Do you find yourself charmed by unavailable people? Let us know in the comments below and make sure you do not miss any of our future films by subscribing to our channel and turning on notifications.
Hiii^^ Could you please make a video about why is usual to fall in love by someone who is self-destructive (smoke a lot, or drink to much, is irresponsable with their carrier etc). I often have crushes on "wrong" people. They are so appealing in the beginnig, maybe because of the desaire to help them, or because of the adventure, but in the end there is just sadness. And what we can do for not falling in love with this magnetic people. Thanks
I keep myself unavailable. I guess that’s the same thing. Ppl are malignant narcissists today and just not healthy to be around. I guess I’m a BENIGN narcissist on some level but at least I don’t want to hurt anyone. My family of origin are malignant narcissists and I went no contact 20 years ago. I’ve worked hard on myself so as to not replicate that cycle. Maybe I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction.
@@nhimai1735 if you aim for something sincerely and you are willing to do anything to get it, then it would be really good. But the thing is, we are more attracted to things that are forbidden to us. If we are sure that we will get it, then it loses the thrill of gaining it. The very essence therefore lies in the whole thing being a suspense. If we are sure that it is forbidden to us, then it starts to have an irresistible luring charm that only brings us more attracted to it.
Is there a particular word for such kind of person? Cause I'm definitely that. I'm grouchy and introvert and relish my silent environment without any interferences by some obnoxious needy partner. But during few moments l feel emptiness and someone's affection and love. However I also get frustrated with toooo much of trampling. Like calls , going out, stupid messages. I hate going out or hanging out with people. Last time I went out with my friend was like 7-8 months ago even though we live 15 mins from each other. I hardly call them . Like once in one and a half month. I'm a distant person. But it feels peaceful again when l see my friends getting all emotional and anxious over gf-bfs. What a load of unnecessary bullshit. Idk whether l even want to be with someone or I just need to buy a sex robo?
Radhika Singh thanks for this. I thought I was alone in this sentiment. I hate when someone gets needy and insecure. I lose interest very fast. I work hard to keep mine in check. Please don’t project your insecurities on me.
Even when Gotye is gone this song will live on. The song touched millions. Felt by millions. The pain he suffered gave a evermore loving song by everyone.
I believe it’s a self protective mechanism. It feels safer to love at a distance. We feel afraid to be truely seen by someone, so we subconsciously choose the unavailable/ avoidant people who we know won’t ever get close enough to truely see us. True intimacy isn’t you seeing into someone else, it is being seen into by another.
the seasons of us So very true. Being attracted to unavailable people has been my pattern all my life. I now realise it’s not just circumstances, it’s me choosing to put myself in those situations. I’m really struggling as I can’t seem to change that 😢
Completely true. I do the same with online friend groups or guilds I'm in in games. I just want to leave after a while because they've seen enough of me and are getting closer to a point where I don't want them to be. It feels safer to be with strangers than to be with people I know, same for crushes.
I recently began to notice that I feel more free and happy when single than when I am in a relationship. Alot of negative thoughts come up the moment I am in a relationship. But I also feel lonely atimes. What is wrong with me?
I'm sure the people who got married only to end up divorced would prefer the saboteur label to the now rotten feelings of bitterness, revenge, betrayal, and sadness.
@@jeffreystern5886 hmm yes. Sometimes I get bored or lonely, but then I remember how much safer it is to admire love from a distance than risk another crushing blow of disappointment...
@@LanaIguana This is not to suggest tht life is nothing but dreariness and sadness. Like everything else... you pick and choose which activities to take part in. Marriage today has too many pitfalls, especially with no fault divorce laws. Doesn't mean you cant love somebody. Just be aware of the potential problems and guard yourself.
I don't know why this nearly made me cry. It's kind of similar to self-handicapping in social psychology. If you expect to do poorly on a test you might not study, only play video games and not sleep before the test. Why would you do that when you can try your best and still get a decent grade? Because it's easier to protect our ego if we fail and have a ready excuse like not even trying. It's a lot harder if you try your hardest and still fall short of where you think you _need_ to be.
Yes but that's how relationships work, of any kind. You cannot love someone without allowing them to see your most vulnerable side, otherwise that's not a healthy relationship. You just gotta choose decent people. But you also need to remember that people change with time, so it's a possibility they may end up hurting you, and that isn't your fault, but theirs. In such cases, you learn to move on. Don't shut down others just because you got betrayed, learn to heal so you attract the right people in your life. Otherwise you become the emotionally unavailable person this video is talking about
"a crush on someone at the library, who we never talked to yet think of obsessively, even if it turns out that they have a partner" *I've never felt so attacked thank you very much*
it's something called envy. I always thought that unavailable people were more interesting because of the mistery surrounding that person, the what ifs, a fantasy builds around the relationship. Of course if the relationship were to get serious then dissapointment would surely follow thus many like the constraints because it gives a more romantic edge to the relationship. Furthermore, Obstacles unite people, there is a clear cut antagonist to you're innacessible relationship. If the obstacle dissapears than the people are left ot their own devices and resentment starts brewing, annoyance at tics grow, the relationship festers. Obstacles are a distraction that are necessary for many relationships to develop often times between incompatible people. Then there are the libertins which seek to conquer the most innaccessible of people. That's more of a sport. They want to see the nun break, the devout wife run into his arms. They are masters of manipulation. All they love in reality is the idea of having someone so innaccessible, someone whose a true challenge to woo. Once they have you in the palm of their hand, they go on to the next victim. These are egomaniacs of sort that get off to conquering women(or men) and hold immense pride in doing so.
@@rogeramezquita5685 correct. Just speaking from my perspective. Me personally, having spent most of my life with feeling lonely, its whole different feeling having someone to share my experiences with. My if I had friends or a more supportive family I'd feel different. But the one person has been enough for me.
That's the thing, sometimes all it takes is one person to change the way you see the world and it doesn't have to be someone your romantically involved with.
wendall parker thats because theres a lot of hurting men and women on this planet and those types of people are addicted to the pain of not being desired or even seen.
Same. But with guys. It sort of pisses me off, it is like I don’t want any of you trash! The more I hate people and want them away they more they beg for me. When I feel anything for anyone they then act like they don’t want it... it is so dumb
I have found that people tend to crave things that are out of their reach. When they get what they want, they have reached their goal and they usually move on to the next challenge, or item. Human nature.
@@matchmasterqueen5054 I think what he’s trying to imply is that when you’re less attached, you’re more in tune with your emotions and how it makes you feel, you basically see the bigger picture and therefore, can be easier to make the necessary adjustments along the way. As opposed to when you’re too attached, it can be like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole, you’re too close to see the bigger picture. Or at least that’s what I think he meant
@@michaeldanao6326 my father had an affair and the woman became pregnant. These two should've just walked away. THIS SHIT RUINED MY LIFE. People don't understand that they can also effect others without realizing it. Since then when I hear about someone that's in a relationship I turn away. I've went through hell as a teenager.
Yup. Kept this up until I was 38 years old and desperately lonely. Been with my partner 21 years now, Real love is a hard painful slog, but ultimately far more rewarding than day dreams.
If u are always available , u are needy and unattractive. When u go off the grid people miss you more, want you more. People want what they can't have and that's a fact
Guys tend to flirt with me more now that I'm in a relationship than when I was looking. Somebody also told me that after I was in a relationship that I looked happier...literally: "like I was glowing". People are attracted to others who seemingly have what they want in their life. Healthy and happy is more attractive. People can sense your life satisfaction.
The problem with people being attracted to your “best self” is that it’s impossible for any human being to always be “best self” at all times no matter what. Another caveat: when you’re at a life peak, often you’ll attract people who are needy. They want your happiness and satisfaction and mistakenly believe that taking up with you can somehow “elevate” them to your vibration. (It can’t.). Also attracts resentful types who want to wreck your satisfaction because they lack it themselves. It’s important to be selective in welcoming people into your life.
Danielle, men are attracted to women who are in relationship because they think it's easier to get casual encounters with such women. Because those women already have partners and will not seek for another serious relationship on the side, only for "simple fun."
Raj Shah Yeah. It’s just that I want someone to actually want me back. If they are not interested in me then I quickly lose interest in them. And if they’re with someone else then it definitely means they’re interested in someone else and they do not want me so I feel nothing for them and I’m never attracted to them merely because they’re ‘unavailable’. I would only be interested or attracted if he first broke up with his girlfriend THEN asked me out. If he tried to have some kind of affair while he is still with his girlfriend or wife then it’s a turn off for me. It’s like if you want me then why are you with someone else at the same time? If you really wanted me then you would have already broken up with them. I’m not just going to be just some kind of side piece.
@@joellaz9836 That kinda attitude is goals for me. In my head when a girl seems too eager I kind of lose interest because the "game" is kind of lost. I have realised that this is probably unhealthy behaviour and literally what the video points out.
Raj Shah Yes, I see. Maybe. It’s different for men. Do men like it when girls play hard to get? I thought they found that annoying. I like it when a man is devoted or eager for me.
Joella Z I’m with you. I’ve never found myself in The friend zone situation because if someone’s not interested it feels like a stupid waste of time and pain.
I see this happening around me all the time. The unreachable seems exciting and exotic but truthfully loving someone who is available is the most unique and exotic love situation. I think more people need to hear this.
this is why learning to love ourselves is very important. but, we must know the boundary of self-love and selfishness. it always takes a lifetime or two to master that lesson.
I would reformulate your sentence. Privacy is a luxury, loneliness a choice. Do not confuse this with fear to share at least a great deal of yourself with a worthy person. Love is priceless. But must be a real one.
@@p.b4287 But the point of solitude is to not share yourself; not because of fear, but to preserve your sense of self. When you love someone you deny part of yourself - the part that yearns for freedom and solitude.
Never ever give another person all your love without some type of reciprocation. You'll only be disappointed if you do. Only give your love to a person who can and will love you back. Great relationship is reciprocity. Without reciprocity, the relationship won't last. *Children are excluded from this rule for obvious reason.
It wasn't the impossibility that attracted me to the person, it took a long time and happened organically. I hope the person can become real, though. If not, I hadn't expected to ever fall in love again, so I still choose to be glad I could feel this way. If it really is impossible, I will give up thinking of potential that is not there.
@@dasein9980 well some people tend to shun good opportunities because deep inside they think they dont deserve it. There are three main situations when self-sabotage happens: -Something good is going on for you and you make sure you kill it . -It’s time to stand up for yourself, but you instead bow down and do nothing . -You fight for something you really want and when you get there, you destroy it somehow. I just googled this real quick lol. But there are millions of examples. Main thing is: you stop your progress and happiness because you think you dont deserve success or happiness.
The fact that you cherish her in a distance, carrying this feeling inside your heart unbeknownst to her, with only the endless heaven as your sole gazer, is truly beautiful yet tragic.
In Arabic , there is a proverb (though it is a general one but it applies to many situations) which says "الممنوع مرغوب" meaning that what is prohibited (not allowed) is always desired .
I met the guy on holiday and spent 2.5 years long distance. Now we are married and have been living together for more than half a year and we are doing very well. We love each other dearly and get better in communication each day. It's ok to fall in love like this.
STFU just want to say, i really appreciate this perspective. it’s important in a video like this for someone to give counterexamples. also you’re helping me navigate my current situation haha. so thanks 😊
@@sadisticgirl_ pretty straightforward. Once we learn to truly love ourselves we learn that unavailable people tend to leave us empty. And as you mature and know yourself more you want an equal not someone to pine over who's unavailable and will ultimately push you away. Leaving us in a perpetual cycle of unfulfilled needs and low self-esteem.
Jesus. This is terrifyingly spot on. I do this constantly. I'm always crushing on older guys in serious relationships because it gives me the freedom to dream/romanticise about them without the risk of them ever knowing or potentially hurting my feelings. Meanwhile, I know someone who is very into me and available but it just doesn't seem like an attractive option so I tend to shut myself out.
all these years, i thought i love him because he became unavailable after our few moments in the past. but this is true, i just love the idea of him and that moment, im not really inlove
I'm quite sure that's how an ex felt about me. She painted me to be someone I'm not and even tried to make me into the image of the person she actually wants to be with. It sucks being emotionally used.
@Vanshri Shankar My hypothesis is that at the time they meet us they're lonely, sad or both. They just want someone they find remotely attractive and who will make time with them. They find that person and want to change them. Either to their own vision or, unconsciously, to an ex. When people feel broken and lonely they may do any say things out of character and is in the moment rather than thinking logically. I have no quarl with such people, but I'd rather they not waste their and our time when, in reality, they don't need to be in a relationship at that point in time.
@@sevay Thanks a lot. It's unfortunate it's happened, but I was able to have flaws about myself brought to light. Through my relationship with her, she's pointed out many unattractive traits I have. Although I'm still in a grueling process of reacquiring my confidence from square one, I feel like, through this, I will become a better person for me.
I believe that we like this kind of love because we always think that we are not good enough. And that its impossible for someone to genuinely like us. Thats why we would rather chase someone and make the effort to have that proof that person loves us because we made all those efforts.
Being attracted to unavailable people hahaha yea I remember how I used to be so immature. Now I grew up. I'll tell you the secret if you're interested. It's called self love. Damn it feels so good. Try it people.
@@jessicawolf5669 Watch the video again Jessica. Realising that available people you already know the traits and the character of, is a better and a more guaranteed choice. On the other hand, Unavailable people you don't know well, we just like their illusion in our minds, we don't even know them, they are risky. --> so it's better to stick with the safer and the better option by being mature and smart
People often choose to focus and pursue the unavailable ones because they're afraid of the disappointment of getting heart broken by someone more loving and considerate.
I honestly don't think so, they will get heartbroken by both, don't they? I think it is more of self-sabotage coming from a person that probably hates themselves to love someone they achieve, it is the same love that they may have had from an abusive parent for example.
@@HatemSinokrot Your second point is correct. As for the disappointment, you won't be that disappointed (if at all) by losing someone who's already distant.
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" is an old saying that sums up what I'm doing to myself with a long distance relationship during a pandemic, where neither one can even visit the other, but it's the sweetest relationship I've had so far. Lucky to have technology and live video to anyone in the world because life can be incredibly lonely during these times, so anything that may give you a moment of happiness is sometimes worth the pain.
Hossam ElGebeily same here dude. Some of it i regret. But currently i did choose someone thats interested and likes me. Just remember to love yourself and choose someone that will love you for who you are rather than someone that only likes you because of your good traits. I did love someone that only likes me because it would benefit them, its hard to live day by day with someone that you cant be your true self with. Its hard to live lying to yourself just to impress and just to keep someone.
Raj Shah its a new relationship but as of now so far jt is better than what i had before. It was like i can breathe again. Having someone accept you and understand you for who you are without them really demanding you to be a different person just to please them is like having a new found freedom. You will have more time to think more time to love, more time to actually change for the better and for yourself. You know a good relationship from what i am experiencing right now is having someone inspire to lead yourself and your life to be a better person for yourself and for her. Rather than changing yourself because someone forced you to change.
My stupid heart and brain just cant seem to like the ones that are interested. I seem to be chasing the ones that aren’t. It is hard because you feel rejected and it hurts confidence. What does it mean when people say, love yourself? I am not sure I don’t love myself. Or do I?
@longrider i understand what are you saying. Men also friend zone women. The guy who once said that he would marry me, after sometime said that he considers me as a life long friend. It broke my heart but what can be done. Regarding friends, I'm talking about those people who are good friends from the beginning. No romantic feelings.
@longrider in any relation whether friendship or relationship mutual respect and care matters the most. Its difficult to find genuine people now a days.
This explained exactly what I needed to hear at this exact second this describes the person that I love so much . They love me more when I’m gone and push me away when I’m here
"Impossible situations feel so romantic Not because we found our soulmate But because the absence of risk Has loosened our hearts But we should with time, more fairly Learn to dare to turn our amourous attentions To that deeply dangerous Threatening but ultimately rewarding character The person we know The person who likes us a lot And the person who is available all the time."
That literally explains why I’m still single! This one guy I know that I used to have a crush on is always trying to run off somewhere to travel... I started to become aware that there was this allure to that, I think that’s why he does it. Maybe someday he’ll get over himself...
*People are attracted to abundance* and being unavailable signals that. - Your self-esteem is high - You are not clingy - You'll live good with or without
I prefer the chase of back and forth unavailability and running into each others arms again and again and having the bliss of that high. I can in fact live with or without and credit life experience to what I make of it individually and I think that emotional dependance is a huge distraction for me that I could not control. It's not so typical but it is still a ride.
I don’t understand how on earth this channel knows everything about me. I think it was designed specially for me. Each time I feel bad, I receive a recommendation to watch one of the videos and I feel better! Thank you guys very much!
The author and the therapist Robin Norwood explain in details why we love people who are not available becuse we were neglected in our childhood and had father who is emotionally unavailableher, her book called women who love too much. Wonderful book, she is brilliant
When we're interested in someone, they're emotionally unavailable When someone's interested in us, we push them away ... Dating is so hard All we need is right person in the right time But sadly we often expect a perfect love
@@rogeramezquita5685 what about someone you think is right for you but she rejected you because she just broke up and needed time to heal herself? It's not her right time to get a new bf
Nooooo, you are wasting precious time from your life. Atleast try once.... just to know how it is, if it doesnt work out, atleast you know what you”re talking about...
I was like this until I reached my mid 30s and decided to change my views and try something different. Remember same thoughts = same actions = same results and the reverse is true. Now I'm much happier to be in a r/s with someone available.
I always find myself attracted to someone whose already in a relationship. However, I just admire how they handle their relationship and wanting to have that kind
Let go of people who are not available and who are not concerned of your feelings and well-being! Focus your energy to yourself and to the people who care for you and love you. Don't beg for other people's love. You are enough, you are complete. If he doesn't love you, no amount of effort and time will make him feel otherwise. Do not wait for him. You are the prize and not the other way around!
Everything you said, is right, I agree. But it is just too tough to let them go. I am 25, never been in a relationship, never liked anyone throughout my journey but only one, who is now 50, working in my field, now we live in the same city but when it started we were one continent away!... I have only liked this person in my life and noone else and I am pretty sure that I cannot like and love anyone, other than him. We know each other professionally but he is not aware of my situation, but naturally! Fact he is a well established and successful historian whos private life is just perfect, he lives in his family house with his wife and three kids. Even after knowing the bitter facts I am unable to forget him.... I have tried my level best, but.... This has not just harmed me but led me to a dangerous situation where I cannot live or even look at anybody else... It's tragic and very unhealthy for the mental and physical health
I am not always going through but whenever I seem to really care it always seem to be with someone that it could not possibly work out with as I do have abandonment issues and I know it and I invariable am attracted to someone whom is not emotionally mature, still playing the field, doesn't know how to treat a woman , is only in it for the sex or all of the aforementioned.
Jared Bryan I’ve met such people in the past and I’ve let each of them go. I feel like everything’s perfect and that I’ll ruin it if I stay any longer. I know where the “sickness” lies but it’s never easy to just “cure” it.
The reason I think Unavailable People are so enticing is because you never get to know who they are so you can project what you want onto them. I was in love with a Woman for 6 years and the last time I saw her I realized I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing about her because whenever I would ask her something personal she never wanted to get into it. My last words to her were "I have no idea who you are...you could be a total piece of shit for all I know."
But who knows why could she never open up what fears she might have, what trauma she s been thru that sacres her to become vulnerable infront of others
Dude, your story is spot on to mine 6 years, we broke up early this year and recently saw her, and she felt like a stranger. For whatever reason, she never let me in, I can't be with her because I don't know her! And never will.... but that's okay
Well said. However, I have an objection. People who choose to get involved in such impossible relationships DO risk getting hurt, actually a lot more than if they chose to love someone available...
True that, just broke up from my LDR gf and I tell you it hits me harder even more than the IRL relationships I had because this one had a lot of attachment to her as she was but she couldn't deal with distance and me being kinda paranoid by her secretive nature.
It’s true. But like he mentions, one risk you have an illusory full control over (‘’i CHOSE this unavailable person and therefore deep down know they could act poorly and hurt me’’) vs taking a smaller risk that you have no control over (‘’I chose this loving, thoughtful person...but if this available kind person ends things, which is less likely than being with the unavailable person, what does that say about me though?!’’) answer is still nothing, but it feels much more personal
They cover that in the video 01:40 The pain of something you already knew to cause pain is tangible... The pain of something you never thought would cause of pain, well it's traumatizing even
This is similar to fear of failure.. What if we really get what we want and they are not what we thought? Or worse, we do not want the responsibilities of love?? Hence choosing those that is not possible
Alan Fox a guy I really am interested in and had a great connection or what seemed like one doesn’t wanna give us a try ... I know why and I know for a fact sooner or later he’s going to figure out the way of his thinking is not right
@Holographic Multiverse no it's not.if u actually gave them a chance and it didn't work out you can always say "it didn't work out" but if you didn't, the thought of "what if?" will always linger in your mind.the greatest regret is giving someone a second chance and they decides to repeat the same mistake.
I was moving to another continent and my bf was willing to do anything we needed as a couple, he looked really in love. But my plans had to change and I stayed here. When I told him I wasn't leaving anymore he suddenly felt overwhelmed and stopped showing interest. I feel so confused now.
I used to be soo infatuated w/ this guy who was clearly unavailable. We really do fall for the idea or the image we think that person is & not who they really are. The pain we feel can be addictive too. So glad I grew out of that pattern. Now I have an amazing bf that is emotionally available, & it’s crazy looking back at the crappy pointless situations I spent years dwelling on lol the comfort of being in a solid relationship vs chasing something you’ll never catch is like a breath of fresh air! Once you experience that happiness, you’ll never go for an unavailable person again.
@@samburu1988 Although I understand some people feel that way, I would personally never want to be or ever put myself in that position again. I want a life partner, not a facade of one.
In my case, when I wanted to be loved no one wanted to love me and when I chose myself over relationships, I came across people who wanted to love me. In the end I only made bad decisions.
wow im in the same exact situation, im in a relationship with someone from another continent and honestly i knew from the start that it's doomed to end someday and i found comfort in that certainty 🥴
I was never attracted to married men. A ring on their finger clearly shows that they're taken and not available, plus it would indicate he's a cheater if he was married and flirting with other women. I did just get out of a long distance relationship though, this video helped me realize some things about me that even I didn't know.
god.’ive been looking for a video like this for a long time now. i asked myself recently why am i attracted to unavailable people when i have my whole dating life. like you said some people don’t know that they are doing this. but i’ve done some major soul searching and found a pattern. now i can move on. i recently found someone that is available emotionally and physically. it scared me at first just like this video explains and it’s really not as intense but holy cow reaping the benefits of someone you actually love and available for you is very priceless and something i’ve never had before ever. thank you so much for making this video.
Those hidden and therefore unresolved doubts and fears end up revealing themselves at precisely the wrong times, and most often under stress. A time when we'd all would prefer to shine instead.
Do you find yourself charmed by unavailable people? Let us know in the comments below and make sure you do not miss any of our future films by subscribing to our channel and turning on notifications.
'school of life' .. how Dare you presume .......
“in full control of a sad situation rather than half control in a happy one” ok.
Hiii^^ Could you please make a video about why is usual to fall in love by someone who is self-destructive (smoke a lot, or drink to much, is irresponsable with their carrier etc). I often have crushes on "wrong" people. They are so appealing in the beginnig, maybe because of the desaire to help them, or because of the adventure, but in the end there is just sadness. And what we can do for not falling in love with this magnetic people. Thanks
I keep myself unavailable. I guess that’s the same thing. Ppl are malignant narcissists today and just not healthy to be around. I guess I’m a BENIGN narcissist on some level but at least I don’t want to hurt anyone. My family of origin are malignant narcissists and I went no contact 20 years ago. I’ve worked hard on myself so as to not replicate that cycle. Maybe I’ve gone too far in the opposite direction.
Puta vida
" There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably irresistible "
- Mark Twain
S
But what if we aim for a sincere relation...
Krishnan unni -Jay Shetty
Area 51
@@nhimai1735 if you aim for something sincerely and you are willing to do anything to get it, then it would be really good.
But the thing is, we are more attracted to things that are forbidden to us. If we are sure that we will get it, then it loses the thrill of gaining it. The very essence therefore lies in the whole thing being a suspense.
If we are sure that it is forbidden to us, then it starts to have an irresistible luring charm that only brings us more attracted to it.
How profound the statement is "someone that would rather be in control of a sad situation or half out of control in a happy one"
Yeah!
Is there a particular word for such kind of person?
Cause I'm definitely that. I'm grouchy and introvert and relish my silent environment without any interferences by some obnoxious needy partner. But during few moments l feel emptiness and someone's affection and love. However I also get frustrated with toooo much of trampling. Like calls , going out, stupid messages. I hate going out or hanging out with people. Last time I went out with my friend was like 7-8 months ago even though we live 15 mins from each other. I hardly call them . Like once in one and a half month. I'm a distant person.
But it feels peaceful again when l see my friends getting all emotional and anxious over gf-bfs. What a load of unnecessary bullshit.
Idk whether l even want to be with someone or I just need to buy a sex robo?
That statement resonates with me too
Radhika Singh I can relate to this. People can be very demanding of your time and attention. In the end I find myself isolating again
Radhika Singh thanks for this. I thought I was alone in this sentiment. I hate when someone gets needy and insecure. I lose interest very fast. I work hard to keep mine in check. Please don’t project your insecurities on me.
“You can be addicted to a certain kind of sadness.” -Gotye
ah yes Gotye, I used to know his music
@I'm done intellectual thought from the next POTUS
This was genius. Thank you
I always this in mind when I listen to the song
Even when Gotye is gone this song will live on. The song touched millions. Felt by millions. The pain he suffered gave a evermore loving song by everyone.
Can we take a second to appreciate the quality of animations that match the narrative along the length of this video!!
A job well done and a compliment kindly given!
And damn that background sound engineering! Felt like a movie.
No, they are not that good, just stock content from some animation software.
Sure..... There we go!
That opened my eyes. I do sabotage my relationships. I'm never satisfied with anyone who actually wants me.😕
Like my damn ex... He proposed to all us, his ex gfs and married anyone. Cause he always find 'defects'.
This video was like a poison pill... I hate it because it's true 😕😕😕
Same!
same urghhhh
My ex isn’t either.
I believe it’s a self protective mechanism. It feels safer to love at a distance. We feel afraid to be truely seen by someone, so we subconsciously choose the unavailable/ avoidant people who we know won’t ever get close enough to truely see us. True intimacy isn’t you seeing into someone else, it is being seen into by another.
the seasons of us So very true. Being attracted to unavailable people has been my pattern all my life. I now realise it’s not just circumstances, it’s me choosing to put myself in those situations. I’m really struggling as I can’t seem to change that 😢
Completely true. I do the same with online friend groups or guilds I'm in in games. I just want to leave after a while because they've seen enough of me and are getting closer to a point where I don't want them to be. It feels safer to be with strangers than to be with people I know, same for crushes.
Not always like that but ok
I Like TH-cam. Hence why I said I believe... these are just my opinions on the matter.
@@jodam96 Yea that seems reasonable I guess....
I've learned to value solitude over the illusion of companionship
Same!
Same!
I recently began to notice that I feel more free and happy when single than when I am in a relationship. Alot of negative thoughts come up the moment I am in a relationship. But I also feel lonely atimes. What is wrong with me?
@@globe9911 nothing
Same,my solitude is my nirvana,my own space.....I do miss having sex twice a year though !
Yup, this totally called me out as a self-saboteur. Not even going to deny it.
Yeeeep same here
same.
I'm sure the people who got married only to end up divorced would prefer the saboteur label to the now rotten feelings of bitterness, revenge, betrayal, and sadness.
@@jeffreystern5886 hmm yes. Sometimes I get bored or lonely, but then I remember how much safer it is to admire love from a distance than risk another crushing blow of disappointment...
@@LanaIguana This is not to suggest tht life is nothing but dreariness and sadness. Like everything else... you pick and choose which activities to take part in. Marriage today has too many pitfalls, especially with no fault divorce laws. Doesn't mean you cant love somebody. Just be aware of the potential problems and guard yourself.
I don't know why this nearly made me cry. It's kind of similar to self-handicapping in social psychology. If you expect to do poorly on a test you might not study, only play video games and not sleep before the test. Why would you do that when you can try your best and still get a decent grade? Because it's easier to protect our ego if we fail and have a ready excuse like not even trying. It's a lot harder if you try your hardest and still fall short of where you think you _need_ to be.
The analogy between efforts for true love and efforts for study/ career is so perfect...
🔥🔥🔥
@@Waitingonasunrise Yep, the fear of not being good enough is a really strong deterrent.
Saying “I love you” to a person,is giving them strength to hurt you at the same time you trust them not too.
That's like saying "I don't trust the demons that people carry"
Unless you have enough respect for yourself to not care what happens either way.
Being a dick is the way to reduce the risk of being hurt
@@Marina1686 then go
be a dee no one cares
Yes but that's how relationships work, of any kind. You cannot love someone without allowing them to see your most vulnerable side, otherwise that's not a healthy relationship. You just gotta choose decent people. But you also need to remember that people change with time, so it's a possibility they may end up hurting you, and that isn't your fault, but theirs. In such cases, you learn to move on. Don't shut down others just because you got betrayed, learn to heal so you attract the right people in your life. Otherwise you become the emotionally unavailable person this video is talking about
Don't ever attack me like this again....
xD
Lol!
💀 hahaha
You better be armed next time lol
🤣🤣
"a crush on someone at the library, who we never talked to yet think of obsessively, even if it turns out that they have a partner"
*I've never felt so attacked thank you very much*
Hahaha!
Omg same 😂😂
So... Tell us about them!!!
I was about to say let go off my shirt 😂😂
jeez!😂
For some reason, many people always want what they can't have 🤔👎
I dont even know what I want
it's something called envy. I always thought that unavailable people were more interesting because of the mistery surrounding that person, the what ifs, a fantasy builds around the relationship. Of course if the relationship were to get serious then dissapointment would surely follow thus many like the constraints because it gives a more romantic edge to the relationship. Furthermore, Obstacles unite people, there is a clear cut antagonist to you're innacessible relationship. If the obstacle dissapears than the people are left ot their own devices and resentment starts brewing, annoyance at tics grow, the relationship festers. Obstacles are a distraction that are necessary for many relationships to develop often times between incompatible people.
Then there are the libertins which seek to conquer the most innaccessible of people. That's more of a sport. They want to see the nun break, the devout wife run into his arms. They are masters of manipulation. All they love in reality is the idea of having someone so innaccessible, someone whose a true challenge to woo. Once they have you in the palm of their hand, they go on to the next victim. These are egomaniacs of sort that get off to conquering women(or men) and hold immense pride in doing so.
And when they get it, they get bored and want something else
The bigger the challenge, the more we value what we faught for 👑
It's not bad thing
There's someone I want so much in my life. But I know for the life of me, that I'll never have her. And it's this daily thought about 'what if'...
this video came for my neck and threw me across the floor
🤣🤣🤣
HAHAHAH
😂🤣😂
LMFAO
Having a partner shouldn’t be the ultimate goal in life romantic love isn’t the only type of love out there
But when/if you ever experience it, you know it's one of the greatest feelings ever. Therefore, you want that.
Brianna Not really is all about perspective .
@@rogeramezquita5685 correct. Just speaking from my perspective. Me personally, having spent most of my life with feeling lonely, its whole different feeling having someone to share my experiences with. My if I had friends or a more supportive family I'd feel different. But the one person has been enough for me.
That's the thing, sometimes all it takes is one person to change the way you see the world and it doesn't have to be someone your romantically involved with.
Brianna the key to finding happiness is realizing that you don’t need anyone other than yourself to be happy
When I became unavailable, I became popular with women. When I made myself available, it was the opposite. Life is hilarious.
wendall parker thats because theres a lot of hurting men and women on this planet and those types of people are addicted to the pain of not being desired or even seen.
This is ,show me how women think: always NO!!!
Same. But with guys. It sort of pisses me off, it is like I don’t want any of you trash! The more I hate people and want them away they more they beg for me. When I feel anything for anyone they then act like they don’t want it... it is so dumb
The question is what TYPE of women. Lol. If you don't get what I'm saying now - you will, soon enough 😂
I have found that people tend to crave things that are out of their reach. When they get what they want, they have reached their goal and they usually move on to the next challenge, or item. Human nature.
The great irony of life: The less attached you are, the easier it is to create whatever you want.
Can you elaborate on that!? Thank you!
@@matchmasterqueen5054 I think what he’s trying to imply is that when you’re less attached, you’re more in tune with your emotions and how it makes you feel, you basically see the bigger picture and therefore, can be easier to make the necessary adjustments along the way. As opposed to when you’re too attached, it can be like you’ve fallen into a rabbit hole, you’re too close to see the bigger picture. Or at least that’s what I think he meant
@@younesmohssen8158 thanks you fpr this explanation...
I guess the only person who is always available for me is myself.
And God, your creator.
I’m available for you too baby, come home🥰
Yes! 🙌🏼
Deep
So work on yourself and be happy.
Usually for me when I find out that they are in a relationship, my brain shuts off and I go the other way. DONT WANNA BE A HOMEWRECKER.😡😡
It's best to live by the golden rule, as you do, Ness G.
Congratulations on being normal (not being ironic here, most people are just fucked up)
It seems like every time I meet a woman , she's in a Loveless , codependent relationship sad ... I just accept and walk away....
@@michaeldanao6326 my father had an affair and the woman became pregnant. These two should've just walked away. THIS SHIT RUINED MY LIFE. People don't understand that they can also effect others without realizing it. Since then when I hear about someone that's in a relationship I turn away. I've went through hell as a teenager.
@@nessg1043, sorry to hear. Can only imagine what you've been through. At least you learned what Not to do!
Yup. Kept this up until I was 38 years old and desperately lonely. Been with my partner 21 years now, Real love is a hard painful slog, but ultimately far more rewarding than day dreams.
how did you stop it?
@@innervoicejargonMake yourself available
@@timchavis9420 easier said than done right.
If u are always available , u are needy and unattractive. When u go off the grid people miss you more, want you more. People want what they can't have and that's a fact
So true!
Absolutely
That’s only true for people that have “attachment issues”. Fix your issues, and unavailable people become very unattractive.
Not all the peaple
@@ErikaLaGrande you are probably right, but go live somewhere else mrs.perfect,
Guys tend to flirt with me more now that I'm in a relationship than when I was looking. Somebody also told me that after I was in a relationship that I looked happier...literally: "like I was glowing".
People are attracted to others who seemingly have what they want in their life. Healthy and happy is more attractive. People can sense your life satisfaction.
Woah... Now that I think about it...
Until your relationship crashes and burns and you end up depressed and alone. Get out of here with that BS.
The problem with people being attracted to your “best self” is that it’s impossible for any human being to always be “best self” at all times no matter what.
Another caveat: when you’re at a life peak, often you’ll attract people who are needy. They want your happiness and satisfaction and mistakenly believe that taking up with you can somehow “elevate” them to your vibration. (It can’t.). Also attracts resentful types who want to wreck your satisfaction because they lack it themselves.
It’s important to be selective in welcoming people into your life.
@Danielle & @ A Masion
Thought of writing something to add to your comments. But you've said it all. Well said👍🏽.
Danielle, men are attracted to women who are in relationship because they think it's easier to get casual encounters with such women. Because those women already have partners and will not seek for another serious relationship on the side, only for "simple fun."
I actually find it hard to be attracted to someone who is not available. I hate the thought of being some kind of side piece. It turns me off.
You are very lucky
Raj Shah
Yeah. It’s just that I want someone to actually want me back. If they are not interested in me then I quickly lose interest in them. And if they’re with someone else then it definitely means they’re interested in someone else and they do not want me so I feel nothing for them and I’m never attracted to them merely because they’re ‘unavailable’. I would only be interested or attracted if he first broke up with his girlfriend THEN asked me out. If he tried to have some kind of affair while he is still with his girlfriend or wife then it’s a turn off for me. It’s like if you want me then why are you with someone else at the same time? If you really wanted me then you would have already broken up with them. I’m not just going to be just some kind of side piece.
@@joellaz9836 That kinda attitude is goals for me. In my head when a girl seems too eager I kind of lose interest because the "game" is kind of lost. I have realised that this is probably unhealthy behaviour and literally what the video points out.
Raj Shah
Yes, I see. Maybe. It’s different for men. Do men like it when girls play hard to get? I thought they found that annoying. I like it when a man is devoted or eager for me.
Joella Z I’m with you. I’ve never found myself in The friend zone situation because if someone’s not interested it feels like a stupid waste of time and pain.
I see this happening around me all the time. The unreachable seems exciting and exotic but truthfully loving someone who is available is the most unique and exotic love situation. I think more people need to hear this.
Thank you!!!
So, are you available?
"Impossible situations feel so romantic not because we've found a soul mate, but because the absence of risk has loosened our hearts."
this video hits so close to home that i felt challenged watching it to the end
Well maybe you should get a bucket of water and race to the Amazon to try to put out the fires at home :/
Ditto, shit, why is this thing exposing my life!
Hi! Julio, must be the animation....
Same
Most of their videos are like that! I swear to God they come at the right time !
this is why learning to love ourselves is very important. but, we must know the boundary of self-love and selfishness. it always takes a lifetime or two to master that lesson.
Wisdom
Forbidden fruits are always sweet. Indeed.
pratap gaikwad, and make for some odd jams too, LOL!
Take a bow!. Captured the sentiment
That's why I always carry on my snake around my body. Nothing better than temptation in this boring world. Want an apple?
@@p.b4287 ya sure...🙂
Fruit that is forbidden is almost ALWAYS a poisonous one. Just saying...
"[They] would rather be in control of a sad situation than half out of control of a happy one." 1:40
One of the greatest luxuries in life is to be able to choose solitude over companionship.
I would reformulate your sentence. Privacy is a luxury, loneliness a choice. Do not confuse this with fear to share at least a great deal of yourself with a worthy person. Love is priceless. But must be a real one.
this feels like deja vu
@@p.b4287 But the point of solitude is to not share yourself; not because of fear, but to preserve your sense of self. When you love someone you deny part of yourself - the part that yearns for freedom and solitude.
@@p.b4287 shut the fuck up, no one is worthy of my love and it ain’t priceless. Loneliness for life!!!
Choosing solitude, or are you really afraid of, and avoiding intimacy?
Never ever give another person all your love without some type of reciprocation. You'll only be disappointed if you do.
Only give your love to a person who can and will love you back. Great relationship is reciprocity. Without reciprocity, the relationship won't last.
*Children are excluded from this rule for obvious reason.
@Ava Flower Yes we do. And unfortunately, even with the rule, this lesson comes to us the hard way during childhood.
You are exactly correct. Love is a two-way street, not just one way. The same with friendship which is more of agape love than eros.
Scratch my itch and I'll scratch yours= Love.
so true. ive liked a guy but he never reciprocated. i was hurt but thats it. so i went on with my life.
Thanks, Captain Obvious.
So basically we are self saboteurs when it come to matters of the heart
and many are self saboteurs in more aspects of life, like money, happiness, careers, etc
@@JLchevz how so? Examples please.
It wasn't the impossibility that attracted me to the person, it took a long time and happened organically. I hope the person can become real, though. If not, I hadn't expected to ever fall in love again, so I still choose to be glad I could feel this way. If it really is impossible, I will give up thinking of potential that is not there.
@@coreycox2345
Maybe its not impossible but highly unlikly?
@@dasein9980 well some people tend to shun good opportunities because deep inside they think they dont deserve it. There are three main situations when self-sabotage happens:
-Something good is going on for you and you make sure you kill it
.
-It’s time to stand up for yourself, but you instead bow down and do nothing
.
-You fight for something you really want and when you get there, you destroy it somehow.
I just googled this real quick lol. But there are millions of examples. Main thing is: you stop your progress and happiness because you think you dont deserve success or happiness.
I really loved this animation style!
That's only because it has a partner.
Yesss me 2
True
YESSSS
you must've loved how the 1st couple shown were lesbians.
The fact that you cherish her in a distance, carrying this feeling inside your heart unbeknownst to her, with only the endless heaven as your sole gazer, is truly beautiful yet tragic.
In Arabic , there is a proverb (though it is a general one but it applies to many situations) which says "الممنوع مرغوب" meaning that what is prohibited (not allowed) is always desired .
I met the guy on holiday and spent 2.5 years long distance. Now we are married and have been living together for more than half a year and we are doing very well. We love each other dearly and get better in communication each day. It's ok to fall in love like this.
STFU just want to say, i really appreciate this perspective. it’s important in a video like this for someone to give counterexamples. also you’re helping me navigate my current situation haha. so thanks 😊
this really isn't a fantasy? :)
@@cinderelly00 it wasn't but currently we are having a major crisis, and i don't know if we'll make it :(
@@ianradcliffe2319 you're married! don't give up! rooting for you both.
@@cinderelly00 thank you ♥
I feel that for myself, someone liking me can be a massive turn-off for some reason but now I get it.
Same. Disgusting that they’d lie to me like that.
@@SmokeyRoseWolf huh?
Appalling
@@dasein9980 they think they're not worthy to be liked so when someone likes them they're lying
@fragrantsoul19 still do
I think at a core, this is about maturity as well as self-love :)
Agreed
Facts
elaborate
@@sadisticgirl_ pretty straightforward. Once we learn to truly love ourselves we learn that unavailable people tend to leave us empty. And as you mature and know yourself more you want an equal not someone to pine over who's unavailable and will ultimately push you away. Leaving us in a perpetual cycle of unfulfilled needs and low self-esteem.
Shimi Shiba, would you like to help me in learning English well.
Jesus. This is terrifyingly spot on. I do this constantly. I'm always crushing on older guys in serious relationships because it gives me the freedom to dream/romanticise about them without the risk of them ever knowing or potentially hurting my feelings. Meanwhile, I know someone who is very into me and available but it just doesn't seem like an attractive option so I tend to shut myself out.
So basically
Move on. Let go when you should. Before it destroys you from within.
Entropy leads to self discovery...
@Jude Matombe LMAOOOAOAO
@Jude Matombe 🤣👏🌪
Lol yes move on as soon as you can u less it is just a fling and you doing to pass your time. Also btw are you Indian?
all these years, i thought i love him because he became unavailable after our few moments in the past. but this is true, i just love the idea of him and that moment, im not really inlove
Same here buddy. I had been trying to make sense of this but this video brought a lot of things into perspective.
I'm quite sure that's how an ex felt about me. She painted me to be someone I'm not and even tried to make me into the image of the person she actually wants to be with. It sucks being emotionally used.
@@sanrok2 i am sorry you had to experience this
@Vanshri Shankar My hypothesis is that at the time they meet us they're lonely, sad or both. They just want someone they find remotely attractive and who will make time with them. They find that person and want to change them. Either to their own vision or, unconsciously, to an ex. When people feel broken and lonely they may do any say things out of character and is in the moment rather than thinking logically.
I have no quarl with such people, but I'd rather they not waste their and our time when, in reality, they don't need to be in a relationship at that point in time.
@@sevay Thanks a lot. It's unfortunate it's happened, but I was able to have flaws about myself brought to light. Through my relationship with her, she's pointed out many unattractive traits I have. Although I'm still in a grueling process of reacquiring my confidence from square one, I feel like, through this, I will become a better person for me.
Do you personally know me, School of Life? Always get a video, that fits my life. Thank you so much. Synchronicity is beautiful.
Like they are soooo spot on. Spying on us😱
same
Ya it’s crazy
Same!
My God
I believe that we like this kind of love because we always think that we are not good enough. And that its impossible for someone to genuinely like us. Thats why we would rather chase someone and make the effort to have that proof that person loves us because we made all those efforts.
Being attracted to unavailable people hahaha yea I remember how I used to be so immature. Now I grew up. I'll tell you the secret if you're interested. It's called self love. Damn it feels so good. Try it people.
But how did that change your view?
@@jessicawolf5669 Watch the video again Jessica.
Realising that available people you already know the traits and the character of, is a better and a more guaranteed choice. On the other hand, Unavailable people you don't know well, we just like their illusion in our minds, we don't even know them, they are risky.
--> so it's better to stick with the safer and the better option by being mature and smart
Nah
What you mean Self love? Like chocking the Bishop?
Now at 61, I finally understood my life’s love choices.
Great, then I got 28 more years to fuck it up!
@Charles White that’s just stupid. You are a stupid person with stupid opinions and should feel badly about yourself.
@@SKa-tt9nm lmao 😂😂
@Charles White You are right, it true
@@SKa-tt9nm you are only making yourself seem stupid
The beautiful animation was a nice distraction from Alain’s savage insights into my life
Not interested Lucy.
Exactly what I thought lol
Hahahaha hahahahaha 😆
People often choose to focus and pursue the unavailable ones because they're afraid of the disappointment of getting heart broken by someone more loving and considerate.
I honestly don't think so, they will get heartbroken by both, don't they? I think it is more of self-sabotage coming from a person that probably hates themselves to love someone they achieve, it is the same love that they may have had from an abusive parent for example.
@@HatemSinokrot Your second point is correct. As for the disappointment, you won't be that disappointed (if at all) by losing someone who's already distant.
Lmao get lost that comment does not even make sense😂
Completely wrong. I just broke up from a LDR and it hurts as much as any other IRL relationship I had.
@@PCWorld2ady I didn't say "everyone all the time". I said "often"
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder" is an old saying that sums up what I'm doing to myself with a long distance relationship during a pandemic, where neither one can even visit the other, but it's the sweetest relationship I've had so far. Lucky to have technology and live video to anyone in the world because life can be incredibly lonely during these times, so anything that may give you a moment of happiness is sometimes worth the pain.
I remember that beautiful girl in a Cafe in Venice. I never could talk to her but never forget her.
I fall for the women who are not interested, and turn away the ones that are. It's so hard!
Hossam ElGebeily same here dude. Some of it i regret. But currently i did choose someone thats interested and likes me. Just remember to love yourself and choose someone that will love you for who you are rather than someone that only likes you because of your good traits. I did love someone that only likes me because it would benefit them, its hard to live day by day with someone that you cant be your true self with. Its hard to live lying to yourself just to impress and just to keep someone.
@@midnightfun1277 How's that going for you? In terms of internal satisfaction
Same WhatsApp group.... And i think this thing called love is not for me
Raj Shah its a new relationship but as of now so far jt is better than what i had before. It was like i can breathe again. Having someone accept you and understand you for who you are without them really demanding you to be a different person just to please them is like having a new found freedom. You will have more time to think more time to love, more time to actually change for the better and for yourself. You know a good relationship from what i am experiencing right now is having someone inspire to lead yourself and your life to be a better person for yourself and for her. Rather than changing yourself because someone forced you to change.
My stupid heart and brain just cant seem to like the ones that are interested. I seem to be chasing the ones that aren’t. It is hard because you feel rejected and it hurts confidence. What does it mean when people say, love yourself? I am not sure I don’t love myself. Or do I?
Friendships works out 😊
Romantic love sucks, whether close or far away.. Real friends are like gems...
I would not date a person before we are good friends. My ex was my good friend before we were dating. Now he is married and we are still good friends.
I bet you friend zoned all of your potential boyfriends
My best relationships were from friendships.
@longrider i understand what are you saying. Men also friend zone women. The guy who once said that he would marry me, after sometime said that he considers me as a life long friend. It broke my heart but what can be done.
Regarding friends, I'm talking about those people who are good friends from the beginning. No romantic feelings.
@longrider in any relation whether friendship or relationship mutual respect and care matters the most. Its difficult to find genuine people now a days.
*"Impossible situations feel so romantic not because we have found a soulmate, but because the absence of risk has loosened our hearts."*
wow
This explained exactly what I needed to hear at this exact second this describes the person that I love so much . They love me more when I’m gone and push me away when I’m here
"Impossible situations feel so romantic
Not because we found our soulmate
But because the absence of risk
Has loosened our hearts
But we should with time, more fairly
Learn to dare to turn our amourous attentions
To that deeply dangerous
Threatening but ultimately rewarding character
The person we know
The person who likes us a lot
And the person who is available all the time."
Lmao that's retarded quote at best but whatever😂
That literally explains why I’m still single! This one guy I know that I used to have a crush on is always trying to run off somewhere to travel... I started to become aware that there was this allure to that, I think that’s why he does it. Maybe someday he’ll get over himself...
*love & Peace is never guaranteed we don’t use the R slur anymore. 🤨
*People are attracted to abundance* and being unavailable signals that.
- Your self-esteem is high
- You are not clingy
- You'll live good with or without
🤔
High self esteem? Nah
I prefer the chase of back and forth unavailability and running into each others arms again and again and having the bliss of that high. I can in fact live with or without and credit life experience to what I make of it individually and I think that emotional dependance is a huge distraction for me that I could not control. It's not so typical but it is still a ride.
Meh gtfo lol
I don’t understand how on earth this channel knows everything about me. I think it was designed specially for me. Each time I feel bad, I receive a recommendation to watch one of the videos and I feel better! Thank you guys very much!
The author and the therapist Robin Norwood explain in details why we love people who are not available becuse we were neglected in our childhood and had father who is emotionally unavailableher, her book called women who love too much. Wonderful book, she is brilliant
When we're interested in someone, they're emotionally unavailable
When someone's interested in us, we push them away
...
Dating is so hard
All we need is right person in the right time
But sadly we often expect a perfect love
Elizabeth Eilien there is not right time is all about value , who ever enter your life should add not take
@@rogeramezquita5685 what about someone you think is right for you but she rejected you because she just broke up and needed time to heal herself? It's not her right time to get a new bf
Someone who really want you will overcome rejection many time and with patience something that this generation don’t have .
@@rogeramezquita5685 You're right! Young people nowadays only want "instant" way
@@rogeramezquita5685 it's not true. Some women are just using her orbiters to feed her ego. If she wants you, you don't have to move mountains for her
Lived for almost 25 years without feeling love from someone else. Pretty sure I'll get through the next 25 just the same.
💜💜💜 love and blessings from a stranger
@·厶· INOS lol
Nooooo, you are wasting precious time from your life. Atleast try once.... just to know how it is, if it doesnt work out, atleast you know what you”re talking about...
@·厶· INOS oh, makes sense
No be vulnerable .
Just stop loving and everything will be fine.
Pinoy keyboard warrior great idea
Thats now how humans work
Like an on/off switch?
Dog is the answer to true love, jut get used to picking up poop.
Brianne C - Exactly!..Or a pillow, because it's very faithful and supportive! 😂😂
We want what we can’t have. When we do have it, the novelty wears out rather quickly.
Stop stalking me Denise.
I was like this until I reached my mid 30s and decided to change my views and try something different. Remember same thoughts = same actions = same results and the reverse is true. Now I'm much happier to be in a r/s with someone available.
Woooow! I don't even know what to say. This revelation about myself blew my mind
So you're telling me it's curiosity and not love. Oh.
Na, it's fantasy...
It’s BS. Love endures all things, always hopes, it is patient and it is kind... so it will overcome obstacles.
Romance needs financial resources to survive✔😭☠💲⛔
Jack Gritty broke nigga problems
MrAwesome lol this nigga 😂
I always find myself attracted to someone whose already in a relationship. However, I just admire how they handle their relationship and wanting to have that kind
This channel is my main source of daily anxiety
Let go of people who are not available and who are not concerned of your feelings and well-being! Focus your energy to yourself and to the people who care for you and love you. Don't beg for other people's love. You are enough, you are complete. If he doesn't love you, no amount of effort and time will make him feel otherwise. Do not wait for him. You are the prize and not the other way around!
Everything you said, is right, I agree. But it is just too tough to let them go. I am 25, never been in a relationship, never liked anyone throughout my journey but only one, who is now 50, working in my field, now we live in the same city but when it started we were one continent away!... I have only liked this person in my life and noone else and I am pretty sure that I cannot like and love anyone, other than him. We know each other professionally but he is not aware of my situation, but naturally! Fact he is a well established and successful historian whos private life is just perfect, he lives in his family house with his wife and three kids. Even after knowing the bitter facts I am unable to forget him.... I have tried my level best, but.... This has not just harmed me but led me to a dangerous situation where I cannot live or even look at anybody else... It's tragic and very unhealthy for the mental and physical health
Sounds narcissistic a bit
Another way to overcome this is to tell ourselves that all our lovers are dying, but at different speeds.
Love this!!!
Epic idea
We are all dying slowly anyway. It starts at birth. {Chokes and dies on his ginger cookie}.
My god, how accurate. Explains in large part why I am still alone.
I’m always going through this... sigh. I think I’m not good at love. Thanks for a good video!
I am not always going through but whenever I seem to really care it always seem to be with someone that it could not possibly work out with as I do have abandonment issues and I know it and I invariable am attracted to someone whom is not emotionally mature, still playing the field, doesn't know how to treat a woman , is only in it for the sex or all of the aforementioned.
Same
Thanks!
I just discovered I'm addicted to sadness too! Crap, I got so many things to be fixed in me! No life to waste.
I swear this channel knows what I'm going through personally Everytime!
Never have I ever thought I’ll end up as one of those I see in the movies: afraid of intimacy.
Jared Bryan I’ve met such people in the past and I’ve let each of them go. I feel like everything’s perfect and that I’ll ruin it if I stay any longer. I know where the “sickness” lies but it’s never easy to just “cure” it.
Watching this at 6 in the morning will get you.
6 am after a sleepless night
Omg I know I slept at 330 and it’s 8...agh this is deep lol
The reason I think Unavailable People are so enticing is because you never get to know who they are so you can project what you want onto them. I was in love with a Woman for 6 years and the last time I saw her I realized I knew ABSOLUTELY nothing about her because whenever I would ask her something personal she never wanted to get into it. My last words to her were "I have no idea who you are...you could be a total piece of shit for all I know."
But who knows why could she never open up what fears she might have, what trauma she s been thru that sacres her to become vulnerable infront of others
Dude, your story is spot on to mine 6 years, we broke up early this year and recently saw her, and she felt like a stranger. For whatever reason, she never let me in, I can't be with her because I don't know her! And never will.... but that's okay
a man and 5 years, but yeah, hits home
I’ve never felt this attacked in my entire life! Had to watch twice! Can’t promise that I won’t do more
Well said. However, I have an objection. People who choose to get involved in such impossible relationships DO risk getting hurt, actually a lot more than if they chose to love someone available...
True that, just broke up from my LDR gf and I tell you it hits me harder even more than the IRL relationships I had because this one had a lot of attachment to her as she was but she couldn't deal with distance and me being kinda paranoid by her secretive nature.
It’s true. But like he mentions, one risk you have an illusory full control over (‘’i CHOSE this unavailable person and therefore deep down know they could act poorly and hurt me’’) vs taking a smaller risk that you have no control over (‘’I chose this loving, thoughtful person...but if this available kind person ends things, which is less likely than being with the unavailable person, what does that say about me though?!’’) answer is still nothing, but it feels much more personal
They cover that in the video 01:40 The pain of something you already knew to cause pain is tangible... The pain of something you never thought would cause of pain, well it's traumatizing even
This is similar to fear of failure.. What if we really get what we want and they are not what we thought? Or worse, we do not want the responsibilities of love??
Hence choosing those that is not possible
One of the worst regrets can be not giving others a chance.
Nah man
Alan Fox a guy I really am interested in and had a great connection or what seemed like one doesn’t wanna give us a try ... I know why and I know for a fact sooner or later he’s going to figure out the way of his thinking is not right
@Holographic Multiverse no it's not.if u actually gave them a chance and it didn't work out you can always say "it didn't work out" but if you didn't, the thought of "what if?" will always linger in your mind.the greatest regret is giving someone a second chance and they decides to repeat the same mistake.
No Risk. No Hurt. This hits hard.
I stopped doing this in my early 30s. That’s Growth ❤️
This video slaps me in the face.
*_I like it._*
Same lol
woke
I’m the 69th like
Lol
I swear to God, school of Life knows exactly what's going on in my life..-_-
Exactly! I'm in shock too!
And mine. ( the women with the fiance in the other side of the world) 🤣
They were their for my unhappy relationship, then my breakup, and now my attempts and new love. Day after day.... Creepy.
+1
Also A bit shocked
I was moving to another continent and my bf was willing to do anything we needed as a couple, he looked really in love. But my plans had to change and I stayed here. When I told him I wasn't leaving anymore he suddenly felt overwhelmed and stopped showing interest. I feel so confused now.
Oh... hope things get better for you
Then leave
Jennifer Rodriguez, better to know what you're dealing with before you waste your life with him.
The person before me needs to chill. Your dude is actually the one who doesnt want to waste time. So he moved on simple not confusing.
he is just turned off!
I used to be soo infatuated w/ this guy who was clearly unavailable. We really do fall for the idea or the image we think that person is & not who they really are. The pain we feel can be addictive too. So glad I grew out of that pattern. Now I have an amazing bf that is emotionally available, & it’s crazy looking back at the crappy pointless situations I spent years dwelling on lol the comfort of being in a solid relationship vs chasing something you’ll never catch is like a breath of fresh air! Once you experience that happiness, you’ll never go for an unavailable person again.
But having that comfort of being with an available person becomes boring and your mind drifts back to the emotionally unavailable guy
@@samburu1988 Although I understand some people feel that way, I would personally never want to be or ever put myself in that position again. I want a life partner, not a facade of one.
In my case, when I wanted to be loved no one wanted to love me and when I chose myself over relationships, I came across people who wanted to love me. In the end I only made bad decisions.
That animation is wonderful, and yeah the narrative hit the nail on the head.
I love you Maryann.
i felt personally attacked when he said “a crush on someone at the library who we never talk to”
Agreed. I feel so attacked too... 😦 TH-cam knows my life
2 minutes into this video and this guy is talking about me like hes been watching me for years
wow im in the same exact situation, im in a relationship with someone from another continent and honestly i knew from the start that it's doomed to end someday and i found comfort in that certainty 🥴
I never thought of that, and I think you're right. The expression "timid visitors to love" is spot on.
*It is common for people to want more of what they can't have or what is scarcely had💪*
I'm shocked, it's like as if my current situation has been explained to me. I didn't know it was some sort of defense mechanism.
I was never attracted to married men. A ring on their finger clearly shows that they're taken and not available, plus it would indicate he's a cheater if he was married and flirting with other women. I did just get out of a long distance relationship though, this video helped me realize some things about me that even I didn't know.
god.’ive been looking for a video like this for a long time now. i asked myself recently why am i attracted to unavailable people when i have my whole dating life. like you said some people don’t know that they are doing this. but i’ve done some major soul searching and found a pattern. now i can move on. i recently found someone that is available emotionally and physically. it scared me at first just like this video explains and it’s really not as intense but holy cow reaping the benefits of someone you actually love and available for you is very priceless and something i’ve never had before ever. thank you so much for making this video.
Those hidden and therefore unresolved doubts and fears end up revealing themselves at precisely the wrong times, and most often under stress. A time when we'd all would prefer to shine instead.
I’m 26 year old and I just learned this 😐 now I get why no one wants to be with me when I look for a serious relationship
I would love to see a video for being in love with older or younger person and the taboo around this subject.
There's still a taboo around that?