Married feminine family members, please leave your advice in the comments for our sisters as well if you have a moment! I’m always interested to learn how others keep their marriages alive and thriving. Sending you love my dears! Xoxo
Thank you SO much for not having music playing the background of your videos. I am very sensitive to background noise and I often am unable to finish watching/listen to TH-cam videos because the background tracks just wear out my mind. Your content is truly worth listening to, and it does not need any props or crutches or hooks. It is quality stuff and it is so encouraging!! Thank you!! -Shelby (mom to 4 little young men)
I’ve been married for 10 years now (got married at 19!), and my #1 piece of advice is to learn to love who your husband ACTUALLY is. I spent so much time trying to love him the way the books say to. I served him, picked up after him, was always there when he got home, etc. He didn’t really notice, and it made me resentful! Come to find out, all the man ever wanted was a friend. A true friend. Someone to make him feel heard and loved-not for what he does, but for who he is. Now that I learned that, he basically kisses the ground I walk on. Love who YOUR man is, and figure out what HIS unique needs are! Xoxo
“Marriage isn’t a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call ‘the wise bamboo,’ which means you bend so you don’t break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.” - Joan Rivers
I've been married for 6 years now and my advice is: 1. It's your marriage and your timeline - don't let anyone rush you and your husband into things, wether is parenthood, changing jobs or buying a house. By figuring it out between you two you will grow and get closer. 2. Something my husband always says: we are a team. That means it's us two against the problem, not against each other. It also means we are ready to help the other person with whatever they are struggling with because we are working towards the same goal: a good life for both of us. Also, Caitlyn, you are ✨glowing✨ It is so nice to see you so happy and more and more confident in yourself ♥️
Hi! To add to your self care point: husbands want this for us too! It's something I'm currently learning but I had a bad habit of working super hard around the house thinking it was helping my husband and my marriage. To some extent it was, but my husband has made me realize I can put some chores off for later and hang out with him and watch a show or whatever I want to do. I used to feel so guilty any time I wasn't working on chores and I was missing out on actually living my life to try to always stay ahead! My husband even told me it was stressing him out to see me stress out so much lol. Our husbands don't expect us to be a cleaning machine, they really just want a fun happy relaxed wife they can hang out with
Husbands ! Want ! This ! For ! Us ! Too ! Truer words have not been spoken. I could take this comment and use it as my own story. Such a hard lesson to learn!! I relate! Thank you for giving us this wisdom.
@@lologege5466 Unnecessary, confusing comment. It's not really the culture of Mrs. Midwest's channel to preach in the comments. Please save scripture for times when it adds to the conversation.
I didn't have a stellar example of marriage growing up...while it wasn't volatile, it wasn't loving, either. I never wanted to get married until I met my husband. It just felt right. Now, I feel like my marriage is my biggest accomplishment in life. Not to sound corny or desperate, but it holds such significance for me and I try every day to be the best wife I can be. It makes it easier to do so because my husband tries to be the best husband he can be. It is so special-- I wouldn't trade it for anything.
When I see myself get frustrated with him if he’s doesn’t put something away that he should’ve I like to remember that if he wasn’t here right now I would be praying that he would be there even to just pick up his socks. We tend to forget how good we have it until we don’t have it.
Don't worry about your advice differing from what it was, years ago- or even months ago. What is life, if our minds aren't growing and changing? You're allowed to change your mind, have fresh opinions, and try new things that work best for you. This is definitely something that I've learned in life.
This video had me in tears. I grew up in a Christian household with a mother who carried a lot of trauma and baggage into her own marriage and watched her belittle and disrespect my dad and blowup in anger at all of us. It created division in our family and my mom still refuses to go to therapy or work on herself. As an adult I struggle being defensive and overly passionate during arguments, it’s taken a lot of work on myself and guidance from my husband to change that pattern. This was SO helpful to hear another person going through the same thing and just put into words how hard that situation can be and the aftermath as an adult. This video meant so much to me and my emotional health, thank you!! It IS possible to break the cycle 💕 7 years in a healthy happy marriage that our kids will flourish experiencing as well.
Are you me?? Are we living the same story?? That’s so heartwarming. Thank you for being here and writing. It can feel so isolating to go through these things in the Christian community, especially hard to talk about them because we also want to honor our father and mother!! So tricky, but honestly necessary to discuss because then we can bring light to these problems and figure out ways to heal 💗💗💗
I fully resonate with this as well, very similar situations growing up. As an adult I realized that I was beginning to bring those same patterns into my own marriage (taking advantage of a wonderful man and taking out her anger on us kids due to her own trauma) like my mother did. I took responsibility by self reflecting and signing up for therapy and I'm so grateful I did. One of the largest fears I had was passing on trauma to my own future children. I'm so happy to say that while I'm not perfect, I finally got to a place in my healing where I was ready to bring a child into this world and am currently 18 weeks pregnant :) With the help of my husband, my therapist, and my own humility I know I will be better for my own children. So happy to hear of your own healing as well
Until this video, and reading these comments, I thought I was alone in this and it's been so challenging for me to navigate this situation. Saw it my whole life with my parents dynamic and I never wanted to be that way or for my life to be like that! But, subconsciously I guess I picked a bit of it up and once I recognized that I've worked on myself so much and I really think I/my relationship have hugely improved, thank goodness. I don't want to pass anxiety, or disrespectful behavior down to my children and I am going to keep working at it. God bless you ladies (Caitlin, Jayme, Anna
My story definitely mirrors what you have shared of yours! Praise the lord for blessing us with strong patient husbands to help guide us in our own healing towards healthy marriages! The next chapter we have been navigating is now learning to set boundaries with those family members. It can be SO hard especially when you have kiddos and crave that family togetherness. 💕
I really like what you said about how you used to dive into your negative emotions and didn't like small talk and only wanted deep conversations but it was really just trauma dumping and bonding over trauma. I totally went through a very similar stage in my life and never realized until you just said that. I thought it was "cool" or "deep" how I would always want to have those traumatic-type conversations. Really glad you brought that up!
Yes yes yes. I need to add this advice to a video about how I transformed to a happier mindset in general. But I was definitely modeled the trauma dumping growing up, and it wasn’t until Husbear that I realized that it’s okay to be happy and have fun!
Let. it. go. Let it go. I've been married for 8 years now, and I have for sure realised a problem of mine that I brought into our marriage - the inability to let hurt go. My husband is not perfect (no one is!) and he has of course over the last 8 years, done and said hurtful things. When he has come to me to genuinely apologise and acknowledge my hurt, which is all he can do, did I accept it? 8 out of 10 times, NO! I would drag it out, I would go around in circles about how upset I was, and do the classic silent treatment.. It has taken a lot of internal work, and realising as you say this is what was displayed to me growing up, to acknowledge how unhelpful my behavior has been and implement new ones. I cannot say I am 100% better, but i have come a long way. I now intentionally acknowledge that my husband loves me, he is my best friend and he would never want to see me hurt. And when he apologises, he means it. So give grace, understanding, and let it go. Since doing that, our marriage feels so much lighter, happier and fun! we can now have a disagreement, move on from it, and enjoy our time. So that is my advice - learn to let things go (within reason of course, I am not talking about cheating etc.), accept a genuine apology and enjoy your time together :)
My advice is to actually marry a decent man. Sounds obvious? Maybe, but I do believe that nobody is perfect and that we are all can improve every day. But only a decent person with enough self-reflection will see his mistakes and learn from them.
@@jdxo7413 that’s difficult. The best thing to do would be to try to communicate as much as you could so they could be a better person/reflect on what they’re doing that is showing you they’re not being a decent person. If communication doesn’t work out then unfortunately you know the outcome. You can’t change someone, you can only help. (Especially if they’re already your spouse.) You can only do so much and lessons are always to be learned 💕 good luck! ❤️
@@jdxo7413 Excellent question, because the sad fact is, jerks don't often show their true colors until they know their woman is tied to them (because of pregnancy or marriage.) Life is too short to stay with a man that makes you unhappy, especially if he isn't making your kids happy either (or you don't have them yet.) They're a dime a dozen, meanwhile there are plenty of worthy men looking for love.
You’re honestly the best traditional TH-camr ,plenty of other traditional wives promote tolerating abuse,and I’m so glad you addressed this topic of a healthy marriage (I’m not married 😂😭) Loved the video ❤️❤️
i can really see your maturity in this video. when you have been married for a while and have young children, we do need moments to ourselves. i like doing my makeup, blow drying my hair so its nice and smooth. for a long time i "let myself go" and now that im putting myself together, i can tell my husband really likes it. im waking up earlier and making time for my "morning routine". making time to wash my face at night and care for my skin. i watch beauty videos when i clean the kitchen. my husband really likes when i look cute. men are visual!
I’ve been married 3 years and absolutely self care is so important!! I didn’t even finish the video. I just had a baby in July 3 baby’s under the age of 2 and I go get my hair done and nails done and go to the spa monthly take care of YOU so you can take care of everyone in the best way ❤️
Been married for 14 years. No children - cancer took that off the table. Marriage is a two way street: Love, respect, communication, trust, and laughter. He is my best friend and my rock. Thank you for always putting out honest and amazing content. I work insane hours as does my husband and we both together find time for our home and each other.
Everyone - get the Empowered Wife book Your blog posts and recommendations have been such a help. I also don't come from the best example so I was pretty careful in learning. I've only been in married for a year. Key things I've learnt: Not to judge my husband on random female metrics like how he makes a bed I have no control over my husband It's easier to inspire your husband than command him Be grateful and tell him often the things you're grateful for Don't bring up his wrongs once resolved He wants to make you happy and save you and help you - that's a good thing And yes self care
I’ve been married for seven years now, I started reading fascinating womanhood and watching their TH-cam channel and it’s been such a blessing to me and my marriage!
I want to share something huge that I learned as someone who came from a very harmonious household. My parents are so in sync with each other and rarely argue. And if they do, it was never in front of us kids. Something that was difficult for me to learn in my relationship is that conflict doesn't mean the relationship is bad or can't work. I used to run away at the first sign of conflict and it's my current partner who really taught me that we can work through things and be stronger for it in the end. And I'm so thankful that I've learned this. I'm very happy to have grown up in a blissful household, but I never learned conflict resolution. So just some advice for people out there, just because you and your partner are disagreeing about something, it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed!
i am 16 and one of my biggest aspirations is to get married to someone who is passionate about the Lord. there is no shame whatsoever in wanting to make yourself a high value woman who cares about physical health indicators, femininity and discipline. it all should be not only to grow as a woman, but also to "become" the right one. we could find the right one and not be the right person for them. it's always an inspiration to see someone actively live about what i dream of living someday. whenever there's a chance to meet a suitor that measures up to my standards, i sure hope to measure up to his too! great video btw :)
I've been happily married for 12 years, and this is such good advice!!! You have touched on a lot of the exact same lessons that I have learned, but I'll share from my own experience and my own perspective for anyone who is curious. 1. Friendship should be the foundation of your marriage. Lovey dovey feelings ebb and flow sometimes when life is stressful and through hard times. But ultimately my husband is my best friend and I'm his best friend. It transcends that mushy gushy in love feelings. Which we do also have of course, but I think the true strength of our marriage comes from our friendship. And that includes having fun together, sharing our interests, talking about everything with each other. Joking and laughing together, etc. All things best friends do. And I completely agree to keep things lighthearted as much as possible. If every conversation is stressful and talking about issues and problems, it will suck the fun and joy out of your marriage. Those conversations are important, but gosh you should not be having difficult conversations non stop. Lighthearted and fun conversations should be the majority. And after a heavy conversation, try to do something fun together! 2. The best marriage book I've ever read was the 5 love languages book. It helps you to learn HOW to love your spouse. How they feel loved. My husband feels loved through words of affirmation and acts of service. I think it's important to show love to your spouse with all 5, but knowing which are the top ones can help you as a spouse show them your love in the way that they need it. For me, I need quality time and physical touch. We read this book on our honeymoon together, and it has helped us soooo much through the years. 10/10 recommendation. 3. Anger issues. Some of the best marriage advice I've ever heard is to stop viewing the things your husband is doing/saying as if he's trying to hurt/annoy you on purpose. I think it's so easy to slip into this mode of thinking he made that comment or did that action just to be mean. And this immediately makes us defensive and then we lash out in anger and all that does is start an argument. I've learned that for me personally, my anger issues were coming from my childhood. When I expressed hurt feelings or cried, I was made fun of or had my feelings diminished. So I started responding to hurt feelings with anger because that was the only acceptable "negative" emotion to show in those situations. I may have gotten scolded, but I didn't get made fun of or embarrassed for it. Unlearning this behavior has been soooo hard to do, but I am consciously working on it now that I'm aware of the root of this issue. Now if my husband says something hurtful, I take a beat and say in a calm voice "Oh that comment kind of hurt my feelings." What I have learned is that pretty much every time that was never his intention and it was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. This resolves almost every issue immediately because he apologizes for my feelings getting hurt and then further explains what he actually meant, but just didn't express in the best way lol. I can't remember the last time we had an argument since I started doing this. I also catch myself sometimes when I do react in anger and can nip it in the bud and apologize for hit immediately. I now realize that so many of our arguments were based on miscommunications and me getting angry and assuming the worst about my husband in those moments. I now try to make an effort to assume the best. I assume that he probably didn't mean to hurt me. It allows me to address it in a calm and patient way with open communication and honesty and I'm able to express my hurt feelings in a way that doesn't come out as anger. And men respond soooo much better to vulnerability/hurt than to anger/defensiveness. I hope this helps someone!!!
@@LucasDanielSantoro You are so welcome! I hope it was helpful in some way! I've learned so much over the last 12 years, and I have an absolutely wonderful marriage, so I always want to do whatever I can to help others
I have been watching your videos for a couple years now and honestly feel like I have grown with you! I love seeing how your own feminity, opinions and experiences evolve as you go through new things in your life. ❤️ I hope in the future we'll see some more videos pertaining to motherhood, and how your views on past topics (feminity, budgeting, housework etc) has changed since becoming a mother. I know you have your hands full, and appreciate that you make time for us!! 🌸🌷
Wow I’d love that too!! My perspective has changed for sure. It’s so nice to grow with our feminine family over the years. You all keep me so encouraged 💗
More of these marriage videos please!! 💗 My husband and I have been married 7 years this year, and my biggest piece of advice is similar to what you said- have fun! Don’t let the mundane and the busyness of having children steal your excitement of having your hubby around. 😊
I'm a self-care coach (wife, physician, & therapist) and I couldn't agree more on your first point. I coach women all the time on the necessity of making sure your own needs are attended to -- not perfectly, but consistently. And just to bolster your point; this is, indeed, Biblical. The Proverbs 31 woman -- and countless other strong examples -- tended to herself. Where it becomes problematic is when we think we can uphold this without God's support. Self-care + God's care.
This is really helpful, just to know that you were scared of marriage but made space to trust the process. I’ve been so scared myself, but it’s super comforting to know that fear happens regardless of our spiritual space.
Only 3 years married here but I really resonated with each of these points. I personally have a strong opposition to the “happy wife happy life” motto. I can’t tell you how many people told us that at the beginning of our marriage and it never worked/ was something that never sat well with us. While yes I should be happy, so should my husband! And he shouldn’t be suffering just to make me happy! Or walk on eggshells in fear of me being “unhappy”. But I think when you incorporate self care, joy/ fun with your spouse, and apologize and truly repent for your shortcomings.. everyone will be happy/ makes marriage so much better. I think each of these points are extremely wise. Thank you Cait🤍
I’m so grateful for you, Caitlin! I was awake all night with a sick toddler last night. Poor girl has an upset tummy. I’ve been looking forward to this since I was your Insta story last night, amidst the middle of the night back rubs and soothing. I’m so excited to enjoy this video, and she just fell asleep. Perfect timing all around 🤍✨
This video really brightened my day. I'm coming out of a long painful illness and when you got to the part about self care I paused the video, made myself a cup of tea and gave myself a little pamper session while watching the rest. Now I feel like I'll be in the best mood for when my guy comes home from work. It even gave me enough energy to make dinner for the first time in weeks! I feel so much more myself again!
Been married for 8 years now and this content is important for all of us wives, and even husbands to hear, think about, be reminded of. Looking forward to more content like this. Bless you Caitlyn!
I’ve been married for 3 years, but have lived and been with my husband for 12. I’m not Christian, but I love to follow your channel for new mom and homemaking tips. I think my husband and I work together because we treat each other equally as partners and have solid communication, emotional intelligence and trust. Marriage is a choice and as long as you’re growing in the same direction it can really blossom into something beautiful.
You're one of my favorite youtubers, every video of yours is so incredible and insightful and smart. Thank you for spending time and sharing your knowledge and life experiences with all of us strangers. It really means the world to me.
I usually looove all your videos and I listen to all your advice, but I feel like you really outdid yourself with this one! I agree one hundred per cent with all of your insights in keeping your marriage. Especially the "view your experiences as neutral", and taking responsability. I usually find people who either refuse their background, or see themselves as a product of them, a victim of your own behaviour. And while I agree that past shapes us, I admire that you can be the one responsible for your actions and reactions and also hold yourself accountable for things. It has definitely been the key to keeping my relationship, alongside making an effort to leave pride behind. It feels good to hear it put into words in such a grounded way. As a side note, to me, in order to balance duties with self love and discipline and joyfullness, it helps me to look up to the character of Mary Poppins. It may not be the usual role model, but I really find her inspiring! Again, thanks so much for your lovely video
Something I’ve done as “self care” is buying a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store once or twice a month. They are lovely to look at and my boys smile when they see them on the table☺️. Keeping life simple has also helped in my marriage. Vacations, dinners and even dates are simple and focused on quality time. My family appreciate the lack of stressful expectations and so do I. Thank you for the video and your tips…we all need help sometime😊
Wow thank you 😭😭 I’ve noticed that a lot of people have said I seem happier and more authentic in the past year or so, and I really think it’s because I’ve been just genuinely happier in my life in general! You are so sweet to point out this connection. I hope all of us work on our self care so we can all glowwwww 🥰🥰🥰🥰 love you girl!!
@@MrsMidwest No problem! 💜 Truly. I feel as if you've always been authentic, but as time passed, God gave you even more reasons to smile and celebrate and that's why we've seen that glow radiate eveeennnn brighter! That ripple effect in bringing that sense of joy inspires many of the women here to hopefully plant those same joyful seeds and grow and inspire others, too. Keep doing you and God bless 💜
One way I try to “self care” like you described is trying to romanticize life and each season, looking for the beautiful and good things daily. Because as a Christian woman I also struggle with the bubble bath and selfishness of self care culture. But proper beauty maintenance is also something important we should try to keep up with for ourselves and our spouses. I hope this makes sense and maybe helps someone else
Sincerly thank you for saying that sometimes Pinterest can be self-care, sometimes just staring out a window for a few minutes can be self-care. This actually makes me feel loads better ❤
14:46 - 20:02 you summed this up so articulately and gracefully! My childhood was similar to yours in this respect and it's sooo worth doing your own, deep work to heal from that. Nervous system regulation was the game changer for me, but understanding the psychology was also very necessary. ❤
You're speaking on being more practical and more free and more unique in each one's interest, not a cut and dry replicated version of a wife with one mode - work tirelessly and know not enjoying fruits of such labor. That's quite toxic for everyday functioning, so I thank you for covering this in a positive discussion!! 💕
Something I’m learning right now is being happy with where the Lord has me right now and, whatever season I’m in, praising God for His graciousness and kindness for having me here. There’s so much to appreciate in each season and often I can get a little down wishing and hoping (proverbs 13:12 - Hope deferred makes the heart sick). I always remind myself I’m right where I’m supposed to be! Thank you Caitlin for all of your wonderful advice and for sharing your wisdom with us! Blessings 🌸✨🌻
Amen to this. Wow. I’m sure we are all dealing with something that we wish was different, wanting to reach the next milestone… gratitude and contentment is the secret to adding so much joy to life!!
I've been married for six yrs and have three kiddos with another bun in the oven, and I've definitely felt this same way, and have noticed I feel more lighthearted and joyful whenever I take the time to do the things that I enjoy.
This was truly so encouraging,helpful and beautifully spoken! I’m still in the dating stage of life, but will save and remember what you said about marriage relationships- how pride has no place there. Have seen pride play a huge role in many broken relationships where there is continual resentment. Excited to work on my own growth in forgiveness and humility in all friendships, dating and future marriage! Thanks so much Caitlin!
I 100% agree with your take on apologizing. I think this goes hand in hand with being able to say, “I was wrong.” It’s not something my mom does. She’ll “apologize” that her actions hurt my feelings or that I’m feeling a certain way but it’s always with the underlying “but I didn’t do anything wrong so it’s just you being sensitive”. For someone who doesn’t like conflict, I was always made to feel that my feelings weren’t valid because my mom could do no wrong. Even when she’s clearly crossed a line. It’s something that I’ve worked really hard on not doing in my marriage. I strive to swallow my pride and admit when I was wrong and then give a meaningful apology.
I admit that apologizing is something I struggle with, but I've been working on it and have seen how it can make relationships stronger. It's important to let go of your pride and admit when you're wrong.
It’s so so so difficult, but healing and beautiful! It can be hard to let yourself be vulnerable in that way, but there is a strength in humility. Proud of you!!
Cheers to you Emily! I remember hard times were I was hurt an nobody apologized. Imagine how it feels. Put yourself in other's shoes in every situation. Everybody feels relief, and peace after an apology, plus it cost zero $
Dear Mrs. Midwest, I discovered your chain a week ago and I'm finding it sooo uplifting and enthusiasm-giving. Now I look forward to do my laundry because I know I'll be listening to one of your podcasts at the same time 🤩 Thank you very much for this very interesting video on marriage success tips. Gives me a lot to think over and put into practice. Love, from a 3 year old married mother of 10 months old baby, living in France. P.S. was so touched by your video on your birth stories. It made me cry. My birth story looked a lot like your first one. 🙏
One of the best marriage videos I have seen!! Been married for 5 years and this information is soooo relatable and practical!! I love being married, I work part time and my husband full time and it is a team effort to get the daily things done plus take care of our sweet baby girl but the playful and flirty moments that make us giggle are the best!!! Aaand I will point out I probably apologize for something everyday 😂😂 I always try to remember that when we were falling in love he was the most special person to me and he is still that special person today. My soulmate and best friend in every way, what is an apology compared to the amazing love he brings to my life??
Thank you for this video and sharing marriage tips! I’m one year in and we both brought past behaviors into our marriage that we have had to work through and are still working through. It brings you closer together to get through that hard stuff. People give up when they don’t know what to do.Here,you are especially real and down to earth. I liked your birth stories too. Mine was a traumatic experience as well. I have been watching you for a while on TH-cam and I checked out your blog recently. I loved this particular video so much. This Christian and Marriage centered content is so good,positive,uplifting and realistic for many of us women. Cause just like you, me, and others we don’t usually receive this picture perfect idea of marriage and family. We have to learn and grow as we go,once we decide to start our own. 🥰 content like this can be so powerful in helping our our society. We need more men and women dedicated to working through hard things in the relationship to achieve a healthy happy marriage and thus puts good examples before our children and then makes our society a little better. It’s all about God and family. Love is hard and Jesus already knew this, that’s why he said I give you a new commandment to love one another as I have loved you.
Thank you, Caitlin! The Christian belief that love is an action not a feeling is such drudgery. I'm crazy about my husband, he is my best friend. Sometimes he (or i) act unlovable, but I still love him and because of that love, we act in love. Thank you! Christian counseling of "marriage is a business contract " ( yes, a minister told us this! Unbelievable!) Was such a downer. Thanks for your thoughts!
I'm getting married on October 22 and nervous that my defensive anger used as a coping mechanism will affect our marriage but this gave me a bit more hope. Thank you❤
Be patient with yourself! It takes time to let your guard down and be vulnerable in marriage. The biggest part is knowing that it’s a problem ! Congratulations my friend!! Xo
My husband and I got married at 23 and have been married for 13 years. I think all your tips are great, especially the point about being willing to apologise. My tip would be for yourself and your husband to truly “own” the values of your dynamic and stay true to them. We married far younger than any of our peers and have a much more traditional marriage than them all. We have gotten negativity for this a lot over the years, but we have always stuck to our guns and been each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
I got married at 18 to my best friend. We’ve been married 10 years. Watching him grow and become a man as I have grown has been such a wonderful experience! Only God knows us better than we know each other, and I love having that connection with someone. The advice I give to newly married couples was given in this video, so I’m glad others know this information: Don’t fight each other when times get hard. Fight the difficult time together as one unit. My mom and dad have been married 35 years, and my mother has great advice for those looking for a spouse. “Watch how he treats his mother when he is upset with her. This will tell you how he will love you in difficult times.” I have added to this by saying, “Watch her relationship with her father, and whether she reacts respectfully when he is unkind.”
@@lologege5466 I’m really confused as to what you’re trying to say. I do know people who divorced after 50 years, and the entire time there was obvious abuse on one side. Not sure what it would have to do with church though.
I am coming up on my 6th anniversary and I really want to invest in my marriage this year. We are both Christians and I am a part time working mom of a toddler. I feel so much of what you described - I can be defensive and harbour past hurt and blame my husband for a sense of unhappiness that I have with our relationship. I would love to hear more about how you re-trained your thought patterns to positive ones. I just started reading a book called “the seven principles for making marriage work” while my husband and I were on a solo road trip together and while it does not come from a Christian world view, so far (we’re only about 25% through) it had a ton of useful information/exercises for continuing friendship that is the basis of a long lasting happy marriage (in their hypothesis). Thank you for continuing to give us a peek into how you grow in your relationship, praying for your sweet family ❤️
Hey Mrs Midwest, I really want to say thank you for the encouragement that we can break the cycle in toxic family systems. I grew up with parents who didn’t know how to have healthy conflict. Their marriage broke down because of this and growing up was definitely like walking on eggshells. Holidays like Christmas and birthdays are really difficult for me as well. My partner and I are determined not to repeat these patterns and learn how to have healthy conflict by listening to each other, respecting each other’s needs and working together to resolve problems. Love your videos ❤️❤️
Coming up on my first wedding anniversary in a few weeks!!! 💗💞 As a total newbie I don't have much advice, but we did marry a little older (I'm almost 31 and my husband is approaching 40). Meeting and marrying later in life, after having both faced the cold reality that a spouse and family may never happen for either of us, gave me a greater appreciating for who my husband is, and the decades that he did life without me. It taught me to never take my husband for granted. I try (key word "try"... I fail on the regular!) to relate to him in such a way that, if he were to not come home that day, I would have no regrets about the effort I put in to being a good wife! God gets all the credit for bringing my husband and I together, so I deeply value his companionship, loyalty and his mere presence! I thought I may never have what I have now, and am grateful every day for him (even on the not-so-glamorous, "blah" days haha)
I’m so excited for this!!! Thank you, Caitlin! Others haven’t had the best examples to follow and hope to break the cycle as well too! Also, in your last vlog you said you’d been reading a lot and I would love some recommendations from what you’ve been reading lately! I know your blog has some but an updated list would be fantastic! Xoxo!!
Hey Caitlin, I have loved watching you and your channel for the last couple of years and have been so inspired by your content in several ways over that time. I especially love when you talk about your faith and Biblical worldview as I am a fellow believer and sister-in-Christ and I am thankful for the times when you speak boldly about God and the truths of the Word on a public platform such as yours. I have been married 7 years and have 2 small children, and you gave some good, helpful tips here for sure. I was definitely challenged by the part where you spoke about truly apologising to each other and forgiving and repenting of our wrongs against one another. I admit this is something I am still working on! You spoke a lot about self-care in this video, which I don’t believe is wrong in itself but I do believe that we need to be careful to find our true and lasting joy and satisfaction in Christ alone and being in obedience to Him, and not in our own temporal pleasure/comfort/happiness etc. Also we are called to give ourselves sacrificially for others as Christ gave himself for us (Luke 9:23-26 comes to mind). Anyway, I highly recommend the Thankful Homemaker podcast by Marci Ferrell. It’s been so sanctifying and encouraging for me, and might be an encouragement to you too. (Ep. 35 is a one to start with relating to marriage) Much love to you and and your precious family from a fellow Christian in New Zealand ❤️ xx
I've been going through a hard time lately, and I really needed to hear someone tell me to seek out fun and light-heartedness. This was great advice and a good wake up call for me! Thank you
Yes!! It’s okay to find something that makes you giggle. It doesn’t mean that the hard stuff won’t stil be there, but you may have more energy to handle it after you’ve had a good laugh ❤️
You inspired me to read The Empowered Wife and I have started doing self care too, starting with writing up a list of 20 things I enjoy. I was so stuck at first on what I enjoyed doing because I was so in mom mode that my thoughts were preoccupied with what my baby needed or what needed to get done around the house, but I read some other people's lists and that helped inspire mine. Some were more elaborate like enjoying visiting a beautiful church or walking in a garden, to something very simple like sipping a really yummy sparkling water, something I can do easily any time of day, and it is such a great mental reset when I pour that little glass and sit, as it's a reminder that I am taking care of myself, and that I do so because my intention is to have a loving family and home. So my advice to others watching is to not make your list of self-care filled with overly complicated and time consuming projects or adventures, but something super simple and accessible daily, as they can be a good reminder of your desire for harmony and goodness.
Other suggestions - A lot of time we're doing things out of love, but if we start feeling resentment towards others for their lack of appreciation or worrying about it being perfect or feeling put upon, the love slips right out and your act of love will start to feel like a burden to you and others. This is again, where the self-care comes in. Feel free to not take too much on if it's going to make you unloving, or make sure if you are going to push beyond your comfort zone to get something done, give yourself space to rest or get a break, and ask others for help too. If you blow up and act out in a way that you didn't like, lean into humility and admit that you were trying to do something loving because you love your people, but you overdid it, and ask for forgiveness. It's so good to model virtue in your home. Also, remember why you married the man you did, and if you start to forget, start a gratitude list, and when you're getting agitated, remember all the wonderful things that made you choose him and also what he's doing for you, your family, your community, etc. Gratitude is another virtue we need more of and it's great to model it to invite more of it into your home.
This was really vulnerable and honest so thank you for sharing such amazing advice. Been in a relationship for almost 10 years and I would agree with everything. I’m glad this wasn’t just a sacrifice yourself type video that most femininity channels tend to drill into young women as I did that at the start and ended up a resentful bitter person and it took a long time to work on that Also thank you for sharing about your family, they are not your fault so don’t let anyone make you feel it is your fault, you’ve worked on yourself so hard so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that, you should be proud I wish you and your family happiness
Sound advice! Great reminders and I share your wish not to repeat the cycle.. In my case more so as a parent, since my parents seem to find happiness in their marriage build on what I'd say are toxic dynamics... I always knew I would never want to be in a relationship such as theirs.. But I did worry I might make the same mistakes as a parent, also, because it was the example I had, and I too had difficulty regulating my emotions (or rather being in touch with them), because being emotional was punished when I was a child.. Going into therapy so you can talk to someone about it without "dumping" it on your spouse is something I would highly recommend, as long as you make sure you click with your therapist and they are skilled in working with your specific trauma. And lastly, when you are capable of self reflection and willing to learn, change and do better, you are already where you need to be.
Married at 18/19 and we’re now going on 17 years. Marriage does take work but I wouldn’t change it for anything! When times are hard we rely on Biblical principles and we work to better ourselves every day. We communicate A LOT, we allow each other to grow as individuals and we don’t try to change each other. There is SO MUCH I could say but I’ll keep it short and say to show each other TRUE UNSELFISH love and weed out any resentment as soon as possible! Resentment, jealousy and lack of respect are poison to a marriage union .
Hey Cait 🌸🤍 I can relate to your family situation so much!! Oh dear! Yes! The defence and emotional fragility! Subconsciously reverting to what we’ve seen! My husband grew up without seeing his parents fight at all. How incredible. Of course they would have discussions in private. But they always kept the children away from their personal quarrels. I want to thank you for sharing. Changing bad/unhelpful behaviours we learn as young developing children are hard to break away from but it is so worth it. Acknowledging my faults and following my husband’s and his parents healthy behaviours is a blessing. Thank you so much for your advice on this topic. This entire video is extremely helpful! 🥰
Always love your videos :)) can’t wait for the video on making friends as an adult in a new town, would also love to learn how to be content during singleness, where to meet traditional men, and more relationship content 😄 and how to move to a small town if you don’t know anyone
Read the book Love and Respect! So good! Also please do a hair tutorial on your new bangs lol cut and style :) they're ecstatic what I've been trying to do but can't get them right lol
Thank you so much for this! I recently got engaged and I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself wanting to be the "perfect wife" right off the bat. This is a good reminder that it's going to take a lot of patience with myself and my future husband because, let's face it: neither of us has done this before! I've been watching you since 2019 and you've definitely influenced my perspective a lot. Thank you so much for all you do for your feminine family!
This video seems like it was meant for me. I just got married last week to my best friend. Since meeting my now husband I have been trying to build a relationship with God. I too didn't have anyone to show me what a healthy relationship is. Communication is so important for us. I am so blessed my partner is so patient and we try to make eachother better and we do work together. He makes me laugh daily and we work with our strengths. We don't expect perfection and try to focus on the present when necessary and do small things to work on what we can to make our future better.
Loved getting a notification that you have a new video!! 🥰 marriage has been my life’s greatest blessing and honor and it’s so great to see others in the same boat!
Okay upon watching more, this video is INCREDIBLY relatable. As a fellow highly emotional and sometimes intense woman who comes from a not so stable and happy home environment… thank you thank you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ God bless you and your family Caitlin!
Also I had the “oh you think you can do this better than me” moment in the kitchen literally yesterday… omg! Lol I’m slowly transitioning to becoming a home maker and I’m having to learn to be confident in my abilities and to view my husband as my friend and companion who isn’t my competition! It goes without being, this is so related to a chaotic home environment. I’m so excited to build my OWN family which is full of peace, love, and patience ❤️
Also- (as if I have not commented enough already haha) something I have learned in my marriage to a first responder is to NOT take his stress when he gets home personally, or his stress on his days off personally. As someone who is super emotional and empathetic, I forget how stressful and taxing his work is physically and mentally. I just think about me me me. But I’m trying to get better at being okay just sitting with him in silence as he decompresses, giving him a back rub, and letting him have his “me” time after a long day. I still have a lot to learn though! Just thought I’d share one of the things I have learned so far. 😊
I had no idea that you came from a similar family / home dynamic as me, I am still living in that situation and have those same fears around marriage and dating. This video is so comforting and it was really helpful to me to hear that and see that there is hope.
Self care instead of self sacrifice is inspiring a lot of doctors and nurses to reevaluate being in medicine especially those wrongly traumatized by the powers that be...Thank you for being inspiring. I wish I participated in self care and never entered medicine decades ago, knowing what I know. Thank you. I hope this message and your video reaches doctors and nurses horrified and distraught by the health care system and powers that be that used them as pawns and set them up to fail...Stay inspiring!
Thank you so much Caitlin, from the bottom of my heart ♥️ I will get married on September 17th and in the midst of planning, this video grounded me so much and made me so hopeful for the years to come 🌹 It is so uplifting to feel feminine company in this life, and to kinda stumble forward together, just trying to do our best and learn from each other - or in this case, especially us learning from you 🥰 God Bless you and your efforts 🙏🏼
I’m not married, but I am in a relationship with a man right now and I think you could use a lot of these tips when you’re dating as well, especially if you’ve dated this man for an extended time. Maybe it looks different, but this advice could be useful in a dating relationship, too.
The first year of marriage was the hardest for me because I had to unlearn everything I grew up seeing and hearing. I’ve only been married for two years but I can truly say that I never knew marriage could be this amazing. Praise the Lord for my patient and loving husband
YEs!! I love what you are saying about self care being so important!! It's the dance of femininity and masculinity. One is always leaning forward and one is always leaning back. As we lean back in our relationships (this doesn't mean doing nothing) but instead enjoy BEING and relaxing and doing girly things we enjoy that bring us joy it reflects just like you were talking about in our happiness and husband's happiness! They relax when we bring relaxed enery softness and to our marriages through our enjoying ourselves. They also reap HUGE benefits from us being in that place of relaxed enjoyment.
What I've learned so far. The couple is a team. You play together not against one another. You both will face challenges in life; things might turn really difficult. Children will destroy and rebuild your relationship with yourselves and each other. Be willing to learn, recognise your mistakes and achievements, and apologize Think long term, grandchildren, retirement etc. Have those hard conversation, the sooner the better!
My number one tip for a happy and healthy marriage - prioritise it. Let your husband come first in the decisions you make, the thoughts you have and the time you spend. That doesn’t mean that every waking moment needs to be spend thinking of ways how to make your husband happy, but don’t forget that you are a unit. One flesh, joined together by the lord for eternity. Making your husband smile, chatting, making sure he has a home, not just a house, and loving him as you wish to be loved are bound to make your marriage thrive. ☀️☀️
I truly love your channel and have immense respect for you as a person and admire your values. You are pretty much the best channel on Femininity. I have been following you for years. I recently came across so many channels which claimed to be about supporting women but in reality they simply pander to men by putting down women and saying things like women should be ok with cheating and so much more.
Married feminine family members, please leave your advice in the comments for our sisters as well if you have a moment! I’m always interested to learn how others keep their marriages alive and thriving. Sending you love my dears! Xoxo
The best thing a woman can do is stop listening to other women, they are jealous petty, lack wisdom and really dont give a sht who they hurt.
Sorry, never been married.
💙You look very different here! You feel and sound more relaxed. 🌟✨🙏🏼 Welcome back I’m always happy to see a video of yours. God bless you dearly!
@@lologege5466 ah, I see now after reading a few of your comments. You’re trolling with nonsense.
Thank you SO much for not having music playing the background of your videos. I am very sensitive to background noise and I often am unable to finish watching/listen to TH-cam videos because the background tracks just wear out my mind. Your content is truly worth listening to, and it does not need any props or crutches or hooks. It is quality stuff and it is so encouraging!! Thank you!! -Shelby (mom to 4 little young men)
I’ve been married for 10 years now (got married at 19!), and my #1 piece of advice is to learn to love who your husband ACTUALLY is. I spent so much time trying to love him the way the books say to. I served him, picked up after him, was always there when he got home, etc. He didn’t really notice, and it made me resentful! Come to find out, all the man ever wanted was a friend. A true friend. Someone to make him feel heard and loved-not for what he does, but for who he is. Now that I learned that, he basically kisses the ground I walk on. Love who YOUR man is, and figure out what HIS unique needs are! Xoxo
I adore this!!! Because it’s so simple but profound. Thank you for writing wisdom for us!
"he basically kisses the ground I walk on"
ewwwww
@@TheSanityMachine33 just a figure of speech! 🤣
I love this advice:)
Thank you for the advice!
1. Prioritize self care
2. Break the cycle by doing better than how your parents raised you
3. Have light-hearted fun
4. Grace and forgiveness
“Marriage isn’t a contest to see who is most often right. Marriage requires being what the Japanese call ‘the wise bamboo,’ which means you bend so you don’t break. Treat your spouse with the flexibility and respect you would give to a top client. Think how we treat clients; We smile, we are polite, we listen to their ideas. Never forget that your spouse is your most important client.”
- Joan Rivers
The wise bamboo. Love !!
That’s a lovely quote
I've been married for 6 years now and my advice is:
1. It's your marriage and your timeline - don't let anyone rush you and your husband into things, wether is parenthood, changing jobs or buying a house. By figuring it out between you two you will grow and get closer.
2. Something my husband always says: we are a team. That means it's us two against the problem, not against each other. It also means we are ready to help the other person with whatever they are struggling with because we are working towards the same goal: a good life for both of us.
Also, Caitlyn, you are ✨glowing✨ It is so nice to see you so happy and more and more confident in yourself ♥️
Hi! To add to your self care point: husbands want this for us too! It's something I'm currently learning but I had a bad habit of working super hard around the house thinking it was helping my husband and my marriage. To some extent it was, but my husband has made me realize I can put some chores off for later and hang out with him and watch a show or whatever I want to do. I used to feel so guilty any time I wasn't working on chores and I was missing out on actually living my life to try to always stay ahead! My husband even told me it was stressing him out to see me stress out so much lol. Our husbands don't expect us to be a cleaning machine, they really just want a fun happy relaxed wife they can hang out with
Husbands ! Want ! This ! For ! Us ! Too !
Truer words have not been spoken. I could take this comment and use it as my own story. Such a hard lesson to learn!! I relate! Thank you for giving us this wisdom.
@@lologege5466 Unnecessary, confusing comment. It's not really the culture of Mrs. Midwest's channel to preach in the comments. Please save scripture for times when it adds to the conversation.
@@Discordia5 She didn't share scriptures....
I didn't have a stellar example of marriage growing up...while it wasn't volatile, it wasn't loving, either. I never wanted to get married until I met my husband. It just felt right. Now, I feel like my marriage is my biggest accomplishment in life. Not to sound corny or desperate, but it holds such significance for me and I try every day to be the best wife I can be. It makes it easier to do so because my husband tries to be the best husband he can be. It is so special-- I wouldn't trade it for anything.
When I see myself get frustrated with him if he’s doesn’t put something away that he should’ve I like to remember that if he wasn’t here right now I would be praying that he would be there even to just pick up his socks. We tend to forget how good we have it until we don’t have it.
Don't worry about your advice differing from what it was, years ago- or even months ago. What is life, if our minds aren't growing and changing? You're allowed to change your mind, have fresh opinions, and try new things that work best for you. This is definitely something that I've learned in life.
This video had me in tears. I grew up in a Christian household with a mother who carried a lot of trauma and baggage into her own marriage and watched her belittle and disrespect my dad and blowup in anger at all of us. It created division in our family and my mom still refuses to go to therapy or work on herself. As an adult I struggle being defensive and overly passionate during arguments, it’s taken a lot of work on myself and guidance from my husband to change that pattern. This was SO helpful to hear another person going through the same thing and just put into words how hard that situation can be and the aftermath as an adult. This video meant so much to me and my emotional health, thank you!! It IS possible to break the cycle 💕 7 years in a healthy happy marriage that our kids will flourish experiencing as well.
Are you me?? Are we living the same story?? That’s so heartwarming. Thank you for being here and writing. It can feel so isolating to go through these things in the Christian community, especially hard to talk about them because we also want to honor our father and mother!! So tricky, but honestly necessary to discuss because then we can bring light to these problems and figure out ways to heal 💗💗💗
I fully resonate with this as well, very similar situations growing up. As an adult I realized that I was beginning to bring those same patterns into my own marriage (taking advantage of a wonderful man and taking out her anger on us kids due to her own trauma) like my mother did. I took responsibility by self reflecting and signing up for therapy and I'm so grateful I did. One of the largest fears I had was passing on trauma to my own future children. I'm so happy to say that while I'm not perfect, I finally got to a place in my healing where I was ready to bring a child into this world and am currently 18 weeks pregnant :) With the help of my husband, my therapist, and my own humility I know I will be better for my own children.
So happy to hear of your own healing as well
Until this video, and reading these comments, I thought I was alone in this and it's been so challenging for me to navigate this situation. Saw it my whole life with my parents dynamic and I never wanted to be that way or for my life to be like that! But, subconsciously I guess I picked a bit of it up and once I recognized that I've worked on myself so much and I really think I/my relationship have hugely improved, thank goodness. I don't want to pass anxiety, or disrespectful behavior down to my children and I am going to keep working at it. God bless you ladies (Caitlin, Jayme, Anna
Same story here 🥺😢
My story definitely mirrors what you have shared of yours! Praise the lord for blessing us with strong patient husbands to help guide us in our own healing towards healthy marriages! The next chapter we have been navigating is now learning to set boundaries with those family members. It can be SO hard especially when you have kiddos and crave that family togetherness. 💕
I really like what you said about how you used to dive into your negative emotions and didn't like small talk and only wanted deep conversations but it was really just trauma dumping and bonding over trauma. I totally went through a very similar stage in my life and never realized until you just said that. I thought it was "cool" or "deep" how I would always want to have those traumatic-type conversations.
Really glad you brought that up!
Yes yes yes. I need to add this advice to a video about how I transformed to a happier mindset in general.
But I was definitely modeled the trauma dumping growing up, and it wasn’t until Husbear that I realized that it’s okay to be happy and have fun!
Let. it. go. Let it go. I've been married for 8 years now, and I have for sure realised a problem of mine that I brought into our marriage - the inability to let hurt go. My husband is not perfect (no one is!) and he has of course over the last 8 years, done and said hurtful things. When he has come to me to genuinely apologise and acknowledge my hurt, which is all he can do, did I accept it? 8 out of 10 times, NO! I would drag it out, I would go around in circles about how upset I was, and do the classic silent treatment.. It has taken a lot of internal work, and realising as you say this is what was displayed to me growing up, to acknowledge how unhelpful my behavior has been and implement new ones. I cannot say I am 100% better, but i have come a long way. I now intentionally acknowledge that my husband loves me, he is my best friend and he would never want to see me hurt. And when he apologises, he means it. So give grace, understanding, and let it go. Since doing that, our marriage feels so much lighter, happier and fun! we can now have a disagreement, move on from it, and enjoy our time. So that is my advice - learn to let things go (within reason of course, I am not talking about cheating etc.), accept a genuine apology and enjoy your time together :)
My advice is to actually marry a decent man. Sounds obvious? Maybe, but I do believe that nobody is perfect and that we are all can improve every day. But only a decent person with enough self-reflection will see his mistakes and learn from them.
Yes. 👏 Yes. 👏 Yes!!
Amen sis!! I can’t echo this enough. If I could pin another comment, it would be this. Back to the basics ladies- marry a decent man!!
What if you're already married to a....let's just say not decent person?
@@jdxo7413 that’s difficult. The best thing to do would be to try to communicate as much as you could so they could be a better person/reflect on what they’re doing that is showing you they’re not being a decent person. If communication doesn’t work out then unfortunately you know the outcome. You can’t change someone, you can only help. (Especially if they’re already your spouse.) You can only do so much and lessons are always to be learned 💕 good luck! ❤️
@@jdxo7413 Excellent question, because the sad fact is, jerks don't often show their true colors until they know their woman is tied to them (because of pregnancy or marriage.) Life is too short to stay with a man that makes you unhappy, especially if he isn't making your kids happy either (or you don't have them yet.) They're a dime a dozen, meanwhile there are plenty of worthy men looking for love.
You’re honestly the best traditional TH-camr ,plenty of other traditional wives promote tolerating abuse,and I’m so glad you addressed this topic of a healthy marriage (I’m not married 😂😭) Loved the video ❤️❤️
i can really see your maturity in this video. when you have been married for a while and have young children, we do need moments to ourselves. i like doing my makeup, blow drying my hair so its nice and smooth. for a long time i "let myself go" and now that im putting myself together, i can tell my husband really likes it. im waking up earlier and making time for my "morning routine". making time to wash my face at night and care for my skin. i watch beauty videos when i clean the kitchen. my husband really likes when i look cute. men are visual!
I’ve been married 3 years and absolutely self care is so important!! I didn’t even finish the video. I just had a baby in July 3 baby’s under the age of 2 and I go get my hair done and nails done and go to the spa monthly take care of YOU so you can take care of everyone in the best way ❤️
Been married for 14 years. No children - cancer took that off the table. Marriage is a two way street: Love, respect, communication, trust, and laughter. He is my best friend and my rock. Thank you for always putting out honest and amazing content.
I work insane hours as does my husband and we both together find time for our home and each other.
i think there’s a massive difference between self care at the expense of your family and self care for the betterment of your family
I am 18 years married and still learning! I agree with all your points!! Letting go of ego is big! Love ya!
What a testament to who you are! I admire you so much. I want to be like this! Xo
Everyone - get the Empowered Wife book
Your blog posts and recommendations have been such a help. I also don't come from the best example so I was pretty careful in learning. I've only been in married for a year. Key things I've learnt:
Not to judge my husband on random female metrics like how he makes a bed
I have no control over my husband
It's easier to inspire your husband than command him
Be grateful and tell him often the things you're grateful for
Don't bring up his wrongs once resolved
He wants to make you happy and save you and help you - that's a good thing
And yes self care
I’ve been married for seven years now, I started reading fascinating womanhood and watching their TH-cam channel and it’s been such a blessing to me and my marriage!
I think being open to advice and trying to improve can do a world of difference in a marriage! You sound lovely!
I want to share something huge that I learned as someone who came from a very harmonious household. My parents are so in sync with each other and rarely argue. And if they do, it was never in front of us kids. Something that was difficult for me to learn in my relationship is that conflict doesn't mean the relationship is bad or can't work. I used to run away at the first sign of conflict and it's my current partner who really taught me that we can work through things and be stronger for it in the end. And I'm so thankful that I've learned this. I'm very happy to have grown up in a blissful household, but I never learned conflict resolution. So just some advice for people out there, just because you and your partner are disagreeing about something, it doesn't mean that your relationship is doomed!
i am 16 and one of my biggest aspirations is to get married to someone who is passionate about the Lord. there is no shame whatsoever in wanting to make yourself a high value woman who cares about physical health indicators, femininity and discipline. it all should be not only to grow as a woman, but also to "become" the right one. we could find the right one and not be the right person for them.
it's always an inspiration to see someone actively live about what i dream of living someday. whenever there's a chance to meet a suitor that measures up to my standards, i sure hope to measure up to his too!
great video btw :)
I've been happily married for 12 years, and this is such good advice!!! You have touched on a lot of the exact same lessons that I have learned, but I'll share from my own experience and my own perspective for anyone who is curious.
1. Friendship should be the foundation of your marriage. Lovey dovey feelings ebb and flow sometimes when life is stressful and through hard times. But ultimately my husband is my best friend and I'm his best friend. It transcends that mushy gushy in love feelings. Which we do also have of course, but I think the true strength of our marriage comes from our friendship. And that includes having fun together, sharing our interests, talking about everything with each other. Joking and laughing together, etc. All things best friends do. And I completely agree to keep things lighthearted as much as possible. If every conversation is stressful and talking about issues and problems, it will suck the fun and joy out of your marriage. Those conversations are important, but gosh you should not be having difficult conversations non stop. Lighthearted and fun conversations should be the majority. And after a heavy conversation, try to do something fun together!
2. The best marriage book I've ever read was the 5 love languages book. It helps you to learn HOW to love your spouse. How they feel loved. My husband feels loved through words of affirmation and acts of service. I think it's important to show love to your spouse with all 5, but knowing which are the top ones can help you as a spouse show them your love in the way that they need it. For me, I need quality time and physical touch. We read this book on our honeymoon together, and it has helped us soooo much through the years. 10/10 recommendation.
3. Anger issues. Some of the best marriage advice I've ever heard is to stop viewing the things your husband is doing/saying as if he's trying to hurt/annoy you on purpose. I think it's so easy to slip into this mode of thinking he made that comment or did that action just to be mean. And this immediately makes us defensive and then we lash out in anger and all that does is start an argument. I've learned that for me personally, my anger issues were coming from my childhood. When I expressed hurt feelings or cried, I was made fun of or had my feelings diminished. So I started responding to hurt feelings with anger because that was the only acceptable "negative" emotion to show in those situations. I may have gotten scolded, but I didn't get made fun of or embarrassed for it. Unlearning this behavior has been soooo hard to do, but I am consciously working on it now that I'm aware of the root of this issue. Now if my husband says something hurtful, I take a beat and say in a calm voice "Oh that comment kind of hurt my feelings."
What I have learned is that pretty much every time that was never his intention and it was a miscommunication or misunderstanding. This resolves almost every issue immediately because he apologizes for my feelings getting hurt and then further explains what he actually meant, but just didn't express in the best way lol. I can't remember the last time we had an argument since I started doing this. I also catch myself sometimes when I do react in anger and can nip it in the bud and apologize for hit immediately. I now realize that so many of our arguments were based on miscommunications and me getting angry and assuming the worst about my husband in those moments. I now try to make an effort to assume the best. I assume that he probably didn't mean to hurt me. It allows me to address it in a calm and patient way with open communication and honesty and I'm able to express my hurt feelings in a way that doesn't come out as anger. And men respond soooo much better to vulnerability/hurt than to anger/defensiveness.
I hope this helps someone!!!
Hi, I'm commenting here so future comments make me come back. Thank you for your experience!
@@LucasDanielSantoro You are so welcome! I hope it was helpful in some way! I've learned so much over the last 12 years, and I have an absolutely wonderful marriage, so I always want to do whatever I can to help others
I got married TODAY!!! This video came at the perfect time 💕
Girly congratulations!!!!! What a beautiful anniversary. Enjoy enjoy enjoy!!
@@MrsMidwest thank you, Caitlin!!! 💜
oh my goodness congratulations❣️❣️❣️
Congratulations!! 🥰🥰
Congrats!!
I heard you mention in your last video about Laura Doyle’s podcast and it has been changing my entire life!! I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you!!
If I was your parent, watching your content, I would be so proud. What a beautiful family and what an amazing person you are!
I have been watching your videos for a couple years now and honestly feel like I have grown with you! I love seeing how your own feminity, opinions and experiences evolve as you go through new things in your life. ❤️ I hope in the future we'll see some more videos pertaining to motherhood, and how your views on past topics (feminity, budgeting, housework etc) has changed since becoming a mother. I know you have your hands full, and appreciate that you make time for us!! 🌸🌷
Wow I’d love that too!! My perspective has changed for sure. It’s so nice to grow with our feminine family over the years. You all keep me so encouraged 💗
More of these marriage videos please!! 💗 My husband and I have been married 7 years this year, and my biggest piece of advice is similar to what you said- have fun! Don’t let the mundane and the busyness of having children steal your excitement of having your hubby around. 😊
I'm a self-care coach (wife, physician, & therapist) and I couldn't agree more on your first point. I coach women all the time on the necessity of making sure your own needs are attended to -- not perfectly, but consistently. And just to bolster your point; this is, indeed, Biblical. The Proverbs 31 woman -- and countless other strong examples -- tended to herself. Where it becomes problematic is when we think we can uphold this without God's support. Self-care + God's care.
This is really helpful, just to know that you were scared of marriage but made space to trust the process. I’ve been so scared myself, but it’s super comforting to know that fear happens regardless of our spiritual space.
I love the Empowered Wife! One of my favorite marriage books, the audio book version really helped a lot too because it's read by the author.
Only 3 years married here but I really resonated with each of these points.
I personally have a strong opposition to the “happy wife happy life” motto. I can’t tell you how many people told us that at the beginning of our marriage and it never worked/ was something that never sat well with us. While yes I should be happy, so should my husband! And he shouldn’t be suffering just to make me happy! Or walk on eggshells in fear of me being “unhappy”. But I think when you incorporate self care, joy/ fun with your spouse, and apologize and truly repent for your shortcomings.. everyone will be happy/ makes marriage so much better. I think each of these points are extremely wise. Thank you Cait🤍
I’m so grateful for you, Caitlin! I was awake all night with a sick toddler last night. Poor girl has an upset tummy. I’ve been looking forward to this since I was your Insta story last night, amidst the middle of the night back rubs and soothing. I’m so excited to enjoy this video, and she just fell asleep. Perfect timing all around 🤍✨
I’m so sorry dear!! You’ve been up to mummy things and sometimes it can be so hard. Proud of you! Enjoy some moments for yourself today ! Xo
This video really brightened my day. I'm coming out of a long painful illness and when you got to the part about self care I paused the video, made myself a cup of tea and gave myself a little pamper session while watching the rest. Now I feel like I'll be in the best mood for when my guy comes home from work. It even gave me enough energy to make dinner for the first time in weeks! I feel so much more myself again!
Been married for 8 years now and this content is important for all of us wives, and even husbands to hear, think about, be reminded of. Looking forward to more content like this. Bless you Caitlyn!
I’ve been married for 3 years, but have lived and been with my husband for 12. I’m not Christian, but I love to follow your channel for new mom and homemaking tips. I think my husband and I work together because we treat each other equally as partners and have solid communication, emotional intelligence and trust. Marriage is a choice and as long as you’re growing in the same direction it can really blossom into something beautiful.
You're one of my favorite youtubers, every video of yours is so incredible and insightful and smart. Thank you for spending time and sharing your knowledge and life experiences with all of us strangers. It really means the world to me.
Happy 5th Anniversary of your marriage!
🤵🏻👰🏼
I usually looove all your videos and I listen to all your advice, but I feel like you really outdid yourself with this one! I agree one hundred per cent with all of your insights in keeping your marriage. Especially the "view your experiences as neutral", and taking responsability. I usually find people who either refuse their background, or see themselves as a product of them, a victim of your own behaviour. And while I agree that past shapes us, I admire that you can be the one responsible for your actions and reactions and also hold yourself accountable for things. It has definitely been the key to keeping my relationship, alongside making an effort to leave pride behind. It feels good to hear it put into words in such a grounded way.
As a side note, to me, in order to balance duties with self love and discipline and joyfullness, it helps me to look up to the character of Mary Poppins. It may not be the usual role model, but I really find her inspiring!
Again, thanks so much for your lovely video
Been married 8 years. Definitely will re watch with my husband tonight. Thank you for posting this 🥰🥰🥰
Something I’ve done as “self care” is buying a bouquet of flowers at the grocery store once or twice a month. They are lovely to look at and my boys smile when they see them on the table☺️. Keeping life simple has also helped in my marriage. Vacations, dinners and even dates are simple and focused on quality time. My family appreciate the lack of stressful expectations and so do I. Thank you for the video and your tips…we all need help sometime😊
I clicked on your channel to watch old videos again and you just posted a new one! Excited to watch this, you are glowing.
I'm getting married on Saturday, this couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you, Caitlin ❤
That inner happiness and fulfillment you're talking about is really evident I see in you because you tend to glowwwww
Wow thank you 😭😭 I’ve noticed that a lot of people have said I seem happier and more authentic in the past year or so, and I really think it’s because I’ve been just genuinely happier in my life in general! You are so sweet to point out this connection. I hope all of us work on our self care so we can all glowwwww 🥰🥰🥰🥰 love you girl!!
@@MrsMidwest No problem! 💜 Truly. I feel as if you've always been authentic, but as time passed, God gave you even more reasons to smile and celebrate and that's why we've seen that glow radiate eveeennnn brighter! That ripple effect in bringing that sense of joy inspires many of the women here to hopefully plant those same joyful seeds and grow and inspire others, too. Keep doing you and God bless 💜
One way I try to “self care” like you described is trying to romanticize life and each season, looking for the beautiful and good things daily. Because as a Christian woman I also struggle with the bubble bath and selfishness of self care culture. But proper beauty maintenance is also something important we should try to keep up with for ourselves and our spouses. I hope this makes sense and maybe helps someone else
Yes yes yes yes yes yes.
I’ve flip flopped so much in this area, but I’m settling on the fact that it’s good to seek joy!!
Yes I love this! Goals are great but its more important to be happy were you are.
Sincerly thank you for saying that sometimes Pinterest can be self-care, sometimes just staring out a window for a few minutes can be self-care.
This actually makes me feel loads better ❤
14:46 - 20:02 you summed this up so articulately and gracefully! My childhood was similar to yours in this respect and it's sooo worth doing your own, deep work to heal from that. Nervous system regulation was the game changer for me, but understanding the psychology was also very necessary. ❤
You're speaking on being more practical and more free and more unique in each one's interest, not a cut and dry replicated version of a wife with one mode - work tirelessly and know not enjoying fruits of such labor. That's quite toxic for everyday functioning, so I thank you for covering this in a positive discussion!! 💕
Something I’m learning right now is being happy with where the Lord has me right now and, whatever season I’m in, praising God for His graciousness and kindness for having me here. There’s so much to appreciate in each season and often I can get a little down wishing and hoping (proverbs 13:12 - Hope deferred makes the heart sick). I always remind myself I’m right where I’m supposed to be! Thank you Caitlin for all of your wonderful advice and for sharing your wisdom with us! Blessings 🌸✨🌻
Amen to this. Wow. I’m sure we are all dealing with something that we wish was different, wanting to reach the next milestone… gratitude and contentment is the secret to adding so much joy to life!!
@@MrsMidwest with an attitude of gratitude, life is definitely easier. God bless you and your family! 💕🤗
I've been married for six yrs and have three kiddos with another bun in the oven, and I've definitely felt this same way, and have noticed I feel more lighthearted and joyful whenever I take the time to do the things that I enjoy.
This was truly so encouraging,helpful and beautifully spoken! I’m still in the dating stage of life, but will save and remember what you said about marriage relationships- how pride has no place there. Have seen pride play a huge role in many broken relationships where there is continual resentment. Excited to work on my own growth in forgiveness and humility in all friendships, dating and future marriage! Thanks so much Caitlin!
I 100% agree with your take on apologizing. I think this goes hand in hand with being able to say, “I was wrong.” It’s not something my mom does. She’ll “apologize” that her actions hurt my feelings or that I’m feeling a certain way but it’s always with the underlying “but I didn’t do anything wrong so it’s just you being sensitive”. For someone who doesn’t like conflict, I was always made to feel that my feelings weren’t valid because my mom could do no wrong. Even when she’s clearly crossed a line. It’s something that I’ve worked really hard on not doing in my marriage. I strive to swallow my pride and admit when I was wrong and then give a meaningful apology.
I admit that apologizing is something I struggle with, but I've been working on it and have seen how it can make relationships stronger. It's important to let go of your pride and admit when you're wrong.
It’s so so so difficult, but healing and beautiful! It can be hard to let yourself be vulnerable in that way, but there is a strength in humility. Proud of you!!
Cheers to you Emily!
I remember hard times were I was hurt an nobody apologized. Imagine how it feels. Put yourself in other's shoes in every situation.
Everybody feels relief, and peace after an apology, plus it cost zero $
Dear Mrs. Midwest, I discovered your chain a week ago and I'm finding it sooo uplifting and enthusiasm-giving. Now I look forward to do my laundry because I know I'll be listening to one of your podcasts at the same time 🤩 Thank you very much for this very interesting video on marriage success tips. Gives me a lot to think over and put into practice.
Love, from a 3 year old married mother of 10 months old baby, living in France.
P.S. was so touched by your video on your birth stories. It made me cry. My birth story looked a lot like your first one. 🙏
One of the best marriage videos I have seen!! Been married for 5 years and this information is soooo relatable and practical!! I love being married, I work part time and my husband full time and it is a team effort to get the daily things done plus take care of our sweet baby girl but the playful and flirty moments that make us giggle are the best!!! Aaand I will point out I probably apologize for something everyday 😂😂 I always try to remember that when we were falling in love he was the most special person to me and he is still that special person today. My soulmate and best friend in every way, what is an apology compared to the amazing love he brings to my life??
Thank you for this video and sharing marriage tips! I’m one year in and we both brought past behaviors into our marriage that we have had to work through and are still working through. It brings you closer together to get through that hard stuff. People give up when they don’t know what to do.Here,you are especially real and down to earth. I liked your birth stories too. Mine was a traumatic experience as well. I have been watching you for a while on TH-cam and I checked out your blog recently. I loved this particular video so much. This Christian and Marriage centered content is so good,positive,uplifting and realistic for many of us women. Cause just like you, me, and others we don’t usually receive this picture perfect idea of marriage and family. We have to learn and grow as we go,once we decide to start our own. 🥰 content like this can be so powerful in helping our our society. We need more men and women dedicated to working through hard things in the relationship to achieve a healthy happy marriage and thus puts good examples before our children and then makes our society a little better. It’s all about God and family. Love is hard and Jesus already knew this, that’s why he said I give you a new commandment to love one another as I have loved you.
Thank you, Caitlin! The Christian belief that love is an action not a feeling is such drudgery. I'm crazy about my husband, he is my best friend. Sometimes he (or i) act unlovable, but I still love him and because of that love, we act in love. Thank you! Christian counseling of "marriage is a business contract " ( yes, a minister told us this! Unbelievable!) Was such a downer. Thanks for your thoughts!
I'm getting married on October 22 and nervous that my defensive anger used as a coping mechanism will affect our marriage but this gave me a bit more hope. Thank you❤
I’m getting married on that day too!
Be patient with yourself! It takes time to let your guard down and be vulnerable in marriage. The biggest part is knowing that it’s a problem ! Congratulations my friend!! Xo
Congrats on your upcoming nuptials! May i suggest trying therapy? I have had so much to learn & work thru and it has made me & my marriage stronger
Utilise the magic of the internet for courses and books - it's possible to change, but we need a roadmap out of our default conditioning.
I'm married just over a year and so value this wisdom from my big sis across the pond! Always love your videos
No.1 is the thing I realized just a few days ago. It is all about healthy balance.
My husband and I got married at 23 and have been married for 13 years. I think all your tips are great, especially the point about being willing to apologise.
My tip would be for yourself and your husband to truly “own” the values of your dynamic and stay true to them. We married far younger than any of our peers and have a much more traditional marriage than them all. We have gotten negativity for this a lot over the years, but we have always stuck to our guns and been each other’s biggest cheerleaders.
I got married at 18 to my best friend. We’ve been married 10 years. Watching him grow and become a man as I have grown has been such a wonderful experience! Only God knows us better than we know each other, and I love having that connection with someone.
The advice I give to newly married couples was given in this video, so I’m glad others know this information: Don’t fight each other when times get hard. Fight the difficult time together as one unit.
My mom and dad have been married 35 years, and my mother has great advice for those looking for a spouse. “Watch how he treats his mother when he is upset with her. This will tell you how he will love you in difficult times.” I have added to this by saying, “Watch her relationship with her father, and whether she reacts respectfully when he is unkind.”
@@lologege5466 I’m really confused as to what you’re trying to say. I do know people who divorced after 50 years, and the entire time there was obvious abuse on one side. Not sure what it would have to do with church though.
@Mabus Nero I wouldn’t.
You’re an inspiration, you spoke about not growing up to see healthy relationships but you radiate love and light
Happy you're back Ms Midwest!!
I am coming up on my 6th anniversary and I really want to invest in my marriage this year. We are both Christians and I am a part time working mom of a toddler. I feel so much of what you described - I can be defensive and harbour past hurt and blame my husband for a sense of unhappiness that I have with our relationship. I would love to hear more about how you re-trained your thought patterns to positive ones. I just started reading a book called “the seven principles for making marriage work” while my husband and I were on a solo road trip together and while it does not come from a Christian world view, so far (we’re only about 25% through) it had a ton of useful information/exercises for continuing friendship that is the basis of a long lasting happy marriage (in their hypothesis). Thank you for continuing to give us a peek into how you grow in your relationship, praying for your sweet family ❤️
Hey Mrs Midwest,
I really want to say thank you for the encouragement that we can break the cycle in toxic family systems. I grew up with parents who didn’t know how to have healthy conflict. Their marriage broke down because of this and growing up was definitely like walking on eggshells. Holidays like Christmas and birthdays are really difficult for me as well. My partner and I are determined not to repeat these patterns and learn how to have healthy conflict by listening to each other, respecting each other’s needs and working together to resolve problems.
Love your videos ❤️❤️
Coming up on my first wedding anniversary in a few weeks!!! 💗💞 As a total newbie I don't have much advice, but we did marry a little older (I'm almost 31 and my husband is approaching 40). Meeting and marrying later in life, after having both faced the cold reality that a spouse and family may never happen for either of us, gave me a greater appreciating for who my husband is, and the decades that he did life without me. It taught me to never take my husband for granted. I try (key word "try"... I fail on the regular!) to relate to him in such a way that, if he were to not come home that day, I would have no regrets about the effort I put in to being a good wife! God gets all the credit for bringing my husband and I together, so I deeply value his companionship, loyalty and his mere presence! I thought I may never have what I have now, and am grateful every day for him (even on the not-so-glamorous, "blah" days haha)
Love this 💕. Wishing you many blissful years ahead
I’m so excited for this!!! Thank you, Caitlin! Others haven’t had the best examples to follow and hope to break the cycle as well too!
Also, in your last vlog you said you’d been reading a lot and I would love some recommendations from what you’ve been reading lately! I know your blog has some but an updated list would be fantastic! Xoxo!!
That is a great blog post idea. Content plate… I will get on it!! And I relate to not having great examples for marriage. You are not alone!! Xo
@@MrsMidwest omg you replied!!! I’m a little starstruck right now!! 🥹
Commenting for the algorithm - happy to see your face again :) happy anniversary !
Hey Caitlin, I have loved watching you and your channel for the last couple of years and have been so inspired by your content in several ways over that time. I especially love when you talk about your faith and Biblical worldview as I am a fellow believer and sister-in-Christ and I am thankful for the times when you speak boldly about God and the truths of the Word on a public platform such as yours. I have been married 7 years and have 2 small children, and you gave some good, helpful tips here for sure. I was definitely challenged by the part where you spoke about truly apologising to each other and forgiving and repenting of our wrongs against one another. I admit this is something I am still working on! You spoke a lot about self-care in this video, which I don’t believe is wrong in itself but I do believe that we need to be careful to find our true and lasting joy and satisfaction in Christ alone and being in obedience to Him, and not in our own temporal pleasure/comfort/happiness etc. Also we are called to give ourselves sacrificially for others as Christ gave himself for us (Luke 9:23-26 comes to mind). Anyway, I highly recommend the Thankful Homemaker podcast by Marci Ferrell. It’s been so sanctifying and encouraging for me, and might be an encouragement to you too. (Ep. 35 is a one to start with relating to marriage) Much love to you and and your precious family from a fellow Christian in New Zealand ❤️ xx
I've been going through a hard time lately, and I really needed to hear someone tell me to seek out fun and light-heartedness. This was great advice and a good wake up call for me! Thank you
Yes!! It’s okay to find something that makes you giggle. It doesn’t mean that the hard stuff won’t stil be there, but you may have more energy to handle it after you’ve had a good laugh ❤️
Agree! I have totally forgotten to do anything for the joy of doing it....and it shows!
You inspired me to read The Empowered Wife and I have started doing self care too, starting with writing up a list of 20 things I enjoy. I was so stuck at first on what I enjoyed doing because I was so in mom mode that my thoughts were preoccupied with what my baby needed or what needed to get done around the house, but I read some other people's lists and that helped inspire mine. Some were more elaborate like enjoying visiting a beautiful church or walking in a garden, to something very simple like sipping a really yummy sparkling water, something I can do easily any time of day, and it is such a great mental reset when I pour that little glass and sit, as it's a reminder that I am taking care of myself, and that I do so because my intention is to have a loving family and home. So my advice to others watching is to not make your list of self-care filled with overly complicated and time consuming projects or adventures, but something super simple and accessible daily, as they can be a good reminder of your desire for harmony and goodness.
Other suggestions - A lot of time we're doing things out of love, but if we start feeling resentment towards others for their lack of appreciation or worrying about it being perfect or feeling put upon, the love slips right out and your act of love will start to feel like a burden to you and others. This is again, where the self-care comes in. Feel free to not take too much on if it's going to make you unloving, or make sure if you are going to push beyond your comfort zone to get something done, give yourself space to rest or get a break, and ask others for help too. If you blow up and act out in a way that you didn't like, lean into humility and admit that you were trying to do something loving because you love your people, but you overdid it, and ask for forgiveness. It's so good to model virtue in your home.
Also, remember why you married the man you did, and if you start to forget, start a gratitude list, and when you're getting agitated, remember all the wonderful things that made you choose him and also what he's doing for you, your family, your community, etc. Gratitude is another virtue we need more of and it's great to model it to invite more of it into your home.
I'm not married yet but no harm in learning beforehand XD you look beautiful!!
Watching your videos is part of my self care! 💗
I watch while my babies nap..always leaves me inspired and feeling better!
This was really vulnerable and honest so thank you for sharing such amazing advice. Been in a relationship for almost 10 years and I would agree with everything. I’m glad this wasn’t just a sacrifice yourself type video that most femininity channels tend to drill into young women as I did that at the start and ended up a resentful bitter person and it took a long time to work on that
Also thank you for sharing about your family, they are not your fault so don’t let anyone make you feel it is your fault, you’ve worked on yourself so hard so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about that, you should be proud
I wish you and your family happiness
Sound advice! Great reminders and I share your wish not to repeat the cycle.. In my case more so as a parent, since my parents seem to find happiness in their marriage build on what I'd say are toxic dynamics... I always knew I would never want to be in a relationship such as theirs.. But I did worry I might make the same mistakes as a parent, also, because it was the example I had, and I too had difficulty regulating my emotions (or rather being in touch with them), because being emotional was punished when I was a child..
Going into therapy so you can talk to someone about it without "dumping" it on your spouse is something I would highly recommend, as long as you make sure you click with your therapist and they are skilled in working with your specific trauma.
And lastly, when you are capable of self reflection and willing to learn, change and do better, you are already where you need to be.
Married at 18/19 and we’re now going on 17 years. Marriage does take work but I wouldn’t change it for anything! When times are hard we rely on Biblical principles and we work to better ourselves every day. We communicate A LOT, we allow each other to grow as individuals and we don’t try to change each other. There is SO MUCH I could say but I’ll keep it short and say to show each other TRUE UNSELFISH love and weed out any resentment as soon as possible! Resentment, jealousy and lack of respect are poison to a marriage union .
I really value you♥️You spread God’s love; hugs to you and your family!
Married at 18, married for 18 years now, we never fight…my biggest advice, be righteous, apologize when you mess up and strive to fix mistakes humbly.
Hey Cait 🌸🤍
I can relate to your family situation so much!!
Oh dear! Yes! The defence and emotional fragility!
Subconsciously reverting to what we’ve seen!
My husband grew up without seeing his parents fight at all. How incredible. Of course they would have discussions in private. But they always kept the children away from their personal quarrels.
I want to thank you for sharing. Changing bad/unhelpful behaviours we learn as young developing children are hard to break away from but it is so worth it. Acknowledging my faults and following my husband’s and his parents healthy behaviours is a blessing. Thank you so much for your advice on this topic. This entire video is extremely helpful! 🥰
Always love your videos :)) can’t wait for the video on making friends as an adult in a new town, would also love to learn how to be content during singleness, where to meet traditional men, and more relationship content 😄 and how to move to a small town if you don’t know anyone
Saving this comment because these are some of the most requested topics!! Thank you!!
Read the book Love and Respect! So good! Also please do a hair tutorial on your new bangs lol cut and style :) they're ecstatic what I've been trying to do but can't get them right lol
Thank you so much for this! I recently got engaged and I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself wanting to be the "perfect wife" right off the bat. This is a good reminder that it's going to take a lot of patience with myself and my future husband because, let's face it: neither of us has done this before! I've been watching you since 2019 and you've definitely influenced my perspective a lot. Thank you so much for all you do for your feminine family!
This video seems like it was meant for me. I just got married last week to my best friend. Since meeting my now husband I have been trying to build a relationship with God. I too didn't have anyone to show me what a healthy relationship is. Communication is so important for us. I am so blessed my partner is so patient and we try to make eachother better and we do work together. He makes me laugh daily and we work with our strengths. We don't expect perfection and try to focus on the present when necessary and do small things to work on what we can to make our future better.
Loved getting a notification that you have a new video!! 🥰 marriage has been my life’s greatest blessing and honor and it’s so great to see others in the same boat!
I've missed your content sooooo much! I am so Happy to have you back
Your hair looks AMAAAAAZZZIIINNNGGGG!!!
Okay upon watching more, this video is INCREDIBLY relatable. As a fellow highly emotional and sometimes intense woman who comes from a not so stable and happy home environment… thank you thank you thank you ❤️❤️❤️❤️ God bless you and your family Caitlin!
Also I had the “oh you think you can do this better than me” moment in the kitchen literally yesterday… omg! Lol I’m slowly transitioning to becoming a home maker and I’m having to learn to be confident in my abilities and to view my husband as my friend and companion who isn’t my competition! It goes without being, this is so related to a chaotic home environment. I’m so excited to build my OWN family which is full of peace, love, and patience ❤️
Also- (as if I have not commented enough already haha) something I have learned in my marriage to a first responder is to NOT take his stress when he gets home personally, or his stress on his days off personally. As someone who is super emotional and empathetic, I forget how stressful and taxing his work is physically and mentally. I just think about me me me. But I’m trying to get better at being okay just sitting with him in silence as he decompresses, giving him a back rub, and letting him have his “me” time after a long day. I still have a lot to learn though! Just thought I’d share one of the things I have learned so far. 😊
Also too I really love that you're giving yourself permission to relax more
I had no idea that you came from a similar family / home dynamic as me, I am still living in that situation and have those same fears around marriage and dating. This video is so comforting and it was really helpful to me to hear that and see that there is hope.
Self care instead of self sacrifice is inspiring a lot of doctors and nurses to reevaluate being in medicine especially those wrongly traumatized by the powers that be...Thank you for being inspiring. I wish I participated in self care and never entered medicine decades ago, knowing what I know. Thank you. I hope this message and your video reaches doctors and nurses horrified and distraught by the health care system and powers that be that used them as pawns and set them up to fail...Stay inspiring!
Thank you so much Caitlin, from the bottom of my heart ♥️ I will get married on September 17th and in the midst of planning, this video grounded me so much and made me so hopeful for the years to come 🌹 It is so uplifting to feel feminine company in this life, and to kinda stumble forward together, just trying to do our best and learn from each other - or in this case, especially us learning from you 🥰 God Bless you and your efforts 🙏🏼
I’m not married, but I am in a relationship with a man right now and I think you could use a lot of these tips when you’re dating as well, especially if you’ve dated this man for an extended time. Maybe it looks different, but this advice could be useful in a dating relationship, too.
Amazing! You are wise beyond your years! I have been married for 31 years and I have learned so much from you!
The first year of marriage was the hardest for me because I had to unlearn everything I grew up seeing and hearing. I’ve only been married for two years but I can truly say that I never knew marriage could be this amazing. Praise the Lord for my patient and loving husband
YEs!! I love what you are saying about self care being so important!! It's the dance of femininity and masculinity. One is always leaning forward and one is always leaning back. As we lean back in our relationships (this doesn't mean doing nothing) but instead enjoy BEING and relaxing and doing girly things we enjoy that bring us joy it reflects just like you were talking about in our happiness and husband's happiness! They relax when we bring relaxed enery softness and to our marriages through our enjoying ourselves. They also reap HUGE benefits from us being in that place of relaxed enjoyment.
What I've learned so far.
The couple is a team. You play together not against one another.
You both will face challenges in life; things might turn really difficult.
Children will destroy and rebuild your relationship with yourselves and each other.
Be willing to learn, recognise your mistakes and achievements, and apologize
Think long term, grandchildren, retirement etc.
Have those hard conversation, the sooner the better!
My number one tip for a happy and healthy marriage - prioritise it. Let your husband come first in the decisions you make, the thoughts you have and the time you spend. That doesn’t mean that every waking moment needs to be spend thinking of ways how to make your husband happy, but don’t forget that you are a unit. One flesh, joined together by the lord for eternity. Making your husband smile, chatting, making sure he has a home, not just a house, and loving him as you wish to be loved are bound to make your marriage thrive. ☀️☀️
I truly love your channel and have immense respect for you as a person and admire your values. You are pretty much the best channel on Femininity. I have been following you for years. I recently came across so many channels which claimed to be about supporting women but in reality they simply pander to men by putting down women and saying things like women should be ok with cheating and so much more.