That might’ve been one of the many starting points, for my mother. The problem, was that I was her confidante, during her 3rd marriage. My stepfather had made a bit of a name in his field. But, when he died, about 13 years ago, although I didn’t know what was going on, she suddenly seemed deathly afraid, that I would divulge any of that information to outsiders. I think that part of her smear campaigning, was to ensure that no one believed me, about anything. As she later would tell me that the family business was worth dying for, not only did I not feel she was talking about herself necessarily, but she saw me as merely a casualty, if necessary. They don’t want those family secrets out. If they need to have you put in an insane asylum or get you killed, they don’t feel it’s too big a price to pay.
@@brianf9615 I think that many have an image of a narcissist, as someone who’s doing a lil bit of damage, here and there, that somehow might accumulate into big consequences for you. No, some of them have a plan laid out, to ensure that the very death of you, in any form, is the final result.
@@privateprivate8366 I am so lucky and surprised that I survived my mother’s plan for me. My mother was from a huge family of fourteen and they were all cluster b except my aunt whom they tortured. I can’t help but wonder what kind of an upbringing they had and what they had to endure? I often find myself worrying am I treating my own family ok?
Same. And still am. I got punished harder than the others. I've had other family members tell me I get treated differently on purpose, but they don't know why. I'm using my truthful stubborness in a better way now. They know I refuse to answer the phone to them anymore.
Sometimes you even get targeted because you're the only one rebelling against the abuse. So then they try, and I emphasize on the word 'try', to break your spirit 🍁
I really believe that was my case. Growing up with a NM I would just blow her off...it wasn't until my dad passed that she got the better of me...I forgot who I was...grieving over the lost of my dad. Stayed because I didn't have the money to leave. Thank you for your post...knowing I'm not alone.
Right and they see n feel u separating so to say we stay is not true where at 20 r u going if no one support you or teach you how to get an apartment I had to do that on my own it was scary and she withhold the income tax and other documents so I can move total cray cray
I guess the only positive thing I can think that came out of being raised by a narcissistic mother is that I now know what kind of woman and mother to never become.
As children we are unable to leave or fight back. We are taught at an early age to take the abuse. But now as adults we have the power to walk away! Stay no contact and live our own lives! Thank you Kevin! Thank you for all of your knowledge!
Ha! My mother was a covert narcissist/borderline sociopath. She was a hateful, abusive, vindictive, lier who despised me. When I was a teen she beat my face and head with her high heel so badly that I was comatose, mute, and paralyzed for 6 months. She wouldn't let me put my arms up to protect myself. She never took me to the hospital. She told a neighbor that I fell down the stairs. 30 years later, out of the blue, she said she didn't take me to the hospital because she didn't have the money. Yet she took my brothers to the hospital when they had accidents. Before she died she had the audacity to scream at me for running away from home. She cried, "why did you leave me?" She considered ME the bad guy and couldn't understand why I would run away.
@@staratlast Good question. where were the relatives? She probably lied to them with some BS story. when recuperating, I wasn't allowed to go outside. Mostly I was restricted to my room. Mom could never figure out why I ran away, she never made the connection. "Why would anyone leave me?" it was always about her.
@@darkangelkate3950 Thank you. I spent decades learning to behave normally. Not hiding in corners, cowering in fear, afraid of everyone. I wasn't normal. More like a frightened n animal. my life was wasted and I never followed the average path of being a young adult. I was always psychologically under developed. Constantly "running away" from life, never trusting anyone. Those I did trust, used me. I never found love, happiness, security, bonding, respect. I didn't know how.
I didn’t know Matthew said that. I’m new to studying the Bible. I finally realized that beyond any doubt my family members were my mortal enemies. Let me emphasize Mortal. They were killing me slowly but surely.
My mother-in-law is the narcissist in my life so I finally went no contact with her in March. The only way to stop the abuse was to remove *myself* from the equation. Now she's telling everyone that I "hate" her. She thinks setting a healthy boundary spells hate. I don't care and she can believe whatever she wants, since I know the truth.
"If it was genetic, you would be just like your parents." Wow, this is one of the most spiritually liberating things I've ever heard in my life. Thank you so, much, man, truly.
Actually, it is genetic. See Psalm 58:3-5 and Genesis 3:15. And the "Cain" gene skips around. Not everyone gets it. We are the "Wheat" or "Abels" and they are the "Tares" or "Cains"....see Matthew 13:24-43
@@reesedaniel5835The Lord gave us free will so no, it's not about genetics. Please ask for the Lord for the gift of discernment before posting scripture out of context. Jesus bless you!
the bible is full of nonsense lies, dont believe everything in it, every person is unique and different from one another, im not my mom not my dad nor anybody else, in myself and thats it@@reesedaniel5835
I saw through my mothers narcissism very early but I didn’t know what it was called, just that mummy was weird. I always asked questions and realised she was awful and avoided her, but she hounded me and made my life miserable. She became an alcoholic and so much more worse over time. I was targeted and abused by her but my brother was the golden child. 20 years after her death I’m still in therapy. The woman was a monster. I will never forgive her and I don’t have to. I was a child.
Same here!I’ve been in therapies many times,but nothing seems to work.I was diagnosed with CPTSD.My mother is still alive but once she will die I won’t even consider going to her funeral.It will be a huge relief for me when she will be gone.
@@andapaegle2207 there's a real freedom I experienced once my mother then father died 2 wks. later. I didn't live around them anymore, but they kept up their tricks from a distance. I don't miss either one. That was 7 yrs. ago. I live away from all my family and don't speak to a one of them. I am a more secure person than I have ever been. Carry on and learn to experience and adapt to life's challenges. Prayers.
My mother always had to know where I was and what I was doing. She hated that I read so much. It was my escape. She also sent her golden child, my younger brother to find me. He knew from a young age he could demand I do what he wanted. It got weird. I'm free of them all.
You will have to accept it. The good part is you will never be abused by her anymore. Please make a timetable. Work on your body ,mind , deep breathing . I assure this will help you more than going to therapist. Believe me when I say! I have lived that hell. Family narcissism is the worst case. But believe me - it's not only in family but also look at your friend circle/coworkers. You might have attracted Narcissistic in other areas also. For healing , discipline is required. You will 100% come out of it.
My mother told me as a child "I push your buttons and you let me". How do you fight back? If I defend myself I get hit and the punishment is worse, if I stay quiet, she pokes until she gets a reaction. It's really fucking sadistic (excuse my language, it makes me so mad)
Wow, she told you that? I suppose you were probably alone with her when she said it, and she would probably deny it if you told anyone else. The only thing I'm able to do about that, for now (I'm stuck living with my mother, for now) is to leave the room. There have been times when I have managed to not give her a reaction, but then she would suddenly act as if I had just reacted, and start yelling at me to calm down, even when I had stayed perfectly calm the whole time. So the only answer is to disengage. After I do that, when I see her again, half an hour or more later, she will act as if nothing happened. Of course, ending all contact is ultimately the best solution, but I understand that not everyone is able to do that, at least not yet.
I always knew my mom and dad didn't like me. I was the only one in the household to stand up to them. And I was a truth teller. Since my mother's recent passing, I have come to realize that she actually hated me and was jealous.
I resented my mother since childhood. I finally realized that she was just as narcissistic as my dad was. I cut off contact with her. She would always try to make me feel guilty when I talked about how she hurt me. And the worse part was when she would use the Bible verse "Honor your mother and father" to make me feel like I was the problem. She never accepted responsibility for anything she done. When my dad died, that mask really came off. She really showed who she was. She defended my dad all the way. I really saw that she truly did not care about me. She was just so manipulating and evil.
Demented people. Manipulative people use that phrase from the Bible. Evil! My mom would tell us that we wouldn't live past our teens because the world is coming to an end soon ( Jehovajs Witness nonsense). I now realize she hated our youth because of her advancing age. Imagine telling your children that?! Malevolent af.
2:27 "You think you have the power to talk your mother into 'Stop gossiping, stop slandering.' You think you have the power to tell your mom, 'Stop telling my friends to keep making fun of me'" A brave and very liberating statement. I caught her in literal contradictions that could be confirmed by other people. But never could quite catch the people she infiltrated to turn against me in my friendship circle the last few years. This vindicates me and makes it easier going on. I wasn't crazy and I knew it all along!
I think one of my first surprises, was when I saw the complete thread of an email, that my mother was unaware that I could see. Reading it, it was like I couldn’t recognize her. But, much later on, when I began learning about narcissism, there it was. That motherly smear campaigning, that had that mix of, “I love my daughter and you know I mean well, but something is wrong with her.” Further, was when I confronted her. She didn’t even deny it. She actually seemed quite satisfied that I felt hurt, incensed and confused. Even proud of herself, rather than embarrassed, that she’d been caught. Time proved there was something very wrong with her. Not me. This is why, when people jump to the conclusion that it was dementia, I feel, “No, she remembered and knew what she was doing and had done. She took very conscious pride, whether I found out or not. I think she also felt, “Now that you found out, there’s still nothing you can do about it, because I’m your mother and everyone will believe me and question you. You’re stuck with that.” Even writing this type of thing is a reminder to me that, even with moments, where I miss who I thought she was and what relationship I thought we had, I really shouldn’t miss her too much.
@@privateprivate8366 I've always pondering myself that why people like them would behave in such a way that they think they're so superior and above everything that they won't be punished by anything. Even though modern society structure is very bad, but it only proves further that some people are just evil and some are good in nature, there's no way to explain it, no matter how much evidence you're trying to seek or find. Abel and Cain, they're the type of story we should embrace for the rest of our life imo.
@@Cp-yx4ci the reality though, is that this structure is so very prevalent and backwards in the world, often, it isn’t them who wind up paying for it. They say narcissists die alone. Often the same happens to scapegoats, as no one believes them and, even when they do, enablers often guide them right back into the abuse. I think most people believed what I told them my mother was doing. But, in the end, it was, “But that’s your mother.” I don’t believe it was even said, with the idea that returning to her, was going to help me. Rather, it was more that she simply had the right to do whatever she wanted and I had to tolerate it, with a smile. But her worse behavior came, after I turned 50. I left, to also protect her from me. Because I knew I wasn’t taking any sh*t. But I’d imagine that scapegoats often get a one two (or more) punch because, first, they find out they’re being abused, then they discover narcissism, then they find out a good portion, if not everyone they know, doesn’t see a problem with the abuse, especially if their abuser is their parent. Scapegoats can wind up more isolated, until death, than the narcissist, with everyone they look at, thinking they’re wrong and should’ve embraced and protected their abuser. Now, when I meet new people, even once I get to know them well, I dare not speak of how my mother treated me. Because I know there’s a very high possibility, that they will turn on me.
@@privateprivate8366 First I feel really sorry for your current state, I've no idea what you've been through but it must be really rough.. I know the feeling of being isolated too damn well, it's almost unbearable but at the same time it's quite liberating as well. I believe they are called Flying Monkey for a reason, they just don't have the guts and courage to be the one that step up and help those in need. They're living inside this imagination of theirs, thinking all the rules and regulations imposed on everyone by this society will get them out of the mud if they get into trouble one day. If not they would whine their way, thinking people might start to pity them and help them out whenever they're in a pinch. In short they're just a bunch of cowards who choose not to face the reality of the world but to continue telling lies to themselves thinking there's no problem with how the world or society works, why would they change anything that would work for them in the first place. I sincerely think that you shouldn't be afraid of isolation and speak out your problems to anyone you feel comfortable with. I mean not just anyone, like you said some would just laugh at you or mock you behind your back. Even if you get hurt when they do that, it's inevitable that you would feel sad and disappointed with them but just thinking that they're those flying monkeys that do not think deeply and choose to live inside this little "Amazon" of theirs, you might feel much better after this. This structure of this society is so bad that I think it should go back to the small community that we once had, at least the cases of abuse will reduce dramatically if not a significant portion. But who knows it might breed more narcissists inside the small community as well.😆 I think narcissism is a part of human nature and we should embrace and appreciate their efforts of trying to take us down whenever they can, so do the Flying Monkey as well. Just remember that they already paid for their sins for looking away from the problem and step up to it whenever they can. I remember this phrase too as well, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Cheers! 😊
@@Cp-yx4ci agreed! For me though, as a creative and INTJ, I am quite comfortable, in my own company. What it is is the parsing out of me enjoying my own company and that which becomes forced isolation, by having dealt with what I call the “narcissistic system”. It’s definitely caused quite a bit of misanthropy in me. But, I have time I may spend with people, usually at work. But, I have solid boundaries so, I will not have my time and life imposed upon, like by my narcissistic neighbor, who feels proximity = availability and that I’m being disrespectful, by not freely working for her. That, I will not have.
Once bitten, twice shy The only reason why narcissism is coming to light is due to those who have suffered and lived to tell the tale. Granted the tale is not fairy like, but a hellish nightmare. Non the less, congratulations to those who have seen the truth. Not only did you save yourself, but your testimony is exposing more and more wicked people
Their classic catch phrase “I never hit you!” Which is usually 100% BS and just a way of saying they were more strategic with their mental, emotional, and psychological abuse that always works in their favor. I’ve read testimonies of people who were sent to “therapy” simply to have the psychiatrist side with the abusive parents or guardians. Who knew they would take the side of the ones paying for their vacation home and yacht.
My mom always picked on me becauae I was always there for her and always assured her, no matter what, I would support her. To my surprise, I was the one who got psychologically and physically sick due to her severe narcisisistic attitudes towads me. My siblings used to laugh at her lies, accusations, threats, and gossipings. The more gentle and kinder you are, the more they abuse you. Be veeery careful.
1.5 years after my moms passing and I still ask Why ..all I wanted was her love ,, I’ve stood at her grave and cried ,,I’ve mourned the pain , the torture , the anguish ,,
This is not wish for love, this is codependency. It happens in mother daughter relationship too. You gotta overcome it. There should be an understanding formed, I deserve love, and I am loved and protected by the God and the Universe. You gotta understand once in your life that you are a separate individual, and you gotta live and develop on your own terms, your mother is a separate individual too, she has/had the right for whatever feelings and reactions she could feel. The other thing is that if it harms you, you gotta distance yourself. Leave. And see the picture clearly with no rose glasses, no one has the right to interfere with your own life, your work, your romantic life, your interests, your hobbies.
I wondered for such a long time why I felt so much overwhelming pain and anguish growing up. As the youngest of 7 total, I don’t believe a single one understands what type of toxic environment we grew up in .. covert narcissist mother and totally enabling father … I do and I could care less what the rest of them who still look down on me think or believe .. it is really hard work to get to that point in understanding
You really need to seek counseling for yourself. I promise there is absolutely nothing you could have done to make her love you. And sadly it doesn’t matter that she’s dead for you to reach healing, she would have never participated in the process and/or apologized for her behavior. I speak from experience, my mother is 87 and I just went no contact with her for the 2nd and last time. She is wicked, sick and twisted-that’s her problem not mine. Im taking care of myself, I know I gave everything I had within me to give her a 2nd chance and she blew it big time. I didn’t confront her, it would have been wasted words. Her fate is in a higher powers hands.
Can't begin to tell you how many times growing up I heard "you have so much potential" but never once did I hear you did something, anything well or great or even good enough. Kinda sticks with you throughout the rest of your life with this feeling you're just not quite good enough.
It’s really frustrating and shocking when your own mom is laughing at you because she has raised you to be a people pleaser and she knows she is taking advantage of you and stealing your joy and your rest. This was my first sign something was wrong, but at the time, two years ago, I didn’t know what to do about it. In fact, I blamed myself at first for being a people pleaser or being co-dependent on my mom. Which is true, but it doesn’t give her the right to treat me like that. It’s been a long hard road. The hardest part has been learning to day “no” and then leaving the tantrums she puts out. They keep repeating themselves in my mind, or at least they used to. She used to have such a tight grip on my mind. They are are truly cruel and evil. Bye mom.
The part about the mother getting together with the friends to make fun of you really hit me. So much of this is so releaving to my heart that it wasn't my fault.
"No more wire hangers" got me. My mom made me watch Mommy Dearest, stating, "see, I'm not a bad mom". Honestly, I couldn't see the difference. She was just as bad.
Seeing that movie on my local channel 7 from DC seemed all too familiar. I'm not saying that my mom was nearly as bad as Joan Crawford's portaryed character was. But nevertheless the connection was made by me as a little kid in the early 1980s
I just walked away from a narcissistic "friend". He was so kind at first and when I softened, the verbal and emotional abuse began. He would use me as a therapist and then toss me aside and say cruel things once he got his fix. I can't believe I held on for so long, I'm actually ashamed smh
We are given choice. The choices we make mold who progressively become. The gift God gives us of freedom of choice leaves each one of us with no excuses in the end. The rain falls on the good and the evil alike.
I watched this video a few times, especially 6:50 to12:08 is the best life advice you can ever give someone. "Let them experience the absence of you." - Kevin, The Royal We.
I so needed this...my mother was absolutely cruel to me. She even stole from me starting as a child & turn people against me. Radical Acceptance has helped, but it's still hard. I need to watch this video a few more times. Thank you Kevin for addressing this. It's a hard pill to swallow...why my mother hated me...but it's what was in her heart. Thanks!🙏 I do sometimes wonder if God is mad at me because I thank Him for removing her from my life!
I so relate, especially the cruelty. Being beaten starting before I could walk actually bloody hurts, the psych confusion, I would mantra over and over in my head 'I know I'm a good person' She made me empty my savings account age 12 and I had saved hard til then. Probably a months average amount that was to be returned but never was, a history of theft from family who would just walk out the door with my stuff. There was a switch that said no more. Could have been my name left off father's obituary, or that none came to my sons funeral.. they sickened me that lot. And there they stay, out of sight, out of mind. Concentrating on meeting and valuing good souls.
I never really thought about it but my mother stole from me too. She even taught me to steal petty things like hotel shampoos and fast food condiments. To this day I still don’t know if that’s wrong. But anyways, she also stole candy she found in my room when we cleaned it. She stole a gold coin from me, and she burned a piece of my furniture. So yeah, it doesn’t seem like much over a childhood, but it was a lot.
@Anna Burns The sad part is you don't know all of what your mother stole from you. The only reason I found so much out is because I cleaned out my family home and found things of mine & other people's stuff.
As a child, yes it's easier to accept the blame for how our parents treated us. It's a way to allow ourselves to love people who are incapable of loving us in return. That belief or behavior, or whatever you want to call it, results in a lifetime of servitude to people who will pick up where our parents left off.
Thank u ,,. scapegoat here .I haven't felt good enough all my life ...why would a mother and father abandon a daughter, I must be to blame I was very rebelous ..a bad girl ...undeserving of being protected and loved excepted...sorry 😔 just that it's been hard, god helps me and helped me was next to me while I was in the dark afraid.... thank you God bless🙏
I'm not religious- but I really value how you use examples in the Bible to give these lessons an extra dimension. It's taking an ancient truth and pulling it into the present through relevance. Kinda makes me wanna read the Bible. ❤️
I`m not religious, but I understand why someone would want to use biblical metaphor for the purpose of coloring their point of view and also think it detracts from and undermines the otherwise true things hes saying because y`all know religion is the ultimate abusive relationship.
I’m not religious either but learning about narcissism over the years has got me to start reading the Bible. I’m spiritual, not religious but I look for insight in different ways. I have to say that it seems like there’s a demonic element to narcissism.
Amen and amen!! I have gone no contact with two siblings, two SILs, several "friends". It feels so good and I can't think of any reason I would ever go back! Thanks for your part in that process, Kevin.
Amen brother. For years I couldn't figure out why my family of origin was so toxic. All groups have leaders and my mother was the leader/matriarch of the family. She acted nice to my face but rejected me when I wasn't around. Sometimes she would have family gatherings and invite everyone except me. She has passed on now and I have forgiven her, but I have to deal with the effects of the emotional abuse that I suffered for so many years. This video helps me to put it into perspective. Keep up the good work.
I asked an exorcist if narcissists are demon possessed. He replied that not all of them are but many are. It occurs when the fallen human and the fallen angel make an agreement. The spiritual realm is real. Evil is real. And no one knows that better than an exorcist. The evil inherent in a narcissist is real and no one knows that better than one who tried to love them.
When one accepts evil and let's the innocent rot, one has agreed to be evil. Thus is why false teachers hate those who correct their lies, since they love only worship & stealing from everyone else.
those who have seen a narc rage - know it is a truth. This is no human beheviour - more like animal, demon. Their eyes are empty- they are controlled by some force - they do not think for themselves - and behave exactly the same, abuse is the same - no matter what country you are from.
Brilliant explanation. Cannot get enough of the straight forward honesty. Family does not excuse or make abuse ok. This is the way of the world. What a load of garbage we have been sold! Thank you for the lesson.
People treat you well or badly not because of who you are but because of who they are. We should have nothing to do with abusers even if they are your parents or siblings, painful as it is to accept as truth.😢
My mother passed in 1990. I was the "chosen" who received the stares, the cruel words, the judgment. No matter how good I was, how many times I made all A's on my report card...I was "bad." I developed white spots on my fingernails at age 7 after starting piano lessons (bruising). She told me it was because I was a liar. When I gave birth to my sweet third son, she wondered why I didn't have an abortion...her image of too many children spoiled.
My sister was the Golden Child. I was the Scapegoat. Mom worked at turning us against each other, and it worked great. I know my sister had a hard time being perfect. It's hard to sympathize too much, since she got the college education; and friends invited over to the house for meals and sleepovers; and she got to meet and know our family relatives. And it's also hard, because she always treats me like a piece of sh*t.
When my mother spoke about loving that she had my sister and I, I could feel the “transition to truth” over the years. That she didn’t really feel that way. While it coincided with depression, life’s difficulties and pain, it ultimately turned to her trying to destroy us. But, out of the 2 of us, I am the sibling that is aware of it. My sister “may” (and I say that with a grain of salt), be just beginning to find out that, she never really loved and only used us. That, although little could be expected of our mother, with her own life struggles, in preparing for our future, the older she got, that she might’ve actually done all she could, to leave us with nothing but financial woes, triangulation and not even having each other.
We live in a fallen and sinful world.The Most High gives us free will and a measure of faith.I don't truly believe he would cause us to be evil.We are affected by the evil around us, but still have free will.When we draw closer to The Most High, repent and accept him as our Savior, he heals us
Excellent upload Kevin. Really hit the nail on the head. It's like when you're a child at school and you stand up to the bully and the bullying stops. Thank you.
I love it, to a point, because I’ve seen the switch, when they’ve found they were greatly mistaken. I’ve seen and heard the sudden recognition, the “oh sh*t” look in their eyes, when they discover that I’m not really that nice and they picked the wrong one. That something will be done about them. That I’m serious and that psychological cave they think they’re going to drag me into, they’re now trying to escape, themselves. Even if I return to appearing as the victim they thought I was, they usually don’t. I think that, other than them just seeing my other side, they detect a comfort I have, with looking at them, on full alert (not fear), which says, “Really? Let’s do this.” That I like the light. But am not entirely uncomfortable with the dark.
This!!! Yes !!! Im not in anyone's little box anymore and they cant stand it. Of course im the "crazy" one. Because I dont allow them to use and abuse me. And the ones that dont keep trying to break me have completely left me alone. The camera is my best friend nowadays ! All I have to say is " Let me discuss this with someone in authority from the church and Oh Boy all Hell breaks loose with these "Christians". "What makes You SO Righteous huh? Oh yea tell them what you did too. " Ok Yea I have no problem. Im not keeping secrets but they are.
@@notrend204 When I get the nerve to even slightly backtalk to my mother with any form of truth, she's quick to shriek that judgment day is coming! (along with the judgy finger pointing) I just calmly remind her, "Yes, for you too." Oh, the FACE she made! She went real quiet, real quick. God is my authority. Who is hers?
@@RedRubyStones well done. Its true ! She will have you acting like she's Jesus and through her is the only way to God 😅😮💨 Its insane the control they want especially when the Narc is a Christian its worse than a non Christian I believe. And Jesus was all about forgiveness and not throwing stones. Their behavior is like the Pharisees that had it out for Jesus. They didnt stop till he was up on that cross. These situations are difficult hopefully you get to a point you can keep your mom at a distance without having to completely cut her off. I had to cut mine off before and I will do it again. She's working on her behavior for the sake of the grandkids I believe. She wants to go full blown so bad I can hear it in her voice her pauses 😅 I even moved states so its hard for her to control me.
This video is my mother whom abused my siblings, and I she was jealous of me since I was a very small child. Now that I'm an adult I can clearly see my mother was a sick narcissistic. My mother passed away 1998 from a drug overdose she got her karma. Thank you for sharing your video. 😊
My father was a bully, a sadistic narcissist. It's very hard for me to deal with because he is dead now. I can not accept his lack of love, his abuse. But it is what it is, and my life goes on until the end.
I have given this a deep thougth to. You dont deserve whats coming to you and parents should be a save shoulder to lean on. I still cant acknowledge my parents being that way thats why my inner child newer grow up! How can i be good If parents where narcissistisk by nature ? The hardest thing is to know that i showed them so much Love but that didnt change anything in anytime now or in the future. Dynamics should then have altered but always twist back to their "normal". Running away from them has been exhausting but knowing Im not alone helps ! 🤗
This is the second time I have watched this video! But this time I am going to give a prime example!! I have been distant from my family for some time now, years! In february my husbands heart stopped and he was on life support for 2 weeks. I just brought him home from the hospital yesterday for the 4th time. Mind you, in the mean time my dad is in his 80's and is needing extra care at home. My mother called expecting me to jump in and help her. And because I have not done so or can not, she screams to me over something my ex husband did back in time! HE WANTED YOU TO KILL YOURSELF! COMMIT SUICIDE! Message taken loud and clear!!!! So guess who will NEVER be able to reach me ever again! That's right!! Mommy dearest!!! Know your WORTH and love thyself! 🍃❤Love from Texas❤🍃
You left out that demons have an uncanny ability to recognize demons. Even if it’s not apparent to others. They are also nice to other demons. They recognize themselves in others.
@5:40 That was a 💡 moment for me. I didn’t deserve the abuse I received but I didn’t deserve the unconditional love I received either from those I was/am fortunate enough to know. This makes it easier to digest the reality that my hurtful family members are just who they are. I witnessed how they behaved to others and although I never condemned their behavior, I didn’t think they would turn on me. It’s not my fault. It’s just who they are and I am in no position to change them.
One of the most efficient and powerful things you've presented throughout the years is when you brought up this idea of Not getting roped in by trying to explain or diagnose. To be simply able to recognize "They are different". Again, this comparison you have made using Cain and Abel(which this story dynamic has been pressing me for Years) lol, is awesome and then further describing in terms of Measure is so totally cool.
Read a comment the other day, three lady siblings had given their mother the nickname, the "incubator". I couldn't help myself thinking how much my mother fit into that.
My mother snarked at me often just for asking a question or desiring something she didn't want to give me. There was never a time when she sat down and had a loving conversation about why she didn't want to encourage me in something, it was always demeaning in generalities without any discussion. I wasn't a threat because I was the only girl in the family and the very weak emotional person who responded with tears to their antics. The more I cried the worse they got. A small child was not equipped to do anything about it and my first reactions to them left a habit in them for the rest of my life. To this day, I am 70 years old and my brothers are always angry at me even if there are years from the last time I saw them. It is the most bizarre thing. Jealousy has been the problem, I know this because a sister-in-law actually cried because I had a nice house, it later came out that she was jealous. That jealousy never went away, they never grew more mature over the years, only worse with their gossip.
❤ “let them experience the absence of you” - Amen 🙏 that’s comes with internally letting go forever tho. Not sure there’s ever going back. Even in the physical presence there will always be a disconnect of the heart, the trust leaves with you.
Yes, this is my mother, and subsequent co-workers! I am only now understanding the dynamic because I had no one to turn to. Thank you, Kevin, for your help and your honest intelligence! Much love to you and Merry Christmas.
No more wire hangers! I am so glad I found your site. You are wise beyond your years! You are very gifted and your videos are very healing. Thank you for all you do!
Me the mosttt dead on! I've been following you I'm finally getting the guts to make my own videos they're kind of goofy and raw and nothing professional whatsoever but you know the truth coming out and it definitely is about this I'll give you a shout out of course because you've been an inspiration as well I couldn't think of everybody but you are one!
I finally figured out I wasn't the bad, stupid crazy one and took back my own power. This was a long task. I broke the curse and now they have to pay their master.
I'm really glad I found your channel! Thank you very much for your content 🙏 It's greatly appreciated. I'm at the point now when my mother, stepdad, and family members pass away, I'm not going to go to the "circus," otherwise known as the funeral.
It's their negative internal dialogue about Everything (self; life; wants; people who have what they want; etc...) and it developes into intense anger that they eventually take out on other people. They don't know that you change your life by changing your internal dialogue and your daily habits so they blames others for why they don't have the life they want/ "deserve". It's the internal dialogue (positive or negative) that we ALL operate from.
11:54 this made me actually tear up because it's so well said and I truly appreciate you wholeheartedly for saying this. Thank you for making this video. I've learned so much about myself and how to stop tolerating abuse from it.
This is the first time I have heard a clear answer to this question. I have been looking for this answer my entire life. Thank you for this video and your uncanny insights and commitment to the TRUTH about these soul murdering, emotional, spiritual parasites.
My mother abused me because I am the truth teller in the family.
That might’ve been one of the many starting points, for my mother.
The problem, was that I was her confidante, during her 3rd marriage. My stepfather had made a bit of a name in his field. But, when he died, about 13 years ago, although I didn’t know what was going on, she suddenly seemed deathly afraid, that I would divulge any of that information to outsiders. I think that part of her smear campaigning, was to ensure that no one believed me, about anything.
As she later would tell me that the family business was worth dying for, not only did I not feel she was talking about herself necessarily, but she saw me as merely a casualty, if necessary.
They don’t want those family secrets out. If they need to have you put in an insane asylum or get you killed, they don’t feel it’s too big a price to pay.
@@privateprivate8366 I know exactly what you are talking about.
@@brianf9615 I think that many have an image of a narcissist, as someone who’s doing a lil bit of damage, here and there, that somehow might accumulate into big consequences for you. No, some of them have a plan laid out, to ensure that the very death of you, in any form, is the final result.
@@privateprivate8366 I am so lucky and surprised that I survived my mother’s plan for me. My mother was from a huge family of fourteen and they were all cluster b except my aunt whom they tortured. I can’t help but wonder what kind of an upbringing they had and what they had to endure? I often find myself worrying am I treating my own family ok?
Same. And still am. I got punished harder than the others. I've had other family members tell me I get treated differently on purpose, but they don't know why. I'm using my truthful stubborness in a better way now. They know I refuse to answer the phone to them anymore.
Sometimes you even get targeted because you're the only one rebelling against the abuse. So then they try, and I emphasize on the word 'try', to break your spirit 🍁
Yea absolutely
I really believe that was my case. Growing up with a NM I would just blow her off...it wasn't until my dad passed that she got the better of me...I forgot who I was...grieving over the lost of my dad. Stayed because I didn't have the money to leave. Thank you for your post...knowing I'm not alone.
Right and they see n feel u separating so to say we stay is not true where at 20 r u going if no one support you or teach you how to get an apartment I had to do that on my own it was scary and she withhold the income tax and other documents so I can move total cray cray
Yes didn’t work mom dictating dad drinking his pain away 😢
Yes I was to stubborn for them...which was a blow to there soft ego....PURE EVIL.
I guess the only positive thing I can think that came out of being raised by a narcissistic mother is that I now know what kind of woman and mother to never become.
AMEN!!!
As children we are unable to leave or fight back. We are taught at an early age to take the abuse. But now as adults we have the power to walk away! Stay no contact and live our own lives! Thank you Kevin! Thank you for all of your knowledge!
It took two years for me me extricate myself from my mom. It’s really hard.
@Lil Queerdoe I wish they would be put in prison!
Yeah but leaving elderly parents to their devices is tough
what if you don't have a way out?
@@debb789 you go and find a way
Ha! My mother was a covert narcissist/borderline sociopath. She was a hateful, abusive, vindictive, lier who despised me. When I was a teen she beat my face and head with her high heel so badly that I was comatose, mute, and paralyzed for 6 months. She wouldn't let me put my arms up to protect myself. She never took me to the hospital. She told a neighbor that I fell down the stairs.
30 years later, out of the blue, she said she didn't take me to the hospital because she didn't have the money. Yet she took my brothers to the hospital when they had accidents.
Before she died she had the audacity to scream at me for running away from home. She cried, "why did you leave me?" She considered ME the bad guy and couldn't understand why I would run away.
💔💔💔
I am so sorry you had to suffer that...as a child 😢
Such a tragic story, Im so sorry nobody rescued you, where were the relatives and family friends? They Must have known something was very wrong.
@@staratlast Good question. where were the relatives? She probably lied to them with some BS story. when recuperating, I wasn't allowed to go outside. Mostly I was restricted to my room.
Mom could never figure out why I ran away, she never made the connection. "Why would anyone leave me?" it was always about her.
@@darkangelkate3950 Thank you. I spent decades learning to behave normally. Not hiding in corners, cowering in fear, afraid of everyone. I wasn't normal. More like a frightened n animal.
my life was wasted and I never followed the average path of being a young adult. I was always psychologically under developed. Constantly "running away" from life, never trusting anyone. Those I did trust, used me. I never found love, happiness, security, bonding, respect. I didn't know how.
Matthew 10:36... "Your worst enemies will be members of your own family"
So sad, but true!
Stay strong and blessed everyone! 🙏
God bless ❤️
Those times are hear now...the writing is on the wall💯💯💯
I didn’t know Matthew said that. I’m new to studying the Bible. I finally realized that beyond any doubt my family members were my mortal enemies. Let me emphasize Mortal. They were killing me slowly but surely.
Crazy yes
True stoy
My mother-in-law is the narcissist in my life so I finally went no contact with her in March. The only way to stop the abuse was to remove *myself* from the equation. Now she's telling everyone that I "hate" her. She thinks setting a healthy boundary spells hate. I don't care and she can believe whatever she wants, since I know the truth.
Mother inlaw and no contact is a no brainer.
Keep your boundaries up and stay healthy. It took me years to figure this out and now that I know I will never let toxic people back in.
Same boat 💔
Yes dru I don't care and have removed myself from his toxicity.
I know the truth too and that is fuck them all the way to hell.
"If it was genetic, you would be just like your parents."
Wow, this is one of the most spiritually liberating things I've ever heard in my life. Thank you so, much, man, truly.
Actually, it is genetic. See Psalm 58:3-5 and Genesis 3:15. And the "Cain" gene skips around. Not everyone gets it. We are the "Wheat" or "Abels" and they are the "Tares" or "Cains"....see Matthew 13:24-43
This is not how genetics works.
@@reesedaniel5835 thank you !
@@reesedaniel5835The Lord gave us free will so no, it's not about genetics. Please ask for the Lord for the gift of discernment before posting scripture out of context.
Jesus bless you!
the bible is full of nonsense lies, dont believe everything in it, every person is unique and different from one another, im not my mom not my dad nor anybody else, in myself and thats it@@reesedaniel5835
I saw through my mothers narcissism very early but I didn’t know what it was called, just that mummy was weird. I always asked questions and realised she was awful and avoided her, but she hounded me and made my life miserable. She became an alcoholic and so much more worse over time. I was targeted and abused by her but my brother was the golden child. 20 years after her death I’m still in therapy. The woman was a monster. I will never forgive her and I don’t have to. I was a child.
Same here!I’ve been in therapies many times,but nothing seems to work.I was diagnosed with CPTSD.My mother is still alive but once she will die I won’t even consider going to her funeral.It will be a huge relief for me when she will be gone.
@@andapaegle2207 there's a real freedom I experienced once my mother then father died 2 wks. later. I didn't live around them anymore, but they kept up their tricks from a distance. I don't miss either one. That was 7 yrs. ago. I live away from all my family and don't speak to a one of them. I am a more secure person than I have ever been. Carry on and learn to experience and adapt to life's challenges. Prayers.
Yes, love that little one
My mother always had to know where I was and what I was doing. She hated that I read so much. It was my escape. She also sent her golden child, my younger brother to find me. He knew from a young age he could demand I do what he wanted.
It got weird. I'm free of them all.
You will have to accept it.
The good part is you will never be abused by her anymore.
Please make a timetable.
Work on your body ,mind , deep breathing .
I assure this will help you more than going to therapist.
Believe me when I say!
I have lived that hell.
Family narcissism is the worst case.
But believe me - it's not only in family but also look at your friend circle/coworkers.
You might have attracted Narcissistic in other areas also.
For healing , discipline is required.
You will 100% come out of it.
My mother made ME her punching bag because I'm the oldest and remind her of my father, who she hates
Sad 😢
We didn't grow up together, we grew up around each other...like trees.
My mother told me as a child "I push your buttons and you let me". How do you fight back? If I defend myself I get hit and the punishment is worse, if I stay quiet, she pokes until she gets a reaction. It's really fucking sadistic (excuse my language, it makes me so mad)
Wow, she told you that? I suppose you were probably alone with her when she said it, and she would probably deny it if you told anyone else.
The only thing I'm able to do about that, for now (I'm stuck living with my mother, for now) is to leave the room. There have been times when I have managed to not give her a reaction, but then she would suddenly act as if I had just reacted, and start yelling at me to calm down, even when I had stayed perfectly calm the whole time. So the only answer is to disengage. After I do that, when I see her again, half an hour or more later, she will act as if nothing happened.
Of course, ending all contact is ultimately the best solution, but I understand that not everyone is able to do that, at least not yet.
I always knew my mom and dad didn't like me. I was the only one in the household to stand up to them. And I was a truth teller. Since my mother's recent passing, I have come to realize that she actually hated me and was jealous.
I knew my parents were monsters, but every single person I talked to about it was telling that they loved me. I still knew that I was right.
My father was a monster and it is still hard to say that you are right.
I had so many lizard people in my family that our family reunions looked like Jurassic Park.🐐🐊🦕🦖
OMG! I needed that lag!
😂😂😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Under rated comment 😂😂
Ha, I'm going to remember that when we have our next family get-together. I'm trying to picture each member of my family as a lizard. 😅
I resented my mother since childhood. I finally realized that she was just as narcissistic as my dad was. I cut off contact with her. She would always try to make me feel guilty when I talked about how she hurt me. And the worse part was when she would use the Bible verse "Honor your mother and father" to make me feel like I was the problem. She never accepted responsibility for anything she done. When my dad died, that mask really came off. She really showed who she was. She defended my dad all the way. I really saw that she truly did not care about me. She was just so manipulating and evil.
There is another part they don't mention 'Don't provoke your child so that it doesn't get furious against you', something like that.
Demented people. Manipulative people use that phrase from the Bible. Evil! My mom would tell us that we wouldn't live past our teens because the world is coming to an end soon ( Jehovajs Witness nonsense). I now realize she hated our youth because of her advancing age. Imagine telling your children that?! Malevolent af.
Resonates so much with my life, I had to double check to see if I wrote this comment 😬
Narcs love religion and the bible for backing up everything they say
You are definitely teaching at the next level on this narccissist topic.
Thank you @justjosie8963
I mean narcissist. 😉 spell check.
@@justjosie8963 Hahaha this word is kinda strange, I think I spell it wrong many times on many different occasions as well. =P
100 percent. He’s reaching new heights. He’s on a mission from God. #DivinelyGuided ✨
I’m getting a whole new insight from this channel.
So much unresolved trauma when your own "Mother" normalizes beating you as a child and you grew up knowing your Father beat your Mother.
🤗
Heartbreaking
@@TheRoyalWe 💜
@QueerdoLoc I am an adult now but the emotional scars contribute to trauma. Therapy can be useful to help to resolve childhood traumas.
@QueerdoLoc 💜💜💜
2:27 "You think you have the power to talk your mother into 'Stop gossiping, stop slandering.' You think you have the power to tell your mom, 'Stop telling my friends to keep making fun of me'" A brave and very liberating statement. I caught her in literal contradictions that could be confirmed by other people. But never could quite catch the people she infiltrated to turn against me in my friendship circle the last few years. This vindicates me and makes it easier going on. I wasn't crazy and I knew it all along!
I think one of my first surprises, was when I saw the complete thread of an email, that my mother was unaware that I could see. Reading it, it was like I couldn’t recognize her. But, much later on, when I began learning about narcissism, there it was. That motherly smear campaigning, that had that mix of, “I love my daughter and you know I mean well, but something is wrong with her.”
Further, was when I confronted her. She didn’t even deny it. She actually seemed quite satisfied that I felt hurt, incensed and confused. Even proud of herself, rather than embarrassed, that she’d been caught.
Time proved there was something very wrong with her. Not me.
This is why, when people jump to the conclusion that it was dementia, I feel, “No, she remembered and knew what she was doing and had done. She took very conscious pride, whether I found out or not. I think she also felt, “Now that you found out, there’s still nothing you can do about it, because I’m your mother and everyone will believe me and question you. You’re stuck with that.”
Even writing this type of thing is a reminder to me that, even with moments, where I miss who I thought she was and what relationship I thought we had, I really shouldn’t miss her too much.
@@privateprivate8366 I've always pondering myself that why people like them would behave in such a way that they think they're so superior and above everything that they won't be punished by anything. Even though modern society structure is very bad, but it only proves further that some people are just evil and some are good in nature, there's no way to explain it, no matter how much evidence you're trying to seek or find. Abel and Cain, they're the type of story we should embrace for the rest of our life imo.
@@Cp-yx4ci the reality though, is that this structure is so very prevalent and backwards in the world, often, it isn’t them who wind up paying for it.
They say narcissists die alone. Often the same happens to scapegoats, as no one believes them and, even when they do, enablers often guide them right back into the abuse. I think most people believed what I told them my mother was doing. But, in the end, it was, “But that’s your mother.” I don’t believe it was even said, with the idea that returning to her, was going to help me. Rather, it was more that she simply had the right to do whatever she wanted and I had to tolerate it, with a smile. But her worse behavior came, after I turned 50. I left, to also protect her from me. Because I knew I wasn’t taking any sh*t. But I’d imagine that scapegoats often get a one two (or more) punch because, first, they find out they’re being abused, then they discover narcissism, then they find out a good portion, if not everyone they know, doesn’t see a problem with the abuse, especially if their abuser is their parent. Scapegoats can wind up more isolated, until death, than the narcissist, with everyone they look at, thinking they’re wrong and should’ve embraced and protected their abuser. Now, when I meet new people, even once I get to know them well, I dare not speak of how my mother treated me. Because I know there’s a very high possibility, that they will turn on me.
@@privateprivate8366 First I feel really sorry for your current state, I've no idea what you've been through but it must be really rough.. I know the feeling of being isolated too damn well, it's almost unbearable but at the same time it's quite liberating as well.
I believe they are called Flying Monkey for a reason, they just don't have the guts and courage to be the one that step up and help those in need. They're living inside this imagination of theirs, thinking all the rules and regulations imposed on everyone by this society will get them out of the mud if they get into trouble one day. If not they would whine their way, thinking people might start to pity them and help them out whenever they're in a pinch. In short they're just a bunch of cowards who choose not to face the reality of the world but to continue telling lies to themselves thinking there's no problem with how the world or society works, why would they change anything that would work for them in the first place.
I sincerely think that you shouldn't be afraid of isolation and speak out your problems to anyone you feel comfortable with. I mean not just anyone, like you said some would just laugh at you or mock you behind your back. Even if you get hurt when they do that, it's inevitable that you would feel sad and disappointed with them but just thinking that they're those flying monkeys that do not think deeply and choose to live inside this little "Amazon" of theirs, you might feel much better after this.
This structure of this society is so bad that I think it should go back to the small community that we once had, at least the cases of abuse will reduce dramatically if not a significant portion. But who knows it might breed more narcissists inside the small community as well.😆 I think narcissism is a part of human nature and we should embrace and appreciate their efforts of trying to take us down whenever they can, so do the Flying Monkey as well. Just remember that they already paid for their sins for looking away from the problem and step up to it whenever they can. I remember this phrase too as well, what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Cheers! 😊
@@Cp-yx4ci agreed!
For me though, as a creative and INTJ, I am quite comfortable, in my own company. What it is is the parsing out of me enjoying my own company and that which becomes forced isolation, by having dealt with what I call the “narcissistic system”. It’s definitely caused quite a bit of misanthropy in me. But, I have time I may spend with people, usually at work. But, I have solid boundaries so, I will not have my time and life imposed upon, like by my narcissistic neighbor, who feels proximity = availability and that I’m being disrespectful, by not freely working for her. That, I will not have.
Once bitten, twice shy
The only reason why narcissism is coming to light is due to those who have suffered and lived to tell the tale. Granted the tale is not fairy like, but a hellish nightmare.
Non the less, congratulations to those who have seen the truth. Not only did you save yourself, but your testimony is exposing more and more wicked people
Amen.
Even abusive people are not stupid so know how to cover their abuse.
Their classic catch phrase “I never hit you!” Which is usually 100% BS and just a way of saying they were more strategic with their mental, emotional, and psychological abuse that always works in their favor. I’ve read testimonies of people who were sent to “therapy” simply to have the psychiatrist side with the abusive parents or guardians. Who knew they would take the side of the ones paying for their vacation home and yacht.
@@jacksonrelaxin3425 yep.
✨✨✨I’m almost 40 and I’m still at home being abused by my mother. I’m also a target for other narcissists outside of the home.✨✨✨
40 and still living at home? Maybe it's time to move out and get away from the narcissit.
Stop the cycle❤
"Not because you deserved it, but it's because of who they are." Thank you!
I posed no threat and just stood there and took it.
I feel sorry for the next person that tries to abuse me. Pray for them 🙏
My mom said to me I was a difficult child because I was to sweet. Crazy!
My mom always picked on me becauae I was always there for her and always assured her, no matter what, I would support her. To my surprise, I was the one who got psychologically and physically sick due to her severe narcisisistic attitudes towads me. My siblings used to laugh at her lies, accusations, threats, and gossipings. The more gentle and kinder you are, the more they abuse you. Be veeery careful.
Yes they assume kindness is weakness
1.5 years after my moms passing and I still ask Why ..all I wanted was her love ,, I’ve stood at her grave and cried ,,I’ve mourned the pain , the torture , the anguish ,,
This is not wish for love, this is codependency. It happens in mother daughter relationship too. You gotta overcome it. There should be an understanding formed, I deserve love, and I am loved and protected by the God and the Universe. You gotta understand once in your life that you are a separate individual, and you gotta live and develop on your own terms, your mother is a separate individual too, she has/had the right for whatever feelings and reactions she could feel. The other thing is that if it harms you, you gotta distance yourself. Leave. And see the picture clearly with no rose glasses, no one has the right to interfere with your own life, your work, your romantic life, your interests, your hobbies.
She could never give you love, nor could she receive love from you. They lack empathy. It's a DISORDER. You cannot fix them.
Hugs, dear. We needed- and still need- something they couldn't give. Dammit. Big hugs.
I wondered for such a long time why I felt so much overwhelming pain and anguish growing up. As the youngest of 7 total, I don’t believe a single one understands what type of toxic environment we grew up in .. covert narcissist mother and totally enabling father … I do and I could care less what the rest of them who still look down on me think or believe .. it is really hard work to get to that point in understanding
You really need to seek counseling for yourself. I promise there is absolutely nothing you could have done to make her love you. And sadly it doesn’t matter that she’s dead for you to reach healing, she would have never participated in the process and/or apologized for her behavior. I speak from experience, my mother is 87 and I just went no contact with her for the 2nd and last time. She is wicked, sick and twisted-that’s her problem not mine. Im taking care of myself, I know I gave everything I had within me to give her a 2nd chance and she blew it big time. I didn’t confront her, it would have been wasted words. Her fate is in a higher powers hands.
Can't begin to tell you how many times growing up I heard "you have so much potential" but never once did I hear you did something, anything well or great or even good enough. Kinda sticks with you throughout the rest of your life with this feeling you're just not quite good enough.
Yea absolutely
Ultimately, my mother made me feel like I was a horse she bet on, that didn’t win. That my birth ruined her life.
So well said.
It’s really frustrating and shocking when your own mom is laughing at you because she has raised you to be a people pleaser and she knows she is taking advantage of you and stealing your joy and your rest. This was my first sign something was wrong, but at the time, two years ago, I didn’t know what to do about it. In fact, I blamed myself at first for being a people pleaser or being co-dependent on my mom. Which is true, but it doesn’t give her the right to treat me like that. It’s been a long hard road. The hardest part has been learning to day “no” and then leaving the tantrums she puts out. They keep repeating themselves in my mind, or at least they used to. She used to have such a tight grip on my mind. They are are truly cruel and evil. Bye mom.
Parents always swing above us forever like the sword of Damokles, I guess. In the good way, or the bad.
"Let them experience the absence of you" 11.52 Amen!
The part about the mother getting together with the friends to make fun of you really hit me. So much of this is so releaving to my heart that it wasn't my fault.
I know that from my mother too. That can hurt a lot. God loves you even when your mother does not 🤍✨
Or when a person insults you right in front of your mother and she says NOTHING to defend you!!!
I normally say to people "it was not about me harvesting karma for myself, it was about them sowing theirs".
Interesting. I still look to blame myself but look at them manifesting their karma. They will reap what they sow.
I don't want their negativity in my life because i am not like that.
"No more wire hangers" got me. My mom made me watch Mommy Dearest, stating, "see, I'm not a bad mom". Honestly, I couldn't see the difference. She was just as bad.
My mother loved mommy dearest 😮😅😅
My mom made me read „a child called „it“ … hahah same reason
Seeing that movie on my local channel 7 from DC seemed all too familiar. I'm not saying that my mom was nearly as bad as Joan Crawford's portaryed character was. But nevertheless the connection was made by me as a little kid in the early 1980s
I just walked away from a narcissistic "friend". He was so kind at first and when I softened, the verbal and emotional abuse began. He would use me as a therapist and then toss me aside and say cruel things once he got his fix. I can't believe I held on for so long, I'm actually ashamed smh
Don't be ashamed. We are learning our whole life. 🙂🧡
We are given choice. The choices we make mold who progressively become. The gift God gives us of freedom of choice leaves each one of us with no excuses in the end. The rain falls on the good and the evil alike.
LynB, that's right!They choose to be bad.God is not unfair.He gives us all the same potential.We use it according to our will.
My parents scapegoated me. My sister's were mean. I grew up so lonely.
I watched this video a few times, especially 6:50 to12:08 is the best life advice you can ever give someone. "Let them experience the absence of you." - Kevin, The Royal We.
Yes
I so needed this...my mother was absolutely cruel to me. She even stole from me starting as a child & turn people against me. Radical Acceptance has helped, but it's still hard. I need to watch this video a few more times. Thank you Kevin for addressing this. It's a hard pill to swallow...why my mother hated me...but it's what was in her heart. Thanks!🙏
I do sometimes wonder if God is mad at me because I thank Him for removing her from my life!
I so relate, especially the cruelty. Being beaten starting before I could walk actually bloody hurts, the psych confusion, I would mantra over and over in my head 'I know I'm a good person' She made me empty my savings account age 12 and I had saved hard til then. Probably a months average amount that was to be returned but never was, a history of theft from family who would just walk out the door with my stuff. There was a switch that said no more. Could have been my name left off father's obituary, or that none came to my sons funeral.. they sickened me that lot. And there they stay, out of sight, out of mind. Concentrating on meeting and valuing good souls.
I think God is pleased that you are whole!
@@Linda-ki5xh Hugs, my dear. Big warm hugs to you, and your spirit.
I never really thought about it but my mother stole from me too. She even taught me to steal petty things like hotel shampoos and fast food condiments. To this day I still don’t know if that’s wrong. But anyways, she also stole candy she found in my room when we cleaned it. She stole a gold coin from me, and she burned a piece of my furniture. So yeah, it doesn’t seem like much over a childhood, but it was a lot.
@Anna Burns The sad part is you don't know all of what your mother stole from you. The only reason I found so much out is because I cleaned out my family home and found things of mine & other people's stuff.
As a child, yes it's easier to accept the blame for how our parents treated us. It's a way to allow ourselves to love people who are incapable of loving us in return. That belief or behavior, or whatever you want to call it, results in a lifetime of servitude to people who will pick up where our parents left off.
It is gaslighting yourself to survive. A kid has no other chance.
Thank u ,,. scapegoat here .I haven't felt good enough all my life ...why would a mother and father abandon a daughter, I must be to blame I was very rebelous ..a bad girl ...undeserving of being protected and loved excepted...sorry 😔 just that it's been hard, god helps me and helped me was next to me while I was in the dark afraid.... thank you God bless🙏
I've also noticed that narcissistic people will be nice to and even fawn over someone who they think they could get something from.
They have evil in their hearts and not even God can talk them out of it so how could I possibly think that i could talk it out of them?
I'm not religious- but I really value how you use examples in the Bible to give these lessons an extra dimension. It's taking an ancient truth and pulling it into the present through relevance. Kinda makes me wanna read the Bible. ❤️
I'm not religious either, but I also love how he incorporates the bible into his teachings as a means to help us understand.
You'll be surprised how many things in the Bible shows up this evil and how to detect it. The devil is the Narcissist Sociopath and the Psychopath.
I`m not religious, but I understand why someone would want to use biblical metaphor for the purpose of coloring their point of view and also think it detracts from and undermines the otherwise true things hes saying because y`all know religion is the ultimate abusive relationship.
I’m not religious either but learning about narcissism over the years has got me to start reading the Bible. I’m spiritual, not religious but I look for insight in different ways. I have to say that it seems like there’s a demonic element to narcissism.
Narcissists roam the Earth looking for power...wow. excellent description
Amen and amen!! I have gone no contact with two siblings, two SILs, several "friends". It feels so good and I can't think of any reason I would ever go back! Thanks for your part in that process, Kevin.
Amen brother. For years I couldn't figure out why my family of origin was so toxic. All groups have leaders and my mother was the leader/matriarch of the family. She acted nice to my face but rejected me when I wasn't around.
Sometimes she would have family gatherings and invite everyone except me. She has passed on now and I have forgiven her, but I have to deal with the effects of the emotional abuse that I suffered for so many years. This video helps me to put it into perspective. Keep up the good work.
I know about this situation.
Stay strong 💪.
The two adults that adopted me were monsters. Just like their biological son who was an evil bully. He learned from his masters.
They only adopt in order to abuse, they select a scapegoat, a traumatized child.
Society always act like the parents who adopted you are saints.
People have their individual and particular reasons
for adopting children.
I asked an exorcist if narcissists are demon possessed. He replied that not all of them are but many are. It occurs when the fallen human and the fallen angel make an agreement. The spiritual realm is real. Evil is real. And no one knows that better than an exorcist. The evil inherent in a narcissist is real and no one knows that better than one who tried to love them.
There’s a good channel with exorcism teachings.
When one accepts evil and let's the innocent rot, one has agreed to be evil. Thus is why false teachers hate those who correct their lies, since they love only worship & stealing from everyone else.
@@user-ie2kh7ng7l ALL churches are fallen. No one has cared to welcome ELIJAH
those who have seen a narc rage - know it is a truth. This is no human beheviour - more like animal, demon. Their eyes are empty- they are controlled by some force - they do not think for themselves - and behave exactly the same, abuse is the same - no matter what country you are from.
@@user-ie2kh7ng7l I've ended them. Those who demand nothing new shall get out of the way.
Brilliant explanation. Cannot get enough of the straight forward honesty. Family does not excuse or make abuse ok. This is the way of the world. What a load of garbage we have been sold! Thank you for the lesson.
Yes Marcy
People treat you well or badly not because of who you are but because of who they are. We should have nothing to do with abusers even if they are your parents or siblings, painful as it is to accept as truth.😢
My mother passed in 1990. I was the "chosen" who received the stares, the cruel words, the judgment. No matter how good I was, how many times I made all A's on my report card...I was "bad." I developed white spots on my fingernails at age 7 after starting piano lessons (bruising). She told me it was because I was a liar. When I gave birth to my sweet third son, she wondered why I didn't have an abortion...her image of too many children spoiled.
My sister was the Golden Child. I was the Scapegoat. Mom worked at turning us against each other, and it worked great.
I know my sister had a hard time being perfect. It's hard to sympathize too much, since she got the college education; and friends invited over to the house for meals and sleepovers; and she got to meet and know our family relatives.
And it's also hard, because she always treats me like a piece of sh*t.
She sounds like a real nut like my mother. She also seems cold hearted like mine. It’s who they are. I’m glad I’m not like those people.
@@whereisyourhumanity7557 Same in many ways 😢Still hurts like hell
At 47 my mom would say I was a mistake when I was born that would be the start of my spiritual awakening so I thank the Lord!
When my mother spoke about loving that she had my sister and I, I could feel the “transition to truth” over the years. That she didn’t really feel that way. While it coincided with depression, life’s difficulties and pain, it ultimately turned to her trying to destroy us. But, out of the 2 of us, I am the sibling that is aware of it. My sister “may” (and I say that with a grain of salt), be just beginning to find out that, she never really loved and only used us. That, although little could be expected of our mother, with her own life struggles, in preparing for our future, the older she got, that she might’ve actually done all she could, to leave us with nothing but financial woes, triangulation and not even having each other.
I was the wrong she raised 🤣
We live in a fallen and sinful world.The Most High gives us free will and a measure of faith.I don't truly believe he would cause us to be evil.We are affected by the evil around us, but still have free will.When we draw closer to The Most High, repent and accept him as our Savior, he heals us
I don't want any of them in my life.
We call them Shape shifters. Those creepy narcissist.
In some families older children have been treated badly ,favouritism affect children in negway those who do wrong make others guilty
Excellent upload Kevin. Really hit the nail on the head.
It's like when you're a child at school and you stand up to the bully and the bullying stops. Thank you.
Thank you
In my country, the justice system doesn’t do anything to abusers.
I can't believe how common this is, but thank God for you, and others here
Wonderful video thank you, you just confirmed what I have finally done. Cut off my whole narc family. Thank God and Amen
Same here.
Same. I've tried no/ low contact but always end up crawling back to the when I'm lonely.
I love it, to a point, because I’ve seen the switch, when they’ve found they were greatly mistaken. I’ve seen and heard the sudden recognition, the “oh sh*t” look in their eyes, when they discover that I’m not really that nice and they picked the wrong one. That something will be done about them. That I’m serious and that psychological cave they think they’re going to drag me into, they’re now trying to escape, themselves. Even if I return to appearing as the victim they thought I was, they usually don’t. I think that, other than them just seeing my other side, they detect a comfort I have, with looking at them, on full alert (not fear), which says, “Really? Let’s do this.” That I like the light. But am not entirely uncomfortable with the dark.
Yes
This!!! Yes !!! Im not in anyone's little box anymore and they cant stand it. Of course im the "crazy" one. Because I dont allow them to use and abuse me. And the ones that dont keep trying to break me have completely left me alone. The camera is my best friend nowadays ! All I have to say is " Let me discuss this with someone in authority from the church and Oh Boy all Hell breaks loose with these "Christians". "What makes You SO Righteous huh? Oh yea tell them what you did too. " Ok Yea I have no problem. Im not keeping secrets but they are.
@@notrend204 When I get the nerve to even slightly backtalk to my mother with any form of truth, she's quick to shriek that judgment day is coming! (along with the judgy finger pointing) I just calmly remind her, "Yes, for you too." Oh, the FACE she made! She went real quiet, real quick. God is my authority. Who is hers?
@@RedRubyStones well done. Its true ! She will have you acting like she's Jesus and through her is the only way to God 😅😮💨 Its insane the control they want especially when the Narc is a Christian its worse than a non Christian I believe. And Jesus was all about forgiveness and not throwing stones. Their behavior is like the Pharisees that had it out for Jesus. They didnt stop till he was up on that cross. These situations are difficult hopefully you get to a point you can keep your mom at a distance without having to completely cut her off. I had to cut mine off before and I will do it again. She's working on her behavior for the sake of the grandkids I believe. She wants to go full blown so bad I can hear it in her voice her pauses 😅 I even moved states so its hard for her to control me.
Yes now he's living in his misery for the choice he made and I don't feel sorry for him.
They take out their anger on you and think you're just a object for their devises. There's a place in he!! for evil doers.
This video is my mother whom abused my siblings, and I she was jealous of me since I was a very small child. Now that I'm an adult I can clearly see my mother was a sick narcissistic. My mother passed away 1998 from a drug overdose she got her karma. Thank you for sharing your video. 😊
I wonder why your mom was jealous of you look at that pretty face baby😂😂😂😂😂
My father was a bully, a sadistic narcissist. It's very hard for me to deal with because he is dead now. I can not accept his lack of love, his abuse. But it is what it is, and my life goes on until the end.
I have given this a deep thougth to. You dont deserve whats coming to you and parents should be a save shoulder to lean on. I still cant acknowledge my parents being that way thats why my inner child newer grow up! How can i be good If parents where narcissistisk by nature ? The hardest thing is to know that i showed them so much Love but that didnt change anything in anytime now or in the future. Dynamics should then have altered but always twist back to their "normal". Running away from them has been exhausting but knowing Im not alone helps ! 🤗
You don’t deserve the abuse of a narcissistic person, just walk away it’s hard but you need to protect yourself.
This is the second time I have watched this video! But this time I am going to give a prime example!! I have been distant from my family for some time now, years! In february my husbands heart stopped and he was on life support for 2 weeks. I just brought him home from the hospital yesterday for the 4th time. Mind you, in the mean time my dad is in his 80's and is needing extra care at home. My mother called expecting me to jump in and help her. And because I have not done so or can not, she screams to me over something my ex husband did back in time! HE WANTED YOU TO KILL YOURSELF! COMMIT SUICIDE! Message taken loud and clear!!!! So guess who will NEVER be able to reach me ever again! That's right!! Mommy dearest!!! Know your WORTH and love thyself!
🍃❤Love from Texas❤🍃
God is not responsible for peoples sin. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, which we all choose.
I'm so grateful for your willingness to impart your clarity and insights to us, Kevin!
You left out that demons have an uncanny ability to recognize demons. Even if it’s not apparent to others. They are also nice to other demons. They recognize themselves in others.
Maybe you should not take the bible all along literally.
Birds of a feather flock together
Science and psychologists don't even understand this.
Most have the "God" complex. Just as evil.
@5:40 That was a 💡 moment for me. I didn’t deserve the abuse I received but I didn’t deserve the unconditional love I received either from those I was/am fortunate enough to know.
This makes it easier to digest the reality that my hurtful family members are just who they are. I witnessed how they behaved to others and although I never condemned their behavior, I didn’t think they would turn on me. It’s not my fault. It’s just who they are and I am in no position to change them.
I'm a generational curse breaker. Rejected and hated the most they do not LOVE THE TRUTH.
May the Lord bless you. What you said is very true!!!
The love that i receive is not because i deserve it.
Where has this guy been all my life? I could have had a whole different life if I heard this message years ago.
One of the most efficient and powerful things you've presented throughout the years is when you brought up this idea of Not getting roped in by trying to explain or diagnose. To be simply able to recognize "They are different". Again, this comparison you have made using Cain and Abel(which this story dynamic has been pressing me for Years) lol, is awesome and then further describing in terms of Measure is so totally cool.
Read a comment the other day, three lady siblings had given their mother the nickname, the "incubator". I couldn't help myself thinking how much my mother fit into that.
Amazing!!!!!! Yes!!! It’s not because “I deserve it… it’s because of who THEY ARE!!!” 🔥🔥🔥 Sooooo true!!!
Awesome teaching and an amazing eye-opening truth!
Thank you Kevin!
My mother snarked at me often just for asking a question or desiring something she didn't want to give me. There was never a time when she sat down and had a loving conversation about why she didn't want to encourage me in something, it was always demeaning in generalities without any discussion. I wasn't a threat because I was the only girl in the family and the very weak emotional person who responded with tears to their antics. The more I cried the worse they got. A small child was not equipped to do anything about it and my first reactions to them left a habit in them for the rest of my life. To this day, I am 70 years old and my brothers are always angry at me even if there are years from the last time I saw them. It is the most bizarre thing. Jealousy has been the problem, I know this because a sister-in-law actually cried because I had a nice house, it later came out that she was jealous. That jealousy never went away, they never grew more mature over the years, only worse with their gossip.
❤ “let them experience the absence of you” - Amen 🙏 that’s comes with internally letting go forever tho. Not sure there’s ever going back. Even in the physical presence there will always be a disconnect of the heart, the trust leaves with you.
Yes, this is my mother, and subsequent co-workers! I am only now understanding the dynamic because I had no one to turn to. Thank you, Kevin, for your help and your honest intelligence!
Much love to you and
Merry Christmas.
The absolute best video you ever did. Extremely enlightening and wise!! You wrapped up narcissistic creatures better than anyone I ever heard 🤝
My question is, WHY don't any other family members ask the scapegoat to verify what the narc said? Why don't they want to hear the scapegoat's side
No more wire hangers! I am so glad I found your site. You are wise beyond your years! You are very gifted and your videos are very healing. Thank you for all you do!
Exceptional. Thank you. You nailed it. I am addicted to researching narcism. I am paralyzed and depressed. Time to get moving.
Thank you for talking sense and reality
Me the mosttt dead on! I've been following you I'm finally getting the guts to make my own videos they're kind of goofy and raw and nothing professional whatsoever but you know the truth coming out and it definitely is about this I'll give you a shout out of course because you've been an inspiration as well I couldn't think of everybody but you are one!
So sad to know so many people suffering 😢 pray is all I can do🙏
THANK YOU for our 1 on 1 phone call. It was so very helpful.
P.S. thank you, also, for encouraging me to look at my time alone as an opportunity to rediscover who I am now...not who I was.
my dad always hated me, and sided with the bully ,and used honor your parent ,to say your going to hell ,and turned my friend, lil against me
I finally figured out I wasn't the bad, stupid crazy one and took back my own power. This was a long task. I broke the curse and now they have to pay their master.
I'm really glad I found your channel! Thank you very much for your content 🙏 It's greatly appreciated. I'm at the point now when my mother, stepdad, and family members pass away, I'm not going to go to the "circus," otherwise known as the funeral.
It's their negative internal dialogue about Everything (self; life; wants; people who have what they want; etc...) and it developes into intense anger that they eventually take out on other people.
They don't know that you change your life by changing your internal dialogue and your daily habits so they blames others for why they don't have the life they want/ "deserve".
It's the internal dialogue (positive or negative) that we ALL operate from.
11:54 this made me actually tear up because it's so well said and I truly appreciate you wholeheartedly for saying this. Thank you for making this video. I've learned so much about myself and how to stop tolerating abuse from it.
This is the first time I have heard a clear answer to this question. I have been looking for this answer my entire life. Thank you for this video and your uncanny insights and commitment to the TRUTH about these soul murdering, emotional, spiritual parasites.