Chapters: 0:00 Intro 2:34 Being Seen is the Problem 3:15 Neglect Is A Major Culprit 7:11 Stuck Around Creative Expression - Examples 10:13 The Bigger Story Around Neglect 12:51 Creative Connection During Development 15:46 Creativity Issues & Childhood Traumas 18:43 How Do We Get Unstuck? 19:09 #1 Normalize Vulnerability 21:04 #2 Lower Your Expectations 23:45 #3 Battle Beliefs From Childhood Trauma 25:20 Journal Prompt #1 25:54 Journal Prompt #2 26:36 Journal Prompt #3 27:10 Journal Prompt #4 27:44 Journal Prompt #5 28:27 Resources - Reparenting The Inner Child Course 30:25 Resources - The Artist's Way 31:07 Final Thoughts 33:11 Outro
When I was in 7th grade, my art teacher asked me if my mother told me that she called her to tell her about my unique ability to draw. I told the teacher, "No:" Later in the week, I asked my Mom if the art teacher called - she paused for a moment and appeared to be thinking. Finally, she said, " Oh, yeah; I guess she did, " and that was all she said. When I was in the 10th grade, my drawings were selected and exhibited at the Hudson Valley Museum in Yonkers, NY. Though we lived close to the museum, my parents never thought to bring me or themselves to the art exhibit to celebrate my drawings and/or my young life. In my 20s, I was actually talented enough to sell my drawings. Creativity helped me survive. Even though my drawings were celebrated by others, I never felt deserving of the praise because i could not get it from the people I wanted to accept me most- my parents. Instead, my mother would praise the artwork of our neighbor's daughter, and I would feel worse than ever .
This reminds me of a certain time as a kid...my Mom was busy and i interrupted her after a lot of thought.. I told her how my teacher praised me for my handwriting in class.. She kept on doing whatever she was doing and curtly told me how my other friend's writing is much better.. That careless reply.. specially she did not care about my friend's handwriting either.. It was just supposed to cut me down in case I was starting to feel good about myself
That's the sad tactic of toxic people, in my experience. They knew you were good, and they praised someone else's work and ignored yours on purpose. I still don't understand them, how can they do that and hurt loved ones on purpose, but I get that it's not personal. It's not about us being inadequate, it's them being so toxic and miserable. They want the closest ones being miserable too. I just need to remind myself that they will never admit it and keep working on myself. Remember that you ARE talented and other people will continue seeing it.
Do we have the same mom? Wow. I used to write and won a contest as a child. I don’t recall anyone being proud but I saved it for a while until I could no longer find the book. But I know my work is out there. It was never cherished by my mom and so I didn’t cherish it. I did my own makeup on TH-cam and someone asked me to do theirs for her prom. I did it though afraid and it came out so amazing. The girls grandma offered me a $20 tip! I immediately called my mom thinking wow she’s going to be so proud of me. I called and shouted mom mom you won’t believe this and I told her. There was silence on the phone so much so I thought the call ended. I looked at my phone it still said mom. I said mom did you hear me!?!?!? I was so happy. My mom replied…”you know I always wanted to do makeup. I’m so tired of people taking my dreams.” 😢 I never did anyone’s makeup after that, ever again. You aren’t alone. Lately I’ve been wanting to make TH-cam videos again, trying to remember my worth and hoping this video helps me too. God bless. ❤️🩹
my family are the same, I was really creative and talented in school, sadly my family dod not give a f, and then the other kids started to destroy my drawings and I lost all interest, dont vöbe as bumb as me and wuit your artistic jurney, remember dear your talented AF but your family are to stupid to see it
i've been creatively blocked for so long and it really takes all the color out of life. there's so much noise when i even try to start something. it's such an evil thing to make a child feel ashamed about self expression. that's one of the biggest parts of the human experience. this video resonates a lot. its such an important topic that doesnt get discussed often.
Oh man, I definitely fall into the trap of buying lots of items to start a new creative hobby and then never using them. Shopping for materials feels so much more comfortable/cozy to me than actually engaging in a new activity 😬
Other than shopping my other favorite thing to do with craft projects is organizing. I know at some point I do have to actually use them and I’m trying, but I used to make them for other people somehow not seeing myself as being worthy of one of them or worth the effort I think
Give yourself permission to "not do very good." Just do the process over and over again. And have fun with it. Give it to yourself as a gift. The school system's psychotic demand for illusory "perfection" is as much to blame for blocking people's creativity.
I do this too and it seems to be a whole thing for creative types and artists. I do however feel like when I do this it has a lot to do with 1. The subconscious stalling/ task avoidance which comes with ADHD when there is a degree of anxiety or doubt about what the project I'm buying supplies for is. Classic. 2. I'm also on the autistic spectrum and I have a very strong inclination to seek patterns and organize things. This can bleed into so many different aspects of my life, but when it comes to this scenario I may find myself having bought, for example, a new set of oil colors and brushes I really needed... then I find myself spending too much time organizing and sorting them by where the color lands on the ROYGBIV spectrum or the brushes by height, type, and purpose, on the right side of the shelves so they don't mix with my acrylic supplies 😂... man.
5 minutes into this video and I want to watch it but can’t because it hurts too much. I’m feeling ashamed of myself for not letting myself be myself for so long
Just try not to be another voice that beats your authentic self down❤ your inner child needs to feel safe, and the only way to do that is to get out of your comfort zone. Try it in small ways. Like, for me, I have a deeply rooted fear of being observed while I create something or express myself, because I experienced so much bullying from my parents, teachers and peers, I learned to stifle my self-expression, and never being comfortable showing others the ugly process rather than the perfected end result. Let yourself be seen/heard singing, let yourself dance a little while you're on a walk, do things that will look silly and do it with a determination to prove yourself wrong-that it's going to be okay, because everyone else is too busy in their own little world to notice what we're doing, and if they do and have a problem with it, they need a better hobby! Much love, and good luck! You are worthy, and the world needs all of our expression, that's what makes the world beautiful.
You’re not alone. I feel so ashamed for even wanting to find or be myself. it’s so hard to be at my age and feel so lost and embarrassed that I don’t know myself
My dad is a musician. Growing up my life revolved around going to his shows and sitting in recording studios. I looked up to him and got my first guitar at 5. My most devastating and vivid memories were when he’d come home and I excitedly said “dad let me show you the song I learned!!” And he’d say “no I’m busy”. Or “hey dad can you teach me how to play this song?” “No im busy” always “no I’m busy, get out”. I was in a band in my early 20s, 6 years ago, and he never came to one show. Oh and anytime I’ve showed him one of my songs, he gives me a critique. I relate highly to this video, never pursued my dreams because I’ve never felt good enough. Lots of self sabotage too.
@@lagomorph770seriously! My dad was known by band mates as being hell to work with. He was arrogant and verbally abusive. Everything had to be done exactly his way or he’d throw a fit. But reading through this comment section - we’ve all gone through it, in different ways. 🩷 at least we’re on the path of healing, it could’ve gone a diff way.
Oh! I am sorry you had to go through this! It sounds heartbreaking. Many warm virtual hugs to you and your inner child! I am a mum of a 10-month-old baby and if he wanted to show me a song he composed I would die of love. That's what you deserve. Best of luck with your dreams. We are on the right path! ;)
That would be awesome! I get stuck and then I self shame. I know I have CPTSD but I may also be on the spectrum of ADHD, my trauma started before I started school so the symptoms that over lap were always there.
I was both severely shamed and ignored about my creative talents. My creativity was never genuinely encouraged or supported. And creativity is the very core of my soul. 💔
I apologize for the length of this post but I really feel the need to get this out. When I was between the 5th and sixth grades, my mother had been in Kuwait for the previous 9 months as a secretary for the US Army Corps of Engineers. When she got back, she announced that she was marrying her boss, a Colonel in the Army and that we were moving to San Francisco. I and my whole family were from and lived in Kentucky, so I would be leaving all them, including my father behind. When we finally arrived in San Francisco, my stepfather sat me down for our first actual one on one conversation. He asked me what I wanted to do for a living and I told him I hadn’t thought of that too much but I enjoyed drawing, so maybe I would be an artist. He looked at me gravely and said “you don’t want to be an artist, you won’t make any money.” He then asked me if I thought I would be successful in life and I didn’t know what to say so I said yes. He then asked me why and I told him because my mother and father were. He again looked at me gravely and said “you really think your father is successful?”. I’ll never forget the disdain and dismissiveness on his face. My father had worked in the General Electric factory since before I was born. Here I am now at 43, working in a warehouse and playing guitar. I constantly have doubts about my creative ability and shame that I’ve not been in a “successful.” Career. It’s really hitting me how much this 5 minute conversation, 32 years ago has controlled my life since. I’m not looking for a pity party, but I hope someone else who reads this may realize that if a similar thing has happened to them, it’s not the truth and it’s not their fault.
I understand exactly how you feel. When I was about 6 or 7, my mom was talking to our neighbor in their yard & the neighbor was saying something like “oh your daughters are so talented at art for such a young age” (which was wonderful to hear by the way) & my mom replied with her usual “too bad the good ones are only famous after they’re dead.” As if a 6-8 year old cared about fame…it wasn’t enough that my sister & I enjoyed it for the sake of it. Or that we were good at it. No. What she cared about was were we gonna be rich & famous for it. When I confronted her about it last year, she said “I didn’t realize you heard that.”
@@NarrowPathDiariesThose things really embed themselves in a child’s mind. For them it’s just some easily tossed out comment that they won’t remember and the exact opposite for the child. So careless.
@@SB-kc8cl Yes it was. Even though it’s difficult to remember at times, especially while healing, is that it was all a reflection of them & their inner ugliness, not ours! Healing & love to you!
I don't believe in concepts like being "self-critical." Behind every critical voice inside us is the echoes of our parents, teachers, authority figures, etc, who criticized by word, action, and implication. You can't dispel a critical voice until you know where it came from, and society loves to victim blame... 😕
I've studied this area the last 6 years, to understand my life-long negative patterns. I think you understand what's going on more than anyone else I've listened to.
When I was a kid, I really liked to write poems. Once when I was maybe 11 or 12 years old, I wanted to read some of my poems out to my mother who was sitting in the kitchen smoking and reading a book. I remember how I started reading out a poem while she just sat there looking down at the table, gnawing her fingers and looking as if I would do something truly horrific to her. Then the telephone rang (back then it was still a landline phone), so she rushed out of the kitchen to the hallway where the phone was standing with a face expression of relief as if the call gave her the opportunity to escape from an awful and horrible situation. When she had ended the call, she came back to the kitchen and continued reading her book without giving me any further glance. I think I said something like "You are so impossible" to her and ran back to the nursery never ever showing her any of my poems and stories again.
Please write poetry! I have a similar story, and now I am writing with joyful abandon, as if it’s a wellspring of compensation and reward. I hope you will write with all your heart.
I was born and raised a Jehovah's witness. Since i was little creative experession was my identity. Over time going through sexual abuse as a child,neglect, cult influence,and as i got older toxic relationships, addictions, and mental illness, I've lost my way, isolated myself, haved self sabotaged, i feel like im in a fog like the scene from the movie "The Others" where Nichole Kidman's character gets stuck in the fog when she tries to leave her home and go into town. I cried watching this video but thank you so much for making it. I dont want to give up.
I haven't crocheted in a while because it was so weaponized, I felt that it was a craft that was an order, only in service of others. I think I want to make something for me for the first time in my life ❤
My creativity is stuck because I was my mother's dolly. I don't know what I actually enjoyed and was actually good at. I really believe she inflated my abilities in some hobbies to block me from doing other things. I felt like her little entertainer.
I feel this in my soul. Always my family's little puppet. When I moved out I had a mental breakdown. Didn't even know who I was without others' input/impressions of me. Discovering slowly but surely.
I haven't painted in such a long time. When my family saw that I was getting good at art, a pressure began to mount. Rather than being something fun that I did to de-stress, it became the meal ticket that would be the saving grace for the family. The most attention I got in my family was when I was doing really good. Amazing art, amazing grades, and amazing behavior until it became expected. Then I was invisible. I've been neglected and abused for as long as I can remember. It's hard for me to paint now despite knowing I need to. It's one of the only ways I can actually pour out my heart and get pain off my chest, but the mounting expectation to make a masterpiece exhausts me before I even prime the canvas. Then the shame of not painting and the pain of bottled feelings hits like a second wave. It seems to be a cycle I can't get out of.
This is my favorite video you've made. And you're right that creativity isn't limited to art, etc. I had no idea I was allowed to be good at science because my parents praised my drawing skills and acted like nothing else was an option. My ability to create in general was stifled despite the seeming support of art. I've recently tried writing short stories and learning science that I missed out on during school. I'm sad to notice how much I enjoy both- more than drawing. Dismissive adults were my biggest source of shame and a huge trigger still to me today. I grew up being taught a black and white world, not only this not that, but that the other one was downright BAD or disgusting. I know now how arbitrary and subjective all those little rules were. And I mourn the loss of exposure to so much of the world I know and love today.
The gold nugget I got out of this is how my thinking is outcome-based and I discount the process - which is the most important part, and what helps me discover more of who I am. Thank you Patrick! ❤
THANK YOU for pointing out the trap of being "OUTCOME-based"--and that following the PROCESS can free our creativity. I'm struggling with this right now.
It would have been really good to talk about those of us who were pushed too much towards the parent's creative vision for us, or even they co-opted our hobby or talent growing up as a way to show off themselves, so it became a projection of them wanting success themselves.
This is hugely significant. When i started school the teacher asked to meet w my mother. She was very excited about my first assignment because according to her my drawing and poem were extraordinary. My mom looked at the page causally and said "oh this is nothing. We all do this. " we got up and walked out. From then i "knew" i was nothing special , that there was never going to be anything important about my talents to anyone.
Everything you said.. I lived it. I was mocked, ridiculed and not allowed to pursue artistic hobbies as a kid, mainly because, as you said, I had to "perform" in other areas so that she could take advantage in it... yet.. here I am, at 33 y.o. I left for Paris and became there a producer and a music artist. 😊
"Shame attack" is extremely useful to describe what I've been struggling with for quite some time now. This is a great information, going to check out the Reparenting Inner Child course.
I felt very motivated to accomplish things when I was younger just to "prove" that I could do them and then I would lose interest. I was motivated for the wrong reasons to create and felt I lacked the confidence to keep pursuing the goal when I encountered any form of criticism or the process lost meaning for me. My creative blocks stem from not connecting authentically with my artistic process, not knowing who I am or what makes me unique or special. Also, being overly preoccupied with "outcomes" rather than the process itself. Even today, I just can't "trust" the process. I obsess endlessly about the concept and planning that in the end kills the initial inspiration. I am plagued by self-doubt. My parents were "creatively frustrated." Both had creative aspirations that never blossomed into fulfillment in a way they were satisfied with. I recall my mother not wanting to take me to drawing classes because my stepfather might find out! Crazy stuff.
Good points. The best way I get unblocked is to move my body so that I get into a flow type of state. My creative expression is working out and fitness.
THANK YOU I've always found DANCING to be CATHARTIC. I just started working out almost a year ago--to wonderful effect in terms of "un-spooling emotional knots" as well as physical tension. THANK YOU for connecting PHYSICALITY with un-blocking CREATIVITY!!!!
The Artist Way is amazing! I was in denial of having any creativity. So out of touch with myself . That book is like a workshop in getting in touch with yourself and your inner artist .
I am artistic, like my Mom. She encouraged it, bragged about it - until I grew up and surpassed her ability. Then she was in competition with me. Any painting or artwork I did as an adult, even a gift for her- a painting of her dog, she would paint the same thing, prominently display it in her house, and hide mine on a corner wall in her bedroom. It pretty much killed my desire to do anything. I have so many art supplies, and planned projects, and I can't get myself to start any of them. I'm 55 years old - why can't I get over this? When I get praise from any woman at work, or out in the world for something I've made or done- I feel like I've been slapped in the face
i am sorry. i wish you all the best-hope you find a way you can enjoy your art more. it's easy to say but i found EMDR to be helpful-(they can do a hands buzzer version if the eye stimulation method is too much) i appreciate you sharing.
This is very timely and unexpected, in a good way. Creativity never even crossed the mind of my therapists. Apparently "artists block" wasn't in their expertise. Very much appreciated Patrick ♥️
@@silverlagomorpha3177 I've had similar experiences. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar for years when I actually have a personality disorder. hopefully you are on the right path for you now. Much love ♥️
My Dad used to put my drawings in the kindling box, and I would retrieve them before they were used to start a fire in the living room fireplace. I cried a few times and then stopped leaving out my drawings for parents to look at cause they just took no interest in my ability or talent.
The experience for me is that, my parents, have never once trusted me, or in what I say, or my capabilities. I started out to become a designer. My dad has never once acknowledged my creativity or been proud that I’m a ‘creative’. My mom on the other hand, just shows off that I’m a “designer”, but both of them have never once supported me in my creative outlets. It’s due to my own hard work that I am a very small level designer now, and I’m stuck for a long time thinking all that I could have been, with the right support. It’s still aching me that I might never be fully accepted, no matter who I am. There was always SHAME instilled at every level of creativity, or even enjoying art. “Why do you even want to do this” is all I heard. When I wanted to go to a concert, he said “you should be the one playing in concerts”, I was 13. Feeling safe is crucial to be creative. Which I never felt safe enough to explore or to be wrong to learn.
I’ve never needed a video more than this one or have resonated with one this purely. You’re talking about my whole creative journey from childhood to college age to now and all the phases I’ve gone through and I can’t tell you my whole life story in a comment so I’ve narrowed it down to this. I’m finally coming out of being creatively stuck (in terms of writing and recording music in my own home at least) for the first time in years. Besides that, everything else feels really stuck. I’m supposed to do by promotion stuff and post on tik tok but I am terrified of going on camera and being in front of people and putting myself out there. I’ve hermitized myself for the last seven years and am trying to open back up to people, but i feel so exposed. And it’s so hard to put my music out there because not being noticed hurts, but being noticed feels terrifying too. I always wanted to take flute and voice lessons ever since I was in third grade but was never allowed to (I had to stick to piano) and for years I waited for someone to tell me I’m allowed to sing and am good at it. I started secretly writing songs in 2013 and was so scared to show my parents, and I sent one to my mom and told her to not show it to my dad. She showed it to him anyway and the next day he pulled me aside and sat me down and said this is “this is the most serious conversation I’m going to have with you. You are amazing at this and need to go after it and you have so much talent and you could be one of the greats.” he has since quickly stopped saying things like that over the years, but that one moment felt like the pinnacle of my life’s potential. My creative peak ended up being 2014/2015, and I’ve doubted I’ve had any left in me ever since. Anyway, this is so accurate. Thank you for so eloquently and accurately articulating all of my many thoughts and experiences.
pretty much sums up my childhood. my father hated when I practiced any instruments... he once told me that I should "practice that 'thing' outside" in regards to my violin... it was raining...
Remember, in most things you learn in a class, online or alone, there will often be a bully who tries to thwart your progress and even your interest. The bully picks on the failings of beginner's and mediocre people, yet these people soon overtake the bully if they haven't already. Thats because the bully makes no effort in improving as they are too focused on others, not the activity. The bully ends up as the bottom of the class and stays there. Nobody warned me about the bully and to rise above him or her until older. Now, I ignore the bully and go out of my way to avoid him or her. A lot of this devaluing on the learning curve comes from religious fundamentalism and the mainstream media. But you dont have to be good at something to enjoy it, especially in the early days.
This reminds me of how Lady Gaga was bullied for wanting to be a singer/artist by classmates when she was young. It's something she recently shared and it just goes to show that, maybe more than anything, resilience is worth its weight in gold and we should let nothing stop us from pursuing our creative endeavors
@DeniiseXflower1 I took dance classes three years ago, and it was a struggle to shut up those past voices in my head going all the way back to primary school when we had after-school country dancing lessons to recorded music. The teacher in charge was very strict and it put us off. But the ones saying how bad I was were even worse than I was at it. I dropped because of that teacher. Then, when I went to barn dances when I was older where there was a live band and caller, I instinctively knew the caller's instructions because of muscle memory.
From an artist, thank you. You've really validated a lot of the things I've been learning on my own the past couple years, and it really is about enjoying the process and not getting too caught up focusing on the final product. "The process is for you" is SO valid and something I desperately needed to hear. I feel like I've been growing by leaps and bounds now that I've allowed myself to enjoy the experimentation and expression of art, even when working by commission. If I feel a piece needs something, I do it. Because it feels right. My commissioners are putting their trust&faith in my abilities and I need to embrace that, not devalue it.
something I have experienced recently is that a way I get to reparent myself is that I get to go through that phase of making terrible drawings (I want to learn art, for real this time! 😂) and being explicitly overly kind about them. I get to see the amateur art for what it is, an incredible effort to keep learning and be passionate even if the final result is appropriately unskilled. It is appropriate to praise myself when I am “objectively” bad because I’m not supposed to be good yet. I haven’t had the practice to be good yet. I get to develop my critical eye (child role) and thank myself for putting the work in (parent role).
@@mxandrew Nobody is a master right away, and age isn't a direct factor either. If you are passionate and you keep with it, your perseverance over time will inevitably show itself. One of the things about being great at anything, is just... not giving up. :)
Outcomes are probably my biggest weakness because building validation from within is so difficult when you're isolated. Especially if you're trying to make a living or even just passive income to help a little bit financially. When results are praised more than effort it really skews the actual worth and expression of what you're doing.
I am from a family where it is bad to ''play", like you should be doing something useful at all times. Also I have been working on creating without having the expectation that it must come out perfect. Thank you so much Patrick!
My parents grew up dancing in community theater. Back in the 1920's people sent their kids to music and dancing lessons because there was no TV. As young adults, my father had a band that played on the same circuit as the band that Perry Como sang for early in his career, and my mother was invited to audition in New York for Radio City Music Hall. So, they were not superstars, but they were good at what they did. When I tried out for little theater I bombed because no one showed me how to study my lines, when I took choir, the talent of my choir was criticized even though we won a choir competition. My parents never taught us anything about their talent or how to identify our own and how to do well. It just stopped with them, and I could never figure that out.
Making art is the only thing that got me through my childhood. I could express my emotions silently shut in my room alone. To this day it's the thing that makes me feel most okay. Buying supplies is really hard. I can get myself to the store, ready to buy a couple of needed items, though picking it up off the shelf is so hard. Often I put it back, pick it up again. It just feels like a waste of money. In college my mentally ill dad suddenly died. Instructors kinda dismissed me, said stuff like "you're still gonna do your homework, right?", refused my requests for independent studies, kept it brief/distant/critical when I wanted to talk about conceptual ideas. More of the "you don't deserve this" feedback that I then internalized. Stretching my conceptual abilities & applying them is so painful, like a damaged muscle. Reading theory, discussing art formally, and writing/sketching ideas is fun and easy because it's not taking up space materially. Last night I was working on a painting and I was overcome with shame, started crying and ruminating intensely. Something that has really hurt me recently is my so-called mentor calling out my studies and sketches as "not enough", and the paintings I have made so far as not containing meaning. This was all behind my back, told to my boyfriend. After my dad died I looked up to this person while in need of guidance. He has helped me a bit, though hurt me more. This has been the ultimate trial of self reliance. I don't trust many people now, but I am still really good at painting and have the potential to excel. Still learning...
The complete opposite for me I’ve gone so far into the creative universe that I’ve started using kindergarten or third level type drawings and art to help get complicated feelings out due to trauma. I’m also writing so much, especially to my husband about everything that happened in my life.
I have a lot of feelings about this, I've also overcome a lot of creative hang-ups once I figured out how my tricky family warped my gift for art into a non-starter. I actually found "Artist's Way" to be frustrating and it probably only works for folks at a certain place in their healing. This video connects a lot of the dots for creative stalling that took me just too. freaking. long. to figure out for myself and I pray that it reaches all those other creative hearts aching to make.
I have written songs to some extend my entire life but it was only when a song teacher (I was lucky to be in a choir that provided solo lessons) asked me if I wrote songs and if she could hear them that I showed them to anyone, I was 16 then. She said she was impressed by them and didnt understand why I hadnt shown anyone them before. I still don’t really show my songs to anyone even though I want too It can feel really lonely to hide a big part of myself, it’s my biggest passion, but there is just so much shame and fear of being seen entangled in it. Idk how to create that space,I have never known how to make people see me without feeling so deeply uncomfortable And on top of that when I work on my songs I feel like I should work harder and be way better than I am at this point and sometimes the critic makes me not play for a long time. Thanks for this video, I feel very seen
Hey, why not publish some on TH-cam? I'd listen! You don't need any expectations whatsoever on quality - just post something. I started sharing my art this way, by sharing quick doodles that wasn't really anything before I'd muster up the courage to post something more proper. Whatever you can do to lower the barrier to entry would probably be a good step in becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable. It's a really sweet thing, sharing art:)
I doubt it was thoughtless, it was probably done as part of a wider strategy to keep you small, underdeveloped, dependent, familiar with being controlled.
My sister did that when we shared an apartment for five years. I took trash down to the trash room and all my High school artwork had been thrown down there. She'd taken it up on herself to go to my side of the walk in closet (the short side, of course) and gathered up all my sketch books and drawings and threw them away. No apologies.
This was so helpful. I have a passion for dance but I’m afraid of being made fun of, a passion for singing but afraid of hitting a flat note, and a HUGE passion for drawing. I have been working on a comic book since I was 12 but perfectionism has caused burnout. I’d like to quiet the critic and just have fun again.
Patrick you put your heart and soul into these videos. You don't have to do this but you choose to do this and it means a lot to this audience. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for sharing that it's not easy to sit in front of a camera and do these videos. I can understand that. When you speak I can see you and what you have been through. You don't hide it and act like you have it all together. I appreciate you so much and have shared you with other people. I truly hope that you and your family are doing well. I hope and pray that your practice is going very well. You are very special individual. Thank you so much.
I feel intensely shameful over wanting attention. [Neglect from substance abuse] it's so paralyzing I cannot start new hobbies. When I try to do something and know that if I did it I'd like to share it, it makes me feel so terrible for attention being part of the motivation. I just do not start like it's a punishment "if I can't act right then I shouldn't do it" but I don't know what is appropriate behavior and what isn't because of how little feedback I received and then all I got was abusive feedback for my adolescence. I don't know what is ok for me to feel and what is "bad" so I just don't do things to avoid accidentally finding out it was bad. It's a mindf*, I am too old to be so concerned with this but it isolates and physically impairs me
I got a lot out of this video, thank you so much! I made giant steps to put myself out there this month but have been suffering shame attacks the past couple weeks. For the first time I displayed some of my art at a bush doof festival. I also submitted a painting to a gallery for a fundraiser exhibition and it's currently on display. This is the first time displaying my art so publicly irl...ever? I forgot to celebrate...! To be fair, I tried to celebrate at the festival but apparently my throat chakra was so massively overworked that I got a sore throat, I've been sick for 2 weeks now with the raspy voice still persisting
this video hits again on so many levels. Ever since Ive watched your video on trauma personalities Ive experienced so much healing because it has given me a framework to understand certain aspects of myself. I never understood myself as a creative person but since Ive been healing, I started to feel a lot more creative. I have even picked up creative hobbies! And also Ive recently experienced what it feels like to "be inspired" for the first time and it was a marvelous experience. Thank you for continuing your work and helping me understand myself better!
I saw a therapist for a decade and I would ask why am I stuck and she'd completely ignore it. Needless to say that left me to be stuck in an abusive household 10 years longer than I needed to be. It makes sense now about how neglect makes you invisible so you don't participate in life. I'm very creative. It's how I survived. I'm not stuck anymore. I often wonder if she purposely kept me stuck in abuse so I'd keep going to her and paying her. After there was a death in the house due to abuse I left even though I was homeless and that therapist disappeared after 10 years. Now, I have a house on a lake and I am living truly my best life. Every day I thank God I'm not stuck in that abusive house. I never thought I'd get out. Every day I am not dead by the hands of my abuser is a success although to the world I do not look successful.
My parents never gave a crap about my art. All I can remember them saying about it was criticism or interrogation over why I'd made certain choices, then an "okay" or "but don't you think you should do it this other way instead?". They mocked my comic strips, especially the way I drew certain things or what I liked to draw comics about. They tried to force me to do other things than painting or writing, saying that if I had the time to waste on them then I should be studying (even though I was already a straight A student without any help from them or anyone else). I got a drawing in the newspaper and I remember being so anxious that I didn't tell them until the day after the paper went out. I knew we kept several days worth of old papers, though, so I knew we still had it. They asked me what I wanted them to do about it, like "So? So what?". I had to tell them that I wanted it on the fridge, because that's what I had learned that healthy parents did. A few days later they took it off the fridge and threw it out - not even in the trash bin where I could rescue it, but directly to the curb when the garbage collectors came so it was gone forever. When I asked them where it went, and if I could bring it to my room if they didn't want it anymore, they got angry at me and said that I was being unreasonable and ridiculous to expect them to keep it, and it was my fault they got rid of it because I never told them I wanted to keep it. Except I did tell them, and they just lied and said I didn't. The last time I painted was when I made a lovely landscape and sunset with clouds, trying a new technique I discovered where I used a lot of white space between the brushstrokes. I had to force my father to look up from his game to see it. I begged him to make a photocopy of it to keep in his office (I did not trust him with my originals after the newspaper incident - I was around 8 years old at this point) and he was very confused why he would "waste ink". Finally he had enough and told me to give him the drawing with the tone and look in his eyes that I knew meant he was going to crumple it up and trash it, so I told him I didn't want him to have it and it was okay he didn't make a copy and I didn't need him to do anything and I ran away. That's the last time I got my watercolours out, and I still have the painting. I never drew again, and only felt deep shame and self-hatred for not being good enough later in life when I had art class as part of school. I felt so behind, so worthless, so shameful, and so stupid for not knowing as much or being as good as the other people in my class, or as good as the teacher wanted. My teachers were awful, too. There was an assignment to write a story in the computer lab, and I wrote a sci-fi story based around the stories I was reading (I was an advanced reader). The teacher shamed me for the choices I made, the punctuation (I used for psychic communication instead of "", which is perfectly normal in fantasy books, but the teacher obviously didn't read any of those so she put me down in front of my entire class). Then I was surprised with having to read my story in front of the whole class, plus the teacher and TA and librarian. That was my first anxiety attack. After having my story torn apart by the teacher while I was writing it, I had lost my spark and all the fun in writing it, and I did not want to read it out loud to everyone; especially because I was very afraid to speak up, having been framed by my parents as an abuser for simply speaking (I was accused of interrupting when I wasn't, or bullied for saying the wrong things, bullied for "wanting attention"...). I desperately tried to get out of the class when my story was on top of the pile, so I wouldn't have to read it, but I was having such an anxiety attack I couldn't even see clearly. I ended up going to the bathroom three times to try and avoid it. The memory of me actually reading that story is completely blocked out, I do not know what happened from the last time I went to the bathroom to the end of that week. I don't even remember how I did on that assignment, when I remember how I did on most other impactful ones. It didn't help that I was far above the rest of my peers in being creative, reading, writing, and so on. I think literally everyone else in my class either wrote a story about princesses or hockey. I wrote a story about a space station that was a hub for members of many different species dealing with some kind of infiltration. Clearly, I was far above my age; the problem was, nobody supported me, and instead put me down. I often had the correct answer in class, I knew things that even the teachers didn't, I corrected them when they made mistakes because I was much more detail-oriented, I was curious, I was intelligent... and I was always put down for it. Abusive teachers got furious that I'd read something they put down right next to my desk out of curiosity (I never touched it). When I offered the correct answer I'd often be put down or mocked or told I needed to do better; then someone else would say the exact thing I said and it would be correct, just I was quiet from being bullied at home so the teachers couldn't hear me correctly. Any mistakes I made would be shamed in public. Even in college, 10 minutes after the calculus prof said "you can always ask questions, there's no stupid questions" I asked for clarification for something and he shamed me in front of the whole class for "not paying attention" and used me as a negative example. I have a hearing disability and he only said it one time, so that was a real shame-attack moment for me where I felt like I was inherently not good enough. Now, I feel so far behind others in all creative exploits, even if they've spent less time on it than I have. I know that it's because I am still afraid to express myself, so my skill level appears lower than it is, and also because I spend so much time and energy handling my parents, but I still feel totally worthless and full of shame. How could I be proud of anything I do when I'm so used to being confident and then getting emotionally clobbered? How can I express myself and enjoy what I do when I'm so used to me being earnest and doing my best and then getting savagely bullied, including how I'm stupid for not noticing something wrong with my creation or a moron for not doing it better or a bad person for my choice of content or being used as a negative example for something I did wrong (or even just a stylistic choice I consciously made different than how someone else wanted). When I speak up and share my understanding and get told I'm wrong and called "new" to something I've been practicing for years. Just seeing someone know something I don't, or be better at a certain aspect of a creative field than I am, fills me with intense shame and impostor syndrome and the feeling that everyone can see right through everything I do and knows I'm a horrible empty person who just can't do anything right and is a total idiot. I don't even feel like I can come back from that, like I can get better, because the problem is I'm behind, and one step behind means you're behind for a lifetime. How can I ever be as good at writing as these people who've already started and are already ahead? How can I feel like I have any worth as an artist at all when everyone's already learned so much more than me, and more knowledge and learning keeps being discovered, and I'm still playing catchup while my peers are running further ahead? How can I say any idea I have or understanding I have or conclusion I've reached when I feel like everyone else has already gone past that idea or conclusion and onto the next one, and mine is obsolete and stupid and wrong and I'm going to be used as a negative example for others? I just feel like nobody would ever choose me, nobody wants me, that everything I do is somehow bad and shameful and stupid and guilty, and it's so hard. Not having anyone supportive when I was growing up, not even a single adult or peer, has really fucked me up in a lot of ways. Was it so hard to love a child, or support them, or even if that was too hard, to just... let the child be? I won't ever stop fighting, but I get so, so, so tired.
An insidious criticism i got was "You were so good yesterday. You need to practice more" I gave up the viola shortly after that comment. Since then I've started preemptively telling people I'm not always as good as i am to prevent comment like that. But also it's true. People don't always perform at the same level
This is a wonderful video! Creativity is such an important thing in life and your reference to Cameron’s book “the artist’s way” touched me deeply. It’s because of this book that I started journalingl decades ago.I’ve experienced how it clears my thoughts and calms my emotions each time I journal. Now that I’ve started dialoguing I can profit a lot from that. Thank you Patrick!
Thank you. And thank you for going deeper into the whys', the intricate and layered-hows', and examples. People only see one tiny facet, with your words here you paint a bigger picture for people. It helps to have more rounded imagery, appreciate it!
Mine was hyper controlling and not letting me even try stuff. Not believing in process is on point. I didn’t even know as a kid you are supposed to learn to do stuff, but just be great at something from day one
I’m definitely gonna have to use those journaling prompts. Overall it seems like I was encouraged to continue with my art. I would make duct tape wallets, and bows, and I got really into rainbow loom for a number of years. My parents got me materials, and they saw how creative I was…but they were very clear on it just being a hobby. I was convinced that I could never be a successful artist. Other people, like my aunt who owns a flower shop? She can be a successful creative, but that could never be me, I would think to myself. Plus, who would buy duct tape wallets and rubber band bracelets? My dream was to own an Etsy shop. Other duct tapers my age were selling their wallets, and I wanted to, too. But I just didn’t know where to start. I didn’t think mine were good enough for people to buy at a higher price, so when I started selling them to family and in our garage sales, I would price them so low. Now, actually, I did take a long time to improve, but I still have a habit of severely undervaluing my items and my wallets have gotten leagues better. I have a craft show this weekend and just a few days ago I was scared no one would buy anything. This comes from how my mom used to talk about my work although she says she meant that “no one would buy it for that price at a garage sale, but they would at a craft show.” I didn’t know that clarification until a few months ago…and she also looked at a bookmark I made years ago and said “no one will buy that, all you did was paint one side a little”. I took that one out of the sale. Mind you, it was already shiny cardboard and I’d priced it at like $ .50. It’s no wonder I used to see no value in my work. Also my friend told me recently that I used to talk about wanting to make jewelry back in high school. I would wonder how certain pieces were made, but I was sure I wouldn’t be good at it. I suppose I’m pursuing that dream now, as I have been making jewelry since 2021. I’ve distanced myself from my mom’s comments on my pricing methods as I have decided to never sell my craft items in her garage sale again.
Being creatively stuck is being stuck as a person. You have framed this concept so clearly so convincingly that I have decided to stop thinking about it as an unimportant issue. I will work on it. Again Patrick, I don’t know what is so special about your content (it’s both the things you say and how you say them) but you are the person who have unstuck me the most (one of the two, the other is dr Ramani). Thank you for everything you do everything you put out there, everything you’re helping me with.❤ battling here with my fear of being seen but I’m going to challenge myself and send this message 😅
This was me. My mom’s boyfriend stole my clarinet money and used it for drugs. I had to watch other kids get accolades for their musical talent. Ten year old me thought I was a failure. Looking back. It wasn’t just the clarinet, it was clothes money, food money, formula for the baby, it all went on crack cocaine. Then he would hit my mom. At that point not having a Clarinet was the least of my concerns. It breaks my heart to think of how many kiddos go through this everyday and carry it into adulthood, because they are told to get over it. I’m so thankful for your channel Patrick. It helps to validate the “weirdo” 10 year old in me who always felt like a failure because my parents were sick. You rock!
Watching this I realized why do I continue to engage with her????? WHY??? I was going to go over there today as it’s been a month, but after watching this I need to honor me and just be here with my dog today.
Omg! “ Neglect is a major culprit” really nailed it! I pretty much raised myself and the key to survival in the house was to be as invisible as possible. I have found myself gathering materials for a desired project only to become overwhelmed and never get started…I know I am an artist at heart and continually hit this wall.
I cycle through trying, being hopeful, sending work out, getting rejected, being stuck. Unsticking myself, being hopeful, trying again, learning, sending out work, getting rejected, being stuck. Peeling my heart off the floor, trying again, getting hopeful, sending out work, getting rejected, crash. DECADES. DECADES. I have an MFA. I've done the Artist's Way, twice. I'm taking lessons in other art forms, but I'm currently stuck with the writing AGAIN, but it feels like one time too many. I'm feeling like maybe it's too late, my dreams have finally died.
Our creativity needs to be set free. Even reading books/doing workshops is still following the 'should's' of other people! A period of 'deadness' can be the most useful thing of all if we truly allow it. Scary but then....our REAL creativity and modality can emerge at last.
This is me too. I don’t know how much more I can take. I hibernate w my art and then get excited to show the world, but when I do, no-one cares. (Been doing this for years) I think my next step is to eliminate everyone I know in my media orbit so I can lower my expectations on what ppl I know should be giving me. (Ikr expecting love from loved ones is too much to ask) Strangers give me the good stuff, while friends and family could give a F. But it’s not just this, now I am faced w the “label driven” opportunities that focus on skin color, sexual preferences, and self identity as a more than worthy reason for accepting art. Im just tired. Tired of everyone else’s story, tired of mine, I always wanted art to be my career. I don’t know if I have the energy to keep trying to box myself into societies needs. Anyway, I feel you. ❤
@alex_moonique I get all of this. Reading your remarks a few times, the picture I'm getting is of relying on other people to validate your art. I do this too. After all, art is about communicating, right? And if no one gets it or thinks much of it, then what's the point? But I can say, now that I think about it some more, that the times I've felt the most dialed in are when I've been totally focused on what I'm writing and asking myself, does it say what I want it to say? Is it capturing everything, or is something still fuzzy or missing? And filling in whatever might be missing feels very satisfying. BUT THEN after that, I still want it to be meaningful to someone else. Like, yes, it must be meaningful to me first. It won't ever really resonate w someone else if I only think about how other people will react. But if it rings a great big bell for me but never speaks to anybody else . . . I would be disappointed that it had never fulfilled its purpose. I was trying to find some corner I could turn up in a hopeful way for you, but I think I ended up kind of where I started. Maybe something in there lit a tiny flame for you anyway. Sending you a hand-squeeze of recognition and strength.
Ah I needed this... more than 10 years ago :( I talked myself out of all 'wants', only sadness and numbness remained. I don't want to go back. I'm done with all the hurt this struggle and shame caused me during these years. I'm really sorry to say this, I hated The artist's way. There must be something better than that, it gets recommended everywhere, I wish it didn't.
I can so deeply relate to this video. Almost every attempt at creativity was met with what felt like humiliation. I remember singing a heartfelt song from the Sound of Music and my mother telling me to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN that I sounded terrible and embarrassing. I was probably in 5th grade.
Last year I decided to get back into drumming. The trauma and shame that I dealt with as a teenager going through poverty and evictions is what made me stop. My parents couldn’t afford lessons, they weren’t really interested or supportive in my talent; they were indifferent to it. Then we went through two evictions so I had no place to practice. Fast forward to now and I’m an adult with a great job and some years of therapy gave me confidence and self esteem. I decided to get back to playing drums, I’m in a band, and perform at jazz open mics for fun. And I bought a bass guitar last week to start learning! That “stuckness” and the “critic” is so real and I’m so happy you’ve done this video. This makes so much sense looking back on my progress now.
OMG I finally was able to complete my first large scale painting commission in over a decade recently and I thought I was back in the flow but have been unable to start working for weeks. I'm in such a rut... and I've been stuck with flashbacks of those real unpleasant days when I was little at the same time. Ugh.
That is a hard place to be. My favorite unstuckness is to make a meet-up date with a friend for sketching either at a coffee shop or en plein air. Living on a farm, it’s hard to fit it in between chores.
Sad, when you mention the child who gets into band but doesn’t have an instrument and feels shame about it is not just about feelings. I have observed that others, including peers and teachers don’t always understand that the child has a serious problem and they can’t do what they want because they are being held back from belonging to the group. I had this happen with sports and I have seen it happen with other people as well. The child can’t belong because they are held back and they are then labeled by their community because they don’t have whatever they need and drop out. No one thinks to blame the people who are responsible. This is a real good video, I needed to dive into this area of healing.
Right Brain knows everything but cannot speak. Left brain focusses and is verbal but misses the big picture. Love this video. Just what I needed to learn. Thank you. Thinking Fast and Slow is an essential text, I think.
20 seconds into the video and I'm hearing one of the most specific things i would hear about myself from a stranger in my entire life!!! (it's about listening to "proper" music). Thanks for bringing all this stuff into the light, Patrick! Great job!
I loved this video. So relevant to me. I determinedly made it to art school altho my family werent ever that interested or impressed with my work. Someone else was always better: a sibling, some person theyd seen on tv. Praise was always for others but somehow never the person before them. Whist studying i felt so inferior. So much talent all around me everyday. My critical voice went into overdrive. Then i got a job and worked in design for several years. The feelings continued. The shame of exposing my inferiority on paper each day was too much. Eventually I had a breakdown and left art behind. That was 20 years ago now and I still long to be creative but anytime i manage to start, even something small I shut down again. It feels threatening to my very core. I've spoken to several therapists about it and asked about a link with trauma. No one has been able to expain it to me until now. Thank you 🙏
I rarely comment on YT stuff but I wanted to say this video unlocked an old creative to creative conversation circa 2006 where my friend suggested The Artists Way book to me because I talked about feeling creatively stuck in a casual fun hobby we both participated in. I watched her turn out something amazing in around 13 seconds while I struggled to figure out what to do with a blank page like the elephant example. I wish I'd understood it. To this day I still haven't read that book but fwiw this was on the nose for me at a time where I've struggled to just use instagram in the same ways you're using YT (under a different content creation area but dealing with music)
I have a house full of artwork. Creativity has been my thing. It’s the one thing that calms me down. I was into music and professional dancing and I used drugs and alcohol during every part. The abuse and abandonment was praised by my Mum, she passed when I was 15; but my father used to shame me because creating isn’t a real achievement. My parents divorced when I was young and I lost my fiance to a heart attack in front of me five years ago and believe it or not having to survive in psychiatric hospitals I quit drugs and alcohol and am still 💯 sober as I couldn’t look after myself so I began watching TH-cam vids on painting. I was donated some art supplies and I began by going to the beach with a piece of canvas and just went for it because my safe place is in the ocean no matter how wild. My fear is sharing my art. It took ,me five years to post my first post and now I’m stuck. I haven’t danced since I was a teen due to psychosomatic symptoms and I can barely walk. I can’t concentrate on playing an instrument because I could never own one of my own. I was 15 and was in this world alone and spent until my mid 30”s never allowing anyone get close. Then I met my soulmate and when he passed away painting was the only thing to get me out of fight/fight mode. I don’t know how to overcome the fear of sharing. I want to share because I want to inspire others but I am shameful about my past. I f anyone can relate then please know that you are not alone and I will never stop until I get to the bottom of fear of sharing. I believe that we can’t create when our bodies and nervous system is firing on all cylinders so I now try and ground and meditate prior to painting. Thank you so much for this video.
I'm creative stuck because I feel that people will think I'm dumb or what I'm doing is stupid, so I just don't do it. I'm scared to put myself out there. I would like to learn how to play the guitar, but I'm 52, but in my head, there's that voice that says, "I'm to old and I would suck at it."
omg this is so relatable. You are so precious and I’m so glad you got so far and didn’t get stuck in the frozen state. Otherwise, we wouldn’t even have a chance of swing your amazing videos!!!!
Unreal. It was about 3-4 years ago that I finally started processing through the experience of being a scapegoat to my family system (narcissistic mother) for over twenty years. And, yes! Almost like magic, when I really started healing, I started pumping out music regularly. For reference, I make educational/informative rap songs as a middle-aged white woman (way outside my comfort zone when I first started). I NEVER would have had the confidence to pull it off even just five years ago, for the very reasons you're explaining here today. I never knew what had me so stuck! I knew I could write songs and make music, but I just couldn't make it happen. You're right, it was the self-doubt and feeling like it was too exposing. I even made a song about Family Scapegoating, and Narcissism!! I thought, "I'm not sure if my family will hear these songs, I'm not going to send the songs to them or anything, but if they do, then they do. I'm speaking my truth through these songs, and I shouldn't feel sorry or ashamed about that!" I'm so glad you talked about this!! Thanks for explaining it, and as always thanks for the great insights and wisdom ❤❤
This one applies is exactly what I need right now ... I'm a drummer who has been dormant for over 10 years now - for many reasons, but creative wounds are definitely part of it. I can't help thinking I'll never be "good enough" even just by my own standards, but I'm at the point now where I don't even care about being "good enough", I just wanna play for my own enjoyment again ❤
I was so severely neglected growing up that it's hard to exist near others. I've really learned to accept the isolation I'm stuck with, and my partner gives me all the free time by having taken up bread winning from me over the last year. I was hoping to be able to indulge into my 3D art and finally start drawing and animating with this free time. For the last six months instead I feel like I've been horribly stalled trying to create anything. I never know what to make and nothing feels worth creating. When i sit down to try and create it makes me feel so bad. Thank you for making this video to help me recognize it's at least not just me struggling with this feeling so severely.
Most of all, Patrick, thank you for putting your unique fingerprint of life and wisdom out here for us. Your expertise in your career plus passion (Psychology marries music and then childhood trauma , etc ) is so helpful and nourishing. What if you would have given up on yourself? You wouldn’t be here helping thousands of people. Patrick is an amazing teacher, visionary and mentor that began. He teaches us so much and the take away is, we all can slowly stand back up and fly. Group hug. 🤗
I've been needing this video for about 6 weeks, I'm at the 17 minute mark and geez,I need a break, I'm coming back to finish but my god this one hits hard. 💔
This video is one of the best you've published on the channel. I know because i had to rewind and re-watch some parts that plucked certain nerves. Thank you so much. My inner child wanted to say "tank you mr patrick. You make us feel like sunshine and the little yellow flowers in the lawn. We are always more hopeful and enjoy days better after you tell us something. Tanks for helping us be better friends and make tings together." I strongly recommend "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield as another resource. Also Dennis Palumbo "Writing from the Inside Out"
Would it be possible to do a dedicated video about lowering/normalizing one's own expectations (when it comes to creativity or social interactions)? That's the main problem I'm struggling with.
This is the PERFECT video that has come for me this week... I am trying to continue my career as an artist with huge, huge wounds around it. My parents disowned me when I told them that I was going to pursue art, so I ended up engineering (which I actually did end up enjoying), but now I'm in a place where I want to try pursuing art again.
I've been trying to get into making music with my friend and we both watched this together and have been talking about it. Learning a lot of things and figuring out how to move forward (just do the thing)
I am the youngest of 5. I am in my 50’s now. I was not allowed to be more successful than my siblings. Especially, the narcissistic eldest. When I graduated from college, my mom prompted by this eldest brother said “you wouldn’t be anything without me (you won’t amount to anything). All the success I had in life was away from my family. 😢😢 In grade school there was the Drama Dragons. All the acting part were assigned based on you parents involvement. My parents weren’t involved. So, nothing for me! 😢😢😢😢.
Muy grandfather was a painter and as a child I could draw very well but my parents neglected my talent and told me my paintings were nothing. They never supported me not even with buying paper and paint. I had a long journey back to creativity as an adult. Thank you for that Video.
Thank you for putting this video together, I really have a hard time sitting down and playing my drum covers. It means a lot to me, but every time I get moments to practice, I feel imposter syndrome like I’m wasting my time and people have already done this. But deep inside playing covers well brings me so much joy. I have to break through this barrier and hearing things like this helps 🙏🏽
Patrick - too often like someone said above, you do a topic from a client or fellow viewer and it hits me like “OMG!!! 😮😮😮 someone is human with me in this world!!! 😅❤❤❤❤❤ Thank you 🙏 “for getting us 😢😢” so well!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
30 seconds in and a glance at the chapters, and this is a video I have to download & watch while walking just so I can emotionally process during the rest.
I've been struggling to find the words to describe my issues with music and artistic expression for over 30 years. Honestly--this video hit the nail on the head. Thank you, Patrick!
What an AMAZING video! Thank you. I really consider myself a creatively stuck person. I am very drawn to art and would love to create but I see myself as an unimaginative and uncreative person and never produce anything. I studied violin formally for ten years, and almost went into higher education specializing in violin and choosing it as a career. However, my narcissistic father completely ruined my relationship with the instrument. He put me vicariously through music school, shamed me for the way I practiced / studied, for not wanting to practice enough, made me cry countless times, many of them actually contradicting my teacher's instructions on how to improve my technique (and my dad knew NOTHING about the instrument!) I ended up having a really damaged relationship with the instrument. In the end, I managed to muster the courage and quit after failing entry exams into the advanced music school. I haven't played for many years and don't want to play it again, though part of me wants to because I did develop some skills there and it's not the poor instrument's fault. And when I started, at the age of 7, my first teacher thought I was expecially gifted and wanted to send me abroad for proper training. Now I am very interested in literature but wouldn't dream of writing something for myself, because I lack the imagination to write stories!
Interesting one, Patrick. Always musical and artistic, but often been unwilling to attempt, or impatient in executing projects. Angry when things aren't perfect. We had to do gigs in the local in pubs as part of my music B-tec when I was 26, but I wouldn't let my parents come, and I could never really say why, and it made me sad. Always felt exposed, and as if (as you mentioned) it was somehow a private bit of me I didn't want them to see. I love singing around the house, but won't/can't do it within earshot of another living soul, so it's in the car or at night when I'm up on my own. My little brother, although gifted in similar ways, flatly refused to explore anything creative after the age of about 7. Used to start giggling if he ever heard me sing, as if he was mortified to even witness it. There was one funny incident when he was still at school, and the art teacher had told everyone to do a pencil drawing of a household object. I watched him, as he huffed and puffed his way round the kitchen, before grabbing the first thing he could find - a jug. He then sat down and took exactly 30 seconds to draw the outline of it. And that was it, finished, as far as he was concerned! He and his wife are both modern-day '80s YUPPIE business stereotypes, so it'll be interesting to see how creatively expressive thier daughter will be. I've just bought her a tutu!
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
2:34 Being Seen is the Problem
3:15 Neglect Is A Major Culprit
7:11 Stuck Around Creative Expression - Examples
10:13 The Bigger Story Around Neglect
12:51 Creative Connection During Development
15:46 Creativity Issues & Childhood Traumas
18:43 How Do We Get Unstuck?
19:09 #1 Normalize Vulnerability
21:04 #2 Lower Your Expectations
23:45 #3 Battle Beliefs From Childhood Trauma
25:20 Journal Prompt #1
25:54 Journal Prompt #2
26:36 Journal Prompt #3
27:10 Journal Prompt #4
27:44 Journal Prompt #5
28:27 Resources - Reparenting The Inner Child Course
30:25 Resources - The Artist's Way
31:07 Final Thoughts
33:11 Outro
Lol I read "A Major" in "Neglect Is A Major Culprit" as the musical key "A major" 😅 (you know, the one with three sharps 😋)
What a sweetheart you are. Wonderful message and ideas. Thank you ☀️
Your message is on point and on time. Thank you, Patrick. I'm really grateful..
Thank you Patrick! 🙏 Much appreciated 💚💚
I’m 54 and still stuck in the grunge era.😳
When I was in 7th grade, my art teacher asked me if my mother told me that she called her to tell her about my unique ability to draw. I told the teacher, "No:" Later in the week, I asked my Mom if the art teacher called - she paused for a moment and appeared to be thinking. Finally, she said, " Oh, yeah; I guess she did, " and that was all she said. When I was in the 10th grade, my drawings were selected and exhibited at the Hudson Valley Museum in Yonkers, NY. Though we lived close to the museum, my parents never thought to bring me or themselves to the art exhibit to celebrate my drawings and/or my young life. In my 20s, I was actually talented enough to sell my drawings. Creativity helped me survive. Even though my drawings were celebrated by others, I never felt deserving of the praise because i could not get it from the people I wanted to accept me most- my parents. Instead, my mother would praise the artwork of our neighbor's daughter, and I would feel worse than ever .
I am sorry that your mother reduced you. Remember that *you are a good person* with many talents.
This reminds me of a certain time as a kid...my Mom was busy and i interrupted her after a lot of thought..
I told her how my teacher praised me for my handwriting in class..
She kept on doing whatever she was doing and curtly told me how my other friend's writing is much better..
That careless reply.. specially she did not care about my friend's handwriting either..
It was just supposed to cut me down in case I was starting to feel good about myself
That's the sad tactic of toxic people, in my experience. They knew you were good, and they praised someone else's work and ignored yours on purpose. I still don't understand them, how can they do that and hurt loved ones on purpose, but I get that it's not personal. It's not about us being inadequate, it's them being so toxic and miserable. They want the closest ones being miserable too. I just need to remind myself that they will never admit it and keep working on myself. Remember that you ARE talented and other people will continue seeing it.
Do we have the same mom? Wow. I used to write and won a contest as a child. I don’t recall anyone being proud but I saved it for a while until I could no longer find the book. But I know my work is out there. It was never cherished by my mom and so I didn’t cherish it. I did my own makeup on TH-cam and someone asked me to do theirs for her prom. I did it though afraid and it came out so amazing. The girls grandma offered me a $20 tip! I immediately called my mom thinking wow she’s going to be so proud of me. I called and shouted mom mom you won’t believe this and I told her. There was silence on the phone so much so I thought the call ended. I looked at my phone it still said mom. I said mom did you hear me!?!?!? I was so happy. My mom replied…”you know I always wanted to do makeup. I’m so tired of people taking my dreams.” 😢 I never did anyone’s makeup after that, ever again. You aren’t alone. Lately I’ve been wanting to make TH-cam videos again, trying to remember my worth and hoping this video helps me too. God bless. ❤️🩹
my family are the same, I was really creative and talented in school, sadly my family dod not give a f, and then the other kids started to destroy my drawings and I lost all interest, dont vöbe as bumb as me and wuit your artistic jurney, remember dear your talented AF but your family are to stupid to see it
i've been creatively blocked for so long and it really takes all the color out of life. there's so much noise when i even try to start something. it's such an evil thing to make a child feel ashamed about self expression. that's one of the biggest parts of the human experience.
this video resonates a lot. its such an important topic that doesnt get discussed often.
Oh man, I definitely fall into the trap of buying lots of items to start a new creative hobby and then never using them. Shopping for materials feels so much more comfortable/cozy to me than actually engaging in a new activity 😬
Other than shopping my other favorite thing to do with craft projects is organizing. I know at some point I do have to actually use them and I’m trying, but I used to make them for other people somehow not seeing myself as being worthy of one of them or worth the effort I think
I have the exact same problem. Every single time. 😭
I have a very lightly used sewing machine for sale because this
Give yourself permission to "not do very good." Just do the process over and over again. And have fun with it. Give it to yourself as a gift. The school system's psychotic demand for illusory "perfection" is as much to blame for blocking people's creativity.
I do this too and it seems to be a whole thing for creative types and artists. I do however feel like when I do this it has a lot to do with 1. The subconscious stalling/ task avoidance which comes with ADHD when there is a degree of anxiety or doubt about what the project I'm buying supplies for is. Classic. 2. I'm also on the autistic spectrum and I have a very strong inclination to seek patterns and organize things. This can bleed into so many different aspects of my life, but when it comes to this scenario I may find myself having bought, for example, a new set of oil colors and brushes I really needed... then I find myself spending too much time organizing and sorting them by where the color lands on the ROYGBIV spectrum or the brushes by height, type, and purpose, on the right side of the shelves so they don't mix with my acrylic supplies 😂... man.
5 minutes into this video and I want to watch it but can’t because it hurts too much. I’m feeling ashamed of myself for not letting myself be myself for so long
It does hurt so much to hear, like doctor please stop exposing me 😭
Hear ya. Try to let yourself be. We cannot change what happened in past or recent past. Every day is new. I’m trying as well 💞🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💞👊
Just try not to be another voice that beats your authentic self down❤ your inner child needs to feel safe, and the only way to do that is to get out of your comfort zone. Try it in small ways. Like, for me, I have a deeply rooted fear of being observed while I create something or express myself, because I experienced so much bullying from my parents, teachers and peers, I learned to stifle my self-expression, and never being comfortable showing others the ugly process rather than the perfected end result. Let yourself be seen/heard singing, let yourself dance a little while you're on a walk, do things that will look silly and do it with a determination to prove yourself wrong-that it's going to be okay, because everyone else is too busy in their own little world to notice what we're doing, and if they do and have a problem with it, they need a better hobby! Much love, and good luck! You are worthy, and the world needs all of our expression, that's what makes the world beautiful.
You’re not alone. I feel so ashamed for even wanting to find or be myself. it’s so hard to be at my age and feel so lost and embarrassed that I don’t know myself
Your comment makes me feel seen. It is brave and authentic. I think you are doing more and are more brave than you may realise
My dad is a musician. Growing up my life revolved around going to his shows and sitting in recording studios. I looked up to him and got my first guitar at 5. My most devastating and vivid memories were when he’d come home and I excitedly said “dad let me show you the song I learned!!” And he’d say “no I’m busy”. Or “hey dad can you teach me how to play this song?” “No im busy” always “no I’m busy, get out”. I was in a band in my early 20s, 6 years ago, and he never came to one show. Oh and anytime I’ve showed him one of my songs, he gives me a critique. I relate highly to this video, never pursued my dreams because I’ve never felt good enough. Lots of self sabotage too.
Musicians are super neurotic and insecure - sorry you had to live with that
@@lagomorph770seriously! My dad was known by band mates as being hell to work with. He was arrogant and verbally abusive. Everything had to be done exactly his way or he’d throw a fit.
But reading through this comment section - we’ve all gone through it, in different ways. 🩷 at least we’re on the path of healing, it could’ve gone a diff way.
Oh! I am sorry you had to go through this! It sounds heartbreaking. Many warm virtual hugs to you and your inner child! I am a mum of a 10-month-old baby and if he wanted to show me a song he composed I would die of love. That's what you deserve. Best of luck with your dreams. We are on the right path! ;)
I tried to watch this and pay attention but I just kept crying
It’s ok to cry you are letting your body to feel what it’s feeling ITS OK 🙏
Would love a video on laziness or just not having any drive
I thought I was just lazy. Then I was diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood. You may just be hecking stuck. I experience this.
That would be awesome! I get stuck and then I self shame. I know I have CPTSD but I may also be on the spectrum of ADHD, my trauma started before I started school so the symptoms that over lap were always there.
I was just thinking the same!!!
It's not really "Laziness" = not having drive. It's a symptom of ADHD.
@@honeybeejourney can you further explain
I was both severely shamed and ignored about my creative talents. My creativity was never genuinely encouraged or supported. And creativity is the very core of my soul. 💔
💔❤️🩹❤️🔥💛same here
❤
I apologize for the length of this post but I really feel the need to get this out.
When I was between the 5th and sixth grades, my mother had been in Kuwait for the previous 9 months as a secretary for the US Army Corps of Engineers. When she got back, she announced that she was marrying her boss, a Colonel in the Army and that we were moving to San Francisco. I and my whole family were from and lived in Kentucky, so I would be leaving all them, including my father behind.
When we finally arrived in San Francisco, my stepfather sat me down for our first actual one on one conversation. He asked me what I wanted to do for a living and I told him I hadn’t thought of that too much but I enjoyed drawing, so maybe I would be an artist. He looked at me gravely and said “you don’t want to be an artist, you won’t make any money.” He then asked me if I thought I would be successful in life and I didn’t know what to say so I said yes. He then asked me why and I told him because my mother and father were. He again looked at me gravely and said “you really think your father is successful?”. I’ll never forget the disdain and dismissiveness on his face. My father had worked in the General Electric factory since before I was born.
Here I am now at 43, working in a warehouse and playing guitar. I constantly have doubts about my creative ability and shame that I’ve not been in a “successful.” Career. It’s really hitting me how much this 5 minute conversation, 32 years ago has controlled my life since. I’m not looking for a pity party, but I hope someone else who reads this may realize that if a similar thing has happened to them, it’s not the truth and it’s not their fault.
No need to apologize for a lengthy post. Your story is worth more than a sound bite to me. Thank you for your healing message.
I understand exactly how you feel. When I was about 6 or 7, my mom was talking to our neighbor in their yard & the neighbor was saying something like “oh your daughters are so talented at art for such a young age” (which was wonderful to hear by the way) & my mom replied with her usual “too bad the good ones are only famous after they’re dead.”
As if a 6-8 year old cared about fame…it wasn’t enough that my sister & I enjoyed it for the sake of it. Or that we were good at it.
No. What she cared about was were we gonna be rich & famous for it.
When I confronted her about it last year, she said “I didn’t realize you heard that.”
@@MarleyLeMarthank you!
@@NarrowPathDiariesThose things really embed themselves in a child’s mind. For them it’s just some easily tossed out comment that they won’t remember and the exact opposite for the child. So careless.
@@SB-kc8cl Yes it was. Even though it’s difficult to remember at times, especially while healing, is that it was all a reflection of them & their inner ugliness, not ours! Healing & love to you!
I don't believe in concepts like being "self-critical." Behind every critical voice inside us is the echoes of our parents, teachers, authority figures, etc, who criticized by word, action, and implication. You can't dispel a critical voice until you know where it came from, and society loves to victim blame... 😕
I've studied this area the last 6 years, to understand my life-long negative patterns. I think you understand what's going on more than anyone else I've listened to.
When I was a kid, I really liked to write poems. Once when I was maybe 11 or 12 years old, I wanted to read some of my poems out to my mother who was sitting in the kitchen smoking and reading a book. I remember how I started reading out a poem while she just sat there looking down at the table, gnawing her fingers and looking as if I would do something truly horrific to her. Then the telephone rang (back then it was still a landline phone), so she rushed out of the kitchen to the hallway where the phone was standing with a face expression of relief as if the call gave her the opportunity to escape from an awful and horrible situation. When she had ended the call, she came back to the kitchen and continued reading her book without giving me any further glance. I think I said something like "You are so impossible" to her and ran back to the nursery never ever showing her any of my poems and stories again.
“You are not important.” So disheartening. Were you ever afraid your family would move away and forget to take you?
Please write poetry! I have a similar story, and now I am writing with joyful abandon, as if it’s a wellspring of compensation and reward. I hope you will write with all your heart.
I'm so sorry that happened to you 😢 I hope u fully heal and live your life with security and self love
I was born and raised a Jehovah's witness. Since i was little creative experession was my identity. Over time going through sexual abuse as a child,neglect, cult influence,and as i got older toxic relationships, addictions, and mental illness, I've lost my way, isolated myself, haved self sabotaged, i feel like im in a fog like the scene from the movie "The Others" where Nichole Kidman's character gets stuck in the fog when she tries to leave her home and go into town. I cried watching this video but thank you so much for making it. I dont want to give up.
Felt this msg in my soul. I feel myself holding the deep grief and shame and RAGE around my loss of voice, my loss of self - like I’m a dead person.
That’s terrible your caretakers failed you miserably and that’s a reflection on them not you.❤️🕊️
I haven't crocheted in a while because it was so weaponized, I felt that it was a craft that was an order, only in service of others. I think I want to make something for me for the first time in my life ❤
I both crochet and knit and I say do it for YOU and only you. Let it be your own special thing/time with yourself before you share it with others ❤
You can do this babe ❤️
My creativity is stuck because I was my mother's dolly. I don't know what I actually enjoyed and was actually good at. I really believe she inflated my abilities in some hobbies to block me from doing other things. I felt like her little entertainer.
oof I feel all that A LOT. good energy to you.
@@spameranne thank you 💜. Likewise. This stuff is so destabilizing
I feel this in my soul. Always my family's little puppet. When I moved out I had a mental breakdown. Didn't even know who I was without others' input/impressions of me. Discovering slowly but surely.
I haven't painted in such a long time. When my family saw that I was getting good at art, a pressure began to mount. Rather than being something fun that I did to de-stress, it became the meal ticket that would be the saving grace for the family. The most attention I got in my family was when I was doing really good. Amazing art, amazing grades, and amazing behavior until it became expected. Then I was invisible. I've been neglected and abused for as long as I can remember.
It's hard for me to paint now despite knowing I need to. It's one of the only ways I can actually pour out my heart and get pain off my chest, but the mounting expectation to make a masterpiece exhausts me before I even prime the canvas.
Then the shame of not painting and the pain of bottled feelings hits like a second wave.
It seems to be a cycle I can't get out of.
This is my favorite video you've made. And you're right that creativity isn't limited to art, etc. I had no idea I was allowed to be good at science because my parents praised my drawing skills and acted like nothing else was an option. My ability to create in general was stifled despite the seeming support of art. I've recently tried writing short stories and learning science that I missed out on during school. I'm sad to notice how much I enjoy both- more than drawing.
Dismissive adults were my biggest source of shame and a huge trigger still to me today. I grew up being taught a black and white world, not only this not that, but that the other one was downright BAD or disgusting. I know now how arbitrary and subjective all those little rules were. And I mourn the loss of exposure to so much of the world I know and love today.
The gold nugget I got out of this is how my thinking is outcome-based and I discount the process - which is the most important part, and what helps me discover more of who I am. Thank you Patrick! ❤
THANK YOU for pointing out the trap of being "OUTCOME-based"--and that following the PROCESS can free our creativity. I'm struggling with this right now.
It would have been really good to talk about those of us who were pushed too much towards the parent's creative vision for us, or even they co-opted our hobby or talent growing up as a way to show off themselves, so it became a projection of them wanting success themselves.
Yes, I feel like that happened to me.
This is hugely significant.
When i started school the teacher asked to meet w my mother. She was very excited about my first assignment because according to her my drawing and poem were extraordinary. My mom looked at the page causally and said "oh this is nothing. We all do this. " we got up and walked out. From then i "knew" i was nothing special , that there was never going to be anything important about my talents to anyone.
Everything you said.. I lived it. I was mocked, ridiculed and not allowed to pursue artistic hobbies as a kid, mainly because, as you said, I had to "perform" in other areas so that she could take advantage in it... yet.. here I am, at 33 y.o. I left for Paris and became there a producer and a music artist. 😊
Well done !!!!🎉
"Shame attack" is extremely useful to describe what I've been struggling with for quite some time now. This is a great information, going to check out the Reparenting Inner Child course.
I felt very motivated to accomplish things when I was younger just to "prove" that I could do them and then I would lose interest. I was motivated for the wrong reasons to create and felt I lacked the confidence to keep pursuing the goal when I encountered any form of criticism or the process lost meaning for me. My creative blocks stem from not connecting authentically with my artistic process, not knowing who I am or what makes me unique or special. Also, being overly preoccupied with "outcomes" rather than the process itself. Even today, I just can't "trust" the process. I obsess endlessly about the concept and planning that in the end kills the initial inspiration. I am plagued by self-doubt. My parents were "creatively frustrated." Both had creative aspirations that never blossomed into fulfillment in a way they were satisfied with. I recall my mother not wanting to take me to drawing classes because my stepfather might find out! Crazy stuff.
Me too… you are not alone 🥹🙏🏽
Good points. The best way I get unblocked is to move my body so that I get into a flow type of state. My creative expression is working out and fitness.
THANK YOU I've always found DANCING to be CATHARTIC. I just started working out almost a year ago--to wonderful effect in terms of "un-spooling emotional knots" as well as physical tension. THANK YOU for connecting PHYSICALITY with un-blocking CREATIVITY!!!!
The Artist Way is amazing! I was in denial of having any creativity. So out of touch with myself . That book is like a workshop in getting in touch with yourself and your inner artist .
That sounds cool. The last thing by brain can cope with is 200 pages of instruction
I borrowed it. I need to borrow it again.
I never called myself creative until I read that book, now I recognize it as one of my strongest qualities. It’s a lot of work but it’s so powerful
I am artistic, like my Mom. She encouraged it, bragged about it - until I grew up and surpassed her ability. Then she was in competition with me. Any painting or artwork I did as an adult, even a gift for her- a painting of her dog, she would paint the same thing, prominently display it in her house, and hide mine on a corner wall in her bedroom. It pretty much killed my desire to do anything. I have so many art supplies, and planned projects, and I can't get myself to start any of them. I'm 55 years old - why can't I get over this? When I get praise from any woman at work, or out in the world for something I've made or done- I feel like I've been slapped in the face
EMBRACE THE PRAISE From OTHERS!!! as an ACT OF HEALING.
i am sorry. i wish you all the best-hope you find a way you can enjoy your art more. it's easy to say but i found EMDR to be helpful-(they can do a hands buzzer version if the eye stimulation method is too much) i appreciate you sharing.
That’s envy.
@@UnderTheMilkyWay-mc8md oh, 100%
This is very timely and unexpected, in a good way. Creativity never even crossed the mind of my therapists. Apparently "artists block" wasn't in their expertise.
Very much appreciated Patrick ♥️
I’ve never been anyone’s expertise. My therapist got caught up in misdiagnosis. I spent years medicated for schizophrenia when, in fact, I’m autistic.
@@silverlagomorpha3177 I've had similar experiences. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar for years when I actually have a personality disorder.
hopefully you are on the right path for you now. Much love ♥️
My Dad used to put my drawings in the kindling box, and I would retrieve them before they were used to start a fire in the living room fireplace. I cried a few times and then stopped leaving out my drawings for parents to look at cause they just took no interest in my ability or talent.
That is so sad. I hope you still create.
My what a heartless thing to do especially to your child ❤️
The experience for me is that, my parents, have never once trusted me, or in what I say, or my capabilities. I started out to become a designer. My dad has never once acknowledged my creativity or been proud that I’m a ‘creative’.
My mom on the other hand, just shows off that I’m a “designer”, but both of them have never once supported me in my creative outlets. It’s due to my own hard work that I am a very small level designer now, and I’m stuck for a long time thinking all that I could have been, with the right support.
It’s still aching me that I might never be fully accepted, no matter who I am. There was always SHAME instilled at every level of creativity, or even enjoying art. “Why do you even want to do this” is all I heard. When I wanted to go to a concert, he said “you should be the one playing in concerts”, I was 13.
Feeling safe is crucial to be creative. Which I never felt safe enough to explore or to be wrong to learn.
I’ve never needed a video more than this one or have resonated with one this purely. You’re talking about my whole creative journey from childhood to college age to now and all the phases I’ve gone through and I can’t tell you my whole life story in a comment so I’ve narrowed it down to this.
I’m finally coming out of being creatively stuck (in terms of writing and recording music in my own home at least) for the first time in years. Besides that, everything else feels really stuck. I’m supposed to do by promotion stuff and post on tik tok but I am terrified of going on camera and being in front of people and putting myself out there. I’ve hermitized myself for the last seven years and am trying to open back up to people, but i feel so exposed. And it’s so hard to put my music out there because not being noticed hurts, but being noticed feels terrifying too.
I always wanted to take flute and voice lessons ever since I was in third grade but was never allowed to (I had to stick to piano) and for years I waited for someone to tell me I’m allowed to sing and am good at it. I started secretly writing songs in 2013 and was so scared to show my parents, and I sent one to my mom and told her to not show it to my dad. She showed it to him anyway and the next day he pulled me aside and sat me down and said this is “this is the most serious conversation I’m going to have with you. You are amazing at this and need to go after it and you have so much talent and you could be one of the greats.” he has since quickly stopped saying things like that over the years, but that one moment felt like the pinnacle of my life’s potential. My creative peak ended up being 2014/2015, and I’ve doubted I’ve had any left in me ever since.
Anyway, this is so accurate. Thank you for so eloquently and accurately articulating all of my many thoughts and experiences.
pretty much sums up my childhood. my father hated when I practiced any instruments... he once told me that I should "practice that 'thing' outside" in regards to my violin... it was raining...
This video is right on time for me. So many creative projects in my head but lots of “who do I think I am” type negative self talk that holds me back.
This is an important video that I am so glad you created.
Remember, in most things you learn in a class, online or alone, there will often be a bully who tries to thwart your progress and even your interest. The bully picks on the failings of beginner's and mediocre people, yet these people soon overtake the bully if they haven't already. Thats because the bully makes no effort in improving as they are too focused on others, not the activity. The bully ends up as the bottom of the class and stays there.
Nobody warned me about the bully and to rise above him or her until older. Now, I ignore the bully and go out of my way to avoid him or her.
A lot of this devaluing on the learning curve comes from religious fundamentalism and the mainstream media. But you dont have to be good at something to enjoy it, especially in the early days.
This reminds me of how Lady Gaga was bullied for wanting to be a singer/artist by classmates when she was young. It's something she recently shared and it just goes to show that, maybe more than anything, resilience is worth its weight in gold and we should let nothing stop us from pursuing our creative endeavors
@DeniiseXflower1 I took dance classes three years ago, and it was a struggle to shut up those past voices in my head going all the way back to primary school when we had after-school country dancing lessons to recorded music. The teacher in charge was very strict and it put us off. But the ones saying how bad I was were even worse than I was at it. I dropped because of that teacher. Then, when I went to barn dances when I was older where there was a live band and caller, I instinctively knew the caller's instructions because of muscle memory.
From an artist, thank you.
You've really validated a lot of the things I've been learning on my own the past couple years, and it really is about enjoying the process and not getting too caught up focusing on the final product. "The process is for you" is SO valid and something I desperately needed to hear. I feel like I've been growing by leaps and bounds now that I've allowed myself to enjoy the experimentation and expression of art, even when working by commission. If I feel a piece needs something, I do it. Because it feels right. My commissioners are putting their trust&faith in my abilities and I need to embrace that, not devalue it.
something I have experienced recently is that a way I get to reparent myself is that I get to go through that phase of making terrible drawings (I want to learn art, for real this time! 😂) and being explicitly overly kind about them. I get to see the amateur art for what it is, an incredible effort to keep learning and be passionate even if the final result is appropriately unskilled. It is appropriate to praise myself when I am “objectively” bad because I’m not supposed to be good yet. I haven’t had the practice to be good yet. I get to develop my critical eye (child role) and thank myself for putting the work in (parent role).
@@mxandrew Nobody is a master right away, and age isn't a direct factor either. If you are passionate and you keep with it, your perseverance over time will inevitably show itself. One of the things about being great at anything, is just... not giving up. :)
Outcomes are probably my biggest weakness because building validation from within is so difficult when you're isolated. Especially if you're trying to make a living or even just passive income to help a little bit financially. When results are praised more than effort it really skews the actual worth and expression of what you're doing.
I am from a family where it is bad to ''play", like you should be doing something useful at all times.
Also I have been working on creating without having the expectation that it must come out perfect.
Thank you so much Patrick!
My parents grew up dancing in community theater. Back in the 1920's people sent their kids to music and dancing lessons because there was no TV. As young adults, my father had a band that played on the same circuit as the band that Perry Como sang for early in his career, and my mother was invited to audition in New York for Radio City Music Hall. So, they were not superstars, but they were good at what they did.
When I tried out for little theater I bombed because no one showed me how to study my lines, when I took choir, the talent of my choir was criticized even though we won a choir competition. My parents never taught us anything about their talent or how to identify our own and how to do well. It just stopped with them, and I could never figure that out.
That is so sad. That made you put a lot of pressure on yourself.
Oh my God I've never heard anyone hit everything that I went through on the head with such accuracy.
Thank you for helping me understand
Making art is the only thing that got me through my childhood. I could express my emotions silently shut in my room alone. To this day it's the thing that makes me feel most okay.
Buying supplies is really hard. I can get myself to the store, ready to buy a couple of needed items, though picking it up off the shelf is so hard. Often I put it back, pick it up again. It just feels like a waste of money.
In college my mentally ill dad suddenly died. Instructors kinda dismissed me, said stuff like "you're still gonna do your homework, right?", refused my requests for independent studies, kept it brief/distant/critical when I wanted to talk about conceptual ideas. More of the "you don't deserve this" feedback that I then internalized.
Stretching my conceptual abilities & applying them is so painful, like a damaged muscle. Reading theory, discussing art formally, and writing/sketching ideas is fun and easy because it's not taking up space materially.
Last night I was working on a painting and I was overcome with shame, started crying and ruminating intensely.
Something that has really hurt me recently is my so-called mentor calling out my studies and sketches as "not enough", and the paintings I have made so far as not containing meaning. This was all behind my back, told to my boyfriend. After my dad died I looked up to this person while in need of guidance. He has helped me a bit, though hurt me more.
This has been the ultimate trial of self reliance. I don't trust many people now, but I am still really good at painting and have the potential to excel. Still learning...
Wow, I think if I were in your shoes, I would never let my mother see anything I made. She’s a destroyer!
The complete opposite for me I’ve gone so far into the creative universe that I’ve started using kindergarten or third level type drawings and art to help get complicated feelings out due to trauma. I’m also writing so much, especially to my husband about everything that happened in my life.
I have a lot of feelings about this, I've also overcome a lot of creative hang-ups once I figured out how my tricky family warped my gift for art into a non-starter. I actually found "Artist's Way" to be frustrating and it probably only works for folks at a certain place in their healing. This video connects a lot of the dots for creative stalling that took me just too. freaking. long. to figure out for myself and I pray that it reaches all those other creative hearts aching to make.
I have written songs to some extend my entire life but it was only when a song teacher (I was lucky to be in a choir that provided solo lessons) asked me if I wrote songs and if she could hear them that I showed them to anyone, I was 16 then. She said she was impressed by them and didnt understand why I hadnt shown anyone them before. I still don’t really show my songs to anyone even though I want too
It can feel really lonely to hide a big part of myself, it’s my biggest passion, but there is just so much shame and fear of being seen entangled in it. Idk how to create that space,I have never known how to make people see me without feeling so deeply uncomfortable
And on top of that when I work on my songs I feel like I should work harder and be way better than I am at this point and sometimes the critic makes me not play for a long time.
Thanks for this video, I feel very seen
Hey, why not publish some on TH-cam? I'd listen! You don't need any expectations whatsoever on quality - just post something. I started sharing my art this way, by sharing quick doodles that wasn't really anything before I'd muster up the courage to post something more proper. Whatever you can do to lower the barrier to entry would probably be a good step in becoming more comfortable with being vulnerable. It's a really sweet thing, sharing art:)
Not my mom throwing away my drawing books because she thought it would hinder my education 🙄 so thoughtless 😤
Cruel 🥺😢xxx❤️
I doubt it was thoughtless, it was probably done as part of a wider strategy to keep you small, underdeveloped, dependent, familiar with being controlled.
My sister did that when we shared an apartment for five years. I took trash down to the trash room and all my High school artwork had been thrown down there. She'd taken it up on herself to go to my side of the walk in closet (the short side, of course) and gathered up all my sketch books and drawings and threw them away. No apologies.
@@sharonthompson672 So horrible 💔😢xxx
How HORRIFIC! You deserved AFFIRMATION for your awing--NOT destruction.
This was so helpful. I have a passion for dance but I’m afraid of being made fun of, a passion for singing but afraid of hitting a flat note, and a HUGE passion for drawing. I have been working on a comic book since I was 12 but perfectionism has caused burnout. I’d like to quiet the critic and just have fun again.
Patrick you put your heart and soul into these videos. You don't have to do this but you choose to do this and it means a lot to this audience. Thank you for your vulnerability. Thank you for sharing that it's not easy to sit in front of a camera and do these videos. I can understand that. When you speak I can see you and what you have been through. You don't hide it and act like you have it all together. I appreciate you so much and have shared you with other people. I truly hope that you and your family are doing well. I hope and pray that your practice is going very well. You are very special individual. Thank you so much.
I feel intensely shameful over wanting attention. [Neglect from substance abuse] it's so paralyzing I cannot start new hobbies. When I try to do something and know that if I did it I'd like to share it, it makes me feel so terrible for attention being part of the motivation. I just do not start like it's a punishment "if I can't act right then I shouldn't do it" but I don't know what is appropriate behavior and what isn't because of how little feedback I received and then all I got was abusive feedback for my adolescence. I don't know what is ok for me to feel and what is "bad" so I just don't do things to avoid accidentally finding out it was bad. It's a mindf*, I am too old to be so concerned with this but it isolates and physically impairs me
I got a lot out of this video, thank you so much!
I made giant steps to put myself out there this month but have been suffering shame attacks the past couple weeks. For the first time I displayed some of my art at a bush doof festival. I also submitted a painting to a gallery for a fundraiser exhibition and it's currently on display. This is the first time displaying my art so publicly irl...ever? I forgot to celebrate...! To be fair, I tried to celebrate at the festival but apparently my throat chakra was so massively overworked that I got a sore throat, I've been sick for 2 weeks now with the raspy voice still persisting
this video hits again on so many levels.
Ever since Ive watched your video on trauma personalities Ive experienced so much healing because it has given me a framework to understand certain aspects of myself.
I never understood myself as a creative person but since Ive been healing, I started to feel a lot more creative. I have even picked up creative hobbies! And also Ive recently experienced what it feels like to "be inspired" for the first time and it was a marvelous experience. Thank you for continuing your work and helping me understand myself better!
To be inspired feels so great! I hope you have many more of those moments. You deserve to express yourself!
I saw a therapist for a decade and I would ask why am I stuck and she'd completely ignore it. Needless to say that left me to be stuck in an abusive household 10 years longer than I needed to be. It makes sense now about how neglect makes you invisible so you don't participate in life. I'm very creative. It's how I survived. I'm not stuck anymore. I often wonder if she purposely kept me stuck in abuse so I'd keep going to her and paying her. After there was a death in the house due to abuse I left even though I was homeless and that therapist disappeared after 10 years. Now, I have a house on a lake and I am living truly my best life. Every day I thank God I'm not stuck in that abusive house. I never thought I'd get out. Every day I am not dead by the hands of my abuser is a success although to the world I do not look successful.
My parents never gave a crap about my art. All I can remember them saying about it was criticism or interrogation over why I'd made certain choices, then an "okay" or "but don't you think you should do it this other way instead?". They mocked my comic strips, especially the way I drew certain things or what I liked to draw comics about. They tried to force me to do other things than painting or writing, saying that if I had the time to waste on them then I should be studying (even though I was already a straight A student without any help from them or anyone else).
I got a drawing in the newspaper and I remember being so anxious that I didn't tell them until the day after the paper went out. I knew we kept several days worth of old papers, though, so I knew we still had it. They asked me what I wanted them to do about it, like "So? So what?". I had to tell them that I wanted it on the fridge, because that's what I had learned that healthy parents did. A few days later they took it off the fridge and threw it out - not even in the trash bin where I could rescue it, but directly to the curb when the garbage collectors came so it was gone forever. When I asked them where it went, and if I could bring it to my room if they didn't want it anymore, they got angry at me and said that I was being unreasonable and ridiculous to expect them to keep it, and it was my fault they got rid of it because I never told them I wanted to keep it. Except I did tell them, and they just lied and said I didn't.
The last time I painted was when I made a lovely landscape and sunset with clouds, trying a new technique I discovered where I used a lot of white space between the brushstrokes. I had to force my father to look up from his game to see it. I begged him to make a photocopy of it to keep in his office (I did not trust him with my originals after the newspaper incident - I was around 8 years old at this point) and he was very confused why he would "waste ink". Finally he had enough and told me to give him the drawing with the tone and look in his eyes that I knew meant he was going to crumple it up and trash it, so I told him I didn't want him to have it and it was okay he didn't make a copy and I didn't need him to do anything and I ran away. That's the last time I got my watercolours out, and I still have the painting. I never drew again, and only felt deep shame and self-hatred for not being good enough later in life when I had art class as part of school. I felt so behind, so worthless, so shameful, and so stupid for not knowing as much or being as good as the other people in my class, or as good as the teacher wanted.
My teachers were awful, too. There was an assignment to write a story in the computer lab, and I wrote a sci-fi story based around the stories I was reading (I was an advanced reader). The teacher shamed me for the choices I made, the punctuation (I used for psychic communication instead of "", which is perfectly normal in fantasy books, but the teacher obviously didn't read any of those so she put me down in front of my entire class). Then I was surprised with having to read my story in front of the whole class, plus the teacher and TA and librarian. That was my first anxiety attack. After having my story torn apart by the teacher while I was writing it, I had lost my spark and all the fun in writing it, and I did not want to read it out loud to everyone; especially because I was very afraid to speak up, having been framed by my parents as an abuser for simply speaking (I was accused of interrupting when I wasn't, or bullied for saying the wrong things, bullied for "wanting attention"...). I desperately tried to get out of the class when my story was on top of the pile, so I wouldn't have to read it, but I was having such an anxiety attack I couldn't even see clearly. I ended up going to the bathroom three times to try and avoid it. The memory of me actually reading that story is completely blocked out, I do not know what happened from the last time I went to the bathroom to the end of that week. I don't even remember how I did on that assignment, when I remember how I did on most other impactful ones.
It didn't help that I was far above the rest of my peers in being creative, reading, writing, and so on. I think literally everyone else in my class either wrote a story about princesses or hockey. I wrote a story about a space station that was a hub for members of many different species dealing with some kind of infiltration. Clearly, I was far above my age; the problem was, nobody supported me, and instead put me down. I often had the correct answer in class, I knew things that even the teachers didn't, I corrected them when they made mistakes because I was much more detail-oriented, I was curious, I was intelligent... and I was always put down for it. Abusive teachers got furious that I'd read something they put down right next to my desk out of curiosity (I never touched it). When I offered the correct answer I'd often be put down or mocked or told I needed to do better; then someone else would say the exact thing I said and it would be correct, just I was quiet from being bullied at home so the teachers couldn't hear me correctly. Any mistakes I made would be shamed in public. Even in college, 10 minutes after the calculus prof said "you can always ask questions, there's no stupid questions" I asked for clarification for something and he shamed me in front of the whole class for "not paying attention" and used me as a negative example. I have a hearing disability and he only said it one time, so that was a real shame-attack moment for me where I felt like I was inherently not good enough.
Now, I feel so far behind others in all creative exploits, even if they've spent less time on it than I have. I know that it's because I am still afraid to express myself, so my skill level appears lower than it is, and also because I spend so much time and energy handling my parents, but I still feel totally worthless and full of shame. How could I be proud of anything I do when I'm so used to being confident and then getting emotionally clobbered? How can I express myself and enjoy what I do when I'm so used to me being earnest and doing my best and then getting savagely bullied, including how I'm stupid for not noticing something wrong with my creation or a moron for not doing it better or a bad person for my choice of content or being used as a negative example for something I did wrong (or even just a stylistic choice I consciously made different than how someone else wanted). When I speak up and share my understanding and get told I'm wrong and called "new" to something I've been practicing for years. Just seeing someone know something I don't, or be better at a certain aspect of a creative field than I am, fills me with intense shame and impostor syndrome and the feeling that everyone can see right through everything I do and knows I'm a horrible empty person who just can't do anything right and is a total idiot.
I don't even feel like I can come back from that, like I can get better, because the problem is I'm behind, and one step behind means you're behind for a lifetime. How can I ever be as good at writing as these people who've already started and are already ahead? How can I feel like I have any worth as an artist at all when everyone's already learned so much more than me, and more knowledge and learning keeps being discovered, and I'm still playing catchup while my peers are running further ahead? How can I say any idea I have or understanding I have or conclusion I've reached when I feel like everyone else has already gone past that idea or conclusion and onto the next one, and mine is obsolete and stupid and wrong and I'm going to be used as a negative example for others? I just feel like nobody would ever choose me, nobody wants me, that everything I do is somehow bad and shameful and stupid and guilty, and it's so hard. Not having anyone supportive when I was growing up, not even a single adult or peer, has really fucked me up in a lot of ways. Was it so hard to love a child, or support them, or even if that was too hard, to just... let the child be?
I won't ever stop fighting, but I get so, so, so tired.
An insidious criticism i got was
"You were so good yesterday. You need to practice more"
I gave up the viola shortly after that comment.
Since then I've started preemptively telling people I'm not always as good as i am to prevent comment like that. But also it's true. People don't always perform at the same level
This is a wonderful video! Creativity is such an important thing in life and your reference to Cameron’s book “the artist’s way” touched me deeply. It’s because of this book that I started journalingl decades ago.I’ve experienced how it clears my thoughts and calms my emotions each time I journal. Now that I’ve started dialoguing I can profit a lot from that.
Thank you Patrick!
Thank you. And thank you for going deeper into the whys', the intricate and layered-hows', and examples. People only see one tiny facet, with your words here you paint a bigger picture for people. It helps to have more rounded imagery, appreciate it!
Mine was hyper controlling and not letting me even try stuff. Not believing in process is on point. I didn’t even know as a kid you are supposed to learn to do stuff, but just be great at something from day one
Right! You get one chance and if you fail, that’s it! Paralyzing.
I thought that too!
I’m definitely gonna have to use those journaling prompts. Overall it seems like I was encouraged to continue with my art. I would make duct tape wallets, and bows, and I got really into rainbow loom for a number of years. My parents got me materials, and they saw how creative I was…but they were very clear on it just being a hobby. I was convinced that I could never be a successful artist. Other people, like my aunt who owns a flower shop? She can be a successful creative, but that could never be me, I would think to myself. Plus, who would buy duct tape wallets and rubber band bracelets?
My dream was to own an Etsy shop. Other duct tapers my age were selling their wallets, and I wanted to, too. But I just didn’t know where to start. I didn’t think mine were good enough for people to buy at a higher price, so when I started selling them to family and in our garage sales, I would price them so low. Now, actually, I did take a long time to improve, but I still have a habit of severely undervaluing my items and my wallets have gotten leagues better. I have a craft show this weekend and just a few days ago I was scared no one would buy anything. This comes from how my mom used to talk about my work although she says she meant that “no one would buy it for that price at a garage sale, but they would at a craft show.” I didn’t know that clarification until a few months ago…and she also looked at a bookmark I made years ago and said “no one will buy that, all you did was paint one side a little”. I took that one out of the sale. Mind you, it was already shiny cardboard and I’d priced it at like $ .50. It’s no wonder I used to see no value in my work.
Also my friend told me recently that I used to talk about wanting to make jewelry back in high school. I would wonder how certain pieces were made, but I was sure I wouldn’t be good at it. I suppose I’m pursuing that dream now, as I have been making jewelry since 2021. I’ve distanced myself from my mom’s comments on my pricing methods as I have decided to never sell my craft items in her garage sale again.
Being creatively stuck is being stuck as a person. You have framed this concept so clearly so convincingly that I have decided to stop thinking about it as an unimportant issue. I will work on it. Again Patrick, I don’t know what is so special about your content (it’s both the things you say and how you say them) but you are the person who have unstuck me the most (one of the two, the other is dr Ramani). Thank you for everything you do everything you put out there, everything you’re helping me with.❤ battling here with my fear of being seen but I’m going to challenge myself and send this message 😅
This was me. My mom’s boyfriend stole my clarinet money and used it for drugs. I had to watch other kids get accolades for their musical talent. Ten year old me thought I was a failure. Looking back. It wasn’t just the clarinet, it was clothes money, food money, formula for the baby, it all went on crack cocaine. Then he would hit my mom. At that point not having a Clarinet was the least of my concerns. It breaks my heart to think of how many kiddos go through this everyday and carry it into adulthood, because they are told to get over it. I’m so thankful for your channel Patrick. It helps to validate the “weirdo” 10 year old in me who always felt like a failure because my parents were sick. You rock!
My only parent was so fearful and traumatised, their fears got passed on to me :( like a life of an artist is impossibly hard, for example...
Yes to this. This resonates.
Watching this I realized why do I continue to engage with her????? WHY??? I was going to go over there today as it’s been a month, but after watching this I need to honor me and just be here with my dog today.
Omg! “ Neglect is a major culprit” really nailed it! I pretty much raised myself and the key to survival in the house was to be as invisible as possible. I have found myself gathering materials for a desired project only to become overwhelmed and never get started…I know I am an artist at heart and continually hit this wall.
I cycle through trying, being hopeful, sending work out, getting rejected, being stuck. Unsticking myself, being hopeful, trying again, learning, sending out work, getting rejected, being stuck. Peeling my heart off the floor, trying again, getting hopeful, sending out work, getting rejected, crash. DECADES. DECADES. I have an MFA. I've done the Artist's Way, twice. I'm taking lessons in other art forms, but I'm currently stuck with the writing AGAIN, but it feels like one time too many. I'm feeling like maybe it's too late, my dreams have finally died.
Our creativity needs to be set free. Even reading books/doing workshops is still following the 'should's' of other people! A period of 'deadness' can be the most useful thing of all if we truly allow it. Scary but then....our REAL creativity and modality can emerge at last.
This is me too. I don’t know how much more I can take. I hibernate w my art and then get excited to show the world, but when I do, no-one cares. (Been doing this for years) I think my next step is to eliminate everyone I know in my media orbit so I can lower my expectations on what ppl I know should be giving me. (Ikr expecting love from loved ones is too much to ask) Strangers give me the good stuff, while friends and family could give a F. But it’s not just this, now I am faced w the “label driven” opportunities that focus on skin color, sexual preferences, and self identity as a more than worthy reason for accepting art. Im just tired. Tired of everyone else’s story, tired of mine, I always wanted art to be my career. I don’t know if I have the energy to keep trying to box myself into societies needs. Anyway, I feel you. ❤
@alex_moonique I get all of this. Reading your remarks a few times, the picture I'm getting is of relying on other people to validate your art. I do this too. After all, art is about communicating, right? And if no one gets it or thinks much of it, then what's the point? But I can say, now that I think about it some more, that the times I've felt the most dialed in are when I've been totally focused on what I'm writing and asking myself, does it say what I want it to say? Is it capturing everything, or is something still fuzzy or missing? And filling in whatever might be missing feels very satisfying.
BUT THEN after that, I still want it to be meaningful to someone else. Like, yes, it must be meaningful to me first. It won't ever really resonate w someone else if I only think about how other people will react. But if it rings a great big bell for me but never speaks to anybody else . . . I would be disappointed that it had never fulfilled its purpose.
I was trying to find some corner I could turn up in a hopeful way for you, but I think I ended up kind of where I started. Maybe something in there lit a tiny flame for you anyway.
Sending you a hand-squeeze of recognition and strength.
As an artist this is such a usefull video. Thank you Patrick. Will probably come back to this one every now and then.
Ah I needed this... more than 10 years ago :( I talked myself out of all 'wants', only sadness and numbness remained. I don't want to go back. I'm done with all the hurt this struggle and shame caused me during these years. I'm really sorry to say this, I hated The artist's way. There must be something better than that, it gets recommended everywhere, I wish it didn't.
I didn’t like it either.
I can so deeply relate to this video. Almost every attempt at creativity was met with what felt like humiliation. I remember singing a heartfelt song from the Sound of Music and my mother telling me to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN that I sounded terrible and embarrassing. I was probably in 5th grade.
Last year I decided to get back into drumming. The trauma and shame that I dealt with as a teenager going through poverty and evictions is what made me stop. My parents couldn’t afford lessons, they weren’t really interested or supportive in my talent; they were indifferent to it. Then we went through two evictions so I had no place to practice. Fast forward to now and I’m an adult with a great job and some years of therapy gave me confidence and self esteem. I decided to get back to playing drums, I’m in a band, and perform at jazz open mics for fun. And I bought a bass guitar last week to start learning! That “stuckness” and the “critic” is so real and I’m so happy you’ve done this video. This makes so much sense looking back on my progress now.
OMG I finally was able to complete my first large scale painting commission in over a decade recently and I thought I was back in the flow but have been unable to start working for weeks. I'm in such a rut... and I've been stuck with flashbacks of those real unpleasant days when I was little at the same time. Ugh.
That is a hard place to be. My favorite unstuckness is to make a meet-up date with a friend for sketching either at a coffee shop or en plein air. Living on a farm, it’s hard to fit it in between chores.
Patrick this is such an important topic. Creativity is everything to personhood. Would love if you wanted to do deeper dives on this
Sad, when you mention the child who gets into band but doesn’t have an instrument and feels shame about it is not just about feelings. I have observed that others, including peers and teachers don’t always understand that the child has a serious problem and they can’t do what they want because they are being held back from belonging to the group.
I had this happen with sports and I have seen it happen with other people as well.
The child can’t belong because they are held back and they are then labeled by their community because they don’t have whatever they need and drop out. No one thinks to blame the people who are responsible.
This is a real good video, I needed to dive into this area of healing.
Yes. Thank you for seeing this in real life and not ignoring it like others... and thank you for your sharing. It means much.
Right Brain knows everything but cannot speak. Left brain focusses and is verbal but misses the big picture. Love this video. Just what I needed to learn. Thank you. Thinking Fast and Slow is an essential text, I think.
20 seconds into the video and I'm hearing one of the most specific things i would hear about myself from a stranger in my entire life!!! (it's about listening to "proper" music). Thanks for bringing all this stuff into the light, Patrick! Great job!
I loved this video. So relevant to me.
I determinedly made it to art school altho my family werent ever that interested or impressed with my work. Someone else was always better: a sibling, some person theyd seen on tv. Praise was always for others but somehow never the person before them.
Whist studying i felt so inferior. So much talent all around me everyday. My critical voice went into overdrive. Then i got a job and worked in design for several years. The feelings continued. The shame of exposing my inferiority on paper each day was too much. Eventually I had a breakdown and left art behind.
That was 20 years ago now and I still long to be creative but anytime i manage to start, even something small I shut down again. It feels threatening to my very core.
I've spoken to several therapists about it and asked about a link with trauma. No one has been able to expain it to me until now. Thank you 🙏
I rarely comment on YT stuff but I wanted to say this video unlocked an old creative to creative conversation circa 2006 where my friend suggested The Artists Way book to me because I talked about feeling creatively stuck in a casual fun hobby we both participated in. I watched her turn out something amazing in around 13 seconds while I struggled to figure out what to do with a blank page like the elephant example. I wish I'd understood it. To this day I still haven't read that book but fwiw this was on the nose for me at a time where I've struggled to just use instagram in the same ways you're using YT (under a different content creation area but dealing with music)
I have a house full of artwork. Creativity has been my thing. It’s the one thing that calms me down. I was into music and professional dancing and I used drugs and alcohol during every part. The abuse and abandonment was praised by my Mum, she passed when I was 15; but my father used to shame me because creating isn’t a real achievement. My parents divorced when I was young and I lost my fiance to a heart attack in front of me five years ago and believe it or not having to survive in psychiatric hospitals I quit drugs and alcohol and am still 💯 sober as I couldn’t look after myself so I began watching TH-cam vids on painting. I was donated some art supplies and I began by going to the beach with a piece of canvas and just went for it because my safe place is in the ocean no matter how wild. My fear is sharing my art. It took ,me five years to post my first post and now I’m stuck. I haven’t danced since I was a teen due to psychosomatic symptoms and I can barely walk. I can’t concentrate on playing an instrument because I could never own one of my own. I was 15 and was in this world alone and spent until my mid 30”s never allowing anyone get close. Then I met my soulmate and when he passed away painting was the only thing to get me out of fight/fight mode. I don’t know how to overcome the fear of sharing. I want to share because I want to inspire others but I am shameful about my past. I f anyone can relate then please know that you are not alone and I will never stop until I get to the bottom of fear of sharing. I believe that we can’t create when our bodies and nervous system is firing on all cylinders so I now try and ground and meditate prior to painting. Thank you so much for this video.
I cried so hard watching this. Thank you so much for posting.
I'm creative stuck because I feel that people will think I'm dumb or what I'm doing is stupid, so I just don't do it. I'm scared to put myself out there.
I would like to learn how to play the guitar, but I'm 52, but in my head, there's that voice that says, "I'm to old and I would suck at it."
52 is definitely not too old to learn to play the guitar, go for it!!!
omg this is so relatable. You are so precious and I’m so glad you got so far and didn’t get stuck in the frozen state. Otherwise, we wouldn’t even have a chance of swing your amazing videos!!!!
yes, i agree!
Unreal. It was about 3-4 years ago that I finally started processing through the experience of being a scapegoat to my family system (narcissistic mother) for over twenty years. And, yes! Almost like magic, when I really started healing, I started pumping out music regularly. For reference, I make educational/informative rap songs as a middle-aged white woman (way outside my comfort zone when I first started). I NEVER would have had the confidence to pull it off even just five years ago, for the very reasons you're explaining here today. I never knew what had me so stuck! I knew I could write songs and make music, but I just couldn't make it happen. You're right, it was the self-doubt and feeling like it was too exposing. I even made a song about Family Scapegoating, and Narcissism!! I thought, "I'm not sure if my family will hear these songs, I'm not going to send the songs to them or anything, but if they do, then they do. I'm speaking my truth through these songs, and I shouldn't feel sorry or ashamed about that!"
I'm so glad you talked about this!! Thanks for explaining it, and as always thanks for the great insights and wisdom ❤❤
This one applies is exactly what I need right now ... I'm a drummer who has been dormant for over 10 years now - for many reasons, but creative wounds are definitely part of it. I can't help thinking I'll never be "good enough" even just by my own standards, but I'm at the point now where I don't even care about being "good enough", I just wanna play for my own enjoyment again ❤
I was so severely neglected growing up that it's hard to exist near others. I've really learned to accept the isolation I'm stuck with, and my partner gives me all the free time by having taken up bread winning from me over the last year. I was hoping to be able to indulge into my 3D art and finally start drawing and animating with this free time. For the last six months instead I feel like I've been horribly stalled trying to create anything. I never know what to make and nothing feels worth creating. When i sit down to try and create it makes me feel so bad. Thank you for making this video to help me recognize it's at least not just me struggling with this feeling so severely.
Most of all, Patrick, thank you for putting your unique fingerprint of life and wisdom out here for us. Your expertise in your career plus passion (Psychology marries music and then childhood trauma , etc ) is so helpful and nourishing. What if you would have given up on yourself? You wouldn’t be here helping thousands of people. Patrick is an amazing teacher, visionary and mentor that began. He teaches us so much and the take away is, we all can slowly stand back up and fly. Group hug. 🤗
I've been needing this video for about 6 weeks, I'm at the 17 minute mark and geez,I need a break, I'm coming back to finish but my god this one hits hard. 💔
This video is one of the best you've published on the channel. I know because i had to rewind and re-watch some parts that plucked certain nerves.
Thank you so much. My inner child wanted to say "tank you mr patrick. You make us feel like sunshine and the little yellow flowers in the lawn. We are always more hopeful and enjoy days better after you tell us something. Tanks for helping us be better friends and make tings together."
I strongly recommend "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield as another resource.
Also Dennis Palumbo "Writing from the Inside Out"
Would it be possible to do a dedicated video about lowering/normalizing one's own expectations (when it comes to creativity or social interactions)? That's the main problem I'm struggling with.
This is the PERFECT video that has come for me this week... I am trying to continue my career as an artist with huge, huge wounds around it. My parents disowned me when I told them that I was going to pursue art, so I ended up engineering (which I actually did end up enjoying), but now I'm in a place where I want to try pursuing art again.
I've been trying to get into making music with my friend and we both watched this together and have been talking about it. Learning a lot of things and figuring out how to move forward (just do the thing)
I am the youngest of 5. I am in my 50’s now.
I was not allowed to be more successful than my siblings. Especially, the narcissistic eldest.
When I graduated from college, my mom prompted by this eldest brother said “you wouldn’t be anything without me (you won’t amount to anything). All the success I had in life was away from my family. 😢😢
In grade school there was the Drama Dragons. All the acting part were assigned based on you parents involvement. My parents weren’t involved. So, nothing for me! 😢😢😢😢.
Muy grandfather was a painter and as a child I could draw very well but my parents neglected my talent and told me my paintings were nothing. They never supported me not even with buying paper and paint. I had a long journey back to creativity as an adult. Thank you for that Video.
Thank you for putting this video together, I really have a hard time sitting down and playing my drum covers. It means a lot to me, but every time I get moments to practice, I feel imposter syndrome like I’m wasting my time and people have already done this. But deep inside playing covers well brings me so much joy. I have to break through this barrier and hearing things like this helps 🙏🏽
Patrick - too often like someone said above, you do a topic from a client or fellow viewer and it hits me like “OMG!!! 😮😮😮 someone is human with me in this world!!! 😅❤❤❤❤❤
Thank you 🙏 “for getting us 😢😢” so well!!! ❤❤❤❤❤
30 seconds in and a glance at the chapters, and this is a video I have to download & watch while walking just so I can emotionally process during the rest.
I've been struggling to find the words to describe my issues with music and artistic expression for over 30 years. Honestly--this video hit the nail on the head. Thank you, Patrick!
The timing of this video is uncanny. I really needed to see this right now.
What an AMAZING video! Thank you. I really consider myself a creatively stuck person. I am very drawn to art and would love to create but I see myself as an unimaginative and uncreative person and never produce anything.
I studied violin formally for ten years, and almost went into higher education specializing in violin and choosing it as a career. However, my narcissistic father completely ruined my relationship with the instrument. He put me vicariously through music school, shamed me for the way I practiced / studied, for not wanting to practice enough, made me cry countless times, many of them actually contradicting my teacher's instructions on how to improve my technique (and my dad knew NOTHING about the instrument!) I ended up having a really damaged relationship with the instrument. In the end, I managed to muster the courage and quit after failing entry exams into the advanced music school.
I haven't played for many years and don't want to play it again, though part of me wants to because I did develop some skills there and it's not the poor instrument's fault. And when I started, at the age of 7, my first teacher thought I was expecially gifted and wanted to send me abroad for proper training. Now I am very interested in literature but wouldn't dream of writing something for myself, because I lack the imagination to write stories!
I'm sorry you felt that Patrick.❤
Just ordered a MIDI keyboard after watching this video. Thank you, Patrick ♥️ I thought I would never find the strength to be creative again ♥️
Interesting one, Patrick. Always musical and artistic, but often been unwilling to attempt, or impatient in executing projects. Angry when things aren't perfect. We had to do gigs in the local in pubs as part of my music B-tec when I was 26, but I wouldn't let my parents come, and I could never really say why, and it made me sad. Always felt exposed, and as if (as you mentioned) it was somehow a private bit of me I didn't want them to see. I love singing around the house, but won't/can't do it within earshot of another living soul, so it's in the car or at night when I'm up on my own. My little brother, although gifted in similar ways, flatly refused to explore anything creative after the age of about 7. Used to start giggling if he ever heard me sing, as if he was mortified to even witness it. There was one funny incident when he was still at school, and the art teacher had told everyone to do a pencil drawing of a household object. I watched him, as he huffed and puffed his way round the kitchen, before grabbing the first thing he could find - a jug. He then sat down and took exactly 30 seconds to draw the outline of it. And that was it, finished, as far as he was concerned! He and his wife are both modern-day '80s YUPPIE business stereotypes, so it'll be interesting to see how creatively expressive thier daughter will be. I've just bought her a tutu!
Wonderfully informative and compassionate talk. I'll be recommending this to my students. Thankyou for your work!