I am a gay former member with a tbm family. It makes me so sad to watch the church dismiss such full of life, intelligent, bright, compassionate people like you. It is an absolute shame. Your story HAS helped someone. Your story gives me peace. I might not have the full support of my family, but there are moral and genuine people that can see the hurt and harm done by the church, and don't just excuse it away. Please remeber, when you stand before those men, that you have the support of souls you haven't met in person, but have deeply touched. good luck. thank you, you two will be in my thoughts.
John I love your show, I have been out of the church since 1969, never had anyone to talk to about it. Asked to be excommunicated in 1986 and the Bishop wanted me to attend a disciplinary court. I told him that I was sure they could remove me from church records based upon the conversations I had with him, given that I had not been to church since 1969 and told him I didn't recognise the church as having authority to judge me. I have started grieving properly for the first time because my younger sister has recently decided to return to church. Her doing this reopened my wounds. ps my family and extended family are all LDS. I was third generation brought up in a very insulated community, Templeview in New Zealand. .
Thank you for sharing. We are in an extremely painful place where we have had extreme rejection and judgement spewed at us for saying all of the things we disagree with out loud. Glad to see others that are not afraid. Gives me courage to see light and love instead of darkness and disgust.
It gets better! The cognitive dissonance you’re creating for the TBM around you is always interesting. They keep expecting you to go downhill, but what do they do when you continue being amazing people? There are awesome people out there so keep living your truth!
Finally got the chance to watch. This is in my top 5 episodes on Mormonstories and is right up there with Tom Phillips. Thank you, Amy and Jake, for sharing your stories! Best wishes for the upcoming DC. Been there, done that.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Truly inspiring and I know this will help so many people with their struggles best of luck in your disciplinary hearing. You'll do great!
Wish you guys all the success as individuals, as a family, and as human beings. I love you guys for being so brave and honest with yourselves. I too was willing to give up my family, my life even, for the church. But I feel thoroughly justified to walk away knowing all that I have learned. Take care!
I suppose a church needs to have core beliefs to remain a viable institution. But what constitutes the core? And in any case, excommunication is a sadistic practice and more often than not the council members are larger sinners than those they presume to judge.
I wish I knew people like these. I am 67 and they are far wiser, far more mature, far more articulate than I. I am so impressed and so sad that the church would disavow them.
Great Podcast. Great story. You two are lucky, that you are both on the same page. My wife is a full hardcore TBM no matter what. I am the only one on both sides of the family going thru a Faith Crisis, or as you say "Faith Awakening." It is a bit tough having my spouse and kids against me. What gives me strength, is to know that I am NOT alone on this journey. I wish you both strength and peace of mind during your upcoming Kangaroo Court of Love.
Yes you are not alone! I am going through it too right now and it's awful but at the same time I havent felt so good and peaceful in YEARS! My heart goes out to you...hang in there💕
Thank you for your reply post JenBen5. Maybe we can compare notes sometime if you are okay with that. My email is jlmoss68@gmail.com. I'm interested to know what path you took or taking. I still attend LDS church services, but it is really tough especially during Fast and Testimony meetings.
I love the analogy of the old, smelly tattered blanket that people are insisting on wrapping themselves up in and won't let go because it is "cold out there" Love it!
there are lots of Mormon gays and lesbians.... me being one and yes the church has caused so much pain. Broken friendships, family ties. Your love astounds me.
Thank you for your story and example. Standing up for truth should never be punished. It is a power struggle as you say. Not many of us endure the kangaroo court. I'm an LGBT ex member and support you fully.
One difference between Mormonism and other faiths is that they want to be complete intercessories between heaven and the person. This is a clear sign of cultism. Others faiths often have the attitude that your supposed sins and personal behavior is to be reconciled directly with diety. Leaders there serve more like cheerleaders or encouragers, not as judges.
My best friend was excommunicated because she's lesbian. Had to leave her children and move away - as well as being shunned (to a degree). Now most of her family is out of the LDS Church and her grown kids are back living with her. The pain these cult(ish) churches inflict is devastating and shameful
I enjoyed both of your stories on here. I have found that the issue of women and their worth and treatment is horrible. Your handling of the situation was fabulous!!
I was excommunicated without even being around.Based on false information,and gossip.Sad state of affairs.I believe in fighting for what isright. But the experience shattered a family. I think we should just have the right to make decisions in regard to the Church.I would not invite anyone to listen to the missionaries,or to join the Church. I have to say the battle leading up to the final action by them was pretty mean.Dare a woman speak her mind?well I do.
It's people like this that makes me wish I hadn't resigned, especially since my youngest son came out as gay & with the new church policy. I'd like to have given them the good fight 🙂
When I lived in Utah and was first on the City Council, my Bishop threatened me with a disciplinary court for "causing gospel dissension" for the way I was voting. I had not had the chance to vote on anything yet. So, Nazi style rule of so-called church leaders due to this and other power plays are what my experience as 40 years a Mormon showed me. Your assessment of leaving and then "choosing" what mormons consider sin rather than leaving due to sin, is correct. But, it is the hallmark of cults... marginalizing those who do not blindly follow as required. Why does the church believe thy have the right to attempt to troll and sensor members anyway? Grrr.
Where is the integrity in joining or remaining in any organization one no longer believes or practices basic principles ? Making choices is what life is all about. Is your thinking that the organization change their belief system because your “light exceeds their leadership”? Once I joined an organization and determined for personal reasons that it no longer met my needs. I stopped paying my dues. I reaped the loss of their perks, they reaped the loss of my dues. Choices and consequences part of the adult experience. We both chose that our relationship no longer was compatible. Obviously this is painful process to each party. The real losers are children who were never meant to be taught anything other than truth. On this earth parents are like churches - not perfect because of the human element. Why would you not just find peace where you find truth.
Congrats on leaving the church, and welcome to being Ex-Mormon. It sounds to me like you have already taken your free agency away from them. Best wishes to your family through this difficult time, and KNOW that it is better on the outside! I raise my coffee mug to you!
LDS leadership are the least history/doctrine and scripture competent. After returning from a mission I found that deficit everywhere I lived, especially in priesthood meetings. The ignorance I observed was appalling to me. Too many times I'd sit in GC priesthood meeting and here top leaders come up with interpretations and doctrinal positions that were untenable.
I’m not sure I’d this will be seen so after the fact I just found your channel and saw anchorage and my son lives there. I have a question if someone has clearly left the church. And you get called to this discipline council, do You have to go or can you just say no. So want you are going to do, I don’t care! I don’t understand why someone would subject themselves to such humiliation when you know what the outcome will be.
Hi, it's cute, the beer issue. And I can understand what you do. It's weird being forced to do something without being explained why. But,... there are some pretty good reasons not to drink alcohol. It makes you mentally weak en it's poisonous to your body. I lost my allergy issues when I stopped drinking it. Don't make it int an icon of freedom and keep a close watch on the amounts you take in. Each time you drink more than one glass, or even one glass almost each day, it's just not good for you.
I feel for some who have a W.O.W. problem and are unrighteously disciplined, but at times I ask myself, from the mouths of 2 or more, but who is the accusers in these case's? Are they NOT present and if not then the Disciplinary Council is null and void ACCORDING to scriptures. (New Testament | John 8:10 - 11) When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the man/woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto he/her, Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more!
rationalguy D+C 89....IF YOU are-were a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and YOU feel so strongly , don't come to church,its part of church history and culture....IF you were a rationalguy, you would have thought this is in contradiction to what the church stands for, how am I able to resolve this? BUT if your not or were a member, whats it to you?
I'm curious as to why people are excommunicated. Personally, I just resigned. However, in saying that, I would have enjoyed a conversation with the stake presidency
I liked these people at first, but I was frustrated as I began to hear them explain things that showed a profound lack of sensitivity towards those whose views and reactions they should have complete sympathy for. A great example was the prayer at her parents house. It's not a BAD thing to close your eyes. Do it just to be respectful of your parents. Remember, they haven't been hearing all your inner thoughts. Don't automatically assume that everyone knows your motive and reasoning behind a specific action. Be sensitive about how people might react to things, especially since YOU MIGHT HAVE REACTED THE SAME WAY AS THEM AT ONE POINT IN YOUR LIFE. If you want to be a good example to people of what they need to open their eyes to, try to be sensitive and respectful of what they are still clinging to. I'm so frustrated when I hear people get that little attitude of defiance with those that love them. "I didn't know having alcohol on the driveway was a bad thing" she says. Maybe not, but a person who hasn't gone through the careful and meticulous process of awakening to these things might, so have some compassion! No wonder church member get defensive when friends and family leave. Those friends and family always seem to act like everyone should suddenly be at their same level of understanding and should have had the same internal dialog as them. So sad that it always seems to happen this way...
Best wishes to both of you and your family. You're inspiring, courageous and very compassionate. Thanks for sharing your story! Don't let the stake president administer a kangaroo disciplinary court or give them the power over you. If I were you, I'd write a very specific letter of resignation, read that to the 'court" and then walk out. Make them very uncomfortable. Otherwise they'll just railroad you and do the utmost to dehumanize you. The council members won't love you and don't be surprised that if they see you on the street and snub you in future. It's very sad, but these courts are not about love but more about punishing and humiliating members whom are standing up for themselves. In my own experience and that of others, the lack of christlike behavior of true believing members goes up markedly when you leave the church
Bradsky7454, Its not true that the Church humiliates & snubs at Members who are being excommunicated from the LDS Church. I have very good Friends that have gone thru the same things that these Folks have gone thru. It's was done w lots of love & encouragement to fix the problem & pray they come back to the Church.
Not being Mormon or even knowledgeable about Mormonism. it is clear that the issue this couple has, would have happened in any fundamental Christian Church.. They are promoting Feminism and Gay life style/ marriage.. Mormonism just happened to be starting point..
It appears that I am late to the party on this but I want to thank Amy and Jake for doing this. Seeing it was a watershed moment in my life. I have struggled with the five stages of grief 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5.Acceptance when it comes to the damage I saw the Mormon church was doing to my relationships. I first blamed the church but the church message was the "church is perfect, the people are not". So then I started blaming individual Mormons - myself included. I soon saw how stupid and unproductive that was. So I returned to blaming the church (as a institution and corporation). I have had so many of the same experiences that Jake and Amy have had. I would like to be as eloquent, thoughtful and charitable in my struggles with my Mormon experience as they have been as they shared their experience. Furthermore, it is apparent to me that the internet is the same to the Mormon church today as the printing press and the Tyndale bible was to the Catholics. The statement Amy and Jake made during their disciplinary hearing is equivalent to Martin Luther nailing the *Ninety-five Theses* to the door of All Saints' Church. I applaud the courage and honesty it took and thank them for the benefit they have made for the thousands of people out there that are evidently just like me. Thank you.
Great interview. But you were full on Mormon you know beer is like Satan in a bottle. Spare your mom from seeing it, she is not on the same understanding.
I agree with a lot u guys have to say, but u seem to have OVER corrected. U can still have respect for Mormons and live your own life the way you want. U are doing the same thing u claim Mormons do to homosexuals...... kind of childish. I was completely agreeing with you til you shared your disrespectful actions and comments about Mormons and your families. And why can't u just take someone being "nice" to u as being just that..... Nice. U have to say why YOU think they are being nice to you. Who cares why, just accept them being nice and good to you.....
I am a gay former member with a tbm family. It makes me so sad to watch the church dismiss such full of life, intelligent, bright, compassionate people like you. It is an absolute shame. Your story HAS helped someone. Your story gives me peace. I might not have the full support of my family, but there are moral and genuine people that can see the hurt and harm done by the church, and don't just excuse it away. Please remeber, when you stand before those men, that you have the support of souls you haven't met in person, but have deeply touched. good luck. thank you, you two will be in my thoughts.
John I love your show, I have been out of the church since 1969, never had anyone to talk to about it. Asked to be excommunicated in 1986 and the Bishop wanted me to attend a disciplinary court. I told him that I was sure they could remove me from church records based upon the conversations I had with him, given that I had not been to church since 1969 and told him I didn't recognise the church as having authority to judge me. I have started grieving properly for the first time because my younger sister has recently decided to return to church. Her doing this reopened my wounds. ps my family and extended family are all LDS. I was third generation brought up in a very insulated community, Templeview in New Zealand.
.
its been like a grieving process for me and painful after 50 years but like you cant compromise your integrity. Thank you both.
Thank you for sharing. We are in an extremely painful place where we have had extreme rejection and judgement spewed at us for saying all of the things we disagree with out loud. Glad to see others that are not afraid. Gives me courage to see light and love instead of darkness and disgust.
It gets better! The cognitive dissonance you’re creating for the TBM around you is always interesting. They keep expecting you to go downhill, but what do they do when you continue being amazing people? There are awesome people out there so keep living your truth!
Finally got the chance to watch. This is in my top 5 episodes on Mormonstories and is right up there with Tom Phillips. Thank you, Amy and Jake, for sharing your stories! Best wishes for the upcoming DC. Been there, done that.
Thank you Amy and Jake. I appreciate you sharing and hope that last Tuesday wasn't too horrible for you. You seem like such awesome people.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Truly inspiring and I know this will help so many people with their struggles best of luck in your disciplinary hearing. You'll do great!
Wish you guys all the success as individuals, as a family, and as human beings. I love you guys for being so brave and honest with yourselves. I too was willing to give up my family, my life even, for the church. But I feel thoroughly justified to walk away knowing all that I have learned. Take care!
I suppose a church needs to have core beliefs to remain a viable institution. But what constitutes the core? And in any case, excommunication is a sadistic practice and more often than not the council members are larger sinners than those they presume to judge.
WOW!!..what an amazing interview!!..Critical thinking is so important and you all set the perfect example!!.. welcome to your freedom!!
I wish I knew people like these. I am 67 and they are far wiser, far more mature, far more articulate than I. I am so impressed and so sad that the church would disavow them.
Great Podcast. Great story. You two are lucky, that you are both on the same page. My wife is a full hardcore TBM no matter what. I am the only one on both sides of the family going thru a Faith Crisis, or as you say "Faith Awakening." It is a bit tough having my spouse and kids against me. What gives me strength, is to know that I am NOT alone on this journey.
I wish you both strength and peace of mind during your upcoming Kangaroo Court of Love.
Yes you are not alone! I am going through it too right now and it's awful but at the same time I havent felt so good and peaceful in YEARS! My heart goes out to you...hang in there💕
Thank you for your reply post JenBen5. Maybe we can compare notes sometime if you are okay with that. My email is jlmoss68@gmail.com. I'm interested to know what path you took or taking. I still attend LDS church services, but it is really tough especially during Fast and Testimony meetings.
James Moss hi James. check out Heart of the Matter with Shaun McCraney. that will help you
I love the analogy of the old, smelly tattered blanket that people are insisting on wrapping themselves up in and won't let go because it is "cold out there" Love it!
there are lots of Mormon gays and lesbians.... me being one and yes the church has caused so much pain. Broken friendships, family ties. Your love astounds me.
Thank you for your story and example. Standing up for truth should never be punished. It is a power struggle as you say. Not many of us endure the kangaroo court. I'm an LGBT ex member and support you fully.
One difference between Mormonism and other faiths is that they want to be complete intercessories between heaven and the person. This is a clear sign of cultism. Others faiths often have the attitude that your supposed sins and personal behavior is to be reconciled directly with diety. Leaders there serve more like cheerleaders or encouragers, not as judges.
My best friend was excommunicated because she's lesbian. Had to leave her children and move away - as well as being shunned (to a degree). Now most of her family is out of the LDS Church and her grown kids are back living with her. The pain these cult(ish) churches inflict is devastating and shameful
Thank you! Very inspiring and honest:)
I enjoyed both of your stories on here. I have found that the issue of women and their worth and treatment is horrible. Your handling of the situation was fabulous!!
I was excommunicated without even being around.Based on false information,and gossip.Sad state of affairs.I believe in fighting for what isright. But the experience shattered a family. I think we should just have the right to make decisions in regard to the Church.I would not invite anyone to listen to the missionaries,or to join the Church. I have to say the battle leading up to the final action by them was pretty mean.Dare a woman speak her mind?well I do.
This is unreal. Courts of love over critical facebook posts?
It's people like this that makes me wish I hadn't resigned, especially since my youngest son came out as gay & with the new church policy. I'd like to have given them the good fight 🙂
When I lived in Utah and was first on the City Council, my Bishop threatened me with a disciplinary court for "causing gospel dissension" for the way I was voting. I had not had the chance to vote on anything yet. So, Nazi style rule of so-called church leaders due to this and other power plays are what my experience as 40 years a Mormon showed me. Your assessment of leaving and then "choosing" what mormons consider sin rather than leaving due to sin, is correct. But, it is the hallmark of cults... marginalizing those who do not blindly follow as required. Why does the church believe thy have the right to attempt to troll and sensor members anyway? Grrr.
Our ward has a social media specialist. His job is to keep an eye on things.
Kendra Stein WHAT??? 😠
Where is the integrity in joining or remaining in any organization one no longer believes or practices basic principles ? Making choices is what life is all about. Is your thinking that the organization change their belief system because your “light exceeds their leadership”? Once I joined an organization and determined for personal reasons that it no longer met my needs. I stopped paying my dues. I reaped the loss of their perks, they reaped the loss of my dues. Choices and consequences part of the adult experience. We both chose that our relationship no longer was compatible. Obviously this is painful process to each party. The real losers are children who were never meant to be taught anything other than truth. On this earth parents are like churches - not perfect because of the human element. Why would you not just find peace where you find truth.
Congrats on leaving the church, and welcome to being Ex-Mormon. It sounds to me like you have already taken your free agency away from them. Best wishes to your family through this difficult time, and KNOW that it is better on the outside! I raise my coffee mug to you!
I love this couple, wish you all the best in your future, you are awesome xo
To know the true Mormon church scratch a fingernail under present doctrine and be threatened with excommunication.
Beer. As a Formon, I'll drink to that! I've always wondered what the brew of Brigham's brewery was like.
rationalguy Brigham Young had a brewery? Is that for real?!!!!! That’s crazy!!!!! I need to look that up
LDS leadership are the least history/doctrine and scripture competent. After returning from a mission I found that deficit everywhere I lived, especially in priesthood meetings. The ignorance I observed was appalling to me. Too many times I'd sit in GC priesthood meeting and here top leaders come up with interpretations and doctrinal positions that were untenable.
AMEN to you two
I’m not sure I’d this will be seen so after the fact I just found your channel and saw anchorage and my son lives there. I have a question if someone has clearly left the church. And you get called to this discipline council, do You have to go or can you just say no. So want you are going to do, I don’t care! I don’t understand why someone would subject themselves to such humiliation when you know what the outcome will be.
I remember Ezra Taft Benson patronizing my Baby Boom generation like that.
Such wicked apostates! Welcome to a big club.
Hi, it's cute, the beer issue. And I
can understand what you do. It's weird being forced to do something
without being explained why. But,... there are some pretty good
reasons not to drink alcohol. It makes you mentally weak en it's
poisonous to your body. I lost my allergy issues when I stopped
drinking it. Don't make it int an icon of freedom and keep a close
watch on the amounts you take in. Each time you drink more than one
glass, or even one glass almost each day, it's just not good for you.
I feel for some who have a W.O.W. problem and are unrighteously disciplined, but at times I ask myself, from the mouths of 2 or more, but who is the accusers in these case's? Are they NOT present and if not then the Disciplinary Council is null and void ACCORDING to scriptures. (New Testament | John 8:10 - 11)
When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the man/woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto he/her, Neither do I condemn thee: go and sin no more!
mormons son It's my business as to whether i drink coffee or beer. The church needs to keep out of my private business.
rationalguy D+C 89....IF YOU are-were a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and YOU feel so strongly , don't come to church,its part of church history and culture....IF you were a rationalguy, you would have thought this is in contradiction to what the church stands for, how am I able to resolve this?
BUT if your not or were a member, whats it to you?
Except that whole passage is a forgery...
I'm curious as to why people are excommunicated. Personally, I just resigned. However, in saying that, I would have enjoyed a conversation with the stake presidency
Thank you.
Good to know that there are other Alaskans who are fully engaged in critical thinking.
It's the 18th now--what happened at the Disciplinary Council?
I do not see the link for the art. :-(
At its core it is a crazy ass religion. But most importantly it is not true. We are paying it forward by being honest.
Link to her website?
Where is the link to the artwork website? I love amateur artwork and would love to see them. They look beautiful!
Her website is amymalouf.com/ And her stuff is lovely.
thankful for your story. "like dating a guy who didn't even know we were dating". So impersonal.
I liked these people at first, but I was frustrated as I began to hear them explain things that showed a profound lack of sensitivity towards those whose views and reactions they should have complete sympathy for. A great example was the prayer at her parents house. It's not a BAD thing to close your eyes. Do it just to be respectful of your parents. Remember, they haven't been hearing all your inner thoughts. Don't automatically assume that everyone knows your motive and reasoning behind a specific action. Be sensitive about how people might react to things, especially since YOU MIGHT HAVE REACTED THE SAME WAY AS THEM AT ONE POINT IN YOUR LIFE. If you want to be a good example to people of what they need to open their eyes to, try to be sensitive and respectful of what they are still clinging to. I'm so frustrated when I hear people get that little attitude of defiance with those that love them. "I didn't know having alcohol on the driveway was a bad thing" she says. Maybe not, but a person who hasn't gone through the careful and meticulous process of awakening to these things might, so have some compassion! No wonder church member get defensive when friends and family leave. Those friends and family always seem to act like everyone should suddenly be at their same level of understanding and should have had the same internal dialog as them. So sad that it always seems to happen this way...
Paul Campbell TBM alert! C'mon, it's obvious.
Cults generally practice excommunication.
Best wishes to both of you and your family. You're inspiring, courageous and very compassionate. Thanks for sharing your story! Don't let the stake president administer a kangaroo disciplinary court or give them the power over you. If I were you, I'd write a very specific letter of resignation, read that to the 'court" and then walk out. Make them very uncomfortable. Otherwise they'll just railroad you and do the utmost to dehumanize you. The council members won't love you and don't be surprised that if they see you on the street and snub you in future. It's very sad, but these courts are not about love but more about punishing and humiliating members whom are standing up for themselves. In my own experience and that of others, the lack of christlike behavior of true believing members goes up markedly when you leave the church
Bradsky7454, Its not true that the Church humiliates & snubs at Members who are being excommunicated from the LDS Church. I have very good Friends that have gone thru the same things that these Folks have gone thru. It's was done w lots of love & encouragement to fix the problem & pray they come back to the Church.
PS love your work!!
Not being Mormon or even knowledgeable about Mormonism. it is clear that the issue this couple has, would have happened in any fundamental Christian Church.. They are promoting Feminism and Gay life style/ marriage.. Mormonism just happened to be starting point..
Why isn’t obesity part of the, Word of Wisdom?
It appears that I am late to the party on this but I want to thank Amy and Jake for doing this. Seeing it was a watershed moment in my life. I have struggled with the five stages of grief 1. Denial and isolation; 2. Anger; 3. Bargaining; 4. Depression; 5.Acceptance when it comes to the damage I saw the Mormon church was doing to my relationships. I first blamed the church but the church message was the "church is perfect, the people are not". So then I
started blaming individual Mormons - myself included. I soon saw how stupid and unproductive that was. So I returned to blaming the church (as
a institution and corporation). I have had so many of the same experiences that Jake and Amy have had. I would like to be as eloquent, thoughtful and charitable in my struggles with my Mormon experience as they have been as they shared their experience.
Furthermore, it is apparent to me that the internet is the same to the Mormon church today as the printing press and the Tyndale bible was to the Catholics. The statement Amy and Jake made during their disciplinary hearing is equivalent to Martin Luther nailing the *Ninety-five Theses* to the door of All
Saints' Church. I applaud the courage and honesty it took and thank them for the benefit they have made for the thousands of people out there that are evidently just like me.
Thank you.
Great interview. But you were full on Mormon you know beer is like Satan in a bottle. Spare your mom from seeing it, she is not on the same understanding.
👍
I agree with a lot u guys have to say, but u seem to have OVER corrected. U can still have respect for Mormons and live your own life the way you want. U are doing the same thing u claim Mormons do to homosexuals...... kind of childish. I was completely agreeing with you til you shared your disrespectful actions and comments about Mormons and your families. And why can't u just take someone being "nice" to u as being just that..... Nice. U have to say why YOU think they are being nice to you. Who cares why, just accept them being nice and good to you.....