Silent treatment is something my mother used a lot and my husband escalated to a whole new level. For years I struggled to understand what it was and the effect it had on me. Again, doing much better. Getting to know the word of God saved me. Matt 10:16
I really only got to know about boundaries with my therapy two years ago. My mother to this day doesnt understand or respect privacy or boundaries and this impacted me severely. I am doing much better now. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I can relate to you. Same situation now but have had to go complete no contact. I’m glad you’re doing better. I will pray for God to emotionally heal you. ❤🙏
All I can say Kris is wow youve just described pretty much my entire teenage to young adult life always trying to please my parents and not taking the time to examine my inner self!😳 Thank you so much for ministering to all of us as this has been a real eye opener ❤
@@blessedtruther8024 not even realizing I was being selfish, but yes your are unfortunately correct I was blind to this for the longest time before I started setting healthy boundaries. God Bless @blessedtruther and thank you for sharing your wisdom it is definitely appreciated
Wow I thought I lost my faith in god but this video has restored my faith for he was speaking to me 1000000% through this video. Humbly I thank you for your willing spirit and obedience but in truth and transparency- so fresh and so needed in todays society
Doormat, crumbs under the table, used, taken advantage of…yep! That’s been me. A people pleaser! Hate to say no! Hate to disappoint! So, I finally set up boundaries and said enough and No. Well, they all disappeared or ditched me or they needed healthy boundaries. Now it’s a lot more quiet or peaceful. But it’s been challenging. I’m talking about my family members. Poof! All gone! Kris you’re spot on! I did set up those to take advantage of me! So dumb! Lol! But, it’s ok! Jesus is more than enough! I really enjoy my time with Jesus! 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Please don’t feel like you’re answers are too long, they are very perfect! You’re covering everything that comes to mind & trust me they come to our minds as well! You do perfect
Aww I didn't make it to the live, but this is so on point and so needed, other christians and the church often tell you that you have to endure the mistreatment of people who only hurt you and disrespect you especially if they're family cause that's "the christian thing to do" if you don't wake up to these type of behavior and stablish some boundaries brace yourself for a life of toxic people stumping all over you, cause they are everywhere unfortunately.
IAM a independent person, taught from a child to be, but also taught to help, help and help others, from mom and church, so you do it because it's the right thing to do, but you burn yourself out , so so so glad I found you, I can breathe now , thank you for all your knowledge, praise God 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 o
Kris I love listening to you, the subject you are speaking about is so valuable to me. I am one that gives, gives, and keep on giving until I am empty and falling over, for I do not give to myself....I grew up in a family where I had to crawl on my knees to get any kind of approval, even approval of a selfless slave I was happy with that. Just needed to belong in the family from anyone that would give me approval. I taught myself not to expect anything in return because I believe that I was not worthy to this day. I have no boundaries to protect myself, I feel fear of abandonment to this day. Your words ring true to parts of me. I am suffering from CPTST because those to whom I have been giving have emptied me out. I now am staying away from them.
You are very wise to realize you have reached your limit of giving and are withdrawn from others. Stay away even when you regain strength 💪. Don't feel like you need to start giving all over again. God will tell and show you what to do, when, how, etc. He'll provide the way. Just ask Him everyday for His help. I'm in the same situation and this is how I have helped myself since I've been isolated for not helping others all the time. Thanks for sharing.
I use to give to every one when they ask for it i was a people pleaser it got me hurt.I stop they were just using me and they turn against me i learn a lesson i forgive them.I please God not man Hallelujah peace and love inJesus Mighty Name Amen.
Thank you sooo much the sharing about the silent treatment….I grew up with parents who treated me with the silent treatment and I did the same thing to my children, family, and friends….this is totally wrong and I’ve admit it and have asked my children to forgive me and asking Jesus to help me
Thanks for this video. I realize I have done much work because I have finally changed from being a people pleaser. I now have a strong sense of identity and have no problem saying no. My family started wanting to pull me back into my old role and because I refused they call me nasty things. I also find our society socializes women to forget themselves much more than men; hence why men are so much more selfish, often anyhow. God bless!
Thanks you for the boundaries video. It was so helpful. I was a doormat to so many people. I couldn't say no. I thought that I was pleasing God by pleasing these people. God bless you
I have to disagree that everyone who is a people pleaser is selfish and doing it to be liked. Some of us genuinely just don’t value ourselves because we’ve been taught to ignore our own needs.
I’ve been watching her video’s for a few days and I can’t believe how she has been describing me for most of my life and 66 now. No wonder I have been so confused!! I’ve commented on her videos, but as I watch more of them I feel compelled to say she has me almost 💯 down!! What an eye opener ❤
I have to agree with you I’ve always tried to make others happy to keep from having dramas/arguments but I’ve come to a point where I got to think about me as well. Been told that’s all I think about is myself and no one else I got thinking I’ve always have let it be about you but now I’ve got to think about myself look out for myself because I’m emotionally drained
Dear Lord, please help me "get" this... Stuck in an endless pattern of people pleasing because of Fear that's been paralyzing me my entire life. So ready to really be used for His purpose not my own. Thank you so much for this video!!
I’ve learned to call it out and assert my position. I used to give my voice up. Sometimes you need to take into account the relationship you have with the person or persons. In the beginning and from time to time now I used to hate feeling the feelings and or emotions. I come from a family that the women were emotionally and psychologically abusive. Emotional and psychological abuse as a child teaches emotional abuse but once it’s shown to you the ball is in your court. I repent. I want to walk in Love. I don’t want to perpetuate abuse. Stop generation cycles! Take your Authority that Christ died for!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
My passive aggressiveness came from the consistent, violent rejection of any loving boundary I tried to set over a span of many years. It was my way of saying, “yeah, you’re in control, but we both know you’re wrong.”
I get this! I have been in a process for like 3 years. I realized all these things I was doing and putting first to please others. Now I'm setting boundaries and I see the old behaviors leaving me. I however sit and think well now what? What do I enjoy ? What am I supposed to be doing ? I pleased people for so long .
It is so difficult to know, " What now?" Struggling with the same having never thought about myself or what I wanted/needed. Trust God and expect Him to show you the way. Blessings. Isn't it just amazing to have others to share with who Really understand?
A couple of years back, I sent a prayer up asking “ if only I had something of my own” a little while later I found sewing and quilting, with the help of Y/T and classes and I love it. Try this Jesus is listening to you.,🙏
Took me soooo long to finally accept this truth. Took 4 counselors and a pastor to convince me to go No contact Now maybe i can heal from decades ( older sister is the narc) of IBS. It started when i was tiny - and yes enabler parents didn’t help.
This is so good I needed this. I struggle with asking for help because I grew up in an abusive environment and I constantly had my needs screamed away. I’m working on this with family members that aren’t toxic but older and forgetful and everything is falling onto me and it’s so rough. I feel like I’m never enough. It’s a good reminder to keep asking.
I am generous; but I have been burnt out from relationships years ago. I have learned to set boundaries. I have found as a born again Christian & an INFJ personality ~~ I don't get mad, I am just done. I have had to end relationships for good or for long periods. I prayed for the those persons & as well as asking God to heal my heart & show me what he is trying to teach me. I do what is helps me pursue peace in my life the last 40 years. I am 76 now.
Specific language to use when we are in the presence of toxic behavior would be helpful. I see, hear and sense the need to address it but I am mute in those moments! Ugh! Then I need to contemplate the right words to speak one on one re the toxic behavior/ language. My difficulty is with trying to address it in a proper way and then the toxicities become compiled and I'm beyond exhausted.... Buried and then faulted for not speaking to it in the moment.
Taking accountability that I "allowed" these things to happen. Especially in my younger years, I lacked real balance and wisdom to know when to say no, and to either have no boundaries or ones that could easily be knocked down
Kris You truly are a joy to the world that suffers with these issues. We are an aching world, most likely coming from our own childhood traumas and it's so good to hear you explain the fixes through Christ and Holy Spirit. I only wished I could of great this 30 years ago but it's NEVER TOO LATE to start today.
Wow! I am so thankful that I worded my search just the way that it helped me to come across this video. It has opened my eyes to so many things. My only disappointment is that I went my entire life and did not seek to make these healthy changes years and years ago. In a way I feel like I'm out of time and what's the point of working on me now I've wasted most of my life. Thank you so much and I ask that you pray for me that despite my years of regret that God will help me to set healthy boundaries and stop looking back and instead look forward.
Kris, I have been watching your channel all weekend long. I appreciate you so much. After watching oh numerous number of your videos, this is the first time I felt like I wanted to comment on something you said at the end of this video about calling the police. I have come to believe that a true Christian never uses violence and I think that calling the police would fall under that. Our only weapon is prayer. It wasn't until last year after meditating on God's Word day and night that I also now believe that as real Christians we are not allowed to use violence even in self defense. This is a way of giving our life to the Lord and trusting him that we will get to see him in heaven anyway. I love love love your chanel. You are truly a godly woman and I am so grateful I came across your chanel. Thank you.
Thank you really needed this now .. helped me so much .. I screen shot them to go back. I also love love to take to trees and animals and plants sometimes it’s better than humans… blessings to you All in your healing journey❤️❤️❤️❤️
My mother rejected me many many times all my life and then would give the silent treatment for years at a time. Never an apology. Never a phone call. Nothing. One time was 3 years. I always ended up going to her and trying to make up or my father would make me “go hug your mother “. I can’t do it any longer at 62 years of age.
My heart broke when reading this. And I can sympathize with you. I’m 51 and the pain of rejection especially from your own mother is very painful. And to have an enabling father is very difficult. I could relate when you said that you would have to go to your mother bc she would never apologize. Same with me. I don’t like feeling that unsettling feeling. God bless you, and pray for Gods healing touch for you. ❤
@@christinepride4155 It is extremely painful. And to have it happen over and over just about destroys you. I just cannot do it anymore. Then she blames me for not “liking her much “. They tell me they don’t care and yell at me that nothing about their lives is any of my business and then I leave their home telling them to have a nice day. Next text I get from her is that I don’t like her. It’s maddening. Thank you for your compassion. I’m great full for all those on these forums that can relate.
She may be jealous of u didnt want u around bc she felt dad loves u more than her and he probably does. Maybe u r everything she wishes she could be. She is sick twisted and choosing intentionally to keep u far away. Now u choose to do that to her. If u get along with dad invite him out to lunch but not mom let her know who is boss of your life and happiness and that is you.
@@SparkingLife111 I’ve thought of that. Dad didn’t beat me as much as the older two but I still got beat. Just with a board instead of a belt. My father enabled her and idolized her. She was the only one that mattered in our house. We all had to do her cleaning cooking ironing etc. I didn’t mind helping out but if it wasn’t clean enough or done good enough we got his shoe up our butts. We all were out of that house by 17 years old. And now we are all in senior ages and have been married 3 times. All of us. We married abusers just like our childhood environments. My father cannot walk anymore and the last time I visited him on his bday I got screamed at and told they didn’t care about me. My mother had made that statement before. I cannot go back anymore.
I gave until it was sick! I gave things that they weren’t supposed to have. He proved he didn’t love me and I was living a parallel to Gods will, but I wasn’t on His path! I was SO deceived!
This was very helpful and timely…, I struggle with boundaries with my husband… I feel like I’m a co-dependent constantly thinking about his feelings and putting him first. Even when some things are just NOT right… this video helped me have the courage to say NO and and waver.
I withdraw after being depleted or not appreciated, when a person feel it’s ok that they can scream at me to belittle me and instead of matching them, I just go within with God. I don’t respond and I process. So when I silent treatment especially after I told someone that I don’t like the behavior and I don’t appreciate that, when they blatantly ignore me to devalue me, I then go silent. But I finally said “get out, you’re not welcomed here”. He then called me throughout the day and when I answered I said “why did you leave” he said “I left the oil” smh I told him go buy some more and leave me alone. Total head case and I had to see how I contributed to it so no change, then I have to change the dynamics by separating from them, especially since I was preyed upon while I was praying for us. Thank you for your light. ❤
Wooow very helpful message. Iam one of the people pleaser and struggling to reach my goals. And some of these people doesn’t respect me on top of that. How about if you are scared of loosing your people?
If a friend is egnoring me, i get straight to the point, I say" hey where did you go? I'm missing you, are you ok? " if no reply, enough said. That's my new boundary. 🙏
Thank you for all the questions and answers! I have been a Peace Maker, People Pleaser for over 30 years. I wasn’t raised in a house with conflict and I have been mentally abused by a covert narcissist. I never even heard the word narcissist until the pandemic, and then discovered my sister and I both were married to one.
You have helped me greatly in family and other relationships, I had already created boundaries, it's a confirmation, before I dated a narcissist, I got really sick because of gaslight, he never showed up during holidays 😢 😕
I choose to go silent treatment, after so many months of not answering my chats and avoiding my calls.. I feel like garbage, unvalued and rejected. so I take care of myself and my heart now😌
Literally just discovered you 2 days ago and still watching your videos, listening to podcasts, looking through the materials and signed up for emails. No other teacher has made me so eager to follow w such great biblical content on relationships. Seek and ye shall find! I'm now, more equipped to discover the toxic people in my life as well as discover my own toxic traits. Looking forward to getting more acquainted w all the other teachings. Thank you so much for your obedience to the Lord as well as being honest. Blessings on your ministry and love to your family! - Liz
Yes, i think i was always helping cause i wanted attention and to feel good. As the 10th kid it was probably a way to get accolades. Thank God for healing my haert.
My husband uses expensive gifts as a way of saying sorry or will throw it in my face that I’m not appreciative for all the hard work you put into buying me something I didn’t even ask for he did it on his own.
Romans 12:18 "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." I understand this scripture to "do what you have to do" to keep from repeated harm and confrontation... and often that means hard boundering and/or removal of people from our lives. AND...if we are to be scripturally based... this is one of my favs...Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. We are to protect our hearts and if they keep getting smashed and crushed by careless or toxic people, then one may bounder or remove people to keep the peace and guard one's heart.
The silent treatment was one of the ways my husband would punish me for whatever he was mad about. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy those times of quiet. It actually gets me out of some of the many demands like vibrating his back eeevery night. I just stay away until he talks again and usually then he asks ME if I am done being a _____. 😅
Not stupid at all, you were trying to meet everyone else's needs, probably felt it was wrong to be selfish. We tend to think self care is selfish. Nobody told us, or modeled for us that we should first put on our own oxygen masks in order to be able to properly care/love, healthy love, others. God bless, you too deserve happiness and to be cared for.
Trying to stand up to my mom and others, and I still feel guilty 😢 I know it will take time to fully heal and change my bad habits, but man this is difficult. Also I'm struggling with current resentment because I let her convince me to do something I didn't want to do
What she says is true about God's justice. my ex wife is a covert narc. She spent years of our marriage wanting to appease her parents and typically did things that they wanted to do for holidays and such. After our separation and divorce I kept praying for God's justice on her. she lied, drug me through 5 years of hell with the court system. My youngest daughter ended up coming out as being molested by her brother in law not but a few months after our separation. the parents, sided with the brother in law and now the woman that wanted nothing more but to be accepted with her parents does not speak to them because they do not want anything to do with her. Gods justice can be cruelly sweet.
This is such a great video. Definitely a video I need to listen a bunch of times to take in all the helpful information. I love the Bible verses you connect your points to.
Know your own worth. You can’t please everyone if they aren’t happy themselves.
So true
I started setting boundaries with family members and they suddenly isolated me. I am actually ok with it as I was in a toxic manipulative relations.
I completely relate. This is happening to me right now 😢
Where has this video been my whole life? 😅
Silent treatment is something my mother used a lot and my husband escalated to a whole new level. For years I struggled to understand what it was and the effect it had on me. Again, doing much better.
Getting to know the word of God saved me. Matt 10:16
I have a very hard time asking for help because I don't want to feel like I am a burden to anyone.
Most people like to feel they are needed and happy to help,
@@tracynewton3083 unfortunately a lot a self centered
I have that problem too. And when it's offered I even have a hard time accepting it.
That really hurt to hear… on the other hand I can relate and I’ll pray for you.
@@zoeerae5563 Thank you.
I really only got to know about boundaries with my therapy two years ago. My mother to this day doesnt understand or respect privacy or boundaries and this impacted me severely.
I am doing much better now. 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
God bless
🙏🏻💞
I can relate to you. Same situation now but have had to go complete no contact. I’m glad you’re doing better. I will pray for God to emotionally heal you. ❤🙏
All I can say Kris is wow youve just described pretty much my entire teenage to young adult life always trying to please my parents and not taking the time to examine my inner self!😳 Thank you so much for ministering to all of us as this has been a real eye opener ❤
People pleasing = selfish ambition 100%
@@blessedtruther8024 not even realizing I was being selfish, but yes your are unfortunately correct I was blind to this for the longest time before I started setting healthy boundaries. God Bless @blessedtruther and thank you for sharing your wisdom it is definitely appreciated
4:12 My needs matter. Wow.
Wow I thought I lost my faith in god but this video has restored my faith for he was speaking to me 1000000% through this video. Humbly I thank you for your willing spirit and obedience but in truth and transparency- so fresh and so needed in todays society
I'm so blessed to hear that. Thank you for sharing :)
Silent because they twist what you said and why waste my breathe . . Its better to be quiet .
Doormat, crumbs under the table, used, taken advantage of…yep! That’s been me. A people pleaser! Hate to say no! Hate to disappoint! So, I finally set up boundaries and said enough and No. Well, they all disappeared or ditched me or they needed healthy boundaries. Now it’s a lot more quiet or peaceful. But it’s been challenging. I’m talking about my family members. Poof! All gone! Kris you’re spot on! I did set up those to take advantage of me! So dumb! Lol! But, it’s ok! Jesus is more than enough! I really enjoy my time with Jesus! 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Please don’t feel like you’re answers are too long, they are very perfect! You’re covering everything that comes to mind & trust me they come to our minds as well! You do perfect
Aww I didn't make it to the live, but this is so on point and so needed, other christians and the church often tell you that you have to endure the mistreatment of people who only hurt you and disrespect you especially if they're family cause that's "the christian thing to do" if you don't wake up to these type of behavior and stablish some boundaries brace yourself for a life of toxic people stumping all over you, cause they are everywhere unfortunately.
Toxic family my entire life did use me , now at almost 68, I am free.
IAM a independent person, taught from a child to be, but also taught to help, help and help others, from mom and church, so you do it because it's the right thing to do, but you burn yourself out , so so so glad I found you, I can breathe now , thank you for all your knowledge, praise God 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌 o
I am commanded to LOVE others, I don't have to LIKE them.
Kris I love listening to you, the subject you are speaking about is so valuable to me. I am one that gives, gives, and keep on giving until I am empty and falling over, for I do not give to myself....I grew up in a family where I had to crawl on my knees to get any kind of approval, even approval of a selfless slave I was happy with that. Just needed to belong in the family from anyone that would give me approval. I taught myself not to expect anything in return because I believe that I was not worthy to this day. I have no boundaries to protect myself, I feel fear of abandonment to this day. Your words ring true to parts of me. I am suffering from CPTST because those to whom I have been giving have emptied me out. I now am staying away from them.
You are very wise to realize you have reached your limit of giving and are withdrawn from others. Stay away even when you regain strength 💪. Don't feel like you need to start giving all over again. God will tell and show you what to do, when, how, etc. He'll provide the way. Just ask Him everyday for His help. I'm in the same situation and this is how I have helped myself since I've been isolated for not helping others all the time. Thanks for sharing.
Bless you and your ministry.
Thank you, this was helpful as I struggle with boundaries and codependency. God is a healer
I use to give to every one when they ask for it i was a people pleaser it got me hurt.I stop they were just using me and they turn against me i learn a lesson i forgive them.I please God not man Hallelujah peace and love inJesus Mighty Name Amen.
What a wonderful and mature outlook. God bless
Thank you!
Thank you sooo much the sharing about the silent treatment….I grew up with parents who treated me with the silent treatment and I did the same thing to my children, family, and friends….this is totally wrong and I’ve admit it and have asked my children to forgive me and asking Jesus to help me
Thanks for this video. I realize I have done much work because I have finally changed from being a people pleaser. I now have a strong sense of identity and have no problem saying no. My family started wanting to pull me back into my old role and because I refused they call me nasty things. I also find our society socializes women to forget themselves much more than men; hence why men are so much more selfish, often anyhow. God bless!
Thanks you for the boundaries video. It was so helpful. I was a doormat to so many people. I couldn't say no. I thought that I was pleasing God by pleasing these people. God bless you
I have to disagree that everyone who is a people pleaser is selfish and doing it to be liked. Some of us genuinely just don’t value ourselves because we’ve been taught to ignore our own needs.
Love these long well detailed videos you give Kris. They are so helpful and insightful 🥰 you are such a blessing 🙏🏾❤️
Me too! She’s like the wise big sister I never had.❤
Thank you @Kris Reece for sharing Godly wisdom
I’ve been watching her video’s for a few days and I can’t believe how she has been describing me for most of my life and 66 now. No wonder I have been so confused!! I’ve commented on her videos, but as I watch more of them I feel compelled to say she has me almost 💯 down!! What an eye opener ❤
I have to agree with you I’ve always tried to make others happy to keep from having dramas/arguments but I’ve come to a point where I got to think about me as well. Been told that’s all I think about is myself and no one else I got thinking I’ve always have let it be about you but now I’ve got to think about myself look out for myself because I’m emotionally drained
Dear Lord, please help me "get" this... Stuck in an endless pattern of people pleasing because of Fear that's been paralyzing me my entire life. So ready to really be used for His purpose not my own. Thank you so much for this video!!
I’ve learned to call it out and assert my position. I used to give my voice up. Sometimes you need to take into account the relationship you have with the person or persons. In the beginning and from time to time now I used to hate feeling the feelings and or emotions. I come from a family that the women were emotionally and psychologically abusive. Emotional and psychological abuse as a child teaches emotional abuse but once it’s shown to you the ball is in your court. I repent. I want to walk in Love. I don’t want to perpetuate abuse. Stop generation cycles! Take your Authority that Christ died for!🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
When I feel resentful I start praying. I'm a giver, have boundaries but resentful sneak in when I think of my needs.
My passive aggressiveness came from the consistent, violent rejection of any loving boundary I tried to set over a span of many years. It was my way of saying, “yeah, you’re in control, but we both know you’re wrong.”
There was so much to learn in this video. What an eye-opener. Really appreciate all the effort and free content. God bless you ❤️
I get this! I have been in a process for like 3 years. I realized all these things I was doing and putting first to please others. Now I'm setting boundaries and I see the old behaviors leaving me. I however sit and think well now what? What do I enjoy ? What am I supposed to be doing ? I pleased people for so long .
It is so difficult to know, " What now?" Struggling with the same having never thought about myself or what I wanted/needed. Trust God and expect Him to show you the way. Blessings.
Isn't it just amazing to have others to share with who Really understand?
A couple of years back, I sent a prayer up asking “ if only I had something of my own” a little while later I found sewing and quilting, with the help of Y/T
and classes and I love it. Try this Jesus is listening to you.,🙏
Well according to some Christians we are called to be doormats
Unfortunately true
Took me soooo long to finally accept this truth. Took 4 counselors and a pastor to convince me to go No contact Now maybe i can heal from decades ( older sister is the narc) of IBS. It started when i was tiny - and yes enabler parents didn’t help.
So hard!!!! Respect
This is a master class every body should listen so good
This is so good I needed this. I struggle with asking for help because I grew up in an abusive environment and I constantly had my needs screamed away. I’m working on this with family members that aren’t toxic but older and forgetful and everything is falling onto me and it’s so rough. I feel like I’m never enough. It’s a good reminder to keep asking.
You are more than good enough. Bless you as you struggle to find a healthy balance and yet still care for others.
Let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.
I agree and it scripture.
Yes the church was confusing me when it came to forgiving especially with bad behavior
You are a Godsend!!!!
I am generous; but I have been burnt out from relationships years ago. I have learned to set boundaries. I have found as a born again Christian & an INFJ personality ~~ I don't get mad, I am just done. I have had to end relationships for good or for long periods. I prayed for the those persons & as well as asking God to heal my heart & show me what he is trying to teach me. I do what is helps me pursue peace in my life the last 40 years. I am 76 now.
Specific language to use when we are in the presence of toxic behavior would be helpful. I see, hear and sense the need to address it but I am mute in those moments! Ugh! Then I need to contemplate the right words to speak one on one re the toxic behavior/ language. My difficulty is with trying to address it in a proper way and then the toxicities become compiled and I'm beyond exhausted.... Buried and then faulted for not speaking to it in the moment.
Taking accountability that I "allowed" these things to happen. Especially in my younger years, I lacked real balance and wisdom to know when to say no, and to either have no boundaries or ones that could easily be knocked down
What an anoited live! Especially the last couple minutes that was the holy spirit moving!
Kris
You truly are a joy to the world that suffers with these issues. We are an aching world, most likely coming from our own childhood traumas and it's so good to hear you explain the fixes through Christ and Holy Spirit. I only wished I could of great this 30 years ago but it's NEVER TOO LATE to start today.
Thank you, still so complicated but very informative
Wow! I am so thankful that I worded my search just the way that it helped me to come across this video. It has opened my eyes to so many things. My only disappointment is that I went my entire life and did not seek to make these healthy changes years and years ago. In a way I feel like I'm out of time and what's the point of working on me now I've wasted most of my life. Thank you so much and I ask that you pray for me that despite my years of regret that God will help me to set healthy boundaries and stop looking back and instead look forward.
I didn't ask that question but your answer helped a lot.
to God be the glory great things he has done God continue to bless you more and more
This is one important puzzle peace on my journey. Thank you so much.
Kris, I have been watching your channel all weekend long. I appreciate you so much. After watching oh numerous number of your videos, this is the first time I felt like I wanted to comment on something you said at the end of this video about calling the police. I have come to believe that a true Christian never uses violence and I think that calling the police would fall under that. Our only weapon is prayer. It wasn't until last year after meditating on God's Word day and night that I also now believe that as real Christians we are not allowed to use violence even in self defense. This is a way of giving our life to the Lord and trusting him that we will get to see him in heaven anyway. I love love love your chanel. You are truly a godly woman and I am so grateful I came across your chanel. Thank you.
I quit being passive aggressive 💪🙌
Thank you for this. I really needed it because false guilt overshadows me. I know it comes from a toxic childhood.💞
Thank you really needed this now .. helped me so much .. I screen shot them to go back. I also love love to take to trees and animals and plants sometimes it’s better than humans… blessings to you All in your healing journey❤️❤️❤️❤️
My mother rejected me many many times all my life and then would give the silent treatment for years at a time. Never an apology. Never a phone call. Nothing. One time was 3 years. I always ended up going to her and trying to make up or my father would make me “go hug your mother “. I can’t do it any longer at 62 years of age.
My heart broke when reading this. And I can sympathize with you. I’m 51 and the pain of rejection especially from your own mother is very painful. And to have an enabling father is very difficult. I could relate when you said that you would have to go to your mother bc she would never apologize. Same with me. I don’t like feeling that unsettling feeling. God bless you, and pray for Gods healing touch for you. ❤
@@christinepride4155 It is extremely painful. And to have it happen over and over just about destroys you. I just cannot do it anymore. Then she blames me for not “liking her much “. They tell me they don’t care and yell at me that nothing about their lives is any of my business and then I leave their home telling them to have a nice day. Next text I get from her is that I don’t like her. It’s maddening. Thank you for your compassion. I’m great full for all those on these forums that can relate.
She may be jealous of u didnt want u around bc she felt dad loves u more than her and he probably does. Maybe u r everything she wishes she could be. She is sick twisted and choosing intentionally to keep u far away. Now u choose to do that to her. If u get along with dad invite him out to lunch but not mom let her know who is boss of your life and happiness and that is you.
Btw search youtube for videos about narcissistic mothers and borderline personality etc.
@@SparkingLife111 I’ve thought of that. Dad didn’t beat me as much as the older two but I still got beat. Just with a board instead of a belt. My father enabled her and idolized her. She was the only one that mattered in our house. We all had to do her cleaning cooking ironing etc. I didn’t mind helping out but if it wasn’t clean enough or done good enough we got his shoe up our butts. We all were out of that house by 17 years old. And now we are all in senior ages and have been married 3 times. All of us. We married abusers just like our childhood environments. My father cannot walk anymore and the last time I visited him on his bday I got screamed at and told they didn’t care about me. My mother had made that statement before. I cannot go back anymore.
I gave until it was sick! I gave things that they weren’t supposed to have. He proved he didn’t love me and I was living a parallel to Gods will, but I wasn’t on His path! I was SO deceived!
This was very helpful and timely…, I struggle with boundaries with my husband… I feel like I’m a co-dependent constantly thinking about his feelings and putting him first. Even when some things are just NOT right… this video helped me have the courage to say NO and and waver.
Hallelujah. Teach it.
I withdraw after being depleted or not appreciated, when a person feel it’s ok that they can scream at me to belittle me and instead of matching them, I just go within with God. I don’t respond and I process. So when I silent treatment especially after I told someone that I don’t like the behavior and I don’t appreciate that, when they blatantly ignore me to devalue me, I then go silent. But I finally said “get out, you’re not welcomed here”. He then called me throughout the day and when I answered I said “why did you leave” he said “I left the oil” smh I told him go buy some more and leave me alone. Total head case and I had to see how I contributed to it so no change, then I have to change the dynamics by separating from them, especially since I was preyed upon while I was praying for us. Thank you for your light. ❤
Thank you for your program. Your information has helped tremendously.
Yes mountains melt
So very needed? Try desperately needed. FABULOUS VID. 😏🙏❤️
Wooow very helpful message. Iam one of the people pleaser and struggling to reach my goals. And some of these people doesn’t respect me on top of that. How about if you are scared of loosing your people?
I really appreciate the explanation of “cheerful giver”. It was an epiphany!
If a friend is egnoring me, i get straight to the point, I say" hey where did you go? I'm missing you, are you ok? " if no reply, enough said. That's my new boundary. 🙏
Thank you for all the questions and answers! I have been a Peace Maker, People Pleaser for over 30 years. I wasn’t raised in a house with conflict and I have been mentally abused by a covert narcissist. I never even heard the word narcissist until the pandemic, and then discovered my sister and I both were married to one.
You have helped me greatly in family and other relationships, I had already created boundaries, it's a confirmation, before I dated a narcissist, I got really sick because of gaslight, he never showed up during holidays 😢 😕
I choose to go silent treatment, after so many months of not answering my chats and avoiding my calls.. I feel like garbage, unvalued and rejected. so I take care of myself and my heart now😌
Omg this is so so good. Currently experiencing all of thisz
Thanks Kris, you are great !!
EXCELLENT Message ‼️💯 I absolutely love you and your ministry. Would you mind doing a video on Parental Alienation please and thank you?
How this enlightens me! Thank you, Kris Reece. God bless you.
Amen 🙏, Thank you Jesus 😊
I need better boundaries
Literally just discovered you 2 days ago and still watching your videos, listening to podcasts, looking through the materials and signed up for emails. No other teacher has made me so eager to follow w such great biblical content on relationships. Seek and ye shall find! I'm now, more equipped to discover the toxic people in my life as well as discover my own toxic traits. Looking forward to getting more acquainted w all the other teachings. Thank you so much for your obedience to the Lord as well as being honest. Blessings on your ministry and love to your family! - Liz
Yes, i think i was always helping cause i wanted attention and to feel good. As the 10th kid it was probably a way to get accolades. Thank God for healing my haert.
Oh my gosh Kris I am passive/aggressive. I never realized that til right now.
This was so helpful ❤️
My husband uses expensive gifts as a way of saying sorry or will throw it in my face that I’m not appreciative for all the hard work you put into buying me something I didn’t even ask for he did it on his own.
Your not alone in this
Thank you ❤️🙏🏾🙂
Very helpful thank you
Great advice. Thank you.
I needed this Kris you have no idea how God has used me to change my life! Thank God!!
Romans 12:18
"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." I understand this scripture to "do what you have to do" to keep from repeated harm and confrontation... and often that means hard boundering and/or removal of people from our lives. AND...if we are to be scripturally based... this is one of my favs...Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. We are to protect our hearts and if they keep getting smashed and crushed by careless or toxic people, then one may bounder or remove people to keep the peace and guard one's heart.
Great teachings! Thank you! 🙏 Greetings from South Africa ❤️
The silent treatment was one of the ways my husband would punish me for whatever he was mad about. Over the years I’ve learned to enjoy those times of quiet. It actually gets me out of some of the many demands like vibrating his back eeevery night. I just stay away until he talks again and usually then he asks ME if I am done being a _____. 😅
Thanks for the powerful life lesson
People pleasing also comes as a result of being the scapegoat of a Narcissistic parent/ family
I love your videos Kris. Such a blessing. ❤ s.n I cracked up at the image of you going around talking to trees. 😂 😂 too funny.
???Is it stupid that at age 55 I still don't really know my identity??? I am a mother and I was a wife for 30 years and that is all I really know.
Not stupid at all, you were trying to meet everyone else's needs, probably felt it was wrong to be selfish. We tend to think self care is selfish. Nobody told us, or modeled for us that we should first put on our own oxygen masks in order to be able to properly care/love, healthy love, others. God bless, you too deserve happiness and to be cared for.
@@sharonprather9188 Thank you
So I let God deal with something for the first time yesterday and stopped paying for his addictions
Excellent teaching!! Thank you so much for this confirmation ❤
I don't take on other grown folk responsibility... That's one of my boundaries😊
We love you
Its been very helpful, thank you Kris
Love this information. Thank you! ❤
I love your teaching
Trying to stand up to my mom and others, and I still feel guilty 😢 I know it will take time to fully heal and change my bad habits, but man this is difficult. Also I'm struggling with current resentment because I let her convince me to do something I didn't want to do
What she says is true about God's justice. my ex wife is a covert narc. She spent years of our marriage wanting to appease her parents and typically did things that they wanted to do for holidays and such. After our separation and divorce I kept praying for God's justice on her. she lied, drug me through 5 years of hell with the court system. My youngest daughter ended up coming out as being molested by her brother in law not but a few months after our separation. the parents, sided with the brother in law and now the woman that wanted nothing more but to be accepted with her parents does not speak to them because they do not want anything to do with her. Gods justice can be cruelly sweet.
This is such a great video. Definitely a video I need to listen a bunch of times to take in all the helpful information. I love the Bible verses you connect your points to.
Setting boundaries my be new for some but other refresher course is needed as well.
Thank you. So much cl
Carity