why would we spend all that time and effort trying to find a woman, who lets be honest would be more rare than a unicorn; (that's why good women are referred to by the moniker "unicorn" in modern day) when we could just avoid dating and marriage all together, leading to us actually finding a surprising level of happiness?
Edit: at the end of the day, the fictional unicorn, is a albino horse with a horn on its head... You could theoretically find a albino horse with some random mutation that leaves it with a horn on its head, and most of the time, at least when it comes to the United States; that would actually be easier to find; then a good woman that you can realistically trust to be by your side and not ruin the rest of your life in some divorce...
Again, there are reasons why good women have been given the moniker "unicorn". It's because of how unlikely you are to find one, because they're just so rare in this country...
Is marriage still worth it to men? In short, HELL NO!
Yup!
If women want men to marry them again,
1: stop being insufferable pricks
2: make the game fair again
Good luck
remember guys, she was never yours, just your turn, marriage is a scam, its not about love, its about money, never forget that
I’m sharing this with my kids. (Adult) They already understand in the reasons in their mind. My daughter already told me that I waited 15 years to long. They didn’t understand I was allowing me to take all the abuse to shield them.
I really like your send off. 😊
The misandric laws that oppress men should receive the spotlight, thanks Kait for highlighting them, yet the little things that get left out have the the biggest impact on men. A good example is the expectation by society and the wife for the man to continue loving her dutifully even after her mask slips off, that is to say when her loving & caring act ends abruptly after the honeymoon stage. This expectation to continue to serve even after you have been discarded forms the basis of lifetime alimony laws, and child support (which should be called Ex-wife compensation for sleeping with you). The grand con played on men is the ignorance of their inherent insignificance in modern marriage. Men believe that they mattered at the start and fell out of favor along the way, but in fact, if it wasn't you reading from the marriage script she would have found someone else to play that role: You didn't become insignificant, you were always insignificant.
I genuinely hate that and idk if its my own bias that disagrees strongly with the idea that a mans love is irrelevant (as I have an incredible partner I would go to war with) or that i am so far out of touch with modern women that I just missed the part when men are a point of selfish gain to be played with...either way, it doesn't sit well. Women would never allow that and it certainly wouldn't be swept under the rug as nothing.
@@Kaitdoespsych - Growing up in the 70s and having 11 (count them; eleven) uncles, during President Jimmy Carters years of STAGFLATION, one uncle after the other loses their blue collar job. And one after the other "aunt" leaves her husband (my uncles) because he lost his job because of Jimmy Carters stagflation. It took me until my 40s to understand that this is standard and typical behavior for XX.
We aren't human to them. According to XXs we're here simply to perform the function of protecting and providing for them. We don't actually matter to them.
XX love men the same way they love their car, Pragmatically. As long as he's useful and makes her look good she'll keep him around. The moment he stops, she'll kick him to the curb.
This is also why XX HEIGHT inncells with a ruthless passion; inncells aren't useful to them.
Whereas men love XX selflessly; this is why we lay our lives down for our families.
(Intentional misspelling because censorship)
Our modern culture just doesn’t support values that are REQUIRED to make a marriage last. The value of it has been stripped bare especially for the men
Our modern culture is "The people" a culture only exist with the people and they have to support the agenda. At the end of the day it is the people which make a choice on what their culture will be
Men have all of the responsibility (Provide, Protect, Parental Responsibility) with none of the authority. ALL of the parts the man is expected to do can and will be enforced by law ("he stopped paying for all my makeup and nails and stuff. that's spousal financial abuse!") where all of the parts the man is supposed to get in trade (intimacy, support, cooperation, children) are completely left up to the wife.
I been saying for years to not get married. It's a huge risk for men.
It was actually the lack of individual growth that led to her affairs. Refusing to communicate, refusal to work on her attitude towards me, refusal to acknowledge her behavior as severely self destructive. I believed she struggled, the reality was that she enjoyed her struggle story.
Really appreciate you going over these topics in your busy life. Hope your channel grows . Men and women desperately need wisdom in this confusing world.
Marriage is absolutely a fools errand. Nothing more. I've met to many men broken in half in divorce. I will be damned if I let my sons degrade and compromise themselves into that failed institution.
Disagree. The number 1 reason for divorce isn't the one stated... we see the lopsided value in initiation. (It goes up to 90 percent for college educated women btw). The reason is actually that we have a system that incentivizes and rewards divorce causing people to think about it a lot more and justify it later. Best outcome for most women is getting all his money and none of the responsibility or price of getting there/dealing with him.
Basically for all the talk, women are acting practically too.
Something we need to change.
I have a good friend who became a lawyer a few years ago while working her way up through the ranks in Human Resources. We became friends at a previous-previous job. She's recently shared with me a phenomenon that's being witnessed. And that's women playing a long game of dating, getting married, and waiting for that right time to file for divorce to reap the maximum financial benefits. It's like playing the stock market and waiting for the right time to sell the stock for maximum gains. She says lawyers are seeing these patterns, but unfortunately with the laws structured the way they are, there's not a damn thing that can be done. Women are going as far as researching which states are beneficial for divorces and finding ways to move the family there. It's underhanded, dirty, and scary that this is being done.
No wife, no strife.
In the UK you don’t even need to be married, you just have to live with a person for 6 months and then she has rights to half of all your stuff just like she would if she was married.
Same in Australia, not sure if she can take half but it's a lot.
@ I think it’s a bit daft personally, there have been many couples that lived together for way more than 6 months before getting married. Why? Because they weren’t ready to commit, therefore the law shouldn’t treat unmarried people who have only lived together for 6 months like married couples.
WTF ?! That's disgusting.
the UK has fallen anyway.
da fk !?!
Does this also apply to two men sharing an appartment as roommates? Are they considered a gay marriage then?
It's crazy that we have to be excited that one state, florida, finally recently ended lifetime alimony. We are begging for scraps over here when it comes to policy progress
The Florida law changed nothing!
It was just to lure simps to marry
It changed to 75% of timespan from lifetime, which is enough for her to find another simp to milk out. And most importantly, there's no change in alimony or child support cases , or attorney fees.
As long as no-fault divorce laws exist the problem exists.
Until the laws change it is not worth the risk. Fuck this system and the judges that have quite literally shoved guns in men's mouths.
I’ll agree with what was mentioned about men being falsely accused of things that was never done, because it happened to me, never married her and I’m glad of that but her and the dude she left me for tried to mess up my reputation with some false stuff. Glade the judge saw threw it.
Years ago, a friend of a friend went through a divorce. As part of the division of assets, she received his family's baseball card collection. This was a collection handed down from his grandfather, then father, then him. He fought that asset seizure and lost as the judge ruled that she get it. It destroyed him. Not just because it was his family's, but that once she got a hold of it, she sold it for $300K. And guess what, because it was received as part of a divorce (alimony), it wound up being tax free for her. A number of years later, he learned that she filed for divorce after she learned about the baseball card collection after his father died. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.
I feel so sad reading this. This is so evil
Jesus Christ.... I'll trust your account is true, and say that as a European (where divorce settlement rules are bad enough) you guys in the US are fkd -up sideways & ways again like it's a fck joke.... I'm speechless. Someone commented somewhere above, in the Western world, women enjoy protective divorce laws from the 1920s, that's gotta go. Heck, even in a murder case you don't get half of the shit of the killer... What an age we're living in. Just worrying for my boys now. Whishing you the best.
I still remember one of my teachers at school joking with another teacher about why men shouldn't get married these days and I never understood it as a child I thought he was a bad person saying that. As I have got older and looked back although they should of kept their banter in private I understand now that he wasn't bad he was actually probably rather rational.
No fault divorce is fine, as long as their is 0 financial incentive to do so. You don't own the property? You don't get it. You didn't work? Okay, that's your own fault. You didnt contribute to retirement funds? You don't get it.
The paradox of marriage for modern men is that when you are 20 and have nothing it might be a risk worth taking, but at that point few women are interested in marriage. Then when your hit your 30's and are more established the women are finally ready to settle down, but you have considerably more to lose so it is no longer a desirable proposition. Divorce laws are crafted around the concept of 2 people building a life together from a young age but that no longer happens so they are not fit for purpose. In practice divorce courts reward women for breaking the contract by awarding them assets their men earned prior to marriage, so for men marriage is generally no longer a risk worth taking.
Why do divorces happen? One day Woman wakes up and says “ I’m not happy”
A very old lady once told me, if you ever meet a women it is HER responsibilty to be happy, not yours.
Too bad this wisdom is not spread among young women.
"I'm just not in love with you anymore" is exactly the words my brother got from his first wife.
It happens.
This is so frickin funny, just imagine how many reasons 69% of women use to initiate divorces, all they had to do was to discuss it with their husband but no, they'll just write some stupid reason and collect all of his money, disgusting.
Good things some states are reforming their laws. I will bring this up at the Nevada State Legislature in February. Our wedding sector in Las Vegas may go in shambles soon.
Good…
Love the joke pal
I have never seen your videos, but it is more than good enough for me to subscribe. The loneliness and the isolation in man's life ofther a divorce, especially with children's, is a real issue.
It exists during marriage as well. Men make a commitment for good or bad. During marriage women will make your life miserable but you stay for children, meanwhile she poisoning your children against you.
A quick note on alimony and child support: both of these funds are taxable, meaning the government wants you to divorce so that they can make money off of you, hence they always shut down bills and laws addressing these issues.
I use to date a girl with master degree of clinical psychology. It was exhausting experience.. She was always analyzing me, every move, every word, every step.. When I broke I feld relief . I rather date a nun... but my dating is over now
My firm belief is that it takes a mother to raise babies into children, and a father to raise children into adults.
Ditto, 100% agreed. Proud father of 2 boys here. Caring and worrying, and wholeheartedly trying help them navigate the modern gender debacle minefield...
I was raised by a single mother. Yes, i'm a dropout as well but that was my own doing however mothers absolutely have no idea how to raise sons. The amount of shit i had to unlearn once i got into adulthood was insane.
It's a long, lonely road mate but you'll get there.
@@teflond0n Lonely road to where?
Don't get married. Just be friends.
Don't even be friends with them, they want all the benefits of having a man with none of the obligations on their side.
gyus you don't NEED to marry 😅.
plenty of happy couples out there. turns out, without being made to care for each other by the state, people still choose to do just that, even when they aren't legally obligated to do so.... as it should be.
Yeah, but only if it/she is really worth it. Vet her well.
After my wife booted me out then had a baby with a different man after being with her for 5 years I was homeless for nearly half a year in a large city while couch surfing to rebuild my life. The lesson I learned was to never become complacent in a relationship and to better pay attention to what she does instead of what she says. I made many mistakes and I probably deserved my homelessness at the time. Still, I feel like she took advantage of me and I let her do it. She got what she wanted out of me and then tossed me away like a bad piece of fruit.
Men arent “tired” they have learned and adjusted accordingly… almost like improvement and survival are things we are naturally good at
Wait, I just had to finally pop on and make a comment... You were such a tremendous find today. Your videos, specifically the 40 things men wish you knew, really hit home in a way I've not felt since finding Jordan Peterstone years ago. I've now watched around 7 of your similarly focused videos and all I ca say is....thank you so much for all that information and spending the time putting yourself out there to share it. You literally painted my thoughts and inner wiring of my mind on a pallete of words. I've sent that video to my wife with a promise to do any 30+ minutes task I'll do while she watches it, just so she can get a clear picture of how I view things and how it's been for me, from someone other than me(so objectively free of any baggage).
Really, thank you kindly 🙏
what a compliment to be in the same sentence as JP. Very much appreciate this and I'm grateful you found me and this content impactful.
Very interesting that you had to literally pay your wife with "Doing Chores" just so she can watch the Video that expresses how you feel. Couldn't you just ask her to watch the Video. You should really examine that. Your Doing TIME my Friend and you don't even know it, Wish you the Best.
Honestly, I don't know what I like more, the content of your videos or the way you approach the comments. Congratulations!
I appreciate that so much, thank you
I have friends at my jiu-jitsu gym who want to get better. Everyone else’s children, love rolling and learning new things to try out on their friends. I’ve helped out with Guitar, base drums and piano over the years. I’ve helped people of all ages through Spanish in German classes or Rehab from injuries. It used to really bother me that women enjoy being cruel for cruelty sake, but I’ve chosen to fill my life with people. I believe that I enhance their short time on this earth and I too cherish those interactions.
Man, I beat the odds then because I never married my partner of 15 years because I'm on disability and I can't lose my medical coverage or I'll die. I broke it off with her in September and my quality of life shot up to the moon. No more migraines. No more aneurysm scares. Losing weight... The only bad thing is we had to redo my credit card because her name was on it and I'm down to a MUCH lower limit as a result. Considering I revile owing money, I'm not exactly sad about it.
Maybe my next partner will put in effort and not treat me like a trophy in the back of her closet. I'm worth more than that.
Thanks for this Kait. All these points you mention really hit the nail on the head when I think back on my previous relationship and how we messed up. Hearing you clarify these things and how they can lead to resentment, adultery and separation really makes sense now but I wasn't able to put my finger on it back when. Knowing where I went wrong will help me in the future.
If a lack of physical intimacy is a precursor to divorce, how are men supposed to handle a womans fluctuating hormone cycle (especially as she ages) where sex is the furthest thing on her mind? He wants to keep the connection going, but doing the right thing like having kids or staying with her for decades just ends up hurting him in the long run.
I love that ending to the videos, and this is a staggeringly underrated channel. I was sure that it was 400 or 500 K by now, and then I looked.
It's good to hear a woman with a following speaking the facts.
Thank you
thank you for being here and taking the time to listen
TLC;Dr, It's not worth it, ever.
How about Lilly Palmer? 😀
& this is why I won’t marry .. not gonna risk my pension . I’ve seen too many guys working in their late 60’s when they should be retired. I ask why they’re still working … 99.9% of the time the answer is “ my ex took me to the cleaners “ ….
New Kait-Ann video! I'm just gonna click like and get that out of the way so I can just sit back and listen.
18:17 "Help me step viewer I'm stuck!" 😂
😂😂😂
Per family law, she is entitled to the lifestyle she has become accustomed to even AFTER a split. If her income is reduced after the split (e.g. psychological reasons), she can ask the court for increased support payments.
If he came into the relationship with assets, e.g. real estate, the price appreciation during the marriage, gets split 50-50. In the USA & Canada, there is no adjustment for price inflation when the assets are split.
If he entered the marriage with a house 100% paid for, at the end of a 10 year marriage he takes out a loan to buy back the 35% of house that the state gave to her. Marriage is a menage a trois. The state is the 3rd partner.
Just once I'd like to see a man insist that she provide a housekeeper, accountant, prostitute, gardner, and babysitter to meet the lifestyle HE is accustomed to. 😂
Kait a couple important points you should cover: what happens when struggling, it very much seems that when a woman is struggling and can't take care of herself and children that there are several support structures both financial and emotional provided to them, where when a man is suffering in the same way they instead of help they are persecuted and called out for their failure and even incarcerated, that's right put in jail for their failure. This is a serious situation that gets glossed over and not paid enough attention to.
Men have been talking about this for years, strange to see a video like this when this is such old news
Something to keep in mind when a father has a 50-50 time share with kids his work takes a hit. If he has his kids 2.5 days each week those are days he will probably have less time at the office. Companies and managers tend to dislike this. A guy is supposed to be a dedicated worker. If he stays at office, his kids don’t have him for homework and bonding. Society expects him to be the provider but not at home.
its not about getting married to the wrong person,its about getting married period.
Kait, you're killing it man! Another banger of a video. As someone who believes in the institution of marriage, It does give me pause. Who you choose to marry is arguably one of the most crucial decisions one can make in his/her life.
Hands down the most important point made in this video is to *select your partner carefully.* Men, I know you know this (or should), but I am going to repeat it: a pretty external appearance is not an indicator of a good marriage. I don't have the facts or figures on it, but I believe the purpose of the beauty industry is two-fold: giving women confidence and luring men in. And it works, to some degree, for both (although I might argue that the women with a brain see the hollowness of the confidence granted, and it drives them to a worse headspace).
It's been my experience (from a 20+ year relationship with nearly 17 years of it being marriage and two kids - sons that are going to have to navigate the relationship minefield in the next ten years) that three things are necessary to make a relationship long-term. The first is reciprocity. This isn't "I do x so she'll keep doing y," either - it's more like "I genuinely care for her, so I will do this. She genuinely cares for me, and that's why she does that." It isn't giving to get, it's both sides giving out of care for the other. I get that this makes you *obscenely* vulnerable to being taken advantage of. It makes her feel that way, too, and she has all of her girlie friends, a ton of celebrities and other public figures, and every social and non-social media outlet telling her you are trying to. But she still has to join you in mutual reciprocity if the relationship will work, and if she won't, it's best you know that early, which is why things like the coffee date exist.
The next thing that is necessary to make a long-term relationship viable is appreciation. You can be giving your all to a relationship, and if it doesn't appear to hold value to your partner, it hurts. Now, sometimes this is unintentional, and I'd suggest both grace (assuming they did not mean to be unappreciative from the start) and communication to attempt to resolve it. It means, yes, having a hard and uncomfortable conversation with someone who might not see eye to eye with you and may very likely get defensive. It's important to set a tone for this early in the relationship: if I am bothered by something you said/did/didn't do, I'm going to discuss it with you as nicely as I can, and if you make those conversations needlessly difficult, I will view it as a sign of incompatibility. You also need to show that same level of appreciation, modeling how you would like appreciation to look in the relationship. Sometimes it's a verbal acknowledgement, or a pat on the butt, or whatever makes you feel like your giving was happily and gratefully received. Not every partner has the same take on appreciation, but all want appreciation. You have to show it, and you have to expect some.
Finally, there has to be interest. Society tells a lot of girls that all they need is to be pretty, and they can have any man they want. Society tells men to be rich and powerfully-built and they can have any woman they want. While these shows often allure the other on a biological, subconscious level, they aren't enough to keep interest. Men will remind women in unkind terms that looks fade, and women (as shown in the video) can take a lot of those things from a man in a divorce that she's encouraged to take. Genuine interest in a person is far from superficial, and it looks wildly different as some people appreciate some traits and not others. For some examples: In The Big Bang Theory, Penny starts to become dissatisfied in her relationship with Leonard and calls it boring, until she visits him at the lab one day, and he waxes poetic on Simulation Theory, reminding her that what she loves about him is just how brilliant he can be sometimes. She verbalizes it (and then rewards it). In my marriage, early on, I expressed (not to my wife, but often where she could hear it) my admiration for what she did for a living: she was a preschool teacher at a school that focused on helping kids with hearing loss adjust to their assisting technologies and bringing them up to speed on communication and socialization so that they could be ready for a normal kindergarten experience. That, to me, is a very difficult field that requires a lot of patience, and I often compared it to working tiny miracles. My work has never been so praised by my wife, but she has said on many, many occasions, how much she appreciates my ability to watch two TH-cam videos and then attempt (with a high rate of success!) repairs, craft projects, and new skills. She openly praises my ability to take a problem that she actually means for me to solve and solve it while costing the least amount of money possible (which, honestly, is the thing she also appreciates her dad and a few other male role models in her life for). Without this interest to spur each of us into the mutual reciprocity, and being grateful for said reciprocity, the relationship cannot last long-term.
I agree that, in this video, there are a million good reasons not to marry. I would argue that there is an asterisk on that. What it should say is more like "There are a million reasons why men need to be far more choosy of whom they marry, and women need to realize that the dynamics behind marriage are changing as a result of feminism driving progressive policies in some places while maintaining the archaic ones that still serve them well. Marriage is still absolutely feasible, and it is a rewarding experience when done right. Men, we need to be done with shut-up rings, and we need to be actively having discussions about reciprocity and appreciation as requirements, instead of bowing the knee to "happy wife, happy life." I know that we often feel like any time she's upset, the relationship is in danger, but if we aren't being real about making our relationships mutually fulfilling, those relationships were doomed anyway. We need to have a spine and advocate for ourselves earlier on, instead of fighting for the fairness after the ring is on.
(On a purely personal note: Kait, I'm pretty sure you aren't wearing your jacket like that normally. I understand that you have to get more engagement to get your content out to other people, and I have no right to tell you what to do, but I personally felt like it detracts a little from the message, and more importantly the values you express - marriage being both good and important, men's issues being heard as clearly as women's issues, and overall helping men and women into healthy headspaces about each other. Just my two cents, feel free to ignore it! 😄)
I'm going through my second divorce now, and I guess I can consider myself lucky in a couple of respects. I have full custody of my son and she is going to be paying me child support. The bad part is she destroyed me financially and to date keeps screwing me over by not holding up her end of debts that were accumulated during the marriage. The funny thing is that even with all that I am already doing better than her financially even with all the responsibility of raising my son on my own. It's also crazy how many the points you made in this video actually applied to me. I definitely lost my identity in my marriage though I had no outlet as I had to take full responsibility for everything from the beginning. I for one am never getting married again and would advise any young man to think twice about getting married and definitely to never marry a single mother.
If you've ever had joint accounts with her at a financial institution, close *all* of your accounts and open new ones at a different financial institution. Banks will use a "right of offset" to take money from you, claiming all of your accounts were seen as "joint". Myself and several people I've known have woken up to find their account drained just prior to making their mortgage payment, because their ex-spouse hasn't made her car payment in 3 months, or defaulted on a credit card with the bank.
You can, of course, take her to court, as the bank will pleasantly explain, but you won't even make back the attorney expense to do so.
Standing claps! Good work!
And the right advice to young men is:
Do not marry her. NEVER
In Poland we used to say: "Both parties are always at fault in a divorce: the wife and the mother-in-law" :) Funny but it is true
First time marriages end in divorce 46%, thats not taking into consideration religious marriage specifically, which is significantly lower, closer to 10% or less. @7:53 this is why real religious marriages tend to last. They both understand that in marriage, the two become one, she is his, and he is hers and nobody except that religions god can separate them. There is no, need to fell like youve lost your individuality, you're no longer an "individual", til your dying breath.
Marriage was supposed to protect a woman's ability to raise her children while enforcing a psychology of men providing for women's needs, and Men shaped their lives around living up to this task. Then women's number one priorities were not having to be a wife, providing for all her own needs, and only having children when she wants and with the man she wants, all of which overthrows men's place in society and marriage as a husband. If a woman doesn't Need a man is she really going to Want one?
It's all part of The Plan.
Love the ending - Kait is self-aware, not robotic.
Great video, thank you!
Glad you liked it!
I, alternatively, am going to use this comment to encourage men _not_ to get married... ever.
The reasons you listed for #2 was a nice run down of why _women,_ not men get divorced. Psychologically speaking, you gave us a great overview of why _you_ (or the women in your social group) would get divorced, with all the fem-centric concerns that basically break down to a far simpler statement... 'You let her get bored!' The problem with that assessment is the following; there is literally nothing that will prevent her from getting bored, even if you never do the same thing twice, she _will_ get bored of the constant changes!!! This is a *_very_* important take-away that I hope any man reading will get. If you have observed a female for long enough you will have observed that she can be unnecessarily dramatic and then on a dime absolutely hate drama, perform mood swings, want one thing one minute and something totally different the next, feel absolute disdain for you doing something she wanted you to do, etc. These are all an effort, on her part, to avoid at all costs the one thing she dreads most of all, more then actual physical harm, more then the lose of a loved one, and more then the possibility of complete social rejection... _Boredom!_ She fears it, she hates it, she will do _anything_ to avoid it.
When a woman explains that she cheated because she felt 'unfulfilled'. She means, 'I was bored'!
When she complains that 'you don't talk to me', she means, 'I don't find the things you have said interesting, and I am bored'!
The guys who read this will think of innumerable examples that when they think about them will make more sense if viewed through the light of her boredom!!!
In short, unless her goal was always to milk you for cash (that is, she was being honest with you about her feelings, originally), you will still lose in the end... she will get bored. Once you have allowed her (in her view) to get bored a little, she will just gather every moment of boredom after that first moment as part of a grand tapestry of total boredom. That tapestry will have a antagonist, which will be you, and will be all she can ever see about you *forever.*
You lose no matter what, and she now feels obligated to get revenge for the boredom, she never spoke of, but, in her mind is all your fault. She has several options available to choose from, none of them as boring as she believes you are. 1. She can drag you through the nastiest court proceeding her and her lawyer can devise, preferably publicly. 2. She can drag your name through the deepest darkest mud her social group can find, privately, so that you never know a moment of social peace again. Etc., But, the worst may be that she can choose to stick with you to mete out continual passive-aggressive jabs and hooks throughout the rest of your life... keeping you on the line with just enough sweetness that you never actual can get enough footing to realize what she is doing. And, she will do all of this for no other reason then she needs to avoid sinking into the oblivion that is *_her own_* sense of boredom!!!
Is a marriage _supposed to be_ two people working together in tandem to make one working existence. Ideally, yes. But, if you were here to get good advice on how to make that happen, ask yourself: Why does not one of these videos (from anyone) highlight any feature of marriage that is more beneficial to men then women?!?! Talking... a feminine specialty, emotions... a feminine specialty, dividing the household workload... a feminine desire, male providership (while he competes against her self-providership)... a feminine desire, etc. Not one of them advises for some quiet time to just relax and be comfortable in each others existence, some private time to just be comfortable with your individual existence, some no-drama time just to be together as your honest selves, etc. ... things that might make the relationship better from the male perspective... (not even an attempt at equalized viewpoint between the two extremes!)
...because those things would be Boring, right?!?!
I knew ever since i was younger, when i first learned about the risks, the 50% rule, and alimony (but i can undsrstand child support), that marriage was a trap for men. You're really putting your life and happiness in the hands of an emptionally driven individual. 42 now. Never been married. Not exactly happy, but i am financially stable and i have full control of my life.
Stay strong friend. The thing with smartly avoided bs is that you end-up never truly knowing that you did, or what exactly it would have cost you otherwise… If you catch my drift. But, if I may risk a friendly advice, marriage and 'commitment' are one thing, doesn't mean the only option left is to close oneself to having relationships. Who knows, you might hit the jackpot, there are still a lot of good women out there, more than we probably care to see sometime. Wishing the best.
I like your video endings. You're a cool chick.
The number one cause of divorce is marriage. Been there twice, been divorced twice, and there won't be a third one.
Breaks my heart to see people using each other, even if it's mutual. Let's see everyone as his/her inner being&experiencing..
If two people want to get married, they really need to have many heart-to-hearts about "Will this [historical template] genuinely make us into better people longterm?"
I remember my wife used to tell her colleagues what an amazing husband I was! But I think marriage made me complacent in my assumptions. Shouldn't we have kids? Guilt, implicit pressure, not understanding the potential impact. (Before marriage, this was no issue. But Kait insists that sex should be aiming towards reproduction.)
Instead, as soon as a child may be on its way, there should be, for mutual reassurance, a contract signed so each clearly knows his/her responsibilities and rights going forward.
The deeper question is, How do we create a Home.
Want all people to feel belonging in this world/universe - no need to be like an alien among aliens anymore🌦️🌱🌌
"Is marriage still worth pursuing for men?"
Short answer: No
Long answer: HELL NO!!
Me: Hi
Kait: And this brings me to my next point
Howdy
😂😂😂
This is true, my friend is currently living out of his broken truck in his mom's driveway while not having seen his kids in months.
You forgot to say that most of the time the one who cheats is the woman in marriages
Statistically true, but good luck getting widespread acknowledgement of that fact.
Word..
Men are in love
Women are in business
Kait, thank you for speaking up for us
There's another girl doing these types of videos but i see right through her she's trying to sell something its fake. Kaits videos are genuine and not meant to get anything out of people just good ole great info thanks kait. Your husband is very lucky to find some one like you.
thank you very much, I am just as lucky to have him
damn, I love your outro! amazing xD You're channel will grow as hell. half a million subs, easy
So you as a man now know how the game is rigged and how you are perceived. The real question now is how you are going to pick yourself back up and avoid the pitfalls moving forward. Much like with the game of chess, you can't dwell on the pieces you've already lost but rather making your current situation work with the pieces you still have on the board.
As a young man I enfantilized marriage, and wanted someone i could commit the rest of my life to so badly.
Looking back now that im 32, im glad that never came to fruition, and that i stayed level headed and career focused. Really actually feels like ive dodged alot of bullets through life.
Just had a woman from a dating app that i met up with try to word-police the word "situation", and gas-light me into thinking it means something SOOOO disrespectful or rude towards her, when all i did was ask a question about her current life/schedule/family/kids/work situation. This has happened to me over a dozen times, but its always a totally different word, in a different scenario.... I honestly think that when women are emotional, their brains are somewhere else, speaking in their own code, that ultimately means nothing. She has a feeling, but has no idea how to express it, or incorporate it into communicating or relating FAIRLY with another human being. "Don't treat us like we're objects." Okay, then develop your brain and how to show it. Learn that personality traits are not things you wear like a denim shirt hanging off your shoulders. You can't just abandon all principles because you're a little upset. It means you have no principles. So what exactly are you good for then? Being sweet and nice, only when you feel like it? But then you become other people I want nothing to do with when you feel like it? There's nothing men can do to avoid these ugly and exhausting behaviors.
There is one thing we can do