I want to express my dearest thanks for all of you who watched, commented, reached out in support about this week's vlog, it really means the world to me, and I had no Idea just how many of you could relate and care. I'm so lucky to have you guys and honestly I feel so much calmer, at peace, knowing I can express my true emotions like this without fear of shame or judgement. I hit a lot of my goals that I set when I was a teen, and so I think I now need to figure out what goal I'll aim for next...
everything you've been doing, content, being an entrepreneur, idol stuff, is all very recent and new so of course you won't find instant success. all you have to do is just remember why you do those things to begin with: is it because of self expression? you have an important story you want to share? do you feel joy during those things? if you keep those in mind, and stay consistent you can find success, but it could take years. you'll never see that success though if you give up. a part time job couldn't hurt. maybe english tutoring? it's fine to have a day job type of deal while you pursue your passions. that will ease the burden and doing that wouldn't make you a failure in any way in regards to achieving success through other endeavors.
I'm still learning and watching kaigai idols like you, but one thing i see continuously is the passion and love you all have being an idol. Please don't lose that love and passion, I'm rooting for you the whole way!
Thank you so much! It's so difficult when there's so much I want to do, but always feel limited or held back somehow, whether it's money or my own abilities, I want to push through and keep going~
You're doing great and it's so impressive that you're following the dream of going to Japan to perform, even if the logistics are starting to look scary! You did the best thing in letting it out, taking a breath and keeping on. I believe in you!!!
This was both heartbreaking and also just admirable to watch. Putting yourself out there like this takes a lot and I do hope you're able to find a good balance in life! One step at a time :D
Sharing your most vulnerable moments is such a hard thing to do and your so amazing for doing this. You are one of the most talented people i follow and i aspire to be like so just know we will all support you no matter what you do ✨🧡 We love you marmalade 🫶✨
I think a lot of people who vlog about moving to Japan or even just temporarily travel there hide this side of things, honestly. About not having things go as expected or not having a safety net. You do so much, and I haven't even been subscribed for that long, but between filming/editing videos, making costumes, practicing and planning performances... It's a lot. A lot of time, effort, and passion poured into different projects. And y'know, there are many factors outside your control in terms of idol-related activities. Even if you feel you tried really hard, it's not your fault that things haven't been as successful as you hoped. I'm glad you ended that initial part with saying you'd like to be more gentle on yourself. Again, I can't believe your resolve of filming and editing the raw thought process you had there. That's truly admirable. I wish you the best in the future, whatever path you take!! 🧡
I felt this before I graduated from FAEBLE. I was absent from shows for a long time for the same reason before I settled on graduation. I really needed a break because I felt I couldn't keep up despite how dearly I loved doing it. I felt like I was falling behind every time I tried to put my all back into it. I had to step away on so many occasions to give myself time to really reflect if it's what I really even wanted to do. I sat myself down and said "If you HAD to choose one to pursue for the next year, what would it be? Idol, or Vtubing?" And strangely.. Vtubing was the immediate choice for me, no hesitation. It's still bittersweet nearly 6 months after graduating, and I do (as you put it) still mourn my time in and away from FAEBLE.. But like you, I felt like being an 'idol' was never really a dream of mine, either. I started because I was quite isolated, and enjoyed having fun with my friends, but as time went on and we picked up the pace, I felt I couldn't keep up at the standard the others were at. Most kaigai idols in the scene right now share that dream of making it big as idols.. And I was just.. there. Trying to have fun, and not understanding why I wasn't anymore. That's how I felt, anyway. Slowing down and giving yourself that time to breathe, reflect and focus on something nourishing for yourself is so, so important. In my case, that was vtubing. I needed to rebuild and foster my identity in my own image, because I didn't feel 100% there as an idol. Focusing on something else really saved me and reminded me I can express myself and connect with others in different ways other than just 'idol'; ways I'm more confident in, more passionate about. Taking a break now doesn't mean your options are shut off forever, either. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You're not alone, no matter how isolated you may feel. Kaigai idol or not, you are an extremely talented individual with a smile like sunshine and a heart of gold. You light up the room. You are loved and you are cared for by me, and many others! Sending you lots of love from The Down Underworld! We've got this. 🧡
Some “100%” full time creators have backing one way or another, wether that be parents/family/spouse. They aren’t going to talk about this though. Many many many creators have outside jobs that finance their projects. They don’t talk about them usually, which gives people an unrealistic perspective on being an full-time creator/artist. It’s an unstable life, and stressful. Having a job, part-time or full-time allows you to meet people, also prevents burnout/keeps your “real” thing fun and also provides a lot of inspiration (and provides some stability and normalcy). Don’t give yourself a hard time. Comparison is the thief of joy. You are doing a lot, and if you are able to provide for yourself from commissions, you are doing really well as an artist. 🌈✨
“I don’t have answers, all I can see are the problems” is so relatable, I often feel this way too ): I’m a new viewer but I admire your honesty so much. I hope that in the future you only have days where you smile 🫂
I tried to come up with some life changing thoughts for you Marmalade but I just couldn’t😢 All I know is that you have done so much more in your young life than a large percentage of the population that you should be very proud of yourself 🥰 You are amazing and we are all here to continue to support you 🧡🧡🧡
thank you for sharing ur vulnerability with us! i think its a wise idea to step back and evaluate what you're doing, and it doesn't have to mean that you're giving up on your dreams!! we all change and develop, if you're past the stage where you want to identify as an idol, then that's just where you are right now! you should be really proud of the work you've done so far!!
I really respect you willing to be open and honest about what you've been going through. I appreciate there's so much more than I know of that goes in to trying to keep up with it all I can only speak for my own experience, where it took me nearly 5-6 years between deciding I wanted to try getting involved in kaigai+cosplay idols and being able to get on stage for the first time, the fact it took me so long, it's easy to feel I've could have done better sooner. That said, I absolutely understand and appreciate how that uncertainty makes the future feel frightening, even paralysing. Taking some time to reevaluate, take a step back and work out what's sustainable while still being able to do what you love, that absolutely won't mean you've failed in any way. There's no rulebook or walkthrough guides for this, getting lost along the way is perfectly okay part of the process, nor is there any shame in reaching out for help when you need it Wishing you all the best on your journey 🧡
what you’re doing is extremely tough and i can’t imagine how much bravery it took to completely move your life to a brand new country. please just remember how strong you are. even when you feel like the weakest person in the world, you’re actually probably one of the strongest. I also suggest trying to make money doing clothing alterations for people! It’s a great way to make money on the side, i know first hand. you got this girly! thank you for sharing how you feel with everyone, it makes us love and support you even more!
I've loved watching your journey but I also love how open and honest you are with everything. I think it's important to share not only the highs but the lows of how it is a struggle in the kaigai idol world. People don't realise being a kaigai idol is very much a passion project and that can become a quick money sink without another side hustle. Quite honestly, I don't think you need to necessarily give up performing but rather take it steady - it seems like it's been a whirlwind of a past couple of months and it seems so fun but I understand it can be draining on both the funds and mental health. So you have to look after yourself! Do what YOU find passionate and you can always come back to performing in the future, people will still follow you for your creative endeavours and they love seeing you strive!
I’m sorry to hear you had a rough start of the week! It is tough in the start as a content creator and performer and the fears and anxieties you have are totally valid. I hope you’ll be able to find new creative ways to move forward, and still be able to have fun and enjoyment on the path to becoming self sufficient. Rooting for you!
Whatever happens, at least you tried it and I think that alone is awesome and inspiring! Take care of yourself and try to make the best decision for you. Whatever happens you are inspiring. I know it is a super challenging path, thanks for sharing and being honest about your experience as always
Aw Marmalade, you are doing amazing; I'm not surprised that it all got to you as you have been pushing yourself so much. You are super talented and creative. Keep going and you will work things out. Hugs to you! It will all be OK. You can find a way forward that will open up more beautiful surprises! ❤
Been following you for years. I've always loved your content. I believe you'll get through this. Make sure you don't do this alone. Make sure you reach out to family and friends. And just remember, if you do return home, you did your best and that's amazing. You're still young, you've still got your entire life ahead of you.
I have been following you since Melopara Debut. You have been best Idol ever. You change me a lot back in 2021. Just look back what you achieved in the past 3 years. There's a lot of Hope in this world. You're a talented passionate person. Please be kind to yourself. Never give up.😔
Aw Marmalade, I’m so sorry that you had a rough start to the week, and thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to be so vulnerable with us. Money gives me so much anxiety as well, so I feel that, but you’re an amazing content creator and so so hardworking, stay strong, and if you feel the need to take a break from idol activities we’ll all still be here! Sending a hug and love and support from back home. Keep going, I believe in you x
There is always light at the end of a tunnel. Find other ways and brainstorm what will work for you. if you end up coming back home its okay. you tried and it didn't work. it doesn't mean it's over. it just means maybe now wasn't the right time. I'm glad to see your week got better! you can do this! I met you once at a cosplay meet probably about 10 years ago when you were cosplaying and your skills have improved like crazy since then and inspire me so much! wishing you all the best! ❤
Oh my goodness I have been exactly where you are instead of being a youthful idol I am a virtual idol and a content creator living in Japan and for awhile all I could do both work and I can’t take Grace Ha with out worrying about putting food on my table but then Covid happened and job security for me dropped out of the sky and I have a job that’s pretty disposable where I’m only worth as much as my clients and children’s parents think I have and soon as I don’t think I’m worth much they will dispose of me and pick up somebody else and that’s the harsh reality of being an English teacher in Japan is that you are very replaceable. And so this year I decided that I didn’t want to just stealing this teacher anymore that I want to be a full-time creator and I started to work a little less and unfortunately that made it so I made a lot less money specially in August of this year and yeah I’m just doing whatever I can to pick up any extra work so that I can provide for myself and these rough times I know that They will pass I’m trying to be as confident as I can and my people are being super duper supportive and trying to keep positive and I’m just going to work as hard as I can for them so that I can keep living here in Japan and he providing them with fun content because they are the reason I go home every day and wake up every morning. When you have something like that and fans in the community that are behind you and keep you going it’s really important and it does motivate you and I hope that you have that 4:51
I’ve been following you since Aquaria days and I’ve always thought of you as a girl with a beautiful smile first before anything else! And finances can be so stressful. I can only imagine how tough it is for you at the moment. In terms of financial books, the barefoot investor is really great! Another idea I had is if there are any smaller sewing projects that you can shoot out quickly and do only when you want (like a limit of 10), maybe that can give you a short burst of income now and then (like a pouch or barrette etc) whenever you feel like opening preorders. You got this girl! We all make mistakes but that’s how we learn and grow. I wish I had the courage you had to move to another country. I’ll keep rooting for you!
Thank you for sharing such a tough moment with us, it was a real & raw moment. I think it's good to give yourself a break, figure out what you want to do and contribute creatively when something starts not feeling good or fun anymore. I'm surprised we share some of the same thoughts like "i'm more than an idol. I cringe at being called an idol." cause damn, I've felt the same things too. It's really scary when things get low & shit, and it takes a lot of guts to go out there and try follow your dreams. Stay strong, its ok to fail cause you can pick yourself back up and try again in the future! Wishing you the best of luck in your journey in Japan and discovering new ways to financially survive as a creative, 🙏🧡
I'm so proud of you! I bet it was really hard to come to this conclusion, but don't give up! You can take a break but not totally forget about it. You are awesome and I will always support you! You are awesome! ❤ greetings from Austria 🇦🇹
I moved to Japan in July last year, there were always ups and downs but I liked living in Tokyo. I had some friends and we had fun in the summer having parties at our house, and yeah I usually did everything alone and went everywhere by myself but I was okay. I made some friends in school too and were hanging out with them sometimes. I decided I wanted to stay here for now, finish language school, go to university and maybe get a job one day and live here. until January, when something really bad happened to me and I basically lost all my money… I’m trying to survive since then but it’s really hard… I’m always alone and I have no friends, the ones I had either went back to their countries or ghosted me for no reason… I haven’t paid rent in two months and I don’t know what to do anymore, still haven’t found a part time job cause nobody wants to hire me in the end… it’s so hard and nobody cares about me, my housemates and classmates don’t even talk to me anymore… teachers told me I have to leave next month if I don’t pay tuition for the school but I can’t even go back to my country since I’m broke… I can barely eat, usually expired food like rice left behind by previous tenants of the house… I tried my best to survive since january but I can’t do it anymore… I don’t have anyone that can help me, my mother sent me some money to help me survive in the past months but I feel bad cause she’s now broke too because of me… at least she has a house so she’s safe unlike me… my birthday is next week and nobody will even remember it and wish me a happy birthday, I’ll be alone, celebrating by myself as usual… and crying like I’ve been doing every single day and night this year… watching this video I started crying again… I’m sure you’re gonna make it cause you still have friends and people that care about you and love you 💖 I only have myself and that makes everything so much harder, I’m really sorry for leaving this comment but I don’t have anyone to talk to and I wanted to tell my story, hoping someone somewhere in the world will know about me and what I’m going through, I’m truly sorry I wish I could hug you 💖
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds incredibly difficult, I hope you can find a way to survive and be safe, it's a very hard world we live in. I wish I could give you a hug too.
Marmalade your so strong having to go through this💗I believe you can go through this your a amazing, strong and beautiful person. New paths will open up to you💓
Hi, ususally I don't really comment but I just have to say I'm so impressed by how far you've come! I'm in a secure job and I still struggle with anxiety about money every month, so I think it's a thing in our age (I'm 26) bc everything costs just so much and you feel really guilty if you spend money for entertainment purposes and not for "necessities". I've been following a lot for a while I just love your costumes. Everything will eventually turn out the way it should turn out, that's what I believe! You can pull through, I'm sure!
I want to echo what other people are saying but also say - The economic systems that are in place for us, especially as artists, are not built for us to succeed. They're made to keep you at a level where you can't be reliant on yourself. :( The music industry specifically is so, so luck based and its a never ending grind until a break happens and EVEN THEN, it's still pennies from what I hear. Ultimately, if something doesn't make you happy - you shouldn't be doing it. Do not force yourself if it is not your passion! You clearly love costuming and creating content and the people who follow you will love to watch you shine there, too. For the record, I don't know a single kaigai idol that is able to keep themselves out of debt right now with their idoling (merch or live shows or otherwise) - even the "big" names. Its a money sink.
Sending love and support 💛💛💛 You are incredible and it's incredible watching you do all of these amazing things, you are so amazing!!! You'll have my support no matter what! 💛
Oh Marmalade, I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time recently :( Being an idol should be fun, so if it's not fun right now and/or it's making you feel anxious and stressed, it's fair to take a break. You can always come back to it later, or you can quit if that's what you want! It's entirely up to you
You are such an inspiration to me. Regardless of finding it tough right now you have definitely encouraged me to pursue things I am passionate about and things that I may not be enjoying as much I know I also may be taking them too seriously. I can’t imagine how it feels to be out of home in a country with no family and no backups. But your “breakdown” seems so understandable and relevant. I hope things pick up in time and that you end up having a lot less stress with money. It’s hard in this world finding a passion that is also lucrative. Please keep fighting Marmalade. You’ll find a way through. I hope one day I can afford one of your gorgeous costumes!!
Sending big hugs your way! I've heard qbout how j-pop idols doesnt make much money and how most works a full time or part time job along side to make ends meet. Perhaps it's harder with a freelancing job like art and costume commissions. I hope you don't feel ashamed to step away, to take that break from idol activities, and focus on yourself and what you enjoy. On a lighter hearted topic; I have some hormonal issues and my acne definitely follows the monthly cycle. I just found my holy grail rn and it's the 30 days miracle toner by Somebyme! It's a korean brand, and I'm already seeing results after a few days! It helps with pores, black heads, dead skin cells and moisturizes a bit too. I 100% recommend it, but do try to see if it's compatible with that cream you are using! Some products can cause irritation when used together.
Hey girl. I'm going through a similar situation at the moment but for a significant different reason and I just want to tell you how strong you are for taking a leap of faith. You'd never know how to fly unless you threw yourself into an open sky. Sometimes we're gonna fall. But you have so much talent, you're incredible, you're stunning and I'm sure you'll find the right angle to tackle this 🙏
i want to give you such a big hug right now. you will always be an inspiration for me marmalade. i will forever love and care so much for you, no matter how hard it gets always remember to take a break and step back for a bit. it’s okay to quit something you enjoy to get where you want to be in life. everything will be okay, it may be hard but im sure everything will get better. if you even do continue doing idol stuff which is completely okay if you don’t, you will have always have me and many others there for you. though i can’t make it in real life i will always be there for you. i really appreciate you so much, you mean so much to me and you’re such a wonderful person. take your time in figuring things out, if you ever need a break please do. your mental and physical health is so much more important than a social media life. we’re all here for you marmalade. 🧡
I'll be upfront and say you're brave to migrate to Japan and chase the dream of being an idol there. There's going to be days where there's no one in the crowd or zero sales at buppan, but you need to push through. Shit happens. Even as a VTuber, there's going to be times where there's no one watching. I even know some idols that when they moved out there, had the same problems but they pushed through. You just have to keep going. It's a tough journey, especially for anyone in the entertainment industry. I know some idols do work at bars on the side when they aren't booked for gigs. Shit, even some wrestlers on my local indie scene have day jobs since most bookings don't pay that much. You could do more commissions, do something with the Patreon? Cherry Wallflower did suggest being an English tutor, that could work? Maybe ask around in your Japanese class to gauge what everyone's doing to get by. I'm rooting for you, Marmalade.
I have a lot of respect for you in putting your all into your passions. obviously it sucks that you feel so unsteady and need to take a step back but that's okay. you're allowed to breathe and reconfigure before getting back into it. you've genuinely given it your best shot, and there's so much more out there for you! performer, seamstress, PERSON, there's so much you can share with the world, and we'll support you no matter what direction you take 💖
ive just meet you at paida's show few weeks ago and ever since i found your youtube and watching you document your daily life its just so real and wonderful to watch you progress in life. and sometimes life not always perfect sometimes its frustrating and sad but other times, its so happy and powerful, just remember all the fun you have during the darker times to not fall to deep, im glad you managed to reorganize your thoughts and had a great and productive rest of the week, its always smart to look at the big picture and plan for the future a bit, im so proud of you >_< youre amazing, stay strong
I can understand losing money while doing the idol activities would be physically and mentally draining. I'm sorry to hear about the low attendance at your shows in Japan, I’m sure there will be a high attendance rate if you decide to do it again in Brisbane one day, it sounds like you need a good break and I understand if you want to move on from being an idol. I don't think you’re doing anything wrong, unfortunately with the cost of living these days people may not have enough funds to purchase the commissions, but I hope the business picks up soon! Would you be able to find a survival job in Japan, if you needed to?
I do commissions on the side of my job! I don’t like my job either…. I want to do commissions full time because it’s what I want to do, you do what you want, now what you feel like you need to keep doing to be “happy in the moment” but I hope you and wish you well on your journey and I will def look into your commissions ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
I want to give you such a huge hug to cheer you up Marmalade. So big digital hug from me 🧡 You are an absolutely amazing person, an amazing performer and you are really talented. Your costumes are breathtakingly pretty. So don't give up and don't stress too much.
@@Marmaladecos yeah it should be enjoyable but not every single moment of our lives will be unfortunately… you’re in Japan surrounded by great food and combines can’t be that bad right?! Haha I love Australia tho (:
HHHmm, I can see on Hololive got a lot of successful kagai IDOLs... but they are in vTubers form tho... In fact some of them are actually from the RL idol industries... some even get to reinvent themselves and strive even after graduating from the vtubing.. Not saying that you should join Hololive, just informing you that there is another idol route you can take.
i think with idols theres just not enough marketing, unless youre really popular its hard to bring in enough people to even make it even, let alone profit, its a fantastic hobby to have but it rarely becomes profitable, but you should never stop doing something just because its not profitable, there are things we love and then there is work wich we tolerate, were both freelancers so i understand the money problems its important to have a finance tracker to be able to predict how much money you make and based on that see how much free time you have to focus on things you really love, youre a fantastic idol its just the industry thats not very profitable, just try to make sure to reduce your spendings and take on a few extra commisions just to stabilize for the month, and slowly but surely your finances will become better if you make small simple changes, honestly id love to talk to you on twitter or smth cause i have so much questions to ask you about all the amazing stuff you do its so insipiring, and maybe i could help planning what you can do to survive for the next few months in this a lil expensive city we all love amazing video stay awesome and keep strong
I think you're very right about that honestly, I don't want to stop doing something just because it isn't profitable, that's a bad reason to give up. I was never in it to make money in the first place, it's not why I started. I wanna do more budget friendly Idol activities if it's even possible ahaha, You're right, and thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it a lot, thank you!
I want to express my dearest thanks for all of you who watched, commented, reached out in support about this week's vlog, it really means the world to me, and I had no Idea just how many of you could relate and care. I'm so lucky to have you guys and honestly I feel so much calmer, at peace, knowing I can express my true emotions like this without fear of shame or judgement.
I hit a lot of my goals that I set when I was a teen, and so I think I now need to figure out what goal I'll aim for next...
everything you've been doing, content, being an entrepreneur, idol stuff, is all very recent and new so of course you won't find instant success. all you have to do is just remember why you do those things to begin with: is it because of self expression? you have an important story you want to share? do you feel joy during those things? if you keep those in mind, and stay consistent you can find success, but it could take years. you'll never see that success though if you give up. a part time job couldn't hurt. maybe english tutoring? it's fine to have a day job type of deal while you pursue your passions. that will ease the burden and doing that wouldn't make you a failure in any way in regards to achieving success through other endeavors.
I'm still learning and watching kaigai idols like you, but one thing i see continuously is the passion and love you all have being an idol. Please don't lose that love and passion, I'm rooting for you the whole way!
Thank you so much! It's so difficult when there's so much I want to do, but always feel limited or held back somehow, whether it's money or my own abilities, I want to push through and keep going~
You're doing great and it's so impressive that you're following the dream of going to Japan to perform, even if the logistics are starting to look scary! You did the best thing in letting it out, taking a breath and keeping on. I believe in you!!!
This was both heartbreaking and also just admirable to watch. Putting yourself out there like this takes a lot and I do hope you're able to find a good balance in life! One step at a time :D
Sharing your most vulnerable moments is such a hard thing to do and your so amazing for doing this. You are one of the most talented people i follow and i aspire to be like so just know we will all support you no matter what you do ✨🧡 We love you marmalade 🫶✨
I think a lot of people who vlog about moving to Japan or even just temporarily travel there hide this side of things, honestly. About not having things go as expected or not having a safety net.
You do so much, and I haven't even been subscribed for that long, but between filming/editing videos, making costumes, practicing and planning performances... It's a lot. A lot of time, effort, and passion poured into different projects. And y'know, there are many factors outside your control in terms of idol-related activities. Even if you feel you tried really hard, it's not your fault that things haven't been as successful as you hoped. I'm glad you ended that initial part with saying you'd like to be more gentle on yourself.
Again, I can't believe your resolve of filming and editing the raw thought process you had there. That's truly admirable.
I wish you the best in the future, whatever path you take!! 🧡
I felt this before I graduated from FAEBLE. I was absent from shows for a long time for the same reason before I settled on graduation. I really needed a break because I felt I couldn't keep up despite how dearly I loved doing it. I felt like I was falling behind every time I tried to put my all back into it. I had to step away on so many occasions to give myself time to really reflect if it's what I really even wanted to do. I sat myself down and said "If you HAD to choose one to pursue for the next year, what would it be? Idol, or Vtubing?" And strangely.. Vtubing was the immediate choice for me, no hesitation. It's still bittersweet nearly 6 months after graduating, and I do (as you put it) still mourn my time in and away from FAEBLE.. But like you, I felt like being an 'idol' was never really a dream of mine, either. I started because I was quite isolated, and enjoyed having fun with my friends, but as time went on and we picked up the pace, I felt I couldn't keep up at the standard the others were at. Most kaigai idols in the scene right now share that dream of making it big as idols.. And I was just.. there. Trying to have fun, and not understanding why I wasn't anymore. That's how I felt, anyway. Slowing down and giving yourself that time to breathe, reflect and focus on something nourishing for yourself is so, so important. In my case, that was vtubing. I needed to rebuild and foster my identity in my own image, because I didn't feel 100% there as an idol. Focusing on something else really saved me and reminded me I can express myself and connect with others in different ways other than just 'idol'; ways I'm more confident in, more passionate about. Taking a break now doesn't mean your options are shut off forever, either. I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You're not alone, no matter how isolated you may feel. Kaigai idol or not, you are an extremely talented individual with a smile like sunshine and a heart of gold. You light up the room. You are loved and you are cared for by me, and many others! Sending you lots of love from The Down Underworld! We've got this. 🧡
Some “100%” full time creators have backing one way or another, wether that be parents/family/spouse. They aren’t going to talk about this though.
Many many many creators have outside jobs that finance their projects. They don’t talk about them usually, which gives people an unrealistic perspective on being an full-time creator/artist. It’s an unstable life, and stressful.
Having a job, part-time or full-time allows you to meet people, also prevents burnout/keeps your “real” thing fun and also provides a lot of inspiration (and provides some stability and normalcy).
Don’t give yourself a hard time. Comparison is the thief of joy. You are doing a lot, and if you are able to provide for yourself from commissions, you are doing really well as an artist. 🌈✨
“I don’t have answers, all I can see are the problems” is so relatable, I often feel this way too ): I’m a new viewer but I admire your honesty so much. I hope that in the future you only have days where you smile 🫂
I tried to come up with some life changing thoughts for you Marmalade but I just couldn’t😢 All I know is that you have done so much more in your young life than a large percentage of the population that you should be very proud of yourself 🥰 You are amazing and we are all here to continue to support you 🧡🧡🧡
Thank you so much Adrian! It's okay I am doing much better now~!
thank you for sharing ur vulnerability with us! i think its a wise idea to step back and evaluate what you're doing, and it doesn't have to mean that you're giving up on your dreams!! we all change and develop, if you're past the stage where you want to identify as an idol, then that's just where you are right now! you should be really proud of the work you've done so far!!
I really respect you willing to be open and honest about what you've been going through. I appreciate there's so much more than I know of that goes in to trying to keep up with it all
I can only speak for my own experience, where it took me nearly 5-6 years between deciding I wanted to try getting involved in kaigai+cosplay idols and being able to get on stage for the first time, the fact it took me so long, it's easy to feel I've could have done better sooner. That said, I absolutely understand and appreciate how that uncertainty makes the future feel frightening, even paralysing.
Taking some time to reevaluate, take a step back and work out what's sustainable while still being able to do what you love, that absolutely won't mean you've failed in any way. There's no rulebook or walkthrough guides for this, getting lost along the way is perfectly okay part of the process, nor is there any shame in reaching out for help when you need it
Wishing you all the best on your journey 🧡
This this and also this. 🧡
what you’re doing is extremely tough and i can’t imagine how much bravery it took to completely move your life to a brand new country. please just remember how strong you are. even when you feel like the weakest person in the world, you’re actually probably one of the strongest. I also suggest trying to make money doing clothing alterations for people! It’s a great way to make money on the side, i know first hand. you got this girly! thank you for sharing how you feel with everyone, it makes us love and support you even more!
ALSO NEVER BE AFRAID TO TAKE BREAKS FOR YOUR MENTAL HEALTH!!!! ITS VERY IMPORTANT!!!
I've loved watching your journey but I also love how open and honest you are with everything. I think it's important to share not only the highs but the lows of how it is a struggle in the kaigai idol world. People don't realise being a kaigai idol is very much a passion project and that can become a quick money sink without another side hustle. Quite honestly, I don't think you need to necessarily give up performing but rather take it steady - it seems like it's been a whirlwind of a past couple of months and it seems so fun but I understand it can be draining on both the funds and mental health. So you have to look after yourself! Do what YOU find passionate and you can always come back to performing in the future, people will still follow you for your creative endeavours and they love seeing you strive!
I’m sorry to hear you had a rough start of the week! It is tough in the start as a content creator and performer and the fears and anxieties you have are totally valid. I hope you’ll be able to find new creative ways to move forward, and still be able to have fun and enjoyment on the path to becoming self sufficient. Rooting for you!
I will always support you no matter what you do, Marmalade!
Whatever happens, at least you tried it and I think that alone is awesome and inspiring! Take care of yourself and try to make the best decision for you. Whatever happens you are inspiring. I know it is a super challenging path, thanks for sharing and being honest about your experience as always
Aw Marmalade, you are doing amazing; I'm not surprised that it all got to you as you have been pushing yourself so much. You are super talented and creative. Keep going and you will work things out. Hugs to you! It will all be OK. You can find a way forward that will open up more beautiful surprises! ❤
Been following you for years. I've always loved your content. I believe you'll get through this. Make sure you don't do this alone. Make sure you reach out to family and friends. And just remember, if you do return home, you did your best and that's amazing. You're still young, you've still got your entire life ahead of you.
I have been following you since Melopara Debut. You have been best Idol ever. You change me a lot back in 2021. Just look back what you achieved in the past 3 years. There's a lot of Hope in this world. You're a talented passionate person. Please be kind to yourself. Never give up.😔
Aw Marmalade, I’m so sorry that you had a rough start to the week, and thank you so much for feeling comfortable enough to be so vulnerable with us.
Money gives me so much anxiety as well, so I feel that, but you’re an amazing content creator and so so hardworking, stay strong, and if you feel the need to take a break from idol activities we’ll all still be here!
Sending a hug and love and support from back home.
Keep going, I believe in you x
thank u for your honesty
There is always light at the end of a tunnel. Find other ways and brainstorm what will work for you. if you end up coming back home its okay. you tried and it didn't work. it doesn't mean it's over. it just means maybe now wasn't the right time. I'm glad to see your week got better! you can do this! I met you once at a cosplay meet probably about 10 years ago when you were cosplaying and your skills have improved like crazy since then and inspire me so much! wishing you all the best! ❤
Oh my goodness I have been exactly where you are instead of being a youthful idol I am a virtual idol and a content creator living in Japan and for awhile all I could do both work and I can’t take Grace Ha with out worrying about putting food on my table but then Covid happened and job security for me dropped out of the sky and I have a job that’s pretty disposable where I’m only worth as much as my clients and children’s parents think I have and soon as I don’t think I’m worth much they will dispose of me and pick up somebody else and that’s the harsh reality of being an English teacher in Japan is that you are very replaceable.
And so this year I decided that I didn’t want to just stealing this teacher anymore that I want to be a full-time creator and I started to work a little less and unfortunately that made it so I made a lot less money specially in August of this year and yeah I’m just doing whatever I can to pick up any extra work so that I can provide for myself and these rough times I know that They will pass I’m trying to be as confident as I can and my people are being super duper supportive and trying to keep positive and I’m just going to work as hard as I can for them so that I can keep living here in Japan and he providing them with fun content because they are the reason I go home every day and wake up every morning.
When you have something like that and fans in the community that are behind you and keep you going it’s really important and it does motivate you and I hope that you have that 4:51
Sorry for the typos, I used voice to text
Ajhhhh thank you so much for commenting! I really apprecaite how much you can relate to me too! Thank you for watching and supporting my videos too!
I’ve been following you since Aquaria days and I’ve always thought of you as a girl with a beautiful smile first before anything else! And finances can be so stressful. I can only imagine how tough it is for you at the moment. In terms of financial books, the barefoot investor is really great!
Another idea I had is if there are any smaller sewing projects that you can shoot out quickly and do only when you want (like a limit of 10), maybe that can give you a short burst of income now and then (like a pouch or barrette etc) whenever you feel like opening preorders. You got this girl! We all make mistakes but that’s how we learn and grow. I wish I had the courage you had to move to another country. I’ll keep rooting for you!
Thank you for sharing such a tough moment with us, it was a real & raw moment. I think it's good to give yourself a break, figure out what you want to do and contribute creatively when something starts not feeling good or fun anymore. I'm surprised we share some of the same thoughts like "i'm more than an idol. I cringe at being called an idol." cause damn, I've felt the same things too. It's really scary when things get low & shit, and it takes a lot of guts to go out there and try follow your dreams. Stay strong, its ok to fail cause you can pick yourself back up and try again in the future! Wishing you the best of luck in your journey in Japan and discovering new ways to financially survive as a creative, 🙏🧡
I'm so proud of you! I bet it was really hard to come to this conclusion, but don't give up! You can take a break but not totally forget about it. You are awesome and I will always support you! You are awesome! ❤ greetings from Austria 🇦🇹
I moved to Japan in July last year, there were always ups and downs but I liked living in Tokyo. I had some friends and we had fun in the summer having parties at our house, and yeah I usually did everything alone and went everywhere by myself but I was okay. I made some friends in school too and were hanging out with them sometimes. I decided I wanted to stay here for now, finish language school, go to university and maybe get a job one day and live here.
until January, when something really bad happened to me and I basically lost all my money… I’m trying to survive since then but it’s really hard… I’m always alone and I have no friends, the ones I had either went back to their countries or ghosted me for no reason… I haven’t paid rent in two months and I don’t know what to do anymore, still haven’t found a part time job cause nobody wants to hire me in the end… it’s so hard and nobody cares about me, my housemates and classmates don’t even talk to me anymore… teachers told me I have to leave next month if I don’t pay tuition for the school but I can’t even go back to my country since I’m broke… I can barely eat, usually expired food like rice left behind by previous tenants of the house… I tried my best to survive since january but I can’t do it anymore… I don’t have anyone that can help me, my mother sent me some money to help me survive in the past months but I feel bad cause she’s now broke too because of me… at least she has a house so she’s safe unlike me…
my birthday is next week and nobody will even remember it and wish me a happy birthday, I’ll be alone, celebrating by myself as usual… and crying like I’ve been doing every single day and night this year… watching this video I started crying again…
I’m sure you’re gonna make it cause you still have friends and people that care about you and love you 💖
I only have myself and that makes everything so much harder, I’m really sorry for leaving this comment but I don’t have anyone to talk to and I wanted to tell my story, hoping someone somewhere in the world will know about me and what I’m going through, I’m truly sorry
I wish I could hug you 💖
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, it sounds incredibly difficult, I hope you can find a way to survive and be safe, it's a very hard world we live in. I wish I could give you a hug too.
Marmalade your so strong having to go through this💗I believe you can go through this your a amazing, strong and beautiful person. New paths will open up to you💓
Hi, ususally I don't really comment but I just have to say I'm so impressed by how far you've come!
I'm in a secure job and I still struggle with anxiety about money every month, so I think it's a thing in our age (I'm 26) bc everything costs just so much and you feel really guilty if you spend money for entertainment purposes and not for "necessities".
I've been following a lot for a while I just love your costumes. Everything will eventually turn out the way it should turn out, that's what I believe!
You can pull through, I'm sure!
I want to echo what other people are saying but also say - The economic systems that are in place for us, especially as artists, are not built for us to succeed. They're made to keep you at a level where you can't be reliant on yourself. :( The music industry specifically is so, so luck based and its a never ending grind until a break happens and EVEN THEN, it's still pennies from what I hear.
Ultimately, if something doesn't make you happy - you shouldn't be doing it. Do not force yourself if it is not your passion! You clearly love costuming and creating content and the people who follow you will love to watch you shine there, too. For the record, I don't know a single kaigai idol that is able to keep themselves out of debt right now with their idoling (merch or live shows or otherwise) - even the "big" names. Its a money sink.
thank you for being so open. i really really relate to some of your money struggles! it’s so hard to make money…
Of course! I’m so happy to share that with you!
oh wow that woolies changeroom is such a throwback. spent years of my life at woolies. keep on going!
Sending love and support 💛💛💛 You are incredible and it's incredible watching you do all of these amazing things, you are so amazing!!! You'll have my support no matter what! 💛
Oh Marmalade, I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time recently :( Being an idol should be fun, so if it's not fun right now and/or it's making you feel anxious and stressed, it's fair to take a break. You can always come back to it later, or you can quit if that's what you want! It's entirely up to you
You are such an inspiration to me. Regardless of finding it tough right now you have definitely encouraged me to pursue things I am passionate about and things that I may not be enjoying as much I know I also may be taking them too seriously.
I can’t imagine how it feels to be out of home in a country with no family and no backups. But your “breakdown” seems so understandable and relevant. I hope things pick up in time and that you end up having a lot less stress with money.
It’s hard in this world finding a passion that is also lucrative.
Please keep fighting Marmalade. You’ll find a way through. I hope one day I can afford one of your gorgeous costumes!!
I’m always here to send virtual hugs!
thank youuuuuu~~
Sending big hugs your way! I've heard qbout how j-pop idols doesnt make much money and how most works a full time or part time job along side to make ends meet. Perhaps it's harder with a freelancing job like art and costume commissions.
I hope you don't feel ashamed to step away, to take that break from idol activities, and focus on yourself and what you enjoy.
On a lighter hearted topic; I have some hormonal issues and my acne definitely follows the monthly cycle. I just found my holy grail rn and it's the 30 days miracle toner by Somebyme! It's a korean brand, and I'm already seeing results after a few days! It helps with pores, black heads, dead skin cells and moisturizes a bit too.
I 100% recommend it, but do try to see if it's compatible with that cream you are using! Some products can cause irritation when used together.
Hey girl. I'm going through a similar situation at the moment but for a significant different reason and I just want to tell you how strong you are for taking a leap of faith. You'd never know how to fly unless you threw yourself into an open sky. Sometimes we're gonna fall. But you have so much talent, you're incredible, you're stunning and I'm sure you'll find the right angle to tackle this 🙏
i want to give you such a big hug right now. you will always be an inspiration for me marmalade. i will forever love and care so much for you, no matter how hard it gets always remember to take a break and step back for a bit. it’s okay to quit something you enjoy to get where you want to be in life. everything will be okay, it may be hard but im sure everything will get better. if you even do continue doing idol stuff which is completely okay if you don’t, you will have always have me and many others there for you. though i can’t make it in real life i will always be there for you. i really appreciate you so much, you mean so much to me and you’re such a wonderful person. take your time in figuring things out, if you ever need a break please do. your mental and physical health is so much more important than a social media life. we’re all here for you marmalade. 🧡
Im kaigai idol,Samurai i using Katana kogarasumaru And Naginata after following incidents Mayu Tomita,AKB48 Saw attacks
i love you marmalade :( 🧡
love you too~!
I'll be upfront and say you're brave to migrate to Japan and chase the dream of being an idol there. There's going to be days where there's no one in the crowd or zero sales at buppan, but you need to push through. Shit happens. Even as a VTuber, there's going to be times where there's no one watching. I even know some idols that when they moved out there, had the same problems but they pushed through. You just have to keep going. It's a tough journey, especially for anyone in the entertainment industry.
I know some idols do work at bars on the side when they aren't booked for gigs. Shit, even some wrestlers on my local indie scene have day jobs since most bookings don't pay that much. You could do more commissions, do something with the Patreon? Cherry Wallflower did suggest being an English tutor, that could work? Maybe ask around in your Japanese class to gauge what everyone's doing to get by.
I'm rooting for you, Marmalade.
I have a lot of respect for you in putting your all into your passions. obviously it sucks that you feel so unsteady and need to take a step back but that's okay. you're allowed to breathe and reconfigure before getting back into it.
you've genuinely given it your best shot, and there's so much more out there for you! performer, seamstress, PERSON, there's so much you can share with the world, and we'll support you no matter what direction you take 💖
Thank you so much!! It really means a lot to know you care, I appreciate you sm ~
ive just meet you at paida's show few weeks ago and ever since i found your youtube and watching you document your daily life its just so real and wonderful to watch you progress in life. and sometimes life not always perfect sometimes its frustrating and sad but other times, its so happy and powerful, just remember all the fun you have during the darker times to not fall to deep, im glad you managed to reorganize your thoughts and had a great and productive rest of the week, its always smart to look at the big picture and plan for the future a bit, im so proud of you >_< youre amazing, stay strong
Ahhhhh gosh thank you so much!! It means a lot to me to know that you care, thank you so much for supporting me!!
I can understand losing money while doing the idol activities would be physically and mentally draining. I'm sorry to hear about the low attendance at your shows in Japan, I’m sure there will be a high attendance rate if you decide to do it again in Brisbane one day, it sounds like you need a good break and I understand if you want to move on from being an idol.
I don't think you’re doing anything wrong, unfortunately with the cost of living these days people may not have enough funds to purchase the commissions, but I hope the business picks up soon! Would you be able to find a survival job in Japan, if you needed to?
fighting!
I do commissions on the side of my job! I don’t like my job either…. I want to do commissions full time because it’s what I want to do, you do what you want, now what you feel like you need to keep doing to be “happy in the moment” but I hope you and wish you well on your journey and I will def look into your commissions
╰(*´︶`*)╯♡
Thank you so much~ I'm feeling a lot better this week and I took on around 10 commissions~!!! Things are looking up!!
大丈夫ですか？
例えどの国行っても母国を離れることはそういうことだと感じますが、日本は物価が高い上に賃金が低すぎる。海外の方が日本で暮らすにはいくつものハードルがあると思います。でもあなたは可愛くてキラキラした素敵な心を持っています。だから諦めないでほしい。困ったらいつでもコメント欄に来てください。
Choo choo! Sounds like it's time to get aboard the TEFL train!
美しい肌です｡◕‿◕｡
I want to give you such a huge hug to cheer you up Marmalade. So big digital hug from me 🧡 You are an absolutely amazing person, an amazing performer and you are really talented. Your costumes are breathtakingly pretty. So don't give up and don't stress too much.
Am wondering if you’re in maybe starting a patreon.
I’m sure you’ll figure it out (: keep your chin up! No one told you life would be easy right? Here’s my hug to you! Oh wait .. guys suck right?! Xx
Thanks?? hahha I really do think life should be enjoyable though. I know it's going to be hard.
@@Marmaladecos yeah it should be enjoyable but not every single moment of our lives will be unfortunately… you’re in Japan surrounded by great food and combines can’t be that bad right?! Haha I love Australia tho (:
HHHmm, I can see on Hololive got a lot of successful kagai IDOLs... but they are in vTubers form tho...
In fact some of them are actually from the RL idol industries... some even get to reinvent themselves and strive even after graduating from the vtubing..
Not saying that you should join Hololive, just informing you that there is another idol route you can take.
I've never considered Vtubing before!! I don't have a lot of experience with streaming tbh~!
i think with idols theres just not enough marketing, unless youre really popular its hard to bring in enough people to even make it even, let alone profit, its a fantastic hobby to have but it rarely becomes profitable, but you should never stop doing something just because its not profitable, there are things we love and then there is work wich we tolerate, were both freelancers so i understand the money problems its important to have a finance tracker to be able to predict how much money you make and based on that see how much free time you have to focus on things you really love, youre a fantastic idol its just the industry thats not very profitable,
just try to make sure to reduce your spendings and take on a few extra commisions just to stabilize for the month, and slowly but surely your finances will become better if you make small simple changes, honestly id love to talk to you on twitter or smth cause i have so much questions to ask you about all the amazing stuff you do its so insipiring, and maybe i could help planning what you can do to survive for the next few months in this a lil expensive city we all love
amazing video stay awesome and keep strong
I think you're very right about that honestly, I don't want to stop doing something just because it isn't profitable, that's a bad reason to give up. I was never in it to make money in the first place, it's not why I started. I wanna do more budget friendly Idol activities if it's even possible ahaha, You're right, and thank you so much for the advice I really appreciate it a lot, thank you!
@@Marmaladecos no problems
Feel embraced by peace and calm
Thank you ☺️