This video made me realize how much suppressed anger built up inside in me because I feel like I was never allowed to express myself without out being criticized or judged. And in a result, my anger turned into really bad anxiety and avoidance behavior.
I have started doing this with anxiety. I start to feel the rise in fear, heart palpitations and I just breathe and accept it and console myself with phrases like it’s just emotion. The acceptance is the best part.
I'm gonna have to try this ,cause last few time emotions got the best of me and I was freaking out and wanted to run out the store.. I'm praying and believing for healing and deliverance from all this an it's root causes too. I pray each of you overcome too.😊
I took a DBT class a few years ago but I didn't really practice the techniques. I have not been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. A therapist just thought so would benefit from DBT. I don't know if I would benefit from repeating the class or not. Maybe CBT instead?
Same. My emotions and reactions have always been my identity and it's actually scary to think otherwise... I don't know what to identify myself as without them
Yes, but each time you confront your emotion the intensity should lessen where it is not so strong. Tolerate the emotion and take comfort knowing it will not be so bad the next time around. Eventually you will not feel that emotion since you dealt with it and resolved it... that's pretty much the process.
Drink, go get a cuisinart and process the heck out of them. How about acceptance? Emotions are not processed. One needs to learn how to use logic, reasoning and sense of self, knowledge of needs WITH emotions.
Integrity, yes! That's why I love her videos so much. I feel like I can trust her because she clearly prioritises delivering this valuable education above all else @@dzzzzzt
WORKING as Clinical COunsellor at a Recovery Place: went back to Grad School at 58...graduated at 64 and now 72 at this place just hired 3 weeks ago.I LOVE LOVE LOVE how you work,Thank you Dr. Marks and ty for your wordselsagrace.
Trauma deprives us of the ability to control emotions and at the same time it is emotions that protect us from trauma. A vicious circle with constant struggle.
This is SPOT ON! I've said for the past few years that being raised in the church ruined me emotionally because EVERY SINGLE unhealthy coping mechanism I developed was due to consistently being told that expressing these emotions was something I needed to consistently fast & pray to be delivered from. Needless to say it never worked & it pissed me off when I eventually realized how much damage this kind of conditioning had done to my nervous system that has plagued my my entire adulthood. It stunts your growth and prevents you from developing mature ways to process the emotions & move on. My problem early in life was being too nice, letting people walk over me because what I was taught. Now I have anger issues I struggle to get under control from years of suppression.
Hi just wanted to share that although that was your experience, fasting and praying does help me. A lot of psych issues are exacerbated by demons and they flee from those weapons. God bless.
@@mph1ish I appreciate your input. However, fasting & prayer never worked for me personally. I have a mom who's an evangelist. I've spent MANY many years trying this and it didn't help. Not even a little. But I'm glad it worked for you.
I'm LMAO and she keeps a straight face. It is particularly funny because I have recently lost a job and that is how I tried to respond. Until days later when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The first step in dealing with negative emotions is understanding that there is no such thing as "negative" emotions. There are uncomfortable emotions. There are painful emotions. But our emotions serve a purpose and when you associate emotions with being positive or negative, you immediately create a need for avoidance.
This was extremely validating. I've journaling my stressors and triggers, noting how I cope and the methods that work best for me, but something was missing. The issue was I was assigning my emotions as "fear-based", when in actuality I was just angry, very angry, but felt bad about being angry. Now I have a new approach to better manage my anger and anxiety.
Unprocessed anger being shown through anxiety and depression because they're viewed as more acceptable Damn, that hurt my heart a little bit being called out like that 😅
Hey, just wanted to say I watched this video just under two months ago while I was going through a VERY difficult time and it helped me and continues to help me so much. Just thought I'd let you know that your videos are impacting lives. Thank you for doing what you do!
"But it's just an emotion, nothing more, nothing less" - Powerful! Once I identify the emotion, watch the emotion and locate it in my body, I then journal out what the subconscious rage is saying in my mind, especially to the other person who I think caused me the anger or upset. I write exactly what I would like to have said to this person that I feel is unjust to me (or fault-worthy or blameworthy). I may not get an opportunity to verbally express my real anger to this person so I write out an "I" statement ending with a statement of what I really needed instead (love, understanding, compassion). Then I release this emotion out of body to my Higher Power and shred my journal write-up as I don't have a reason to hang onto the emotion of that situation or event. Now I can accept that I cannot change the outcome, and begin to problem solve so I can move forward. It's amazing what ideas can present themselves when you have the clarity and confidence to not allow self-defeating behaviour and self-loathing to take over. 💖
I suffer from anxiety. I always thought it was mainly due to the fact I was sexually abused as a child, however, after listening to how my unprocessed/repressed anger can manifest as anxiety or depression this makes much more sense!
I spent years in an unhealthy relationship, repeatedly telling myself my feeling didn't matter. Eventually my body was like..nope. Self talk is natural, and we do it because we are responsible for out bodies health. Please listen to it, and talk it out. It makes a world of difference, and you do matter.💌
'But if a bear comes in and bares its teeth at me, I WILL wet my pants and run' - hahaha literally laughed out loud at this bit. Thank you so much for putting the effort in and providing these videos! They're so helpful!
Once again, thank you for your extremely concise language, examples, and relateability. Just yesterday my therapist and I went over a lot of this. A huge boost to my tasks at hand in treatment! So cool, Dr. Marks.
Omg! The world NEEDS people like you!! Definitely do not hear this incredibly helpful guidance in the “biblical counseling” at church. All you hear is “take your thoughts captive” and “probably need to confess something.” This is what people actually need. Thank you.
Just started to explore psych videos as I begin therapy myself, and I have to say Dr. Marks is the best thing so far. She is clear, concise, and an excellent speaker.
Just a few minutes ago I was having an anger/disappointment attack to the point it was hard to breath and I couldn’t get myself together. I decided to go back to this video. I couldn’t remember any of it, but just that you are very clear and concise. After watching it, I am now better, and with the clarity that I can feel anger about a situation without the guilt of it. Though it may seem obvious to some people, for me it was mind blowing to understand that I can have these emotions, and yet, not be a bad person. Thank you for your videos Dr. Marks. I, like many others, finding them helpful and entertaining at the same time.
I was never allowed to have emotions as a child. Now I’m showing my emotions and people are having a problem with it. I tell my son that I want him to tell me how he feels. When he has a temper tantrum I tell him I want to know what your feeling. And I tell him I understand. And I know why he’s feeling that way and it’s ok.
People always say they haven't seen me angry but that's because I suppress I'm glad to know that its not healthy. I'm not going to fight my anger because I know I can control it.
I was literally my own psychiatrist when I experimented with a psychedelic.This mindfulness strategy is exactly what I experienced, I remember feeling each emotion so intensely, that when I realized I could switch my emotions with different thoughts and ideas, I drastically went through 5 emotions (intense anger, intense sadness, intense compassion, intense happiness, intense laughter)in less than a minute, literally. From that moment on I believe in the Power of Thoughts and so I do my best to fill and surround myself with what I do want to feel and Focus on.
1. Observe what's happening in the moment - I'm feeling anxious / angry / sad right now. 2. Allow the emotion. This emotion is uncomfortable and might be distressing, but it's not a problem, and I'm going to make space for it and allow it to stay as long as it wants to. I don't have to be afraid of the emotion: I'm able to control myself. 3. Watch the emotion, just see what it does. Call it what it is. Where do I notice it in my body? I am not my emotions - I watch and observe my emotions which are separate from me. I am detached from my emotions. 4. Be present. Turn your attention to what's going on around you. Use your 5 senses to determine what you can see, smell, taste, touch and hear. You can also turn your attention to your breath. When the emotion comes back, say "that's okay. You can stay."
Dr Marks I've been to three psychiatrists. You are head ( lovely hair btw) and shoulders above all 3. I feel so bad sometimes, and you are always there on my smartphone. God bless you.
@@NEbluefire The best face-to-face help I ever got was NOT from a psychiatrist, or psychologist, but from a plain ol' family counselor. Some people know how to listen and interpret, some, no matter the amount of training or note taking ~ might ought to be in a different profession.
This is refreshing -- most just want you to move on and to act like your emotions are invalid, like you can turn them on or off as a lightswitch, so whatever you fee and do (or don't do) is a "choice" or an attitude. If you pipe up and point out that you want to accept your feelings and not run away with them, people will encounter that you're asking to be enabled in some unproductive way. That's been my experience, at least. It really complicates my efforts to recover from addiction, as well, which is a form of unhealthy escape. People do not need permission to have feelings, period. They don't need to distract, cover up, lie about them, label them as something different, or placate others -- that simply breeds isolation and unhealthy coping mechanisms. The more you push emotions aside and deny them, the bigger the tsunami will be at some point when a moment of reckoning comes.
Dr. Marks, you are an angel sent from heaven. You are saving so many lives, myself included. I can't thank you enough. I use your advice every day, especially this video. You just have a way of smoothing life out mentally for me.
My therapist uses IFS and EMDR to help understand and process emotions but sometimes listening to your psychological explanations & definitions just anchor me into the analytical side of my brain that wants to keep my stability going no matter what episode I'm in! 😄 thank you for this exercise!
Thank you thank you thank you! I've spent so much of my life suppressing any negative emotion and just generally not being allowed to express my emotions to other people, having to be "okay" all the time, knowing that getting angry only leads to bad consequences, etc. I needed to hear this so bad.
This was a great video. I get so caught up in my emotions at the time and drown in them with racing thoughts. But learning to dismantle parts and understand them are really helping. God bless you! Thanks
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings. This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Please does anyone know where I can get them? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels, I would love to try shrooms
I hope you know how important and life saving your work is. I am in emotional distress and I do not have access to a therapist or anyone to teach me how to cope with my emotions right now. You just saved me and showed me how to cope. With the tools you provide, I do not have to numb myself again to make the pain go away. Thank you. For actual tools/methods and not just another preachy video about "controlling" your emotions that makes you feel guilty to feel any negative emotion in the first place. No seriously there's a lot of bs on youtube. I'm really grateful to find a video from an actual therapist providing real answers for my mental health issues. Thank you. You're the best.
I just discovered your channel as I’m working through my highway driving agoraphobia. I wish I was taught about emotions when I was younger. I think I internalized so many emotions that have resulted in some of my anxieties. I’m thankful that I’m seeking knowledge so that I can better understand myself. Thanks so much for sharing this information.
I wanted to tell you that I had a breast cancer scare in April. Your videos helped me calm down and go through the process with less fear. I had a biopsy and found out all was okay and the wait was much better because of the information you share.
this was so weird, i been feeling insecure and afraid about some things that i have to accomplish in this moment of my life, and to be honest after watch this video and say outloud the template i couldnt helped but cry a little bit. It was liberating cause i been feeling (on the inside) really ashamed and anxious, but this really kinda works, gives some weird form of energy thanks for the video, greets from Chile
Thank you Dr. Marks! I downloaded the emotion cards and it is so helpful because I realize that I have suppressed or not acknowledged the emotions that are not in the Happy card. I am a people-pleaser and always wanted to keep all the love ones around me happy. I thought it meant that if my emotions are not positive, I should avoid it, have mental strength to control it, suppress it, not let it propagate to someone else. And if I can't avoid it, I beat myself up over it. I have been dealing with the consequences of that habit. Thank you for showing me that feeling what I feel is just fine.
I’m working through this with my therapist now. It’s helpful to hear it in different words (and in portable form!). I just wanted to say thank you. Much love ❤️
I found this video exactly when I needed it. I was raised to believe anger was not acceptable in a woman but anxiety and sadness were. I went on TH-cam to escape the anxiety I’m feeling (avoidance). But as I was watching I realized I’m not nervous, I’m angry. It’s easier to process the emotion now that I can name it. I’m gunna work on the coping skills you mentioned to ride this wave. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this video. I learned this technique over a decade ago, but a recent concussion robbed me of it. I have been loosing myself alot. This video saved me, i now remember. And the more i think about it , the memories and abilities get clear and more clarity is regained. Thank you , you saved me from my private prison. Truth be told, i wasnt to far from the " fine' "
😆 My REAL thoughts are... I HATE my boss and I wanna beat 👏🏾him 👏🏾down 👏🏾to 👏🏾the 👏🏾ground! That is so relatable!!!🤣 All kidding aside, excellent video! Thank you, Dr. Marks! 🙂
After recently coming to understand the why behind my actions, I couldn't find resources on how to start bettering myself and stopping my pattern of behavior without simply causing myself far more stress in doing so. Thank you for teaching me how to start on this journey. I don't want to hurt the people I care about, nor myself with my actions. Your videos have really helped me and consequently even saved my relationship with my boyfriend. You are a godsend. Thank you.
I know this is older I just wanna say thank you. I've made myself a playlist specifically for when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and your videos are the majority so far. These coping skills DO work for me. It's such a great feeling to be able to care for myself this way. To finally treat myself with compassion and love. Thank you so much, Dr. Tracey!
took me 26 years of life until someone finally told me i can be angry and its ok to have anger. was raised that being angry was bad, so i think i always tried to get it out of my body as soon as possible in less than ideal ways... screaming, breaking things, substance abuse. this brought me to tears. thank you...
Thank you! This was a great video and helped me discover the root of my depression. I have a lot of anger that I do not know how to express and it has caused me a lifetime of depression. I hope that this will give me success in learning how to manage that emotion in a way that is healthy
I just wanted to say how helpful this was for me. I have some BPD symptoms but can’t be sure, haven’t received any diagnoses. When you broke down the steps to mindfulness, I practiced it along with you and immediately felt relief. It really puts the emotions into perspective - honoring them without acting on them. I’m going to print out your template and practice regularly. Thank you!
This is incredibly helpful. I've been to so many counselors (free mind you) and most of them haven't been nearly as enlightening as this video. Everytime I am irritated by my family bc they overstep my boundaries or disregard my feelings, I sort of freeze, get a headache and feel stressed, and eventually the stress turns to a depressive feeling. But now I know the stress might actually be anger
I've had repressed trauma for 34 years. Your explanation was spot on. When my X would do purposefully hurtful things with other guys obviously in front of me and my friends would say "you can't be pissed about that because you two aren't dating any more" (as an example) and I would stuff all that negative emotion down and never address it. It has haunted me for 3 decades because I never dealt with it. Also your words about "they will come back live waves" and that's ok was super helpful. I kept thinking I was broken that I couldn't just permanently get past things. Great video.
Thank you I needed this. I have PTSD, dealt with about 25 years of abuse. Anger is an emotion I have struggled with. How do you feel it, can I even get angry? etc. When I get angry I ended up crying instead, like you mentioned I have severe anxiety and depression. I'm on the healing process, but recognize this is going to be a long process.
I am sorry that you experienced the abuse. I am encouraged by how you express yourself. I am guessing that describing yourself with the words "I'm on the healing process" could be reframed to acknowledge how much work you have done.
Thank you for this. Not a lot of therapists and doctors bring up self-harm as a coping mechanism, and even if they do they don't really tell you how to deal with it. I have heard of the "allow yourself to feel your emotions" but it is so hard to do! You gave me a good template to use the next time I'm overwhelmed.
This dr saved my life. I couldn’t get out of bed because of multiple illnesses I was diagnosed with. I’ve learned to see the wave coming ahead of time. Prepare and work through them. I haven’t felt free in 30 years until now
I was like, highly doubt this will apply, but I’ll watch out of curiosity. only to hear you say the “I’m happy to be alive” line, that I use on the daily. 😐 solid video. Guess I’ve got some emotional homework to do.
Thank you, it’s very important that I heard this from someone who knows how to explain mental health, but also without judgement. I thank you kindly ❤️
I love the wave analogy, as a surfer we go.from riding the best wave ever to wiping out and literally end up fighting for our lives , nearly drownjng . Dealing with that emotional shock is part of surfing larger waves , you MUST let it all go to survive. EMDR has helped a couple friends that have had bad near drowning experiences.
Doctor, you are a rare breed. I've never come across a Psychiatrist or Psychologist or even a licensed therapist that mentions Faith. Thank you for that! I was honestly about to give up when youtube recommended your video. God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
Wow, this hit the nail on the head for me. I was raised to suppress my emotions and not show anger and negativity. If I showed them, I was physically, verbally, and emotionally punished.
I just found your page. Thank you so much for your content. After this dumpster fire of a year and so many other life changes, I realized I have been just in survival mode and since a few big life events have passed (and the election!) all of these painful emotions are surfacing and I am trying to figure them out. "I'm going to make space for it and I am not going to be afraid of it." I'm going to need to spend some quality time with your videos and my journal!
0:00- Distress tolerance 0:45- Negative emotions 2:40- Accepting the range of emotions 2:55- Maladaptive ways of handing emotions 3:40- Solutions 3:49- Mindfulness 5:11- Recognise and allow the emotion 6:10- Watch the emotion 7:03- Be Present
seems like my depression hitting me up again, because something bad happen in my life. i'm start to oversleeping my self,cry then laughing why do i cry. and as always you come in the right time, mindfulness is what i need. thankyou 🧡
I think the final step to this approach is *LOVE* . Integrating all aspects of ourselves out of love. Love is the great Healer. Loving each and every emotion as a messenger trying to help us, revealing bits and pieces of ourselves. *What is that emotion trying to teach you about yourself?* Love each and every emotion that comes up, because only love can transmute and make you whole again.
I love this! Especially at the end I feel you’re saying you can control these feelings/emotions by making yourself aware of them. Once you’re aware of negative feelings/emotions then you can acknowledge them and choose (control) how you respond/react to them. I love the idea of being able to have control when all my life I’ve lost control with my emotions. It really is that simple- we DO have control and that means we don’t have to be a slave to our emotions. I’m crying right now. This was a breakthrough for me! I’ll be 49 in July. It almost makes me want to laugh at how silly it sounds- it sounds too simple to think- you CAN control your emotions. But it IS that simple. Yes these emotions come up but you don’t have to let it ruin your day or life. I can treat them as an outside force like a friend or a foe. And if I like the way it makes me feel (friend) then I can choose to spend more time with that friend and rejoice that I have this friend (positive emotion) and vow to make that friend my bestie and spend more time with them (haha) and If I don’t like the way this other outside entity (feeling/emotion but I’m using a person to portray that) makes me feel then I can say “oh it’s YOU again, well I don’t really like you- we have nothing in common and you’re always a Debbie Downer and I would rather be around happy people. But I’m also aware that not everything is all about me. Let’s make a deal. I’ll be nice and sit with you a minute- perhaps ask why you’re always so Debbie Downer-ish and help you get out of this rut. But there is a time limit each time. I can’t be around you too long or I’ll be sucked into the negativity. I’ll give a pep talk and then you’re on your own.
Wow!!! I have a huge problem with anger (that I've been recently thinking I need to start addressing head-on), and this is probably the most helpful thing I've ever heard! Thank you sooooo much for this video 💜💜💜💜💜💜 Your videos are clear, concise, practical, and most importantly, down-to-earth 💜💜💜
Distress Tolerance: being able to experience an emotion and not use a dysfunctional coping mechanism that make my circumstances worse. Temperament: you factory-installed reflects. Based on my genes. Childhood - how you were raised Anger, fear, sadness Mindfulness: accepted what happening at the moment Recognize and allow an emotion What is my emotions: angry & rage Think of as a wave Be present using five senses Unprocessed anger, rage, madness can show up as Anxiety/fear or Depression/sadness.
It's probably a bad sign that I'm picturing myself trying to do these exercises, but I have the screaming voice of my mother telling me to just stop feeling bad/angry/panicked.
I'm pretty sure most of us of a certain age were raised without our emotions being validated/ having been told "aww, you're not angry" when we were indeed pissed. She gives awesome advice and I learned a few things. Going to listen to her more!!
Thank you so much for caring enough to do this. Which I could have had this years ago. Myself and my life and my family have been filled with constant turmoil and disorders my whole life and even now. Riddled with what I believe is everything from autism, depression, ADHD, to narcissism, my dad to day life is everything short of suicide. It's hard to stay anchored with constant chaos and trying to pretend I'm the same one to keep all the others sane in an environment of constant selfishness and strife....God help me. Thank you again because I cannot remember any of this when my rage is in motion. I need to be able to hear it. For free. Thank you. Prayers for you and everyone else who watches you or hasn't found you yet.
I laughed so hard at “I’m going to bury myself in a pan of brownies and pick out my eyebrows” because that sounds like exactly something I would do 🤣 Thanks for this video, and all the other great videos Dr. Marks! They are helpful to me and my loved ones
This video made me realize how much suppressed anger built up inside in me because I feel like I was never allowed to express myself without out being criticized or judged. And in a result, my anger turned into really bad anxiety and avoidance behavior.
Fvkn same
Same here my friend
Same here!
I felt so called out! I've literally thought...I dont get angry...😆
I feel heard for once honestly
I have started doing this with anxiety. I start to feel the rise in fear, heart palpitations and I just breathe and accept it and console myself with phrases like it’s just emotion. The acceptance is the best part.
Absolutely!
Also saying to yourself the phrase O came across...
" This is anxiety, not reality"...
I think can help as well...
👏🏾🙌🏾
I'm gonna have to try this ,cause last few time emotions got the best of me and I was freaking out and wanted to run out the store..
I'm praying and believing for healing and deliverance from all this an it's root causes too.
I pray each of you overcome too.😊
Isn't anxiety a feeling not an emotion
While the health system is failing people worldwide, dr. Marks is out to save us all! Thanks for another great video!!
I would agree!
You're so welcome. That's a huge compliment 🙁
@@DrTraceyMarks compliment well deserved
Jaqueline Gusmão Madsen for real!
Yep she’s dedicated and there are so few professionals like her
I honestly didn't know that we AREN'T our emotions, I thought our emotions make us who we are.... thank you so much ❤❤
No
@@flaviogarza2376 ?
I took a DBT class a few years ago but I didn't really practice the techniques. I have not been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. A therapist just thought so would benefit from DBT. I don't know if I would benefit from repeating the class or not. Maybe CBT instead?
Iam getting it understanding satan an my own anger ! It slow progress! I got to exhausted carrying it now!
Same. My emotions and reactions have always been my identity and it's actually scary to think otherwise... I don't know what to identify myself as without them
We should not try to get rid of our emotions but rather we need to process them. It's hard though because sometimes they are so strong.
Yes, but each time you confront your emotion the intensity should lessen where it is not so strong. Tolerate the emotion and take comfort knowing it will not be so bad the next time around. Eventually you will not feel that emotion since you dealt with it and resolved it... that's pretty much the process.
Strong but you ARE stronger
Drink, go get a cuisinart and process the heck out of them. How about acceptance? Emotions are not processed. One needs to learn how to use logic, reasoning and sense of self, knowledge of needs WITH emotions.
Yup.. then we get comfortable numbing them, hence addiction, letting go is very important.
They can get so strong yes they drive your physical body to do things
1. Recognise and allow the emotion 5:10
2. Watch 6:10
3. Be present 7:04
I like that she's straight-and-to-the-point!
No intro, no music and no begging for subscribers!
I love it. ☺
genuinely a good therapist
Absolutely! This is just another aspect of this video that makes it so great and useful. It takes integrity and honesty to make such a video.
Integrity, yes! That's why I love her videos so much. I feel like I can trust her because she clearly prioritises delivering this valuable education above all else @@dzzzzzt
Wow, a psychiatrist that actually knows how humans work. 😍😍😍
😂😂😂
WORKING as Clinical COunsellor at a Recovery Place: went back to Grad School at 58...graduated at 64 and now 72 at this place just hired 3 weeks ago.I LOVE LOVE LOVE how you work,Thank you Dr. Marks and ty for your wordselsagrace.
Trauma deprives us of the ability to control emotions and at the same time it is emotions that protect us from trauma. A vicious circle with constant struggle.
Same here!!! Feeling stuck unable to feel emotions and trying to free myself. Stuck in pain and anxiety
For me, work helps.
I always put myself on a path of big goals.
Narrative therapy and exposure
This is SPOT ON! I've said for the past few years that being raised in the church ruined me emotionally because EVERY SINGLE unhealthy coping mechanism I developed was due to consistently being told that expressing these emotions was something I needed to consistently fast & pray to be delivered from. Needless to say it never worked & it pissed me off when I eventually realized how much damage this kind of conditioning had done to my nervous system that has plagued my my entire adulthood. It stunts your growth and prevents you from developing mature ways to process the emotions & move on. My problem early in life was being too nice, letting people walk over me because what I was taught. Now I have anger issues I struggle to get under control from years of suppression.
Hi just wanted to share that although that was your experience, fasting and praying does help me. A lot of psych issues are exacerbated by demons and they flee from those weapons. God bless.
@@mph1ish I appreciate your input. However, fasting & prayer never worked for me personally. I have a mom who's an evangelist. I've spent MANY many years trying this and it didn't help. Not even a little. But I'm glad it worked for you.
@@TheNisiu No, I understand that it didn't work for you. Sometimes our sufferings are meant to help someone else.
'Oh that's a shame, but I'm happy to be alive'. You're too funny Dr Marks.
Lol. It’s very unnatural but people say it... 😊
Hello dr
I'm LMAO and she keeps a straight face. It is particularly funny because I have recently lost a job and that is how I tried to respond. Until days later when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
People have told me that,be happy you're alive.
Feel like society says this al the time
The first step in dealing with negative emotions is understanding that there is no such thing as "negative" emotions. There are uncomfortable emotions. There are painful emotions. But our emotions serve a purpose and when you associate emotions with being positive or negative, you immediately create a need for avoidance.
Right!!!, exactly!!!!🎉🎉😮
It`s so meaninful thought!
This is profound
We've all been told to feel our feelings, not repress them. Finally someone explains HOW to do that safely! Thank you!
This was extremely validating. I've journaling my stressors and triggers, noting how I cope and the methods that work best for me, but something was missing. The issue was I was assigning my emotions as "fear-based", when in actuality I was just angry, very angry, but felt bad about being angry. Now I have a new approach to better manage my anger and anxiety.
Yes!!!!!!!!
Same!
Unprocessed anger being shown through anxiety and depression because they're viewed as more acceptable
Damn, that hurt my heart a little bit being called out like that 😅
Wasn't expecting getting accosted! Lol
Well...I guess I need to have a little talk with myself...😬
Suck it up.& grow up. Nobody cares about your feelings.
When people would rather you be depressed than appear rude by expressing legitimate emotion.
@@Metqafacts
Hey, just wanted to say I watched this video just under two months ago while I was going through a VERY difficult time and it helped me and continues to help me so much. Just thought I'd let you know that your videos are impacting lives. Thank you for doing what you do!
Love this explanation! Negative emotions are so rarely talked about. Love how you say unprocessed anger can show up as depression
So instead I bury my emotions in a pan of brownies and I pick out my eyebrows 🤭it’s like she lives inside my head 😃
"But it's just an emotion, nothing more, nothing less" - Powerful! Once I identify the emotion, watch the emotion and locate it in my body, I then journal out what the subconscious rage is saying in my mind, especially to the other person who I think caused me the anger or upset. I write exactly what I would like to have said to this person that I feel is unjust to me (or fault-worthy or blameworthy). I may not get an opportunity to verbally express my real anger to this person so I write out an "I" statement ending with a statement of what I really needed instead (love, understanding, compassion). Then I release this emotion out of body to my Higher Power and shred my journal write-up as I don't have a reason to hang onto the emotion of that situation or event. Now I can accept that I cannot change the outcome, and begin to problem solve so I can move forward. It's amazing what ideas can present themselves when you have the clarity and confidence to not allow self-defeating behaviour and self-loathing to take over. 💖
I suffer from anxiety. I always thought it was mainly due to the fact I was sexually abused as a child, however, after listening to how my unprocessed/repressed anger can manifest as anxiety or depression this makes much more sense!
Yup!! Same!
💯🙏💕
Me to went thought the same thing
going through the same thing right now too
Sorry that happens to you guys.
I spent years in an unhealthy relationship, repeatedly telling myself my feeling didn't matter. Eventually my body was like..nope. Self talk is natural, and we do it because we are responsible for out bodies health. Please listen to it, and talk it out. It makes a world of difference, and you do matter.💌
Tracey: I can control myself
Tracey: 😏
You’re the best♥️
'But if a bear comes in and bares its teeth at me, I WILL wet my pants and run' - hahaha literally laughed out loud at this bit. Thank you so much for putting the effort in and providing these videos! They're so helpful!
Same here!! LOL
Once again, thank you for your extremely concise language, examples, and relateability. Just yesterday my therapist and I went over a lot of this. A huge boost to my tasks at hand in treatment! So cool, Dr. Marks.
You're welcome Patrick. How cool is that that this is falling in line with your treatment? I hope your treatment goes well for you.
Finally letting go of a toxic relationship and this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time😩😩😩
Good to hear ❤️
Omg! The world NEEDS people like you!! Definitely do not hear this incredibly helpful guidance in the “biblical counseling” at church. All you hear is “take your thoughts captive” and “probably need to confess something.” This is what people actually need.
Thank you.
Your so welcome. 😊
Just started to explore psych videos as I begin therapy myself, and I have to say Dr. Marks is the best thing so far. She is clear, concise, and an excellent speaker.
Just a few minutes ago I was having an anger/disappointment attack to the point it was hard to breath and I couldn’t get myself together. I decided to go back to this video. I couldn’t remember any of it, but just that you are very clear and concise. After watching it, I am now better, and with the clarity that I can feel anger about a situation without the guilt of it. Though it may seem obvious to some people, for me it was mind blowing to understand that I can have these emotions, and yet, not be a bad person. Thank you for your videos Dr. Marks. I, like many others, finding them helpful and entertaining at the same time.
I was never allowed to have emotions as a child. Now I’m showing my emotions and people are having a problem with it. I tell my son that I want him to tell me how he feels. When he has a temper tantrum I tell him I want to know what your feeling. And I tell him I understand. And I know why he’s feeling that way and it’s ok.
People always say they haven't seen me angry but that's because I suppress I'm glad to know that its not healthy. I'm not going to fight my anger because I know I can control it.
That’s great Norman
I was literally my own psychiatrist when I experimented with a psychedelic.This mindfulness strategy is exactly what I experienced, I remember feeling each emotion so intensely, that when I realized I could switch my emotions with different thoughts and ideas, I drastically went through 5 emotions (intense anger, intense sadness, intense compassion, intense happiness, intense laughter)in less than a minute, literally. From that moment on I believe in the Power of Thoughts and so I do my best to fill and surround myself with what I do want to feel and Focus on.
This is so helpful, denying and not recognizing my emotions is definitely a lifelong battle. Will definitely be using these strategies, thank you!
1. Observe what's happening in the moment - I'm feeling anxious / angry / sad right now.
2. Allow the emotion. This emotion is uncomfortable and might be distressing, but it's not a problem, and I'm going to make space for it and allow it to stay as long as it wants to. I don't have to be afraid of the emotion: I'm able to control myself.
3. Watch the emotion, just see what it does. Call it what it is. Where do I notice it in my body? I am not my emotions - I watch and observe my emotions which are separate from me. I am detached from my emotions.
4. Be present. Turn your attention to what's going on around you. Use your 5 senses to determine what you can see, smell, taste, touch and hear. You can also turn your attention to your breath.
When the emotion comes back, say "that's okay. You can stay."
Dr Marks I've been to three psychiatrists. You are head ( lovely hair btw) and shoulders above all 3. I feel so bad sometimes, and you are always there on my smartphone. God bless you.
@@NEbluefire The best face-to-face help I ever got was NOT from a psychiatrist, or psychologist, but from a plain ol' family counselor. Some people know how to listen and interpret, some, no matter the amount of training or note taking ~ might ought to be in a different profession.
This is refreshing -- most just want you to move on and to act like your emotions are invalid, like you can turn them on or off as a lightswitch, so whatever you fee and do (or don't do) is a "choice" or an attitude. If you pipe up and point out that you want to accept your feelings and not run away with them, people will encounter that you're asking to be enabled in some unproductive way. That's been my experience, at least. It really complicates my efforts to recover from addiction, as well, which is a form of unhealthy escape. People do not need permission to have feelings, period. They don't need to distract, cover up, lie about them, label them as something different, or placate others -- that simply breeds isolation and unhealthy coping mechanisms. The more you push emotions aside and deny them, the bigger the tsunami will be at some point when a moment of reckoning comes.
Dr. Marks, you are an angel sent from heaven. You are saving so many lives, myself included. I can't thank you enough. I use your advice every day, especially this video. You just have a way of smoothing life out mentally for me.
My therapist uses IFS and EMDR to help understand and process emotions but sometimes listening to your psychological explanations & definitions just anchor me into the analytical side of my brain that wants to keep my stability going no matter what episode I'm in! 😄 thank you for this exercise!
Thank you thank you thank you! I've spent so much of my life suppressing any negative emotion and just generally not being allowed to express my emotions to other people, having to be "okay" all the time, knowing that getting angry only leads to bad consequences, etc. I needed to hear this so bad.
"Let it pass on it's own time."
Okay, so, here's the negative emotions forever! Wow! I'm cured!
This was a great video. I get so caught up in my emotions at the time and drown in them with racing thoughts. But learning to dismantle parts and understand them are really helping.
God bless you!
Thanks
You’re so welcome
I got tears in my eyes when I watch your video, you say things that I really needed to ear. Thank you.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings.
This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Please does anyone know where I can get them? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels, I would love to try shrooms
Yes, bergwilly11
Where can I find him ?
Shrooms was the best trip I had. It was an amazing experience.
@@zarkos2313 He’s on I N S TA
I hope you know how important and life saving your work is. I am in emotional distress and I do not have access to a therapist or anyone to teach me how to cope with my emotions right now. You just saved me and showed me how to cope. With the tools you provide, I do not have to numb myself again to make the pain go away. Thank you. For actual tools/methods and not just another preachy video about "controlling" your emotions that makes you feel guilty to feel any negative emotion in the first place. No seriously there's a lot of bs on youtube. I'm really grateful to find a video from an actual therapist providing real answers for my mental health issues. Thank you. You're the best.
I just discovered your channel as I’m working through my highway driving agoraphobia. I wish I was taught about emotions when I was younger. I think I internalized so many emotions that have resulted in some of my anxieties. I’m thankful that I’m seeking knowledge so that I can better understand myself. Thanks so much for sharing this information.
🙏💕
I wanted to tell you that I had a breast cancer scare in April. Your videos helped me calm down and go through the process with less fear. I had a biopsy and found out all was okay and the wait was much better because of the information you share.
this was so weird, i been feeling insecure and afraid about some things that i have to accomplish in this moment of my life, and to be honest after watch this video and say outloud the template i couldnt helped but cry a little bit. It was liberating cause i been feeling (on the inside) really ashamed and anxious, but this really kinda works, gives some weird form of energy
thanks for the video, greets from Chile
Dr. Tracy Please don't ever stop doing this, you've helped me so much & I know many others!
Thank you Dr. Marks! I downloaded the emotion cards and it is so helpful because I realize that I have suppressed or not acknowledged the emotions that are not in the Happy card. I am a people-pleaser and always wanted to keep all the love ones around me happy. I thought it meant that if my emotions are not positive, I should avoid it, have mental strength to control it, suppress it, not let it propagate to someone else. And if I can't avoid it, I beat myself up over it. I have been dealing with the consequences of that habit. Thank you for showing me that feeling what I feel is just fine.
Wow, that sounds like my childhood. That really gets me thinking, thank you.
There need to be more therapists like you. You are so good. I’ve never met a therapist as knowledgeable as you seem to be from your videos.
The feeling of falling in emptiness and never knowing when it's going to end it's like being in prison in your own body.
I can relate. Keep working on good mental health. Let's try some of her activities.
Have you looked into DBT Skills? There are some peer facilitate Groups on Facebook for learning the core Skills. Come on over!
This is valuable advice. My therapist coached me on doing these things over 30 years ago, and they work!!!
I’m working through this with my therapist now. It’s helpful to hear it in different words (and in portable form!).
I just wanted to say thank you.
Much love ❤️
I found this video exactly when I needed it. I was raised to believe anger was not acceptable in a woman but anxiety and sadness were. I went on TH-cam to escape the anxiety I’m feeling (avoidance). But as I was watching I realized I’m not nervous, I’m angry. It’s easier to process the emotion now that I can name it. I’m gunna work on the coping skills you mentioned to ride this wave. Thanks!
Thank you so much for this video. I learned this technique over a decade ago, but a recent concussion robbed me of it.
I have been loosing myself alot. This video saved me, i now remember. And the more i think about it , the memories and abilities get clear and more clarity is regained. Thank you , you saved me from my private prison. Truth be told, i wasnt to far from the " fine' "
I have learned this also. It is a good reminder.
Your videos are really helpful to me. Thank you! I can’t get an appointment with a therapist to save my life. Thankfully there’s TH-cam
😆 My REAL thoughts are... I HATE my boss and I wanna beat 👏🏾him 👏🏾down 👏🏾to 👏🏾the 👏🏾ground! That is so relatable!!!🤣 All kidding aside, excellent video! Thank you, Dr. Marks! 🙂
You’re welcome Rhea. 😄
Dr. Tracey Marks I took the news that I was fired and said that’s sad but I’m happy to be alive especially with living with Covid symptoms
Dr marks help us stay out of prison 😂❤️
I was so not expecting that.. haha
I laughed so hard!!
After recently coming to understand the why behind my actions, I couldn't find resources on how to start bettering myself and stopping my pattern of behavior without simply causing myself far more stress in doing so. Thank you for teaching me how to start on this journey.
I don't want to hurt the people I care about, nor myself with my actions. Your videos have really helped me and consequently even saved my relationship with my boyfriend. You are a godsend. Thank you.
I know this is older I just wanna say thank you. I've made myself a playlist specifically for when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and your videos are the majority so far. These coping skills DO work for me. It's such a great feeling to be able to care for myself this way. To finally treat myself with compassion and love. Thank you so much, Dr. Tracey!
took me 26 years of life until someone finally told me i can be angry and its ok to have anger. was raised that being angry was bad, so i think i always tried to get it out of my body as soon as possible in less than ideal ways... screaming, breaking things, substance abuse. this brought me to tears. thank you...
Thank you! This was a great video and helped me discover the root of my depression. I have a lot of anger that I do not know how to express and it has caused me a lifetime of depression. I hope that this will give me success in learning how to manage that emotion in a way that is healthy
You're welcome Laura. I'll have more on this topic.
After years of watching videos about adhd, anxiety and bpd, yours are by far the most helpful, thank you
I just wanted to say how helpful this was for me. I have some BPD symptoms but can’t be sure, haven’t received any diagnoses. When you broke down the steps to mindfulness, I practiced it along with you and immediately felt relief. It really puts the emotions into perspective - honoring them without acting on them. I’m going to print out your template and practice regularly. Thank you!
This is incredibly helpful. I've been to so many counselors (free mind you) and most of them haven't been nearly as enlightening as this video. Everytime I am irritated by my family bc they overstep my boundaries or disregard my feelings, I sort of freeze, get a headache and feel stressed, and eventually the stress turns to a depressive feeling. But now I know the stress might actually be anger
OMG this excercise was amazing. I finally got back to baseline! I haven't been able to get here for years!
I've had repressed trauma for 34 years. Your explanation was spot on. When my X would do purposefully hurtful things with other guys obviously in front of me and my friends would say "you can't be pissed about that because you two aren't dating any more" (as an example) and I would stuff all that negative emotion down and never address it. It has haunted me for 3 decades because I never dealt with it. Also your words about "they will come back live waves" and that's ok was super helpful. I kept thinking I was broken that I couldn't just permanently get past things. Great video.
Thank you I needed this. I have PTSD, dealt with about 25 years of abuse. Anger is an emotion I have struggled with. How do you feel it, can I even get angry? etc. When I get angry I ended up crying instead, like you mentioned I have severe anxiety and depression. I'm on the healing process, but recognize this is going to be a long process.
I am sorry that you experienced the abuse. I am encouraged by how you express yourself. I am guessing that describing yourself with the words "I'm on the healing process" could be reframed to acknowledge how much work you have done.
@@luck484 Thank you. and you are right, I do need to acknowledge how far I've come more.
“I am Not my Emotions”. Thank you for sharing this important message.
Thank you for this. Not a lot of therapists and doctors bring up self-harm as a coping mechanism, and even if they do they don't really tell you how to deal with it. I have heard of the "allow yourself to feel your emotions" but it is so hard to do! You gave me a good template to use the next time I'm overwhelmed.
I’ve received more actionable steps to help mitigate my anxiety and depression in your videos than all therapy I’ve received. Thank you.
I've never heard of this before. Thank you for being such a great dr and person.
This dr saved my life. I couldn’t get out of bed because of multiple illnesses I was diagnosed with. I’ve learned to see the wave coming ahead of time. Prepare and work through them. I haven’t felt free in 30 years until now
I was like, highly doubt this will apply, but I’ll watch out of curiosity. only to hear you say the “I’m happy to be alive” line, that I use on the daily. 😐 solid video. Guess I’ve got some emotional homework to do.
Thank you SD. You can still be happy to be alive though Lol 😃
Thank you, it’s very important that I heard this from someone who knows how to explain mental health, but also without judgement. I thank you kindly ❤️
I love the wave analogy, as a surfer we go.from riding the best wave ever to wiping out and literally end up fighting for our lives , nearly drownjng . Dealing with that emotional shock is part of surfing larger waves , you MUST let it all go to survive. EMDR has helped a couple friends that have had bad near drowning experiences.
Doctor, you are a rare breed.
I've never come across a Psychiatrist or Psychologist or even a licensed therapist that mentions Faith.
Thank you for that!
I was honestly about to give up when youtube recommended your video.
God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
Eres potente, generosa y nutricia. Me ha enriquecido mucho este video! Un abrazo con el mismo cariño.
Wow, this hit the nail on the head for me. I was raised to suppress my emotions and not show anger and negativity. If I showed them, I was physically, verbally, and emotionally punished.
I just found your page. Thank you so much for your content. After this dumpster fire of a year and so many other life changes, I realized I have been just in survival mode and since a few big life events have passed (and the election!) all of these painful emotions are surfacing and I am trying to figure them out. "I'm going to make space for it and I am not going to be afraid of it." I'm going to need to spend some quality time with your videos and my journal!
0:00- Distress tolerance
0:45- Negative emotions
2:40- Accepting the range of emotions
2:55- Maladaptive ways of handing emotions
3:40- Solutions
3:49- Mindfulness
5:11- Recognise and allow the emotion
6:10- Watch the emotion
7:03- Be Present
Anytime I watch your videos and you give instances to solving problems once I try it out I always get this inner joy which is peaceful
seems like my depression hitting me up again, because something bad happen in my life. i'm start to oversleeping my self,cry then laughing why do i cry. and as always you come in the right time, mindfulness is what i need. thankyou 🧡
You’re welcome yoa yoa 😊
Hi depression sucks. Hang in there. Hopefully, it'll be better tomorrow.
I think the final step to this approach is *LOVE* . Integrating all aspects of ourselves out of love. Love is the great Healer. Loving each and every emotion as a messenger trying to help us, revealing bits and pieces of ourselves. *What is that emotion trying to teach you about yourself?* Love each and every emotion that comes up, because only love can transmute and make you whole again.
"I hate my boss and I want to beat him down to the ground!" I have been watching a lot of your videos. Thank you for your help.
This is the first time I hear anger can lead into anxiety or depression, thanks for the video and the template 😢 God bless you
"I hate my boss and I wanna beat him down to the ground" me about my professors everyday
😊
Don't let a few bad apples ruin education for you. Many of us adore our students.
Wait till u r in the working world n different levels of managements😂
I love this! Especially at the end I feel you’re saying you can control these feelings/emotions by making yourself aware of them. Once you’re aware of negative feelings/emotions then you can acknowledge them and choose (control) how you respond/react to them. I love the idea of being able to have control when all my life I’ve lost control with my emotions. It really is that simple- we DO have control and that means we don’t have to be a slave to our emotions. I’m crying right now. This was a breakthrough for me! I’ll be 49 in July. It almost makes me want to laugh at how silly it sounds- it sounds too simple to think- you CAN control your emotions. But it IS that simple. Yes these emotions come up but you don’t have to let it ruin your day or life. I can treat them as an outside force like a friend or a foe. And if I like the way it makes me feel (friend) then I can choose to spend more time with that friend and rejoice that I have this friend (positive emotion) and vow to make that friend my bestie and spend more time with them (haha) and If I don’t like the way this other outside entity (feeling/emotion but I’m using a person to portray that) makes me feel then I can say “oh it’s YOU again, well I don’t really like you- we have nothing in common and you’re always a Debbie Downer and I would rather be around happy people. But I’m also aware that not everything is all about me. Let’s make a deal. I’ll be nice and sit with you a minute- perhaps ask why you’re always so Debbie Downer-ish and help you get out of this rut. But there is a time limit each time. I can’t be around you too long or I’ll be sucked into the negativity. I’ll give a pep talk and then you’re on your own.
5:45 I wasn’t expecting the 😏 ... that was hilarious in the middle of an otherwise serious video 😂👍
Agreed! 🤣 I love her little subtle and dry funnies she sneaks into her videos 😍
I was just gonna post about that face. it was so on point with "now you know you shouldn't beat up bob" haa love it
"i bury my anger in a pan of brownies and I pick out my eyebrows" is my favorite line ever
When I heard that, I felt like she called me out! Just stumbled upon her channel and I dig it. She’s inspiring ❤️
Wow!!! I have a huge problem with anger (that I've been recently thinking I need to start addressing head-on), and this is probably the most helpful thing I've ever heard! Thank you sooooo much for this video 💜💜💜💜💜💜 Your videos are clear, concise, practical, and most importantly, down-to-earth 💜💜💜
Distress Tolerance: being able to experience an emotion and not use a dysfunctional coping mechanism that make my circumstances worse.
Temperament: you factory-installed reflects. Based on my genes.
Childhood - how you were raised
Anger, fear, sadness
Mindfulness: accepted what happening at the moment
Recognize and allow an emotion
What is my emotions: angry & rage
Think of as a wave
Be present using five senses
Unprocessed anger, rage, madness can show up as Anxiety/fear or Depression/sadness.
You have helped me so much and I so appreciate your videos!!!
You’re welcome Sandra 😊
I use dbt all the time nice to see Dr. marks speaking about it.
Talk about detaching from negative emotions 🙌🏼 This is the kind of therapy I really need. Real actual sessions like this. Thank you for this videos.
Mindfulness sounds so alarming. It honestly make my anxiety worse.
It's probably a bad sign that I'm picturing myself trying to do these exercises, but I have the screaming voice of my mother telling me to just stop feeling bad/angry/panicked.
I'm pretty sure most of us of a certain age were raised without our emotions being validated/ having been told "aww, you're not angry" when we were indeed pissed. She gives awesome advice and I learned a few things. Going to listen to her more!!
Wow this was so useful and practical. I would love more videos like this!
Thanks KC. I plan to make more.
Thank you so much for caring enough to do this. Which I could have had this years ago. Myself and my life and my family have been filled with constant turmoil and disorders my whole life and even now. Riddled with what I believe is everything from autism, depression, ADHD, to narcissism, my dad to day life is everything short of suicide. It's hard to stay anchored with constant chaos and trying to pretend I'm the same one to keep all the others sane in an environment of constant selfishness and strife....God help me. Thank you again because I cannot remember any of this when my rage is in motion. I need to be able to hear it. For free. Thank you. Prayers for you and everyone else who watches you or hasn't found you yet.
Brilliant video. Thank you so much Dr. Marks!
You’re welcome. Thank you 😊
If only she could know, how grateful I am that she exists. Thank you Doctor, thank you for healing the collective one video at the time.
I laughed so hard at “I’m going to bury myself in a pan of brownies and pick out my eyebrows” because that sounds like exactly something I would do 🤣
Thanks for this video, and all the other great videos Dr. Marks! They are helpful to me and my loved ones
So great to hear Eric. Thanks for sharing with your loved ones
She's very funny and more to the point, she's genuine. She relates and we can to her.
Lol. 🤣🤣🤣
Eric yes I agree - hilarious !!!
Eric 💯 meee too! I used to be bulimic and I still pick my eyelashes and eyebrows 😭