the most common thing people say to others with mental illness is "it's okay not to be okay", but god so many people need to hear that it's OKAY to be OKAY.
omg THIS! sometimes the feeling of being ‘okay’ becomes a state of dissatisfaction and i’ve seen this happen all around me. “it’s okay to be okay” is such an important phrase to remember.
I'm not the biggest fan of this saying (as someone who is clinically 'not okay'), but I think you need to acknowledge and accept the fact that you might in fact not be okay to move on... And that's what it's about - at least imo. It's okay to admit to having a mental illness and seek help despite it being heavily stigmatised. But yeah, I don't really like it bc sometimes people read it as 'it's okay to stay in this state (of anxiety/depression/anything else you're struggling with) forever and not do anything about it' - like take your time, of course, but I don't think it's a healthy mindset to reject recovery in general
I can't stand that phrase. I don't want my mental illness to be validated, I don't want to feel comfortable with it. I want it to go away, and I want to stop having it. So many people have told me like "it's okay not to be okay" and such, to the point where now I feel like I shouldn't try to heal from my illness.
@@gianna526 it's normal to have illnesses but the quote Is logically empty similar to the quote that if you help people success will come witch in some extend ture but in some cases people will milk your time to help them and take way opportunities that you could have had in some cases you have to let go of people who may possibly bring you down and it's not easy to help and not realistic.. so as I say it's an empty quote it needs more information and it shouldn't be only one small sentence living the reader confused.. Life isn't always white or grey in some cases you will be one of the unlucky people who may face ture darkness and that can break you mentally things that people don't imagine happening in there lives and fear if it did happen.. in some cases they make it feel so easy to get out of this state but it really it depends but Surely with determination and hope you can get better day by day .. but remember support is important to get away from the state we are humans and we need one another support.. you need to mentally get medication that's what I did and did help and some support in your suffering because burdens can be hard on one person to carry and mentally understand that you can use this problems to grow and as a challenge that you need to overcome.. I hope that hopefully Helps and if I said something incorrect I would love to know.. I don't want to bother or hurt people.. and I hope to understand more about it and stay safe ❤️
My Buddhist Lama told me "sometimes we become so attached to the battle of the illness that we don't want to heal anymore because that battle gives us meaning" and this hit me, still processing it.
Its feels SO good to be the constant victim. Such a feeling to be right person who was wronged. To revel in the feeling of having an audience to your pain. But fight the urges, fight the feeling. The state of peace is so much more worth it than the self-assurance of being the victim.
i agree greatly... (you don't gotta scroll down, it's just a rant i went about - and regret making, but also don't feel like deleting because it took *so long.* sorry for distracting you with the notification.) unrelated, and definitely not related to me though, uh- what of loneliness? what if that imagined audience *is the only "people" you can scream to,* which could be for a variety of reasons; mayhaps, one won't have people close to you, to seek care from... *or instead, you don't wish to "burden" those close to you.* or you could be insecure. and thus, rather then sharing it, you find yourself relishing on the "attention" of an aforementioned illusionary audience. but i do genuinely think your amazing for being as caring as you are, to put time into this, for some to read. to make the lonely few that stumble across this, feel less lonely, perhaps. *afterall, you can't fight such things alone.* not usually. (though i'll admit; i'm very hesitant on submitting this awful rant to someone i barely know, having even gone as far as to delete an entire rebbutal on what you said - just to have changed mindset, some time later.) but uhhhh... yea. also, sorry if you see this as a notification and-... i just took much of your time, today (or tonight). i couldn't resist the urge to scream to someone else for once... after having seen this. it's weird, and i hope this doesn't come off poorly - but for some reason, i found it easier to do this to a stranger rather then family and friends... but um, again- thank you.
@@Gremlin-i7x youre overelaborating a slim portion but that was a good read anyway. countless words dont bore me. idont like _screaming._ maybe im an idiot, egoist who thinks he can manage and regulate it by himself. either way i will never scream. exposed i feel. you do because you like to receive the attention but not from your family or something which i experience. youre no one of note to me and i am not to you too, and unveiling myself wouldnt lead to all these things that are feared of in a normal setting like my mother or father "oh dad im fucking wanting to end myself" now thats gonna destabilize the entire family tree and my life if im exposed like that. i dont have a scale on whether or not if my suffering is really anything of note, if its just standard hormones that im going through and paying too much attention to. although, along with some issues in my life that are out of my control too, but thats out of the question. so maybe im just fighting alone because its not a lot. gotta accept that i guess, thanks man.
@@Gremlin-i7x Although I don't feel like I'm in a position to be able to listen, I really do wish to. You're not troubling anyone, but rather validating many. Your views are something deeper that many might fail to realize. I'm here if you do wish to rant/vent. And even if you come across as racist, hidden bigotry, s*xist, or overbearing, I still won't judge. It's hard to find people who listen, do not judge or compensate/ project... I'm more than happy to be an ear in case you need it. And I feel like the only thing I'd be good for right now is advice lol
I used to hate when people said that “trauma adds spice” and “trauma creates character”, because, as someone who went through very traumatic experiences during my childhood and preteen years, I wondered why anyone would want to be imprisoned by their own mind and not be able to do anything about it. Then I realized, I might not say it out loud, but I unconsciouly think this way too. I remember when girls at my school with “perfect” lives and “perfect” parents and “perfect” houses approached me, I had no interest in becoming friends with them, because I thought their little bubble of privilege wouldn’t allow them to understand “real life”, that money and college and clothes was all they could ever want, that they couldn’t have meaningful conversations because “they were boring”. Read that again. I unconsciously thought having a privileged, happy life made you boring. Even in relationships, I always felt attracted to people that needed “fixing”, as if their trauma made them more interesting to be around, and “spiced up” our dynamic. I think that people don’t want to be sad, they just want to feel like they have a distinct personality with traits of their own. People like to be unique, and they like to feel as if they were in a movie and they like to be able to cry to sad songs just to validate their own feelings. There’s a voyeuristic aspect as to why girls like crying with mascara on and reading Sylvia Plath, as if someone was actually watching them and they were a character in Skins. There’s a reason why people look for love “like in the movies”. There’s a reason why the most famous artists and musicians and writers all happened to do drugs or be depressed or live sad lives, and usually had very unfortunate deaths that we now romanticize. We’ve commodified feelings like sadness and love so much that we now think the only way of having an interesting personality and a life worth telling is by being depressed. And of course, anyone who went through a mood disorder knows it’s not like in the movies at all, and it doesn’t spice up your personality. It ruins your life.
Edit: Parts of this comment are sorta null now considering I recently realized I actually am heavily traumatized from my time in distance learning (was so much fun coming to that conclusion /s) and suffer from both the same situational depression as before and anxiety in general with my tendency to overthink things. My feelings from before aren't any less valid and some of my points still ring true for me, but I just thought I'd add that onto here if anyone new manages to read this :) I can speak on this from the privileged side of things, kinda. I'm about to graduate high school and up until the pandemic the worst "trauma" I've experienced was my parents divorcing, but even then it happened when I was 3 so I was basically unaffected by it the way it does to people it happens to when older. I live in the suburbia of suburbias (we literally don't even have a proper sheriff's department and just use the overall county's) and the biggest personal "problems" I'm dealing with atm are Prom and trying to get tickets for a concert in July (also trying not to procrastinate finishing my term paper any longer cause it's already past the initial due date lol). However in 2020 I had to go through distance learning for my Junior year and as it was literal hell on earth, I experienced my first and currently only time with depression or any mental illness. Heck I didn't even believe I was depressed when it started up because it didn't feel as serious as the way my friends and the culture around me had described it. I didn't experience a feeling of numbness or no desire to get out of bed, just crying and a huge lack of motivation I felt specifically when thinking about/doing school so it wasn't even my own thoughts bringing me to this state but simply a way of life I wasn't prepared for (plus the fact that I literally couldn't write the smallest paragraph and had to leave the Zoom room of a standardized test once because I was just staring at my computer screen unable to type anything, leading me to be consoled by my mom and have to lay in bed under the covers to try and calm myself from whatever kind of attack that situation brought up. This was the worst it probably got btw, and it was months after my initial diagnosis). I also wasn't the only person experiencing depression from the pandemic, and while I was put on medication, by the time I was on it my symptoms were basically fading (aside from the whole "I can't write" thing, which lasted for the remainder of the school year), though I do still see the therapist I started going to because of all this, which was probably the only positive takeaway. I was able to move on relatively unscathed from the whole experience, and since so many kids my age are actively dealing with multiple mental health problems on top of school and life and whatnot while I just have my one experience and the most I worry about being my self esteem problems, mainly about my body, and desire to be seen as desirable and not feel as average as I do, I constantly think that my life has been rather boring. Then I remember I have nothing to complain about because I haven't had to struggle much and I shouldn't/don't want to go through those things but if that's the case, why do I still feel that everything about me is uninteresting and I'm just going through life day to day? Why do I feel a strange sense of pity for not having super exciting things happen to me and not knowing if teen parties are actually a thing where I live because I've never been invited (and wouldn't even want to go as I'm an introvert so that makes things even more confusing) when one of my best friends is staying up till 4 am sometimes working on AP homework and being put through that gauntlet daily? Wow I spent way more time on this than I should have/intended to but oh well
this reminds me of the situation with mitski, who is known for her sad girl persona (can probably tell just by her teenage fans). her new album has been heavily critiqued b/c it being different from her typical sound. she specifically mentioned that she wanted to end off the album with this one song that's our lamp on a happier note. it reminds people that shes also a person who is healing but her fans want her to stay the same struggling, sad girl she was years ago. its like just because they discovered her recently means they can dictate her music career + make her rely on a persona from YEARS ago.
Yeah it’s the problem that comes with making sadder music, once you start to get out of that and want to make more positive music, the fans still want your more depressing songs. If at first making music is your way of coping, now it’s what traps you in that depressed mindset because if you start making happier music then your fans won’t listen to it
omg not even just mitski but the weeknd too along with every other artist who makes sadder/darker music. it’s sickening that their own fans want them to be depressed. fans saying “can’t wait till someone breaks their heart so we can get a new album” is crazy to me. it’s so sad, selfish, and dehumanizing.
same thing happened with twenty one pilots! their newest album is alot more upbeat and people were so furious about it,, like the lead singer is literally a father now and the drummer is married, of course they're gonna want to write happy things when they're happy and a majority of things in their lives are making them happy, people treated it like it was the biggest crime on earth because their album wasn't the same as blurryface
I'd like to add, glorification only happens to "mainstream" mental illness e.g. depression, anxiety, ADHD etc. Meanwhile illnesses such as schizophrenia or personality disorders are villainised. The glorification of "mainstream" mental illness results in a large group of people judging people for actually being depressed, "you're TOO depressed, you're TOO negative, you're TOO angry, you're TOO much, TOO hard to hang around with", because the reality does not match the persona. Glorification hurts, it is the exact opposite of representation.
Piggybacking off that, another example is how EDs like anorexia are romanticized bc it’s associated with “positive” traits like scarcity and general thin beauty standards while others like binge-eating and bulima are considered gross bc of associations of gluttony, waste, etc. They really do pick and choose.
Hell everyone claims to have ADHD nowadays. To the point their symptoms just sound eerily similar to just having ASD (they share a lot of traits but there's always a moment in which one turns into the other) But will you ever seen anyone admitting they're Autistic as earnestly as just having ADHD? No, that shit is reserved for the "odd" 40 year old man with Thomas the tank Engine pfp and extensive knowledge on sonic the hedgehog lore, that shit ain't cute, you see, I only hyperfixate (god I hate how popular clinical language has become...) On quirkier prettier stuff, like Netflix shows, and anime.
I almost feel like an element of this was kids back in the 2010s not understanding irony and creating a culture of unironic mental illness while also not having the ability to "embody" the less easy to fake or less "fun" mental illnesses (the most you see in common culture about schizophrenia is schizoposting, an ironic interpretation of schizophrenia which only arose since the pandemic, and no one dares associate with the actual label while common culture loves ironic, unironic and all other sorts of depression)
@@cryptogeist6233 yeah and binge eating with depression is ignored because it has doesn't work with that skinny quirky aesthetic like when I literally can't stop eating food that disgusts me and Catch myself making food I won't eat and have depressive episodes and stuff it's not pretty and I don't feel like talking about it online with a cute filter. I literally can't stand how it gets represented and I'm working on it and it's getting better but Everytime I see someone saying "Im quirky and depressed uWU" it just feels patronizing.
personality disorders are first and foremost thrown around like insults. "psychopath" as a colloquial term is so watered down in its meaning that it might as well be synonymous to "callous douchebag".
i think that the reason we enjoy being sad is because we can comprehend the emotion and understand what it means to be sad. happiness is sometimes foreign, and oftentimes fleeting. sadness can be achieved easily, happiness however cannot be fabricated within ourselves. we often need to look for it from an outside source.
Thats a really good point I haven’t thought of actually… for me personally too sadness became a safety net. Like if I feel sad, I know what to expect and be prepared to feel. The thought of being happy and something terrible happening seems more scary than just staying sad sometimes.
I feel like it might be the opposite. Happiness is expected from everyone else in our lives. So maybe people want to experience sadness because it is unknown and more complex than other emotions and if everyone around us is feeling happy I should be sad. Because it's different. I feel like that might be the mindset.
After suffering with depression for about 5 years, I gotta say, it's a phenomenal feeling to wake up and feel all right, and doing good. Feeling joy, happines from small things etc. Being happy is what we all deserve
How? How do you just wake up and feel okay? I just wait till I get that surge of activity of about 4 days to clean my house and make just enough cash to live.
@@abdou.the.heretic that surge of energy is happiness to me. The ability to think clearly and face the world past all that dark fog and physical fatigue. Its like a little blessing for a day or two every few months. But that's my "feeling okay" moment. You gotta define yours. :)
I remember when I had a really bad day or got into argument, I would get the urge to write it on paper just to make sense of what I was feeling. But when writing, I would catch myself change details to make it more depressing, to justify my anger/sadness. Then I would stop, throw away the paper and try to write again but was ashamed of the reality which was that I got angry/sad for a simple, normal reason. I now understand the confusion I felt before. I guess I wanted my sadness to be cool, aestethic and when I would realize it wasn't I would get frustrated.
I've done the same thing before 💀💀 what I usually do now is acknowledge that on paper. If I was going to write about a bad day but make it sound ✨poetically✨ worse, I'd write that in my entry too. Writing is a nice way of channeling the frustration so being meta about my feelings in moment helps me keep writing c:
Art is all about expression. Those who enjoy that art find something that they relate to in that artwork and lets us know that we are not alone with these dark feelings and that it is ok to have them.
It is hilarious youth pretends to care about mental illness while the same time making Patrick Bateman edits lol Maybe you should choose role models who aren’t mentally ill criminals. And those people who make Patrick Bateman edits ironically miss the artistic satirical point of American Psycho lol
I've also heard that the human brain is biologically hardwired to remember struggles and negative things to stay safe and survive, so sad things are just more memorable. I think that's part of why we hold onto them more than happy and neutral ones
I'm not sure that's true. The fact that most people's lives are not that great, coupled with the fact that suicidal tendencies are uncommon, makes me believe that people actually overestimate the quality of their lives.
@@brzt4256 it's true. that's how human brain works, why did i know this? well.. i studied psychology. that doesn't correlate to suicidal tendency because suicidal tendency has many factors behind it. every person cope with their life differently and we also have different threshold too. hope it helps.
When I tell people that misery is addictive they never believe me at first, but it’s true. This video really does well to explain why it’s so addictive.
I indulged in self pity once- I sat in the floor in my room and drank for three days straight. I absolutely LOVED the feeling of feeling sorry for myself. After three days I got up and lived life a new woman. Four years sober today ❤️
A lot of my friends were like "Oh don't draw ur child oc with a short shirt. People will sexualize them" and I was like "is that my fault???" and they were like "It is if you let them" like bruh
@@SatoriF37that’s messed up, how are you letting them do anything when they are strangers and you don’t know them? plus if they are that mentally deranged to sexualise children I don’t think it makes a difference how you draw the clothes.
I have been depressed since i was 14. I am 22 now. And let me tell you, depression is a soul eating void you dont want to get yourself into. It's more than the shallow, superficial pop culture potrayal of a "hot mess". Depression is the gut wreching feeling of never reaching your potential because every day is a heavy rock upon your chest that you lie squished under like an insect; it is the withdrawal from reality into a personalised hell you carry with yourself everywhere; it is total helplessness that engulfs your existence. Everywhere you go, it goes with you. Do not romanticise this hell.
@@bdfwhhsb i didn't get out of it. But i AM trying to improve my life. And perhaps the only way to do that is professional help aka therapy. Seek therapy if you're depressed.
@@bdfwhhsb I got out of it. You have to rewire your thinking. You get so used to certain thought patterns (you mess something up -> “you mess everything up” -> “you’re bad at everything”) that it becomes a habit. Your brain takes that easy, convenient, well-established shortcut over the hard work of actually thinking. And it gets easier and worse the more you let yourself think that way. (“you’re bad at everything” might turn into “you’re a bad person,” for example.) You have to actively fight those thought patterns to break out of them. It might take a long time, but it’s doable. This is the basis behind cognitive-behavioral therapy.
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267 then you fucked up, and it’s normal to feel bad. What’s not normal is to then blow it out of proportion or let feeling bad about it dominate your daily life, instead of recognizing it as a single, isolated fuckup. To be clear, this is not a conscious choice, since your thinking itself is compromised. Fortunately it can be fixed
As a preteen i wanted so desperetaly to be depressed, sad and miserable because of tumblr. It was so easy to make myself cry while listening to a song i didn't really relate to, just for the aesthetics of it... Then when i was 13 two of the most important people in my life died and my best friend committed S, then my schizoid personality disorder started to hit alongside visual and auditory hallucinations and suddenly i was actually miserable. i still remember how disappointed i was when i realized being miserable wasn't poetic, or beautiful, or meaningful, how it was just... bad. just bad.
i remember hating being truly sad because it wasn’t like the pretty girls on tv, it was ugly, messy, and nobody came to apologize or comfort me so that my problems would go away, i was just miserable and couldn’t do anything about it except hate myself more
@@wren_. "No one came to apologize or comfort me so that my problems would go away" Because they're *your* problems, and no one gives a fuck. Welcome to the real world, it is not kind to weaklings; never has, never will be.
I think that most people dont want to see someone just being sad, or just being depressed, or just being apathetic, because realistically we look at media with the usual intention of feeling good, at least by the end of whatever it is we're consuming. Because of this, people post situations that fall into the vast minority of situations depressed or miserable people experience, that being the days where you feel genuinely good, the days where someone legitimately comforts you, etc. Eventually, people who have never been depressed begin to believe that because most of what they're seeing about chronically miserable people are desirable situations, they desire to be the primary subject of those depictions: depressed. Just another shitty thing brought about by the natural human desire to be happy, I guess.
Some things just suck in ways that aren't aesthetically pleasing. Past a certain degree of intensity for a trauma dump there's a threshold where people go "Dang that's a lot." and anything lower is just background noise. Are people projecting art onto real life by seeking out the fantastical? When people look at me I'm not fantastical but I can dress the scene by curating specific details about myself and my life before arranging them in an aesthetically pleasing order. Would all that be a picture of me or a piece of art made up of curated life experiences as my choice of medium? It wouldn't be objective in the slightest since there's things I can't be succinct with and many of those things I'd rather not engage with long enough to be not succinct, so what is it? I had a lot of dumb and bad things happen to me and that's the farthest I'll generally let myself go into it but that's not compelling to other people. What's compelling is people like me written about by other people who aren't like me because people like me need a translator since we generally don't have the energy to go into it.
As a Nine Inch Nails fan, Mitski losing fans after writing less sad music reminds me a lot of what happened with Trent once his addiction and mental health improved, people wanted him to be in pain again so his music would be "better." When his dog died and he posted how he felt about it on the NIN forum some people were celebrating cuz they wanted him to be miserable again.
That's dumb. But personally, that's not why I stopped listening to NiN. For me, somewhere around "With Teeth", Reznor's lyrics became less nuanced and powerful, and his musical arrangement became too simplistic and new wave-y for me. I tried to listen to Hesitation Marks, and I couldn't make it past the first four songs or so.
@@marinakesawa7470 Around with teeth you say? That's personally my favourite album, the songs are definitely more linear but I don't mind it. I never really looked at him as lyrical genius nor do I really pay attention to that in general and the instrumental structure of the songs I didn't mind that much. But I didn't listen to any albums after that so maybe then I'll look at it differently. I should specify that the only reason why with teeth is my favourite is because it stays the most consistent. I can select any song from that album and I know I will like it. I love reptile and closer those are without a doubt my favourite songs of theirs but there are just some songs on the downward spiral I physically can't listen to that really bring it down for me.
I’ve been struggling with this mindset for YEARS. I think I’m gonna explain this to my therapist. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO OPEN ABOUT THIS! it was eye opening as fuck!!
One of my psychology teachers (shes an expert in emotions) refused to say "negative or positive emotions" because all emotions have values and downsides. There are just comfortable and uncomfortable emotions and.. most people find sadness and pain uncomfortable. Here it seems to just be the opposite.
Honestly, I agree ! I've found many of my 'negative' emotions have brought me great comfort and have actually supported my journey through certain endeavours etc Without my sadness and whatever I don't think that I would really be on the path that I'm on now, not to say that its not without its downfalls by far. But romanticising my mental health problems is really what helped me to cope when I was living in an abusive household and it felt like the world was against me because it kind of was hahah ^_^;
Yeah, for me I find sadness and such comforting because it’s like a safe space for me. I’m used to being uncomfortable and hidden away (anxiety be ruining me), so if I stay in that sad little bubble of misery, I get a sort of comfort I wouldn’t have if I went out and about smiling and making friends. Plus, when I feel extra sad or depressed, for no discernible reason, I reach out through the internet to find pieces of art that give off that same kind of pain. Same with songs that make me think of all the little bad things I’ve done or experienced, or shows where the characters can justify their suffering. It’s comfort in relating to what others feel, just it’s sadness because it’s easier for me to simulate than happiness. That or it’s just my artist brain hating myself and everything I do so much that I want to make things that show that hatred, and use others’ pain as reference.
There are negative & positive emotions; these can be measured by the outsized beneficial effect (or lack there-of) on their user/external environment. Sadness generally tends to inspire mediocrity, self-pity, a lack of productivity and a general lack of achievement. This is bad. Your teacher sounds like one of those losers who seeks to "equalize" everything in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings or facing the objective truth (I.E "This isn't THAT bad.."); so she filled up a bunch of impressionable dumb kids with the idea that depression is acceptable because it's "comfortable" to some people lmao. The crack addict is comfortable when he's high, is his habit all of a sudden not unhealthy? LOL
this is such an interesting topic, in 9th grade my native language teacher gave the class an essay assignment on a similar topic - "do we romanticise pain" and the discussions in class really made me question the media we consume; the main character always has a tragic backstory, or something tragic must happen so the plot moves on, etc. it's like we're not interested in happy things, like we crave sadness, agony, tragedy...
You can't just have a happy ending without having to suffer for it, thats how life goes. You have to fight for your happiness, because whats the point of the meaning of happiness if your just gonna ignore the opposite of it that makes it special in the first place?
When I listen to sad music, I feel like I can let out all the feelings I've suppressed throughout weeks. It helps me accepting that im emotionally and reflecting my emotions.
I've always found it kinda weird when people say that their trauma is what makes them "funny"...like it just pushes the idea that people who aren't mentally ill are boring or not funny which is why for a long time I felt like I had to have some kind of traumatic back story to be interesting. I'm not trying to blame these people but I just wish mental illness wasn't so romanticized like it is
on another note I still find myself trying to validate my own sadness which is why I'm so drawn to listening to sad music and also making sad music myself bc it gives meaning to my life in a way. idk what it is about sad music that I prefer to listen to it over other types of music, which I feel the same way about sad poetry and art in general. don't think it's immoral to do so but sometimes this type of art can cause the listener/viewer to romanticize being sad or mentally ill
I'll be frankly honest and say those who have never had to face adversary, often do not recognize their privilege. I too have CPTSD, and a slew of trauma. I'll give you what I mean I say, my trauma made me funny: It allows me to laugh in times of other people's adversarial ideas. As a bi-racial person, who is disabled, and still fighting to not to be oppressed by the law, by the system, the only way sometimes you can fight Eugencist, Abelist, Racist, and any other form of ism is to make fun and laugh at the thing harming you. I would rather not romanticize my sadness, but my sadness is being implemented by the environment. Until our society changes, I'll never be able to live to thrive. Only just survive.
It's just that trauma causes people to seek ways to cope, and humour is one of them. Normal people don't always try so hard to be funny and lack the needed irreverence by nature. It's like basketball:you cam be a good player regardless of your height, but height does help, even if it comes with its own pains.
i remember reading a tweet like "i don't wanna go to therapy, what if i lose my swag?" 💀 this is probably sarcasm (or probably not since i've never know the context) but it's a real case in so many society. i kinda worried for people that actually need some real (medical) therapy to be healed from trauma like those who got SA, saw someone got accident/killed, got threatened, etc. i legit saw people joking about them being sexually harrassed and i went like 😟.. "coping" is almost always become their reason, but i still hope people with trauma have their chance to receive help and use it, and not reject it for the sake of being known as a cool people with a life-disrupting experience...
As someone that’s clinically depressed I went from a happy teen to a sad middle aged man in less than a year. It feels like you’ve already lived your whole life and there’s nothing beyond now.
I have a lot of suicidal problems and it’s like being in pure fucking despair, I don’t understand romanticism. Being suicidal is like a fucking disease, it crawls into every grime and groove in your mind and even when you sitting. Talking with your friends even in that moment you still feel as hollow as you do before. Even when I just talk with them the thought still is in there. Sometimes it makes me worry the last time I’ll ever text someone. I worry if the next day I’ll just suddenly by impulse die. I don’t understand romanticism of depression and suicide. It’s fucking gross, wanting be the person who is battling the line between living and dying is fucking gross. I don’t understand it, it hurts me.
@@casuals.3.19Hello, I recognize these words a lot, I felt like that for years. Let me say that you are suffering, there’s no denying it, and it’s a suffering that is so hard to escape because it’s in every corner of your mind, building up your foundation to live. I assume you’ve thought about therapy, or seeing a psychiatrist, but part of you thinks you’ll never actually be helped. I assume you might even feel attached to the suicidal mind that you have, maybe you feel like it’s all you have left. I’m commenting this for a far more important reason though. If you can believe it, i was changed. My thoughts were changed, gradually. The messed up things I never planned to stop doing changed. You know, the things you know are wrong but you justify them cause you just can’t stop. Those things changed and they stopped. Not because I had some epiphany, or because I got enough therapy to want to live. Not because of any meds because jeez that won’t fix the actual problem. I didn’t even changed right away, it took months for me to actually notice how I was changing really. I sought God, and I changed. Jesus, you’ve probably heard that name, I suggest you look into Him. I know in my heart that if he could change me he could change you. By the way, don’t think this is all on you. He’s the one who will be doing most of the work, and you’re the one who will start noticing. Ask Jesus to help you, I mean it, and trust me when I say what you’re dealing with right now wont be forever, it might not even be in your life three months from now.
@@avavavaa I shared my experience in hopes it would give the commenter hope. I don’t believe his suicidal thoughts should continue to devastate his life, I know that there is a way out of it and I chose not to hide that from him. If he does not agree or if he thinks everything I said was complete bs, that’s up to him
I deleted all my socials 2 weeks ago and I gotta say I haven't felt happier and lighter for a long time. I started training even harder and learning new things such as Portuguese and the Morse Code. We are so much more than what social media paints us to be my friends. We are better. You have so much in you. ❤
@@chaettosTH-cam is not half as toxic as TikTok, instagram or twt. I think it’s also because you can also choose your content on TH-cam. On something like TikTok you can’t chose if you get a depressing video on your feed
@@FlupirkedepI tend to try and argue that youtube isn't social media because you're not communicating anywhere near as much as you would on Twitter or Tiktok. Comments tend not to take precedence as much, but from my experience, youtube comments are a much more hostile place a lot of the time. Partly due to the fact that a lot more children are on here who will act edgy and fail to understand anything you say.
I did that myself. That is only temporary. If you delete all your social media and don't replace it with some other positive form of social interaction that emptiness and itch will come back
I feel like for me I romanticized my trauma and mental illnesses as a way to escape having to confront them. As a result of this, I’ve become disconnected from my true feelings.
I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I only started getting better when I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to move past my trauma because I had grown accustomed to being sad. In a weird way it felt like an addiction, being sad felt more meaningful than it did being happy.
This topic reminded me of a quote from south park, I don't remember which episode it was but I remember Butters saying it after his break-up with his girlfriend: "Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human."
When i was 15 there was a night where i prayed for something interesting to happen to me. I was a freshman at a new school in a new state and i felt dumb. I just wanted something to happen so i could feel something and get some attention. My dad died the next day. I know what happened wasnt my fault, but i feel like it was.
I gotta say, as someone who has struggled with an Anxiety Disorder and Depression (found out as an adult it's related to myfinally diagnosed ADHD) , I remember being disgusted, appalled, and cringing how many peers I saw overtly pretending and glorifying online Depression and Anxiety as some kind of cute quirky traits. It honestly made me so internally angry and offended because I would give anything to not having those disorders and seeing peers long for something so life debilitating felt like a slap in the face. Thank you for talking about this and growing from the cringe 🖤
It’s nice how you opened up about your embarrassing habits you are definitely not alone (and makes me feel less alone in some of my guilt) really refreshing with your openness
the first step is accepting just how much you honestly feel once you're able to accept that, you don't loathe yourself as much it's like a paradox when you allow all the parts of your self to be who you are and stop looking at it as a flaw to be scorned and shunned you feel a lot better and can let the intrusive thoughts go a lot more quickly
Its your brain trying to get comfortable with being depressed. When i was at my worst i wouldnt shower for months. It got to the point where the stink i got after not showering for a long become comforting. Even today when im doing better, when i dont shower for 3, 4 days, when i get a whiff of that smell its like a demon luring me to do nothing and just lay in bed all day, because that was a "safe space" for me. When i smelled like sh1t and got bed sores it meant i didnt have to leave bed aka, i didnt have to deal with anything.
This is kinda how i feel a lot of the time. I'm recovering from my depression and work9ng on it, but there os something comforting about being miserable. It is very comfortable and familiar.
@@bakugo9761 ikr, whenever i feel good my brain just goes "ayo your entire mental illness is made up n youre faking it" and i just go back to being miserable
@@bakugo9761 I think its more like its comfort in the known. As someone who has had depression all my life, im currently working on and trying to better myself, and to be quite frank, im terrified. who am I without this depression clinging on always in the background? Its terrifying. I felt better much of this week i think because i graudated and never have to go to my shit school again, but then I started gaslighting and worrying, did i even have depression? what if i just had it because of school, everyone else can get through school without wanting to die, why can't i? and despite desperately wanting my depression to go away literally all the time, i had to be worried that it was only there because of school and that somehow made me weak. not to mention the fact that i survived highschool while being rank one in my class, but i just HAD to focus on the negative and who and what i would be without my mental illness, being wrong is also a scary thing so most people. i really think its a comfort in the known type of thing. i don't know, thinking that way makes me feel better, i'm not ready to think i find comfort in my suffering.
@@arden563 Hey, I’m sorry about that. I hope you’re doing alright. But I also want to say congratulations on ranking top in your class. That’s super impressive! Take it easy, alright?
I hope all of you are doing well! I don’t believe I have depression, but I think I can kind of relate. When you’re miserable, your expectations are also very low and you kind of stop caring for a little while.
I never experienced it with mental issues (since I do already have them), but I had asthma since i was born and as a teen, a part of me wanted to keep suffering from asthma. To me, being sick was the only way to get someone to care about me.
With how romanticized mental illness has become on the internet, it became confusing for me to be able to differentiate the two. Like I've felt like shit for as long as I can remember, but I never know what to do with it cause I can't tell if it's real or not.
i was thinking the same thing because i feel like i have mental health issues but looking at videos like this makes me question myself and i feel like a fraud for claiming mental illness when it could just be me over reacting. on the other hand, if i am actually mentally ill I'm pretty sure it would convince me that i am a fraud and don't deserve help
@@arunima8138 I used to be in a situation like you. To be honest, if you are wondering if you're overreacting you aren't. I think people who are sad for one day and go say they are depressed don't doubt themselves because they want to be for whatever reason. If you do your research properly and it seems like you have something going on yet you still question and put off getting help somethings up. *I think its the mental illness that makes you question so much.* I recommend getting therapy (if you can) or talking to someone you trust (like a close friend etc) about how you feel. That's just my experience personally but yeah I can basically say for certain that i had bad mental health problems even though i wasnt officially diagnosed with anything so i dont know how helpful my advice truly is. I didnt have a sad tumblr girl phase but i did spend a lot of time doubting a real and serious problem :P
I was recently diagnosed with depression, however I believe my symptoms have been here for a very long time. Being on the internet constantly ever since I was a little child (18 now) has really shaped my reality in many ways. The way mental illness is glamourized online as this mysterious and deep thing makes the idea of being mentally well almost weird or off putting, as if people don’t have character to them without a label to stick onto. And I feel this has applied to me too, I’ve fallen in love with my mental illness, I almost don’t want to get rid of it because it almost feels like I’m going to lose the thing what makes me “special” or different, because it’s what i’m made to believe. Glamourizing mental illness can in a way help people cope, but in the end it’s a trap and it only makes it harder for you to get out of it. Also causes people to take you less seriously, because “””everyone is mentally ill these days anyways”””.
I totally agree with that. And I also feel like when you live with a mental illness for years, it becomes part of your reality and so it can be even more difficult and/or scary to choose the way to recovery because you can't really imagine what your life will be like when this big chunk of it that was your illness is suddenly gone. There's a song that talks about this fear and questions "who am I supposed to be when my mental illness is gone? What is left of the real me - is there even something left of me?" I think that's another difficulty of mental illness - it can consume a person to the point of identifying so much with your illness that you don't know who you are anymore without it. Or alternatively, it takes control over your life and changes your lifestyle to the point where you're scared of how your life is going to change once you've gotten better. And it's really sad how romanticized mental illness is, especially online. Because I feel like, even if we fall into this trap ourselves, we can still think about it and realise "wow, imagine how much happier my life could've looked like if I hadn't struggled with this mental illness for so long" (or at least, that's what I sometimes think when I look back and feel sad over "the years I've lost" due to my anxiety disorders).
I really relate to this. I know people usually use this as a joke but the amount of times I see people add that they give their characters in writing trauma to make their characters more interesting, just always felt like you need to be mentally ill in order to be interesting.
I’ve said this my whole life. People are addicted to being sad. They actually enjoy being sad. People WANT to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs, look for sad social media content and openly state they want to get their heart broken again. And I am like that too. I don’t want my heart broken again but at night I want to listen to sad music to get sad again.
i like to think that we love the happiness that comes after being sad I feel all emotions are necessary if there is just one , if we are happy all the time , that would kinda make us lose importance of being happy idk
anddd what's wrong with it? sadness, in general, is an emotion that motivates the creation of art. there's a certain feeling to it, a sense of comfort. it feels honest.
I’m 13 and I’ve been having these thoughts for a while now, your old diary entries feel so relatable. I always feel that I’m more mature than my peers and I have a better perception of life, yet I know that sometimes my sadness really isn’t real and I’m just trying to be sad to be sad. To be special. I really like the quote “the pain of not having enough pain, still pain young men”.
Why didn't I get the "sad cute girl crying, listening to sad music under the rain and making deep beautiful meaningful art" type of depression and got the "can't eat, shower, losing all my social circle, ruining my talents, hobbies and my entire fcking life" type of depression instead?
from my pov, it seems that people "like" being sad means you've *thought* about life on a deeper level and have convinced yourself that you are able to see something others can't (even though this is just our ego talking), whereas being optimistic means you're blind and ignorant to rEaL LifE. idk, just some thoughts as i devour some penne pasta at 1:17pm
not "deeper level" per se. It's just means, you're in the current phase of inflated narcissism that the world revolves around you in your own brain. Wanting to feel special in some way. Just straight facts. This is like being in that phase of puberty
This is a basic concept about “preterite and Elect” Elect are the chosen ones, burdened by “success” intellectualism, and so on. And they go on to worry about the world , for meaning and so on The preterite are characterised as the unsuccessful, or lower, unchosen and average. But they are also characterised as simply happy, they are not burdened by so called “higher knowledge” Theres a poem that shows this, in which a pig farmer is the elect, burdened by knowledge of life outside the farm and the guilt of his pigs inevitable demise. His pigs are the preterite, who simply enjoy living on the farm.
I've once heard a good answer to "your trauma made you strong" that boils down to "No, I've always been strong. Without it, I would have had the energy to become strong even sooner"
It's not that simple. You don't get stronger for the sake of it, you need a reason to adapt into a better version of you. Confronting your trauma is a powerful tool, it's a stimuli for growth. Through resistance we become stronger to overcome the resistance. But of course you need the desire to become better, that's the tricky part.
You wouldn't need to be "strong" if life wasn't so difficult. Don't call those who succumb to life "weak"; instead ask why life must be so hard on them.
the online culture around mental illness has caused me to want to be more mentally ill, but not because i think it's glamorous. i feel like my struggles aren't valid because they aren't as bad as others' (who often exaggerate their own). it's like i need to start participating in self destructive behaviors to prove to myself and others that i'm depressed enough
Yo, teenage boy here, I’ve felt the exact same way about this topic, sometimes it feels like I’m being over dramatic and romanticizing depression in my head, especially because I’ve never had depression. I don’t go on tumblr or any social media to spread these unhealthy ideas, but sometimes I make up scenarios where I go through Shakespearean levels of tragedy. It’s more of a what if than a way to cope, but still, it’s pretty obvious that some people want trauma to happen to them because we want people to be supportive and have pity for us. Edit: I’m so glad so many people have connected with my sentiments, making up scenarios is a really good way to cope, but I wouldn’t suggest it all the time, since thinking about sad stuff all the time will make you sadder. I suggest maybe taking out your frustrations in art or something like that, personally, I’ve went through a lot of things this year, so I work on films/short films in my spare time for fun. Cope any way you want, just don’t get too lost in your scenarios.
Hmm I do quite get the making up of scenarios and especially creating fake characters in my head and epic tragedies while even listening to a sad song but from my perspective life has been really terribly boring sam old routine of endless studying and stress and anxiety like I don't have any interest in dating, partying and social media either. The only thing that seems to be keeping me intrigued is stories, beautiful stories from books or from dramas with beautiful characters and an adventurous meaningful interactions they have in their life, their purpose in the story etc but however they all seem to have a tragic backstory or a tragic end . I can't say that I want those tragic things to happen to me in real life but rather imagining about such things just makes one escape from their day to day boring life. At this point it really isn't about romanticizing trauma but just romanticizing about a life filled with purpose, a life like in the fantasy or historical fiction books I've read. I might've strayed from the real topic but yeah that's basically it.
25yo man here. I was exactly the same way my man. I used to crave pity and would go out of my way to take on more pain to get it. Honestly, that only changed as I matured alongside my now wife. She reflected back at me how selfish I really was, and helped me grow into a better person. Surround yourself with people that love you enough to tell you the ugly truth.
15 year old boy here. I used to and sometimes still do the same thing as a cope but I never took on more pain for pity like William in the replies because I thought it was pathetic. I low-key wanted something bad to happen until it actually did and I went into hs and was bullied to the point where even thinking about being in class made me wanna cry. Basically , yeah it sounds cool in ur head but you REALLY don't want them problems
I was really depressed as a child and teenager, and it took me a really long time to stop viewing myself as "a depressed person" because it did become my identity. When you are sad for such an extended period of time, during such a crucial part of your development, it really screws with you.
I think I was depressed as a kid, not because of genetics but a lot of events relating death happened one after another in my early years, it has taken me so many years to separate my real personality from the symptoms of depression. Another thing that has been difficult is friends resisting my "change" to a healthy person because I met them before I was as healthy as now, I know they miss 'the person I used to be', which is what they know, but sometimes it feels like they preferred me sad and quiet.
i’m going through it currently and i can’t say i’m ready to get help. i’ve tried some methods before like therapy, medication etc. nothing has helped me get out of this contestant negative mindset. i hope someday i’ll be able to separate myself from my mental illness.
I think that there is also a fear of change, for me it was that my "friends" wouldnt like me the same if i changed and started being happy. Even tho real friends would accept you however you are as long as it isnt harming others around you. And having no friends because you're "different" can really help you hate yourself and drive you to wanting to be sad, just because you feel like you dont deserve happiness because you were told so by your peers.
That's a big mood, i'm currently in therapy trying to heal from a really bad depression and anxiety. I'm definitely happier now and i genuinely enjoy being alive, but sometimes it feels like i lost a part of myself it's a weird feeling
same! I just didn't want to get better. I would tell myself "why are u happy today? people will think you're better, you're happy. you're not. that's not who you are."
As a fraud like Olivia, I kinda feel that way too. Its hard to dissociate myself from being "depressed" because since the pandemic being sad was how I garnered attention to myself. I feel like people would start ignoring me if I was just being happy and being myself. Its kinda weird.
@@thekaren1111 It's what the way people on the web made me think for a while : that it had to be my identity and that I didn't deserved any attention or that all of my problems weren't importants if I wasn't depressed anymore :/
I really do understand that, I also have trouble detaching myself from that (yet) fictitious and tragic version of me because I'm so tied to it. Kurt Cobain knew what he was saying when he wrote "I miss the comfort in being sad"
As someone who has struggled with depression and suicidality for years, there is another seldom mentioned consequence of the romanticization of mental illness: for lack of a better term, impostor syndrome. Due to all the people faking depression on the internet (whether for attention or to "enhance" their personality) there is a lot of pushback. For example: "These people have never been diagnosed! They don't know what it's like to really struggle." For years, despite having suicidal thoughts, I ignored my symptoms because I thought that I too was just making it up. As such, I never sought a diagnosis, thereby ensuring that my feelings were never validated. After all, everyone must have it far worse than me, right? I was prescribed prozac yesterday and even still a large part of me doubts that I even have a problem.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've been struggling with my mental health, and I frequently feel a similar way. I second guess my thoughts and emotions, wondering which ones are own feelings and which ones are me exaggerating my struggles. I constantly think that my life is too good for me to feel like this. I compare my experiences to those of other people and think that their lives are harder, but they are dealing with it better. It makes me feel like I'm just overreacting. Since I don't have a diagnosis yet, I'm not even sure if I'm "officially" considered mentally ill.
@@rustythewolf1009 I implore you to seek help, because from what I can tell from my own experience those kind of doubts are themselves a symptom of mental illness.
I am the same. When i started taking Prozac, the huge difference in moods and feelings made me realize that it was real. Maybe it's the same for you. I wish you the best on your path.
@@thundamuffinz1669 I am currently getting short-term help from a professional. I plan to get a diagnosis and if necessary, long term therapy. My family and friends are also supportive of me. Thanks for your concern! Good luck with your mental health journey. 😊
I remember Bella Poarch. Some people heavily bullied her since they believe that she doesn't deserve her popularity and success. However, some do respect her and give her a free pass when they learned that she was abused when she was young. How about people with "normal", "boring" life? Don't they deserve to be respected when they get in the spotlight? It's crazy.
Less so because typically it would be easier for you, almost like what are you even doing if you aren't doing somewhat well. Why? Consider how trauma affects the wiring of your brain which affects your perception. This has severe sociopoliticaleconomic etc. etc. consequences. You would likely operate in a manner that is not acceptable to your local consensus, maybe you think differently to the point of irreconcilable, you react inappropriately to something given your local context, you cannot participate appropriately in certain things which will close many doors for you. It sounds very light and silly and easily rationalised away, the way I say it here but many people out there are excluded, shoved into the proverbial pit and paying for the way they are in reality. If you have to ask what you just did, you don't know a whole part of human reality that exists out there. To highlight this mechanic at play, you can look at an indirect topic (aside from topics directly relating to the subject matter of course), search "‘Wild West’ mentality lingers in US mountain regions" - high gathering of certain personality traits and the impact it has from the heavy concentration of certain behaviours. It's also very hard to discuss these intangible matters in american culture. American English treats all of these things as shit from thin air when even the layman recognises the weight of these undercurrents let alone scholars. There's lots of interesting reads (by american scholars) about the people having their intuition gutted from them, how to develop that god-given human sense etc. And again, if you have to ask and feel like your query is very clever, rational, logical, know that it is reflexive based on your whole upbringing. You know what I do with my stupid questions? I look them up and find droves of insight instead of slyly looking for agreement from the group.
@@letsalllovelean478 Not a fan of her, but I've already done some research about that tattoo issue before. It was purely a matter of misconception/misperception.
Not a huge fan of Bella, she''s both overrated and overhated imo, but her haters are far worse. If you're so angry about her popularity, then just ignore her. Not like she's forcing other people to watch and like her content. Lifeless behaviour.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
I think the “problem” with sad art is the overconsumption of it. As an artist myself, I know how much catharsis I felt through painting or writing to “let out” that sadness, it was a form of escapism for me but I noticed once I was no longer sad I thought I had to actively force myself to be sad or listen to only sad angsty music to put me back there or my art wouldn’t be seen as beautiful anymore. It was frightening. Sad music brings a form of comfort I think to people but also once you stop only listening to sad music or just sad art in general your perspective somewhat shifts eventually
I think it has to do with neural pathways. If you’re sad a lot, your brain gets used to it and tries to revert back to that state since it’s familiar. There’s definitely a comfort in familiarity, but it’s good to change it as much as you can, even if it’s just a little every day.
this literally happens to me too. I remember a few months ago feeling upset cause my life was doing really good and i didnt have any ideas for my art since i always used it to cope w sadness, but at the time i had nothing to feel sad about. it sucks that it feels like art is meaningless without those negative feelings
i had the same exact experience but with poetry and writing. when i wasn’t sad, i would try to write a sad poem and get myself into that dark pit again. being 15 was definitely a large emotional rollercoaster lmfao.
The "love interest" thing hits so hard, I'm a teen and I've gone through some traumatic shit, and i remember from the ages 11 to 14 i always had this imaginary boyfriend as cliche as it sounds, who would take me away and make me forget everything i ever went through, and i only thought of "him" when i cried, i would hug my pillow pretending he was hugging me (y'all can cringe lmao) and overall he was my ult comfort person, i remember when i was 14, i was crying myself to sleep and i hugged my pillow pretending it was him and i closed my eyes and thought "who am I kidding, there's no him" and started crying even more cuz i realised he was just a character of my delusions, and now after watching your video, (I'm 15 lmao) that love interest theory made so much sense to me, it's bcz the media constantly portrays the trope of a depressed person being "saved" by someone and then them falling in love with each other lmao Edit: love yall sm, and also nvm i still do it but I'm trying not to cuz it gets really bad when i realise that persons not real lmao, it does help me cope tho
hi, i don’t normally comment but i want u to know that that’s not anything to be ashamed of. you’ve been through some shit and u developed a coping mechanism that, at least in some part, has helped u survive. i’m proud of u for that. being a teenager/preteen sucks - it gets so much better though.
I'm sixteen and used to do something similar. I had imaginary best friends and boyfriends and even an imaginary therapist that I would imaginary vent to. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one lmao
I read a lot of fanfic and books when I was younger where they get saved by the boy …. Took me a long time to realize no one can make you love yourself except yourself. Ik my friends love me and my parents love me, but if even they altogether can’t make me hate myself any less, what can a boy do lmao
same!! i have an embarrassing amount of fanfiction with the "depressed character gets saved by mentally stable love interest" trope I cringe everytime I remember about this. I blame the media.
Something that helped me get over romanticizing being sad or depressed was Anne Of Green Gables. (the book as the movie doesn't mention the particular thing) Anne romanticized tragedy, sadness, depression, death, heartbreak, and fainting dramatically. Anything poetic she really loved and wished to experience, which is kind of how I felt. Then she fell off a roof and fainted, and afterwards she mentioned that she no longer romanticized it as it actually isn't fun. As she gets older in the book she becomes more mature, still enjoying poetic tragedy but not wishing to actually experience it. That helped me a lot, and I just wish more kids who feel this way would read it, or something similar.
When I do feel horrible, i start gaslighting myself into thinking I was only doing it for attention. And when I stop feeling horrible, I wonder when i'd start feeling that way again because my peace feels fake and wrong. Like wtf is wrong with me. I make no sense.
I resonate with this a fair amount; or at least, the younger version of me does. I have OCD and while I sought treatment for a very different set of intrusive thoughts, I'm familiar with this pattern of thought, of obsessively checking if my experiences are real or valid. And no matter what happens, whether good or bad, I find myself wondering if what is happening is REALLY what is happening and check over and over again. Even if I come to the same conclusion 14 times in a row, maybe the 15th will reveal something new. That's the root. For the general public, this might not seem like OCD but that's because social media has greatly distorted reality. That being said, there was no way to tell through a TH-cam comment. It's something worth seeking help for.
in middle school and high school i did genuinely have a very hard experience and was actually bullied and the victim of a lot of rumors that weren’t true. But looking back on it now, for all the genuine pain i had i see where i was trying to amplify it and i actively tried to make my suffering a cornerstone of my identity. I knew i was doing this too and im ashamed to admit that i lied about having traumatic experiences in my past to others or cutting myself when i never did. One day in therapy I realized i hit a brick wall and thought to myself that “if i want to actually get better, and not just keep saying it one day im gonna have to stop going to have to drop the depression from my character and drop the fact that im in therapy as a key part of who i am”. I realized that day that i was sabotaging myself and i was stalling on getting better because to get better meant my shitty behavior couldnt be excused if i didnt have the depression part. I remember feeling so angry then and i hold so much resentment for that version of myself today. Everyone has a choice to make their circumstances better and although of course depression and anxiety are real things, you have the choice to indulge in them or try your best to fix them. Greta vid olivia
“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.” - Ursula LeGuin
Don’t fall in love ... with your suffering. Never presume that your suffering is in itself proof of your authenticity. A renunciation of pleasure can easily turn in pleasure of renunciation itself. -Zizek
Well i did. We are in a 3 year relationship now. We talked alot and he helped with listening and giving little advices i can follow do get out of my hole 🙏 Now- most of the time i feel good. And if not- we talk.
this reminds me of smth i was talking abt w my therapist the other day. there’s so much on the internet saying “it’s okay if the only thing you did today was scroll thru instagram” or “it’s okay to be depressed and lay in bed all day” or “it’s okay to not shower” and etc. while it’s true that some ppl physically cannot do those things because of their mental illness, that rhetoric also keeps people from pushing themselves to do things that are challenging but essential and using their mental illness as a scapegoat, sometimes without even knowing that they’re doing that.
there's people on the internet saying that it's okay not to do basic things necessary for a healthy life??? ik from experience that that kind of rhetoric would be extremely discouraging for those suffering actual clinical depression where they do struggle with those things but desire change and to be "normal", not for their depressive habits becoming normalized.
@@kine97 its relieving to know that someone else recognizes the absurdity of rejecting help. but its not like there is no way to help, people often choose (if only out of habit) to ignore those helping. it is tragic and i pity those suffering. in doing so i probably contribute to the idea of the suffering but unique individual. oh well
28:37 I would of related to this so much almost 2-3 years ago. I remember sitting in my room and honestly sulking and being petty for myself, listening to sad music and rejecting spending time with family. One family member came me to and said something along the lines of 'You are letting yourself feel bad, you let yourself be negative. Its a choice.' and at the time, i didnt understand nor did i want to, i felt angry that they didnt get me. But they did. I didnt get myself. This video realy explained to me why i was what i was like, because i went through almost the exact same things and always focused on the negative. Only recently am i trying to be more optimistic and try to control my emotioms more positvely, and it works. I still listen to and enjoy sad music, but i feel more free when i do this time. Thank you for this video❤
Whenever i daydream about being famous in the past, as a teenage girl does, i hsed to think," Nah, i dont have as bad of struggles as celebreties, how could i ever be famous lol." I genuinely thiught that you had to have a sad back story to be famous or successful. This world runs on pity.
People love to romanticize the "poetic" and "tragically beautiful" parts of depression they see in media, ignoring the reality of actually having it. How it can isolate you from your family and make you feel guilty over anything and everything. How you can't get out of bed or take care of your hygiene for days, weeks and months. How your floor is covered in trash and dirty clothes and the shame you feel because you can't properly function. Because those things aren't aesthetic enough. They're seen as gross and pathetic, not poetic. People also forget the permanence of it all. Depression can last for many years, even your whole life. SH can leave scars that people will make you feel ashamed of and will judge you for. Death is fully permanent and also harms those around you I have written many things to cope with my own mental illness. Some days I have wished I could trade places with a mentally healthy person for just five minutes to get some relief, then instantly felt ashamed for wishing it. None of my rants or vents are poetic. They are simple and blunt, way different from the poems I've written as another way to cope. I've never been able to see depression as poetic or beautiful because I know the reality of having it. And before that I knew the reality of being close to someone who has it. Every time movies and social media tries to romanticize it, I want to go "you're wrong, that's not what it's like". Even if me and my friends joke about our mental illness to cope, we can't stand the misrepresentation of it because the reality really isn't pretty
Thank you for your comment. It made me motivated. Sometimes saying the most obsvious thing, something that *should* be common sense is actually refreshing. I, too, wrote poems to cope or at least write stuff down but im doing that less and less. I will start exactly now! Thank you again :)
I've been at your place for only God knows how long, and this is something that truly pisses me off about current romanticism of depression. But I don't have anything else to say, as for you said it perfectly. On that note, I do hope the best for you and hope you are in a better place now. Take care of yourself.
Last Dec I went through the worst time of my life. I cut off from my family, I intentionally blocked all my friends and just locked myself in my room laying in my bed all day. I didn't take a bath for like 3 weeks , I ate food 1-2 times in 2 days and only came out of my room to take a piss. Even after the holidays when I went back to school I was not able to talk to any of my friends, people whom I knew for more than half of my life, I wasn't able to tell anything to them, making me question our friendship and further creating distance from them. I regularly had suicidal thoughts and cut my hands and scarred my face by my trimmer so that I could brush it off as injuries do to my clumsiness and people believed me.These injuries and still very clear and constantly remind me of that time. I felt a bit frustrated when she said that what all she wrote in her diary was actually made up cause that was very very similar to what I felt, penting up all these emotions made me immensely suffocated and alone cause having all these friends I still couldn't trust anyone enough to open up to them, it made me feel any kind of effort that I put in my friendship was worth nothing and thinking like this made me even more miserable. I won't say I'm doing well but it is still better than before. It makes me feel a little better to tell this to someone cause I still am not able to speak about this to anyone and even if its just a random TH-cam comment section, it's always nice to be reminded that I'm not struggling alone.
Ikr? As someone who lives with a schizophrenic patient, I can tell that too that the way such media shows depression, isn't even close to what people actually go through
Obviously depression doesnt look like emo media, and is mostly ugly, uneventful, unhygienic even as you point out. Don't you find that there is beauty in the intensity of it though ? Being and feeling dysfunctional isnt pretty, but it is something. Having existential struggles fuck up your life is at least an acknowledgement of them. Doesnt it make you feel like there is something in it which must have value ?
This is such an excellent video, I cannot stress that enough. I lost several years of my late teens and young adulthood to depression. It wasn't profound or sexy, it was painful. It was losing interest in life, being unable to get out of bed, eating too much, crying without the catharsis, pushing loved ones away, missing out on life, and wanting to die at all times. During that time, sad songs, art pieces, posts, etc. were comforting but addictive. Mental illness was a taboo topic, so engaging with that kind of art made me feel like my feelings were legitimate. That there were other people like me, and they weren't crazy. However, eventually I created a negative feedback loop. It went from seeking comfort to instead reaffirming that I was "right" to feel sad, and that things wouldn't get better. I was "deeper" than other people because I was suffering. I don't blame artists for this, they can't control how I chose to engage with their art. I also don't blame teenagers who created moody gifsets to try and express themselves. I really don't blame people for trying to portray and share their experiences. It's not cut and dry. But what I am critical of, as your video gets at, is making the illness seem sexy and deep. It's just not true, and is a potentially dangerous belief.
As someone who considers myself mentally healthy, this video really helped me understand the ‘’mindset’’ some of my friends have when it comes to sadness
I do relate to this so much 😭🤝 just to ask a question if you don’t mind but- do your friends ever constantly tell you about very sad stuff that has happened to them all the time. As a way of getting pity. Because I’m not to sure what to say anymore, because when I try to help they disregard that and keep ‘wanting’ to be sad unconsciously.
@@angelcake111 or maybe it’s a cry for help? I’m not one to talk about my shit and when I do it’s vague but just because someone doesn’t keep it inside and maybe aren’t ready for change or help or whatever doesn’t mean it’s for pity or attention.
this reminds me of many fans' attitudes towards billie eilish's new music. they fell in love with her sadder, "more relatable" music and persona. on the one hand, it's understandable because billie wanted people to have someone they could relate to, who didn't mask their feelings. on the other hand, now that billie's been getting older and getting help for herself (while encouraging others to do the same), people have been upset with the music she makes. since its "not as sad/depressed" as her old music, they claim its less good. i hope this example makes sense, but its almost like people don't WANT to grow. people dont want to help themselves and get better, and they cast that upon other people.
"people dont want to help themselves and get better" HITS HARD, i remember a few years back when it felt like i was "stuck" it always felt that i HAD to feel all crappy and such, its like a rabbit hole where you look up more sad shit and get stuck in a weird cycle thing, it takes a bit to break out of it and i hope that people learn that there is a better time that will come. hell nothing is forever you wont be happy all the time nor sad all the time emotions change as well as people there is always a light as well as a darkness that we are all a part of. light and dark are both intertwined kinda like life if you think about it hard enough.
although I agree that Billie Eilish got more famous due to her dark persona, people don't listen to her recent music not because it's not sad it's just that her old music is actually better
@@seo5458 her recent music is actually really good, at least imo 😭 i've seen multiple tiktoks and wtv saying how they "miss the old billie" because "she was more relatable" and whatnot. if its just because you think her old music is better, then that's whatever cause everyone has their own opinions, but i based my original comment on what i had seen others saying.
as a ten or nine year old I fell into the idea that being depressed made you interesting. And granted, I was being abused by my parents and overall my life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, but this glamorization I made of mental illness didn’t help. Soon, I feel into a dark and deep place at twelve. I still don’t know how I managed to survive. Life was a struggle every day. And I wasn’t romanticizing the idea of it making me interesting or the main character anymore. I fell inside that pit because it looked good down there, and then I couldn’t get out. The idea people have is they want to be sad and then take it off. But it’s endless.
the same thing happened to me lol, I became genuinely depressed by the time I was 13. worst time period of my life, it led me to isolating myself from my friends completely and stop talking to my family, or really anyone at all for 2 years straight and now im literally incapable of talking to ppl irl because of it. big regret
This is what happened to me personally. I too spent my preteens obsessed with being deep and unwell, as i began actually experiencing those emotions i developed a greater appreciation for joy. Because at times it was so scarce. Actually experiencing what it was like to be "tortured" like these artists made me realize that trauma and pain are not a competition, and its not a flex to be unwell. I struggled with disorderd eating when i entered my teens, and though i quickly got help for that a lot of other things happened. I hit 16 and I was in the depths of my depression (fueled by my genetic likelihood of experiencing it, and the chronic illness that left me isolated, behind in school and just overall miserable), sad media helped affirm that I wasn't alone in my misery, even if it felt that way due to the people I was around. Now, I'm on medication and am doing a ton better but I still appreciate that art for what it did for me at the time. It's immensely valuable though having the potential to fuel harmful ideology. I also believe that art is a necessity, and it doesn't have to be morally "right". Being happy is a wonderful thing and I think you can be deep and beautiful and make good art even if you are the happiest you've ever been. Joy is a sacred feeling, in my eyes.
ive been genuinely depressed since i was 12 due to childhood trauma. i used to romanticize depression and trauma as well, but for me it was more of a coping mechanism. it was a way for me to feel like my depression wasnt as bad as it was. it was a way for me to feel like my trauma was some beautiful tragic story than something that ruined my life.
ye thats what i feel like i do - it helps me cope so much. its hard bcs on one hand u hv the romanisation from ppl who aren't genuinely depressed but want to be. then u hv people with real trauma who do it bcs it helps them survive.
My husband has never been actively on social media and didn’t even know what tumblr was before he met me. He doesn’t know all the celebrity names or gossip. And he is one of the most content and secure people I have ever met. I, on the other hand, grew up on tumblr, twitter etc. I was part of the pro-*n* communities and the same ones that olivia spoke about - the ones that glorified sadness and depression. I definitely was sad, but I wasn’t depressed. I definitely didn’t like the way I looked, but I was not an*rexic. But boy did I want to be. I didn’t want to be like “the other girls” and I definitely didn’t want to be like the “boring, average” people. When I met my husband I thought that somehow I was smarter than him or more intelligent - I could have “deep” conversations, I was “in tune” with my emotions (as long as it was sadness, that is) and I knew all the buzz words and current affairs. Fast forward: we’ve been married for over 4 years and I realise that he has a much better quality of life than I do. He isn’t plagued by societal expectations. He isn’t constantly comparing himself to anybody - he isn’t on social media except to follow his favourite sports teams. He doesn’t get easily offended about everything and he definitely does not want to be sad. Of course he gets sad, but when he does he wants to find a way to feel better as quickly as he can. Whereas when I’m sad… I like to wallow in it. I like the sympathy. And I have black-and-white tumblr to blame for that, I believe. Now I’ve gone from thinking that I’m better than my husband somehow, for being more emotive and more “deep”, to asking him “how are you so content?” “How can I not care about how others perceive me?”. And as a mother of 2 little babies I hope that they stay away from that toxic side of social media so they can live happy lives and feel FULFILLED by doing so. And I’m trying to be more like my dear husband.
Thank you for your insightful comment; I'm currently on self improvement and this has given me a deeper understanding of the human psyche and how to be more content :) Glad you met your husband, looks like you were very lucky! Its very refreshing to see you grow as a person as well, not a lot of people do that cause self pity and resentment is just easier.
In my opinion, I think spirituality is the answer to this world-the societal/social/psychological machine that gives us expectations, rules, and superficial judgments that don't make us joyful. I think joy is built on being grateful for the blessings received, but also in acceptance of pain that enters our lives. The way we maintain this joy is by always keeping in mind that the pleasurable and painful aspects of our lives are under the loving providence of God, our creator. I believe that in accepting that we are not God, that not everything depends on us, that we are imperfect creatures that make mistakes and also that there are other imperfect humans like us with their own flaws and mistakes they will hurt us,, nonetheless, God still watches over and cares for everyone of us, regardless of how we may feel inside, He will give everyone their due in the next life. In conclusion, I believe in surrendering everything to God is the answer to peace and joy
i've been so painfully aware of this weird obsession with depression that it's made me think nothing i experience really matters because it's not actually that bad or not actually depression, and i subconsciously dont wanna romanticise it like other people do... but at the same time it's just made me reject my own feelings constantly and it makes me feel too bottled up. i envy those who can talk so freely about their problems edit: so many people relate to this comment, i feel for you guys and i love u
I've felt the same. Everytime I wanna speak up or say something I stop myself because I don't want to come across like I'm seeking attention. The few instances I do I always come to regret it.
i always through there was just something wrong with me for feeling like this- it’s really really nice to hear my feelings being described so exactly here. thank you. i wish you luck :)
Oh shit i cried, thats exactly how i feel. In the video when she talked about seeking out sad art and music, i couldnt relate bc i dont want to reach that deep state of feeling overwhelmed by sadness bc im "just not clinically depressed"
I find it almost absurd how accurate she manages to be about everything. Among all the garbage that is online nowadays, this channel is a true jem, and I am so glad I found it. This is the philosophy the world needs right now.
im happy u included ur old diary enteries. i used to write them from ages 10-18 (monthly) and they were filled with pathetic self-pity and sad quotes which didnt trully resemble me. i was sad but i made it so it would sound like the 'valid' kind of sad. during the period when i was trully unhappy i couldnt even bare to write anything and my diaries sounded so embarrassing. so much so that i even burned one of them lmao. this video made my past actions feel somewhat justified, so thank u for that
Throwing away the diaries I had when I was in my worst years for depression was my biggest mistake! Sure they were embarassing and shameful and a total mess but I wish I had kept them because it really felt like I banished part of myself that I'm still trying to get back. You can't heal from things if you burn them and disown them :/
I found a journal just the other day, and I only had two entries, but I cringed to death reading it. I was basically trying to validate my own feelings and blame everyone else.
That's so true. When u really are suffering you can't write at all, u just don't want to. U basically don't want to do anything that u love/once loved. 😔
When I was in middle school, I was very much the same way: I romanticized mental illness and thought it was interesting. I took all these online quizzes that were like, “which mental illness do you have?” And wrote about how sad I was all the time, which looking back, wasn’t ever really the case. I was just bored. Now, as an adult with chronic depression, I wish I could go back and slap my preteen self, lol. The real shit is nothing to romanticize about.
When I finally realized what being depressed was. It wasn’t like being a main character. It was like hell. And I want nothing but to be at my best now. Maybe it was necessary for me
It's nothing like being a main character. If anything it's more like feeling like a side character in your own life. Like your life is filler and you're not accomplishing anything and have nothing to look forward to - like you're trapped in your own life. It's a shitty, frustrating, distraught feeling; and you want nothing more than to get out of it and get better.
Yeah, exactly. As a teen I romanticised sadness. I liked to sit alone in my room and pitting myself for the things I’ve felt. I didn’t even realised when I really started being depressed. I’ve just stopped feeling joy at all. I lost strength to do anything, even stuff that I loved before. I was anxious or numb and nothing in between. It was a fucking hell. Then one day I decided that it’s not me, that I wasn’t like that a few years ago so I went to a psychiatrist and now I’m healing. I’m better. And I don’t think that being sad is aesthetically pleasing thing. Not anymore when I experienced how great other emotions can be.
Depression is like wanting to be left alone when noone cares about you anyways. Basically wanting to vanish. Idk how people romanticize these feelings when all of it is about ruining yourself and feeling like you can't do anything about that but watch. If anything, depression triggers shame,guilt, disgust more than sadness... which is something that strips away person's joy and worth in life. Im over the phase where I feel sad for myself for being depressed. It's foolish and dangerous. It's not something to be consoled through some sad emotional songs or movies..
Though I’ve always been a little sad. I definitely romanticized it a bit as a kid. I listened to sad music at night, watched sad movies, etc. I’m not gonna say that my mental turmoil was fake given that I dealt with a toxic parent. But now that I am in deep depression, it’s different. I’ve actually mostly stayed away from sad content because I truly can’t handle the state it would put me in. I can’t say that I’ve stopped romanticizing sadness because I probably do it unintentionally when I consume sad content.
My 14-y-o daughter shared this with me- I’m glad she did & Its given her pause to assess her own thoughts- thank you. And she commented on how great your hair looks. Your bangs are great-isn’t it a wolf-cut? Needless to say we’re fans ❤️
yo she sitting here calling us all out, lemme have my daydreamed traumatic life dramas as I sit in my bed eating watermelon slices and drinking chocolate milk that my loving mother made for me
As a teenager with severe depression, I did spend a lot of time trying to make myself feel worse because I hated the idea that there was an opportunity to get better. I spent a lot of time away from people, in the dark, I did this because I didn’t know what my life would be like if I healed, and I was so scared to do it. The next year it started to get better and this time I tried to let myself actually get better and see where it took me. That year was the best year of my life ever. I cannot stress it enough, it’s okay to be okay. Just because you are no longer suffering doesn’t mean you’ve lost who you are, it means you’ve gained who you are back.
As an artist with severe depression, I think it's important for artists to make art for how they feel. I don't think it's good to try and fake it, like please don't...Depression isn't fun and wanting to die isn't beautiful. Don't romanticize it, but please enjoy the art that are produced from these feelings.
My cousin saw my most recent self portrait and said, why do you look so happy here? You always were so sad and crying before? And she was right 😔 but yeah, it's insane to think some people think that's a fun thing to do, personally, nobody liked my depressing ass art because it's.. depressing
art is a gateway between the internal world (i.e. your thoughts and feelings, internal conflicts, struggles, identity) and physical forms. the things that you struggle with internally may be difficult to express vocally, but visual or audio mediums are much more flexible than our limited vocabulary. having a visual representation of these ideas and concepts (especially as someone who relies heavily on an internal monologue for thoughts - i'm between a 4 and 5 on the aphantasia scale) can increase one's understanding and the coherency of one's thoughts on a matter significantly.
When you’re in that position you don’t think you’re faking it you truly believe you are depressed and it’s only when you’re out of that place that you realize you caused yourself an incredible amount of suffering for no reason. It’s not on purpose.
in my opinion, i think we shouldn’t label art as ‘moral’ and ‘immoral’ because at the end of the day, it’s art. i look at art to be a way for people to express their feelings and thoughts freely, and i truly believed they shouldn’t be judged for choosing to do it by making music, drawing, writing poems etc. because that’s just another form of sharing their personal stories and experiences. everyone has their own way of perceiving art and understanding it, and i think that’s what makes art beautiful. one person writes a song about a traumatic personal experience, another person listens to the song, understands it, and gives it another personal meaning. a different person could take that same song and analyze and understand it differently, and give it another different personal meaning. that’s what makes art beautiful to me no matter what. to me, the more emotions the song and the lyrics make me feel, the more i like the song. because if the artist was able to make others feel something through their art (no matter what emotion) i think that makes it feel more raw and ‘unforced’, which would make people like and find comfort in those certain art piece a lot more. in conclusion, i really think we shouldn’t hold back artists from making and sharing their ‘sad’ art or label it as ‘immoral’ because at the end of the day, the artist does not know how every single person who consumes their art will take/ understand it. people make art for the sake of putting their emotions out there and i believe it’s the responsibility of the consumer to know whether or not consuming this type of art is good for them. no idea if any of this made any sense! that’s just how i feel about things.
Oh my god yessss. I’m so fucking tired of tik tok and the “mentally ill😜” side of it, like people base all of their humor on that, it’s sooooo fucking disturbing
This video really opened my eyes in the sense of what media and music I listen to and how I’ve convinced myself that to have meaning is to be sad. I notice that every time I listen to my usual music I end up leaving feeling more negative than I did before listening to it, yet I continue to listen to the music. This video made me realise it’s definitely because I’ve convinced myself to have meaning is to feel like I deserve no meaning at all
I had a bit of an 'emo' phase when I was about 12, and I won't lie, looking back makes me cringe quite a lot. Realistically, I was still recovering from my parents' divorce and I think I used to embody sadness so much to feel like I had a reason for people to love me and comfort me. It was a way for me to validate myself and my problems in my own eyes.
"(...) I think I used to embody sadness so much to feel like I had a reason for people to love me and comfort me. It was a way for me to validate myself and my problems in my own eyes." Why are you calling me out like that-
@@libracynthiahow do i know if i'm romancizing or enjoying? mmmhh actualy i know but 🙈 without all thos i'm nothing and i went "nothing" for a while and it ended up being the worst time of my life bye bye i go back to listening to Lana 👨🦯
It's a counter effect of putting pressure on people to be happy no matter what, to stay in relationships no matter what, etc, etc... But it definitely has to do with an environment one grew up in... If someone/something messed up you in childhood, you most likely won't entirely recover from that... It's not about healing, it's about learning how to live with all the bad things we have experienced so far. I bet the video is good too!
@@user-dc4sm3lg1z that is not true. Even through trauma changes the brain, it is still possible to live at your highest potential after with no hindrance.
I realised I did the same in high school. Now I sometimes have moments of intense sadness when I feel like I am doomed forever and then I remember that... it's just a temporary feeling most of the time. My life improved so much once I stopped thinking I am destined to be depressed for all eternity. It's okay to be sad and embrace that emotion but you don't have to seek sadness
Sadly I don’t think we’ll ever rlly reach a point where everybody stops romanticizing mental illness. There are people out there that will romanticize anything. I think it has to do more with escapism. When you romanticize, it gives you that feeling of control that you mentioned leading to escapism. In a way, however delusional it may be to somebody on the outside looking in, they feel they are living the life the want, because they’re choosing this method of escapism.
I agree it’s gonna get worse, in all honesty I believe that social media is very much a curse, yet a blessing. It just depends where you go and what you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with depressing things you bound to feel that way, and that is a serious problem. It’s slowly sweeps you away, makes you think differently. Whether it’s games, websites, media, or even songs, you really gotta make sure what you’re doing. Everyone has their fair share of suffering and such in many ways, like you said romanticizing it is a sad thing. For me personally, I just think it’s just something people do to relate, online. These are scary topics, meaning of life is different in these situations. For me I think life is ab love and happiness and you should aspire for it, I don’t invalidate those with legitimate stuff, but ye like u said romanticizing it is not good.
Ever heard of the Sorrows of the young Werther? Is a book written by Goethe in the 18 hundrets and started a depressing change reaction. And a Werther Fever. And it is even so "popular" that the Werther effect was invented. The Werther effect analyzed how the protray of sucide affects others. It is really interesting. So yeah, it happened long ago and it will happened again. Btw. If you are an englisch speaker. What does gut mean in englisch, cause in German I never heard the second translation. Gut is just good.
I was a ridiculous preteen. I was legitimately struggling with anxiety, self-hatred, and SH but I was fully convinced that I was suffering “wrong” because either I or my suffering wasn’t “beautiful enough.”
I think some people should use the word sad rather than depressed, the word “depression” is thrown around way too much while “sad” should be used, so much so that the word has lost its weight. I don’t deny people suffering, or saying that their problems are small, but I feel a lot of people confuse what they’re feeling with deppresion.
I completely agree with you on this one. I suffer with depression and anxiety. Not everyday is great but they are little moments in it that I deeply cherish. And it makes me smile. I am trying to not let my mental illnes get the best of me. And I want people to learn the difference between depression and sadness. I want people to enjoy themselves and not to feel like depression or anxiety will make them more interesting. Everyone deserves to be happy. Your happiness radiates you. And I want to clear the room so people with a mental illness can feel safe to be heard and not be labelled as a wanna be.
Very true especially because depression and sadness feel very different in the mind and in the body, and people who haven't experienced depression wouldn't necessarily know this.
I actually disagree, depression can be seen in many different ways, the comment below urs is talking abt chronic depression when there are seasonal and panic variations that only impact a person every once in a while. Depression shouldn’t be limited to what someone believes it is
i related so much to that omgggg im really glad i stopped trying to be sad. being sad didn’t make me more knowing about life, but i feel like getting out of that period and understanding it made me more aware and im really happy about it.
It’s frustrating for people who are dealing with legitimate trauma and a serious chronic depression to see so many people romanticizing our illnesses. Then people don’t believe us when we are in fact actually suffering. This happened to me recently. The only thing I got was silence and people threatening to cut me off. It feels terrible and people don’t even realize that they have an internal bias that tells them it must be the depressed person looking for attention, and that it must somehow be their fault. It really hurts to hear people tell you that. Edit: wasn’t expecting all these likes. I think ART has a place for talking about sadness and mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with it because that’s the way art has always been.
@@angelcake111 I also feel like close friends don’t understand and distance themselves from you bc they think you’re “toxic” and then shit just gets worse bc ur brain tells you you must be a bad person
Brah, cut these fake friends out, nonneed to waste time on them. You just need 2 bad mfkers who will be with you till the end and want you to get better. Just as long as you yourself want to get better( even though we dont know how and how long that will take)
@@angelcake111 Ikr? Then when the said person has had enough of this (since as you said, nobody pays a heed to their actual cries & mistake it for "attention seeking") ends their lives, people go pikachu face & be like "Oh no! They were such a good soul! They always seemed happy I never thought they would end up this way!" Imao
(TRIGGER WARNING) Yeah I’ve been accused of romanticizing depression. It’s so hard when you think someone is doing it but you can’t say anything because you know how it feels to be falsely accused of it. Like I know someone who claims to be depressed and tries to act traumatized over an event that’s extremely unlikely to have happened. They obviously have their issues, and I won’t deny they are really sad at the moment because they have stuff going on, but I just can’t believe them when they make those big claims with nothing to back it up. They don’t want help. They don’t have depressive episodes out of nowhere (they’re only sad when something happens, like normal people with normal emotions) they don’t have any kind of flashbacks or triggers due to their so called ‘traumatic event’ (which is in the group of trauma that I have gone through, and I have sleepless nights, constant flashbacks, panic/ anxiety attacks, etc.) they can easily joke about it and genuinely think it’s funny. And I don’t want to say my problems are worse but it hurts knowing what they’re doing. It hurts even more that they started making these claims after I started to try to seek help. It’s like the attention can’t be taken off of them.
In school I was always pretty happy, but I hung around “sad” people. They told each other how their parents abused them and drank too much, and they showed their self harm scars and glorified eating disorders… so I tried to “fit in”. I regret it, I cut myself and read “depressing” things just to fit in lmao. I definitely just felt like wasn’t worth hanging out with, since I was so “boring”. So I lied about my mom being physically abusive,(which she was not) and I still didn’t feel like I “fit in”, so I tried more extremes, like planning how I would commit suicide, learned how to tie a noose, texted a crisis line, yatta yatta… My real problem was that the people I ran with were just going through an edgy phase. I took it too far, and eventually I did get depression, (hereditary); got medicated, and am currently going through therapy. But it seriously is pretty messed up how glorified mental illness is. If you have a similar story don’t be afraid to reply because I kinda want to see others thoughts on similar events :]
I kinda feel like something similar happened to me, but it was because I was trapped in an abusive relationship at the time with someone who wanted me to be just as sad as they were. I still think, to some degree, that if I chose not to empathize with them, I would not be in the situation that I'm in now (cptsd, bipolar, anxiety; all professionally diagnosed). it's hard to move on from mental illness glorification, because... well, you *do* get more help and leeway when you're suffering. but pushing away from the glorification makes me fear that I'm faking stuff. I'm not sure how to approach it and it's a tough balance.
Hmm kinda just like my life Only difference is i actually was getting abused alot . Physical abuse by parents, friends , teacher. Also sexually harashed by someone for long time . I still do gets abused . But I was around type of people who made me feel like getting abused makes Me different and special. Whenever I used to tell them what things happened to me they always showed me some pity sometimes they made jokes or tried romantizing it . Which made me feel like it's something good and it continued like that . Even right now I'm like this i don't enjoy getting abused by my school bullies , teacher and parents but I also do find it enjoyable when people showed me pity. And many girls tries romantizing me with sadness. I don't know if it's phase or I gave any mental illness .
Sorry that this is long, I just have the tendency to make essays lol. Writing this honestly helped put things into better words for myself honestly: Im not sure how similar this quite is, but i say with the wanting to "fit in" part, i think for me i could word it best as fearing im not "proving" im actually dealing with something to not be taken seriously and get help like i want to. I dont listen to sad depressing music but felt like i needed to to "show" i was depressed/wanted to die, have more and deeper SH scars to show im not faking or trying to lie about anything, have "deep trauma" (never been physically/sexually abused for example but did witness/dealt with verbal abuse and verbal fights or anger issues from adults as well as bullying) or something happen to me or else it means i have nothing to be sad about, be extremely reckless with something like drugs for example or else it just means im going through a teen phase yet i started to feel a bit suicidal in 4th. In 2020 this started to happen due to quarantine and being online a lot and developed the worry of secretly being a fraud with anything i do even though it was never something i tried to put on a show for. I still struggle with it now, where i cry to friends or my boyfriend about worrying if the things i say sound manipulative, i have bad anger reactions but wonder if it's enough to finally show that i want and need help for it even though my reactions aren't fake or something i brag about, i accuse myself of faking my every action and genuine words of compassion or empathy. I guess the best way to put all this is that i fear of not meeting the standard of what it means to have depression, anxiety, or anger issues, etc. enough to be taken seriously to get the help i always wanted to grow and no longer worry or scare the people i love and drive away. Another edit: another instance is where i see someone explain the trauma they have or go through something serious (like drug consumption at a young age) or be prescribed with meds or have serious mental illnesses and i don't desire it, but compare myself to it and what i deal with and worry if that means I'm someone who is dramatic and don't have anything i deal with cause it's not on their level. Another is where i see the common surface level ways to handle the feeling or thing I'm currently dealing with (like being told to meditate or distract yourself) or seeing people say that teens have their phase of being sad and stuff and i don't feel upset in a way where i want to be "different" but upset in a way where i worry if that means whatever im feeling is something I'm lying about or no longer want therapy for cause "everyone goes through this so it's no need for you to get help" type of thing. I don't want to feel special or different but just worry if it means that I was exaggerating or won't be taken seriously. I've been needing therapy since 2016 but each time it was offered to me was denied by my family with the idea that whatever I'm feeling isn't true. I'm finally able to get it and after a month of calling psychotherapy places i finally found a place I'll have an intake appointment with in two weeks :) (after years of convincing, and still got shamed after getting a yes)
I feel like another side effect of the romanticization of sadness is what I am going through now. I’m like “no I’m fine I’m cool it’s whatever” and all my friends are like “dude you literally live in an abusive environment” and it’s really hard to admit I’m sad or scared because i don’t wanna sound like those tumbr people
I know what you mean. I have bpd and when i started to think "oh this is okay, i should not care, it's fine" that's when i started doing a lot of bad things. The thing is, it's sounds cliche, but "negative emotions", like sadness and anger, are just as much part of our life as happiness. I don't know how old you are, but if you're underage, try to find a student job to get enough money to leave as soon as you can. I hope you're not alone in this, if you need somebody to talk to i'm here if you'd like to. I know it's hard to see when you're in it, but you're strong and it's perfectly normal to feel your emotions. Who cares if it's sounds cringy? I can feel sad, i can express my sadness and you can too. I'm rooting for you!
same. my environment was worse for me in the past (or i remember it as such) so now i just feel like im not “really” in an abusive environment cause the word abuse and such are thrown around so often. i dont wanna be the “oh my parent yelled at me they’re so abusive!” but there’s a line between like valid punishment and abuse. unfortunately because of this romanticism of sadness and the effects of these environments, the line between what is overreaction and what is not okay is very blurred.
Watching this video was the biggest breath of fresh air and a weight off my shoulders. Finally unraveling the way I used to feel and how similar I behaved when I was younger due to this unexplainable yearning for sadness has led me to become so much happier and healthier, and I hope that all the young girls and boys out there who still fall victim to the heavy romanticization of mental illness eventually come to terms with the fact that’s it’s OK to be okay
the most common thing people say to others with mental illness is "it's okay not to be okay", but god so many people need to hear that it's OKAY to be OKAY.
omg THIS! sometimes the feeling of being ‘okay’ becomes a state of dissatisfaction and i’ve seen this happen all around me. “it’s okay to be okay” is such an important phrase to remember.
I'm not the biggest fan of this saying (as someone who is clinically 'not okay'), but I think you need to acknowledge and accept the fact that you might in fact not be okay to move on... And that's what it's about - at least imo. It's okay to admit to having a mental illness and seek help despite it being heavily stigmatised. But yeah, I don't really like it bc sometimes people read it as 'it's okay to stay in this state (of anxiety/depression/anything else you're struggling with) forever and not do anything about it' - like take your time, of course, but I don't think it's a healthy mindset to reject recovery in general
I can't stand that phrase. I don't want my mental illness to be validated, I don't want to feel comfortable with it. I want it to go away, and I want to stop having it. So many people have told me like "it's okay not to be okay" and such, to the point where now I feel like I shouldn't try to heal from my illness.
for reaaaaallll we need more people who can give us positivity for the world is already full of negativity 😭
@@gianna526 it's normal to have illnesses but the quote Is logically empty similar to the quote that if you help people success will come witch in some extend ture but in some cases people will milk your time to help them and take way opportunities that you could have had in some cases you have to let go of people who may possibly bring you down and it's not easy to help and not realistic.. so as I say it's an empty quote it needs more information and it shouldn't be only one small sentence living the reader confused.. Life isn't always white or grey in some cases you will be one of the unlucky people who may face ture darkness and that can break you mentally things that people don't imagine happening in there lives and fear if it did happen.. in some cases they make it feel so easy to get out of this state but it really it depends but Surely with determination and hope you can get better day by day .. but remember support is important to get away from the state we are humans and we need one another support.. you need to mentally get medication that's what I did and did help and some support in your suffering because burdens can be hard on one person to carry and mentally understand that you can use this problems to grow and as a challenge that you need to overcome.. I hope that hopefully Helps and if I said something incorrect I would love to know.. I don't want to bother or hurt people.. and I hope to understand more about it and stay safe ❤️
"There is nothing wrong with a simple life of peace and prosperity"
-Uncle Iroh
Do you perhaps know what season or episode this is from?
@@bangtan_sonyeondan8 it’s from the season 2 episode where the gaang is all sleep deprived
ATLA is truly a masterpiece
Don't know the episode number but it's called "The Chase"
hate to argue with Iroh, but… isn’t there if not everyone can have that?
My Buddhist Lama told me "sometimes we become so attached to the battle of the illness that we don't want to heal anymore because that battle gives us meaning" and this hit me, still processing it.
Did the Buddhist told you that Buddhism is like any other religion. Conducting genocide in Myanmar?
Ma'am, you have no right to hit so close to home
Exactly
.. how do I keep meaning without recalling my pain and using it to improve?
Kinda what i feel
Im in love with sadness and destruction, its everywhere, theres no reason to try
So why not feel sastifecion in sadness?
this is deep that I really understand
Its feels SO good to be the constant victim. Such a feeling to be right person who was wronged. To revel in the feeling of having an audience to your pain.
But fight the urges, fight the feeling. The state of peace is so much more worth it than the self-assurance of being the victim.
omnipresent sheep
@@iliveinadysfunctionalfamily286 what does that mean sweetheart
i agree greatly...
(you don't gotta scroll down, it's just a rant i went about - and regret making, but also don't feel like deleting because it took *so long.* sorry for distracting you with the notification.)
unrelated, and definitely not related to me though, uh- what of loneliness? what if that imagined audience *is the only "people" you can scream to,* which could be for a variety of reasons;
mayhaps, one won't have people close to you, to seek care from...
*or instead, you don't wish to "burden" those close to you.*
or you could be insecure.
and thus, rather then sharing it, you find yourself relishing on the "attention" of an aforementioned illusionary audience.
but i do genuinely think your amazing for being as caring as you are, to put time into this, for some to read. to make the lonely few that stumble across this, feel less lonely, perhaps.
*afterall, you can't fight such things alone.* not usually.
(though i'll admit; i'm very hesitant on submitting this awful rant to someone i barely know, having even gone as far as to delete an entire rebbutal on what you said - just to have changed mindset, some time later.)
but uhhhh... yea. also, sorry if you see this as a notification and-... i just took much of your time, today (or tonight).
i couldn't resist the urge to scream to someone else for once... after having seen this.
it's weird, and i hope this doesn't come off poorly - but for some reason, i found it easier to do this to a stranger rather then family and friends...
but um, again- thank you.
@@Gremlin-i7x youre overelaborating a slim portion but that was a good read anyway. countless words dont bore me.
idont like _screaming._ maybe im an idiot, egoist who thinks he can manage and regulate it by himself. either way i will never scream. exposed i feel. you do because you like to receive the attention but not from your family or something which i experience. youre no one of note to me and i am not to you too, and unveiling myself wouldnt lead to all these things that are feared of in a normal setting like my mother or father
"oh dad im fucking wanting to end myself" now thats gonna destabilize the entire family tree and my life if im exposed like that. i dont have a scale on whether or not if my suffering is really anything of note, if its just standard hormones that im going through and paying too much attention to. although, along with some issues in my life that are out of my control too, but thats out of the question. so maybe im just fighting alone because its not a lot. gotta accept that i guess, thanks man.
@@Gremlin-i7x Although I don't feel like I'm in a position to be able to listen, I really do wish to. You're not troubling anyone, but rather validating many.
Your views are something deeper that many might fail to realize. I'm here if you do wish to rant/vent. And even if you come across as racist, hidden bigotry, s*xist, or overbearing, I still won't judge. It's hard to find people who listen, do not judge or compensate/ project...
I'm more than happy to be an ear in case you need it. And I feel like the only thing I'd be good for right now is advice lol
I used to hate when people said that “trauma adds spice” and “trauma creates character”, because, as someone who went through very traumatic experiences during my childhood and preteen years, I wondered why anyone would want to be imprisoned by their own mind and not be able to do anything about it. Then I realized, I might not say it out loud, but I unconsciouly think this way too. I remember when girls at my school with “perfect” lives and “perfect” parents and “perfect” houses approached me, I had no interest in becoming friends with them, because I thought their little bubble of privilege wouldn’t allow them to understand “real life”, that money and college and clothes was all they could ever want, that they couldn’t have meaningful conversations because “they were boring”. Read that again. I unconsciously thought having a privileged, happy life made you boring. Even in relationships, I always felt attracted to people that needed “fixing”, as if their trauma made them more interesting to be around, and “spiced up” our dynamic.
I think that people don’t want to be sad, they just want to feel like they have a distinct personality with traits of their own. People like to be unique, and they like to feel as if they were in a movie and they like to be able to cry to sad songs just to validate their own feelings. There’s a voyeuristic aspect as to why girls like crying with mascara on and reading Sylvia Plath, as if someone was actually watching them and they were a character in Skins. There’s a reason why people look for love “like in the movies”. There’s a reason why the most famous artists and musicians and writers all happened to do drugs or be depressed or live sad lives, and usually had very unfortunate deaths that we now romanticize. We’ve commodified feelings like sadness and love so much that we now think the only way of having an interesting personality and a life worth telling is by being depressed. And of course, anyone who went through a mood disorder knows it’s not like in the movies at all, and it doesn’t spice up your personality. It ruins your life.
you have a great way with words and i absolutely agree with you! i hope you‘re doing okay
I relate a lot to this post.
Extremely well-said!
Edit: Parts of this comment are sorta null now considering I recently realized I actually am heavily traumatized from my time in distance learning (was so much fun coming to that conclusion /s) and suffer from both the same situational depression as before and anxiety in general with my tendency to overthink things. My feelings from before aren't any less valid and some of my points still ring true for me, but I just thought I'd add that onto here if anyone new manages to read this :)
I can speak on this from the privileged side of things, kinda. I'm about to graduate high school and up until the pandemic the worst "trauma" I've experienced was my parents divorcing, but even then it happened when I was 3 so I was basically unaffected by it the way it does to people it happens to when older. I live in the suburbia of suburbias (we literally don't even have a proper sheriff's department and just use the overall county's) and the biggest personal "problems" I'm dealing with atm are Prom and trying to get tickets for a concert in July (also trying not to procrastinate finishing my term paper any longer cause it's already past the initial due date lol).
However in 2020 I had to go through distance learning for my Junior year and as it was literal hell on earth, I experienced my first and currently only time with depression or any mental illness. Heck I didn't even believe I was depressed when it started up because it didn't feel as serious as the way my friends and the culture around me had described it. I didn't experience a feeling of numbness or no desire to get out of bed, just crying and a huge lack of motivation I felt specifically when thinking about/doing school so it wasn't even my own thoughts bringing me to this state but simply a way of life I wasn't prepared for (plus the fact that I literally couldn't write the smallest paragraph and had to leave the Zoom room of a standardized test once because I was just staring at my computer screen unable to type anything, leading me to be consoled by my mom and have to lay in bed under the covers to try and calm myself from whatever kind of attack that situation brought up. This was the worst it probably got btw, and it was months after my initial diagnosis). I also wasn't the only person experiencing depression from the pandemic, and while I was put on medication, by the time I was on it my symptoms were basically fading (aside from the whole "I can't write" thing, which lasted for the remainder of the school year), though I do still see the therapist I started going to because of all this, which was probably the only positive takeaway.
I was able to move on relatively unscathed from the whole experience, and since so many kids my age are actively dealing with multiple mental health problems on top of school and life and whatnot while I just have my one experience and the most I worry about being my self esteem problems, mainly about my body, and desire to be seen as desirable and not feel as average as I do, I constantly think that my life has been rather boring. Then I remember I have nothing to complain about because I haven't had to struggle much and I shouldn't/don't want to go through those things but if that's the case, why do I still feel that everything about me is uninteresting and I'm just going through life day to day? Why do I feel a strange sense of pity for not having super exciting things happen to me and not knowing if teen parties are actually a thing where I live because I've never been invited (and wouldn't even want to go as I'm an introvert so that makes things even more confusing) when one of my best friends is staying up till 4 am sometimes working on AP homework and being put through that gauntlet daily?
Wow I spent way more time on this than I should have/intended to but oh well
you and i might be the same person
this reminds me of the situation with mitski, who is known for her sad girl persona (can probably tell just by her teenage fans). her new album has been heavily critiqued b/c it being different from her typical sound. she specifically mentioned that she wanted to end off the album with this one song that's our lamp on a happier note. it reminds people that shes also a person who is healing but her fans want her to stay the same struggling, sad girl she was years ago.
its like just because they discovered her recently means they can dictate her music career + make her rely on a persona from YEARS ago.
Same with Lorde :(
I mean, isn’t it the same for billie eilish?
Yeah it’s the problem that comes with making sadder music, once you start to get out of that and want to make more positive music, the fans still want your more depressing songs. If at first making music is your way of coping, now it’s what traps you in that depressed mindset because if you start making happier music then your fans won’t listen to it
omg not even just mitski but the weeknd too along with every other artist who makes sadder/darker music. it’s sickening that their own fans want them to be depressed. fans saying “can’t wait till someone breaks their heart so we can get a new album” is crazy to me. it’s so sad, selfish, and dehumanizing.
same thing happened with twenty one pilots! their newest album is alot more upbeat and people were so furious about it,, like the lead singer is literally a father now and the drummer is married, of course they're gonna want to write happy things when they're happy and a majority of things in their lives are making them happy, people treated it like it was the biggest crime on earth because their album wasn't the same as blurryface
I'd like to add, glorification only happens to "mainstream" mental illness e.g. depression, anxiety, ADHD etc. Meanwhile illnesses such as schizophrenia or personality disorders are villainised. The glorification of "mainstream" mental illness results in a large group of people judging people for actually being depressed, "you're TOO depressed, you're TOO negative, you're TOO angry, you're TOO much, TOO hard to hang around with", because the reality does not match the persona. Glorification hurts, it is the exact opposite of representation.
Piggybacking off that, another example is how EDs like anorexia are romanticized bc it’s associated with “positive” traits like scarcity and general thin beauty standards while others like binge-eating and bulima are considered gross bc of associations of gluttony, waste, etc. They really do pick and choose.
Hell everyone claims to have ADHD nowadays. To the point their symptoms just sound eerily similar to just having ASD (they share a lot of traits but there's always a moment in which one turns into the other)
But will you ever seen anyone admitting they're Autistic as earnestly as just having ADHD?
No, that shit is reserved for the "odd" 40 year old man with Thomas the tank Engine pfp and extensive knowledge on sonic the hedgehog lore, that shit ain't cute, you see, I only hyperfixate (god I hate how popular clinical language has become...) On quirkier prettier stuff, like Netflix shows, and anime.
I almost feel like an element of this was kids back in the 2010s not understanding irony and creating a culture of unironic mental illness while also not having the ability to "embody" the less easy to fake or less "fun" mental illnesses (the most you see in common culture about schizophrenia is schizoposting, an ironic interpretation of schizophrenia which only arose since the pandemic, and no one dares associate with the actual label while common culture loves ironic, unironic and all other sorts of depression)
@@cryptogeist6233 yeah and binge eating with depression is ignored because it has doesn't work with that skinny quirky aesthetic like when I literally can't stop eating food that disgusts me and Catch myself making food I won't eat and have depressive episodes and stuff it's not pretty and I don't feel like talking about it online with a cute filter. I literally can't stand how it gets represented and I'm working on it and it's getting better but Everytime I see someone saying "Im quirky and depressed uWU" it just feels patronizing.
personality disorders are first and foremost thrown around like insults. "psychopath" as a colloquial term is so watered down in its meaning that it might as well be synonymous to "callous douchebag".
i think that the reason we enjoy being sad is because we can comprehend the emotion and understand what it means to be sad. happiness is sometimes foreign, and oftentimes fleeting. sadness can be achieved easily, happiness however cannot be fabricated within ourselves. we often need to look for it from an outside source.
ive been saying this. sadness is in my comfort zone while happiness is not
SO true
This
Thats a really good point I haven’t thought of actually… for me personally too sadness became a safety net. Like if I feel sad, I know what to expect and be prepared to feel. The thought of being happy and something terrible happening seems more scary than just staying sad sometimes.
I feel like it might be the opposite. Happiness is expected from everyone else in our lives. So maybe people want to experience sadness because it is unknown and more complex than other emotions and if everyone around us is feeling happy I should be sad. Because it's different. I feel like that might be the mindset.
After suffering with depression for about 5 years, I gotta say, it's a phenomenal feeling to wake up and feel all right, and doing good. Feeling joy, happines from small things etc. Being happy is what we all deserve
Same. That feeling of happiness is gold to me, since its so hard to come around.
How? How do you just wake up and feel okay? I just wait till I get that surge of activity of about 4 days to clean my house and make just enough cash to live.
@@abdou.the.heretic that surge of energy is happiness to me. The ability to think clearly and face the world past all that dark fog and physical fatigue. Its like a little blessing for a day or two every few months. But that's my "feeling okay" moment. You gotta define yours. :)
The desire for happiness isn’t bad like people say everyone want it
Based.
Keep that head up king.
Day at a time,
we ball
we ball
One of my favourite quotes, which feels relevant:
“Art should disturb the comfortable, and comfort the disturbed”
Yes. Absolutely yes.
yup
one of my most favorite quotes 🙏🙏
Literally my fav quote that’s for mentioning it queen
I don’t think art SHOULD disturb the comfortable.It’s okay if it does but it shouldn’t be considered mandatory
I remember when I had a really bad day or got into argument, I would get the urge to write it on paper just to make sense of what I was feeling. But when writing, I would catch myself change details to make it more depressing, to justify my anger/sadness.
Then I would stop, throw away the paper and try to write again but was ashamed of the reality which was that I got angry/sad for a simple, normal reason.
I now understand the confusion I felt before.
I guess I wanted my sadness to be cool, aestethic and when I would realize it wasn't I would get frustrated.
i’ve never related to something more
Hi, hello, who gave you the right to write a biography of my life?
damn you're strong
I've done the same thing before 💀💀 what I usually do now is acknowledge that on paper. If I was going to write about a bad day but make it sound ✨poetically✨ worse, I'd write that in my entry too. Writing is a nice way of channeling the frustration so being meta about my feelings in moment helps me keep writing c:
Same thing happened to me when I tried journalling that kinda stuff
Art is all about expression. Those who enjoy that art find something that they relate to in that artwork and lets us know that we are not alone with these dark feelings and that it is ok to have them.
It is hilarious youth pretends to care about mental illness while the same time making Patrick Bateman edits lol
Maybe you should choose role models who aren’t mentally ill criminals. And those people who make Patrick Bateman edits ironically miss the artistic satirical point of American Psycho lol
I've also heard that the human brain is biologically hardwired to remember struggles and negative things to stay safe and survive, so sad things are just more memorable. I think that's part of why we hold onto them more than happy and neutral ones
wow
frick human instincts. all my homies hate human instincts.
I'm not sure that's true. The fact that most people's lives are not that great, coupled with the fact that suicidal tendencies are uncommon, makes me believe that people actually overestimate the quality of their lives.
@@brzt4256 it's true. that's how human brain works, why did i know this? well.. i studied psychology. that doesn't correlate to suicidal tendency because suicidal tendency has many factors behind it. every person cope with their life differently and we also have different threshold too. hope it helps.
That’s why you remember nightmares!!
When I tell people that misery is addictive they never believe me at first, but it’s true. This video really does well to explain why it’s so addictive.
I indulged in self pity once- I sat in the floor in my room and drank for three days straight. I absolutely LOVED the feeling of feeling sorry for myself.
After three days I got up and lived life a new woman. Four years sober today ❤️
@@angelhimelisa feel you gal ♥️ stay strong and make your life the best it can be, no exceptions!
The book ’the courage to be disliked' says it.
Artists are not responsible for people fetishizing their art. I can't stress that enough.
A lot of my friends were like "Oh don't draw ur child oc with a short shirt. People will sexualize them" and I was like "is that my fault???" and they were like "It is if you let them" like bruh
@@SatoriF37 omfg a CHILD and its a goddam short shirt not stripper clothing serouisly that is gross
@@SatoriF37that’s messed up, how are you letting them do anything when they are strangers and you don’t know them? plus if they are that mentally deranged to sexualise children I don’t think it makes a difference how you draw the clothes.
What does fetish even mean anymore i swear yalk TH-cam essay wannabe high scholar new York University philosophy major say it in everything
@@SpeedKing.. I think you have some other basic parts of English to learn about before you learn about the meaning of "fetishizing".
Some people find comfort in sadness because that’s all they’ve ever known.
Exactly that's the last attachment to feel emotions for them
I think that the desire to seem like an interesting person and depression as a medical diagnosis are two different things.
I have been depressed since i was 14. I am 22 now. And let me tell you, depression is a soul eating void you dont want to get yourself into. It's more than the shallow, superficial pop culture potrayal of a "hot mess". Depression is the gut wreching feeling of never reaching your potential because every day is a heavy rock upon your chest that you lie squished under like an insect; it is the withdrawal from reality into a personalised hell you carry with yourself everywhere; it is total helplessness that engulfs your existence. Everywhere you go, it goes with you. Do not romanticise this hell.
How do you get out of it?
@@bdfwhhsb i didn't get out of it. But i AM trying to improve my life. And perhaps the only way to do that is professional help aka therapy. Seek therapy if you're depressed.
@@bdfwhhsb I got out of it. You have to rewire your thinking.
You get so used to certain thought patterns (you mess something up -> “you mess everything up” -> “you’re bad at everything”) that it becomes a habit. Your brain takes that easy, convenient, well-established shortcut over the hard work of actually thinking.
And it gets easier and worse the more you let yourself think that way. (“you’re bad at everything” might turn into “you’re a bad person,” for example.)
You have to actively fight those thought patterns to break out of them. It might take a long time, but it’s doable. This is the basis behind cognitive-behavioral therapy.
@@wonderstruck.But what is if you really tried, and still fucked up?
@@ceooflonelinessinc.267 then you fucked up, and it’s normal to feel bad. What’s not normal is to then blow it out of proportion or let feeling bad about it dominate your daily life, instead of recognizing it as a single, isolated fuckup.
To be clear, this is not a conscious choice, since your thinking itself is compromised. Fortunately it can be fixed
As a preteen i wanted so desperetaly to be depressed, sad and miserable because of tumblr. It was so easy to make myself cry while listening to a song i didn't really relate to, just for the aesthetics of it... Then when i was 13 two of the most important people in my life died and my best friend committed S, then my schizoid personality disorder started to hit alongside visual and auditory hallucinations and suddenly i was actually miserable. i still remember how disappointed i was when i realized being miserable wasn't poetic, or beautiful, or meaningful, how it was just... bad. just bad.
i remember hating being truly sad because it wasn’t like the pretty girls on tv, it was ugly, messy, and nobody came to apologize or comfort me so that my problems would go away, i was just miserable and couldn’t do anything about it except hate myself more
@@wren_. "No one came to apologize or comfort me so that my problems would go away" Because they're *your* problems, and no one gives a fuck. Welcome to the real world, it is not kind to weaklings; never has, never will be.
I think that most people dont want to see someone just being sad, or just being depressed, or just being apathetic, because realistically we look at media with the usual intention of feeling good, at least by the end of whatever it is we're consuming. Because of this, people post situations that fall into the vast minority of situations depressed or miserable people experience, that being the days where you feel genuinely good, the days where someone legitimately comforts you, etc.
Eventually, people who have never been depressed begin to believe that because most of what they're seeing about chronically miserable people are desirable situations, they desire to be the primary subject of those depictions: depressed.
Just another shitty thing brought about by the natural human desire to be happy, I guess.
Some things just suck in ways that aren't aesthetically pleasing. Past a certain degree of intensity for a trauma dump there's a threshold where people go "Dang that's a lot." and anything lower is just background noise. Are people projecting art onto real life by seeking out the fantastical? When people look at me I'm not fantastical but I can dress the scene by curating specific details about myself and my life before arranging them in an aesthetically pleasing order. Would all that be a picture of me or a piece of art made up of curated life experiences as my choice of medium? It wouldn't be objective in the slightest since there's things I can't be succinct with and many of those things I'd rather not engage with long enough to be not succinct, so what is it? I had a lot of dumb and bad things happen to me and that's the farthest I'll generally let myself go into it but that's not compelling to other people. What's compelling is people like me written about by other people who aren't like me because people like me need a translator since we generally don't have the energy to go into it.
Ok
As a Nine Inch Nails fan, Mitski losing fans after writing less sad music reminds me a lot of what happened with Trent once his addiction and mental health improved, people wanted him to be in pain again so his music would be "better." When his dog died and he posted how he felt about it on the NIN forum some people were celebrating cuz they wanted him to be miserable again.
I'm listening to them as I'm writing this comment;) and yeah that's horrible
That's dumb. But personally, that's not why I stopped listening to NiN. For me, somewhere around "With Teeth", Reznor's lyrics became less nuanced and powerful, and his musical arrangement became too simplistic and new wave-y for me. I tried to listen to Hesitation Marks, and I couldn't make it past the first four songs or so.
@@marinakesawa7470 Around with teeth you say? That's personally my favourite album, the songs are definitely more linear but I don't mind it. I never really looked at him as lyrical genius nor do I really pay attention to that in general and the instrumental structure of the songs I didn't mind that much. But I didn't listen to any albums after that so maybe then I'll look at it differently. I should specify that the only reason why with teeth is my favourite is because it stays the most consistent. I can select any song from that album and I know I will like it. I love reptile and closer those are without a doubt my favourite songs of theirs but there are just some songs on the downward spiral I physically can't listen to that really bring it down for me.
@@marinakesawa7470 oh and I love the drums in with teeth
as a bladee fan i don’t get pussy
I’ve been struggling with this mindset for YEARS. I think I’m gonna explain this to my therapist. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO OPEN ABOUT THIS! it was eye opening as fuck!!
suffering has a weird way of convincing us that it's more real than any other emotion. incredible video olivia!
the interdimensional fuckboy strikes again. good to see ya Pierre
and interestingly, suffering is more memorable. At least to me, it is. And also an emotion more immersive than other ones.
My favorite youtuber supporting another one of my favorite youtubers ❤❤❤ I'm here for it!!
@Clément BRAVIER was just about to comment this
Xoxo🤗✨
One of my psychology teachers (shes an expert in emotions) refused to say "negative or positive emotions" because all emotions have values and downsides. There are just comfortable and uncomfortable emotions and.. most people find sadness and pain uncomfortable. Here it seems to just be the opposite.
Honestly, I agree ! I've found many of my 'negative' emotions have brought me great comfort and have actually supported my journey through certain endeavours etc
Without my sadness and whatever I don't think that I would really be on the path that I'm on now, not to say that its not without its downfalls by far. But romanticising my mental health problems is really what helped me to cope when I was living in an abusive household and it felt like the world was against me because it kind of was hahah ^_^;
I think your teacher just watched inside out
Yeah, for me I find sadness and such comforting because it’s like a safe space for me. I’m used to being uncomfortable and hidden away (anxiety be ruining me), so if I stay in that sad little bubble of misery, I get a sort of comfort I wouldn’t have if I went out and about smiling and making friends. Plus, when I feel extra sad or depressed, for no discernible reason, I reach out through the internet to find pieces of art that give off that same kind of pain. Same with songs that make me think of all the little bad things I’ve done or experienced, or shows where the characters can justify their suffering. It’s comfort in relating to what others feel, just it’s sadness because it’s easier for me to simulate than happiness.
That or it’s just my artist brain hating myself and everything I do so much that I want to make things that show that hatred, and use others’ pain as reference.
This is interesting
There are negative & positive emotions; these can be measured by the outsized beneficial effect (or lack there-of) on their user/external environment. Sadness generally tends to inspire mediocrity, self-pity, a lack of productivity and a general lack of achievement. This is bad.
Your teacher sounds like one of those losers who seeks to "equalize" everything in order to avoid hurting someone's feelings or facing the objective truth (I.E "This isn't THAT bad.."); so she filled up a bunch of impressionable dumb kids with the idea that depression is acceptable because it's "comfortable" to some people lmao.
The crack addict is comfortable when he's high, is his habit all of a sudden not unhealthy? LOL
this is such an interesting topic, in 9th grade my native language teacher gave the class an essay assignment on a similar topic - "do we romanticise pain" and the discussions in class really made me question the media we consume; the main character always has a tragic backstory, or something tragic must happen so the plot moves on, etc. it's like we're not interested in happy things, like we crave sadness, agony, tragedy...
In psychology It's called the negativity bias
You can't just have a happy ending without having to suffer for it, thats how life goes. You have to fight for your happiness, because whats the point of the meaning of happiness if your just gonna ignore the opposite of it that makes it special in the first place?
@@NerdTheDemoni don't think it is appropriate to call having a tragic or traumatic past a "flaw"
It's called real life, nasty shit happens to people. All of us suffer, that's not the end of it but it surely happens and needs to be expressed.
Conflict is always required for a story, otherwise there is no story. That’s not romanticising sadness, that’s just basic storytelling.
When I listen to sad music, I feel like I can let out all the feelings I've suppressed throughout weeks. It helps me accepting that im emotionally and reflecting my emotions.
I've always found it kinda weird when people say that their trauma is what makes them "funny"...like it just pushes the idea that people who aren't mentally ill are boring or not funny which is why for a long time I felt like I had to have some kind of traumatic back story to be interesting. I'm not trying to blame these people but I just wish mental illness wasn't so romanticized like it is
on another note I still find myself trying to validate my own sadness which is why I'm so drawn to listening to sad music and also making sad music myself bc it gives meaning to my life in a way. idk what it is about sad music that I prefer to listen to it over other types of music, which I feel the same way about sad poetry and art in general. don't think it's immoral to do so but sometimes this type of art can cause the listener/viewer to romanticize being sad or mentally ill
I'll be frankly honest and say those who have never had to face adversary, often do not recognize their privilege. I too have CPTSD, and a slew of trauma. I'll give you what I mean I say, my trauma made me funny: It allows me to laugh in times of other people's adversarial ideas. As a bi-racial person, who is disabled, and still fighting to not to be oppressed by the law, by the system, the only way sometimes you can fight Eugencist, Abelist, Racist, and any other form of ism is to make fun and laugh at the thing harming you. I would rather not romanticize my sadness, but my sadness is being implemented by the environment. Until our society changes, I'll never be able to live to thrive. Only just survive.
It's just that trauma causes people to seek ways to cope, and humour is one of them. Normal people don't always try so hard to be funny and lack the needed irreverence by nature. It's like basketball:you cam be a good player regardless of your height, but height does help, even if it comes with its own pains.
@@kejsida4921 you make sad music?
You got a mixtape? I would like to have a litsen...
i remember reading a tweet like "i don't wanna go to therapy, what if i lose my swag?" 💀 this is probably sarcasm (or probably not since i've never know the context) but it's a real case in so many society. i kinda worried for people that actually need some real (medical) therapy to be healed from trauma like those who got SA, saw someone got accident/killed, got threatened, etc. i legit saw people joking about them being sexually harrassed and i went like 😟.. "coping" is almost always become their reason, but i still hope people with trauma have their chance to receive help and use it, and not reject it for the sake of being known as a cool people with a life-disrupting experience...
As someone that’s clinically depressed I went from a happy teen to a sad middle aged man in less than a year. It feels like you’ve already lived your whole life and there’s nothing beyond now.
Same
I have a lot of suicidal problems and it’s like being in pure fucking despair, I don’t understand romanticism. Being suicidal is like a fucking disease, it crawls into every grime and groove in your mind and even when you sitting. Talking with your friends even in that moment you still feel as hollow as you do before. Even when I just talk with them the thought still is in there. Sometimes it makes me worry the last time I’ll ever text someone. I worry if the next day I’ll just suddenly by impulse die. I don’t understand romanticism of depression and suicide. It’s fucking gross, wanting be the person who is battling the line between living and dying is fucking gross. I don’t understand it, it hurts me.
@@casuals.3.19Hello, I recognize these words a lot, I felt like that for years. Let me say that you are suffering, there’s no denying it, and it’s a suffering that is so hard to escape because it’s in every corner of your mind, building up your foundation to live. I assume you’ve thought about therapy, or seeing a psychiatrist, but part of you thinks you’ll never actually be helped. I assume you might even feel attached to the suicidal mind that you have, maybe you feel like it’s all you have left. I’m commenting this for a far more important reason though. If you can believe it, i was changed. My thoughts were changed, gradually. The messed up things I never planned to stop doing changed. You know, the things you know are wrong but you justify them cause you just can’t stop. Those things changed and they stopped. Not because I had some epiphany, or because I got enough therapy to want to live. Not because of any meds because jeez that won’t fix the actual problem. I didn’t even changed right away, it took months for me to actually notice how I was changing really. I sought God, and I changed. Jesus, you’ve probably heard that name, I suggest you look into Him. I know in my heart that if he could change me he could change you. By the way, don’t think this is all on you. He’s the one who will be doing most of the work, and you’re the one who will start noticing. Ask Jesus to help you, I mean it, and trust me when I say what you’re dealing with right now wont be forever, it might not even be in your life three months from now.
@@jewel987not a good time to push ur bible
@@avavavaa I shared my experience in hopes it would give the commenter hope. I don’t believe his suicidal thoughts should continue to devastate his life, I know that there is a way out of it and I chose not to hide that from him. If he does not agree or if he thinks everything I said was complete bs, that’s up to him
I deleted all my socials 2 weeks ago and I gotta say I haven't felt happier and lighter for a long time. I started training even harder and learning new things such as Portuguese and the Morse Code. We are so much more than what social media paints us to be my friends. We are better. You have so much in you. ❤
i thought you deleted all your socials whyre you on yt
@chaettos well yt is an important social and you dont get easily influenced like in tiktok or twitter,instagram etc
@@chaettosTH-cam is not half as toxic as TikTok, instagram or twt. I think it’s also because you can also choose your content on TH-cam. On something like TikTok you can’t chose if you get a depressing video on your feed
@@FlupirkedepI tend to try and argue that youtube isn't social media because you're not communicating anywhere near as much as you would on Twitter or Tiktok. Comments tend not to take precedence as much, but from my experience, youtube comments are a much more hostile place a lot of the time. Partly due to the fact that a lot more children are on here who will act edgy and fail to understand anything you say.
I did that myself. That is only temporary. If you delete all your social media and don't replace it with some other positive form of social interaction that emptiness and itch will come back
I feel like for me I romanticized my trauma and mental illnesses as a way to escape having to confront them. As a result of this, I’ve become disconnected from my true feelings.
i am exactly like this.i couldn’t explain it ever but you did instead
i’ve never been able to put this into words before
I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I only started getting better when I realized that I wasn’t allowing myself to move past my trauma because I had grown accustomed to being sad. In a weird way it felt like an addiction, being sad felt more meaningful than it did being happy.
real asf
same but then i feel wrong for it
This topic reminded me of a quote from south park, I don't remember which episode it was but I remember Butters saying it after his break-up with his girlfriend: "Well yeah, and I'm sad, but at the same time, I'm really happy that something could make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive, you know? It makes me feel human."
I like to say I live a very happy live but if I do feel down music always helps, my way of feeling alive.
The hard part is when it stops making you sad, and you have to find new things to make you sad :/
@CHASINBENS It is;)
Such a good quote 😭 I remember that
Episode: Raisins from Season 7 Episode 14. Butters is the best.
When i was 15 there was a night where i prayed for something interesting to happen to me. I was a freshman at a new school in a new state and i felt dumb. I just wanted something to happen so i could feel something and get some attention. My dad died the next day. I know what happened wasnt my fault, but i feel like it was.
Wow...im so sorry for your loss
so sorry :(
I can’t imagine what you went through and/or still going through, I am sorry. Nobody deserves that, and just know, it wasn’t your fault at all.
I'm so sorry
It was’nt your fault!
Death just happens randomly. Someone can lose their life, anywhere anytime in just a second.
I gotta say, as someone who has struggled with an Anxiety Disorder and Depression (found out as an adult it's related to myfinally diagnosed ADHD) , I remember being disgusted, appalled, and cringing how many peers I saw overtly pretending and glorifying online Depression and Anxiety as some kind of cute quirky traits. It honestly made me so internally angry and offended because I would give anything to not having those disorders and seeing peers long for something so life debilitating felt like a slap in the face. Thank you for talking about this and growing from the cringe 🖤
It’s nice how you opened up about your embarrassing habits you are definitely not alone (and makes me feel less alone in some of my guilt) really refreshing with your openness
me too i was so embarrassing
honestly i looked back on some of my old journals and it was just depressing and embarrassing
Madoka Magica pfp checks out
Yeah I cringe at some of mine too >_
Its scary how comforting sadness can be just selfloathing its so harmful but at the same time is a way to shutoff all the noise around one.
fr
the first step is accepting just how much you honestly feel
once you're able to accept that, you don't loathe yourself as much
it's like a paradox
when you allow all the parts of your self to be who you are and stop looking at it as a flaw to be scorned and shunned you feel a lot better and can let the intrusive thoughts go a lot more quickly
Its your brain trying to get comfortable with being depressed. When i was at my worst i wouldnt shower for months. It got to the point where the stink i got after not showering for a long become comforting. Even today when im doing better, when i dont shower for 3, 4 days, when i get a whiff of that smell its like a demon luring me to do nothing and just lay in bed all day, because that was a "safe space" for me. When i smelled like sh1t and got bed sores it meant i didnt have to leave bed aka, i didnt have to deal with anything.
@@karlokarloo4658keep fighting man
Should I quit this loop of sadness? Or should i quit it ? If I need to quit it can you please say me how by sharing your experience if you escaped
Just like Kurt cobain once said:
"I miss the comfort in being sad"
This is kinda how i feel a lot of the time. I'm recovering from my depression and work9ng on it, but there os something comforting about being miserable. It is very comfortable and familiar.
@@bakugo9761 ikr, whenever i feel good my brain just goes "ayo your entire mental illness is made up n youre faking it" and i just go back to being miserable
@@bakugo9761 I think its more like its comfort in the known. As someone who has had depression all my life, im currently working on and trying to better myself, and to be quite frank, im terrified. who am I without this depression clinging on always in the background? Its terrifying. I felt better much of this week i think because i graudated and never have to go to my shit school again, but then I started gaslighting and worrying, did i even have depression? what if i just had it because of school, everyone else can get through school without wanting to die, why can't i? and despite desperately wanting my depression to go away literally all the time, i had to be worried that it was only there because of school and that somehow made me weak. not to mention the fact that i survived highschool while being rank one in my class, but i just HAD to focus on the negative and who and what i would be without my mental illness, being wrong is also a scary thing so most people. i really think its a comfort in the known type of thing. i don't know, thinking that way makes me feel better, i'm not ready to think i find comfort in my suffering.
@@arden563 Hey, I’m sorry about that. I hope you’re doing alright. But I also want to say congratulations on ranking top in your class. That’s super impressive! Take it easy, alright?
I hope all of you are doing well! I don’t believe I have depression, but I think I can kind of relate. When you’re miserable, your expectations are also very low and you kind of stop caring for a little while.
I never experienced it with mental issues (since I do already have them), but I had asthma since i was born and as a teen, a part of me wanted to keep suffering from asthma. To me, being sick was the only way to get someone to care about me.
With how romanticized mental illness has become on the internet, it became confusing for me to be able to differentiate the two. Like I've felt like shit for as long as I can remember, but I never know what to do with it cause I can't tell if it's real or not.
Me too. I think therapy could be helpful either way though
i was thinking the same thing because i feel like i have mental health issues but looking at videos like this makes me question myself and i feel like a fraud for claiming mental illness when it could just be me over reacting. on the other hand, if i am actually mentally ill I'm pretty sure it would convince me that i am a fraud and don't deserve help
@@arunima8138 I used to be in a situation like you. To be honest, if you are wondering if you're overreacting you aren't. I think people who are sad for one day and go say they are depressed don't doubt themselves because they want to be for whatever reason. If you do your research properly and it seems like you have something going on yet you still question and put off getting help somethings up. *I think its the mental illness that makes you question so much.* I recommend getting therapy (if you can) or talking to someone you trust (like a close friend etc) about how you feel. That's just my experience personally but yeah
I can basically say for certain that i had bad mental health problems even though i wasnt officially diagnosed with anything so i dont know how helpful my advice truly is. I didnt have a sad tumblr girl phase but i did spend a lot of time doubting a real and serious problem :P
Thank you
If you are confused, then you need help. Don't blame or doubt yourself.
I was recently diagnosed with depression, however I believe my symptoms have been here for a very long time. Being on the internet constantly ever since I was a little child (18 now) has really shaped my reality in many ways. The way mental illness is glamourized online as this mysterious and deep thing makes the idea of being mentally well almost weird or off putting, as if people don’t have character to them without a label to stick onto. And I feel this has applied to me too, I’ve fallen in love with my mental illness, I almost don’t want to get rid of it because it almost feels like I’m going to lose the thing what makes me “special” or different, because it’s what i’m made to believe. Glamourizing mental illness can in a way help people cope, but in the end it’s a trap and it only makes it harder for you to get out of it. Also causes people to take you less seriously, because “””everyone is mentally ill these days anyways”””.
I totally agree with that. And I also feel like when you live with a mental illness for years, it becomes part of your reality and so it can be even more difficult and/or scary to choose the way to recovery because you can't really imagine what your life will be like when this big chunk of it that was your illness is suddenly gone. There's a song that talks about this fear and questions "who am I supposed to be when my mental illness is gone? What is left of the real me - is there even something left of me?" I think that's another difficulty of mental illness - it can consume a person to the point of identifying so much with your illness that you don't know who you are anymore without it. Or alternatively, it takes control over your life and changes your lifestyle to the point where you're scared of how your life is going to change once you've gotten better.
And it's really sad how romanticized mental illness is, especially online. Because I feel like, even if we fall into this trap ourselves, we can still think about it and realise "wow, imagine how much happier my life could've looked like if I hadn't struggled with this mental illness for so long" (or at least, that's what I sometimes think when I look back and feel sad over "the years I've lost" due to my anxiety disorders).
I relate to and share every single thing you said. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for explaining this so well.
I really relate to this. I know people usually use this as a joke but the amount of times I see people add that they give their characters in writing trauma to make their characters more interesting, just always felt like you need to be mentally ill in order to be interesting.
@@joana.a4981 Hope u get well soon ❤️
this really resonates w me
I’ve said this my whole life. People are addicted to being sad. They actually enjoy being sad. People WANT to watch sad movies, listen to sad songs, look for sad social media content and openly state they want to get their heart broken again. And I am like that too. I don’t want my heart broken again but at night I want to listen to sad music to get sad again.
i like to think that we love the happiness that comes after being sad
I feel all emotions are necessary
if there is just one , if we are happy all the time , that would kinda make us lose importance of being happy
idk
No, they just enjoy feeding of the trauma of others.😊
anddd what's wrong with it? sadness, in general, is an emotion that motivates the creation of art. there's a certain feeling to it, a sense of comfort. it feels honest.
anddd where did you pull that from? I never talked about right or wrong.@@anan-ko9vt
True. Honestly, just be. Being is the hardest part. Being is the most unreachable part. Just be.
I’m 13 and I’ve been having these thoughts for a while now, your old diary entries feel so relatable. I always feel that I’m more mature than my peers and I have a better perception of life, yet I know that sometimes my sadness really isn’t real and I’m just trying to be sad to be sad. To be special. I really like the quote “the pain of not having enough pain, still pain young men”.
Why didn't I get the "sad cute girl crying, listening to sad music under the rain and making deep beautiful meaningful art" type of depression and got the "can't eat, shower, losing all my social circle, ruining my talents, hobbies and my entire fcking life" type of depression instead?
Nerd
@@dxv62 Yea mollucks understands it
Real 🗿🗿 last week I didn't shower at all lmao getting I'm better though... Slowly
@@xx-fz2ll proud of you, you’re doing great ☺️🫶🏼
Do you not realize the video is about people like you? 💀
from my pov, it seems that people "like" being sad means you've *thought* about life on a deeper level and have convinced yourself that you are able to see something others can't (even though this is just our ego talking), whereas being optimistic means you're blind and ignorant to rEaL LifE. idk, just some thoughts as i devour some penne pasta at 1:17pm
o.o
that's so true
not "deeper level" per se. It's just means, you're in the current phase of inflated narcissism that the world revolves around you in your own brain. Wanting to feel special in some way. Just straight facts. This is like being in that phase of puberty
This is a basic concept about “preterite and Elect”
Elect are the chosen ones, burdened by “success” intellectualism, and so on. And they go on to worry about the world , for meaning and so on
The preterite are characterised as the unsuccessful, or lower, unchosen and average. But they are also characterised as simply happy, they are not burdened by so called “higher knowledge”
Theres a poem that shows this, in which a pig farmer is the elect, burdened by knowledge of life outside the farm and the guilt of his pigs inevitable demise.
His pigs are the preterite, who simply enjoy living on the farm.
@@thepeatboggy interesting, but is there really higher knowledge or just higher consciousness
I've once heard a good answer to "your trauma made you strong" that boils down to "No, I've always been strong. Without it, I would have had the energy to become strong even sooner"
It's not that simple. You don't get stronger for the sake of it, you need a reason to adapt into a better version of you. Confronting your trauma is a powerful tool, it's a stimuli for growth. Through resistance we become stronger to overcome the resistance. But of course you need the desire to become better, that's the tricky part.
@@imadeyoureadthis1 me man 👌🙌
You wouldn't need to be "strong" if life wasn't so difficult. Don't call those who succumb to life "weak"; instead ask why life must be so hard on them.
i read one day that sadness feels like a comfortable blanket and i think it's true, once you get there you get used to it
Yea sadness makes us believe that we're on our own and happiness thus makes us uncomfortable
the online culture around mental illness has caused me to want to be more mentally ill, but not because i think it's glamorous. i feel like my struggles aren't valid because they aren't as bad as others' (who often exaggerate their own). it's like i need to start participating in self destructive behaviors to prove to myself and others that i'm depressed enough
youre not alone lmao, i feel the exact same way
I feel like that too, even before I started to use social media
@@currybread5298 me too, but it got worse after i started using social media. i try to avoid content like that now
@@cecerats that's wise
felt that.
Yo, teenage boy here, I’ve felt the exact same way about this topic, sometimes it feels like I’m being over dramatic and romanticizing depression in my head, especially because I’ve never had depression. I don’t go on tumblr or any social media to spread these unhealthy ideas, but sometimes I make up scenarios where I go through Shakespearean levels of tragedy. It’s more of a what if than a way to cope, but still, it’s pretty obvious that some people want trauma to happen to them because we want people to be supportive and have pity for us.
Edit: I’m so glad so many people have connected with my sentiments, making up scenarios is a really good way to cope, but I wouldn’t suggest it all the time, since thinking about sad stuff all the time will make you sadder. I suggest maybe taking out your frustrations in art or something like that, personally, I’ve went through a lot of things this year, so I work on films/short films in my spare time for fun. Cope any way you want, just don’t get too lost in your scenarios.
Hmm I do quite get the making up of scenarios and especially creating fake characters in my head and epic tragedies while even listening to a sad song but from my perspective life has been really terribly boring sam old routine of endless studying and stress and anxiety like I don't have any interest in dating, partying and social media either. The only thing that seems to be keeping me intrigued is stories, beautiful stories from books or from dramas with beautiful characters and an adventurous meaningful interactions they have in their life, their purpose in the story etc but however they all seem to have a tragic backstory or a tragic end . I can't say that I want those tragic things to happen to me in real life but rather imagining about such things just makes one escape from their day to day boring life. At this point it really isn't about romanticizing trauma but just romanticizing about a life filled with purpose, a life like in the fantasy or historical fiction books I've read. I might've strayed from the real topic but yeah that's basically it.
25yo man here. I was exactly the same way my man. I used to crave pity and would go out of my way to take on more pain to get it.
Honestly, that only changed as I matured alongside my now wife. She reflected back at me how selfish I really was, and helped me grow into a better person.
Surround yourself with people that love you enough to tell you the ugly truth.
15 year old boy here. I used to and sometimes still do the same thing as a cope but I never took on more pain for pity like William in the replies because I thought it was pathetic. I low-key wanted something bad to happen until it actually did and I went into hs and was bullied to the point where even thinking about being in class made me wanna cry.
Basically , yeah it sounds cool in ur head but you REALLY don't want them problems
Sir, that is depression.
Dude I swear, exact same issue with the making up scenarios here, thought it was only my issue
I was really depressed as a child and teenager, and it took me a really long time to stop viewing myself as "a depressed person" because it did become my identity. When you are sad for such an extended period of time, during such a crucial part of your development, it really screws with you.
same , I get it although Iam still struggling to get rid out of that rut
I think I was depressed as a kid, not because of genetics but a lot of events relating death happened one after another in my early years, it has taken me so many years to separate my real personality from the symptoms of depression. Another thing that has been difficult is friends resisting my "change" to a healthy person because I met them before I was as healthy as now, I know they miss 'the person I used to be', which is what they know, but sometimes it feels like they preferred me sad and quiet.
How did you do it? I'm trying to try since forever...
i’m going through it currently and i can’t say i’m ready to get help. i’ve tried some methods before like therapy, medication etc. nothing has helped me get out of this contestant negative mindset. i hope someday i’ll be able to separate myself from my mental illness.
I think that there is also a fear of change, for me it was that my "friends" wouldnt like me the same if i changed and started being happy. Even tho real friends would accept you however you are as long as it isnt harming others around you. And having no friends because you're "different" can really help you hate yourself and drive you to wanting to be sad, just because you feel like you dont deserve happiness because you were told so by your peers.
I feel similar.
I had a so bad time healing from depression, even if I hated being depressed, because "if I'm not sad anymore after all these years, who am I now ?"
That's a big mood, i'm currently in therapy trying to heal from a really bad depression and anxiety. I'm definitely happier now and i genuinely enjoy being alive, but sometimes it feels like i lost a part of myself
it's a weird feeling
same! I just didn't want to get better. I would tell myself "why are u happy today? people will think you're better, you're happy. you're not. that's not who you are."
As a fraud like Olivia, I kinda feel that way too. Its hard to dissociate myself from being "depressed" because since the pandemic being sad was how I garnered attention to myself. I feel like people would start ignoring me if I was just being happy and being myself. Its kinda weird.
@@thekaren1111 It's what the way people on the web made me think for a while : that it had to be my identity and that I didn't deserved any attention or that all of my problems weren't importants if I wasn't depressed anymore :/
I really do understand that, I also have trouble detaching myself from that (yet) fictitious and tragic version of me because I'm so tied to it. Kurt Cobain knew what he was saying when he wrote "I miss the comfort in being sad"
As someone who has struggled with depression and suicidality for years, there is another seldom mentioned consequence of the romanticization of mental illness: for lack of a better term, impostor syndrome.
Due to all the people faking depression on the internet (whether for attention or to "enhance" their personality) there is a lot of pushback. For example: "These people have never been diagnosed! They don't know what it's like to really struggle." For years, despite having suicidal thoughts, I ignored my symptoms because I thought that I too was just making it up. As such, I never sought a diagnosis, thereby ensuring that my feelings were never validated. After all, everyone must have it far worse than me, right?
I was prescribed prozac yesterday and even still a large part of me doubts that I even have a problem.
This!!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I've been struggling with my mental health, and I frequently feel a similar way. I second guess my thoughts and emotions, wondering which ones are own feelings and which ones are me exaggerating my struggles. I constantly think that my life is too good for me to feel like this. I compare my experiences to those of other people and think that their lives are harder, but they are dealing with it better. It makes me feel like I'm just overreacting. Since I don't have a diagnosis yet, I'm not even sure if I'm "officially" considered mentally ill.
@@rustythewolf1009 I implore you to seek help, because from what I can tell from my own experience those kind of doubts are themselves a symptom of mental illness.
I am the same. When i started taking Prozac, the huge difference in moods and feelings made me realize that it was real. Maybe it's the same for you. I wish you the best on your path.
@@thundamuffinz1669 I am currently getting short-term help from a professional. I plan to get a diagnosis and if necessary, long term therapy. My family and friends are also supportive of me. Thanks for your concern! Good luck with your mental health journey. 😊
theres a difference between watching this stuff when ur sad, and watching this stuff to be sad.
I watched this after ma5turbting, post-nut clarity do be hitting D:
@@kinokagameii💀
@@kinokagameiiu know damn well u gotta stop that shit my man
Exactly
I remember Bella Poarch. Some people heavily bullied her since they believe that she doesn't deserve her popularity and success. However, some do respect her and give her a free pass when they learned that she was abused when she was young.
How about people with "normal", "boring" life? Don't they deserve to be respected when they get in the spotlight? It's crazy.
I would agree with you, but Bella had a racist tattoo :(
Less so because typically it would be easier for you, almost like what are you even doing if you aren't doing somewhat well. Why? Consider how trauma affects the wiring of your brain which affects your perception. This has severe sociopoliticaleconomic etc. etc. consequences. You would likely operate in a manner that is not acceptable to your local consensus, maybe you think differently to the point of irreconcilable, you react inappropriately to something given your local context, you cannot participate appropriately in certain things which will close many doors for you. It sounds very light and silly and easily rationalised away, the way I say it here but many people out there are excluded, shoved into the proverbial pit and paying for the way they are in reality. If you have to ask what you just did, you don't know a whole part of human reality that exists out there. To highlight this mechanic at play, you can look at an indirect topic (aside from topics directly relating to the subject matter of course), search "‘Wild West’ mentality lingers in US mountain regions" - high gathering of certain personality traits and the impact it has from the heavy concentration of certain behaviours.
It's also very hard to discuss these intangible matters in american culture. American English treats all of these things as shit from thin air when even the layman recognises the weight of these undercurrents let alone scholars. There's lots of interesting reads (by american scholars) about the people having their intuition gutted from them, how to develop that god-given human sense etc.
And again, if you have to ask and feel like your query is very clever, rational, logical, know that it is reflexive based on your whole upbringing. You know what I do with my stupid questions? I look them up and find droves of insight instead of slyly looking for agreement from the group.
the persecution you must face for being so mediocre
@@letsalllovelean478 Not a fan of her, but I've already done some research about that tattoo issue before. It was purely a matter of misconception/misperception.
Not a huge fan of Bella, she''s both overrated and overhated imo, but her haters are far worse. If you're so angry about her popularity, then just ignore her. Not like she's forcing other people to watch and like her content. Lifeless behaviour.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Microdosing helped me get out of the pit of my worst depressive episode, a three year long episode, enough to start working on my mental health.
Can dr.porass send to me in UK?
Spam bot comments.
I think the “problem” with sad art is the overconsumption of it. As an artist myself, I know how much catharsis I felt through painting or writing to “let out” that sadness, it was a form of escapism for me but I noticed once I was no longer sad I thought I had to actively force myself to be sad or listen to only sad angsty music to put me back there or my art wouldn’t be seen as beautiful anymore. It was frightening. Sad music brings a form of comfort I think to people but also once you stop only listening to sad music or just sad art in general your perspective somewhat shifts eventually
I think it has to do with neural pathways. If you’re sad a lot, your brain gets used to it and tries to revert back to that state since it’s familiar. There’s definitely a comfort in familiarity, but it’s good to change it as much as you can, even if it’s just a little every day.
this literally happens to me too. I remember a few months ago feeling upset cause my life was doing really good and i didnt have any ideas for my art since i always used it to cope w sadness, but at the time i had nothing to feel sad about. it sucks that it feels like art is meaningless without those negative feelings
what in the actual fuck....
i had the same exact experience but with poetry and writing. when i wasn’t sad, i would try to write a sad poem and get myself into that dark pit again. being 15 was definitely a large emotional rollercoaster lmfao.
@@jes1636 no but this is literally what I feel happens to me , it’s almost scary how accurate you described it
"I'd rather suffer with meaning, than have no suffering and no meaning, since meaninglessness is the worst pain"
But isn’t meaningless in itself a form of suffering?
@@scottf5791 yes it is, so i struggled to formulate a good sentence but i hope i got across the point
@@thomas.thomas No I thought it was a good comment. I was just posing another question
@@scottf5791 then i misinterpreted it, I'd say total meaninglessness would be some kind of depression where you suffer a lot
This is the egos defense mechanism, when you let go of your ego and accept everything for how it is, all suffering fades away :)
The "love interest" thing hits so hard, I'm a teen and I've gone through some traumatic shit, and i remember from the ages 11 to 14 i always had this imaginary boyfriend as cliche as it sounds, who would take me away and make me forget everything i ever went through, and i only thought of "him" when i cried, i would hug my pillow pretending he was hugging me (y'all can cringe lmao) and overall he was my ult comfort person, i remember when i was 14, i was crying myself to sleep and i hugged my pillow pretending it was him and i closed my eyes and thought "who am I kidding, there's no him" and started crying even more cuz i realised he was just a character of my delusions, and now after watching your video, (I'm 15 lmao) that love interest theory made so much sense to me, it's bcz the media constantly portrays the trope of a depressed person being "saved" by someone and then them falling in love with each other lmao
Edit: love yall sm, and also nvm i still do it but I'm trying not to cuz it gets really bad when i realise that persons not real lmao, it does help me cope tho
hi, i don’t normally comment but i want u to know that that’s not anything to be ashamed of. you’ve been through some shit and u developed a coping mechanism that, at least in some part, has helped u survive. i’m proud of u for that. being a teenager/preteen sucks - it gets so much better though.
@@user-dw1iv6wg4g thats literally so sweet of u, and omg thank u for understanding
I'm sixteen and used to do something similar. I had imaginary best friends and boyfriends and even an imaginary therapist that I would imaginary vent to. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one lmao
I read a lot of fanfic and books when I was younger where they get saved by the boy …. Took me a long time to realize no one can make you love yourself except yourself. Ik my friends love me and my parents love me, but if even they altogether can’t make me hate myself any less, what can a boy do lmao
same!! i have an embarrassing amount of fanfiction with the "depressed character gets saved by mentally stable love interest" trope I cringe everytime I remember about this. I blame the media.
when i'm on my "off" days, i always justify to myself that i deserve to be sad. man, being miserable is addictive.
It feels like I'm safe and I'm under my control....but being happy seems like it's a foreign emotion and I need to be home ( sadness) soon
Be careful and control it...Otherwise,you'll have Antisocial Personality Disorder
@@goldendiamon that can cause ASPD?
@@Lauren-wp2pz Yep,and also a sadist
Something that helped me get over romanticizing being sad or depressed was Anne Of Green Gables. (the book as the movie doesn't mention the particular thing) Anne romanticized tragedy, sadness, depression, death, heartbreak, and fainting dramatically. Anything poetic she really loved and wished to experience, which is kind of how I felt. Then she fell off a roof and fainted, and afterwards she mentioned that she no longer romanticized it as it actually isn't fun. As she gets older in the book she becomes more mature, still enjoying poetic tragedy but not wishing to actually experience it. That helped me a lot, and I just wish more kids who feel this way would read it, or something similar.
@Aprikosche you should! It's a great book.
When we were traumatized for the first time.Our brain would make an urge even if we don't want to...And I sometimes doubt myself for it
I love being happy, I was unhappy, clinical depressed and with anxiety for many years. Now I'm good and is great
This is the best comment, I’m so happy for u!!
Shine on, you bright diamond.
W
W
happy for u ❤️
When I do feel horrible, i start gaslighting myself into thinking I was only doing it for attention. And when I stop feeling horrible, I wonder when i'd start feeling that way again because my peace feels fake and wrong. Like wtf is wrong with me. I make no sense.
Literally same and like someone kinda called me out on it so now I’m trynna figure it out and be better for them 😭
Maybe OCD.
It’s also really hard when you can’t figure out the reason for your depression and you think that others have it worse and your just faking it 😞
It's not uncommon for mentally ill people to feel like this, it's something similar to imposter syndrome.
I resonate with this a fair amount; or at least, the younger version of me does.
I have OCD and while I sought treatment for a very different set of intrusive thoughts, I'm familiar with this pattern of thought, of obsessively checking if my experiences are real or valid. And no matter what happens, whether good or bad, I find myself wondering if what is happening is REALLY what is happening and check over and over again. Even if I come to the same conclusion 14 times in a row, maybe the 15th will reveal something new. That's the root. For the general public, this might not seem like OCD but that's because social media has greatly distorted reality.
That being said, there was no way to tell through a TH-cam comment. It's something worth seeking help for.
in middle school and high school i did genuinely have a very hard experience and was actually bullied and the victim of a lot of rumors that weren’t true. But looking back on it now, for all the genuine pain i had i see where i was trying to amplify it and i actively tried to make my suffering a cornerstone of my identity. I knew i was doing this too and im ashamed to admit that i lied about having traumatic experiences in my past to others or cutting myself when i never did. One day in therapy I realized i hit a brick wall and thought to myself that “if i want to actually get better, and not just keep saying it one day im gonna have to stop going to have to drop the depression from my character and drop the fact that im in therapy as a key part of who i am”. I realized that day that i was sabotaging myself and i was stalling on getting better because to get better meant my shitty behavior couldnt be excused if i didnt have the depression part. I remember feeling so angry then and i hold so much resentment for that version of myself today. Everyone has a choice to make their circumstances better and although of course depression and anxiety are real things, you have the choice to indulge in them or try your best to fix them. Greta vid olivia
“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.” - Ursula LeGuin
Wow, this is such, such a good quote.
As a depressed bitch, I can confirm that pain is extremely fucking boring
@@heathersaxton8118 yeah im so done feeling sad about myself and punishing myself
@@dafnemuller3427 Fuck self pity, all my homies hate self pity
Sounds like something a woman would say
Don’t fall in love ... with your suffering. Never presume that your suffering is in itself proof of your authenticity. A renunciation of pleasure can easily turn in pleasure of renunciation itself.
-Zizek
Zizek sucks
That's what exactly happened to me when i was like 15...
Well i did. We are in a 3 year relationship now. We talked alot and he helped with listening and giving little advices i can follow do get out of my hole 🙏 Now- most of the time i feel good. And if not- we talk.
@@Julia.sbr06 stay strong queen ❤️
I remember this quote. Thanks for reminding me! I need to go listen to more stuff from Zizek
this reminds me of smth i was talking abt w my therapist the other day. there’s so much on the internet saying “it’s okay if the only thing you did today was scroll thru instagram” or “it’s okay to be depressed and lay in bed all day” or “it’s okay to not shower” and etc. while it’s true that some ppl physically cannot do those things because of their mental illness, that rhetoric also keeps people from pushing themselves to do things that are challenging but essential and using their mental illness as a scapegoat, sometimes without even knowing that they’re doing that.
that is so true!
there's people on the internet saying that it's okay not to do basic things necessary for a healthy life??? ik from experience that that kind of rhetoric would be extremely discouraging for those suffering actual clinical depression where they do struggle with those things but desire change and to be "normal", not for their depressive habits becoming normalized.
@@kine97 its relieving to know that someone else recognizes the absurdity of rejecting help. but its not like there is no way to help, people often choose (if only out of habit) to ignore those helping. it is tragic and i pity those suffering. in doing so i probably contribute to the idea of the suffering but unique individual. oh well
for me its okay to do nothing, just once.
is okay to be weak, it's not okay to stay weak.
28:37 I would of related to this so much almost 2-3 years ago. I remember sitting in my room and honestly sulking and being petty for myself, listening to sad music and rejecting spending time with family. One family member came me to and said something along the lines of 'You are letting yourself feel bad, you let yourself be negative. Its a choice.' and at the time, i didnt understand nor did i want to, i felt angry that they didnt get me. But they did. I didnt get myself. This video realy explained to me why i was what i was like, because i went through almost the exact same things and always focused on the negative. Only recently am i trying to be more optimistic and try to control my emotioms more positvely, and it works. I still listen to and enjoy sad music, but i feel more free when i do this time. Thank you for this video❤
Whenever i daydream about being famous in the past, as a teenage girl does, i hsed to think," Nah, i dont have as bad of struggles as celebreties, how could i ever be famous lol." I genuinely thiught that you had to have a sad back story to be famous or successful. This world runs on pity.
Shit i'd be the fucking president by that logic lmao
@@brunoactis1104man sthu
I used to wish i was famous but my dumbasa thought all celebrities were american so i couldnt be one
I feel ya
@@sutomuarashiyour so real for saying this ‼️🧚♀️✨
@@brunoactis1104😭
People love to romanticize the "poetic" and "tragically beautiful" parts of depression they see in media, ignoring the reality of actually having it. How it can isolate you from your family and make you feel guilty over anything and everything. How you can't get out of bed or take care of your hygiene for days, weeks and months. How your floor is covered in trash and dirty clothes and the shame you feel because you can't properly function. Because those things aren't aesthetic enough. They're seen as gross and pathetic, not poetic. People also forget the permanence of it all. Depression can last for many years, even your whole life. SH can leave scars that people will make you feel ashamed of and will judge you for. Death is fully permanent and also harms those around you
I have written many things to cope with my own mental illness. Some days I have wished I could trade places with a mentally healthy person for just five minutes to get some relief, then instantly felt ashamed for wishing it. None of my rants or vents are poetic. They are simple and blunt, way different from the poems I've written as another way to cope. I've never been able to see depression as poetic or beautiful because I know the reality of having it. And before that I knew the reality of being close to someone who has it. Every time movies and social media tries to romanticize it, I want to go "you're wrong, that's not what it's like". Even if me and my friends joke about our mental illness to cope, we can't stand the misrepresentation of it because the reality really isn't pretty
Thank you for your comment. It made me motivated. Sometimes saying the most obsvious thing, something that *should* be common sense is actually refreshing. I, too, wrote poems to cope or at least write stuff down but im doing that less and less. I will start exactly now! Thank you again :)
I've been at your place for only God knows how long, and this is something that truly pisses me off about current romanticism of depression. But I don't have anything else to say, as for you said it perfectly.
On that note, I do hope the best for you and hope you are in a better place now. Take care of yourself.
Last Dec I went through the worst time of my life. I cut off from my family, I intentionally blocked all my friends and just locked myself in my room laying in my bed all day. I didn't take a bath for like 3 weeks , I ate food 1-2 times in 2 days and only came out of my room to take a piss. Even after the holidays when I went back to school I was not able to talk to any of my friends, people whom I knew for more than half of my life, I wasn't able to tell anything to them, making me question our friendship and further creating distance from them. I regularly had suicidal thoughts and cut my hands and scarred my face by my trimmer so that I could brush it off as injuries do to my clumsiness and people believed me.These injuries and still very clear and constantly remind me of that time. I felt a bit frustrated when she said that what all she wrote in her diary was actually made up cause that was very very similar to what I felt, penting up all these emotions made me immensely suffocated and alone cause having all these friends I still couldn't trust anyone enough to open up to them, it made me feel any kind of effort that I put in my friendship was worth nothing and thinking like this made me even more miserable. I won't say I'm doing well but it is still better than before. It makes me feel a little better to tell this to someone cause I still am not able to speak about this to anyone and even if its just a random TH-cam comment section, it's always nice to be reminded that I'm not struggling alone.
Ikr? As someone who lives with a schizophrenic patient, I can tell that too that the way such media shows depression, isn't even close to what people actually go through
Obviously depression doesnt look like emo media, and is mostly ugly, uneventful, unhygienic even as you point out. Don't you find that there is beauty in the intensity of it though ? Being and feeling dysfunctional isnt pretty, but it is something. Having existential struggles fuck up your life is at least an acknowledgement of them. Doesnt it make you feel like there is something in it which must have value ?
Man, it takes real bravery to put the cringe of your youth front and center on the internet. Props for that.
Mfs will put literally everything on a pedestal
@@harpreetsinghdhillon8577 I can’t tell if you’re agreeing with the comment or hating on them💀
@@shon4157 Same 💀😂
She looks good tho.
My thoughts exactly!!
This is such an excellent video, I cannot stress that enough.
I lost several years of my late teens and young adulthood to depression. It wasn't profound or sexy, it was painful. It was losing interest in life, being unable to get out of bed, eating too much, crying without the catharsis, pushing loved ones away, missing out on life, and wanting to die at all times.
During that time, sad songs, art pieces, posts, etc. were comforting but addictive. Mental illness was a taboo topic, so engaging with that kind of art made me feel like my feelings were legitimate. That there were other people like me, and they weren't crazy.
However, eventually I created a negative feedback loop. It went from seeking comfort to instead reaffirming that I was "right" to feel sad, and that things wouldn't get better. I was "deeper" than other people because I was suffering.
I don't blame artists for this, they can't control how I chose to engage with their art. I also don't blame teenagers who created moody gifsets to try and express themselves. I really don't blame people for trying to portray and share their experiences. It's not cut and dry.
But what I am critical of, as your video gets at, is making the illness seem sexy and deep. It's just not true, and is a potentially dangerous belief.
As someone who considers myself mentally healthy, this video really helped me understand the ‘’mindset’’ some of my friends have when it comes to sadness
I do relate to this so much 😭🤝 just to ask a question if you don’t mind but- do your friends ever constantly tell you about very sad stuff that has happened to them all the time. As a way of getting pity.
Because I’m not to sure what to say anymore, because when I try to help they disregard that and keep ‘wanting’ to be sad unconsciously.
I can’t relate to you nuerotypicals
how does it feel to be mentally healthy
@@emmaromeo7462 wierd, because it seems like everyone i know, and everyone i dont is depressed
@@angelcake111 or maybe it’s a cry for help? I’m not one to talk about my shit and when I do it’s vague but just because someone doesn’t keep it inside and maybe aren’t ready for change or help or whatever doesn’t mean it’s for pity or attention.
this reminds me of many fans' attitudes towards billie eilish's new music. they fell in love with her sadder, "more relatable" music and persona. on the one hand, it's understandable because billie wanted people to have someone they could relate to, who didn't mask their feelings. on the other hand, now that billie's been getting older and getting help for herself (while encouraging others to do the same), people have been upset with the music she makes. since its "not as sad/depressed" as her old music, they claim its less good. i hope this example makes sense, but its almost like people don't WANT to grow. people dont want to help themselves and get better, and they cast that upon other people.
I see this and it saddens me how many artist are called "bad" when they start talking, singing, painting about healing and happiness.
"people dont want to help themselves and get better" HITS HARD, i remember a few years back when it felt like i was "stuck" it always felt that i HAD to feel all crappy and such, its like a rabbit hole where you look up more sad shit and get stuck in a weird cycle thing, it takes a bit to break out of it and i hope that people learn that there is a better time that will come. hell nothing is forever you wont be happy all the time nor sad all the time emotions change as well as people there is always a light as well as a darkness that we are all a part of. light and dark are both intertwined kinda like life if you think about it hard enough.
This with lorde
although I agree that Billie Eilish got more famous due to her dark persona, people don't listen to her recent music not because it's not sad it's just that her old music is actually better
@@seo5458 her recent music is actually really good, at least imo 😭 i've seen multiple tiktoks and wtv saying how they "miss the old billie" because "she was more relatable" and whatnot. if its just because you think her old music is better, then that's whatever cause everyone has their own opinions, but i based my original comment on what i had seen others saying.
as a ten or nine year old I fell into the idea that being depressed made you interesting. And granted, I was being abused by my parents and overall my life wasn’t sunshine and rainbows, but this glamorization I made of mental illness didn’t help. Soon, I feel into a dark and deep place at twelve. I still don’t know how I managed to survive. Life was a struggle every day. And I wasn’t romanticizing the idea of it making me interesting or the main character anymore. I fell inside that pit because it looked good down there, and then I couldn’t get out. The idea people have is they want to be sad and then take it off. But it’s endless.
not that it particularly matters, but you speak as if this was years ago. out of curiosity and if you don’t mind answering ofc, how old r u now?
thats rough buddy
gu
the same thing happened to me lol, I became genuinely depressed by the time I was 13. worst time period of my life, it led me to isolating myself from my friends completely and stop talking to my family, or really anyone at all for 2 years straight and now im literally incapable of talking to ppl irl because of it. big regret
@@bababooey7418 shut up
This is what happened to me personally. I too spent my preteens obsessed with being deep and unwell, as i began actually experiencing those emotions i developed a greater appreciation for joy. Because at times it was so scarce. Actually experiencing what it was like to be "tortured" like these artists made me realize that trauma and pain are not a competition, and its not a flex to be unwell. I struggled with disorderd eating when i entered my teens, and though i quickly got help for that a lot of other things happened. I hit 16 and I was in the depths of my depression (fueled by my genetic likelihood of experiencing it, and the chronic illness that left me isolated, behind in school and just overall miserable), sad media helped affirm that I wasn't alone in my misery, even if it felt that way due to the people I was around. Now, I'm on medication and am doing a ton better but I still appreciate that art for what it did for me at the time. It's immensely valuable though having the potential to fuel harmful ideology. I also believe that art is a necessity, and it doesn't have to be morally "right". Being happy is a wonderful thing and I think you can be deep and beautiful and make good art even if you are the happiest you've ever been. Joy is a sacred feeling, in my eyes.
ive been genuinely depressed since i was 12 due to childhood trauma. i used to romanticize depression and trauma as well, but for me it was more of a coping mechanism. it was a way for me to feel like my depression wasnt as bad as it was. it was a way for me to feel like my trauma was some beautiful tragic story than something that ruined my life.
ye thats what i feel like i do - it helps me cope so much. its hard bcs on one hand u hv the romanisation from ppl who aren't genuinely depressed but want to be. then u hv people with real trauma who do it bcs it helps them survive.
Saaame it helps me bear it and feel less bad about not being ok
Yep, Ik what u mean.. :/
dude exactly, and now that ive grown out of romaticizing my story its something that I just hate about myself
My husband has never been actively on social media and didn’t even know what tumblr was before he met me. He doesn’t know all the celebrity names or gossip. And he is one of the most content and secure people I have ever met.
I, on the other hand, grew up on tumblr, twitter etc. I was part of the pro-*n* communities and the same ones that olivia spoke about - the ones that glorified sadness and depression. I definitely was sad, but I wasn’t depressed. I definitely didn’t like the way I looked, but I was not an*rexic. But boy did I want to be. I didn’t want to be like “the other girls” and I definitely didn’t want to be like the “boring, average” people.
When I met my husband I thought that somehow I was smarter than him or more intelligent - I could have “deep” conversations, I was “in tune” with my emotions (as long as it was sadness, that is) and I knew all the buzz words and current affairs.
Fast forward: we’ve been married for over 4 years and I realise that he has a much better quality of life than I do. He isn’t plagued by societal expectations. He isn’t constantly comparing himself to anybody - he isn’t on social media except to follow his favourite sports teams. He doesn’t get easily offended about everything and he definitely does not want to be sad. Of course he gets sad, but when he does he wants to find a way to feel better as quickly as he can. Whereas when I’m sad… I like to wallow in it. I like the sympathy. And I have black-and-white tumblr to blame for that, I believe.
Now I’ve gone from thinking that I’m better than my husband somehow, for being more emotive and more “deep”, to asking him “how are you so content?” “How can I not care about how others perceive me?”.
And as a mother of 2 little babies I hope that they stay away from that toxic side of social media so they can live happy lives and feel FULFILLED by doing so. And I’m trying to be more like my dear husband.
Thank you for your insightful comment; I'm currently on self improvement and this has given me a deeper understanding of the human psyche and how to be more content :)
Glad you met your husband, looks like you were very lucky! Its very refreshing to see you grow as a person as well, not a lot of people do that cause self pity and resentment is just easier.
In my opinion, I think spirituality is the answer to this world-the societal/social/psychological machine that gives us expectations, rules, and superficial judgments that don't make us joyful. I think joy is built on being grateful for the blessings received, but also in acceptance of pain that enters our lives. The way we maintain this joy is by always keeping in mind that the pleasurable and painful aspects of our lives are under the loving providence of God, our creator. I believe that in accepting that we are not God, that not everything depends on us, that we are imperfect creatures that make mistakes and also that there are other imperfect humans like us with their own flaws and mistakes they will hurt us,, nonetheless, God still watches over and cares for everyone of us, regardless of how we may feel inside, He will give everyone their due in the next life. In conclusion, I believe in surrendering everything to God is the answer to peace and joy
@@Eserr7856 I agree. And this is what my religion, Islam, perfectly teaches.
you were just a stacy pretending to be interesting and unique but still lusting after chad
@@coffeeandmusk Glad I am not Muslim anymore.
i've been so painfully aware of this weird obsession with depression that it's made me think nothing i experience really matters because it's not actually that bad or not actually depression, and i subconsciously dont wanna romanticise it like other people do... but at the same time it's just made me reject my own feelings constantly and it makes me feel too bottled up. i envy those who can talk so freely about their problems
edit: so many people relate to this comment, i feel for you guys and i love u
I've felt the same. Everytime I wanna speak up or say something I stop myself because I don't want to come across like I'm seeking attention. The few instances I do I always come to regret it.
i have never related so much to a comment before, this is exactly what i feel
i always through there was just something wrong with me for feeling like this- it’s really really nice to hear my feelings being described so exactly here. thank you. i wish you luck :)
I relate to this so much omfg-
Oh shit i cried, thats exactly how i feel. In the video when she talked about seeking out sad art and music, i couldnt relate bc i dont want to reach that deep state of feeling overwhelmed by sadness bc im "just not clinically depressed"
I find it almost absurd how accurate she manages to be about everything. Among all the garbage that is online nowadays, this channel is a true jem, and I am so glad I found it. This is the philosophy the world needs right now.
I've never felt nakedly relatable before I swear to god. This girl really splits things that most ppl do not
My new kink is having my emotional dysfunctions and mental health conditions broken down for me in video essay format.
freaky 😳
Tell me more.
bruh SAME
Wow dude ,amazing information we didn't ask for
Damn, that's nasty
im happy u included ur old diary enteries. i used to write them from ages 10-18 (monthly) and they were filled with pathetic self-pity and sad quotes which didnt trully resemble me. i was sad but i made it so it would sound like the 'valid' kind of sad. during the period when i was trully unhappy i couldnt even bare to write anything and my diaries sounded so embarrassing. so much so that i even burned one of them lmao. this video made my past actions feel somewhat justified, so thank u for that
Throwing away the diaries I had when I was in my worst years for depression was my biggest mistake! Sure they were embarassing and shameful and a total mess but I wish I had kept them because it really felt like I banished part of myself that I'm still trying to get back. You can't heal from things if you burn them and disown them :/
I found a journal just the other day, and I only had two entries, but I cringed to death reading it. I was basically trying to validate my own feelings and blame everyone else.
That's so true. When u really are suffering you can't write at all, u just don't want to. U basically don't want to do anything that u love/once loved. 😔
When I was in middle school, I was very much the same way: I romanticized mental illness and thought it was interesting. I took all these online quizzes that were like, “which mental illness do you have?” And wrote about how sad I was all the time, which looking back, wasn’t ever really the case. I was just bored. Now, as an adult with chronic depression, I wish I could go back and slap my preteen self, lol. The real shit is nothing to romanticize about.
I’m afraid this is me. each time I feel as though I’m getting better, I purposefully look for ways of self-destruction
When I finally realized what being depressed was. It wasn’t like being a main character. It was like hell. And I want nothing but to be at my best now. Maybe it was necessary for me
It's nothing like being a main character. If anything it's more like feeling like a side character in your own life. Like your life is filler and you're not accomplishing anything and have nothing to look forward to - like you're trapped in your own life.
It's a shitty, frustrating, distraught feeling; and you want nothing more than to get out of it and get better.
Yeah, exactly. As a teen I romanticised sadness. I liked to sit alone in my room and pitting myself for the things I’ve felt. I didn’t even realised when I really started being depressed. I’ve just stopped feeling joy at all. I lost strength to do anything, even stuff that I loved before. I was anxious or numb and nothing in between. It was a fucking hell. Then one day I decided that it’s not me, that I wasn’t like that a few years ago so I went to a psychiatrist and now I’m healing. I’m better. And I don’t think that being sad is aesthetically pleasing thing. Not anymore when I experienced how great other emotions can be.
Depression is like wanting to be left alone when noone cares about you anyways. Basically wanting to vanish. Idk how people romanticize these feelings when all of it is about ruining yourself and feeling like you can't do anything about that but watch. If anything, depression triggers shame,guilt, disgust more than sadness... which is something that strips away person's joy and worth in life. Im over the phase where I feel sad for myself for being depressed. It's foolish and dangerous. It's not something to be consoled through some sad emotional songs or movies..
Depression isn't always a choice.
Though I’ve always been a little sad. I definitely romanticized it a bit as a kid. I listened to sad music at night, watched sad movies, etc. I’m not gonna say that my mental turmoil was fake given that I dealt with a toxic parent. But now that I am in deep depression, it’s different. I’ve actually mostly stayed away from sad content because I truly can’t handle the state it would put me in. I can’t say that I’ve stopped romanticizing sadness because I probably do it unintentionally when I consume sad content.
My 14-y-o daughter shared this with me- I’m glad she did & Its given her pause to assess her own thoughts- thank you. And she commented on how great your hair looks. Your bangs are great-isn’t it a wolf-cut? Needless to say we’re fans ❤️
ur a great parent
knowing she shared this with you tells me ur an amazing parent. just thank you
splendid that you took the time to watch this video since she shared it with you
more parents like you in the world. please.
you are an amazing parent! keep going the way you are ❤️
yo she sitting here calling us all out, lemme have my daydreamed traumatic life dramas as I sit in my bed eating watermelon slices and drinking chocolate milk that my loving mother made for me
As a teenager with severe depression, I did spend a lot of time trying to make myself feel worse because I hated the idea that there was an opportunity to get better. I spent a lot of time away from people, in the dark, I did this because I didn’t know what my life would be like if I healed, and I was so scared to do it. The next year it started to get better and this time I tried to let myself actually get better and see where it took me. That year was the best year of my life ever. I cannot stress it enough, it’s okay to be okay. Just because you are no longer suffering doesn’t mean you’ve lost who you are, it means you’ve gained who you are back.
As an artist with severe depression, I think it's important for artists to make art for how they feel. I don't think it's good to try and fake it, like please don't...Depression isn't fun and wanting to die isn't beautiful. Don't romanticize it, but please enjoy the art that are produced from these feelings.
My cousin saw my most recent self portrait and said, why do you look so happy here? You always were so sad and crying before? And she was right 😔 but yeah, it's insane to think some people think that's a fun thing to do, personally, nobody liked my depressing ass art because it's.. depressing
Speak for yourself. Beuty and fun are in the eye of the beholder.
@@xaviersmith5154 lol exactly you can love the art just don't act like something you aren't ☠️
art is a gateway between the internal world (i.e. your thoughts and feelings, internal conflicts, struggles, identity) and physical forms. the things that you struggle with internally may be difficult to express vocally, but visual or audio mediums are much more flexible than our limited vocabulary. having a visual representation of these ideas and concepts (especially as someone who relies heavily on an internal monologue for thoughts - i'm between a 4 and 5 on the aphantasia scale) can increase one's understanding and the coherency of one's thoughts on a matter significantly.
When you’re in that position you don’t think you’re faking it you truly believe you are depressed and it’s only when you’re out of that place that you realize you caused yourself an incredible amount of suffering for no reason. It’s not on purpose.
in my opinion, i think we shouldn’t label art as ‘moral’ and ‘immoral’ because at the end of the day, it’s art. i look at art to be a way for people to express their feelings and thoughts freely, and i truly believed they shouldn’t be judged for choosing to do it by making music, drawing, writing poems etc. because that’s just another form of sharing their personal stories and experiences.
everyone has their own way of perceiving art and understanding it, and i think that’s what makes art beautiful. one person writes a song about a traumatic personal experience, another person listens to the song, understands it, and gives it another personal meaning. a different person could take that same song and analyze and understand it differently, and give it another different personal meaning. that’s what makes art beautiful to me no matter what. to me, the more emotions the song and the lyrics make me feel, the more i like the song. because if the artist was able to make others feel something through their art (no matter what emotion) i think that makes it feel more raw and ‘unforced’, which would make people like and find comfort in those certain art piece a lot more.
in conclusion, i really think we shouldn’t hold back artists from making and sharing their ‘sad’ art or label it as ‘immoral’ because at the end of the day, the artist does not know how every single person who consumes their art will take/ understand it. people make art for the sake of putting their emotions out there and i believe it’s the responsibility of the consumer to know whether or not consuming this type of art is good for them.
no idea if any of this made any sense! that’s just how i feel about things.
i 100% agree omg
that was dumb
@@GAOMaster read the first three words again
“Interpret art at your own risk” ha
Great read btw
tiktok has become a tumblr..
thank you for this video. you have expressed so well everything that has been on my mind for a long time
You see those slideshows too?
Oh my god yessss. I’m so fucking tired of tik tok and the “mentally ill😜” side of it, like people base all of their humor on that, it’s sooooo fucking disturbing
those slideshows with the anime girls 💀💀
@@emmanuelbeltran222 EXACTLY it’s literally tumblr 2.0
Real
This video really opened my eyes in the sense of what media and music I listen to and how I’ve convinced myself that to have meaning is to be sad. I notice that every time I listen to my usual music I end up leaving feeling more negative than I did before listening to it, yet I continue to listen to the music. This video made me realise it’s definitely because I’ve convinced myself to have meaning is to feel like I deserve no meaning at all
I had a bit of an 'emo' phase when I was about 12, and I won't lie, looking back makes me cringe quite a lot. Realistically, I was still recovering from my parents' divorce and I think I used to embody sadness so much to feel like I had a reason for people to love me and comfort me. It was a way for me to validate myself and my problems in my own eyes.
"(...) I think I used to embody sadness so much to feel like I had a reason for people to love me and comfort me. It was a way for me to validate myself and my problems in my own eyes." Why are you calling me out like that-
@@libracynthia couldn't have said it better
@@libracynthiahow do i know if i'm romancizing or enjoying? mmmhh actualy i know but 🙈 without all thos i'm nothing and i went "nothing" for a while and it ended up being the worst time of my life
bye bye i go back to listening to Lana 👨🦯
@@karl2480 what
It's a counter effect of putting pressure on people to be happy no matter what, to stay in relationships no matter what, etc, etc... But it definitely has to do with an environment one grew up in... If someone/something messed up you in childhood, you most likely won't entirely recover from that... It's not about healing, it's about learning how to live with all the bad things we have experienced so far. I bet the video is good too!
Trauma changes the brain
@@krakenkrispykremelivinthedream Yes and it´s a pure waste of time trying to heal entirely from it... Life goes on...
@@user-dc4sm3lg1z that is not true. Even through trauma changes the brain, it is still possible to live at your highest potential after with no hindrance.
@@krakenkrispykremelivinthedream Living at your highest potential has nothing to do with healing, in my opinion.
@@user-dc4sm3lg1z but trauma is what alters your perspective and ability, and healing from it is something that removes limitations on ability.
The fact that I can listen to her talk all day
same
I realised I did the same in high school. Now I sometimes have moments of intense sadness when I feel like I am doomed forever and then I remember that... it's just a temporary feeling most of the time. My life improved so much once I stopped thinking I am destined to be depressed for all eternity. It's okay to be sad and embrace that emotion but you don't have to seek sadness
Sadly I don’t think we’ll ever rlly reach a point where everybody stops romanticizing mental illness. There are people out there that will romanticize anything. I think it has to do more with escapism. When you romanticize, it gives you that feeling of control that you mentioned leading to escapism. In a way, however delusional it may be to somebody on the outside looking in, they feel they are living the life the want, because they’re choosing this method of escapism.
Hopefully it will end like tuberculosis, so people will find other kinds of pain to romanticize lol
I agree it’s gonna get worse, in all honesty I believe that social media is very much a curse, yet a blessing. It just depends where you go and what you surround yourself with. If you surround yourself with depressing things you bound to feel that way, and that is a serious problem. It’s slowly sweeps you away, makes you think differently. Whether it’s games, websites, media, or even songs, you really gotta make sure what you’re doing. Everyone has their fair share of suffering and such in many ways, like you said romanticizing it is a sad thing. For me personally, I just think it’s just something people do to relate, online. These are scary topics, meaning of life is different in these situations. For me I think life is ab love and happiness and you should aspire for it, I don’t invalidate those with legitimate stuff, but ye like u said romanticizing it is not good.
Ever heard of the Sorrows of the young Werther?
Is a book written by Goethe in the 18 hundrets and started a depressing change reaction. And a Werther Fever.
And it is even so "popular" that the Werther effect was invented.
The Werther effect analyzed how the protray of sucide affects others. It is really interesting.
So yeah, it happened long ago and it will happened again.
Btw. If you are an englisch speaker. What does gut mean in englisch, cause in German I never heard the second translation. Gut is just good.
I was a ridiculous preteen. I was legitimately struggling with anxiety, self-hatred, and SH but I was fully convinced that I was suffering “wrong” because either I or my suffering wasn’t “beautiful enough.”
I think some people should use the word sad rather than depressed, the word “depression” is thrown around way too much while “sad” should be used, so much so that the word has lost its weight.
I don’t deny people suffering, or saying that their problems are small, but I feel a lot of people confuse what they’re feeling with deppresion.
I completely agree with you on this one. I suffer with depression and anxiety. Not everyday is great but they are little moments in it that I deeply cherish. And it makes me smile. I am trying to not let my mental illnes get the best of me. And I want people to learn the difference between depression and sadness. I want people to enjoy themselves and not to feel like depression or anxiety will make them more interesting. Everyone deserves to be happy. Your happiness radiates you. And I want to clear the room so people with a mental illness can feel safe to be heard and not be labelled as a wanna be.
Very true especially because depression and sadness feel very different in the mind and in the body, and people who haven't experienced depression wouldn't necessarily know this.
Depression has actually gained stronger connotation recently. It used to be synonymous with sadness.
I actually disagree, depression can be seen in many different ways, the comment below urs is talking abt chronic depression when there are seasonal and panic variations that only impact a person every once in a while. Depression shouldn’t be limited to what someone believes it is
Like I wouldn’t call someone whos bipolar just not depressed bc they’re happy the other half of the time
i related so much to that omgggg im really glad i stopped trying to be sad. being sad didn’t make me more knowing about life, but i feel like getting out of that period and understanding it made me more aware and im really happy about it.
It’s frustrating for people who are dealing with legitimate trauma and a serious chronic depression to see so many people romanticizing our illnesses. Then people don’t believe us when we are in fact actually suffering. This happened to me recently. The only thing I got was silence and people threatening to cut me off. It feels terrible and people don’t even realize that they have an internal bias that tells them it must be the depressed person looking for attention, and that it must somehow be their fault. It really hurts to hear people tell you that.
Edit: wasn’t expecting all these likes. I think ART has a place for talking about sadness and mental illness. There’s nothing wrong with it because that’s the way art has always been.
@@angelcake111 I also feel like close friends don’t understand and distance themselves from you bc they think you’re “toxic” and then shit just gets worse bc ur brain tells you you must be a bad person
We learn to not talk. it doesnt matter. they wont care. they wont remember.
Brah, cut these fake friends out, nonneed to waste time on them. You just need 2 bad mfkers who will be with you till the end and want you to get better. Just as long as you yourself want to get better( even though we dont know how and how long that will take)
@@angelcake111 Ikr? Then when the said person has had enough of this (since as you said, nobody pays a heed to their actual cries & mistake it for "attention seeking") ends their lives, people go pikachu face & be like "Oh no! They were such a good soul! They always seemed happy I never thought they would end up this way!" Imao
(TRIGGER WARNING) Yeah I’ve been accused of romanticizing depression. It’s so hard when you think someone is doing it but you can’t say anything because you know how it feels to be falsely accused of it. Like I know someone who claims to be depressed and tries to act traumatized over an event that’s extremely unlikely to have happened. They obviously have their issues, and I won’t deny they are really sad at the moment because they have stuff going on, but I just can’t believe them when they make those big claims with nothing to back it up. They don’t want help. They don’t have depressive episodes out of nowhere (they’re only sad when something happens, like normal people with normal emotions) they don’t have any kind of flashbacks or triggers due to their so called ‘traumatic event’ (which is in the group of trauma that I have gone through, and I have sleepless nights, constant flashbacks, panic/ anxiety attacks, etc.) they can easily joke about it and genuinely think it’s funny. And I don’t want to say my problems are worse but it hurts knowing what they’re doing. It hurts even more that they started making these claims after I started to try to seek help. It’s like the attention can’t be taken off of them.
In school I was always pretty happy, but I hung around “sad” people. They told each other how their parents abused them and drank too much, and they showed their self harm scars and glorified eating disorders… so I tried to “fit in”.
I regret it, I cut myself and read “depressing” things just to fit in lmao. I definitely just felt like wasn’t worth hanging out with, since I was so “boring”. So I lied about my mom being physically abusive,(which she was not) and I still didn’t feel like I “fit in”, so I tried more extremes, like planning how I would commit suicide, learned how to tie a noose, texted a crisis line, yatta yatta…
My real problem was that the people I ran with were just going through an edgy phase. I took it too far, and eventually I did get depression, (hereditary); got medicated, and am currently going through therapy.
But it seriously is pretty messed up how glorified mental illness is. If you have a similar story don’t be afraid to reply because I kinda want to see others thoughts on similar events :]
I was doing something like you and now going through therapy haha. Really regret trying to be their therapist.
Damn Circle Jerking is depressing enough on its own, Imagine making it more depressing... despicable.
I kinda feel like something similar happened to me, but it was because I was trapped in an abusive relationship at the time with someone who wanted me to be just as sad as they were. I still think, to some degree, that if I chose not to empathize with them, I would not be in the situation that I'm in now (cptsd, bipolar, anxiety; all professionally diagnosed). it's hard to move on from mental illness glorification, because... well, you *do* get more help and leeway when you're suffering. but pushing away from the glorification makes me fear that I'm faking stuff. I'm not sure how to approach it and it's a tough balance.
Hmm kinda just like my life
Only difference is i actually was getting abused alot . Physical abuse by parents, friends , teacher. Also sexually harashed by someone for long time . I still do gets abused . But I was around type of people who made me feel like getting abused makes Me different and special. Whenever I used to tell them what things happened to me they always showed me some pity sometimes they made jokes or tried romantizing it . Which made me feel like it's something good and it continued like that . Even right now I'm like this i don't enjoy getting abused by my school bullies , teacher and parents but I also do find it enjoyable when people showed me pity. And many girls tries romantizing me with sadness.
I don't know if it's phase or I gave any mental illness .
Sorry that this is long, I just have the tendency to make essays lol. Writing this honestly helped put things into better words for myself honestly:
Im not sure how similar this quite is, but i say with the wanting to "fit in" part, i think for me i could word it best as fearing im not "proving" im actually dealing with something to not be taken seriously and get help like i want to. I dont listen to sad depressing music but felt like i needed to to "show" i was depressed/wanted to die, have more and deeper SH scars to show im not faking or trying to lie about anything, have "deep trauma" (never been physically/sexually abused for example but did witness/dealt with verbal abuse and verbal fights or anger issues from adults as well as bullying) or something happen to me or else it means i have nothing to be sad about, be extremely reckless with something like drugs for example or else it just means im going through a teen phase yet i started to feel a bit suicidal in 4th. In 2020 this started to happen due to quarantine and being online a lot and developed the worry of secretly being a fraud with anything i do even though it was never something i tried to put on a show for. I still struggle with it now, where i cry to friends or my boyfriend about worrying if the things i say sound manipulative, i have bad anger reactions but wonder if it's enough to finally show that i want and need help for it even though my reactions aren't fake or something i brag about, i accuse myself of faking my every action and genuine words of compassion or empathy. I guess the best way to put all this is that i fear of not meeting the standard of what it means to have depression, anxiety, or anger issues, etc. enough to be taken seriously to get the help i always wanted to grow and no longer worry or scare the people i love and drive away.
Another edit: another instance is where i see someone explain the trauma they have or go through something serious (like drug consumption at a young age) or be prescribed with meds or have serious mental illnesses and i don't desire it, but compare myself to it and what i deal with and worry if that means I'm someone who is dramatic and don't have anything i deal with cause it's not on their level. Another is where i see the common surface level ways to handle the feeling or thing I'm currently dealing with (like being told to meditate or distract yourself) or seeing people say that teens have their phase of being sad and stuff and i don't feel upset in a way where i want to be "different" but upset in a way where i worry if that means whatever im feeling is something I'm lying about or no longer want therapy for cause "everyone goes through this so it's no need for you to get help" type of thing. I don't want to feel special or different but just worry if it means that I was exaggerating or won't be taken seriously. I've been needing therapy since 2016 but each time it was offered to me was denied by my family with the idea that whatever I'm feeling isn't true. I'm finally able to get it and after a month of calling psychotherapy places i finally found a place I'll have an intake appointment with in two weeks :) (after years of convincing, and still got shamed after getting a yes)
I feel like another side effect of the romanticization of sadness is what I am going through now. I’m like “no I’m fine I’m cool it’s whatever” and all my friends are like “dude you literally live in an abusive environment” and it’s really hard to admit I’m sad or scared because i don’t wanna sound like those tumbr people
I know what you mean. I have bpd and when i started to think "oh this is okay, i should not care, it's fine" that's when i started doing a lot of bad things. The thing is, it's sounds cliche, but "negative emotions", like sadness and anger, are just as much part of our life as happiness. I don't know how old you are, but if you're underage, try to find a student job to get enough money to leave as soon as you can. I hope you're not alone in this, if you need somebody to talk to i'm here if you'd like to. I know it's hard to see when you're in it, but you're strong and it's perfectly normal to feel your emotions. Who cares if it's sounds cringy? I can feel sad, i can express my sadness and you can too. I'm rooting for you!
Ayo same. “Self undiagnosing. There’s nothing wrong with me.” I say as I’m metaphorically floating on an innertube in a pool of acid.
@@skeeball7844 YES DUDE
same. my environment was worse for me in the past (or i remember it as such) so now i just feel like im not “really” in an abusive environment cause the word abuse and such are thrown around so often. i dont wanna be the “oh my parent yelled at me they’re so abusive!” but there’s a line between like valid punishment and abuse. unfortunately because of this romanticism of sadness and the effects of these environments, the line between what is overreaction and what is not okay is very blurred.
I currently don't know if i'm like them or if i'm genuinly sad, it's so hard to understand :(
Watching this video was the biggest breath of fresh air and a weight off my shoulders. Finally unraveling the way I used to feel and how similar I behaved when I was younger due to this unexplainable yearning for sadness has led me to become so much happier and healthier, and I hope that all the young girls and boys out there who still fall victim to the heavy romanticization of mental illness eventually come to terms with the fact that’s it’s OK to be okay