I think a lot of people confuse sexual escalation with communicating intention. You don't get friend zoned because you didn't escalate fast enough, you get friend zoned because you didn't do anything to make a woman feel like you wanted anything more than a platonic relationship. There are multiple ways to do this outside of banter and teasing (though those are extremely effective), and it can be as simple as literally just confidently telling someone what you want if that's your style. Just don't try to hide behind your own words or actions and you will generally be okay.
Seems like it’s important to enjoy the process of conversation, getting to know someone, sexual tension. Sex is a social activity, so if you’re antisocial and don’t enjoy conversation you’ll never get to sex. Porn unrealistically makes sex seem like some separate entity, but really it’s a peak experience of a social connection
Adored your interview with Captainese. Especially the approaching part. The thing is, women can't relate to how difficult it actually is to even appproach a person and how much it scares men.
Thanks Damien for a eye-opening video - you are excellent with your contrarian insights. Summarizing for my benefit - Staying out of the FZ depends on banter - Early escalation can worsen your results especially if you are not calibrated at reading a woman - Escalation is needed to make it clear that you are in it for a man-woman dynamic, not just to be buddies amongst humans having different body shapes and parts ! 😀
Always had the best result when I let the women do it. In the end I just said: I think you're hot - and they jumped on me. When I tried to actively escalate, it always backfired. Feels way better too when you don't have to force anything.
Well it's based off of 12 years as a coach - all the hard work that I do ongoing - the results I know I get with the programs - I know what the quality of compeitors is. Also, there's the problem that guys who invest real money in learning something work MUCH harder to get the results. If I made them cheap, I'd forever be working with men who weren't really working hard enough to get the results.
Do you go to the cheapest dentist? doctor? mechanic? Damien probably doesn't even charge enough since he's good at what he does. Guys want to attract the hottest women, but want the cheapest courses or coaching. The math doesn't add up.
It is not even that expensive compared to the value it provides. I don't have the money to afford them at the moment. But I aknowledge their value. I try to get the info from Damien's yt channel in the meantime, coz he was so generous to put out info for free as well.
I suspect this comment says more about you than me ;) If I am insecure about my hair, then it will matter more to women... but I don't care - I'm confident and cocky and playful in spite of thinning hair - and women magically seem not to care so much.
@@SchoolOfAttraction hello Damien, I know im getting late to this comment but I just read it. Im quite insecure and self conscious of my very receded hairline and thinning hair at 28 that mostly holds me back from approaching women. How do I get over this insecurity without the 'just shave it off bro' method?
Hey. Sorry this might be a long one. I'm 21m and I was in a relationship for 10 months where we never had penetrative sex. After this I had found someone who I was interested in and honestly couldn't get it up because I was so anxious about performance. I have 2 nights next week planned where I'm meeting people for Netflix, implied sex and I'm on the brink of cancelling both. So I suppose my question is how do you get over yourself, I'm too riddled with body anxiety to live my life sexually.
Hey Wanderer, it can be so difficult when you have a lot of anxiety about performance and/or your body. My advice on this is usually to push less for casual sex, and more for s short term relationship. Becaues with relationship with a woman based on something more than just sex, she'll likely be very patient and give youi space to work through your stuff. Whereas with casual sex, it can quickly fel like too much pressure for you.
Sure seems like a lot of hoops to jump through, man. We're not freaking circus animals. What makes women so special that they deserve such lofty accommodations from us without reciprocity?
Well human beings are complicated dude - it's not just women and sex.... I could make a simliarly complicated video about the right way to ask for a loan from a friend with the best odds of him saying yes... It's just how we need to learn about people in general that can seem complicated.
@@SchoolOfAttraction you've just implied that men are the beggars in this situation and women have all the leverage. You're not wrong about that, but my point is it's degrading. It's about time men start expecting women to meet them halfway for a change and holding out until then. How could mutual enthusiasm ever be a thing otherwise? I think the men's self-esteem crisis you talk about in your other video is happening in part because men are gradually internalizing how replaceable they are in a market where they hold no cards because men routinely go all-in on the first round. Did you happen to see that Natasha Aponte "Tinder Trap" fiasco? Ohh maaan I'm so embarrassed for my fellow men LOL but I have to scorn them for their complicity in setting outrageous precedents for women's expectations!
Haha you implied that my friend - I was just creating a non-romantic example of complicated behaviour - in my head it may have been the woman learning ot ask for a loan from a man. Another example could be a video teaching a woman how to best tell a man she wants a long term commitment without scaring him off - would you prefer that example?
@@SchoolOfAttraction Just statistically, a woman will ask about commitment fewer times in her life than a man would try to initiate some kind of relationship with a woman. I'm always kind of not sure about the validity of such a comparison, because not every relationship has a woman asking a man to commit, but for the relationship to begin, almost always a man should navigate this complexity of a woman's emotions, logic and desires.
Sorry, but I don't understand. If you just banter and rapport, you will not become a boring friend, but what prevents you from becoming just a funny friend? A clown?
Well nothing specifically prevents it - and its' still possible to get friendzoned. but a 'clown' is more about generally eing funny - teasing and banter is about making fun of her and creating push-pull tension that comes with it - a lot of the time, this becomes a form of attraction... If she sees you as that funny friend, and you sexually escalate, it's still not going to end well for you..
Once there's comfort, a bit of rapport and you've already laughed together - but honestly, every date is different, so a far higher qualiyt answer is that it depends on the date, and reading the situation. A large part of sexual esalation is calibration to the situation.
All guys should escalate really early using sexual innuendo though. You don't need to read any signals to use it. It just has to be funny so if she's not ready to be sexual with you, she can just laugh at the joke.
@@SchoolOfAttraction I'm not sure if I understand how sexual innuendo can come off creepy. I teach it to my students and have never had an issue. If the student can't tell a joke (innuendo) without coming off creepy, then their problems run way deeper and won't be solved just by avoiding sexuality. It's likely a body language and not smiling/eye contact issue.
@@WhitePillMan all he means is alot of men dont have the body language or that is too advanced for them. they need to start off slow before they get to that
On the first date you should usually never, out of respect for the woman, unless it's mutual, have sex. Only have sexual flirty messages between you two
I think a lot of people confuse sexual escalation with communicating intention. You don't get friend zoned because you didn't escalate fast enough, you get friend zoned because you didn't do anything to make a woman feel like you wanted anything more than a platonic relationship. There are multiple ways to do this outside of banter and teasing (though those are extremely effective), and it can be as simple as literally just confidently telling someone what you want if that's your style. Just don't try to hide behind your own words or actions and you will generally be okay.
Very well said!
Seems like it’s important to enjoy the process of conversation, getting to know someone, sexual tension.
Sex is a social activity, so if you’re antisocial and don’t enjoy conversation you’ll never get to sex.
Porn unrealistically makes sex seem like some separate entity, but really it’s a peak experience of a social connection
Adored your interview with Captainese. Especially the approaching part. The thing is, women can't relate to how difficult it actually is to even appproach a person and how much it scares men.
Thanks - it's such a hard thing to clearly convey to be sure
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes!
Thanks Damien for a eye-opening video - you are excellent with your contrarian insights.
Summarizing for my benefit
- Staying out of the FZ depends on banter
- Early escalation can worsen your results especially if you are not calibrated at reading a woman
- Escalation is needed to make it clear that you are in it for a man-woman dynamic, not just to be buddies amongst humans having different body shapes and parts ! 😀
There should be chanel like Dating for introverts. I am INTJ and even at 30 I find It challenging sometimes.
agreed
Always had the best result when I let the women do it. In the end I just said: I think you're hot - and they jumped on me. When I tried to actively escalate, it always backfired. Feels way better too when you don't have to force anything.
I love your work, Damien. But why are your courses so highly priced though?
Well it's based off of 12 years as a coach - all the hard work that I do ongoing - the results I know I get with the programs - I know what the quality of compeitors is. Also, there's the problem that guys who invest real money in learning something work MUCH harder to get the results. If I made them cheap, I'd forever be working with men who weren't really working hard enough to get the results.
Do you go to the cheapest dentist? doctor? mechanic? Damien probably doesn't even charge enough since he's good at what he does. Guys want to attract the hottest women, but want the cheapest courses or coaching. The math doesn't add up.
It is not even that expensive compared to the value it provides. I don't have the money to afford them at the moment. But I aknowledge their value. I try to get the info from Damien's yt channel in the meantime, coz he was so generous to put out info for free as well.
the combover must be working wonders for you
I suspect this comment says more about you than me ;)
If I am insecure about my hair, then it will matter more to women... but I don't care - I'm confident and cocky and playful in spite of thinning hair - and women magically seem not to care so much.
@@SchoolOfAttraction hello Damien, I know im getting late to this comment but I just read it. Im quite insecure and self conscious of my very receded hairline and thinning hair at 28 that mostly holds me back from approaching women. How do I get over this insecurity without the 'just shave it off bro' method?
Very nice, your videos deserve way more views
Thanks Baby Yoda, I appreciate it :)
If you started talking to a girl and it’s very sexual content, she’s just going to think you just want her for sex not a relationship
Hey. Sorry this might be a long one. I'm 21m and I was in a relationship for 10 months where we never had penetrative sex. After this I had found someone who I was interested in and honestly couldn't get it up because I was so anxious about performance. I have 2 nights next week planned where I'm meeting people for Netflix, implied sex and I'm on the brink of cancelling both. So I suppose my question is how do you get over yourself, I'm too riddled with body anxiety to live my life sexually.
Also appreciate your content, you seem like an intelligent and likeable guy.
Hey Wanderer, it can be so difficult when you have a lot of anxiety about performance and/or your body. My advice on this is usually to push less for casual sex, and more for s short term relationship. Becaues with relationship with a woman based on something more than just sex, she'll likely be very patient and give youi space to work through your stuff. Whereas with casual sex, it can quickly fel like too much pressure for you.
Sure seems like a lot of hoops to jump through, man. We're not freaking circus animals. What makes women so special that they deserve such lofty accommodations from us without reciprocity?
Well human beings are complicated dude - it's not just women and sex.... I could make a simliarly complicated video about the right way to ask for a loan from a friend with the best odds of him saying yes... It's just how we need to learn about people in general that can seem complicated.
@@SchoolOfAttraction you've just implied that men are the beggars in this situation and women have all the leverage. You're not wrong about that, but my point is it's degrading.
It's about time men start expecting women to meet them halfway for a change and holding out until then. How could mutual enthusiasm ever be a thing otherwise? I think the men's self-esteem crisis you talk about in your other video is happening in part because men are gradually internalizing how replaceable they are in a market where they hold no cards because men routinely go all-in on the first round.
Did you happen to see that Natasha Aponte "Tinder Trap" fiasco? Ohh maaan I'm so embarrassed for my fellow men LOL but I have to scorn them for their complicity in setting outrageous precedents for women's expectations!
Haha you implied that my friend - I was just creating a non-romantic example of complicated behaviour - in my head it may have been the woman learning ot ask for a loan from a man. Another example could be a video teaching a woman how to best tell a man she wants a long term commitment without scaring him off - would you prefer that example?
@@SchoolOfAttraction Just statistically, a woman will ask about commitment fewer times in her life than a man would try to initiate some kind of relationship with a woman. I'm always kind of not sure about the validity of such a comparison, because not every relationship has a woman asking a man to commit, but for the relationship to begin, almost always a man should navigate this complexity of a woman's emotions, logic and desires.
Sorry, but I don't understand. If you just banter and rapport, you will not become a boring friend, but what prevents you from becoming just a funny friend? A clown?
Well nothing specifically prevents it - and its' still possible to get friendzoned. but a 'clown' is more about generally eing funny - teasing and banter is about making fun of her and creating push-pull tension that comes with it - a lot of the time, this becomes a form of attraction... If she sees you as that funny friend, and you sexually escalate, it's still not going to end well for you..
@@SchoolOfAttraction Ok, so the trick is to make her laugh nervously, not just laugh? =-) I'm kidding, I got what you meant, thanks!
Once there's comfort, a bit of rapport and you've already laughed together - but honestly, every date is different, so a far higher qualiyt answer is that it depends on the date, and reading the situation. A large part of sexual esalation is calibration to the situation.
All guys should escalate really early using sexual innuendo though. You don't need to read any signals to use it. It just has to be funny so if she's not ready to be sexual with you, she can just laugh at the joke.
In theory yes - but I've worked with too many clients being too uncalibrated and jus tmake things creepy
@@SchoolOfAttraction I'm not sure if I understand how sexual innuendo can come off creepy. I teach it to my students and have never had an issue. If the student can't tell a joke (innuendo) without coming off creepy, then their problems run way deeper and won't be solved just by avoiding sexuality. It's likely a body language and not smiling/eye contact issue.
@@WhitePillMan all he means is alot of men dont have the body language or that is too advanced for them. they need to start off slow before they get to that
On the first date you should usually never, out of respect for the woman, unless it's mutual, have sex. Only have sexual flirty messages between you two