How much more than you have to be. Every straight down from head to toe. Ain't no shame here when it comes to a man I love I'm going to let him have it . Their his no finger out why games. Real you get real. How much real can you be honest that man full of shit and you wasting your time. I'm faithful honey loving straight forward person. I don't play with my love. I give no doubt in my relationship so. Tell me what I'm doing wrong
@@gloriabuchanan2425 I truly think these guru's R making matters worse. If U noticed there R a lot of false prophets on the internet & they all target women's pain strings. Talk to directly to your man. Talk to him plain and simple no manipulation & listen when he talks. Stay off of social media stop listening to the sisterhood & put down feminism
Men are very decisive, clear cut, and specific with what they want. The moment you start having to “figure out”, things, and are trying to “understand” him…. YOU’RE an option.
And when questioned about it, some may go as far as claiming "I don't like putting labels on what we are". Making themselves out to be some fake "new-agey" person
Don't ever allow someone to treat you as an option or supply. You deserve to be treated as the priority that you are with love and respect. Never settle because what is one person's back up plan is someone else's whole world. 💛
What abt he's so good at what he does that u can't figure it out....? There are times I think he doesn't care, then he does something to blow my mind. Then after that he goes back to not caring
@@torontolady5930 You said it yourself, he’s so good at what he does. What is it that he does? One who is interested shows it consistently, just listen to your inner self and watch the video again. Carefully.
Married 48 years and just found out my husband cheated for 20 years. Completely destroyed me our marriage our retirement in 8 months destroyed everything I work so hard for for 48 years. I never knew him at all. It’s just soul shattering.
I've been banging my head against the wall for 24 years, knowing were not right for each other but we got comfortable instead of walking away. Ladies, if it doesn't feel right in the beginning run as fast as you can because those kind are a dime a dozen and your dream boat is still out there searching for you too!
@@listeningviayoutube7229 I was wondering the same thing....I knew in month 3 of my 3 plus years it was not sitting well with me but I put up with it...ghost me after a week of love bomb but the dumb ass did not know I was ahead of him because for weeks I had been toying with with walking away...he beat me to it
Recently, I had a challenging split. The breakup of my five-year relationship a few months ago has been quite difficult. I still harbor a deep affection for my ex-boyfriend, and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. My attempts to win him back have been unsuccessful, and at this point, it seems impossible to be with anybody else. It may seem strange to admit this, but I miss him terribly and can't stop thinking about him.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Am facing same thing right now, my own boyfriend will be posting different ladies everyday and if I ask him he will say they are his Friends and for asking him is another trouble and am fedup for that it just be as if am just chasing him no sign of love at all
I’ve spent 8 months holding on and hoping for more because I just liked him so much. I feel so dumb for doing this, it’s so hard to just walk away and turn your feelings off and it never fails….when you know you need to forget this person, walk away, and start making yourself detach, it’s like they sense it and start chasing again. It’s like they know! So frustrating!!
8 months how about 10 yrs of someone telling you they love you and how you’re gonna do this and that and never acts on it then says you’re negative when you speak on their actions instead of just saying hey we don’t match I’m not interested and I’m celibate so it’s not about sex I don’t get it but I’m done with it finally
@@erikaanthony2726 Hey, I know we all here learning and sharing and you have your own story but you came and invalidated her feelings of going through something for 8 months compared to your 10 years. I’m sure that wasn’t your intentions. It does not matter the length of what anyone of us go through, if it hurts it hurts, period. Just wanted to note that so we don’t invalidate one another it’s hard out here for all of us.
It was 3 months for me, and long distance (different countries, not too far away), but wow, did I think I finally found someone interesting. He initiated frequent contact EVERY DAY without fail for three months. We discussed ideas about finally meeting. Only to then skip a day, and when I reached out the next day he informed me (in a totally ridiculous, beat-around-the-bush way) that he got back together with his girlfriend. Two days before this he was still flirting with me. What? No, that just doesn't happen. I was always an option, and it's horrible to realise. It's horrible to suddenly lose contact completely after talking every day for three months. It feels like he suddenly died. Or that some part of my body was amputated without me being informed. My god... I'm just happy it wasn't six months or a year. Although it probably wouldn't have lasted that long because I would've started asking very direct questions about our meeting. But it's so awful that I never even got to actually meet him after investing so much emotionally and clicking with that person so well. I feel so stupid and sad.
If I'm receptive every time, he's not chasing.. The only way I'm willing to initiate is when I see consistency.. Start disappearing for days at a time for no known reason... that tells me he's not all in and neither am I.
Being secure with who you are as a woman is key to being able to accept that not every man you want will want you. It is both character building and confidence boosting to be able to walk away assertively with your head held high, from anyone who does not treat you as well as you deserve to be treated but first, you have to know your own worth and not accept breadcrumbs when you deserve a three course meal. Thanks again for another short but sweet video, however it was so short I feel that you only gave us a starter with no main course or desert.
Sometimes it's simply poor character. Good people, especially good men, treat people well. A good man will not mistreat women nor intentionally hurt them to satisfy his desires or boost his own ego and low self-esteem. Good men treat women with respect and act with an innate duty to PROTECT rather than hurt women. Do not make excuses for low life philandering men. It's not you. It's him. Thank God for allowing you to discern his true character and MOVE ON.
Also never tell someone where you live or work until you trust them. Don't talk about assets or money. Dated a man and every question was a round about questions to ask what I own. I don't mention that I have many assets and maintain.a.modest appearance. I looking for someone who.likes me for who I am not what I have! It's also easier to find someone who has a kind heart.
This is the story of what I am going through right now,at this point I have decided to end the relationship am done stressing I know the right guy will come .
I feel you I were going thru the same things it was time for me to let him go he took my love for granted treating me real bad god told me it was time to unlove him trust me we are free and god will send someone that will do right by us stay focus and keep your head up things will get better.🙏🙏🙏🙏💙
Whats frustrating is the ones who PRETEND to match your energy, pretending to give and take and show like they share the same interests, just to randomly stop communication and leave you hanging. Making it seem like yall was working towards something solid. Smh 🤷🏿♀️💯
@@shynebayarea510 Whether a person lost interest or not, be grown and communicate it. Ghosting is immature and doesn't make a person take accountability for being disrespectful...🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
I made the mistake and listened to the words ( lips service) in the beginning all kinds of future talk and relationship etc etc. I started to watch the actions. As soon as I heard the words." I'm not looking for something serious" I cut it off I thanked him for the time spent and wished him well. reminded him that I'm seeking an amazing connection with one person. Then told him I no longer will be connecting with him. He said I left items at my place and I kindly said he can todd them. He then said wow I guess you really don't want to see me anymore? That was the issue indecisive and loads of mixed signals during our time together. Crazy!
You rock Lady....when you take back the power you shock the hell out of them...mine ghost me a year ago ...I immediately hit the NO CONTACT button and have stayed there...he bread crumb me three months after the love bomb on my birthday...I thanked him and kept it moving...his big day came and went like another day...I hope like hell he does not reach out because he will get NO CONTACT on steroids
If he does not change after my conversation and shows me that I'm only an option and he doesn't have the time or importance to him, I will definitely not waste my time in trivial conversation once in awhile when he is available.
The issue I have is I’m the one that’s jaded. I don’t even call or text my dates yet they hit me up constantly. I’m so jaded and scared I block anyone bc I refuse to emotionally attach.
Sounds like a unhealed person 😌. I’ve recently been in that situation. The only way you can properly receive any predator (man) is to heal. Allow God to heal you. Unhealed people only create unhealthy relationships. Or sometimes it could just simply be because you never had any positive role models growing up 🤷🏾♀️.
Takes time to get to know if You want to be committed to someone so yes everyone is an option until you both decide to take it serious. Get to know the person do you like their approach, do you want to be committed to someone with their characteristics?
It is always a risk being in the friendzone (what if they fall for me and want me as a girlfriend but I don't?! Or vice versa), then the relationship kind of becomes awkward.. or if you CROSS that line and then things still combust, then what?! I guess a friendship with them is better than nothing, if you can handle them dating, marrying and having children with some body else that is..
Excellent point regarding “busy men”. Some are truly busier than others. I hated initiating dates all the time. I sat him down and we agreed he must make a plan one weekend a month every month. He did this and it was wonderful.
I agree, be thankful. He is not your one and you are worthy of love, real love. Don't compromise your worth. I need him to show me and if not I'm out. If he doesn't communicate at all, how can we talk? Make me understand what that mean. Nothing.
@@cynthiagomes2979 you so right everything is on god timeline I'm waiting patiently on god trust me when he send that man you will know it you stay bless as well we deserve better thank you again🙏❤
Learning to dance w/partner, at a dance hall, I saw he had two directions in his mind, he was indecisive about, cloaking the direction in front of him. I told him I saw his indecision, And that made it confusing to follow He agreed. Some can see and feel the indecision. It can be literal or metaphorical I think.
I'm free I dumped him I feel good now my heart is healing from him mistreats me what goes around come around trust me his day will come god dont like ugly he will wish he never did that to me god is able to do all things he 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤
I think Stephen is spying on me or has been in my google search history because 😮, Like how do you always speak on what I’m currently experiencing. This man is good. This why I subscribed. ❤️
@@StephanSpeaksClips can you do a video on why men have sex with women but make then feel ugly and unattractive while in the act also making the women feel as if they have sex it’s in their terms and how it has to be done
Back in the day the women use to drop their scarfs or something so the man could go and pick it up and give it back and that’s what made the first move. She let the men think he made it but she set it up.
i just had the talk with a guy that i recently confessed having feelings for -- he liked me, liked spending time with me but like you mentioned, not enough to make me a priority. he just wasn't in the headspace for dating or a commitment as he recently came out of a long term marriage. i'm so glad we had the talk and now we remain friends.
Solid core Self Value is Key to One’s, well-Being!!! The sooner you see if a man for instance flirts and looks at every beauty that walks by, or you feel devalued around him by his actions or comments then you MUST WALK! Or you are agreeing (even unaware of it) to be devalued, whether you are conscious of it or not, that being “less than”, others is OK, it’s Not OK. Walk away, what you Hope for can be toxic if it’s showing up as something other than what you Hope for! Walk. Take your Valuable Self, and BAIL. You/We are all of great value! Protect your most valuable asset, yourSelf! Your ❤ is priceless…. Don’t settle for less than your worth and if you feel worth less, then get help, because you need to Right That! You and your love and devotion is a Beautiful Gift. Don’t give it away to anyone who doesn’t deserve it!
I ALWAYS remember we're all options. It's my decision how long I want to be optional or only. Personally, I don't stand on line for anything else so definitely not going to for a man! I have options too.
Ok Stephen, I agree . You don’t have to make a man chase you. All this cat and mouse stuff say what ? Not at my age . Lol. It’s so much better when 2 people come together and they both like each other. You’re on Point ! Especially for the old schoolers ! Lol
Only entertain decisive people have clear intentions and self love. This pertains to all relationship and business. See your time as Gold... do not invest or waste one minute with a poor indecisive and unethical investment. You can have one conversation with someone and know who they are. I met this gent at a off broadway play... he called me as soon as I got home. I asked him about his passion, background, and what was his longest relationship. He was 40ish... he said, 6 months? I appreciate his honesty. We didn't have to go on a date... I knew he wasn't for me. Ladies, don't waste your time on dating... invest in creating healthy friendships with intentional people who are making the world GREAT!
« he might be superbusy » 😂😂😂 looooooool big loool No one is busy 24 hours even CEOs. Come one guys, we all have our phone between our hands EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I just started talking to a new guy & this is exactly how I feel, like I am the Initiator! I've noticed he is responsive to talking, but after I contact HIM first.... Frustrating, because I'd like to get to know him better, but being the Initiator becomes a "turn off"!!! Ugh.... 😣 😞
I have the same issue..and also for me is a turn off!!! I told him already twice ..after this I want to see if he’s still like this I will talk and walk away.
Im a woman and this is the current situation Im in. We like each other-A LOT. Connection and everything. The only issue is because of recession and priorities with business, his job and other mental/emotional issues that have not been settled yet, it’s just not a good time for us to move forward. So I took it to myself to just be friends with him atm. It still hurts though because you’ve found someone that you want to be with yet you dont have anything to give right now as I am in my season of rebuilding and healing.
How are things going with that? Is the joy of the friendship proving to be enough and sorta acting as a way of building a foundation for something more in the future. Sometimes it seems we gotta "wait on our hands" and let things progress while knowing we can at least be in each other's life in some shape or form.
@@carolynnwhite2807 aww SIS I completely understand 😔 but together can be just as painful. I hope that him leaving to be better for you indeed is what happens. Take this time to heal to be better for you to hun. Look into attachment styles. I found I'm an anxious one and my SO is an dismissive avoidant 😒 It's hard out here. Hope you get the love you deserve. I pray the best for you. Hugs and love 💕
A "real" man should already know what he wants before making contact. He knew that he didn't or wouldn't have the necessary time to invest in a relationship before he pulled the trigger. He was all about "game" from the start if that's the case.
I agree no one should chasing another. This is doing the most. I keep it simple, if you make effort as a man cool we"ll move and see how things can go. But do not have time wasted. What does option mean to the person? Keep it simple, a person will show you what they are interested in. Dont waste your time trying to figure out his behavior, move on... . Life is to short...
5:25 ....im sorry , Mr. Stephan, but if it does not come out of him , NATURALLY, I am not going to do anything about it and ima be,....next, and I just turn the page.
I have been an option. It wasn’t always that way. We were happy for many years. Then something changed. He started to treat me like an availability for lack of a better word. I blame myself in some ways because I forgave and overlooked so much, that it is little wonder he saw me as a ‘safety net’. Anyway, he walked out without a word the day after we had celebrated our ten year anniversary and had a great day. He has made little effort since. I get the feeling he thought I would be calling him begging him to come back, but I didn’t. I was broken for a few weeks and it was hard not to ask him to come back even though I knew I was just convenient. I have to be honest, the main thing that stopped me is the fact that our child would also be affected by my doing that. He would be in and out of our lives treating me like crap in between. I care about my child more than I care about myself or anyone else (obviously, as a mother should) and I was not gonna allow him to go through that. My baby is what kept me strong. It’s been about 6 weeks now. He hasn’t visited his child or paid a penny towards him. He didn’t even come when our child was diagnosed with autism. He had this mask that he would wear for the outside world showing himself to be a great father, well, that mask has been lost. He has many masks, his true face that was only shown behind closed doors was the most ugly and cruel. I’m not an option or a safety net anymore, I’m still healing but I’m staying strong for my son. I will continue to do so. Eventually my heart will heal. I’m never gonna be treated like that again. I’d rather be single forever. Maybe I will be? Who knows? The point is that we deserve better, each and every one of us female, male and non binary. Never be anyone’s convenience.
You should be so proud of yourself, stay strong and stay away, the best revenge is upgrading yourself. I hope you find true love because you deserve it ❤
Ughhhh… and the saga continues! I’ve given up on dating/relationships tbh and been happier ever since I haven’t been checking. I can’t be bothered with the stress and mind games.
Sometimes we will have to face this tragedy bcoz before right person gets aligned in our life this would happen we learn from our experiences & keep going ahead
I thank God for people like you and I see red flags and I avoid men who don't communicate I cut them off fast I don't even like being pursued anymore and I enjoy my peace
A man can NEVER EVER EVER make me question myself. I agree, a man and a woman can decide if the other is not a good fit. I've met men and decided they weren't a good fit for me and I stopped seeing them. Its not always the man making this decision.
OMG!!! Straight to the point. I love it. My question is, why do they say they're comfortable NOT talking to you, but yet they still want to keep you around??
Bro steve. I hv started watching your videos jus 2 wks ago and I'm absolutely in love with them. I'm watching from southern Africa Zimbabwe and I thank God for you. May you never cease to shine. We are blessed to have you in th land of the living. I have learnt a lot from you
I totally agree with you on this and if you don’t fit it’s better not to be there and trying and trying and it’s not working or going anywhere… it’s better to break free sooner rather than later all the time you put into a wrong man you could find the right person and put all your energy and effort into the right person that your both on the same page and are right for each other
Wow! This was meant for me to hear! I noticed I always initiate conversation with the guys I have a liking. Of course he replies but I felt it was one sided. I got to a point of being distant with him. I was putting in too much effort. He did noticed a change of less eye contact and not always running up to him to speak. Am I wrong of being distant all of a sudden because I got tired of the one sided of situation-ship? I’m glad to hear this message. Thank you.
Hell no you’re not wrong! I’m going through the exact same thing.. you get tired and frustrated after a while when the energy is not reciprocated, don’t waste your time on this specific person because there is someone out there that WILL put in effort.💙
I just came out of a relationship filling like a i'm not good enough because i don't have enough money an because i'm too "negative" wich i'm not. Even tho intelectually i know to the core that i bring a lot of positive things to the table, it's really hard to distance myself of thosr believes because i really was open and vulnerable with this person and i trusted him with my heart and he just stepped all over it. I don't recognise myself anymore, there's just so much trauma that the mind, body and soul can bare.
Thank you. I really enjoyed this video as it spoke to me. There was a guy who came to my life and we only spoke and just went out on one coffee date. We continued to speak for a month and then suddenly he pulled away. When we finally spoke he told me he's dealing with his kids, is thinking of legally leaving his wife (they are separated for last 3 years), lost his job and seeing a therapist and he just does not want to burden me with his problems. I respect that, but what I don't understand is why he got close to me in the first place (not sexually btw) he is quite religious.
@YipeeDo I do not appreciate your final comment. I am no homewrecker. I do not have to explain myself to you. But please don't pass judgement based on what little information I wrote.
Run 🏃♂️, He setting you up to be his therapist or try fix this and he's going to use you. He has none of those problems. He's plays chess. Your move 🏃♀️
@@vino135 Ignore them. It was just nastiness. They've probably been burned and are projecting it on to you. Ignore their nasty comment. They mean nothing to your life. 💖💖💖
A lot of dudes out there are not self aware. I'm lucky I spent time with my now ex who came to the realization that I can't be a priority anymore. Oh well, moving on!
When you are clear on what you want!!When you are solid on what type of woman you truly are. You will never allow a man not for one moment to treat you as an option. The moment you feel like he’s treating you like an option, you will have the courage to walk away and never look back even if you had real genuine feelings for the person. The love and respect you have for yourself will allow you to make the best decision for your highest good.❤❤❤
He initiates every contact, that's what makes much more difficult to see the others red flags. ... never said the b word to me but in some point the distance, the silence for couple days. . . then he lost his job and his blood pressure start rises so i started to hear " is too much going on" "i like you but i need to put my life together" . . . is been 8 days since last time we talked
Damn, this showed me how stupid I am, I've loved the same man for 15 years my first and only love and had his only child and he treats me like shit and treats everyone else with respect, I have come to realize I will always be invisible to him but I have my daughter and I thank God for her
❤ Here’s your chance to get your personal questions answered by me for FREE
go to 👉www.askstephanspeaks.com
plese take about scrames that might realy fall I'm love and they call you his queen when you knew that he was a scamer
I’m sorry I missed the opportunity to ask a question. I can’t afford coaching or therapy now.
Please don't ask this guy for advice
How much more than you have to be. Every straight down from head to
toe. Ain't no shame here when it comes to a man I love I'm going to let him have it . Their his no finger out why games. Real you get real. How much real can you be honest that man full of shit and you wasting your time. I'm faithful honey loving straight forward person. I don't play with my love. I give no doubt in my relationship so. Tell me what I'm doing wrong
@@gloriabuchanan2425 I truly think these guru's R making matters worse. If U noticed there R a lot of false prophets on the internet & they all target women's pain strings. Talk to directly to your man. Talk to him plain and simple no manipulation & listen when he talks. Stay off of social media stop listening to the sisterhood & put down feminism
Men are very decisive, clear cut, and specific with what they want.
The moment you start having to “figure out”, things, and are trying to “understand” him…. YOU’RE an option.
I needed to hear this. 😢
This.
Men in general are not very decisive, clear cut and specific. Most of them don't know how to express themselves and lie all the time.
This is the one!
😢💔
When a man makes you first choice, there is no confusion..when u r an option he
generates mixed signals & confusion.
And when questioned about it, some may go as far as claiming "I don't like putting labels on what we are". Making themselves out to be some fake "new-agey" person
@@sensimania
Any man who tells u, he don't like labels, he is gonna waste your time. Delete number+ move on.
Exactly
@@sensimania question is why are women sleeping with men who haven't even put a label on the set up yet 🤣
@@lovesocialmedia3198 don't say women, say some women...
Don't ever allow someone to treat you as an option or supply. You deserve to be treated as the priority that you are with love and respect. Never settle because what is one person's back up plan is someone else's whole world. 💛
Amen
Amen
Amen so true I agree with you but sometime it just time to let it go not making no effort 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Preach
❤️❤️❤️
You will know it deep down in your heart if he truly cares, “as long as you are being honest with yourself” Cos the red flags are always there.
What abt he's so good at what he does that u can't figure it out....? There are times I think he doesn't care, then he does something to blow my mind. Then after that he goes back to not caring
@@torontolady5930 that’s a Sorcery 😩😂 probably a master manipulator
@@torontolady5930 His inconsistency is your answer.
@@torontolady5930 He's hot and cold? He's playing you. You're an option. He's toying with you.
@@torontolady5930 You said it yourself, he’s so good at what he does. What is it that he does? One who is interested shows it consistently, just listen to your inner self and watch the video again. Carefully.
Married 48 years and just found out my husband cheated for 20 years. Completely destroyed me our marriage our retirement in 8 months destroyed everything I work so hard for for 48 years. I never knew him at all. It’s just soul shattering.
I truly am sorry to hear this.. May you find healing🥺❤️
Praying for healing 😢
💔 I'm so sorry you have gone through that.
Sending you so many hugs ❤
😢
People make time for who they want to make time for though. If he doesn't then that's my answer.
I've been banging my head against the wall for 24 years, knowing were not right for each other but we got comfortable instead of walking away. Ladies, if it doesn't feel right in the beginning run as fast as you can because those kind are a dime a dozen and your dream boat is still out there searching for you too!
24 years....so what have you decided?
@@listeningviayoutube7229 I was wondering the same thing....I knew in month 3 of my 3 plus years it was not sitting well with me but I put up with it...ghost me after a week of love bomb but the dumb ass did not know I was ahead of him because for weeks I had been toying with with walking away...he beat me to it
man….
👈🏿 22 years here. I understand.
Yes! Walk away in the beginning if u doesn't feel right because it only gets worse as time goes on.
Recently, I had a challenging split. The breakup of my five-year relationship a few months ago has been quite difficult. I still harbor a deep affection for my ex-boyfriend, and I can't seem to stop thinking about him. My attempts to win him back have been unsuccessful, and at this point, it seems impossible to be with anybody else. It may seem strange to admit this, but I miss him terribly and can't stop thinking about him.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Those daily good morning texts and nothing more. No conversation, or rarely. Just texts. Let that go.
Am facing same thing right now, my own boyfriend will be posting different ladies everyday and if I ask him he will say they are his Friends and for asking him is another trouble and am fedup for that it just be as if am just chasing him no sign of love at all
HAHAHAH FACING THIS ONE. THANKS SIS!
I’ve spent 8 months holding on and hoping for more because I just liked him so much. I feel so dumb for doing this, it’s so hard to just walk away and turn your feelings off and it never fails….when you know you need to forget this person, walk away, and start making yourself detach, it’s like they sense it and start chasing again. It’s like they know! So frustrating!!
8 months how about 10 yrs of someone telling you they love you and how you’re gonna do this and that and never acts on it then says you’re negative when you speak on their actions instead of just saying hey we don’t match I’m not interested and I’m celibate so it’s not about sex I don’t get it but I’m done with it finally
@@erikaanthony2726 Hey, I know we all here learning and sharing and you have your own story but you came and invalidated her feelings of going through something for 8 months compared to your 10 years. I’m sure that wasn’t your intentions. It does not matter the length of what anyone of us go through, if it hurts it hurts, period. Just wanted to note that so we don’t invalidate one another it’s hard out here for all of us.
Same here! 2,5 years
Really frustrating ma dear
It was 3 months for me, and long distance (different countries, not too far away), but wow, did I think I finally found someone interesting. He initiated frequent contact EVERY DAY without fail for three months. We discussed ideas about finally meeting. Only to then skip a day, and when I reached out the next day he informed me (in a totally ridiculous, beat-around-the-bush way) that he got back together with his girlfriend. Two days before this he was still flirting with me. What? No, that just doesn't happen. I was always an option, and it's horrible to realise. It's horrible to suddenly lose contact completely after talking every day for three months. It feels like he suddenly died. Or that some part of my body was amputated without me being informed. My god... I'm just happy it wasn't six months or a year. Although it probably wouldn't have lasted that long because I would've started asking very direct questions about our meeting. But it's so awful that I never even got to actually meet him after investing so much emotionally and clicking with that person so well. I feel so stupid and sad.
SPEAK THAT TRUTH!! I NEVER INTERNALIZE WHEN THINGS GO WRONG, SOME THINGS WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE!
Amen sometime things ain't meant to be you said a mouth full
Amen. Glory be to God
I don’t mind hitting a guy up but he has to be reaching out first at least half or most of the time.
Same 😊
must suck having to keep count like that all the time
@@smugforce7859 I’m sorry you like one sided relationships
If I'm receptive every time, he's not chasing.. The only way I'm willing to initiate is when I see consistency.. Start disappearing for days at a time for no known reason... that tells me he's not all in and neither am I.
Bingo! Consistency is the key word.
@@jillreneedeahl8441 dont date someone with ADHD
Being secure with who you are as a woman is key to being able to accept that not every man you want will want you. It is both character building and confidence boosting to be able to walk away assertively with your head held high, from anyone who does not treat you as well as you deserve to be treated but first, you have to know your own worth and not accept breadcrumbs when you deserve a three course meal.
Thanks again for another short but sweet video, however it was so short I feel that you only gave us a starter with no main course or desert.
Sometimes it's simply poor character. Good people, especially good men, treat people well. A good man will not mistreat women nor intentionally hurt them to satisfy his desires or boost his own ego and low self-esteem. Good men treat women with respect and act with an innate duty to PROTECT rather than hurt women. Do not make excuses for low life philandering men.
It's not you. It's him. Thank God for allowing you to discern his true character and MOVE ON.
I just walked away …
Also never tell someone where you live or work until you trust them. Don't talk about assets or money. Dated a man and every question was a round about questions to ask what I own. I don't mention that I have many assets and maintain.a.modest appearance. I looking for someone who.likes me for who I am not what I have! It's also easier to find someone who has a kind heart.
This is the story of what I am going through right now,at this point I have decided to end the relationship am done stressing I know the right guy will come .
Period sis ❤️take care
I feel you I were going thru the same things it was time for me to let him go he took my love for granted treating me real bad god told me it was time to unlove him trust me we are free and god will send someone that will do right by us stay focus and keep your head up things will get better.🙏🙏🙏🙏💙
@@shirleyagee6677 thanks beautiful
Me too sis!!! I know my worth now and I ain’t settling no more
@@NANA-.1 you welcome keep your head up and stay focus god always got you no matter what ok take care
🙏🙏🙏❤
Whats frustrating is the ones who PRETEND to match your energy, pretending to give and take and show like they share the same interests, just to randomly stop communication and leave you hanging. Making it seem like yall was working towards something solid. Smh 🤷🏿♀️💯
Maybe he lost interest
@@shynebayarea510 Whether a person lost interest or not, be grown and communicate it. Ghosting is immature and doesn't make a person take accountability for being disrespectful...🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️🤷🏿♀️
@@portiaismyname I agree it should have been communicated
Follow yr gut. If u feel he was pretending he was. Don't let anyone talk you out of your instincts.
That's what you call a narcissist
I made the mistake and listened to the words ( lips service) in the beginning all kinds of future talk and relationship etc etc.
I started to watch the actions. As soon as I heard the words." I'm not looking for something serious" I cut it off I thanked him for the time spent and wished him well. reminded him that I'm seeking an amazing connection with one person. Then told him I no longer will be connecting with him. He said I left items at my place and I kindly said he can todd them.
He then said wow I guess you really don't want to see me anymore?
That was the issue indecisive and loads of mixed signals during our time together.
Crazy!
You rock Lady....when you take back the power you shock the hell out of them...mine ghost me a year ago ...I immediately hit the NO CONTACT button and have stayed there...he bread crumb me three months after the love bomb on my birthday...I thanked him and kept it moving...his big day came and went like another day...I hope like hell he does not reach out because he will get NO CONTACT on steroids
Once it is one sided then 🏃♀️
Yes!!
If he does not change after my conversation and shows me that I'm only an option and he doesn't have the time or importance to him, I will definitely not waste my time in trivial conversation once in awhile when he is available.
Just an OPTION??? It's a painful truth.😢
My ex treated me like an option that’s why I’m not seeing him anymore and I’m moving on.
The issue I have is I’m the one that’s jaded. I don’t even call or text my dates yet they hit me up constantly. I’m so jaded and scared I block anyone bc I refuse to emotionally attach.
The right guy, will not confuse you. Any guy, that causes u to overthink, is gonna waste your time.
Sounds like a unhealed person 😌. I’ve recently been in that situation. The only way you can properly receive any predator (man) is to heal. Allow God to heal you. Unhealed people only create unhealthy relationships. Or sometimes it could just simply be because you never had any positive role models growing up 🤷🏾♀️.
You’re not ready to date then.
The problem isn’t them, it’s you
Look up attachment styles
Takes time to get to know if You want to be committed to someone so yes everyone is an option until you both decide to take it serious. Get to know the person do you like their approach, do you want to be committed to someone with their characteristics?
Best comment on here!
Yeahh the bestest comment ❤
Yes. I don't think people understand the "dating" part. Everyone should keep options open until they are ready for a commitment
It is always a risk being in the friendzone (what if they fall for me and want me as a girlfriend but I don't?! Or vice versa), then the relationship kind of becomes awkward.. or if you CROSS that line and then things still combust, then what?! I guess a friendship with them is better than nothing, if you can handle them dating, marrying and having children with some body else that is..
Excellent point regarding “busy men”. Some are truly busier than others. I hated initiating dates all the time. I sat him down and we agreed he must make a plan one weekend a month every month. He did this and it was wonderful.
The successful ones that are truly too busy 😢
I'm so glad that worked out for you because a lot of them trully aren't that busy and just playing games.
@@luvingmerevivedandblessed8520😂 some are busy doing nothing. Most men never grow up. This is so sad.😢
He's playing you.
I agree, be thankful. He is not your one and you are worthy of love, real love. Don't compromise your worth. I need him to show me and if not I'm out. If he doesn't communicate at all, how can we talk? Make me understand what that mean. Nothing.
I agree with you I'm worth more and I'm going to wait on god you said a mouth full thank you for those words 👍👍🙏🙏💙
@@shirleyagee6677 you are so welcome!! I have been waiting on God too, it gets easier with time not to give in to that zero!! Stay blessed!♥️🙏
@@cynthiagomes2979 you so right everything is on god timeline I'm waiting patiently on god trust me when he send that man you will know it you stay bless as well we deserve better thank you again🙏❤
@@shirleyagee6677 ♥️♥️
If you're important to him, the things are of importance to you automatically becomes important to him as well.
Because he cares about you. Straight!
Don't know how many times I can express that to him and still nothing. Then he tells me I will do anything for you. So confusing
Please Keep making your videos this short. Love that it gets to the point in under 10 mins. Great info!!! Love the content.
Yes!! Totally agree. My attention span can't handle it. Lol
Yes concise and to the point
I agree to, very informative and helpful.
I agree, great videos but I rarely have 30 mins to listen to them all... please make shorter ones :)
I agree. I can't watch these 30 + minute videos.
Stop going for looks and look for character and personality. You deserve someone who love respect and matches you well.
Looks is important too
Learning to dance w/partner, at a dance hall, I saw he had two directions in his mind, he was indecisive about, cloaking the direction in front of him. I told him I saw his indecision, And that made it confusing to follow He agreed. Some can see and feel the indecision.
It can be literal or metaphorical I think.
I been through that already with my ex that’s why I dumped him he never treated me like his priority.
I'm free I dumped him I feel good now my heart is healing from him mistreats me what goes around come around trust me his day will come god dont like ugly he will wish he never did that to me god is able to do all things he 🙏🙏🙏🙏❤
I think Stephen is spying on me or has been in my google search history because 😮, Like how do you always speak on what I’m currently experiencing. This man is good. This why I subscribed. ❤️
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ha ha yes
Hahahaha... He speaks truth anti.. it's easy to for it to coincide with alot of people.
Right. Its called Gods will. GOD HEARS OUR CRIES. When we decide to follow and recieve his blessings at all cost.
.
Yep! Give him opportunity to correct the issue 👌🏿😘
Indeed 🙌
@@StephanSpeaksClips can you do a video on why men have sex with women but make then feel ugly and unattractive while in the act also making the women feel as if they have sex it’s in their terms and how it has to be done
All I know is to a narcissist, you're always an option.
100% learned that the hard way.
Bingo!
Back in the day the women use to drop their scarfs or something so the man could go and pick it up and give it back and that’s what made the first move. She let the men think he made it but she set it up.
What a load of horse sh*t women had to put up with back then. Men had to think everything was their idea.
i just had the talk with a guy that i recently confessed having feelings for -- he liked me, liked spending time with me but like you mentioned, not enough to make me a priority. he just wasn't in the headspace for dating or a commitment as he recently came out of a long term marriage. i'm so glad we had the talk and now we remain friends.
Solid core Self Value is Key to One’s, well-Being!!! The sooner you see if a man for instance flirts and looks at every beauty that walks by, or you feel devalued around him by his actions or comments then you MUST WALK! Or you are agreeing (even unaware of it) to be devalued, whether you are conscious of it or not, that being “less than”, others is OK, it’s Not OK. Walk away, what you Hope for can be toxic if it’s showing up as something other than what you Hope for! Walk. Take your Valuable Self, and BAIL. You/We are all of great value! Protect your most valuable asset, yourSelf! Your ❤ is priceless…. Don’t settle for less than your worth and if you feel worth less, then get help, because you need to Right That! You and your love and devotion is a Beautiful Gift. Don’t give it away to anyone who doesn’t deserve it!
When you walk with God is way easier to pull out the weeds faster......
Amen!!
Amen🙏
😂😂😂😂
Amen
Very true! God will give you strength!
I ALWAYS remember we're all options. It's my decision how long I want to be optional or only. Personally, I don't stand on line for anything else so definitely not going to for a man! I have options too.
Ok Stephen, I agree . You don’t have to make a man chase you. All this cat and mouse stuff say what ? Not at my age . Lol. It’s so much better when 2 people come together and they both like each other. You’re on Point ! Especially for the old schoolers ! Lol
Only entertain decisive people have clear intentions and self love. This pertains to all relationship and business. See your time as Gold... do not invest or waste one minute with a poor indecisive and unethical investment. You can have one conversation with someone and know who they are.
I met this gent at a off broadway play... he called me as soon as I got home. I asked him about his passion, background, and what was his longest relationship. He was 40ish... he said, 6 months? I appreciate his honesty. We didn't have to go on a date... I knew he wasn't for me. Ladies, don't waste your time on dating... invest in creating healthy friendships with intentional people who are making the world GREAT!
« he might be superbusy » 😂😂😂 looooooool big loool
No one is busy 24 hours even CEOs. Come one guys, we all have our phone between our hands EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I just started talking to a new guy & this is exactly how I feel, like I am the Initiator! I've noticed he is responsive to talking, but after I contact HIM first.... Frustrating, because I'd like to get to know him better, but being the Initiator becomes a "turn off"!!!
Ugh.... 😣 😞
I have the same issue..and also for me is a turn off!!! I told him already twice ..after this I want to see if he’s still like this I will talk and walk away.
What happened?
I had to remove my self from being hurt and realize that he doesn't deserve me
Im a woman and this is the current situation Im in. We like each other-A LOT. Connection and everything. The only issue is because of recession and priorities with business, his job and other mental/emotional issues that have not been settled yet, it’s just not a good time for us to move forward. So I took it to myself to just be friends with him atm. It still hurts though because you’ve found someone that you want to be with yet you dont have anything to give right now as I am in my season of rebuilding and healing.
How are things going with that? Is the joy of the friendship proving to be enough and sorta acting as a way of building a foundation for something more in the future. Sometimes it seems we gotta "wait on our hands" and let things progress while knowing we can at least be in each other's life in some shape or form.
I can't detach right now, the loss is something I cant fathom. So trauma for now it is. I respect your comment so much, so honest and strong!!
It hurts because you have a soul tie. If he truly loves you, he'd propose and you build together. Distance yourself.
@@iammannasame!!! He's stepped away bc he's not where he wants to be to take care of me. 😢 I don't care about that. I'd rather work together.
@@carolynnwhite2807 aww SIS I completely understand 😔 but together can be just as painful. I hope that him leaving to be better for you indeed is what happens. Take this time to heal to be better for you to hun. Look into attachment styles. I found I'm an anxious one and my SO is an dismissive avoidant 😒 It's hard out here. Hope you get the love you deserve. I pray the best for you. Hugs and love 💕
A "real" man should already know what he wants before making contact. He knew that he didn't or wouldn't have the necessary time to invest in a relationship before he pulled the trigger. He was all about "game" from the start if that's the case.
I agree no one should chasing another. This is doing the most. I keep it simple, if you make effort as a man cool we"ll move and see how things can go. But do not have time wasted. What does option mean to the person? Keep it simple, a person will show you what they are interested in. Dont waste your time trying to figure out his behavior, move on... . Life is to short...
5:25 ....im sorry , Mr. Stephan, but if it does not come out of him , NATURALLY, I am not going to do anything about it and ima be,....next, and I just turn the page.
ABSOLUTELY RIGHT Never need a one sided relationship takes two to complete 🙏🏽✝️🕊
Right. I'm happy being single, 'cuz I can focus on what's TRULY important: my relationship with GOD and myself....
🙏🏽✝️🕊
Let’s not forget your husband can even change and be this way. Nothing like a mid life crisis or a new love or some kind of addiction
Time is too valuable, be particular about who you share your time with. You cannot get it back. Its not like money, where more can be made.
I have been an option. It wasn’t always that way. We were happy for many years. Then something changed. He started to treat me like an availability for lack of a better word. I blame myself in some ways because I forgave and overlooked so much, that it is little wonder he saw me as a ‘safety net’. Anyway, he walked out without a word the day after we had celebrated our ten year anniversary and had a great day. He has made little effort since. I get the feeling he thought I would be calling him begging him to come back, but I didn’t. I was broken for a few weeks and it was hard not to ask him to come back even though I knew I was just convenient. I have to be honest, the main thing that stopped me is the fact that our child would also be affected by my doing that. He would be in and out of our lives treating me like crap in between. I care about my child more than I care about myself or anyone else (obviously, as a mother should) and I was not gonna allow him to go through that. My baby is what kept me strong. It’s been about 6 weeks now. He hasn’t visited his child or paid a penny towards him. He didn’t even come when our child was diagnosed with autism. He had this mask that he would wear for the outside world showing himself to be a great father, well, that mask has been lost. He has many masks, his true face that was only shown behind closed doors was the most ugly and cruel. I’m not an option or a safety net anymore, I’m still healing but I’m staying strong for my son. I will continue to do so. Eventually my heart will heal. I’m never gonna be treated like that again. I’d rather be single forever. Maybe I will be? Who knows? The point is that we deserve better, each and every one of us female, male and non binary. Never be anyone’s convenience.
You should be so proud of yourself, stay strong and stay away, the best revenge is upgrading yourself. I hope you find true love because you deserve it ❤
He is a narcissist and he will be back. Run him...
@@PraiseDeLord777 thank you 😊
@@patriciawhite9509 he’s not back! I do feel sorry for him and I know that’s stupid but I won’t take him back.
Give him his space, Amen Amen !! 🪃⏰️🙏
I will give him his space all the way to the next man.
@@susanirizarry5171 Love it!
Ughhhh… and the saga continues! I’ve given up on dating/relationships tbh and been happier ever since I haven’t been checking. I can’t be bothered with the stress and mind games.
Same here. Because it's too much to deal with. I would just rather be friends ( and not "no strings attached" ) with guys and let it be that.
Sometimes we will have to face this tragedy bcoz before right person gets aligned in our life this would happen we learn from our experiences & keep going ahead
I've been thinking about having this conversation for a while, now. I guess this is confirmation, that I should. Thanks, Stephan
Time is a function of interest.. a wise friend of mine would say..
They never choose better, they choose easier.
When you have to go back and watch a 2nd time to take notes!
The person that I’m dating works for BP oil refinery, has a 12 year old and his own hobbies. He makes time for me!
This is exactly what I’m going through
I'm single and dating.dealing with a guy I am a option .but so is he we don't want nothing serious between us. We both love our freedom.
🗣Clarity at its “BEST”!!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I'm Single still but glad 2 know this
I thank God for people like you and I see red flags and I avoid men who don't communicate I cut them off fast I don't even like being pursued anymore and I enjoy my peace
Amen !
Yes agreed
A man can NEVER EVER EVER make me question myself. I agree, a man and a woman can decide if the other is not a good fit. I've met men and decided they weren't a good fit for me and I stopped seeing them. Its not always the man making this decision.
This is less about cheating, and more about overcoming others expectations of you and overcoming that with self love and alignment of energies
Showing up as actual ambassadors, of that nurturing connection
My father, kinda mentioned something like this
OMG!!! Straight to the point. I love it. My question is, why do they say they're comfortable NOT talking to you, but yet they still want to keep you around??
Cos they will talk to you only when they need the booty
Relate this to my boyfriend ,men are u like that I was confused
For sexual intimacy sis
Doesn't make any sense.
Bro steve. I hv started watching your videos jus 2 wks ago and I'm absolutely in love with them. I'm watching from southern Africa Zimbabwe and I thank God for you. May you never cease to shine. We are blessed to have you in th land of the living. I have learnt a lot from you
At the same time know how to treat urself better & don't allow someone to mistreat urself simply walk away from the person
What irritates me is that the "man" will provoke just about anything, & the chasing junk. I hate that stuff!
I always say effort should be like a tennis match
I totally agree with you on this and if you don’t fit it’s better not to be there and trying and trying and it’s not working or going anywhere… it’s better to break free sooner rather than later all the time you put into a wrong man you could find the right person and put all your energy and effort into the right person that your both on the same page and are right for each other
Wow! This was meant for me to hear! I noticed I always initiate conversation with the guys I have a liking. Of course he replies but I felt it was one sided. I got to a point of being distant with him. I was putting in too much effort. He did noticed a change of less eye contact and not always running up to him to speak. Am I wrong of being distant all of a sudden because I got tired of the one sided of situation-ship? I’m glad to hear this message. Thank you.
Hell no you’re not wrong! I’m going through the exact same thing.. you get tired and frustrated after a while when the energy is not reciprocated, don’t waste your time on this specific person because there is someone out there that WILL put in effort.💙
@@jgemini3202 Thanks J! I did move on.😎
I just came out of a relationship filling like a i'm not good enough because i don't have enough money an because i'm too "negative" wich i'm not. Even tho intelectually i know to the core that i bring a lot of positive things to the table, it's really hard to distance myself of thosr believes because i really was open and vulnerable with this person and i trusted him with my heart and he just stepped all over it. I don't recognise myself anymore, there's just so much trauma that the mind, body and soul can bare.
Thank you. I really enjoyed this video as it spoke to me. There was a guy who came to my life and we only spoke and just went out on one coffee date. We continued to speak for a month and then suddenly he pulled away. When we finally spoke he told me he's dealing with his kids, is thinking of legally leaving his wife (they are separated for last 3 years), lost his job and seeing a therapist and he just does not want to burden me with his problems. I respect that, but what I don't understand is why he got close to me in the first place (not sexually btw) he is quite religious.
@YipeeDo I do not appreciate your final comment. I am no homewrecker. I do not have to explain myself to you. But please don't pass judgement based on what little information I wrote.
Run 🏃♂️, He setting you up to be his therapist or try fix this and he's going to use you. He has none of those problems. He's plays chess. Your move 🏃♀️
@YipeeDo wow. SMH
@@vino135 Ignore them. It was just nastiness. They've probably been burned and are projecting it on to you. Ignore their nasty comment. They mean nothing to your life.
💖💖💖
Needed this reality check.
There's not many designed to see my value.
A lot of dudes out there are not self aware. I'm lucky I spent time with my now ex who came to the realization that I can't be a priority anymore. Oh well, moving on!
No woman should ever tolerate just being an option. If a man is too stupid to see you, then he doesn't deserve your time and effort.
I choose myself. The man is just a mirror.
Good advice bro thanks. I feel am saving a lot of time 😊
When you are clear on what you want!!When you are solid on what type of woman you truly are. You will never allow a man not for one moment to treat you as an option. The moment you feel like he’s treating you like an option, you will have the courage to walk away and never look back even if you had real genuine feelings for the person. The love and respect you have for yourself will allow you to make the best decision for your highest good.❤❤❤
Stephan ...I am a student of your wisdom...I am learning so much from ur videos. God bless you. 🙏🏽
AMEN
Stephan, this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thank you with all my heart ♥
And I'm learning it's okay to not be "The one" for him. Because there is some for me. That's not the experience sir, NEXT!!
If anybody feels like an option around somebody, that is a sure sign that the person is indecisive.
I needed to hear this right now. Thank you
If he can’t clarify any confusion, I’m out.
He initiates every contact, that's what makes much more difficult to see the others red flags. ... never said the b word to me but in some point the distance, the silence for couple days. . . then he lost his job and his blood pressure start rises so i started to hear " is too much going on" "i like you but i need to put my life together" . . . is been 8 days since last time we talked
3:36 Very important distinction!!
Wondering why your channel doesn’t have 1M+ views. Your videos are gold!🎖Thank you for your succinctly made videos.🔥
Damn, this showed me how stupid I am, I've loved the same man for 15 years my first and only love and had his only child and he treats me like shit and treats everyone else with respect, I have come to realize I will always be invisible to him but I have my daughter and I thank God for her
Love the shorter videos 🤗
U have a short attention span
Like a kid
Enjoying singlehood over here💃#GodChaserOnly ❤️
Amen 🙏💕👌
Yes aprilbmr God is worth the chase!!
We are all grown we all need to just do better. Be open and honest period. All parties say what you want and act on it.
Thanks!
Summing up +20 years of my mistakes in less than 10 minutes. Never repeating those mistakes again!