The way I describe my social dysphoria is like a Freaky Friday movie where two people switch bodies but instead of trying to pretend to be the other person, I try to live my life the way I did before the switch. But no one sees who I actually am and only sees the outside and body that I'm in
It's such a relief to hear you talk about this. I disregarded the questioning of my gender identity for so much time because it didn't fit what I saw as "the trans experience". I was just an "awkward boy", I thought. I never imagined I've had dysphoria, for example, because I never connected with the way media sensationalises it in its most extreme form, as wanting to mutilate yourself and 'hating' your body, which many people may feel, but it's far from universal or as constant as portrayed. But the feelings you described got right into me. Now I can connect the fantasy of having another body with feeling discomfort with some parts during sex, why some things just didn't felt right. Maybe the fact that I'm much of a people pleaser and accustomed to play a persona or focused on giving pleasure to others also helped to shut down the exploration and expression of my self and needs. Thank you for allowing your perspective to be seen. We need more diversity, not only in identities, but also in experiences and we need to have ours stories told by ourselves. And that's what you do and I love it. 💛💛
I’m so glad you feel connected to my experience. I know how difficult it can be to figure something out like gender, and especially being AMAB and non-binary, there really isn’t much representation. And the representation we do get (from why I’ve seen) revolves around very feminine non-binary people. Part of my reasoning for making my TH-cam channel was in hopes to connect with other people like me. I’m really glad my experience really helps things click for you. I know how great that feels. 💛
Yesss. Before I knew I was trans, I had no idea what I wanted for myself and my life so I was a people pleaser and focused to make others happy Now I'm 4 months on HRT🖤🏳️⚧️
I have not yet been able to articulate my feelings about how I feel dysphoric socially- like in regards to the disonnect that is felt when being out interacting & the feelings that come along with it. I didn't even know social dysphoria was a thing, and the way you put everything is literally exactly how I feel. The disconnect makes everything feel so unreal and so empty but I feel so comforted knowing that there are people out there who share some of the same feelings as I do. Thank you Bryn for making your videos. much love xx
I’m so glad I can help put your feelings into words. I’m happy you can find solace knowing that there *are* people like you and you are not alone. Sending you the best vibes right now 💛
This might sound a bit deep but I think you're one of the only people I've ever properly connected with when I've listened to people talk about this stuff, thank you xx
I’m really glad you can feel connected. That’s one of the reasons I make these videos. I know for the longest time I felt so disconnected from literally everyone around me and it would leave me feeling lonely and worthless and confused. And I figure I’d I can share my thoughts and feelings and someone can see it and think “wow that’s me” then that’s beautiful and important.
My dysphoria is so similar to yours and I am also non-binary. Talking about my facial hair it is also really frustrating, because it just doesn't feel like me. Bottom dysphoria feels so bad at times, especially getting closer to somebody. Going to start HRT soon to ease the pain
Omg, the way you explained this was so helpful. the part where you were talking about feeling like you are almost outside of your body watching people talk to you resonated with me so much. Thank you so much for sharing your experience 💚
Thanks for talking. I now how it feels, but of the other side, I can understand, that people don't understand this, because the most now only man or woman. It's so difficult to find peace as gender non conforming person in this binary world.
I know this is an old video, but anyway, I just want to say that I appreciate your videos so much, I feel like I can relate with how you feel about this stuff more than most other people I've heard talking about it.
I know I'm something like a year and a half late, but I just watched this, and thank you so much for this. In particular the part about social dysphoria. Having come out as nonbinary about a year ago, I've been educating myself through various online venues, and have come to have my own relationship with, and understanding of, body dysphoria. But social dysphoria... I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship in 2019, and one of the things that really set me off to finally start engaging with my gender identity in earnest was that, so much of what went wrong in that relationship was tied into me being a man, and not being a good enough man, and trying to live up to being the right kind of man (or the right kind of boyfriend), and trying to escape association with or connection with so many negative stereotypes of men (e.g. all men are trash, men are disappointments, men have no emotional intelligence, men are inept, incompetent, inadequate...). Ultimately, it had nothing to do with who I am as an individual, as a person, and everything to do with my battling against these negative stereotypes and positive ideals of how to be a good man, and a good boyfriend. My point being, I'm not sure she ever saw me as an individual first and foremost - a person deserving of understanding, empathy, care; she saw me as a man, and as someone who was supposed to play a particular gendered role in her life. She never saw me for me. But as much as I've thought that through, countless times since breaking up with her in 2019, even so I never thought of that as "social dysphoria" until watching this video. So much of what you said here just clicked for me, so much. Yes, that's what it is. Thank you for this.
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship, that absolutely sucks. But I totally get what you’re saying about the social pressures in relationships. You deserve someone who sees you as an individual first. I’m really glad my video was able to help you understand the feelings you are/were feeling with her. Gender feelings can be so tricky a lot of the time, and I’m glad I’m able to formulate my experience into words that others can resonate with. Best of luck to you 💛💛💛
@@brynnavery Thanks for the support 💜. And, I'm sorry for trauma dumping.... 😓 Reading this back, it looks more tmi or whatever than I thought it was at the time. Apologies 😑
I don't know if it's mental illness or it's a true identity. For me, I want to make my body more feminine, to present more feminine in the society, but I don't really want to change my name and pronouns. I want to be a sort of female looking male. Really what I want is to be a man with a woman's face. And sexualy I identify 100% as female.
That’s prefect let fine! There’s no rules to how to transition or how you’re allowed to feel. Also, what you said you’d like your body/face to me reminded me, when I was a child I had a Batman action figure and I ripped the head off of a Barbie doll and put it on the Batman doll and called it Super Barbie lmfao.
I get confused when ppl touch my junk. It feels good, like sex does, but, there's a lot of depression and uncomfortableness at the same time. I never finish. Women have no interest in me anymore, but part of the problem is how selfish men are when it comes to sex. It's really quite confusing. I look forward to bottom surgery.
I totally get all of that. Sex can be really confusing when you have dysphoria. I rarely finish as well, because it’s hard for me to connect to my body. I hope you’re able to get bottom surgery soon 💛
It's hard in terms of dysphoria, when you get misgendered. When I look in the mirror, I see something in-between, and to me it's horrible. It's incredibly depressing, and makes everything feel so futile. I disgust myself. When someone misgenders me, I wind up right back to feeling like both, or neither. It's really hard on your self esteem. I attempt to not gender a person if I don't specifically know, or at least apologize if I've made a mistake(which happens.) I can't imagine how hard it must be to get ppl to gender you properly if you're a they/non-binary type.
I totally get that. I don’t care as much with strangers misgendering me, but I have family members who still all me he and it makes me feel like the world is caving in. And I have friends who tell me things like “I just see you as a woman” which feels just as terrible. It feels humiliating and incredibly awful to be misgendered. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I understand the pain and frustration that goes along with that. I wish you the best, my heart goes out to you. If you ever need to talk/rant, you’re always welcome to DM me on Instagram (bryn_neutral) or comment on my videos as well.
@@brynnavery Thank you. Yeah. Transitioning has been hard with my mum to some degree....I go through phases of being misgenderd.... I really just want to pass tbh.
How about aching and jealousy over the gender body you want? I feel no one is explaining my feelings and I'm just like what is it I'm feeling? Like seeing a cis male and being jealous over his body because you want it for yourself. Example is seeing men at the gym.
I 100% get that feeling. I feel that way any time I see someone 100% androgynous, to the point where they could pass as either male or female. It can be incredibly painful and defeating because it can feel like you’ll never get to that point. I understand your frustration, it’s a really difficult feeling to have to endure
Hey fellow human I just wanted to say that your audio is really quiet and I hope that you start to turn it up a little bit more I also wanted to say that I feel like a lot of people don't understand dysphoria it's not about what other people think it's about feeling right within yourself I think for most trans people is dysphoria is less about what people think about you and more about how you feel about you because our thoughts and our feelings are not always an alignment either
Thanks for letting me know. Is it with all my videos or just this one? I’m not quite sure how to make it louder, I record on my phone I definitely agree with you about dysphoria. The way other people see me definitely matters to some degree but mainly it’s how I see myself. And honestly the more that I feel like myself, the less it matters to me if people understand me.
@@brynnavery I'm a LOT older than you and "normal" (female) but not fitting in seems common to so many folk, I don't intend here to be condescending or rhetorical; and from my view a good sexual relationship is extremely hard to find at a young age like yours, that mix of physical/emotional empathy from both partners, that release from thinking ur body's not 100% ok... it'll come together with time
I understand. What I was trying to explain in the video is that it’s *not* that I’m “insecure” about my body (I mean, I am, but that’s not what Dysphoria is). When I look in the mirror and engage with people with certain parts of my body, it does not feel like mine. While I believe that people can understand similar feelings, but there is nothing comparable to dysphoria, and unless you have it there’s not really a way to 100% relate.
I agree, but at the same time, many people (myself included) have a difficult or impossible time focusing on the other parts of life when also feelings so disconnected to their body or the gender roles they are given in society. Through analyzing and learning about my gender identity, I have been able to appreciate and focus on other things in life. But I needed to know myself first before I could move past that to other parts. And I know a lot of people who see my channel are looking for ways to understand themselves better, which is why I share my experiences. I have many other aspects to me that make up my identity as a whole-gender is only part of that. But specifically on my channel I choose to share my transition and trans related things because that’s why I feel called to put out into the world. And there should be no shame against people who spend a lot of time & energy trying to figure out their gender. If I would’ve never figured out mine I would not be where I am today. I’m glad I took the time to figure myself out.
The way I describe my social dysphoria is like a Freaky Friday movie where two people switch bodies but instead of trying to pretend to be the other person, I try to live my life the way I did before the switch. But no one sees who I actually am and only sees the outside and body that I'm in
Omg that is a perfect explanation I love that!
It's such a relief to hear you talk about this. I disregarded the questioning of my gender identity for so much time because it didn't fit what I saw as "the trans experience". I was just an "awkward boy", I thought. I never imagined I've had dysphoria, for example, because I never connected with the way media sensationalises it in its most extreme form, as wanting to mutilate yourself and 'hating' your body, which many people may feel, but it's far from universal or as constant as portrayed.
But the feelings you described got right into me. Now I can connect the fantasy of having another body with feeling discomfort with some parts during sex, why some things just didn't felt right. Maybe the fact that I'm much of a people pleaser and accustomed to play a persona or focused on giving pleasure to others also helped to shut down the exploration and expression of my self and needs.
Thank you for allowing your perspective to be seen. We need more diversity, not only in identities, but also in experiences and we need to have ours stories told by ourselves. And that's what you do and I love it. 💛💛
I’m so glad you feel connected to my experience. I know how difficult it can be to figure something out like gender, and especially being AMAB and non-binary, there really isn’t much representation. And the representation we do get (from why I’ve seen) revolves around very feminine non-binary people. Part of my reasoning for making my TH-cam channel was in hopes to connect with other people like me. I’m really glad my experience really helps things click for you. I know how great that feels. 💛
Yesss. Before I knew I was trans, I had no idea what I wanted for myself and my life so I was a people pleaser and focused to make others happy
Now I'm 4 months on HRT🖤🏳️⚧️
I have not yet been able to articulate my feelings about how I feel dysphoric socially- like in regards to the disonnect that is felt when being out interacting & the feelings that come along with it. I didn't even know social dysphoria was a thing, and the way you put everything is literally exactly how I feel. The disconnect makes everything feel so unreal and so empty but I feel so comforted knowing that there are people out there who share some of the same feelings as I do. Thank you Bryn for making your videos. much love xx
I’m so glad I can help put your feelings into words. I’m happy you can find solace knowing that there *are* people like you and you are not alone. Sending you the best vibes right now 💛
This might sound a bit deep but I think you're one of the only people I've ever properly connected with when I've listened to people talk about this stuff, thank you xx
I’m really glad you can feel connected. That’s one of the reasons I make these videos. I know for the longest time I felt so disconnected from literally everyone around me and it would leave me feeling lonely and worthless and confused. And I figure I’d I can share my thoughts and feelings and someone can see it and think “wow that’s me” then that’s beautiful and important.
@@brynnavery could we talk? Im struggling a lot at the moment and I feel like you'd understand. I get it if not though 😝
Of course!! Is there a messaging thingy on TH-cam? I don’t know a lot about TH-cam lol but you can message me on Instagram if that works better for ya
@@brynnavery found you on Instagram 😋🤸♀️
I second that, so thank you, so much love
My dysphoria is so similar to yours and I am also non-binary. Talking about my facial hair it is also really frustrating, because it just doesn't feel like me. Bottom dysphoria feels so bad at times, especially getting closer to somebody. Going to start HRT soon to ease the pain
I hope the HRT helps! It helped me so much, I honestly don’t know how I survived without it for so long. Sending you love 💛
Damn they do be spitting facts
Holy shit... that idea of a disconnect rung so many bells. You described it perfectly.
So glad I could put it into words 💛
Omg, the way you explained this was so helpful. the part where you were talking about feeling like you are almost outside of your body watching people talk to you resonated with me so much. Thank you so much for sharing your experience 💚
💛💛💛 I’m glad my experiences can help you 💛
Thanks for talking. I now how it feels, but of the other side, I can understand, that people don't understand this, because the most now only man or woman. It's so difficult to find peace as gender non conforming person in this binary world.
I know this is an old video, but anyway, I just want to say that I appreciate your videos so much, I feel like I can relate with how you feel about this stuff more than most other people I've heard talking about it.
I’m so glad my videos bring you comfort. You’re not alone 💛
I know I'm something like a year and a half late, but I just watched this, and thank you so much for this. In particular the part about social dysphoria. Having come out as nonbinary about a year ago, I've been educating myself through various online venues, and have come to have my own relationship with, and understanding of, body dysphoria.
But social dysphoria... I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship in 2019, and one of the things that really set me off to finally start engaging with my gender identity in earnest was that, so much of what went wrong in that relationship was tied into me being a man, and not being a good enough man, and trying to live up to being the right kind of man (or the right kind of boyfriend), and trying to escape association with or connection with so many negative stereotypes of men (e.g. all men are trash, men are disappointments, men have no emotional intelligence, men are inept, incompetent, inadequate...). Ultimately, it had nothing to do with who I am as an individual, as a person, and everything to do with my battling against these negative stereotypes and positive ideals of how to be a good man, and a good boyfriend.
My point being, I'm not sure she ever saw me as an individual first and foremost - a person deserving of understanding, empathy, care; she saw me as a man, and as someone who was supposed to play a particular gendered role in her life. She never saw me for me. But as much as I've thought that through, countless times since breaking up with her in 2019, even so I never thought of that as "social dysphoria" until watching this video. So much of what you said here just clicked for me, so much. Yes, that's what it is. Thank you for this.
Oh, and PS, I wanted to say how pretty you look in this video! I'm envious of your hair!
I’m sorry to hear about your relationship, that absolutely sucks. But I totally get what you’re saying about the social pressures in relationships. You deserve someone who sees you as an individual first. I’m really glad my video was able to help you understand the feelings you are/were feeling with her. Gender feelings can be so tricky a lot of the time, and I’m glad I’m able to formulate my experience into words that others can resonate with. Best of luck to you 💛💛💛
And thank you for the compliments 💛😊
@@brynnavery Thanks for the support 💜. And, I'm sorry for trauma dumping.... 😓 Reading this back, it looks more tmi or whatever than I thought it was at the time. Apologies 😑
No need to apologize! It didn’t bother me at all 😊
i relate to a lot of this! thank u for sharing
I don't know if it's mental illness or it's a true identity. For me, I want to make my body more feminine, to present more feminine in the society, but I don't really want to change my name and pronouns. I want to be a sort of female looking male. Really what I want is to be a man with a woman's face. And sexualy I identify 100% as female.
That’s prefect let fine! There’s no rules to how to transition or how you’re allowed to feel. Also, what you said you’d like your body/face to me reminded me, when I was a child I had a Batman action figure and I ripped the head off of a Barbie doll and put it on the Batman doll and called it Super Barbie lmfao.
I get confused when ppl touch my junk. It feels good, like sex does, but, there's a lot of depression and uncomfortableness at the same time. I never finish. Women have no interest in me anymore, but part of the problem is how selfish men are when it comes to sex. It's really quite confusing. I look forward to bottom surgery.
I totally get all of that. Sex can be really confusing when you have dysphoria. I rarely finish as well, because it’s hard for me to connect to my body. I hope you’re able to get bottom surgery soon 💛
It's hard in terms of dysphoria, when you get misgendered. When I look in the mirror, I see something in-between, and to me it's horrible. It's incredibly depressing, and makes everything feel so futile. I disgust myself. When someone misgenders me, I wind up right back to feeling like both, or neither. It's really hard on your self esteem.
I attempt to not gender a person if I don't specifically know, or at least apologize if I've made a mistake(which happens.)
I can't imagine how hard it must be to get ppl to gender you properly if you're a they/non-binary type.
I totally get that. I don’t care as much with strangers misgendering me, but I have family members who still all me he and it makes me feel like the world is caving in. And I have friends who tell me things like “I just see you as a woman” which feels just as terrible. It feels humiliating and incredibly awful to be misgendered. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. I understand the pain and frustration that goes along with that. I wish you the best, my heart goes out to you. If you ever need to talk/rant, you’re always welcome to DM me on Instagram (bryn_neutral) or comment on my videos as well.
@@brynnavery Thank you. Yeah. Transitioning has been hard with my mum to some degree....I go through phases of being misgenderd.... I really just want to pass tbh.
I totally get that. I’m sorry it’s tough with your mom.
How about aching and jealousy over the gender body you want? I feel no one is explaining my feelings and I'm just like what is it I'm feeling? Like seeing a cis male and being jealous over his body because you want it for yourself. Example is seeing men at the gym.
I 100% get that feeling. I feel that way any time I see someone 100% androgynous, to the point where they could pass as either male or female. It can be incredibly painful and defeating because it can feel like you’ll never get to that point. I understand your frustration, it’s a really difficult feeling to have to endure
I sweat on forehead when they talk about girl things ,but I'm a boy . what's wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you!
Hey fellow human I just wanted to say that your audio is really quiet and I hope that you start to turn it up a little bit more
I also wanted to say that I feel like a lot of people don't understand dysphoria it's not about what other people think it's about feeling right within yourself I think for most trans people is dysphoria is less about what people think about you and more about how you feel about you because our thoughts and our feelings are not always an alignment either
Thanks for letting me know. Is it with all my videos or just this one? I’m not quite sure how to make it louder, I record on my phone
I definitely agree with you about dysphoria. The way other people see me definitely matters to some degree but mainly it’s how I see myself. And honestly the more that I feel like myself, the less it matters to me if people understand me.
Hi... I think you're a really sweet Alien!
Thank you lol but I’m not an alien lmao I’m human-I just don’t fit into a box when it comes to gender
@@brynnavery I'm a LOT older than you and "normal" (female) but not fitting in seems common to so many folk, I don't intend here to be
condescending or rhetorical; and from my view a good sexual relationship is extremely hard to find at a young age like yours, that mix of physical/emotional empathy from both partners, that release from thinking ur body's not 100% ok... it'll come together with time
I understand. What I was trying to explain in the video is that it’s *not* that I’m “insecure” about my body (I mean, I am, but that’s not what Dysphoria is). When I look in the mirror and engage with people with certain parts of my body, it does not feel like mine. While I believe that people can understand similar feelings, but there is nothing comparable to dysphoria, and unless you have it there’s not really a way to 100% relate.
@@brynnavery ok it's difficult to understand but ur still so sweet!
That’s alright, thank you ☺️
Is it really meaningful to focus on yourself and your identity all the time? There are more important things in this life.
I agree, but at the same time, many people (myself included) have a difficult or impossible time focusing on the other parts of life when also feelings so disconnected to their body or the gender roles they are given in society. Through analyzing and learning about my gender identity, I have been able to appreciate and focus on other things in life. But I needed to know myself first before I could move past that to other parts. And I know a lot of people who see my channel are looking for ways to understand themselves better, which is why I share my experiences. I have many other aspects to me that make up my identity as a whole-gender is only part of that. But specifically on my channel I choose to share my transition and trans related things because that’s why I feel called to put out into the world. And there should be no shame against people who spend a lot of time & energy trying to figure out their gender. If I would’ve never figured out mine I would not be where I am today. I’m glad I took the time to figure myself out.