Being a government backed corp that's too big to fail and then engaging in financially risky endeavors of which I can pass the costs of onto the government
Thank you for this. As a person who was balls deep in the self help world for years and then got out feeling like I got out of a cult, I really appreciate this. It gives me more perspective.
In my experience those cult-like dynamics are rampant in new age groups, which also rely heavily on the self-help idea, but framing it as spirituality.
I'm all for taking the good stuff and discarding the bad. There's wisdom and truth one can glean from tenets or philosophies in the self help sphere, moreover, there's plenty of ideas to dispense with as well.
And if you look at the solarpunk and Metamodern (and I'm sure many other) ongoing movements you can see the mutual aid being aimed at again :) we're figuring ourselves out
@@narutofan08nd12 love is the answer my friend, you have to see your imagined enemy for their fears, their loves, and you'll find mutual ground. Hatred will just spawn more hatred. If you align with mutual aid you align against hatred already, any fear or insecurity you have is the design of an abuser, a manipulator, same in those you hate. Gather against the great system of abusers :)
@@narutofan08nd12 your idiotic soclist values are what lead to real world genocides conservative values are what lead to the enlightenment and all the rights we have today remeber that
Mine was to completely leave social media, as I think everyone who cares about their mental health should do. TH-cam comments are as close as I come to social media now, and I'm even trying to back off from them as they get very toxic too.
Adam Curtis has said that one of the problems with the way we see ourselves is that we basically see ourselves as machines. Any other feeling than happiness is seen as a malfunction that must be done away with immediately. We are trying to force ourselves to feel okay with systems that exploit and harm us instead of changing those systems
Same vein, yeah. I think Curtis kind of synergizes a bunch of those sorts of ideas into his docs. The one I referred to above is HyperNormalisation, if I recall correctly
Changing the systems is also a pipe dream, as we are a competitive species whose definition of "improvement" always inevitably slides toward "looking for a way for my tribe to exploit or take revenge on some other tribe".
@@stevenscott2136 Depends, cost benefit analyse, prior to the agriculture revolution people were subject to the natural booms and busts cycles that every living thing was subject to, and to a lesser degree after (drought, ice, soil played out etc). In times of plenty it doesn't serve anybody's interest to increase the risk of them getting killed by engaging combat, however in times of want, if you we're to avoid combat you and yours we're guaranteed to die of starvation.
@@englishmfkrdoyouspeakit2144 To you and me, sure. However, if that statement really was too obvious, the snake oil salesmen wouldn't collectively be running an extremely lucrative industry on gullible and miserable people.
Why search for self help by read other people book, that not self help that help. It fucking bullshit by the name which hilarious." We wake up eat 3 meal and shit and go to bed what the fucking mystery" George Carlin
"If you are looking for Slef-Help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? That's not Self-Help, that's help! There is no such thing as Self-Help. If you did it yourself, you didn't need help. You did it yourself! Try to pay attention to the language we all agreed on." - George Carlin
Titles for things and concepts can be accurate or ironic like in Mr. Carlin's observation of self help. That book taught this borderline recluse (me) how to treat other people. Didn't have a desire to go out an learn when growing up.
Despite the somewhat cynical name, How To Win Friends and Influence People is actually a pretty wholesome book whose advice mostly boils down to "pay attention and give a shit about others", and hopefully benefit from reciprocity.
@@Feefa99 Been there, done that lmao. But for real, if someone has a real problem with mental illness and medication is deemed by themself and their doctor to be beneficial, of course they should go that route. But like you're alluding to, sometimes there's more than just a chemical reason for misery.
Couldn’t agree more. Everybody forgets there are positives AND negatives to the actions you take/situations you experience in life. After much forced positivity the only way you can go from there is toward negativity/negative personal experiences, but if we can just stay as close to center as possible, not getting too high or getting too low, I think we would have better, more consistent experiences and outlooks. But I know this is a big ask because I honestly think rationality is at an all time low.
The thing that always bugged me about toxic positivity was that it's just so generalised. As if everyone has the same goals and passions in life. The epitome of this are those vacuous social media "influencer" posts, "just be yourself" "you are unique, like no other" kind of bullcrap
Teaching people that negative circumstances in life are a reflection of failure and completely avoidable, and that they could have a perfect life was the problem. Negative things WILL happen to everyone. They are NOT always avoidable. They are NOT always the person's fault. Perfection is an illusion. Everyone can't live like kings and queens. Such thinking is toxic.
@@linnfriberg4017 That was covertly trying to tell its audience. Because it's not what the book is saying but rather what the book is deliberately leaving out.
That's not all; the books are really just a gateway drug. Vol. 1 costs $50 Vol. 2 costs $70 Vol. 3 costs $150 And for only $99.99 a month you can become a premium member of our club and, for an extra $2,000, you can spend one week at our "Better You Ranch" so we can fix what's wrong with you.
Yes, or telling them they only need to go the same way as the writer to have success. Like it was possible to have the exact same life experiences, chances, characteristics etc. 🤨
I once thought about writing one, so I looked at a publisher's guidelines. The target audience for any self help book is people who have already read 3 or 4 books on the topic. Let that shit sink in a minute. 😕
Capitalism can feed off everything, even its opposition. The only likely ways it's gonna stop are fatal indigestion or starvation. When it's absorbed everything else, it will crumble upon itself or it will lack the resources to go on.
@Alex ' Well, considering it became a popular idea around mid-19th century, it's impossible that people have been expecting it for "centuries"... The point is that we need to oppose those who keep exploiting people and shifting the blame on the exploited. I really do not really wish to see things crumble, but that's what capitalists are doing.
@@andreab380 What a narrow view of the world. The world was much more collectivist and exploitative when monarchies and dictators ruled it. I don't want to go back to that world. Collectivism and exploitation are synonyms. You can't say that you're for one and against the other.
@@tommyanomaly6193 Okay, I simply do not see monarchies as a form of collectivism. I'm sorry but I am too busy these days to keep a discussion going. I do respect that you have a different point of view, though. Take care. ☺️
I think self-help books are fulfilling roles that parents / people / communities fulfilled in the past. We live in a rather “individualized,” and narcissistic society these days, where we are told that society has provided us with all the tools we need to survive, and we have to flaunt things we own to show our worth (as pointed out in your video). There is a lack of community and belongingness nowadays. In the past you’d have your parents, or people in you community to look up, and give you advice. Nowadays everyone is struggling with the same thing you are, so you have to turn to self-help books and videos to fix your life. In summary, the self-help phenomena is fulfilling a niche that was fulfilled in the past by community.
@@julieg3747 simping is easier yeah? Stop being so slow come on try harder we all know you have so much potential! This gaslighting should only be validated to you on whatever anxieties you have on your conscious in the moment of reading this, go action the realistic anxieties to earn back your ego pride in yourself - up to you what you anxieties you want & don’t want, just make sure they’re in-line with your community, don’t be impulsive and keep on keepin on at your flow of life, or your hustle for the future flow of life you desire.
Combination of things, but mostly it feels like societal gaslighting. There are so many problems that are imposed on us that are FAR outside of our control. Self help is unbalanced. Looking at ourselves without relation to other people or the things around us, we ultimately lose self or become trapped in ego. We keep trying to change ourselves instead of changing the world around us. Granted, there needs to be a healthy balance of both, but we bend the knee to what our system needs and we are all the more miserable for it. As a whole, Self Help culture is just calming the cattle before the slaughter as opposed to empowering people to make the world a better place.
"Calming the cattle before the slaughter?" Yikes that's bleak. Guess it's true. We can be "f****d by the system" without knowing it. I have ZERO influence over my country, state, and town. Don't even pay attention to the affairs of the outside world, much like a Hobbit. The only influence I have is over myself and the small number of people I interact with. Cattle for the slaughter or not, I won't let such a idea or reality turn me into a professional victim. I can be a better person. I can always be better. If you have the influence to make this world a better place though. Do it.
I think that in order to change the world we first have to change ourselves. Become more self aware and educated on how we and reality actually work. Then and only then would we have the right to say what needs to changed in the world. Self help books carry a lot of useful advice but unfortunately are limited to a means of making money becuase of our consumerist culture.
@@pnobody5727 Great way of putting it but books are cheap especially used. I am a little cynical in my belief that most of the blow back from self help books are from people who first don’t read and two feel resentment towards peers who try harder than them. They believe just because they can’t do something then you can’t do it either. Those people are surgically attached to mediocrity, they are anchors to anyone who wants to succeed at a high level.
Working in a bookstore for years Ive seen the kind of addiction to self-improvement books the industry fosters. Individuals will drop hundreds a year literally looking like and hoping the next book will change their lives. I have no clue if it work for any of the habitual customers but considering they never stopped buying more s-h books, not likely. Its crazy the amount of writers with no backgrounds in psychology just hit it big with a catchy phrase.
Correct. The limits of self help books are depends how much the individual absorb, apply and retain in the individual. Too many self help can have the opposite effects. Keeping an open mind is important. So as discerning the information being produced by the self help gurus is as important.
Sometimes I would just look at all the self help books, realize my problems are totally common and normal, then leave without buying any (or maybe buying a good novel 🙂)
I would recommend checking out the video about Hustle Culture from a TH-camr named James Jani. His sort of mini documentaries are really well produced and I think provided a good analysis of the self-help industry and of self help gurus. Also, if you're into Twitch streamers, his documentary about Tyler1 and his redemption arc (which Tyler1 has actually reacted to) is pretty damn great in my opinion. And I only know Tyler1 based on that doc.
@Olaf Sigurson some people become rich through their actions and decisions. Not many, not all, but some. Not every rich person is born that way. I lead people as part of a large organization. I reward my employees that work hard with freedoms that they would otherwise be denied. I reward performance in the limited way that I can. I embody that and work my ass off. Do I delude myself into thinking the company would appreciate or notice if I poofed out of existence tomorrow? Not really. Life goes on. This does not affect my work ethic and pride in my work.
I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm just really amazed at how many people are tricked when they hear exceptionally skilled people say "anything is possible if you work hard enough". That doesn't mean don't try, it just means manage your expectations
My father and I were mocking an ad just today. Some MMA fighter was saying "believe in yourself and you'll succeed", totally ignoring the battered, semi-conscious opponent who undoubtedly believed in himself until that bell rang.
Stoic philosophers and buddhists are on the right track. Being rich is having what you desire and more, but with that possesion the desire will automatically increase. The smart way to beat this endless loop is to reduce what you desire, thus becoming rich is much more attainable. It is still hard to reduce desire, it goes against our genetic and cultural programming, but it is the wisest way to go about it.
@@olaruud9366 my sister was telling me about some research she read regarding life satisfaction and it found that those with a subjectively higher worth have less fear of death, which sure explains why Ghandi smiled at his assassin
@@olaruud9366 I think they on the right track. but I find depressing that we should tell struggling and suffering people that they should just expect less from life. I think it is a society problem but that is harder to solve than simply telling everyone to accept life as it is.
@@omarmendez1623 true. Problem is that happiness is mostly genetic lottery. Beyond basic needs and safety, people don't seem to be any happier than their baseline allows. It helps to keep your mind aware of the hedonic treadmill and make your desires realistic and try to excert control over them. it's not at all easy and society always try to fuck us over so we have far to many stuck in the fight for basic needs. The problem is complex and multifaceted.
I used to think self help was perfect and that everything I was struggling with was all entirely my fault. And to a some degree I think i was right. I have been working to improve myself over the last few years and I feel better for it in at least some small ways. However it is unhealthy to shift the blame for these things entirely on yourself as I have learned recently. Improving yourself is an admirable and very worthwhile goal that everyone should pursue but there are serious problems with institutions these days and I'd even argue serious problems with the way capitalism functions making it harder than it needs to be for people to get ahead. If you are struggling you can and should work on self improvement, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't also criticize and fight against oppressive systems that make things harder than they should be.
YES, this is it. So much of self help just devolves to gaslighting if we do not look at the larger social structures that are keeping people miserable, lonely and impoverished.
Its funny that people go around hating on capitalism like it exists lol. I don't really believe it does, the whole system is designed to make most people never rich or well off, how is that capitalism? It also is 100% not free market. In the UK for instance anyone earning over 40k is immediately hit with 40% tax hit alone not to mention national insurance lol. Then you have businesses constantly trying to keep wages down and therefore each year a job goes down in real value. I dont know what you call it but it aint capitalism
Thats a totally different message than what I got in how to win friends. What I get is yes there are outside forces against you but ultimately they don't care about you enough to hold you down. To paraphrase Dale even "copone thought himself a hero"; he didn't so much promise that his methods would grant success as ignoring him, and the agendas of others would assure failure. Its a subtle but important difference. It was how to influence people not how to be successful.
Agree, I would argue that Bible is first self help book, where people used content, which should be in fantasy section of every library and book shop, for social engineering and manipulation, that supports those character traits you described. Any disagreements?
@@Feefa99 absolutely nailed it! As long as you can trick people into feeling better about themselves, it doesn’t matter if your actual content is just BS
@@Feefa99 not the Bible, you're confusing it with prosperity pteachers' "interpretation." You see that crazy Greene lady in US politics who acts like some kind of failed Hitler then cries persecution like so kind of angel-matyr?? That's what more what Christianity is about, accepting persecution. She feels very holy and validated by a false equivalent of reproach and persecution.
Here in the US "Bible Belt", I'm often amazed how much Christians are convinced the Bible is about success, patriotism, freedom, etc. American stuff, basically. I've read it -- it's ancient Jewish history/mythology, followed by the philosophy of a man who's about as un-American as they come. And now they're all sitting around waiting to be lifted up to Heaven, and expecting Jesus will tell them to shoot some Democrats on the way out, when he probably would have voted for Bernie Sanders if he was still around.
Survivorship bias is a huge one. I know quite a few people who came from nothing and did well for themselves who think that people should basically just "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and shouldn't get extra help from the govt. Just because they were successful, everyone can be if they tried hard enough or were smart enough. It's a very individualistic view
if you folks aren't aware of the book "Happiness (Trademarked)" it's a great read. it's about a self help book that works, and society grinds to a halt...
Self-help is more a symptom than a cure. We grow up in a world in which we're constantly bombarded with images of how our lives should be. Movies, commercials, songs, books, family, friends, the workplace... This results in us chasing these images in order to achieve fulfillment, but they aren't real. And instead of truly helping us by realizing that we're chasing ghosts, self-help tells us how to build our own proton pack.
Wisecrack going increasingly from "Look at this funny connection to philosophy in media" to "Eat the rich, for the world is on fire and they are fat for the harvest." Has been a beacon in these dark times. Thank you.
In general, my approach to self-help books is like watching (modern day) History Channel: You may actually learn a thing or two, but it's most useful as mere entertainment. (Although, I guess reading self-help books also have the bonus of keying you in to how a *bunch* of people are also approaching life due to their ubiquity.)
As a trained therapist, this video is so IMPORTANT. Honestly, most people are wounded in ways that are RELATIONAL and to really understand these dynamics in a way that we can then change them requires a RELATIONAL component to the healing (ie. in the presence of another person). The idea that we can all "heal" our relational wounds by sitting by ourselves and paying content creators is just further exemplifying the relational issues that so many of us are becoming more plagued by as technology proliferates.....
My biggest issue with self-help always was with the idea that there's a specific way for everyone to be or act and how individualism often meant everyone doing the same things.
@@markofsaltburn 2 years after the original post and after reading a lot more philosophy I would agree. I now think it’s the worst philosophical school of thought. That being said it did still help me out of a dark place.
*So* good to see this being called out. I was in an art club where if I criticized the popular kid's guru he's turn everyone against me. And if everyone he turned on grumbled about it on discord he persuaded a mod to threaten police action on me.
I wonder if self help has a secondary purpose of comforting the already "successful" ie wealthy. They might feel guilty or uneasy about the immense suffering in the world. Self help tells them, well those people could be better if they want, all there suffering is really their own fault.
Hustle culture is terrible because just like during the great depression, it steers the focus away from the rootcause of collective and systemic misery. There is nothing wrong with self-help in and of itself though, just hustle culture is bad. Because we need to collectivise to come to systemic solutions to systemic problems, instead of turning inward.
It's the continuation of horoscopes. General enough so everyone feels addressed, unspecific enough to be useless. A perfect market for for charlatans who are good at marketing outreach without any actual expertise.
Couldn't agree more. The whole new age communities are not only plagued by charlatans, but they are fertile ground for conspiracies, misinformation and cult-like dynamics.
My dad has been repeatedly telling me to read How to Win Friends and Influence People for years. After seeing this video, I feel like I should try getting to know about this man's message. I will edit after I have finished.
Maybe, just maybe the overall economy and system we all work in demands so much effort for minimal return that it seems easier to fix or improve yourself than trying to address something more structural and existential. It's easier to literally sell books, pills, and ad revenue than policy and ideas that need to actually be invested in to work.
Yep a combination of hope and Stockholm syndrome kinda guarantees there will be enough people who will want to believe all the promise of self help, (and MLMs, 4 hour work weeks, courses, vitamin shakes, workouts, and all manner of snake oil/too good to be true schemes)...
Nice history of the philosophical movement of positivity and self help, but I still think that in a life as short as 100 or so years, it pays to be optimistic about things, focus on things you can actually do something about, and forget the rest.
I think the best books that "help", deep dive on a specific topic or problem and then bring a scientifically substantiated process framework for you to apply. You get nothing from generalization.
Take acting classes with a kind teacher, besides the therapy, even if you don't like it. A friend of mine was very shy during her childhood, his father put her in acting classes for some years to overcome that and she was the most social person of our group of friends later. She was not interested in acting, but it worked for her. She is still a bit shy, and that's part of her tender personality, but that doesn't inhibit her to build social and romantic relationships, she is able to express herself freely.
The most important self-help book you will ever read is; Your own Diary, or Your own Journal. That’s where you will learn, and grow the most. No one can tell you who you are, or who you’re supposed to be! Start writing, you’ll be amazed at how well you’ll get to know Yourself! ❤️😄
10:50 My great-grandfather was heavily influenced by this movement in the UK. His family went from blast furnace workers, to railway clerks to accountants in 3 generations, he was tee-total and insisted on learning 'The Queen's English' and was a local councillor. In addition there are still the remnants of "mechanical institutes" in the UK all over the place offering adult education course, especially before the austerity of the last decade that affected adult education a lot. I remember one in Birmingham when I was at uni - that were founded from this movement. Also the university where I took evening classes for my masters degree, Birkbeck, was founded under the auspicies of George Birkbeck who was from this movement too. Samuel Smiles is now see as a hardened liberal free marketer, but in his time he was just as much as famous for writing about engineers such as Stephenson - who founded the Mechanical Engineers Institute, the fact that to this day 'engineer' is not a universally respected or protected title as it is in most of the world shows you the kind of attitudes he was fighting against in his self-help - and engineering was, and still is, one of the more meritocratic professions out there. I am seeing a sharp hostility to meritocracy rising in the world right now, though I really wonder if people want to end up back in the past where they were not able to progress in life. Saying that there is not real meritocracy now due to a rising class divide isn't really an argument against it. It is also fair to say these people who saw themselves as promotors of social enlightenment would be horrified by what amounts to the modern self-help industry. These are very deep topics that Adam Curtis's films also delve into, the Jane Fonda workout is the featured in one of his films.
Incredibly insightful take on the current state of misdirected frustration. People are struggling to parse reality itself through the onslaught that is a storm of constant data; it makes sense to turn inward and attempt to solidify control at an intimate level while chaos reigns outside.
For the existential dread, try AEDP, as described in Hilary Jacobs Hendel's book "It's Not Always Depression." Seriously. I used to be crushed by it and now not. I guess it's technically a self-help book in that it helps you help yourself, but there's no positive self-affirmation, nor even any dialogues with the dread/anxiety to try to reason it into submission. AEDP's key insight is that anxiety is just a trick you play on yourself, a way of screening off deeper emotions. As awful as anxiety seems, it offers the illusion of control - "I must be better" - whereas the deeper emotions are a kind of loss of control and are often about things you can't control: grief, rage, disgust, excitement, joy, sexual arousal. So when anxiety arises, you can learn to ask yourself: what's this _really_ about? And then you look for the feelings in your body.
Love you guys, (a lot) but a video about self improvement and adding a publicity about a product about how you can grow back you hair does not go perfectly together 😂😂
@@graphospasm5394 it is not a failure, bold mens are normal in nature, it is not as they are sick or anything. They have that tenancy as someone has green eyes or brown hair color
@@graphospasm5394 For people with a strong genetic predisposition to male pattern baldness, the product they sell will do next to nothing. In cases where men use minoxidil regularly on their scalps at the VERY earliest stages of only very specific types of balding, it can have a subtle benefit. But for most men seeking out treatments for balding, it's too late and it probably wouldn't help their type of baldness anyway. It's exactly the same ingredient as Rogaine, which has been around for years. I know of lots of people who tried Rogaine, but none for whom it had a noticeable benefit.
@@graphospasm5394 The problem is, for the majority of people who would seek out a treatment, it will not help. The active ingredient is so rarely actually effective, and when it is it's only on men with specific balding patterns and only slightly helps. While it theoretically can help some, they are substantially over-promising and delivering false hope. Men should just accept it, saves a lot of self-esteem struggles. All minoxidil (aka Rogaine, aka Keeps) does is enhance circulation to the scalp.
Motivational Speaker, Life Coach, Influencer, The guy who conducts seminars on how to make money on forex and bitcoin etc ...all these people are the new snake oil salesmen
Last week I ran my first 5k without stopping and all the time I could hear the voice in my head saying that I can do it. Forwago, thank you so much for everything!!
I read a couple of self-help books recently that helped me crawl out of a pit of depression and keep a number of friends I was in danger of pushing away. I think in order for a self-help book to work, you have to already be in a place where you want to change something about yourself. Also it has to be a book that actually wants to help you rather than just take your money.
If a celebrity or wealthy "guru" is still trying to sell you a self help its a pretty good indicator they are not trying to rise in anything but financial status, or raise anything more then money for whatever reason. The only thing I ever heard that made me breathe easier was Adam Savage saying, something along the lines of when something you've created doesn't come out like you wanted or doesn't work its not a failure, its a result. The results you didn't want, but still a result, just go rework your formula. That actually got me to try again more than anything I've ever heard because it keeps everything in my hands without trying to prove to me that I'm a broken mess that someone else gets to reinvent.
I’ve done an expedited Dale Carnegie training. I took away a lot of lessons about how to communicate with people and make myself more approachable as a leader.
Ngl tho, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still one of the most influential pieces of media in my life. I read it in high school and I basically just treated that point in my life as a personal social experiment where I'd use the things the book taught me to increase my popularity. I went from just having a small group of friends to being good friends with almost everyone in my class. I've since cooled down because as an introvert, it can be really exhausting. But I still use some of the tips from the book in the workplace and they do help shape my image favourably. Also, one of the biggest things the book teaches is to be an active listener. And I think this is such an important quality that everyone should have imo.
@@JohnMoseley It's helped a lot of people, and one isolated meme phrase yanked out of hundreds of hours of content and years of published scientific papers and books from a clinical psychologist, researcher, and former Harvard lecturer doesn't mean the man's entire body of work can be reduced to that one phrase. It helps if you're overwhelmed because cleaning your room is one small thing you can control in your life. It gives you a sense of agency and momentum that you can then scale up and work on other things. It's similar to that Navy SEAL who says to make your bed first thing in the morning. You're doing something small in your control, which is just one step in the right direction.
The problem with the self help industry is that too many people believe that simple participation will fix their lives. IE "I read a Tony Robbins book and all will improve." Robbins gives excellent advice at times. And I'm sure that if one had thousands of dollars to throw away his seminars would be a positive experience. But the root of self help as I tell my own subscribers is this. Self. Most intuitively know that they have to have a positive mindset, have to have good strategy to advance and have to use massive effort. The self help gurus may be helpful in some aspects of turning your life around. Some strategical methods. But if you are spending all of your time reading book after book and chasing these gurus all the time on YT or around the country (including me) then you will never be focused on the actual advancement part. I'm only small time but this is my constant advice--take what works and discard what doesn't. You shouldn't be spending thousands of dollars when the real origin of change is in the mirror. Hope that helps someone out there--Charles.
Had to read that for a job years ago. A friend asked about it, and I told him it was actually "Seven Things You Already Learned from Your Dad When You WERE Seven". Its popularity baffled me.
@@stevenscott2136 it definitely treads a lot of ground most people should have already been exposed to growing up but sadly the people that need to read the book won't. I still enjoyed it though as a reaffirmation of what I learned growing up and from the military etc.
I always felt the self help industry is plagued by charlatans offering generic ineffective quick fixes for hard or sometimes impossible problems. If it was so easy to will oneself into being happier and more productive, people would already figure it by themselves.
You’d think more would realise that... People love the idea that there is some secret solution out there regardless of how irrational it is! I mean if there were an easy solution to serious problems, nobody would have said problems!... They should also know nothing remains a secret too long. People are not rational, especially when vulnerable to hope and the industry takes advantage.
I've worked in academia and got submerged by this culture of self-improvement and self-promotion. The only result was that I worked and networked myself almost to death, all for the sake of some future vague happiness, while also deluding myself that this was a "better" me, privileged, worthy, and somehow even happy. It took me years to understand that this is a toxic culture. It's so validating to see that this toxicity is starting to get exposed.
A little Tony Robbins transformed my life and when I became depressed and overwhelmed since it was all my fault. I came scary close to suicide. I had never been so depressed or self loathing in my life.
It's not okay sir, it's just a gigantic scam. The only person who truly knows your own situation and who can find the solution to your own problems is yourself, not some rando talking shit in a book
I agree. I mean I have gotten value from self help and financial gurus. But there comes a point where you take the help and advice, apply it and move on with your life OR you buy in even more, join the cult and drink the kool-aid to the point where it’s not helping anymore. It’s just masturbation of the mind.
@@LuisSierra42 how is self help not okay? you think its bad to find guidance in improving yourself? buying one book on self help is okay. throwing your life savings to buy lessons and go to seminars is bad
@@vietimports I guess it all boils down to what you understand by "improve yourself". When one feels inadequate about one's identity (which is often caused by unrealistic societal expectations) one tends to seek guidance. This is precisely the niche these books are for, they pray on insecurity. Why would you willingly choose to believe some rando who has built a personal brand based on half truths and lies than trust your own instinct or the people that actually care about you?
@@LuisSierra42 i dont think people need to buy self help books. but if people want to, then why should i care? the problem comes when they are truly desperate and throw everything at trying to find a solution to whatever problem they have.
I don't see how you could get such an individualistic read on How to Win Friends and Influence People. I both took one of their corporate classes and at a different time read the book. The class is extremely pro-social, with people talking about their experiences to a group for over 50% of it and listening to each other, encouraging earnestly caring about your coworker's struggles and teaching people how to tell stories about their lives in a way that gets other people to listen. It encouraged managers who rarely thought of anyone but themselves to think of their workers as human beings with their own needs and interests. It was one of the most positive and probably the only pro-social experience I had working for that company. The book, on the other hand, takes painstaking efforts in order to make it clear that the way to success is to care about what other people want, rather than yourself. In fact, it openly mocks advertisements for being selfish and asks businessmen how they're going to get any customers if all the businessmen talk about is their own interests and how great they are. One of the biggest things in the book is a man who memorizes the names of every person he meets and how much it helps him in life. It spends almost no time talking about "the self" and almost all of its time telling you what kind of behavior gets other people to want to be around you -- and that behavior is to be as empathetic as possible and to care diligently about their problems. It's a pro-kindness book, not a pro-manipulation book.
it's like the industry forgot who's "Self" they were helping. I'm writing this book/ giving this lecture/ starting this company to help Myself instead of Yourself
To me, "self help" should have the explicit goal of dealing with oneself so that others don't have to. While there are obvious benefits to improving ones ability to manage their emotions and biases to become a more consciously reasonable person, the primary goal is to not contribute to the shittiness of the world. If we are practical, we shouldn't expect ourselves to contribute to the net positive (although that would be swell), but we should hold ourselves and others to the ideal of not contributing to the net negative, at a minimum. Not that this would solve everything, but it would be a start and might limit the influence of opportunists exploiting vanity.
People want an easy way to solve their problems, endlessly seeking the answer. When everyone is simply living in denial... So they mistake self-help books with Philosophy, omitting their own criteria thus blaming themselves and sabotaging things for others as a means to divert from acknowledging the true source of their enslavement. Once they DO have money, a lot of money, the frustration persist and they feel it's never enough stealing or hoarding stuff or attention the void is never filled.
Self-help culture is attempting to fill the void left by the societal abandonment of the spiritual impulse in man. Carl Jung had two definitions of self. The big Self and the small self. The small self is the individual, the ego, the big Self includes the collective, and everything beyond that, which is basically God. And in that he arrived to the similar conclusion all mystics, yogis and shamans came to, that All is Self. You are God. This idea is expressed in "The Golden Rule", something that appears in pretty much every ancient text: "Treat your neighbour as you would like to be treated". Because there is no seperation between you and them, self and other. You are me, I am you. Returning to this fundamental understanding of reality can only happen if we get rid of this worldview pushed by hard science that we are dead materialistic machines floating on a meaningless rock in space, and accept that there IS meaning to life, it is to Love. Love disolves all seperation, spirituality is the only thing that's going to turn this individual obsessed society into a more community focused society. The only way we can start caring more for each other and the earth again is if we try our best each day to remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Until this becomes the focus and common thread in mainstream global ideologies and pop-culture, we are on the highway to hell.
Whatever assists someone in translating their mere thoughts into actions I think is worthy of being considered a form of "self-help". As time goes by the list of abandoned dreams just gets longer kids... If someone or a book helps you propel to action and help you get out of inertia, I think that's a good thing even if, in the end, you don't get exactly the results you were after - nothing can guarantee specific outcomes.
Think you can do better than putting tape on your dog's paws? What's your favorite life hack?
Awareness of emotions and life situation
I'll start. I have this idea where I invite a bunch of rich kids to a private island for a musical festival that never actually happens.
Being a government backed corp that's too big to fail and then engaging in financially risky endeavors of which I can pass the costs of onto the government
"I quited the morning lattes save more to invest in my dropshipping business and I keep a gratitude diary I write everyday in my commute to work"
If you eat your own poop, you can save a ton on groceries.
Thank you for this. As a person who was balls deep in the self help world for years and then got out feeling like I got out of a cult, I really appreciate this. It gives me more perspective.
In my experience those cult-like dynamics are rampant in new age groups, which also rely heavily on the self-help idea, but framing it as spirituality.
I'm all for taking the good stuff and discarding the bad. There's wisdom and truth one can glean from tenets or philosophies in the self help sphere, moreover, there's plenty of ideas to dispense with as well.
Respect my man - I'm glad you found some perspective and were able to escape the loop - more power to you!
Do you meditate?
@@07jackg thank you. I feel better allowing myself to experience all of being human. It's much better.
Alternate title:
*"How we went from collaborative aid, to bootstrap conservatism, to multiple cults of personality: a story in three acts."*
And if you look at the solarpunk and Metamodern (and I'm sure many other) ongoing movements you can see the mutual aid being aimed at again :) we're figuring ourselves out
The whole time I was thinking about how american it is to turn a populist movement into a way to pit the working class against each other
Every day I hate individualistic conservative values just a little bit more
@@narutofan08nd12 love is the answer my friend, you have to see your imagined enemy for their fears, their loves, and you'll find mutual ground. Hatred will just spawn more hatred. If you align with mutual aid you align against hatred already, any fear or insecurity you have is the design of an abuser, a manipulator, same in those you hate. Gather against the great system of abusers :)
@@narutofan08nd12 your idiotic soclist values are what lead to real world genocides conservative values are what lead to the enlightenment and all the rights we have today remeber that
My biggest self help was too stop listening to celebrities.
To, have a nice day 👍
Mine was to completely leave social media, as I think everyone who cares about their mental health should do. TH-cam comments are as close as I come to social media now, and I'm even trying to back off from them as they get very toxic too.
Most Women love listening to brain dead Celebrity zombies because most of them live a boring life.
Good ideas in this part!
Adam Curtis has said that one of the problems with the way we see ourselves is that we basically see ourselves as machines. Any other feeling than happiness is seen as a malfunction that must be done away with immediately. We are trying to force ourselves to feel okay with systems that exploit and harm us instead of changing those systems
Similar to Mark Fisher's Capitalist Realism
Same vein, yeah. I think Curtis kind of synergizes a bunch of those sorts of ideas into his docs. The one I referred to above is HyperNormalisation, if I recall correctly
Changing the systems is also a pipe dream, as we are a competitive species whose definition of "improvement" always inevitably slides toward "looking for a way for my tribe to exploit or take revenge on some other tribe".
looking forward to his new series dropping on thursday!
@@stevenscott2136 Depends, cost benefit analyse, prior to the agriculture revolution people were subject to the natural booms and busts cycles that every living thing was subject to, and to a lesser degree after (drought, ice, soil played out etc). In times of plenty it doesn't serve anybody's interest to increase the risk of them getting killed by engaging combat, however in times of want, if you we're to avoid combat you and yours we're guaranteed to die of starvation.
Significant problem with these gurus' advice: too much focus on 'self' and not on 'help'
no shit sensei 🤣
Just don't write book for monetisation reasons
@@englishmfkrdoyouspeakit2144 To you and me, sure. However, if that statement really was too obvious, the snake oil salesmen wouldn't collectively be running an extremely lucrative industry on gullible and miserable people.
Why search for self help by read other people book, that not self help that help. It fucking bullshit by the name which hilarious." We wake up eat 3 meal and shit and go to bed what the fucking mystery" George Carlin
Very key point.
I would definitely want to read How to Lose Friends and Influence Nobody by Michael Burns
Me too. 😅
Yeah, yeah good ol' Mr. Burns
Make it so!
@@cynthmcgpoet All right Picard.
But “How to lose friends and alienate people” exists?
"If you are looking for Slef-Help, why would you read a book written by somebody else? That's not Self-Help, that's help! There is no such thing as Self-Help. If you did it yourself, you didn't need help. You did it yourself! Try to pay attention to the language we all agreed on." - George Carlin
Man, I miss him.
Language is funny like that
Titles for things and concepts can be accurate or ironic like in Mr. Carlin's observation of self help.
That book taught this borderline recluse (me) how to treat other people. Didn't have a desire to go out an learn when growing up.
This is why no one who reads these kinds of books calls this stuff "self-help." We call it "personal development." 👍
@@KaiSosceles Ummm. Lots of people call these books self help.
Like. Obviously.
Despite the somewhat cynical name, How To Win Friends and Influence People is actually a pretty wholesome book whose advice mostly boils down to "pay attention and give a shit about others", and hopefully benefit from reciprocity.
I agree, the name doesn’t help, but also is good to be critical about the book and be able to discern the good from the bs
Something basic, that is well said, is often all that is needed.
I bought it over a year ago and it's been sitting in my kindle unread. Maybe I should finally read it.
@@Jane-yg3vz ditto of audible
I didn't expect it to be until I read it.
“I could point you in the direction of the ‘self help’ books but that would defeat the purpose”
Librarian
Toxic Positivity. THAT is what happened!
Smile! Negative emotions will be punished :D
@@andrewjacks2716 or you could just take antidepressants and bury all emotions to become terminator who doesn't know anything but work. 😁
@@Feefa99 Been there, done that lmao. But for real, if someone has a real problem with mental illness and medication is deemed by themself and their doctor to be beneficial, of course they should go that route. But like you're alluding to, sometimes there's more than just a chemical reason for misery.
Couldn’t agree more. Everybody forgets there are positives AND negatives to the actions you take/situations you experience in life. After much forced positivity the only way you can go from there is toward negativity/negative personal experiences, but if we can just stay as close to center as possible, not getting too high or getting too low, I think we would have better, more consistent experiences and outlooks. But I know this is a big ask because I honestly think rationality is at an all time low.
The thing that always bugged me about toxic positivity was that it's just so generalised. As if everyone has the same goals and passions in life. The epitome of this are those vacuous social media "influencer" posts, "just be yourself" "you are unique, like no other" kind of bullcrap
Teaching people that negative circumstances in life are a reflection of failure and completely avoidable, and that they could have a perfect life was the problem. Negative things WILL happen to everyone. They are NOT always avoidable. They are NOT always the person's fault. Perfection is an illusion. Everyone can't live like kings and queens. Such thinking is toxic.
That's why I prefer to embrace the absurdity of life.
Yes...that is so true..without realizing the negative aspects of life how will have context of the I positive.
But do self help really tell you to be perfect or that nothing bad ever will happen to you?
@@linnfriberg4017 That was covertly trying to tell its audience. Because it's not what the book is saying but rather what the book is deliberately leaving out.
How to get rich: sell a bunch of books and seminars telling people they aren't rich because they don't try hard enough
LITRALLY
That's not all; the books are really just a gateway drug.
Vol. 1 costs $50
Vol. 2 costs $70
Vol. 3 costs $150
And for only $99.99 a month you can become a premium member of our club and, for an extra $2,000, you can spend one week at our "Better You Ranch" so we can fix what's wrong with you.
That's exactly what seminars are....it's sad that people are stupid enough to PAY someone to tell them something they already know.
Yes, or telling them they only need to go the same way as the writer to have success. Like it was possible to have the exact same life experiences, chances, characteristics etc. 🤨
If it's so easy, do it yourself.
After reading a few self-help books, you realize that they are all mostly the same
True and Also you realise you knew already what they wrote in the book.
They just write in mumbo jumbo manner instead of clearly writing stuff
Just law of attraction bullshit
@@p7ytzxq easily debunked by claiming that free will is an illusion.
Given that knowing, by itself, makes no difference, that's about as surprising to me as finding out that the pope is Catholic.
I once thought about writing one, so I looked at a publisher's guidelines. The target audience for any self help book is people who have already read 3 or 4 books on the topic. Let that shit sink in a minute. 😕
Sad how everything that started about empowering the working class turns into another hyper capitalist monster.
Capitalism can feed off everything, even its opposition.
The only likely ways it's gonna stop are fatal indigestion or starvation.
When it's absorbed everything else, it will crumble upon itself or it will lack the resources to go on.
@Alex ' Well, considering it became a popular idea around mid-19th century, it's impossible that people have been expecting it for "centuries"...
The point is that we need to oppose those who keep exploiting people and shifting the blame on the exploited.
I really do not really wish to see things crumble, but that's what capitalists are doing.
this is deeply depressing, please dont have kids, dragging more people into this hopeless shitfest is almost worse than murder
@@andreab380 What a narrow view of the world. The world was much more collectivist and exploitative when monarchies and dictators ruled it. I don't want to go back to that world. Collectivism and exploitation are synonyms. You can't say that you're for one and against the other.
@@tommyanomaly6193 Okay, I simply do not see monarchies as a form of collectivism.
I'm sorry but I am too busy these days to keep a discussion going.
I do respect that you have a different point of view, though.
Take care. ☺️
I think self-help books are fulfilling roles that parents / people / communities fulfilled in the past.
We live in a rather “individualized,” and narcissistic society these days, where we are told that society has provided us with all the tools we need to survive, and we have to flaunt things we own to show our worth (as pointed out in your video).
There is a lack of community and belongingness nowadays. In the past you’d have your parents, or people in you community to look up, and give you advice. Nowadays everyone is struggling with the same thing you are, so you have to turn to self-help books and videos to fix your life.
In summary, the self-help phenomena is fulfilling a niche that was fulfilled in the past by community.
That resonated with me. Self-help kinda messed up my thinking. I am fixing and healing that now.
Wow
@@julieg3747 simping is easier yeah? Stop being so slow come on try harder we all know you have so much potential!
This gaslighting should only be validated to you on whatever anxieties you have on your conscious in the moment of reading this, go action the realistic anxieties to earn back your ego pride in yourself - up to you what you anxieties you want & don’t want, just make sure they’re in-line with your community, don’t be impulsive and keep on keepin on at your flow of life, or your hustle for the future flow of life you desire.
self improvent is the hottest topic on youtube in june 2022
Combination of things, but mostly it feels like societal gaslighting. There are so many problems that are imposed on us that are FAR outside of our control. Self help is unbalanced. Looking at ourselves without relation to other people or the things around us, we ultimately lose self or become trapped in ego. We keep trying to change ourselves instead of changing the world around us. Granted, there needs to be a healthy balance of both, but we bend the knee to what our system needs and we are all the more miserable for it. As a whole, Self Help culture is just calming the cattle before the slaughter as opposed to empowering people to make the world a better place.
Sweden got over that, they produce unparalleled chances for the whole population
"Calming the cattle before the slaughter?" Yikes that's bleak.
Guess it's true. We can be "f****d by the system" without knowing it. I have ZERO influence over my country, state, and town. Don't even pay attention to the affairs of the outside world, much like a Hobbit. The only influence I have is over myself and the small number of people I interact with.
Cattle for the slaughter or not, I won't let such a idea or reality turn me into a professional victim. I can be a better person. I can always be better.
If you have the influence to make this world a better place though. Do it.
I think that in order to change the world we first have to change ourselves. Become more self aware and educated on how we and reality actually work. Then and only then would we have the right to say what needs to changed in the world. Self help books carry a lot of useful advice but unfortunately are limited to a means of making money becuase of our consumerist culture.
That is very well thought, thanks
@@pnobody5727 Great way of putting it but books are cheap especially used. I am a little cynical in my belief that most of the blow back from self help books are from people who first don’t read and two feel resentment towards peers who try harder than them. They believe just because they can’t do something then you can’t do it either. Those people are surgically attached to mediocrity, they are anchors to anyone who wants to succeed at a high level.
Working in a bookstore for years Ive seen the kind of addiction to self-improvement books the industry fosters. Individuals will drop hundreds a year literally looking like and hoping the next book will change their lives. I have no clue if it work for any of the habitual customers but considering they never stopped buying more s-h books, not likely. Its crazy the amount of writers with no backgrounds in psychology just hit it big with a catchy phrase.
Correct. The limits of self help books are depends how much the individual absorb, apply and retain in the individual. Too many self help can have the opposite effects. Keeping an open mind is important. So as discerning the information being produced by the self help gurus is as important.
I used to think spending so much on DnD books was a waste, but nothing compared to Self-help scams.. at least DnD compels imagination
@@Dong_Harvey as an actual psychiatrist and neuropsychologist, better to spend time and money on DND than the average self help book/community!
@@1chienandalou thanks for the heads up
Sometimes I would just look at all the self help books, realize my problems are totally common and normal, then leave without buying any (or maybe buying a good novel 🙂)
I would love to see a digest of you people about these "productitvity", "hustle porn", "work hard play hard" movements. They hit a very similar tone.
I would recommend checking out the video about Hustle Culture from a TH-camr named James Jani. His sort of mini documentaries are really well produced and I think provided a good analysis of the self-help industry and of self help gurus.
Also, if you're into Twitch streamers, his documentary about Tyler1 and his redemption arc (which Tyler1 has actually reacted to) is pretty damn great in my opinion. And I only know Tyler1 based on that doc.
I am a big proponent of the “work hard play hard” style.
Bust ass, reach goals, enjoy benefits.
@Olaf Sigurson some people become rich through their actions and decisions. Not many, not all, but some.
Not every rich person is born that way. I lead people as part of a large organization. I reward my employees that work hard with freedoms that they would otherwise be denied.
I reward performance in the limited way that I can. I embody that and work my ass off. Do I delude myself into thinking the company would appreciate or notice if I poofed out of existence tomorrow? Not really. Life goes on. This does not affect my work ethic and pride in my work.
@Olaf Sigurson cool bro. Im sure being an ambivalent prick is why you are rich beyond wanting.
Sigma male aka ligma male
I gave it a lot of thought, and I'm just really amazed at how many people are tricked when they hear exceptionally skilled people say "anything is possible if you work hard enough". That doesn't mean don't try, it just means manage your expectations
My father and I were mocking an ad just today. Some MMA fighter was saying "believe in yourself and you'll succeed", totally ignoring the battered, semi-conscious opponent who undoubtedly believed in himself until that bell rang.
Stoic philosophers and buddhists are on the right track. Being rich is having what you desire and more, but with that possesion the desire will automatically increase. The smart way to beat this endless loop is to reduce what you desire, thus becoming rich is much more attainable. It is still hard to reduce desire, it goes against our genetic and cultural programming, but it is the wisest way to go about it.
@@olaruud9366 my sister was telling me about some research she read regarding life satisfaction and it found that those with a subjectively higher worth have less fear of death, which sure explains why Ghandi smiled at his assassin
@@olaruud9366 I think they on the right track. but I find depressing that we should tell struggling and suffering people that they should just expect less from life. I think it is a society problem but that is harder to solve than simply telling everyone to accept life as it is.
@@omarmendez1623 true. Problem is that happiness is mostly genetic lottery. Beyond basic needs and safety, people don't seem to be any happier than their baseline allows.
It helps to keep your mind aware of the hedonic treadmill and make your desires realistic and try to excert control over them. it's not at all easy and society always try to fuck us over so we have far to many stuck in the fight for basic needs. The problem is complex and multifaceted.
I used to think self help was perfect and that everything I was struggling with was all entirely my fault. And to a some degree I think i was right. I have been working to improve myself over the last few years and I feel better for it in at least some small ways. However it is unhealthy to shift the blame for these things entirely on yourself as I have learned recently. Improving yourself is an admirable and very worthwhile goal that everyone should pursue but there are serious problems with institutions these days and I'd even argue serious problems with the way capitalism functions making it harder than it needs to be for people to get ahead. If you are struggling you can and should work on self improvement, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't also criticize and fight against oppressive systems that make things harder than they should be.
Just like the big oil companies blamed us by creating "Your Carbon Footprint"
YES, this is it. So much of self help just devolves to gaslighting if we do not look at the larger social structures that are keeping people miserable, lonely and impoverished.
Its funny that people go around hating on capitalism like it exists lol. I don't really believe it does, the whole system is designed to make most people never rich or well off, how is that capitalism? It also is 100% not free market. In the UK for instance anyone earning over 40k is immediately hit with 40% tax hit alone not to mention national insurance lol. Then you have businesses constantly trying to keep wages down and therefore each year a job goes down in real value. I dont know what you call it but it aint capitalism
😎 "If you didn't succeed, you didn't try hard enough!" = "If you weren't healed, your faith wasn't strong enough!" 😏😉
great one
The secular self-help mantra is equal or similar to "blab it and grab it" Prosperity Gospel BS.
Thats a totally different message than what I got in how to win friends. What I get is yes there are outside forces against you but ultimately they don't care about you enough to hold you down. To paraphrase Dale even "copone thought himself a hero"; he didn't so much promise that his methods would grant success as ignoring him, and the agendas of others would assure failure. Its a subtle but important difference. It was how to influence people not how to be successful.
But the George Michaels song is amazing
@@Dong_Harvey faith song? Yeap it is so beautiful ❤️.
An ad about a miracle product to regrow my hair before the video about how self help is snake oil.
To be fair, it's "Keeps" not "Regrows"
Saying buzzwords that make you feel good. That’s all it is. Like horoscopes
Yeah, astrology is totally Cancer 😁
@@Feefa99 I hate you. Take my upvote
"Sorry, I'm a Taurus"
-Hitler
Hope
How do you feel now?
I mostly agree but saying Ouagadougou makes me feel good and I won't give it up.
I’ll tell you what went wrong: delusions of grandeur plus survivorship bias
Agree, I would argue that Bible is first self help book, where people used content, which should be in fantasy section of every library and book shop, for social engineering and manipulation, that supports those character traits you described.
Any disagreements?
@@Feefa99 absolutely nailed it! As long as you can trick people into feeling better about themselves, it doesn’t matter if your actual content is just BS
@@Feefa99 not the Bible, you're confusing it with prosperity pteachers' "interpretation." You see that crazy Greene lady in US politics who acts like some kind of failed Hitler then cries persecution like so kind of angel-matyr?? That's what more what Christianity is about, accepting persecution. She feels very holy and validated by a false equivalent of reproach and persecution.
Here in the US "Bible Belt", I'm often amazed how much Christians are convinced the Bible is about success, patriotism, freedom, etc. American stuff, basically.
I've read it -- it's ancient Jewish history/mythology, followed by the philosophy of a man who's about as un-American as they come. And now they're all sitting around waiting to be lifted up to Heaven, and expecting Jesus will tell them to shoot some Democrats on the way out, when he probably would have voted for Bernie Sanders if he was still around.
Survivorship bias is a huge one. I know quite a few people who came from nothing and did well for themselves who think that people should basically just "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and shouldn't get extra help from the govt. Just because they were successful, everyone can be if they tried hard enough or were smart enough. It's a very individualistic view
if you folks aren't aware of the book "Happiness (Trademarked)" it's a great read. it's about a self help book that works, and society grinds to a halt...
Self-help is more a symptom than a cure. We grow up in a world in which we're constantly bombarded with images of how our lives should be. Movies, commercials, songs, books, family, friends, the workplace... This results in us chasing these images in order to achieve fulfillment, but they aren't real. And instead of truly helping us by realizing that we're chasing ghosts, self-help tells us how to build our own proton pack.
Ghostbusters ref! Nice.
Wisecrack going increasingly from "Look at this funny connection to philosophy in media" to "Eat the rich, for the world is on fire and they are fat for the harvest." Has been a beacon in these dark times. Thank you.
As a Millenial who lives in a 1 bedroom condo, I felt so called out
Same lol
Count me in
You....live...indoors???
Condo?!.. lucky punk, I have a spare guitar case and two newspapers for sheets
Half of Millennials would give their left pinky to live like you.
"Listen to the pains you feel- they are messengers"
-Rumi
7 Habits of Highly Effective People is much more wholesome to me. It's more about being genuine rather than tricking people into trusting you.
In general, my approach to self-help books is like watching (modern day) History Channel: You may actually learn a thing or two, but it's most useful as mere entertainment. (Although, I guess reading self-help books also have the bonus of keying you in to how a *bunch* of people are also approaching life due to their ubiquity.)
As a trained therapist, this video is so IMPORTANT. Honestly, most people are wounded in ways that are RELATIONAL and to really understand these dynamics in a way that we can then change them requires a RELATIONAL component to the healing (ie. in the presence of another person). The idea that we can all "heal" our relational wounds by sitting by ourselves and paying content creators is just further exemplifying the relational issues that so many of us are becoming more plagued by as technology proliferates.....
My biggest issue with self-help always was with the idea that there's a specific way for everyone to be or act and how individualism often meant everyone doing the same things.
Excellent look into the history, and how the variety of advice reflects the culture of different eras. Super well done!
The Philosophy of stoicism has been the best form of self help I have come across.
Agreed. Life definitely becomes much more easier to live when you practice and observe the trichotomy of control
Greek stoicism > British piety capitalism
Stoics are dull, though.
@@markofsaltburn 2 years after the original post and after reading a lot more philosophy I would agree. I now think it’s the worst philosophical school of thought. That being said it did still help me out of a dark place.
@@markofsaltburnIt's a tutorial on how to become an automaton 🤖
*So* good to see this being called out. I was in an art club where if I criticized the popular kid's guru he's turn everyone against me. And if everyone he turned on grumbled about it on discord he persuaded a mod to threaten police action on me.
"lets turn your humanity into a hu-brand-ity" - Hugh Brandity
"How can we milk the shit out of this?"
That's the secret slogan of GOOP
Coming from the world of MLMs marketing and sales. Yeah I can see where this is all coming from
I wonder if self help has a secondary purpose of comforting the already "successful" ie wealthy.
They might feel guilty or uneasy about the immense suffering in the world. Self help tells them, well those people could be better if they want, all there suffering is really their own fault.
That's exactly it!
Me: Why does it seem like Michael always does the Keeps ads?
Michael: I guide others to a treasure I cannot possess...
why do they have ads at all?
@@silverblue73 to make content creation sustainable
@@DaleStrickland We need a better model that doesn't rely on tricking people into buying products/subscriptions.
@Jane The Creator doubtful, the short realistic answer is money matters more than moral standing.
Hustle culture is terrible because just like during the great depression, it steers the focus away from the rootcause of collective and systemic misery. There is nothing wrong with self-help in and of itself though, just hustle culture is bad. Because we need to collectivise to come to systemic solutions to systemic problems, instead of turning inward.
hearing this man say he also fears the impending doom every night actually was more self help than any book I've ever read
Misery loves company 🤷♂️
One piece of advice that helped me:
'Yes. Everybody is afraid.'.
"Start a religion... Then perform a miracle and let the cash roll in!"
Hey - worked for Jim Jones!
And L. Ron Hubbard.
"It's not your fault" A book on practical self-help with an emphasis on its communal anarchist roots. That would be something actually useful.
Capitalism 101: blame individuals for systemic issues
It's the continuation of horoscopes. General enough so everyone feels addressed, unspecific enough to be useless. A perfect market for for charlatans who are good at marketing outreach without any actual expertise.
Couldn't agree more. The whole new age communities are not only plagued by charlatans, but they are fertile ground for conspiracies, misinformation and cult-like dynamics.
Horoscopes -> Self-Help -> How to get Fit courses
My dad has been repeatedly telling me to read How to Win Friends and Influence People for years. After seeing this video, I feel like I should try getting to know about this man's message. I will edit after I have finished.
You’re a slow reader, huh?
Don't worry, I used to fall asleep after a paragraph too.
Maybe, just maybe the overall economy and system we all work in demands so much effort for minimal return that it seems easier to fix or improve yourself than trying to address something more structural and existential. It's easier to literally sell books, pills, and ad revenue than policy and ideas that need to actually be invested in to work.
Yep a combination of hope and Stockholm syndrome kinda guarantees there will be enough people who will want to believe all the promise of self help, (and MLMs, 4 hour work weeks, courses, vitamin shakes, workouts, and all manner of snake oil/too good to be true schemes)...
Nice history of the philosophical movement of positivity and self help, but I still think that in a life as short as 100 or so years, it pays to be optimistic about things, focus on things you can actually do something about, and forget the rest.
I think the best books that "help", deep dive on a specific topic or problem and then bring a scientifically substantiated process framework for you to apply. You get nothing from generalization.
My dad got me Carnegie's book to try to fix my shyness. :P If only we'd considered actual therapy earlier.
Carnegies book has helped me overcome it. I think that book itself is a p good starting point and obviously if it doesn’t help then use therapy.
Take acting classes with a kind teacher, besides the therapy, even if you don't like it. A friend of mine was very shy during her childhood, his father put her in acting classes for some years to overcome that and she was the most social person of our group of friends later. She was not interested in acting, but it worked for her. She is still a bit shy, and that's part of her tender personality, but that doesn't inhibit her to build social and romantic relationships, she is able to express herself freely.
The focus on improving ourselves as individuals is a distraction from the huge problems we face that can only be solved together.
The most important self-help book you will ever read is; Your own Diary, or Your own Journal. That’s where you will learn, and grow the most. No one can tell you who you are, or who you’re supposed to be! Start writing, you’ll be amazed at how well you’ll get to know Yourself! ❤️😄
I've been waiting for this ONE
10:50 My great-grandfather was heavily influenced by this movement in the UK. His family went from blast furnace workers, to railway clerks to accountants in 3 generations, he was tee-total and insisted on learning 'The Queen's English' and was a local councillor. In addition there are still the remnants of "mechanical institutes" in the UK all over the place offering adult education course, especially before the austerity of the last decade that affected adult education a lot. I remember one in Birmingham when I was at uni - that were founded from this movement. Also the university where I took evening classes for my masters degree, Birkbeck, was founded under the auspicies of George Birkbeck who was from this movement too. Samuel Smiles is now see as a hardened liberal free marketer, but in his time he was just as much as famous for writing about engineers such as Stephenson - who founded the Mechanical Engineers Institute, the fact that to this day 'engineer' is not a universally respected or protected title as it is in most of the world shows you the kind of attitudes he was fighting against in his self-help - and engineering was, and still is, one of the more meritocratic professions out there. I am seeing a sharp hostility to meritocracy rising in the world right now, though I really wonder if people want to end up back in the past where they were not able to progress in life. Saying that there is not real meritocracy now due to a rising class divide isn't really an argument against it. It is also fair to say these people who saw themselves as promotors of social enlightenment would be horrified by what amounts to the modern self-help industry.
These are very deep topics that Adam Curtis's films also delve into, the Jane Fonda workout is the featured in one of his films.
Dave Ramsey is the real deal. He actually helps people get out of debt, gives them useful advice.
No one loves you unconditionally except your mother.
Love yourself unconditionally too. Because everyone else does it under conditions.
Thank you for sharing this
Not even my mother...
Yeah, lucky you your mother loved you unconditionally!
@@tily5939 (hugs)
Incredibly insightful take on the current state of misdirected frustration. People are struggling to parse reality itself through the onslaught that is a storm of constant data; it makes sense to turn inward and attempt to solidify control at an intimate level while chaos reigns outside.
I don't need someone to tell me if microdosing is okay, I need someone to tell me where to get the doses
Google that s**t, you'll find them
For the existential dread, try AEDP, as described in Hilary Jacobs Hendel's book "It's Not Always Depression." Seriously. I used to be crushed by it and now not. I guess it's technically a self-help book in that it helps you help yourself, but there's no positive self-affirmation, nor even any dialogues with the dread/anxiety to try to reason it into submission. AEDP's key insight is that anxiety is just a trick you play on yourself, a way of screening off deeper emotions. As awful as anxiety seems, it offers the illusion of control - "I must be better" - whereas the deeper emotions are a kind of loss of control and are often about things you can't control: grief, rage, disgust, excitement, joy, sexual arousal. So when anxiety arises, you can learn to ask yourself: what's this _really_ about? And then you look for the feelings in your body.
Love you guys, (a lot) but a video about self improvement and adding a publicity about a product about how you can grow back you hair does not go perfectly together 😂😂
Yeah, it is just plain hypocritical
Eh I don't thinks it's hypocritical, fixing a genetic failure of your body with drugs is pretty different from reading books that don't do anythig
@@graphospasm5394 it is not a failure, bold mens are normal in nature, it is not as they are sick or anything. They have that tenancy as someone has green eyes or brown hair color
@@graphospasm5394 For people with a strong genetic predisposition to male pattern baldness, the product they sell will do next to nothing. In cases where men use minoxidil regularly on their scalps at the VERY earliest stages of only very specific types of balding, it can have a subtle benefit. But for most men seeking out treatments for balding, it's too late and it probably wouldn't help their type of baldness anyway. It's exactly the same ingredient as Rogaine, which has been around for years. I know of lots of people who tried Rogaine, but none for whom it had a noticeable benefit.
@@graphospasm5394 The problem is, for the majority of people who would seek out a treatment, it will not help. The active ingredient is so rarely actually effective, and when it is it's only on men with specific balding patterns and only slightly helps. While it theoretically can help some, they are substantially over-promising and delivering false hope. Men should just accept it, saves a lot of self-esteem struggles. All minoxidil (aka Rogaine, aka Keeps) does is enhance circulation to the scalp.
Motivational Speaker, Life Coach, Influencer, The guy who conducts seminars on how to make money on forex and bitcoin etc ...all these people are the new snake oil salesmen
Last week I ran my first 5k without stopping and all the time I could hear the voice in my head saying that I can do it. Forwago, thank you so much for everything!!
I read a couple of self-help books recently that helped me crawl out of a pit of depression and keep a number of friends I was in danger of pushing away. I think in order for a self-help book to work, you have to already be in a place where you want to change something about yourself. Also it has to be a book that actually wants to help you rather than just take your money.
I have been in the self help community and it’s been...chafing for a while. Thank you for mapping this. Helpful.
If self help books really worked, nobody would need to keep printing new ones.
If a celebrity or wealthy "guru" is still trying to sell you a self help its a pretty good indicator they are not trying to rise in anything but financial status, or raise anything more then money for whatever reason. The only thing I ever heard that made me breathe easier was Adam Savage saying, something along the lines of when something you've created doesn't come out like you wanted or doesn't work its not a failure, its a result. The results you didn't want, but still a result, just go rework your formula.
That actually got me to try again more than anything I've ever heard because it keeps everything in my hands without trying to prove to me that I'm a broken mess that someone else gets to reinvent.
Always loved the line from School For Scoundrels:
You can't help yourself because yourself sucks.
Gonna print that.
If you can't help yourself then who can? I'm sorry, I don't get it. Was this supposed to be profound?
You had me at "the existential dread that hungs over me like a dark cloud"
These self help millionaires want to help you to become as rich as them so that you can be their competition. Because that's how life works.
I’ve done an expedited Dale Carnegie training.
I took away a lot of lessons about how to communicate with people and make myself more approachable as a leader.
Omg the China in a one bedroom apartment hit me hard
Ngl tho, How to Win Friends and Influence People is still one of the most influential pieces of media in my life. I read it in high school and I basically just treated that point in my life as a personal social experiment where I'd use the things the book taught me to increase my popularity. I went from just having a small group of friends to being good friends with almost everyone in my class.
I've since cooled down because as an introvert, it can be really exhausting. But I still use some of the tips from the book in the workplace and they do help shape my image favourably. Also, one of the biggest things the book teaches is to be an active listener. And I think this is such an important quality that everyone should have imo.
All I can think of is, "clean your room, bucko"
Lobsters 🦞
"Stand up straight with your shoulders back."
Solid advice
@@bluespiral4678 Really? It's helped you?
@@JohnMoseley It's helped a lot of people, and one isolated meme phrase yanked out of hundreds of hours of content and years of published scientific papers and books from a clinical psychologist, researcher, and former Harvard lecturer doesn't mean the man's entire body of work can be reduced to that one phrase.
It helps if you're overwhelmed because cleaning your room is one small thing you can control in your life. It gives you a sense of agency and momentum that you can then scale up and work on other things. It's similar to that Navy SEAL who says to make your bed first thing in the morning. You're doing something small in your control, which is just one step in the right direction.
The problem with the self help industry is that too many people believe that simple participation will fix their lives. IE "I read a Tony Robbins book and all will improve." Robbins gives excellent advice at times. And I'm sure that if one had thousands of dollars to throw away his seminars would be a positive experience. But the root of self help as I tell my own subscribers is this. Self. Most intuitively know that they have to have a positive mindset, have to have good strategy to advance and have to use massive effort. The self help gurus may be helpful in some aspects of turning your life around. Some strategical methods. But if you are spending all of your time reading book after book and chasing these gurus all the time on YT or around the country (including me) then you will never be focused on the actual advancement part. I'm only small time but this is my constant advice--take what works and discard what doesn't. You shouldn't be spending thousands of dollars when the real origin of change is in the mirror. Hope that helps someone out there--Charles.
He said "the Bad Place" at 5:24 and TH-cam immediately cut to a commercial for WandaVision o_O
This is one of the best video essays I’ve seen
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is actually a really good book if we are talking about "self-help"
Had to read that for a job years ago. A friend asked about it, and I told him it was actually "Seven Things You Already Learned from Your Dad When You WERE Seven". Its popularity baffled me.
@@stevenscott2136 it definitely treads a lot of ground most people should have already been exposed to growing up but sadly the people that need to read the book won't. I still enjoyed it though as a reaffirmation of what I learned growing up and from the military etc.
This is what happens when communities become individualistic. Rather focusing on the self over mutual mutual improvement for the entire group.
When money is involved, it becomes much less about the help.
I always felt the self help industry is plagued by charlatans offering generic ineffective quick fixes for hard or sometimes impossible problems.
If it was so easy to will oneself into being happier and more productive, people would already figure it by themselves.
You’d think more would realise that... People love the idea that there is some secret solution out there regardless of how irrational it is! I mean if there were an easy solution to serious problems, nobody would have said problems!... They should also know nothing remains a secret too long. People are not rational, especially when vulnerable to hope and the industry takes advantage.
I've worked in academia and got submerged by this culture of self-improvement and self-promotion. The only result was that I worked and networked myself almost to death, all for the sake of some future vague happiness, while also deluding myself that this was a "better" me, privileged, worthy, and somehow even happy.
It took me years to understand that this is a toxic culture.
It's so validating to see that this toxicity is starting to get exposed.
I like the dilemma in the topic of this video with the advertisement of saving hair
Thank You 💟. I am going to start a ALL help training course of making it in this society when it is NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Man goes into bookstore.
Man: “Could you show me where the self-help books are?”
Assistant: “Wouldn’t that defeat the object of the exercise?”
A little Tony Robbins transformed my life and when I became depressed and overwhelmed since it was all my fault. I came scary close to suicide. I had never been so depressed or self loathing in my life.
NOT your fault! Glad you’re still here and aware now that these people don’t have the answers!
self help is okay. its when truly desperate people throw money at this that grifters show up to take advantage, like with anything
It's not okay sir, it's just a gigantic scam. The only person who truly knows your own situation and who can find the solution to your own problems is yourself, not some rando talking shit in a book
I agree. I mean I have gotten value from self help and financial gurus. But there comes a point where you take the help and advice, apply it and move on with your life OR you buy in even more, join the cult and drink the kool-aid to the point where it’s not helping anymore. It’s just masturbation of the mind.
@@LuisSierra42 how is self help not okay? you think its bad to find guidance in improving yourself? buying one book on self help is okay. throwing your life savings to buy lessons and go to seminars is bad
@@vietimports I guess it all boils down to what you understand by "improve yourself". When one feels inadequate about one's identity (which is often caused by unrealistic societal expectations) one tends to seek guidance. This is precisely the niche these books are for, they pray on insecurity. Why would you willingly choose to believe some rando who has built a personal brand based on half truths and lies than trust your own instinct or the people that actually care about you?
@@LuisSierra42 i dont think people need to buy self help books. but if people want to, then why should i care? the problem comes when they are truly desperate and throw everything at trying to find a solution to whatever problem they have.
I don't see how you could get such an individualistic read on How to Win Friends and Influence People. I both took one of their corporate classes and at a different time read the book.
The class is extremely pro-social, with people talking about their experiences to a group for over 50% of it and listening to each other, encouraging earnestly caring about your coworker's struggles and teaching people how to tell stories about their lives in a way that gets other people to listen. It encouraged managers who rarely thought of anyone but themselves to think of their workers as human beings with their own needs and interests. It was one of the most positive and probably the only pro-social experience I had working for that company.
The book, on the other hand, takes painstaking efforts in order to make it clear that the way to success is to care about what other people want, rather than yourself. In fact, it openly mocks advertisements for being selfish and asks businessmen how they're going to get any customers if all the businessmen talk about is their own interests and how great they are. One of the biggest things in the book is a man who memorizes the names of every person he meets and how much it helps him in life. It spends almost no time talking about "the self" and almost all of its time telling you what kind of behavior gets other people to want to be around you -- and that behavior is to be as empathetic as possible and to care diligently about their problems. It's a pro-kindness book, not a pro-manipulation book.
Normalize microdosing LSD at work lmao
it's like the industry forgot who's "Self" they were helping. I'm writing this book/ giving this lecture/ starting this company to help Myself instead of Yourself
Not joking, I would gladly pay for "How to lose friends and influence nobody" book by Michael.
0:33 Holy ****** I got chills when he said that. For a second I literally felt like he was talking to me.
Why is the only thing I took from this video an overwhelming urge to put sellotape on my dog's feet?
This industry proves how shallow humanity can be... 🤦🏼♂️
To me, "self help" should have the explicit goal of dealing with oneself so that others don't have to. While there are obvious benefits to improving ones ability to manage their emotions and biases to become a more consciously reasonable person, the primary goal is to not contribute to the shittiness of the world. If we are practical, we shouldn't expect ourselves to contribute to the net positive (although that would be swell), but we should hold ourselves and others to the ideal of not contributing to the net negative, at a minimum. Not that this would solve everything, but it would be a start and might limit the influence of opportunists exploiting vanity.
People want an easy way to solve their problems, endlessly seeking the answer. When everyone is simply living in denial...
So they mistake self-help books with Philosophy, omitting their own criteria thus blaming themselves and sabotaging things for others as a means to divert from acknowledging the true source of their enslavement.
Once they DO have money, a lot of money, the frustration persist and they feel it's never enough stealing or hoarding stuff or attention the void is never filled.
I wonder how Jared is...
The hair product killed him. That's why this dude stays bald.
Self-help culture is attempting to fill the void left by the societal abandonment of the spiritual impulse in man. Carl Jung had two definitions of self. The big Self and the small self. The small self is the individual, the ego, the big Self includes the collective, and everything beyond that, which is basically God. And in that he arrived to the similar conclusion all mystics, yogis and shamans came to, that All is Self. You are God. This idea is expressed in "The Golden Rule", something that appears in pretty much every ancient text: "Treat your neighbour as you would like to be treated". Because there is no seperation between you and them, self and other. You are me, I am you. Returning to this fundamental understanding of reality can only happen if we get rid of this worldview pushed by hard science that we are dead materialistic machines floating on a meaningless rock in space, and accept that there IS meaning to life, it is to Love. Love disolves all seperation, spirituality is the only thing that's going to turn this individual obsessed society into a more community focused society. The only way we can start caring more for each other and the earth again is if we try our best each day to remember that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Until this becomes the focus and common thread in mainstream global ideologies and pop-culture, we are on the highway to hell.
Spat my coffee out at the "forceful dating app" joke, lmao
Whatever assists someone in translating their mere thoughts into actions I think is worthy of being considered a form of "self-help". As time goes by the list of abandoned dreams just gets longer kids... If someone or a book helps you propel to action and help you get out of inertia, I think that's a good thing even if, in the end, you don't get exactly the results you were after - nothing can guarantee specific outcomes.