“accepting that you don’t have foresight” seems like such a simple thing, but i feel like it’s something we all need to work on. forgiving ourselves can be truly difficult at times.
"Sustained enthusiasm is much more rare than talent... It's cool to be talented, but it's not unusual." I'm training as a Primary teacher and have decided this is going to be my motto.
Most kids are enthusiastic about SOMETHING As a former "exceptional" kid, I realized just sometimes in my early twenties how ordinary I was - I was just enthusiastic about some specific things that go well with being good in most school subjects ... So many kids required more personal attention to flourish, I was just lucky enough not to be for example dyslexic
I have 2 pieces of advice for regretting decisions. 1. For bigger things, my mom told me was that you almost never regret things you did, only things you didn’t do. I thought about it a lot and 99% of things I regret are things I didn’t do. There are things I think of as having made the wrong decision but I don’t REGRET them. I think the feeling of regret mostly comes from missing something and if you choose something and then later you wish you had chosen something else, you have still learned a lot and it’s less a feeling of missing and more a feeling of knowing it was the wrong decision but it made you you. 2. If you are deciding between 2 things, flip a coin. If you feel a twinge of regret when which ever wins, then switch your choice.
Not sure I like her answer though… to me that sounds a lot like depression symptoms to me and isolating yourself is not going to help that it will probably make it worse… I mean a vacation and a slow down might help but also therapy and surrounding yourself with things and people that help you feel present in the moment
This video made me realise how much I’d love to see you become a docu-series presenter! Like topics ranging from Stacey Dooley level of serious, to Johanna Lumley/Alan Titchmarsh levels of fun and trivial!
one great way of making a decision is asking yourself whether it is coming from a place of *love* OR *fear* within you. it always helps me understand what I truly want and figure out whether or not I’m acting based on fears and conditioning. usually what you do while in a position of LOVE for yourself and everyone around you is almost always the right thing to do.
Re making decision: if I‘m chronically undecided even after gathering a lot of information, asking others for input etc., I just write each solution on a piece of paper, fold and shuffle them an then just let chance decide by blindly picking one. The clue is, my gutt will tell me, if chance picked the „right“ solution. And if I picked the „wrong“ one my gutt will also tell me, which one I should pick instead. (This method helps me uncover how I actually feel, when I can’t come to a decision rationally).
I know you’ve made a lot of good points here but Jesus Christ the cervical dilator will haunt me in my nightmares It’s like if Edward scissorhands became an ob/gyn
ooooh. really cool that someone you like / admire / etc voicing their reasons for NOT wanting to do a thing made you realize that its actually the thing for you? and that being great and okay??? i think i learned something!!! haha
To the person being miserable and wanting life to stop for a bit: I get you, please reach out to family and friends to start making things you do enjoy in the midst of a life you need to change. I agree with Leena's advice, but it would be detrimental to stop only to keep wallowing. The only way out is through, my friend!
I really love your life advice videos, I'm 41 and went through my 20s floundering around, it would have been nice to watch videos like yours back then. My advice to you for living through your 30s is just to enjoy them. I loved my 30s it was a great decade for me, I went back to school and started a new career that I love, traveled and just enjoyed my life. I think your 30s give you the time to really discover where you want your life to go and correct any decisions you made in your younger years that just weren't right for you as you got older.
about the question that was about wanting to "stop existing", it was really surprising for me when i found out that those thoughts are sometimes considered a (mild) category of suicidal ideation. it made me take those thoughts more seriously in myself! i'm obviously not qualified to diagnose strangers over the internet (who even is haha), but i just wanted to point it out. what helps me personally with this in the moment is trying to reprase it, so if i notice myself feeling like that i consciously try to think something like "i want to get out of this painful situation" (if that's the reason for those feelings) or "i want to rest" etc. also therapy lol!
Right?!? I heard that and I was Leena recommend for them to find a therapist not self isolate for a year! It’s so helpful to have a trained person help you get to the root of an issue even if you don’t have depression if something is making you feel that badly odds are you’ll need help and support to create the change you need
This was so wonderful but I just want to make a note for the last person that if it's something that you've felt for a long time and there isn't much reason, depression can form in ways other than being suicidal. I only say this because I've had friends who do this and it's like "you're depressed" and they're like "What, nooo, I don't want to kill myself!" but they see a dr and it's depression. I guess it hit something for me because it's the only context I've ever heard someone specify they don't want to kill themselves like that. I completely agree with the advice but depression can make a lot of that self care something much worse, be safe >_
I mean sustained/chronic exhaustion is a very big segway into depression so you definitely make a good point. It might be a good idea to see a doctor or therapist anyway, no matter what.
I've had bad depressive episodes before and have never been suicidal. The closest I came to it were exactly those "I just want to go to bed and never wake up / I just want to stop existing" thoughts. My point is that yes, it can absolutely be a sign of depression and also you can be very depressed and not be suicidal.
I just started therapy 2.5 months ago and I was shocked (and still kind of am shocked) that they found me depressed. But when once they explained it to me, I kind of get it logically now - but still weirds me out
*Gasps "I pretend that I am a undercover spy trying to learn stuff and take notes" - I feel so seen, and validated by this, given the university experience i had, and you hearing you say this, just flipped my whole narrative for me, thank you Leena.
The quote from Amos Oz really hot hard on me, whenever I'm really stressed out I always think about not existing for a moment, run away, go to an empty beach and just watch the waves until they're all there is in the world
The taking a year off to hibernate and not socialize seems like such a reasonable concept. I sometimes get really overwhelmed and need time off from normal dayily things and that has always made me feel as if i'm lazy and awful to others for not participating.
Whoever wrote this message about feeling like an impostor in their chosen degree... I feel you! I'm currently writing my masters thesis and I still feel stupid as fuck. But, to be completely honest, most students feel this way and this is why they fetishize name dropping so much. If you hear someone in class bringing up Bourdieu or Foucault's core concepts all the time, it's probably because they too feel quite insecure to be there and just want to validate their existence at uni with flexing their academic knowledge. Especially in Sociology, my degree, I feel like people always quote Foucault and try to sound extremely smart and I'm always like... Dude, we are currently talking about Marx. Stop being so insecure! I feel like Sociology in general needs a lot of logical, empathical thought. How would a person in this situation behave? You don't 'need' to bring up theories all the time. But unfortunately, this is the norm in social sciences. What I'm trying to say... Don't give into that voice telling you you're not worth being there and that the other students are smarter than you! Everyone feels that way (I think it's also part of how uni is structured, people aren't taught to think for themselves anymore but only learn old theories and are asked to quote them)
jeez leena you actually amaze me. like you're just genuinely so wise and kind in the way that you give advice,, you're so encouraging and you;re really good at building people up with your advice.
To the person who wanted life to stop and just kept crying, That is exactly how my depression looked. It's completely valid! Please, ask for help and remember that we love you.
Leena, you're incredible ♥️ there were so many things in this video I needed to hear... Especially loved the distinction between talent and enthusiasm!
Thank you for calling me out on being one of those people who still knows what year of school we'd be in! I don't voice it out loud but a part of me stores that information... Need to get out of that habit!
i recently got stared at by 7 christmas tree sellers and my entire family while they were waiting on me to make the decision of which christmas tree to get - i couldn't think & wanted to run into the woods, fair to say i needed this video 🎄
Me: tries deciding between going to uni or getting an apprenticeship... This upload (especially with that dark academia aesthetic) made me very excited
Oh wow i didnt expect you would cover my problem in the academia/expert/imposter section. Thank you! I realised i already decided to continue with academia i guess. Now i just need to get my grades better to actually qualify for uni (otherwise ill have some waiting time)
Thank you so much for making this video Leena! Definitely my favourite installment of the Agony series so far :) I really needed to hear your incredibly kind, sensitive and thought-provoking answer to the last question in particular. I’m so happy that someone as wonderful as you is making content for us all to learn from and find comfort in. Keep making such amazing, insightful videos! xx
The undercover spy thing is really helping me right now??? It kinda is making me slightly more excited about doing things I don't wanna be doing aka adult stuff. It's weird, I've been recently feeling this sense of loss for my childlike self?? Idk if that's makes sense but (I'm in my early twenties) it's like this period in my life is just a whole new level in life where I feel adulthood seems daunting and overwhelming. I'm sure I'll probably get used to it eventually 👁👄👁 I hope.
I've just found your channel. Don't know who your main audience is, but I'm willing to bet I fall comfortably outside most of the parameters. I'm male, 30, a banker, from the south east, 2nd generation West African, etc, but I could listen to you speak for hours. I feel genuinely mentally enriched after finishing your videos. You've definitely got a new subscriber.
13:35 - I have very similar views about a partner moving in... But, I do feel its worth mentioning that I think this decision should maybe be looked at differently for those that don't have an exit strategy... As in, do they have some kind of family/friend they can stay with if things turned bad, &/or do they have a bit of money put aside so that they can get themselves out of a possible future pickle? Like I said, my views pretty much mirror yours on this stuff, but I'm also someone who is very independent, & pretty financially savvy (to a certain extent haha, still a full time student)... So I can see how someone who maybe doesn't have those qualities/thought processes might get themself into some strife if things turned sour ❤ Wow, this ended up being a longer comment than I intended (its almost always the case when I write a comment on your vids Miss Norms haha) - All the best from Australia, & hope life in the midlands is creating many a smile 🌈
This is sooooo amazing Leena. I’ve never quite understood that thing where people say it’s really easy to feel like youtubers are your friends, but when I watch your videos I just feel that lovely cozy feeling of catching up with a really interesting friend who has perspective to shed on various issues. Anyway I love this, and I think it’s really important that part about how much pressure is but on “finding somewhere where you belong” when most of the time is a process
Yes, Leena, THANK YOU. I moved in with my partner during covid and like tbh, I don't see it as a big deal at all. I moved in with my friends plenty when at university, and my partner was one of my best friends before we started dating, so it just feels like not a huge "life step." My parents on the other hand are terrified this means marriage, and like a decision for life. I love my partner and am including him in my visions of the future, something that was the case regardless, but like oh my goodness, it's just sharing a flat. It's definitely a generational thing, though, I get that.
Your videos are so helpful and funny. And it's true: if decisions smush together to make little babies, those things are called consequences. Also: I ADORE this blouse on you. And also: Thank you for absolving me of all my guilts. I constantly torture myself with "I should have a proper hobby" and it takes the fun out of everything I do and actively blocks me from attempting to start some things.
I've recently figured out (with help from my therapist) that my issue is that I turn EVERYTHING into a project, and then turn every project into a huge, paralysing set of expectations that smothers me in anxiety. I'm gradually practising doing things entirely for their own sake, without any grand plan in mind beyond enjoying it. It's hard!
I just finished The Butchering Art: Joseph Lister's Quest to Transform The Grisly World of Victorian Medicine by Lindsay Fitzharris and delighted in the vibes this video is giving off.
This video was just the thing I needed to watch. Wintering and reforming yourself half-apologetically but genuinely is something I can relate to at a soul level especially during this time. We do need time to rest and let it just be that. Sometimes I obsess over wanting to create art or something beautiful out of my suffering and that tendency has been challenged this year. It’s made me realize how isolating from the self it can be to hold expectations of yourself and as you have put it, Leena, for your fictional future (or present) self. Thank you for the effort and love that you put into each of your videos. This one was especially enjoyable to me today!
This actually made me forgive myself for a past decision I regretted. I tried to remember why I made that (I thought wrong) decision, and I remembered my original logic for the first time in decades. And you're right, I do sort of agree with past me.
I just found your channel and I love it. It has kind of the vibe of children’s shows but for adults. Basically I am enjoying learning all the things you have to say!
The spy thing is SUCH a game changer wow. Every single time I’ve started a job, I find my enthusiasm waning as the novelty wears off and I suddenly feel like I’m an outsider who despite being literally hired for the role, has no business knowing listening in to conversations being held across me or involving myself in the workplace beyond my set tasks. If I at least transform myself into a spy, it suddenly becomes my business to know and do things, even if it doesn’t exactly change my “alien” feeling. Holy smokes, that’s amazing!
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you save lives Leena. Love you and your entire outlook on life, it’s an inspiration. I’m so glad I found your channel this year.
I think passions are as often cultivated as found. I don’t have any data to hand to back that idea up but it is very often the case that the more you learn about something the more interesting it becomes for you - particular if you are following your curiosity in doing so and learning for its own sake. I feel like this connects to the “sustained enthusiasm” point too, that it’s important to remember that your passions aren’t necessarily the thing you’re “naturally” the best at, they’re things that you have/can sustain enthusiasm for. Talent is about where you start from, but if you want to keep growing and doing something even when you know you are not currently the best at it that can take you farther than having an innate talent that you actually have little to no interest in developing.
option 2 of decision making is what i do but then like you said u don't know what you've got till its gone and i will always have the option of buying that chocolate bar.Love this video ❤❤❤❤❤❤
1. Your advice is so good 👌🏻 2. This museum/hospital is SO cool!! 3. You’re gonna make me wear red lipstick at home because I can 👄! 4. Yes I’m binge watching your channel😂
lol I love that you went over imposter syndrome, but instead of going "oh you're great even if you don't think you're great" you were like "There are a lot of people who feel extremely confident for a number of confusing reasons." That's great!
Thanks for this. I could listen to you talk about life for hours. Your humour is spot on haha And I'm sorry to be so superficial but that outfit is the bomb. Your style in general is amazing, you really have style, not fashion, and I admire that! (also, my style is quite similar and I wish I lived in England to have all those charity shops...)
As someone who has been considering the big life choice of doing a (publishing!) masters in London next year, this video just gave me more than one reason to maaaybe just go for it :)
so I was listening to your video procrastinating on finishing my first storyboard draft for a cartoon I'm trying to make contemating why in the world I think I can make it in the first place, and then you say that it helps you to look at the project from different perspectives, even your friend's one, and then ideas start hitting me and I go and finish the goddam draft. Wow. Thank you!
Option 1 sounds a bit like Kepner Tregoe decision analysis. You basically have a problem and a list of solutions and to find the best one you give each of the things that would factor into a decision (i.e price, availability, location etc) and give each of the factors a weight from 1-10 (price is 4 important, location is 10 important). THEN you put all the solutions through the model, scoring them all on the different factors (the price of this is a 2, the location is a 7). Do that for all the options. Then multiply the factor weight (1-10) with the score. The sum of all the factor x score is your total weighted score for solution 1. Repeat for the rest of the solutions. The one with the highest total weighted score is your winner
As always, thankyou leena. A lot of this advice was exactly what i meeded to learn (especially the pick ten pick 5 pick 3 pick 1 thing!!! My next movie date is going to be waaaay less stressful)
Fully stand behind option 3 on decision making. 2 massive life decisions led to this - the first was in the summer when wanted to bring me back from furlough but I was heavily pregnant. I was terrified and so made the decision based on the knowledge that we had - it will all be over by Christmas. I took mat leave as early as legally possible - 11 weeks. Now it's impacted me so I've got to go back when my daughter is 8 months, 5 months is when money runs out. That sucks but it was the right decision in the moment with the information I had. The other was choosing an emergency C section over delivering a breech baby naturally. I feel sad that I chose that but at the time I believed my daughter's life and possibly mine were in danger through natural delivery so of course c section was the right and only choice. Now I've done research and it very well could have been fine but I didn't have time to do the research as I was 4-5cm dilated and so had to choose with the information I was presented with.
As a history nerd who wrote her senior thesis on the history and professionalization of childbirth I was very excited about the shout out to Smellie 😂 😂
So I realized while listening to this that I am talented at a lot of things. It's one of the things that people first notice about me. But I have very little enthusiasm for any of it. At least, not once I'm done doing the thing. Also, I want to stop existing. I think the mindful cessation of activities is an absolutely smashing idea. Like just take off sometime from all of the projects, all of the things that are unnecessary. Planned downtime, with out ambition, sounds like it could be very grounding. And clarifying. I will be doing some thinking on this.
I've loved your content for some time now, however today, while I was binging some of your videos, it dawned on me that you are like a good friend I've been missing. I've been wanting a person to speak with that thinks about the same things I do, and challenges my thoughts in some way, and your videos provide some of that good stuff. God bless the internet y'know? I realize that what I'm trying to say won't fully come across the way I'm wanting it to, but that's the best I can do without getting into a long convoluted story about my past, the importance of friendship, and listening to varying points of view. ANYway, what I'm trying to say is - I really enjoy your work Leena, thanks for sharing. :)
When I had separated with my long term partner of 8 years, I knew, the day would likely come, when time have made thing to seem golden and I might miss the relationship we had. You know, as we just grew apart and I still liked him as a person. He was my friend prior to dating after all. So, I made pros and cons list of him as a partner for me. +2 very good, +1 good, 0 neutral, -1 not for me, -2 not for me at all. I never (now in 5 years) have needed to go back to that Excel sheet. It solidified the truth that we were not compatible so clearly that there have been no doubt.
I always watch your new videos months later and I worry it messes with the algorithm or wtv so I just want it known that I genuinely really enjoy every video you post! So even though this comment is 2 months late just know I was very excited for this new leena vid and I found this so relevant and genuinely insightful!
I've never been to London. I only know about the usual touristy sights but ohboy the Old Operating Theatre looks so much cooler than those! I will definitely visit as soon travelling is possible. (also, love these videos!!)
Sorry I'm late for the fun but I just thought of another tip about making a decision ) I think it might help to recall somewhat similar situation and similar choice you did in the past (if there was anything at least slightly similar to what's happening now) and make a decision based of how that previous experience played out for you. It kinda correlates with Leena's thought that bad decisions are often made when they are based on an imaginary future self and not on your current actual self which most likely won't radically change soon. Example: in the past I was choosing a faculty to study at and I made a choice based on my rational thinking, I chose German language which might help me in the future to apply for studying in Germany. And I absolutely hated it cause I wasn't enjoying the process at all. Then I switched to another faculty where I chose music as a specialty, and I loved studying there and loved learning about this art form. Now I again have a moment when I have to choose the subject for my future studies. And considering that music is a veeeery difficult field I'm having thoughts again about choosing something "practical", "rational". Here I am thinking of myself as if it was some other me that in some imagined future would enjoy doing, say, programming. Actually, I might in fact enjoy programming (I think) but leaving arts completely for something like that? Remembering how a similar decision played out for me in the past I can conclude that even though it's a tempting idea I will most likely not enjoy it and it will be a disaster. So... Here's your example. I wrote so much, gosh.
TO add to this discussion about passion: Do you think anyone is really passionate about statistics? Like really? No they aren't. They just started doing it in school, became good at it through hours of work, and then became something kind of close to passionate about it.
You can make a pro/con list and then do another pro/con of -not- doing the thing. Sometimes it reveals surprising things the original pro/con list didn’t!
eenie meenie minie moe - if you feel sad or disappointed with what you land on then that's not the right decision to go with and you want the other thing(s) more!
Sometimes I procrastinate watching your videos, Leena, because I know there's going to be so much good food for thought that I'll really want to pay attention to. I'm really glad I didn't watch this one until today because this was when I really needed it. I've been contemplating a big life change that I'm not sure my disabled body will allow me to make. It's been scary to start dreaming again after many years of having to prioritize survival, and as I've gathered more information about the change I want to make it's felt less and less accessible, so I find myself now in a sort of heartbreak limbo and this video met me there with compassion and understanding, which I needed so much today. Thank you!
Hey!! Just started but already so exciting👀!!! The place! The outfit!! Aaaargh perfect video and the content is also gold! Sadly premiere diesnt work on my tv app 😞 ❤️
Wow. I just found your channel today while I was bored and didn't have much to do at work. I had watched like 3-4 videos before this, but you said so many things that touched my heart in this video. I had to physically stop the video and rewind to hear it again at least three times. I've been feeling really lost and empty and not quite myself for the last year, but I haven't heard anything that has touched my heart the way that you did so thank you very much for that. You are a very kind voice and you say all of the things I need to tell myself in the gentlest way possible. I didn't think I'd be crying to a video in an old surgical theatre, but here we are team! >.< Thank you so much for your words of kindness.
I love that you are on TH-cam and I get to hear someone say all these things that most of us need to hear. I don't know the best way to express how I feel about your channel, but I appreciate you and I just wanted to tell you that, even though I'm am anonymous person you've never met on the Internet, lol. I appreciate you. You are a gem.
I'm going through a time in my life where I have to make lots of choices and I definitely agree with the points you've made about choices and about passions. I also recommend journaling when it comes to both areas: personally, it has always helped me clear my thoughts and understand myself a bit better
“accepting that you don’t have foresight” seems like such a simple thing, but i feel like it’s something we all need to work on. forgiving ourselves can be truly difficult at times.
Bold of you to assume I can’t time travel 😂❤️
yessssss
"Sustained enthusiasm is much more rare than talent... It's cool to be talented, but it's not unusual." I'm training as a Primary teacher and have decided this is going to be my motto.
Most kids are enthusiastic about SOMETHING
As a former "exceptional" kid, I realized just sometimes in my early twenties how ordinary I was - I was just enthusiastic about some specific things that go well with being good in most school subjects ... So many kids required more personal attention to flourish, I was just lucky enough not to be for example dyslexic
This felt like the coolest school trip ever
GREAT TOP AND YES SPREADSHEETS
I learned from the best!
I’ve been watching Hannah’s videos for years, and just started watching leena a few days ago, love the interaction ☺️
@@RinatP45 omg same
I have 2 pieces of advice for regretting decisions.
1. For bigger things, my mom told me was that you almost never regret things you did, only things you didn’t do. I thought about it a lot and 99% of things I regret are things I didn’t do. There are things I think of as having made the wrong decision but I don’t REGRET them. I think the feeling of regret mostly comes from missing something and if you choose something and then later you wish you had chosen something else, you have still learned a lot and it’s less a feeling of missing and more a feeling of knowing it was the wrong decision but it made you you.
2. If you are deciding between 2 things, flip a coin. If you feel a twinge of regret when which ever wins, then switch your choice.
I love agony leena, I get "quirky yet wise auntie" energy from this
hahah I'll take it!
On behalf of Ferguson’s speculum... I apologize
#AreTheFergusonsOkay
@@leenanorms omg lol this made me bust out in giggles - thank you both 😂
"Playing spy" has to be the most fun way ever to combat imposter syndrom!
I do this, except my character is an alien anthropologist. I study the human life forms around me.
Oh. My. GOD.
“I don’t want to die, but I want life to stop, but it can’t, so I just cry a lot,”
I FEEL THIS ALMOST EVERY DAAAAAY
Not sure I like her answer though… to me that sounds a lot like depression symptoms to me and isolating yourself is not going to help that it will probably make it worse… I mean a vacation and a slow down might help but also therapy and surrounding yourself with things and people that help you feel present in the moment
this made me feel calmer about things I didn’t even know I worried about
This video made me realise how much I’d love to see you become a docu-series presenter! Like topics ranging from Stacey Dooley level of serious, to Johanna Lumley/Alan Titchmarsh levels of fun and trivial!
one great way of making a decision is asking yourself whether it is coming from a place of *love* OR *fear* within you. it always helps me understand what I truly want and figure out whether or not I’m acting based on fears and conditioning. usually what you do while in a position of LOVE for yourself and everyone around you is almost always the right thing to do.
Thank you for posting this. It just gave me a moment of clarity
Re making decision: if I‘m chronically undecided even after gathering a lot of information, asking others for input etc., I just write each solution on a piece of paper, fold and shuffle them an then just let chance decide by blindly picking one. The clue is, my gutt will tell me, if chance picked the „right“ solution. And if I picked the „wrong“ one my gutt will also tell me, which one I should pick instead. (This method helps me uncover how I actually feel, when I can’t come to a decision rationally).
I know you’ve made a lot of good points here but Jesus Christ the cervical dilator will haunt me in my nightmares
It’s like if Edward scissorhands became an ob/gyn
THAT's a sentence xD
hahah sorry for showing it but... a problem shared is a problem halved???? Or doubled??????
Omg I'm cackling 😂😂😂
A C C U R A T E ! !
I do want to be an expert 😍 THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME WITH THE DECISION TO DO A PHD!
Good luck!!
ooooh. really cool that someone you like / admire / etc voicing their reasons for NOT wanting to do a thing made you realize that its actually the thing for you? and that being great and okay??? i think i learned something!!! haha
One of us! One of us! 🙆🏻♀️
YEY! Good luck on your quest, wise expert xxx
@@leenanorms thank you 💕
Oh my god, the pretending you're a spy thing...I've just realized that's what I've been doing at my job for almost two years 🤣
I just love these rambly videos on deeper topics. Such a breath of fresh air on TH-cam where most of the content is quite superficial.
To the person being miserable and wanting life to stop for a bit: I get you, please reach out to family and friends to start making things you do enjoy in the midst of a life you need to change. I agree with Leena's advice, but it would be detrimental to stop only to keep wallowing. The only way out is through, my friend!
I really love your life advice videos, I'm 41 and went through my 20s floundering around, it would have been nice to watch videos like yours back then. My advice to you for living through your 30s is just to enjoy them. I loved my 30s it was a great decade for me, I went back to school and started a new career that I love, traveled and just enjoyed my life. I think your 30s give you the time to really discover where you want your life to go and correct any decisions you made in your younger years that just weren't right for you as you got older.
"Avoiding making a decision can often stall your life more than making the wrong decision"...
Oof, that one hit too close to home ❤
18:20 - "Sustained enthusiasm is much more rare that talent" - I need to remember that sometimes... Especially now... Thanks Leena 🌈☀
about the question that was about wanting to "stop existing", it was really surprising for me when i found out that those thoughts are sometimes considered a (mild) category of suicidal ideation. it made me take those thoughts more seriously in myself! i'm obviously not qualified to diagnose strangers over the internet (who even is haha), but i just wanted to point it out. what helps me personally with this in the moment is trying to reprase it, so if i notice myself feeling like that i consciously try to think something like "i want to get out of this painful situation" (if that's the reason for those feelings) or "i want to rest" etc. also therapy lol!
Right?!? I heard that and I was Leena recommend for them to find a therapist not self isolate for a year! It’s so helpful to have a trained person help you get to the root of an issue even if you don’t have depression if something is making you feel that badly odds are you’ll need help and support to create the change you need
grounding these Q&As in such different environments is cool as hell, leena.
This was so wonderful but I just want to make a note for the last person that if it's something that you've felt for a long time and there isn't much reason, depression can form in ways other than being suicidal. I only say this because I've had friends who do this and it's like "you're depressed" and they're like "What, nooo, I don't want to kill myself!" but they see a dr and it's depression. I guess it hit something for me because it's the only context I've ever heard someone specify they don't want to kill themselves like that. I completely agree with the advice but depression can make a lot of that self care something much worse, be safe >_
I mean sustained/chronic exhaustion is a very big segway into depression so you definitely make a good point. It might be a good idea to see a doctor or therapist anyway, no matter what.
I've had bad depressive episodes before and have never been suicidal. The closest I came to it were exactly those "I just want to go to bed and never wake up / I just want to stop existing" thoughts. My point is that yes, it can absolutely be a sign of depression and also you can be very depressed and not be suicidal.
I just started therapy 2.5 months ago and I was shocked (and still kind of am shocked) that they found me depressed. But when once they explained it to me, I kind of get it logically now - but still weirds me out
@@imaginareality those are my thoughts and have been for years now, I'm a tad shocked by the accuracy
@@hypatiakovalevskayasklodow9195 I hope you get better and I hope you have a good therapist!
*Gasps "I pretend that I am a undercover spy trying to learn stuff and take notes" - I feel so seen, and validated by this, given the university experience i had, and you hearing you say this, just flipped my whole narrative for me, thank you Leena.
This is the peak dark academia setting I love it so so so much and I can't believe I never heard of this before
The quote from Amos Oz really hot hard on me, whenever I'm really stressed out I always think about not existing for a moment, run away, go to an empty beach and just watch the waves until they're all there is in the world
The taking a year off to hibernate and not socialize seems like such a reasonable concept. I sometimes get really overwhelmed and need time off from normal dayily things and that has always made me feel as if i'm lazy and awful to others for not participating.
Whoever wrote this message about feeling like an impostor in their chosen degree... I feel you! I'm currently writing my masters thesis and I still feel stupid as fuck. But, to be completely honest, most students feel this way and this is why they fetishize name dropping so much. If you hear someone in class bringing up Bourdieu or Foucault's core concepts all the time, it's probably because they too feel quite insecure to be there and just want to validate their existence at uni with flexing their academic knowledge. Especially in Sociology, my degree, I feel like people always quote Foucault and try to sound extremely smart and I'm always like... Dude, we are currently talking about Marx. Stop being so insecure! I feel like Sociology in general needs a lot of logical, empathical thought. How would a person in this situation behave? You don't 'need' to bring up theories all the time. But unfortunately, this is the norm in social sciences. What I'm trying to say... Don't give into that voice telling you you're not worth being there and that the other students are smarter than you! Everyone feels that way (I think it's also part of how uni is structured, people aren't taught to think for themselves anymore but only learn old theories and are asked to quote them)
jeez leena you actually amaze me. like you're just genuinely so wise and kind in the way that you give advice,, you're so encouraging and you;re really good at building people up with your advice.
Once one can safely attend social gatherings again, I will make some use of the feeling-like-a-spy thingy. Sounds really helpful honestly! :D
To the person who wanted life to stop and just kept crying,
That is exactly how my depression looked. It's completely valid! Please, ask for help and remember that we love you.
This felt like it came straight out of the BBC 😅❤️
Leena, you're incredible ♥️ there were so many things in this video I needed to hear... Especially loved the distinction between talent and enthusiasm!
Thank you for calling me out on being one of those people who still knows what year of school we'd be in! I don't voice it out loud but a part of me stores that information... Need to get out of that habit!
i recently got stared at by 7 christmas tree sellers and my entire family while they were waiting on me to make the decision of which christmas tree to get - i couldn't think & wanted to run into the woods, fair to say i needed this video 🎄
Me: tries deciding between going to uni or getting an apprenticeship...
This upload (especially with that dark academia aesthetic) made me very excited
Oh wow i didnt expect you would cover my problem in the academia/expert/imposter section. Thank you! I realised i already decided to continue with academia i guess. Now i just need to get my grades better to actually qualify for uni (otherwise ill have some waiting time)
Thank you so much for making this video Leena! Definitely my favourite installment of the Agony series so far :)
I really needed to hear your incredibly kind, sensitive and thought-provoking answer to the last question in particular. I’m so happy that someone as wonderful as you is making content for us all to learn from and find comfort in. Keep making such amazing, insightful videos! xx
I am very sad that this premieres at 4am my local time, but I’m very excited to have a new Leena video to watch when I wake up tomorrow!
The undercover spy thing is really helping me right now??? It kinda is making me slightly more excited about doing things I don't wanna be doing aka adult stuff. It's weird, I've been recently feeling this sense of loss for my childlike self?? Idk if that's makes sense but (I'm in my early twenties) it's like this period in my life is just a whole new level in life where I feel adulthood seems daunting and overwhelming. I'm sure I'll probably get used to it eventually 👁👄👁 I hope.
I've just found your channel. Don't know who your main audience is, but I'm willing to bet I fall comfortably outside most of the parameters. I'm male, 30, a banker, from the south east, 2nd generation West African, etc, but I could listen to you speak for hours. I feel genuinely mentally enriched after finishing your videos. You've definitely got a new subscriber.
13:35 - I have very similar views about a partner moving in... But, I do feel its worth mentioning that I think this decision should maybe be looked at differently for those that don't have an exit strategy... As in, do they have some kind of family/friend they can stay with if things turned bad, &/or do they have a bit of money put aside so that they can get themselves out of a possible future pickle?
Like I said, my views pretty much mirror yours on this stuff, but I'm also someone who is very independent, & pretty financially savvy (to a certain extent haha, still a full time student)... So I can see how someone who maybe doesn't have those qualities/thought processes might get themself into some strife if things turned sour ❤
Wow, this ended up being a longer comment than I intended (its almost always the case when I write a comment on your vids Miss Norms haha) - All the best from Australia, & hope life in the midlands is creating many a smile 🌈
This is sooooo amazing Leena. I’ve never quite understood that thing where people say it’s really easy to feel like youtubers are your friends, but when I watch your videos I just feel that lovely cozy feeling of catching up with a really interesting friend who has perspective to shed on various issues. Anyway I love this, and I think it’s really important that part about how much pressure is but on “finding somewhere where you belong” when most of the time is a process
pretending you are a spy, is the life advice i have needed from day one.
Yes, Leena, THANK YOU. I moved in with my partner during covid and like tbh, I don't see it as a big deal at all. I moved in with my friends plenty when at university, and my partner was one of my best friends before we started dating, so it just feels like not a huge "life step." My parents on the other hand are terrified this means marriage, and like a decision for life. I love my partner and am including him in my visions of the future, something that was the case regardless, but like oh my goodness, it's just sharing a flat. It's definitely a generational thing, though, I get that.
Your videos are so helpful and funny. And it's true: if decisions smush together to make little babies, those things are called consequences. Also: I ADORE this blouse on you. And also: Thank you for absolving me of all my guilts. I constantly torture myself with "I should have a proper hobby" and it takes the fun out of everything I do and actively blocks me from attempting to start some things.
I've recently figured out (with help from my therapist) that my issue is that I turn EVERYTHING into a project, and then turn every project into a huge, paralysing set of expectations that smothers me in anxiety. I'm gradually practising doing things entirely for their own sake, without any grand plan in mind beyond enjoying it. It's hard!
Thanks Leena. The whole not wanting to exist for a bit really resonated with me and I may take your advice and read wintering. X
I just finished The Butchering Art: Joseph Lister's Quest to Transform The Grisly World of Victorian Medicine by Lindsay Fitzharris and delighted in the vibes this video is giving off.
This video was just the thing I needed to watch. Wintering and reforming yourself half-apologetically but genuinely is something I can relate to at a soul level especially during this time. We do need time to rest and let it just be that. Sometimes I obsess over wanting to create art or something beautiful out of my suffering and that tendency has been challenged this year. It’s made me realize how isolating from the self it can be to hold expectations of yourself and as you have put it, Leena, for your fictional future (or present) self.
Thank you for the effort and love that you put into each of your videos. This one was especially enjoyable to me today!
This was EXACTLY the video I needed today. I just discovered your channel literally yesterday and I'm already in love with your content!
I think I made a good decision by clicking this video.
While we wait I suggest giving this video a big ol’ thumbs up 👍
This actually made me forgive myself for a past decision I regretted. I tried to remember why I made that (I thought wrong) decision, and I remembered my original logic for the first time in decades. And you're right, I do sort of agree with past me.
Emotional reumatism. Ok, so I will never ever forget that expression. Genius.
I just found your channel and I love it. It has kind of the vibe of children’s shows but for adults. Basically I am enjoying learning all the things you have to say!
i think this is one of my fave videos i've watched in a long time, even teared up a bit. THANKS PAL !!!
I love love love the idea of pretending you're a spy!
Just realised that I unconsciously clenched my knees together when that 8 PRONGUED BABY EXTRACTOR appeared.
The spy thing is SUCH a game changer wow. Every single time I’ve started a job, I find my enthusiasm waning as the novelty wears off and I suddenly feel like I’m an outsider who despite being literally hired for the role, has no business knowing listening in to conversations being held across me or involving myself in the workplace beyond my set tasks. If I at least transform myself into a spy, it suddenly becomes my business to know and do things, even if it doesn’t exactly change my “alien” feeling. Holy smokes, that’s amazing!
I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you save lives Leena. Love you and your entire outlook on life, it’s an inspiration. I’m so glad I found your channel this year.
I definitely have to forgive myself about not knowing what will happen....making decisions is scary sometimes ... But i have to trust myself
I think passions are as often cultivated as found.
I don’t have any data to hand to back that idea up but it is very often the case that the more you learn about something the more interesting it becomes for you - particular if you are following your curiosity in doing so and learning for its own sake.
I feel like this connects to the “sustained enthusiasm” point too, that it’s important to remember that your passions aren’t necessarily the thing you’re “naturally” the best at, they’re things that you have/can sustain enthusiasm for. Talent is about where you start from, but if you want to keep growing and doing something even when you know you are not currently the best at it that can take you farther than having an innate talent that you actually have little to no interest in developing.
option 2 of decision making is what i do but then like you said u don't know what you've got till its gone and i will always have the option of buying that chocolate bar.Love this video ❤❤❤❤❤❤
cannot get over how cool this location is!!
This is such a tease.I want this video now. I want to consume the advice now.
1. Your advice is so good 👌🏻
2. This museum/hospital is SO cool!!
3. You’re gonna make me wear red lipstick at home because I can 👄!
4. Yes I’m binge watching your channel😂
lol I love that you went over imposter syndrome, but instead of going "oh you're great even if you don't think you're great" you were like "There are a lot of people who feel extremely confident for a number of confusing reasons." That's great!
Thanks for this. I could listen to you talk about life for hours. Your humour is spot on haha
And I'm sorry to be so superficial but that outfit is the bomb. Your style in general is amazing, you really have style, not fashion, and I admire that! (also, my style is quite similar and I wish I lived in England to have all those charity shops...)
As someone who has been considering the big life choice of doing a (publishing!) masters in London next year, this video just gave me more than one reason to maaaybe just go for it :)
so I was listening to your video procrastinating on finishing my first storyboard draft for a cartoon I'm trying to make contemating why in the world I think I can make it in the first place, and then you say that it helps you to look at the project from different perspectives, even your friend's one, and then ideas start hitting me and I go and finish the goddam draft. Wow. Thank you!
Option 1 sounds a bit like Kepner Tregoe decision analysis. You basically have a problem and a list of solutions and to find the best one you give each of the things that would factor into a decision (i.e price, availability, location etc) and give each of the factors a weight from 1-10 (price is 4 important, location is 10 important). THEN you put all the solutions through the model, scoring them all on the different factors (the price of this is a 2, the location is a 7). Do that for all the options. Then multiply the factor weight (1-10) with the score. The sum of all the factor x score is your total weighted score for solution 1. Repeat for the rest of the solutions. The one with the highest total weighted score is your winner
As always, thankyou leena. A lot of this advice was exactly what i meeded to learn (especially the pick ten pick 5 pick 3 pick 1 thing!!! My next movie date is going to be waaaay less stressful)
Pretending to be a spy is absolute genius. SO many nuggets of wisdom in this video--thanks for making it!
Fully stand behind option 3 on decision making. 2 massive life decisions led to this - the first was in the summer when wanted to bring me back from furlough but I was heavily pregnant. I was terrified and so made the decision based on the knowledge that we had - it will all be over by Christmas. I took mat leave as early as legally possible - 11 weeks. Now it's impacted me so I've got to go back when my daughter is 8 months, 5 months is when money runs out. That sucks but it was the right decision in the moment with the information I had. The other was choosing an emergency C section over delivering a breech baby naturally. I feel sad that I chose that but at the time I believed my daughter's life and possibly mine were in danger through natural delivery so of course c section was the right and only choice. Now I've done research and it very well could have been fine but I didn't have time to do the research as I was 4-5cm dilated and so had to choose with the information I was presented with.
As a history nerd who wrote her senior thesis on the history and professionalization of childbirth I was very excited about the shout out to Smellie 😂 😂
That's such an interesting topic! What's your overall take on the professionalisation of childbirth?
So I realized while listening to this that I am talented at a lot of things. It's one of the things that people first notice about me. But I have very little enthusiasm for any of it. At least, not once I'm done doing the thing.
Also, I want to stop existing.
I think the mindful cessation of activities is an absolutely smashing idea. Like just take off sometime from all of the projects, all of the things that are unnecessary.
Planned downtime, with out ambition, sounds like it could be very grounding. And clarifying. I will be doing some thinking on this.
Agony Leena, you have made my day. Thanks for the interesting location, too! Lord knows I needed a change of scenery.
btw, you are aesthetically giving me major Mrs Lovett vibes in 9:22 LOVE IT
I've loved your content for some time now, however today, while I was binging some of your videos, it dawned on me that you are like a good friend I've been missing. I've been wanting a person to speak with that thinks about the same things I do, and challenges my thoughts in some way, and your videos provide some of that good stuff. God bless the internet y'know? I realize that what I'm trying to say won't fully come across the way I'm wanting it to, but that's the best I can do without getting into a long convoluted story about my past, the importance of friendship, and listening to varying points of view. ANYway, what I'm trying to say is - I really enjoy your work Leena, thanks for sharing. :)
When I had separated with my long term partner of 8 years, I knew, the day would likely come, when time have made thing to seem golden and I might miss the relationship we had. You know, as we just grew apart and I still liked him as a person. He was my friend prior to dating after all. So, I made pros and cons list of him as a partner for me. +2 very good, +1 good, 0 neutral, -1 not for me, -2 not for me at all. I never (now in 5 years) have needed to go back to that Excel sheet. It solidified the truth that we were not compatible so clearly that there have been no doubt.
I always watch your new videos months later and I worry it messes with the algorithm or wtv so I just want it known that I genuinely really enjoy every video you post! So even though this comment is 2 months late just know I was very excited for this new leena vid and I found this so relevant and genuinely insightful!
Haha aw thank you! I still see the comments and time doesn't exist so you're fine 😂
I've never been to London. I only know about the usual touristy sights but ohboy the Old Operating Theatre looks so much cooler than those! I will definitely visit as soon travelling is possible.
(also, love these videos!!)
Sorry I'm late for the fun but I just thought of another tip about making a decision ) I think it might help to recall somewhat similar situation and similar choice you did in the past (if there was anything at least slightly similar to what's happening now) and make a decision based of how that previous experience played out for you. It kinda correlates with Leena's thought that bad decisions are often made when they are based on an imaginary future self and not on your current actual self which most likely won't radically change soon.
Example: in the past I was choosing a faculty to study at and I made a choice based on my rational thinking, I chose German language which might help me in the future to apply for studying in Germany. And I absolutely hated it cause I wasn't enjoying the process at all. Then I switched to another faculty where I chose music as a specialty, and I loved studying there and loved learning about this art form. Now I again have a moment when I have to choose the subject for my future studies. And considering that music is a veeeery difficult field I'm having thoughts again about choosing something "practical", "rational". Here I am thinking of myself as if it was some other me that in some imagined future would enjoy doing, say, programming. Actually, I might in fact enjoy programming (I think) but leaving arts completely for something like that? Remembering how a similar decision played out for me in the past I can conclude that even though it's a tempting idea I will most likely not enjoy it and it will be a disaster. So... Here's your example. I wrote so much, gosh.
TO add to this discussion about passion: Do you think anyone is really passionate about statistics? Like really? No they aren't. They just started doing it in school, became good at it through hours of work, and then became something kind of close to passionate about it.
You can make a pro/con list and then do another pro/con of -not- doing the thing. Sometimes it reveals surprising things the original pro/con list didn’t!
These videos are a comfort, thank you Leena
OMG - I'm so stealing that 'pretending to buy a spy thing' That's so brilliant
Why in the world i only discovered your channel today? No wonder why I'm leaving my life in existential despair
This setting is excellent, definitely adding it to my list of things to do once quarantine ends
Trusting my self is a hurdle i want to get over
ooo can't wait for this !
eenie meenie minie moe - if you feel sad or disappointed with what you land on then that's not the right decision to go with and you want the other thing(s) more!
OMG, I do the spy thing, too! I think it's a great coping tool. 😉
Sometimes I procrastinate watching your videos, Leena, because I know there's going to be so much good food for thought that I'll really want to pay attention to. I'm really glad I didn't watch this one until today because this was when I really needed it. I've been contemplating a big life change that I'm not sure my disabled body will allow me to make. It's been scary to start dreaming again after many years of having to prioritize survival, and as I've gathered more information about the change I want to make it's felt less and less accessible, so I find myself now in a sort of heartbreak limbo and this video met me there with compassion and understanding, which I needed so much today. Thank you!
Look at you, girl!🤩.. Love it, well done 🤗
As someone who just started uni in a new country I loved this ahaha...definitely gonna start thinking of myself as a spy
i visited here a few years ago and felt so lightheaded after seeing the forceps etc section i had to go outside and sit down lol, horrifying stuff
Hey!! Just started but already so exciting👀!!! The place! The outfit!! Aaaargh perfect video and the content is also gold! Sadly premiere diesnt work on my tv app 😞 ❤️
Wow. I just found your channel today while I was bored and didn't have much to do at work. I had watched like 3-4 videos before this, but you said so many things that touched my heart in this video. I had to physically stop the video and rewind to hear it again at least three times. I've been feeling really lost and empty and not quite myself for the last year, but I haven't heard anything that has touched my heart the way that you did so thank you very much for that. You are a very kind voice and you say all of the things I need to tell myself in the gentlest way possible. I didn't think I'd be crying to a video in an old surgical theatre, but here we are team! >.< Thank you so much for your words of kindness.
I visited the Old Operating Theatre last year and loved it so much! I think we all need a year of rest after this year to be honest!
I love that you are on TH-cam and I get to hear someone say all these things that most of us need to hear. I don't know the best way to express how I feel about your channel, but I appreciate you and I just wanted to tell you that, even though I'm am anonymous person you've never met on the Internet, lol. I appreciate you. You are a gem.
I'm going through a time in my life where I have to make lots of choices and I definitely agree with the points you've made about choices and about passions. I also recommend journaling when it comes to both areas: personally, it has always helped me clear my thoughts and understand myself a bit better