It’s been very hurtful getting married as a virgin to a man who was promiscuous before marriage. He never affirmed my body and even got angry with me the first time we had sex because I was too tight. We’ve been married 38 years and I’m still deeply wounded by this. As a Christian- I was very naïve about the effects of a promiscuous man - even though he had a conversion experience. I’m very tired of Christians putting the burden of “ forgiveness “ on me. He tells me I’m beautiful but has never addressed his insensitive comments and inability to verbally reassure me in the first 20 years of marriage. The hurt is in the core of my being. Please don’t ever say “ I don’t compare… I needed to be preferred as a wife. I needed to be compared and preferred! I hate that statement- it does not go far enough. But you guys are still very young. Please don’t over spiritualize the pain a woman feels in regard to physical intimacy in marriage. We are God’s creation. This isn’t applicable to sexual pain. Stay single and enjoy God’s love if that’s the case.
Hey Dave and Ashley. I’m 75, never married and not had children but I love the wisdom and honesty Jesus has given you in relationships and sexuality etc. You’re a breath of fresh air on the planet and who knows, maybe god is taking me to a place I thought I would never experience. None the less I pass this info onto others for them to learn the truth. God bless and keep it coming. ❤🎉😊
Awesome and very significant podcast regarding insecurities and how we are Masterpieces in our Creator's eyes and that is where our worth lies. It's even more sad that children who grow up in homes that aren't free to talk with their parent's about sex or their changing bodies, more so than the ever lying media and air-brushed pictures that kids and adults view. You two are effectively adorable! So happy there's a Christian couple on TH-cam infusing God's word into everyday, real life issues between married couples. May God continue to bless your wonderful channel. Awww ....my late husband gave me the best and most selfless foot rubs and massages 💜
I know EXACTLY how that feels. I would give ANYTHING to be able to look through my husband's eyes & be able to see me how he sees me when he looks at my "outward beauty" , I have no confidence in my outward looks no matter how much I weigh, I came from a dysfunctional home where I was NEVER encouraged & it was always " damned if you do, damned if you don't " and if I list weight I was too skinny or if I gained, I was told I was fat.
When you guys were talking about chemical insecurities it really spoke to my heart because I am a mom who currently struggles with pretty bad PPD and I’m trying to get better but I just have a ton of mental and physical insecurities. It was really encouraging to hear that chemical insecurities do exist because sometimes I feel like I’m just losing my mind and I don’t understand why I’m feeling the way I am! Really love Your podcasts thank you so much!
Spouses should also learn how to accept a compliment, and to believe them. Ashley stated “you’re too kind” while her modesty is understandable, given a public forum, however I would suggest modeling or discussing how to accept, “thank you”. Not doing so can make the other feel that they aren’t believed. I do agree, most men do find their wives to be attractive. We just aren’t believed. Great video, I’ll be watching more, and will buy the book
Sometimes it's not what your spouse say to you about your body but how critical he speak about bigger or overweight people. It's difficult to not reflect on yourself and wonder if he jabs at you. I am very sensitive about that topic, I am not in my 20 year old body but my 50 year old body... not everyone have "good genes " in their ancestry. I feel that constant pressure to look great (young) all the time, for the rest of my life.
So true i have always been insecure when i was married he was always looking at other women staying gone for days i went to jail the first 3 months we was married cause he was at a womens house
My husband did all the compliments making me feel he meant what he said, only to find out he's been into porn our whole 21 years of marriage! I had to go! Don't know I could ever trust again! Now I feel everything was a lie! He just used my body to satisfy what the porn had worked him up for......how do you overcome that and trust again? Trust is everything!
The person who needs prayer the most is your husband...I know your pain. I prayed for 7 years...7 years of pain and suffering but he overcame. It's the hardest thing I had to do but I wish someone told me this sooner. Fast and pray through the pain. Trust Jesus.
I'm not saying dont create healthy boundaries or even temporarily separate if need be but please draw near to God and dont let the enemy win your husband. We are all guilty...
I've already divorced him. Just recently. Too many lies. I just couldn't do it any more! There's no telling what all he's done that I will never know about. I've forgiven him but could never trust him again!
@@sherikinsey2125 Huuuuuuuuuuug. God and Christ will Bless you with a wonderful gent, should you ever wish to marry again, Ms. Sheri. I know that They will.
Porn is sinful and a trap of the devil. God made men to instinctively be attracted to a woman's body. Each man has to be taught to make no provision of the flesh and to make a covenant with his own eyes. Just because he had a porn problem, that doesn't mean his compliments were insincere, or that he didn't love you. We will never have perfect motives this side of Heaven outside of walking in the Spirit every second which is impossible and a constant battle. So, I think you have unrealistic expectations for what a husband is to do. In a perfect world, lots of things would be different, but Adam screwed that up and now we suffer. Trust is a choice. Both spouses are sinners and both have to endure the struggles of the other. Christian vows of marriage are until death and God will hold you accountable for your vows. Only death removes the bonds of marriage with 2 Christians. While it's true that people get remarried and sin , God allows us to make free will choices to sin or do things God's way. A failure to trust God will result in failures to trust God to lead you through your sinful husband. There is nothing easy about working through betrayal and is only made worse by "hardness of heart" and refusal to forgive. God says if you don't forgive then He won't forgive you. Love is a choice; patience is a choice; trust is a choice; forgiveness is a choice. It is not a valid argument to blame your refusal to trust God on the sins of someone else. A good church will hold a sinning husband accountable. If you aren't serious about loving God, then just say so. The Bible says "If you love me, then keep my commandments", and in 1 Cor 7 is commands do not separate and do not divorce. Yeah, BUT... BUT... BUT... what about this? or what about that? If there is physical violence, then go to safety and bring church leadership in to disciple him and hold him accountable. If he's not a Christian, then you are unequally yoked and don't have a Biblical marriage, so you can let him leave if he wants to (1 Cor 7). Divorce from Moses is sin management for complete Heathens who are hard hearted. Hard hearted means foolish, stupid and insolent, so there is nothing complimentary about Christians divorcing. Hosea is our example to be faithful with a spouse who is a whore and completely unreliable and untrustworthy. That, after all, is how we are to Christ (as idolatrous whores), and aren't we glad that God doesn't abandon us? Again, there is nothing easy about it.
I am looking at finding a new spouse as I have been widowed for a year now and am really lonely for companionship. I am 58 and don't know where to start. I was with my wife since I was 17 and am pretty scared to enter that dating scene.
They are most likely sharing things that you can learn and probably already know. I think they are just really popular because they host conferences all over America, and post on youtube. Not a lot of peole share their experiences and what they learned. I wouldn't necessarily call them experts over other healthy married couples. With that being said, they do know what they are talking about, they have been married for a long time and people that do not know much can learn from them. I once read a quote that said, we do not learn anything new about a specific topic, it is just presented in a different and new way.
Gosh, why is it always about pleasing a man? his vision? his feelings? I, as a lady, am very visual, sexual, etc. How about the tables adjusting? Men and women, ladies and gents, please one another. There are men who need to pick up their physical and sexual appeal, let alone their spirituality. This is an excellent broadcast, but it always seems to turn to pleasing men. How to win men over.
@@missNCW Yes, Ms. Jenny, but it must change. Some men continue to drive the point of so-called differences from an emotional standpoint, but it boils down to societal emotional conditioning. You can make it seem so on the physical realm by physical bullying, yet you cannot make it fit in the spiritual realm. It's exasperating Ms. Jenny.
@@courtneykirk478 Do you mean this happens in the world in general or on this podcast? I've been listening to them for about 2 years and they have always been great at addressing the needs of both sides.
Your commitment should always be stronger than your feelings. Love that 💯🔥
It’s been very hurtful getting married as a virgin to a man who was promiscuous before marriage. He never affirmed my body and even got angry with me the first time we had sex because I was too tight.
We’ve been married 38 years and I’m still deeply wounded by this.
As a Christian- I was very naïve about the effects of a promiscuous man - even though he had a conversion experience.
I’m very tired of Christians putting the burden of “ forgiveness “ on me.
He tells me I’m beautiful but has never addressed his insensitive comments and inability to verbally reassure me in the first 20 years of marriage. The hurt is in the core of my being.
Please don’t ever say “ I don’t compare… I needed to be preferred as a wife. I needed to be compared and preferred!
I hate that statement- it does not go far enough.
But you guys are still very young. Please don’t over spiritualize the pain a woman feels in regard to physical intimacy in marriage.
We are God’s creation. This isn’t applicable to sexual pain. Stay single and enjoy God’s love if that’s the case.
Hey Dave and Ashley. I’m 75, never married and not had children but I love the wisdom and honesty Jesus has given you in relationships and sexuality etc. You’re a breath of fresh air on the planet and who knows, maybe god is taking me to a place I thought I would never experience. None the less I pass this info onto others for them to learn the truth. God bless and keep it coming. ❤🎉😊
Awesome and very significant podcast regarding insecurities and how we are Masterpieces in our Creator's eyes and that is where our worth lies. It's even more sad that children who grow up in homes that aren't free to talk with their parent's about sex or their changing bodies, more so than the ever lying media and air-brushed pictures that kids and adults view. You two are effectively adorable! So happy there's a Christian couple on TH-cam infusing God's word into everyday, real life issues between married couples. May God continue to bless your wonderful channel.
Awww ....my late husband gave me the best and most selfless foot rubs and massages 💜
What a beautiful message
I know EXACTLY how that feels. I would give ANYTHING to be able to look through my husband's eyes & be able to see me how he sees me when he looks at my "outward beauty" , I have no confidence in my outward looks no matter how much I weigh, I came from a dysfunctional home where I was NEVER encouraged & it was always " damned if you do, damned if you don't " and if I list weight I was too skinny or if I gained, I was told I was fat.
When you guys were talking about chemical insecurities it really spoke to my heart because I am a mom who currently struggles with pretty bad PPD and I’m trying to get better but I just have a ton of mental and physical insecurities. It was really encouraging to hear that chemical insecurities do exist because sometimes I feel like I’m just losing my mind and I don’t understand why I’m feeling the way I am! Really love Your podcasts thank you so much!
Spouses should also learn how to accept a compliment, and to believe them. Ashley stated “you’re too kind” while her modesty is understandable, given a public forum, however I would suggest modeling or discussing how to accept, “thank you”. Not doing so can make the other feel that they aren’t believed. I do agree, most men do find their wives to be attractive. We just aren’t believed. Great video, I’ll be watching more, and will buy the book
Sometimes it's not what your spouse say to you about your body but how critical he speak about bigger or overweight people. It's difficult to not reflect on yourself and wonder if he jabs at you. I am very sensitive about that topic, I am not in my 20 year old body but my 50 year old body... not everyone have "good genes " in their ancestry. I feel that constant pressure to look great (young) all the time, for the rest of my life.
We don't have a soul, we ARE a soul. We have a body.
Awesome video. Thanks guys. Your conversations have been great for my wife and I.
So true i have always been insecure when i was married he was always looking at other women staying gone for days i went to jail the first 3 months we was married cause he was at a womens house
When we get to heaven we’ll all have abs
My husband did all the compliments making me feel he meant what he said, only to find out he's been into porn our whole 21 years of marriage! I had to go! Don't know I could ever trust again! Now I feel everything was a lie! He just used my body to satisfy what the porn had worked him up for......how do you overcome that and trust again? Trust is everything!
The person who needs prayer the most is your husband...I know your pain. I prayed for 7 years...7 years of pain and suffering but he overcame. It's the hardest thing I had to do but I wish someone told me this sooner. Fast and pray through the pain. Trust Jesus.
I'm not saying dont create healthy boundaries or even temporarily separate if need be but please draw near to God and dont let the enemy win your husband. We are all guilty...
I've already divorced him. Just recently. Too many lies. I just couldn't do it any more! There's no telling what all he's done that I will never know about. I've forgiven him but could never trust him again!
@@sherikinsey2125 Huuuuuuuuuuug. God and Christ will Bless you with a wonderful gent, should you ever wish to marry again, Ms. Sheri. I know that They will.
Porn is sinful and a trap of the devil. God made men to instinctively be attracted to a woman's body. Each man has to be taught to make no provision of the flesh and to make a covenant with his own eyes. Just because he had a porn problem, that doesn't mean his compliments were insincere, or that he didn't love you. We will never have perfect motives this side of Heaven outside of walking in the Spirit every second which is impossible and a constant battle. So, I think you have unrealistic expectations for what a husband is to do. In a perfect world, lots of things would be different, but Adam screwed that up and now we suffer.
Trust is a choice. Both spouses are sinners and both have to endure the struggles of the other. Christian vows of marriage are until death and God will hold you accountable for your vows. Only death removes the bonds of marriage with 2 Christians. While it's true that people get remarried and sin , God allows us to make free will choices to sin or do things God's way. A failure to trust God will result in failures to trust God to lead you through your sinful husband. There is nothing easy about working through betrayal and is only made worse by "hardness of heart" and refusal to forgive. God says if you don't forgive then He won't forgive you. Love is a choice; patience is a choice; trust is a choice; forgiveness is a choice. It is not a valid argument to blame your refusal to trust God on the sins of someone else. A good church will hold a sinning husband accountable. If you aren't serious about loving God, then just say so. The Bible says "If you love me, then keep my commandments", and in 1 Cor 7 is commands do not separate and do not divorce. Yeah, BUT... BUT... BUT... what about this? or what about that? If there is physical violence, then go to safety and bring church leadership in to disciple him and hold him accountable. If he's not a Christian, then you are unequally yoked and don't have a Biblical marriage, so you can let him leave if he wants to (1 Cor 7). Divorce from Moses is sin management for complete Heathens who are hard hearted. Hard hearted means foolish, stupid and insolent, so there is nothing complimentary about Christians divorcing. Hosea is our example to be faithful with a spouse who is a whore and completely unreliable and untrustworthy. That, after all, is how we are to Christ (as idolatrous whores), and aren't we glad that God doesn't abandon us? Again, there is nothing easy about it.
I am looking at finding a new spouse as I have been widowed for a year now and am really lonely for companionship. I am 58 and don't know where to start. I was with my wife since I was 17 and am pretty scared to enter that dating scene.
You could pray, visit churches and volunteering events in your community, and you could use a Christian dating site.
I was 98 pounds too when I got married 5ft 4inches too. I'm passed that now too lool
Oh boy if I was to ever address any of this,I would get screamed at and tells me to get out
❤
Husbands should enjoy each other and love them think there the hottest thing ever
What makes these two the experts? Or are they cashing in telling you things you all ready know
They are most likely sharing things that you can learn and probably already know. I think they are just really popular because they host conferences all over America, and post on youtube. Not a lot of peole share their experiences and what they learned. I wouldn't necessarily call them experts over other healthy married couples. With that being said, they do know what they are talking about, they have been married for a long time and people that do not know much can learn from them.
I once read a quote that said, we do not learn anything new about a specific topic, it is just presented in a different and new way.
Gosh, why is it always about pleasing a man? his vision? his feelings? I, as a lady, am very visual, sexual, etc. How about the tables adjusting? Men and women, ladies and gents, please one another. There are men who need to pick up their physical and sexual appeal, let alone their spirituality. This is an excellent broadcast, but it always seems to turn to pleasing men. How to win men over.
That's usually the way unfortunately...
@@missNCW Yes, Ms. Jenny, but it must change. Some men continue to drive the point of so-called differences from an emotional standpoint, but it boils down to societal emotional conditioning. You can make it seem so on the physical realm by physical bullying, yet you cannot make it fit in the spiritual realm. It's exasperating Ms. Jenny.
@@courtneykirk478 Do you mean this happens in the world in general or on this podcast? I've been listening to them for about 2 years and they have always been great at addressing the needs of both sides.
@@Godchaserforever1973 Both.
@@courtneykirk478 again I'd have to say this podcast has always kept it well balanced
I don't want to show my body to my husband because he puts me down every day..I feel embarrassed
Hello there, Tina. We are so sorry to hear of what you are having. Please feel free to visit xomarriage.com for further assistance.
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