ไม่สามารถเล่นวิดีโอนี้
ขออภัยในความไม่สะดวก
Wittiest Comebacks Ever
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2022
- Fresh AskReddit Stories: What was your wittiest comeback that you're still proud of? --- LIKE AND I WILL UPLOAD MORE REDDIT STORIES!
▶ Want to watch more amazing Reddit stories? Check out our playlist! • Uploads from UE Stories
😀Check out our second channel for even more r/AskReddit videos! / @ontapstudios
#Reddit #Updoot #AskReddit
![เหนื่อยหน่อยนะ (SOMEONE LIKE ME) - GEMINI Prod. by URBOYTJ [ OFFICIAL MV ]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/M55XjfhbrNw/mqdefault.jpg)
A guy was trying to tell me he had a higher IQ than me… I replied with “are you sure you’re not getting that mixed up with your cholesterol?”
To be fair, it should be "a higher IQ than I" so...
@@uuouuo5480 MEANIE :(
@@littlebambambi Conjure that spirit and pull a better comeback. I know you can. I believe in you
Your IQ is only higher because I'm not on drugs....
hehehehe
My bullies were somehow convinced they were my friends while relentlessly teasing me. This particular time they were mocking me with a nickname I only let my best friend use, "Tini"... I told them to not call me that and it went like this:
"Only so-and-so can call me that, please stop calling me that."
"Then what do I call you? What nickname can we use?"
"Well, my friends call me Valen or Val. But, just for you, its Valentina."
It isn't the most epic thing ever, but it was the first time in 6 years I talked back to them with no respect at all, not the words, not my facial expression, and not the tone either. I made an effort to sound like I was talking to a little kid, and being very condescending.
Not exactly witty, just effective. One time at a family reunion when I was 14 I ended up being around these younger kids a lot (7-11) and the 11 year old girl was the worst. She practically lead the other kids in kicking my shins, grabbing handfuls of my hair, and hurling insults at me. And unfortunately all my witty comebacks were going over their heads so I had to stoop to very young standards to get any zingers
Kaytlyn- Your names Cameron? That’s girls name. You have a girls name!
Me- Well I know a boy named Kaytlyn. 😏
Kaytlyn- You do? 🤨
Me- Yeah, I’m lookin at him right now.
The utter shock and depth of that insult on her face was priceless
I was complaining about not feeling well, kinda nauseous, and my buddy said damn, are you pregnant or something? I said yeah John, as a matter of fact I am, pregnant with a baby elephant. Wanna see its trunk? His girlfriend practically peed herself laughing.
My older brother told me I was just an expieriment my parents did;
To which I replied, "yeah, cause the first one failed!"
I remember when my brother said to me “I don’t understand stupid” I replied “it is to smart for you”
A while back I was at work (rec center) getting ready to teach a lifeguarding class, so I was wearing some khaki shorts and a green polo. One of the lifeguards said "dang you look like you work at the zoo!" I said "yea, look at all the animals I work with" and gestured toward him and all the other lifeguards lmao
Lol that second one!
I was in my school’s spring musical my senior year. The director asked us if we took amnesia pills after we did something poorly after we just relearned it. My clapback: “if I took an amnesia pill I don’t remember it.”
Earlier in the month my dad had been in a motorcycle accident that has left him bedridden for 2 months. This morning my mom mentioned that she's had a headache for several days now.
"Well he is temporarily crippled so maybe cut him some slack?"
Man: * is ticked off at the cost of something * "Isn't the saying the customer is always right? I won't pay that!"
Me: * fake customer service smile * "OK, have a good day!"
Man: * confused Pikachu Face *
My mom's boyfriend (kinda big dude) said something about going to Australia. Knowing he was full of bullshit, I told him the closest he's ever been to Australia is an Outback
At a meeting, in which we were supposed to discuss what worked and didn't work during a recent project, I pointed out something I thought could be improved.
Toxic Female 'Colleague': "It isn't the end of the world, you know!"
Me: "It isn't? What a relief! I was just about to refortify my apocalyptic bunker."
During a meeting being hosted by two older, long time colleagues, she was struggling with the PowerPoint presentation at one point, trying to get the meeting back on track. During the silence, he mused "these days, I'm not sure if she's having a blonde moment, or a senior moment". It was a funny comment that lightened the mood, from one friend to another, and she reminded us all that he was both older and just as "blonde" (grey) as she was.
I use Gacha Club, so I see many nasty comments calling me names of all sorts. The one that stands out the most is when one person called me a monster so I clapped back “At least I’m a happy monster.” The same person called me a grandma so I said “Wow, you must be fun at parties” and they didn’t understand my sarcasm so I said “If you can’t understand sarcasm, then maybe _you’re_ the grandma.”
That John Oliver one was great
I had a coworker who would occasionally complain about how people had called CPS on her. She was talking to a customer once who's child had an ear infection. She told the customer if you blow cigarette smoke in their ears then stuff it with a cotton ball it will relief the ear infection. I said " And that's why they call CPS on you".
Kids punch people at my job a lot. I work in a high risk setting. For the most part we tell them not to do it but I have a good relationship with my kiddos so I quip with them alot (they're 14 -16) . So one day this kid comes up to me and starts trying to play fight. He kept on trying to goad me into hitting him back and I kept saying no knock it off. Then he was like "what are you scared?" I looked him dead in the eye and said "I've been hit by better men than you."
My wittiest comeback.
I was talking to a couple of young women and said that every meaningful question has an answer, so one of them (half-jokingly) asked me "Why can't men remember to put the toilet seat back down?"
My reply:
"I'm not sure, but I think it's for the same reason that women can never remember to put the toilet seat back up."
She chucked and replied: "Fair enough."
My colleague was talking with another colleague as I walked towards them. He said something about me to the other colleague which I knew was banter so I said "Isn't there a bridge you need to stop some goats from crossing" damn nearly killed my other colleague with him laughing so hard.
all the times i was called broke or poor for not taking her out to a expensive date or buying the latest vehicle, paying off my house wasnt particularly witty but it has been my proudest come back
My female coworker: (grabs my stomach) aww you getting fat.
Me: I know you ain’t talking, your shoes have stretch marks.
“Mum, Ella came in, squeezed my head and then bit it!”
“Was she just checking to see if it was ripe?”
🤦🏾♀️
"With all that mouth you have, why didnt you use it when you got robbed the other day?"
Me to a (now former) co-worker who was giving me lip. Shut her up tho and i never lost sleep over it.
20:53 LMAO @ "yeah we can even vote and everything"
My circle of friends played Pokémon in high school
My one friend, Matt had two Pokémon he used: espeon and umbreon, dude who never played before inflicted burn on his espeon, so friend took a lap, next turn his umbreon was frozen and he took another lap
Months later, he got roasted and I asked him “want some ice for that burn?” He twitched a little and asked “why? Do you want some?” I immediately replied “yeah can I borrow some from umbreon?”
He took a lap
"I said fix this formation. That line's more crooked than a politician."
friend "if i ever lost the ability to speak"
me (with a faulty filter apparently blurt out)" we would all sigh with relief"
Still has to be at a pub with my family and very loudly say “JESUS CHRIST!!”
My dad says “Oi don’t swear!!” An without a beat “Dad I believe you mean don’t blaspheme!”
He was not happy about being corrected 😂
I was participating in a debate of Creationism vs. Evolution in Grade 10 Anthro/Socio/Psych class, arguing for the side of evolution.
A friend that was arguing for Creationsim/Intelligent-Design made the "Banana Argument".
Basically that, a banana fits neatly in the hand, comes in a natural wrapper, and is easy to eat, therefor it is evidence of Intelligent design.
So I told him:
"I've got something that'll fit neatly in your hand, comes in an easy to peel wrapper, that you can put in your mouth."
I actually used The "That's the spirit" comeback once, but it didn't have the effect I wanted. (We were laughing our heads off instead)
My classmates and I were playing pictionary, and the girl whose turn it was got a complicated prompt.
*Girl:* I need help from someone smart for this one.
*Boy:* I'll help! I'm a genius!
*Me:* Modest, too.
1:12 OH THATS GOOD
I have a friend who just responds with your mom to everything.
I suck at thinking of good comebacks during the argument so the last time I had a good one was a long time ago. I was probably 10 and my brother was 14. We had been arguing for a while and it was coming to an end with both of us backing into our rooms trying to get the last word. I remember I muttered an insult underneath my breath and he said “I heard that”, I responded with “good, I wanted you too” and shut the door. 😂
I wanted you too? Sounds a wee gay _and_ incestuous. Or if you're a girl, just incestuous.
Idk how my siblings were talking about contraceptive.
My brother: “they are working on pills for men..”
Me: “Yea you would be the one to know”
Sisters:” hahaha she burned you”
Brother:” what are you trying to say”
Me: “nothing I said it all already 😂”
Dang you burned him, I have respect for you now
Can you explain the joke, please? I don't get it.
I Aced a whole team in Valorant when my team just got dimolished
The time a girl I'm school asked me where my leash was and barked at me cause I wore a choker and in a dead pan way I just said probably in your dad's pocket cause he can't get enough of me
barking huh, wonder how she'd respond to "you're taking being a bitch too literally"
NOSY PEOPLE: So you just let people who respects or likes you in your life, but those who hates or disrespects you out, you are a narcissist what kind of a human are you? ME: Well what can I say? after being bullied and letting people walk over me I BECAME A PERSON OF HIGH-SELF WORTH AND SELF-LOVE ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT I DESERVE AND I DESERVE THE BEST. SORRY IF YOU CANNOT HANDLE THAT, THAT YOU KEEP BARKING ON MY SELF-WORTH. As they say if you have haters, you are doing things right. TRIGGERED MUCH? KEEP BARKING AND BITTING ME DOWN TO YOUR LEVEL, COZ I STAND STRONG WHERE I'M AT
I worked at a Taco Bell. One slow night a guy walks in with a girl screaming at him walking right behind him. She’s cursing him out while he just stares at the floor. Apparently he was caught cheating and she found out she was actually the other woman. Then another girl walks in (which was his gf and she didn’t know exactly what was going on) and stands by him and is listening to what the screaming girl is saying. The screaming girl sees the gf and says he’s cheating on both of us. The gf grabbed his arm tighter and said “I hope you wasn’t kissing him”…The screaming girl looked at her perplexed and said “Bitxh, do you know how many times I bussed in his mouth!” 😳😳
The whole store was embarrassed for her
I set up a guy months in advance on youtube...and it happened...i gloated...
My witty comeback was more like stating the fact. I was at our local 24 hour party shop and A chick behind the register claimed I knew her. She didn't look vaguely familiar. No features I could identify with people I know. I was tired and a bit high. I was ready for the whole thing to be done. She said "You dated my brother?" I was done so I said pretty exasperatedly if I gotta say so, "You have no idea how little that narrows it down" I quoted Batman Beyond XD 🔥🔥🔥💀 🐜
Hilarious XD
so my friend said he caught my mom doing sus we were in argumnent and i said what doing your mom? hes been offline for 2 days i can tell i won
woah first.