Ok, this is honestly a life changing video for me. As an INFJ, I give myself 190%. Exactly what you said. Love, effort, patience, trust... and people either take it for granted (and usually I end up being walked over by them), or they just think I am trying too hard to be liked or good. I have to control myself 24/7 to not be too thoughtful, too careful, too passionate... thank you so much! I will keep the analogy of the house forever. Getting payments in each step. Perfect.
Hi Karol. only 190% and not 200%. LOL ;)) Always wait 3 - 6 months after a commitment to you before committing to anything. It is that time that will show all that you need to tell you that you are on the right path. Give more or less as needed based on the importance of the person or event. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn i am so thankful to you n god i came across this helpful video....i dedicate my each cell of the body and get not even 1% back specially emotional understanding wise :(
Taken me a long time to get what you just said. I'm 57, and I'm just learning to accept the idea of financial solvency is dependent upon me dealing with a job I don't necessarily love all that much. Great money but it does not engage me all that much in terms of my talents and abilities. Stability is important though.
Mee too. I'm $3000 debt. Here is one of my projects www.ambitionstock.com I lost a lot of clients in web design having no idea why but people told me similar things that are in the video. Like why do I send mockups and ideas too early. I'm like what you mean TOO EARLY? Fast work the better isn't it? But I sensed they are somehow right. I can do a better web desig n job alone than a team of ten and I do it ten times faster.
Maria Anya Paola Sanchez funny I just read your comment. It was one of my posts on FB about a week ago. Don’t cast pearls before swine. Too many people have learned about me thru my own talkative faults. Not everyone is deserving of my thoughts, words, problems and either good or bad fates. Boom. Dumb it down. TMI=INFJ. And I have been such a fawn. I want to be the lioness now. Stop wanting to save everyone, or think through my ways I over indulge with my personal baggage. Not everyone cares, and it’s used against me. Glad I stumbled upon this. So many questions answered!
You had me at “dealing with cluster b’s”. Started feeling like I’m in a twilight zone and questioning if there are in fact any healthy minded or growth minded people and if yes where the heck are they.
Hi Hope. Funny you should mention Twilight Zone as my last upload is straight from an episode. I am not sure but they were not with me on June 13, 2020. Find any of them, please send some my way. ;) Thank you for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
Seems like EVERYONE in my life are energy vampires!!! No wonder I'm always having an sick feeling stomach & nausea a lot, people are polluting me with all their POISON!!! Some people I'm willing to absorb it for, other's I'm not, but being a hekoya empath, I really have no choice! Need a lot of me time to recharge, God, I ALWAYS THOUGHT I was a weirdo, just like everyone else thinks I am, but now I know why, I'M AN INFJ-T!!!💯😂
Hey Chicago. Read you comment and thank you. If I could just offer one thing: Do not underestimate my experience with cluster B's and who I am when I say this to you ok. Please look at my earlier videos for reference and experience if you need to confirm. Your comment above is so spot on that I just wanted to take the time to tell you. It is a serious issue and is what I am trying to say to you. So if you are taking it VERY serious then you are way ahead of me and congratulations but if not, please take this comment to heart. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
@@marty_glenn thanks buddy, yeah, I got her pinned, & been knowing out for awhile that she's a "covert narcsisst", that's how she initially reeled me in, but as a sucker "in love" I fell for it, only somewhat though, I knew she was......"OFF"!!! She started showing how jealous & insecure she was, & I should've ran then, but I got her pregnant, & wanted to do the right thing, but you can't FORCE a narc to love ANYONE more than themselves, & it's sad to say, that I KNOW she's a lost cause, she's TOO PERFECT to have flaws, it's EVERYONE ELSE that's the crazy ones!!!💯😂
Yes!!! I know lol . It is very lonely. And all you wanna do is make a difference and make a contribution because that’s who you are and it needs to come out. But I learned long ago to ask permission first works better. To say would you like some coaching with this because people don’t ask for help and if you give it without anyone asking it’s a waste of your oxygen. 😊
You nailed it! I'll tell you something about this on a personal level too. I met a man on an internet dating site and we had gotten to the point where we were talking on the phone. About 10 minutes into the first (and only) call, he asked me what my game was? What was I out to get? I was startled and questioned him about what the hell he was talking about. He said, "no woman is like you, you seem too perfect." I'm an average middle-aged woman, mind you. This wasn't about the looks. I couldn't even figure out what I had done to create this as I hadn't tried to deal with a problem, etc. He mentioned what I liked and who I was and was judging me based on that. Another guy called me "a unicorn" and said that was very intimidating because I was "too together." OK, these are dating site fellas, right? There's a lot of crazies in that crew. Well... I've had female friends who told me that they felt jealous of my ability to figure things out quickly when they presented a problem. They were used to having to work for the solution and having to have it take a while for them. I have a good friend who said it made her jealous and annoyed at the same time and that when I offered the solution she would get pissed. Finally, one day my son and I were talking about a business thing and I told him "I'd try this approach." He laughed and said, "you make things seem easy and I know they work, but it's not really as easy for everyone else you know, it's kind of a weird thing that you can do." That startled me. I have had confirmation after confirmation that I offer something great and massively helpful, but that it's scary because sometimes the things I offer can be "too good to be true" in the perception of the other person. They're trying to figure out my angle when the "angle" is that I have good insight and intuition and that I thrive when I can help. Of course then there will also always be people who will try to take advantage of it. Lots of people. It draws the 80% cluster you mentioned, they spot it and go in to use it. You have to set yourself up to notice who they are really quickly. Since learning that insight I've dumbed down, limited help to small doses that can be managed by the person, and done exactly what you're describing. I coach a good many people too, and I purposefully also take time to get them to invest in the solution over calls so that they're not blown away or intimidated. Since they worked through it with me, and came at it slowly they buy in that it's their solution, and I just helped them find it. What INFJs can do is truly a gift, but we have to be able to share as appropriate and be really careful with our own egos. I trained myself to cut the preaching and focus the communication on the level of the other. All this sounds like I've got it together completely, but as you know, that's just not the case. INFJs have really good insight into the others, but we frequently overlook the red flags or the hidden threats because we are hyper-focused on resolving the problem. I need my coach and my loved ones to catch me and help me correct when I'm allowing someone in that will be chaotic. Boundaries, some ego deflation and a little bit of dumbing down are great. The coolest thing is though when you met another INFJ and you can get real. That's magical.
Hi Marsden. You said: "I trained myself to cut the preaching and focus the communication on the level of the other. " Me: The best and quickest way to achieve this is for the INFJ to have and raise children. Nothing will even come close to helping the INFJ get a better understanding of who and what they are as it relates to preaching and focus as it communicates to others. ;)) Two boys 20/21 and I am still learning to control it and to be better. You might find my videos on Mental Health and Cluster B worthy of your time and shoring up those boundaries. Very well said and accurate. I could never coach; just not something I could. Maybe one off advice but not coach on an on going basis. Good for you. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn You are right again, Sir! Raising kids will straighten things out for sure. It truly clarifies who we are when we are left to care and help another develop. I'm watching some of your other videos right now and I'm really looking forward to seeing some about boundaries. Although I gave you examples I do have really strong boundaries nowadays (thank God) but it took forever to learn how to erect them and feel really comfortable in my skin. I find the level and flavors of human perspectives really amazing. Thank you again for that insight and reminder that not everyone can handle the INFJ. It took me years to figure that one thing out, and I couldn't have worded it better than what you just did here. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Keep going!
Marsden. Thank you for the kind words. And yes to what you said: It is a pill Keep going? Be careful what you wish for. You do not know what I am going to talk bout next. It might open doors you do not want to open. lol Thank you again for the nice compliments. TYWC - Marty
I have always had this problem. I just didn't know others did as well. I have watched countless numbers of people with far less ability advance past me. My bosses have never given me the benefit of the doubt. Even though the work was done, they refused to trust that it was being done. I finally realized that it was just like math class. You have to show your work. Where others would have constant issues, I would quietly complete the task. It's had a very detrimental impact on my life. I wish I had discovered it in my 20s rather than my 50s.
Hi DLMiller1966. I am sorry for the lack of success you clearly deserved as I have suffered the same... What else can I say, as many INFJ's have felt the same. I get it. Your comment will help other younger INFJ's. TYWC - Marty
Omg! The exact same has happened to me! I can quietly achieve things but never say it out loud or explain in interviews. It doesn't help I have ADHD too. Wow!
Right on! People can only believe from their own frame of mind, so they can’t accept someone could be trying to help them without personal gain. I like your logic, thank you!
Lazaro. Hi. I do not know what to say back because your comment is spot on. Thank you for compliment. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
I think an INFJ does help someone for personal gain. After all, helping others is in an INFJ's identity so it makes them feel better, which is also a form of personal gain. But perhaps they don't comprehend how helping others give INFJ's personal gain.
I had a close friend who once said ~ altruism doesn't exist, no one does/helps for nothing, just to do so. I struggled with this as I thought I often did. As I sensed that it typically made me feel good or right to just help/be/give if I could I mentally debated this. It can be viewed from many perspectives 😋 lol, our nature...
I feel like my brain is constantly in overdrive. I see what you’re saying Marty. I am also constantly looking at all angles. I had no idea all INFJ’s think this way. I find it easier to set boundaries now. Thanks Marty.
Hi Robdrums....Yep. Overdrive! Self medicate...? What a shit show. Can I point you to the number videos I have and the content and the span of time to do it? lol TYWC - Marty
My 21 year old daughter told me I was like herding a cat! Lol I told her it just feels like all the tabs are open in my computer. I’m trying to focus on the main screen but the open tabs are still silently screaming at me.
Boy this is a good comment. I have tried with so many people to offer them solutions to their problems only to realize that they aren't looking for solutions.( unless those solutions involve zero sacrifice or any real work/change)
Really enjoyed this video! Thank you for sharing this insight. I'm an INFJ-T. I was raised by a father with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and a mother that suffered with anxiety and depression and had Borderline Personality Disorder. They both came from very dysfunctional families as well, so you can imagine my childhood was super fabulous. In order to survive this wonderful childhood, I had to learn very quickly how to frame my thoughts and ideas in a way that made them look and feel like the awesome parents they wished they were and desperately wanted the world around them to believe them to be. When I was finally able to legally leave the nest, I did so immediately, and never looked back. This skill of framing I learned to cope and survive my childhood has certainly come in handy as an adult. Using my intuition to successfully suss out what makes people tick and understand what it is they really want affords me the opportunity to frame the solution they're looking for in a way that is most appealing to them. In my twenties I worked in retail, then in banking. In those industries this skill is often referred to as sales marketing and cross selling. I was really good at my job in both areas, but I wasn't exactly happy. In politics, this skill is known as framing, because you're not selling a product or service, your selling ideas. Those politicians/leaders who are best able to frame their ideas tend to be (but not always) the ones who get elected. I think if an INFJ can master the skill of framing their thoughts and ideas (as opposed to dumbing down), they will have more successful outcomes when communicating with others, at work, and in their personal lives. Thank you again, Marty, for taking the time to verbalize this very frustrating conundrum so many of us find ourselves in. The fact that there is someone out there that truly understands this struggle brings me great comfort. Sending you a hug and wishing you peace wherever you may be.
I no longer give advice - I can't begin to tell you how much of myself I've given away to these vampires that always need a sounding board, a "fixer" of their poor life choices only to have them blow me/my advice off then return later for more advice/fixing🤦♀️ I've shored up my boundaries, they are now sancrosect & I defend them fiercely.
Hyi Bryson. Good for you. I do not ever want to be like you. Where did you get that brain scan? I would like to make my appointment today. lol ;)) TYWC - Marty
I know you said you no longer give advice. But, your post is great advice to all of us with these predicaments. Very wise Just wanted to give you a little tease- haha. It takes strength to recognize our own patterns and the patterns of others, and when they are working for everyone else except us. Knowing our boundaries and defending them is key. I "discovered" this in my late 40's, thanks to posters who took the time to share their wisdom.
This is so true. My husband gets mad at me for giving him these simple solutions without knowing “all the facts”. It’s like I have enough info to see the obvious patterns but he’d rather me listen to him complain & watch him continue to make the same mistakes. I guess that’s what I’ll have to do to keep the peace. Thank you for explaining this!
Hi Alicia. Wow. I feel it and coming from a woman as it relates to a man who cannot compete with you as your husband cannot. Dynamic relationship difference; very tough to handle when things are already tough. I get it. TYWC - Marty
Glad I finally found you after 72 years of dealing with these issues. For once, someone has finally told me, "It's not your fault!" Thank you for that.
Hi Elizabeth. You are welcome and know that video is real and I am talking to a real person and they are family. So your comment and that video are connected. TYWC - Marty
Something else that helps with this as well is a good dose of humility and understanding your own boundaries. Ultimately, you have to decide that you will help and offer and give, not because you want the person to do what you say, but because you're going to do the right thing regardless of what they decide to do with it. We are responsible for our own actions, and they are responsible for theirs. If we spend time giving and investing and they choose to do nothing with it, it's a heartbreak for us because we care about them and want the best for them. But maybe it is also the path they have to go down in order to learn the difference between wisdom and folly. Maybe they will come back to us a year from now and realize what they did wrong and be better equipped for the future because of it. And even if we NEVER, EVER, EVER get "credit" for what we said or for suggesting something different, it doesn't matter. It's not about getting credit. It's about doing the right thing. We get overly arrogant when we think we understand, not only what course of action makes best sense for someone, but what they themselves NEED in order to grow as people. Maybe it's not listening to us. Maybe it's learning it for themselves. Maybe it's falling flat on their faces and growing in personal character because of it. We don't see all ends and we don't know the entire story. Be careful not to think more highly of yourself than you ought. To quote Gandalf, "Even the very wise cannot see all ends." Some people are just energy-suckers and a mess. Don't keep pouring yourself out for them. Get a little emotional distance, set some boundaries. Don't allow yourself to be repeatedly frustrated after they've shown you a few times that they're not listening. You can love someone and let go of trying to control their choices. Remember that you don't get to be them or write their story for them. You can control what you say and how much you invest, but not what anyone does with it. Be wise with your emotional resources and don't waste them once someone has shown you a pattern of not receiving what you have to offer. As a Christian...I recognize that there's an Author for each person's story who isn't me and who is eminently capable of redeeming mistakes. That gives me hope. I know that He has shepherded me through many failures and he can do so for those I love, and that sometimes, the road to our destiny comes through failure and weakness and the character development that comes through those things. I am not the be-all and end-all. I have something to offer, but not everything. And I can trust that the people I love are ultimately in the hands of the One who made them and who loves and knows them better than I ever could. It's a freeing thing. It frees me to give without strings attached, without wanting or needing anything in return, without needing to see the return on my investment right away, or even at all, simply because it's the right thing to do. And I know that when I do the right thing, it's never a waste. When I know I've done what I should have done, the burden of responsibility is no longer on me. The other person will make choices that he or she will have to live with. I have a clear conscience. And God is still writing the bigger story.
Hi Rosie. You said: (Paragraphs) My responses... 1. " This is all so true, yet the issue for me is that by the time I am helping I am invested at some level. The pain associated with the insidious nature of the situation is that more often than not it is based on someone needing the help but lacking the voice to help me help them. So take over is the normal result and ending in the normal result. 2. " The Cluster B and the associated persons are or have good in them and that insidious goodness eventually involves into the real person and void of any healthy narcissism which evolves toward the end into break up and a sad ending. " 3. " as I am not a religious person, yet always enjoy the nice comments and blessings, there is always a bigger picture being written and regardless of religious belief most do not see the story of said bigger picture, but only the stroy being told for them on that particular day with a new blank page being written each and every day. " I as the INFJ and the one helping or spending my time with the person always remember each day. So the pain begins again on each and every new day. TYWC - Marty
I have learned to wait to be asked for help and to not take it personally if my advice isn't taken. I take comfort in knowing I provided my opinion and advice and in doing so, I did my part. The other person has to take responsibility for the decision they make. Life is too short for "I told you so." Thank you for sharing your insight
Love this Rosie! Thank you for sharing. "When I know I've done what I should have done, the burden of responsibility is no longer on me." That's really powerful and true.
As a Christian myself I absolutely agree and love your comment so much so that I'm gonna screenshot it and look at it whenever I need to put things into perspective. I personally struggle with always being the giver coz at some point I start to have expectations from people especially when it involves romantic feelings. But,I guess like you said it's important to set certain boundaries when they show you a pattern of behaviour and just pray for them coz God has a greater plan for everything. Thank you so much for the comment❤
Thank you for this video Marty ! I am 21 and I pretty much figured it out when I was still in high school. I understood that everyone is free to live his life on his own terms. So if someone doesn't want my help, it's okay. Not all people are constant improvers looking fore meaning in their lives. Some want to stay wrong or keep the problem hidden and we are not responsible for that. We have to respect their point of view and use our "superpower" for ourselves and for people who actually want it. I don't see it as a curse, I think everything is manageable, including that. But god, it's a relief to see that other INFJ are going through the same thing :) Hang in there !
Thank you and well said. 21? Very good. You walked right up to the line of the INFJ rare and superpower ridiculousness but did not cross it. Great comment and keep doing you; you are on a great path. TYWC - Marty
Omg! I’m 4 minutes in and can’t contain my excitement!! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home feeling bad because people act so suspicious of me. Why can’t people accept that I just want to improve things around me? That IS the payoff for me. Also...I’m so tired of being treated like I’m stupid! It’s called optimism people! And yet when someone has a problem I’m who they come to. I SEE consequences and yet when that thing happens they act totally surprised even though I warned them. So frustrating
Hi Jen. Yep. It is hard. For me the hardest part is not being able to stop it or change. Even if I decide not to say anything, I am left with hours of spinning within my head about the situation or how would have handled it or would have liked to. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
>I feel bad because people are suspicious of me There are some famous infj cult leaders iirc. People cannot judge you deeply and accurately like you can judge them, they do not have that skill or ability. People's wariness is totally justified from their point of view. Infjs are manipulative and have a lot of power over people emotionally. Manipulative can mean good or bad. A good manipulation is helping someone behind their back. You can choose how to make someone feel especially if they are open to you. That power alone is belittling for the other person, let alone the potential damage you could do to them with it. People have blind spots where they store things that scare them, things that are powerful. Infj is not a synonym for a Saint. Also infjs are more cold and somewhat hollow than they seem to see themselves Ni Ti is not a fuzzy warm core. Fe is not solid and dependable emotionally like Fi, it's capricious often and that's hard to be vulnerable with. ~intj currently working through some stuff about an infj girl I dated years ago, hope it helps rather than offending x
"Your to good to be true".... I burst out crying after hearing you say this.....these were the exact words the person I fell in love with said when he explained why he couldn't be with me 😔 This is the first video of yours I've seen and right away I noticed the similarity between the way you talk, pause, clarify etc etc to how I feel I sound and look when I'm teaching something to people. Very raw, from the heart and making connections that I didn't even realize could be connected ....thank you for sharing 🙏💚
Hi Carissa. Well what can I add to what you said. You get it and so glad you do. I am always doing my best and thank you for your kind words. Thank you for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
I've been told something similar too, it was bittersweet to hear the joy that someone values you but it's because of your value to them they're afraid of handling you
Carissa...I’m so sorry you experienced that loss! We have such deep feelings...and when we connect...it’s real. My husband is very simple. I joke he is the root chakra in human form. Works hard as a plumber, was always a present dad.... fishing, baseball games etc. I would often get frustrated at how he never pondered...or looked for deeper meanings in things. He is just a happy content person naturally...and I on the other hand can’t stop seeing how a situation could be improved. After 21 years of marriage I really think this is the best pairing for us INFJ. We need people who really ground us and don’t get carried off into emotions with us. It’s like every sail needs and anchor.
People need to learn for themselves. Sharing the whole plan is like telling someone their future, at best they will resent you for being right. Instead, meet people where they are at. For example, spend the hour asking them good questions about what they want to do with their business, and offer to screen their developer when they choose one. This way they are driving, and you're providing good counsel. They may take it our leave it, but you're walking with them on their path instead of showing them a "right" path.
This is so so so true. Every time I've met someone and instantly seen their problem/solution and offered them this, I become their counsel, they look to me constantly OR they shut me out Instead, when I just listen, let them figure it out, 95% of the time I had been right all along but this takes off all the discomfort and pressure
Dude this is my whole life. 😭 It breaks my heart when I pour my whole heart, mind, and soul into a subject and then painstakingly articulate the problem/solution that I have arrived at after years of marinating in said topic only for others to give me the dead fish look and act like they suddenly don't understand English or reason. We really are aliens! My heart is always on the brink of implosion...and living with my in-laws with fixed mindsets has me questioning my sanity and looking for therapy. lol Some people only want to talk about the news and the weather, and questioning the world on a fundamental level (or diving into themselves to heal and grow) is too scary and foreign. And since our voice is a minority voice (albeit a voice of reason) it is easily marginalized. At least my partner is INTJ (I think) with a VERY growy growth mindset, so THANK GOD we have each other to turn to. :) Having two beautiful daughters to influence and nurture is our top priority.. my three year old already gets fed up when a grandparent is being intellectually or emotionally lazy with her! They brush her off now and pander away regardless, but they won't be able to rebuff her forever. Haha
Hi Crystalline... " It will not be me that exposes who and what you are, it will be our children. When they do they will crush you and unfortunately they will be crushed as well and that makes me very sad. Very sad!" - Marty ...Said to the mother of my children so many times I cannot count that high in number. The day is fast approaching and this TH-cam channel put that day into warp speed. Great comment - TYWC - Marty
Been there done that with my own mother, and my grown daughter! Yes a life time of it. They present a problem, ask for advice, ignore it, cry about consiquences after the fact. So beyond sick of it. These days I'm out of the help and advice giving business altogether and sadly helping too. The only one who deserves my help these days is me. Sometimes the world just teaches you that--stay in your own lane and let other people figure their own shit out! The worst part, as in when my senior mother had all her assets seized by an attorney I begged her not to go with, was to hear "I should have listened to you" afterwards. It was unbelievable!
i feel this so much! i’m having issues right now (which i guess ive felt many times before) with one of my friends. despite the fact i’d consider her my closest and oldest friend, she never reaches out to me - to see if i want to hang out, to ask how i’ve been, to have a chat etc and i get really tired of feeling like i’m not receiving the effort i’m giving, because i always help her and ask if she wants to catch up. watching this video reminds me of this feeling - i feel that infjs arent ever really EXPECTING something in return, but when we constantly give so much we put ourselves in a position where we’re bound to feel forgotten by the people we care about. our empathy and desire to help is definitely an admirable thing, but it can cause us so much frustration! definitely a curse :/
HI Odette. Please watch the video on ' Giving too much... ' It goes into more detail and explains much more. There is more going on then an INFJ thing I think as I read your comment. TYWC - Marty
This actually made me cry. I feel so understood. I wondered why it is that people just will not accept the things I tell them when I KNOW that I have the answers to their problems. I guess you are right, I need to give it to them in small increments so that they can absorb it before moving onto the next part. Thank you so much for making this videos.
THIS has happened to me on many levels throughout my life... At my core, I am INFJ...but the pain of confronting this over & over, ad nausium...triggered an upshift in my analysis... I found myself, via preservation of my own sanity, to become less & less attached TO THE OUTCOME... a completely Stoic LOGICAL application... I rose ABOVE the emotional attachment & now find myself in "hover mode"... INTJ!!! I still feel the situation but have learned how to unplug that "emotional drag" that would "freeze frame" my ability to process other's seeming distrust & almost deliberate self-sabotage when I was younger. It boils down to accepting the human condition as fickle: "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink." Ultimately I give them the solutions still, but it is up to them to actually activate them... Either way, I still fulfilled my portion of the "transaction" & WALK away from whatever their final decisions materialize. *DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME, FOR IT BELONGS TO THEM, NOT YOU.*💜
This is good: "*DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME, FOR IT BELONGS TO THEM, NOT YOU.*💜" I agree with that and find that to be a very simple mental solution. Well done. TYWC - Marty
I really appreciate your comment. I was tested back in 1985 when I was 30 and it set me on a course of devouring a multitude of books on the mbti, most specifically my type infj... cognitive function development... and self actualization... with those insights gained.. being that we prefer learning the easy way through observation, and not the hard way, I learned to detach from most interpersonal outcomes when offering my insights to others. People are attached to pain many times and they often don't want a way out... of course they also just can't comprehend my insight has provided them a way out. INFJs most often avoid many life mistakes via our intuition... but most others literally need to jump in front of a train before they know they're about to get flattened. I've come to believe that allowing people to experience their life lesson pain is my gift to them... it's the only way they can learn. Plus it gets tiring to never have your advice heeded or your insights respected. Detaching has been my gift to them and me. ❤
I think what helps is don’t offer all what you have to a complete stranger or potential friend. I know this is hard fellow INFJs but it is how the world works. So don’t offer it to an acquaintance, offer it to an actual friend
You nailed it here. I’ve been so frustrated with people who say they want their problem solved but actually just want you to hold their hand while they complain.
New to your channel but I like your vulnerability - its very true. I thought for a long time that everyone was like me. Very naive, I know. Now I need to work on my boundaries, but I'm not sure with where to begin. Thank you!
You would have to give me an example of something for me to help you. Examples give an idea to you and what situations you put yourself into plus I know nothing about you and that experience and life has a lot to do with how easy it is to set boundaries and basically understand what a boundary is. A boundary is not always something we don't like. A boundary can be moved in any direction and if there is love and care that helps move it then it is not as destructive has a boundary that moves against ones will or temperament. Example: If I give you 'A' and you do not give me 'B' at a later time with care and understanding, same as I gave you 'A' ((as to why the boundaries are being moved or expanded)) well I am sure you get the point. Make sense? - Marty
I had some good videos people wanted to see- same way I am a Google Local Guide.I must have a good eye for photography and I worked in advertising all my life.
thank you, love. This is beautiful. And you have put such right effort into this. What I find as an infj is that this 'giving of my beingness' to such a degree has triggered to the surface a chronic and pre-existing experience of ego disappointment. Tremendous disappointment. So, what has supported maturing beyond this experience of torturous disappointment/loneliness/disconnect is deconstructing identification with the ego construct (or personality) with what I call "inner work." This inner work, at some point, integrates to such a degree that boundaries (not as we understand boundaries) naturally begin to arise, rather than the personality establishing boundaries or the personality decreasing effort. I have experienced very little trust or recognition from others, and what arises is that it is for ME to recognize and trust myself, not for others. I have experienced a lifetime of violent push-aways, extreme judgment and gossip (criminal level) and devastating loss, and what arises is that it is for me to bring myself in closer than anyone else dares to, for me to investigate why these violent actions and words from others are so excruciatingly painful and devastating, and to inquire, "where does this loss originate from"....When I step down from identifying as this "personality" (the construct of "me" with all of its subconscious tactics and strategies attempting to fulfill its unmet needs), natural boundaries arise out of Self love, Self respect, Self honoring. I find I am still alone most of the time, but my relationship with myself begins to feel much more rooted and alive in the moment...in a magical and profoundly mysterious way... even the deep loneliness becomes this rich and palpable mystery/journey which no relationship with another has ever been able to fulfill. It is not that a relationship with another could never bring great joy and poignancy, because I have already tasted this potential with another person, and it is possible. It is just that, for relationship with another to embody any degree of depth and beauty, it must first be that this mystery which I am is recognized within myself. And it must be discovered THROUGH this experience of (false) personality identification and its unhealed polarities, through the experience of lack of trust, and through a tremendous lack of intimacy and recognition with/from another. The pain of false identification is the doorway. The lack of connection with another is the doorway. The other consistently misunderstanding the intention and pushing this one away, over and over again is the open doorway. Not fitting in anywhere. Being pushed out. Being shut down. It's a great humbling. Its a constant heart-shattering. It snaps you out of all ego-preoccupation, all indulgence. Out of the programming that "I am the personality construct". It's a profound fall into and through existential disillusionment on a day to day basis. Its a ripening, refining of the soul, and the infj is already primed to fall and deconstruct and open again to the next layer in this way..... I will not make myself smaller so that relationships will "work". But I will allow myself to be worked and worked by the inner alchemical forces to integrate the wounding so that I am more fully honoring this authentic and balanced expression, even if no one ever recognizes the beauty of this expression..... To "give up" playing these sacrificing roles with others is not so much a "dumbing down" as it is an integration of the wounding. In my case, the healthiest thing is to do the inner work when the other triggers the pain of my failure to help them or be recognized as only wanting to help. In other words, by projecting the "help" externally, I am shown by the other's reaction that I am utilizing my energy incorrectly. And so, to stop this and utilize my energy correctly, I move toward Self and away from the preoccupation with the other. I move toward saving/helping/being available/nurturing self rather than being this for the other. Now how can an infj do this authentically? Because the infj (atleast one who is more mature) KNOWS that to move toward the Self is to TRULY assist the other, because this is a movement toward unconditionally loving the One Unloved Self. And to mirror this unconditional love is to mirror for another their true potential as a human being. What a gift to bring! And I will be the first to throw myself in the fire so the other person(s) can recognize that someone can love and care SO MUCH as to give the life to be a conscious, clear reflection. That the other IS WORTH everything I can possibly give of myself in a lifetime. xoxo Heather
I see someone has/is going through the same emotional torment as me! Now I bond with my pain. It's far more intimate than anything I've ever known with another person. The truth often hurts but it's all we have. Anything other than truth is lies. And lies aren't even real. Dark truths must be embraced. Fighting against them causes much of our pain. At least reality is authentic. I can respect and work with that far more than fairy-tales. Indeed, 'Fall Into Reality' =)
I had a boss that helped me practice my patience, because I’d give him the solution before he spent the next couple of hours discussing a problem to then arrive at the same conclusion & then he’d think it was his idea! It worked in my favor a few times when I wanted him to do something so I’d give him ideas that I knew he’d think were his own & follow up on. Manipulative yes but if I asked him to outright he’d say no. It helps tremendously to understand these dynamics because I thought that people basically used the same processes. Pretty fascinating!
Hi. When you keep thinking others are the same and think the same is when I think the real trouble starts for the INFJ. Something to thin about... TYWC - Marty
I do this too and I started mentioning it to my work friends so they could watch me start convincing managers to go along with my plans and think it was their idea and it turns out they really don't even think of better practices or solutions!!!! Crazy to think that not everyone is constantly problem solving, I don't know where I'd be without it 😰
It absolutely really is. I've read great insights on it but this is something I never ever read anywhere else and sounds like the solution to my business problems.
Brother this is a God send! You are! Your work here to me is! I just found out my suspicions of being an INFJ were true about 3 days ago and hearing this from an more experienced INFJ is like back to the future for me. Everything you just said. I’m 28 years old. And this truth brings tears to my eyes... knowing other people know it too.
Wow!! My partner sent me this and then afterwards said “Nevermind about that last video. It will be over your head it was kinda weird.” He is an ENFP... I am an INFJ. It’s comical to me because this video was life changing for me! I get it. You’re spot on. You KNOW how the INFJ mind works. You explain the way our it works better than I could, that’s for sure 👍🙏
HaHa. Glad you got it and please have him watch it 10 more times and I hope he gets it. Crazy how that works. But I also think it was cool he sent it to you. That is a good thing. TYWC - Marty
I often notice with my relationships now that I've learned to hold back in the beginning and show only parts of myself, instead of giving it all and caring a LOT all at once. I only just started seriously dating someone, first time in my life (im 23, just now mentally ready for something like that), and i'm having difficulty with pacing my emotions. I told him in the beginning I wanted to take it slow and needed my own space, but now, four months in, I am starting to CARE a lot. I asked him to be in a serious relationship but now he was suprised and said he wasn't ready (also because of a past relationship). I'm trying to take a step back now, and reevaluate things, but notice that I do have difficulty with holding back and "dumbing down". I want to give him the space but also sort of want to FIX it you know? Learning to hold back and pace yourself is so difficult! Did so well with it in the beginning... :s
Hi Whoknows. I get it. Be strong and structured and think of what you know and what you are and the best path for the desired outcome. Get it? You be in control and if you cannot be... ... do you have inner child work to do and or abandonment or trauma and or childhood abuse causing you to be co-dependent? Make sense? TYWC - Marty
I’ve been through this many times and with that have come to the conclusion that solving people’s problems is rarely ever a good idea! It is far better to listen first, ask questions that will lead them to consider what you are seeing, then ask them what they are considering as a course of action. Resist the urge to offer advise unless they request it.
I can totally see myself that I have done that a lot and still doing. In other words, a better way to handle this is to limit the output, ration what we give. It's weird because this shouldn't be an issue. I picture Merlin (if you have seen the series) who is gifted with magic and helps Arthur in a lot of situations and in some cases even saves Camelot by himself. At the same time, Merlin can never expose himself for who he really is, he has to use his talents without people noticing it because that would alienate Arthur (one of his best friends) and bring danger on himself. It's sort of like that with INFJs, the world is not used to our type and when they really meet one they don't know what to do with them.
Hi Andrei. You are right. One of my favorite movies and one of the four movies at age 11 that I knew I was different: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excalibur_(film) The other three are: 1. Sound of Music 2. West Side Story 3. Grease No Way, a child that young can and or could love those movies to the degree I did and still do. TYWC - Marty
Hi GERRiE. You are welcome and you can really thank a few of my viewers and trust me, they know who they are. They saw me coming and got together and started digging a more direct trench toward this very large rabbit hole directly in front of me. I was already on my way but I was not moving in a straight line. lol They helped. But in all seriousness... You are welcome and it is my pleasure. I heal and learn as much too. TYWC - Marty
Pure gold! I always blamed others that I needed to dumb myself down and got kind of bitter. I never saw why I had to do it. Because my logical mind or Ti never picked up on it. But this helped a lot! And will make life more fun I guess. Thank you Marty!
Great. I am going to do another video on something else you might find helpful because it sorta touches on how we get into these situations to begin with; probably later today or tomorrow. Thank you for your comment and watching. - M
This was one of the most insightful and accurate explanation of this “curse” I have lived with but was never able to identify let alone address. Thank you!
Thank you so much! I cry watching your video, most of the time I feel like people don't trust me even when I work so hard. I'm still so young and I gona take your advise to heart. ❤ I cried almost the whole video.
Thank you. The more you watch of me the more you will see and feel a difference in how I think and feel and sense the world around me and the funny thing is this: " How come nobody does content like I do or has even touched on it like I do? Not even close! Find it for me and show me. :) I appreciate you watching and the impact it has; all for the good. TYWC - Marty
I've felt like this recently at work. Like I was giving a lot of myself and getting no real return. So I kinda just... stopped. Now I'm being told I don't give my all.... Like why should I?!
I stumbled upon this video at the right time. I'm currently having a problem with someone at work (personal stuffs but she brought it into our work as well). And all of my rational best friends and colleagues said to me "girl, f ing set a boundaries" well i guess i need to do that now
That's very helpful video, thank you for your effort. I was wandering why even my parents and siblings are so suspicious of me even when i am trying really hard to be the best person i can be, somebody who can be trusted in every situation. Now i have the information that hopefully will help me deal with this problem. Once more, thank you :)
Wow ! When you said INFJ's come across as 'too good to be true' i felt it deeply..this is what people usually tell me..and because of all the intuition and future oriented thinking..i can literally see through people ! It is a curse yes :( and eventhough i didn't go through the problem from the comment i find your advice super helpful so that i can deal with other people and feel satisfied (since my high expectations always leave me disappointed despite all the care and effort i give..) thank you so much sir for this video i'm glad i found it :)
Great explanation. I deal with this kind of thing, with cluster b's, by just shrugging and mentally acknowledging that they're just different, they're not for me to overshare myself with, that sometimes they're just dummies (not in a mean way, but in a dismissive way so I can better deal with the emotional response I'm having that grows stronger with each of these kinds of experiences). Part of me revolts strongly against the "dumbing myself down" bit .. I understand why but I don't like it. We really need to guard ourselves and I'm not naturally like that. I'm a sharer at my core, like we all are I think. If you're not aware of what's happening it can really beat up on your self-confidence and you can start to disassociate - I try very hard to be aware of myself and how I'm interacting with each person these days but damn it's hard to do on a constant and unending basis. Like everyone, you just want to be understood. It's a killer to find a romantic relationship that actually works to your satisfaction.
Hi Kim. You said: "but in a dismissive way" You said: 'Part of me revolts strongly against the "dumbing myself down" bit .. I understand why but I don't like it.' Well then, Kim, I got nothing. lol I get your point. I do. Well said. ;) You said: "It's a killer to find a romantic relationship that actually works to your satisfaction." Me: " I did a test and I will be doing a video on it and too your comment I will respond to you when the video is done. okay. You will enjoy it and get it for sure. I feel your pain and what you go through. The hard part is that the partners you are choosing, like me, are probably really nice people. TYWC - Marty
Thank you for this video! I have just been thinking why people are always trying to catch me in a lie or they think I'm hiding something. I guess guilty minds are always suspicious 🤷♀️
Thank you so much for this. I can’t convey the emotions I feel right now. I’m quite familiar with this curse, it has always been the bane of my existence. Never understood why people passively rejected obvious solutions I offered. Your video made me really understand the dynamics behind the problem. Again, thank you.
😊🤯. I was scrolling through the comments looking at thumbnail pictures. Many Infjs are very attractive. Many of us have a unique mix of masculine and feminine features. But another common thing I’ve seen is thick or big hair, even if it’s receding. Gandhi is rumored to be an I NFJ, if you look at his pictures even with shaved head he has thick hair. Marty, what are your thoughts? Have you seen this?
I am not sure and maybe reaching but this I will say: " I get it and can agree to a certain point but good looks and that to MBTI, might be a little far of a reach." I do like it though and think it is a great theory. TYWC - Marty
WOW.. WHOAAAAAA. Blew my MIND, this explanation. I've had the same thing happen before and could NOT comprehend why I was ignored. I chalked it up to something I must be "doing wrong," or maybe because I'm a woman, or because I'm short, etc. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video!!!
I agree with your statement that the INFJ seems too good to be true. There's an emotional integrity or sincerity about INFJs and, with that, there's innocence. Unfortunately, many people equate innocence with stupidity or lack of experience. The same thing happens to people who have a positive outlook on life - others have the response "Just wait until you grow up and then you won't be so happy". It really is the other person's problem. They think that innocence and pure intent means that you are probably just starting out and don't have a lot of experience. And the same goes for humility - some people assume that only arrogant people are intelligent. It's sad that others aren't seeing your value and your purity, but other people do have the right to follow the advice of someone that they trust. And if they trust someone who is assertive and pushy and expensive and appears to have "worldly experience", then it is their right to value that and choose that. And they get to reap the consequences of their choices, too.
Hi Heather. So if I drive a Lamborghini does that mean I am a success and a role model or just able to make a payment? So goes the world we live in and social media and the world it seems we currently live in. Well said. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn That F in the INFJ is all about what you and other people value. Yes, the world as it is at the moment means that many people value the Lamborghini and anything to do with money more than heart, integrity or talent. But I have great faith in the INFJs, for even though they're rare, they're powerful and they bring an awareness of valuing these other inner things. I'm not an INFJ myself but I'm sure glad they're here in the world.
OMG! Thank YOU!! YOU just clarified everything for me. I have prayed for understanding and resolution. I opened my phone this morning and “saw” this! WOW! HE is amazing ... all you have to do is knock and the door will be opened! Thank YOU, thank YOU, thank YOU for taking the time, effort, and energy to put together your channel!!
Hi Manager... I hope so because I mean it and have the life experience and videos to be in the ball park to be able to say that so take what works and toss aside what does not and I think it will be better that way than if you do nothing. Sounds basic but how many of us truly practice this in life? TYWC - Marty
Thanks for this video. You are spot on! It reminded me of a job I got fired from many years ago. I was over qualified, senior mgmt was incompetant. The reason I got fired was "I came in acting like I knew what I was doing!" If didnt know, why would they hire me? I went on to much greater career success. Versions of this scenario have repeated over years professionally/ personally. But I refuse to become incompetant because they are. What you beautifully explained makes sense. I find withdrawing from these people/situations frees me from the constant anxiety. I dont want to fight, insult, argue, etc.What is the end game reward for the 80% of Cluster B's? I am exhausted by them. A lonely life sounds preferable to these toxic vampires. How are INFJs and empaths created. It must be "nature" bcs "nurture" is not in the equation.
It’s all about fairly accurate trajectories based on combinations of all the things anyway. It’s just like being a ghost floating above your life but not able to go too far within a system of entropy.
you are truly inspirational. I my self am an infj and I feel no other TH-camr, psychologist, etc understands “us infjs” or demotes this much of there time, to learn and understand us how you do. Your work is amazing God bless you Marty Glenn
My question me being a intutive clarvoiant I find that my abilitys also go in to over drive find out things i dont want to know. Can this fall under the trust issue too. I have no control of my switch. What i see and here its only recently when some one has treated me bad that the information about that person comes streaming in
I figured out a lot of what you said in this video the hard way...by going in too fast and getting hurt. The past few months, I've really been understanding HOW IMPORTANT it is for me to slow down! Thank you so much for this video! It reaffirmed so much of what I've been learning about myself in the past few months, why have the tendency to go all in right away, and why it's better in the long run to take new relationships slow. When I think back to all the healthy relationships I've developed in my life, I realize that they all took time to build. Somewhere along the line, I became too worried about being liked and people pleasing that I lost sight of the importance of SLOOOWWWING DOWN.
Hi Christine. That is funny. Well this I can promise you. My next video will be something you can relate to and will probably make you want to scream. Let us both see if I am right. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty Oh and don't worry about it, nobody knows you so comment away and just post it. ok ;)
Hey Marty, just wanted to thank you very much for all the videos! Seen them all first comment, it's funny but I found you videos by searching "why do I feel cursed" kinda funny looking back on it, but keep going mate you're spot on about everything in what I've heard, I'm just glade I found you when, thanks mate for the time and effort you're going to for the young infj, awesome job! Fuck the haters I understand you every word and they help! Thanks Sam
Appreciate Sam. I will not always say the best or correct for everyone but the 80/20 rule and allowing everyone to have strange views or desire to say what no one else will; that is about how this channel goes. With that said, I am sure you get it, the hate needs to be with IQ and professional. Not just keyboard hate. TYWC - Marty
HaHa Does it? You know it is funny... I always have to remind people that I do not plan or anything, I just turn the camera on and go. So I am always, well most of the time, very concerned about backlash. I am always very happy when I get it right. TYWC - Marty
This honestly made me want to cry. But in the grand scheme of things you're right. Right when you said "dumb down" it honestly shocked me. But ya some people don't even deserve my thoughts let alone want to hear it (even if I'm right) ,anyways, subscribed. I think the right crowd that understands is out there, somewhere eventually.
How are you writing and the words aren't coming out in reverse? Are you actually doing mirror writing? Edit: Figured it out. He's writing normally and reversed the video.
I understood this when I was 22 that I am such a giver that has no boundaries so therefore, now I know my value and added tax. No more free advices, nothing. I feel guilty of doing so much for others while I was walking on eggshells. I feel pity on myself for doing that. Infjs are truly blessed people and we are the knowers of the world. We know so much without degrees.
As an INFJ on my thirties I've realized that, so I became a person who can't believe in anyone and test them often and that's another problem. I simply can be simple lol
Hi Lays. Yep. Here i show I do it... Said to my SO... " Testing and then, oh you passed... Did you? Nope. Here is another test for you. What is that you say...? I said, "you did good yesterday???" What... you think yesterday counts for today? Oh how silly of me to not inform you when we met that each and every day is a new day and new test and yesterday and those tests and the types of test have anything to do with today.... but thank you for play and what??? Oh that... That is a door I am going to fuck'n throw your stupid silly ass through if you decide to screw me over because you are tired of the daily tests. TYWC - Marty
This is very insightful. Getting to the point where I never would just give my effort, energy or knowledge away ever again has made me very successful. I learned that I had to prove it to them, show them, give them facts and then ask them for money, lol. And then they paid it and they also started to respect the amazing and unique talents and abilities that I have - but ONLY because I learned how to require it from others. Also, realizing that so many people around me were cluster B's allowed me to stop caring what they thought or said because they don't really have any feelings themselves - so why should I care?
Wow, I instantly pulled out a note book and wrote this down. So relatable, when i was young. I was actually a really super loving and caring kid, but some how always got categorized as a "bad kid" not trust worthy and the biggest one SNEAKY. It took me 28 years to realize I was none of these and started to try and untangle the years of damage. Not only by others but myself. Becoming an addict and a criminal because well thats what I was right, WRONG. Now on my recovery path of 2 years and realizing I don't have to be this tough thug, and that the●Intense● out cry of emotions and energy can be delt with in a healing way. And I don't have to save every person at kroger grocery shopping on Sunday morning 🙄 Finding out im a INFJ//EMPATH HAS helped me tremendously and SO HAS YOUR VIDEO! THANK YOU. New subscriber for sure.😘😘
You are welcome and thanks for helping to proving what I have always known: The harder you are on the outside, the weaker you are on the inside. Good for you turning that on its head. I am sure you are much happier. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn I keep getting happier with each passing day. I constantly meditate and set my intentions. Keeps me focused on whats really important. Thanks for your reply!!
When you mentioned "dumb yourself down," i cringed. But then I understood exactly what you meant. Practicing restraint and giving people pieces of yourself over time and not all at once because a lot of people can't handle the full course meal of an INFJ, unfortunately. Boundaries are so necessary. And I'm so guilty of giving people all of myself too soon in hopes that they will feel comfortable enough with me to do the same. This has blown up in my face everytime! Yet I take these as lessons learned! I appreciated your articulation of this complex concept. Makes this journey much smoother for me. 👌🏽😊
You are welcome and I am glad you found it worthy of your time. You know I am not religious but I could spend all day in a majority black southern or ? church and listen to you or ? I find the passion so awesome. I do not care what the message is. The Benefits of Longsuffering is a nice speech. Well done. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn oh wow! Thanks so much for watching my video! Sometimes I forget I have that uploaded on here. Lol That was my first time delivering a message actually like that to a church. I used to be an atheist. 😇
I cried when I viewed this video because it made abundantly clear just how much my eagerness, my willingness, and desire to rescue everyone and solve their problems could come across as disingenuous. I am starting my own business and was seriously considering giving up because colleague of mine who were less talented and who offered far less than I were bookings orders while all my clients pulled out during the initial stage of negotiations. I had already come to conclusion that I had to change my approach, however your presentation really brought it home for me.
I know right. If you watch it and the message when you are in the wrong place it really brings home a lot of pain from relationships gone bad. TYWC - Marty
Dude you are spot on! Especially the bit about solving problems. There is nothing in it for me. I see the clear cut solution instantly. And I am happy to pass it on, or set things in motion so that the other person gets what they need. It’s just what I do. But as you’ve said, things get so twisted up! I could never understand it.
Thanks you for making me understand "why" no one rakes my advice or experience or anything I know about. Its just heart breaking knowing that I have to lower my standards to please others when ive done nothing but try to help. Its all messed up. But its ok I'll try to dumb down a little. But its very frustrating especially when I know the solution or outcome of the problem. It always happened to me. Now I know why. Thank you. I appreciate it very much.
You are welcome and it does get better with patience and trying to read the other person. Just takes a little extra work. I got through it every day. TYWC- Marty
MARTY!!! My head just popped off LOL this is me!!! I have recently(in the last year or so) Found out about The INFJ people... of which I am one. I feel happy that I have found my tribe at last. Although I can’t say that I have met more than one maybe two people in this category in my whole life. That letter was just profound and the sense of people not getting who I am and how isolating it has been. Just to explain the profound aha moment that I am experiencing and having it articulated in in this way, leaves me elated and heartbroken at the same time. The way you broke it down makes so much sense!!! Even though it makes so much sense it also makes me feel like I’m starting from scratch. I see it all from all angles and I feel it’s intuitively needing to be said… The whole thing… Not to say I can’t tweak it. I am just saying🤪 that’s exactly what I look like right now LMAO. I could go on ha ha Ha but let me just say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the person that wrote that letter and also to you Marty ! I will be sucking every drop out of everything you say and do thank you thank you 🙏❤️ Robin Cue rays of sunlight beaming through the clouds angels singing angelic songs etc. etc.
BACK IN THE DAY!!! You are welcome. ;) I am glad you found it worthy of your time. Who would have thought that that letter and my video would get so many views and touch so many. Amazing and that was like a 10 minute rehearsal. Like I always say, you either know your shit or you do not. I so want to touch on that lol but I cannot so I will just end it there. lol TYWC - Marty
I relate to what you say so much. You're actually addressing the negativity INFJs cause themselves in their own lives(a very different INFJ curse at that) and it's making me tear up because I have always thought there was something wrong and abnormal in the way I speak and help others, though it was only with good intentions. I have even started to say nothing to people, instead of saying something too nice and somehow making them ..distant to me instead? When I want to just help them SO MUCH, I literally warn them of my own advice and say 'I dont want to overwhelm you..' 'please don't think it's cheesy but..' I have never understood this and thought of myself as awkward/anxious beyond repair. I didn't know every INFJ experienced it :(. Thank you so much for the tips to avoid this! Im a 20 year old INFJ and I couldn't have watched this video at a better time.
Brilliant! Amazing! Such an intricate depiction of my inner self! Bless you for figuring it out for us! Even in my 70 s, this is extraordinarily helpful, and right on. Thank you so much🙏🙏🙏
Yep. Totally spot on. Took me 20-30yrs to figure out. Starting to think my 21 yr old is an infj and am trying to warn him of his relationship choices/actions. Scared he'll get fleeced. He wants to save her from herself...
Marty - brilliant INFJ insight, I've studied and experienced this loss of trust when trying to help others. Before, I truly understood why this was happening, my belief was that I was being too brutally honest with others. Now, I dont even bother trying to offer solutions or dumb down my responses, I simply say, "What do you think you should do?" Boom there's my boundary, dont even try to use me.
Yep. But how do you deal with the unfulfilled spaces within your life that are reserved for those that need our advice but do not want it? TYWC - Marty
I swear stumbling upon this video this evening cannot possibly be coincidental. I just had a disaster of a situation at work today and this video completely explains what the heck went on in my INFJ brain. Thank you sooooo much for articulating this so well. I had an "ah ha moment" and then immediately had an "oh sh*t" one. I will surely be dealing with some fall out from this in the next day or so. Thank you for the information that will allow me to check myself!
Thank you for posting this video. I never realized til now that I was doing what you’ve explained. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with everyone else and I didn’t know how to “people”. And had this sense of superiority and isolated myself from the rest. But, your advice is a great way to go about life and “blend in” with the rest.
Oh my freeken WORLD!!!!! THANX for this!!! This happens like ALL the time, I never realized it is in actual fact me!! So grateful for the Clarity!! Your subscribed!!
Life Changing. Wow. Such perspective. I think I'll need to watch this once a week for a while or something to let it sink in. Been doing this my whole life and have been baffled. Can't even begin to think what holding back pouring myself completely into helping someone would feel like. Hmmmmm At 59, at least I had let go of expectations. :) Thank you so much! I've liked, subscribed and am going in for more!
Thank you Marty for making this video. There is so much of it that I can relate to in my own life, and why I often found myself in situations where I wondered 'what happened?' Trust has always been a big issue for me and I've been burned more times than I care to remember.
Hi NG. Yep. Not much else to say. Right? I get it. It sucks yet we love who we are but would rather not be. That is such a part of all of this. TYWC - Marty
OMGoddess!!!! This explains so much!!! I've wondered my whole life why I have great ideas and know how about things and am often not taken seriously. I have been overlooking who and what people are for waaaaay too long. I really appreciate how you explain this!
Spot on! I was constantly trying to fix people...so far it hasn’t worked out. I feel left out, disregarded and oh so tired of the one sidedness of my relationships that I just retreat into my own world. I don’t feel lonely by myself, but I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by people. Thanks for the great explanation Marty!
Love how he says 'Trust Me' at 10.21 after giving us the whole enchilada. Isn't that what he was trying to teach us not to do? Joking aside, that was great and informative video I can really relate to. Thanks
WOW, I am...you have explained and zoomed in on the fine line that only few can relate to. Knowing things and not being able to share for a thought that never... "trust me".. crossed my mind is that its FREE...THINKING.
I am an INFJ and this blew my mind. It gives a perspective I have not thought about before. Thank you so much for giving me a new tool to understand myself an interactions with others.
No one could have explained this in a more better way... almost cried watching this video because... you made realize almost everything about my problems... why I was losing myself so much for everyone...
@@marty_glenn Yeah... in a way yeah... I kinda have lot of questions more of a out burst maybe... been following your video trail... it's so clean and clear to understand... the way you put things, explain them... I see you have lived everything that you tell about INFJ....
This is the first time I have seen one of ur videos and I instantly subscribed, not just for the super valuable information I received (life changing BTW because I find myself in situation where I'm being asked "what my agenda is?" 😟 obviously leaving me hurt and confused when all I wanted was to help) but some time towards the end of ur video u said something that may have seemed insignificant to some but I laughed out loud when u said 'it's not cuz u wanna be right' ! Holy cow!!! Tell me about it; I am so sick of having to be right sometimes I wish I could give the answer to someone elts to deliver cuz i am tired of ppl acting as if I think of myself as self-righteous for being right... the truth is as an INFJ we really don't even take credit for what we know or at least I dont, I haven't met any others except my 2 children (I know pretty rare right) here's another one for u if u wanna have a laugh; I'm right handed both my children r lefties lol, and in 2020 we all had milestone birthdays that were all divisible within themselves... i turned 40 on 1/19/20 =40, my daughter turned 21 on the 21 of her birth month in 2020, my son turned 13 on the 26 of his... I'm sure I don't need to show u the patters but I was quite fascinated 😊 thank u so much for ur videos, I'm going to watch more probably for the rest of my day till I have to cook dinner...
Thank you and really a nice comment. The diversity of me, almost 100% of the time, is more than most can handle. In fact, most cannot handle me(period) I do not know what it is that I do to people, but it makes things harder than it should be and if people would only look more inward, and see the truth about their real emotional status and health, I think my life would have a lot more wonderful people inside of it. I appreciate your words and you watching. I think the next video, it is very long, will entertain you and I hope it contains something that you take and I am very happy that my other video did as well. TYWC - Marty
I am so glad I found this channel. I'm a late bloomer to be INFJ world. I could never understand what was going on with me and how others reacted to it. The dots are finally connecting.
"It's not the INFJ's fault, it's the other person's fault because..." *stops video* Good that's all I need to know lol.
YES! Do not waste time. Check! TYWC- Marty
LOL!!!
🤣always
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ok, this is honestly a life changing video for me. As an INFJ, I give myself 190%. Exactly what you said. Love, effort, patience, trust... and people either take it for granted (and usually I end up being walked over by them), or they just think I am trying too hard to be liked or good. I have to control myself 24/7 to not be too thoughtful, too careful, too passionate... thank you so much! I will keep the analogy of the house forever. Getting payments in each step. Perfect.
Hi Karol. only 190% and not 200%. LOL ;))
Always wait 3 - 6 months after a commitment to you before committing to anything. It is that time that will show all that you need to tell you that you are on the right path. Give more or less as needed based on the importance of the person or event. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn i am so thankful to you n god i came across this helpful video....i dedicate my each cell of the body and get not even 1% back specially emotional understanding wise :(
Hey lets connect on TH-cam my chanel name is kanika jain astrology and inner sciences
Me too Karol. It does feel like a curse. I now feel I font have any real friends.
Jeff Peate
I love “the Jesus rule”!
Your comments are right on!
Our expectations often get in our way.
This explains why I’m super talented and smart and totally broke.
Facts
So true! TYWC - Marty
Ahaha same
Taken me a long time to get what you just said. I'm 57, and I'm just learning to accept the idea of financial solvency is dependent upon me dealing with a job I don't necessarily love all that much. Great money but it does not engage me all that much in terms of my talents and abilities. Stability is important though.
Mee too. I'm $3000 debt. Here is one of my projects www.ambitionstock.com I lost a lot of clients in web design having no idea why but people told me similar things that are in the video. Like why do I send mockups and ideas too early. I'm like what you mean TOO EARLY? Fast work the better isn't it? But I sensed they are somehow right. I can do a better web desig n job alone than a team of ten and I do it ten times faster.
I believe what this video is trying to say is, "Don't throw your pearls among the swine." Well done, Marty!
Hi Maria. Well I guess you could say that in a way. It is not 100% wrong but good advice. Well said. TYWC - Marty
Maria Anya Paola Sanchez I’m all with the “don’t throw your pearls before swine” analogy. I definitely notice when that’s the case, and I stop.
I didn’t take it that way. More like ”you are throwing pearls.” ”Throw them in small quantities for better effect.”
Sound quality issue..l there is a constant high pitch sound in the video that makes it very hard to listen to you.
Maria Anya Paola Sanchez funny I just read your comment. It was one of my posts on FB about a week ago. Don’t cast pearls before swine. Too many people have learned about me thru my own talkative faults. Not everyone is deserving of my thoughts, words, problems and either good or bad fates. Boom. Dumb it down. TMI=INFJ. And I have been such a fawn. I want to be the lioness now. Stop wanting to save everyone, or think through my ways I over indulge with my personal baggage. Not everyone cares, and it’s used against me. Glad I stumbled upon this. So many questions answered!
You had me at “dealing with cluster b’s”. Started feeling like I’m in a twilight zone and questioning if there are in fact any healthy minded or growth minded people and if yes where the heck are they.
Hi Hope. Funny you should mention Twilight Zone as my last upload is straight from an episode. I am not sure but they were not with me on June 13, 2020. Find any of them, please send some my way. ;) Thank you for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
Seems like EVERYONE in my life are energy vampires!!! No wonder I'm always having an sick feeling stomach & nausea a lot, people are polluting me with all their POISON!!! Some people I'm willing to absorb it for, other's I'm not, but being a hekoya empath, I really have no choice! Need a lot of me time to recharge, God, I ALWAYS THOUGHT I was a weirdo, just like everyone else thinks I am, but now I know why, I'M AN INFJ-T!!!💯😂
Hey Chicago. Read you comment and thank you. If I could just offer one thing: Do not underestimate my experience with cluster B's and who I am when I say this to you ok. Please look at my earlier videos for reference and experience if you need to confirm. Your comment above is so spot on that I just wanted to take the time to tell you. It is a serious issue and is what I am trying to say to you. So if you are taking it VERY serious then you are way ahead of me and congratulations but if not, please take this comment to heart. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
@@marty_glenn thanks buddy, yeah, I got her pinned, & been knowing out for awhile that she's a "covert narcsisst", that's how she initially reeled me in, but as a sucker "in love" I fell for it, only somewhat though, I knew she was......"OFF"!!! She started showing how jealous & insecure she was, & I should've ran then, but I got her pregnant, & wanted to do the right thing, but you can't FORCE a narc to love ANYONE more than themselves, & it's sad to say, that I KNOW she's a lost cause, she's TOO PERFECT to have flaws, it's EVERYONE ELSE that's the crazy ones!!!💯😂
THANK YOU.
This made me cry.....I have never had this explained. At 57 I'm just discovering these things. It has been lonely.
Hi Happy. Glad you liked it. Wonderful. TYWC - Marty
Amen it really a blessing an curse I'm also a aquarius too
Yes!!! I know lol . It is very lonely. And all you wanna do is make a difference and make a contribution because that’s who you are and it needs to come out. But I learned long ago to ask permission first works better. To say would you like some coaching with this because people don’t ask for help and if you give it without anyone asking it’s a waste of your oxygen. 😊
37.. it is lonely but knowing there are other people out there like yourself makes it a bit less so..
Very lonely. I have learned to dumb down but it hasn’t worked and it makes me feel false.
You nailed it! I'll tell you something about this on a personal level too. I met a man on an internet dating site and we had gotten to the point where we were talking on the phone. About 10 minutes into the first (and only) call, he asked me what my game was? What was I out to get? I was startled and questioned him about what the hell he was talking about. He said, "no woman is like you, you seem too perfect." I'm an average middle-aged woman, mind you. This wasn't about the looks. I couldn't even figure out what I had done to create this as I hadn't tried to deal with a problem, etc. He mentioned what I liked and who I was and was judging me based on that.
Another guy called me "a unicorn" and said that was very intimidating because I was "too together."
OK, these are dating site fellas, right? There's a lot of crazies in that crew.
Well...
I've had female friends who told me that they felt jealous of my ability to figure things out quickly when they presented a problem. They were used to having to work for the solution and having to have it take a while for them. I have a good friend who said it made her jealous and annoyed at the same time and that when I offered the solution she would get pissed.
Finally, one day my son and I were talking about a business thing and I told him "I'd try this approach." He laughed and said, "you make things seem easy and I know they work, but it's not really as easy for everyone else you know, it's kind of a weird thing that you can do." That startled me.
I have had confirmation after confirmation that I offer something great and massively helpful, but that it's scary because sometimes the things I offer can be "too good to be true" in the perception of the other person. They're trying to figure out my angle when the "angle" is that I have good insight and intuition and that I thrive when I can help.
Of course then there will also always be people who will try to take advantage of it. Lots of people. It draws the 80% cluster you mentioned, they spot it and go in to use it. You have to set yourself up to notice who they are really quickly.
Since learning that insight I've dumbed down, limited help to small doses that can be managed by the person, and done exactly what you're describing. I coach a good many people too, and I purposefully also take time to get them to invest in the solution over calls so that they're not blown away or intimidated. Since they worked through it with me, and came at it slowly they buy in that it's their solution, and I just helped them find it.
What INFJs can do is truly a gift, but we have to be able to share as appropriate and be really careful with our own egos. I trained myself to cut the preaching and focus the communication on the level of the other.
All this sounds like I've got it together completely, but as you know, that's just not the case. INFJs have really good insight into the others, but we frequently overlook the red flags or the hidden threats because we are hyper-focused on resolving the problem. I need my coach and my loved ones to catch me and help me correct when I'm allowing someone in that will be chaotic. Boundaries, some ego deflation and a little bit of dumbing down are great.
The coolest thing is though when you met another INFJ and you can get real. That's magical.
Hi Marsden. You said: "I trained myself to cut the preaching and focus the communication on the level of the other. "
Me: The best and quickest way to achieve this is for the INFJ to have and raise children. Nothing will even come close to helping the INFJ get a better understanding of who and what they are as it relates to preaching and focus as it communicates to others. ;)) Two boys 20/21 and I am still learning to control it and to be better.
You might find my videos on Mental Health and Cluster B worthy of your time and shoring up those boundaries. Very well said and accurate. I could never coach; just not something I could. Maybe one off advice but not coach on an on going basis. Good for you. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn You are right again, Sir! Raising kids will straighten things out for sure. It truly clarifies who we are when we are left to care and help another develop.
I'm watching some of your other videos right now and I'm really looking forward to seeing some about boundaries. Although I gave you examples I do have really strong boundaries nowadays (thank God) but it took forever to learn how to erect them and feel really comfortable in my skin.
I find the level and flavors of human perspectives really amazing. Thank you again for that insight and reminder that not everyone can handle the INFJ. It took me years to figure that one thing out, and I couldn't have worded it better than what you just did here. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Keep going!
Marsden. Thank you for the kind words. And yes to what you said: It is a pill
Keep going? Be careful what you wish for. You do not know what I am going to talk bout next. It might open doors you do not want to open. lol Thank you again for the nice compliments. TYWC - Marty
@Marsden Coaching I hope to find my fellow INFJ too... Can't wait. 🙏🏻💗🙏🏻
You are speaking about me. Especially the dating experience. People get mad at me, test me and disrespect me.. .This happens to me a lot 😳
I have always had this problem. I just didn't know others did as well. I have watched countless numbers of people with far less ability advance past me. My bosses have never given me the benefit of the doubt. Even though the work was done, they refused to trust that it was being done. I finally realized that it was just like math class. You have to show your work. Where others would have constant issues, I would quietly complete the task. It's had a very detrimental impact on my life. I wish I had discovered it in my 20s rather than my 50s.
Hi DLMiller1966. I am sorry for the lack of success you clearly deserved as I have suffered the same... What else can I say, as many INFJ's have felt the same. I get it. Your comment will help other younger INFJ's. TYWC - Marty
If it'll make you feel any better, your story made me want to focus more on the areas I lack and make sure I earn for the work I do
it is my problem and your comment inspired me. Thanks
Omg! The exact same has happened to me! I can quietly achieve things but never say it out loud or explain in interviews. It doesn't help I have ADHD too. Wow!
This was my exact day at work today 😞
Right on! People can only believe from their own frame of mind, so they can’t accept someone could be trying to help them without personal gain. I like your logic, thank you!
Lazaro. Hi. I do not know what to say back because your comment is spot on. Thank you for compliment. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
I think an INFJ does help someone for personal gain. After all, helping others is in an INFJ's identity so it makes them feel better, which is also a form of personal gain. But perhaps they don't comprehend how helping others give INFJ's personal gain.
Hi Pieter. It is a single to many relationship about the helping for others. You are right but it is so faceted. TYWC - Marty
Always a good plan and that is called: Karma - Marty
I had a close friend who once said ~ altruism doesn't exist, no one does/helps for nothing, just to do so. I struggled with this as I thought I often did. As I sensed that it typically made me feel good or right to just help/be/give if I could I mentally debated this. It can be viewed from many perspectives 😋 lol, our nature...
"The other person doesn't understand the trust and efforts of the INFJ". Such facts😩 so relatable
Yeah it sad 😒
The most popular video with the most profound message. TYWC - Marty
It is. Hmm
I wonder who else can understand the trust and efforts of an INFJ as a partner. Is it only another INFJ? 🤣
I feel like my brain is constantly in overdrive. I see what you’re saying Marty. I am also constantly looking at all angles. I had no idea all INFJ’s think this way. I find it easier to set boundaries now. Thanks Marty.
Hi Robdrums....Yep. Overdrive! Self medicate...? What a shit show. Can I point you to the number videos I have and the content and the span of time to do it? lol TYWC - Marty
My 21 year old daughter told me I was like herding a cat! Lol
I told her it just feels like all the tabs are open in my computer. I’m trying to focus on the main screen but the open tabs are still silently screaming at me.
@@jenwipf729 that's exactly how life feels for me too
you are not alone bro
I've learned that you can't be MORE invested that they are. Lifelong lesson, of course. :)
Wow. That is like a trick question or statement. Good one. TYWC - Marty
I’ve learnt the same. INTP, but so much of this resonates with my experiences.
Yes, that’s the cold, hard truth.
Boy this is a good comment. I have tried with so many people to offer them solutions to their problems only to realize that they aren't looking for solutions.( unless those solutions involve zero sacrifice or any real work/change)
Wow I learned this two months ago.
Really enjoyed this video! Thank you for sharing this insight. I'm an INFJ-T. I was raised by a father with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and a mother that suffered with anxiety and depression and had Borderline Personality Disorder. They both came from very dysfunctional families as well, so you can imagine my childhood was super fabulous. In order to survive this wonderful childhood, I had to learn very quickly how to frame my thoughts and ideas in a way that made them look and feel like the awesome parents they wished they were and desperately wanted the world around them to believe them to be. When I was finally able to legally leave the nest, I did so immediately, and never looked back. This skill of framing I learned to cope and survive my childhood has certainly come in handy as an adult. Using my intuition to successfully suss out what makes people tick and understand what it is they really want affords me the opportunity to frame the solution they're looking for in a way that is most appealing to them. In my twenties I worked in retail, then in banking. In those industries this skill is often referred to as sales marketing and cross selling. I was really good at my job in both areas, but I wasn't exactly happy. In politics, this skill is known as framing, because you're not selling a product or service, your selling ideas. Those politicians/leaders who are best able to frame their ideas tend to be (but not always) the ones who get elected. I think if an INFJ can master the skill of framing their thoughts and ideas (as opposed to dumbing down), they will have more successful outcomes when communicating with others, at work, and in their personal lives. Thank you again, Marty, for taking the time to verbalize this very frustrating conundrum so many of us find ourselves in. The fact that there is someone out there that truly understands this struggle brings me great comfort. Sending you a hug and wishing you peace wherever you may be.
Hi Hope. USA - California. I left home at 18 an never went back. I get it. Very nice post and well said. TYWC- Marty
I no longer give advice - I can't begin to tell you how much of myself I've given away to these vampires that always need a sounding board, a "fixer" of their poor life choices only to have them blow me/my advice off then return later for more advice/fixing🤦♀️ I've shored up my boundaries, they are now sancrosect & I defend them fiercely.
Hyi Bryson. Good for you. I do not ever want to be like you. Where did you get that brain scan? I would like to make my appointment today. lol ;)) TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn - thank you for making my point for me. You are dismissed.
Hey Bryson. Thank you and off to recess I go. ;) TYWC - Marty
I know you said you no longer give advice. But, your post is great advice to all of us with these predicaments. Very wise Just wanted to give you a little tease- haha. It takes strength to recognize our own patterns and the patterns of others, and when they are working for everyone else except us. Knowing our boundaries and defending them is key. I "discovered" this in my late 40's, thanks to posters who took the time to share their wisdom.
You took a learning
... Yup u r an infj
This is so true. My husband gets mad at me for giving him these simple solutions without knowing “all the facts”. It’s like I have enough info to see the obvious patterns but he’d rather me listen to him complain & watch him continue to make the same mistakes. I guess that’s what I’ll have to do to keep the peace. Thank you for explaining this!
Hi Alicia. Wow. I feel it and coming from a woman as it relates to a man who cannot compete with you as your husband cannot. Dynamic relationship difference; very tough to handle when things are already tough. I get it. TYWC - Marty
I’ve learned the hard way that people have to figure life out themselves even if they are doing it all wrong.
That's so true.
yes, hubby think i need to control everything, i see shortest way to get there...creates troubles. LOL dumb down, totally. Keep the peace. cheers
Glad I finally found you after 72 years of dealing with these issues. For once, someone has finally told me, "It's not your fault!" Thank you for that.
Hi Elizabeth. You are welcome and know that video is real and I am talking to a real person and they are family. So your comment and that video are connected. TYWC - Marty
Never assume or hold yourself at fault before considering every angle in side outside or a birds eye view and the rest of the billion angles
Something else that helps with this as well is a good dose of humility and understanding your own boundaries. Ultimately, you have to decide that you will help and offer and give, not because you want the person to do what you say, but because you're going to do the right thing regardless of what they decide to do with it. We are responsible for our own actions, and they are responsible for theirs. If we spend time giving and investing and they choose to do nothing with it, it's a heartbreak for us because we care about them and want the best for them. But maybe it is also the path they have to go down in order to learn the difference between wisdom and folly. Maybe they will come back to us a year from now and realize what they did wrong and be better equipped for the future because of it. And even if we NEVER, EVER, EVER get "credit" for what we said or for suggesting something different, it doesn't matter. It's not about getting credit. It's about doing the right thing. We get overly arrogant when we think we understand, not only what course of action makes best sense for someone, but what they themselves NEED in order to grow as people. Maybe it's not listening to us. Maybe it's learning it for themselves. Maybe it's falling flat on their faces and growing in personal character because of it. We don't see all ends and we don't know the entire story. Be careful not to think more highly of yourself than you ought. To quote Gandalf, "Even the very wise cannot see all ends."
Some people are just energy-suckers and a mess. Don't keep pouring yourself out for them. Get a little emotional distance, set some boundaries. Don't allow yourself to be repeatedly frustrated after they've shown you a few times that they're not listening. You can love someone and let go of trying to control their choices. Remember that you don't get to be them or write their story for them. You can control what you say and how much you invest, but not what anyone does with it. Be wise with your emotional resources and don't waste them once someone has shown you a pattern of not receiving what you have to offer.
As a Christian...I recognize that there's an Author for each person's story who isn't me and who is eminently capable of redeeming mistakes. That gives me hope. I know that He has shepherded me through many failures and he can do so for those I love, and that sometimes, the road to our destiny comes through failure and weakness and the character development that comes through those things. I am not the be-all and end-all. I have something to offer, but not everything. And I can trust that the people I love are ultimately in the hands of the One who made them and who loves and knows them better than I ever could. It's a freeing thing. It frees me to give without strings attached, without wanting or needing anything in return, without needing to see the return on my investment right away, or even at all, simply because it's the right thing to do. And I know that when I do the right thing, it's never a waste. When I know I've done what I should have done, the burden of responsibility is no longer on me. The other person will make choices that he or she will have to live with. I have a clear conscience. And God is still writing the bigger story.
Hi Rosie.
You said: (Paragraphs) My responses...
1. " This is all so true, yet the issue for me is that by the time I am helping I am invested at some level. The pain associated with the insidious nature of the situation is that more often than not it is based on someone needing the help but lacking the voice to help me help them. So take over is the normal result and ending in the normal result.
2. " The Cluster B and the associated persons are or have good in them and that insidious goodness eventually involves into the real person and void of any healthy narcissism which evolves toward the end into break up and a sad ending. "
3. " as I am not a religious person, yet always enjoy the nice comments and blessings, there is always a bigger picture being written and regardless of religious belief most do not see the story of said bigger picture, but only the stroy being told for them on that particular day with a new blank page being written each and every day. "
I as the INFJ and the one helping or spending my time with the person always remember each day. So the pain begins again on each and every new day. TYWC - Marty
I have learned to wait to be asked for help and to not take it personally if my advice isn't taken. I take comfort in knowing I provided my opinion and advice and in doing so, I did my part. The other person has to take responsibility for the decision they make. Life is too short for "I told you so." Thank you for sharing your insight
Love this Rosie! Thank you for sharing. "When I know I've done what I should have done, the burden of responsibility is no longer on me." That's really powerful and true.
As a Christian myself I absolutely agree and love your comment so much so that I'm gonna screenshot it and look at it whenever I need to put things into perspective. I personally struggle with always being the giver coz at some point I start to have expectations from people especially when it involves romantic feelings. But,I guess like you said it's important to set certain boundaries when they show you a pattern of behaviour and just pray for them coz God has a greater plan for everything. Thank you so much for the comment❤
Thank you for this video Marty ! I am 21 and I pretty much figured it out when I was still in high school. I understood that everyone is free to live his life on his own terms. So if someone doesn't want my help, it's okay. Not all people are constant improvers looking fore meaning in their lives. Some want to stay wrong or keep the problem hidden and we are not responsible for that. We have to respect their point of view and use our "superpower" for ourselves and for people who actually want it. I don't see it as a curse, I think everything is manageable, including that. But god, it's a relief to see that other INFJ are going through the same thing :) Hang in there !
Thank you and well said. 21? Very good. You walked right up to the line of the INFJ rare and superpower ridiculousness but did not cross it. Great comment and keep doing you; you are on a great path. TYWC - Marty
Omg! I’m 4 minutes in and can’t contain my excitement!!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home feeling bad because people act so suspicious of me.
Why can’t people accept that I just want to improve things around me? That IS the payoff for me.
Also...I’m so tired of being treated like I’m stupid! It’s called optimism people! And yet when someone has a problem I’m who they come to.
I SEE consequences and yet when that thing happens they act totally surprised even though I warned them.
So frustrating
Hi Jen.
Yep. It is hard. For me the hardest part is not being able to stop it or change. Even if I decide not to say anything, I am left with hours of spinning within my head about the situation or how would have handled it or would have liked to. Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
>I feel bad because people are suspicious of me
There are some famous infj cult leaders iirc. People cannot judge you deeply and accurately like you can judge them, they do not have that skill or ability. People's wariness is totally justified from their point of view. Infjs are manipulative and have a lot of power over people emotionally. Manipulative can mean good or bad. A good manipulation is helping someone behind their back. You can choose how to make someone feel especially if they are open to you. That power alone is belittling for the other person, let alone the potential damage you could do to them with it. People have blind spots where they store things that scare them, things that are powerful. Infj is not a synonym for a Saint. Also infjs are more cold and somewhat hollow than they seem to see themselves Ni Ti is not a fuzzy warm core. Fe is not solid and dependable emotionally like Fi, it's capricious often and that's hard to be vulnerable with.
~intj currently working through some stuff about an infj girl I dated years ago, hope it helps rather than offending x
If you want to see what Im talking about take a look at this first minute of this video th-cam.com/video/PgBmI_eQkFw/w-d-xo.html
Hi Max. The link is to me? I clicked it. Is that correct, no? TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn yeah. I was trying to say to jen that fearing an infj was somewhat justified and you were on the warpath in that video
"Your to good to be true".... I burst out crying after hearing you say this.....these were the exact words the person I fell in love with said when he explained why he couldn't be with me 😔
This is the first video of yours I've seen and right away I noticed the similarity between the way you talk, pause, clarify etc etc to how I feel I sound and look when I'm teaching something to people. Very raw, from the heart and making connections that I didn't even realize could be connected ....thank you for sharing 🙏💚
Hi Carissa. Well what can I add to what you said. You get it and so glad you do. I am always doing my best and thank you for your kind words. Thank you for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
I've been told something similar too, it was bittersweet to hear the joy that someone values you but it's because of your value to them they're afraid of handling you
This what happens when i channel information doing tarot readings the information just flows and i have to stop and explain why i get what i get
@@manager-nim2623 it's crazy, it's unreal
Carissa...I’m so sorry you experienced that loss! We have such deep feelings...and when we connect...it’s real.
My husband is very simple. I joke he is the root chakra in human form. Works hard as a plumber, was always a present dad.... fishing, baseball games etc.
I would often get frustrated at how he never pondered...or looked for deeper meanings in things. He is just a happy content person naturally...and I on the other hand can’t stop seeing how a situation could be improved.
After 21 years of marriage I really think this is the best pairing for us INFJ. We need people who really ground us and don’t get carried off into emotions with us. It’s like every sail needs and anchor.
People need to learn for themselves. Sharing the whole plan is like telling someone their future, at best they will resent you for being right. Instead, meet people where they are at. For example, spend the hour asking them good questions about what they want to do with their business, and offer to screen their developer when they choose one. This way they are driving, and you're providing good counsel. They may take it our leave it, but you're walking with them on their path instead of showing them a "right" path.
Great insight. I think that’s an essential approach for truly teaching people. Thanks for sharing.
This is so so so true. Every time I've met someone and instantly seen their problem/solution and offered them this, I become their counsel, they look to me constantly OR they shut me out
Instead, when I just listen, let them figure it out, 95% of the time I had been right all along but this takes off all the discomfort and pressure
Yes. This is setting a personal boundary and is a much better use of the INFJ. TYWC - Marty
This is really well said, thank you! I relate so much to this.
I am dating an INFJ-A and this helps me understand him so much. I keep thinking “he’s too good to be true”, but now I know better. Thank you
Yes! That is great. ;) TYWC - Marty
Dude this is my whole life. 😭 It breaks my heart when I pour my whole heart, mind, and soul into a subject and then painstakingly articulate the problem/solution that I have arrived at after years of marinating in said topic only for others to give me the dead fish look and act like they suddenly don't understand English or reason. We really are aliens! My heart is always on the brink of implosion...and living with my in-laws with fixed mindsets has me questioning my sanity and looking for therapy. lol Some people only want to talk about the news and the weather, and questioning the world on a fundamental level (or diving into themselves to heal and grow) is too scary and foreign. And since our voice is a minority voice (albeit a voice of reason) it is easily marginalized.
At least my partner is INTJ (I think) with a VERY growy growth mindset, so THANK GOD we have each other to turn to. :) Having two beautiful daughters to influence and nurture is our top priority.. my three year old already gets fed up when a grandparent is being intellectually or emotionally lazy with her! They brush her off now and pander away regardless, but they won't be able to rebuff her forever. Haha
Hi Crystalline...
" It will not be me that exposes who and what you are, it will be our children. When they do they will crush you and unfortunately they will be crushed as well and that makes me very sad. Very sad!" - Marty
...Said to the mother of my children so many times I cannot count that high in number. The day is fast approaching and this TH-cam channel put that day into warp speed.
Great comment - TYWC - Marty
Been there done that with my own mother, and my grown daughter! Yes a life time of it. They present a problem, ask for advice, ignore it, cry about consiquences after the fact. So beyond sick of it. These days I'm out of the help and advice giving business altogether and sadly helping too. The only one who deserves my help these days is me. Sometimes the world just teaches you that--stay in your own lane and let other people figure their own shit out! The worst part, as in when my senior mother had all her assets seized by an attorney I begged her not to go with, was to hear "I should have listened to you" afterwards. It was unbelievable!
Yep. No words. TYWC - Marty
i feel this so much! i’m having issues right now (which i guess ive felt many times before) with one of my friends. despite the fact i’d consider her my closest and oldest friend, she never reaches out to me - to see if i want to hang out, to ask how i’ve been, to have a chat etc and i get really tired of feeling like i’m not receiving the effort i’m giving, because i always help her and ask if she wants to catch up. watching this video reminds me of this feeling - i feel that infjs arent ever really EXPECTING something in return, but when we constantly give so much we put ourselves in a position where we’re bound to feel forgotten by the people we care about. our empathy and desire to help is definitely an admirable thing, but it can cause us so much frustration! definitely a curse :/
HI Odette. Please watch the video on ' Giving too much... ' It goes into more detail and explains much more. There is more going on then an INFJ thing I think as I read your comment. TYWC - Marty
This actually made me cry. I feel so understood. I wondered why it is that people just will not accept the things I tell them when I KNOW that I have the answers to their problems. I guess you are right, I need to give it to them in small increments so that they can absorb it before moving onto the next part. Thank you so much for making this videos.
You are welcome and very happy you found it so worthy of your attention. TYWC - Marty
THIS has happened to me on many levels throughout my life... At my core, I am INFJ...but the pain of confronting this over & over, ad nausium...triggered an upshift in my analysis... I found myself, via preservation of my own sanity, to become less & less attached TO THE OUTCOME... a completely Stoic LOGICAL application... I rose ABOVE the emotional attachment & now find myself in "hover mode"... INTJ!!! I still feel the situation but have learned how to unplug that "emotional drag" that would "freeze frame" my ability to process other's seeming distrust & almost deliberate self-sabotage when I was younger. It boils down to accepting the human condition as fickle: "you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make them drink." Ultimately I give them the solutions still, but it is up to them to actually activate them... Either way, I still fulfilled my portion of the "transaction" & WALK away from whatever their final decisions materialize. *DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME, FOR IT BELONGS TO THEM, NOT YOU.*💜
This is good: "*DETACH FROM THE OUTCOME, FOR IT BELONGS TO THEM, NOT YOU.*💜"
I agree with that and find that to be a very simple mental solution. Well done. TYWC - Marty
I really appreciate your comment. I was tested back in 1985 when I was 30 and it set me on a course of devouring a multitude of books on the mbti, most specifically my type infj... cognitive function development... and self actualization... with those insights gained.. being that we prefer learning the easy way through observation, and not the hard way, I learned to detach from most interpersonal outcomes when offering my insights to others. People are attached to pain many times and they often don't want a way out... of course they also just can't comprehend my insight has provided them a way out. INFJs most often avoid many life mistakes via our intuition... but most others literally need to jump in front of a train before they know they're about to get flattened. I've come to believe that allowing people to experience their life lesson pain is my gift to them... it's the only way they can learn. Plus it gets tiring to never have your advice heeded or your insights respected. Detaching has been my gift to them and me. ❤
Thank you. It's been 51 years of my life already. Thank you so much.
I think what helps is don’t offer all what you have to a complete stranger or potential friend. I know this is hard fellow INFJs but it is how the world works. So don’t offer it to an acquaintance, offer it to an actual friend
Hi Hannah. Great advice. TYWC -Marty
Absolutely agree! ...just wish it was as easily done, as it is to think or say; especially when trying to start over in a new place. 😕
Marty Glenn What is TYWC🤷🏽♀️
You nailed it here. I’ve been so frustrated with people who say they want their problem solved but actually just want you to hold their hand while they complain.
I am not even sure they want hand held. ;) TYWC - Marty
New to your channel but I like your vulnerability - its very true. I thought for a long time that everyone was like me. Very naive, I know. Now I need to work on my boundaries, but I'm not sure with where to begin. Thank you!
Thank you for watching and your comment. I am confused by the: Not knowing where to start though?
@@marty_glenn I don't know where to start with boundaries. Do you have any advice?
You would have to give me an example of something for me to help you. Examples give an idea to you and what situations you put yourself into plus I know nothing about you and that experience and life has a lot to do with how easy it is to set boundaries and basically understand what a boundary is. A boundary is not always something we don't like. A boundary can be moved in any direction and if there is love and care that helps move it then it is not as destructive has a boundary that moves against ones will or temperament. Example: If I give you 'A' and you do not give me 'B' at a later time with care and understanding, same as I gave you 'A' ((as to why the boundaries are being moved or expanded)) well I am sure you get the point. Make sense? - Marty
By the way how can you have 7 subscribers with ZERO content. Now that is success! - M
I had some good videos people wanted to see- same way I am a Google Local Guide.I must have a good eye for photography and I worked in advertising all my life.
thank you, love. This is beautiful. And you have put such right effort into this. What I find as an infj is that this 'giving of my beingness' to such a degree has triggered to the surface a chronic and pre-existing experience of ego disappointment. Tremendous disappointment. So, what has supported maturing beyond this experience of torturous disappointment/loneliness/disconnect is deconstructing identification with the ego construct (or personality) with what I call "inner work." This inner work, at some point, integrates to such a degree that boundaries (not as we understand boundaries) naturally begin to arise, rather than the personality establishing boundaries or the personality decreasing effort. I have experienced very little trust or recognition from others, and what arises is that it is for ME to recognize and trust myself, not for others. I have experienced a lifetime of violent push-aways, extreme judgment and gossip (criminal level) and devastating loss, and what arises is that it is for me to bring myself in closer than anyone else dares to, for me to investigate why these violent actions and words from others are so excruciatingly painful and devastating, and to inquire, "where does this loss originate from"....When I step down from identifying as this "personality" (the construct of "me" with all of its subconscious tactics and strategies attempting to fulfill its unmet needs), natural boundaries arise out of Self love, Self respect, Self honoring. I find I am still alone most of the time, but my relationship with myself begins to feel much more rooted and alive in the moment...in a magical and profoundly mysterious way... even the deep loneliness becomes this rich and palpable mystery/journey which no relationship with another has ever been able to fulfill. It is not that a relationship with another could never bring great joy and poignancy, because I have already tasted this potential with another person, and it is possible. It is just that, for relationship with another to embody any degree of depth and beauty, it must first be that this mystery which I am is recognized within myself. And it must be discovered THROUGH this experience of (false) personality identification and its unhealed polarities, through the experience of lack of trust, and through a tremendous lack of intimacy and recognition with/from another. The pain of false identification is the doorway. The lack of connection with another is the doorway. The other consistently misunderstanding the intention and pushing this one away, over and over again is the open doorway. Not fitting in anywhere. Being pushed out. Being shut down. It's a great humbling. Its a constant heart-shattering. It snaps you out of all ego-preoccupation, all indulgence. Out of the programming that "I am the personality construct". It's a profound fall into and through existential disillusionment on a day to day basis. Its a ripening, refining of the soul, and the infj is already primed to fall and deconstruct and open again to the next layer in this way..... I will not make myself smaller so that relationships will "work". But I will allow myself to be worked and worked by the inner alchemical forces to integrate the wounding so that I am more fully honoring this authentic and balanced expression, even if no one ever recognizes the beauty of this expression..... To "give up" playing these sacrificing roles with others is not so much a "dumbing down" as it is an integration of the wounding. In my case, the healthiest thing is to do the inner work when the other triggers the pain of my failure to help them or be recognized as only wanting to help. In other words, by projecting the "help" externally, I am shown by the other's reaction that I am utilizing my energy incorrectly. And so, to stop this and utilize my energy correctly, I move toward Self and away from the preoccupation with the other. I move toward saving/helping/being available/nurturing self rather than being this for the other. Now how can an infj do this authentically? Because the infj (atleast one who is more mature) KNOWS that to move toward the Self is to TRULY assist the other, because this is a movement toward unconditionally loving the One Unloved Self. And to mirror this unconditional love is to mirror for another their true potential as a human being. What a gift to bring! And I will be the first to throw myself in the fire so the other person(s) can recognize that someone can love and care SO MUCH as to give the life to be a conscious, clear reflection. That the other IS WORTH everything I can possibly give of myself in a lifetime. xoxo Heather
True true
Hi Heather. The less I say the more it means. - Marty
I see someone has/is going through the same emotional torment as me! Now I bond with my pain. It's far more intimate than anything I've ever known with another person. The truth often hurts but it's all we have. Anything other than truth is lies. And lies aren't even real. Dark truths must be embraced. Fighting against them causes much of our pain. At least reality is authentic. I can respect and work with that far more than fairy-tales. Indeed, 'Fall Into Reality' =)
Aka lead by example, you and i are alot alike thank u so much for this write up
I had a boss that helped me practice my patience, because I’d give him the solution before he spent the next couple of hours discussing a problem to then arrive at the same conclusion & then he’d think it was his idea!
It worked in my favor a few times when I wanted him to do something so I’d give him ideas that I knew he’d think were his own & follow up on. Manipulative yes but if I asked him to outright he’d say no.
It helps tremendously to understand these dynamics because I thought that people basically used the same processes. Pretty fascinating!
Hi. When you keep thinking others are the same and think the same is when I think the real trouble starts for the INFJ. Something to thin about...
TYWC - Marty
I do this too and I started mentioning it to my work friends so they could watch me start convincing managers to go along with my plans and think it was their idea and it turns out they really don't even think of better practices or solutions!!!! Crazy to think that not everyone is constantly problem solving, I don't know where I'd be without it 😰
Spot on. This is coming form a mid 40's INFJ. I have learned a lot throughout the years.
Thank you and always doing my best. TYWC - Marty
Wow. This has been more accurate then anything I’ve ever seen on INFJ.
I try. My best! TYWC - Marty
It absolutely really is. I've read great insights on it but this is something I never ever read anywhere else and sounds like the solution to my business problems.
Brother this is a God send! You are! Your work here to me is! I just found out my suspicions of being an INFJ were true about 3 days ago and hearing this from an more experienced INFJ is like back to the future for me. Everything you just said. I’m 28 years old. And this truth brings tears to my eyes... knowing other people know it too.
Well there you have it and thank you and great. Now you can learn from others and be ahead of the game by a LONG shot. TYWC - Marty
Wow!! My partner sent me this and then afterwards said “Nevermind about that last video. It will be over your head it was kinda weird.” He is an ENFP... I am an INFJ. It’s comical to me because this video was life changing for me! I get it. You’re spot on. You KNOW how the INFJ mind works. You explain the way our it works better than I could, that’s for sure 👍🙏
HaHa. Glad you got it and please have him watch it 10 more times and I hope he gets it. Crazy how that works. But I also think it was cool he sent it to you. That is a good thing. TYWC - Marty
I love how this guy communicates. I too take my time, and pause as I speak to get my point across. Amazing vid and thank you!!!
Thank you because some hate on me. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn Shame on them! You're a good man just trying to live a good life
I often notice with my relationships now that I've learned to hold back in the beginning and show only parts of myself, instead of giving it all and caring a LOT all at once. I only just started seriously dating someone, first time in my life (im 23, just now mentally ready for something like that), and i'm having difficulty with pacing my emotions. I told him in the beginning I wanted to take it slow and needed my own space, but now, four months in, I am starting to CARE a lot. I asked him to be in a serious relationship but now he was suprised and said he wasn't ready (also because of a past relationship). I'm trying to take a step back now, and reevaluate things, but notice that I do have difficulty with holding back and "dumbing down". I want to give him the space but also sort of want to FIX it you know? Learning to hold back and pace yourself is so difficult! Did so well with it in the beginning... :s
Hi Whoknows. I get it. Be strong and structured and think of what you know and what you are and the best path for the desired outcome. Get it? You be in control and if you cannot be...
... do you have inner child work to do and or abandonment or trauma and or childhood abuse causing you to be co-dependent? Make sense? TYWC - Marty
I do dumbing down all the time, with friends, relatives, coworkers, mates. It's tiresome and I'm unhappy to hide my true nature.
I’ve been through this many times and with that have come to the conclusion that solving people’s problems is rarely ever a good idea! It is far better to listen first, ask questions that will lead them to consider what you are seeing, then ask them what they are considering as a course of action. Resist the urge to offer advise unless they request it.
Key... THEY ASK YOU. Very well said and so true. Want to know what you will find out???
The never ask for your help! TYWC - Marty
I can totally see myself that I have done that a lot and still doing. In other words, a better way to handle this is to limit the output, ration what we give. It's weird because this shouldn't be an issue. I picture Merlin (if you have seen the series) who is gifted with magic and helps Arthur in a lot of situations and in some cases even saves Camelot by himself. At the same time, Merlin can never expose himself for who he really is, he has to use his talents without people noticing it because that would alienate Arthur (one of his best friends) and bring danger on himself. It's sort of like that with INFJs, the world is not used to our type and when they really meet one they don't know what to do with them.
Hi Andrei. You are right.
One of my favorite movies and one of the four movies at age 11 that I knew I was different:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excalibur_(film)
The other three are:
1. Sound of Music
2. West Side Story
3. Grease
No Way, a child that young can and or could love those movies to the degree I did and still do. TYWC - Marty
It really feels like this is a version of me that came from the future to give me advice. Thank you, this information is very valuable!
Hi GERRiE. You are welcome and you can really thank a few of my viewers and trust me, they know who they are. They saw me coming and got together and started digging a more direct trench toward this very large rabbit hole directly in front of me. I was already on my way but I was not moving in a straight line. lol They helped. But in all seriousness... You are welcome and it is my pleasure. I heal and learn as much too. TYWC - Marty
Pure gold! I always blamed others that I needed to dumb myself down and got kind of bitter. I never saw why I had to do it. Because my logical mind or Ti never picked up on it. But this helped a lot! And will make life more fun I guess. Thank you Marty!
Great. I am going to do another video on something else you might find helpful because it sorta touches on how we get into these situations to begin with; probably later today or tomorrow. Thank you for your comment and watching. - M
@@marty_glenn Awesome, looking forward to it!
This was one of the most insightful and accurate explanation of this “curse” I have lived with but was never able to identify let alone address. Thank you!
You are welcome and I am glad I could help. TYWC - Marty
Thank you so much! I cry watching your video, most of the time I feel like people don't trust me even when I work so hard. I'm still so young and I gona take your advise to heart. ❤
I cried almost the whole video.
Thank you. The more you watch of me the more you will see and feel a difference in how I think and feel and sense the world around me and the funny thing is this: " How come nobody does content like I do or has even touched on it like I do? Not even close! Find it for me and show me. :) I appreciate you watching and the impact it has; all for the good. TYWC - Marty
I've felt like this recently at work. Like I was giving a lot of myself and getting no real return. So I kinda just... stopped. Now I'm being told I don't give my all....
Like why should I?!
Hi tvcat... Welcome to my world and why I have been always self employed. TYWC - Marty
I stumbled upon this video at the right time. I'm currently having a problem with someone at work (personal stuffs but she brought it into our work as well). And all of my rational best friends and colleagues said to me "girl, f ing set a boundaries"
well i guess i need to do that now
Yes! Set them firmly. TYWC - Marty
That's very helpful video, thank you for your effort. I was wandering why even my parents and siblings are so suspicious of me even when i am trying really hard to be the best person i can be, somebody who can be trusted in every situation. Now i have the information that hopefully will help me deal with this problem. Once more, thank you :)
Hi Xkali. My pleasure. TYWC - Marty
Wow ! When you said INFJ's come across as 'too good to be true' i felt it deeply..this is what people usually tell me..and because of all the intuition and future oriented thinking..i can literally see through people ! It is a curse yes :( and eventhough i didn't go through the problem from the comment i find your advice super helpful so that i can deal with other people and feel satisfied (since my high expectations always leave me disappointed despite all the care and effort i give..) thank you so much sir for this video i'm glad i found it :)
Hi Nina. Outstanding and glad it was worthy of your time. TYWC - Marty
Great explanation. I deal with this kind of thing, with cluster b's, by just shrugging and mentally acknowledging that they're just different, they're not for me to overshare myself with, that sometimes they're just dummies (not in a mean way, but in a dismissive way so I can better deal with the emotional response I'm having that grows stronger with each of these kinds of experiences).
Part of me revolts strongly against the "dumbing myself down" bit .. I understand why but I don't like it.
We really need to guard ourselves and I'm not naturally like that. I'm a sharer at my core, like we all are I think. If you're not aware of what's happening it can really beat up on your self-confidence and you can start to disassociate - I try very hard to be aware of myself and how I'm interacting with each person these days but damn it's hard to do on a constant and unending basis. Like everyone, you just want to be understood. It's a killer to find a romantic relationship that actually works to your satisfaction.
Hi Kim.
You said: "but in a dismissive way"
You said: 'Part of me revolts strongly against the "dumbing myself down" bit .. I understand why but I don't like it.'
Well then, Kim, I got nothing. lol I get your point. I do. Well said. ;)
You said: "It's a killer to find a romantic relationship that actually works to your satisfaction."
Me: " I did a test and I will be doing a video on it and too your comment I will respond to you when the video is done. okay. You will enjoy it and get it for sure. I feel your pain and what you go through. The hard part is that the partners you are choosing, like me, are probably really nice people.
TYWC - Marty
This is a good video and I love how you really take time to put right words/explanation so that we can understand it better. Thanks!
You are welcome. Always doing my best. TYWC - Marty
Thank you for this video! I have just been thinking why people are always trying to catch me in a lie or they think I'm hiding something. I guess guilty minds are always suspicious 🤷♀️
Yes. The reflection within the mirror. Right? TYWC - Marty
This is a masterpiece and thank you for all the effort and thought put into this video! ❤❤❤
Thank you so much for this. I can’t convey the emotions I feel right now. I’m quite familiar with this curse, it has always been the bane of my existence. Never understood why people passively rejected obvious solutions I offered. Your video made me really understand the dynamics behind the problem. Again, thank you.
You are welcome. I try to just be me and talk from my life and experience and emotions. TYWC - Marty
I fell out of bed when you said dumb it down divide it all up and ask for payment... the facts
Yep. No other way about it. TYWC - Marty
your hair is looking like a teenager's hair, its amazing!
;) Thank you for the compliment but it is out of control. Driving me F'ing crazy. I need to get it cut and like yesterday.
😊🤯. I was scrolling through the comments looking at thumbnail pictures. Many Infjs are very attractive. Many of us have a unique mix of masculine and feminine features.
But another common thing I’ve seen is thick or big hair, even if it’s receding.
Gandhi is rumored to be an I NFJ, if you look at his pictures even with shaved head he has thick hair.
Marty, what are your thoughts? Have you seen this?
I am not sure and maybe reaching but this I will say: " I get it and can agree to a certain point but good looks and that to MBTI, might be a little far of a reach."
I do like it though and think it is a great theory. TYWC - Marty
WOW.. WHOAAAAAA. Blew my MIND, this explanation. I've had the same thing happen before and could NOT comprehend why I was ignored. I chalked it up to something I must be "doing wrong," or maybe because I'm a woman, or because I'm short, etc. THANK YOU SO MUCH for this video!!!
You are welcome. See... Not your fault lol kidding but maybe I should not be. TYWC - Marty
I agree with your statement that the INFJ seems too good to be true. There's an emotional integrity or sincerity about INFJs and, with that, there's innocence.
Unfortunately, many people equate innocence with stupidity or lack of experience. The same thing happens to people who have a positive outlook on life - others have the response "Just wait until you grow up and then you won't be so happy".
It really is the other person's problem. They think that innocence and pure intent means that you are probably just starting out and don't have a lot of experience. And the same goes for humility - some people assume that only arrogant people are intelligent.
It's sad that others aren't seeing your value and your purity, but other people do have the right to follow the advice of someone that they trust. And if they trust someone who is assertive and pushy and expensive and appears to have "worldly experience", then it is their right to value that and choose that. And they get to reap the consequences of their choices, too.
Hi Heather. So if I drive a Lamborghini does that mean I am a success and a role model or just able to make a payment? So goes the world we live in and social media and the world it seems we currently live in. Well said. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn That F in the INFJ is all about what you and other people value. Yes, the world as it is at the moment means that many people value the Lamborghini and anything to do with money more than heart, integrity or talent. But I have great faith in the INFJs, for even though they're rare, they're powerful and they bring an awareness of valuing these other inner things. I'm not an INFJ myself but I'm sure glad they're here in the world.
Hi Heather. I hope I am doing my part and you think so INFJ or not ;) TYWC - Marty
I could assume arrogance shows lack of self awareness, hiding insecurities from themselves. Afraid of their vulnerability, etc.
OMG! Thank YOU!! YOU just clarified everything for me. I have prayed for understanding and resolution. I opened my phone this morning and “saw” this! WOW! HE is amazing ... all you have to do is knock and the door will be opened! Thank YOU, thank YOU, thank YOU for taking the time, effort, and energy to put together your channel!!
Hi Kim. Wow are you not full of the best compliments. Thank you. - Marty
When he said "I am your future" that really spoke to me on an infj level
Hi Manager... I hope so because I mean it and have the life experience and videos to be in the ball park to be able to say that so take what works and toss aside what does not and I think it will be better that way than if you do nothing. Sounds basic but how many of us truly practice this in life? TYWC - Marty
Thanks for this video. You are spot on! It reminded me of a job I got fired from many years ago. I was over qualified, senior mgmt was incompetant. The reason I got fired was "I came in acting like I knew what I was doing!" If didnt know, why would they hire me? I went on to much greater career success. Versions of this scenario have repeated over years professionally/ personally. But I refuse to become incompetant because they are. What you beautifully explained makes sense. I find withdrawing from these people/situations frees me from the constant anxiety. I dont want to fight, insult, argue, etc.What is the end game reward for the 80% of Cluster B's? I am exhausted by them. A lonely life sounds preferable to these toxic
vampires. How are INFJs
and empaths created. It must be "nature" bcs "nurture" is not in the equation.
It’s all about fairly accurate trajectories based on combinations of all the things anyway. It’s just like being a ghost floating above your life but not able to go too far within a system of entropy.
I Men... Above my IQ comment for sure. Well said. I get it. TYWC - Marty
you are truly inspirational. I my self am an infj and I feel no other TH-camr, psychologist, etc understands “us infjs” or demotes this much of there time, to learn and understand us how you do. Your work is amazing God bless you Marty Glenn
Appreciate the kind words. TYWC - Marty
My question me being a intutive clarvoiant I find that my abilitys also go in to over drive find out things i dont want to know. Can this fall under the trust issue too. I have no control of my switch. What i see and here its only recently when some one has treated me bad that the information about that person comes streaming in
Hi Dominque. I would say yes to that... For sure. - Marty
I figured out a lot of what you said in this video the hard way...by going in too fast and getting hurt. The past few months, I've really been understanding HOW IMPORTANT it is for me to slow down! Thank you so much for this video! It reaffirmed so much of what I've been learning about myself in the past few months, why have the tendency to go all in right away, and why it's better in the long run to take new relationships slow. When I think back to all the healthy relationships I've developed in my life, I realize that they all took time to build. Somewhere along the line, I became too worried about being liked and people pleasing that I lost sight of the importance of SLOOOWWWING DOWN.
I can tell from the texting how it is going to go and that is all within the first month. Makes things very easy for me. TYWC - Marty
I am in my 60's yea I get this video. I now give barely anything, and they seem to want more that way. I keep writing and deleting so will just post
Hi Christine. That is funny. Well this I can promise you. My next video will be something you can relate to and will probably make you want to scream. Let us both see if I am right.
Thank You for Watching and the Comment (TYWC) - Marty
Oh and don't worry about it, nobody knows you so comment away and just post it. ok ;)
@@marty_glenn
Aaahhh ok thanks
You are welcome and the video is posting and hope you enjoy it. - Marty
Hey Marty, just wanted to thank you very much for all the videos! Seen them all first comment, it's funny but I found you videos by searching "why do I feel cursed" kinda funny looking back on it, but keep going mate you're spot on about everything in what I've heard, I'm just glade I found you when, thanks mate for the time and effort you're going to for the young infj, awesome job! Fuck the haters I understand you every word and they help!
Thanks Sam
Appreciate Sam. I will not always say the best or correct for everyone but the 80/20 rule and allowing everyone to have strange views or desire to say what no one else will; that is about how this channel goes. With that said, I am sure you get it, the hate needs to be with IQ and professional. Not just keyboard hate. TYWC - Marty
Well, this explains a lot.
HaHa Does it? You know it is funny...
I always have to remind people that I do not plan or anything, I just turn the camera on and go. So I am always, well most of the time, very concerned about backlash. I am always very happy when I get it right. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn I've experienced this *so* many times! Wow! Thanks for explaining!
Also, that's IMPRESSIVE how you write left-handed and BACKWARDS!
HJI. Actually I reverse it in FCP10. See it now? TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn Wait, you just flip the image? Just push the "mirror" button? Dang clever!!!
This honestly made me want to cry. But in the grand scheme of things you're right. Right when you said "dumb down" it honestly shocked me. But ya some people don't even deserve my thoughts let alone want to hear it (even if I'm right) ,anyways, subscribed. I think the right crowd that understands is out there, somewhere eventually.
;) Somewhere over the rainbow...right? TYWC - Marty
How are you writing and the words aren't coming out in reverse? Are you actually doing mirror writing?
Edit: Figured it out. He's writing normally and reversed the video.
:) - M
I understood this when I was 22 that I am such a giver that has no boundaries so therefore, now I know my value and added tax. No more free advices, nothing. I feel guilty of doing so much for others while I was walking on eggshells. I feel pity on myself for doing that. Infjs are truly blessed people and we are the knowers of the world. We know so much without degrees.
True! ❤️🔥
;) TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn what is TYWC?
Thank You for Watching and the Comment
;) TYWC - Marty
As an INFJ on my thirties I've realized that, so I became a person who can't believe in anyone and test them often and that's another problem. I simply can be simple lol
Hi Lays. Yep. Here i show I do it...
Said to my SO...
" Testing and then, oh you passed... Did you? Nope. Here is another test for you. What is that you say...? I said, "you did good yesterday???" What... you think yesterday counts for today? Oh how silly of me to not inform you when we met that each and every day is a new day and new test and yesterday and those tests and the types of test have anything to do with today.... but thank you for play and what??? Oh that... That is a door I am going to fuck'n throw your stupid silly ass through if you decide to screw me over because you are tired of the daily tests. TYWC - Marty
Facts
This is very insightful. Getting to the point where I never would just give my effort, energy or knowledge away ever again has made me very successful. I learned that I had to prove it to them, show them, give them facts and then ask them for money, lol. And then they paid it and they also started to respect the amazing and unique talents and abilities that I have - but ONLY because I learned how to require it from others. Also, realizing that so many people around me were cluster B's allowed me to stop caring what they thought or said because they don't really have any feelings themselves - so why should I care?
Hi Aura. So true. Those Cluster B's right? Glad you are figuring it all out as it is so helpful in life. Well said. TYWC - Marty
Bullseye vid.
I dropped everything to hear this.
Hey Age... Thanks for the nice compliment. TYWC - Marty
Wow, I instantly pulled out a note book and wrote this down.
So relatable, when i was young. I was actually a really super loving and caring kid, but some how always got categorized as a "bad kid" not trust worthy and the biggest one SNEAKY. It took me 28 years to realize I was none of these and started to try and untangle the years of damage. Not only by others but myself. Becoming an addict and a criminal because well thats what I was right, WRONG.
Now on my recovery path of 2 years and realizing I don't have to be this tough thug, and that the●Intense● out cry of emotions and energy can be delt with in a healing way. And I don't have to save every person at kroger grocery shopping on Sunday morning 🙄
Finding out im a
INFJ//EMPATH HAS helped me tremendously and SO HAS YOUR VIDEO! THANK YOU. New subscriber for sure.😘😘
You are welcome and thanks for helping to proving what I have always known: The harder you are on the outside, the weaker you are on the inside.
Good for you turning that on its head. I am sure you are much happier. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn I keep getting happier with each passing day. I constantly meditate and set my intentions. Keeps me focused on whats really important.
Thanks for your reply!!
Good for you. You are welcome. - Marty
When you mentioned "dumb yourself down," i cringed. But then I understood exactly what you meant. Practicing restraint and giving people pieces of yourself over time and not all at once because a lot of people can't handle the full course meal of an INFJ, unfortunately. Boundaries are so necessary. And I'm so guilty of giving people all of myself too soon in hopes that they will feel comfortable enough with me to do the same. This has blown up in my face everytime! Yet I take these as lessons learned! I appreciated your articulation of this complex concept. Makes this journey much smoother for me. 👌🏽😊
You are welcome and I am glad you found it worthy of your time. You know I am not religious but I could spend all day in a majority black southern or ? church and listen to you or ? I find the passion so awesome. I do not care what the message is. The Benefits of Longsuffering is a nice speech. Well done. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn oh wow! Thanks so much for watching my video! Sometimes I forget I have that uploaded on here. Lol That was my first time delivering a message actually like that to a church. I used to be an atheist. 😇
I cried when I viewed this video because it made abundantly clear just how much my eagerness, my willingness, and desire to rescue everyone and solve their problems could come across as disingenuous. I am starting my own business and was seriously considering giving up because colleague of mine who were less talented and who offered far less than I were bookings orders while all my clients pulled out during the initial stage of negotiations. I had already come to conclusion that I had to change my approach, however your presentation really brought it home for me.
I know right. If you watch it and the message when you are in the wrong place it really brings home a lot of pain from relationships gone bad. TYWC - Marty
Dude you are spot on! Especially the bit about solving problems. There is nothing in it for me. I see the clear cut solution instantly. And I am happy to pass it on, or set things in motion so that the other person gets what they need. It’s just what I do. But as you’ve said, things get so twisted up! I could never understand it.
;) TYWC - Marty
You are too good to be true! With you and your Chanel make my life easier! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Thanks you for making me understand "why" no one rakes my advice or experience or anything I know about. Its just heart breaking knowing that I have to lower my standards to please others when ive done nothing but try to help. Its all messed up. But its ok I'll try to dumb down a little. But its very frustrating especially when I know the solution or outcome of the problem. It always happened to me. Now I know why. Thank you. I appreciate it very much.
You are welcome and it does get better with patience and trying to read the other person. Just takes a little extra work. I got through it every day. TYWC- Marty
MARTY!!! My head just popped off LOL this is me!!! I have recently(in the last year or so) Found out about The INFJ people... of which I am one. I feel happy that I have found my tribe at last. Although I can’t say that I have met more than one maybe two people in this category in my whole life. That letter was just profound and the sense of people not getting who I am and how isolating it has been. Just to explain the profound aha moment that I am experiencing and having it articulated in in this way, leaves me elated and heartbroken at the same time. The way you broke it down makes so much sense!!! Even though it makes so much sense it also makes me feel like I’m starting from scratch. I see it all from all angles and I feel it’s intuitively needing to be said… The whole thing… Not to say I can’t tweak it. I am just saying🤪 that’s exactly what I look like right now LMAO. I could go on ha ha Ha but let me just say thank you from the bottom of my heart to the person that wrote that letter and also to you Marty ! I will be sucking every drop out of everything you say and do thank you thank you 🙏❤️ Robin Cue rays of sunlight beaming through the clouds angels singing angelic songs etc. etc.
BACK IN THE DAY!!! You are welcome. ;) I am glad you found it worthy of your time. Who would have thought that that letter and my video would get so many views and touch so many. Amazing and that was like a 10 minute rehearsal. Like I always say, you either know your shit or you do not. I so want to touch on that lol but I cannot so I will just end it there. lol TYWC - Marty
I relate to what you say so much. You're actually addressing the negativity INFJs cause themselves in their own lives(a very different INFJ curse at that) and it's making me tear up because I have always thought there was something wrong and abnormal in the way I speak and help others, though it was only with good intentions. I have even started to say nothing to people, instead of saying something too nice and somehow making them ..distant to me instead? When I want to just help them SO MUCH, I literally warn them of my own advice and say 'I dont want to overwhelm you..' 'please don't think it's cheesy but..' I have never understood this and thought of myself as awkward/anxious beyond repair. I didn't know every INFJ experienced it :(. Thank you so much for the tips to avoid this! Im a 20 year old INFJ and I couldn't have watched this video at a better time.
Good for you and I hope other videos are worthy of your time, just like this one has been. TYWC - Marty
Brilliant! Amazing! Such an intricate depiction of my inner self! Bless you for figuring it out for us! Even in my 70 s, this is extraordinarily helpful, and right on. Thank you so much🙏🙏🙏
Wow. That is great and glad it resonated with you so well. Thank you for watching and the Comment. ( TYWC ) - Marty
Yep. Totally spot on. Took me 20-30yrs to figure out.
Starting to think my 21 yr old is an infj and am trying to warn him of his relationship choices/actions. Scared he'll get fleeced. He wants to save her from herself...
Child needs to have own life but I know exactly what you mean. Best to your family. TYWC - Marty
Marty - brilliant INFJ insight, I've studied and experienced this loss of trust when trying to help others. Before, I truly understood why this was happening, my belief was that I was being too brutally honest with others. Now, I dont even bother trying to offer solutions or dumb down my responses, I simply say, "What do you think you should do?" Boom there's my boundary, dont even try to use me.
Yep. But how do you deal with the unfulfilled spaces within your life that are reserved for those that need our advice but do not want it? TYWC - Marty
I swear stumbling upon this video this evening cannot possibly be coincidental. I just had a disaster of a situation at work today and this video completely explains what the heck went on in my INFJ brain. Thank you sooooo much for articulating this so well. I had an "ah ha moment" and then immediately had an "oh sh*t" one. I will surely be dealing with some fall out from this in the next day or so. Thank you for the information that will allow me to check myself!
Nope it is not. You can be sure of that and I am glad it made you smile. Yes... always be checking self. TYWC - Marty
Thank you for posting this video. I never realized til now that I was doing what you’ve explained. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with everyone else and I didn’t know how to “people”. And had this sense of superiority and isolated myself from the rest. But, your advice is a great way to go about life and “blend in” with the rest.
Good and glad to hear. ;) TYWC - Marty
Oh my freeken WORLD!!!!! THANX for this!!! This happens like ALL the time, I never realized it is in actual fact me!! So grateful for the Clarity!! Your subscribed!!
HaHa Thank you. I am glad. Always doing my best. TYWC - Marty
Life Changing. Wow. Such perspective. I think I'll need to watch this once a week for a while or something to let it sink in. Been doing this my whole life and have been baffled. Can't even begin to think what holding back pouring myself completely into helping someone would feel like. Hmmmmm At 59, at least I had let go of expectations. :) Thank you so much! I've liked, subscribed and am going in for more!
Be careful what you wish for as there are a lot of videos. Some are pretty deep. TYWC - Marty
Thank you Marty for making this video. There is so much of it that I can relate to in my own life, and why I often found myself in situations where I wondered 'what happened?' Trust has always been a big issue for me and I've been burned more times than I care to remember.
Hi NG. Yep. Not much else to say. Right? I get it. It sucks yet we love who we are but would rather not be. That is such a part of all of this. TYWC - Marty
The clarity n depth that avails to Marty so that he can bring light to our lives is astounding.
Always doing my best. I try but sometimes there will be fails. I always get up though; that is a guarantee. TYWC - Marty
OMGoddess!!!! This explains so much!!! I've wondered my whole life why I have great ideas and know how about things and am often not taken seriously. I have been overlooking who and what people are for waaaaay too long. I really appreciate how you explain this!
You are welcome. TYWC - Marty
Spot on! I was constantly trying to fix people...so far it hasn’t worked out. I feel left out, disregarded and oh so tired of the one sidedness of my relationships that I just retreat into my own world. I don’t feel lonely by myself, but I feel lonely when I’m surrounded by people.
Thanks for the great explanation Marty!
You are welcome and glad it helped. TYWC - Marty
Love how he says 'Trust Me' at 10.21 after giving us the whole enchilada. Isn't that what he was trying to teach us not to do? Joking aside, that was great and informative video I can really relate to. Thanks
Yes. I know. It is hard on TH-cam. Every word is clocked. ;) TYWC - Marty
WOW, I am...you have explained and zoomed in on the fine line that only few can relate to. Knowing things and not being able to share for a thought that never... "trust me".. crossed my mind is that its FREE...THINKING.
Glad I was able to touch it. You either know or you do not. ;) TYWC - Marty
I am an INFJ and this blew my mind. It gives a perspective I have not thought about before. Thank you so much for giving me a new tool to understand myself an interactions with others.
You are welcome. Glad it fit and is worthy of your tine to watch. TYWC - Marty
No one could have explained this in a more better way... almost cried watching this video because... you made realize almost everything about my problems... why I was losing myself so much for everyone...
Hi Swaradaa. Glad it helped and was so worthy of your time. Means a lot to me. TYWC - Marty
@@marty_glenn 🙂 wish I could get to have a conversation with you
HI swaradaa. You are having one with me ;) - M
@@marty_glenn Yeah... in a way yeah... I kinda have lot of questions more of a out burst maybe... been following your video trail... it's so clean and clear to understand... the way you put things, explain them... I see you have lived everything that you tell about INFJ....
Hi Swaradaa...oh. Well email me: me@martyglenn.com ;) - M
This is the first time I have seen one of ur videos and I instantly subscribed, not just for the super valuable information I received (life changing BTW because I find myself in situation where I'm being asked "what my agenda is?" 😟 obviously leaving me hurt and confused when all I wanted was to help) but some time towards the end of ur video u said something that may have seemed insignificant to some but I laughed out loud when u said 'it's not cuz u wanna be right' ! Holy cow!!! Tell me about it; I am so sick of having to be right sometimes I wish I could give the answer to someone elts to deliver cuz i am tired of ppl acting as if I think of myself as self-righteous for being right... the truth is as an INFJ we really don't even take credit for what we know or at least I dont, I haven't met any others except my 2 children (I know pretty rare right) here's another one for u if u wanna have a laugh; I'm right handed both my children r lefties lol, and in 2020 we all had milestone birthdays that were all divisible within themselves... i turned 40 on 1/19/20 =40, my daughter turned 21 on the 21 of her birth month in 2020, my son turned 13 on the 26 of his... I'm sure I don't need to show u the patters but I was quite fascinated 😊 thank u so much for ur videos, I'm going to watch more probably for the rest of my day till I have to cook dinner...
Thank you and really a nice comment. The diversity of me, almost 100% of the time, is more than most can handle. In fact, most cannot handle me(period) I do not know what it is that I do to people, but it makes things harder than it should be and if people would only look more inward, and see the truth about their real emotional status and health, I think my life would have a lot more wonderful people inside of it.
I appreciate your words and you watching. I think the next video, it is very long, will entertain you and I hope it contains something that you take and I am very happy that my other video did as well. TYWC - Marty
I am so glad I found this channel. I'm a late bloomer to be INFJ world. I could never understand what was going on with me and how others reacted to it. The dots are finally connecting.