As an asexual/aromantic DM: get some kinky friends! My kinky friends either TTRPG themselves or know lots of people who TTRPG and hooked us up for a monthly session. They are familiar with safety tools which makes DMing a lot easier. There are other kinks related events you can go to that aren't play/sex parties where people don't have sex that might be a better fit. I've gone with some single friends or friends whose partners aren't into kink. People wear really cool outfits (and you can too if you are comfortable) and there are interesting demonstrations. You can meet lots of cool people and learn about a cool community.
OF girl here who is on hiatus after having a baby, and looking for something to watch while i snuggle her and i foundthis and im so intrigued! Such a great conversation 👏 im somewhat asexual and very aromantic, but i absolutely love learning about these things and watching conversations that keep the shame out of sexuality and learning about polyamory and how people function within those relationships. I just really admire the communication and security that seem to go along with these types of relationships. Thanks for this episode 🎉 and i hope you get to go to the LARP party 🥳
These interview questions are really good. They advance the discussion, give different info to different types of viewer, and show curiosity. Jordan also really did a great job asking questions that I believe Jordan knew the answer to, but knew some viewers would not. Really great quality discussion y'all! I am hella subscribed now.
i saw someone taking about kink at pride and how a sentiment that’s historically been used to criminalize trans people and queer people is that their existence in public is them including us in their “sex acts”. i think kink is important to pride because it helps remind queer people to not put respectability politics on a pedestal. ultimately if someone is wearing kink gear or being a little heavy on the pda in public i don’t think it’s as black and white as “this is perfectly ok!” vs “this is a crime”, it’s actually a secret 3rd (super common) thing- “someone being annoying/weird in public”. like yes maybe i wouldn’t wear a harness and walk around on a leash in public but it’s not really a sex act it’s just a weird.
In middle school I was taught that “if it’s not a fuck yes it’s a no” was how to approach consent in general and I still kinda think that in a lot of ways.. much to think abt 😅 loved this episode!
I love this episode I think the more we talk about how we feel without basing it off our environment or what we think everyone wants the better. I have no idea what I’d prefer monogamy wise as a young adult but I love knowing these people are out there and giving us words to understand how we feel better. It’s incredibly liberating as a AFAB person that I don’t have to limit my curiosity when getting to know people to who I think I should be with forever. It’s also just unrealistic and unhealthy to think everyone has a perfect match regardless of their behaviour. Your partner shouldn’t have to love you unconditionally if you’re no longer the person they fell in love with. Really it does tie back to racism and the patriarchy and I love that kink people are always the first to mention that.
Such a cool conversation with the coolest people! Love hearing these topics talked about so openly, and as an aesexual person id otherwise never learn about this stuff. Its so interesting and so much more to it!
33:14 here’s the thing 😂 collars are like rings. Lots of people wear wedding rings to show they have made a commitment to another person. Everyone knows if someone’s wearing a wedding ring, they’re probably having sex with that other person too. But wedding rings are such a normalized part of western society that no one even thinks twice about someone wearing their ring in public. Collars are exactly the same thing. It’s just the way some people choose to represent their commitment. And actually they don’t care who sees their collar, because it’s not about anyone else. Also, collars mean different things to different people. Sometimes it’s just a fashion accessory! So basically, like, are they minding their own business on the train, genitals covered according to the law, and not doing anything to invade your space? Great. Just ignore them ☺️
i think jordan has a sqewed view of what larp is, most larps are beating the crap out of eachother with foam weapons while doing funny characters, not fancy parlor larps where people could fall in love with kendahl, they wont want to fall in love, theyll want to whap her with a foam sword
My thing with any public kink (outside of pride that is a whole other can of worms.) is if you are using me as part of your scene (like Em was describing) I get to red out (red is the stop everything and move to after care safe word that is pretty unanimously understood.)
56:54 so I will say, Bridgerton is NOT very accurate with its version to how sex ed was like in Edwardian times - mothers were tasked with educating their daughters on how to get pregnant bc (especially with noble families) having heirs was very important, and thus knowing how to get pregnant was a very important part of that lol.
And I really love that Emily said she doesn’t wear it around Ify’s daughter. The video I saw was actually from someone talking about how harmful it was that their mom used to wear one in front of them when they were a kid and engage in dynamics in their presence.
Bridgerton, in addition to being fiction, also represents a tiny fragment of society. Women and girls among the peasantry wouldn't have been so sheltered.
For interested folks, I suggest looking for munches in your city. Munches are casual get togethers for people in the community but strictly not involving play. It's a way to get to know people more than anything.
Yeah the whole time they were talking about that I was thinking they don’t go to the same kind of parties that I go to. Different strokes for different folks.
I recently went to an event with thr SCA [medival/historical reinactment society] where it was a roman baccanal, and while people didnt slam openly, there was naked wrestling, and a tent where people could go to bone. Plus i could be topless which was nice. Sex parties rule
The lives of attractive people seems so interesting and fun, they have their own secret parties and everything. Really neat insight into that space. Well done.
I still want to hear about how they dont get jealous or scared that the other partner will leave them or have that 'oh man thats my woman/man, i can't watch them have sex like this..."
It's called communication: you agree on what your boundaries are for the relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable you address it right away. Some people are really good at separating sex and romance. Some people are able to be in romantic relationships with multiple people. It's important to be honest about what you want in a relationship, what you need in a relationship, and what makes you uncomfortable in a relationship no matter what kind of relationship you are in. Most importantly you have to be honest with yourself to be honest with your partner.
Jealousy and fear of abandonment are natural human feelings, but they indicate that the person has an emotional need that is not being fulfilled. In a poly or open relationship, if I get jealous or afraid, it's my job to figure out why I'm feeling that way and what I need in my relationship to feel safe and secure and loved, and then communicate that with my partner. For example, one of the ways I feel loved is if someone is spending time with me. I might get jealous of a partner going on a lot of dates etc, and on feeling that jealousy, it's my job to probe and find out what my needs are, in this example, wanting to feel like a time priority and wanting to spend time with my partner. And then it would be my job to figure out how to healthily communicate my feelings and needs. Being poly and/or open doesn't mean you'll never feel jealousy or fear, for most people. It means understanding that your own needs are your responsibility, and that people never own each other. I've found this perspective really freeing and relieving, personally.
So as an asexual person, what I'm taking away from this is, I should start going to sex parties to meet more TTRPG players 🤔
As an asexual/aromantic DM: get some kinky friends! My kinky friends either TTRPG themselves or know lots of people who TTRPG and hooked us up for a monthly session. They are familiar with safety tools which makes DMing a lot easier.
There are other kinks related events you can go to that aren't play/sex parties where people don't have sex that might be a better fit. I've gone with some single friends or friends whose partners aren't into kink. People wear really cool outfits (and you can too if you are comfortable) and there are interesting demonstrations. You can meet lots of cool people and learn about a cool community.
So if you aren't looking for checking sex parties, burners are another group that usually has a lot of the same nerd crossover.
I met my husband of 11 years through the community and i think the open and honesty of the community is why we have such a healthy relationship.
OF girl here who is on hiatus after having a baby, and looking for something to watch while i snuggle her and i foundthis and im so intrigued! Such a great conversation 👏 im somewhat asexual and very aromantic, but i absolutely love learning about these things and watching conversations that keep the shame out of sexuality and learning about polyamory and how people function within those relationships. I just really admire the communication and security that seem to go along with these types of relationships. Thanks for this episode 🎉 and i hope you get to go to the LARP party 🥳
What I'm learning is that sex party people are just huge nerds.
makes sense. takes a lot of planning and logistics and organization to run them lol.
They are tbh.
Yes.
Oh theres a LOT of crossover w kink and the RP/gaming community 😅
“I’m sorry, you forgot to say Um Actually.”
- me before getting kicked out of Ify’s sex party.
Best comment
These interview questions are really good. They advance the discussion, give different info to different types of viewer, and show curiosity.
Jordan also really did a great job asking questions that I believe Jordan knew the answer to, but knew some viewers would not.
Really great quality discussion y'all! I am hella subscribed now.
this episode was so interesting! i’ve always been curious about the community, and Emily and Ify did a great job tackling more tricky questions
i saw someone taking about kink at pride and how a sentiment that’s historically been used to criminalize trans people and queer people is that their existence in public is them including us in their “sex acts”. i think kink is important to pride because it helps remind queer people to not put respectability politics on a pedestal. ultimately if someone is wearing kink gear or being a little heavy on the pda in public i don’t think it’s as black and white as “this is perfectly ok!” vs “this is a crime”, it’s actually a secret 3rd (super common) thing- “someone being annoying/weird in public”. like yes maybe i wouldn’t wear a harness and walk around on a leash in public but it’s not really a sex act it’s just a weird.
Another reason to go: safety. I mean, nothing is fully safe anywhere, about sex or not, but random hookups are safer at parties than alone at home
Honestly BDSM and kink has taught me and facilitated way more safety and consent measures than I've ever seen in any vanilla environment/relationship
In middle school I was taught that “if it’s not a fuck yes it’s a no” was how to approach consent in general and I still kinda think that in a lot of ways.. much to think abt 😅 loved this episode!
You had an unusually good sex ed teacher
I love this episode I think the more we talk about how we feel without basing it off our environment or what we think everyone wants the better. I have no idea what I’d prefer monogamy wise as a young adult but I love knowing these people are out there and giving us words to understand how we feel better. It’s incredibly liberating as a AFAB person that I don’t have to limit my curiosity when getting to know people to who I think I should be with forever. It’s also just unrealistic and unhealthy to think everyone has a perfect match regardless of their behaviour. Your partner shouldn’t have to love you unconditionally if you’re no longer the person they fell in love with. Really it does tie back to racism and the patriarchy and I love that kink people are always the first to mention that.
Aww they seemed so nice and adorable! Great talk, I would watch 100 more episodes with them as guests
they have their own relationship podcast called Our Relationship if you want more of them!
Such a cool conversation with the coolest people! Love hearing these topics talked about so openly, and as an aesexual person id otherwise never learn about this stuff. Its so interesting and so much more to it!
33:14 here’s the thing 😂 collars are like rings. Lots of people wear wedding rings to show they have made a commitment to another person. Everyone knows if someone’s wearing a wedding ring, they’re probably having sex with that other person too. But wedding rings are such a normalized part of western society that no one even thinks twice about someone wearing their ring in public. Collars are exactly the same thing. It’s just the way some people choose to represent their commitment. And actually they don’t care who sees their collar, because it’s not about anyone else.
Also, collars mean different things to different people. Sometimes it’s just a fashion accessory!
So basically, like, are they minding their own business on the train, genitals covered according to the law, and not doing anything to invade your space? Great. Just ignore them ☺️
This was such an amazing episode ❤🎉 would love for them to come back
6:24 Love how I automatically knew this was Grant.
😂😂 Love Grant
*crying......always so nice to see people living your dream.
emily and ify are so cute together
i think jordan has a sqewed view of what larp is, most larps are beating the crap out of eachother with foam weapons while doing funny characters, not fancy parlor larps where people could fall in love with kendahl, they wont want to fall in love, theyll want to whap her with a foam sword
My thing with any public kink (outside of pride that is a whole other can of worms.) is if you are using me as part of your scene (like Em was describing) I get to red out (red is the stop everything and move to after care safe word that is pretty unanimously understood.)
what a great conversation!
I really appreciate how open and free of shame this conversation is
56:54 so I will say, Bridgerton is NOT very accurate with its version to how sex ed was like in Edwardian times - mothers were tasked with educating their daughters on how to get pregnant bc (especially with noble families) having heirs was very important, and thus knowing how to get pregnant was a very important part of that lol.
I'm just a girl from a small town but being taken to a few sex clubs in toronto during pride a few years ago was honestly the time of my life
We need this couple back on the podcast!
Loved this episode!
I love these two and they just have such great energy. I would be super interested to see Emily on D20 or something.
such an interesting conversation! loved hearing how organized sex parties are lol, that feels right
Service sub is the first time ive ever heard someone explain what im into
I literally just learned what an eternity collar is from TikTok yesterday lol this is an interesting one!
And I really love that Emily said she doesn’t wear it around Ify’s daughter. The video I saw was actually from someone talking about how harmful it was that their mom used to wear one in front of them when they were a kid and engage in dynamics in their presence.
@@liasnclr omg I think I saw the same one! I feel so bad for that woman!
Bridgerton, in addition to being fiction, also represents a tiny fragment of society. Women and girls among the peasantry wouldn't have been so sheltered.
“Can the fire department?” 😂😂
For interested folks, I suggest looking for munches in your city. Munches are casual get togethers for people in the community but strictly not involving play. It's a way to get to know people more than anything.
Loved how sex positive this was thank you ❤
There are definitely more specific kink parties for people who are interested in knife play but it depends on the venue!
Yeah the whole time they were talking about that I was thinking they don’t go to the same kind of parties that I go to. Different strokes for different folks.
I recently went to an event with thr SCA [medival/historical reinactment society] where it was a roman baccanal, and while people didnt slam openly, there was naked wrestling, and a tent where people could go to bone. Plus i could be topless which was nice. Sex parties rule
"can the fire department?"
The lives of attractive people seems so interesting and fun, they have their own secret parties and everything. Really neat insight into that space. Well done.
Oh I really want to know trading card games Iffy is into
He talked about MTG on sad boys pod I think :)
There are not always interviews. That must be one part of the sub sub subculture
Miller Susan Johnson Jennifer Jones Anna
I still want to hear about how they dont get jealous or scared that the other partner will leave them or have that 'oh man thats my woman/man, i can't watch them have sex like this..."
It's called communication: you agree on what your boundaries are for the relationship. If something makes you uncomfortable you address it right away.
Some people are really good at separating sex and romance. Some people are able to be in romantic relationships with multiple people. It's important to be honest about what you want in a relationship, what you need in a relationship, and what makes you uncomfortable in a relationship no matter what kind of relationship you are in. Most importantly you have to be honest with yourself to be honest with your partner.
Jealousy and fear of abandonment are natural human feelings, but they indicate that the person has an emotional need that is not being fulfilled. In a poly or open relationship, if I get jealous or afraid, it's my job to figure out why I'm feeling that way and what I need in my relationship to feel safe and secure and loved, and then communicate that with my partner. For example, one of the ways I feel loved is if someone is spending time with me. I might get jealous of a partner going on a lot of dates etc, and on feeling that jealousy, it's my job to probe and find out what my needs are, in this example, wanting to feel like a time priority and wanting to spend time with my partner. And then it would be my job to figure out how to healthily communicate my feelings and needs.
Being poly and/or open doesn't mean you'll never feel jealousy or fear, for most people. It means understanding that your own needs are your responsibility, and that people never own each other. I've found this perspective really freeing and relieving, personally.
Screen Junkies days but does Ify still believe he could defeat a bear?
He has become the bear he sought to defeat
But why?
the entire podcast kinda answers that
But why NOT 😊