How Do I Deal With Toxic In-Laws?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 พ.ย. 2024
- How Do I Deal With Toxic In-Laws?
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I will never understand why people try to force relationships. Family or not, kick them to the curb if they can't behave. Being a family member does not give them a free pass to act poorly. I have cut ties with multiple toxic family members and my life have improved so much. Don't try to force things. You deserve better!
Exactly 👌
OMG! You have the best comment. That is so true!
But.... but there famiiiiiillllllllyyyyyyy???!!!
😂 😆
Exactly!!!
@soapfanaddict i guess i'm lucky coz everybody lives me in real life
My problem with this is that lowering expectations caters to these people. Its a double standard because if you were to act that way to them, they would be setting stuff on fire. No, take a position of strength with difficult people.
Lowering expectations is catering to the lowest common denominator.
I will have to disagree. If you actually decide to never again take this person seriously, it does have an impact without even telling people directly. Because you no longer engage, you just handle the situation.
It worked for me. I made the conscious decision to never believe a word of what my mentally unstable mother in law is saying and it really made a difference. She still tells a lot of lies and pretends she forgets things but the tragic little stories she likes to tell people to get attention (she has no food at home, her mom is dying) don't get told anymore when l'm around.
Set the boundary’s and move forward. Step over the line - deal with me!
Detroit built the car - but now I own it! You have no say any longer.
Agreed, we shouldn’t have to put up with it. The brain will still remember how you were treated.
If you have a toxic family member- no matter who they are - you have the right to walk away & live your own life. You have the right to disengage from their bad behavior. When a family member is toxic - they loose their right to obligation from others for anything.
Thank you, needed to hear that today
Bible says confront with love and if thry wont deal with you tell the Lord and he said he will deal with that person ( if he sees fit)❤
Life is short. The farther you move from you family the longer your marriage lasts.
PREACH 🙌
Amen!!!!
Boundries
That is true
Omg yes
People who make others miserable and stick their noses in where they don't belong, do not earn the right to visit their grandkids until they clean up their act. The daughter needs to let her know this. "I love you Mom, but you say things that cause a lot stress in my marriage, and I cannot keep keeping you as close as I would like because it is very destructive to my family. You can choose to stay this way, or you can choose to support us. If you cannot support us, then we cannot allow more damage. I'll miss you."
Might need acting lessons on the “I’ll miss you” part, otherwise I totally agree 👍
Kept praying for her, the worst of the worst can change.
Needed to see this today. Thank you!
Just bc they're family doesn't mean you need to have a any relationship! Move on, and surround yourselves with people really who truly love & care!
My older sister was always angry at me for something as I grew up. I didn't know what the problem was so when I turned 40 and our mother had passed away, I was done with her anger and whatever else she had going on. You cannot change people. They need to grow up on their own and if they don't, leave them behind for your own happiness. I'm coming up to ten years without that sister in my life and I'm much happier for it. Let it go.
Amen, same with mine, always angry. I said bye bye, never been happier!
Same here. She was the golden child and when our mom died she lost her advocate for preferential treatment. She is mad because we have so much more. Except we are killing it financially because we worked hard and sacrificed. She enjoyed life and took the lower paying job and spent everything she made living in a beautiful area right by the ocean. She had been banking on mom dying second and leaving her enough to buy a house there. That didn’t happen. Dad got remarried to a lady over a decade younger and she will inherit everything. That’s not an issue for us. We never counted on any inheritance.
I have five sister-in-laws and I don't get along with none of them. I forgave all of them and I keep it moving.
Do they get along with each other, or is it just you that doesn’t get along with everyone else?
@@HamiltonRb exactly
There's no such thing as 'sister-in-laws', they are 'sisters-in-law', and "don't get along with none of them" means you get along with all of them.
@@d.porter3142 If no one gets along with her she has bigger problems than forming a sentence properly
Are you sure you’re not the problem?
Distance from in-laws and length of marriage are positively correlated LOL
"The secret to happiness is low expectations" what a gem
Must be a marriage thing.
@@blackworldtraveler3711 ahahahahaha
Not if you want any success in life. There are not many happily broke folks out there.
More like no expectations! Don't ever expect things to be better and just stop caring...
Mother’s Day is coming up and I can guarantee that it is not even in my kids’ radar, so boom, low expectations here I come!
Never get in between a fight between your spouse and their family - both of them will wind up angry at you.
Well it happened to me. My husband chose me and we've been NC for over a decade now. We've never been happier. When his family was around, there was constant fighting and chaos. Sometimes your spouse needs the extra push and support to either lay down boundaries or disconnect completely. It's sad and we grieved over it for many years but eventually you realize that you're better off without them.
not mine! he backs me up bc his mother is always disrespecting me and i have been nothing but nice to her for the longest time. i told him im about to cut her off if she dont get her act together and he is still backing me up
Beta mindset. Toxic MIL should be dealt with by the man.
Wrong! You must be a united front! Yes, we should correct our parent first, but if it continues, then both should go to the parent and let them see that they are doing against your marriage when they harm one of you.
@@melissaculpepper7663yes!!!
You don’t , just ignore them . Focus tour energy somewhere else .
Trust me, it’s not that simple. Trouble will come find you instead
How do you deal with toxic in-laws? YOU DON'T! 🤷♀️
The mother selectively answers the phone, you do the same.
Treat them like kids and call them out on their bs.
@@jamesoshea494stupidest thing said on these comments.
Easy advice: Stay away from them
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This is basically what we've done with my MIL. It's made a world of difference. I find it much easier to shrug off all of her offenses, and we have set boundaries that we stick to to protect our kids but still allow for a relationship.
Will your kids do the same????
You can NEVER change a Narcissistic Parent. They will FOREVER disappoint you. Also Im thinking their is WAY more to the “boyfriend” than the Husband mentioned.
Sad but true. You have to keep them at arm's length, even if you're staying in the same house with them. Mostly keep your mouth shut, don't tell them much, and keep to yourself.
It’s what I am hearing as well. There is more than what is being said here.
Could it be possible daughter doesnt like mom having a boyfriend, rather than focusing 100 percent on her daughter and baby? Seems like these new age parents are overly critical including spaces outside of the realm of their control. Maybe her mom has been overly critisized and or critical so both are guilty? I know my dad and my husband were both controlling men who thought everyone on the planet should be just like them. Of course they were totally opposites of each other and poked at me and my mom about the the other as if they were low key opponets in competition . They just had no real bonding at all, did not even try, they were not outwardly antagonistic, and pretty much ignored each other at gatherings, it gave me and mom quite a bit of grief as we were required to be supportative to our husbands, and often we just ignored their silly strutting and circling each with wariness. We just let it be a pink elephant, It never really affected letting the grands having a relationship, though. He was a good grandpa, for the most part, in spite of his less than perfect self.
@@vickimerritt2832The bf sounds shady AF. But the caller was trying not to be disparaging, which makes things murky.
Maybe it’s the attention. But also… maybe the daughter has never felt like a priority to her mother. So only engaging with her when her bf isn’t free probably leaves its mark. (And yes I know she’s an adult, but if she never received attention or validation growing up, that’s need doesn’t just go away. It will eventually.)
If she doesn’t respect you now, just wait for the baby to show up. You won’t get to be the parents, that MIL will be ruling the roost. And then the baby will be in the toxic loop as well.
I’d move. AND set boundaries. The moving gives you breathing room. The boundaries give you peace.
Sigh I need to move
The Secret to Happiness...
LOW EXPECTATIONS 😆
I think the MiL issue is more than just a 'crazy mom' thing. From the description the caller gave and from what he was tryng so hard NOT to say, it sounds like his MiL is verbally abusive and demeaning on so many levels and that 'just accept her for what she is' attitude just means subjecting yourself and your family to a toxic environment of belittling and hateful comments. I wouldn't want to expose my kids to that environment either, but I agree the caller needs to stay out of the middle between his wife and her mom.
When it comes to toxic crazy, blood ain't thicker than water.
Best advice dealing with toxic in-laws are say less do less and keep boundaries and avoid but stay respectful and professional even if they are disrespectful just don’t t engage and stop wasting your time trying to fit in and pleasing them. Just focus on your positive loving family your building with your partner.
Expectation is the seed of disappointment
The best thing to do is just avoid toxic people as much as you can.
I have a mother in law and a sister in law and I hate both of them. And they hate me. Without them in my marriage my husband and I have never been happier. Of course they guilt trip him” she’s keeping you away from your family “ NO I AM NOT! YALL ARE
I'm dealing with the same..They have been toxic to my husband and tried to do it with me. I wouldn't let them. I set boundaries and they ignored them. BYE Felicia!!
@@jericamcbride3659 hey we have the same first name ! Lol mine is two c’s though
I have the same problem and I I don’t know what to do
My sister in law has been in the same cycle for over 15 years. Her being Financially irresponsible with 4 kids is crazy to me, and blowing her money on weed, not paying rent or bills. She gets evicted every year and expects my husband to come to the rescue each time. She gets back on her feet but it doesn’t last because she goes back to her same old habits and then plays victim and doesn’t take accountability. I’m really getting tired of it. She tries to intrude on our marriage with her problems, I can’t wait until we sell our house and move to another city or state. I hate it has to be that way because I don’t wanna be far from my family and my other in laws are cool. She’s about to be 40 still trying to be 20 years old and look grand for her Facebook friends. She’s called me a B because she thinks I’m keeping MY husband away from her. No you are doing that sweetie, he’s tired of worrying about when you’re finally going to get it together!
Being family is not a license to treat you badly. This is his wife's mom but now this is their child now. Whatever abuse mom did to her daughter, why in the world would I allow that person around my kid. Sorry, but protecting my kid is the most important thing in the world to me, even if that hurts people's feelings.
You are an awesome Dad!!
i wish my husband just like you
exactly how i feel! my man's mom treats me so horribly, that im worried she will one day bad mouth me to our kids about me and cause them to turn on me. she already tries to convince her son im not good enough. he sticks up for me and is warning her to clean up her act or say goodbye to her grandkids
My mom had a hard time understanding why I don’t want my around certain relatives. They happen to be hard core drug users. My kids do not need to be exposed to that, even though that’s the reality of how they live their lives.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
Sorry, I couldn't help myself.
🤣
🙌🏽
😂 😂 😂
I love that
l am definately an outlaw with my husband family.
“The secret to happiness is low expectations”. Words to live by.
True. Hard lesson to learn during young adulthood
Who are these two taking the calls? They are completely out of touch. They don't want to listen to the caller, because what, the mother in law hasn't done anything physical to her or him?? Hopefully nobody takes their advice to heart. A mean nasty person who attempts to manipulate or drive a wedge between two people in a relationship can do serious damage without any physical act needing take place.
Sometimes In-laws have no boundaries and you have to cut them off, but if you set boundaries they will cut themselves off from you! It’s sad that my husbands family wouldn’t do the common curtesy things, like call before they come over! “That caused a big fight”! Don’t just let yourself in with the key we gave you for emergencies! That caused a big fight! This crazy stuff went on for about 12 years and now we are estranged from them. Dave often talks about ‘Boundaries’ and some people just won’t abide by them! It just comes down down to ‘Good Manners’ that no one learns anymore!
How did you and husband get to the same page ?? Im in this exact situation.
I told my husband I want nothing to do with his toxic mother and her minions (her side of the family) none of these people respect me or him or our children.
Overstepping boundaries. Sneaking behind my back, smearing me, undermining our authority as parents.
But my husband still feel like he owes them something I guess. He said I dont have to go around them he will go to get togethers and bdays on his own.
It's sooo discouraging.
He wants to take our kids as well and I stay home? NO!
These people are sick. Our children cannot be unsupervised and my husband sees alot of it as normal.
@@evamz9584 ..I think it took so long because he didn’t hear or see how they started treating me. For the first few years of our marriage we got along fine. There was also a lot of gossiping about whoever wasn’t there but anyone they knew was talked about in an unkind way. Finally my husband told them “If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything”! So when we visited they didn’t have much to say. When we insisted that they call before coming over, they just stopped coming. My MIL started an argument between him and his sisters and it was down hill from there. We did have the conversation about him putting them before me many times, it was a big stressor on our marriage. We rarely have disagreements since they are out of our lives but I wish it could have ended where we all could get along. Good Luck, I hope it works out for you in a way where you are happy.
The secret to happiness is low expectations....
That is SO AWESOMELY TRUE!!!
the only thing anyone can count on in this world is disappointment....
Makes so much sense. I stopped having any expectations decades ago and I am pretty darn happy. Being away from humans altogether is the best time ever spent 💖
Every family has a crazy, and if you don’t know the crazy in your family then it’s you.
The Answer is you take your wife and Move across the country.
You never stay around her family or yours when you get married they will destroy your Marraige
I like how he said "better than I deserve" when asked how he's doing
This sounds like my father who stopped talking to me when I got a job paying more than he made. Then my mother developed Vascular Dementia and became even more negative than she already was. The boundaries are hard to set, but better for you in the long run.
As someone who has cut ties with toxic family members, I 100% disagree with this advice. Its one thing to deal with annoying family members, it's another to endure toxicity. Just because you're MARRIED doesn't mean you have to endure abuse. It's your spouses responsibility to protect YOU and your children from their toxic family members. So many people justifying abuse just because their FAMILY. If you are being abused by your spouses in-laws and your partner is doing nothing about it...... that is immoral. Would you tolerate someone abusing your child? Is your advice to say and do nothing? Just tell the kids to pretend their abuser is "mentally ill" and they can't help it? 🤦♀️ No you wouldn't. Everyone deserves a life FREE of abuse. If someone is cruel to you, cut them out.
My husbands family have never been happy with me since meeting their eldest son. Called me gold digger behind my back, when my spouse announced we were going to get married after over 4 years dating, their was no comments, no congratulations. My father in law even tried to bribe me with $10,000 to break off the engagement. Every comment made, was told to my now husband and not to my face. I of course didn't take that bribe, we loved each other and no one was going to break us up. I quietly thought they were afraid, that they would lose out on a pretential inheritance and that I was getting in the way. I was my husband first girlfriend at his age of 50. They have never made a phone call to me in over 15 years. I really do not like outings because they rarely communicate with me all. Just there to make the numbers up.
I'd have taken the 10 grand...spent it on a nice honeymoon 😂
I'm sorry for your situation. Same like mine. I'm sometimes there just to make him happy and not feel sad. I become a ghost lately because they should be with the people similar like them and you should be with the people who love you and you love them back.
Don't worry about connections in real life. What's the big deal if they don't call? I haven't given any of them a call in more than a decade either. It should be between your husband and them, and you stay out of it. Don't try to fit in. Just think in-laws are often strangers, okie. If happy, meet up, not happy, disappear like a ghost. No obligations from you. That's true freedom. "It's not what happens to you but how you react to it matters"
I was so close to getting in this kind of mess. Thank the good Lord I left her and her family behind!
What was the breaking point for you?
I have an inlaw that has been severely toxic directed sto myself and my daughter (prior relationship pregnancy) for the duration of my over two decades of marriage. I finally drew the line a recent visit where my inlaws invade our home for a free place to stay and expect our whole schedules to fall in line with their decisions and plans. Aside from the toxic war zone that my inlaw creates and perpetuates I told my spouse they specifically no longer can stay in our home any longer. My spouse has never once set his parent straight or done anything during confrontations with me and his parent during these visits which in turn led to marital arguments when I defended myself or even brought up the issues in private. That's when I stated the parents were no longer welcome to visit in our home.
Also, one would think part of a happy marriage is when there are no expectations at all. Set the lines as situations occur has always worked for me personally across the board.
Leave and cleave! That goes for men and women.
I never could understand why someone feels bad about ending a toxic relationship just because it’s “family”
Dr. John should listen more and not be quick to talk. Dave is a thoughtful adviser hence, he's the main man of the show.
That is a narcissist. Look up narcissistic abuse. It’s a real thing. There are tons of counselors who speak on this topic. You’re welcome.
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This! The MIL is showing textbook signs of narcissism. It doesn’t get better, it gets worse. Especially if you don’t demand and enforce boundaries immediately.
But then isn’t that enabling? I have a mil that EVERYONE makes excuses for her even when she was much younger. She has been enabled until now therefore, when she doesn’t get what she wants, you witness an adult toddler throw ugly fits.
I don’t have too much relationship with my parents because of something similar.
Me either. To toxic.
I'm sorry when you asked what harm is she causing the kid doesn't need to be harmed to the kid it could be that the mother-in-law is disrespectful to one parent you don't want your kid going to someone that's talking crap about your wife or your husband .
This is good advice, thank you. Lowering expectations because there is a deficit is a brilliant explanation. 👏
John you are an awesome man. I love your to the point on a lot of conversations. Straight forward with the process. Thank you
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@@thedaveramseyshow1426 yes I am investing
Poor girl. My mom is a sweet kind person but has never been very involved with my life. It took me so many years to accept it for what it was and stop waisting time waiting for change. I hope for her she saves herself years of disappointment and find acceptance soon.
My mother in law and her son (BIL) treated me like a trash. They feel Entitled . My husband and I would pay their rent, send them stuffs etc. MIL got sick and my husband asked that we stay with her for some time to help take care of her. That’s when I saw their true colors . She and the son would gossip about me, the son was disrespectful towards me. He would give me the silent treatment and complained all the time (never satisfied ) When I tell my husband and he talks to hem about their behavior, they would behave worse towards me especially when he wasn’t around.
What’s sad is that I decided to leave them and go back to my home . I didn’t get any appreciation neither did they ask even once how I was doing .
Meanwhile, My husband keeps in touch with them, visits, sends support it’s as if he’s obligated to them.
Wow those people sound miserable. Here is the trick. Whatever they say about you is none of your business.
@@LoveLife-oo9cz Thank you for your kind words 😊
@@jewelsbyk :). If they don't appreciate your presence. They can appreciate ypur absence. Become a ghost and disappear, don't be close to the negative energy. If they come to your house and you can't control. Limit the contact and stay in your room to watch your shows.
The ancient philosopher once said "It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it matters" Means remove yourself from the current hostile environment if possible, because we cannot control the externals but we can control our internals. It's his family. He deals with them and not you. Preserve your energy and learn beauty tips or whatever hobby you like. Take care.
@@LoveLife-oo9cz thank you so much. I’d take your advice.
Typically the people calling people toxic are the most toxic ones.
Oh you sweet summer child.
@@shellyballard8316 LOL😁😁😁😁
No expectations, no disappointments.
If they're toxic, don't drink their blood.
AND....Kudos for the correct grammatical usage of "they're" and "their". 💯👍🏼
@@radchik Doesn't happen much these days lol, "Loose & lose" is another one that drives me crazy!
@@rory644 Then and than is another!
Her mom is a narcissist, look up maternal narcissism. She’s not just “toxic” she’s emotionally abusive and the daughter is having a hard time because she’s “her mother”. She’s better off cutting her off if she doesn’t want to respect boundaries.
These relationships are NEVER this passive.
This is exactly what I needed to hear today.
Just heard a sermon on this this morning 😯🔥🔥
@@JawboneCombat hope you enjoyed that sermon.
@@JawboneCombat Is it online anywhere?
People can't give you what they don't have.
IMO
#1 rule in life
Remove all Negatives no matter who or what
Simple... Terminate relations with in-laws
If that means moving. Move...
Moms can be horrible people too. I don’t like all the grilling about how whether or not this mom is bad enough to be cut off. I had to cut my mom out of my life just for my own sanity and it is the best decision I’ve made for myself. Sometimes it needs to be done.
Answer is: "Don't"
Doesn't seem like this kind of advice is dave's forte.
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You get the heck away from them and make an excuse to no show up on Thanksgiving 🤣
Faking a fever is always a surefire way to get out of Thanksgiving.
I've always found that people who have had good relationships with their parents give terrible advice to those who have not. Telling us how things should be, isn't very useful. We know how it should be. I think they always assume that we should be trying to "get back" to something that never existed in the first place while not understanding that the words "mother" or "father" have a different meaning to some people. The fact that my father concieved me doesn't mean anything in light of the childhood I experiemnced. To me, the word "father" doesn't have a single positive connotation. There is nothing to get back to because there was never anything there to begin with and the past cannot be rewritten. If you want to give advice, start with our truth, not yours.
@EYRM9 Forgive? Why? I washed my hands of them years ago and that gave me more peace than forgiveness ever could. Gods hands? If he's interested, he can have them. I don't waste my time or my forgiveness on people who don't deserve either.
They're in Texas, so I'd say move to Washington state, or Maine to distance yourselves.
Smart man
Maine is Nice
Definitely a question for John, not Dave.
...a question for a marriage counselor or therapist.
@@stevenporter863 John Delony is a counselor.
@@beeezeee1783 I realize that. I meant a private one as opposed to calling a national financial radio show to ask about a family related question.
It’s not their marriage.
Casey the Spammer.
Sell the MIL!
The mother in law may be in a bad situation as well, I noticed they said she doesn't talk to the daughter when her boyfriend is there. That may mean the mother in law is in an abusive relationship. You see this in kids sometimes, the kid who is the mean bully at school is getting abused at home. I would say be cautious and kind and let her know you are there for her (MIL) if she ever needs out of a bad situation.
I got the feeling both women might be in very controlling if not abusive situations and it causes some of the friction with mother and daughter. Maybe daughter resents it is not her dad or just doesnt like the guy, and mom is not a huge fan of SIL but tolerates it, or grandma is trying to save the new mom from same. I suggest mom and daughter may have issues caused by the men in their lives not so much with each other? The caller was evasive and flatlined a bit much like a somewhat guilty guy talking to the cops,
Okay, this is not good advice. I can tell the husband is not telling the full scope because he is using discretion.
There is a certain level of toxicity and potential abuse that WILL affect the grandchildren as well as his wife. Sometimes you do habe to go LC or NC (low or no contact)
Totally different from dementia.
My Divorce is because of in laws… His father toxic His mother toxic his siblings are toxic… so it’s over tell them they the reason
Me
Me too
Be specific bro
Would like to hear from parents about the problems their daughter or son in law bring into the family. In my experience it's often the Dil or Sil that are at fault in many cases.
I’d like to hear it too, because from my experience and research, it’s typically the MILs. So I’m definitely open to listening to the “other side” that’s not quite as common.
@@MommyMoniquex5 probably because the MILs don't complain as much.
@@61sunset Oh they’re way more vocal about it from what I’ve heard. I never hear DIL’s complain until their MIL says or does something that crosses the line.
My MIL gossips to the world. 😅
Thank you
The only phrase you need- never lower yourself to their expectations. Never follow the weakest link. Never allow the mentally weak to lead. Period.
Simple, you don’t!
Kind of seems like these two are making excuses for horrible behavior because the person doing it is a “mother”. There is no excuse. Save yourself the pain and walk away. Why would you subject your kids to abusive behavior? If you do that you’re just as bad.
Sell the mother in law
Dave: What is your mother in laws' income?
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Tell her to sell the car
And eat beans...
i needed this
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Is Mom in an abusive relationship? If she can visit with daughter/gr child when her bf is gone, then, shuts off communication when he returns, to me that is a red flag.
They don't always give the best advice
I would not bring an emotional abuse question before people who specialize in finances. Patrick Doyle is a great resource - so is Dr. Ramani and both are available on TH-cam. You’re dealing with emotional abuse. It causes extreme damage. People that justify rationalize minimize avoid and spiritualize are all in denial.
What does this have to do with financial advice?
Low expectations is a key to a satisfied life! Then it's such a joy when people are loving & kind. Or situations change for the better. But I have my loving Savior to go to in prayer & He loves me & fills in the gaps.
But though I pray for them, I do protect myself from proven cruel, nasty people.
My poor younger sister is so often bitterly disappointed because she has an ideal that she is always expecting of people and situations. Most people, unless moved by our God to change, can't be other than they are. It took 8 years of prayer & seeking to be a loving wife before my husband came to Christ...he went down into the depths of depravity, & I didn't know what all he was up to, I was raising babies, but he was getting meaner & darker & the Lord Jesus would direct me in how to act & what to do at key times.❤
My daughter recently got married.
They do a lot of stuff I disagree with.
I never miss a chance to keep my mouth
Shut.
Good ❤
Some people think age or blood relation is a license to kill.
I haven’t talked to my mother in 3 years, her choice. We set rules for the house she doesn’t like so that’s that.
Forgot the man’s name but he created Sopranos. He said in an interview that there is no closure in life in response to the interviewer asking him why he didn’t have Tony and his mom come together and be family! This made a lot of sense to me while dealing issues with extended family.
That will be David Chase.
@@KrazyKittyTailz Thanks for the name.
So exactly what part of this was relevant to finance? This could have been a discussion from Dr John's channel.
Thank you! I was thinking too. I commented it isn't financial related and wrong venue then someone responded to my comment like the show is for airing all your dirty laundry on national radio.
@@stevenporter863 just what you do on TH-cam
@@michaeltren4910 ?
I think I know the caller on this one. Caleb from troop 256? Were we in Boy Scouts together in south Austin 10 years ago?
Yes Dave yes!!
Lower your expectations.
I’m surprised people don’t just realize that.
As long as they don’t hurt the baby.
Now everyone kicks parents to the curb.
I have crazy aunts I totally laugh it off, others get so offended. Like they don’t know them by now.
I understand why the daughter is struggling with the idea of her mom becoming normal. For some reason most men can see that's not going to happen but many daughters can't. Especially with the trouble boyfriend of the mom, you don't need that. Cut them loose and move if necessary. Changer your phone number and don't give t to any family members unless you know they won't give it to the mom. Your peace is more important than any relationship, even a parent.
My MIL has caused problems in my marriage since day one and unfortunately my husband hasn't been able to grow a pair and stand up to her bc she enables any of his poor decisions. We live further from them now which has helped so much but it really bothers me that he doesn't always take my side. He admits she isn't normal and has mental issues & I'm not saying it's entirely her fault but I can't handle it. She can be so kind and generous but oh my GOSH even slightly disagree with any of her conspiracy theories or attempt to block her from info dumping truly insane beliefs onto you and she is like a possessed woman. Screaming, flailing hands, yelling things that make no sense like "this is about FREEDOM! this is about knowing what's going on in our country!" But it's wild shit like saying they put dangerous vaccines in the water and the air. Like wtf am I supposed to do about that even if it is true? I truly can't stand it and I don't want her scaring my children. I've very recently decided I can't be her friend. I've tried being close to her but it always comes back to bite me. I love her and will show her respect as the Lord expects of me but I can't be spending any extra time with her & our relationship will have to be formal from here on out
Yeeeeeeah, I don't agree with this. 👀
I should probably call with my in law issues.
What should be done(Logical): wife should quickly distance herself for her own happiness and for her kid and marriage which is THE FIRST OBLIGATION. Since if she doesn't it will continually take a toll on her husband.
What's going to be done(emotional): "it's my mommy" keeps trying to hold on to the relationship and continually gets hurt while the husband is suffering because she chooses to keep tolerating it...meanwhile the kid will grow up hearing toxic things about the parents for the rest of their life.
This mans trying to steal his catch phrase and doesn’t get called out. Only the man himself can say “better than I deserve”.
I agree! I thought, No, you are not "better than I deserve", you are calling with a family issue!
Wow, this is absolutely terrible advice. This is the kind of stuff you hear from people that don't have narcassistic parents. Should not be giving advice if you don't have experience, stick to finances.
Just lower your expectations is just gonna lead you and your family to further abuse.
Shit this makes me feel better it's almost my situation. A little different but similar.
Don’t ever give someone advice to stick with a crazy family member. I disagree with your advice. I doubt either of you have ever dealt with a truly toxic hurtful family member. You don’t get it so don’t pretend to.
This is why they say you marry the whole family . You always gotta deal with them as long as your spouse wants them around.
True. That's what scares me about marriage.
Not necessarily. You do marry your spouse but in the same sense you can cut off ties to in-laws.