I just realized i once had an intimate conversation with a complete stranger. I was in a big city for the first time, all by myself and it had dawned on my how big this place really is, how i dont know anybody here, how noone would care if i disappeared and that feeling was overwhelming me. All of this was sinking in as i sat in a shared hostel kitchen, a girl walked in, said hi and after a few minutes of talking something random she asks how i was doing. I paused to think and then told her the truth - all of the above and how that made me feel. This led to a 2-hour heart to heart conversation. We ended up hanging out the entire week with her and her friend
I'm not sure how you do it Eric... Your advice is always spot on, and brilliantly concise. Even when the advice is causing me to confront my own personal faults, somehow, your delivery makes it easy to absorb without feeling defensive. Keep up the great work, it's making a difference.
Appreciate the encouragement Jason! Glad you are finding some value in the content. I’m just trying to continue getting better myself and passing on what I learn and what couples I work with find helpful.
Key insights: 🗣 Learning four specific skills can help couples have more intimate and connecting conversations, leading to the development of emotional intimacy in their relationship. 🗣 Not all couples are great at having connecting conversations, highlighting the importance of developing emotional and relational intimacy. 🗣 Building emotional intimacy requires the ability to put into words how we are feeling emotionally, even when emotions are firing during a conversation with our partner. 😔 Being able to express your feelings and connect them to why you feel that way is key to building emotional intimacy in a relationship. 🙋♀ Asking open-ended questions during intimate conversations can foster deeper connection and communication with your partner. 🗣 Exploratory statements show a desire for more details and a deeper understanding of the other person's thoughts and feelings. 😊 Expressing empathy can create a strong connection with others by validating their feelings and experiences. 💬 "I wonder what it felt like to be you that is very connecting in a relationship."
I’ve got Siri and Alexa listening in on your life and feeding me the info! 🤣 Guess it shows you how similar we all are on what we wrestle with in relationships. Glad you’re finding the content useful!
This was very helpful because it is something I personally struggle with. Expressing feeling to me has always seemed like being a baby are whining. I guess it all makes sense now when my wife ask me what I’m thinking and I say “nothing” how this can have a negative impact on emotional intimacy. Men and especially someone like myself that serviced in the military and had a Dad that if I hurt myself and cried about it, he would look at me and say “I bet you want do that again”. I was taught to suck it up and I guess that method doesn’t work so well in a marriage😊. My wife must really love me to put up with this for almost 25 years. I’m definitely going to try some of these strategies. I just worry that it won’t sound genuine. She may also think I’m having a mental issue or i have done something to be guilty of.
Noo... I think if you say to her what you wrote in the comments...Especially the realisation...."She must Really Love me!".... Will be a Beautiful gift to receive from You!! 🌟🌈🎉🌹🎉🌈🌟
Awesome video, Eric... good communication is the basic of all relationship to everlasting from time to time. Your video is so helpful not only for married couples, but also people who are best friends, lovers, working partners, etc... 👏👏✌✌🤗🤗 understanding each other is lots more important than it seems...
Hi Eric!!! I have to do a catch up with your videos!! Thank you for making this particular one about conversations and building emotional intimacy. It seems to me that these skills are developed as we interact with people face to face, today we are flooded by online presence and I am coming to the conclusion that the art of intimate and meaningful communication is vanishing slowly and I wholeheartedly crave this kind of conversations, because I practice them...I get very discouraged by the lack of empathy and inability many people have to relate to others, to feel how they feel. I was recently diagnosed as highly sensitive person, which explains so many things, but also has brought heaviness on me... I am in the process of trying to find out how to best use it without getting burnt, which is what normally happens and then I need months to recover! You know how much I love your videos, the content is superb useful and practical! Your hair is perfect hahahaha not a hair out of place and direction, up straight, clean and tidy. I am not being cheekey here, but you have great presence all the time! keep the excellent content coming!!
Hahahaha…Eva is back and bringing the heat, checking my haircut 🤣 Glad you enjoyed the video. So you’ve diagnosed yourself as an HSP?? I think the key is just guarding your heart a bit and learning which people are and are not safe places to be open and vulnerable
@@RelationShots hahahahaha ... I have eye for detail Eric! 🤣 I was actually diagnosed by a specialist, I did not even know that existed, but I do recall as a child being told I am too sensitive ... a lot of things make sense now. It is not an illness, I do believe God uses all about us for good, and this recent discovery, is for good too!! About guarding my heart a bit and learning which people are and are not safe places to be open and vulnerable is really true! I love people, everybody, but it does not mean I love all they do and how they treat me and/or others... I am pretty vocal about it and that is not taken too well. If I like someone of the opposite sex, I appreciate a little nudge, because it can be pretty stressful to bring guard down... in other words, it takes more time for me to open up, which means the gentleman needs to work a little extra, and that is something not common in a fast pace here i come society and mentality! God knows it all, I pray He will give me what i need and who i need at the right time. God is never late, He is always right...that is comforting enough for me. Thank you Eric!
@@evasccl7846 I’m always skeptical when I hear of things like HSP, feeling like we just make stuff up sometimes to better understand ourselves 🤣 I am familiar with a book called The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, written by the lady that came up HSP, I think. Either way, understanding is key so if it resonates with how you are wired and can give you some tools to manage relationships better, it’s a win!
@@RelationShots I thought the same thing when I was told that 😳🤣 But as I pondered about a few things that were explained to me, and in my tranquil time I pondered and many things made sense and explained why and how I was the way I was and how it impacted me. Needless to say Eric, I am known for questioning hahahaha with the only intention and goal to help myself understand things, but at times questioning is taken the wrong way 🤣I often end frozen with the reaction to, what seems to me basic questions to have a deeper understanding of things and people. The way I look at that, is that if you can explain to me what made you angry and why, I can then better and deeper understand your needs and the role or part that I play in all of it! This applies to all relationships, as is my understanding. The book you mention, rings a bell... but honestly speaking, I have not read it and I am not convinced it is required of me to read it. I think we have both missed each other's exchange of comments 😄I am grateful for your work and this space to share. Thank you again!! Eric, this thought just popped in my head... we women are more complex, right? that is why we need men to simplify things 😁 I think I cracked the code right now Eric 😉😂
Summary: #1. Use the correct words and tone to describe how you are personally feeling. #2. Know what questions to ask and how to ask them. #3. Know what questions to follow up with to learn more. #4. Show the other person that you understand what they're feeling. If I made any mistakes please correct me.
What are some tips for expressing empathy to your partner when you are the one that caused their pain? Directed anger is challenging to empathize with when shame says you are bad and deserve to be punished, yelled at, etc. Examples and practical advice would be great.
Yeah, it's pretty difficult to show empathy when you feel like you're being attacked for sure. I think you do your best to express how sorry you are that you have caused their pain. I think you can ask if there are things you can do to ease the pain or aid in the healing. There also needs to be some ownership of emotions on the other side as continual attacks aren't helpful, but that's not something can usually suggest as it will come across as dismissive of their pain. That's much better share from a counselor or outside source if it is a regular issue.
When saying what I feel or what I think, the response I get is: that’s on you or I can’t compete with whatever is going on in your head. Where do I go from there?
Hard to say without being able to get more context but sounds like someone who either doesn’t care or doesn’t feel like they can meet an expectation. That’s usually the two options
TLDR: Developing specific skills, such as expressing emotions, asking open-ended questions, and showing empathy, can help couples build emotional intimacy and have more connecting conversations in their relationship. 1. 00:00 👫 Many couples struggle to connect on a deeper level due to difficulties in communicating about their struggles, hopes, desires, and fears, but by learning four skills, anyone can have more intimate conversations and build emotional intimacy in their relationship. 2. 01:01 🔑 Intimate conversations are essential for emotional and relational intimacy in relationships, but many couples struggle with connecting conversations and focus more on logistical tasks. 3. 01:58 👥 Say what you feel in order to connect emotionally and avoid escalating negative emotions during conversations with your partner. 4. 02:53 🔑 Building emotional intimacy in a relationship requires the ability to express and connect your feelings to what happened, as demonstrated by the speaker's example of their hairdresser's new relationship. 5. 04:16 👫 Emotional intimacy is built by acknowledging and addressing triggers, expressing feelings, and asking open-ended questions in intimate conversations. 6. 05:23 🔍 Asking open-ended questions and using exploratory statements can help build emotional intimacy by showing curiosity and a desire to understand the other person's feelings, needs, and values. 7. 06:40 👂 Use exploratory statements to show compassion and care and express empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes to build emotional intimacy. 8. 07:48 🔑 Practice four simple skills to improve emotional intimacy in your relationship, and if you need help, watch the video and download the resource provided.
I wouldn’t say it’s their job to regulate as we each have to own our “stuff”, but a partner certainly shares in a responsibility to help cultivate or create an environment that helps with their regulation rather than exasperates it
I just realized i once had an intimate conversation with a complete stranger. I was in a big city for the first time, all by myself and it had dawned on my how big this place really is, how i dont know anybody here, how noone would care if i disappeared and that feeling was overwhelming me. All of this was sinking in as i sat in a shared hostel kitchen, a girl walked in, said hi and after a few minutes of talking something random she asks how i was doing. I paused to think and then told her the truth - all of the above and how that made me feel. This led to a 2-hour heart to heart conversation. We ended up hanging out the entire week with her and her friend
Combine this with gentle caressing and holding. She will melt like butter.
Certainly, here is a list of 100 negative emotions in bullet point format:
1. Sadness
2. Anger
3. Fear
4. Frustration
5. Disappointment
6. Guilt
7. Shame
8. Regret
9. Loneliness
10. Despair
11. Anxiety
12. Stress
13. Worry
14. Jealousy
15. Envy
16. Resentment
17. Bitterness
18. Hatred
19. Disgust
20. Contempt
21. Irritation
22. Impatience
23. Confusion
24. Helplessness
25. Powerlessness
26. Hopelessness
27. Nervousness
28. Insecurity
29. Embarrassment
30. Humiliation
31. Discomfort
32. Disapproval
33. Rejection
34. Betrayal
35. Abandonment
36. Loss
37. Grief
38. Sorrow
39. Melancholy
40. Pity
41. Discontent
42. Apathy
43. Indifference
44. Resignation
45. Agony
46. Misery
47. Unhappiness
48. Dismay
49. Agitation
50. Hostility
51. Irritability
52. Restlessness
53. Paranoia
54. Desperation
55. Disorientation
56. Helplessness
57. Desolation
58. Isolation
59. Alienation
60. Mistrust
61. Suspicion
62. Self-doubt
63. Inferiority
64. Worthlessness
65. Dejection
66. Hopelessness
67. Oppression
68. Fatigue
69. Overwhelm
70. Loneliness
71. Inadequacy
72. Anguish
73. Defeat
74. Resignation
75. Depletion
76. Suffering
77. Disconnection
78. Neglect
79. Condemnation
80. Recklessness
81. Disorganization
82. Annoyance
83. Displeasure
84. Hostility
85. Outrage
86. Malice
87. Vengefulness
88. Spite
89. Cynicism
90. Revulsion
91. Repulsion
92. Nausea
93. Distrust
94. Betrayal
95. Aggravation
96. Gloom
97. Moroseness
98. Peevishness
99. Grumpiness
100. Boredom
These are examples of negative emotions that people may experience, and it's important to remember that emotions are complex and can vary from person to person.
Wow thanks ❤
Certainly! Here is a list of 100 positive emotions in bullet point format:
1. Joy
2. Love
3. Gratitude
4. Excitement
5. Happiness
6. Contentment
7. Bliss
8. Elation
9. Enthusiasm
10. Ecstasy
11. Amusement
12. Optimism
13. Serenity
14. Pleasure
15. Delight
16. Hope
17. Pride
18. Fulfillment
19. Euphoria
20. Appreciation
21. Anticipation
22. Wonder
23. Awe
24. Empathy
25. Compassion
26. Kindness
27. Generosity
28. Admiration
29. Affection
30. Tenderness
31. Friendliness
32. Caring
33. Warmth
34. Trust
35. Forgiveness
36. Confidence
37. Peace
38. Relaxation
39. Calmness
40. Reassurance
41. Security
42. Comfort
43. Freedom
44. Tranquility
45. Relief
46. Satisfaction
47. Fulfilled
48. Victory
49. Triumph
50. Courage
51. Determination
52. Perseverance
53. Resilience
54. Empowerment
55. Success
56. Accomplishment
57. Self-assured
58. Belief
59. Self-esteem
60. Self-worth
61. Honesty
62. Integrity
63. Authenticity
64. Pride
65. Gratefulness
66. Satisfaction
67. Humility
68. Wonderment
69. Curiosity
70. Intrigue
71. Arousal
72. Enchantment
73. Delight
74. Eagerness
75. Fascination
76. Amazement
77. Awe
78. Pride
79. Satisfaction
80. Exhilaration
81. Zeal
82. Vivacity
83. Radiance
84. Glee
85. Lightheartedness
86. Playfulness
87. Laughter
88. Giggles
89. Chuckles
90. Amusement
91. Contentment
92. Solace
93. Reprieve
94. Unburdened
95. Freedom
96. Liberation
97. Safety
98. Security
99. Trust
100. Assurance
These are just a few examples of positive emotions. Human emotions are complex and can vary from person to person, but these are some of the most commonly experienced positive feelings.
This is very awesome..
Literally just had this very conversation with my wife, and I have work to do.
You got this!
I'm not sure how you do it Eric... Your advice is always spot on, and brilliantly concise. Even when the advice is causing me to confront my own personal faults, somehow, your delivery makes it easy to absorb without feeling defensive. Keep up the great work, it's making a difference.
Appreciate the encouragement Jason! Glad you are finding some value in the content. I’m just trying to continue getting better myself and passing on what I learn and what couples I work with find helpful.
Key insights:
🗣 Learning four specific skills can help couples have more intimate and connecting conversations, leading to the development of emotional intimacy in their relationship.
🗣 Not all couples are great at having connecting conversations, highlighting the importance of developing emotional and relational intimacy.
🗣 Building emotional intimacy requires the ability to put into words how we are feeling emotionally, even when emotions are firing during a conversation with our partner.
😔 Being able to express your feelings and connect them to why you feel that way is key to building emotional intimacy in a relationship.
🙋♀ Asking open-ended questions during intimate conversations can foster deeper connection and communication with your partner.
🗣 Exploratory statements show a desire for more details and a deeper understanding of the other person's thoughts and feelings.
😊 Expressing empathy can create a strong connection with others by validating their feelings and experiences.
💬 "I wonder what it felt like to be you that is very connecting in a relationship."
Each one of your vids always cover an issue or topic that I’m dealing with at that moment…it’s like you’re in my head…😂 I love it... Keep em coming💪🏾
I’ve got Siri and Alexa listening in on your life and feeding me the info! 🤣 Guess it shows you how similar we all are on what we wrestle with in relationships. Glad you’re finding the content useful!
Useful indeed...
This was very helpful because it is something I personally struggle with. Expressing feeling to me has always seemed like being a baby are whining. I guess it all makes sense now when my wife ask me what I’m thinking and I say “nothing” how this can have a negative impact on emotional intimacy. Men and especially someone like myself that serviced in the military and had a Dad that if I hurt myself and cried about it, he would look at me and say “I bet you want do that again”. I was taught to suck it up and I guess that method doesn’t work so well in a marriage😊. My wife must really love me to put up with this for almost 25 years. I’m definitely going to try some of these strategies. I just worry that it won’t sound genuine. She may also think I’m having a mental issue or i have done something to be guilty of.
Haha, right. She’ll be like “do you have a fever or something? Everything ok “
Noo... I think if you say to her what you wrote in the comments...Especially the realisation...."She must Really Love me!"....
Will be a Beautiful gift to receive from You!!
🌟🌈🎉🌹🎉🌈🌟
Awesome video, Eric... good communication is the basic of all relationship to everlasting from time to time. Your video is so helpful not only for married couples, but also people who are best friends, lovers, working partners, etc... 👏👏✌✌🤗🤗 understanding each other is lots more important than it seems...
Communication for the win!
🙌🏼
C'mon somebody😂🤗🤗 indeed on point with the hair
Hahahaha…🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️
🤣🤣🤣
Very enlightening! 👏
Great advice and very timely
Glad you enjoyed it Rick!
Hi Eric!!! I have to do a catch up with your videos!! Thank you for making this particular one about conversations and building emotional intimacy.
It seems to me that these skills are developed as we interact with people face to face, today we are flooded by online presence and I am coming to the conclusion that the art of intimate and meaningful communication is vanishing slowly and I wholeheartedly crave this kind of conversations, because I practice them...I get very discouraged by the lack of empathy and inability many people have to relate to others, to feel how they feel.
I was recently diagnosed as highly sensitive person, which explains so many things, but also has brought heaviness on me... I am in the process of trying to find out how to best use it without getting burnt, which is what normally happens and then I need months to recover!
You know how much I love your videos, the content is superb useful and practical!
Your hair is perfect hahahaha not a hair out of place and direction, up straight, clean and tidy. I am not being cheekey here, but you have great presence all the time! keep the excellent content coming!!
Hahahaha…Eva is back and bringing the heat, checking my haircut 🤣 Glad you enjoyed the video. So you’ve diagnosed yourself as an HSP?? I think the key is just guarding your heart a bit and learning which people are and are not safe places to be open and vulnerable
@@RelationShots hahahahaha ... I have eye for detail Eric! 🤣
I was actually diagnosed by a specialist, I did not even know that existed, but I do recall as a child being told I am too sensitive ... a lot of things make sense now. It is not an illness, I do believe God uses all about us for good, and this recent discovery, is for good too!!
About guarding my heart a bit and learning which people are and are not safe places to be open and vulnerable is really true! I love people, everybody, but it does not mean I love all they do and how they treat me and/or others... I am pretty vocal about it and that is not taken too well. If I like someone of the opposite sex, I appreciate a little nudge, because it can be pretty stressful to bring guard down... in other words, it takes more time for me to open up, which means the gentleman needs to work a little extra, and that is something not common in a fast pace here i come society and mentality!
God knows it all, I pray He will give me what i need and who i need at the right time. God is never late, He is always right...that is comforting enough for me.
Thank you Eric!
@@evasccl7846 I’m always skeptical when I hear of things like HSP, feeling like we just make stuff up sometimes to better understand ourselves 🤣 I am familiar with a book called The Highly Sensitive Person in Love, written by the lady that came up HSP, I think. Either way, understanding is key so if it resonates with how you are wired and can give you some tools to manage relationships better, it’s a win!
@@RelationShots I thought the same thing when I was told that 😳🤣 But as I pondered about a few things that were explained to me, and in my tranquil time I pondered and many things made sense and explained why and how I was the way I was and how it impacted me. Needless to say Eric, I am known for questioning hahahaha with the only intention and goal to help myself understand things, but at times questioning is taken the wrong way 🤣I often end frozen with the reaction to, what seems to me basic questions to have a deeper understanding of things and people. The way I look at that, is that if you can explain to me what made you angry and why, I can then better and deeper understand your needs and the role or part that I play in all of it! This applies to all relationships, as is my understanding.
The book you mention, rings a bell... but honestly speaking, I have not read it and I am not convinced it is required of me to read it. I think we have both missed each other's exchange of comments 😄I am grateful for your work and this space to share. Thank you again!!
Eric, this thought just popped in my head... we women are more complex, right? that is why we need men to simplify things 😁 I think I cracked the code right now Eric 😉😂
@@evasccl7846 Generalizing, yes women tend to be a bit more complex and men more simple but obviously there are always the exceptions
Summary:
#1. Use the correct words and tone to describe how you are personally feeling.
#2. Know what questions to ask and how to ask them.
#3. Know what questions to follow up with to learn more.
#4. Show the other person that you understand what they're feeling.
If I made any mistakes please correct me.
Seems Tip #2 and Tip #3 are nearly identical. The only difference is that one is a question and the other is a statement.
What are some tips for expressing empathy to your partner when you are the one that caused their pain? Directed anger is challenging to empathize with when shame says you are bad and deserve to be punished, yelled at, etc. Examples and practical advice would be great.
Yeah, it's pretty difficult to show empathy when you feel like you're being attacked for sure. I think you do your best to express how sorry you are that you have caused their pain. I think you can ask if there are things you can do to ease the pain or aid in the healing. There also needs to be some ownership of emotions on the other side as continual attacks aren't helpful, but that's not something can usually suggest as it will come across as dismissive of their pain. That's much better share from a counselor or outside source if it is a regular issue.
When saying what I feel or what I think, the response I get is: that’s on you or I can’t compete with whatever is going on in your head. Where do I go from there?
Hard to say without being able to get more context but sounds like someone who either doesn’t care or doesn’t feel like they can meet an expectation. That’s usually the two options
Sounds emotionally abusive. Im sorry
Picking someone incapable of "LOVE" or doesn't "VALUE" "LOVE" means pick again. GOD also must be valuable or believed in, or ditch out.
TLDR: Developing specific skills, such as expressing emotions, asking open-ended questions, and showing empathy, can help couples build emotional intimacy and have more connecting conversations in their relationship.
1. 00:00 👫 Many couples struggle to connect on a deeper level due to difficulties in communicating about their struggles, hopes, desires, and fears, but by learning four skills, anyone can have more intimate conversations and build emotional intimacy in their relationship.
2. 01:01 🔑 Intimate conversations are essential for emotional and relational intimacy in relationships, but many couples struggle with connecting conversations and focus more on logistical tasks.
3. 01:58 👥 Say what you feel in order to connect emotionally and avoid escalating negative emotions during conversations with your partner.
4. 02:53 🔑 Building emotional intimacy in a relationship requires the ability to express and connect your feelings to what happened, as demonstrated by the speaker's example of their hairdresser's new relationship.
5. 04:16 👫 Emotional intimacy is built by acknowledging and addressing triggers, expressing feelings, and asking open-ended questions in intimate conversations.
6. 05:23 🔍 Asking open-ended questions and using exploratory statements can help build emotional intimacy by showing curiosity and a desire to understand the other person's feelings, needs, and values.
7. 06:40 👂 Use exploratory statements to show compassion and care and express empathy by putting yourself in the other person's shoes to build emotional intimacy.
8. 07:48 🔑 Practice four simple skills to improve emotional intimacy in your relationship, and if you need help, watch the video and download the resource provided.
Sadly it takes two
If a partner has a lot of unresolved baggage from prior relationships, is it the new partner's job to regulate it?
I wouldn’t say it’s their job to regulate as we each have to own our “stuff”, but a partner certainly shares in a responsibility to help cultivate or create an environment that helps with their regulation rather than exasperates it
Where did you get these skills from?
They come from a book called Eight Dates by John and Julie Gottman