Sundays are different now. The day used to consist of reading this crap again and again. Mondays included tests, followed by a display of god's love, for those who didn't notice the esoteric messages hidden within the text. And by god's love, they meant corporal punishment. But don't fret, little ones. God is love. Thanks Hemant for making Sundays safe again.
Balaam: Say, God... couldn't you just promise the king of Moab that the Israelites will leave him alone?' God: What? And skip out on all that sweet genocide?'
@@Daniel-cz7kd Then it's self defense. But considering that the Israelites are invaders, the Moabites would be justified in fighting back. Actually, from what I remember of the bible, none of the Israelite's neighbors seem intent on exterminating them. Even the Philistines only wanted to rule and dominate them. I could be wrong, considering that I've heard that genocide was a common thing back then. But those other nations didn't have a 'morally superior' god telling them what to do.
@@Daniel-cz7kd The Israelites were so miserable with their "blessings" that they might as well have been cursed. It's basically the definition of "Pyrrhic victory."
"You didn't curse my enemies? Go home, I'm not paying you!" Ironic that Balak's "punishment" for Balaam blessing the Israelites instead of cursing them was just to fire him. DarkMatter2525 was right to portray Balak as Donald Trump in his video covering this chapter of the Bible. 🤣
glad that I'm still on first chapters of Leviticus. I don't need to hurry my video marathon. i never watch your latest upload of "everything wrongs" series cause i don't want to spoil my journey. Just wanna thank you for this enlightened opportunity of a lifetime. Thanks bruno mars!
Uh... The Israelites in this chapter are described like the Orc armies of Sauron. Uncouth barbarians show up to people's lands, and are going to slaughter them mercilessly. Countless nations and cultures, butchered because their God is stronger. Can someone remind me why we're supposed to be rooting for Moses and his band of rampaging barbarians?
The "star" is King David, who crushed (hit) the head of Goliath. BTW, nothing to do with the "Star of David," a later invention of the Jews. Of course, none of this faux prophecy in any way justifies the absurdity of what is taking place!
0:45 The thing that occurs to me about "Agag", is that there may have been multiple kings by that name, provided it isn't just a title or an anachronism. So this could be referring to a previous mighty king Agag who is not otherwise mentioned, but would have been well known whenever this was written.
When it was written isn't the same time as when it allegedly would have happened. So while it's possible the audience when it was written might have known the name well. I doubt the people when this was written, would have known such things from when the events would have happened. It sounds like this is just another case of something in the bible that isn't well documented or known, and not of much significance.
Nineveh, not Babylon, but yes, it's weird. There's also the Cyprus reference i.e. the Sea Peoples, it's almost like these books weren't actually written at the time they are set and the anonymous writer is just writing down past history and disguising it as old prophecy...
@@brunozeigerts6379 They did take the area when they invaded Egypt (they were allied with Egypt at the time). It didn't last long, but left an impression.
Well that was very disappointing. I was trying to guess beforehand how many and which type of animals were going to be slaughtered in this chapter but sadly not one perished.
This is like the old movie serials, where every episode after the first one spends at least a quarter of its running time recounting what happened in the previous episode.
I seems Balaam was kind of a bad ass, the angels only made empty threats, god wouldn't touch him, Balak barely confronted him. And, he got a donkey to talk. The makings of a minor deity at least.
Friendly Atheist, Hemant! Damn, I almost missed one again! Weird book of many weird books in the Bible. They butchered enough animals to feed the whole groups, then went back and this way bayloch could just blame balaam and yahweh. Propaganda! lol. 👍🌊💙💙💙🌊🥰✌
1. Did I miss last week? I think I missed last week. Crap. Should go back. Will after this. 2. Divination was a BIG THING in many parts of the ancient world. Hell, see the temple at Delphi just for reference, though I think that would have been later than this. This is where Judaism starts to diverge from Zoroastrianism, though, because, while Zoroastrians were the first actual monotheists, they still read a lot into astronomy, which the ancient Jews conflated with astrology. NOT the same thing, though: watch your science versus your pseudo-science. 3. This is where the people who wanted to brand Jesus s the Messiah got a fair bit of their ammo, I'm willing to bet. "A star will come out of Jacob"? Star of Bethlehem, Jesus is a descendent of Jacob...you do the math. The only problem is, Christians pulled a bit of a trick when making their Bible. In the actual Tanakh (written Scripture), the order goes Torah, Prophets, Writings. In the Christian version of any Bible, it goes Torah, Writings, Prophets, literally to put the prophecies closer to where Christians thought they apply. "TANAKH" is actually an acronym. Since Hebrew doesn't have vowels, though are substituted in, but it stands for "Torah", Nevi'im", "Ketuvim", or Torah, Prophets, Writings in English. People have been mucking with cross-cultural Scripture literally for millennia, though. Christians aren't the first. 4. Cyprus, really? That's a bit of a distance. I'm getting historical now, but all of this would have taken place during the Bronze Age, so roughly 3000-1600BVE. BIT of a time gap there, but it was a time in which many nations all over Asia, Africa, and Europe were establishing themselves, making trade routes, and making kingdoms and even empires. You need a lot of time to get (deeeeeeeeeep breath) India, China, Palestine, Persia. Egypt, Greece, Babylon, Ethiopia Nubia, the Caucasus...not to mention all the places on this side of the world that no one except for the First Peoples knew existed...well, you need a few thousand years to get all that going, eh? But in Eurasia, there was this horrible calamity called the Bronze Age Collapse, after all this, but well before Jesus, where historians don't know exactly what happened. here are multiple areas of speculation, though, including BOTH natural and economic disasters, likely all caused by seismic events, and the subsequent invasions of people we now call the "Sea Peoples", who were probably looking or land and resources. It's at least speculated that SOME of them could have been from Cyprus, as well as from northern Africa, or even as far way as Italy. It doesn't seem like THAT much of a distance between, say, Persia and Italy to us now, but back then, it would have taken months to get from one to the other, not to mention all the water you'd have to cross. 5. XD "Who's not a doctor," says the Indian. Sorry, I just thought that was funny.
I heard recently there is some evidence of a weakening of the gulf stream at the correct time which would likely have lead to serious famines in northern Europe due to falling temperatures, which in turn caused a massive migration southward. Needed boats to get over over the mediterranean = the "sea peoples".
@@garryferrington811, ish, yes, since that was around the time of the Babylonian Exile. HOWEVER, it had been in Hebrew oral tradition for hundreds of years longer than that.
@@ActiveAdvocate1 Personally I think the core of the monotheistic religion was put together earlier. My hypothesis is a civil war at the time of the Bronze age collapse. It would then have been heavily modernized in Babylon.
@@henrikgiese6316, it was already a thing before the Bronze Age collapse, though, for sure. Zoroastrianism was the state religion of Babylon, which is VERY monotheistic, and is where Christians get their idea of the Devil. I kind of blame Zoroastrianism for making monotheists just ADORE the idea of dichotomy: up/down, good/evil, God/Satan, so forth, but it's not their fault that people went overboard.
It is really weird that this little side story is shoehorned in here. It doesn't have anything to do with anything, like Stehen King padding out one of his battleship-sized novels.
Isn't weird that god mentioned a lioness? Lions are from Africa and these people are from Asia, they might know these animals exist, but I doubt they saw one. It might be easier to use the animals from that region to make a message more clear.
Yes Jesus is the Rock (1 Cor 10:14) and Star out of Jacob, He is the Rock Star that crushed Satan's head on the cross, a fulfillment of a prophecy spoken by God in Genesis 3:15 ...... Checkmate Atheists.
@@TBomb39 You are a very insensitive individual. You're filled with pride and you're filled with arrogance, you're putting your insecurity on full display.
He can crush satan's head but is completely useless in healing amputees? You need to think twice worshipping a malevolent and barbaric god.... Just what you would expect from a minor diety created by humans, his powers are limited by humans... god's creators.
Why did I ever believed these stories even happened as true history.
L H What’s the matter with that?
Hopefully soon we'll get some more genocide and IKEA instructions.
Yep there's nothing like a good massacre to spice up a story
Sundays are different now. The day used to consist of reading this crap again and again. Mondays included tests, followed by a display of god's love, for those who didn't notice the esoteric messages hidden within the text. And by god's love, they meant corporal punishment. But don't fret, little ones. God is love. Thanks Hemant for making Sundays safe again.
The spirit of gawd came on him ... ew, buy the guy a drink first.
Balaam: Say, God... couldn't you just promise the king of Moab that the Israelites will leave him alone?'
God: What? And skip out on all that sweet genocide?'
Bruno Zeigerts And what about when the kings and the Moabites attack and go on thier own genocides against the Israelites?
@@Daniel-cz7kd Then it's self defense. But considering that the Israelites are invaders, the Moabites would be justified in fighting back.
Actually, from what I remember of the bible, none of the Israelite's neighbors seem intent on exterminating them. Even the Philistines only wanted to rule and dominate them.
I could be wrong, considering that I've heard that genocide was a common thing back then. But those other nations didn't have a 'morally superior' god telling them what to do.
He goes back home to his wife and kids. And lives happily ever after. At least until Numbers 31.
Spoiler alert.
Q: What's the difference between a blessing from God and a curse from God?
A: I don't know either.
Addicted to Not Smoking Very simple, at least for someone who is open to hear about it
@@Daniel-cz7kd The Israelites were so miserable with their "blessings" that they might as well have been cursed. It's basically the definition of "Pyrrhic victory."
"... who's not a doctor." Lol.
Mitchell Miner And also “you know how many stupid things I say out loud.”
"You didn't curse my enemies? Go home, I'm not paying you!"
Ironic that Balak's "punishment" for Balaam blessing the Israelites instead of cursing them was just to fire him. DarkMatter2525 was right to portray Balak as Donald Trump in his video covering this chapter of the Bible. 🤣
God would kill him
LOL, I'll have to find that one - I guess I missed it! 😄
6:20 Now I can't stop thinking about Ninja Jesus. Hollywood, make this a movie NOW.
Well, Hollywood's all booked up but maybe Darkmatter 2525 could do it? He would do a far better job anyway...
@@KeriRautenkranz I wasn't aware of Darkmatter2525 until now. I just watched a couple of videos... thanks for telling me!
@@John73John You're very welcome! Jesus, Jeffery, God, "Not Mohamed", Lucy Fur and Moses make a great team....
I'm not sure I ever heard a war camp described with such glowing flattery.
glad that I'm still on first chapters of Leviticus. I don't need to hurry my video marathon. i never watch your latest upload of "everything wrongs" series cause i don't want to spoil my journey. Just wanna thank you for this enlightened opportunity of a lifetime. Thanks bruno mars!
As I always say Bible God sounds like an ancient middle eastern dad. Tough violent love maybe?
Uh... The Israelites in this chapter are described like the Orc armies of Sauron. Uncouth barbarians show up to people's lands, and are going to slaughter them mercilessly. Countless nations and cultures, butchered because their God is stronger. Can someone remind me why we're supposed to be rooting for Moses and his band of rampaging barbarians?
Malidictus We’re not.
@@Daniel-cz7kd That should have said "why we're supposed to be rooting for". The bible's narrative presupposes that we're on their side.
The "star" is King David, who crushed (hit) the head of Goliath. BTW, nothing to do with the "Star of David," a later invention of the Jews.
Of course, none of this faux prophecy in any way justifies the absurdity of what is taking place!
0:45 The thing that occurs to me about "Agag", is that there may have been multiple kings by that name, provided it isn't just a title or an anachronism. So this could be referring to a previous mighty king Agag who is not otherwise mentioned, but would have been well known whenever this was written.
When it was written isn't the same time as when it allegedly would have happened. So while it's possible the audience when it was written might have known the name well. I doubt the people when this was written, would have known such things from when the events would have happened.
It sounds like this is just another case of something in the bible that isn't well documented or known, and not of much significance.
Maybe it's a reference to that second bible mentioned a chapter or two (or three, I don't know) ago.
It's a shame The Library of Alexandria burned, it's main treasury was ancient history and culture, now lost to time ...
@@garryferrington811 Wait what is "second bible"? 0_0
Your statement requires a lot of reading between the lines doesn't it.
"The spirit of god came on him."....LOL.
How many ANIMALS are sacrificed in the Bible? I want that video next!
There is a verse in 1 kings where Solomon sacrifices 142 000 animals (20 000 oxen and 122 000 sheep).
Peter Carr What does it matter how many animals are sacrificed?
@@Daniel-cz7kd It would ultimately be pointless by 33 AD, however.
@@chrissonofpear1384 it was pointless since the beginning
It's all a load of Balak's...
Anyone else hear "Balak" and think of "Balok" from the old Star Trek episode, "The Corbomite Maneuver"?
So it wasn't just me?
Balaam: And a star of Jacob will arise... and Israel will become strong... and Babylon will conquer them... wait, WHAT?'
Nineveh, not Babylon, but yes, it's weird. There's also the Cyprus reference i.e. the Sea Peoples, it's almost like these books weren't actually written at the time they are set and the anonymous writer is just writing down past history and disguising it as old prophecy...
@@blede8649 Assyria ravages Israel and Judah, but it was Babylon that conquered them.
@@brunozeigerts6379 I thought you were talking about this chapter's "prophecy", my bad.
@@blede8649 Just what someone with real prophetic power might see. I don't recall Assyria conquering Israel and Judah, but I could be wrong.
@@brunozeigerts6379 They did take the area when they invaded Egypt (they were allied with Egypt at the time). It didn't last long, but left an impression.
It is just a story, no history. Simply just a tale.
quercus Right, History
The funny thing is that Israel didn't have a king at this time and Balaam didn't prophesy his own death at the hands of Israel.
"The spirit of god came on him"
Ew wtf
God loves bukkake as well as foreskins.
panqueque445 No, no spirit of any god came on him.
@@Daniel-cz7kd So not like Judges 9:23, then?
@@Daniel-cz7kd came like it did on Mary
Well that was very disappointing. I was trying to guess beforehand how many and which type of animals were going to be slaughtered in this chapter but sadly not one perished.
People are animals.
@@elainejohnson6955 Not for the biblical literalist creationists, we're something special. We were created by God and have dominion over the animals.
So long as you didn't lose money over it.
This is like the old movie serials, where every episode after the first one spends at least a quarter of its running time recounting what happened in the previous episode.
"who has knowledge from [being] the Most High"
Spirit of god came on him. Lol
Prnhub here i come!
Simon Hucknall Actually, no god
Say that to Mary!
The spirit of god what on him? 😳
I seems Balaam was kind of a bad ass, the angels only made empty threats, god wouldn't touch him, Balak barely confronted him. And, he got a donkey to talk. The makings of a minor deity at least.
Your are saying he's a bad ass with a talking ass.
@@cfltheman Purely unintentional but that's hilarious, thanks
I think you're the smartest guy in the room, and I'm not even your mom!
Beor sounds like a norse character or a character from lord of the ring or the hobbit books.
Jolene Blaloc is doing stuff, got it.
Bring back the unicorn!
Which unicorn?
🦏
@@SUperDEvil137
The KJV unicorn.
Love the kick at trump
I actually kinda like this story lol its a nice lil side quest away from the main characters
Friendly Atheist, Hemant! Damn, I almost missed one again! Weird book of many weird books in the Bible. They butchered enough animals to feed the whole groups, then went back and this way bayloch could just blame balaam and yahweh. Propaganda! lol. 👍🌊💙💙💙🌊🥰✌
If Balak were more like Yahweh, Balaam would be dead after that performance
1. Did I miss last week? I think I missed last week. Crap. Should go back. Will after this.
2. Divination was a BIG THING in many parts of the ancient world. Hell, see the temple at Delphi just for reference, though I think that would have been later than this. This is where Judaism starts to diverge from Zoroastrianism, though, because, while Zoroastrians were the first actual monotheists, they still read a lot into astronomy, which the ancient Jews conflated with astrology. NOT the same thing, though: watch your science versus your pseudo-science.
3. This is where the people who wanted to brand Jesus s the Messiah got a fair bit of their ammo, I'm willing to bet. "A star will come out of Jacob"? Star of Bethlehem, Jesus is a descendent of Jacob...you do the math. The only problem is, Christians pulled a bit of a trick when making their Bible. In the actual Tanakh (written Scripture), the order goes Torah, Prophets, Writings. In the Christian version of any Bible, it goes Torah, Writings, Prophets, literally to put the prophecies closer to where Christians thought they apply. "TANAKH" is actually an acronym. Since Hebrew doesn't have vowels, though are substituted in, but it stands for "Torah", Nevi'im", "Ketuvim", or Torah, Prophets, Writings in English. People have been mucking with cross-cultural Scripture literally for millennia, though. Christians aren't the first.
4. Cyprus, really? That's a bit of a distance. I'm getting historical now, but all of this would have taken place during the Bronze Age, so roughly 3000-1600BVE. BIT of a time gap there, but it was a time in which many nations all over Asia, Africa, and Europe were establishing themselves, making trade routes, and making kingdoms and even empires. You need a lot of time to get (deeeeeeeeeep breath) India, China, Palestine, Persia. Egypt, Greece, Babylon, Ethiopia Nubia, the Caucasus...not to mention all the places on this side of the world that no one except for the First Peoples knew existed...well, you need a few thousand years to get all that going, eh? But in Eurasia, there was this horrible calamity called the Bronze Age Collapse, after all this, but well before Jesus, where historians don't know exactly what happened. here are multiple areas of speculation, though, including BOTH natural and economic disasters, likely all caused by seismic events, and the subsequent invasions of people we now call the "Sea Peoples", who were probably looking or land and resources. It's at least speculated that SOME of them could have been from Cyprus, as well as from northern Africa, or even as far way as Italy. It doesn't seem like THAT much of a distance between, say, Persia and Italy to us now, but back then, it would have taken months to get from one to the other, not to mention all the water you'd have to cross.
5. XD "Who's not a doctor," says the Indian. Sorry, I just thought that was funny.
I heard recently there is some evidence of a weakening of the gulf stream at the correct time which would likely have lead to serious famines in northern Europe due to falling temperatures, which in turn caused a massive migration southward. Needed boats to get over over the mediterranean = the "sea peoples".
Most of this stuff, I've read, was cobbled together around 560 b.c.
@@garryferrington811, ish, yes, since that was around the time of the Babylonian Exile. HOWEVER, it had been in Hebrew oral tradition for hundreds of years longer than that.
@@ActiveAdvocate1 Personally I think the core of the monotheistic religion was put together earlier. My hypothesis is a civil war at the time of the Bronze age collapse.
It would then have been heavily modernized in Babylon.
@@henrikgiese6316, it was already a thing before the Bronze Age collapse, though, for sure. Zoroastrianism was the state religion of Babylon, which is VERY monotheistic, and is where Christians get their idea of the Devil. I kind of blame Zoroastrianism for making monotheists just ADORE the idea of dichotomy: up/down, good/evil, God/Satan, so forth, but it's not their fault that people went overboard.
It is really weird that this little side story is shoehorned in here. It doesn't have anything to do with anything, like Stehen King padding out one of his battleship-sized novels.
Garry Ferrington Actually it is important to the story.
Isn't weird that god mentioned a lioness? Lions are from Africa and these people are from Asia, they might know these animals exist, but I doubt they saw one. It might be easier to use the animals from that region to make a message more clear.
Lions actually did live in that area during the time this book was written.
@@cfltheman That's what I was wondering. We can't base assumptions on where animals live today.
Haha!! God 'personally' speaking to an atheist could even make him a believer!! >XD
lol Dubya made it in the Bible 😂
Why don't u disprove the Quarn??? It was only written 600 yrs ago. The bible has more writings than the Quarn.
So far numbers are truly awful literature.
If this is inspired by god I'm not exactly impressed 😂🤣😂
It's been said that Black Americans are the Israelites today, do you believe that's true?
Citation needed.
Its safe to say that SaulofTarsus33 possess the brains of a jellyfish.
SaulofTarsus 33 Hardly, possibly just made up, like Hemant’s series
As absurd as saying that white Americans are Israelites today.
Yes Jesus is the Rock (1 Cor 10:14) and Star out of Jacob, He is the Rock Star that crushed Satan's head on the cross, a fulfillment of a prophecy spoken by God in Genesis 3:15 ...... Checkmate Atheists.
Pretty sure that Dwayne Johnson is The Rock
Checkmate, Theites
Jesus was a character in a book of iron age fairy tales. You play pigeon chess.
@@TBomb39 You are a very insensitive individual. You're filled with pride and you're filled with arrogance, you're putting your insecurity on full display.
@@sauloftarsus3351 Excuse me while I pick up the pieces.
He can crush satan's head but is completely useless in healing amputees?
You need to think twice worshipping a malevolent and barbaric god....
Just what you would expect from a minor diety created by humans, his powers are limited by humans... god's creators.
Kinda like "Weird Al" song "Genius in France "