It amazes me that when a loved one dies, entire families can unite in the course of a few days. We should have "living wakes" where all our loved ones can gather and talk about memories while everyone is alive...
This is nice. And we did it. I had a brother in law who was a man of accomplishment. (And he kept outliving the doctors' life expectancy predictions.) He was of great benefit to the community, youth and more. We had a large living wake for him. He was present in his wheelchair and was able to receive the love and appreciation that about 100 people came to offer. This was good for him and his wife. This event was held at a large upscale residence of one of his friends. So there was plenty of room indoors and out. It was a warm, beautiful California evening and everyone was quite comfortable at tables on the large back lawn. There was abundant food, drinks for all ages, and even the pool was available as this went on for quite a while. And there were several speakers and an open microphone. In this case it was catered but it could be done potluck style with a few parties being asked to bring particular items. This man had earned many honors. But I think it is better (more healing maybe?) when people come and tell you themselves. And when we eventually did lose him it gave his widow and us a lot to look back on and it lent us some comfort.
@@michaeldougfir9807 Beautiful letter and it sounded like an amazing event. Celebrate the good people in our lives when they're around to appreciate it..
That's called a Family Reunion. They can be small or large. Also, take notes from older family members about anything. People recipes Ask Medical history questions. Find out who was married to whom. Above all, if you don't like something you hear, let the past be the past, you can change it. Don't miss your chances at knowing family history.
I lost my special needs daughter ,she died in February 2022,she was in a 🦽and had Epilepsy, A lot of people said ,She is not suffering anymore, That was not comforting, Just offer condolences, no matter the situation you still hurt,She was loved by me and her siblings,and we miss her angelic presence...nice video....Kari..
As a hospice care social worker , I wish there were more funeral directors who took the time w the family the way you to , in order to prep the family or allow the families to spend extra time with their deceased loved ones ...
My husband died in a traumatic way. MVA on a motor cycle - not found for 5 days. My FD did not coach me or my 8 and 12 year old children. I do not remember one word any person said to me during the visitation I was in such shock. I don't blame him at all. He was such a blessing as were my parents. Im not sure We could have survived this without my parents.
I’m so glad you brought up the awkward reactions to being at a visitation. At my uncles visitation I was sitting down with my mom and all the sudden had to try so hard to not laugh (similar feeling of trying not to laugh in a silent room filled with people). I felt so bad because I was not laughing for any reason other than I was a little uncomfortable. It seemed to cheer my mom up because she knew exactly what was happening with me so that was nice. Thanks again!
Today I replied with a story about the living wake we had for my brother in law. The term "living wake" was new to us. But my wife and I agree that it is a good name for the event we attended. And when the person the wake is for can be there, it is very special to tell them yourself how much you love them, appreciate their accomplishments, their place in the family... and more.
I disagree that saying I know how you feel is hurtful. When my dad passed in my twenties it was comforting when other young adults shared their loss of parents with me and I truly felt as if they did know I felt (of course realizing it isn’t exactly the same). Consequently the worse phrase I ever got, and I got this more often than not, the “at least he isn’t in any more pain.” I know the goal is to be comforting, but reminding me of my dads suffering was a low blow especially in the immediate aftermath when I had just witnessed the gruesome end. It’s been 4 years and his suffering still haunts me.
I was asked to speak at a visitation tommorrow and it terrifies me. I am finding that careful thought and rehearsing has helped. It never hurts to write down and think about what you might say. This person was always so thoughtful and our conversations always came back to family. She was always reaching out and stopping by my office to say hello. Even her pain it was always circled back around to family and her care and concern for what was going on in our lives. That is what I remember and I hope it is the appropriate thing to testify too.
@@KaritheMortician It went well. Thanks for asking. Nervous as could be, but just focused my eyes on the widower as I spoke. Told him that there were only some wounds that god can heal. Spoke about her career and what they had both done for our family. Mostly about her love of family. Wish that I had written notes and followed them but it went well. As a friend told me... be quick and to the point. He sent me a nice note afterwards on FB
Thank you for mentioning the things NOT TO SAY! If one more person said the words "in a better place" to me one more time about my son I think I would have lost my mind!
This video is very, very helpful. Especially the part regarding conversation about the person’s life, not illness or death. One thing I’d add is don’t mention anything embarrassing about the deceased. Nobody’s going to find it humorous.
I was so hurt by a family member who told me my late husband was an alcoholic. My LH was not an alcoholic. I still find it awkward as I never got a sincere apology. LH enjoyed a beer or 2 especially after a long trip to see family. And to him it was the same as offering a meal or beverage. It's been 7 yrs. It still upsets me.
@@evap.6836 Dear Eva, Thanks for expressing your heart. This is important. So I have something to offer you. Please stick with me. Do you know The Lord's Prayer? Jesus was asked how to pray. So He gave this to us as a pattern. But there is important content in the prayer, not just something to recite during services. In St. Matthew's gospel, chapter 6 verses 9 to 15 is this wonderful passage on prayer. Notice verse 12. "Forgive us our debts [or trespases] as we forgive our debtors [or trespassers]." The word "as" means 'in the same way.' SO: if you can not forgive this family member for saying the offensive thing about LH, how can you expect to be forgiven yourself? Hate or unforgiveness reflects on the hater, NOT the one who is in trouble with you. But if you exercise the character to forgive then you will reap the benefit. Hang in there. Is your Bible open in front of you? Next look at verses 14 and 15. A clear statement. If you will not forgive you will not be forgiven. (Repetition is a Hebrew teaching tool.) Now you must take it from there. You are very welcome to ask God for help in doing this. He loves to hear from us and to help. It also does not matter if the offender is alive or dead. It is about the state of your heart. I wish you peace in your life. Michael D.
I think hearing what to say is even better than what not to say. I appreciate the suggestion to start a conversation about their life or a story where you ran into the person somewhere. Great video, Kari! Thanks!
More people ought to watch this. At my husband's service, people asked some questions about what happened. He had a severe stroke. People did ask several questions you mentioned. My family members asked about the house and things along those lines. I knew it was because they care.
I was taught to be there for the individual when the visitations & the funeral is over . Being there for a loved one after the funeral & being present can give the most relief . This is the most important time to be there after the coast is clear as well as assist with making all those difficult decisions. This is the offering support or not even saying anything , but showing support. This loved one is cloudy & needs help making sound decisions.
When my mom died I did feel relief because she had left her suffering. There are stages. Now the grief has set in. Death is an amputation. I appreciate what you do.
Major beneficial advice.I was told that I would be the last person to see my son before being moved to the hearse,a friend said while giving me a hug you will be alright tomorrow... these can be thought of in very different ways,other than than that nothing from the professionals..Great advice to be forewarned... ❤️ Kari
my son was 25. one of the worst things someone said at the funeral , only the good die young! Was that supposed to make me feel better? He was 25 with a 5 year old child, he was needed here!Eventually you find ways to accept a reality you didn't want, but there's always going to be a part of me that will always long for my child.
Oh Kari this is good. Through my career as a mortician I often thought that a number of these things should not be said to the grieving family. But there was no coaching, and I really believe not much thought on the part of visitors. SO: I am very glad you made this video. If I could add one thing... But I can't. I think this is considerate and complete. My mortuary companies I worked for did well in that if I was listening to a bereaved person who needed to vent at length, we were given all the space that was needed. I feel that this was huge. And I appreciate it so much. When I lost my wife I had those who would listen to me, and read my loooong emails. Because I did a lot of my grieving in print. So I know how important the listener is from my own experience with loss. If I may I would like to play this for my grief support group. Is that permissable? With thanks and electronic HUGS, Michael.
Yes, talk about THEIR life, DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU! I know a few people who do that, they will start talking about people 'they' know, sure it's the same situation but, the family has no clue who you're talking about & at that point especially, THEY DON'T CARE! It's about them, not you. I will say right out 'yes, it sucks, & the grief will go in waves. Just be patient with each other & know we're here when you're ready.'
I dont know how this would go over up North, but down South many people still take photos at the wake and the funeral. If it's not something you're used to, it would never cross your mind. When my mother in law died, I offered to take a photo of my husband and his brother and sister together standing by the open casket with their mother. Yes, it sounds deranged but it was a last family photo and it was nice to be able to do that. I also took several of her in the casket and of the viewing room and flowers and guests etc so the relatives out of state who couldnt come could see and have that. So maybe, if you dont think the family would be horrified, offer to take a photo for them. It's easy now with smart phones and you can always preface it with "I know someone whose family take a photo at the viewing...." and that's not a lie because my family always did that. Hi, I'm Mary, nice to meet you, now you know me and it's not a lie. :-)
Thank You Kari. This is very informative. I know in the past I’ve been guilty of saying that I know how they feel or going through. I also always talk about something good or positive the person had on my life to the family. Thanks again for the video. 👍
One thing I’ve said is I don’t know what to say. I’ve never gotten a negative response to that or felt that cringy feeling that I’ve completely shoved my foot in my mouth. But this has only been with people I really know well. Most of the time I’ve gotten back I don’t either. With one very specific instance I said something I would never say at any other time. It wasn’t too terribly long after my father died that a friend’s father died. We were both only thirty. She, another friend who’s father had died years before, and I were standing together just trying to avoid that awkward silence. I looked at the two of them and asked How did we end up in this awful club together? That broke the tension. We had all known each other and been friends since kindergarten. We couldn’t really talk about her father because there was a situation that caused her to not see or speak to her father for several years. It was just what popped into my brain and out of my mouth before I could stop it. But it worked. Thank God!!! After we just reminisced about how much fun we had growing up together and the trouble we all got in as little kids. I thank God even now, 13 years later, that that statement didn’t hurt her. It could have. Easily.
I love ur vids kari. I would never tell someone I know how they feel that’s so rude and awkward as well. I heard it at a few funerals and just cringe. Take care !!
TH-cam must be on a roll, another 3 year old video recommendation, lol, not that I'm complaining, I absolutely love your videos :) I once said to a relative at a viewing is "well guess I won't be seeing that 30 bucks he owed now :) A little humor never hurts. God bless you Kari!
Thank you so much for this advice. I will attend a good friend’s visitation tomorrow and have been trying to think of supportive words for her family- esp her young adult children.
Just getting ready for work over here, and while I was I got a notification that you just put up a vew video Kari :) Very informative and chock full of helpful things pertaining to a funeral service. Thank you for addressing the question I had for you the other day!! You are much appreciated for all your work here Kari!!
My mother used to have a saying: if u do not know what to say, then keep ur mouth shut. My godmother, is somewhat socially awkward like that. And I've often had to chew her out, bc she never thinks b4 she opens her mouth. Not surprising, we are estranged now. I just love her from afar.
My German Grandpa always said that "if you can't be pleasant, shut up" I'm not sure it's a great way to raise a child if you want them to have good self-esteem but it seems like a good thing to do at a funeral
I usually just say, sorry for your loss, he or she will be missed. We cannot know what they're going through. Then I say if you need ANYTHING. let me know.
I am getting ready to go to a visitation and funeral this morning. Thank you for the advice. I never know what to say. Usually... ‘I’m so sorry. I’m here if you need anything. Keeping you all in my prayers.’ And it feels so lame. 😢 But I don’t want to say anything offensive either!
Being a paramedic in the field and hospital for decades I have seen the ugly side of death and heard every one of those a million times. I've always placed a hand on a shoulder or if the family seemed open to it, a hug. Asking if there is anything you can get them is always a good idea. I don't know if I could ever work at a funeral home because I think I would be sad most of the time. Your videos are almost always interesting. I really enjoy the tours you do. People always want to see behind the scenes and you show these areas very well. I am not sure if your follow or network with other funeral directors on TH-cam such as James the Funeral Director, but I like watching your videos because you don't put on the obvious look or feel of a funeral director. Some have dark make up, long dark straight hair, white powder face, and their surroundings are always for effects. You look like a normal person who is warm, caring, and the main thing approachable. Although I love me some James the Funeral Director, I watch you everytime a new video comes out. Thank you for the informative videos, it's interesting to see the path these people go through after I have to place them in a cooler at the hospital. Have a good day!
Great video....about 10 minutes before final respects ...I am sitting in front row...at dads funeral...heard people still talking and a couple laughing....I got up and respectfully demanded quiet in that room and got it.....too much of a circus at some visitations which is why my visitation will be private....thanks again !!!
Very helpful. It is always helpful to have an idea what to say. I have heard all these trite things. Also family customs are sometimes troubling. I had an aunt who used to almost force people to kiss the diseased. My sister still talks about this experience to this day and she is 68 now.
I think the “______ is in a better place” and “Heaven needed another angel”, are pretty much the first things that come to my mind when I think of things NOT to say to the family of the deceased.
Kari Northey yes, and to say nothing is worse, but it is hard to know. I have said the wrong thing so many times. Not just in a death situation. I guess one of the good things about getting older, is experience. I think back to how I handled things when I was younger, including what I said to people, and I cringe. My friend did a similar video to this, but t was “what not to say to a widow.” I have learned so much from her.
Thank you for posting all your videos. I’ve watched many of them, this video was great. Over the years I have said about everything you said not to say! However I have become less nervous when attending viewing services and have struck up conservations with family members about the life of that person. It does breaks the tension. For years now I have been intrigued about the funeral business. I considered going into it out of high school. But became a horticulturist instead, and now in charge of a botanical estate garden for a local park district. I am seriously considering changing careers and entering the funeral business in some capacity. And information you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
Hello Kari. I play guitar and my Mom enjoys the music I play. She Is 93 and has made a few song requests to be played for her service......when the time arrives. I would like to know if it would be alright if I respectfully play ..... During a quiet time during the viewing....... And we gave planned to have me play at the service. Thankyou for your thoughts.......Ruth Jensen
Thku for your insight....... Mom is calm and actually very comfortable with life and her eventual ending. We are christian and its not a fear to die. It is a bit of the unknown and there will always be the loss and sadness of her...... But you are so kind in your words and insight. I Thku and I have learned so much from your videos. Thankyou so much. Respectfully. R. Jensen
Also, if you promise a widow or other family member that you will do something for them. If you find out you can't do what you promised, find someone who can help them. It's not good to go back on a promise to help.
Great video, all of these are excellent points and very well expressed. Thank you for both perspectives...the griever and the visitor/supporter, very helpful coaching.
Everyone should remember that people who are kind enough to be there for you at the funeral home now MAYBE BE IN YOUR SHOES SIX MONTHS TO A YEAR FROM NOW. When you act stupid to what someone said who is trying to be there for you ,then next time they may not even bother to be there. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. I lost my father on 9\28\2017 to cancer. HE FOUGHT A THIRTY YEAR BATTLE WITH CANCER AND HE IS FREE NOW.
Kari Northey He was strong ,but toward the end he just got tired of being sick.Along with the cancer he had heart problems -a heart attack ,cardiac arrest in which medical personnel did CPR on him for over 2 hours and a pacemaker and a defibrillator. At the end he had to go to the hospital every 2 weeks to get his lungs drained of fluid and he was just so tired of it. At the end he was in a coma. The day he died,my mother (she's a retired RN)had just changed his diaper and turned him in the bed. She came back to him 5 minutes later and found that he was gone. She called the funeral home to come get him and ironically the people who came to get him were women-we know that he would have gotten a big kick out of it ,knowing that women brought him into the world and women who took him out. I just wonder if a woman "pushed the button " to cremate him.
Someone told me “this is much better than if you had a divorce and know he was with another woman “ Geez give me a break. I would be willing to let him be with another woman in our home just to have him ❤️🙏🏻💕
I lost my Mom on 1-3-16 in a car accident, lost my dad on 2-5-17 to cancer. It makes me angry when people say I know the hurt you are going through. Or you should be over their deaths by now or the other one your parents would not be happy with you right now for being so upset about them. I went numb the day mom passed because I was the one notified that she passed, I stayed numb until a few weeks before this Christmas. I finally broke down and had a good cry which made me feel better.
Jonnah Wilder So it makes you angry with people who say that I know what you are going through ? That person who was kind enough to be there for you JUST MAY HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER WHO IS FIGHTING OR DIED OF THE VERY SAME THING AS YOUR LOVED ONE! MY father FOUGHT A THIRTY YEAR BATTLE WITH CANCER ! His battle began in 1985 and ended on 9\28\2017 when he FINALLY WON THE FIGHT. He started with Non-Hogkins lymphoma and went through skin,bone marrow ,stomach. and pancreatic cancer along with diabetes and heart failure. So you ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE ! I am not trying to be mean as you are going through the process of mourning ,but for you to say that ,then you seem to forget that the people who showed up at the funeral home did that to show that they were there for you. Remember that the situation MAYBE reversed six months to a year from now and THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING AS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW.
Cynthia Thomas It wasn't folks at the funeral that made me angry it was my moms sisters that made me angry. She lost her dad at a young age but she didn't lose both parent's at 4 months a part
Jonnah Wilder You are lucky. My mom's sister was a REAL PAIN in the ass. She was NEVER AROUND to help. I grew up watching my parents take care of my grandparents on BOTH SIDES of the family. and yet both my mom's sister and my dad's brother wanted their way. My dad's brother pitched a fit at his stepfathers burial when my was given the flag that was on the casket-because the man had been in the army.My mom's sister was the same when my grandmother was in the hospital for the last time. Of course they are both dead now too.My mom's sister was found dead in her home. My dad's brother died of diabetes because he didn't take care of himself.
Cynthia Thomas I am sorry you went through that and yes I am very lucky. I have 2 brothers that I am very close to as well as my grandmother and my Dad's brother. I am just 38 and this was my children's first experience with loss.
Kari Northey I am thinking about going into mourtary school but I am going to try to volunteer at the local funeral first to see if I will like it . The funeral home is in ky so they have to check to see if its legal for me to to volunteer.
My grandmas funeral was a few days ago and the family was only focused on the bad choices I’ve made in my life. I got snippy at the funeral and stated the funeral was about grandma not about me. I don’t understand why they deflect during this time. I don’t know if this is normal or not. They just worried about whether I was going to heaven. It’s insane to me.
I think Gossiping is the worst possible thing you can do at a wake/visitation. I don’t even remember anyone acknowledging me at my Dads wake. Who passed away 8/20/17. I’m not over my loss I’m just working on coping and getting through my depression. I was told the peanut gallery said “Did she take her medication.” I imagine it was for both taking a picture of my father in his casket a selfie. And while the clergy was reading out of there prayer book I finished reciting an important bible verse. The fact I didn’t hear anything was probably a blessing because I probably would of flipped out. And being told after the fact didn’t take away my anger. I just have to let it go I’ll never see those people again they were associated with my step mom and she’s no longer speaking to me. And doesn’t have to.
Cynthia Thomas my father had a massive heart attack while outside gardening. He did call out to my step mom but by the time she got to him not knowing CPR she called 911 but they couldn't revive him. He was only 68 and 350lbs I still feel numb over the whole ordeal. After it happened I saw a cardiologist he did a bunch of tests and I am medically stable. It's hard to lose a parent even harder to lose a child or a friend. Since It was a huge surprise for me I was caught off guard also in 2017 I lost one of my cousins to lung cancer. The only comfort I get out of all of this is the reality one day we all will die and will be unaware of it. My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your father.
Kari Northey indeed this is the truth. And all my biopsies came back negative I'm still sore and have some pain still but my staples were taken out and replaced with strips I see my Pcp this Tuesday. Life is good and I'm blessed to experience it. One day at a time.
Starr Qua-asia The same to you. The main thing is both of them (your dad and mine )are okay now. They are not sick anymore. I like to think that my dad is with Knight Rider again and they're playing catch. Knight RIder was my black cocker spaniel who lived for 16 years. He and JT(my dad )were best buddies. He was a puppy when my dad first got cancer and Knight RIder would stay by his side..Both of them died from cancer. I like to think that when JT crossed over Knight RIder was sitting there on the other side of the rainbow bridge and when Jt got to the end ,Knight RIder jumped into my dad's arms .
A little something on FHs. I always feel like there's no air in the rm. And then it seems as though my head gets tight & my hearing goes. This has been since childhood. 🤷🏿♀️🙏🏾
I have been out of my families life for a very long time. If I ever got contacted that any of my family has died I would ask if there is any help they need and offer my prayers and love but I do not believe I belong at any of their wakes or funerals since I have not been in any of their lives for so long. When I die just cremate me and dump the ashes in a garden or somewhere remote. I am not close enough to anyone to do anything more. Work on relationships while there is a chance. Spend meaningful time with loved ones. If I haven't as they live; I don't belong crying over them at their death. Just my humble opinion.
Hi Kari....trends here in western pa. Seem to be somewhat of a downward trend in visitations with more people having none at all....do you think this will continue??? Also back in the day...the old ..7-9 pm and 2-4 and 7-9 pm with funeral the next day absolutely wore us out...:) thanks...
Kari Northey thank you.....also how do you feel about live streaming of a service by a funeral home at the families approval for people out of state or who can't attend ? I have nothing against it :)
Kari Northey thank you for your valuable input....I'm sure all the subscribers are also thankful that you take the time out of your day to answer our questions...keeps us Learning:)
I had every wrong statement you could imagine said to me when my husband died. I had one lady come up to me and say that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore because me losing g my husband makes her uncomfortable
Kari, this is totally off topic, but any advice on how to get my hubby to talk about our final plans? Every time I try he gets real emotional. I do to but we have to make plans. I'm going to be 69 and he just turn 70. Any suggestions ?
As many funerals I've had to attend, I never know what to say, depending on how well I knew the person is a big factor. I use (I'm so sorry this happened ) or (I'm praying for you, if there's anything I can do please let me know ) I hope these are ok.
Mikey mike keep in mind that some people do not believe in god. We can’t assume everyone values prayers. “ I’ve been thinking of you” may be a good response.
Cindy Harris I agree, if I'm attending a funeral of someone I know nothing about their beliefs. I will generalize my condolences. But usually at least in my small town, you know something of the deceased or family. And usually the funeral home staff knows if it's going to be a religious service. And the obituary tell a lot.
I always talk about what they did in life. Master of esoteric knowledge. But yes, that does seem to work. I once said, " Your mother is in a better place." The son said, " Mother is in the cemetary, is that a better?" Lessons learned.
Every time I go to a celebration of life funeral events I get myself in a jam because I raised service therapy Esa motional service animals that are chickens they are dressed very formal in chicken diapers that are hard to see once worn and they give hugs to the feeling members that are in Despair and sadness now the tough part is now I'm getting so much calls to bring my Therapy Services ESA chickens to a lot of funeral events. I can't keep ahead of myself cuz I'm getting Mass invitations to bring my therapy chickens to these funeral events. I have a hard time saying no because my chicken has met these people's family member before they passed away in hospice nursing homes children's hospitals and such. They call me chicken man of Inverness Florida. My chickens have met a lot of people that have Lou Gehrig's disease it's amazing how these people can't move but when they see my chicken you swear to God that their arms are going to fly away like chicken wings but I guess it's the angels in my hen,s that put sudden movements into these people happy long prosperous life with a short Journey. Please let me know if I'm doing something right in my life has that I had heart surgery last September I was supposed to be in the hospital for 2 months because of aortic valve replacement and a r Arch replacement and I was out in 7 days I guess it was chicken therapy power that took me home quick to my flying flock of angels that I love dearly.
Kari Northey it must be the one you found in there Citrus County Chronicle paper it's quite a few other stories but they're all kind of other stories in the newspaper somewheres on the internet
Kari Northey Citrus County Inverness Chronicle newspaper. There's also video service therapy chickens. There's so many stories and videos on my account they're kind of hard to find now
Kari Northey. for the years I spent with chickens I rescue a lot of them. And they Rescue Me from emotion thoughts that we all have in life and right now I have 11 and for all the years I've gone through and have chickens and roosters I probably had over 400 some of them got adopted out. Some of them passed away. We're also introducing chickens in the prison Society throughout the country and gives the prisoner something to learn also we have dog kennels that are popping up everywhere in prison developments you'd be amazed what animals could do. I have a lot of hens and chickens that love to give hugs and when I go to the funeral with them I tell you it's a lot of laughter and joy you kind of wonder if it's like a birthday party going on. Encourage a lot of people they know any people that play music like a band and they get right into it when a family member passes away I think funerals celebration of life is really taking a turn it's turned into a party thing instead of a sad moment my uncle in Vermont on the funeral home brown Maclay Funeral Home in Bristol Vermont he was quite the character I remember when I was young he try to learn me the bombing thing I did pretty good but boy he had to standby with a mop and a mop bucket.
Kari Northey . they can be pretty dirty mine go through a cleaning process with air chamber that dried blow dryer and they get act 1 behind the neck that keeps fleas and bugs and ticks everything awful they're almost indoor bird. Every year they go further check up they get blood work throat cultures and special nemic shots. That's expensive. They also go for Ultrasonic internal readings to make sure they don't have cancer or tumors or egg bound I had one chicken it was the adamant and they drained her and cured it and now she's a big gluek. Her name is sassy she feels like a 50lb bird. As I'm leaving you this message she gave a lady's a thrift store a hug. and the lady was almost in tears because her children are overseas she said and she hasn't had a hug like that for many years. Have you seen a service therapy chicken videos yet. Almost forgot to mention that my birds get checked for bumblefoot. It's sores and Paralysis on the bottom of their feet I got one bird that had the issue. Last Thursday the vet did a beautiful job and cut the dead tissue off. I didn't know if I mentioned it or not but I was wondering with all the cool things that family members like to do with their loved one that passed away is ever heard of people putting dog ashes remains in with human remains. That's definitely my wishes. There's a lot of people like to do what I do but they want to do it for profit and that's when I don't learn them nothing I tell them it's not good to do that way because a burn deserve the credit they're the hard workers. I have friends of mine that tell me I should write a book about it. I told them it would be a 3 foot buy two and a half foot thick book and be awful heavy very expensive they would have to put the book in the museum that's why I told him I met some famous people Donald Trump for one Bernie Sanders my friend from Vermont where my Homestead is.
Have you ever had a request from a family to display their loved one standing or on a motorcycle or some other non-traditional way at their wake? Please explain the challenges with such a display of a body in this fashion.
When my dad died something like this happened and is done all the time in Columbus, GA: In the fashion of my fast climbing up the corporate latter klan of a family... You say something like this to someone dealing with the death of their kid coming back from war in a casket... "I would like to offer you my condolences but at this point and time in your life, All that Matters is we have CAREERS at AFLAC!"
When someone dies don't think about those that are dead think about the money you've saved with all the birthday and Christmas presents you no longer have to buy. 😎
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It amazes me that when a loved one dies, entire families can unite in the course of a few days. We should have "living wakes" where all our loved ones can gather and talk about memories while everyone is alive...
Ted 2414 yes, so important. Love them as much and as best you can while they are still alive. ❤️
This is nice. And we did it.
I had a brother in law who was a man of accomplishment. (And he kept outliving the doctors' life expectancy predictions.)
He was of great benefit to the community, youth and more. We had a large living wake for him. He was present in his wheelchair and was able to receive the love and appreciation that about 100 people came to offer. This was good for him and his wife.
This event was held at a large upscale residence of one of his friends. So there was plenty of room indoors and out. It was a warm, beautiful California evening and everyone was quite comfortable at tables on the large back lawn. There was abundant food, drinks for all ages, and even the pool was available as this went on for quite a while. And there were several speakers and an open microphone.
In this case it was catered but it could be done potluck style with a few parties being asked to bring particular items.
This man had earned many honors. But I think it is better (more healing maybe?) when people come and tell you themselves. And when we eventually did lose him it gave his widow and us a lot to look back on and it lent us some comfort.
@@michaeldougfir9807 Beautiful letter and it sounded like an amazing event. Celebrate the good people in our lives when they're around to appreciate it..
That's called a Family Reunion. They can be small or large. Also, take notes from older family members about anything. People recipes Ask Medical history questions. Find out who was married to whom. Above all, if you don't like something you hear, let the past be the past, you can change it. Don't miss your chances at knowing family history.
Lucky my family does
I lost my special needs daughter ,she died in February 2022,she was in a 🦽and had Epilepsy, A lot of people said ,She is not suffering anymore, That was not comforting, Just offer condolences, no matter the situation you still hurt,She was loved by me and her siblings,and we miss her angelic presence...nice video....Kari..
As a hospice care social worker , I wish there were more funeral directors who took the time w the family the way you to , in order to prep the family or allow the families to spend extra time with their deceased loved ones ...
My husband died in a traumatic way. MVA on a motor cycle - not found for 5 days. My FD did not coach me or my 8 and 12 year old children. I do not remember one word any person said to me during the visitation I was in such shock. I don't blame him at all. He was such a blessing as were my parents. Im not sure We could have survived this without my parents.
I’m so glad you brought up the awkward reactions to being at a visitation. At my uncles visitation I was sitting down with my mom and all the sudden had to try so hard to not laugh (similar feeling of trying not to laugh in a silent room filled with people). I felt so bad because I was not laughing for any reason other than I was a little uncomfortable. It seemed to cheer my mom up because she knew exactly what was happening with me so that was nice. Thanks again!
Today I replied with a story about the living wake we had for my brother in law. The term "living wake" was new to us. But my wife and I agree that it is a good name for the event we attended. And when the person the wake is for can be there, it is very special to tell them yourself how much you love them, appreciate their accomplishments, their place in the family... and more.
I disagree that saying I know how you feel is hurtful. When my dad passed in my twenties it was comforting when other young adults shared their loss of parents with me and I truly felt as if they did know I felt (of course realizing it isn’t exactly the same). Consequently the worse phrase I ever got, and I got this more often than not, the “at least he isn’t in any more pain.” I know the goal is to be comforting, but reminding me of my dads suffering was a low blow especially in the immediate aftermath when I had just witnessed the gruesome end. It’s been 4 years and his suffering still haunts me.
I was asked to speak at a visitation tommorrow and it terrifies me. I am finding that careful thought and rehearsing has helped. It never hurts to write down and think about what you might say. This person was always so thoughtful and our conversations always came back to family. She was always reaching out and stopping by my office to say hello. Even her pain it was always circled back around to family and her care and concern for what was going on in our lives. That is what I remember and I hope it is the appropriate thing to testify too.
@@KaritheMortician It went well. Thanks for asking. Nervous as could be, but just focused my eyes on the widower as I spoke. Told him that there were only some wounds that god can heal. Spoke about her career and what they had both done for our family. Mostly about her love of family. Wish that I had written notes and followed them but it went well. As a friend told me... be quick and to the point. He sent me a nice note afterwards on FB
Thank you for mentioning the things NOT TO SAY! If one more person said the words "in a better place" to me one more time about my son I think I would have lost my mind!
You are welcome!
I truly wish I could have had you care for my parents and husband. The morticians we had varied but none had as amazing an approach as you seem to.
This video is very, very helpful. Especially the part regarding conversation about the person’s life, not illness or death. One thing I’d add is don’t mention anything embarrassing about the deceased. Nobody’s going to find it humorous.
Very true
Thanks Kari that is so true, once you've said something that may have hurt someone you can't take it back. If in doubt just keep it simple.
I was so hurt by a family member who told me my late husband was an alcoholic. My LH was not an alcoholic. I still find it awkward as I never got a sincere apology. LH enjoyed a beer or 2 especially after a long trip to see family. And to him it was the same as offering a meal or beverage. It's been 7 yrs. It still upsets me.
@@evap.6836
Dear Eva,
Thanks for expressing your heart. This is important. So I have something to offer you. Please stick with me.
Do you know The Lord's Prayer? Jesus was asked how to pray. So He gave this to us as a pattern. But there is important content in the prayer, not just something to recite during services.
In St. Matthew's gospel, chapter 6 verses 9 to 15 is this wonderful passage on prayer.
Notice verse 12. "Forgive us our debts [or trespases] as we forgive our debtors [or trespassers]." The word "as" means 'in the same way.'
SO: if you can not forgive this family member for saying the offensive thing about LH, how can you expect to be forgiven yourself?
Hate or unforgiveness reflects on the hater, NOT the one who is in trouble with you. But if you exercise the character to forgive then you will reap the benefit.
Hang in there. Is your Bible open in front of you? Next look at verses 14 and 15. A clear statement. If you will not forgive you will not be forgiven. (Repetition is a Hebrew teaching tool.)
Now you must take it from there. You are very welcome to ask God for help in doing this. He loves to hear from us and to help.
It also does not matter if the offender is alive or dead. It is about the state of your heart.
I wish you peace in your life.
Michael D.
I think hearing what to say is even better than what not to say. I appreciate the suggestion to start a conversation about their life or a story where you ran into the person somewhere. Great video, Kari! Thanks!
More people ought to watch this. At my husband's service, people asked some questions about what happened. He had a severe stroke. People did ask several questions you mentioned. My family members asked about the house and things along those lines. I knew it was because they care.
Thank you!!
When my mom died. I had several people say she's not in pain anymore. I thought that was awesome. Because it's true.
I was taught to be there for the individual when the visitations & the funeral is over . Being there for a loved one after the funeral & being present can give the most relief . This is the most important time to be there after the coast is clear as well as assist with making all those difficult decisions. This is the offering support or not even saying anything , but showing support. This loved one is cloudy & needs help making sound decisions.
Thank you
Thank you for the wonderful advice.i enjoy your videos. You are a very compassionate person. Thank you for caring as much as you do.
You are welcome
When my mom died I did feel relief because she had left her suffering. There are stages. Now the grief has set in. Death is an amputation. I appreciate what you do.
Thank you for sharing
Major beneficial advice.I was told that I would be the last person to see my son before being moved to the hearse,a friend said while giving me a hug you will be alright tomorrow... these can be thought of in very different ways,other than than that nothing from the professionals..Great advice to be forewarned... ❤️ Kari
:)
my son was 25. one of the worst things someone said at the funeral , only the good die young! Was that supposed to make me feel better? He was 25 with a 5 year old child, he was needed here!Eventually you find ways to accept a reality you didn't want, but there's always going to be a part of me that will always long for my child.
I am so sorry for that heartbreak for you and your family
Oh Kari this is good. Through my career as a mortician I often thought that a number of these things should not be said to the grieving family. But there was no coaching, and I really believe not much thought on the part of visitors.
SO: I am very glad you made this video.
If I could add one thing...
But I can't. I think this is considerate and complete.
My mortuary companies I worked for did well in that if I was listening to a bereaved person who needed to vent at length, we were given all the space that was needed. I feel that this was huge. And I appreciate it so much.
When I lost my wife I had those who would listen to me, and read my loooong emails. Because I did a lot of my grieving in print. So I know how important the listener is from my own experience with loss.
If I may I would like to play this for my grief support group.
Is that permissable?
With thanks and electronic HUGS,
Michael.
I would love for you to! Thank you so much and let me know if I can help in any way.
Thanks for your last point. It’s true, everyone is affected differently!
So true!
Thanks for sharing. Definitely appreciate it.
Great advice.
Kari, this is such a valuable video and demonstrates your experience and empathy. Need to keep this video handy.
Yes, talk about THEIR life, DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU! I know a few people who do that, they will start talking about people 'they' know, sure it's the same situation but, the family has no clue who you're talking about & at that point especially, THEY DON'T CARE! It's about them, not you. I will say right out 'yes, it sucks, & the grief will go in waves. Just be patient with each other & know we're here when you're ready.'
Nice video Kari, and explained very well!
I dont know how this would go over up North, but down South many people still take photos at the wake and the funeral. If it's not something you're used to, it would never cross your mind. When my mother in law died, I offered to take a photo of my husband and his brother and sister together standing by the open casket with their mother. Yes, it sounds deranged but it was a last family photo and it was nice to be able to do that. I also took several of her in the casket and of the viewing room and flowers and guests etc so the relatives out of state who couldnt come could see and have that. So maybe, if you dont think the family would be horrified, offer to take a photo for them. It's easy now with smart phones and you can always preface it with "I know someone whose family take a photo at the viewing...." and that's not a lie because my family always did that. Hi, I'm Mary, nice to meet you, now you know me and it's not a lie. :-)
You are definitely not the Gothic stereotype mortician. You are so full of life. You bring a gentleness to a difficult subject.
:) Thanks
Thank You Kari. This is very informative. I know in the past I’ve been guilty of saying that I know how they feel or going through. I also always talk about something good or positive the person had on my life to the family. Thanks again for the video. 👍
Thank you Kari. I am learning how to talk to the grieving family in mortuary school right now.
I just came from a visitation and left so bad because I didn’t know how to say or do. Wish I saw your video beforehand thank you so much for sharing
Glad it was helpful!
Thanks for the information. I lost a uncle in December. Going to the visitation was hard. I felt awkward just didn't know what to say to my aunt.
Thank you Kari for these very informative videos, I have learned so much! You speak beautifully.
The most beautiful lady in the world!¡!!
Oh, and thumbs up to pictures. In my experience this is very widely accepted now.
And it becomes a unique opportunity.
I say don't pass it by.
Thank you
I absolutely love your videos! You cover everything in detail. I’ll be soooo sad when I’ve watched them all. :(
One thing I’ve said is I don’t know what to say. I’ve never gotten a negative response to that or felt that cringy feeling that I’ve completely shoved my foot in my mouth. But this has only been with people I really know well. Most of the time I’ve gotten back I don’t either. With one very specific instance I said something I would never say at any other time. It wasn’t too terribly long after my father died that a friend’s father died. We were both only thirty. She, another friend who’s father had died years before, and I were standing together just trying to avoid that awkward silence. I looked at the two of them and asked How did we end up in this awful club together? That broke the tension. We had all known each other and been friends since kindergarten. We couldn’t really talk about her father because there was a situation that caused her to not see or speak to her father for several years. It was just what popped into my brain and out of my mouth before I could stop it. But it worked. Thank God!!! After we just reminisced about how much fun we had growing up together and the trouble we all got in as little kids. I thank God even now, 13 years later, that that statement didn’t hurt her. It could have. Easily.
So helpful. Thanks for educating 😁💗
I love ur vids kari. I would never tell someone I know how they feel that’s so rude and awkward as well. I heard it at a few funerals and just cringe. Take care !!
TH-cam must be on a roll, another 3 year old video recommendation, lol, not that I'm complaining, I absolutely love your videos :) I once said to a relative at a viewing is "well guess I won't be seeing that 30 bucks he owed now :) A little humor never hurts. God bless you Kari!
Wow they are getting stirred up!
These videos I look forward to, so jnformative
Thank you so much for this advice. I will attend a good friend’s visitation tomorrow and have been trying to think of supportive words for her family- esp her young adult children.
Thank you!
Just getting ready for work over here, and while I was I got a notification that you just put up a vew video Kari :) Very informative and chock full of helpful things pertaining to a funeral service. Thank you for addressing the question I had for you the other day!! You are much appreciated for all your work here Kari!!
My mother used to have a saying: if u do not know what to say, then keep ur mouth shut.
My godmother, is somewhat socially awkward like that. And I've often had to chew her out, bc she never thinks b4 she opens her mouth.
Not surprising, we are estranged now. I just love her from afar.
So true
My German Grandpa always said that "if you can't be pleasant,
shut up"
I'm not sure it's a great way to raise a child if you want them to have good self-esteem but it seems like a good thing to do at a funeral
I usually just say, sorry for your loss, he or she will be missed. We cannot know what they're going through. Then I say if you need ANYTHING. let me know.
I am getting ready to go to a visitation and funeral this morning. Thank you for the advice. I never know what to say. Usually... ‘I’m so sorry. I’m here if you need anything. Keeping you all in my prayers.’ And it feels so lame. 😢 But I don’t want to say anything offensive either!
And keep a distance today with the virus :)
Very well said.
Thanks for another honest informative video! ✌️
:Random and slightly personal question! Have you planned your own funeral? If so what kind of service/burial/crem have you got in mind for yourself?
Very good suggestions Kari. Those really are awkward moments. The typical “ I am sorry for your loss” is so overused as a lame comment.
thank you!
Being a paramedic in the field and hospital for decades I have seen the ugly side of death and heard every one of those a million times. I've always placed a hand on a shoulder or if the family seemed open to it, a hug. Asking if there is anything you can get them is always a good idea. I don't know if I could ever work at a funeral home because I think I would be sad most of the time. Your videos are almost always interesting. I really enjoy the tours you do. People always want to see behind the scenes and you show these areas very well. I am not sure if your follow or network with other funeral directors on TH-cam such as James the Funeral Director, but I like watching your videos because you don't put on the obvious look or feel of a funeral director. Some have dark make up, long dark straight hair, white powder face, and their surroundings are always for effects. You look like a normal person who is warm, caring, and the main thing approachable. Although I love me some James the Funeral Director, I watch you everytime a new video comes out. Thank you for the informative videos, it's interesting to see the path these people go through after I have to place them in a cooler at the hospital. Have a good day!
Great video....about 10 minutes before final respects ...I am sitting in front row...at dads funeral...heard people still talking and a couple laughing....I got up and respectfully demanded quiet in that room and got it.....too much of a circus at some visitations which is why my visitation will be private....thanks again !!!
Very very helpful! Thank you, I wish somebody told me that before
Great info
Thank you!
Very helpful. It is always helpful to have an idea what to say. I have heard all these trite things. Also family customs are sometimes troubling. I had an aunt who used to almost force people to kiss the diseased. My sister still talks about this experience to this day and she is 68 now.
I think the “______ is in a better place” and “Heaven needed another angel”, are pretty much the first things that come to my mind when I think of things NOT to say to the family of the deceased.
Kari Northey yes, and to say nothing is worse, but it is hard to know. I have said the wrong thing so many times. Not just in a death situation. I guess one of the good things about getting older, is experience. I think back to how I handled things when I was younger, including what I said to people, and I cringe.
My friend did a similar video to this, but t was “what not to say to a widow.” I have learned so much from her.
Awesome video
Thanks!
Thank you for posting all your videos. I’ve watched many of them, this video was great. Over the years I have said about everything you said not to say! However I have become less nervous when attending viewing services and have struck up conservations with family members about the life of that person. It does breaks the tension.
For years now I have been intrigued about the funeral business. I considered going into it out of high school. But became a horticulturist instead, and now in charge of a botanical estate garden for a local park district. I am seriously considering changing careers and entering the funeral business in some capacity. And information you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
This is a great video and informative. I am a mortuary student. I am just finding you, love your videos.
Hello Kari. I play guitar and my Mom enjoys the music I play. She Is 93 and has made a few song requests to be played for her service......when the time arrives. I would like to know if it would be alright if I respectfully play ..... During a quiet time during the viewing....... And we gave planned to have me play at the service. Thankyou for your thoughts.......Ruth Jensen
Thku for your insight....... Mom is calm and actually very comfortable with life and her eventual ending. We are christian and its not a fear to die. It is a bit of the unknown and there will always be the loss and sadness of her...... But you are so kind in your words and insight. I Thku and I have learned so much from your videos. Thankyou so much. Respectfully. R. Jensen
Why not just make a cd of you playing and have it played
Also, if you promise a widow or other family member that you will do something for them. If you find out you can't do what you promised, find someone who can help them. It's not good to go back on a promise to help.
yes indeed
Great video, all of these are excellent points and very well expressed. Thank you for both perspectives...the griever and the visitor/supporter, very helpful coaching.
Excellent video.
Everyone should remember that people who are kind enough to be there for you at the funeral home now MAYBE BE IN YOUR SHOES SIX MONTHS TO A YEAR FROM NOW. When you act stupid to what someone said who is trying to be there for you ,then next time they may not even bother to be there. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. I lost my father on 9\28\2017 to cancer. HE FOUGHT A THIRTY YEAR BATTLE WITH CANCER AND HE IS FREE NOW.
Kari Northey He was strong ,but toward the end he just got tired of being sick.Along with the cancer he had heart problems -a heart attack ,cardiac arrest in which medical personnel did CPR on him for over 2 hours and a pacemaker and a defibrillator. At the end he had to go to the hospital every 2 weeks to get his lungs drained of fluid and he was just so tired of it. At the end he was in a coma. The day he died,my mother (she's a retired RN)had just changed his diaper and turned him in the bed. She came back to him 5 minutes later and found that he was gone. She called the funeral home to come get him and ironically the people who came to get him were women-we know that he would have gotten a big kick out of it ,knowing that women brought him into the world and women who took him out. I just wonder if a woman "pushed the button " to cremate him.
Someone told me “this is much better than if you had a divorce and know he was with another woman “ Geez give me a break. I would be willing to let him be with another woman in our home just to have him ❤️🙏🏻💕
I lost my Mom on 1-3-16 in a car accident, lost my dad on 2-5-17 to cancer. It makes me angry when people say I know the hurt you are going through. Or you should be over their deaths by now or the other one your parents would not be happy with you right now for being so upset about them. I went numb the day mom passed because I was the one notified that she passed, I stayed numb until a few weeks before this Christmas. I finally broke down and had a good cry which made me feel better.
Jonnah Wilder So it makes you angry with people who say that I know what you are going through ? That person who was kind enough to be there for you JUST MAY HAVE A FAMILY MEMBER WHO IS FIGHTING OR DIED OF THE VERY SAME THING AS YOUR LOVED ONE! MY father FOUGHT A THIRTY YEAR BATTLE WITH CANCER ! His battle began in 1985 and ended on 9\28\2017 when he FINALLY WON THE FIGHT. He started with Non-Hogkins lymphoma and went through skin,bone marrow ,stomach. and pancreatic cancer along with diabetes and heart failure. So you ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE ! I am not trying to be mean as you are going through the process of mourning ,but for you to say that ,then you seem to forget that the people who showed up at the funeral home did that to show that they were there for you. Remember that the situation MAYBE reversed six months to a year from now and THEY ARE GOING THROUGH THE SAME THING AS YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW.
Cynthia Thomas It wasn't folks at the funeral that made me angry it was my moms sisters that made me angry. She lost her dad at a young age but she didn't lose both parent's at 4 months a part
Jonnah Wilder You are lucky. My mom's sister was a REAL PAIN in the ass. She was NEVER AROUND to help. I grew up watching my parents take care of my grandparents on BOTH SIDES of the family. and yet both my mom's sister and my dad's brother wanted their way. My dad's brother pitched a fit at his stepfathers burial when my was given the flag that was on the casket-because the man had been in the army.My mom's sister was the same when my grandmother was in the hospital for the last time. Of course they are both dead now too.My mom's sister was found dead in her home. My dad's brother died of diabetes because he didn't take care of himself.
Cynthia Thomas I am sorry you went through that and yes I am very lucky. I have 2 brothers that I am very close to as well as my grandmother and my Dad's brother. I am just 38 and this was my children's first experience with loss.
Kari Northey I am thinking about going into mourtary school but I am going to try to volunteer at the local funeral first to see if I will like it . The funeral home is in ky so they have to check to see if its legal for me to to volunteer.
Great video thank you
My grandmas funeral was a few days ago and the family was only focused on the bad choices I’ve made in my life. I got snippy at the funeral and stated the funeral was about grandma not about me. I don’t understand why they deflect during this time. I don’t know if this is normal or not. They just worried about whether I was going to heaven. It’s insane to me.
That's really hard I encourage you to seek the company of people who don't force their beliefs on you... If you're really young that can be hard
Very helpful.
I think Gossiping is the worst possible thing you can do at a wake/visitation. I don’t even remember anyone acknowledging me at my Dads wake. Who passed away 8/20/17. I’m not over my loss I’m just working on coping and getting through my depression. I was told the peanut gallery said “Did she take her medication.” I imagine it was for both taking a picture of my father in his casket a selfie. And while the clergy was reading out of there prayer book I finished reciting an important bible verse. The fact I didn’t hear anything was probably a blessing because I probably would of flipped out. And being told after the fact didn’t take away my anger. I just have to let it go I’ll never see those people again they were associated with my step mom and she’s no longer speaking to me. And doesn’t have to.
Starr Qua-asia My condolences. I lost my father a month later in September from cancer. He died at home. He was cremated. You are not alone.
Cynthia Thomas my father had a massive heart attack while outside gardening. He did call out to my step mom but by the time she got to him not knowing CPR she called 911 but they couldn't revive him. He was only 68 and 350lbs I still feel numb over the whole ordeal. After it happened I saw a cardiologist he did a bunch of tests and I am medically stable. It's hard to lose a parent even harder to lose a child or a friend. Since It was a huge surprise for me I was caught off guard also in 2017 I lost one of my cousins to lung cancer. The only comfort I get out of all of this is the reality one day we all will die and will be unaware of it. My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your father.
Kari Northey indeed this is the truth. And all my biopsies came back negative I'm still sore and have some pain still but my staples were taken out and replaced with strips I see my Pcp this Tuesday. Life is good and I'm blessed to experience it. One day at a time.
Starr Qua-asia The same to you. The main thing is both of them (your dad and mine )are okay now. They are not sick anymore. I like to think that my dad is with Knight Rider again and they're playing catch. Knight RIder was my black cocker spaniel who lived for 16 years. He and JT(my dad )were best buddies. He was a puppy when my dad first got cancer and Knight RIder would stay by his side..Both of them died from cancer. I like to think that when JT crossed over Knight RIder was sitting there on the other side of the rainbow bridge and when Jt got to the end ,Knight RIder jumped into my dad's arms .
A little something on FHs. I always feel like there's no air in the rm. And then it seems as though my head gets tight & my hearing goes. This has been since childhood. 🤷🏿♀️🙏🏾
Thank you
I have been out of my families life for a very long time. If I ever got contacted that any of my family has died I would ask if there is any help they need and offer my prayers and love but I do not believe I belong at any of their wakes or funerals since I have not been in any of their lives for so long. When I die just cremate me and dump the ashes in a garden or somewhere remote. I am not close enough to anyone to do anything more. Work on relationships while there is a chance. Spend meaningful time with loved ones. If I haven't as they live; I don't belong crying over them at their death. Just my humble opinion.
Thank you for sharing this
@@KaritheMortician Thank you for this video and all your work you do. Light and Love always fro. Texas💐
Thank you for your videos. You are awesome. So much great information.
"If there is anything you need." Don't say this, just do something.
Yes, thank you for watching!
Hi Kari....trends here in western pa. Seem to be somewhat of a downward trend in visitations with more people having none at all....do you think this will continue??? Also back in the day...the old ..7-9 pm and 2-4 and 7-9 pm with funeral the next day absolutely wore us out...:) thanks...
Kari Northey thank you.....also how do you feel about live streaming of a service by a funeral home at the families approval for people out of state or who can't attend ? I have nothing against it :)
Kari Northey thank you for your valuable input....I'm sure all the subscribers are also thankful that you take the time out of your day to answer our questions...keeps us
Learning:)
I had every wrong statement you could imagine said to me when my husband died. I had one lady come up to me and say that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore because me losing g my husband makes her uncomfortable
Have you ever seen bioshield entombment system for caskets
Damn she’s so beautiful
Kari, this is totally off topic, but any advice on how to get my hubby to talk about our final plans? Every time I try he gets real emotional. I do to but we have to make plans. I'm going to be 69 and he just turn 70. Any suggestions ?
As many funerals I've had to attend, I never know what to say, depending on how well I knew the person is a big factor. I use (I'm so sorry this happened ) or (I'm praying for you, if there's anything I can do please let me know ) I hope these are ok.
Mikey mike keep in mind that some people do not believe in god. We can’t assume everyone values prayers. “ I’ve been thinking of you” may be a good response.
Cindy Harris I agree, if I'm attending a funeral of someone I know nothing about their beliefs. I will generalize my condolences.
But usually at least in my small town, you know something of the deceased or family. And usually the funeral home staff knows if it's going to be a religious service. And the obituary tell a lot.
Can a funeral director from another s State help another funeral director in the viewing.
Chicago metropolitan correctional facility
I always talk about what they did in life. Master of esoteric knowledge. But yes, that does seem to work. I once said, " Your mother is in a better place." The son said, " Mother is in the cemetary, is that a better?" Lessons learned.
The more I learn about death the less I fear dying of nature causes.
Awesome!
Definitely, don't say ever "Thoughts and Prayers "to me . Because they're useless. So with me avoid "Thoughts and Prayers " I'm sn Atheist.
Thank you
About once a month
Every time I go to a celebration of life funeral events I get myself in a jam because I raised service therapy Esa motional service animals that are chickens they are dressed very formal in chicken diapers that are hard to see once worn and they give hugs to the feeling members that are in Despair and sadness now the tough part is now I'm getting so much calls to bring my Therapy Services ESA chickens to a lot of funeral events. I can't keep ahead of myself cuz I'm getting Mass invitations to bring my therapy chickens to these funeral events. I have a hard time saying no because my chicken has met these people's family member before they passed away in hospice nursing homes children's hospitals and such. They call me chicken man of Inverness Florida. My chickens have met a lot of people that have Lou Gehrig's disease it's amazing how these people can't move but when they see my chicken you swear to God that their arms are going to fly away like chicken wings but I guess it's the angels in my hen,s that put sudden movements into these people happy long prosperous life with a short Journey. Please let me know if I'm doing something right in my life has that I had heart surgery last September I was supposed to be in the hospital for 2 months because of aortic valve replacement and a r Arch replacement and I was out in 7 days I guess it was chicken therapy power that took me home quick to my flying flock of angels that I love dearly.
Kari Northey it must be the one you found in there Citrus County Chronicle paper it's quite a few other stories but they're all kind of other stories in the newspaper somewheres on the internet
Kari Northey Citrus County Inverness Chronicle newspaper. There's also video service therapy chickens. There's so many stories and videos on my account they're kind of hard to find now
Kari Northey. for the years I spent with chickens I rescue a lot of them. And they Rescue Me from emotion thoughts that we all have in life and right now I have 11 and for all the years I've gone through and have chickens and roosters I probably had over 400 some of them got adopted out. Some of them passed away. We're also introducing chickens in the prison Society throughout the country and gives the prisoner something to learn also we have dog kennels that are popping up everywhere in prison developments you'd be amazed what animals could do. I have a lot of hens and chickens that love to give hugs and when I go to the funeral with them I tell you it's a lot of laughter and joy you kind of wonder if it's like a birthday party going on. Encourage a lot of people they know any people that play music like a band and they get right into it when a family member passes away I think funerals celebration of life is really taking a turn it's turned into a party thing instead of a sad moment my uncle in Vermont on the funeral home brown Maclay Funeral Home in Bristol Vermont he was quite the character I remember when I was young he try to learn me the bombing thing I did pretty good but boy he had to standby with a mop and a mop bucket.
Kari Northey . they can be pretty dirty mine go through a cleaning process with air chamber that dried blow dryer and they get act 1 behind the neck that keeps fleas and bugs and ticks everything awful they're almost indoor bird. Every year they go further check up they get blood work throat cultures and special nemic shots. That's expensive. They also go for Ultrasonic internal readings to make sure they don't have cancer or tumors or egg bound I had one chicken it was the adamant and they drained her and cured it and now she's a big gluek. Her name is sassy she feels like a 50lb bird. As I'm leaving you this message she gave a lady's a thrift store a hug. and the lady was almost in tears because her children are overseas she said and she hasn't had a hug like that for many years. Have you seen a service therapy chicken videos yet. Almost forgot to mention that my birds get checked for bumblefoot. It's sores and Paralysis on the bottom of their feet I got one bird that had the issue. Last Thursday the vet did a beautiful job and cut the dead tissue off. I didn't know if I mentioned it or not but I was wondering with all the cool things that family members like to do with their loved one that passed away is ever heard of people putting dog ashes remains in with human remains. That's definitely my wishes. There's a lot of people like to do what I do but they want to do it for profit and that's when I don't learn them nothing I tell them it's not good to do that way because a burn deserve the credit they're the hard workers. I have friends of mine that tell me I should write a book about it. I told them it would be a 3 foot buy two and a half foot thick book and be awful heavy very expensive they would have to put the book in the museum that's why I told him I met some famous people Donald Trump for one Bernie Sanders my friend from Vermont where my Homestead is.
Have you ever had a request from a family to display their loved one standing or on a motorcycle or some other non-traditional way at their wake? Please explain the challenges with such a display of a body in this fashion.
thank you. good videos mark h
When my dad died something like this happened and is done all the time in Columbus, GA: In the fashion of my fast climbing up the corporate latter klan of a family... You say something like this to someone dealing with the death of their kid coming back from war in a casket... "I would like to offer you my condolences but at this point and time in your life, All that Matters is we have CAREERS at AFLAC!"
Lol only when I’m forced
When someone dies don't think about those that are dead think about the money you've saved with all the birthday and Christmas presents you no longer have to buy. 😎