Fun story. I worked with someone on a film who had also been on set with Steven Seagal. Apparently, not only are all of Seagal's fight scenes done with doubles these days, but the doubles have to wear fat suits too. Straight up.
That's so ridiculous it's almost impressive to have that kind of blatant stupidy or in their point of view it's commitment to his cult of personality, Lol.
He was at the Great Chinese Buffet War of 2015 where dishes after dishes of lard was handed out and even the skinny asian dude in the kitchen just couldn't believe it. There were no survivors.
Love how he inadvertently mocks the asians by speaking Charlie Chan english to them. I think the key to Seagal's success is that he has zero self-awareness.
He was literally every character ever in this movie. Spec Ops, Chiropractor, Investigator, Jeffrey Epstein, Shaolin Hermit Kung Fu Karate master, Negotiator, Psychologist and worst tipper
@@lelespit3457 Yeah I think that’s the movie he’s thinking of and the “opponent” said literally that line that “only an expert strategist could’ve done that”
I remember back in the 80s when he was Italian..then in the 90s he was native American...then sometime in the early 2000s he was a Bautist..then he became Russian.
The style he's doing is wing chun, which is about protecting the centerline and isn't terribly mobile and does include "chain punches", which are those rapid-fire punches he does in this movie. I studied this form for a while about thirty years ago. I got my ass kicked in pretty much every fight anyway, but I always protected my centerline, and so intubating me in the ambulance wasn't that difficult for the paramedics.
Was hoping someone would mention this, yes. Segal is using Wing Tsun with a decent amount of authenticity. I can't remember what it was called, but "that wrist thing" is an actual technique used for close quarters. Or rather, a set of techniques.
@@Malidictus it's called pushing hands. It's supposed to train you to sense your opponents movements by feel rather than seeing so you react quicker. Whether it works or not...
The scene in the club with the machine gun was actually kung fu. It's a rare form know as Crouching Tiger Roaring Uzi. Steven Seagal will forever be my favorite Gravy Seal.
Years back, I was attending one of those security & defense trade shows, with a couple of friends (former PMC's and members of the US SOF community). Seagal showed up with his entourage. I think it was at the time Seagal was acting as reserve deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish Louisiana, and "technical and tactical adviser" to local law enforcement agencies. We watched Seagal waddling from booth to booth,meddling with conversations,dispensing his knowledge. Later on, he came to a workshop on counterinsurgency, took a front seat and sat there for half an hour. It was one those awkward moments. You gentlemen are hilarious,keep it coming.
@@JasonBrant he caused up a stir here in new orleans when he had that cop show...friends an myself were standing outside a bar 1 night..all of a sudden we see this helicopter come out of nowhere..then 5 or 7 cop suvs show up..they jump out throwing ppl against vehicles..Seagal gets out an tell the other cops...let them go they're clean, they just want my autograph...as fast as they came..fast they left..we were like WTF just happened..weird night
Seagal never learned that a good action film need to have some tension. Even Arnold, Stallone, etc would let themselves get hit a few times before they won at least. Seagal needs to be the absolute god of everything.
Steven Seagal doesn't build on a plot point and doesn't tell a comprehensible story as well.. This what made Sylvester Stallone great as an actor.. Sylvester Stallone knows how to present a character.. Make a Character show sympathy, passion, charm, happiness, sadness, ruthless and at times a weakness for something or for someone.. Sylvester Stallone knows how to build tensions in MOST of his movies.. Steven Seagal thinks that presenting himself as always perfect doesn't relate to anyone.. All that will do is make people laugh endlessly at him from the ridiculousness of it all cause there is no such thing as a perfect human being.. Steven Seagal doesn't get that.. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger has charm and passion in his movies and you can feel it whenever he is on screen but with Steven Seagal you don't feel that at all especially in his latest movies..
@@JasonBrant Have you seen his SIZE? He can't help but be an obstacle! Under Siege 2: Dark Territory, Starring: Steven Seagal AS The Dark Territory Filmed on location on Seagal's Fat Ass!
I agree,it's fun but at a certain point. He reminds me of something Vaas used to say at Farcry 3: You know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and over!
My father was a professional fighter in his youth, primarily in the 70s and 80s. Apparently, when Steven Seagal's career was starting, some promotional agent was parading him through the martial arts clubs trying to hype him as this bad ass. Apparently, any dojo he fought in, he got his ass kicked and it turned out most dojos were too busy laughing him out the door to kick his ass. He said this guy was presented as a grand master, but brown belts were handing him his ass. From my youth when Seagal started getting big in movies, I was taught he was someone you should never take seriously.
Fun fact. The actor the beginning, sparring with steven with the butterfly swords (also later in the white suit) is Louis Fan, who plays as Jin Shanzhao, in the ip man movies. The northerner who defeats all the kung fu masters in foshan, then later gets schooled by ip man himself in the first movie. He’s definitely got talent, just surprised to see him in a steven segal flick. Ha.
Him waddling into a room is hilarious. In a few years hes gonna be so fat they just have to roll him in, and he'll deliver his lines while bumping into furniture and rolling out of frame and stuff.. Somebody should kungfu the food out of his hands is what i'm sayin'
Nope, by then he'll get used again. This time as Flobba the Hutt, Jabba the Hutts cousin. He will lay on a floating bed and given lines like.. Ne wanna wanga Jedi ? Ne botcha no jobba, ne kicka some assa... 😎
Anyone who can read Chinese saw that he was writing the word water 水 while saying the word "fire" in English, which is 火 in Chinese. Beyond ridiculous. Plus, his writing looks like a 3 y/o.
0:30 showing Steven Seagal right after he starts a monologue with "the weight of war is a hard burden to bear" is like the perfect intro for a spoof movie
Rain fight scene - Segal with the South American hat on to shield his black hair fibers/black spray paint from the water and causing said hair fibers/black spray paint from running down his face. Gold
"Take me to him. I help him. Come." Did that guy just...speak broken English...on PURPOSE...to someone who SPEAKS broken English...in an attempt to be better understood? That's like....a Math teacher accepting 2+2=5 in attempt to make Math easier to understand. This guy is....I'd love to see the world from his eyes for a moment. I mean that's worse than the stereotype of talking slowly and loudly, and I never thought that'd be toped. Bonus Round: 5:08 That is arguably the worst fight choreography I've ever seen. A. Most of the guys attacks wouldn't have even reached him. He'd have been swinging at air, without a single block or dodge. B. Segal has blocks going up at the same time as attacks start, or even BEFORE. 60's Wushu wasn't this obvious, and that was based on combat being a /dance/ both people /knew/. C. I have never seen such chow-fu BS extra hand movements and positions in my life. If you told someone "Make martial arts look stupid" this is how they'd behave.
Hahaha, yeah that's funny with the broken english thing. I read an article years ago, I think the term is called neurological linguistic interaction or whatever. Anyway, anthropologists believe that you automatically lower or raise you syntax and vocabulary according to who you are speaking to. They think it's a remnant from when tribes would share a language, but have wildly different accents/dialects.
Even as a Chinese I'm having trouble reading what he wrote at 1:47. Think i can make out the word "battle" twice in the 5 words, still no idea what it means. At 9:29 Seagal's paper says "painkillers". Its 3 easy-to-learn words but his supposedly kung fu obsessed, Chinese-culture-esque character has to write it down.
It's almost like he's doing Confuscianism cosplay. The little goatie, tiny steel rim glasses, slicked black hair. He doesn't want to be Buddha, he wants to be Confuscias.
Segal watched Ip Man movies and wanted to make his own Ip Man movie. The fighting style (but without the leg and body movements of course), the scenes, and so on is really just copied them.
True.. A new series is coming out called DIP MAN. About a guy who needs to fight off a lot of delicious dip coming at him from all sides. Its a feast 😋
How, exactly, does a Steven Seagal movie have too much plot? ...oh wait, he wrote it? Never mind. Fun fact: any time you can't directly see Seagal's face, it's his stunt double. That's why they have so many shots where his face is JUST out of shot, or facing away from the camera. He's also taken to having other people do all the action while he just does the plot-related stuff - watch out for that if you watch any of his other, more recent films.
@@JasonBrant exactly lol the same reason I won’t show the wife the prior stuff because if she knows he had some half good stuff I think it would take the shine off his current stuff, I had to wait for her to watch the latest review together, anyway up I usually just watch these things and don’t interact but this is gold and your doing a great job 👏
Thanks, but I think all four of us add different humor elements that work together. Dave and I have been friends a long time, so it's no surprise we work well together.
Ok I made it through one of your videos and I can’t breathe. I’m 2:44 into this one and I’m crying. This is comedy gold. I needed the uncontrollable laughter. You gained a subscription. This is glorious.
Seagal has the "honor" to belong to the Mandela effect memes. Apparently his name was misspelled in his early movie posters written as Segal. So, lots of men think his name was Segal and felt the Mandela effect when we found it was really Seagal.
Here's the funniest part about this entire video...Its sitting a 500K+ views. This is more than the movie itself accomplished in views. So in theory, this channel gave it more exposure than the movie itself. Sensi Seagal should pay tribute.
8:50 The guy getting mystified by Seagal's hand stuff is the actor who played Ricky from The Story of Riki-Oh. As you can see, Ricky is still in shape and can still do Riki-Oh things after 27 years (Riki-Oh came out in 1991; Attrition came out in 2018). This is how you know Seagal has no excuse.
14:40 Steve finishes off the villain, then proceeds to fold away the sword behind his arm. A common move, however, Stevie grabs the blade with his hand and then puts the edge of the blade into his armpit. Not typical, but I guess that's how masters do it apparently.
I haven't laughed so hard in a looong time!! 🤣🤣 You guys deliver the most skathing & ruthless commentary.. I completely lost it with the comments about the brillo pad glued to Seagal's head and the Burger King menu 🤣🤣 Absolutely hilarious!!
Thing is, back in the day, we all did. What i liked is that he fought the bad guys without going Heeeyouuuu ahhiiiii Heyaa like Bruce Lee and Van Damme. He just fought. So he became the one who had the most realistic fights in the 80's. You wouldn't turn into a horny cat at any time. And even Lee must have know that no one in a gang would be scared from hearing the stupid noises coming from them. Irl youd be like... Oh, its one of those dicks.. 😎
I can’t look at Seagal the same way after learning Gene Le-bell(Judo expert) choked out Seagal resulting in him actual shitting himself and stinking after it😂🤣😂
First, you guys crack me up. Easily one of my fav channels on TH-cam. My wife and I decided to watch Attrition last night. Good news. 1) You can actually understand what Steven is saying. Normally he sounds like he has a mouth full of marbles and it's a mess. 2) Overall quality was better. Apparently they had some lights in this film unlike the close to pitch black shots so common in the straight to DVD films. 3) Some decent fight scenes and gun battles towards the end. Bad news. 1) The story made absolutely ZERO sense. Not even close to making sense. Random cut aways of Steven giving deep life quotes, with an ending that somehow turned into a "the whole point of this to teach people Kung Fu". HUH??? This movie is another example of Seagal being... well... Seagal. It's like watching a car crash at this point. You can't look away.
Let's be honest. We all know at least one or two people just like Seagal. Someone who portrays themselves as the best and brightest, constantly fishing for compliments. And then when they get what they're looking for try and play the humble role.
I know a guy EXACTLY like this. One time he told my friends he has 3 full time jobs. My buddy called him out on it saying “how are you drinking right now if you work 120 hours a week?” And he said “I’m off tonight”
Just discovered your page. I used to love his terrible movies but would always watch late at night and thought it was because I was tired that they didn't make sense. Nope they just don't make sense 🤣 Thanks for the laughs
There are quite a few big HK names featured in this flick. The one you referred as beast is Louis Fan. He is most famous for Ricky Oh. He is a skilled martial artist. I suggest checking out his latest film, One More Shot. Steven Seagal is a walking meme. No one is ever going to take him seriously.
As much as we all mock Steven Seagal for his ridiculous behavior, he has truly lived. A movie star, a martial artist, a cop, a businessman, and now a consultant to MMA fighters. All that without the slightest bit of talent, qualifications, or skills. Not a bad way to live a life. Not a bad way at all.
What's REALLY sad is that the guy in red, at one point with 2 swords (you guys ask about him at 7:53) is a great martial arts star, not only featured in THREE Ip Man films (1, 2 & the prequel), but he played Ricky in the wonderfully infamous Story Of Ricky from 1992! Honestly I'd dig a video of you guys watching that one -- Don't worry, it's one of those ultra-rare bad movies where your life is BETTER having seen it!
@@mvyper It is! He also had bit parts (in the nexus of Major and Minor role) in both Ip Man 1&2 -- If you look at his face for a few minutes, you can tell it's him. I'm not gonna lie -- I saw him in a few things, wondering why he looked familiar before I looked him up and realized who it was.
All his movies are hot garbage, but…this one…lol this one was special. He’s a practitioner of Aikido, but he’s doing a Kung Fu movie. He talks about looking for peace, but he fights randos everywhere and kills ppl indiscriminately. This movie made no damn sense lol. The script and story were all over the place. And his martial arts moves were a COMPLETE ripoff of Ip Man.
The movie feels like a concoction of random events from a warped, shitty dream. Heavily padded out with repeat footage to meet the minimum run time! Overall if not his worst ever!
I can't believe you didn't point out that ugly ass amateur font for the opening credits. Good lord, that's never a good sign. Seagal is making movies like he's a blue belt student with a borrowed camera. The fact that the guy who is a legit "beast" as you said, was in Ip Man 1 and 2, and Seagal is obviously ripping those movies off on scenes; did Louis Fan help, or did he sit to the side with his head in his hands?
We probably did in the full reaction. I only pull a part of all the crazy stuff we say or point out in the hour and a half video, otherwise our review would be longer than the movie. And yeah, his movie are hilariously bad.
LMAO So I showed a buddy one of your Segal ones just a minute ago, and he liked it so much he wanted to see another one. So here we are. And your open had him cracking up and commenting, "So that's how you make friends. Beer and a bad movie. No wonder, I've been doing it all wrong." So I told him if he came over this weekend and brought beer we could watch about ninety minutes of these and call that a bad movie. It's on.
Steven Segal was that kid at recess that always gave himself random powers so he would be stronger than everyone else.
🤣 For sure.
He could have been one of the best Calvinball players of all time.
Bruh 😂😂😂
I believe it
100%
"It will take a lifetime to make amends for the terrible things I've done"
...credit to Seagal for realizing the effect his films have had
U sir are full of sh1T!
LMFAO!
Funniest comment I've read in years
Only one
I Really hope that popculture wont take a twisted turn and his movies will be portrayed as good
Fun story. I worked with someone on a film who had also been on set with Steven Seagal. Apparently, not only are all of Seagal's fight scenes done with doubles these days, but the doubles have to wear fat suits too. Straight up.
It's so obvious. And I love it!
They need to make Steven a character on mortal Kombat🙏🤣🤣
@@peterfairchild258 Make Steven a boss lol..super hard to beat him. Hes just so good!
That's so ridiculous it's almost impressive to have that kind of blatant stupidy or in their point of view it's commitment to his cult of personality, Lol.
I worked with someone who was good friends with his nutritionist back in the 90's. He said SS was a total di ck ! Totally . Now, he's obese.
"The weight of war is a heavy burden to bare..."
Seagal must have seen a lot of war because it really shows.
🤣 🤣 That killed me.
The only war Steven seagal has seen is the battle at the buffet line
He was at the Great Chinese Buffet War of 2015 where dishes after dishes of lard was handed out and even the skinny asian dude in the kitchen just couldn't believe it. There were no survivors.
That is awesome 🤣
*bear
Love how he inadvertently mocks the asians by speaking Charlie Chan english to them. I think the key to Seagal's success is that he has zero self-awareness.
Zero self awareness is a state only few Zen Masters have embraced and accomplished.
He is literally the Tommy Wiseau of action movies.
He had success?
@@pure-blood17 Yes.
All these Asian folks he claims loves so much hes actually being racist too and hes so oblivious. Thats Steve!
He was literally every character ever in this movie. Spec Ops, Chiropractor, Investigator, Jeffrey Epstein, Shaolin Hermit Kung Fu Karate master, Negotiator, Psychologist and worst tipper
Have you read, that he (according to his website) is the only civilian ever, who defused a nuclear bomb?!
@@Cussy69_420 please tell me its a joke
@@camaxtle I would love to, but...
Nope! I don't know, if he still has his website, but it was mentioned on that thing
Dude is like a D&D multiclasser.
He's the Johhny Sins of martial arts movies
In the directors cut, he beats a professional Chinese Checkers player in one move, as only a brilliant strategist can.
🤣
LMFAO!
Steven Seagal is the living Mary Sue.
Bro, didn't they eventually watch a movie where he literally beats a guy in chess
With one move.
@@lelespit3457 Yeah I think that’s the movie he’s thinking of and the “opponent” said literally that line that “only an expert strategist could’ve done that”
Seagal has the unique ability to change his DNA to fit whatever group he's appealing to at a certain moment. He's racially fluid.
Wasn't he saying he was part Native American at some point?
@@JasonBrant Seagal is everything and nothing at the same time. He transcends race ethnicity and common sense.
@@JasonBrant yeah I think that was when he was promoting Fire Down Below
I remember back in the 80s when he was Italian..then in the 90s he was native American...then sometime in the early 2000s he was a Bautist..then he became Russian.
He's been Inuit, why not Asian! :D
The style he's doing is wing chun, which is about protecting the centerline and isn't terribly mobile and does include "chain punches", which are those rapid-fire punches he does in this movie. I studied this form for a while about thirty years ago. I got my ass kicked in pretty much every fight anyway, but I always protected my centerline, and so intubating me in the ambulance wasn't that difficult for the paramedics.
Dude, that was hilarious! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
Was hoping someone would mention this, yes. Segal is using Wing Tsun with a decent amount of authenticity. I can't remember what it was called, but "that wrist thing" is an actual technique used for close quarters. Or rather, a set of techniques.
@@Malidictus it's called pushing hands. It's supposed to train you to sense your opponents movements by feel rather than seeing so you react quicker. Whether it works or not...
@@bn5055everything works when you play by the game's rules, but throw those rules out and who says you can't cut across the board in CandyLand
The scene in the club with the machine gun was actually kung fu. It's a rare form know as Crouching Tiger Roaring Uzi. Steven Seagal will forever be my favorite Gravy Seal.
Years back, I was attending one of those security & defense trade shows, with a couple of friends (former PMC's and members of the US SOF community). Seagal showed up with his entourage. I think it was at the time Seagal was acting as reserve deputy sheriff in Jefferson Parish Louisiana, and "technical and tactical adviser" to local law enforcement agencies. We watched Seagal waddling from booth to booth,meddling with conversations,dispensing his knowledge. Later on, he came to a workshop on counterinsurgency, took a front seat and sat there for half an hour. It was one those awkward moments. You gentlemen are hilarious,keep it coming.
You lucky bastard! That sounds amazing. Wish I could have seen that. Did you speak to Sefu?
Seagal doesn't even know how to shoulder a rifle correctly. How did he pull THAT off?
@@JasonBrant he caused up a stir here in new orleans when he had that cop show...friends an myself were standing outside a bar 1 night..all of a sudden we see this helicopter come out of nowhere..then 5 or 7 cop suvs show up..they jump out throwing ppl against vehicles..Seagal gets out an tell the other cops...let them go they're clean, they just want my autograph...as fast as they came..fast they left..we were like WTF just happened..weird night
"It's not tea It's lard" fucked me up😂
Haha, me too.
Yea… you owe me a cup of coffee. Totally nosed it
same lol
BAD ! I was in tears for like 5 minutes 😂
Seagal never learned that a good action film need to have some tension.
Even Arnold, Stallone, etc would let themselves get hit a few times before they won at least.
Seagal needs to be the absolute god of everything.
He definitely doesn't understand that a hero is supposed to overcome obstacles, not be the obstacle.
Exactly, we know what the result of the fight will be. before it starts. The Messiah never losses a fight in his own movie.
Steven Seagal doesn't build on a plot point and doesn't tell a comprehensible story as well.. This what made Sylvester Stallone great as an actor.. Sylvester Stallone knows how to present a character.. Make a Character show sympathy, passion, charm, happiness, sadness, ruthless and at times a weakness for something or for someone.. Sylvester Stallone knows how to build tensions in MOST of his movies.. Steven Seagal thinks that presenting himself as always perfect doesn't relate to anyone.. All that will do is make people laugh endlessly at him from the ridiculousness of it all cause there is no such thing as a perfect human being.. Steven Seagal doesn't get that.. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger has charm and passion in his movies and you can feel it whenever he is on screen but with Steven Seagal you don't feel that at all especially in his latest movies..
@@JasonBrant Have you seen his SIZE? He can't help but be an obstacle!
Under Siege 2: Dark Territory,
Starring: Steven Seagal AS The Dark Territory
Filmed on location on Seagal's Fat Ass!
@Goh Modley yeah, right... He's a "different" star 😄
You guys are the only reason why I want him to keep making movies.
This movie honestly had some beautiful cinematography. It kept tricking me into thinking I was watching a good movie.
I feel like Seagal is really trying to act, which makes this movie so much funnier. 🤣🤣
🤣🤣
Right?! 🤣🤣
I agree,it's fun but at a certain point.
He reminds me of something Vaas used to say at Farcry 3:
You know the definition of insanity?
Doing the same thing over and over and over!
@@nunosantos00 I hope he never stops!
The Triad "Getting to Know You" interview scene , seems to have gone well....
My father was a professional fighter in his youth, primarily in the 70s and 80s. Apparently, when Steven Seagal's career was starting, some promotional agent was parading him through the martial arts clubs trying to hype him as this bad ass. Apparently, any dojo he fought in, he got his ass kicked and it turned out most dojos were too busy laughing him out the door to kick his ass. He said this guy was presented as a grand master, but brown belts were handing him his ass. From my youth when Seagal started getting big in movies, I was taught he was someone you should never take seriously.
Your father taught you well. The only person who takes Seagal seriously is Seagal.
@Goh Modley Steven is that you???
@Goh Modley sorry Steven
@Goh Modley It's alright, Steve. At least you weren't so bad in the Machete movies.
Give respect to real fighters as ur father i hate this guy steve acting like hes master of everything. Its sick and disrespectful to martial arts.
Steven is quite obviously the inspiration of Kung Fu Panda
🤣 🤣
But thankfully poe is played by jack black.
Brilliant 😂
Except Po is actually good at martial arts.
Makes sense... Steven was just a bit too strong, so they split him into Po and master shifu that time around
”He even lays down like it hurts” got me so bad 😂😂😂😂😂
That Waddle transition, that was pure genius. Had me dying 🤣
Segal is the president and CEO of karate
And now Kung Fu.
And Waddle.
Segal trained for 86 years with Master Shifu, if you can't respect that, than you have issues.
Sensei Seagal is the master of AIKIDO! Get it right! I will not tolerate this martial arts slander.
And mash potatoes
Haven't you heard? Steven Seagal gave us his most important lesson: Peace is best obtained through the power of machine gun-Fu.
🤣🤣 Nothing says peace like shooting people in the back.
Amazingly, this was one of SIX films that Seagal appeared in in 2016….two of them were released in the same week!
I'm surprised he has the time. He works so hard on each one.
he was in a race with Nicolas Cage and Bruce Willis combined
wrong, 2018
It's all the same movie so it's easy.
I love how he feels the need to use the accent of whatever person he’s talking to
He's trying to be accommodating. You are likely to hear words more clearly if it's spoken in your accent. Truly a loving and caring sensei
Steven Seagal is a man who will always, *always,* bring hilarity as entertainment.
Don't underestimate sensei S.S. the gas inside his tummy can burn down a building
He never disappoints.
And not in a good way.
Fun fact.
The actor the beginning, sparring with steven with the butterfly swords (also later in the white suit) is Louis Fan, who plays as Jin Shanzhao, in the ip man movies. The northerner who defeats all the kung fu masters in foshan, then later gets schooled by ip man himself in the first movie. He’s definitely got talent, just surprised to see him in a steven segal flick. Ha.
Thanks for the info.
Probably got a good check and knew no one would actually see the money
Money talks, bullshit walks and sits and fights from the sitting position.
We all got bills to pay🤷
I swear this is the only way to enjoy a Steven Seagal film now 😂 😂
By laughing at him? Or laughing at us? Haha.
@@JasonBrant By laughing at him alongside you guys.
Crouching Hotdog, Hidden Double-Chin
he was asian until glimmer man, then he was black for 25 years... welcome home sensei 😂
Him waddling into a room is hilarious. In a few years hes gonna be so fat they just have to roll him in, and he'll deliver his lines while bumping into furniture and rolling out of frame and stuff.. Somebody should kungfu the food out of his hands is what i'm sayin'
Haha!
Why do I see this whole scene play out in a family guy cut scene lolll
hahah hilarious
Hahahah this comment is pure gold...and it will probably happen that way too!
Nope, by then he'll get used again. This time as Flobba the Hutt, Jabba the Hutts cousin. He will lay on a floating bed and given lines like.. Ne wanna wanga Jedi ? Ne botcha no jobba, ne kicka some assa... 😎
Seagal now speaks and writes Chinese better than the Chinese. That's impressive!
He's a genius!
He's a walking Mighty Whitey cliché.
Anyone who can read Chinese saw that he was writing the word water 水 while saying the word "fire" in English, which is 火 in Chinese. Beyond ridiculous. Plus, his writing looks like a 3 y/o.
He should contact Joe Marshall, the Samurai Cop for Japanese lessons. 😏
The man became a real joke. I used to like a few of his movies. My dad and I could watch Under Siege over and over again.
The way he talked to the people was hilarious 😂
What a douche 🤣
@@JasonBrant big-time bro even disrespectful lol atleast he was standing being a jackass. Sitting down would be to much ahahahaha
''Take me to him. I help him.
Dave is a comedic national treasure. Waiting for the “dude….called it!” Shirts to drop
Older lady has had bent neck for years. But one Steven Seagal turn and voila! Ballerina. Gotta love it.
When the savior lays hands on you, all your ailments are healed.
'Do you know what I did before I started kidnapping children?"
"No... what did you do?"
😂😂 the dialogue and delivery is absolutely slaughtering me 😂
It's brilliant writing. 🤣
0:30 showing Steven Seagal right after he starts a monologue with "the weight of war is a hard burden to bear" is like the perfect intro for a spoof movie
🤣
How does he never get hit ffs?
He's a huge fkn target!!
It's probably his Lomachenko footwork.. poetry in slomo.
It sounds like a line from Xavier Renegade Angel.
Yes, Steven, I'm sure it mustn't be easy being a white saviour. 🙄 such a thankless duty. 😑
Rain fight scene -
Segal with the South American hat on to shield his black hair fibers/black spray paint from the water and causing said hair fibers/black spray paint from running down his face.
Gold
I came to laugh at Steven for like 30 seconds... I stayed the full 20 minutes. This was great man.
"Take me to him. I help him. Come."
Did that guy just...speak broken English...on PURPOSE...to someone who SPEAKS broken English...in an attempt to be better understood?
That's like....a Math teacher accepting 2+2=5 in attempt to make Math easier to understand. This guy is....I'd love to see the world from his eyes for a moment. I mean that's worse than the stereotype of talking slowly and loudly, and I never thought that'd be toped.
Bonus Round: 5:08 That is arguably the worst fight choreography I've ever seen.
A. Most of the guys attacks wouldn't have even reached him. He'd have been swinging at air, without a single block or dodge.
B. Segal has blocks going up at the same time as attacks start, or even BEFORE. 60's Wushu wasn't this obvious, and that was based on combat being a /dance/ both people /knew/.
C. I have never seen such chow-fu BS extra hand movements and positions in my life. If you told someone "Make martial arts look stupid" this is how they'd behave.
The broken English to the kid is hysterical. The dude just has no idea.
its called engrish get it right lmfaoaooaaooaoaoaa
Hahaha, yeah that's funny with the broken english thing. I read an article years ago, I think the term is called neurological linguistic interaction or whatever. Anyway, anthropologists believe that you automatically lower or raise you syntax and vocabulary according to who you are speaking to. They think it's a remnant from when tribes would share a language, but have wildly different accents/dialects.
@@dritzzdarkwood4727 to be honest broken English to a person with broken English is the correct way to go about it
@@ungobungo7986
Indeed. If broken English facilitates better communication, then that's what you have to do. I agree.
He's writing his BK order omg, lol I'm laughing soooo hard
Large fry!
Even as a Chinese I'm having trouble reading what he wrote at 1:47. Think i can make out the word "battle" twice in the 5 words, still no idea what it means.
At 9:29 Seagal's paper says "painkillers". Its 3 easy-to-learn words but his supposedly kung fu obsessed, Chinese-culture-esque character has to write it down.
🤣 That's amazing. Thanks for the insight!
Thanks for the insight brother lol
@@JasonBrant oh well now I feel stupid having used the same word, having not read your comment, lol.
in 1:47 I think it says 战士终止战争（？）cant really put out the last word, but man the grammer sounds weird. No one talks or writes like that in ChineseXDDD
it means warriors end wars, at least what I think that this is what he wants to portray
It's almost like he's doing Confuscianism cosplay. The little goatie, tiny steel rim glasses, slicked black hair. He doesn't want to be Buddha, he wants to be Confuscias.
13:57 the waddle coming out first had me dying of laughter
🤣 Thanks.
Segal watched Ip Man movies and wanted to make his own Ip Man movie. The fighting style (but without the leg and body movements of course), the scenes, and so on is really just copied them.
For sure.
True.. A new series is coming out called DIP MAN. About a guy who needs to fight off a lot of delicious dip coming at him from all sides. Its a feast 😋
@@ebbhead20 mmmm cheese dip.
Too funny, but true!
How, exactly, does a Steven Seagal movie have too much plot? ...oh wait, he wrote it? Never mind.
Fun fact: any time you can't directly see Seagal's face, it's his stunt double. That's why they have so many shots where his face is JUST out of shot, or facing away from the camera.
He's also taken to having other people do all the action while he just does the plot-related stuff - watch out for that if you watch any of his other, more recent films.
Most of his films seem to be performed by his double.
@@JasonBrant Whelp, I certainly can't deny that :)
This is the hidden peace-philosophy of martial arts . To bring real peace ... wipe out everything breathing with a machine gun 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣
He cracked the code!
I'm always awed by how profoundly profound Seagal genuinely believes himself to be.
5:35 ..."let this be your first lesson...."then grabs a random lady and walks off....fml hahahahahaha
That part was hilarious.
I stayed home from work sick and stumbled on this channel and it has absolutely made my day. On the sofa laughing like a hyena 😅😅
You should make this a full, only seagal channel!! Amazing to see you back, epic stuff
Thanks so much! More Seagal on the way, but I don't want to blow through his oeuvre right away. Have to space out the insanity, haha.
@@JasonBrant it’s kind of an unwritten rule now that you can never do an under siege review
@@mikeparry4095 I really like his stuff upto Under Siege. His career went off a cliff after that.
@@JasonBrant exactly lol the same reason I won’t show the wife the prior stuff because if she knows he had some half good stuff I think it would take the shine off his current stuff, I had to wait for her to watch the latest review together, anyway up I usually just watch these things and don’t interact but this is gold and your doing a great job 👏
@@mikeparry4095 Thanks so much, bud. I truly appreciate it!
Great video guys. Looks like Seagal watched Ip Man and decided to rip it off.
Thanks!
he should have named this one Michelin Man
Several scenes towards the beginning is him 100% trying to rip off Tony Leung's "The Grandmaster" too.
Chip man
@@RossTheNinjaThat’s a good one.
He's been force pushing people into breakable things since the 90s...... a true master jedi
🤣 🤣
The master of not moving
And if he ever has to play the villain, he'll just turn to the dark side. Might help his performance.
You gotta admit it shows his skills as a trainer 20 seconds of the World patty cake master @8:50 and you two are ready to take on the world.
Stumbling across these videos has made my Sunday. Thanks, guys, and keep ‘em coming (however painful they sometimes are, lol).
“Just the tip, Kung fu wrist fighting”. Love it!
It was so close.
You cant go wrong reviewing a Seagal movie. Im just glad i dont have to watch the whole thing
Waddle waddle
No one waddles better.
You 2 guys have the best chemistry,! , you guys make me wheeze, much funnier than the other guy….. you dudes are funny AF!!!😂😂😂😂
Thanks, but I think all four of us add different humor elements that work together. Dave and I have been friends a long time, so it's no surprise we work well together.
@@JasonBrant all of you do, I tried one Seagal movies you did and tried not to laugh, dammit I failed hard! Lol, thanks guys and gal 🤣
Ok I made it through one of your videos and I can’t breathe. I’m 2:44 into this one and I’m crying. This is comedy gold. I needed the uncontrollable laughter. You gained a subscription. This is glorious.
Seagal has the "honor" to belong to the Mandela effect memes.
Apparently his name was misspelled in his early movie posters written as Segal.
So, lots of men think his name was Segal and felt the Mandela effect when we found it was really Seagal.
I didn't know that about his early movie posters. Thanks for the info.
I just call him seagull
You gotta love the "a little slap by seagal makes the other guy fly across the room".
I loved this reaction way too much. you gotta keep doing this and eventually release a waddling compilation
More to come. I like the compilation idea.
Here's the funniest part about this entire video...Its sitting a 500K+ views. This is more than the movie itself accomplished in views. So in theory, this channel gave it more exposure than the movie itself. Sensi Seagal should pay tribute.
"You can dress like someone real sexy, it's up to you." LOL You know he loved writing that.
Steven Seagal is a god among men and we live in his world.
Amen.
If God has a god... it is Steven 🙌
So we're walking in dip now?
Steven Seagal died for your sins and rose on the third day
He should do more movies like this, a definite step up from the cabbage water that was Contract to Kill.
It definitely was a step up. His ego seemed to have grown too.
@@JasonBrant "The ego is like a seed in a garden,you plant it and it grows into a tree" Wise proverbs by Steven Ryu Nakamoto Seagal.
Esquire
How has Steven Regal not been charged with cultural appropriation ?
Because no one knows his actual race, so we don’t know which culture he is faking 😂
Steven Seagal... Half-mongolian, half-Russian, half-American, half-Italian... Twice the weight because he's twice the man!!
8:50 The guy getting mystified by Seagal's hand stuff is the actor who played Ricky from The Story of Riki-Oh. As you can see, Ricky is still in shape and can still do Riki-Oh things after 27 years (Riki-Oh came out in 1991; Attrition came out in 2018). This is how you know Seagal has no excuse.
10:25 “call an ambooh-lance. I’ll pay for everything don’t worry.”
He hears clapping in his head.
His life is one of those fake reddit stories where everyone claps.
14:40 Steve finishes off the villain, then proceeds to fold away the sword behind his arm. A common move, however, Stevie grabs the blade with his hand and then puts the edge of the blade into his armpit. Not typical, but I guess that's how masters do it apparently.
Personally watching this movie I really thought about all those things you said. You guys hit the nail on the nail on the head. 🔨🤣😂
This was such an ego stroke.
"He lays down like it hurts" - pure gold. Please don't stop
I haven't laughed so hard in a looong time!! 🤣🤣
You guys deliver the most skathing & ruthless commentary.. I completely lost it with the comments about the brillo pad glued to Seagal's head and the Burger King menu 🤣🤣 Absolutely hilarious!!
Thanks 🤣 🤣
This was hilarious. Thank you for helping me not work for 20 mins.
Glad to help you avoid for work!
The burger King line was the funniest thing I've heard in years
Dave cracked me up with that one.
I'm so happy I found this channel!! My brother and I were just talking about how our father thought he was the real deal lol
Glad to have ya!
Thing is, back in the day, we all did. What i liked is that he fought the bad guys without going Heeeyouuuu ahhiiiii Heyaa like Bruce Lee and Van Damme. He just fought. So he became the one who had the most realistic fights in the 80's. You wouldn't turn into a horny cat at any time. And even Lee must have know that no one in a gang would be scared from hearing the stupid noises coming from them. Irl youd be like... Oh, its one of those dicks.. 😎
I can’t look at Seagal the same way after learning Gene Le-bell(Judo expert) choked out Seagal resulting in him actual shitting himself and stinking after it😂🤣😂
First, you guys crack me up. Easily one of my fav channels on TH-cam.
My wife and I decided to watch Attrition last night.
Good news. 1) You can actually understand what Steven is saying. Normally he sounds like he has a mouth full of marbles and it's a mess. 2) Overall quality was better. Apparently they had some lights in this film unlike the close to pitch black shots so common in the straight to DVD films. 3) Some decent fight scenes and gun battles towards the end.
Bad news. 1) The story made absolutely ZERO sense. Not even close to making sense. Random cut aways of Steven giving deep life quotes, with an ending that somehow turned into a "the whole point of this to teach people Kung Fu". HUH???
This movie is another example of Seagal being... well... Seagal. It's like watching a car crash at this point. You can't look away.
Well said. And thanks!
Let's be honest. We all know at least one or two people just like Seagal. Someone who portrays themselves as the best and brightest, constantly fishing for compliments. And then when they get what they're looking for try and play the humble role.
100%
I know a guy EXACTLY like this. One time he told my friends he has 3 full time jobs. My buddy called him out on it saying “how are you drinking right now if you work 120 hours a week?” And he said “I’m off tonight”
Good to see this return
It's good to be back!
Just discovered your page. I used to love his terrible movies but would always watch late at night and thought it was because I was tired that they didn't make sense. Nope they just don't make sense 🤣
Thanks for the laughs
"I got a Seagal movie and a Beer" Is this the magic word to get in your house?
There are quite a few big HK names featured in this flick. The one you referred as beast is Louis Fan. He is most famous for Ricky Oh. He is a skilled martial artist. I suggest checking out his latest film, One More Shot.
Steven Seagal is a walking meme. No one is ever going to take him seriously.
Will do. 👍 Thanks
Steven is the best at everything he does, you just have to come to terms with that.
Ok this movie does make sense after i made a minor change - Movie was written and directed by "Michael Scott".
🤣🤣
I don't know how this channel got recommended to me but I'm glad I found it. I can't stop watching now. Lol
As much as we all mock Steven Seagal for his ridiculous behavior, he has truly lived. A movie star, a martial artist, a cop, a businessman, and now a consultant to MMA fighters. All that without the slightest bit of talent, qualifications, or skills. Not a bad way to live a life. Not a bad way at all.
What's REALLY sad is that the guy in red, at one point with 2 swords (you guys ask about him at 7:53) is a great martial arts star, not only featured in THREE Ip Man films (1, 2 & the prequel), but he played Ricky in the wonderfully infamous Story Of Ricky from 1992! Honestly I'd dig a video of you guys watching that one -- Don't worry, it's one of those ultra-rare bad movies where your life is BETTER having seen it!
Ricky Oh is on the list.
@@JasonBrant Hells yeah! Make sure you watch it with the English Dub!
Dude, was he Ricky Oh?! I didn't recognize him. Guy is awesome
@@mvyper It is! He also had bit parts (in the nexus of Major and Minor role) in both Ip Man 1&2 -- If you look at his face for a few minutes, you can tell it's him. I'm not gonna lie -- I saw him in a few things, wondering why he looked familiar before I looked him up and realized who it was.
We should've known he'd make himself an expert in literally everything when he wrote it. Lol 😭😂 What a muppet 🤡 lol
He's the master of everything. Always and forever.
All his movies are hot garbage, but…this one…lol this one was special. He’s a practitioner of Aikido, but he’s doing a Kung Fu movie. He talks about looking for peace, but he fights randos everywhere and kills ppl indiscriminately. This movie made no damn sense lol. The script and story were all over the place. And his martial arts moves were a COMPLETE ripoff of Ip Man.
@@blaxpoitation8528
You spelled bullshido wrong lol 😭🤣
The movie feels like a concoction of random events from a warped, shitty dream. Heavily padded out with repeat footage to meet the minimum run time!
Overall if not his worst ever!
It's a series of random events to show how amazing Seagal is.
if you take out the slowmo scenes, it's down to 20 minutes
I don’t know what I was laughing at the most, the movie or your reaction. Either way keep em coming
I love how you edited the WADDLE to clip through a wall like an FPS username, that's so good. It makes me want to see Sifu in an FPS.
I read this comment t right as it happened.
Almost died
I can't believe you didn't point out that ugly ass amateur font for the opening credits. Good lord, that's never a good sign.
Seagal is making movies like he's a blue belt student with a borrowed camera. The fact that the guy who is a legit "beast" as you said, was in Ip Man 1 and 2, and Seagal is obviously ripping those movies off on scenes; did Louis Fan help, or did he sit to the side with his head in his hands?
We probably did in the full reaction. I only pull a part of all the crazy stuff we say or point out in the hour and a half video, otherwise our review would be longer than the movie.
And yeah, his movie are hilariously bad.
I really enjoy these movie reviews. Reminds me of a white trailer trash version of mystery science theater! Subbed.
White trailer trash version of Mystery Science Theater... I'll take it!
But his buddy is Mexican! 😎
Do more of these.
More on the way!
So this is how the legend of Dave begun!
Something is different here
Yeah someone farted 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣
Brian will return in the near future.
@@JasonBrant I, Know. He still in Australia
Well, he's no longer a Seal member, he's a special operations Whale member.
LMAO So I showed a buddy one of your Segal ones just a minute ago, and he liked it so much he wanted to see another one. So here we are. And your open had him cracking up and commenting, "So that's how you make friends. Beer and a bad movie. No wonder, I've been doing it all wrong."
So I told him if he came over this weekend and brought beer we could watch about ninety minutes of these and call that a bad movie. It's on.