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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 9 มิ.ย. 2024
- Do you have a narcissistic mother? Children of narcissistic parents go through their lives feeling confused and lost, and in search of love, they never received from home. They expect their mothers to nurture and support them, but when they are dealing with narcissistic mothers, they aren’t given the love and support that healthy parents provide.
Disclaimer: This video is purely for educational purposes. It is not designed to diagnose or suggest that your mother is a narcissist or has a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) because you recognize some of the signs in this video.
If you relate to this video and want to learn more about the signs of narcissistic abuse, we have a video on that too: • 8 Signs You Are Dealin...
Writer: Jade Hamilton
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10 signs you have a narcissistic mother(short):
1) She sees her children as her trophy or her pawn 1:36
2) She likes to keep control 2:33
3) She uses manipulation to get what she wants 2:56
4) Her love is conditional rather than unconditional 3:23
5) She often diverts the conversation to focus on herself 3:54
6) She lacks empathy 4:14
7) She is unpredictable 4:44
8) She carries grudges 5:05
9) She is emotionally volatile 5:33
10) She will never want to let you go 5:51
✨Hope you enjoyed video and i wish everything be good in your lives✨
Thank you for the list!! How do you feel about this video? :)
@@Psych2go I feel still confused 😅
This called care ! Protect and provide
@@Psych2go more of this type of vids please cause i can relate to it :')
Does this apply to fathers too? Because I'm afraid he's egoistical. He lacks empathy too.
Imagine being a Highly Sensitive Person as a daughter of a narcissistic mother.
Me. My childhood was hell and it has impacted every area of my life as an adult: all of my relationships and jobs have been disasters. The damage is so deep that it'll never be repaired even with years of therapy. At times the pain in my heart is so great that I'd like to end it all just to make it stop. I suffer from major depressive disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD, shame, guilt, self-loathing. My sister was the "golden child" and her twin; coupled with a narcissistic, alcoholic father, I sure hit the jackpot when it comes to family. I can't wait to die to escape this horrible life.
@@pamelalundgren8163 oh my god, I'm sorry. I really hope you get better. I can give you a virtual hug if you want tho!
HAHAHAHAHA... HAHAHA... HAHA... HA.....
oh shit that's me, isn't it-well, I'm just gonna burry that in the deep recesses of my mind and pretend I never came across this realisation!
Its hell
Me...
people who tell you you should always love and respect your mom because she’s your mom 😒 heck no
I love your profile picture 😳
@@allymellinger8542 damn i love yours as well
I agree 100%
||-//❤️
Yeah cuz they never experienced such harsh time with their family...
As a mom, I just want to say that I am so sorry to any child that has had to grow up like this. If you are reading this, and you have parents like this, I am so sorry. Parents are supposed to be a safe place for children. I wish that I could take every child in that needs it. Big mama hug, and lots of prayers.
Aww bless your heart,thank you so much for these kind words💌and your prayers.
Thank You 🙏🙏🙏
I'm totally with you! Fortunately for me! I BROKE my Cycle with my children! I made sure they ALWAYS have my love ❤ unconditional ❤. And still do!❤
You made me cry thank you
Hugs to you!@@satanicpicklegod9931
Started my path to heal my childhood trauma and I've come to realize that my mother is my childhood trauma.
❤
Same here.
Any advise
Same . I expressed how I felt and she literally said what do u want me to feel bad or something.
Same every time I try to tell her about it she tells me I’m playing the victim or her most favorite quote is “woes me”. Or she tells me I need therapy. And if I call her out on anything she yells at me and says your not going to make me your personal punching bag. 🥺
A narcissist tries to destroy your life with lies, because theirs can be destroyed with the truth
Truuu !
I have phsyco dad and this 100 true
He destroyed my mom's reputation and lost her allher friends :|
Thanks for sharing. Did you relate to any of these signs?
My mother always makes a point of how "honest" and "kind" and "generous" she is, that it's everyone else's fault for hurting her when she does nothing but help them, and for so long I took it all at face value because what else did I know? For so long I dealt with the guilt of _knowing_ I was one of those people who had hurt her, holding back when I felt hurt by her because she's been through _so much_ and I need to help her heal and atone for what I've done and all of that.
It wasn't until this year that I realized what a shameless liar she is and now I'm questioning everything about her. She makes herself out to seem so simple and sweet but she's such a manipulative monster who seems incapable of taking responsibility for her immaturity, cruelty or all around bad behavior, and I still feel bad for her given her childhood but I'm glad I finally see her for what she is.
@@Psych2go yeah
Ok but like since all of us have narcissistic moms do y’all ever hate being touched by them once they want affection or is it just me?
OMG THIS COMMENT. I hate when my mom touches me and she knows it. I feel so uncomfortable when she wants to hug me. I have felt this way for years.
I do. I hate it when she comes into my room, and in general whenever we have to stay close.
So true 🤣
@@null-wj1sd same..
Yes, definitely.
I confronted my mom once about her behaviour and she was like: "of course i love you, i give you food and drive you to school dont i?"
I’m 44 and in recent arguments my mum keeps throwing in my face that she drove me to school. Most the time I caught the bus but anyway , isn’t that her job lol
Similar but more so gaslighting that things never happened. I’m on my spiritual healing journey and learning most will never take accountability.
@@interracialkiss2023 my mum is overweight but comments on mine or offers me $100 per kg I lose. Yea F off mum.
@@danicali IKR like it’s literally the bare minimum requirement to be a parent lol. Do they think we should give them a medal? Lol
These So Called Mothers Are No More Than Loveless Articles,Closely Followed Be Psuedo Intellectuals 💯Please All Take Care👍Dr Les Carter ( A Very Fine Human Being) Explains All On Utube💯We Live Once More ❤
I will never forgot how I told my mom that the way she treats me makes me feel like I don’t want to live anymore, and she told me “you think I want to live with a daughter who treats me the way you do?”
It’s always about her. I’m thankfully no longer in that headspace, but she definitely exhibits all of the things in this video. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Damn! I *wish* my "mother" would say things like this to me!!!
@@wendi-bnkywuv you wish your mother would compare suicidal thoughts with you? Please seek help if that is the case.
@@FunfettiSpaghetti I am getting help, Don't worry! My dad is on my side now and I'm seeing a therapist.
What I mean is that I wish she would say these things to me so I could have confirmation that she secretly wishes me ill. Having a "mother" who is always "apologizing" with sentimental, lovey dovey (creepy!!!) letters, phrases, and who is talking about how "strong" and "resilient" their child is, and how "joy" I bring her doesn't give me the satisfaction of having proof that deep down she despises me. I'd love to hear that so that my suspicions could be confirmed. So I could finally have the ability to truthfully tell myself "I knew it!"
She didn't tell my dad how much she hated him and all kinds of other horrible things until he got a divorce with her.
My mom told me one time if my friends knew the real me they wouldn't be as supportive or like me...its always strange to be with my mother and with other people who care about me..its a strange feeling like I m living a double life...am I the awful person my thinks that I am when she is trying to gaslight me and make me doubt that others really like me or that others are just lying or am i really the person I am when my mother is not present? Was very hard when I got married and she had to be around our church friends who love us...its like it made her mad people like me. Made me very uncomfortable
Wow after you said you don’t wanna live anymore? That’s serious , bye !
a narcissist will also use phrases like 'get over it' or 'your too sensitive' because, to them, your concerns are trivial, and if its not about them, they are not interested.
Heard these both as a kid, as well as "suck it up", "stop crying before I give you something to cry about", "don't make me look bad", all the classics. Can't forget the time mom filmed me crying so I could see how ugly I looked either :,)
@@waitwhat6906 R u ok?
@@waitwhat6906 im sorry 😟, that must have been hard
Yeah
@@waitwhat6906 no way, my mom used to do that all the time lmao
Moms: *Belittle you, mock you, invalidate your emotions, play the victim when you criticize her, make any problem about her, yell at you, antagonize you, create a hostile environment for any sort of discussion to happen because you constantly feel like you're in a debate, having to justify every little thing you say or emotion you feel*
Also moms: Why don't you ever talk to me about your problems? 🥺🥺🥺I'm your mother, it feels like you're pushing me away 🥺🥺🥺
Legit
True 🙄
This is so on point! If I bring up the smallest thing she will have a tantrum about how mean I am etc etc.
Cut her out and now get emails about "we both were never good at communicating, why would you do this? I'm so sad now and there's no reason why!" Even though I sent her through the reasons?
Omg everything you said reminds me of my mother
YUP !
Everything is disrespectful when it's something she doesn't want to hear..I can relate to everything in this video!
Exactly.. I'm facing this same problem 😭😭😭
I also want to mention “I’m sorry I’m such a bad mother” that’s a phrase I’m very familiar with. It’s a guilt trip, trying to invalidate your feelings and concerns because narcissistic parents can’t bear having the fault being put on them so instead they put it on you. I hope everyone is doing ok, stay safe ❤️
My mom says the same thing
OMG my mom says that ALL the time. usually she makes excuses or downplays things and when I push and point out her wrong she gives up and say "Well, Im sry I guess Im a bad mother then!"
That's literally my mom's daily phrase
Yup my mother in a disagreement will put words into my mouth by stating 'oh so i'm mad'.... or 'oh so i'm a monster' its scary when she does that as it feels as if she's hearing voices (not from me). I always mention I didn't once say that, and those have never been my words...I realise im speaking to the brick wall at that stage. I so try to avoid these confrontations but she always finds me....like she needs her daily dose of conflict. Scary relationship for the damage it does to the nervous system. To the outside world shes a harmless elderly lady who wouldn't hurt a fly. ahhh
Just to add, I over the years ive put myself into therapy - im proactive with that and see it as healthy thing to do. I have spent so much energy on speaking about my mother relationship (not) that I now have no more I want to air as im tired of the dynamic..I've come to the conclusion I can not really do anything that will help this but accept that it is what it is and use simple strategies to limit connect with her. Its hard to do when you live with her but my experience of living away has been more positive so I know its my only goal is to leave her vicinity.
Every woman can be a mother,
But not all can be a parent.
I think you have this backwards
Yeah this definitely backwards
you got the right idea, just rephrase it
every woman can be a parent
but not all can be a mother
True..Why are narcissists allowed to become parents?
They say monsters are under the bed..
Sometimes It's the one that tells you the bedtime story.
I have a hard time believing that a narc would care enough to tell a bedtime story. Kids are trophies to them. Glittery when outside,neglected at home
Ur narcissistic mother reads bedtime stories to you? Wow
@@Jennifer-uh8th its just a say
Hope it helps 🙂
Did you get hugs too???😲😲😲
I cringe when my mom tries to hug me. And for a long time I didn’t understand until I read the comments and watched this video! Thank you!
My mum cringes when I hug her, one day I hugged her and told her I loved her and said go on, she said what? I said tell me you love me and she replied I love you but I don’t always like you. This was when we were having a good day.
YES. it feels fake and forced. so uncomfortable
Yes and I’m a similar vein, since I have grown up, my mom wants to be friends with me now. Like the Gilmore Girls. It gives me a literal feeling of disgust… how can I be friends with you now when you deprived me of love or any sort of human connection when I was under your care? It’s like she doesn’t know what she did to me. Or she wants both of us to forget it, or something. It grosses me out.
Hell, I've outright bitten her a time or two for trying, even when i was too young to "realize" what was going on!
Yeah. Knowing how hateful she really is towards me…I literally HATE IT when she wants a hug. I pretty much just stand there like a board when she wants a hug. Then she hugs me. I hate it so much.
My mother is a narcissist. She is jealous of me. And everything she says is negative 80% of the time. Even if you say something about something she did that's a fact she'll get mad and not want to hear her own actions. If she is in a bad mood she will take it out on you. She always hops in when me and my siblings are conversing. It's so sad. Like sometimes I don't understand why God let her be my parent.
I have heard people who have had NDE’s say that we choose our parents before we are born into this world. Why would that be? To experience the difficulty and emotional abuse of a narcissistic mother?
It's sad, I really feel your pains Faith. It's even more painful when you don't have any mature and understanding person to talk to because everyone would side with your mother and may even rebuke you and develop a negative perception about you.
@@kayblessed123 facts yes you understand completely ❗❗❗ smh happy I have people who can relate on this app.
I'm very sorry to hear about this. I have the same problem with my mother. It's like she's always hated me. Or wants me to be around her to be soaked in negativity. Goes on a rant for hours about the same negative things or people (which is almost everyday). She's angry at me, if I have a partner but with my older siblings, she's always treated her better. I honestly agree with your comment so much as we must put up with the same. I had to cut her off because she just full of negativity and anger and hate. Only happy with men around and then she's angry again. It's a tough and sad situation. I hope things get better for you.
@@tamiera_sxox I hope things get better for you too. I just know what not to be like for my kids .
Best description of a narcissistic mother: "I hate you, but don't leave me."
This is my mum
Yup... 😐
Bruh my mom always brags to me how I always follow in my dad's footsteps but not her, she always makes me do house chores just so she could tell her friends how I'm obedient but in reality I don't talk to her all that much except maybe when we have dinner now I'm freaking 20 and wanna go live some place near my college and she still begs me to stay with her despite her narcissistic behavior
I love you but I don't like you 😓
Yeah that's does mean "she hoping on us but kick our ass if not as expectation''
Couldn’t communicate as a child, as a adult i can’t speak to my mom about anything that is negative about her. If I do she cry’s and says I’m attacking her
Same 😞
My mom doesn’t cry she just stands there with a blank stare on her face. Which just makes me more hurt and angry.
@@willwest8270 Oh god, I call it the Ice Face. Horrible!
Same here i always wanted to share my thoughts but whenever i try to do it she never supports me
She got away with doing it her way,now she has no interest in remorse or change. Leave her alone! MMB
One time, my biological mother who is DEFINITELY a narcissist said, "Someone else gets all the credit, yet I get treated like shit". It's always about her. All the while, she's throwing objects at me, raising her fist to me, threatening to punch me in the face or throat, lying to me, gaslighting me, etc. She paints herself as the victim when in reality I was the actual victim.
Yeah very relatable. Somehow we were responsible for her emotions growing up.
Get away from that. That isn’t normal!
@@v2807 yeah, ik. Mind you, I'm adopted. She manipulated my adoptive mother at the beginning of this year most likely saying that I abuse her, I'm "disrespectful", etc. My adoptive mother was going to buy me an apartment this year. So, why should I respect my bio mom, who for over a year, manipulated people to get what she wanted. Because now, thanks to her, I'm in a group home. AGAIN!
@@prestonsaidno I am sorry to hear that. Why is your adoptive mother listening to your bio mother?
@@v2807 My bio mom forced me to give her my mom's number. That's when all hell broke loose.
I've just begun to show no empathy or remorse towards my mother. It's the only way to avoid her manipulation tactics.
Me too! When you realize as an adult you've been raised by the fkn DEVIL it's the only move you can make.
My mom will literally make me cry if I have a different opinion than her
I feel you
don't worry, you're not alone
Can relate to that.
omg true
Nah my brother does that. My brother is as picking on me cause I had a different opinion then my mom was defending him and said her own opinion that my brother agreed to then they both started picking on me and gave me this unbearable head ache 😒 I punched my brother on his arm to make him stop wasn’t there hard cause my mom “loves him” he’s like her favorite then he punched me harder 😒 felt like it left a mark he could’ve seriously hurt me cause he’s stronger I just wanna punch him on the mouth though 😭😭😭
Mom: don't lie to me! You should be honest with me!
Also my mom: * shouts at me when I tell her the truth about something *
Yes that's normal
Yes, *VERY NORMAL*
It’s very normal. We can’t expect parents to be cool w everything. You need to be comfortable w telling them and taking the punishment. It’s a part of teaching you. As long as they aren’t too harsh it’s no problem.
@@fluffysock7162 no it’s not normal at all. She tells me she’s always there for me and I tell her about my mental health. And she goes off at me and makes it about herself she’s actually genuinely never been there for me.
Mom: don't lie! You should be honest!
Also my mom: * lies like crazy all the time to everybody, shouts at me when I correct her thinking it was an innocent mistake *
My mother can’t compliment me without ending with “you were so much better as a two-year-old” because back then I couldn’t talk back.
I already knew she is the source of much of my childhood trauma but she hit all of these points and me :)
My mum never compliments me lol!
@@melodylove40 personally I’d rather take no complement than a backhanded one
@@arha13 That’s true
They idealize us when we're young because they can use us as bait for their narcissist supply. We're compliant and desire to please them. Once we get older and become more independent and don't do the things they want us to, they freak out. My "mother" included!
With my mum the abuse wasn't obvious it was subtle. She'd put me down inside the home, insult me and hit me. But outside the home in public she'd tell everyone how proud she was of me. That's how no one ever saw what she was like. If ever I spoke out about the abuse to other members of my community she'd say 'Alice misunderstands' or 'she doesn't think I'm the normal way'. She did this to hide the fact she was abusive. No one in my community ever believed me and thought that it was just average mother and daughter disagreements. I've broken away from that community now and am trying desperately to break away from her but it's hard when I've been in an abusive codependent relationship for so long.
MOOOOOD!
My mother acted exactly the same way you described yours did. It was all about appearances at all times. Even when I was I young kid, I wasn't allowed to get upset or even cry at all in public or I would catch so much hell as soon as we were alone in the car on the way home. It was so bad growing up that I adapted to just be a "happy" kid all the time and bury my actual emotions. I'm 38 now and I'm literally just now starting to figure out how to actually express my emotions in a healthy way without bottling them all up for years until they got too much and I would explode. Then after an episode of the emotions finally exploding out all at once I would go right back to holding them in again.
This was my mom. We just had a blowout where I confronted her about everything.
As I expected, the day after, she claimed I was the cruel one and how she wanted to hurt herself and went on with the gaslighting. At this point, I no longer want to talk to her.
Yep. Same. I've just cut my mother from my life as of 2 weeks ago.
Yea same.
Omg same. I cut my mother from my life last Friday. She kept gaslighting me and abusing my sensibilities. She has done so my entire life.
I am relieved to be done with her sorry arse.
For me It doesn't matter how much I talk to her or confront her, she will always play the victim ,
I cut my mother off 25 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did.
It always felt strange when my friends talk about their mothers and their healthy interactions, for a long time... I thought they were exaggerating or lying about that healthy love.
Then I realized that my mother was the narcissist and it was my family that wasn't normal
Wow.... I really thought I was the only one. I’m so sorry.... that stings like a bitch... I also really believed everyone else was just full of crap.. I’d often get jealous of girls I saw who were like best friends with their moms and always wonder why I couldn’t have that with my mom..
Exactly, one time I asked my classmate “Your mother doesn’t beat you? You have a weird mother!” I was in 1st grade.. turns out my mom’s the weird one
@Y2kBarbie
Ah yeah, the guilt trip thing always gets me, with the comparisons too :(
Yeah
same
My mother is responsible for everything that has lead up to this point. The long sleepless nights asking myself why xyz always happened to me. Why she'd always say xyz at me, or when I'd cry she'd snap back at me with "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. MY LIFE IS HARDER. YOU HAVE IT SO GOOD." responses. She's responsible for the fact that I'm now 30 but still feel like a terrified kid that doesn't have a sense of self and isn't sure if I ever did.
I sometimes wish I knew what life would be like had everything turned out differently and I had been blessed with a mother who actually loved me.
But at the same time, I think if I knew that truth, it would just break my heart further because it would never be a life I could have in my grasp.
We're all strong for surviving and pulling through.
Stay strong bro 👊🏻
Hey where are you from I have been through same exact what you are saying I can feel you 😭😭😭😭😭
I have imaginary friends that have never left and they constantly tell me (sometimes even in mild auditory hallucinations) that they're my real family, and have been with me my whole life. It's freaky, but welcome. This was perhaps my fill in for a "mother' that never loved me in the first place. So, in a weird way I had a good mother. Myself...wow that sounds narcissistic, doesn't it?
I could even tell at an early age there was something off about her pseudo affection! As a child I was more intuitive and aware of this, but growing up in a society that thinks people should always think the best of their mothers and that people who bad things are only "suffering from a mental illness" I gave up listening to that gut feeling. It never went away, but it was too repressed!
I've often wished to have outside validation earlier, but it wouldn't have much good. No one, not even my father at that time believed me. Since opening up to him and forming a much more stable relationship with him, I've helped him realize that he too was abused by her.
I can relate my mother when I wanted to tell her my problems she said: were do you have to worrie about you have everything. So ungratefull” and next day she would say: i love you i am there for you…
Mine would always mock me for crying , taunt, etc
I'm nearly 81 and my mother has long passed so I simply watched this out of curiosity since I have wondered. She is a solid 7/10 with mild action in all 10. So, yeah now I fully understand her. Thanks.
I'm curious to know how you felt when she passed.
Me too…
When i told my mother i was depressed, she said to me,"what have you to be depressed about"? If only she knew!😑
♥️♥️
I was molested for 4 years as a child and when a counselor said I was showing signs of being depressed my mom literally laughed it off. I understand exactly what that feels like.
Hang in there life is beautiful when you figure out you and how to handle you when it comes to others and situations
I feel you
One tome when I told my mom my andomin has a very sharp pain.She said GO TO HELL.
whenever i tell my mom i'm tired or not feeling emotionally well, she always comes right back with "YOU think YOU'RE tired/depressed?!" and proceed to explain to me why she feels worse and it makes me feel like i can't feel anything since others have it worse
Same here 😪
You have the right to feel everything you feel! Don’t allow anyone to take that from you!
100% even when I've been hospitalized for various reasons she sees this as a competition and is suddenly stricken down with something much worse! Keep your head up and meet your "family of choice" that's how to win at her sick game!
Help her out bro to lead a good life
Please be kind towards them and seek some professional help❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love you
It's always about them.
My wife and I just watched this video, and I seriously wanted to cry. My mother is indeed a control freak who sees me as an extension of her own, and she used to scream at me a lot, and she even hit me until I was 10 years old. So I did what she told me because I feared she would scream at me. I also feel like her love is conditional, as in she'd love me only if I did what she expects me to do. Furthermore, ever since I began my relationship with my wife, my mother never saw our relationship in a positive light, and we kept distance from her. Moreover, she acts like nothing is her fault. She wants me all to herself and she always tried to destroy my relationship with my wife. She even threatened to boycott our wedding and she even tried to ruin it. We eventually had no choice but to block her in all sorts of media. I've never encountered anyone so manipulative like my mother. I seriously feel like I don't have a mother anymore. When I was 14 years old, I even considered committing suicide because of her constant screaming because I got a score of 77 in an exam.
Good luck for everyone who had got this type of mother, you guys are great warriors because it needs a lot of courage to live with this type of mother because I'm one of the victim having this type of mother.😢
I can't even tell you what a relief it is to hear this. My whole life I've tried explaining this to people, and every time just being told, "It's just a mother daughter thing, no worries. Get over it." To finally know that it was never me, I was never the problem, is a huge weight off my shoulders. Thank you for doing this.
Exactly, my friends could never relate and they'd ask me if I did anything wrong for her behavior towards me.
@@Chirpieshome and sometimes you just wanted someone to listen
This is very common response for a lot of reasons. If you've never dealt with this type of behavior you can't relate. It's like trying to describe narcissistic abuse from a spouse that is covert and psychological. People just won't get it. It sounds benign a lot of times but is very manipulative and under the radar. That's why we need to validate our own experiences and not count on others "getting it". We can come on here and similar places to get validation and understanding.
Be careful when asking others to weigh in about narcissists, they could unknowingly be enablers for narcissists in their own lives and wouldn’t betray, or realize, that they’re biased
Mine exactly the same. Cutting off best thing ever!
My life story. Literally the most draining person in my life. Traumatizing
Agreed. At least we did not inherit the syndrome.
@@eileencornacchia8619 we undo it too. Deprogramming. It would be the worst to be like that person
Same it’s exhausting I’m tired … just push through gif myself tho❤️
Braaa. Exhausting AF
I know the feeling man. It's honestly torture
This literally is my mother like every single bullet point. Would love to know how anyone else here handles themselves after they have a conversation with their mother where she goes on and on about every single bad thing she could possibly remember about you
I just simply block her out unfortunately. That's the thing I've learned to do when my mother brings up all the bad memories about me. I distance myself and just simply focus on more important things. It's very difficult because I want to love my mother but her actions and words don't let me
@@samuel1655 I feel you brother. Struggle is real
@@samuel1655 I feel the same way.. Sometimes I wish I could just have a “normal” mother just like everyone else
I’ve lost so much respect for anything she says about me, because she fully lives in a makeshift reality built on delusions of her being a saint. So when she starts, I walk away. I leave the area if I need to. Nothing she says about me I take personally anymore because having grown up, I’ve finally started to see how pathetic she really is. Sees nothing beyond her little twisted world. I have to undo a lot of damage she’s caused but I’m done giving her any credibility.
I currently suffering from exact points and I'm helpless. I cry almost all the time
Ooo mine used to say "you're gonna miss me when I'm gone!" And would constantly try to use that on me when I was a teenager
My mom tells my brothers and I, "What would you guys do if we [your Dad and I] died?"
ooh how about “you’re the reason i want to oof myself” in an argument, then denying me saying that caused me trauma because I got to go on holidays in my childhood , then changing the topic to how heartbroken she is that that’s what i think about my childhood instead of all the stuff she’s done for me
"do you relate to any of these signs?"
no, I don't
I relate to EVERY of these signs
Same 😞
same...
Same. But we‘re not alone 🌻
literally
Same
signs you might have a 'narcissistic' mother:
She wants to control you. ...
She can't or won't validate your feelings. ...
Her love is conditional. ...
She belittles you. ...
She tries to manipulate you. ...
She thinks she is above the rules. ...
She is unpredictable. ...
It's all about how things loo
And she belittle and she underestimate you.
Thanks for sharing. Did any of these signs ring a bell?
@@Psych2go my mother controls me, love is conditional, she thinks she’s above the rules and most definitely manipulates me
@@Psych2go What to do....that's all in my mother. ...how can I get things normal? I WANNA BE LIKE OTHER CHILDREN, NOT CAGED ANYMORE! !!!
@@Psych2go Please help!
I have been living on my own, in an apartment with my friend. We both have had traumatic childhoods, on opposite sides of the spectrum. I often say I feel like a teen learning to discover themselves, because I know I didn’t have that experience. My identity is muddled, I am diagnosed with BPD.
I grew up with a narcissistic mother, and this video 100% explains exactly what I had to go through. Getting far away from her was the best solution for me and my siblings to start recovering mentally. For people who don’t understand, this video is a great resource to explain
"I'll move to your house when you get married so I'll take care of your children."
No way...
But she took care of you
@@Kwood10 when it benefits her and abused me when it pleases her
I got "you can have the entire upper floor and live there while you take care of us"
Ya like wtf
@@lesanimaux4416 i got that too! the result is that i didn't have any children and she doesn't even knock on my room´s door to come in...
Imagine what the relationship looks like if the child is gifted (musically, artistically) or extremely intelligent and the mother is not. How many brilliant young minds have been damaged by the narcissistic, jealous mother who could neither take pride nor joy of her child"s gifts. Even the accolades for the child can be used against them in vicious ways.
Thank you for your comment 😭
yeah it'll come to the point that the kid don't even want to do what they used to best at anymore
Yeah i never get motivation and love from my mother, at least proud for whatever i done for her in every aspect on the rest of my life T_T. Now i just have GOD.
Yeah we don't know what direction we suppose to be 😭
She'll find a way to destroy what you do, she'll make faces and even try to correct what you do, they're so skilled at making you feel like it's not good enough or say it's nice but it needs this and that but they'll never truly feel proud of what you do.
I m dealing with it.. My mother always use to say me that i should die..she always insults me in front of others ..i have been through it..
Thanks for the video..
10 out of 10!!! As a adult i am still trying to learn how to deal with her and heal. 😔🤦♀️
Stay strong and God bless. You are never alone. Sending Prayers.
No contact
Ah this feels all too familiar. I’ve talked with my dad about it, but we’re the only ones who see that side of her. She puts on a “nice mom mask” when she’s around her friends using me as her pawn.
Yep same here, seems like an angel to the outside world. Only people inside the doors know what the hell is up
My mom had that mask too but it wasn't a good one. Some people fell for it. One of my best friends told me years ago that the first time our mothers met, her mom called mine a bitch after we left lmaoo. And my mom had been going ham on sugarcoating and trying to look like the world's best mom.
Yup exactly how both of my boyfriends parents are.
Same here
Same here also, it's terrible having that type of mother and no one seems to think that she'd act that way since they don't actually know her truly..
My therapist actually told me that my mom is a narcissist and this video made me remember how much abuse I've been through. I hope others are able to find that help they need. Thank you.
But how.where can I find help . Even my tharapist ignored me😖
@@Chirpieshome thank you for your advice...
Lucky you!! My therapists always downplayed what my mom did to me. They told me that it was normal for us to have conflicts because I was a teenager and she was going through menopause. They all told me that I could not make her change that the only thing I could do was to change myself (ok, they're right about this). I still struggle with my mental health because there were many years of verbal and physical abuse, I currently take medication for depression and anxiety and it is hard for me to set boundaries to people. I got tired of looking for a "good" therapist, but I still work on my healing process by myself.
I tried reaching out to counselors and teachers when i was little even my dr and they did the same gave her excuses. Dont give up theres people willing to listen and help. Theres techniques you can learn to minimize the abuse if you havent gone no contact which is so hard but the best thing to do. The internet google social media youtube .. use it to research and learn and connect with people. Theres soo many of us who have gone through almost identical experiences and every experience is validated. Take back the control and get on that path to healing. Its been about 12 years since I learned what my mother is and though progress is slow ive learned so much. My heart goes out to everyone ❤
Literally the same, I'm really sorry bro
I was around 28-29 yrs of age when i found a strong interest in psychology. Up until that point i thought i had somewhat of a best parents (especially mom, im from former soviet country so the bar is not high anyway) ever and all my failures were totally my own doing. My whole world collapsed when i dove deep into personality disorders and their effects on children. Everything suddenly made sense and i found out that my mother is a perfect textbook example of multiple disorders but she masked them so freakin good. Before confronting my mother, i discussed the topic with other relatives and they thought i was downright insane for thinking that way. After confronting my mother about numerous mistakes made from her side, she just pulled up a major panic attack (it was more like hysteria tho) and blamed me for everything that has happened to her... it felt like i was responsible for things that she did well before i was born. I tried to help her over few years but it had ZERO effect, always ended up with fights. Luckily i started working in different countries since early 20.-s so i didn't have any problem with independency and i just relocated to another country and ghosted most of my family and it was the best decision ever. It still hurts when she tries to contact and pretend to care but all she eventually does is just complaining about everything and not even caring how I'm doing. So yeah.... you need to get away from parents like these, its freakin sad but once you educate yourself on the symptoms and recognise them immediately, it gets easier.
Thank you for sharing. Your story sounds like mine lol.
related to every single one of them. my mother is a narcissist and i’ve begged her for the last decade to go to therapy. she has never once made me feel like she was listening. she’ll never change and the more i discover about her the more i see our relationship as unredeemable. i’m going to move away and never speak to her again the second i’m able to
When I start opening up my struggles or issues to my mother she’d shift the topic on how she got it worse and how she struggled also but never complained. It’s like talking to a very self absorbed person.
it honestly feels like banging your fist against a wall without ever breaking it. it's too much sometimes.
Well that's because she *is* self-absorbed.
You can never tell them anything
Completely relatable....I used to feel that I was weak and I was suffering cause it was my fault
Literally this. I remember being bullied so badly in middle school and when I would cry to my mother she would divert the conversation towards how bad her childhood was..
I don't miss her.
I’m praying for anyone who has a narcissist in their close relationships, no matter if it’s a mom, dad, sibling, grandparents or friends. 🙏🏻
Thank you, it’s a struggle😔
Thanku so much.... ❤❤ bro
🕯️❤️
Thank you
Thank you
Growing up I was always told that’s her personality and I should accept her as she is, but I always thought there’s something abnormal about her. Unpredictable mood swings, violent and devastating rants, no accountability ever, gaslighting, control mania… Then I heard the word “narcissist” being tossed around so I googled the disorder out of curiosity. I was stunned as I began to realise my mother was ticking all of the boxes that comprise an NPD. It was certainly one of the most empowering days in my life. Finally, my experience and point of view was validated. There was indeed pathology behind, and I had indeed been treated unfair. And no, my mom and I hadn’t suffered from personality and ego clashes as I had always been told growing up. Rather, I was a victim of textbook narcissist abuse. I grew up insecure, with a lot of pain and prone to depression but the knowledge that my feelings were valid triggered my healing process.
When my Nan died (dads side), the first thing my mother told me on the phone was “I need to borrow your car later to buy groceries”. Absolutely no acknowledgement or empathy. Was so shocked. She also borrowed a large sum of money from me to buy a second home so currently can’t afford to move out. She is paying me back but I can’t believe I was stupid enough to do that!
I relate when I was in labour with my youngest son I owed her £10 from a few days prior which I knew I was going to give her back .. while I was bent over in agony in labour she drove me to the nearest cash machine and said give me the money or I’m not taking you to the hospital … it’s like I know you need it and I’m going to give it you but is this really the time ? All your care about is the £10 not caring that I’m in excruciating pain
My mom yells at me and screams at me when I do something wrong, and I dont start arguments with her anymore. But If I ever get the slightest bit of angry at her, she has to make it a huge deal and plays the "I WOULD NEVER TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT" card. It's like I'm not allowed to be angry at her, but she can hate, hurt, and resent me and expect me to be okay.
You weren't allowed to feel anger? I wasn't allowed that either, or happiness, or joy,... pride was to be crushed swiftly & thoroughly! The only emo I was allowed to feel was shame.
Both of you are spot on. If I was sad, it was “you have everything you want, you have no right to feel sad”. But if I was happy or excited, then I was being “cocky”. Literally every single emotion is not allowed to be validated. She would only seem understanding if it benefitted her in some way.
Now I understand why I always feel guilty.
If I make the slightest disagreement she changes her tone and starts to look mad and will try to start an argument by saying that she's right and I'm wrong period etc. And if I say anything back she'll huff and puff the whole week and look for anything to blame on me and any reason to take away my electronics and stuff.
Or when her husband shows some attention to me, and I dont even like the dude as a human(plus he makes me uncomfortable with his staring and trying to force me to socialise with him, and because he's egotistical), but she'll become more neglectful, jealous, and try to get her husband's attention back by doing weird things like wearing revealing stuff around the house even tho theres children. It's so weird to me.
@@ccpr15 my family started having family dinners for whatever reason even tho were usually on our devices during them(it seems like them forcing me to be around them to me) and they'd stare at me looking mad because I'm vibing not saying a word to them(but they know I'm not social and we dont get along well) but my brother straight up asked me why I'm smiling at my phone but he looked and sounded upset by it, I was just like "¿?¿" I looked at him but didn't really respond because my nmom did for me saying "shes just smiling" but she also looked like she was mad behind her smile.
There was also when my mom accused me of trying to get away from them by eating fast even though they know I've always eaten fast, but they're so paranoid by me. I did start skipping meals to avoid them though.
I feel bad for anyone that has a Narrccisst Mother,you know what it is to feel rejection,shame and blame and denial.....
@Joshua Guetzkow I hear you Joshua .
@Joshua Guetzkow what do you mean?.
@Jeon Jungkook I know..Pray..
With an added dash of self hate and lack of identity😎😂narc moms really know how to help their daughters(sarcasm)
@@artist2246 Yep,it is just sad...
I just recently learned that mother is a narcissistic or has this as a personality disorder. Growing up, she displayed all of these traits. She has been going to therapy the last few years and shes a bit better but her traits still shine through. I like to try and look at her conditions growing up and think what couldve made her turn out that way. I think she's likely copying off of the way her mother treated her and just passed it down to me. My grandmother is totally different now, because of her mother treating her the same way. Generational traumas are a real thing and my mission is to have it stop with me.
Great mission. I wish you all the best.
@@meddinaheeleen7618 thank you.
same literally 😭😭😭
Last year, I moved my elderly narcissistic mother in with us. She was also a hoarder and expects us to be the same way. It was a true battle getting her to let go of decades worth of junk. Her "treasures". She has a sick addiction to being served by us. Having us do things she can easily do for herself is her crack.
I stopped playing that game.
I don't have a single clue why my dad married my mom
I often wonder the same thing. I do know that he rallied after her death. He is in a nursing home, and was expected to only last a few weeks, but after she died, he improved greatly, and is still there, almost 8 years later.
That's on my mind too..I also hate my dad too as he allows me to be abused from my narc and narc aunt..My father is not around me growing up..
Sucked him in with her 'personality'
Gotta clue with mine...
Mom was the Somatic Narcissist.
Dad was the Cerebral variety.
Together, they formed the Destructive Duo.
My mother was a Completely Different Person with my dad than she was with me. Completely. Different.
My biggest piece of advice for anyone with a mother like this is to become self-sufficient/independent as soon as possible. Get out as soon as you can so that you can finally heal.
One day, I confronted my mom about everything. I poured my heart out thinking that she would finally acknowledge all that she's done if I show her how badly I felt about how I was treated throughout my life. By the end of it all, I was in tears. I was vulnerable. She didn't say a word and just started laughing. Since then, she's been dead to me as a mother. I knew I would never get true motherly support from her and I mourned the loss of the "mother" I thought I had but never did. I still talk to her, but it's very superficial. I don't share anything that is important to me with her. Oddly enough I still love her, but it feels different now. I don't allow myself to get manipulated just because I love her. I keep low contact with her and she will always be on an information diet.
Edit: I have friends who have the sweetest mothers. I consider them as my motherly figures. So, I went from having no real mom to having many amazing and caring mothers.
I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m happy that you were able to become independent and overcome your struggle . I’m craving freedom of living alone she really effects my mood and pushes me to be angery then processes to laugh at me. She’s always right and she could hit/ cuss me whenever she wants because she’s my mother. When she doesn’t get what she wants from me she would tell my dad to controll me by twisting things and details that way he could controll me and tell me to do whatever she wants since he’s already controlled by her. I feel like i’m not heared and feel like a puppet in this house . It’s so toxic that it makes me invalidate my emotions
@@TH-camuser10873
You're gonna need to make a plan and follow through. dont burn your bridges, but you will need to put your foot down to get what you want. i ended up moving in with my grandparents and they taught me to drive, i got a job, and was finally able to move on with my life.
i'd suggest talking to people who arent them: people you can trust. i mean i have a friend who for several years repeatedly mooched friend to friend until they got kicked out. had numerous chances to put a life together; but he just wasted it playing games, and doing occasional household chores. now that he's finally forced to move back in with his parents, he's finally got the message and moving forward. My advice, don't act on anger or spite; just cut out distractions and make a well thought out plan. also, be careful; you dont wanna trade 1 manipulator for another.
Why bother to keep contact? What's in it for you?
Mine plays us amongst ourselves, with the older ones constantly her body guards, it is tiring draining. I have learnt to ignore her, not listen to her advice buy I still show her love.
As a young child, I was very emotional, my parents would goad me into getting upset and once I was hysterical they would laugh, it was humiliating because I couldn't stop myself from getting upset and they seem to really get off on it, upsetting a 5 year old it's kinda of sick now that I think about it.
All of these resonated, but the one that hit the hardest was the grudge holding. My mother is terrible for this. She's even holding a grudge at an organization for something one of their volunteers didn't provide specifically to my great-aunt, from BEFORE my mother was born. It baffles my mind how she could have ended up like this!
My mother could probably tell you who didn't send a thank you note 20 years ago...or who didn't attend a funeral 15 years ago.
I'm trying so hard not to hate my mother. She has put me through so much hell throughout my life. She taught me to hate myself from a very young age. I'm just starting to love myself after 33 years. So sad. I wish I would've known my worth from the start. I wouldn't have made most of the mistakes that I have made.
Everytime I bring up something I'm having an issue or problem she always figures a way to bring it back to how I'm a bad kid or I disrespect her.
Yes!!!
Exactly! It happens with me too... She even not allow me to express my feelings.. Whenevershe notice my sad or angry mood she becomes angry and start scolding or yelling me with horrible things and at last she tell me that "keep smiling, because wen u smile it it makes me smile" At first I thought how how nice and warm my mom is.. But she is not.. Everyone is allowed to express their feelings but i am not, so whenever I have to cry i go to basement... 😔
@@SKhan-ss4mj hey bro. I know how you feel. I grew up with parents like that. Just know what your mom's doing isn't right. She's supposed to be your emotional support. Not the other way around. You shouldn't have to fake happy for her when you're not. Just know man it's alright to not be happy and be mad or sad sometimes. They're human emotions and they're not wrong. They happen and it's ok to express it. No one should make you feel bad for having them. Especially not your mother. Keep your head up friend. 💯💯Just keep goin and I promise it'll get better. Just persevere and just know
It's alright to cry😔 we all do it sometimes
@@blankfaceman9694 thank you so much.. I always wanted emotional support but I never got but now I am feeling like I am not alone 😢... Thanks bro..
@@SKhan-ss4mj anytime man!
Was raised in the evangelical Christian church, was always taught “respect thy mother and father”. Grew up and realized, respect is earned.
I was raised by a catholic narcissistic mother and would hear the same thing whenever I tried to express how she was hurting me or whenever I tried to cut contact.
63 years and this is my struggle! Among many others as I am sure you know
Respect is given freely to all. Keeping it through action is how it is sustained.
The funny thing is, that the Bible says "honor" not "respect". And honoring your parents is very dif than respecting them, just because they are your parents. Honoring your parents means that you are a good person and and a good member of society, therefore making your parents proud. ...It's really a big talk lol
Exactly
Gosh, my mother scored ten out of ten... well-done Mum! 🤮 Ages ago my then therapist mentioned she could be narcissistic and I didn't quite understand. I did get out as soon as I could however and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. I live in another country and I am successful: she alternates between showing me off and jealousy. Never ever supported me in anything, that's for sure. Nowadays she is being treated for cancer and loving the extra attention. I do visit her more often, of course: I get brushed off or love-bombed solely depending on her mood. Last time I saw her, she was in the love-bombing phase and told me she wanted to come visit to celebrate my 50th birthday. I had the presence of mind to say "no, thank you, it's not a good time work-wise, maybe come later?" But my guts were telling me: "why celebrate this milestone with her? Don't let her make this TOO about herself".
Things my mother has said to me:
“I’m glad you apologized sooner rather than later, because I don’t think I did anything wrong”
She is also very much in favor of my older brother. She babies him and loves all over him. It makes me jealous but I’m so worried about how she sees me that I don’t act out. She rarely gives me the time of day that she gives my brother, but when she does *it doesn’t feel right or normal* it just feels… uncomfortable and unnatural.
“Shut up, stop crying”
I have a small hammock swing in my basement, I used to go there to cry, she found out that I hadn’t done my homework yet and exploited my safe space. She verbally and mentally violated my trust and faith in her as a mother.
“I just can’t see what I did wrong!”
She often thinks she did nothing wrong.
“GET OUT” she was on a call when I silently opened her door to see if she was busy or not.
“NOT NOW” often in a harsh tone, she rarely has time for a question.
“I’m busy(X5)” she is definitely a workaholic and often chooses something else over personal time with me.
Me:(thinks about how beautiful a night it is in my very safe neighborhood)
Me: (also thinks about how my mother would definitely say no and make an excuse to keep me at the house because my brother graduated and I’m a year behind him)
Me: I think I wanna go for a walk.
Her: **judgmental silence**
Me: i-it’s just.. such a pretty night ya know?
Her: yeah but… that’s weird. I don’t want you to get shot by the neighbors or make them think that you’re weird. And there’s animals and stuff out there.
Me: animals?
Her: yeah. There’s coyotes.
Me: I just wanted some fresh air. I saw the fog and I really wanna see the Christmas lights through the fog!
Her: there’s bears
Me: mom, please
Her: (now turning to guilt shaming) I guess you could but **sigh** it’s unsafe. But if you think you’re an adult and you can go alone. Then go I guess.
Me: … (takes a shower and goes to bed)
Her: (comes to my room and tries to rub my back for a second) I’m sorry you didn’t get the reaction you wanted out of me. Anyway, love you
Me: **monotone voice** love you
Her: **happy voice** good night
Me: **unhappy voice** night.
I am 17. I don’t know everything. In fact. I don’t know what I think I should because of the way she sheltered me. She is overbearing and if I want to hang out with a friend or have a friend over she completely rejects it and thinks that we are better than everyone else.
Ever since I was asked to be homeschooled by my family I just don’t get the social interaction I need. And i used to try to change her but I just get disappointed by her now. Especially when she treats everyone in public like trash. All I can do is give them a “sorry” look. I’m just glad that *I* have to deal with her on a daily basis and not them.
My dad is amazing. But he’s on a business trip right now so…
Yes. Yes she *is* a Karen.
You literally described my mom. My Dad died and it's been horrible
I have to set my boundaries by just walking away. If I address any of her behaviour she takes it as a personal offense and walks around playing the victim.
I would try to do that and get screamed at for walking away, only to come back and get screamed at more for whatever stupid thing she was mad about that day. Nothing I ever did made her happy, and it physically pained me to not care as much as I used to.
Exactly😔 I can feel u..
Yep! Totally relate!!!
I do that too, but then she runs at me and shouts at me saying she was mid-conversation..
@@amandab9303 oh yeah and if I twist her words around and made her frustrated she calls my dad to “physically” abuse me 😒 he doesn’t beat me up he just slammed me against the wall and kicked me on the legs
My mother was narcissistic all the way, as far back as I can remember. She played with our emotions and made our lives a living hell. She died a couple years ago & we didn’t talk for 6 years before she passed. I don’t miss her at all, I actually felt relieved when she passed. I hope I don’t seem like cold hearted but I can’t help it.
Is that a picture of you and your parents?
I’m on the left, my granddaughter, my husband
@@deverene8 oh I see...I thought that was ur mom
I don't have any photos of her to share.
Don't feel bad for feeling relief, I know what you mean.
worst thing after breaking the contact:
the echoes of her guilt trips won't go away after years and you still feel like it's your failure.
I have a narcissistic mother who destroys my life. After a 4 years relationship I was going to propose to my girlfriend, a fantastic girl who my mother hates out of jealousy and the lack of ability to control her. I wanted the weight of my shoulders and continue my own life so I called my mother to inform her. She did everything in her power to break me down. She said all kinds of insanities, like that our potential kids would be retarded because my girlfriend was "weak". She manipulated me so hard, and actually made me question my relationship.
I had planned the proposal on a weekend trip and booked surprises. However, I did not even bring the ring. I was far too broken down and questioning my partner. This came to the attention of my partner since I was acting strange and saying that I was not strong in myself. In panic, I told her I had been broken down by my mom, that I do want a future together and was actually going to propose but didn't out of fear and manipulation.
My girlfriend and her family have supported me so much with my family, so this was a big betrayal, going back to my mother and letting her interfere and destroy with what we had built. Our relationship got to a dramatic end, instead of an engagement. In practice, I chose my narcissistic mother over my girlfriend and I will never ever forgive myself for it. My ex-girlfriend is the most fantastic person in the world and continues to support me even though I have hurt her so much. I hope to one day be strong in myself.
I’m so fucking sorry mate. This is exactly the sort of thing my mum would do too. You’re on the path to recovery. To be able to even acknowledge how much harm she has done is a big step.
Also, seriously consider cutting your mum off, permanently. She does not deserve contact with you. I broke away at 18 as soon as I could legally move out and it was the best decision I ever made. I felt so free
I’m so sorry that happened Erik. Is there any way you could explain to your ex girlfriend that you’d been manipulated by your mother for so long that you struggled to break free from it? But now you are free and that you love her and want to get back together? It’s so sad. I hope things work out for you.
It's so hard honestly. Like in front of people they be like mother of the year. But otherwise they are so different. As they wear a mask, the society never listens to you or tries to understand you.
YES!!! The Jekyll and Hyde bs wears. Me. Out. Everything is for show. I swear , the woman is why I have trust issues.
Everyone used to say what a truly good mother I had, and that I was an ungrateful child.
Ugh God yeah, means all my friends thought I was a lier/attention seeker when I literally just needed someone to talk to as a kid
Yes! Thanks so much for saying so, feeling validated. 🙃
I'm 23 years old and just moved back in with my mom after moving away for a couple of years for a job. She tells me that she's scared that I'll try to "run away" again. I didn't have it in me to tell her, for fear of what she might do or say, but I couldn't help but think, I'm an adult now. At this point in my life, if I have better career opportunities elsewhere, it's not "running away from home," it's just called moving out.
I had the exact same situation, I moved away at 21 and moved back home at 23 and she continues to tell me she’s also scared I’ll leave and run away again. So not healthy.
Mine used to cry dramatically over children’s movies then tell me she doesn’t want me to go. I know how my mom is so have no problem being stern with her as I’ve endured her bs for years. I simply told her. It’s normal you’re upset. Your oldest son is leaving home. However, you no longer have any say over what I choose to do with my life. You may be my parent but I’m old enough to dictate my life now.
I sincerely feel ya there. 21 now but was newly 20 at the time, I spent my whole life hearing my mom tell me she wants me out every two weeks, and then when I tried to actually grow up and move out before my job offer 2 hours away got cancelled because of COVID, she spent 7 hours volatile going back and forth from crying “I don’t get why you want away from me so much” to “I’m glad you’re getting out.” before just going to full time “I’m glad you’re getting out” mentality for the next week before the call came in.
Move out, don't ket her destroy u.
I never moved out of my mom’s house but my advice is to move out as quickly as possible. If you don’t, she will be manipulate you into staying. I have been trying to leave my mothers house for while now. I am trying everything possible to get away, I don’t like staying in this house with her.
As a daughter of a narcissistic father, I can perfectly relate to all these signs. Over 10 years ago, my parents divorced and his subsequent behaviour made me convince that I was basically the reason behind their divorce, since I "wasn't able to fulfill their (or better, HIS) expectations". And even after 10 years of therapy, I keep thinking that my parents divorced also because of me.
Nowadays, I somehow don't conceive anymore this man as my father, since I felt that he didn't really love me, but rather I see him as a stranger who somehow contributed to my growth...
And yet, at 25 years old, I feel as if I had never had a real father
Wow, you hit the spot with my mom... And now my sister is like that towards her kids
Who else's mom used to say things like "You can always come to me, I'm here for you", then get incredibly mad and/or beat you almost senseless when you actually came to them with a problem she didn't like?
Omg my mum is like this then she’ll try to blame it on my friends or me siding with other people. Well she doesn’t exactly beat me but she’ll use guilt tripping words to make me not do what I want.
Yep that’s both my parents I can’t go to them and when i do they show extreme rage towards a tiny stupid situation and i’m in my 30s and still get anxious and scared to think they knew of something wrong i did 😑
@@tiaryzi8853 my mom sides with random people against me 🫠 i’m always the one at fault according to her imagine how draining and traumatizing this can be
@@Cloudnine422 yeah I’m sorry for you buddy! Keep staying strong!
that’s what mine says word for word. if i take the bait, she then says she doesn’t want me to talk to her, even hanging up or leaving in a huff, weaponizes any information, engages in lots of gaslighting, etc.
I’m fucking 39 and I still don’t know how to deal with my mother so I keep her at a distance. I always tell myself she can’t be all bad I mean she raised me and I turned out ok. Truth is I think I turned out ok despite of her actions.
I will follow your advice
From my experience, you cannot deal with them without ending up feeling worthless. No contact is the only way. If I could, I would put a restraining order on her.
Same here. Yet I still
Live with her…. Idk it’s been hard thou
Keep an emotional distance. Narcissists will never change; they'll get worse before they get better. They'll die that way.
@@czernya307 you are exactly right
I recently found out my mother is a narcissist. My entire life I felt it was my fault - I was never good enough, smart enough, worth anything. I'm now an older adult and often wonder who and what I could have become if I hadn't felt I was so worthless my entire life. So sad.
I related to EVERY SINGLE SYMPTOM and I now UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING about my mother. Thank you for posting!!!❤
This really hits home. My mother was abusive and now I know she's also a narcissist. My own therapist told me to cut her off she was only continuing to bring me pain. Crazy
So if you won’t listen to your therapist who clearly has heard you, who are ya gonna listen to? Your “lying” Eyes?! Your lifetime of experience with her?!
*RUN NOW.* Otherwise, you are looking into the indefinite future of your same past experiences and leaving your decision up to the vagaries of medical science, an opportunity for an “unfortunate accident” (ahem, not gonna happen) and her DNA. These people become the wrinkled poster children for “Only the good die young.” They hang around to harass and harangue their adult kids and live wwwaaayyyyy past human decency (not that they ever had a modicum of such) and their Expiration Dates. They don’t smell any better, look any better or become any less hazardous to your health than the expired food in your kitchen.
Life was never meant that be a Life Sentence.
Me too.
@@tundrawomansays5067 mine sadly lived to 96.
My therapist gave me the same advice. It's good advise.
She would always make us feel guilty. I would leave her as soon i had a better job and place for my own. i know is very hard when we still struggle to depends on her or another narcissistic family because financial T_T. Be strong sis. You're not the only one.
my fbi agent needs to chillll cus they be recommending videos that are way too accurate😭😭
How many signs did you relate to?
@@Psych2go ALL OF THEM
😂 ikr
And ads 🙄
I know what you mean. Sorry to hear it.
My mother has always been trying to control me. Extremely altruistic, but also unbearable with the weight she puts on me: just the other day when we were shopping at the grocery store she always said that I took the wrong stuff for too much money and the stepfather that is bipolar even claiming that I threw the package into the cart so that it would break. And then there are hundreds of times when she would comment every behaviour, sometimes even in front of my friends. This is absolutely unbearable and I honestly dont know how to Deal with all this
talk to a therapist if she refuses to get one call social services im sorry
@@honeysenpai1767 yeah i am the only one that is in therapy for years. But yeah I think I could
I relate to signs number 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, and 10. I been studying narcissism ever since. I learned that she is a covert narcissist, and she is deceptive.
At 37 I’ve come to the realization that all my life my mother has manipulated me. I was never allowed to have problems, feel heartbreak and pain.....her problems were always greater than mine and thrown in my face. Always pitted against my father, my aunts and cousins. Constantly being told “your all I have”.......the list goes on.
At 39 I totally understand it was the same way for me . If something or someone genuinely hurt me I was being weak if I cried or complained, but she on the other hand can cry watching a movie that’s not even a true story and I’m supposed to sympathize with her
Same for me always pitted against my dad he isn't a saint but she isn't also but he never tried to turn me on my mom.
Same!!
@@mohit1399 Same for me. He did a lot of damage to me too but never ever tried to turn me against anyone else.
@@AK-pi4lr Yep, and I remember being forced to sit and watch movies with her.....movies I had no interest in. Then being made to feel guilty for not getting into them like her.
A feel like a knife is permanently stuck in my heart.
I feel you 😞😞💞
Relate 💯%
Ive been living like this for many years
I feel u buddy 😞😞..itz lyk dieng vid hectic pain in evry singl secnd of life!!!.Hope we cme out of this soon n hve happy n peace day soon buddy.
Yep - I feel ya :(
It's chilling how accurate this is.
*HA* I love finding videos like these. They always make me feel validated and comforted in my decision to completely cut my mother off last year. Our last conversation in May she gave me a fake apology and got passive aggressive when I pushed back. I told her every call we had up to that point was her basically harassing me. She took SO MUCH offense to that. Every single call was asking if I had a good job yet, how I was doing, and if anything wasn't to her liking she would go on her tirade about how I should do better, etc. So I finally put my foot down and said "I'm not like you, you need to understand that and accept it" and she, like an immature child goes, "okaaaaay.... yeah, I get you're NOT like me" and more disgustingly, tries to wrap up the call by saying she loves me. I explicitly heard her and did not respond because I knew that was the end. I just said "yeah. bye." then blocked and removed her on every single thing I owned. We went months without talking and at the end of July I missed 1 car payment, and she sent me an email calling me a DEMON of all fucking things, just because of that. How I'll ruin HER credit score because she co-signed. She has no issue with tossing abusive words at me like it's nothing. Like she doesn't understand that words have meaning. Then two weeks later I shit you not, on my birthday she sends me a package full of ~LOVE~ and how much she misses me and I'm her little princess. Fucking. Gross. Classic Love Bombing technique. That emotional whiplash is what I despise the most about her. It's horrifying and vomit inducing🤮
Finally in November she kept begging to come see me and talk to me. I told her no at first in the most civil way I could muster against someone so loathsome, but because she's a petulant child who refuses to be told no, she explicitly did not listen to my email and demanded to fly out and see me anyway. So I went fucking nuclear on her ass. Not only did I eviscerate her in my final email with my words, I *threatened her* I told her that if she, against everything I said still chose to fly out, would result in me not hesitating to call the police. File a restraining order and demand she respect my boundaries. After a few days, her retaliation was to cut off my phone plan. Oh, but not before having to pay off my entire phone first to do that 🤭Little did she know I already had another phone plan, I just need the phone paid off LOL. So yay, thanks?? 😂 Since then I have started the new year bright and fresh. A new person with all of the unnecessary fat cut off. I removed myself from my entire family and I refuse to look back. I feel so much happier and free knowing I can be my own person without having to live up to anyone's standards but my own. I can eat what I want, do what I want, go where I want, and fully experience all that California has to offer without any fear. I wish I had the courage to do all of this sooner in my life, but at 29 I think that's pretty alright.
My grandmother is a narcissist and I’ll never understand how strong my mom must have been before she finally left our house.
My mom gives me and my sister so much love ❤️
Same thing here!
Lucky, I fucking hate my mom AND dad 🤡
Bcoz she knows how it feels to be a child of a narco ❤
My mon was like that
And then became what she hated
My mother threatens to cut off all communication with me when she gets mad. I wish I could move out but I'm unemployed due to covid. I'm sick of the manipulation.
My mom made that threat and I took her up on the offer. Cut off all communication with her and it was the best decision , I ever made.
@@churchofpos2279 Congrats man. Hope ya have a great future ahead of yiu
@@smokeygotrobbed4909 thanks. It took a lot of stress out of my life.
Even when you move out, you have to watch out. Be firm with your boundaries. My mom criticized my brother in law and ripped his confidence to shreds when she stayed to look after the kids. They ended up hiring a nanny, but the damage between my mom and my sister's family was permanent. Not trying to scare you, but just watch out.
I think you can! Focus on doing well in school. Get good grades and apply to college.
I can never forget when my mom said "I Don't want to see your face anymore."
I never looked at her the same.. just knowing that she sees me makes me feel like i want to wear a mask, to cover up my face.
Once my mom got upset and made a comment to me and said with your ugly self…towards me. Never ever again in life have I ever felt or seen myself attractive. After all my own mother called me ugly. When I finally confronted her about it, later in life she denied. Both of my siblings recalled the incident. She then said well I didn’t use that exact word. Never apologized or acknowledged.
Iḿ so sorry!
i often wonder what kind of person i would've turned out to be if my mom didn't abuse me mentally, emotionally and physically throughout my childhood till now.
My mom hits all 10 of these...SPOT ON!!! But luckily for me I escaped the emotional trauma...My mom and Dad were divorced and my Dad ended up giving me the love and support I needed. We are TIGHT to this day. Love you Dad
Aww, so glad for you. ☺️ Everyone deserves love 💐
You are so lucky to have such a father. My father used us as shields and he was coming to us to ask for help and protection from our abusive narcissistic mother! As a 42 year old I still struggle with my emotions.
Lucky you my dad was a child molester and mom a narcisst
@@traceymurrell2712 I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you keep your head up the best way you can. ❤️
This is my situation, I am 9 months away from being free, sadly I am stuck living with my mom only seeing my dad bi-weekly but he is getting me through with what little will I have left
My mother used me as her trophy daughter for years. She showed off all my achievements cause it made her look good and when I stopped being good enough for her she tossed me away and neglected me. She encourages me to be better only because it reflects good on her not because it may benefit me. She terrifies me a lot. I'm scared to tell her anything because idk how she'd react. And when she gives me love, it confuses me because idk what she wants from me. She also uses her love as reward. No matter how much she abuses me I still want her to love me but it gets exhausting.
Aww I understand that 😢 you are not alone
You're not alone. Praying that you find strength and someone to lean on who really cares. It takes time to overcome these things and find the grace not to hate our moms but to forgive because they too are damaged like us. Peace and love to you🙏🏿
Tell your mom she is a trash because she is nothing without your achievement, parents don't have the right to show off their children's achievement because it is not them who achieved it
I understand u :( , now I'm even more surprised when she gave me a bit of love than when she stops talking to me, I get used for the second one
I feel like I don't want to hate her but loving her isn't healthy
I am nearly 50. I have been hurting all my life, being confused about the reason. All I could think was: " how could they allow themselves to do that to the kid they claimed they loved more than anything".
I was the golden child, and trying to make everything better for my sister.traveling between her and my mother as a diplomat - only to be mocked by both. I never understood why I felt so unbelievably rotten. I thought "maybe I'm too sensitive or too spoiled I can't value family more".
Only a year ago did I consider this narrative for the first time.
Only now am I strong enough to look back without "coloured glasses"...
I am struggling, it costs so much to muster the courage to look at all the memories I do have (lots is lost to me at this point).
Only now am I strong enough to admit to myself 'it wasn't you. your parents were simply rotten '
Looking at this truth is one of the hardest things I will ever have to do in this life, because as 'the kid' you have no choice but to love your mother.
The feeling I have the most is that I have been deprived of a real mother - I feel betrayed by her and by life. And I don't want to stay this way, it makes my life bitter.
Any suggestions?
First thing you have to accept you have narcissistic tendencies like your mother. It's by default you adopt her energy. Then think how can I better myself by accepting myself and forgiving myself through the works of Christ.
My mother to a T! She sent my siblings and I a video about how we should appreciate mothers and their hugs, I responded by saying she never hugs us and she came back with, “my hugs are special, when you make me happy, I hug you! Make me proud and I will hug you more”. If that doesn’t scream narcissism I don’t know what does.
literally laughing at all of these cause they’re so relatable , I thought this was normal
I did too. But now I'm older and I realize that, not only is she a narc, but that she has used my family members as flying monkeys. It's very lonely sometimes when she turns everyone against me
I was literally about to write a laugh so ye... Same =""" D
@@nowaynowau I cannot laugh at these. It makes me angry.
@@nowaynowau yesss.... Today I searched about this and its really hard to accept this... CUZ, I love my mom so much... But i gone through most of these signs.. Nd i was so sick of my emotional pain.. It was making me suffocated....
@@anasofiatorres4818 it makes me sad 😔
3 mins in and I can’t stop myself from crying.. I hope y’all are okay 🤍 it’s hard, but you’re not alone.
Didn't even know until someone said something about certain type of personality disorder that fit her(my mother) like a glove lol.
Hi. Are you ok?
I never thought my mom could be narcissistic, but some things in this video relate to her.
-She would take all my accomplishments to brag in front of others and when there was nothing more, she would push me into doing more things;
-i feel her love is conditional, as I have to be careful with what I say or do or try to please her to get some affection;
-recently, when I told her how bad I was because of a job she forced me to get some years ago, she played victim (focusing the conversation on herself) and then stopped talking to me for 2 weeks (again, conditional love);
-I also feel she lacks empathy (when I was sad, she didn't try to comfort me), but expects empathy towards her from others;
-she likes to keep control on what I do or not at home, like she doesn't allow me to do housechores, but then she would burst or complain to other about her doing everything at home.
Ironically, the one thing that she doesn't do is the "never wanting me to go": I've been gone from home several times (although I went back) and there wasn't any problem.
The damage has been done, the goals have been set,the seed has been planted,and the lessons have been learned.we must use what we have been taught "justifiably"
I always suspected that there was definitely something wrong in my relationship with my mother and the sad part is that since I was a child I have always thought it was all my fault for some reason, that there are so many things wrong with me. But now that I have grown up a bit and am interested in psychology and constantly learning about these personality disorders, turns out that I have a narcissistic mother who has been the biggest reason behind my self-esteem problems, depression and anxiety. It just feels so bad to know that I was indeed being manipulated and psychologically abused into thinking that I am the only reason for her to be miserable. I really just want to leave this house.
For me I didn't fully research and learn what the term "narcissist" meaning till LOCKDOWN. I always heard the term narcissist but never look it up. My mom is great at playing victim, gaslighting, starting drama, talking shit behind your back and etc etc etc. I just hope I get rich off from cryptocurrency investing and move out of the house.
I can't find the words to say how sorry I feel for both of us x You are valued - just reading this has helped me. Please get away from her, and live the rich and full life you deserve xx
Exactly.
Its always the false guilt that is the worst part. Even though she is the one who is wrong you'll always feel as if it's you or that you're being rude and not thankful enough of them. It makes you feel like you're the bad person whose trying to blame your own problems on her
@@Mia11223 the guilt thing is real. But it's not fair to you
I also thought that there was something wrong since I have a strong sense of self and didn’t let her take me down, I usually found weird patterns in her behaviour. But coming across stuff like this makes me usually wonder wether or not I am overthinking it or they really are like that (narcassistic).
I suffer from “the least favourite child syndrome”. Luckily, my brother who has “the favourite child syndrome” defends me agains my parents.
That's rare. You are blessed.
@@hopemccubbin8661 true she is blessed of that because same but he doesn’t defend
My brother does the opposite
@@Chirpieshome facts
You are lucky, my mother plays that card and my brother takes the card
they dont change... im 46 and shes in her 70's and just told me i "had to answer" her text ... I will never answer that text now haha