How to Deal with Negative Emotions - Distress Tolerance
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 30 ก.ย. 2024
- I’ve talked about dialectical behavior therapy or DBT as the best treatment for borderline personality disorder. But modified forms of DBT can be helpful for other conditions like bipolar disorder, anxiety, eating disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Today I’m going to teach you one of the many techniques that is used with DBT to be able to manage your emotions. It’s called distress tolerance. Distress tolerance is the skill of being able to accept the emotion that you’re feeling without resorting to coping behaviors that make your situation and overall condition worse.
Mindfulness video
• How To Use Mindfulness...
Mindful Acceptance Template
Recognize and allow the emotion
Try to think of a more intense form of your emotion. Examples instead of sad, maybe you are distraught or crushed. Instead of mad, you are disgusted or appalled, instead of afraid you are worried, terrified or crazed
Then say I am feeling [emotion], It’s ok, I can allow myself to feel this. . I’m not bad because I have this feeling and I can allow myself to have it. I’m going to make space for it. I do not need to be afraid of it because I’m not going to [do some drastic or destructive action]. I can control myself. So I don’t need to get rid of this feeling.
Watch the Emotion:
Let me watch this [emotion] and see what it does. While I’m watching it, I’m going to call it what it is. [name the emotion(s)]. I don’t have to get caught up in it. Where do I notice the emotion in my body? I notice it in [body part]. I feel [sensation from the impact of the emotion]. But it’s just an emotion, nothing more and nothing less.
I am not my emotions. I simply watch my emotions.
My [emotion] is like an ocean wave. I’m not going struggle and fight the wave. I’m going to go with it and float with it. I may even ride the wave to shore.
Be present.
I’m going to turn my attention back to what I am doing now. First I’m going to notice what’s going on with all five senses. What can I feel or touch, what do I hear? What do I see in front of me. What do I smell? What do I taste?
or
I’m going to turn my attention to my breaths. My breath is my anchor for the present moment. I take note of how I inhale and then how I exhale.
When the emotion comes back
When the emotion returns, I say, that’s ok. That’s what emotions do, they come and they go. I’m going to watch it again. I will let it sit in the room with me. Or I may float up and down with it again like the ocean wave.
Disclaimer: All of the information on this channel is for educational purposes and not intended to be specific/personal medical advice from me to you. Watching the videos or getting answers to comments/question, does not establish a doctor-patient relationship. If you have your own doctor, perhaps these videos can help prepare you for your discussion with your doctor.
I upload every Wednesday at 9am, and sometimes have extra videos in between. Subscribe to my channel so you don't miss a video goo.gl/DFfT33
This video made me realize how much suppressed anger built up inside in me because I feel like I was never allowed to express myself without out being criticized or judged. And in a result, my anger turned into really bad anxiety and avoidance behavior.
Fvkn same
Same here my friend
Same here!
I felt so called out! I've literally thought...I dont get angry...😆
I feel heard for once honestly
I have started doing this with anxiety. I start to feel the rise in fear, heart palpitations and I just breathe and accept it and console myself with phrases like it’s just emotion. The acceptance is the best part.
Absolutely!
Also saying to yourself the phrase O came across...
" This is anxiety, not reality"...
I think can help as well...
👏🏾🙌🏾
I'm gonna have to try this ,cause last few time emotions got the best of me and I was freaking out and wanted to run out the store..
I'm praying and believing for healing and deliverance from all this an it's root causes too.
I pray each of you overcome too.😊
Isn't anxiety a feeling not an emotion
We should not try to get rid of our emotions but rather we need to process them. It's hard though because sometimes they are so strong.
Yes, but each time you confront your emotion the intensity should lessen where it is not so strong. Tolerate the emotion and take comfort knowing it will not be so bad the next time around. Eventually you will not feel that emotion since you dealt with it and resolved it... that's pretty much the process.
Strong but you ARE stronger
Drink, go get a cuisinart and process the heck out of them. How about acceptance? Emotions are not processed. One needs to learn how to use logic, reasoning and sense of self, knowledge of needs WITH emotions.
Yup.. then we get comfortable numbing them, hence addiction, letting go is very important.
They can get so strong yes they drive your physical body to do things
Wow, a psychiatrist that actually knows how humans work. 😍😍😍
😂😂😂
While the health system is failing people worldwide, dr. Marks is out to save us all! Thanks for another great video!!
I would agree!
You're so welcome. That's a huge compliment 🙁
@@DrTraceyMarks compliment well deserved
Jaqueline Gusmão Madsen for real!
Yep she’s dedicated and there are so few professionals like her
I honestly didn't know that we AREN'T our emotions, I thought our emotions make us who we are.... thank you so much ❤❤
No
@@flaviogarza2376 ?
I took a DBT class a few years ago but I didn't really practice the techniques. I have not been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. A therapist just thought so would benefit from DBT. I don't know if I would benefit from repeating the class or not. Maybe CBT instead?
Iam getting it understanding satan an my own anger ! It slow progress! I got to exhausted carrying it now!
Same. My emotions and reactions have always been my identity and it's actually scary to think otherwise... I don't know what to identify myself as without them
'Oh that's a shame, but I'm happy to be alive'. You're too funny Dr Marks.
Lol. It’s very unnatural but people say it... 😊
Hello dr
I'm LMAO and she keeps a straight face. It is particularly funny because I have recently lost a job and that is how I tried to respond. Until days later when it hit me like a ton of bricks.
People have told me that,be happy you're alive.
Feel like society says this al the time
1. Recognise and allow the emotion 5:10
2. Watch 6:10
3. Be present 7:04
😆 My REAL thoughts are... I HATE my boss and I wanna beat 👏🏾him 👏🏾down 👏🏾to 👏🏾the 👏🏾ground! That is so relatable!!!🤣 All kidding aside, excellent video! Thank you, Dr. Marks! 🙂
You’re welcome Rhea. 😄
Dr. Tracey Marks I took the news that I was fired and said that’s sad but I’m happy to be alive especially with living with Covid symptoms
Dr marks help us stay out of prison 😂❤️
I was so not expecting that.. haha
I laughed so hard!!
Trauma deprives us of the ability to control emotions and at the same time it is emotions that protect us from trauma. A vicious circle with constant struggle.
Same here!!! Feeling stuck unable to feel emotions and trying to free myself. Stuck in pain and anxiety
For me, work helps.
I always put myself on a path of big goals.
Narrative therapy and exposure
Unprocessed anger being shown through anxiety and depression because they're viewed as more acceptable
Damn, that hurt my heart a little bit being called out like that 😅
Wasn't expecting getting accosted! Lol
Well...I guess I need to have a little talk with myself...😬
Suck it up.& grow up. Nobody cares about your feelings.
When people would rather you be depressed than appear rude by expressing legitimate emotion.
@@Metqafacts
This was extremely validating. I've journaling my stressors and triggers, noting how I cope and the methods that work best for me, but something was missing. The issue was I was assigning my emotions as "fear-based", when in actuality I was just angry, very angry, but felt bad about being angry. Now I have a new approach to better manage my anger and anxiety.
Yes!!!!!!!!
Same!
I like that she's straight-and-to-the-point!
No intro, no music and no begging for subscribers!
I love it. ☺
genuinely a good therapist
Absolutely! This is just another aspect of this video that makes it so great and useful. It takes integrity and honesty to make such a video.
Integrity, yes! That's why I love her videos so much. I feel like I can trust her because she clearly prioritises delivering this valuable education above all else @@dzzzzzt
'But if a bear comes in and bares its teeth at me, I WILL wet my pants and run' - hahaha literally laughed out loud at this bit. Thank you so much for putting the effort in and providing these videos! They're so helpful!
Same here!! LOL
Once again, thank you for your extremely concise language, examples, and relateability. Just yesterday my therapist and I went over a lot of this. A huge boost to my tasks at hand in treatment! So cool, Dr. Marks.
You're welcome Patrick. How cool is that that this is falling in line with your treatment? I hope your treatment goes well for you.
Hey, just wanted to say I watched this video just under two months ago while I was going through a VERY difficult time and it helped me and continues to help me so much. Just thought I'd let you know that your videos are impacting lives. Thank you for doing what you do!
"I hate my boss and I wanna beat him down to the ground" me about my professors everyday
😊
Don't let a few bad apples ruin education for you. Many of us adore our students.
Wait till u r in the working world n different levels of managements😂
The first step in dealing with negative emotions is understanding that there is no such thing as "negative" emotions. There are uncomfortable emotions. There are painful emotions. But our emotions serve a purpose and when you associate emotions with being positive or negative, you immediately create a need for avoidance.
Right!!!, exactly!!!!🎉🎉😮
It`s so meaninful thought!
5:45 I wasn’t expecting the 😏 ... that was hilarious in the middle of an otherwise serious video 😂👍
Agreed! 🤣 I love her little subtle and dry funnies she sneaks into her videos 😍
I was just gonna post about that face. it was so on point with "now you know you shouldn't beat up bob" haa love it
Love this explanation! Negative emotions are so rarely talked about. Love how you say unprocessed anger can show up as depression
So instead I bury my emotions in a pan of brownies and I pick out my eyebrows 🤭it’s like she lives inside my head 😃
Dr Marks I've been to three psychiatrists. You are head ( lovely hair btw) and shoulders above all 3. I feel so bad sometimes, and you are always there on my smartphone. God bless you.
@@NEbluefire The best face-to-face help I ever got was NOT from a psychiatrist, or psychologist, but from a plain ol' family counselor. Some people know how to listen and interpret, some, no matter the amount of training or note taking ~ might ought to be in a different profession.
I suffer from anxiety. I always thought it was mainly due to the fact I was sexually abused as a child, however, after listening to how my unprocessed/repressed anger can manifest as anxiety or depression this makes much more sense!
Yup!! Same!
💯🙏💕
Me to went thought the same thing
going through the same thing right now too
Sorry that happens to you guys.
I was like, highly doubt this will apply, but I’ll watch out of curiosity. only to hear you say the “I’m happy to be alive” line, that I use on the daily. 😐 solid video. Guess I’ve got some emotional homework to do.
Thank you SD. You can still be happy to be alive though Lol 😃
Finally letting go of a toxic relationship and this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time😩😩😩
Good to hear ❤️
And how are you doing now?
The feeling of falling in emptiness and never knowing when it's going to end it's like being in prison in your own body.
I can relate. Keep working on good mental health. Let's try some of her activities.
Have you looked into DBT Skills? There are some peer facilitate Groups on Facebook for learning the core Skills. Come on over!
We've all been told to feel our feelings, not repress them. Finally someone explains HOW to do that safely! Thank you!
Tracey: I can control myself
Tracey: 😏
You’re the best♥️
This is so helpful, denying and not recognizing my emotions is definitely a lifelong battle. Will definitely be using these strategies, thank you!
This was a great video. I get so caught up in my emotions at the time and drown in them with racing thoughts. But learning to dismantle parts and understand them are really helping.
God bless you!
Thanks
You’re so welcome
Just started to explore psych videos as I begin therapy myself, and I have to say Dr. Marks is the best thing so far. She is clear, concise, and an excellent speaker.
People always say they haven't seen me angry but that's because I suppress I'm glad to know that its not healthy. I'm not going to fight my anger because I know I can control it.
That’s great Norman
This is SPOT ON! I've said for the past few years that being raised in the church ruined me emotionally because EVERY SINGLE unhealthy coping mechanism I developed was due to consistently being told that expressing these emotions was something I needed to consistently fast & pray to be delivered from. Needless to say it never worked & it pissed me off when I eventually realized how much damage this kind of conditioning had done to my nervous system that has plagued my my entire adulthood. It stunts your growth and prevents you from developing mature ways to process the emotions & move on. My problem early in life was being too nice, letting people walk over me because what I was taught. Now I have anger issues I struggle to get under control from years of suppression.
Hi just wanted to share that although that was your experience, fasting and praying does help me. A lot of psych issues are exacerbated by demons and they flee from those weapons. God bless.
@@mph1ish I appreciate your input. However, fasting & prayer never worked for me personally. I have a mom who's an evangelist. I've spent MANY many years trying this and it didn't help. Not even a little. But I'm glad it worked for you.
@@TheNisiu No, I understand that it didn't work for you. Sometimes our sufferings are meant to help someone else.
this was so weird, i been feeling insecure and afraid about some things that i have to accomplish in this moment of my life, and to be honest after watch this video and say outloud the template i couldnt helped but cry a little bit. It was liberating cause i been feeling (on the inside) really ashamed and anxious, but this really kinda works, gives some weird form of energy
thanks for the video, greets from Chile
If the emotions are so intense it causes crying and feelings of despair. How to cope with them as the obsessive thought are present 24/7?
Please see my comment dated November 25, 2021 as you may find journaling as an outlet that helps identify the despair and help you release it.
@@newbodytrends Encounter Ministries TH-cam page. (Mark Hemans)++
I laughed so hard at “I’m going to bury myself in a pan of brownies and pick out my eyebrows” because that sounds like exactly something I would do 🤣
Thanks for this video, and all the other great videos Dr. Marks! They are helpful to me and my loved ones
So great to hear Eric. Thanks for sharing with your loved ones
She's very funny and more to the point, she's genuine. She relates and we can to her.
Lol. 🤣🤣🤣
Eric yes I agree - hilarious !!!
Eric 💯 meee too! I used to be bulimic and I still pick my eyelashes and eyebrows 😭
It's probably a bad sign that I'm picturing myself trying to do these exercises, but I have the screaming voice of my mother telling me to just stop feeling bad/angry/panicked.
Doctor good video. I got into truck driving because it allows me to make money with very little contact with people. The job makes it very easy to avoid difficult situations but also makes it hard to get services. I'm on the road sometimes 2 months at a time. Do you know of any therapist that offer services online or by Skype. Believe it or not a lot of drivers would benefit and pay for it.
Better help May be a good platform for you then it’s a place where you can find therapist to do online therapy. They are all licensed therapists. You can communicate via messages, phone or video. If you choose the messaging only option the cost is less and you can get a response every day. The therapists can also set goals, send you worksheets and give you personalized help. If you use this link you will get a 10% discount. betterhelp.com/drmarks
Talkspace is beneficial as well. It is an app that allows you to text, voice note, and video a therapist on the platform.
Eres potente, generosa y nutricia. Me ha enriquecido mucho este video! Un abrazo con el mismo cariño.
My therapist uses IFS and EMDR to help understand and process emotions but sometimes listening to your psychological explanations & definitions just anchor me into the analytical side of my brain that wants to keep my stability going no matter what episode I'm in! 😄 thank you for this exercise!
I was never allowed to have emotions as a child. Now I’m showing my emotions and people are having a problem with it. I tell my son that I want him to tell me how he feels. When he has a temper tantrum I tell him I want to know what your feeling. And I tell him I understand. And I know why he’s feeling that way and it’s ok.
I spent years in an unhealthy relationship, repeatedly telling myself my feeling didn't matter. Eventually my body was like..nope. Self talk is natural, and we do it because we are responsible for out bodies health. Please listen to it, and talk it out. It makes a world of difference, and you do matter.💌
This is refreshing -- most just want you to move on and to act like your emotions are invalid, like you can turn them on or off as a lightswitch, so whatever you fee and do (or don't do) is a "choice" or an attitude. If you pipe up and point out that you want to accept your feelings and not run away with them, people will encounter that you're asking to be enabled in some unproductive way. That's been my experience, at least. It really complicates my efforts to recover from addiction, as well, which is a form of unhealthy escape. People do not need permission to have feelings, period. They don't need to distract, cover up, lie about them, label them as something different, or placate others -- that simply breeds isolation and unhealthy coping mechanisms. The more you push emotions aside and deny them, the bigger the tsunami will be at some point when a moment of reckoning comes.
"But it's just an emotion, nothing more, nothing less" - Powerful! Once I identify the emotion, watch the emotion and locate it in my body, I then journal out what the subconscious rage is saying in my mind, especially to the other person who I think caused me the anger or upset. I write exactly what I would like to have said to this person that I feel is unjust to me (or fault-worthy or blameworthy). I may not get an opportunity to verbally express my real anger to this person so I write out an "I" statement ending with a statement of what I really needed instead (love, understanding, compassion). Then I release this emotion out of body to my Higher Power and shred my journal write-up as I don't have a reason to hang onto the emotion of that situation or event. Now I can accept that I cannot change the outcome, and begin to problem solve so I can move forward. It's amazing what ideas can present themselves when you have the clarity and confidence to not allow self-defeating behaviour and self-loathing to take over. 💖
I’m working through this with my therapist now. It’s helpful to hear it in different words (and in portable form!).
I just wanted to say thank you.
Much love ❤️
Dr. Marks, you are an angel sent from heaven. You are saving so many lives, myself included. I can't thank you enough. I use your advice every day, especially this video. You just have a way of smoothing life out mentally for me.
Thank you! This was a great video and helped me discover the root of my depression. I have a lot of anger that I do not know how to express and it has caused me a lifetime of depression. I hope that this will give me success in learning how to manage that emotion in a way that is healthy
You're welcome Laura. I'll have more on this topic.
Just a few minutes ago I was having an anger/disappointment attack to the point it was hard to breath and I couldn’t get myself together. I decided to go back to this video. I couldn’t remember any of it, but just that you are very clear and concise. After watching it, I am now better, and with the clarity that I can feel anger about a situation without the guilt of it. Though it may seem obvious to some people, for me it was mind blowing to understand that I can have these emotions, and yet, not be a bad person. Thank you for your videos Dr. Marks. I, like many others, finding them helpful and entertaining at the same time.
Thank you so much Dr. Tracey. I agree with you, women are taught not to express their anger and very often we do not accept that we feel it.
I wonder if you have made a video about how to deal with suicidal thoughts? Thanks again ❤️
hi Claudia I’m actually working on a suicidal thoughts video right now. It’s been a long time in coming. I haven’t recorded it yet though so it's several weeks away.
@@DrTraceyMarks I am going through this now. I cannot wait for this video! This darkness is tough.
@@AmazingAmaiya You have to seek a doctor or therapist, it's not enough to watch Dr. Tracey, even though she gives very good advice and she is very knowledgeable, she cannot prescribe you medication nor work on your personal issues, stay well my friend!
@@user-fi9wx2vb9e I am seeing someone. I just love watching Dr. Tracey Marks. I am actually having fewer depressed episode's. She is just very informative. Thanks for reaching out though. That was kind of you.
@@AmazingAmaiya I'm so glad to hear it!
I also love watching her videos, both for my own ADHD and for my work as a social worker. She is amazing! Anytime! I wish you the best!
I was literally my own psychiatrist when I experimented with a psychedelic.This mindfulness strategy is exactly what I experienced, I remember feeling each emotion so intensely, that when I realized I could switch my emotions with different thoughts and ideas, I drastically went through 5 emotions (intense anger, intense sadness, intense compassion, intense happiness, intense laughter)in less than a minute, literally. From that moment on I believe in the Power of Thoughts and so I do my best to fill and surround myself with what I do want to feel and Focus on.
Psilocybin saved my life. I was addicted to heroin for 15 years and after Psilocybin treatment I will be 3 years clean in September. I have zero cravings.
This is something that truly needs to be more broadly used in addiction treatment.
Please does anyone know where I can get them? I put so much on my plate and it really affects my stress and anxiety levels, I would love to try shrooms
Yes, bergwilly11
Where can I find him ?
Shrooms was the best trip I had. It was an amazing experience.
@@zarkos2313 He’s on I N S TA
I just discovered your channel as I’m working through my highway driving agoraphobia. I wish I was taught about emotions when I was younger. I think I internalized so many emotions that have resulted in some of my anxieties. I’m thankful that I’m seeking knowledge so that I can better understand myself. Thanks so much for sharing this information.
🙏💕
Your videos are really helpful to me. Thank you! I can’t get an appointment with a therapist to save my life. Thankfully there’s TH-cam
OMG this excercise was amazing. I finally got back to baseline! I haven't been able to get here for years!
Thank you I needed this. I have PTSD, dealt with about 25 years of abuse. Anger is an emotion I have struggled with. How do you feel it, can I even get angry? etc. When I get angry I ended up crying instead, like you mentioned I have severe anxiety and depression. I'm on the healing process, but recognize this is going to be a long process.
I am sorry that you experienced the abuse. I am encouraged by how you express yourself. I am guessing that describing yourself with the words "I'm on the healing process" could be reframed to acknowledge how much work you have done.
@@luck484 Thank you. and you are right, I do need to acknowledge how far I've come more.
Omg! The world NEEDS people like you!! Definitely do not hear this incredibly helpful guidance in the “biblical counseling” at church. All you hear is “take your thoughts captive” and “probably need to confess something.” This is what people actually need.
Thank you.
Your so welcome. 😊
"I hate my boss and I want to beat him down to the ground!" I have been watching a lot of your videos. Thank you for your help.
This is so timely for me. Thank you so much for doing these videos. I've only recently discovered your channel, but you're already a lifeline for me. ❤
Dr. Marks is so amazing! Total game changer watching her every week.
Agree. She's just so relatable, combined with being an expert in mental health is what makes her so good.
This is valuable advice. My therapist coached me on doing these things over 30 years ago, and they work!!!
You have helped me so much and I so appreciate your videos!!!
You’re welcome Sandra 😊
I've never heard of this before. Thank you for being such a great dr and person.
I've given up on the VA and the mental health system as a whole...so I watch Dr. Marks and read self help books.
I've heard it called ....
The VA is tough. We really have to advocate for ourselves there. I've had good treatment and poor treatment. I'm glad book are helping you. I have a few friends, read and am active in my recovery. Thinking about trying the VA again for the 10th time. Good luck
The consciously breathing thing always makes me feel like I'm suffocating. I hate it. Anyone else?
Thank you Dr. Marks! I downloaded the emotion cards and it is so helpful because I realize that I have suppressed or not acknowledged the emotions that are not in the Happy card. I am a people-pleaser and always wanted to keep all the love ones around me happy. I thought it meant that if my emotions are not positive, I should avoid it, have mental strength to control it, suppress it, not let it propagate to someone else. And if I can't avoid it, I beat myself up over it. I have been dealing with the consequences of that habit. Thank you for showing me that feeling what I feel is just fine.
Wow, that sounds like my childhood. That really gets me thinking, thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you! I've spent so much of my life suppressing any negative emotion and just generally not being allowed to express my emotions to other people, having to be "okay" all the time, knowing that getting angry only leads to bad consequences, etc. I needed to hear this so bad.
Really good advice.
Also, I would like to compliment you on your always amazing, amusing, and creative thumbnails. :)
Thanks a lot Trexpaddock! 😊
1. Observe what's happening in the moment - I'm feeling anxious / angry / sad right now.
2. Allow the emotion. This emotion is uncomfortable and might be distressing, but it's not a problem, and I'm going to make space for it and allow it to stay as long as it wants to. I don't have to be afraid of the emotion: I'm able to control myself.
3. Watch the emotion, just see what it does. Call it what it is. Where do I notice it in my body? I am not my emotions - I watch and observe my emotions which are separate from me. I am detached from my emotions.
4. Be present. Turn your attention to what's going on around you. Use your 5 senses to determine what you can see, smell, taste, touch and hear. You can also turn your attention to your breath.
When the emotion comes back, say "that's okay. You can stay."
Do you have any advice or coping/tips on negative thought cycles and brooding? I cant get out of my own head and its a damn nightmare in here (excuse the vulnerability Doctor Tracey) also thank you for what you do, you are amazing
You always give the best advice and tips thank you so much you’re invaluable.
Thank you so much for this video. I learned this technique over a decade ago, but a recent concussion robbed me of it.
I have been loosing myself alot. This video saved me, i now remember. And the more i think about it , the memories and abilities get clear and more clarity is regained. Thank you , you saved me from my private prison. Truth be told, i wasnt to far from the " fine' "
I have learned this also. It is a good reminder.
"Let it pass on it's own time."
Okay, so, here's the negative emotions forever! Wow! I'm cured!
I wanted to tell you that I had a breast cancer scare in April. Your videos helped me calm down and go through the process with less fear. I had a biopsy and found out all was okay and the wait was much better because of the information you share.
I have dealt with a lot of crap from infancy to present day (now 61), just like way too many people have! The chronic pain for 40 yrs and many health issues have caused me to stop fighting. I'm totally fine with my position and decision in life, it is just the natural process of abuse, illness, and pain! I've done a great job with my feelings, emotions, and inner strengh to keep on...keeping on! MY, ONLY, PROBLEM IS TO GET MY DOCTORS TO UNDERSTAND! I do love how they care, I just need my decision respected. How can I do this?
I just found your page. Thank you so much for your content. After this dumpster fire of a year and so many other life changes, I realized I have been just in survival mode and since a few big life events have passed (and the election!) all of these painful emotions are surfacing and I am trying to figure them out. "I'm going to make space for it and I am not going to be afraid of it." I'm going to need to spend some quality time with your videos and my journal!
Thank you for the practical exercises. My job of 20 years has turned toxic over the last 5 with the exit of good bosses, and the promotion of folks with narcissistic tendencies, into manager roles. A mediocre boss of 9 years, just "resigned", effective immediately. I was working with this boss to protect me from my direct narcissistic manager, and I fear having that protection gone. I realize I should have left 5 years ago, when the entire situation started developing. I'm scared. I'm angry, I'm working with HR to help plan my exit and survive what comes. The rumination has sucked up most of my time. Trying to develop habits and processes to redirect that energy into getting out is my goal. Perhaps DBT will be helpful.
Talk about detaching from negative emotions 🙌🏼 This is the kind of therapy I really need. Real actual sessions like this. Thank you for this videos.
Distress Tolerance: being able to experience an emotion and not use a dysfunctional coping mechanism that make my circumstances worse.
Temperament: you factory-installed reflects. Based on my genes.
Childhood - how you were raised
Anger, fear, sadness
Mindfulness: accepted what happening at the moment
Recognize and allow an emotion
What is my emotions: angry & rage
Think of as a wave
Be present using five senses
Unprocessed anger, rage, madness can show up as Anxiety/fear or Depression/sadness.
Wow this was so useful and practical. I would love more videos like this!
Thanks KC. I plan to make more.
I’m so over trying to establish mental health . U good ! I THINK I SHOULD STAY WAY AWAY FROM EVERYONE AND BE SAFE. It works for me. Social interaction is so hurtful. Gotta let that go. SORRY WORLD. NO EMOTION REQUIRED.😐🦍💨
I just wanted to say how helpful this was for me. I have some BPD symptoms but can’t be sure, haven’t received any diagnoses. When you broke down the steps to mindfulness, I practiced it along with you and immediately felt relief. It really puts the emotions into perspective - honoring them without acting on them. I’m going to print out your template and practice regularly. Thank you!
0:00- Distress tolerance
0:45- Negative emotions
2:40- Accepting the range of emotions
2:55- Maladaptive ways of handing emotions
3:40- Solutions
3:49- Mindfulness
5:11- Recognise and allow the emotion
6:10- Watch the emotion
7:03- Be Present
I love the wave analogy, as a surfer we go.from riding the best wave ever to wiping out and literally end up fighting for our lives , nearly drownjng . Dealing with that emotional shock is part of surfing larger waves , you MUST let it all go to survive. EMDR has helped a couple friends that have had bad near drowning experiences.
I'm just tired of hurting all the time. I have BPD AND bipolar 1 and I ruin every relationship and alienate everyone eventually. My mom was a morbid alcoholic and my step dad was violent. I don't even know who I am a lot of the time. I'm depersonalized a lot. I don't know what to do.
I got tears in my eyes when I watch your video, you say things that I really needed to ear. Thank you.
That's so funny I reflexively played this because i somehow initially read the thumbnail as "how to AVOID facing your feelings"😂
I found this video exactly when I needed it. I was raised to believe anger was not acceptable in a woman but anxiety and sadness were. I went on TH-cam to escape the anxiety I’m feeling (avoidance). But as I was watching I realized I’m not nervous, I’m angry. It’s easier to process the emotion now that I can name it. I’m gunna work on the coping skills you mentioned to ride this wave. Thanks!
I think the final step to this approach is *LOVE* . Integrating all aspects of ourselves out of love. Love is the great Healer. Loving each and every emotion as a messenger trying to help us, revealing bits and pieces of ourselves. *What is that emotion trying to teach you about yourself?* Love each and every emotion that comes up, because only love can transmute and make you whole again.
I think her hair is amazing I love them, remember beauty is in the eye beholder some people will not like some will i love your videos
and if I do a tiny baby version of what they do, because even if I wanted I don't even have 2% of their capcities ..... then it is called abusing people.....
I was working at a private girls school (St Mary's Convent) some years ago during the holidays, so it was almost deserted apart from maintenance staff, and in one of the junior classrooms (which would hold boys & girls upto about 11 Yrs old) there were various pictures on the wall, but one in particular caught my attention. It was a large picture split up into about 12 smaller frames and in each was a word describing an emotion and a picture of a young boy or girl demonstrating through their facial expression what that emotion would look like.
E.g Happy and a picture of a Happy smiling face.
I had to take a second look and what struck me was that every positive emotion was demonstrated by a girl and every negative emotion was demonstrated by a boy. If I'd have had my son or daughter in that school I'd have been furious for the stereotyping to children at such a young age, which was harmful I felt. That school has now closed down and good riddance.
They were very big on 'female empowerment' but this seemed to be at the expense of 'male disempowerment' but they showed not the slightest shame or inclination to change when I raised the matter with a female member of staff, which sickened me.
Thank you for this. Not a lot of therapists and doctors bring up self-harm as a coping mechanism, and even if they do they don't really tell you how to deal with it. I have heard of the "allow yourself to feel your emotions" but it is so hard to do! You gave me a good template to use the next time I'm overwhelmed.
If we have thoughts and feelings but are not them as mindfulness teaching says.
If we are not our thinking mind and feeling heart?
Then what is our true identity?
The spiritual observing awareness? Lol. Gotcha.
Wow!!! I have a huge problem with anger (that I've been recently thinking I need to start addressing head-on), and this is probably the most helpful thing I've ever heard! Thank you sooooo much for this video 💜💜💜💜💜💜 Your videos are clear, concise, practical, and most importantly, down-to-earth 💜💜💜
Dr. Marks is literally Lucy Carmichael from The Rugrats: a beautiful, kind hearted physician.
Doc I always look forward to your Wednesday presentation on something new.
Thanks so much John for continuing to follow me. 😊
4:08 what if those distressing feelings/emotions/rage are a result of what happened 30 yrs ago, because mother/father ra/ped the child who is now an adult? Is mindfulness still the best technique????
seems like my depression hitting me up again, because something bad happen in my life. i'm start to oversleeping my self,cry then laughing why do i cry. and as always you come in the right time, mindfulness is what i need. thankyou 🧡
You’re welcome yoa yoa 😊
Hi depression sucks. Hang in there. Hopefully, it'll be better tomorrow.
Thank you, I appreciate the help. Question, What is meant by going with it; as the emotion comes back and while I’m in the room with it, could I repeat my idea of what I could have done. Or I’m I to isolate the feeling itself weather physical or emotional. And just sit the the emotional one
I know this is older I just wanna say thank you. I've made myself a playlist specifically for when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and your videos are the majority so far. These coping skills DO work for me. It's such a great feeling to be able to care for myself this way. To finally treat myself with compassion and love. Thank you so much, Dr. Tracey!
When someone does something shitty to you they leave you with shitty feelings making you the bad person for having negative emotion. So now you've had the bad thing happen, felt the shitty emotion, and then felt the judgement for having a shitty emotion. I just avoid toxic people now, or keep them at arms length, it's easier and more peaceful.
Hi Dr. Marks ! Thank you for your amazing videos. I watch them from France ☺️ can you make a video about unipolar disorder/unipolar depression please?
Hi Stag96. thanks for watching from France! You should take a look at my depression playlist. Depression is the same as unipolar depression. In The first video in the playlist I talk about depression but some of the other videos talk about other aspects of it that you might find interesting. TH-cam allows you to save playlist to your library to make it easier to find again. As I Make more videos and depression I will add them to this playlist.
th-cam.com/play/PLazcP3-djRZ3_VgA6P42Z0j3dkfyu6WWk.html
As well as genetic and epigenetic inheritance.
I think we bring with us tendencies and traits developed from previous lives into this incarnation.
Plus there are astrological and numerological influences on our nature from birth and throughout our lives.