I think the worst part about child abuse is lacking the necessary tools to form long lasting relationships. In most social situations I don’t say anything and if I do I just come off as anxiety ridden and make everyone feel uncomfortable. I also have poor memory retention which I think comes from repressing childhood memories of being abused. I feel so disconnected from myself and people around me. Makes me feel so dumb and unloved. It tough. Hope one day I can just feel normal.
Taras Wertelecki read Psycho-cybernetics by Mathew Maxwell it has improved my social skills greatly. Sending love 💕 I know it’s tough but people like us are remarkably wise
In comments people have been mentioning: “ no interest in your future “ Which is very damaging to a growing abused child also as they demean and degrade you to think your quote “good for nothing “, The hard core abusers want to destroy you in every possible way. It’s horrible to be thrown out into the adult world programmed to fail. I spent much of my 67 years reteaching myself the right ways.
My stepfather was very abusive to me. Fists and Feet, belts, wires, black eyes, busted lips. 12-16 years old. I was a child runaway to protect myself. My mother never advocated for me, not once. Eventually she just accepted it. Today I cannot stay somewhere for too long. I run to protect my inner abused child and, my relationship with both my parents is nonexistent. Here and there, I'll call but I don't.I hate holidays, family settings, whether mine or complete strangers as I cry often. I am 42 and don't want any children for fear of repeating my childhood discipline on them. Some days I am suicidal, other days I remove myself totally. I feel like I owe it to my inner child, asylum and protection from further emotional harm. When I consider going home, my inner child comes out and holds me back, like he's pulling me away from my mother and stepfather. I wish I knew how to deal with this. I feel like know one will ever understand so I keep my mouth closed and keep that child to myself.
Master Jedi Have you read the Primal Scream ? It really helped me. Unfortunately I think the only way to get relief is to finally go through the feelings we've spent our lives running from. Like an animal that gets away from a predator, we need to shake it off. Feelings are a bodily experience. You are not alone. Much peace.
How do you feel now? I'm just writing to tell you I do understand and I feel the same. And I am working with that inner child now, after ignoring her for so long. But she needs help and running and hiding inside our head doesn't help. What it needs is to release all the stored emotions. And this will be hard. I'm not lying. It's the most intense thing I've ever done. When you FEEL the despair and pain about what others have done. But THEN it gets better. It slightly, slowly becomes better. Get psychiatric help if you can. No pills, but empathy. Someone with experience in that field. Also start to meditate. Soothing soundtracks for balancing the root chakra. The solar plexus and the heart. These three are affected and blocked. Go out in nature and start to write down all your feelings. All that has happened to you. You've got to start to confront it on a deeper level, to let go. It's like a workbook assignment in school. You can do it. Doesn't matter the age. I'll turn 30 in a few years and up to now I had no idea this pain was ever there, nor how to release it. Then it hit me, almost killed me and now I'm halfway through I guess. Keep going, keep up your head, you're amazing and strong and under special protection from God. He doesn't let anyone suffer alone. 💙
I was feeling pretty hopeless myself till i found a couple organizations who are making miraculous leaps CURING folks like us with PTSD in only a few sessions in clinical trials all over the world, including some great recent data from John Hopkins recent study with hallucinogens (not your typical "acid", hallucinogen here just refers to a certain class of medicines). Please check out maps.org. I believe they are recruiting now all around the world to find participants for their phase III MDMA study. Phase 3 means it's almost legal, btw. I checked out maps.org did and I'm signed up to recieve therapy through the study!!! : )
It's mind boggling how unfathomably traumatic my childhood was. It is even more mind boggling to think of how my parents let it slide, and how other parents let it slide. As if it won't have any lasting effect later in life of the adolescent when on, and facing the world. The unworthiness that tags alongside my daily commute. I'm a little restless, you could say. dear anyone, if you can help it, don't belittle your children for your own entertainment. maybe frame the golden rule on every wall in the house if it's hard for you to remember. thanks.
Mriza hello...just an empathic friend reaching out to you to say, yes, it is truly amazing that our intellegent, hard working parents were so amazingly unconscious. Both my parents were college graduates, teachers at one point in their careers. As you know, mental health was not a big topic in the 40-60s. In 7th grade I asked my mother if I could see a psuchologist, having read about such people in the library. She said no. When she was 100+ I asked her why not. She said that she did not think it would do any good. Only in this past year did I figure out that she did/could not bond to me. Her own mother was ill all my mom's childhood and died when mom was 16. The grief ma suffered resulted in Christianity as the focus in my childhood home. Yet none of us 4 siblings are practicing Christians. I have spent most of my adulthood figuring out what went wrong in my parental home. My journey has taken many twists and turns. Recent years I began listening to Eckhart Tolle, only to learn how to not obsess over mother's last 2 years of life. I cared for her 24/7...there was so much I did not understand then; we were always close.. yet we were not. Life is hard for everyone...some just conceal their feelings better from themselves. I wish you peace...know you are not alone.
Mriza I agree with you . My childhood was filled With abuse and neglect and my parents didn’t care about me or my future they jutted me for no good reason
Mriza Thank you for sharing. I feel your pain. i am a victim of child abuse and trauma as well. the only thing i would add to what you said ; Parents dont belittle your children at all. not for your entertainment. not even if you think your doing a good thing and its not for your pleasure. There's a difference between disciplining a kid the right way , educating them if they did something wrong, and verbally assaulting and insulting your child. that is not helpful to anyone and is only damaging. heavely.
I hear you and this speaks to tbe deepest recesses of my heart, a heart that was ripped out and stomped on from age 6 to 23. My father felt for some twisted reason that he had to destroy my innocence.Incessant physical and verbal attacks left me empty setting the stage for a lot of pain. Fortunately, i received help and found myself.
have complex PTSD from severe ongoing childhood abuse beginning in infancy and lasting till age 16. I am 53 now, and have been working on myself and seeking answers to big life questions regarding who i am and why I am the way i am for 40 years. I've made some progress, but thanks to this video, I finally understand myself much better. I will not be so hard on myself anymore. Before viewing this, i thought my most troubling behaviours, limitations, and attitudes were due to some character deficit. Now i know otherwise. I will continue research into this Fascinating and relevant subject. Thanks for giving me perspective! Timely i should find this now, right after researching how hallucinogens can permanently restore connectivity and function to some of the same parts of the brain mentioned in this video. I'm getting closer to becoming whole every day! Thank you for being a part of my healing and for helping others heal!
@@NoName-pu5ls Wow, fascinating! Hang in there sister! The more we can learn, the better. Since seeing this video, i've done many hours of research and found out that many huge worldwide studies with veterans with ptsd (check out maps.org) have shown complete healing from PTSD with only several treatments using various psychedelic drugs.including ketamine (as the presenter in this video mentioned.) and mdma, psilocybin, etct. Brain scans show these substances actually re-grow brain matter in the areas most affected by trauma!!! This is called neurogenesis . I have just signed up for maps.org phase three study using some of these substances for ptsd. You should check it out to see if there are any studies in your area. John Hopkins University is also doing many studies proving the same results!! OMG There's new hope. I hope you don't mind my unsolicited recommendations, but i wish i had known about this stuff 30 years ago. Love to you
@@karync.6707 Thank you for recommending this and yes surely I will check it out, as a matter of fact I will check it out right now! Much appreciate this info. Love to you sister
i find it crazy how all of the sudden my childhood and teenage years are haunting me now ,at 45 years old ... The beatings and abuse they did to me and my brother.. i straight up got in my moms face and told her that she was an abuser ,and that I should have called the cops when she abused me . I just stoped talking to them , They make me sick.
I recently heard an audiobook on TH-cam called “The origins of war in child abuse.” Potentially controversial, but I went into it due to my interest in pacifism. As a new(ish) parent, the lessons of the book have completely swayed how I treat my kids. Not that I was a bad parent before, but I now understand just how my behaviour affects their ENTIRE life. One line that stood out for me was “The history of childhood is a nightmare we’re only just waking up from.” I now see the effects of messed up childhoods everywhere in adulthood. The nightmare continues for some.
@@therespectedlex9794 I think my parents were a positive in my life, but our circumstances were (generally) a negative. But those early years still impact my personality now as a 47 year old. How about yourself?
@@cavannaro1 Myself? I am a penniless downtrodden 41 year old misfit. I'm begging my abusive parents for more help, and for good will and to admit their mistakes, to no avail.
A parent starves/hits/sexual assaults/ emotional abuses/ tormenting & terrorising thier own kid.............years forward they are messed up especially self-harm psyological damage, suicide & lacking a job or ordinary forms of general health and function
bayle Stewartt Yes, you're right. We must love and soothe our selves now. You are important no matter how someone else treats you. If you are here, you are meant to be here.
Congratulations on the sobriety!! I’m 28 & I’ve been sober for 3 years now. I’m hoping to become a counselor as well. I had a lot of trauma occur in my childhood. Healing is possible indeed!! So happy for you! 😊
to those who like me that making a big step to open their heart again after extreme neglect and abandonment when we were a child... keep going.. we will make it through..
It is so sad people have to deal with the consequences of what I can only poorly generalize as poor parenting. I have no "psychologist" degree or medical background what so ever, but I am an expert nanny and babysitter which started since I was 4. My mom was a nanny and usually I ended up helping her with the children including helping with my own siblings, because watching 10 people at one time is a lot for one person, and I can truly say the worst thing all of those kids I grew up with/ and helped raise til today (I'm now 32) is the ever present neglect. My God! Adults ASSUME (wrongfully) that kids are fine as long as they are not crying outwardly, or that they are not bleeding in any obvious manner, but there is a lot of internal pain and suffering and I saw it. I SWEAR it was in almost every case. I remember kids hating going home at the end of the day because it meant being mostly all by themselves or on their own. Even if the parent was home, it meant nothing because they did the same thing as a pillow on a couch, just there doing nothing for the kid, on the phone or watching tv, now it is FACEBOOK and the like. Stop babysitting on social media and give your kids likes, and thumbs down in real life instead. I saw kids suffer. They told me things. I was always there with them, listening, helping, being a nurturer. I can see the suffering in silence everywhere and it makes me so sad the general public just says that it is probably because they had a bad day at work or they are probably on drugs. Maybe so, but that is only a symptom of the pain. There needs to be dedicated attention. Back in the day mothers had no jobs, and they had more than 5 children in the family and things were not so out of control. Why is it that now we are facing such chaotic mental health issues? Lack of developmental structure from an infancy stage is rampant. This is of course my observations, not from a medical point of view or scientific ANYTHING, but there is professional facts to support this and I am glad because I am no longer alone in trying to tell parents what IS. I am just a HUMAN seeing HUMANS being in situations and their reactions in a cause effect like pattern. I hope I am expressing myself well enough to be understood. I have always seen the most neglected and ignored kids fair out far worse because it leaves them with a forever "unworthy" sense of self esteem. It doesn't take a professional to realize kids need to be guided in life. Take care of YOUR children. Not 24/7 but 90% of the time or so. A sigh, a question asked, a moan, a scream, and even dead silence are indicators. If your child is quiet in their room for more than 5 minutes that is a bad sign. Why would any child be quiet for any time? They are children! They are very active and alive! Unless they are playing with a toy there is no reason for the quietness. Go check on them and ask them if they feel ok, if there is something wrong, if they need anything, and hug them, tell them you are there for them if they ever need to talk. Have an open door policy and establish trust and consequences for their rule breaking possibilities. I am going on and on here, but man! Pay attention. They are all alone in the world. If thugs give them more "attention" (which they will interpret as love) they will join that life. It goes with everything. That is why people act "stupid" because they follow that which makes them feel wanted and loved. Protect your kids, and most of all BE PRESENT. You have kids now, partying and sleeping around is OVER! you are not a clueless teenager, and if you want to live as such DON'T have kids. Not trying to be judgmental, only straight forward. Why have kids suffer a whole lifetime just because you are too selfish and promiscuous to be there for them? Your poor behavior has severe consequences, and let's not forget all the sexual predators that help themselves to your kids because that is the "best you could do". DO BETTER
This made me cry...i suffered this as a child. And i made my son sometimes suffer this, until i regognized what i was doing. I am here now....i am with him.
Fendora People who have anger issues do not deserve to have young children. All abusive people need to know this 'If you cannot handle having kids, then don’t have kids at all'. They’re the ones who made the choices to give birth to kids, and then later, they get angry and begin lashing out of anger on their kids.
Thanks for writing this, it's super insightful. I've had a really abusive childhood and I'm at a point where I'm trying to come to terms with it (I forgot about it for a decade or so), and it's all just so overwhelming. More people need to know this stuff.
In my anger I've asked why I wasn't aborted instead. I have since developed a lot of forgiveness and compassion towards myself but to even imagine someone asking that... that is true pain from neglect. God bless
Our government want this to happen to us. The evidence is all around us. They know exactly how to completely destroy the human spirit. And then pretend to care about us. It's an EPIDEMIC. Don't think it's not planned.
It's not in the best interest of the pharmaceutical companies to have people well. Pharmaceutical companies donate lots of money to politicians. Politicians will do what's in the large donors' best interests, so they will continue to receive large donations. Vicious circle. sigh
Why should that surprise you? The government is controlled by a racist, murderous, paranoid, hateful and depraved people. That is why it is killing people all over the world and destroying countries.
As an volunteer EMT I started practicing ACEs Awareness with many of my patients in2014.. My first patient shared with me that he was sexual abused by a female relative. I originally asked if he wanted to take a 10 question survey on adverse childhood experiences. He agreed to. It was the first time that he could talk about being abused by a female relative. He stated months latter that the ACE survey and our short talk afterwords did more for him than all the therapy prior. This was an opportunity to connect the dots.
Also my Mom yelling at us, (me and my sister) I was yelling at my sister and she was yelling back at me. As a result I have a fear of an anger of any women. Causes me PTSD. I am very easy to walk over, hard for me to defend myself. Very law self esteem. Self help and management books help a lot, but overall I feel that life like this is not worth living. I do have a positive hope thinking I will heal. I give myself the chance.
My Mom always yelled at me when we did not have money and I cost her money. I grew up in Hungary in winter, no car, taking the bus. I understand her. However, she ruined my confidence. I think my marriage will collapse and all I want is to hold onto any money that I make. Never ever want to be without money.
@ GyK G yeah yeah you got yelled at when you cost your poor overwhelmed broke mother what little money she had to feed you WaWa so it’s al mommy’s fault where was daddy and you do see that you are a grown as man right?
@@iamjustsaying4787 That's no way to treat a child if you can't provide for the child then don't have children. It's the mothers fault that she got herself in a situation she couldn't afford the child she had and she took her anger out on the child and blamed the child when he didn't even ask to be born in the first place. Although depression and frustration may be a reason for her taking her anger out That's still not a reason to take it out on a child
I'm a childhood abuse survivor. I recently was diagnosed with CPTSD and my childhood abuse is the result of my chronic pain and illness. Looking at this video was emotionally hard to watch because it completely matches my story and my current ailing health. This video made cry. It hurts really bad inside but I'm grateful because it opened my eyes.
I was abused from a baby till I was 11 by my father. I told 3 years later and my mother called me a liar. I recently unlocked that I was abused as a baby and toddler. As a child was a victim of cocsa, doing and from other children. I have cPTSD and am extremely depressed. I’m 18 now and still live with my abusers. As a child I showed obvious red flags, playing with dolls sexually, cocsa, urinary infections, bathroom problems, etc. i don’t even have real clear memories for being abused super super young, I had to connect the dots with my therapist. I’m scared of life and what to do, I have horrible body imagine and what not
I wasn't sexually abuse by my father, there was physical abuse until he was sent to prison, on an unrelated issue. I was sexually abused by my mother boyfriend and she doesn't believe me. And severe physical abuse, verbal abuse from my mother, bullied at school. So I'm at my best when I'm away from others. Just know you're not alone.
I hope that by now you are in a safe place and getting counseling. One year is a lot of minutes of feeling like you did, I hope it's changing some and that you've had some good days. You deserve them you didn't do anything wrong and you certainly did NOT deserve ANY abuse! Congrats on your insight, may it prompt the healing path that you need. It's not going to go away all at once, or even in a year, because it was years of events that built you. You are now the builder, firming up your structure inside and out, with help from professional "builders" who can guide and comfort you in this process going forward. Much love!
I think that showing a patient this presentation would give them a whole new perspective on why they have the thoughts and issues that they do. Each of the points made hit home with me
It ruined my fuckin' life. Destroyed my potential. Left me isolated and unable to have relationships. The ONLY demogrphic I managed to escape was not ending up in prison, but that's not exactly true since I got "Life" in solitary, doomed to be alone, all the time, and I never even committed a friggin' crime. My crime was being born.
I see I listened to this two years ago - since then I have been listening and learning. One of the major reliefs of learning is to genuinely put the blame where it belongs. The child is the innocent one not the bad guy. We’ve got to get that planted in our heads in a permanent way. Also it helps us to understand that someone literally messed up our brains with their cruelty. In my case- everything was opposite to what it would have been in a healthy loving environment. Ei: if I hurt myself as a child I was yelled and screamed at instead of comforted. You soon learned all you could do was self-comfort. As I do to this day. Everything was opposite or backwards. If I had a say it would be to be a tool for research to help the future generations in this area.
I am not able to afford therapy..so I really appreciate the any help posted on line..I had an extremely abusive mother..4-40...she was crazy as a loon.. I dealt with it with humor and helping other people but..it is catching up with me since I could never count on anyone..I feel paralyzed and with age and physical injury adding physical trauma..I am really struggling...
I'm still trying to get free from my abusive parent and heal from the trauma,the thing is until yesterday I had no idea about the brain trauma side of it,I always thought about it as psychological......I cried watching this, like I haven't crying in years.
Hi. You are so brave. And you are so precious. I would so appreciate the information you share through that manifesto about your life! I am seeing some scary things in someone close to me, and have been looking for insight of any kind.
I'm finding it hard to find other females that were used by their mothers for sex object given to men for favors such as alcohol or in place of having sex with them herself. I survived forced to be sexually used from as early as an infant....as I don't recall all of my childhood. The most intact memory I have I was about 5 or 6 years of age. I also had daily physical, mental, and emotional abuse from my mother. Her favorite place to hit me was in my head. And I had Chiari I malformation...diagnosed about 20 years ago. I was raised in the 1960's -70's. Children weren't taken seriously back then. We were just labelled problem children. Thus more punishment at school...school was hell. Childhood was hell. Glad to be old and closer to Heaven than young and a long life ahead. With my DID (dissociative identity disorder) all those antidepressant drugs really don't work for me! I've been given all kinds of psych drugs over the years...yes I was accused of being schizophrenic because of my DID. Thank God I am not having these drugs forced on me anymore. Anxiety and panic attacks dealt well with prescribed Valium...not abused. Not everyone abuses the medications they take for chronic pain, etc... I'm glad that kids these days are getting more support and help than we did back in the day.
i know for me personally the reason i am so difficult is because i have suffered so long while being unable or uncomfterble seeing a doctor mainly trust issues, now that it is too much for me to bear and i go for treatment , i am impatient because i dont want to be in pain anymore and it takes time to find the cause, i should have sought treatment sooner but didnt believe it would get worse ,i figured i could just deal with it but it has progressed into unbelievable excrutiating pain, i spend most of my time just trying to relax or relieve the tension most of my efforts are unaffective
My brother and i ace score is 10 this video is Incredible, I ended up working in mental health and my bro ended up with schizophrenia. Our parents should be in prison
Ive BEEN that patient for nearly 50 years. The problem now is the challenge im facing with being invalidated now that I KNOW why--It was actually everyone else. Now, im the perpetrator of my own misery. Self fulfilling prophesy.
There are two main categories of the abused. Those who know that they were, and don't tend to be abusive, don't want to be. Then who don't know, or rationalize it, and become abusive themselves, probably toxic narcissists.
@@therespectedlex9794 i think to rationalize it would mean more like analyze and understand the abuse and learn from it whereas normalize it is to accept abuse as normality and repeat it.
@@alicegabriela266 More like analyze and understand, ok. But rationalize does mean to use reasons that are not appropriate to justify something. I think you're splitting hairs, to be honest. It means the same.
Why drugs for victims of child abuse? What about showing them love and kindness and loving community to promote healing? Also what about good nutrition and healthy lifestyle?
Because we will never believe that the love and kindness shown is genuine or we think it will be taken away from us at a moments notice. Just like what our parents did to us.
It's just as important for survivors to be able to receive genuine love and support as it is to have that love and support in their immediate environment through relationships etc.. It's extremely challenging for child abuse survivors to be capable of accepting and receiving the love other people try to give them. And it becomes more complex being that a lot of people do not know how to love a child abuse survivor in a way the survivor can fathom. They feel undeserving, unlovable, totally isolated. This is why stabilization in all areas of life needs to co-occur before the ability to receive love is learned and reintegrated. It's a plethora of factors as you say, diet, lifestyle, community, loving partners, friends, mentors, family, independence, medication, exercise, purpose and passion, healthy coping mechanisms and on and on. Lots of work needs to be done in survivor's lives to live fruitfully, and the baseline for that work becomes easier when people are on the right medications (biochemical stabilization) and have a stable long term support structure in place first. Healing can only begin when you truly feel safe. If your body and mind is constantly overreacting on a chemical and neurological level to things in your life that are trying to support you, the wounds will never close, they will run away from love as they perceive it as a great threat, as accepting love requires them to open their wounds and be vulnerable to scrutiny. It's the most painful experience one could ever experience.
And regarding my comment below I will say that those who are playing this role in psychology are the one’s who were rewarded for not inter fearing, and telling the victimized child to still behave in that way, by not accepting them if they didn’t. This is why as adults they are still stuck in that pattern, and continually encourage the victimized not to look at their own behaviour. That’s what it is. It’s kind of hard to understand, but it is.
I grew up in a state that turned their heads toward child abuse. Almost everyone I knew was abused. If they were not being abused at home, they were abused at school. I seen a teacher punch guys, and call girls really bad names. I had a teacher push me up against the wall for reporting him, a PE teacher that made the girls soap up really well in the showers, then we had to bend over so she could check to see if we soaped up our privets correctly. I had adults bully me, 40, 50 year olds doing this to a child. Some of the people were fired, others continued to work. Because I'm half Russian and I went to school during the cold war I was considered a communist by the adults around me. For the longest time I thought abuse was legal it the state. It wouldn't be untill later many years down the road I would learn that it is not. Sadly the area I grew up in has a high percentage of abuse. It has been on the news that even the police are involved and turn a blind eye towards child sexuall abuse, and encourage it. Can you imagine if a police officer told you it's ok if your dad touches you in your private place? That is the kind of adults I grew up with. I recall children being beat with belt buckles and anything that inflicted pain on the kid. Your high school counselors, teachers, and office workers wont believe kids either. I think emotional, physcial, and sexuall abuse is so prevellant in the state of MO, it is just accepted as normal and the thing to do. The same people who are suppose to help you, are abusers themselves.
Fascinating topic. Dr Russell Jaffe come to similar conclusions and has created supplements that transport needed nutrients to deficient areas in our cells. All brains are not created equally due to life experiences originating in childhood. The mind, brain and the body cannot be treated as separate entities.
Nobody can get it unless experienced, but can part understand with imagining how in same situation, be normal reaction with any mammal, let alone humans. By my own experience being a male, relationship with women key role in my late recovery, this might offend, is my case. Early trama , led to anxiety and depression cause I avoided what was most desired
While there is a general consensus on chronic stress dysregulating the HPA axis , it exact molecular mechanism on HPA is is not yet known in human studies.
I’m not so sure they are approaching the aspect of victim responsibility correctly in psychology. At the end, the fellow was talking about a girl abused by her neighbour who forgave them but didn’t forgive herself. Their approach seems to be, to tell the victim to not even look at or address their own behaviour, but the fact is that there is a behaviour pattern that needs to be addressed. There is also the dynamic of the hierarchy where other children who aren’t abused seem to almost detach from the child who is abused and get attention in a positive way for not helping the one who is abused, while the abused child doesn’t get any good attention unless they submit to those behaviour patterns that cause the abuse. So, it is likely that their only experience of reward is for doing the things that establish behaviour patterns which are very hard to break, and then these guys who just think they’re geniuses start telling them to not even address their own behaviour and say that the others behaviour is what needs to change, without acknowledging that they cannot control others behaviour, and that there’s perhaps deeply engrained behaviour that also stems from that sort of abuse hierarchy from when they themselves were growing up.
maybe thats y I have seizures & no one knows the trigger. Many DRs are know-it-alls more than healers. If they practiced this, they could maybe help or cure u. Many are unkind & impatient & arent willing to take the time if they see something is off to ask whats wrong & to possibly point to the right specialist. I've had many drs, when I ask if they can recommend a specialist for whatever, tell me I don't know anyone? Im like if you're in the business of healing you'd have a network of "healers" you'd connect with to help your patients. Thankfully I escaped the burden of drug addiction & self-harm (except for the anxiety, self-doubt, downing verbiage & anger, which I work daily against). I see it as a fight for my life & standing up for the child & the adult me. So many of us would stand up to a bully for another person but not the abuse bully attached to oneself. It's tough tho, imo as one gets older, theorpy fails. Thats y I say u have to fight for the child in u, along with will & discipline to face the day, without destroying yourself before u get started. I truly believe the problem lies with the programmed behavior of trauma dumping. Unhealed untreated ppl passing their trauma burden to another. Unfortunately, the abused ends up carrying that trauma which effects ppl differently & drains society in general (ie one mayb a drug addict, one mayb an abuser & one may end up with epilepsy). If "power ppl" are allowed to trauma dump, y not the regular masses of society, its a vicious cycle no one seems to truly want to fix because it forces trauma dumpers to face reality & take accountability, which too many are too weak to do.
What about long term effects of rutine head truma to children? Is it like brain damage similar to boxers? What about how their faces shape or other health complications into adulthood.
@@shawnmendrek3544 Sorry to hear youre dealing with such irresponsible halfwit of a parent. Youre definitely not the only one with an unfit parent. 😒 Focus on your needs so you dont become a drinker yourself. Drunk people are largely fools , since theyve turned off most of their awareness. Take care. It seems if you were able to find this video and others like it youre on a much better path now than you nay even realise. 💗
My mother too used to hit me in the head, bang my head a lot growing up...hitting the head doesn't show! My head has lumps in the skull. I also suffer from Chiari I malformation a birth defect where the hind brain pushes down into the upper spine causing pressure. It caused me to have a syringomyelia (a balloon of spinal fluid in the spinal cord in my neck). It might take me out at any time by the pressure turning off my respiratory system. I always had headaches, chronic even now. This was just a small part of my abusive childhood via my mother. I'm sorry this happened to you too. My heart goes out to you and your inner child.
Traumatize people can’t hear past the emotion they are stuck in…you must start with helping them calm down the reaction inside …teach them MBSR first…that’s it…told to calm.. then slowly slowly slowly as space opens up ….things you say will start to enter
Thankyou for uploading this brilliant discussion. I've lost 20 years of life to ptsd. I feel like this information could've saved me so much misery, and millions like me. As a little note for myself, the uses at 29:00 are worth exploring?
Dud u just say proplie who are abused are difficult to work with of u did that is completely insane ivd been abused my hole life and respect others its only in seeing counseller that was not treated with respevt which only reinforced the belief can't trust anyone
I'm sorry to experience this. Usually people with trauma are difficult to work with not because they are disrespectful but because they relapse into the unhealthy behavior patterns very easily. You will find a therapists that works for you eventually, don't give up. Some people just aren't meant for this vocation.
You're going to be alone forever because no one will ever understand you. Or you'll choose to be with someone who constantly attacks your odd and "abmormal" behavior
That sucks. I’m so sorry your father treated you so badly, for something that you had no choice in. Some people can be so disgusting and so cruel. I hope you had the opportunity to receive help to be able to process your childhood trauma. My heart goes out to you, I’m glad to hear that you understand the reason for his unnecessary cruelty, I imagine that must be a small comfort to you to know that none of his behavior was your fault, but his own sick twisted way to feel better about himself and what he felt was your mother’s betrayal, and than apparently his insecurities involving his spouses marital infidelities. I also help your mother tried to defend you, but in my experiences coaching people through trauma (I am not a professional, just a passionate volunteer, who has lived through some traumas, and was fortunate enough to have a dedicated team of medical professionals and therapists who spent years treating my substance use problem as well as my thinking errors, (maladaptive thinking), and many emotional issues, I lived most of my life. I wish you the best, and I believe that people like us that have trauma, always have the ability to change their lives, since our brains have plasticity, meaning the ability to change, the more often we have certain healthy and unhealthy thoughts and behavior the easier it is for our brain to recreate those thoughts and behavior. I wanted to let you know that the more you learn about your self and your childhood trauma, and the more therapy and time you give your self will be so life changing, although in the beginning of treatment you may feel worse especially if you avoided many bad memories, thoughts, and feelings for so many years, but eventually you will find peace and be able to heal. It's what our brains and bodies are designed to do. Anyway, I'll stop rattling on, and I hope your get the opportunity to heal, and be able to love your self and make peace with your past. Not forgive for his benefit, but so you can stop hurting, and one day you will be free of many of the negative feelings and emotions you have been made to feel for so many years. It will be a hard road, or at least is was for me, I still rock and cry for days, but I have hope and less suicidal incidents than I used to. I wish you the best. God bless you, take care of your self, learn about your conditions that we're the result of the abuse, and keep trying to find a person you feel 100% comfortable to talk to. Remember your worth it, and fuck shame cause none if it was your fault, even though our sick brains try to trick us into believing that.
That wasn't a general comment it was to Kenneth Biddle. Or anyone else in the situation of trying to over cone the situations and conditions of traumatic memories especially those from their child hood.
My grandpa abuses me because my grandma got caught doing sexual acts with me I was still on the bottle and didnt even talk I was just her little bitch I am 24 and they still poison and drug my food and try to run me over and kill me all the time even tried to get me to commit suicide.
Hello, I would be very interested to know where I might the diagram that shows the determinants on health for childhood trauma (spoken about between 10-11mins).
I am in pursuit of a presentation of the what, how, and why that takes place neurologically during the initial childhood trauma. ( If I have RAD or AAD in adults, what exactly happened? )Suggestions?
Boy i always thought i was only one in the world that felt crazy my whole life i knew what happen before 3 it came back at adult this video makes me feel i know why im a monster n crazy adult now😣dont think i can change tho 😞never had help n refused to pay for somethan i didnt create helllll no😡people dont get it im ahhhhh
Achil NEEDS love or they will attach themselves to someone or something that makes them feel wanted and whole. In my case I didnt find anyone so I reached for something. That "something" almost killed me.
There is nothing wrong with our brain plenty of us have superior iqs its our nervous system where the problems are . because then what's wrong with the brain of people who haven't experienced trauma yet remain mediocre or below that at best due to the lack of adversity to the point of never developing a adult perspective that's some victim future blaming right there, especially since there is no evidence about our brains and ability to learn being damaged that Hersey especially when you have parentified fawn type children we know how to appear fine in the outer world but there are things going on in our nervous system and appear normal is a part of our survival strategy at best the problems is when we engage in relationships having cptsd and fear avoidant attachment styles while being hypervigilant other time we are just burned out , other dont trust mother and father archetypal figures like teachers so it might not be the ability to learn but the ability to learn from whom , because most of us are autodidacts and polymaths add/adhd isn't real these are jus things to ignore whats really happening at home , because things look good on holiday cards. learning is natural for all creatures you dont learn you die , and the brains job is to keep us safe , so if the child isnt learning its because they dont feel safe and they are focused on other things like safety can trust this information will it protect me will i get in trouble for knowing something my parents abusers dont , do they even have a safe place at home to do homework or study your assumptions and projections are just that if you dont have a ace score of atlest 5 you really dont have a clue to have one of 10
I definitely can see now that physical illness is a direct response of what has happened to a person during the developmental stages. My neice who is 22 yrs old lives with me now due to my sister's drug and alcohol dependency. I know her issues are from not being nurtured and tended to during the developmental stages. Then injury may have occured during delivery. The health professionals had forceps trying to pull her out of my sister. They still had to end up getting her through cesarean-section. That's a possibility.. Then my sister blatantly said she didn't want no children and she basically showed it by dropping my neice off for years during the Summers and hoildays at momma's House and I would help with her. I have a daughter so her and my neice basically grew up together. Now at 23 my neice is afraid to become an adult; she is highly co-dependent on me and even more with my daughter. She is so clingy to my daughter she follows her to the bathroom and now my daughter is picking up the same behaviors. I am highly concerned by this. It's not healthy in my opinion. I just want to take her back home. I am so stressed. She can't drive; she want my daughter to wait on her even down to giving her a drink of water. I have tried to talk to them about the attachment syndrome. And this video has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I too experienced childhood trauma, Chemical dependency affects the entire family! Great great video!
If people have to rely on subjective self to com to the conclusion there's a problem then you can pretty much bet that it's just going to keep being denied there is a problem so the majority of people normalize the level of maltreatment on mass scales..makes you question the profession on therapist in the first place..people don't actually eradicate their jobs as doctors so why would you want healthy societies? This is why I have no reason to trust myself or anyone else for that matter because everyone is exploiting everyone for some self serving reason and this codependent society of insanity is like the blind leading the blind. I didn't have kids the buck stops here simple as that. No use in allowing the possibility of repeating the cycle is the only way to actually stop it. Thanks for the lecture it was affirmation for what I already observed myself from almost 40 years of distortion of perception from brain damage as a child. Healthy has been a far cry from anything even fathomble in the cards I was delt. Human existence sucks and everyone has had a fun ride it appears because societal hubris is at an all time high and I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired
In the moment of abuse children shut down. Abused children are not constantly visibly in duress and pain and agony to the perceptive eye of everyone else. Once they get out of that situation into adulthood, all of that pain and misery comes out like a dam opening. Children are incredibly vulnerable.
Limbic s- memoryloss, cerebellar s-alcohol n electric shock n wrong antagonists, amygdala -atomoxetine fight or flight reaction instead of Dexedrine, locus- "horses cats instincts ", cortisol level-long time insomnia and money problems stress etc, umami, no Morse - looks like epilepsy at times
I was sexually molested at age 8 . I am thankful to God for not making me a miserable or self destructful person. GOD is the only way to deal with this trauma. I learned to forgive and I offered my sufferings to him.
I think the worst part about child abuse is lacking the necessary tools to form long lasting relationships. In most social situations I don’t say anything and if I do I just come off as anxiety ridden and make everyone feel uncomfortable. I also have poor memory retention which I think comes from repressing childhood memories of being abused. I feel so disconnected from myself and people around me. Makes me feel so dumb and unloved. It tough. Hope one day I can just feel normal.
Praying for you, Stephanie. What you said resonates deeply with me, and I go through a lot of that too as a result of childhood abuse.
Rachel Boyce thank you so much, I’ve been working on it, definitely starts with accepting who you are and seeing how far you’ve came 💕 happy holidays
Yeah, social situations are not enjoyable for me either, for the same reason.
Taras Wertelecki read Psycho-cybernetics by Mathew Maxwell it has improved my social skills greatly. Sending love 💕 I know it’s tough but people like us are remarkably wise
Do you still live with the abuser
In comments people have been mentioning: “ no interest in your future “ Which is very damaging to a growing abused child also as they demean and degrade you to think your quote “good for nothing “, The hard core abusers want to destroy you in every possible way. It’s horrible to be thrown out into the adult world programmed to fail. I spent much of my 67 years reteaching myself the right ways.
My stepfather was very abusive to me. Fists and Feet, belts, wires, black eyes, busted lips. 12-16 years old. I was a child runaway to protect myself. My mother never advocated for me, not once. Eventually she just accepted it. Today I cannot stay somewhere for too long. I run to protect my inner abused child and, my relationship with both my parents is nonexistent. Here and there, I'll call but I don't.I hate holidays, family settings, whether mine or complete strangers as I cry often. I am 42 and don't want any children for fear of repeating my childhood discipline on them. Some days I am suicidal, other days I remove myself totally. I feel like I owe it to my inner child, asylum and protection from further emotional harm. When I consider going home, my inner child comes out and holds me back, like he's pulling me away from my mother and stepfather. I wish I knew how to deal with this. I feel like know one will ever understand so I keep my mouth closed and keep that child to myself.
Master Jedi Have you read the Primal Scream ? It really helped me. Unfortunately I think the only way to get relief is to finally go through the feelings we've spent our lives running from. Like an animal that gets away from a predator, we need to shake it off. Feelings are a bodily experience. You are not alone. Much peace.
Lori Miller
Agree
How do you feel now? I'm just writing to tell you I do understand and I feel the same. And I am working with that inner child now, after ignoring her for so long. But she needs help and running and hiding inside our head doesn't help. What it needs is to release all the stored emotions. And this will be hard. I'm not lying. It's the most intense thing I've ever done. When you FEEL the despair and pain about what others have done. But THEN it gets better. It slightly, slowly becomes better. Get psychiatric help if you can. No pills, but empathy. Someone with experience in that field. Also start to meditate. Soothing soundtracks for balancing the root chakra. The solar plexus and the heart. These three are affected and blocked. Go out in nature and start to write down all your feelings. All that has happened to you. You've got to start to confront it on a deeper level, to let go. It's like a workbook assignment in school. You can do it. Doesn't matter the age. I'll turn 30 in a few years and up to now I had no idea this pain was ever there, nor how to release it. Then it hit me, almost killed me and now I'm halfway through I guess. Keep going, keep up your head, you're amazing and strong and under special protection from God. He doesn't let anyone suffer alone. 💙
Jus know there are people that care and people that love you. Wow jus realized your screen name aand my screen name..lol cool..)
I was feeling pretty hopeless myself till i found a couple organizations who are making miraculous leaps CURING folks like us with PTSD in only a few sessions in clinical trials all over the world, including some great recent data from John Hopkins recent study with hallucinogens (not your typical "acid", hallucinogen here just refers to a certain class of medicines). Please check out maps.org. I believe they are recruiting now all around the world to find participants for their phase III MDMA study. Phase 3 means it's almost legal, btw. I checked out maps.org did and I'm signed up to recieve therapy through the study!!! : )
It's mind boggling how unfathomably traumatic my childhood was. It is even more mind boggling to think of how my parents let it slide, and how other parents let it slide. As if it won't have any lasting effect later in life of the adolescent when on, and facing the world.
The unworthiness that tags alongside my daily commute. I'm a little restless, you could say.
dear anyone,
if you can help it, don't belittle your children for your own entertainment.
maybe frame the golden rule on every wall in the house if it's hard for you to remember.
thanks.
Mriza hello...just an empathic friend reaching out to you to say, yes, it is truly amazing that our intellegent, hard working parents were so amazingly unconscious. Both my parents were college graduates, teachers at one point in their careers. As you know, mental health was not a big topic in the 40-60s. In 7th grade I asked my mother if I could see a psuchologist, having read about such people in the library. She said no. When she was 100+ I asked her why not. She said that she did not think it would do any good. Only in this past year did I figure out that she did/could not bond to me. Her own mother was ill all my mom's childhood and died when mom was 16. The grief ma suffered resulted in Christianity as the focus in my childhood home. Yet none of us 4 siblings are practicing Christians. I have spent most of my adulthood figuring out what went wrong in my parental home. My journey has taken many twists and turns. Recent years I began listening to Eckhart Tolle, only to learn how to not obsess over mother's last 2 years of life. I cared for her 24/7...there was so much I did not understand then; we were always close..
yet we were not. Life is hard for everyone...some just conceal their feelings better from themselves. I wish you peace...know you are not alone.
Mriza I agree with you . My childhood was filled With abuse and neglect and my parents didn’t care about me or my future they jutted me for no good reason
Mriza Thank you for sharing. I feel your pain. i am a victim of child abuse and trauma as well. the only thing i would add to what you said ; Parents dont belittle your children at all. not for your entertainment. not even if you think your doing a good thing and its not for your pleasure. There's a difference between disciplining a kid the right way , educating them if they did something wrong, and verbally assaulting and insulting your child. that is not helpful to anyone and is only damaging. heavely.
I can fathom it, because I have been in your shoes as a child and as an adult, until I decided no adult has to tolerate that from anyone.
I hear you and this speaks to tbe deepest recesses of my heart, a heart that was ripped out and stomped on from age 6 to 23. My father felt for some twisted reason that he had to destroy my innocence.Incessant physical and verbal attacks left me empty setting the stage for a lot of pain. Fortunately, i received help and found myself.
have complex PTSD from severe ongoing childhood abuse beginning in infancy and lasting till age 16. I am 53 now, and have been working on myself and seeking answers to big life questions regarding who i am and why I am the way i am for 40 years. I've made some progress, but thanks to this video, I finally understand myself much better. I will not be so hard on myself anymore. Before viewing this, i thought my most troubling behaviours, limitations, and attitudes were due to some character deficit. Now i know otherwise. I will continue research into this Fascinating and relevant subject. Thanks for giving me perspective! Timely i should find this now, right after researching how hallucinogens can permanently restore connectivity and function to some of the same parts of the brain mentioned in this video. I'm getting closer to becoming whole every day! Thank you for being a part of my healing and for helping others heal!
wow! you're so much alike myself, infancy to 16. my age is 53 now, I live with CPTSD. Just had to comment and say I know I surely Know.
@@NoName-pu5ls Wow, fascinating! Hang in there sister! The more we can learn, the better. Since seeing this video, i've done many hours of research and found out that many huge worldwide studies with veterans with ptsd (check out maps.org) have shown complete healing from PTSD with only several treatments using various psychedelic drugs.including ketamine (as the presenter in this video mentioned.) and mdma, psilocybin, etct. Brain scans show these substances actually re-grow brain matter in the areas most affected by trauma!!! This is called neurogenesis . I have just signed up for maps.org phase three study using some of these substances for ptsd. You should check it out to see if there are any studies in your area. John Hopkins University is also doing many studies proving the same results!! OMG There's new hope. I hope you don't mind my unsolicited recommendations, but i wish i had known about this stuff 30 years ago. Love to you
@@karync.6707 Thank you for recommending this and yes surely I will check it out, as a matter of fact I will check it out right now! Much appreciate this info. Love to you sister
i find it crazy how all of the sudden my childhood and teenage years are haunting me now ,at 45 years old ... The beatings and abuse they did to me and my brother.. i straight up got in my moms face and told her that she was an abuser ,and that I should have called the cops when she abused me . I just stoped talking to them , They make me sick.
How are you doing these days?
I recently heard an audiobook on TH-cam called “The origins of war in child abuse.” Potentially controversial, but I went into it due to my interest in pacifism.
As a new(ish) parent, the lessons of the book have completely swayed how I treat my kids. Not that I was a bad parent before, but I now understand just how my behaviour affects their ENTIRE life.
One line that stood out for me was “The history of childhood is a nightmare we’re only just waking up from.”
I now see the effects of messed up childhoods everywhere in adulthood. The nightmare continues for some.
Thanks, I’m going to check it out
Do you think your parents affected you whole life for better or worse?
@@therespectedlex9794 I think my parents were a positive in my life, but our circumstances were (generally) a negative. But those early years still impact my personality now as a 47 year old.
How about yourself?
@@cavannaro1 So you highlight unpleasant circumstances. You don't judge the people who caused those circumstances, your parents.
@@cavannaro1 Myself? I am a penniless downtrodden 41 year old misfit. I'm begging my abusive parents for more help, and for good will and to admit their mistakes, to no avail.
A parent starves/hits/sexual assaults/ emotional abuses/ tormenting & terrorising thier own kid.............years forward they are messed up especially self-harm psyological damage, suicide & lacking a job or ordinary forms of general health and function
bayle Stewartt Yes, you're right. We must love and soothe our selves now. You are important no matter how someone else treats you. If you are here, you are meant to be here.
Thats my situation
My mother was a child serial killer! I’m sober 42 years and working as a substance abuse counselor! Healing is possible!
Congratulations on the sobriety!! I’m 28 & I’ve been sober for 3 years now. I’m hoping to become a counselor as well. I had a lot of trauma occur in my childhood. Healing is possible indeed!! So happy for you! 😊
to those who like me that making a big step to open their heart again after extreme neglect and abandonment when we were a child... keep going.. we will make it through..
It is so sad people have to deal with the consequences of what I can only poorly generalize as poor parenting.
I have no "psychologist" degree or medical background what so ever, but I am an expert nanny and babysitter which started since I was 4. My mom was a nanny and usually I ended up helping her with the children including helping with my own siblings, because watching 10 people at one time is a lot for one person, and I can truly say the worst thing all of those kids I grew up with/ and helped raise til today (I'm now 32) is the ever present neglect. My God! Adults ASSUME (wrongfully) that kids are fine as long as they are not crying outwardly, or that they are not bleeding in any obvious manner, but there is a lot of internal pain and suffering and I saw it.
I SWEAR it was in almost every case. I remember kids hating going home at the end of the day because it meant being mostly all by themselves or on their own. Even if the parent was home, it meant nothing because they did the same thing as a pillow on a couch, just there doing nothing for the kid, on the phone or watching tv, now it is FACEBOOK and the like. Stop babysitting on social media and give your kids likes, and thumbs down in real life instead.
I saw kids suffer. They told me things. I was always there with them, listening, helping, being a nurturer. I can see the suffering in silence everywhere and it makes me so sad the general public just says that it is probably because they had a bad day at work or they are probably on drugs. Maybe so, but that is only a symptom of the pain. There needs to be dedicated attention. Back in the day mothers had no jobs, and they had more than 5 children in the family and things were not so out of control. Why is it that now we are facing such chaotic mental health issues? Lack of developmental structure from an infancy stage is rampant. This is of course my observations, not from a medical point of view or scientific ANYTHING, but there is professional facts to support this and I am glad because I am no longer alone in trying to tell parents what IS. I am just a HUMAN seeing HUMANS being in situations and their reactions in a cause effect like pattern.
I hope I am expressing myself well enough to be understood.
I have always seen the most neglected and ignored kids fair out far worse because it leaves them with a forever "unworthy" sense of self esteem. It doesn't take a professional to realize kids need to be guided in life. Take care of YOUR children. Not 24/7 but 90% of the time or so. A sigh, a question asked, a moan, a scream, and even dead silence are indicators. If your child is quiet in their room for more than 5 minutes that is a bad sign. Why would any child be quiet for any time? They are children! They are very active and alive! Unless they are playing with a toy there is no reason for the quietness. Go check on them and ask them if they feel ok, if there is something wrong, if they need anything, and hug them, tell them you are there for them if they ever need to talk. Have an open door policy and establish trust and consequences for their rule breaking possibilities.
I am going on and on here, but man! Pay attention. They are all alone in the world. If thugs give them more "attention" (which they will interpret as love) they will join that life. It goes with everything. That is why people act "stupid" because they follow that which makes them feel wanted and loved. Protect your kids, and most of all BE PRESENT. You have kids now, partying and sleeping around is OVER! you are not a clueless teenager, and if you want to live as such DON'T have kids. Not trying to be judgmental, only straight forward. Why have kids suffer a whole lifetime just because you are too selfish and promiscuous to be there for them? Your poor behavior has severe consequences, and let's not forget all the sexual predators that help themselves to your kids because that is the "best you could do". DO BETTER
Fendora Thank you for speaking out. Don't stop. People need to know how much it hurts kids to be unwanted.
This made me cry...i suffered this as a child. And i made my son sometimes suffer this, until i regognized what i was doing. I am here now....i am with him.
Fendora People who have anger issues do not deserve to have young children. All abusive people need to know this 'If you cannot handle having kids, then don’t have kids at all'. They’re the ones who made the choices to give birth to kids, and then later, they get angry and begin lashing out of anger on their kids.
Thanks for writing this, it's super insightful. I've had a really abusive childhood and I'm at a point where I'm trying to come to terms with it (I forgot about it for a decade or so), and it's all just so overwhelming. More people need to know this stuff.
In my anger I've asked why I wasn't aborted instead. I have since developed a lot of forgiveness and compassion towards myself but to even imagine someone asking that... that is true pain from neglect. God bless
Our Gov't could be funding projects effecting mental health instead of creating chaos and murder in the rest of the world...speaking of craziness
Our government want this to happen to us. The evidence is all around us. They know exactly how to completely destroy the human spirit. And then pretend to care about us. It's an EPIDEMIC. Don't think it's not planned.
Who do you think fights in those wars
It's not in the best interest of the pharmaceutical companies to have people well. Pharmaceutical companies donate lots of money to politicians. Politicians will do what's in the large donors' best interests, so they will continue to receive large donations. Vicious circle. sigh
Why should that surprise you? The government is controlled by a racist, murderous, paranoid, hateful and depraved people. That is why it is killing people all over the world and destroying countries.
As an volunteer EMT I started practicing ACEs Awareness with many of my patients in2014.. My first patient shared with me that he was sexual abused by a female relative. I originally asked if he wanted to take a 10 question survey on adverse childhood experiences. He agreed to. It was the first time that he could talk about being abused by a female relative. He stated months latter that the ACE survey and our short talk afterwords did more for him than all the therapy prior. This was an opportunity to connect the dots.
Also my Mom yelling at us, (me and my sister) I was yelling at my sister and she was yelling back at me. As a result I have a fear of an anger of any women. Causes me PTSD. I am very easy to walk over, hard for me to defend myself. Very law self esteem. Self help and management books help a lot, but overall I feel that life like this is not worth living. I do have a positive hope thinking I will heal. I give myself the chance.
I'm not sure if you're a Christian but write a letter to Jesus - tell him all of it... how it made you feel - EVERYTHING... and see how He helps you
@@andreaatsevenov4444 Iēsus sub Iuppitō est. Scrībe Epistulam ad Iovem
My Mom always yelled at me when we did not have money and I cost her money. I grew up in Hungary in winter, no car, taking the bus. I understand her. However, she ruined my confidence. I think my marriage will collapse and all I want is to hold onto any money that I make. Never ever want to be without money.
@ GyK G yeah yeah you got yelled at when you cost your poor overwhelmed broke mother what little money she had to feed you WaWa so it’s al mommy’s fault where was daddy and you do see that you are a grown as man right?
@@iamjustsaying4787 That's no way to treat a child if you can't provide for the child then don't have children.
It's the mothers fault that she got herself in a situation she couldn't afford the child she had and she took her anger out on the child and blamed the child when he didn't even ask to be born in the first place. Although depression and frustration may be a reason for her taking her anger out That's still not a reason to take it out on a child
@@iamjustsaying4787 What in the actual fụck is your problem?
Save the children.
not only children, every person who experienced abuse
I'm a childhood abuse survivor. I recently was diagnosed with CPTSD and my childhood abuse is the result of my chronic pain and illness. Looking at this video was emotionally hard to watch because it completely matches my story and my current ailing health. This video made cry. It hurts really bad inside but I'm grateful because it opened my eyes.
I was abused from a baby till I was 11 by my father. I told 3 years later and my mother called me a liar. I recently unlocked that I was abused as a baby and toddler. As a child was a victim of cocsa, doing and from other children. I have cPTSD and am extremely depressed. I’m 18 now and still live with my abusers. As a child I showed obvious red flags, playing with dolls sexually, cocsa, urinary infections, bathroom problems, etc. i don’t even have real clear memories for being abused super super young, I had to connect the dots with my therapist. I’m scared of life and what to do, I have horrible body imagine and what not
I wasn't sexually abuse by my father, there was physical abuse until he was sent to prison, on an unrelated issue. I was sexually abused by my mother boyfriend and she doesn't believe me. And severe physical abuse, verbal abuse from my mother, bullied at school. So I'm at my best when I'm away from others. Just know you're not alone.
@@fmackey4966 I wish you both will heal in time
I hope that by now you are in a safe place and getting counseling. One year is a lot of minutes of feeling like you did, I hope it's changing some and that you've had some good days. You deserve them you didn't do anything wrong and you certainly did NOT deserve ANY abuse! Congrats on your insight, may it prompt the healing path that you need. It's not going to go away all at once, or even in a year, because it was years of events that built you. You are now the builder, firming up your structure inside and out, with help from professional "builders" who can guide and comfort you in this process going forward. Much love!
I think that showing a patient this presentation would give them a whole new perspective on why they have the thoughts and issues that they do. Each of the points made hit home with me
It ruined my fuckin' life. Destroyed my potential. Left me isolated and unable to have relationships. The ONLY demogrphic I managed to escape was not ending up in prison, but that's not exactly true since I got "Life" in solitary, doomed to be alone, all the time, and I never even committed a friggin' crime. My crime was being born.
“The body keeps score” is an interesting book on this topic
I see I listened to this two years ago - since then I have been listening and learning.
One of the major reliefs of learning is to genuinely put the blame where it belongs. The child is the innocent one not the bad guy. We’ve got to get that planted in our heads in a permanent way.
Also it helps us to understand that someone literally messed up our brains with their cruelty.
In my case- everything was opposite to what it would have been in a healthy loving environment.
Ei: if I hurt myself as a child I was yelled and screamed at instead of comforted. You soon learned all you could do was self-comfort.
As I do to this day.
Everything was opposite or backwards.
If I had a say it would be to be a tool for research to help the future generations in this area.
I am not able to afford therapy..so I really appreciate the any help posted on line..I had an extremely abusive mother..4-40...she was crazy as a loon..
I dealt with it with humor and helping other people but..it is catching up with me since I could never count on anyone..I feel paralyzed and with age and physical injury adding physical trauma..I am really struggling...
big hugs
I'm still trying to get free from my abusive parent and heal from the trauma,the thing is until yesterday I had no idea about the brain trauma side of it,I always thought about it as psychological......I cried watching this, like I haven't crying in years.
I got dementia in 34 due to anxiety from trauma. I wrote a manifesto about my life story if anyone is interested.
Hi. You are so brave. And you are so precious. I would so appreciate the information you share through that manifesto about your life! I am seeing some scary things in someone close to me, and have been looking for insight of any kind.
I’d like to read it
I'm finding it hard to find other females that were used by their mothers for sex object given to men for favors such as alcohol or in place of having sex with them herself. I survived forced to be sexually used from as early as an infant....as I don't recall all of my childhood. The most intact memory I have I was about 5 or 6 years of age. I also had daily physical, mental, and emotional abuse from my mother. Her favorite place to hit me was in my head. And I had Chiari I malformation...diagnosed about 20 years ago. I was raised in the 1960's -70's. Children weren't taken seriously back then. We were just labelled problem children. Thus more punishment at school...school was hell. Childhood was hell. Glad to be old and closer to Heaven than young and a long life ahead. With my DID (dissociative identity disorder) all those antidepressant drugs really don't work for me! I've been given all kinds of psych drugs over the years...yes I was accused of being schizophrenic because of my DID. Thank God I am not having these drugs forced on me anymore. Anxiety and panic attacks dealt well with prescribed Valium...not abused. Not everyone abuses the medications they take for chronic pain, etc... I'm glad that kids these days are getting more support and help than we did back in the day.
i know for me personally the reason i am so difficult is because i have suffered so long while being unable or uncomfterble seeing a doctor mainly trust issues, now that it is too much for me to bear and i go for treatment , i am impatient because i dont want to be in pain anymore and it takes time to find the cause, i should have sought treatment sooner but didnt believe it would get worse ,i figured i could just deal with it but it has progressed into unbelievable excrutiating pain, i spend most of my time just trying to relax or relieve the tension most of my efforts are unaffective
What can I say about my childhood full of bad treat bullying hate loneliness beating violence 💔 neglect
Same
My brother and i ace score is 10 this video is Incredible, I ended up working in mental health and my bro ended up with schizophrenia. Our parents should be in prison
Why do I feel like every video is describing me... I wasn't crazy after all.
So, that's why it feels so soothing to talk to people.
Ive BEEN that patient for nearly 50 years. The problem now is the challenge im facing with being invalidated now that I KNOW why--It was actually everyone else. Now, im the perpetrator of my own misery. Self fulfilling prophesy.
There are two main categories of the abused. Those who know that they were, and don't tend to be abusive, don't want to be. Then who don't know, or rationalize it, and become abusive themselves, probably toxic narcissists.
They normalize it not rationalize it
@@alicegabriela266 Yeah, they rationalise how normal it is. Same difference, no?
@@therespectedlex9794 i think to rationalize it would mean more like analyze and understand the abuse and learn from it whereas normalize it is to accept abuse as normality and repeat it.
@@alicegabriela266 More like analyze and understand, ok. But rationalize does mean to use reasons that are not appropriate to justify something. I think you're splitting hairs, to be honest. It means the same.
I'm unable to distinguish between the good and the bad. My response to any stress or abuse is just numbness!
Why drugs for victims of child abuse? What about showing them love and kindness and loving community to promote healing? Also what about good nutrition and healthy lifestyle?
Because we will never believe that the love and kindness shown is genuine or we think it will be taken away from us at a moments notice. Just like what our parents did to us.
It's just as important for survivors to be able to receive genuine love and support as it is to have that love and support in their immediate environment through relationships etc.. It's extremely challenging for child abuse survivors to be capable of accepting and receiving the love other people try to give them. And it becomes more complex being that a lot of people do not know how to love a child abuse survivor in a way the survivor can fathom. They feel undeserving, unlovable, totally isolated. This is why stabilization in all areas of life needs to co-occur before the ability to receive love is learned and reintegrated. It's a plethora of factors as you say, diet, lifestyle, community, loving partners, friends, mentors, family, independence, medication, exercise, purpose and passion, healthy coping mechanisms and on and on. Lots of work needs to be done in survivor's lives to live fruitfully, and the baseline for that work becomes easier when people are on the right medications (biochemical stabilization) and have a stable long term support structure in place first. Healing can only begin when you truly feel safe. If your body and mind is constantly overreacting on a chemical and neurological level to things in your life that are trying to support you, the wounds will never close, they will run away from love as they perceive it as a great threat, as accepting love requires them to open their wounds and be vulnerable to scrutiny. It's the most painful experience one could ever experience.
And regarding my comment below I will say that those who are playing this role in psychology are the one’s who were rewarded for not inter fearing, and telling the victimized child to still behave in that way, by not accepting them if they didn’t. This is why as adults they are still stuck in that pattern, and continually encourage the victimized not to look at their own behaviour. That’s what it is. It’s kind of hard to understand, but it is.
I grew up in a state that turned their heads toward child abuse. Almost everyone I knew was abused. If they were not being abused at home, they were abused at school. I seen a teacher punch guys, and call girls really bad names. I had a teacher push me up against the wall for reporting him, a PE teacher that made the girls soap up really well in the showers, then we had to bend over so she could check to see if we soaped up our privets correctly. I had adults bully me, 40, 50 year olds doing this to a child. Some of the people were fired, others continued to work. Because I'm half Russian and I went to school during the cold war I was considered a communist by the adults around me.
For the longest time I thought abuse was legal it the state. It wouldn't be untill later many years down the road I would learn that it is not. Sadly the area I grew up in has a high percentage of abuse. It has been on the news that even the police are involved and turn a blind eye towards child sexuall abuse, and encourage it.
Can you imagine if a police officer told you it's ok if your dad touches you in your private place?
That is the kind of adults I grew up with. I recall children being beat with belt buckles and anything that inflicted pain on the kid. Your high school counselors, teachers, and office workers wont believe kids either. I think emotional, physcial, and sexuall abuse is so prevellant in the state of MO, it is just accepted as normal and the thing to do. The same people who are suppose to help you, are abusers themselves.
Fascinating topic. Dr Russell Jaffe come to similar conclusions and has created supplements that transport needed nutrients to deficient areas in our cells. All brains are not created equally due to life experiences originating in childhood. The mind, brain and the body cannot be treated as separate entities.
Nobody can get it unless experienced, but can part understand with imagining how in same situation, be normal reaction with any mammal, let alone humans. By my own experience being a male, relationship with women key role in my late recovery, this might offend, is my case. Early trama , led to anxiety and depression cause I avoided what was most desired
I just wish I could get over it. I'm so fucking miserable. I want it to be over. How do you get over something you'll never remember?
While there is a general consensus on chronic stress dysregulating the HPA axis , it exact molecular mechanism on HPA is is not yet known in human studies.
This is such a well done presentation. Thank you for sharing👏👏👏
I’m not so sure they are approaching the aspect of victim responsibility correctly in psychology. At the end, the fellow was talking about a girl abused by her neighbour who forgave them but didn’t forgive herself. Their approach seems to be, to tell the victim to not even look at or address their own behaviour, but the fact is that there is a behaviour pattern that needs to be addressed. There is also the dynamic of the hierarchy where other children who aren’t abused seem to almost detach from the child who is abused and get attention in a positive way for not helping the one who is abused, while the abused child doesn’t get any good attention unless they submit to those behaviour patterns that cause the abuse. So, it is likely that their only experience of reward is for doing the things that establish behaviour patterns which are very hard to break, and then these guys who just think they’re geniuses start telling them to not even address their own behaviour and say that the others behaviour is what needs to change, without acknowledging that they cannot control others behaviour, and that there’s perhaps deeply engrained behaviour that also stems from that sort of abuse hierarchy from when they themselves were growing up.
maybe thats y I have seizures & no one knows the trigger. Many DRs are know-it-alls more than healers. If they practiced this, they could maybe help or cure u. Many are unkind & impatient & arent willing to take the time if they see something is off to ask whats wrong & to possibly point to the right specialist. I've had many drs, when I ask if they can recommend a specialist for whatever, tell me I don't know anyone? Im like if you're in the business of healing you'd have a network of "healers" you'd connect with to help your patients.
Thankfully I escaped the burden of drug addiction & self-harm (except for the anxiety, self-doubt, downing verbiage & anger, which I work daily against). I see it as a fight for my life & standing up for the child & the adult me. So many of us would stand up to a bully for another person but not the abuse bully attached to oneself. It's tough tho, imo as one gets older, theorpy fails. Thats y I say u have to fight for the child in u, along with will & discipline to face the day, without destroying yourself before u get started.
I truly believe the problem lies with the programmed behavior of trauma dumping. Unhealed untreated ppl passing their trauma burden to another. Unfortunately, the abused ends up carrying that trauma which effects ppl differently & drains society in general (ie one mayb a drug addict, one mayb an abuser & one may end up with epilepsy).
If "power ppl" are allowed to trauma dump, y not the regular masses of society, its a vicious cycle no one seems to truly want to fix because it forces trauma dumpers to face reality & take accountability, which too many are too weak to do.
Brilliant! Brilliant! NOW I understand! Thank You very, very much.
Dopamin -PTSD, serotonin -native Americans, oxytocin - hugging heals
What about long term effects of rutine head truma to children? Is it like brain damage similar to boxers? What about how their faces shape or other health complications into adulthood.
@@d.b.1858 thank you, just looked it up and it's kinda what I was afraid of but that makes sence
@@shawnmendrek3544
Sorry to hear youre dealing with such irresponsible halfwit of a parent. Youre definitely not the only one with an unfit parent. 😒
Focus on your needs so you dont become a drinker yourself.
Drunk people are largely fools , since theyve turned off most of their awareness.
Take care.
It seems if you were able to find this video and others like it youre on a much better path now than you nay even realise. 💗
My mother too used to hit me in the head, bang my head a lot growing up...hitting the head doesn't show! My head has lumps in the skull. I also suffer from Chiari I malformation a birth defect where the hind brain pushes down into the upper spine causing pressure. It caused me to have a syringomyelia (a balloon of spinal fluid in the spinal cord in my neck). It might take me out at any time by the pressure turning off my respiratory system. I always had headaches, chronic even now. This was just a small part of my abusive childhood via my mother. I'm sorry this happened to you too. My heart goes out to you and your inner child.
Traumatize people can’t hear past the emotion they are stuck in…you must start with helping them calm down the reaction inside …teach them MBSR first…that’s it…told to calm.. then slowly slowly slowly as space opens up ….things you say will start to enter
Thankyou for uploading this brilliant discussion. I've lost 20 years of life to ptsd. I feel like this information could've saved me so much misery, and millions like me.
As a little note for myself, the uses at 29:00 are worth exploring?
Dud u just say proplie who are abused are difficult to work with of u did that is completely insane ivd been abused my hole life and respect others its only in seeing counseller that was not treated with respevt which only reinforced the belief can't trust anyone
I'm sorry to experience this. Usually people with trauma are difficult to work with not because they are disrespectful but because they relapse into the unhealthy behavior patterns very easily. You will find a therapists that works for you eventually, don't give up. Some people just aren't meant for this vocation.
You're going to be alone forever because no one will ever understand you. Or you'll choose to be with someone who constantly attacks your odd and "abmormal" behavior
or...you can find someone who is odd differently, and hold each other up & tight. There are Many Options.
My dad did everything he could to make me develop abnormally because I am actually his brothers illegitimate child with my mother.
That sucks. I’m so sorry your father treated you so badly, for something that you had no choice in. Some people can be so disgusting and so cruel. I hope you had the opportunity to receive help to be able to process your childhood trauma. My heart goes out to you, I’m glad to hear that you understand the reason for his unnecessary cruelty, I imagine that must be a small comfort to you to know that none of his behavior was your fault, but his own sick twisted way to feel better about himself and what he felt was your mother’s betrayal, and than apparently his insecurities involving his spouses marital infidelities. I also help your mother tried to defend you, but in my experiences coaching people through trauma (I am not a professional, just a passionate volunteer, who has lived through some traumas, and was fortunate enough to have a dedicated team of medical professionals and therapists who spent years treating my substance use problem as well as my thinking errors, (maladaptive thinking), and many emotional issues, I lived most of my life. I wish you the best, and I believe that people like us that have trauma, always have the ability to change their lives, since our brains have plasticity, meaning the ability to change, the more often we have certain healthy and unhealthy thoughts and behavior the easier it is for our brain to recreate those thoughts and behavior. I wanted to let you know that the more you learn about your self and your childhood trauma, and the more therapy and time you give your self will be so life changing, although in the beginning of treatment you may feel worse especially if you avoided many bad memories, thoughts, and feelings for so many years, but eventually you will find peace and be able to heal. It's what our brains and bodies are designed to do. Anyway, I'll stop rattling on, and I hope your get the opportunity to heal, and be able to love your self and make peace with your past. Not forgive for his benefit, but so you can stop hurting, and one day you will be free of many of the negative feelings and emotions you have been made to feel for so many years. It will be a hard road, or at least is was for me, I still rock and cry for days, but I have hope and less suicidal incidents than I used to. I wish you the best. God bless you, take care of your self, learn about your conditions that we're the result of the abuse, and keep trying to find a person you feel 100% comfortable to talk to. Remember your worth it, and fuck shame cause none if it was your fault, even though our sick brains try to trick us into believing that.
That wasn't a general comment it was to Kenneth Biddle. Or anyone else in the situation of trying to over cone the situations and conditions of traumatic memories especially those from their child hood.
My grandpa abuses me because my grandma got caught doing sexual acts with me I was still on the bottle and didnt even talk I was just her little bitch I am 24 and they still poison and drug my food and try to run me over and kill me all the time even tried to get me to commit suicide.
Hello, I would be very interested to know where I might the diagram that shows the determinants on health for childhood trauma (spoken about between 10-11mins).
Very informative, thank you 🌟
I am in pursuit of a presentation of the what, how, and why that takes place neurologically during the initial childhood trauma. ( If I have RAD or AAD in adults, what exactly happened? )Suggestions?
Boy i always thought i was only one in the world that felt crazy my whole life i knew what happen before 3 it came back at adult this video makes me feel i know why im a monster n crazy adult now😣dont think i can change tho 😞never had help n refused to pay for somethan i didnt create helllll no😡people dont get it im ahhhhh
Just heard him say brain can change im old almost 😳😥😥
@@samdavis6250 Brain can change. We regenerate new brain and lung cells even into old old age. Mindset and environment are everything.
Thank you.
Hi,thank you so much for sharing it!
could you please tell mee that are the brain consequences from childhood maltreatment permnant???
@Balance Seeker please tell me how. I'm in a lot of pain from it and I don't know how to deal with it.
Achil NEEDS love or they will attach themselves to someone or something that makes them feel wanted and whole. In my case I didnt find anyone so I reached for something. That "something" almost killed me.
There is nothing wrong with our brain plenty of us have superior iqs its our nervous system where the problems are . because then what's wrong with the brain of people who haven't experienced trauma yet remain mediocre or below that at best due to the lack of adversity to the point of never developing a adult perspective
that's some victim future blaming right there, especially since there is no evidence about our brains and ability to learn being damaged that Hersey
especially when you have parentified fawn type children we know how to appear fine in the outer world but there are things going on in our nervous system and appear normal is a part of our survival strategy
at best the problems is when we engage in relationships having cptsd and fear avoidant attachment styles while being hypervigilant other time we are just burned out , other dont trust mother and father archetypal figures like teachers so it might not be the ability to learn but the ability to learn from whom , because most of us are autodidacts and polymaths
add/adhd isn't real these are jus things to ignore whats really happening at home , because things look good on holiday cards.
learning is natural for all creatures you dont learn you die , and the brains job is to keep us safe , so if the child isnt learning its because they dont feel safe and they are focused on other things like safety can trust this information will it protect me will i get in trouble for knowing something my parents abusers dont , do they even have a safe place at home to do homework or study
your assumptions and projections are just that if you dont have a ace score of atlest 5 you really dont have a clue to have one of 10
I definitely can see now that physical illness is a direct response of what has happened to a person during the developmental stages. My neice who is 22 yrs old lives with me now due to my sister's drug and alcohol dependency. I know her issues are from not being nurtured and tended to during the developmental stages. Then injury may have occured during delivery. The health professionals had forceps trying to pull her out of my sister. They still had to end up getting her through cesarean-section. That's a possibility.. Then my sister blatantly said she didn't want no children and she basically showed it by dropping my neice off for years during the Summers and hoildays at momma's House and I would help with her. I have a daughter so her and my neice basically grew up together. Now at 23 my neice is afraid to become an adult; she is highly co-dependent on me and even more with my daughter. She is so clingy to my daughter she follows her to the bathroom and now my daughter is picking up the same behaviors. I am highly concerned by this. It's not healthy in my opinion. I just want to take her back home. I am so stressed. She can't drive; she want my daughter to wait on her even down to giving her a drink of water. I have tried to talk to them about the attachment syndrome. And this video has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I too experienced childhood trauma, Chemical dependency affects the entire family! Great great video!
If people have to rely on subjective self to com to the conclusion there's a problem then you can pretty much bet that it's just going to keep being denied there is a problem so the majority of people normalize the level of maltreatment on mass scales..makes you question the profession on therapist in the first place..people don't actually eradicate their jobs as doctors so why would you want healthy societies? This is why I have no reason to trust myself or anyone else for that matter because everyone is exploiting everyone for some self serving reason and this codependent society of insanity is like the blind leading the blind. I didn't have kids the buck stops here simple as that. No use in allowing the possibility of repeating the cycle is the only way to actually stop it. Thanks for the lecture it was affirmation for what I already observed myself from almost 40 years of distortion of perception from brain damage as a child. Healthy has been a far cry from anything even fathomble in the cards I was delt. Human existence sucks and everyone has had a fun ride it appears because societal hubris is at an all time high and I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired
Explains alot, ty.
God bless you if you can detect that 101 they do and than we cant function with them in our lives if they dont stop continuing silencing
.Thank you.
Yet they say children are resistant. Bullshit. It all comes out in adulthood.
In the moment of abuse children shut down. Abused children are not constantly visibly in duress and pain and agony to the perceptive eye of everyone else. Once they get out of that situation into adulthood, all of that pain and misery comes out like a dam opening. Children are incredibly vulnerable.
Erotusdg separation diagnosis: dissosiaatio ja postraumaattinen psykoottisuus vs skitsofrenia
FND???
E shocks - severe memory loss and pain like your muscles burn 😢🤕
I'd like to know the studies on my abilities to totally not acknowledge that
Limbic s- memoryloss, cerebellar s-alcohol n electric shock n wrong antagonists, amygdala -atomoxetine fight or flight reaction instead of Dexedrine, locus- "horses cats instincts ", cortisol level-long time insomnia and money problems stress etc, umami, no Morse - looks like epilepsy at times
how does the cia mind programming work ? they make a child go through this stuff
This is old, philosophies and attitudes and data has changed. we need updated info.
17:50 22:11
Coleva 🙃🙏 thx
I do not recognize myself at all in your remarks, Doc.
CRF manipulation? Anorexia (bad association memory with the food related to event)
10:25
Video stops after 2:10 ??
WOW
Break the cycle
I was raped when I was three years old for years old all the way till I was twelve
The trauma is real. Jesus is the answer.
Sadly religion under the banner of Christianity is very responsible for much of the abuse visited on mankind in general.
Think Forurself Thankful for the Balm of Gilead.
i agree with you......,Jesus helped me.
Fundamental Christianity is literally a category of abuse. Read a book.
I was sexually molested at age 8 . I am thankful to God for not making me a miserable or self destructful person. GOD is the only way to deal with this trauma. I learned to forgive and I offered my sufferings to him.