How To Stop Beating Yourself Up All The Time - Jordan Peterson
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
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Dr Jordan B Peterson explains how to deal with being self-conscious in 2021. Is it a blessing or a curse to feel everything so deeply? Is self-consciousness useful? How can you improve your inner voice? Is your mindset on self-consciousness fixed? What elements of psychology are invisible to us? How can you improve your confidence?
#jordanpeterson #selfconscious #confidence
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Watch the full episode - th-cam.com/video/TJg9wd8agQY/w-d-xo.html
Dude you just committed the original sin Genesis 3:5. The oldest one in the book. Have got to repent of that one and be born again.
Just eat meat and then get addicted to Clonazepam. He's not an oracle of well being.
Thank you Chris.
I like the title?😂😂😂
@@byronfoppola8676 I think what they are doing is more philosophical and psychological in nature than you think
1:12 "People can be so self-conscious and so self-critical that they can't move forward."
Yeah. Yeah.
Yep.
OCD
Yap.
I once read a quote by (I think) Eleanor Roosevelt - "What other people think of me is none of my business". I was in my early twenties and it was like a revelation. It changed how I viewed people for the better.
yep.
In the common parlance of today's youth, I'll say, "I know that feel, bro."
One could also ask what does one do if they cannot (completely, at least) overcome their faults?
“Your conscience will torment you for the things you are not doing.”
That hits very close home. I’ve wasted so many opportunities in life due to inaction.
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
On the other hand people like to put you in a no win situation making it hard to make choices.
meditate and learn to ignore every shitty thought that comes into your head and feeling from your body, you're the master of the ship, thoughts and feelings are your subordinates... and if you figure it out then let me know please ;)
I felt as though I’d had a jab off Tyson, when he said that
On point. U tend to pay attention to the "bad" side of things
Dr.Peterson, not to be weird, but you’re the dad I never had. Thanks for all you do doc.
Web dad he is.
Dude I've said that too! Im a female with 0 male influences. Its been life changing watching/following him.
It's not weird. I think a large majority of his viewership feels that way.
I wish I grew up in a time with his invaluable content at my finger tips. But since the recent years of listening to him, I’ve gotten my whole life together.
These replies are wholesome, so why do leftists think he's hitler?
“The point is to be whole, not perfect.”
be whole not good
Don't destroy your perfect goal for a hole
If you were awesome you would insert a time mark
Powerful intro question “is it a blessing or a curse to feel things so deeply”
Yes because if you are a sensitive person you will seem odd in such an insensitive world that's something someone might become self conscious about. There are lots of abusive people too who minimize the abuse and say the victim is "over reacting" etc. even if their reaction is appropriate. You almost have to adapt to turning your feelings on and off like a tap in certain environments.
@@AnnaLVajda :Anna you cant just on and off feelings,you can only train yourself to feel less.But still people who are sensitive they always feel.
@@AnnaLVajda well said. It’s exhausting to “human” sometimes; but well worth the expansion I suppose 🥰
Blursed 🤔.
@@Hibernial LOL 😂
Dr. Jordan b. peterson, a lot of our dad’s left us when we were young, they got drunk a lot, they beat us badly, they weren’t intelligent. A lot of our dads messed up. We forgive them. You are the dad we all wish we had. You are Intelligent, relevant, sensitive & deeply profound. We all pray to have 1% of your intelligence.
I’d say we have 90% of his intelligence. People just don’t choose to use it.
Are deep and profound not synonymous?
Simp
Look into Gabor Mate he’s my internet dad lol
@@stephenoregan7367 hahhaha yes i is.
I continue to be blown away by JP's talent and skill in verbalizing thoughts and ideas, aside from the genius and wisdom of said thoughts and ideas. Absolute legend.
Do you sound like you want to be like that but not willing to put in an effort to accomplish that?
The way he speaks though is almost like he is trying to figure things out himself on a deeper level as he is talking/answering questions about psychological and philosophical things....almost like he is teaching himself also as he is vocalizing it. Maybe we all do this to some degree...He is definitely an intellectual I admire.
@@northernhemisphere4906 made no sense.
It’s a direct effect of reading a lot, all your life. Also of sitting alone enough to gather your thoughts and put together your own ideas. A thing people don’t do much, generally speaking. Peterson is intelligent, but he isn’t that mind blowing deep. Again-when you read a lot you mind of develops that way. Doesn’t mean you’re a genius though. Just a thinker.
Yea its impressive ,such an orderly library of thoughts
This doctor has nailed exactly how I feel. Such a struggle. Paralyzing. I just want to be a nice person and not come off as or be a narcissist, my biggest fear. I can’t have a five minute conversation with someone without spending the next full day analyzing it.
Have you ever spent an entire night overanalyzing one conversation? This was a year ago, how are you doing now?
Understood. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people.
Yep. So much that I've isolated myself. I used to drink and do drugs to be social and not experience the anxiety and over analyzing. Now that Im sober I'm still paralyzed. On good days I manage to say, screw it feels good interacting. But on bad days I can't bring myself to be "seen"
@@shadowfax9177 have you tried microdosing or ketamine treatment? A friend of mine highly recommends trying it
Today will be productive day for me. Im going to get things done, fuck my low self esteem I'm doing it
OORAH - hows it been sir?
It's been two years. Did you do it yet?
Self consciousness - strictly speaking - is not experiencing yourself, it is non-experiencing of yourself as an anxiety, worrying how you apprear to others. It is the antithesis of self awareness - it erodes your ability to be, or to make your own choices.
Very well said.
I was so self conscious and self critical after nearly two decades of drug abuse then this man explained.....today I use my self consciousness to better myself, once I fixed my faults it became very useful. I'll never be able to repay this man for what he's done for me, he's the father I never had❤️
12 steps work ?
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
It's true, isn't it?
@@likearollingstone007 12 rules is great, especially after the first chapter.
@@likearollingstone007 yes
Damn he's getting in shape again, a joy to behold
do you think he’s using gel to make his hair? i always wondered how it looks so undisturbed,like it’s a mold of sort
@@northernhemisphere4906 I think so because it wouldnt stay so undisturbed with your term
@@AryaStark47 what you mean my term?
@@northernhemisphere4906 i meant undisturbed
Peterson has a tendency to completely articulate everything that I’ve been thinking and having been going through. He helps me understand my emotions, he validates my emotions. But, he also shows how to heal. I created a routine. He has saved me from some really dark, disturbing thoughts. I am forever grateful. 12 Rules for Life is a life changer.
Don't let your emotions control you (if you do)
You can control your emotions.
I just finished it a couple of months ago. Great read. It feels good to be oriented towards life again.
Cheers
@@nahCmeR You cannot control your emotions. But you are in control (to a degree) how do you react (guided by emotions or despite them).
@@kalash_nikov Yes you can, you absolutely can. When you feel any negative emotion start, you can control that and calm yourself down. You can learn to control your emotions just like anything else.
As a father of 3, I think that a big part of my responsibility is to fill my kids heads with positive messages about themselves and their capabilities. I want them to always think, "why would I not be able to do this thing",,,not,,,"I can't do this thing".
Personally, for me, achieving things and then rewarding myself (within reason) has driven me and allowed me to ignore negative voices in my head.
Now...back to work. :-)
you WANT them to think "Why would I not be able to do this thing?" haha why?
Like Dr. P said, those negative voices can be extremely useful because they point out your inadequacies.. so you don't wanna get rid of them per se.
@@nemishasharma5737 I actually read that wrong thought he said instead of "I can do this thing" not "I can't do this thing"
I bet you didn't go back to work you just clicked another youtube video and checked social media
@@Bibleguy89-uu3nr or he's getting distracted by notifications of our replies
"If you're self conscious about one of your inadequacies, you want to remove the inadequacy, not the self consciousness"
Unless being self-conscious is inadequacy's own cause. Like with social anxiety undermining being successfully social.
What if you’re wholly inadequate? And you’re too old to change? That’s my situation
@@Mashfan6507you still have some neuroplasticity until the day you die. It may be more difficult, but you can definitely change
@@nathanbaldwin7002 maybe so, but there’s really no point. I’ve given up on my hopes and dreams. Just have to accept that I’ll never have the life I envisioned and that’s that. Just have to trust in God to sustain me and hopefully He has mercy on me and I won’t have to deal with life much longer
As Iroh asked Zuko, “Who are you, and what do you want?”
I want to be the avatar but instead I'm momo :(
Ayn Rand said something similar.
This question should be asked to God by us through prayer in a childlike humility
This is such a powerful scene. Zuko finally starting waking up from misleading ideals imposed to him by his father / and family.
I love these series, it really goes deep into psychological themes like few of those mentioned in this youtube video. The thing abput checking in on your foundation that Chris is mentioning in the ideo, is basically the same thing that Zuko is confronted with here.
I'm on my Avatar run and this really surprises me.
The voice of reason young people desperately need at this moment.
Rebecca there's nothing new in what Jordan Peterson argues and defends ...it is all in the Bible.
@@nurtured-channel2953 Regardless, most young people have no Faith. They must hear it from somebody, anybody.
@@rebecca6764 Jordan Peterson emphasizes more about morals and fundamental principles than Faith.... but I understand what you are saying👌
@@rebecca6764 I have faith if I 20 is considered young in your book lol
@@nurtured-channel2953 Jordan is the reason that most of us have any interest at all in Christianity. Most of us have been turned off from church members, but Jordan makes us see that there is reason within religion. He makes us understand that faith is not always blind, but I feel this is something that christianity deeply struggles with
I swear ive saved thousands in therapy just listening to jordan peterson
Jordan Peterson and Adrian Monk: "It's a blessing, and a curse."
Good stuff this.
'We are both blessed, and cursed. Same things make us laugh, make us cry"
Obligatory " google the HSP test by Elaine Aron"
It brings me joy that someone else on the internet is even aware of Adrian Monk in today's day and age.
It’s a jungle out there
I think he's describing me. I can't get out of my own thoughts and my self consciousness prevents me from being decisive and also from living in the moment in social situations. I've always struggled with this. It's amazing to me that I've been able to apply myself in the past and find a way to be reasonably successful, but thinking about what I'm going to do to improve myself and where I want to be in the future makes me feel scatterbrained. I tell myself "do something that will make you more equipped and a better person in the future" and I just can't decide what to do and just think I'm not good enough to apply myself to anything.
the hardest thing is to just start they say. so um,you’re a cosmic actor,time to act!
How about doing something that brings you joy? What makes your heart happy?💗
Start by getting in great physical shape. Get the dopamine and oxytocin and serotonin and endorphins flowing. Realise that no one gets anything perfect and complete, that everyone is throwing out observations, interpretations, suggestions, etc., preferences, ideals, values, etc., learning, improving, growing, etc. Laugh. Lighten up. Don't take yourself or other people too seriously. Just put it out there. And if people don't like it, then they don't, no big deal. And by doing that, you will find people that resonate with you, are on the same wavelength, appreciate your humour. Just go for it! And f*ck 'em if they can't take a joke. Enjoy!
Start with the small wins bro like cleaning your house. Reading getting up at the same time every morning. It’s the small wins that lead to the big ones. You’ll start winning the war in your mind and gain more control
Doesn't matter which job you're applying to. Apply- and ask God to close the bad doors - and to open the good ones. Remember: He is the one, who equips the called, not who calls the equipped
If you want an example of how crazy extreme self-consciousness is, at 1:35 Jordan used the word "litany". It reminded me of an English exam I took in highschool where I was to find a suitable word to replace "litany" in context. I'm very familiar with the term, but for the life of me I could not think of an appropriate synonym, so I left that question unanswered.
13 years later, it still eats me up when I hear the word.
still haven’t found it?
???? What's the word???
@@Isaiah--vj2xu Endless monotone enumeration.
@Joocey Pale Boi Maybe. Which often comes with being spoilt for choice.
Multitude?
"the inevitable consequence of a creature who's continually being socially evaluated"...this is absolutely bang on. I feel this generation more than any other generation, despite having access to lots of choices and opportunity, can become so self-conscious and so mired in choices that they become paralyzed. We can't help but feel whether X or Y decision will be seen positively or negatively in the social landscape, but this is damaging to a lot of people.
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
Yes I feel like we're meant to be amazing and versatile and mobilized but where and how? So confusing
@@snoozyq9576 yes indeed. And it doesn't help when you are constantly bombarded by the highlight reel of other people's lives, not their failures or imperfections.
The thing that haunts me each day and many restless nights is the Evil that people do without moral consequence. Its hard to move forward knowing it.
I feel the same
Peterson did did an outstanding short lecture about that. People will get get away with nothing: th-cam.com/video/qtVzdBDXm3E/w-d-xo.html
Humans are scary for me with what they are capable of hiding
People who do evil to others may get away with lots of stuff and it may seem like an escape path is always open for them, but rest assured that they will ultimately pay for what they do, and the most evil person in the world would not wish that suffering on their worst enemy. They will have a bright recollection of all their guilt.
Make sure you are not one of them. To do this, we must treat others as we would be treated. That is the law no one will escape From.
Read more
I am drowning in reasons to be self conscious like no one could begin to imagine. For the intense bullying that i have experienced on a daily basis in front of my entire school everyday In highschool and outside of school... And for the seemingly sudden truth to the words they spoke that werent true at the time but have become true at a supernatural level. 😂😂😂 Things ARE GETTING BETTER. I WILL find answers. I already have 1/2 of the problem solved!
Good luck my friend! I send you Love --from me to you!
Good luck dude 👊🏾👍🏾⭐️ stay strong 💪🏾 you’ve got this 🔥
@@TheCatchProductions 😪😢😒🙂🤗🤗🥰🥰
Though our feelings come and go, God’s love for us does not.” C.S. Lewis
@@annjames1837 when you are the most aweful and disgusting unloveable Creature to ever inconvenience the earth you have to be the creator of the love that you never recieve. Or you have to teach the world how to love in order to recieve any. Or to at least not be destroyed because of your terrible existence
I had a complicated childhood and was often psychologically abused. I also happened to be an extremely sensitive child and felt hyper aware of other people's feelings, or at least my interpretations of them. I frequently assumed full responsibility for things that had nothing to do with me and took everything people said to heart. I used to spiral into thoughts of self hatred and worthlessness when upset, and had no understanding of boundaries or self care until in my twenties. I genuinely thought I was the worst person I'd ever met and looking back now, I'm so sorry younger me had to endure that. To truly believe that is tragic. As an adult I've come to have thicker skin, am more self assured and am immensely proud of how far I've come. But I still struggle a lot with self doubt, especially because of my OCD. It seems instinctual to revert back to ten year old me and all the thoughts of shame, guilt and codependent tendencies that came with my childhood. It's very hard to grow beyond the ramifications of abuse, I'm proud of everyone that does
He looks so God damn good it makes me cry. I love this man.
"Not all tears are an evil" Gandalf
What makes him look so good?
I fell from grace early last year, I was lucky to somewhat rise, but I made terrible decisions and had to learn harsh lessons because of it, but ever since I’ve done nothing but beat myself to a pulp every day over it, I often say that I hate my life or I hate myself, my life has only become worse because of it, we have to be kind and loving to ourselves. It made me think of this wisdom.
If we do not treat ourselves how we would treat our children, then we will treat our children how we treat ourselves.
The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it?
I can.
I can know it.
He or she whose heart becomes broken by some set of mutually destructive tragedies, falling over on them like a set of dominoes. And nothing accrues more powerfully than time itself.
Amén.
That one hits home. I wish I was less self-conscious. It's so hard for me to make progress on this frontier.
Listen to Dylan James Limitless tape here on YT whilst sleeping. Also check out his community tab and his subscribers success stories on how the tapes worked for them
I planned to workout today, but I am very tired and its Sunday. I really take weekend serious in resting and having fun because otherwise I burnout during the week. I usually do 5 sets of each exercise, and today wanted to give up. A voice appeared in my head "i can't do 5, but I will do 1 one because 1 is better than nothing" so I did one set and then rested. Usually would have beaten myself about not doing anything, but at least I did one, and that made me feel way better than none. So I guess what he is saying in this video is true. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to start and do what you can in that moment.
variety is key here. there is always change.what you encountered was the very manifestation of change and you embraced it by introducing something. different into your routine which in your mind perceived as something constant which is not,that’s only how our mind work trying not to drown into the chaos by ordering things into abstract concepts. powerful mechanism indeed.
as i view it, by this acting of yours you are stepping into the zone of worrying less and being afraid less frequently, because if you keep thinking about those things you will come back to them no matter what. and i think that’s the feeling worh cherishing.
@@northernhemisphere4906 nice
@@KabertaKneeGr0wCxntman ik m8, good luck to you too
Do what you can in the moment. I like that. One is better than nothing.
I was never a big reader or particularly good student. However, Dr.Peterson’s book 12 Rules for life had me laughing at some parts and a little emotional at other times throughout the read. A real page turner for me and has helped me mature in many ways. If someone told me in high school that I’d enjoy reading Dostoyevsky, I’d outright laugh at them.
The greatest blessing and curse for all of humanity, it's our super power and our achilles heel. With some of us being more disposed to it than others.
At this point I just wish I can get a new frontal lobe 😩
Bro what 😂
@@Apollothekidi can take a guess, and can relate if this is true, that rae attacks her brain so much and fights herself so much she wishes to have a new head. I’ve personally described when I go through a time period where I attack myself with awful words rapidly and consistently throughout a day as a nightmare. Overthinking and hating every big and small decision, feeling regret no matter what I pick for something. Being a huggge critic of myself. It’s happened on and off for years for me, I’ve worked with friends and therapist to not let myself be such an enemy in this way. It’s definitely been a process
😂🤣
That comment is just so profound and covers so much for me as well! Are we sisters ????😊😮
Aye yo yeah can I get one too
Self consciousness is the assumption that someone else's opinion is more valid that your own. Live up to your own expectations. Don't give up on your belief that you can reach the goals you set for yourself. Don't waste your life trying to live the life someone else has mapped out for you. Trust that you are the only one that can find the path you should be on. Your time is limited, don't squander it.
Unless of course if you are actually running away from something that you are trying avoid (but maybe shouldn't). So also be honest about the goals you set for yourself and how they became goals.
Hey, I have to say this interview was my first time watching you Chris, and I must REALLY commend you for your questions. Very thoughtful and important questions.
Man I struggle with this hard. I’m incredibly self conscious and it’s led lots of insecurity regardless of talents or skills
Not you alone.. Let's commit to working on them.
Fight food and shelter and grow up
@@satoshinakamoto7253 ok caveman
Same, same. I'm constantly so worried about how others perceive myself and their opinions and it's so damn hard to just ignore it
I'm not necessarily interested in what others think of me , actually the older I get the more disappointing I find most people when you really get to know them , but if there is any little thing, I mean any , and I don't act on it or do what I think is the right thing be it in public or home in private, I will literally dwell on it and feel much guilt for many days
It's a blessing once you realise its a blessing.
Well, this is extremely well timed. I've just been comparing myself with my GFs exes. And I suffer from extreme body dysmorphia because I'm a bodybuilder.
You aren’t weird or weak for this. Being able to admit this speaks volumes to your internal strength. Keep up the journey brother
@@monkieassasin Thanks, my guy. Means a lot.
You’re strong for speaking out bro! You’re a king and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Everyone has a history - she is with you now because she wants to be
Hey King, you dropped this 👑. Be conscious of those self-negative thoughts and work on them taming them - don’t let your confidence issues interfere with your relationship (I made that mistake once). She is with you now and that’s all that matters.
I’m in such a state of hell in my own head lately. There are very little resources where I live for mental health so Dr Peterson has been my lifeline. I wish I could spend even just one hour in his presence.
There is something about Jordan that feels like an inspiring friend. ❤️
I had a period of painful self conscious anxiety in public and the litany of self torment was unbearable. Constant judgement of failure, unworthiness and worrying what other people thought of me felt like psychic death. And it wasn't just a mind thing, the body's excess adrenaline, cortisol, insomnia, exhaustion and chronic pain all conspired to run rings around me to make me feel trapped. The compulsion was to dwell on it and fix it which amplified the vicious cycle. It wasn't until the conscience turned from torture to opportunity that the message came through to make adjustments in my life to bring more balance, things like a set wake up time, morning routine of energy work and devotion, business, music, gym classes and pleasure. It is helping when no amount of mentally fixing the problem could help!
I feel you. And yea it's not just the mind for me either. Sometimes I get this physical 'spasm', or I'd clench my fist.
I like your solutions! I also would, and still get, physical symptoms when felt conscious. My entire face would go flush, and I would turn an obvious beat red. Now my ears will just turn extremely red. I stopped turning red, but now I have intermittent idiopathic hives on my face so it morphed into something worse and uncontrollable.
I watched the full podcast, but still find myself reviewing this cuts. It's always pleasing to see Dr. Jordan Peterson explain things.
every single word seems to be describing myself down to a tee. God bless minds like Mr Peterson that come to the spotlight of the internet.
I was going to watch this video but then I became preoccupied about how others might regard me if I did.
Well we regard you as a misogynistic, racist, transphobic, bigot, Jewish Nazi !!!
I love this.
hahahah
I wish I worried about that, but I can't care less and that is why I am addicted to youtube
This really speaks to me! I’m highly self- conscious and have negative chatter in my head all day long, I interpret everything people do in a personal way. It’s exhausting! My therapist told me once, about my thoughts- is it helpful and is it true? I’m constantly asking my that to challenge my very unhelpful thoughts.
Thats 12 minutes of pure gold!!
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
I hear these things from my grandparents I read it in books I listen to Peterson talk about it I listen to a few more guys that talk about not believing your thoughts and staying out of your mind but no matter how many times I hear the same things from different people in different ways I can't stop.. I always fall back into believing the thoughts ..
10:34 "Even the statement 'I want to be happy' is actually not an accurate reflection of what it is that you want." Wow. That's so true. Discouragement is a huge contributor to that, specially with young men like me who haven't had much breakthrough in many pursuits... yet. But what's encouraging is the fact that being responsible in itself helps bring out what's important at the moment before any breakthrough, let's say hanging out with your peers of the same temperament and goals. This is an amazing segment Chris. Thanks for sharing.
I’d like to say that I am incredibly aware of everything except the one desire I want. To be socially confident, charismatic, and well spoken. I’ve been wanting to do everything that involves social interactions because I find the idea of getting what you want through verbal communication fascinating. However, I am cursed with being an extrovert with social anxiety meaning my thoughts when being translated to words, are always being questioned and judged every time which I find ends up draining me more than I can get; making me forget how to speak. Occasionally, I do manage to succeed in progressing a conversation, making them laugh, or solving a problem; I am rewarded a temporarily view of what I’m striving for until once again, my overthinking and anxiety comes back in a few hours or next day. How my body likes to tease me. Haven’t even mentioned my other disadvantages against me like ADHD and ADP smh
I like numbers. Nobody is going to remember Shakespeare when they die some might in-fact will and continue to do. But pie is infinite learn pie and you will be infinite.
@@andreyrosinskiy9796 I love pie so the last thing I’d be is infinite because I’d die from overeating it.
What kind of job do you do?
I believe my ‘adhd’ diagnosis is misdiagnosed extreme self consciousness..
I have been dealing with self conciseness most of my life. The only time I wasn’t self conscious was probably when I was kid - when I wasn’t smart enough to care about what other people thought. I have been working on it and one thing I’m going to do is to document this journey (similar to what Jordan Peterson mentioned about his self authoring program). I’m gonna write down and record some of my thoughts and force myself to do things that I truly want to achieve, despite it could be uncomfortable during the process. Hoping I’ll be able to learn something from it!
This is one of those videos you should watch every week. The amount of knowledge and gems dropped in this insane. Please Chris more interviews like this!
Each time i listen to Dr.Peterson i discover a new way to understand and sometimes heal myself. Thank God he is available on internet😊
God bless Jordan Peterson! Thank you!
Its amazing how Peterson pushes his observations just a step beyond what the rest of us see as common sense. Great insight abilities!!
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
I like the short snippets from the interviews. Very useful.
Thanks to you both. Always good to hear.
I was self-conscious from a young age, thanks to good upbringing - "do onto others..." and that sort of moral rhetoric. Then there's self consciousness developed from bullying. Later I started drinking too much and discovered nootropics. In particular Modafinil, its hypervigilence as a side effect, was a catalysts for the self critical thinking and boy did I deconstruct myself. I was void, questioning everything. My ego was very much dead. 3 year's sober now and rebuilding myself is a second by second torture every day, as the self critical thought was so engrained in my memory it's difficult to turn off. How can I get rid of this and rebuild some confidence. How do I stop impulsively questioning everything, even the most irrelevant and mundane things in life?
Have you ever done any therapy?
Very few things are truly one-sided - good & bad are only valid relative to a goal
No absolutes in the cosmos.
Can't have one without the other.
well said
Said Stalin......the ends justifies the means. Incredibly dangerous concept. Or perhaps.....the final solution said Hitler. Again if doing unpleasant things gets you to the goal so what?
@@catified2081 Ever see a hyena eat a deer ass first?
@@northeastslingshot1664 the goal of the hyena is to keep the other animal alive as long as possible to keep the meat fresh for longer. This is a good strategy for the goal. Right?
I need that voice, it helps me understand my limitations, I don’t let it get out of control though like I used to, anti depressants, meditation and learning constantly, from philosophy, religion, psychology, economics to history, it has all helped me understand myself better, helped me integrate all the little personalities as Peterson puts it, into one over arching personality, hopefully I can help my son do the same one day.
God bless you, sir. Thank you
Wow… I have been looking for an answer to this for a decade. I am extremely self conscious and have that exact tormentor. I think that strategy would be of great help to me. I’ve seen so many different people seeking help with my anxieties. This exercise may be the solution I’ve been looking for.
First question was a good one.. I think it depends on the perspectives. In these times, while trying to minimize the damage, its a curse for sure. But also within the days there are a lot of possibilities to create. I approach it as unwritten. Keep up the good work!
th-cam.com/video/qoAPrAT8A2g/w-d-xo.html
Great interviewer - calm, to the point questions, absolutely superb.
Thank you Jordan Peterson!! Hope you get better.
I wish I could go outside for a walk and not feel like people are laughing at how I look. I'm a 39 year old man and had this problem for most of my life. Some days I feel ok about myself, other days I can't wait to come home and hide away from people's eyes.
Get up and fight brother
You’re not alone fck what people think. 41 now now letting this happen anymore.
To me this has been helpful: “who the fuck are you (am I) to think everyone around is spending their day thinking about you?”
It might sound weird, but it’s a relief in this context to realize no one gives a flying fuck about you lol.
If you think people are giving you “looks”, they are reacting to your expression, your uncertainty, and probably having the same thought themselves, that you’re the one judging them and feeling bad about themselves.
Sorry you are having a hard time. I pray you find your confidence. It’s nice you found safety at your home, but I pray you also feel safe to be yourself outside too.
Most people don't think about you.
They're too busy being self conscious about themselves. And even if they were you HAVE to be okay with the idea some people won't like you. People in traffic that cut you off? Do you care about them? Build a boundary to only care about people who care about you. And confront it. Actively. Go outside. Go outside. Go to Public events (anything that gives you anxiety) and force yourself to just stay a few minutes. And then a minute more each time. The way through anxiety is willing confronting a tiny piece of it at a time. Even forcing yourself to have a job where you just walk through a big room of people to get to your job. Winning leads to winning. Giving in leads to giving in more. And we both know what happens when the box gets smaller and smaller as you feed that anxious voice. Eventually you have nothing left.
I went from having panic attacks just to shake someone's hand, to standing on stage in front of over a hundred people. And I'm still nervous. But I'm also coping enough to be on stage. That's winning. It's not about having no anxiety it's about building habits and trust in your past wins that you can do the things you want. Treat your life like a videogame and do quests to level up. You do not defeat the boss at level one.
Ive found that arguing with anxious thoughts work once but then you just keep repeating the same things over and over. At that point its better to just acknowledge the thought is there and then let go of it without hiding from or fighting it. Deep breathes to relax the mind are also important
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I agree. judging the feeling seems to glue it in place , even amplify it . It's best to just notice it and let it go .
Jordan is a true example of ‘knowledge is power’.
I respect him so much!
I am becoming really into this guy's output.....quietly influential in a good way. A positive influence over coffee. You end up carrying it around.
you see,that’s the peculiar thing about it. he’s not trying to be influential,just conveying what you gathered in his knowledge puch over the years.
so it seems,that is you who are influential for yourelsf by rendering his words as valuable. now isn’t that a majestic feeling.
have a good day!
It's useful when your inadequacy can be overcome. When it's something that cannot be changed, that's a different story.
Yes. What then?
What can’t be changed, embrace and accept. It’s all part of your lifetime learning experience for reasons unknown to you.
"Just be confident bro" - Alpha Chad with genetics of a Greek god.
While most of my inadequacies can be changed (and it's required a lots of money....) The thing I find that is very hard to change is my brain. It's processing information super damn slow and it's definitely taken a toll on my life...
This is how I felt, now I’m finally saving for implants lol.
It's very important to have self conscious and awareness ! It gonna save my time money and Energy and filter out people who shouldn't be in my life to live a better life !
damn just one minute into this video and i feel it hitting me. I searched this up genuinely and picked this video cus i saw what I assume professionals in this field. Everything they’re saying in this video hits home. I only became self-conscious i guess i can say when i went through agony, regret, depression, and etc. I feel at peace knowing theres many others who is in the same situation or was before and that there is a video like this doing an in depth take on it. Idk why but I dont usually comment or leave a comment much on the internet, but I just want to leave this here. Im happy that Im still young, hope I can conquer these demons soon. Physical work out does help, but for me it only suppressed my inner self for a time. Starts coming back when life feels stagnant and all. Im kinda relief I watched this video and reading alot of these comments. It sure is a blessing and a curse to feel everything so deeply. Dr.Peterson, thank you for your wisdom.
This is very accurate. During the covid-19 pandemic my company started to work mainly on home office. At first was good because I could work better and could also rest more. The thing is my mind realized I was too happy and hit me hard with a crazy production self consciousness cycle (Goggins video's did no good also) and I became this blind productive animal worried about "not wasting" time. I started to unnecessarily take more tasks at work, overtraining my body, reading 3 books a week, started to learn french and some day trade in the stock market. And after all that I was 100% miserable and even more self conscious.
OMG this is sssoooo me….I always feel like I need to take on new things…need to start my company, travel, have a job, learn an instrument and I get overwhelmed at the end of the day
holy crow I needed this today.
Don't know why but D'r Peterson often moves me to tears... he puts his finger on the wounds and makes you look...
I contemplated travelling to Canada and having a few sessions...
Happy 2023 and thank you to care about people Jordan
I needed this. Thank you.
It's amazing, just the first three minutes of this video have been enlightening in a way that in my experience is extremely rare... and I've been listening to Dr. Peterson for years. It's awesome how a truly world-class educator can make something so elusive so clear, and then just casually provide a positive solution. Thank you as always Dr. Peterson. Hail Lobster!
Well said!
Does the solution work for you?
literally don't even need to pay for therapy anymore... just take JP's cbt tips from this interview and his other psych lectures (that's thankfully published on youtube for free) and take full control of my life
Find something you love to do & don't ever let it go or give it up for anybody ❤❤
Blimey, it’s spooky when Dr. Peterson describes my well ingrained hang-up in a few minutes. At least he maps pathways out of it. Yes, willing to do the work..
Thank you for the talk.
I just went down a Gary Vee shorts rabbit hole, and I needed some meaningful, thought provoking ideas. Thanks Jordan Peterson.
I've become so self-conscious in these past 2-3 years that I have forgotten my true self. I get self-conscious in everything I do and that's so annoying and I can't stop it like it had become my unwanted habit. I want to live freely as I used to do in past. I get so anxious and self-conscious in public that I start to shiver. I can't even laugh freely. I always think that is it just me? or any other person is dealing with such things too. I just want my old self back that's it.
Hey how old r u? Im dealing with the same problems have you stopped talking to ppl for some reason?
@@SpreadLove173 I'm 21. okay, I've someone who is dealing with the same problem as mine😭. Cuz looking around me and watching people live their life so freely and then looking at me who is dealing with self consciousness had made my self-esteem very low. I can feel you🥺. And no, I haven't stopped talking to people. I still speak to them but only if they approach me first. Cuz my anxious self won't allow me to do that.
@@SpreadLove173 same.. Btw do you also feel like someone is noticing all your mistakes and judging you 24/7?
Feels good to know that I'm not alone,i feel so fake and pathetic because of it
Jordan Peterson, I want to say thank you for simply being you. You are what this world needed to hear. I appreciate you. Stay blessed ❤️
Amen to blessing an curse to FEEL everything as man in this world. Its really starting to hit me how alone I am in the world already at age 34, idk what I did to get here but my life could def be worse an im thankful as all hell for what I have if I just could love myself. It’s bad when other peolel have told you “ when you smile on stage it makes the whole show for me “ but yet you still are alone an dont understand why you seem so alone an hate yourself… I’m one of the most empathic people I know an I use to be more proud of it, now it just feel like I set myself up for it.. hoping things get better..
Is he a mind-reader? I would have found this helpful many years ago, but great to hear someone who understands what I feel/felt and say it so well. Go to church!
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After assessment I realize that being unsuccessful in a sick society can actually be good as long as I don't have the symptoms society has.
Wonderful idea. I often feel this way, and hopefully it's a healthy way to feel...
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"
- someone
So true I feel like a loser most of the time. However I believe that having an eternal perspective has a lot to do with that. You cannot make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. They failed to tell us that the eggs were our counterparts dignities. I refuse to take advantage of other people that is why I am unsuccessful. Living by the golden rule does not make you rich,butit does make you conscientious of others around you thus making you a better example of Christian living. God bless you folks
@@christinesmyth7785 i like this way of thinking. in my view it’s kinda cool that you made a typo in external(?), that way it makes it eternal perspective and in that term lies your answer to achieve what you strive for.
@@northernhemisphere4906 I am liking the way you put that. I realize that wondering if the way I think is healthy becomes pointless especially if we don't see the long term outcome. You are correct about external. Caring for others comes first. We have to live in this world with compassion and seek to exhort each other to live uprightly, without compromising our personal beliefs in search of understanding someone else's which may or may not be founded upon truth.
You two are golden thank you thank you thank you 😍
1:12 "People can be so self-conscious and so self-critical that they can't move forward."
God, that described me word for word.
The utility of attending church regularly to evaluate and make course corrections cannot be overstated
Now that I think about it, all my best ideas appeared when I went to church. I never knew why, but this sheds a sliver of truth on the matter
For some people, this is true.
For others, the church might feel like an oppressive father, and a place where the judgement of others is so intense, little space or desire for self-conscious exploration remains.
@@astoriansound5048 Fair enough, I would say to that person keep seeking, you may just be in the wrong place (literally).
But then again JP says any ideal we set to aim for becomes a judge. It’s frightening to honestly take inventory of our inadequacies but isn’t it necessary ?
Finding a good one not easy....if you have a Harley or other generally there is a biker church near you...
Never been, never will go. It's not for everyone.
I think Chris Williamson is a humble but a very strong and independent enquirer; really, really wanting to know how true the truth really is and he is wise.
One of the best intro-questions I've heard! Well played, Sir! 🎩
The last sentence stirred some hope into my nhilistic soul
Age has taught me to use it as a valuable tool. WOKE unfortunately sees it as 'everybody but me must change cause I can't be embarrassed'.
People who called themselves “woke” are blind to their own truth, therefore will never truly live their life that they’re desired.
@BIG HEAD Because it teaches victimhood instead of personal responsibility/action.
Like "woke people are ruining my life" 😁
@@davec.3198 plenty of ppl out there are actual victims of actual crimes committed against their persons. It's the denial of such things that leads to a conflict.
@@DJWESG1 What crimes are being committed that the existence of is being denied?
I was just thinking... "Am I going to waste this summer away getting pissed about things out of my control" Then I came across this today. I'm going to my sisters for the first time after over a year. We got into a petty argument about something totally meniscal. I decided I'd be the bigger man/woman and just suck it up. It's my Ma's and niece and nephew's Bday today, I plan on having fun.
Have fun man, life is to short to not enjoy it
@Careful Icarus "I decided to be the bigger them/they"
Wtf why everybody in your family has the same birthday lmao
Dude you on crack or something?
Awesome video. Because of Peterson I realized I need to actually listen to what my thoughts are saying because there were things I wasn’t addressed that needed to be dealt with. That was years ago, however, and even though I’m in a much better place my mind is still really negative. It was nice to hear JP mention CBT as I just started looking into it and I think that’s what has been missing. Great timing with this video 👍
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I think speaking to Jordan Peterson for an hour, half hour ever 15 minutes would be life changing
You described me within the first 5 minutes. i am that guy. And i don’t know how to break out of, or transcend, this Hellbox in which i can’t reach out & engage, or feel worthy of someone’s attention. i am absolutely disqualified on every level & i SUCK at relationships. But i don’t want to. After a lifetime of trichotillomania, & a Hellish childhood, i am alone, & lonely at 45. i want so much, to find a way out of this awful place, & see a path to being Loved... before i am much older. i feel like 20 more years of loneliness, being invisible to Women, & dying alone, will be more than i can bear. i’m deathly afraid of that prospect.
There is a whole generation of young men who are living what you've been going through that is for the most part invisible to society until the opportunity to gas light then beat down in some way or another. I do feel this world wasn't designed nor was it meant for everyone to be able to enjoy it leaving part of the population that doesn't even have to adapt being natural to it while everyone else struggles sometimes deeply so. I ultimately found hope in there being life after death and reincarnation after a couple of years of research.
@@MrKillswitch88
Interesting avenue out of the Darkness of that despair. It’s good to have hope. As for me, i have very, very little. The only thing that goes “right”, is that circumstances always line up for good things to not work out, but perfect for things to fall apart... things i can’t control, bc i can only control my own conduct & life. i am so over it... i await the end of my life, & the only hope i have is that my Creator will welcome me into their arms forever. There is nothing & no one for me here. i am sure of it. i hope against my own demons, that there is something after this.
I “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Is In)”
Welcome words of wisdom. Thanks Prof. Peterson.