What are the stages of courtship? What are the goals in it? How do we do this? For more please visit www.sentrad.org & remember to say a decade for the priest
1.* Friendship first* a. Learn about their moral character i. 3-6 months b. Be platonic c. See if they have sufficient virtue 2.*Decide if you like her even if she does have virtue* a. Do you have chemistry? 3.*Courtship* a. Beginning of exclusivity b. Ask permission of the father c. Show no physical affection d. 3-6 months e. Look for ability of her to submit to you f. Look for his ability to lovw you 4.bethrodel a. Ask the father if you can marry her b. ask her c. Rite of bethrodel with a priest I. 3-6 months d. Can he moderate himself around her? 5. Marriage
@@aperta7525This is strange writing like this. Anyway he does also include what women should look for and further this is the opposite of objectifying.
This was so incredibly amazing. I am in the middle of a secular divorce currently and I wish I had understood all these prior to getting emotionally entangled in my spouse 10 years ago. I thank God I know this now and will work diligently to aspire to these teachings. Please pray for me.
An update. Two years ago I met a woman and we followed the traditional teachings of courtship, Fr. Ripperger teaches in these lectures. We were friends for 3months, courtship for 3 months and engaged/betrothed at 6months. We got married at 13months and just had our first baby girl. God is good!
@@rightousray2 so so happy for you God be praised. See this formula does not fail my husband I the same 3 months courtship but we were advised to marry after a month of betrothal. Mary Mother of Christ thank you for raising up holy families like this family.
Will do. Pray for me as well. Never married just bad relationships. Praying to find the right one now. St Raphael for a marriage prayer I hear is helpful. Will pray for you as well. EDIT oh my goodness. I just read your update. Congratulations and praise be to God! Please pray I will as well. 🙏🙏🙏
From my life experience and my spiritual life and heavy prayer, the Devil is working hard to keep couples from going to the altar, so one should pray much to protect that state in life that is meant for them. Sister Lucia at Fatima said that the final attack between Our Lady and the Devil will be over the family.
Excellent talk. For those married couples whose stories did not unfold in the manner described by Fr. Ripperger, who don't have the most virtuous pasts, who grew in virtue together after the courtship or marriage process already occurred in a less-than-holy way... don't worry. I don't think Fr. is trying to guilt trip you or suggest that your life and marriages are invalid or should be abandoned. But now you know how to help your kids. :)
Your comment speaks to me. I completely agree, put it in the past, do penance and set up your kids so they don't repeat the same mistakes. Father has a good sermon called "How to raise a man". I suggest all parents, current and prospective, watch it. God bless.
My husband and I "courted" for 5+ years because we met in high school and both went to separate colleges. It wasn't the picture perfect process that father discribes in the sermon 🤷 But we were both sincerely wanting God's will and I'll tell you that after almost 9 years of marriage and 4 children, we have grown by leaps and bounds 😁
Parents of children approaching interest in the opposite sex NEED to memorize this! I grew up in a home where sex, marriage, courtship, etc. were taboo topics, never to be mentioned. We were not permitted to "date" or go to social functions for young people. I obeyed the rules and have never married---much to my parents' disappointment. My younger sister secretely disobeyed starting in seventh grade. She's now in the process of her second divorce. Catholic parents, establish and maintain open communication with your children well before they reach puberty. Without parental education and guidance, the times we live in virtually ensure improper and impure relationships, and loss of the faith for your children.
For sure. People act as if it comes automatically to their children as wisdom coming from the sky or something. It is one of the most important things in one's life. Courtship and also how to be a wife in a marriage or how to be a husband. If the parents have no time or no idea maybe the priests or pastors for the protestants can teach it. If marriage was invented by God why not teach? Also maybe traditions and communities are missing, where it would have been obvious how to do it and people would teach each other. So we have to invent the wheel again.
My parents had a year of courtship back in 1960. My dad was 12 years older and a devout Catholic. My mom had to promise to raise us kids Catholic; she didn't have a church background. They were strict but the best thing was my mother did not shy away from teaching us why and when you have sex: You love each other. My dad was an active father, taking me to work with him in the John Hancock building in downtown Chicago. Thank God, he protected us always. He didn't require a man to ask him for permission to get married but he didn't work all the time. Sometimes the old ways are the best.
This is amazing. I pray for all singles searching for their future spouses and I pray for my future husband that I can meet him next year God willing. Amen 🙏❤
@@nicholasramirez7322 Not yet! However, last year I started dating after about 2 years of not dating. Going to try Hinge since I heard good things about it and I can't meet in person, I tried but no where to be found. My adult group at church has mainly married couples or women 😅 God willing I hope I can meet him this year 🙏❤ Thank you for asking!^_^❤ Also I know I have to work a lot on myself, go to confession and overcome habitual sins. That I feel is some of the main reasons why I don't think I've found the right person. Every time when I date it just doesn't feel right. It feels like something is missing 😥😭💔 but I want to be hopeful and still live life to the fullest. I'm going to restaurants, will start a new job and I want to be able to travel a lot before marriage. Someone had an idea of having a singles dream list so I'm going to work on that ^_^ I'm not in a rush to be married but I will be 30 in a few years so I would love to meet someone sooner rather than later Have you met someone or have a story to how you met your spouse?^_^❤
This is valuable information. I was asked on a date by an older man at my parish and was feeling SO anxious about it. I came running looking for a video to help me understand dating in a religious light- this was one of the first results! I watched it twice and prayed a rosary every day leading up to our date. I was anxious and practically terrified but we needed up having a peaceful date led by the Holy Spirit. In the name of Jesus I pray that those who are fumbling around the dating scene will FIND. THIS. VIDEO!
In the past couple of years I have been rejected by every woman i have tried to date. I thought something was wrong with me. As i began to find my faith though i started to think maybe God is saving me. Perhaps his plan for me is to stay single and do some kind of work for him which requires me to be alone. I live a lonely life and often wish for a good catholic wife to sit an pray with but if God has a plan for me then let his will be done on me.
Actually, my situation is very similar to yours. I think God kept me away from dating so that I could truly learn what he wanted from me and what marriage and courtship is all about.
I believe you are correct to think that God is saving you for something else. That could also include the possibility the 'the one' has not arrived in your life as yet. I will share with you what a priest said to me: "It's better to want what you don't have than to have what you don't want!" Many years ago, I realized what I believe to be true for myself and that is that God wants me for Himself. Totally. Completely. No distractions. This knowledge comforts me when I feel lonely. Good luck to you!
I'm in a very similar situation, divorced as well...But I Praise God and thank God because regardless of the heart break and struggles, giving myself completely to the Lord has been the Best thing in Life ✝️🙏 prayers for you
This resonates with my intuition. Probably part of the reason there are so many drugs and alcohol is people are numbing how they really know things should be
Knight hood....healthy sexuality...is about being noble....the first part of proverbs 31 addresses this...circumstances are a distraction...biblical principals are virtues...fr ripper is awesome...more pastors and priests need to write good sermons like this...💪💪👍👍
In the world this talk would be frowned upon, Catholics we need to stay strong in the Faith and learn this by heart to keep our souls in the state of Grace and pleasing to our Lord ✝️🙏 Blessed mother pray for us 🙏💕 thank you Father Chad
Pray for vocations & strong families; fellow singles, offer to babysit or bring meals or even just spend time with neighborhood or parish families. It's great fun & sometimes they have single friends!
May GOD Bless you, Fr. Ripperger, for teaching THESE Principles TODAY!!!! Most People, in Today's Dating World, do NOT even have THESE 2 Words in their Vocabulary!!! COURTSHIP & VIRTUE. Amen!! REAL MEN are Men OF GOD.
"Lord have Mercy of our souls", did any one realize how HARD is that !! you have NO IDEA the INCREDIBLE social pressure that is under some young people!!. Everyone please have a space in your praying for the youth this days that help them obtain God's Grace, since is humanly impossible resist the pressure of the today's word ,specially when our minds and body turn against us.
It is better to take that road. That's why tradition is so important, otherwise you only learn with the mistakes you make, like with myself, which can't be undone. I aspire and see truth in all the fr. said.
I totally agree with tradition in fact i totally agree with father Ripperger don't misunderstand me. I do. BUT the wide door is sooo wide incredible wide and easy to go through these days, (amazingly easy). but the narrow door the one that lead to salvation is sooo small almost impossible to go through. 1 Corinthians 16:9
Just think , what if a told to a young boy (or girl) that feel a vocation for parenthood and want maintain his chastity (just think): "Look you have that vocation and want to be pure, that's amazing, but first you'll have to wait to you late 20's or 30's (if you lucky) because you'll have to work (inhumanly hard) all that time to barely have some stability and provide for your family. Before start looking for a spouse (a lot harder than it sounds) Then you'll have to go through the Courtship process (but there will be no guarantee) to get Married. All this meanwhile the word (satan) will torture you every single step of the day with (sexual advertising , sexual dress , stress , will be impossible have your eyes open for 10 min and do not be horrible tempted), oh and your own body will become your worst enemy, and society will shred you apart because you decide to wait. And you own church wouldn't say a single thing niether give you advice or hope, Oh by the way it would be easy just quick , literally just took your smartphone and join the rest of the word". I would simple destroy that poor guy faith. But sadly that scenario is true just 100x time worst. You can see the problems these days , vocations are on the low , marriage in decline, families with less and less childs. Less and Less people going to mass.
Seems like you're excusing yourself from the duty, but all. Have I had that education I would have followed it glady. Now I am 26 and trying to learn it on youtube.
I'm only 16, Sophomore in high school, and I am called to marriage and fatherhood so I'll have to go through this process. It does seem pretty hard looking at it, compared to all my other friends who are already having sex and stuff, but it's God's will and His will is almost never easy. But God never asks more than what we're capable of if we ask for his help and protection.
thats bc they took basic morals and civility out of schools thinking it was a good idea. Worst. Idea. Ever. (for folks looking for basic guidance who arent happily married etc etc and / or who grew up in another era)
"I don't care how ugly a woman is, if a woman has virtue, you'll be happy for the rest of your life. Even if you have to put a bag over her head" Pretty hilarious for a priest
I watched this video earlier this year after the young man I am now in a courtship with sent it to me. It was fascinating; very informative and explains my blunders in my last 2 relationships. However, currently, it's long distance but actually is going very well. I believe that it helps with patience and chastity too. I do feel that handholding is okay and brief hugs as well as a kiss on the hand and forehead are acceptable and show honor to the lady. I definitely agree as well as does my boyfriend that kissing on the lips is sacred and should not be done till the wedding day after the vows (believe me I have learned my lesson after messing up on that and other things). I know if my dad were living he'd really like him. But I think that hugs and handholding are fine. I don't know that there's a fine line/a list of absolute rules that everyone must follow.
@Brooks Lee no it's not, this is exactly the kind of courtship my ancestors went through~ even my Nanna and Grandad have a cute story under this same process. I've even met a man from Colombia who practiced this as well, and he was around my age in his 20s. Fr Ripperger even says he discusses it with the men who come to him in counsel, and they're obviously living by these standards. It's not that unrealistic.
@Brooks Lee lol there are other ways to show affection other than touch, such as small actions. But no, they didnt follow it to a T, when my grandpa took my nan out to a date he was chaperoned by her brother, but when my grandpa dropped them off home and my uncle went inside, he quickly kissed my nan. Her father saw and chased him down the street, it almost cost him the courtship lol. So no these things are not followed to a T. That said these are guidelines to help keep the honour of both the man and the woman, to direct them towards God and not fall into lust. They're not that impossible. I know people who have never kissed/held hands till their wedding day.
@Brooks Lee haha! I dont care if you believe me or not, I have God as my witness and that is enough. There are many Christians out there who have never kissed or held hands till they were finally married. That's what I plan on doing too. Goodbye and God bless.
Weuuh i Think we have alot to learn & sacrifice..But explain why old time marriages were lasting, coz these processes & trends were a norm. Lets first have a serious relationship with God & May our dear Lord be the center of every relationship & marriage🙏❤️🔥
I wish I found this earlier, would have saved lots of heartache. But this is for the young, as you get older, I don't think none of this applies. Stay unmarried. " Remember you marry the in-laws too"
@Valiant Woman Yes, but basing relationships on fleeting attraction is why most relationships fail these days. People chase pleasure/looks over substance and then whine that there's no substance. Once the thrill (money, status, sex) is gone, it's amazing how quickly couples find out that they don't actually like each other. Many today are just glorified roommates with benefits. A relationship can't last if you don't fundamentally like the kind of person your partner is. That's why a platonic friendship stage, where you can initially vet for their values, character, goals and etc. is the first and perhaps most important step. Chemistry, attraction, and the works are important too, but peripheral.
The only aspect I question is that somewhat long distance might be more tolerable given the current courting culture between men and women… 35:35 it’s not easy to find a virtuous person local
Here is a ChatGPT summary of this amazing talk: Outline: Four Stages of Courtship and the Pursuit of Virtue I. Introduction - Brief overview of the importance of courtship in the pursuit of a good and virtuous life. - Explanation of the three components of a moral act: object, end, and circumstances. - Emphasis on the need for all three components to be good for a moral act to be virtuous. II. The Purpose of Courtship - Exploration of the primary goal of courtship: to determine the virtue of the individuals involved. - Clarification that courtship is not solely based on physical appearance or personal enjoyment. - Explanation of how virtue is a set of good habits that determines a person's behavior in specific areas of life. III. The Four Stages of Courtship A. Stage 1: Initial Friendship - Discussion of the importance of developing a solid foundation of friendship before pursuing a romantic relationship. - Emphasis on getting to know each other's values, interests, and character traits. - Highlighting the need for mutual respect and admiration during this stage. B. Stage 2: Emotional Affection - Explanation of the role emotions play in courtship and the development of romantic feelings. - Cautionary advice on not allowing emotions to overshadow reason and virtue. - Encouragement to express emotions in a balanced and controlled manner. C. Stage 3: Physical Interaction - Exploration of the appropriate boundaries and guidelines for physical interaction during courtship. - Discussion on the importance of practicing chastity and self-control. - Explanations of how physical affection should reflect respect, honor, and the pursuit of virtue. D. Stage 4: Deliberation and Decision - Explanation of the importance of discernment and deliberation before committing to marriage. - Emphasis on the necessity of aligning values, goals, and virtues for a successful and fulfilling marriage. - Insights on how to make a conscious and informed decision based on virtue and compatibility. IV. Conclusion - Recap of the four stages of courtship and their purpose in determining the virtue of individuals. - Reiteration of the ultimate goal of courtship: to find a suitable spouse who possesses the necessary virtues for a successful marriage. - Final thoughts on the importance of courtship in building a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment. Note: This outline is based on the interview transcript with Father Ripperger and aims to provide a structured framework for a book on the four stages of courtship and the pursuit of virtue. The content can be expanded and elaborated upon with additional insights, practical advice, and personal anecdotes to create a comprehensive guide for individuals seeking a virtuous and fulfilling courtship.
Generally does the idea of asking the woman's father for permission for courtship/ betrothal apply if the man and woman are older (in their 30s)? I suspect in a more extreme scenario if rhe two widowers come together that wouldn't apply.
Great lesson! Everything here makes total sense! I do have to ask though, after hearing this, I'm wondering what are your thoughts on how it is that long lasting and virtuous marriages have occurred outside of following these four stages?
Remember always: where greater the sin, greater the mercy of God. Also if it ends up in a valid Catholic marriage you are still receiving God's graces under the sacrament, which means he will still get good out of bad past of the couple.
I like this teaching in that it creates order, it outlines a a structured approach to proceed from first meeting towards marriage. However, one of the things I find about Catholicism is that is can become too ordered/structured and technical, to the point it becomes stifling and legalistic. I'm also not a fan of pentecostal hypergrace, which can become loose and chaotic. I think we need to be led by the Bible - hence the importance of reading the bible for yourself regularly in your own language. Be led by the word of God, the Holy Spirit, and your own conscience in all matters.
Keep in mind that this teaching is Fr. Ripperger's advice based on natural law, but it's not a dogma of Catholicism that courtship must proceed in exactly this way. Real life has a lot more variety, and the Church doesn't micromanage our every decision. The main focuses in moving toward marriage should be on being virtuous and helping each other grow even more virtuous (in general, not only related to sexuality), being unified in faith and life together, and in saving sexual union for marriage. Those who are more concerned about falling into sin may be more strict with expressions of affection before marriage. This can be a prudent decision, especially if particular expressions of affection are catalysts for temptation. But we do have the freedom to make different prudential decisions in these areas.
I can't even find a Catholic woman who stays chaste, let alone one who'd be willing to go through all these steps. Future looks pretty bleak. Guess I'll buy a cabin in the woods.
@@hockeymasktime1918 not sure I would take it that far man and I go to confession too for my failings. I'm still a virgin, but my point is more that it's difficult, not impossible.
@@bigj3508 Hey, so there's a chaplet of the 7 Joys and Sorrows of St Joseph. He promises many graces for reciting it, more so if you make a daily and monthly First Wednesday devotion to it. St Therese of Lisieux is also known to have encouraged devotions to St Joseph. Here's the link if you're interested: www.michaeljournal.org/articles/roman-catholic-church/item/devotion-to-the-most-chaste-heart-of-saint-joseph
Hello. I was wondering where can I read more about the beautiful sacrament of Marriage (I mean, solid content). And I was also wondering from where did Fr. Ripperger take these teachings. They are certainly interesting, but it seems to me that even among traditional catholics they can sound like tough. I trust Fr Ripperger a lot, but maybe some people to whom I may have to teach these things do not have that confidence. So I think I need to know more about this, and be able to tell them, "yeah, this is what the Church taught, or that saint taught, or that excellent book teaches, etc". In Christ and Mary.
I highly recommend The Catholic Marriage Manual by Reverend George A. Kelly. It’s amazing and talks about almost everything Fr. Ripperger mentions and more.
Is this episode on podcast, so I can legally listen to it while driving? Got a ticket for listening to a TH-cam video recently because I had a "video player within my view as the driver"
This is a beautiful thing you speak on Fr But the facts of this world are That people like this don't exist and if they do they must live in other countries. We are all so broken and we find ourselves with other broken people who share their brokenness thinking it will somehow make them complete. It's hopeless and pointless to hope for a family and a marriage. Society is rotten. Be content with being alone or settle for misery and chaos just so you can say. I have someone
"The father has a right to end the courtship at any point..." How absolute is this right? Are there any instances where, practically and morally, this should be ignored? An example I have in mind is the case of a father who doesn't fulfill his own protective role and isn't exactly virtuous himself, and therefore is not properly ordered towards discerning the virtuousness of a future son-in-law. (absentee, one with serious alchohol problems, etc...)
@Socrates92 in fact it is not absolute at all! Father has no right to stop his daughter from marrying any particular man. He can express his doubts about man that she wants to marry but daughter is a one that has the last word. I understand that Fr. Ripperger would like to bring back a foregone prestige of fatherhood but in that given case he has gone too far and preaches his own beliefs instead of traditional Catholic Church teachings. Eg. in encyclical " Arcanum divinae sapientiae" from 1880 pope Leon XIII writes: " It is also a great blessing that the Church has limited, so far as is needful, the power of fathers of families, so that sons and daughters, wishing to marry, are not in any way deprived of their rightful freedom". Church formulated canonical impediments for marriage but lack of father's approval was never one of them.
If The Father says no firstly he has a right because he has his daughters best interest at heart.Secondly your in a position now where you don't have any rights and you have to accept and.respect her Fathers decision ,you have to have the neccesary Virtue to do this ,Humility is a good start.
Father has no right to stop his daughter from marrying any particular man. He can express his doubts about man that she wants to marry but daughter is a one that has the last word. I understand that Fr. Ripperger would like to bring back a foregone prestige of fatherhood but in that given case he has gone too far and preaches his own beliefs instead of traditional Catholic Church teachings. Eg. in encyclical " Arcanum divinae sapientiae" from 1880 pope Leon XIII writes: " It is also a great blessing that the Church has limited, so far as is needful, the power of fathers of families, so that sons and daughters, wishing to marry, are not in any way deprived of their rightful freedom"". Church formulated canonical impediments for marriage but lack of father's approval was never one of them.
Why isn't Pre Cana set up with this information? What if there were a Pre-Pre Cana where young people hoping to get married someday sit down to hear a course like this. They show up as individuals looking to eventually marry and can absorb this prior to taking "the leap."
If parents have passed away it's on you really. Or you can ask the guardian if they have one. But really marriage is between the two people. Divorced people are not supposed to have another relationship until the death of their spouse. Also pray about it.
I think you would be looking for guidance mainly from your priest, and finding another couple in your parish to basically adopt you. It is wise to find good counsel in any case. I’m in a similar position and seeking out a couple to provide wise counsel. I’m a recent convert, waiting on annulment. He’s a lifelong Catholic applying for annulment. We are basically sifting through pastors (in person and TH-cam videos like this), and building relationships with other couples we want to have in our lives for accountability and counsel.
This was awesome, just curious though: how should we demonstrate affection stage wise in the process of courting to make the bond good enough where you’d agree to matrimony, after of course, recognizing mutual virtue
I grew up outside of the traditional church so this is all new to me. I understand why it's recommended but, man do I feel overwhelmed. Perhaps marriage isn't for me.
Just try. Make no pressure, spent normal time with each other - that means friendship. Then see and protect both of you from too much passion and pressure right away. Marriage will bless you.
I think dating apps are alright, where you can state your beliefs and what you are looking for. Just in your vicinity. Also sometimes women don't signal enough or put themselves in enough situations. Being a bit receptive helps. Otherwise think how you can get active. Plus ask your local pries how to go about it. Some are happy to marry someone traditional or someone evangelical, without them being catholic.
@@TheShamurajaMarrying a non-Catholic is bad advice, the resulting offspring almost always end up having nothing to do with Catholicism when they become adults.
Ave Maria! Please someone give me the chapter of the CCC where it states no physical contact before betrothal so many are asking me where to find this!
A caveat on the first stage: normal friendship won't lead to courtship because women aren't interested in a guy who has established himself as "just a friend". Hence the concept of the friendzone. Some women say they want to be friends before dating, but this is more directed toward the men they don't want to date, rather than the men they do. A friend is safe for a woman. Women want most men in their lives to be safe, but they are attracted to the guy who is exciting. In the "friendship" stage, the intent to court should be made known.
Yes, the intent should be communicated. Attraction is there, but people should spent normal time with each other. Look. Some people married quicker, so you will have to see how quick you will go about it. We are all not sexless, overspirtualised, constantly Ave Maria singing beings. It means to balance oneself and still be attracted. Enjoy the process!! :)
Thanks for clearing that up, intention to court should be made known. I like that cause I was like am I just supposed to pretend not to like her for 3 months haha
A man can be 'exciting' without even touching a woman. Be brave in your beliefs and manner, take her to beautiful places, get to know who she is and really listen. You'll be the most interesting person she's ever met (especially if you're not immediately looking for carnal entanglements). And yes, revealing your beliefs and intentions is part of being brave.
Sooooo..... the big question is, at what point in which stage of dating/courtship do I show this video to a girlfriend? A month in? A week? First date, right after we get back from white-water rafting? ;/
Go to the father act it she will appreciate the man of virtue you are if you are a man of virtue....now i who would never settle for less i stated my standard on the first moment of going for lunch i said i dont date or do what other women do if you are interested in me then there is a guideline by the church to the objective end of marriage if you are willing to follow that great if not see you later. He was shocked and said "your standards are high i love it im willing to come up to that" so he looked it up and said yes and went to my dad spoke to him and my mom from there we have been exclusive in seeking out these virtues in us also have been seeing a nun to help us in how we show affection in a holy way, you just set the standards. God will bless you seek our lady of the rosary as well i prayed for a virtuous man.
@@Leocomander yes and no. Yes because if the purpose is to discern marriage then ok. No because the over seeing by the parents and the zero kissing or hugging is to take place but discern in your parents home or in group settings to practise protection of chastity. As dating these days also doesnt require the permission of the parents of the daughter it then puts most young women in a dangerous situation for their soul which we have many trying out many men in an act only for marriage. Its then necessary to have courtship since its objective and path is clear that is marriage and respect for the young woman is at a higher degree since its required of the man. No man takes a woman seriously if she has relations that are only for her husband but if hes given the same rights why seek out marriage? Therefore dating cheapens it where young women are not cheap disposable objects but brides and are a beautiful example of Gods beauty and love found in that heart. Also this dating culture puts more pressure on physicality where courtship is a time to not just discern but huild a friendship a closeness and intamacy where emotionally and spiritual bonds are formed without the illusions that lust creates where no communication or friendship is built only usury. I hope that helps. I know its hard but every woman is worth it and men like a woman anyway that holds standards. I told my husband on our first date that if he wants to go further he must ask my father to court me. So he did. We then were betrothed which he then had to ask my father again now we are married.
Well, I have a question. According to St Alphonsus parents cannot decide the state of their children. If a father forces a daughter to marry that marriage is nule and if they have decided to marry and he opposes the daughter has not obligation to listten. It is the same with religious life. So, why did you say that marriage depends on the decision of the father? That is confussing to me. Or maybe I do not understand St Alphonsus.
Ehh I don't think it's "doctrine". Some stuff he says here, like a man asking his potential father in law for permission to marry his daughter, is actually contrary to Church teaching.
That's right. Courtship is not "dating." Among religious (not the super ultras) Jews, the families get together with a match maker and determine basic virtues are present. THEN the children are introduced to each other, given a few supervised meetings to get to know each other and decide if they like and want each other. and if they do, the young man asks permission to marry the daughter and it's given. The marriage then takes place within about 3 monts. While the Orthodox are serious about modesty, they are not prudish about marital sexuality and realize that prolonged engagements are an occasion of temptation. While a lot of non-religious Europeans may sleep around casually as singles, when they decide to settle down, they find a compatible person, who is often from an existing friend group, and go into an exclusive courtship with the purpose of determing suitability for marriage. When seriously looking for a spouse, the do NOT "date around" hoping it turns into permanent romance.
Ok, so...I’ve decided to play the long game, until I find a suitable lady to court and marry. Now, being the times we’re living in it will be a mighty endeavor. Also, I’m thinking that I want to practice chastity ( I’ve a weakness for the fairer sex) but not sure where or how to begin. Any feed back is welcomed! A sinner. 🙏✝️ God bless.
@Odnanref80, I recently found something that will be of help. Read and study the teachings of St. John Paul II. Google Christopher West and get his book (Theology of the body for beginners) if possible. Alternative/in addition to that, you can watch all his videos on TH-cam. It is really and quite amazing. Changed My Life. Inform me how it goes. The Lord be with you. AMEN!!!
@Debbie Gum This. And pray the rosary. Our Lady is particularly helpful when it comes to avoiding sin and destroying vices. (I know this from personal experience)
I’m still on the journey... pretty rough in this modernist world... thanks again for the feedback! It’s never too late, will just let God guide me. 💙✝️⚔️🙏
@@TheShamuraja thank you. The priest is saying that we should leave a man who isn't willing to stay chaste before marriage. So I thought I should leave the guy I'm courting bc he's not really sure about chastity.
Honestly, I’d lean towards no. Chastity is more than sex. If he does not truly understand and value chastity as a virtue, there may come a point where he decides it’s no longer for him. Also, it could be confusing for children. He is the leader of the family. If he does not believe in chastity, he likely will not enforce it in the household. I had this happen to me and I am so glad we did not get married. Obviously, you are not me, so it is best to discern, discern, discern with the Lord!! I’ve found that open, painfully honest prayer and Ignatian meditation really help when I need discernment.
I listened to a podcast the other day that said “there is no online dating, only online meeting.” Relationships must develop in person, period. You can meet someone online, but online dating, more than just being discouraged, is impossible. In person development of a relationship is necessary.
Perfect detachment during the first 3-6 months? That may-or-may-not be a superior dating model (if widespread adoption is true) but treating the current dating stock of women platonically for that long seems like a good way to ensure you wind up alone forever.
@@EsteemedBeansTV Yeah well... there's also one about getting married just for the sake of not burning with lust. Can't say I'd apply that scripture to this scenario, either.
My boyfriend (we just started to date) is very religious and he asked me to watch this video....he wants our relationship to have no physical affection until we get engaged. Does that seem to long. I try and tell him that I’m fine with that but just not for that long! He also doesn’t want to go on dates alone at all. We are both Catholic. I really want to try and do this kind of relationship for him but I don’t think I can go that long without having any physical affection😣
@@delaneyolmer You háve to stay strong, patient. If you mean it seriously and you do want to stay with that man for rest of your life, few months here and there does nôt matter. It is tough, try to look at it from different angle tho. You already háve relationship with him, he will nôt look for anyone else and that should let you relieve a bit. Are you sure needyness of stated situation isnt just form of lust?
I'm courting for the first time, and this guy already started calling me honey, sweetheart, & darling. We've only known each other for about two weeks. Is he going too far with the sweet names he calls me? Please advise.
Yeah...he doesn’t even know you after 2 weeks. Comes to show he is desperate to just have someone to call those names. Also I realize this was 3 months ago, any updates? Praying for ya :)
QUESTION: During stage 2 "courting, " & stage 3 "engagement?" Fr. says no acts of affection. Idk what this means. Does it mean you can't compliment her if she dresses up? Does it mean you can't hold hands? Does it mean you can't gift her flowers, jewelry, candy, cards, or maybe watching romantic movies? Does it mean no kissing, only pecks on the cheek, on the lips? What constitutes natural behavior of the man towards the woman, what constitutes "acts of affection," and how can one know the difference? I understand that there might not be anyone reading this who has a perfect or comprehensive answer, but if you could offer me your insight I'd very much appreciate it. Peace & thanks.
I was born and raised Catholic. I think there’s a stage missing here. *Friendship - beginning stages of getting to know one another *Dating - hanging out with each other, going on dates, and deciding if you want this to be exclusive *Courtship - exclusive dating; seeing if you want to marry each other *Betrothal - engagement *Marriage - a life together with Christ, continuously learning how to better love one another, and raising children together I know this may sound harsh to some people, but can you really expect a young couple never to touch at all when they’re exclusively seeing each other? Holding hands is not immoral, this makes it sound like it is. Also, light kisses are a way to show affection, and are completely fine before an engagement. The woman would be hurt either way (physical contact or no). Imagine how strange and unnatural it would feel to go from almost never touching, to marriage and the marital act. To me, this just sounds like it would lead to a rushed marriage. Of course getting married within a year is acceptable, but if you want to do it right, and know each other best, two years is even better. Sorry for the long comment. This is what I have been taught and witnessed and am currently going through. These are the phases my children will follow.
first step: friendship = entering friendzone, that's death of any chance. I've been there, it doesn't work. Even worse, other guys take her and marry her. It's how it works.
I had just broken up with my first boyfriend when I became friends with my now husband. He understood I needed a friend and was a great friend for about a year. My dad had given me this exact advice about friendship...which I didn't follow the first time, I'm glad I did obey him the second time.
lmao "take her" you act like the girl had no opinion in the whole ordeal. she chose who she married, it doesnt matter if you were in the friendzone or not.
You still need to communicate, that you care. Also both need to know what is going on, otherwise if she didn't know what you were up to it just might have looked like you are wasting her time. Your intentions still need to be communicated.
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1.* Friendship first*
a. Learn about their moral character
i. 3-6 months
b. Be platonic
c. See if they have sufficient virtue
2.*Decide if you like her even if she does have virtue*
a. Do you have chemistry?
3.*Courtship*
a. Beginning of exclusivity
b. Ask permission of the father
c. Show no physical affection
d. 3-6 months
e. Look for ability of her to submit to you
f. Look for his ability to lovw you
4.bethrodel
a. Ask the father if you can marry her
b. ask her
c. Rite of bethrodel with a priest
I. 3-6 months
d. Can he moderate himself around her?
5. Marriage
*4.betrothal
thankyou
Thank you. Very helpful
Kudos for making a man's timetable. Now what about a woman's? Because that looks very one-sided, as if women exist to men to be objectified.
@@aperta7525This is strange writing like this. Anyway he does also include what women should look for and further this is the opposite of objectifying.
This was so incredibly amazing. I am in the middle of a secular divorce currently and I wish I had understood all these prior to getting emotionally entangled in my spouse 10 years ago. I thank God I know this now and will work diligently to aspire to these teachings. Please pray for me.
An update. Two years ago I met a woman and we followed the traditional teachings of courtship, Fr. Ripperger teaches in these lectures. We were friends for 3months, courtship for 3 months and engaged/betrothed at 6months. We got married at 13months and just had our first baby girl. God is good!
@@rightousray2 so so happy for you God be praised. See this formula does not fail my husband I the same 3 months courtship but we were advised to marry after a month of betrothal. Mary Mother of Christ thank you for raising up holy families like this family.
@@rightousray2 congratulations!
Will do. Pray for me as well. Never married just bad relationships. Praying to find the right one now. St Raphael for a marriage prayer I hear is helpful. Will pray for you as well.
EDIT oh my goodness. I just read your update. Congratulations and praise be to God! Please pray I will as well. 🙏🙏🙏
@@rightousray2 Wow, was not expecting that comment 4 years later How amazing, bless you and your family.
Our Lady Most Chaste Pray for us!
These kinds of lessons are better than signing waivers for a child's sex education at schools...
"Her beauty deceiveth thee" Been there, fell for that
Hahahahaha
In the words of Ronny James Dio "she was straight from Hell, but you never could tell, 'cause you were blinded by her light!"
Beauty and virtue is hard to find but not impossible. Pray ask our Lady.
Yup, could describe a few girlfriends I've had over the years 😂
I heard a voice beside me say "she ain't pretty she just looks that way"
From my life experience and my spiritual life and heavy prayer, the Devil is working hard to keep couples from going to the altar, so one should pray much to protect that state in life that is meant for them. Sister Lucia at Fatima said that the final attack between Our Lady and the Devil will be over the family.
Excellent talk. For those married couples whose stories did not unfold in the manner described by Fr. Ripperger, who don't have the most virtuous pasts, who grew in virtue together after the courtship or marriage process already occurred in a less-than-holy way... don't worry. I don't think Fr. is trying to guilt trip you or suggest that your life and marriages are invalid or should be abandoned. But now you know how to help your kids. :)
Your comment speaks to me. I completely agree, put it in the past, do penance and set up your kids so they don't repeat the same mistakes. Father has a good sermon called "How to raise a man". I suggest all parents, current and prospective, watch it. God bless.
My husband and I "courted" for 5+ years because we met in high school and both went to separate colleges. It wasn't the picture perfect process that father discribes in the sermon 🤷 But we were both sincerely wanting God's will and I'll tell you that after almost 9 years of marriage and 4 children, we have grown by leaps and bounds 😁
Parents of children approaching interest in the opposite sex NEED to memorize this! I grew up in a home where sex, marriage, courtship, etc. were taboo topics, never to be mentioned. We were not permitted to "date" or go to social functions for young people. I obeyed the rules and have never married---much to my parents' disappointment. My younger sister secretely disobeyed starting in seventh grade. She's now in the process of her second divorce. Catholic parents, establish and maintain open communication with your children well before they reach puberty. Without parental education and guidance, the times we live in virtually ensure improper and impure relationships, and loss of the faith for your children.
Marie Katherine I WISH THIS WAS POSTED IN ALL PARISHES SOMEWHERE, YOU ARE SO RIGHT! This is a huge problem and these times only make things worse.
Marie Katherine very true
For sure.
People act as if it comes automatically to their children as wisdom coming from the sky or something.
It is one of the most important things in one's life.
Courtship and also how to be a wife in a marriage or how to be a husband.
If the parents have no time or no idea maybe the priests or pastors for the protestants can teach it.
If marriage was invented by God why not teach?
Also maybe traditions and communities are missing, where it would have been obvious how to do it and people would teach each other. So we have to invent the wheel again.
@@mdmsllHNNH Ditto, same here.. never married, didn't know the rules
My parents had a year of courtship back in 1960. My dad was 12 years older and a devout Catholic. My mom had to promise to raise us kids Catholic; she didn't have a church background. They were strict but the best thing was my mother did not shy away from teaching us why and when you have sex: You love each other. My dad was an active father, taking me to work with him in the John Hancock building in downtown Chicago. Thank God, he protected us always. He didn't require a man to ask him for permission to get married but he didn't work all the time. Sometimes the old ways are the best.
I don’t think loving each other is reason enough to have sex. Maybe I misunderstood though and that isn’t what you meant. If so I apologize.
This is amazing. I pray for all singles searching for their future spouses and I pray for my future husband that I can meet him next year God willing. Amen 🙏❤
DId you find him yet???
@@nicholasramirez7322 Not yet! However, last year I started dating after about 2 years of not dating. Going to try Hinge since I heard good things about it and I can't meet in person, I tried but no where to be found. My adult group at church has mainly married couples or women 😅 God willing I hope I can meet him this year 🙏❤ Thank you for asking!^_^❤
Also I know I have to work a lot on myself, go to confession and overcome habitual sins. That I feel is some of the main reasons why I don't think I've found the right person. Every time when I date it just doesn't feel right. It feels like something is missing 😥😭💔 but I want to be hopeful and still live life to the fullest. I'm going to restaurants, will start a new job and I want to be able to travel a lot before marriage. Someone had an idea of having a singles dream list so I'm going to work on that ^_^ I'm not in a rush to be married but I will be 30 in a few years so I would love to meet someone sooner rather than later
Have you met someone or have a story to how you met your spouse?^_^❤
@@nicoleyoshihara4011 Thanks for sharing! I'm still in college, but if it would give God glory, I pray I'll find someone.
This is valuable information. I was asked on a date by an older man at my parish and was feeling SO anxious about it. I came running looking for a video to help me understand dating in a religious light- this was one of the first results! I watched it twice and prayed a rosary every day leading up to our date. I was anxious and practically terrified but we needed up having a peaceful date led by the Holy Spirit. In the name of Jesus I pray that those who are fumbling around the dating scene will FIND. THIS. VIDEO!
I first listened to this 5 years ago, but was too immature to understand its importance.
In the past couple of years I have been rejected by every woman i have tried to date. I thought something was wrong with me. As i began to find my faith though i started to think maybe God is saving me. Perhaps his plan for me is to stay single and do some kind of work for him which requires me to be alone. I live a lonely life and often wish for a good catholic wife to sit an pray with but if God has a plan for me then let his will be done on me.
Actually, my situation is very similar to yours. I think God kept me away from dating so that I could truly learn what he wanted from me and what marriage and courtship is all about.
I believe you are correct to think that God is saving you for something else. That could also include the possibility the 'the one' has not arrived in your life as yet. I will share with you what a priest said to me: "It's better to want what you don't have than to have what you don't want!" Many years ago, I realized what I believe to be true for myself and that is that God wants me for Himself. Totally. Completely. No distractions. This knowledge comforts me when I feel lonely. Good luck to you!
I'm in a very similar situation, divorced as well...But I Praise God and thank God because regardless of the heart break and struggles, giving myself completely to the Lord has been the Best thing in Life ✝️🙏 prayers for you
Jason Davis
Amen brother🙏
yall ugly or sum
This resonates with my intuition. Probably part of the reason there are so many drugs and alcohol is people are numbing how they really know things should be
Oh father, if only I have heard, have known it all before. But better late than never! Thank you!
Knight hood....healthy sexuality...is about being noble....the first part of proverbs 31 addresses this...circumstances are a distraction...biblical principals are virtues...fr ripper is awesome...more pastors and priests need to write good sermons like this...💪💪👍👍
Walkis Pacheco I feel your pain: share with your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and Godchildren.
In the world this talk would be frowned upon, Catholics we need to stay strong in the Faith and learn this by heart to keep our souls in the state of Grace and pleasing to our Lord ✝️🙏 Blessed mother pray for us 🙏💕 thank you Father Chad
Pray for vocations & strong families; fellow singles, offer to babysit or bring meals or even just spend time with neighborhood or parish families. It's great fun & sometimes they have single friends!
May GOD Bless you, Fr. Ripperger, for teaching THESE Principles TODAY!!!! Most People, in Today's Dating World, do NOT even have THESE 2 Words in their Vocabulary!!! COURTSHIP & VIRTUE. Amen!!
REAL MEN are Men OF GOD.
"Lord have Mercy of our souls", did any one realize how HARD is that !! you have NO IDEA the INCREDIBLE social pressure that is under some young people!!. Everyone please have a space in your praying for the youth this days that help them obtain God's Grace, since is humanly impossible resist the pressure of the today's word ,specially when our minds and body turn against us.
It is better to take that road. That's why tradition is so important, otherwise you only learn with the mistakes you make, like with myself, which can't be undone. I aspire and see truth in all the fr. said.
I totally agree with tradition in fact i totally agree with father Ripperger don't misunderstand me. I do. BUT the wide door is sooo wide incredible wide and easy to go through these days, (amazingly easy). but the narrow door the one that lead to salvation is sooo small almost impossible to go through.
1 Corinthians 16:9
Just think , what if a told to a young boy (or girl) that feel a vocation for parenthood and want maintain his chastity (just think):
"Look you have that vocation and want to be pure, that's amazing, but first you'll have to wait to you late 20's or 30's (if you lucky) because you'll have to work (inhumanly hard) all that time to barely have some stability and provide for your family. Before start looking for a spouse (a lot harder than it sounds) Then you'll have to go through the Courtship process (but there will be no guarantee) to get Married. All this meanwhile the word (satan) will torture you every single step of the day with (sexual advertising , sexual dress , stress , will be impossible have your eyes open for 10 min and do not be horrible tempted), oh and your own body will become your worst enemy, and society will shred you apart because you decide to wait. And you own church wouldn't say a single thing niether give you advice or hope, Oh by the way it would be easy just quick , literally just took your smartphone and join the rest of the word".
I would simple destroy that poor guy faith. But sadly that scenario is true just 100x time worst. You can see the problems these days , vocations are on the low , marriage in decline, families with less and less childs. Less and Less people going to mass.
Seems like you're excusing yourself from the duty, but all. Have I had that education I would have followed it glady. Now I am 26 and trying to learn it on youtube.
I'm only 16, Sophomore in high school, and I am called to marriage and fatherhood so I'll have to go through this process. It does seem pretty hard looking at it, compared to all my other friends who are already having sex and stuff, but it's God's will and His will is almost never easy. But God never asks more than what we're capable of if we ask for his help and protection.
WHAT ABOUT US MID 30 YEAR OLDS???? I JUST NOW LEARNED ABOUT COURTSHIP LITERALLY THROUGH THIS VIDEO.....I WAS NEVER TAUGHT THIS IN MY 20S
It apply to you too the thing is to find a woman that want to be in a traditional relationship
@@YiriUbic3793 That's the hard part.
Even harder when you're in your 40's! 😆
thats bc they took basic morals and civility out of schools thinking it was a good idea. Worst. Idea. Ever. (for folks looking for basic guidance who arent happily married etc etc and / or who grew up in another era)
Me neither....parents too strict . Church too strict....church every day
I wish I heard this when I was young.
I'm glad to be hearing it as a teen, so that I can put it into practice when I am ready to court.
@EquestrianEndeavors I'm 20 and I feel the same way!
This is awesome. Wish I heard this. But not the end of the world … God is merciful. Thank you for this talk
"I don't care how ugly a woman is, if a woman has virtue, you'll be happy for the rest of your life. Even if you have to put a bag over her head"
Pretty hilarious for a priest
He definitely has a healthy sense of humors 🙂
Yea I’ve listened to this about 4 times now…
A primary role of a family's husband and father is "Protector" since God is the Provider.
God is also the protector.
This is really helpful. Thank you.
This was so good. I am glad to hear this as I did some of these things in my life. Just need to cut the pre-marriage affections out.
I always learn so much with Fr Ripperger. I wish I had listened to this sooner!
This video changed my life!
Father you are great thankful fiat
After listening to this, I am so thankful that I ruled out marriage as an option when I was 22.
I highly recommend this intel. Life is complicated enough these days, this at least provides a simple model to follow.
I watched this video earlier this year after the young man I am now in a courtship with sent it to me. It was fascinating; very informative and explains my blunders in my last 2 relationships. However, currently, it's long distance but actually is going very well. I believe that it helps with patience and chastity too. I do feel that handholding is okay and brief hugs as well as a kiss on the hand and forehead are acceptable and show honor to the lady. I definitely agree as well as does my boyfriend that kissing on the lips is sacred and should not be done till the wedding day after the vows (believe me I have learned my lesson after messing up on that and other things). I know if my dad were living he'd really like him. But I think that hugs and handholding are fine. I don't know that there's a fine line/a list of absolute rules that everyone must follow.
Thank you father for this video!!!
thnks for the message.
Beautiful! Thank you, father!
This is great to know and put things into an ordered perspective. But these days you are going to need an EXTRAORDINARY amount of prudence.
XO amen to that man. Prudence and detachment
Thanks so much !!
Thanks for your post-pragmatic and constructive…
such a perfect video, the only think I couldn't understand is the purpose of those images
Great that people are specific and plan
The Adams Family, especially the old version is such a good example of a good family and spouse relationship.
Still watch that black and white show.
Great video! :) Thanks
WoW. I would love to meet a couple went through this type of courtship.
@Brooks Lee no it's not, this is exactly the kind of courtship my ancestors went through~ even my Nanna and Grandad have a cute story under this same process. I've even met a man from Colombia who practiced this as well, and he was around my age in his 20s. Fr Ripperger even says he discusses it with the men who come to him in counsel, and they're obviously living by these standards. It's not that unrealistic.
@Brooks Lee lol there are other ways to show affection other than touch, such as small actions. But no, they didnt follow it to a T, when my grandpa took my nan out to a date he was chaperoned by her brother, but when my grandpa dropped them off home and my uncle went inside, he quickly kissed my nan. Her father saw and chased him down the street, it almost cost him the courtship lol. So no these things are not followed to a T. That said these are guidelines to help keep the honour of both the man and the woman, to direct them towards God and not fall into lust. They're not that impossible. I know people who have never kissed/held hands till their wedding day.
@Brooks Lee haha! I dont care if you believe me or not, I have God as my witness and that is enough. There are many Christians out there who have never kissed or held hands till they were finally married. That's what I plan on doing too. Goodbye and God bless.
Both our daughters did, they and their father are not Catholic. Some conservative evangelicals at practicing this together with NFP
Such an important topic, such good advise but less than 1000 hits. What a shame. Thank you Fr.
Doubles since u said that
aldousjove 11k now! 😁
@@mdmsllHNNH 30k now
@@niccolomachiavell 76k now!
119k :)
PRICELESS
Wow!
Wow....this makes sense. 🤔
Weuuh i Think we have alot to learn & sacrifice..But explain why old time marriages were lasting, coz these processes & trends were a norm. Lets first have a serious relationship with God & May our dear Lord be the center of every relationship & marriage🙏❤️🔥
45 min made me hesitate, but this was great
Nice definitions..
they said that the last battle will be about the family
I wish I found this earlier, would have saved lots of heartache. But this is for the young, as you get older, I don't think none of this applies. Stay unmarried. " Remember you marry the in-laws too"
It seems like 9 out of 10 romantic relationships, Catholic or otherwise, do not start with friendship.
@Valiant Woman Yes, but basing relationships on fleeting attraction is why most relationships fail these days. People chase pleasure/looks over substance and then whine that there's no substance. Once the thrill (money, status, sex) is gone, it's amazing how quickly couples find out that they don't actually like each other. Many today are just glorified roommates with benefits.
A relationship can't last if you don't fundamentally like the kind of person your partner is. That's why a platonic friendship stage, where you can initially vet for their values, character, goals and etc. is the first and perhaps most important step. Chemistry, attraction, and the works are important too, but peripheral.
The only aspect I question is that somewhat long distance might be more tolerable given the current courting culture between men and women… 35:35 it’s not easy to find a virtuous person local
Here is a ChatGPT summary of this amazing talk: Outline: Four Stages of Courtship and the Pursuit of Virtue
I. Introduction
- Brief overview of the importance of courtship in the pursuit of a good and virtuous life.
- Explanation of the three components of a moral act: object, end, and circumstances.
- Emphasis on the need for all three components to be good for a moral act to be virtuous.
II. The Purpose of Courtship
- Exploration of the primary goal of courtship: to determine the virtue of the individuals involved.
- Clarification that courtship is not solely based on physical appearance or personal enjoyment.
- Explanation of how virtue is a set of good habits that determines a person's behavior in specific areas of life.
III. The Four Stages of Courtship
A. Stage 1: Initial Friendship
- Discussion of the importance of developing a solid foundation of friendship before pursuing a romantic relationship.
- Emphasis on getting to know each other's values, interests, and character traits.
- Highlighting the need for mutual respect and admiration during this stage.
B. Stage 2: Emotional Affection
- Explanation of the role emotions play in courtship and the development of romantic feelings.
- Cautionary advice on not allowing emotions to overshadow reason and virtue.
- Encouragement to express emotions in a balanced and controlled manner.
C. Stage 3: Physical Interaction
- Exploration of the appropriate boundaries and guidelines for physical interaction during courtship.
- Discussion on the importance of practicing chastity and self-control.
- Explanations of how physical affection should reflect respect, honor, and the pursuit of virtue.
D. Stage 4: Deliberation and Decision
- Explanation of the importance of discernment and deliberation before committing to marriage.
- Emphasis on the necessity of aligning values, goals, and virtues for a successful and fulfilling marriage.
- Insights on how to make a conscious and informed decision based on virtue and compatibility.
IV. Conclusion
- Recap of the four stages of courtship and their purpose in determining the virtue of individuals.
- Reiteration of the ultimate goal of courtship: to find a suitable spouse who possesses the necessary virtues for a successful marriage.
- Final thoughts on the importance of courtship in building a strong foundation for a lifelong commitment.
Note: This outline is based on the interview transcript with Father Ripperger and aims to provide a structured framework for a book on the four stages of courtship and the pursuit of virtue. The content can be expanded and elaborated upon with additional insights, practical advice, and personal anecdotes to create a comprehensive guide for individuals seeking a virtuous and fulfilling courtship.
Thanks man
Generally does the idea of asking the woman's father for permission for courtship/ betrothal apply if the man and woman are older (in their 30s)?
I suspect in a more extreme scenario if rhe two widowers come together that wouldn't apply.
Great lesson! Everything here makes total sense! I do have to ask though, after hearing this, I'm wondering what are your thoughts on how it is that long lasting and virtuous marriages have occurred outside of following these four stages?
I would say those are the exception and not the rule.
Remember always: where greater the sin, greater the mercy of God. Also if it ends up in a valid Catholic marriage you are still receiving God's graces under the sacrament, which means he will still get good out of bad past of the couple.
@@danialezero93although it will be more difficult
I like this teaching in that it creates order, it outlines a a structured approach to proceed from first meeting towards marriage. However, one of the things I find about Catholicism is that is can become too ordered/structured and technical, to the point it becomes stifling and legalistic. I'm also not a fan of pentecostal hypergrace, which can become loose and chaotic. I think we need to be led by the Bible - hence the importance of reading the bible for yourself regularly in your own language. Be led by the word of God, the Holy Spirit, and your own conscience in all matters.
Keep in mind that this teaching is Fr. Ripperger's advice based on natural law, but it's not a dogma of Catholicism that courtship must proceed in exactly this way. Real life has a lot more variety, and the Church doesn't micromanage our every decision. The main focuses in moving toward marriage should be on being virtuous and helping each other grow even more virtuous (in general, not only related to sexuality), being unified in faith and life together, and in saving sexual union for marriage.
Those who are more concerned about falling into sin may be more strict with expressions of affection before marriage. This can be a prudent decision, especially if particular expressions of affection are catalysts for temptation. But we do have the freedom to make different prudential decisions in these areas.
So having lunch with a woman you have no intention of marrying is now sinful? Does anyone really thinks this makes real world sense?
I can't even find a Catholic woman who stays chaste, let alone one who'd be willing to go through all these steps. Future looks pretty bleak. Guess I'll buy a cabin in the woods.
@@hockeymasktime1918 not sure I would take it that far man and I go to confession too for my failings. I'm still a virgin, but my point is more that it's difficult, not impossible.
Same here, except I'm a girl. Not interested in that now though.
Maybe you could try asking St Joseph for help?
@@_Gaby_950 I think I'll pray to St. Joseph and offer a rosary to Mother Mary. Thank you for the suggestion. 🙂
@@bigj3508
Hey, so there's a chaplet of the 7 Joys and Sorrows of St Joseph. He promises many graces for reciting it, more so if you make a daily and monthly First Wednesday devotion to it. St Therese of Lisieux is also known to have encouraged devotions to St Joseph. Here's the link if you're interested: www.michaeljournal.org/articles/roman-catholic-church/item/devotion-to-the-most-chaste-heart-of-saint-joseph
@@_Gaby_950 thanks for the suggestion. I'll try to find time to do this!
Hello. I was wondering where can I read more about the beautiful sacrament of Marriage (I mean, solid content). And I was also wondering from where did Fr. Ripperger take these teachings. They are certainly interesting, but it seems to me that even among traditional catholics they can sound like tough. I trust Fr Ripperger a lot, but maybe some people to whom I may have to teach these things do not have that confidence. So I think I need to know more about this, and be able to tell them, "yeah, this is what the Church taught, or that saint taught, or that excellent book teaches, etc".
In Christ and Mary.
I highly recommend The Catholic Marriage Manual by Reverend George A. Kelly. It’s amazing and talks about almost everything Fr. Ripperger mentions and more.
Where was this priest to teach me growing up?
Ty I pray everyday that God gives me a husband
Is this episode on podcast, so I can legally listen to it while driving? Got a ticket for listening to a TH-cam video recently because I had a "video player within my view as the driver"
This is a beautiful thing you speak on Fr
But the facts of this world are
That people like this don't exist and if they do they must live in other countries.
We are all so broken and we find ourselves with other broken people who share their brokenness thinking it will somehow make them complete.
It's hopeless and pointless to hope for a family and a marriage. Society is rotten. Be content with being alone or settle for misery and chaos just so you can say.
I have someone
"The father has a right to end the courtship at any point..." How absolute is this right? Are there any instances where, practically and morally, this should be ignored? An example I have in mind is the case of a father who doesn't fulfill his own protective role and isn't exactly virtuous himself, and therefore is not properly ordered towards discerning the virtuousness of a future son-in-law. (absentee, one with serious alchohol problems, etc...)
"call no one but God father". If your biological father is not a godly man you shouldn't obey him.
You would need to know his reason why your father is trying to end it,he might have seen something that you may have missed.
@Socrates92 in fact it is not absolute at all! Father has no right to stop his daughter from marrying any particular man. He can express his doubts about man that she wants to marry but daughter is a one that has the last word.
I understand that Fr. Ripperger would like to bring back a foregone prestige of fatherhood but in that given case he has gone too far and preaches his own beliefs instead of traditional Catholic Church teachings.
Eg. in encyclical " Arcanum divinae sapientiae" from 1880 pope Leon XIII writes: " It is also a great blessing that the Church has limited, so far as is needful, the power of fathers of families, so that sons and daughters, wishing to marry, are not in any way deprived of their rightful freedom".
Church formulated canonical impediments for marriage but lack of father's approval was never one of them.
Still ask him. Also there are priests and pastors you and your potential husband can consult with.
mn2223 is right. It's not Church teaching or one of the impediments to marriage
No holding hands before marriage? Oof hard teaching but I do think he makes pretty sound reasoning in defense of the position
No it's incredibly overly scrupulous and is not Church teaching.
@@okkk2684 But it is indeed a reasonable argument
Interestingly, here in the Philippines, the traditional courtship (which is sadly disappearing) is almost like this.
Nobody stops the Filipinos from bringing it back
If The Father says no firstly he has a right because he has his daughters best interest at heart.Secondly your in a position now where you don't have any rights and you have to accept and.respect her Fathers decision ,you have to have the neccesary Virtue to do this ,Humility is a good start.
Father has no right to stop his daughter from marrying any particular man. He can express his doubts about man that she wants to marry but daughter is a one that has the last word.
I understand that Fr. Ripperger would like to bring back a foregone prestige of fatherhood but in that given case he has gone too far and preaches his own beliefs instead of traditional Catholic Church teachings.
Eg. in encyclical " Arcanum divinae sapientiae" from 1880 pope Leon XIII writes: " It is also a great blessing that the Church has limited, so far as is needful, the power of fathers of families, so that sons and daughters, wishing to marry, are not in any way deprived of their rightful freedom"".
Church formulated canonical impediments for marriage but lack of father's approval was never one of them.
Why isn't Pre Cana set up with this information? What if there were a Pre-Pre Cana where young people hoping to get married someday sit down to hear a course like this. They show up as individuals looking to eventually marry and can absorb this prior to taking "the leap."
This is a special class that needs to be taught to teens after their Confirmation
Is there a transcription available? English is not my main language so I might be struggling a bit.
try activating the cc option, auto generated cc are alright.
What does courtship look like for couples who are divorced, or widowed? If parents have passed away then who do you ask for permission?
If parents have passed away it's on you really. Or you can ask the guardian if they have one. But really marriage is between the two people. Divorced people are not supposed to have another relationship until the death of their spouse. Also pray about it.
@@mariemunzar6474 even if there was an annulment ?
I think you would be looking for guidance mainly from your priest, and finding another couple in your parish to basically adopt you. It is wise to find good counsel in any case. I’m in a similar position and seeking out a couple to provide wise counsel. I’m a recent convert, waiting on annulment. He’s a lifelong Catholic applying for annulment. We are basically sifting through pastors (in person and TH-cam videos like this), and building relationships with other couples we want to have in our lives for accountability and counsel.
This was awesome, just curious though: how should we demonstrate affection stage wise in the process of courting to make the bond good enough where you’d agree to matrimony, after of course, recognizing mutual virtue
Lack of self-control demonstrating insufficient virtue for marriage seems inconsistent with 1 Corinthians 7:9.
I grew up outside of the traditional church so this is all new to me. I understand why it's recommended but, man do I feel overwhelmed. Perhaps marriage isn't for me.
Just try. Make no pressure, spent normal time with each other - that means friendship. Then see and protect both of you from too much passion and pressure right away.
Marriage will bless you.
But Father! No one is even approaching me. They are all married and most of them are not even practicing Catholics...
I think dating apps are alright, where you can state your beliefs and what you are looking for.
Just in your vicinity.
Also sometimes women don't signal enough or put themselves in enough situations. Being a bit receptive helps.
Otherwise think how you can get active.
Plus ask your local pries how to go about it.
Some are happy to marry someone traditional or someone evangelical, without them being catholic.
@@TheShamurajaMarrying a non-Catholic is bad advice, the resulting offspring almost always end up having nothing to do with Catholicism when they become adults.
Ave Maria! Please someone give me the chapter of the CCC where it states no physical contact before betrothal so many are asking me where to find this!
There's a reason you're having trouble finding it, because that's not actually Church teaching FWIW
It's not in the CCC, it's plain commonsense that isn't so common anymore
A caveat on the first stage: normal friendship won't lead to courtship because women aren't interested in a guy who has established himself as "just a friend". Hence the concept of the friendzone.
Some women say they want to be friends before dating, but this is more directed toward the men they don't want to date, rather than the men they do. A friend is safe for a woman. Women want most men in their lives to be safe, but they are attracted to the guy who is exciting.
In the "friendship" stage, the intent to court should be made known.
Yes, the intent should be communicated.
Attraction is there, but people should spent normal time with each other.
Look. Some people married quicker, so you will have to see how quick you will go about it.
We are all not sexless, overspirtualised, constantly Ave Maria singing beings.
It means to balance oneself and still be attracted.
Enjoy the process!! :)
Thanks for clearing that up, intention to court should be made known. I like that cause I was like am I just supposed to pretend not to like her for 3 months haha
A man can be 'exciting' without even touching a woman. Be brave in your beliefs and manner, take her to beautiful places, get to know who she is and really listen. You'll be the most interesting person she's ever met (especially if you're not immediately looking for carnal entanglements). And yes, revealing your beliefs and intentions is part of being brave.
Sooooo..... the big question is, at what point in which stage of dating/courtship do I show this video to a girlfriend? A month in? A week? First date, right after we get back from white-water rafting? ;/
Tell her your strong convictions about religion. Be close enough with her that sending her videos in general about religion are not problematic.
Go to the father act it she will appreciate the man of virtue you are if you are a man of virtue....now i who would never settle for less i stated my standard on the first moment of going for lunch i said i dont date or do what other women do if you are interested in me then there is a guideline by the church to the objective end of marriage if you are willing to follow that great if not see you later. He was shocked and said "your standards are high i love it im willing to come up to that" so he looked it up and said yes and went to my dad spoke to him and my mom from there we have been exclusive in seeking out these virtues in us also have been seeing a nun to help us in how we show affection in a holy way, you just set the standards. God will bless you seek our lady of the rosary as well i prayed for a virtuous man.
@@nataliabenoit4653 I do not understand why dating is bad. Isn't it just courtship by another name?
@@Leocomander yes and no. Yes because if the purpose is to discern marriage then ok. No because the over seeing by the parents and the zero kissing or hugging is to take place but discern in your parents home or in group settings to practise protection of chastity. As dating these days also doesnt require the permission of the parents of the daughter it then puts most young women in a dangerous situation for their soul which we have many trying out many men in an act only for marriage. Its then necessary to have courtship since its objective and path is clear that is marriage and respect for the young woman is at a higher degree since its required of the man. No man takes a woman seriously if she has relations that are only for her husband but if hes given the same rights why seek out marriage? Therefore dating cheapens it where young women are not cheap disposable objects but brides and are a beautiful example of Gods beauty and love found in that heart. Also this dating culture puts more pressure on physicality where courtship is a time to not just discern but huild a friendship a closeness and intamacy where emotionally and spiritual bonds are formed without the illusions that lust creates where no communication or friendship is built only usury. I hope that helps. I know its hard but every woman is worth it and men like a woman anyway that holds standards. I told my husband on our first date that if he wants to go further he must ask my father to court me. So he did. We then were betrothed which he then had to ask my father again now we are married.
Use your social skills on how you tell her and at what point you'll let her know.
Talk to your priest, ask in a men's group.
Why isn’t anyone teaching this basics?
Sounds beautiful but what if we're both in our 40's, divorced with kids?
Well, I have a question. According to St Alphonsus parents cannot decide the state of their children. If a father forces a daughter to marry that marriage is nule and if they have decided to marry and he opposes the daughter has not obligation to listten. It is the same with religious life. So, why did you say that marriage depends on the decision of the father? That is confussing to me. Or maybe I do not understand St Alphonsus.
Because you also marry the in-laws. And you need an extended family network to raise your children well in this rotten society.
This is great. Is it of Fr. Ripperger's creation or does it come from Catholic doctrine?
Catholic doctrine
Ehh I don't think it's "doctrine". Some stuff he says here, like a man asking his potential father in law for permission to marry his daughter, is actually contrary to Church teaching.
That's right. Courtship is not "dating." Among religious (not the super ultras) Jews, the families get together with a match maker and determine basic virtues are present. THEN the children are introduced to each other, given a few supervised meetings to get to know each other and decide if they like and want each other. and if they do, the young man asks permission to marry the daughter and it's given. The marriage then takes place within about 3 monts. While the Orthodox are serious about modesty, they are not prudish about marital sexuality and realize that prolonged engagements are an occasion of temptation. While a lot of non-religious Europeans may sleep around casually as singles, when they decide to settle down, they find a compatible person, who is often from an existing friend group, and go into an exclusive courtship with the purpose of determing suitability for marriage. When seriously looking for a spouse, the do NOT "date around" hoping it turns into permanent romance.
37:54
Not that I disagree with the principle, but it doesn't say in scripture "Her beauty deceveth thee".
"Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Or something like that.
I believe the exact words were "her booty deceiveth thee"
28:00
if the father isn't around can a man ask her mother to court her daughter
There are priests as well. They can consult in church
Ok, so...I’ve decided to play the long game, until I find a suitable lady to court and marry. Now, being the times we’re living in it will be a mighty endeavor. Also, I’m thinking that I want to practice chastity ( I’ve a weakness for the fairer sex) but not sure where or how to begin. Any feed back is welcomed!
A sinner.
🙏✝️ God bless.
@Odnanref80, I recently found something that will be of help. Read and study the teachings of St. John Paul II. Google Christopher West and get his book (Theology of the body for beginners) if possible. Alternative/in addition to that, you can watch all his videos on TH-cam. It is really and quite amazing. Changed My Life. Inform me how it goes. The Lord be with you. AMEN!!!
Lucky Iheme
Thank you for the info!
God bless. 🙏✝️
@Debbie Gum This. And pray the rosary. Our Lady is particularly helpful when it comes to avoiding sin and destroying vices. (I know this from personal experience)
I’m still on the journey... pretty rough in this modernist world... thanks again for the feedback!
It’s never too late, will just let God guide me. 💙✝️⚔️🙏
The Catholic man show - on TH-cam.
Get in a men's group.
Don't be anxious.
You and her are not perfect, but can be perfected in marriage.
Get active
What if I’m courting a guy that checks every virtue but chastity, yet is willing to sacrifice himself for me and to become chaste?
What is the question?
He will hold himself back, so everything is fine.
@@TheShamuraja thank you. The priest is saying that we should leave a man who isn't willing to stay chaste before marriage. So I thought I should leave the guy I'm courting bc he's not really sure about chastity.
@@t-rez443 Does he agree with church's view on contraception or abortion?
@@jitheshdsouza98 we haven't talked about this yet... But that's crucial I know
Honestly, I’d lean towards no. Chastity is more than sex. If he does not truly understand and value chastity as a virtue, there may come a point where he decides it’s no longer for him. Also, it could be confusing for children. He is the leader of the family. If he does not believe in chastity, he likely will not enforce it in the household. I had this happen to me and I am so glad we did not get married. Obviously, you are not me, so it is best to discern, discern, discern with the Lord!! I’ve found that open, painfully honest prayer and Ignatian meditation really help when I need discernment.
Pail said if you burn get married.
What about now when we have to be out of physical contact with people is online dating still not a good idea?
I listened to a podcast the other day that said “there is no online dating, only online meeting.” Relationships must develop in person, period. You can meet someone online, but online dating, more than just being discouraged, is impossible. In person development of a relationship is necessary.
@@willscheib6098 Thank you for the enlightenment on that point
Perfect detachment during the first 3-6 months? That may-or-may-not be a superior dating model (if widespread adoption is true) but treating the current dating stock of women platonically for that long seems like a good way to ensure you wind up alone forever.
I’m sure there’s a scripture that I can’t recall but would be better to be alone than to be entangled with the wrong person..
@@EsteemedBeansTV Yeah well... there's also one about getting married just for the sake of not burning with lust. Can't say I'd apply that scripture to this scenario, either.
My boyfriend (we just started to date) is very religious and he asked me to watch this video....he wants our relationship to have no physical affection until we get engaged. Does that seem to long. I try and tell him that I’m fine with that but just not for that long! He also doesn’t want to go on dates alone at all. We are both Catholic. I really want to try and do this kind of relationship for him but I don’t think I can go that long without having any physical affection😣
@@delaneyolmer You háve to stay strong, patient. If you mean it seriously and you do want to stay with that man for rest of your life, few months here and there does nôt matter. It is tough, try to look at it from different angle tho. You already háve relationship with him, he will nôt look for anyone else and that should let you relieve a bit. Are you sure needyness of stated situation isnt just form of lust?
@@delaneyolmer I think you're lucky to find a guy like that ...most women are sick of these thirsty guys
I'm courting for the first time, and this guy already started calling me honey, sweetheart, & darling. We've only known each other for about two weeks. Is he going too far with the sweet names he calls me? Please advise.
Yes
yes
And relationships starts from friendship first.
Waaaaay too fast. There needs to be boundaries in place to protect both of your heart and his.
Yeah...he doesn’t even know you after 2 weeks. Comes to show he is desperate to just have someone to call those names.
Also I realize this was 3 months ago, any updates?
Praying for ya :)
QUESTION:
During stage 2 "courting, " & stage 3 "engagement?" Fr. says no acts of affection. Idk what this means. Does it mean you can't compliment her if she dresses up? Does it mean you can't hold hands? Does it mean you can't gift her flowers, jewelry, candy, cards, or maybe watching romantic movies? Does it mean no kissing, only pecks on the cheek, on the lips? What constitutes natural behavior of the man towards the woman, what constitutes "acts of affection," and how can one know the difference?
I understand that there might not be anyone reading this who has a perfect or comprehensive answer, but if you could offer me your insight I'd very much appreciate it.
Peace & thanks.
27:05
My understanding by 'affection' was that he meant specifically physical affection
I was born and raised Catholic. I think there’s a stage missing here.
*Friendship - beginning stages of getting to know one another
*Dating - hanging out with each other, going on dates, and deciding if you want this to be exclusive
*Courtship - exclusive dating; seeing if you want to marry each other
*Betrothal - engagement
*Marriage - a life together with Christ, continuously learning how to better love one another, and raising children together
I know this may sound harsh to some people, but can you really expect a young couple never to touch at all when they’re exclusively seeing each other?
Holding hands is not immoral, this makes it sound like it is. Also, light kisses are a way to show affection, and are completely fine before an engagement. The woman would be hurt either way (physical contact or no). Imagine how strange and unnatural it would feel to go from almost never touching, to marriage and the marital act.
To me, this just sounds like it would lead to a rushed marriage. Of course getting married within a year is acceptable, but if you want to do it right, and know each other best, two years is even better.
Sorry for the long comment. This is what I have been taught and witnessed and am currently going through. These are the phases my children will follow.
first step: friendship = entering friendzone, that's death of any chance. I've been there, it doesn't work. Even worse, other guys take her and marry her. It's how it works.
I had just broken up with my first boyfriend when I became friends with my now husband. He understood I needed a friend and was a great friend for about a year. My dad had given me this exact advice about friendship...which I didn't follow the first time, I'm glad I did obey him the second time.
lmao "take her" you act like the girl had no opinion in the whole ordeal. she chose who she married, it doesnt matter if you were in the friendzone or not.
Sounds like the "other guys" saved you a huge head ache.
If she goes off and marries someone else well she s weak and didn't have the necessary Virtues anyway and youv had a very lucky escape in my opinion
You still need to communicate, that you care. Also both need to know what is going on, otherwise if she didn't know what you were up to it just might have looked like you are wasting her time.
Your intentions still need to be communicated.
That sounds bitter
Did I hear correctly? Someone asking about a long distance relationship with their cousin??
@Kenneth Grubba good to know.
What about if a person is divorced and in their 50s snd 60s.....then what?
You're at the stage when you should be preparing for the afterlife instead of marriage.