Further, I have "friendly aquaintances", and "unfriendly aquaintances". The former I just don't know well, but get along with, the latter I'm prefectly happy not knowing any better than i do.
Key is identifying the difference early on. My definition of friendship is loyalty. I got your back and I will drop my life and do anything short of a felony for you, because I know you'd do the same. Early tip-offs for me are that you talk about your "besties" behind their backs OR cheat on your partners without remorse. Might seem separate, but it shows you lack loyalty to those closest, so how can I expect it from you?
110%. Had a girl in a mutual friend group that we honestly tried really hard to be closer friends than we were really every going be considering we didn't really like each other. The day we realized we were good with being acquaintances was a good day.
Yeess, this. I have made it a mission to stop labeling everyone as friends when I discuss them and label them as acquaintances, both in front of them and when referring to them with others. Acquaintance is not a bad word and it always felt uncomfortable to refer to them as friends when I did not feel they were.
21:48 my bestie brought her newborn to my baby shower, I literally cried happy tears when I saw her baby. NO attention was taken away from my little growing family to pay attention to her baby. People acknowledged the baby, obviously, but it is next to impossible to not be the center of attention at your own event. People are so delulu!
My baby shower had 4 babies and about 7 young kids. It was a family event. My family is big, my husband's family HUGE. Never a question. I really can't think of an event where there has not been children running around.
@allsimplyhomemade its NOT your fault and honestly i dont think my family has EVER had a baby shower where there is less than 2 babies there. She doesnt want u there AND SHE SEES U AS COMPETITION. SMH, its like she is saying "You mean we have more than 1 baby in the world per day?" Life will hit her hard very soon. Trust me on this one and she will have a meltdown the first time she goes grocery shopping alone.
14:34 the fact that the "introvert" and "quiet" girl was causing a scene made me go "who the F#$* you calling an introvert?" that girl is about as "introverted" and "quiet" as an elephant is a ninja...
As a lifelong introvert (I'm 72 yrs old, so know of what I speak) I don't believe this girl is necessarily an introvert. On the Myers Briggs personality indicator, I'm an INFP (look that up if you wish) and we avoid calling attention to ourselves - causing a scene is unthinkable. We avoid confrontation whenever possible but will vigorously defend ourselves when necessary. We are actually pretty interesting people when you get to know us. The girl she is describing is not an introvert.
My therapist told me that friend-breakups are just as, if not more, devastating than relationship-breakups. It's super normal to grieve the loss of a friendship. I'm also a recovering people-pleaser and I've been through it several times, but I have friends now who treat me right and have my back no matter what!
This is so true, I’ve said this for decades. My worst “break ups” were the two times my best friends and I “broke up” I still think about losing my two female friends more than any guy I’ve been with, including my ex fiance of a decade
Yes definitely bc your guard is more down with best friends and you share so much of yourself with them bc of how much trust you gave them for so long. It's really traumatic when they betray you and taint all those memories and betray all the trust.
@@youtubeaddict6128 Yesterday's viewing had loud music playing over Charlotte's commentary and she couldn't be heard. This is the edited version to remove that loud music.
Thank you for advocating for the weird shy introverts because as a weird shy girl that has been bullied and excluded most of her life, that felt, emphasis on the felt part, like she was saying "all introverts are that way and this is why you are right for not letting them into your circle".
Yes!!! Also that creator also had another rant video about getting fired from multiple jobs but it was all everyone else’s fault why she kept getting fired. Sooo I don’t know if I’m buying her side of the experience.
I was the weird introvert from Kindergarten through high school, and had 2 - count ‘em, TWO - friends over those 12 years. The hard part about it is that, if you’re bullied by way of being shut out (no mean girls shenanigans, just “nobody talk to her” freeze out) it means you also don’t learn HOW to make friends or socialize, so a whole bunch of unspoken social rules, you just never learn. It SUCKS. It sucks warm sick through a short straw. But even then, I don’t think I was ever THIS toxic, because the way I dealt with it was by just isolating harder, and avoiding any interaction.
@@raenowayI don’t believe that “innocent extrovert” girl *at all* - she’s very over-the-top and super-dramatic about what the “weird introvert girl” supposedly did. I bet either the other girl didn’t do ANY of these alleged actions, or that the OP really *did* flirt with every guy the poor shy girl liked.
@@imweakfordeakyshe was beyond annoying! I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling that..how “great” she was, she got better grades (not that she showed it to anyone🙄) was easily able to talk to everyone, had tons of friends blah blah
I recently end a friendship of +30 years, she was practically my sister. BEST. DECISION. EVER. I never felt so light and free. Toxic people ruin your life. Periooood!
I recently ended a 20 year friendship with my "bestie". Always treated her as a sister too. i had been losing my other close friends because of her jealousy. She was intentionally making sure she was the only friend I had. And I had protected her actions for so long. Now it's such a relief.
Been there myself but because we grew up together, I pretty much let her get away with it. The friends I lost because of her jealousy will always be a huge regret for me. They were good people too and for most of them I never even explained, I just cut them off. But eventually cut off the jealous friend too so now I don't have to worry about hurting other people because of her
Been there myself but because we grew up together, I pretty much let her get away with it. The friends I lost because of her jealousy will always be a huge regret for me. They were good people too and for most of them I never even explained, I just cut them off. But eventually cut off the jealous friend too so now I don't have to worry about hurting other people because of her
When I held a baby shower for a friend, I knew a lot of people would be bringing their babies, so I hired 3 teenage girls I trusted, and they kept all the babies taken care of. (someone even brought the babies in to be fed and then left with them) ALL of the mothers were super grateful to have some time off. When you’re breast-feeding, your baby is literally your twin, and you are the milk truck. 😅
How to cut off a toxic friend??? First, STOP CALLING THEM A FRIEND! Second, be professionally cordial, but distance yourself any non-professional conversation/engagement. Yes, I get this is hard! Walls are hard too, but they are necessary for a building to stand. I’m a former people pleaser, who struggled with this issue for years. When I began to prioritize my own feelings over others…I discovered the absence of those people made space for new people! ❤❤❤
I always still tried to sort things out with toxic friends. Once boundaries have been crossed to far too harsh of a degree, I just internally decide they aren’t my friend anymore. It sucks cuz I still care, but I know I eventually won’t. I’m still nice to their face for the sake of the friend group, but I don’t go out of my way to say hi or be around them if I don’t have to🥳
This is very similar to what I was going to type out as advice. Honestly, what the first woman in your video did to end hers is exactly the way that you need to go about it. You also need to not be afraid of cutting others out of your life that are also close to this person as that might be what you have to do to get out of a "friendship" with this person without escalating drama. You will be asked by others in the group to explain your reasoning and that will be one of the main hurdles in getting out of it unscathed.
I was once friends with someone who begged me not to get married before them because they couldn't "handle it" if I did. Neither one of us were engaged or even close to it. She just felt like sharing over lunch together one day. Needless to say. No longer friends.
Had one of those. I was worn out and after a mutual friend got engaged she'd known since childhood, she called in devastated tears instead of happiness. Once again, she cried "Why can't it be US?!!". I hollered, 'I am sorry but enough is enough and I am spent. I can't take it anymore. This was the end of the line for me, it breaks my heart but this is unhealthy.8 Enough." We were close friends for four years and worked together but by then she left and I spent hours making copies for her afterhours, pet sitting and was her closest/most available friend each summer. It was one of three times I broke up with a close friend. It was harder than breaking up with a guy.
I just ended 3 friendships within a span of 8 months. I met these women in my 20s when I was not yet speaking up for myself, etc. I read a book about holding boundaries last summer and low and behold, one of them crossed a boundary shortly after. It forced me to change, and I realized the ways in which we were just at different stages in our lives. I also recognized that I never spoke up whenever they hurt me (as a way to "keep the peace"). And then they would get mad at things I literally didn't have control over (e.g, missing their birthday because I had a migraine). Mind you, I'm about to be 38 years old. These women have families and are still acting in a manner that everyone else in life owes them something. Needless to say, I'm much more at peace.
Congrats! I did the same to a few friendships too. It’s wild how jealous or selfish people can be. I was sort of apologized (I didn’t even open some of the messages) by most of the people I cut off. Worried now how their jealousy will impact me….i don’t want to be on their mind at all.
I am the "quiet person", have been accused of flirting, and had a friend who would flip out how I stood, sat, even my expression. She accused me of being angry when I was in pain "chronic migraines and fibromyalgia, she has this too" and after she yelled and told me I was angry. I just got amused. It was wild. My last memory of her was her yelling at me in my driveway about how I was standing, feeling confuzzled and amused.
I had to break off a 10+ year childhood friendship because she was always manipulative and never grew out of it. She had a problem with me needing to decompress alone after work and told me I breathed too loud🤣🤣 she was 50 lbs heavier than me and had the audacity to say that
That “ best friend” having the baby shower….. just let her go. Clearly she has let you go, so c’est la vie,move on. There are other besties out there who won’t let you down that way.
For the second story, I've always said if you're going to come to me and tell me that someone is talking about me, the first thing I'm going to say is "what did you say to defend me?"
The baby shower- straight up, the woman didn’t want her there. 100% right Charlotte! Something happened and she doesn’t want her there but doesn’t have the balls to just say so.
Absolutely right! To add insult to injury also posted about looking forward to seeing the other woman’s child!! She didn’t want her there! No way I’d send a gift after that crazy!! Not a friend, don’t ever contact her again. Karma will get this hussy - someone will not invite her the same way! Grrr
The key to not being friends with someone who is toxic is to not make plans with them, but be friendly when you do see them. If there's any drama to be started, it will be started by toxic friend, and not you.
I recently ended two 10yrs+ friendships this year because I decided it was time to put myself first and I must say it was super healing standing my ground and upping my boundaries. My level of healing has also increased my self love. I only surround myself with people who recycle same energy as me. Best way to end a friendship with a toxic person is to be super direct and firm. Also avoid falling for the emotional blackmail, gaslighting or manipulation tactics. One of the friends I ended a friendship with actually said she felt I was abandoning her just after saying she’s cool with it cos she has other friends 😄. Just be firm and rip that bandaid off. I have faith in you Charlotte 🥰❤️🔥
YES, MOTHERS BRING THEIR BABIES (LITERAL INFANTS) TO OTHER BABY SHOWERS. I hate that friend on her behalf. She just didn't want to be upstaged... the irony being that she is PREGNANT and about to go through much the same thing. Positively ridiculous. It's a BABY shower, NOT a hens night. Yikes!!!
Guarantee that the catty pregnant friend takes her baby everywhere now, even places that are not baby-friendly at all, and expects everyone else to be ok with it 🙄
If I ever invite one of my friends somewhere, and I know she has an INFANT, I'm going to expect she bring her infant with her. Because that's very normal.
I have never been to a baby shower where there were babies, and I think that's the way it should be. Babies need tending, the more babies in one spot the less everything else does. just truth. 3 babies at a shower? every 10 minutes one will need fed or changed or all could start crying at once... that would ruin the shower.
@jeanihowe that's wild because I absolutely have been to baby showers both with and without infants. It's not a let-loose party, it's a gathering and celebration of a life coming into the world and new connection to family/community. We are there to celebrate a soon to be mother, who will have an infant of her own. Who will expect to have accomadations made for her should she need to have her newborn or infant in tow. I can guarantee her child will cry at times, disrupt life or events, interfere with plans and cause changes where necessary - because that's the nature of having a small child. To then refuse your friend access to their exclusively breastfed infant, be unaccomadating and unwilling to understand, is not only selfish, it's pretty darn ignorant coming directly from a 'mother to be'. I firmly believe that woman will either have her child and feel guilt or regret for those naive behaviours, or, she will be a completely overbearing mother who knows better than any other mother ever. Not my kind of person, that's for sure.
I don't get this American conzept of childfree events. I'm German. We take our babys everywhere with us. Newborns do sleep most of the time. I also don't get this fear of breasts in public. Breasts are for breastfeeding. That is the one reason they exist. I've seen so many breasts while a mother fed their baby and a lot of people had sein mine. So what? It's natural.
As an extremely shy introvert, the hardest part of making friends was approaching people, it was never something I could really bring myself to do without it feeling extremely awkward. So usually it would be the more extroverted people who would come to me. I would achieve this by sitting down, taking out my sketchbook and just start drawing my surroundings. Without fail someone in the vicinity would get curious and ask what I was drawing. I would show them, let them flick through my other sketches and huzzah, a conversation is born and this is how I befriended people in high school and university.
That last story is so relatable in friendships when the rose colored glasses comes off. Wish her the best & have faith that she’ll find genuine friends!
My toxic friendship ended when my bff found her first bf and she dropped me like a hot potato while trying to gaslight me that she wasn't ignoring me :D conveniently she never messaged me and would respond to my texts with a non-sequitur about herself maybe once a month so eventually I just stopped texting. I was never getting responses back and felt sad and tired sending texts into the void. I told her this multiple times btw and she never changed or apologized, just spewed more gaslighting at me. Fun fact: it's been more than 10 years and she still blames me for "cutting her off" for "no reason" even though she stopped answering me first... And I told her how she was hurting me more than once... Because when it comes to toxic people, there's never a "good enough" reason to cut contact in their eyes. Because they see you as the problem. You're there as an emotional punching bag for their convenience and entertainment. Don't sacrifice your dignity begging for scraps of kind behavior. Be polite if you have to see them in person, but don't feel obligated to engage with them directly.
Was friends with a girl for 20 years of my life and had to cut her off when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. She told someone she was going to tell me they said they wished my kid would pass away so I would side with her in an argument. Realized in that moment how many of her lies I'd covered in the past and I couldn't trust her. Luckily, we have 0 mutuals anymore, so we don't run into each other. I won't lie and say it was easy and it doesn't affect me at times, but I have a toddler now and so much peace without that girl in my life, it's wild. Never sacrifice your peace for anybody.
I appreciate the take on the quiet girl - as the quiet and weird girl in high school (legit won an award in one of my classes at the end of the year for being the quietest person in class, it was meant with love and I was not offended just saying) it’s hard to get people who want ton be friends and I sometimes feel like I go through life with only acquaintances. Some life circumstances lately have shown me that maybe that’s not all together true anymore but still. Some of us quiet ones are really nice and can be good friends but we are just shy and awkward and don’t k ow how to initiate a friendship
I just went to a baby shower and HAD to bring my toddler because my husband had a last minute job interview. I knew the mama to be wouldn’t have cared so I didn’t let anyone know beforehand that I had to bring her. I was super apologetic when I got there but she was so excited that I brought her and that I didn’t miss her baby shower because I had to bring my daughter. True friends wouldn’t cut you out for anything!
9:46 us introverted loners are lots of times some of the coolest people you'll meet. Just because someone is introverted or a loner does not mean that there's something wrong with them, it just means that they haven't found their tribe or their tribe aren't around right now.
High school never ends for some folks. Honestly, if I were that breast feeding mom, if someone told me the shower was “child-free,” I would have just said, “okay, have fun, I’ll mail you your present.” Like, I would genuinely assume they didn’t want me there.
I feel like there might be more to the story when she said someone else was allowed to bring their child. I have been twice to baby showers and each time a ‘new mom’ made the shower about her baby. One time it was the bestie and one time it was the own sister.
My MOH for my first wedding and I have never talked since the day we got married. Her dad made wedding cakes and offered to make ours as a gift. I offered to pay him and he said no. At our reception, she chewed us out for not paying him(???) and stomped out of the venue. I believe it was less than 28 seconds!
Tell the dad you gave her money for the cake to try and mend the friendship. Helpfully, the dad will ask the daughter about the money, which she will claim she knows nothing about.
I used to make wedding cakes and also gave some for friends as gifts. I would always have someone come up and ask each time - did they pay you- being tacky! I would say oh they insisted but I wanted it to be a gift!! They would be….oh…well that was nice! Not your business people!
I was the quiet introvert in high school. But because of this I ended up having a melting pot of different friends. From the super smart to the jocks. It is possible to have guy friends, know a lot of people and not need to flirt with everyone. Some of us introverts are just very chill and nice.
Same here. I actually had group of girls I was friends with and a group of boys that I was friends with. We all knew each other because it was a small town and we all went to the same school forever, they just weren't really friends with each other 😂
Yes we're basically the middle men for all cliques and groups. I did have 2 close friends, but many, many friendly acquaintances and hangouts and different activities with all kinds of kids
Baby shower story 1. Normal to have infants at a babyshower. 2. You don’t get to dictate the environment of your own baby shower… That’s part of the deal, somebody host it for you. You are the guest of honor, but you don’t set up the party, including determining the guest list ironically
I feel really bad for the last lady. 🥺 Her “best friend” made it very clear that she’s no longer her friend. Just walk away, there doesn’t need to be anything more said or done. You’re a kind lady n will find a bestie who loves you back. 💖
We just had a baby shower for one of my besties. She's in her mid 30s and this will be her first boy after three girls. There were soooo many kids there. There must have been 50 people there and nearly half were children. Additionally, we had to talk my friend into even having a baby shower because she doesn't like being the center of attention. When it came time to opening gifts, she had all the kids do it instead. It was great.
My best friend used to always say “don’t take this the wrong way…” and then slightly insult me. Finally I had had enough and I told her “when you say that I’m immediately going to take it the wrong way.” She stopped and hasn’t done it since. Glad to know that our 30+ years of friendship didn’t have to end.
I agree ! It amazing that so called friends say “I don’t mean to offend you but..” then offend you. I worked with a young lady that did that speech a lot…I finally called her on it and told her how rude it was and she was hurting our group of ladies feelings. She stopped. I did say that to her once and she was so shocked !!! Amazing how unaware people can be.
@@arlenesmith7883”I don’t mean to offend you” okay, well I’m offended so what was your intent? Sometimes my neurodivergent brain comes up with the quickest deadpan quips that it knocks people off rhythm. Had two people well old enough to know better (both into their late 60s) talking smack about my clothing choices (back when it was low rise with stretch everywhere and I forgot my belt that day, running around after kids on the playground whilst they sat on their biddy butts). I came up behind them and they didn’t realize and when I realized they were talking about me, told them that it’s not nice to talk about other people behind their backs and then went off to go keep kids from breaking their noggins or beating each other with sticks. They were so startled, both of them sat silently for the rest of the recess time😂.
9:17 I was the poor, weird, feral bookworm in my church youth group, and there was always a strong mutual hatred between me and the other girls in that group; but we were kind of stuck together several days a week, so there was nothing for it but to pretend to tolerate each other. But it dawns on me that I heard them comment multiple times that my parents were the "cool" parents, and that I was always very envious of their more posh lifestyles, and now it makes sense. We were all obsessed with each other the whole time. Ug, I DO NOT miss being 13.
Never heard of a a baby free baby-shower (never really heard of a “place to nurse” when you’re in a room full of women who are intimate friends /family. I’d probably say “oh no worries - I don’t need a special place to nurse - I can do it literally anywhere with a simple blanket).
Right?? I personally could not breastfeed with a blanket, my kids hated it. But I think I'm lucky in Australia, it's super common to just breastfeed wherever with no cover. I'm learning this is much less of a thing in the states.
Even with a blanket, my ex mother-in-law made me go to another room every time. Drove me crazy. I tried just staying put, explaining that if her God gave me boobs to feed my baby, perhaps we shouldn't be treating his gift as a sin. 😂 my ex husband got the punishment and told me not to make things worse for our visit lol I don't think I was the a-hole.
@@TaraLeeGeethink it really depends on the type of event and setting. In Italy If it is like a close family and friends informal gathering then it’s pretty normal to simply find a comfy spot and breastfeed without leaving the party, on the other hand if the event is more formal and fancy (like a fancy wedding or something) then it’s appreciated if the breastfeed is done in privacy but really.. it only takes like a second room or an equipped bathroom (any wedding I’ve been to where there was someone with an infant there was a place equipped for breastfeeding and changing the baby bc that’s a thing as well). Seriously I’ve never heard this being such an issue lol
@@MB_Ghostie gross behaviour 😭😭. In contrast, at my church women happily breastfeed in the middle of services and meetings, with no cover. We're not a super progressive church or anything, either...
Yes, get rid of toxic people, as that kind of toxicity is contagious. It also makes you become jaded towards other people who genuinely are a good influence on your life.
Thanks for being here Charlotte when things are really bad for me. I count on you to make light of the horror show that is my life. I am so grateful for you!
That last comment about "she's your best friend, but you're not her's" hit me a bit ... but not like ... I have a best friend of almost 20 years now. And during school I considered her my best friend, but she was a bit ... well having other friends she hung out more. She was never actively calling me her best friend and I was kind of ok with it, cause she was still a really really good friend to me. I made her my maid of honor and she did her part so amazingly. Well, long story short, she turned 30 a few months ago and I was at the location before most of the other guests arrived (she had a really big party with 80+ guests) and as some family members and friends of her arrived, she introduced me in front of everyone as her best friend. Yeah. And I almost cried. I was so happy hearing those words. Dang. Friendship is an amazing concept.
Lucky you. I have a long string of "best friends" that I was always second best with. But now I have my husband and he's my best friend and I'm his! Still would be nice to have a girl bestie someday, but not gonna hold my breath. Sometimes girls are just the worst!
@@lizajane2971 I am so happy for you and your husband. That counts for a lot and it’s very important. I still dream about this ;-) Yes, girls can be very mean, sadly.
I was the quiet introvert in school and it was hell. Depression and severe anxiety led to being a very closed off person. This led to feeling isolated and being isolated made me prime target for teasing/bullying, making my depression & anxiety worse. It was a horrible feedback loop. So glad my mom signed me out early & homeschooled me. I basically got to run my own education since I actually liked learning 😁 I got to start college early & did much better there!
I'm the quiet, shy, weird, autistic girl but I'm the one who the toxic extrovert decided to befriend. she tried to turn me into her "project" dragging me everywhere she went. She always redid my hair and makeup, I wasn't allowed to pick movies we watched, I couldnt listen to the music i like, etc. she never liked anything I liked. I said nothing for over a year until I started avoiding her because she made me feel like everything was wrong with me. That "friendship" still affects my view of myself as not worthy of friendship since I'm weird. Thank goodness I married my best friend, my husband makes me feel I'm worthy everyday😊😋
This made me tear up. I used to always befriend kids who were alone because I always was before that time. I ended up creating a lil group of misfits that had seemingly nothing in common besides that. It opened us up to so much more. We learned a lot about each other. We learned things we never would have had we not met. I still miss them. Some have sadly passed since - way too young.💔 Some I'm still friends with. But as extroverted as I am. I've always been a loner. My husband is my best friend too. I find it hard to get close to anyone else.
@@DarkWolf259YT Please do, you deserve to be happy! Fyi, being an introvert isn't a bad thing, and depression doesn't cause a person to become an introvert (it's a whole different thing). I'm an introvert and have several friends - I just need to be alone for a while every day. The best way I've heard it explained is; extroverts get fueled up by a party. Introverts get their fuel by leaving the party. I hope this helps ❣️ Hugs to you!
I have a friend like the first girl. Except with her, EVERY half-decent guy was her new crush. And if I so much as looked at him she would find an excuse to pull me away or end the conversation. I started feeling isolated and alone because of her need to be the only one in the spotlight. My now-bf had to literally demand that she let him talk to me so that he could ask me out the first time. I'm so lucky to have found someone that was prepared to practically bulldoze through her to get to me, because I didn't realize how isolated I was until someone started showing me the love that I had been missing for so long.
Most "quiet" girls i know are either dealing with social anxiety or don't like to talk to strangers. Same with the weird girls. Usually they're "weird" because they're neurodivergent, not because they're crazy and manipulative
I was the "weird" one in high school -- much more concerned about what was going on in the world rather than who was going with who to the football game. I was lucky to run around with mature adults all of whom had my back unconditionally).
Yea I just wanted to be left alone. I had a small group of friends that I cared about and that’s it. It’s pretty much the same now lol. I also had the opposite problem where an extroverted person pretended to be my friend and spread rumors about me and bullied me
I was the weird girl in high school. I'm now 28 yo and was diagnosed on the spectrum a couple of months ago during my 3rd pregnancy. All my life suddenly made a lot more sense
As a recovering people pleaser, ending a friendship was a huge task for me. I had been friends with that woman for my entire life, but the straw that broke the camels back was a text calling me a bad friend for not talking to her as much as she wanted. I absolutely lost it. My father was in the hospital with covid, and I was terrified I was going to lose him. She started off so aggressively and felt like a pile of shit when I told her what I was dealing with. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. " Was her response, and that was it for me. She couldn't see how absolutely self-centered of her it was to start a message with calling me a bad friend instead of checking in first. A simple "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?" Nope. Immediately jumped down my throat about how I hadn't been giving her any of my time. I ended that friendship with a quickness. She tried reaching out to me multiple times since then because she realized how badly she fucked up. I asked her nicely to stop. I told her that I hold no ill will for her, and I hope she prospers in life. Just not at my table. 🤷♀️
Introverts usually get adopted by extroverts, it was at least this way with every friendship i ever had. They protected me, were funny, kind and that was enough for me...
I cut a 10yrs old friendship cold turkey. I have been there for her thru everything.Including her 3 pregnancies with 3 dudes, even when her parents did not support her. She said I was after her baby daddy #3 ( who was and still is my landlord).She once had an event where she invited a bunch of friends and family and nobody and I mean NOBODY, including her family showed up but me. We had a friend in common that she screwed over as well. That friend is still my best friend to this day.
Be good to yourself. I have had 'friends' take advantage of me, my time, my money, ugg. I'm not wealthy but comfortable and married. She was always offering barter chiropractic services for things but never came through. Just had to bail. I like my own company.
@@lotstodo How do you "End" the friendship with someone like that? I'm asking b/c I *really* need advice on how to end a friendship with someone that I just found out its like this!
@LilDevyl17 Well, she decided she was an anti vaxxer at the beginning of Covid, but that and the lock down gave the opportunity to stay away from her. I pretty much ghosted her which I'm not proud of, but the pandemic made it possible. Good luck, it's hard to do nicely.
@@LilDevyl17I realize you didn’t ask me and hope I’m not being rude. The easiest way to end friendships like that is figure out what that person is getting from you that keeps them invested in you. Then stop that. Are you a listening ear? Cut short conversations. Are you super supportive? Start giving hard advice. Money? Stop spending it. Whatever it is that they are leaching out of you, don’t give it to them. You don’t have to have a drawn out discussion or line in the sand to end a friendship. Just starve the leach. Also, no is a full sentence.
That first girl is awesome. And she’s just WOW with her makeup! (Also, I love your edits and the little cut to your fingers anxiously awaiting that friendship ending text 🥰)
First video, “friends” who purposely make you feel left out are so irritating. They are the reason some people (like me) struggle with trust issues and setting boundaries. Good for her for cutting that toxic friend off. Thanks for the fix Charolette
I find the one about baby showers so confusing. I'm over 60 now, but when I was 23 & had my 1st child I was fortunate enough to have a couple of baby showers. One was just friends & another one was from my church family. Y'ALL, there were babies & toddlers there & I WAS IN HEAVEN! I spent more time holding & playing with the little ones than paying attention to the adults & it was GLORIOUS! Nobody minded because who doesn't want their children fawned over? Both showers were raging successes & absolute stress free events...........for me, at least. Some people just need to get over themselves, enjoy life, & stop making everyone else miserable. But to be fair, I'd rather spend time with little ones than adults most of the time anyways. I always wanted to be a mom & kids are just so open & honest. You never have to guess whether or not they like you. Trust me. They will tell you point blank. I find that to be such a breath of fresh air.
I feel like most friendships (and guys I've dated too) are not meant to last, but we have them to teach us something. Do you have any idea how many friendships I've had to break off due to them being either dysfunctional, or toxic, abusive, or taking advantage of me? Probably something like 20 at this point. The lesson I had to learn was to trust my gut, and start to value myself. When you are so fed up with peoples bullshit that you just say to yourself "Fuck it! I rather be single and friendless for the rest of my life then ever dating or befriending another manipulative abuser type". The aura you give off will determine what kinds of people you attract. I was a magnet for shady people in the past, that's why it kept happening.
I found that my true friends will put the effort into talking to me, I had a best friend for years but I realized she never put in the effort first, it's now been like 4 years since we messaged each other but she still pops up at friends events and we get along oka it's just more about equivalent exchange of effort for me
This hits the spot right there. My whole life I have thought I had good friends(just a few) but to them I realized I was not good enough. I realized this 10 years after I move to another town and to another country not a single of them had interest to keep in touch enough. Some of them even visit the city I live(seen on social media) and they don't even think about contacting me. So, the thing here is, when you are over 35 and realize this, its game over, since guess what, people don't get friends in this age, they already have friends. So people make sure you hang out with right people in right age 😅.
I befriended the “weird girl” in elementary school. She asked for her 8th birthday to not get any presents, but for people to donate cat food and toys to her local animal shelter. I remember hanging out with her after school and we would order off the dollar menu at McDonald’s and that was their big treat of the week - the only time they ate out. I remember being conscious at the time that we were more affluent than her but literally not caring because she was so kind and smart. Through me hanging out with her, people started accepting her into their groups. I’m not taking credit, I just think they literally didn’t notice her before. I remember she called me out when I was gossiping about a kid I knew she didn’t like either and it really made me think - even to this day. I remember she also made me go tell another kid that I lied to them when the lie was a little white lie and so inconsequential. I had a crush on the guy I lied to, but I told him anyway and we ended up becoming really close. I befriended a guy in that class too that everyone thought was weird because he was so effortlessly smart - like probably genius level. He used to explain calculus to the teacher in order for the teacher to help her son with his homework. We were in 3rd grade. We’re still social media friends now (I moved) and he is a pretty successful music producer and his stuff is really good! In middle school, I befriended the “weird girl” but this chick was really into witchcraft and making potions. I’m a Christian, but I never thought that meant I only had to be friends with Christians. I remember her making a love potion out of weeds from the soccer field and tricking the guy she liked into eating it and he spit it out and didn’t fall in love with her and she was so mad. I was kinda nervous around her after that 😅 I befriended the “weird girl” in high school and she was really into Wicca stuff idk. I remember her telling me that she desperately wanted to have my brother’s babies. That was a lil uncomfy. Then she disappeared one year and I asked her other friend what happened and it turned out she snapped one day and tried to kill her parents and was in jail. My brother befriended the “weird girl” in high school but he was the “weird guy” and they are now married and had their first child yesterday. Baby is super cute and I’m very excited to be an aunt. Also I LOVE my sister-in-law way more than that weird girl who’s still in jail so… happy ending 😂
As for stories, you have no idea how much of a book series of short stories GOLD MINE you have here. If you don't already write, you should. Just draw heavily on what you remember and go for it. I was interested in "potential plot twists" from the 1st paragraph. Hey, I'm deadass serious. It's literally my spiritual job to encourage others the moment I see their assignments. " #Go_4_It and when you win, say #I_Knew_It ." -- Tevin Campbell, "Round N Round" (Prince and The NPG)
I'm a writer and writing professor. Could be a memoir. "The Weird Kid" is a solid title, and the murder girl complexifies the theme. It's not, every weird person I befriended turned out to be awesome and misunderstood. That girl WAS weird (and dangerous). But I doubt it changed your outlook on social pressure never determining who you befriend. I'm also interested in why YOU consistently sought out the outsider. It says something about you more complex than kindness and acceptance. Maybe you were inherently intrigued by people who aren't basic. And how did those friendships change you and how you perceived the risk of being different or the value of knowing people who have different values and life experiences? Growing up, we tend to befriend those who live closest and are closest to who we are. We befriend our neighbors, kids who share our interests, proximity is the number one determinant, to the point that you are more likely to be friends with the girl who lives across the hall from you in college than who lives down the hall. These kids were outside your proximity in every respect. I'd also be interested to know how those relationships impacted them and how they thought of them at the time. It's a solid idea because it's not self indulgent. You're just the common thread in a series of "weird kids" who were all different in different ways, ranging from class to intelligence, religion, and mental health. You're honestly making ME want to write this as a novel! My brain is mapping out the structure, characters, and I'd personally use point of view shifts to see "the weird kids" from insider/outsider perspectives. Unsure if it's adult or YA, since it could potentially help a younger audience of readers. (Don't worry; I'm not a thief.) But I agree; strong material and that's just based on the limited detail of a TH-cam comment. Let me know if you want to discuss this further. The creative writing teacher in me is intrigued. I taught at Purdue University for 10 years, and just left to finalize my scholarly book, but have a creative collection close also. This is genuinely what I do for a living. I agree with previous commenter.
I learned a long time ago that if you are the only one reaching out then it’s not a friendship. Also that it’s ok to be the person who doesn’t reach out. I call it “the fade away” and you just minimize your contact more and more until they get the hint or you are left alone. Friendship is supposed to be equal footing. But there are people out there who are users or mentally ill that refuse to get treatment and you don’t need to have that in your life. Those people are draining your limited resources, be it emotionally, psychically, financially or otherwise. Next time they decide to pick a fight just say “I think this friendship has run its course. I’m not your personal whipping boy and not your personal trauma dumpster. Straighten your shit out bc that not acceptable.” Then block their ass.
I had a friend that would constantly talk about herself and her problems and not listen to anything I had to say, as a matter of fact, she would b&tch at me when I'd give her the advice she would ask for. Finally I had enough and put her in her place. She apologized and I thought that was that. No. She started again a week later and I ghosted her. This lasted a few months until a few weeks ago when she texted again, started the same bs. I ignored her, blocked her, and now I feel so much better. Moral of the story...find people who give you as much as you give them. Don't settle for anything less ❤
That "weird girl" hit home in a big way. My oldest daughter made friends with everyone, didn't matter what people thought of them she would always seek them out and try to become friends. She believed there was good in everyone, everyone was worthy of friendship. She started telling me about a shy, quiet girl she befriended. Everyday recounting stories of their antics and the friendships the girl was building with her and others. One morning the police called as I headed off to work... It appears my daughter was on a list that my daughter's 'friend' had made with two boys. They planned on bringing weapons to school that day (two duffle bags were already packed in the car trunk of one of the boys.) and 'taking out' several students, my daughter topped that list. I am thankful everyday for the child brave enough to report the three and saved all these children.
That’s crazy. I like your daughter - we’re a lot alike. I try very hard to make sure everyone has a friend. One guy in high school was a “weird kid” and I would talk to him fairly often since we were in the same class. I remember he would tell me about how he wanted to blow up the cici’s pizza he worked at but he was always joking and I never took it seriously until one day he mentioned something specific. I don’t know how to describe it and I didn’t then either but like an “ingredient” in a bomb? It was too specific for my comfort and I remember being absolutely terrified but I tried to as casually as possible mention it to the principal who I worked with as an aide one period. I thought if he seemed freaked out, it was an issue, and if he didn’t, then it was probably a joke and everything was fine. The kid asked me out to homecoming between telling me about the cici’s thing and me talking to the principal and I said no to every guy at the time because I was scared of dating but I felt like I had to have an excuse with this guy. So I told him I was very sad I couldn’t but I had a funeral out of town that weekend. I don’t remember how it happened but after I mentioned the “joke” to the principal, they searched his locker or something and found he had a hit list. I was on it - I think for saying no to the dance. Never saw him again except for a mug shot on Facebook a few years later.
@@theexploraholic I am so dang sorry that happened to you too! Scary AF, my daughter was shocked as she truly believed they had become friends. Turned out those three kids were responsible for a series of small explosions in the community as well.
When I was younger (mid 20's) someone asked me if I knew what a best friend really was. Of course I gave the usual answer, which was... "Someone who is always there when you need them." He said "Nope." A best friend is someone that you are there for whenever they need. Makes total sense to me now.
16:41 I cannot explain how much this describes me when I was in high school. I had one friend who was very toxic and I always had a major RBF. Didn’t get any new friends until 3 years later, I was free of said toxic friend and started becoming more of myself and being happier and way easier to approach.
I cut toxic people out often. One of my problems was always knowing when their behavior crossed over from the “flawed but still my good friend” to the “fake friend” area. Most of the time there isn’t a big situation that will allow you a ‘valid’ reason to leave. You just have to bow out. Limit contact, stop thinking of them as a friend, maybe talk to other friends to see if they can help you, etc. If you hang out with them all the time, you’ve got to find ways to distance yourself. It depends on the situation you’re in, but over time they’ll get the idea
I've only completely cut out 2 in my life. One went full blown psycho, I was literally afraid she might harm me. She was accusing me of ridiculous things and had been parked in front of my house for hours. The other one just kept playing the victim card even though I could count on her to back out almost every time we had plans.I then got a novella, by text of what a piece of shit I was and being accused of being a thief. I give a lot of leeway because nobody is perfect but, yeah. Blocked forever.
@@andreabradley5837 I feel you. one girl would crap talk me to her boyfriend who was also my friend, and after they broke up he told me EVERYTHING. She was very narcissistic and to this day tries to text me to ‘see how I’m doing’ because her last friend group kicked her out.
I was ignored by everyone in my sunday school class for 6-7 years up until we moved. Not only that, they ignored me (8-14 years old at the time) in regular school too even though we had all known each other since pre-school. NOT ONLY THAT but this one girl who was kind of their ringleader would still invite me over to her house to hang out together and because I was desperate for validation, I would accept her invites. Thanks for the social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and rejection sensitivity 😊
After becoming an introvert, I turned into the 'shy and quiet' kid in high school. My big brother was the polar opposite, a pure social butterfly. He made making friends and casually talking look easy for me, but I never acted on it due to feeling so emotionally down and stuck in my own 'misery'. It was like middle school ended and high school started, all trances of my extrovert personality changed completely. I'd known one school campus for three years, but to now have to get to know a larger and fresh one, was too much for me. I nearly missed one of my classes on the first day because the classroom number wasn't confirmed. If I hadn't asked a lunch supervizer what class room that class was going to be in, I would've missed that class (the paper said it was in 'Admin'). I also mixed up first and second lunch and ended up very late to algebra, also on the first day. Thankfully my teacher wasn't mad as some students made that mistake now and then. The reason I was late and mixed up the two lunch period? I didn't bring my effing glasses and tried to read the wall screen through a lot of 'fog'. So now I'm a heavy introvert, have friend issues/trust problems and probably seperation anxiety.
I have recently cutoff friendship with someone who I used to think was my friend by 1. Leaving all the gc that she was in. 2. Unfollowing them on all social media platforms. 3. Since we were in the same hobby, it was inevitable to see her so everytime I do, I just act like normal and just not really initiate conversation with her unless needed. 4. I try my best to not be left alone in any place where I had to interact with her myself. I make sure I'm surrounded by people who can interact with her as I try to pretend she doesnt exist. So yeah. Stress free and happy so far. 😊
I have a toxic person I used to be a good friend to. They made me believe I was the only sister in law that was nice to them. They would, once in a while, make it out that I was trying to hurt them and/or their favorite sister. I never tried to hurt either one of them. I would cry, apologize, try to figure out what I needed to do different. Finally, as I was reaching out for help with trying to understand this woman someone said they sounded like a covert narcissist. I started looking into covert narcissism. It took a while of digging for me to find people who were describing my situation as religious cerebral covert narcissism is kind of slippery. I began to yellow rock them and ignore their attitudes. They finally got so mad at me they confronted me and I stood my ground. I kept thinking about what I had learned, I am stronger than them and they are a coward. I held my own and they finally went from mud slinging to bawling about how they never get enough sleep. It was a soppy apology, but because they still held quite a bit of sway over my husband I forgave them. The matter would have been dropped there except that since I had shown strength and did not let them walk all over me they now had a narcissistic injury. They went to my husband and told him a bold faced lie about me which made him unhappy with me. The whole drama stretched out for four months and it finally ended when my husband threatened to stop fellowshiping with them because we could not get along. They instantly stopped as we were one of her main sources of "supply". She gave me the silent treatment. It has been a year since this blow up and I am healing. I do not entrust myself to this person and do not invite them over anymore. My husband invites them over. When they come I am as polite a hostess as you ever met, but I do not ever share anything that means something to me. I keep it all superficial. They are trying to rope me in again(hoovering, future faking) and make mention of how things used to be, but I am done. My husband is starting to see that she is off in her reasoning and said we might move away if need be. I would like that.
So sad that this happened to you!! Narcissist are so horrible! You can never please them no matter what!!my MIL was a narcissist, I was her target. Thank goodness we lived in another state and I only had to mainly deal with her for one week a year ( vacation). You did exactly the right thing !! You will be happier if you move away for their drama! It will NEVER stop or go away, they just work harder to pull you in so they can be the victim again!!
Wow Charlotte! You and your team are truly such kind people. It was so nice of you to repost this video for us. You didn't have to do that but you did. I can't thank you enough for being so kind and considerate. This is why we love you. We are so lucky to have the whole team!
@ashleystrand997 I could be wrong but I think this video was originally posted yesterday, so we wouldn't have gotten a new one today. But we should tomorrow. The last video was 3 days ago. And then this one was reposted from yesterday.
Oh my God Charlotte, when you talked about walking around with a stank face and not understanding why nobody talked to you, that was ME TOO. For YEARS. It DOES come from a deep-seated insecurity, which is a very unhelpful and counter-productive side effect haha
First story mimicked my "friends" in elementary school and junior high. They faded to the background in high school and I haven't seen them since. It makes me sad when I think about how I was treated back then. Never again!
@@JeanetteClifford no one says weird is bad. What I mean as an introverted myself with an mbti of Intj. And being on the introverted scale a 100%. Not all of us act that way. I am not trying to be weird that people don't talk to me. If u wanna be edgy go for it. But putting all of us in that category isn't true nor right
@@JeanetteClifford and no. It's not an introverts goal to keep people away. Our goal is to find people who understand our personality on every level without making us feel guilty
Having an exclusive limit on people doesn't make us weird. Certain personalities actually drain my patience and tolerance. I think they may exude too much carbon dioxide with their excessive talking and my brain shuts down unnecessary functions like listening. I prefer my peaceful silence.
I have a toxic best friend for over 20 years. She never apologized when she’s wrong and just blame me for being mad. I cut her out of my life a year ago and I’m so happy I did that and now with all my friends around me, treat me so good and realize that I was in the fog all these time. ❤🎉
My youngest is on the spectrum, and even as a tiny baby would rather starve than eat or touch certain things. I had to use my lunch hour to go to the childcare and nurse him as he would not touch a rubber nipple and the sitter finally said she couldn't take him crying all afternoon if I didn't come and nurse him myself. That person was for sure using the issue of nursing to make a point about something else. I've never understood people who get all pissy about something but won't just tell you what is bothering them, when the "friend" being honest would have saved them both time and aggrevation.
Amen! Her so called best friend certainly was not !! This poor girl is beside herself asking what to do !! Write her off your list of friends first thing!!!
When I cut a toxic friend out I 100% just dipped out. We were close through college, but in our junior year I noticed she was reaching out to me only when she needed something. I didn't notice it at first, and one of my other friends actually pointed it out to me. She would reach out to me when she needed emotional support, she would be jealous of me for being friends with any man, or saying hi to any guy I had classes with and was terribly boy crazy. Kind of like the girl in the third story!! She didn't have a car and would reach out after not speaking to me for weeks for a ride. Finally I just felt hurt, felt the relationship fall apart. I actually didn't hear from her for a month, and decided I just wanted to end it and blocked her on everything and never said anything about it. I have never known such peace.
In 2020, I slowly dropped one of my childhood friends (my sisters bff). I went on a spiritual retreat and found out she had been trying to hook up with the guy I'd been seeing. We were in our mid-30s back then. She was a single mom, and my sister and I would hang out with her every evening. It now made sense why she would ask how J and I were doing. He didn't know we were friends. I stopped seeing her stories on IG and focused on healing. She was upset I was not looking at her stories, and she told my sister that her friendship meant she had to be loyal to her (my sister), not me. She clearly doesn't understand friendship. It was hard not being part of her son's life anymore, but I had to be true to myself and honor myself. I like having peace. I never really told her I'm ending the relationship, I just pulled back, and she eventually deleted me from all social media. She knew I knew. No need to talk about it out loud.
There's a difference between a friend and an acquaintance. And friends can be downgraded to acquaintances when you can't cut them off completely.
Yeap, my "best friend " of 6 years has become my acquaintance, for about 7yrs now. I'm fine with where we are now.
Further, I have "friendly aquaintances", and "unfriendly aquaintances". The former I just don't know well, but get along with, the latter I'm prefectly happy not knowing any better than i do.
Key is identifying the difference early on. My definition of friendship is loyalty. I got your back and I will drop my life and do anything short of a felony for you, because I know you'd do the same. Early tip-offs for me are that you talk about your "besties" behind their backs OR cheat on your partners without remorse. Might seem separate, but it shows you lack loyalty to those closest, so how can I expect it from you?
110%. Had a girl in a mutual friend group that we honestly tried really hard to be closer friends than we were really every going be considering we didn't really like each other. The day we realized we were good with being acquaintances was a good day.
Yeess, this. I have made it a mission to stop labeling everyone as friends when I discuss them and label them as acquaintances, both in front of them and when referring to them with others. Acquaintance is not a bad word and it always felt uncomfortable to refer to them as friends when I did not feel they were.
21:48 my bestie brought her newborn to my baby shower, I literally cried happy tears when I saw her baby. NO attention was taken away from my little growing family to pay attention to her baby. People acknowledged the baby, obviously, but it is next to impossible to not be the center of attention at your own event. People are so delulu!
It's so hard to go out with a newborn. This shows she made an effort for you, it's sweet
My baby shower had 4 babies and about 7 young kids. It was a family event. My family is big, my husband's family HUGE. Never a question. I really can't think of an event where there has not been children running around.
I have cried when I held every single one of my friends babies lol. The bringing of life into the world is amazing!
@allsimplyhomemade its NOT your fault and honestly i dont think my family has EVER had a baby shower where there is less than 2 babies there.
She doesnt want u there AND SHE SEES U AS COMPETITION. SMH, its like she is saying "You mean we have more than 1 baby in the world per day?" Life will hit her hard very soon. Trust me on this one and she will have a meltdown the first time she goes grocery shopping alone.
My sister and brother just had their babies a month apart and my SIL loved having my niece there… I don’t see the problem (my brother had a girl too)
14:34 the fact that the "introvert" and "quiet" girl was causing a scene made me go "who the F#$* you calling an introvert?" that girl is about as "introverted" and "quiet" as an elephant is a ninja...
Right?!!
A ninja elephant would be pretty boss, tho.
Hey hey hey...if turtles can be ninjas then so can elephants
😂@@tinanana-
As a lifelong introvert (I'm 72 yrs old, so know of what I speak) I don't believe this girl is necessarily an introvert. On the Myers Briggs personality indicator, I'm an INFP (look that up if you wish) and we avoid calling attention to ourselves - causing a scene is unthinkable. We avoid confrontation whenever possible but will vigorously defend ourselves when necessary. We are actually pretty interesting people when you get to know us. The girl she is describing is not an introvert.
My therapist told me that friend-breakups are just as, if not more, devastating than relationship-breakups. It's super normal to grieve the loss of a friendship. I'm also a recovering people-pleaser and I've been through it several times, but I have friends now who treat me right and have my back no matter what!
This is so true, I’ve said this for decades. My worst “break ups” were the two times my best friends and I “broke up” I still think about losing my two female friends more than any guy I’ve been with, including my ex fiance of a decade
I’m going through a best-friend breakup and it’s killing me-it’s way worse than any partner-breakup. This too, shall pass. Sigh.
I'm going through both right now, because that particular person happened to be both 😢
This is true
Yes definitely bc your guard is more down with best friends and you share so much of yourself with them bc of how much trust you gave them for so long. It's really traumatic when they betray you and taint all those memories and betray all the trust.
Never cross a loyal person, mistaking kindness for weakness is a big mistake
That is the truth. A few people that I knew learned this the hard way. The final arguments were not pretty for them.
PERIOD
Absolutely
Seeing all these “friend” issues makes me so appreciative of the relationship I have with my bff of 41 years.
So lucky
Luck and goals
Thank you for the audio fix! We love you Charlotte!!!❤️
What was the issue, it's a re-upload
@@youtubeaddict6128 The background music was so loud you could barely hear what she said in the original.
You're so welcome!
@@youtubeaddict6128 Yesterday's viewing had loud music playing over Charlotte's commentary and she couldn't be heard. This is the edited version to remove that loud music.
No matter what Charlotte say, we really wanna hear her. It was absolutely impossible :S
Thank you for advocating for the weird shy introverts because as a weird shy girl that has been bullied and excluded most of her life, that felt, emphasis on the felt part, like she was saying "all introverts are that way and this is why you are right for not letting them into your circle".
Yes!!! Also that creator also had another rant video about getting fired from multiple jobs but it was all everyone else’s fault why she kept getting fired. Sooo I don’t know if I’m buying her side of the experience.
I was the weird introvert from Kindergarten through high school, and had 2 - count ‘em, TWO - friends over those 12 years.
The hard part about it is that, if you’re bullied by way of being shut out (no mean girls shenanigans, just “nobody talk to her” freeze out) it means you also don’t learn HOW to make friends or socialize, so a whole bunch of unspoken social rules, you just never learn.
It SUCKS. It sucks warm sick through a short straw. But even then, I don’t think I was ever THIS toxic, because the way I dealt with it was by just isolating harder, and avoiding any interaction.
@@raenowayI don’t believe that “innocent extrovert” girl *at all* - she’s very over-the-top and super-dramatic about what the “weird introvert girl” supposedly did.
I bet either the other girl didn’t do ANY of these alleged actions, or that the OP really *did* flirt with every guy the poor shy girl liked.
@@imweakfordeakyshe was beyond annoying! I’m glad I wasn’t the only one feeling that..how “great” she was, she got better grades (not that she showed it to anyone🙄) was easily able to talk to everyone, had tons of friends blah blah
@@raenowayI didn’t buy her side from the start.You can tell by her body language and the way she is talking about the experience that she is lying.
I recently end a friendship of +30 years, she was practically my sister. BEST. DECISION. EVER. I never felt so light and free. Toxic people ruin your life. Periooood!
I recently ended a 20 year friendship with my "bestie". Always treated her as a sister too. i had been losing my other close friends because of her jealousy. She was intentionally making sure she was the only friend I had. And I had protected her actions for so long. Now it's such a relief.
Been there myself but because we grew up together, I pretty much let her get away with it. The friends I lost because of her jealousy will always be a huge regret for me. They were good people too and for most of them I never even explained, I just cut them off. But eventually cut off the jealous friend too so now I don't have to worry about hurting other people because of her
Been there myself but because we grew up together, I pretty much let her get away with it. The friends I lost because of her jealousy will always be a huge regret for me. They were good people too and for most of them I never even explained, I just cut them off. But eventually cut off the jealous friend too so now I don't have to worry about hurting other people because of her
When I held a baby shower for a friend, I knew a lot of people would be bringing their babies, so I hired 3 teenage girls I trusted, and they kept all the babies taken care of. (someone even brought the babies in to be fed and then left with them) ALL of the mothers were super grateful to have some time off. When you’re breast-feeding, your baby is literally your twin, and you are the milk truck. 😅
Babysitters there is the best! So thoughtful!
@@x-mess Thank you, glad you liked the suggestion!😁 But also….I’ll go to great lengths to have a great party, lol.😂
You are so thoughtful
@@swiftiearmy1485 Awww, thank you!🥰 I always like to maximize the fun, and it’s no fun if you’re missing the party.🫶🏻
This is a great idea! Thank you!
How to cut off a toxic friend??? First, STOP CALLING THEM A FRIEND! Second, be professionally cordial, but distance yourself any non-professional conversation/engagement.
Yes, I get this is hard! Walls are hard too, but they are necessary for a building to stand. I’m a former people pleaser, who struggled with this issue for years. When I began to prioritize my own feelings over others…I discovered the absence of those people made space for new people! ❤❤❤
I thought we had the term "frienemy" for a reason.
Yes! Treat them like a colleague not a friend!
I always still tried to sort things out with toxic friends. Once boundaries have been crossed to far too harsh of a degree, I just internally decide they aren’t my friend anymore. It sucks cuz I still care, but I know I eventually won’t. I’m still nice to their face for the sake of the friend group, but I don’t go out of my way to say hi or be around them if I don’t have to🥳
I will keep this in mind if I have one
This is very similar to what I was going to type out as advice. Honestly, what the first woman in your video did to end hers is exactly the way that you need to go about it. You also need to not be afraid of cutting others out of your life that are also close to this person as that might be what you have to do to get out of a "friendship" with this person without escalating drama. You will be asked by others in the group to explain your reasoning and that will be one of the main hurdles in getting out of it unscathed.
I was once friends with someone who begged me not to get married before them because they couldn't "handle it" if I did. Neither one of us were engaged or even close to it. She just felt like sharing over lunch together one day. Needless to say. No longer friends.
Had one of those. I was worn out and after a mutual friend got engaged she'd known since childhood, she called in devastated tears instead of happiness. Once again, she cried "Why can't it be US?!!".
I hollered, 'I am sorry but enough is enough and I am spent. I can't take it anymore. This was the end of the line for me, it breaks my heart but this is unhealthy.8 Enough." We were close friends for four years and worked together but by then she left and I spent hours making copies for her afterhours, pet sitting and was her closest/most available friend each summer. It was one of three times I broke up with a close friend. It was harder than breaking up with a guy.
I just ended 3 friendships within a span of 8 months. I met these women in my 20s when I was not yet speaking up for myself, etc. I read a book about holding boundaries last summer and low and behold, one of them crossed a boundary shortly after. It forced me to change, and I realized the ways in which we were just at different stages in our lives. I also recognized that I never spoke up whenever they hurt me (as a way to "keep the peace"). And then they would get mad at things I literally didn't have control over (e.g, missing their birthday because I had a migraine). Mind you, I'm about to be 38 years old. These women have families and are still acting in a manner that everyone else in life owes them something. Needless to say, I'm much more at peace.
Congrats! I did the same to a few friendships too. It’s wild how jealous or selfish people can be. I was sort of apologized (I didn’t even open some of the messages) by most of the people I cut off. Worried now how their jealousy will impact me….i don’t want to be on their mind at all.
Struggling with a similar situation myself.
That's great that you stood your ground and cut these toxic friendships.
Also, what's the name of the book? I would like to read it. Thank you!
I am the "quiet person", have been accused of flirting, and had a friend who would flip out how I stood, sat, even my expression. She accused me of being angry when I was in pain "chronic migraines and fibromyalgia, she has this too" and after she yelled and told me I was angry. I just got amused. It was wild. My last memory of her was her yelling at me in my driveway about how I was standing, feeling confuzzled and amused.
I had to break off a 10+ year childhood friendship because she was always manipulative and never grew out of it. She had a problem with me needing to decompress alone after work and told me I breathed too loud🤣🤣 she was 50 lbs heavier than me and had the audacity to say that
Ew is she okay ? What an abusive bozo
Being accused of flirting when you are just friends with the opposite gender ESPECIALLY when you only love one person, is so frustrating I SWEAR
That's a lot
That “ best friend” having the baby shower….. just let her go. Clearly she has let you go, so c’est la vie,move on. There are other besties out there who won’t let you down that way.
For the second story, I've always said if you're going to come to me and tell me that someone is talking about me, the first thing I'm going to say is "what did you say to defend me?"
The baby shower- straight up, the woman didn’t want her there. 100% right Charlotte! Something happened and she doesn’t want her there but doesn’t have the balls to just say so.
That story broke my heart
@@RangeGleasry it's really mean to be cut off like that.
Her already being so modest about it, then to be made to feel awful. Ugh. 💔
Absolutely right! To add insult to injury also posted about looking forward to seeing the other woman’s child!! She didn’t want her there! No way I’d send a gift after that crazy!! Not a friend, don’t ever contact her again. Karma will get this hussy - someone will not invite her the same way! Grrr
100%.
I've literally taken a baby to a baby shower with zero issues. I didn't even consider it being a problem.
The key to not being friends with someone who is toxic is to not make plans with them, but be friendly when you do see them. If there's any drama to be started, it will be started by toxic friend, and not you.
I recently ended two 10yrs+ friendships this year because I decided it was time to put myself first and I must say it was super healing standing my ground and upping my boundaries. My level of healing has also increased my self love. I only surround myself with people who recycle same energy as me.
Best way to end a friendship with a toxic person is to be super direct and firm. Also avoid falling for the emotional blackmail, gaslighting or manipulation tactics. One of the friends I ended a friendship with actually said she felt I was abandoning her just after saying she’s cool with it cos she has other friends 😄. Just be firm and rip that bandaid off. I have faith in you Charlotte 🥰❤️🔥
YES, MOTHERS BRING THEIR BABIES (LITERAL INFANTS) TO OTHER BABY SHOWERS. I hate that friend on her behalf. She just didn't want to be upstaged... the irony being that she is PREGNANT and about to go through much the same thing. Positively ridiculous. It's a BABY shower, NOT a hens night. Yikes!!!
Guarantee that the catty pregnant friend takes her baby everywhere now, even places that are not baby-friendly at all, and expects everyone else to be ok with it 🙄
If I ever invite one of my friends somewhere, and I know she has an INFANT, I'm going to expect she bring her infant with her. Because that's very normal.
I have never been to a baby shower where there were babies, and I think that's the way it should be. Babies need tending, the more babies in one spot the less everything else does. just truth. 3 babies at a shower? every 10 minutes one will need fed or changed or all could start crying at once... that would ruin the shower.
@jeanihowe that's wild because I absolutely have been to baby showers both with and without infants. It's not a let-loose party, it's a gathering and celebration of a life coming into the world and new connection to family/community. We are there to celebrate a soon to be mother, who will have an infant of her own. Who will expect to have accomadations made for her should she need to have her newborn or infant in tow. I can guarantee her child will cry at times, disrupt life or events, interfere with plans and cause changes where necessary - because that's the nature of having a small child.
To then refuse your friend access to their exclusively breastfed infant, be unaccomadating and unwilling to understand, is not only selfish, it's pretty darn ignorant coming directly from a 'mother to be'.
I firmly believe that woman will either have her child and feel guilt or regret for those naive behaviours, or, she will be a completely overbearing mother who knows better than any other mother ever. Not my kind of person, that's for sure.
I don't get this American conzept of childfree events. I'm German. We take our babys everywhere with us. Newborns do sleep most of the time. I also don't get this fear of breasts in public. Breasts are for breastfeeding. That is the one reason they exist. I've seen so many breasts while a mother fed their baby and a lot of people had sein mine. So what? It's natural.
As an extremely shy introvert, the hardest part of making friends was approaching people, it was never something I could really bring myself to do without it feeling extremely awkward. So usually it would be the more extroverted people who would come to me. I would achieve this by sitting down, taking out my sketchbook and just start drawing my surroundings. Without fail someone in the vicinity would get curious and ask what I was drawing. I would show them, let them flick through my other sketches and huzzah, a conversation is born and this is how I befriended people in high school and university.
This is the bait tactic.
My strategy was reading my favourite book, waiting for someone to ask. Till this day, i have lasting friends because of that.
That last story is so relatable in friendships when the rose colored glasses comes off. Wish her the best & have faith that she’ll find genuine friends!
My toxic friendship ended when my bff found her first bf and she dropped me like a hot potato while trying to gaslight me that she wasn't ignoring me :D conveniently she never messaged me and would respond to my texts with a non-sequitur about herself maybe once a month so eventually I just stopped texting. I was never getting responses back and felt sad and tired sending texts into the void. I told her this multiple times btw and she never changed or apologized, just spewed more gaslighting at me.
Fun fact: it's been more than 10 years and she still blames me for "cutting her off" for "no reason" even though she stopped answering me first... And I told her how she was hurting me more than once...
Because when it comes to toxic people, there's never a "good enough" reason to cut contact in their eyes. Because they see you as the problem. You're there as an emotional punching bag for their convenience and entertainment. Don't sacrifice your dignity begging for scraps of kind behavior. Be polite if you have to see them in person, but don't feel obligated to engage with them directly.
Well said! Lots of emotional intelligence flowing through the comment section today 🌞
Was friends with a girl for 20 years of my life and had to cut her off when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. She told someone she was going to tell me they said they wished my kid would pass away so I would side with her in an argument. Realized in that moment how many of her lies I'd covered in the past and I couldn't trust her. Luckily, we have 0 mutuals anymore, so we don't run into each other. I won't lie and say it was easy and it doesn't affect me at times, but I have a toddler now and so much peace without that girl in my life, it's wild. Never sacrifice your peace for anybody.
She sounds like she is straight evil!! Who even thinks stuff like that, let alone says it out loud?!
Wow...
I appreciate the take on the quiet girl - as the quiet and weird girl in high school (legit won an award in one of my classes at the end of the year for being the quietest person in class, it was meant with love and I was not offended just saying) it’s hard to get people who want ton be friends and I sometimes feel like I go through life with only acquaintances. Some life circumstances lately have shown me that maybe that’s not all together true anymore but still. Some of us quiet ones are really nice and can be good friends but we are just shy and awkward and don’t k ow how to initiate a friendship
Yep "you're not talking" but they don't engage up in conversation or talk over us when do talk 😅
I just went to a baby shower and HAD to bring my toddler because my husband had a last minute job interview. I knew the mama to be wouldn’t have cared so I didn’t let anyone know beforehand that I had to bring her. I was super apologetic when I got there but she was so excited that I brought her and that I didn’t miss her baby shower because I had to bring my daughter. True friends wouldn’t cut you out for anything!
“You’re just a Shark in a Wig”. This encapsulates so many of the reasons that I love you, Char.
9:46 us introverted loners are lots of times some of the coolest people you'll meet. Just because someone is introverted or a loner does not mean that there's something wrong with them, it just means that they haven't found their tribe or their tribe aren't around right now.
High school never ends for some folks. Honestly, if I were that breast feeding mom, if someone told me the shower was “child-free,” I would have just said, “okay, have fun, I’ll mail you your present.” Like, I would genuinely assume they didn’t want me there.
What about the baby inside of her? How is she going to deal with that?😅
@@sunflowerbaby1853she just leaves the baby outside of the venue 💀 “I’ll put you back in later”
@@yasminc.melchor4377
🤣Great response❗️Hysterical❗️😁
I feel like there might be more to the story when she said someone else was allowed to bring their child.
I have been twice to baby showers and each time a ‘new mom’ made the shower about her baby. One time it was the bestie and one time it was the own sister.
Oh, no present at ALL! (F her!)
My MOH for my first wedding and I have never talked since the day we got married. Her dad made wedding cakes and offered to make ours as a gift. I offered to pay him and he said no. At our reception, she chewed us out for not paying him(???) and stomped out of the venue. I believe it was less than 28 seconds!
I would have told her, "Take it up with your dad!" and waved goodbye as she stomped out.
@@jacklow9611 that’s what we did! He was so embarrassed his daughter acted like that!
Tell the dad you gave her money for the cake to try and mend the friendship.
Helpfully, the dad will ask the daughter about the money, which she will claim she knows nothing about.
I used to make wedding cakes and also gave some for friends as gifts. I would always have someone come up and ask each time - did they pay you- being tacky! I would say oh they insisted but I wanted it to be a gift!! They would be….oh…well that was nice! Not your business people!
Moh???
I was the quiet introvert in high school. But because of this I ended up having a melting pot of different friends. From the super smart to the jocks. It is possible to have guy friends, know a lot of people and not need to flirt with everyone. Some of us introverts are just very chill and nice.
Same here. I actually had group of girls I was friends with and a group of boys that I was friends with. We all knew each other because it was a small town and we all went to the same school forever, they just weren't really friends with each other 😂
Yes we're basically the middle men for all cliques and groups. I did have 2 close friends, but many, many friendly acquaintances and hangouts and different activities with all kinds of kids
So much better for my neurodivergent brain 😅 I felt like having a panic attack yesterday lol
I actually only made it through ten minutes before I shut it off yesterday. 😢
@@frigid4real same hahaha
Same! I was getting anxious not knowing when the volume would shift. Thanks to Charlotte and the amazing team for addressing this!
Only video of our queen I wasn't able to finish cuz of ND brain.
Same, I turned it off after the first story as it was just way too over stimulating and gave me anxiety & I'm not even neuro spicy
I made it through yesterday, but I'm happy to watch it again. 💜
You're the best!
Yep, I had to finish cuz I needed my fix🎉😅
Same here! 😊
Me too.😂
Same I was at work watching this and I’m watching it again
Baby shower story 1. Normal to have infants at a babyshower. 2. You don’t get to dictate the environment of your own baby shower… That’s part of the deal, somebody host it for you. You are the guest of honor, but you don’t set up the party, including determining the guest list ironically
I feel really bad for the last lady. 🥺 Her “best friend” made it very clear that she’s no longer her friend. Just walk away, there doesn’t need to be anything more said or done. You’re a kind lady n will find a bestie who loves you back. 💖
We just had a baby shower for one of my besties. She's in her mid 30s and this will be her first boy after three girls. There were soooo many kids there. There must have been 50 people there and nearly half were children. Additionally, we had to talk my friend into even having a baby shower because she doesn't like being the center of attention. When it came time to opening gifts, she had all the kids do it instead. It was great.
What a fun idea!! It’s hard being the center of attention. Making kids do it? Haha - BRILLIANT.
That last story, she's being so sweet and respectful that it hurts.
Newborn babies go wherever the mom goes. There were several babies at the various baby showers I have been to. Wild.
Agreed! I wasn't leaving my newborn for anything!
My best friend used to always say “don’t take this the wrong way…” and then slightly insult me. Finally I had had enough and I told her “when you say that I’m immediately going to take it the wrong way.” She stopped and hasn’t done it since. Glad to know that our 30+ years of friendship didn’t have to end.
I agree ! It amazing that so called friends say “I don’t mean to offend you but..” then offend you. I worked with a young lady that did that speech a lot…I finally called her on it and told her how rude it was and she was hurting our group of ladies feelings. She stopped. I did say that to her once and she was so shocked !!! Amazing how unaware people can be.
@@arlenesmith7883”I don’t mean to offend you” okay, well I’m offended so what was your intent? Sometimes my neurodivergent brain comes up with the quickest deadpan quips that it knocks people off rhythm. Had two people well old enough to know better (both into their late 60s) talking smack about my clothing choices (back when it was low rise with stretch everywhere and I forgot my belt that day, running around after kids on the playground whilst they sat on their biddy butts). I came up behind them and they didn’t realize and when I realized they were talking about me, told them that it’s not nice to talk about other people behind their backs and then went off to go keep kids from breaking their noggins or beating each other with sticks. They were so startled, both of them sat silently for the rest of the recess time😂.
Yes, that's the same as no offense, but...[and then big offensive statement comes out]
Yep sometime you just need to let ppl know what they say or do isn't sitting right
9:17 I was the poor, weird, feral bookworm in my church youth group, and there was always a strong mutual hatred between me and the other girls in that group; but we were kind of stuck together several days a week, so there was nothing for it but to pretend to tolerate each other. But it dawns on me that I heard them comment multiple times that my parents were the "cool" parents, and that I was always very envious of their more posh lifestyles, and now it makes sense. We were all obsessed with each other the whole time. Ug, I DO NOT miss being 13.
Never heard of a a baby free baby-shower (never really heard of a “place to nurse” when you’re in a room full of women who are intimate friends /family. I’d probably say “oh no worries - I don’t need a special place to nurse - I can do it literally anywhere with a simple blanket).
Right?? I personally could not breastfeed with a blanket, my kids hated it. But I think I'm lucky in Australia, it's super common to just breastfeed wherever with no cover. I'm learning this is much less of a thing in the states.
Even with a blanket, my ex mother-in-law made me go to another room every time. Drove me crazy. I tried just staying put, explaining that if her God gave me boobs to feed my baby, perhaps we shouldn't be treating his gift as a sin.
😂 my ex husband got the punishment and told me not to make things worse for our visit lol
I don't think I was the a-hole.
Crazy!
@@TaraLeeGeethink it really depends on the type of event and setting. In Italy If it is like a close family and friends informal gathering then it’s pretty normal to simply find a comfy spot and breastfeed without leaving the party, on the other hand if the event is more formal and fancy (like a fancy wedding or something) then it’s appreciated if the breastfeed is done in privacy but really.. it only takes like a second room or an equipped bathroom (any wedding I’ve been to where there was someone with an infant there was a place equipped for breastfeeding and changing the baby bc that’s a thing as well). Seriously I’ve never heard this being such an issue lol
@@MB_Ghostie gross behaviour 😭😭. In contrast, at my church women happily breastfeed in the middle of services and meetings, with no cover. We're not a super progressive church or anything, either...
Yes, get rid of toxic people, as that kind of toxicity is contagious. It also makes you become jaded towards other people who genuinely are a good influence on your life.
Thanks for being here Charlotte when things are really bad for me. I count on you to make light of the horror show that is my life. I am so grateful for you!
That last comment about "she's your best friend, but you're not her's" hit me a bit ... but not like ...
I have a best friend of almost 20 years now. And during school I considered her my best friend, but she was a bit ... well having other friends she hung out more.
She was never actively calling me her best friend and I was kind of ok with it, cause she was still a really really good friend to me.
I made her my maid of honor and she did her part so amazingly.
Well, long story short, she turned 30 a few months ago and I was at the location before most of the other guests arrived (she had a really big party with 80+ guests) and as some family members and friends of her arrived, she introduced me in front of everyone as her best friend.
Yeah. And I almost cried. I was so happy hearing those words. Dang. Friendship is an amazing concept.
Lucky you. I have a long string of "best friends" that I was always second best with. But now I have my husband and he's my best friend and I'm his! Still would be nice to have a girl bestie someday, but not gonna hold my breath. Sometimes girls are just the worst!
I don´t know why, I was expecting a bad ending. I am so glad for you, it warmth my heart🙏🏼💖
@@lizajane2971 I am so happy for you and your husband. That counts for a lot and it’s very important. I still dream about this ;-) Yes, girls can be very mean, sadly.
A good friend always shuts that shit down. Always.
I'm so grateful to be far away from high school and all the petty drama. I'm so blessed to have adult women as friends now.
I was the quiet introvert in school and it was hell. Depression and severe anxiety led to being a very closed off person. This led to feeling isolated and being isolated made me prime target for teasing/bullying, making my depression & anxiety worse. It was a horrible feedback loop. So glad my mom signed me out early & homeschooled me. I basically got to run my own education since I actually liked learning 😁 I got to start college early & did much better there!
I'm the quiet, shy, weird, autistic girl but I'm the one who the toxic extrovert decided to befriend. she tried to turn me into her "project" dragging me everywhere she went. She always redid my hair and makeup, I wasn't allowed to pick movies we watched, I couldnt listen to the music i like, etc. she never liked anything I liked. I said nothing for over a year until I started avoiding her because she made me feel like everything was wrong with me.
That "friendship" still affects my view of myself as not worthy of friendship since I'm weird.
Thank goodness I married my best friend, my husband makes me feel I'm worthy everyday😊😋
This made me tear up.
I used to always befriend kids who were alone because I always was before that time. I ended up creating a lil group of misfits that had seemingly nothing in common besides that. It opened us up to so much more. We learned a lot about each other. We learned things we never would have had we not met.
I still miss them. Some have sadly passed since - way too young.💔 Some I'm still friends with.
But as extroverted as I am. I've always been a loner. My husband is my best friend too.
I find it hard to get close to anyone else.
I became an introvert after going into depression as a high school freshmen. Still am an introvert, but I'm planning to get therapy.
You ARE worthy!
😞
@@DarkWolf259YT
Please do, you deserve to be happy!
Fyi, being an introvert isn't a bad thing, and depression doesn't cause a person to become an introvert (it's a whole different thing). I'm an introvert and have several friends - I just need to be alone for a while every day.
The best way I've heard it explained is; extroverts get fueled up by a party. Introverts get their fuel by leaving the party.
I hope this helps ❣️
Hugs to you!
I have a friend like the first girl. Except with her, EVERY half-decent guy was her new crush. And if I so much as looked at him she would find an excuse to pull me away or end the conversation. I started feeling isolated and alone because of her need to be the only one in the spotlight.
My now-bf had to literally demand that she let him talk to me so that he could ask me out the first time. I'm so lucky to have found someone that was prepared to practically bulldoze through her to get to me, because I didn't realize how isolated I was until someone started showing me the love that I had been missing for so long.
Most "quiet" girls i know are either dealing with social anxiety or don't like to talk to strangers. Same with the weird girls. Usually they're "weird" because they're neurodivergent, not because they're crazy and manipulative
I was the "weird" one in high school -- much more concerned about what was going on in the world rather than who was going with who to the football game.
I was lucky to run around with mature adults all of whom had my back unconditionally).
Yeah, I was always the weird girl at school, didn’t figure out I was ND until 18 and already at uni 😂
That's me. :D
Yea I just wanted to be left alone. I had a small group of friends that I cared about and that’s it. It’s pretty much the same now lol.
I also had the opposite problem where an extroverted person pretended to be my friend and spread rumors about me and bullied me
I was the weird girl in high school. I'm now 28 yo and was diagnosed on the spectrum a couple of months ago during my 3rd pregnancy. All my life suddenly made a lot more sense
As a recovering people pleaser, ending a friendship was a huge task for me. I had been friends with that woman for my entire life, but the straw that broke the camels back was a text calling me a bad friend for not talking to her as much as she wanted. I absolutely lost it. My father was in the hospital with covid, and I was terrified I was going to lose him. She started off so aggressively and felt like a pile of shit when I told her what I was dealing with. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. " Was her response, and that was it for me. She couldn't see how absolutely self-centered of her it was to start a message with calling me a bad friend instead of checking in first. A simple "Hey, I haven't heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?" Nope. Immediately jumped down my throat about how I hadn't been giving her any of my time. I ended that friendship with a quickness. She tried reaching out to me multiple times since then because she realized how badly she fucked up. I asked her nicely to stop. I told her that I hold no ill will for her, and I hope she prospers in life. Just not at my table. 🤷♀️
Hhnk🎉🎉🎉🎉😂🥰☺️😜👀😭❤😘👀
Introverts usually get adopted by extroverts, it was at least this way with every friendship i ever had. They protected me, were funny, kind and that was enough for me...
Yup. My BFF is an extrovert
I cut a 10yrs old friendship cold turkey. I have been there for her thru everything.Including her 3 pregnancies with 3 dudes, even when her parents did not support her. She said I was after her baby daddy #3 ( who was and still is my landlord).She once had an event where she invited a bunch of friends and family and nobody and I mean NOBODY, including her family showed up but me. We had a friend in common that she screwed over as well. That friend is still my best friend to this day.
Be good to yourself. I have had 'friends' take advantage of me, my time, my money, ugg. I'm not wealthy but comfortable and married. She was always offering barter chiropractic services for things but never came through. Just had to bail. I like my own company.
@@lotstodo How do you "End" the friendship with someone like that? I'm asking b/c I *really* need advice on how to end a friendship with someone that I just found out its like this!
You said 3 babies 3 baby daddies 😂😂😂
@LilDevyl17 Well, she decided she was an anti vaxxer at the beginning of Covid, but that and the lock down gave the opportunity to stay away from her. I pretty much ghosted her which I'm not proud of, but the pandemic made it possible. Good luck, it's hard to do nicely.
@@LilDevyl17I realize you didn’t ask me and hope I’m not being rude.
The easiest way to end friendships like that is figure out what that person is getting from you that keeps them invested in you. Then stop that.
Are you a listening ear? Cut short conversations.
Are you super supportive? Start giving hard advice.
Money? Stop spending it.
Whatever it is that they are leaching out of you, don’t give it to them. You don’t have to have a drawn out discussion or line in the sand to end a friendship. Just starve the leach.
Also, no is a full sentence.
Jazz section finally in the back of the room. Or even the next room over.
WHERE SHE BELONGS
@@CharlotteDobreshe's still beautiful though! 😂❤
Sitting in the corner, silently tooting their trumpet.
so glad for the reupload!!
Yay! Can hear you!!!🎉🎉🎉
That first girl is awesome. And she’s just WOW with her makeup!
(Also, I love your edits and the little cut to your fingers anxiously awaiting that friendship ending text 🥰)
"Your controlling me idiot" had my clapping and laughing so hard!!! Love your inner monolog!!!
First video, “friends” who purposely make you feel left out are so irritating. They are the reason some people (like me) struggle with trust issues and setting boundaries. Good for her for cutting that toxic friend off. Thanks for the fix Charolette
We can hear your beautiful voice again!!! Love your videos girlie. Thank you for all you do!!!❤❤
Omg you’re almost at 2 Million!! I can’t even!! Hope u get there asap!! Love you
Petty potatoes ASSEMBLE!!!! Love you, Charlotte!
I read this as pretty potatoes haha
Hahaha... i can see that!
@@ceceelizabeth527same😂😂😂
Instructions unclear. I am now a pile of tater tots.
I find the one about baby showers so confusing. I'm over 60 now, but when I was 23 & had my 1st child I was fortunate enough to have a couple of baby showers. One was just friends & another one was from my church family. Y'ALL, there were babies & toddlers there & I WAS IN HEAVEN! I spent more time holding & playing with the little ones than paying attention to the adults & it was GLORIOUS! Nobody minded because who doesn't want their children fawned over? Both showers were raging successes & absolute stress free events...........for me, at least. Some people just need to get over themselves, enjoy life, & stop making everyone else miserable. But to be fair, I'd rather spend time with little ones than adults most of the time anyways. I always wanted to be a mom & kids are just so open & honest. You never have to guess whether or not they like you. Trust me. They will tell you point blank. I find that to be such a breath of fresh air.
Not charlotte spiraling talking to Sharklotte 😂😂😂
Really shows the fleeting nature of friendships and human connections in general, in how they can quickly sour.
I feel like most friendships (and guys I've dated too) are not meant to last, but we have them to teach us something. Do you have any idea how many friendships I've had to break off due to them being either dysfunctional, or toxic, abusive, or taking advantage of me? Probably something like 20 at this point. The lesson I had to learn was to trust my gut, and start to value myself. When you are so fed up with peoples bullshit that you just say to yourself "Fuck it! I rather be single and friendless for the rest of my life then ever dating or befriending another manipulative abuser type". The aura you give off will determine what kinds of people you attract. I was a magnet for shady people in the past, that's why it kept happening.
I found that my true friends will put the effort into talking to me, I had a best friend for years but I realized she never put in the effort first, it's now been like 4 years since we messaged each other but she still pops up at friends events and we get along oka it's just more about equivalent exchange of effort for me
This hits the spot right there. My whole life I have thought I had good friends(just a few) but to them I realized I was not good enough. I realized this 10 years after I move to another town and to another country not a single of them had interest to keep in touch enough. Some of them even visit the city I live(seen on social media) and they don't even think about contacting me. So, the thing here is, when you are over 35 and realize this, its game over, since guess what, people don't get friends in this age, they already have friends. So people make sure you hang out with right people in right age 😅.
I befriended the “weird girl” in elementary school. She asked for her 8th birthday to not get any presents, but for people to donate cat food and toys to her local animal shelter. I remember hanging out with her after school and we would order off the dollar menu at McDonald’s and that was their big treat of the week - the only time they ate out. I remember being conscious at the time that we were more affluent than her but literally not caring because she was so kind and smart. Through me hanging out with her, people started accepting her into their groups. I’m not taking credit, I just think they literally didn’t notice her before. I remember she called me out when I was gossiping about a kid I knew she didn’t like either and it really made me think - even to this day. I remember she also made me go tell another kid that I lied to them when the lie was a little white lie and so inconsequential. I had a crush on the guy I lied to, but I told him anyway and we ended up becoming really close. I befriended a guy in that class too that everyone thought was weird because he was so effortlessly smart - like probably genius level. He used to explain calculus to the teacher in order for the teacher to help her son with his homework. We were in 3rd grade. We’re still social media friends now (I moved) and he is a pretty successful music producer and his stuff is really good!
In middle school, I befriended the “weird girl” but this chick was really into witchcraft and making potions. I’m a Christian, but I never thought that meant I only had to be friends with Christians. I remember her making a love potion out of weeds from the soccer field and tricking the guy she liked into eating it and he spit it out and didn’t fall in love with her and she was so mad. I was kinda nervous around her after that 😅
I befriended the “weird girl” in high school and she was really into Wicca stuff idk. I remember her telling me that she desperately wanted to have my brother’s babies. That was a lil uncomfy. Then she disappeared one year and I asked her other friend what happened and it turned out she snapped one day and tried to kill her parents and was in jail.
My brother befriended the “weird girl” in high school but he was the “weird guy” and they are now married and had their first child yesterday. Baby is super cute and I’m very excited to be an aunt. Also I LOVE my sister-in-law way more than that weird girl who’s still in jail so… happy ending 😂
Thank you for the story! literally sounds straight out of a movie. Congratulations for being a aunt🎉❤
As for stories, you have no idea how much of a book series of short stories GOLD MINE you have here.
If you don't already write, you should.
Just draw heavily on what you remember and go for it.
I was interested in "potential plot twists" from the 1st paragraph.
Hey, I'm deadass serious.
It's literally my spiritual job to encourage others the moment I see their assignments.
" #Go_4_It and when you win, say #I_Knew_It ." -- Tevin Campbell, "Round N Round" (Prince and The NPG)
I'm a writer and writing professor. Could be a memoir. "The Weird Kid" is a solid title, and the murder girl complexifies the theme. It's not, every weird person I befriended turned out to be awesome and misunderstood. That girl WAS weird (and dangerous). But I doubt it changed your outlook on social pressure never determining who you befriend. I'm also interested in why YOU consistently sought out the outsider. It says something about you more complex than kindness and acceptance. Maybe you were inherently intrigued by people who aren't basic. And how did those friendships change you and how you perceived the risk of being different or the value of knowing people who have different values and life experiences? Growing up, we tend to befriend those who live closest and are closest to who we are. We befriend our neighbors, kids who share our interests, proximity is the number one determinant, to the point that you are more likely to be friends with the girl who lives across the hall from you in college than who lives down the hall. These kids were outside your proximity in every respect. I'd also be interested to know how those relationships impacted them and how they thought of them at the time. It's a solid idea because it's not self indulgent. You're just the common thread in a series of "weird kids" who were all different in different ways, ranging from class to intelligence, religion, and mental health. You're honestly making ME want to write this as a novel! My brain is mapping out the structure, characters, and I'd personally use point of view shifts to see "the weird kids" from insider/outsider perspectives. Unsure if it's adult or YA, since it could potentially help a younger audience of readers. (Don't worry; I'm not a thief.) But I agree; strong material and that's just based on the limited detail of a TH-cam comment. Let me know if you want to discuss this further. The creative writing teacher in me is intrigued. I taught at Purdue University for 10 years, and just left to finalize my scholarly book, but have a creative collection close also. This is genuinely what I do for a living. I agree with previous commenter.
@@CrownedOne919 I agree with you and even tried to map it out a bit. She should go for it. You're a good person.
Wtf was this mess
I learned a long time ago that if you are the only one reaching out then it’s not a friendship. Also that it’s ok to be the person who doesn’t reach out. I call it “the fade away” and you just minimize your contact more and more until they get the hint or you are left alone. Friendship is supposed to be equal footing. But there are people out there who are users or mentally ill that refuse to get treatment and you don’t need to have that in your life. Those people are draining your limited resources, be it emotionally, psychically, financially or otherwise.
Next time they decide to pick a fight just say “I think this friendship has run its course. I’m not your personal whipping boy and not your personal trauma dumpster. Straighten your shit out bc that not acceptable.” Then block their ass.
I had a friend that would constantly talk about herself and her problems and not listen to anything I had to say, as a matter of fact, she would b&tch at me when I'd give her the advice she would ask for. Finally I had enough and put her in her place. She apologized and I thought that was that. No. She started again a week later and I ghosted her. This lasted a few months until a few weeks ago when she texted again, started the same bs. I ignored her, blocked her, and now I feel so much better. Moral of the story...find people who give you as much as you give them. Don't settle for anything less ❤
That "weird girl" hit home in a big way.
My oldest daughter made friends with everyone, didn't matter what people thought of them she would always seek them out and try to become friends. She believed there was good in everyone, everyone was worthy of friendship.
She started telling me about a shy, quiet girl she befriended. Everyday recounting stories of their antics and the friendships the girl was building with her and others.
One morning the police called as I headed off to work... It appears my daughter was on a list that my daughter's 'friend' had made with two boys. They planned on bringing weapons to school that day (two duffle bags were already packed in the car trunk of one of the boys.) and 'taking out' several students, my daughter topped that list.
I am thankful everyday for the child brave enough to report the three and saved all these children.
What the fffff? That's scary.
That’s crazy. I like your daughter - we’re a lot alike. I try very hard to make sure everyone has a friend. One guy in high school was a “weird kid” and I would talk to him fairly often since we were in the same class. I remember he would tell me about how he wanted to blow up the cici’s pizza he worked at but he was always joking and I never took it seriously until one day he mentioned something specific. I don’t know how to describe it and I didn’t then either but like an “ingredient” in a bomb? It was too specific for my comfort and I remember being absolutely terrified but I tried to as casually as possible mention it to the principal who I worked with as an aide one period. I thought if he seemed freaked out, it was an issue, and if he didn’t, then it was probably a joke and everything was fine. The kid asked me out to homecoming between telling me about the cici’s thing and me talking to the principal and I said no to every guy at the time because I was scared of dating but I felt like I had to have an excuse with this guy. So I told him I was very sad I couldn’t but I had a funeral out of town that weekend. I don’t remember how it happened but after I mentioned the “joke” to the principal, they searched his locker or something and found he had a hit list. I was on it - I think for saying no to the dance. Never saw him again except for a mug shot on Facebook a few years later.
WHAT THE ACTUAL F?
🫂
@@theexploraholic I am so dang sorry that happened to you too! Scary AF, my daughter was shocked as she truly believed they had become friends.
Turned out those three kids were responsible for a series of small explosions in the community as well.
oh man that last one has me in tears, reminding me of my best friend who I haven't talked to in years
The third girl's video gave me whiplash. I felt like I was on the wildest roller coaster ride of my life. 🎢
When I was younger (mid 20's) someone asked me if I knew what a best friend really was. Of course I gave the usual answer, which was...
"Someone who is always there when you need them."
He said "Nope."
A best friend is someone that you are there for whenever they need.
Makes total sense to me now.
SHARKLOTTE IS BACK!!! Idk why I think the puppet is the funniest reoccurring joke but she cracks me up 😂
16:41 I cannot explain how much this describes me when I was in high school. I had one friend who was very toxic and I always had a major RBF. Didn’t get any new friends until 3 years later, I was free of said toxic friend and started becoming more of myself and being happier and way easier to approach.
Thank you all for fixing the audio, mamas. Especially with your busy schedule!
I cut toxic people out often. One of my problems was always knowing when their behavior crossed over from the “flawed but still my good friend” to the “fake friend” area. Most of the time there isn’t a big situation that will allow you a ‘valid’ reason to leave. You just have to bow out. Limit contact, stop thinking of them as a friend, maybe talk to other friends to see if they can help you, etc. If you hang out with them all the time, you’ve got to find ways to distance yourself. It depends on the situation you’re in, but over time they’ll get the idea
I've only completely cut out 2 in my life. One went full blown psycho, I was literally afraid she might harm me. She was accusing me of ridiculous things and had been parked in front of my house for hours. The other one just kept playing the victim card even though I could count on her to back out almost every time we had plans.I then got a novella, by text of what a piece of shit I was and being accused of being a thief. I give a lot of leeway because nobody is perfect but, yeah. Blocked forever.
@@andreabradley5837 I feel you. one girl would crap talk me to her boyfriend who was also my friend, and after they broke up he told me EVERYTHING. She was very narcissistic and to this day tries to text me to ‘see how I’m doing’ because her last friend group kicked her out.
I have never felt so grateful that every single friend I have is supportive, kind, and loving. 😍
I was ignored by everyone in my sunday school class for 6-7 years up until we moved. Not only that, they ignored me (8-14 years old at the time) in regular school too even though we had all known each other since pre-school. NOT ONLY THAT but this one girl who was kind of their ringleader would still invite me over to her house to hang out together and because I was desperate for validation, I would accept her invites. Thanks for the social anxiety, attachment anxiety, and rejection sensitivity 😊
After becoming an introvert, I turned into the 'shy and quiet' kid in high school. My big brother was the polar opposite, a pure social butterfly. He made making friends and casually talking look easy for me, but I never acted on it due to feeling so emotionally down and stuck in my own 'misery'.
It was like middle school ended and high school started, all trances of my extrovert personality changed completely. I'd known one school campus for three years, but to now have to get to know a larger and fresh one, was too much for me. I nearly missed one of my classes on the first day because the classroom number wasn't confirmed.
If I hadn't asked a lunch supervizer what class room that class was going to be in, I would've missed that class (the paper said it was in 'Admin'). I also mixed up first and second lunch and ended up very late to algebra, also on the first day. Thankfully my teacher wasn't mad as some students made that mistake now and then.
The reason I was late and mixed up the two lunch period? I didn't bring my effing glasses and tried to read the wall screen through a lot of 'fog'. So now I'm a heavy introvert, have friend issues/trust problems and probably seperation anxiety.
@DarkWolf259YT I’m so sorry. Ik the feeling of uncertainty, feeling like you can’t talk to people, and feeling uncomfortable in different spaces.
I am so sorry this happened! Sunday school should be the opposite of that. You are always welcome to my Sunday school and we can always be friends ❤
Yeah... I can finally hear my potato queen LOUD & CLEAR 😍
I have recently cutoff friendship with someone who I used to think was my friend by
1. Leaving all the gc that she was in.
2. Unfollowing them on all social media platforms.
3. Since we were in the same hobby, it was inevitable to see her so everytime I do, I just act like normal and just not really initiate conversation with her unless needed.
4. I try my best to not be left alone in any place where I had to interact with her myself. I make sure I'm surrounded by people who can interact with her as I try to pretend she doesnt exist.
So yeah. Stress free and happy so far. 😊
I have a toxic person I used to be a good friend to. They made me believe I was the only sister in law that was nice to them. They would, once in a while, make it out that I was trying to hurt them and/or their favorite sister. I never tried to hurt either one of them. I would cry, apologize, try to figure out what I needed to do different. Finally, as I was reaching out for help with trying to understand this woman someone said they sounded like a covert narcissist. I started looking into covert narcissism. It took a while of digging for me to find people who were describing my situation as religious cerebral covert narcissism is kind of slippery. I began to yellow rock them and ignore their attitudes. They finally got so mad at me they confronted me and I stood my ground. I kept thinking about what I had learned, I am stronger than them and they are a coward. I held my own and they finally went from mud slinging to bawling about how they never get enough sleep. It was a soppy apology, but because they still held quite a bit of sway over my husband I forgave them. The matter would have been dropped there except that since I had shown strength and did not let them walk all over me they now had a narcissistic injury. They went to my husband and told him a bold faced lie about me which made him unhappy with me. The whole drama stretched out for four months and it finally ended when my husband threatened to stop fellowshiping with them because we could not get along. They instantly stopped as we were one of her main sources of "supply". She gave me the silent treatment.
It has been a year since this blow up and I am healing. I do not entrust myself to this person and do not invite them over anymore. My husband invites them over. When they come I am as polite a hostess as you ever met, but I do not ever share anything that means something to me. I keep it all superficial. They are trying to rope me in again(hoovering, future faking) and make mention of how things used to be, but I am done.
My husband is starting to see that she is off in her reasoning and said we might move away if need be. I would like that.
If need be? Yup. Need be has happened. If you guys can move, I highly recommend it. I'm glad your husband is coming to his senses.
So sad that this happened to you!! Narcissist are so horrible! You can never please them no matter what!!my MIL was a narcissist, I was her target. Thank goodness we lived in another state and I only had to mainly deal with her for one week a year ( vacation). You did exactly the right thing !! You will be happier if you move away for their drama! It will NEVER stop or go away, they just work harder to pull you in so they can be the victim again!!
Wow Charlotte! You and your team are truly such kind people. It was so nice of you to repost this video for us. You didn't have to do that but you did. I can't thank you enough for being so kind and considerate. This is why we love you. We are so lucky to have the whole team!
😂😂
Yeah, but I think we should have been getting a new video today
@@ashleystrand997 If I remember correctly, she can't today at least.
@ashleystrand997 I could be wrong but I think this video was originally posted yesterday, so we wouldn't have gotten a new one today. But we should tomorrow. The last video was 3 days ago. And then this one was reposted from yesterday.
Second girl made it knownnnn she knows a lot of people and had a lot of friends LMAO
Thank you for reuploading this without the horrible audio. I simply couldnt finish watching the video before. Now I can. :D Yay!
Been rewatching old videos because they help me unwind. ❤
🗣️ *JUST PREORDERED THE “WE MOVE IN THE SHADOWS” TEE, I AM SO EXCITED!!! THANK YOU CHARLOTTE!!! I CANT WAAAIIIIIT!!!* ❤😅😁😆
Oh my God Charlotte, when you talked about walking around with a stank face and not understanding why nobody talked to you, that was ME TOO. For YEARS. It DOES come from a deep-seated insecurity, which is a very unhelpful and counter-productive side effect haha
First story mimicked my "friends" in elementary school and junior high. They faded to the background in high school and I haven't seen them since. It makes me sad when I think about how I was treated back then. Never again!
It’s because you’re LOYAL. That’s why it’s difficult to end any kind of relationship
How about we stop calling introverts weird...
No I love being weird it helps people avoid me which is an introverts goal
I love being called weird better than crazy which bullies like to do something absurd in every moral aspects for nothing or for their entertainment.
@@JeanetteClifford no one says weird is bad. What I mean as an introverted myself with an mbti of Intj. And being on the introverted scale a 100%. Not all of us act that way. I am not trying to be weird that people don't talk to me. If u wanna be edgy go for it. But putting all of us in that category isn't true nor right
@@JeanetteClifford and no. It's not an introverts goal to keep people away. Our goal is to find people who understand our personality on every level without making us feel guilty
Having an exclusive limit on people doesn't make us weird. Certain personalities actually drain my patience and tolerance. I think they may exude too much carbon dioxide with their excessive talking and my brain shuts down unnecessary functions like listening. I prefer my peaceful silence.
the last one just saved herself a Christmas card and a stamp.
when you watch charlotte so much that her videos are the only ones that pop up on my home page now😂💜
I have a toxic best friend for over 20 years. She never apologized when she’s wrong and just blame me for being mad. I cut her out of my life a year ago and I’m so happy I did that and now with all my friends around me, treat me so good and realize that I was in the fog all these time. ❤🎉
My youngest is on the spectrum, and even as a tiny baby would rather starve than eat or touch certain things. I had to use my lunch hour to go to the childcare and nurse him as he would not touch a rubber nipple and the sitter finally said she couldn't take him crying all afternoon if I didn't come and nurse him myself. That person was for sure using the issue of nursing to make a point about something else. I've never understood people who get all pissy about something but won't just tell you what is bothering them, when the "friend" being honest would have saved them both time and aggrevation.
Amen! Her so called best friend certainly was not !! This poor girl is beside herself asking what to do !! Write her off your list of friends first thing!!!
So appreciative of the re-upload! Ty
When I cut a toxic friend out I 100% just dipped out. We were close through college, but in our junior year I noticed she was reaching out to me only when she needed something. I didn't notice it at first, and one of my other friends actually pointed it out to me. She would reach out to me when she needed emotional support, she would be jealous of me for being friends with any man, or saying hi to any guy I had classes with and was terribly boy crazy. Kind of like the girl in the third story!! She didn't have a car and would reach out after not speaking to me for weeks for a ride. Finally I just felt hurt, felt the relationship fall apart. I actually didn't hear from her for a month, and decided I just wanted to end it and blocked her on everything and never said anything about it. I have never known such peace.
Theatrics top notch in this one Charlotte!! 😂
The arguments between Charlotte and Sharklotte are my fave 😂
In 2020, I slowly dropped one of my childhood friends (my sisters bff). I went on a spiritual retreat and found out she had been trying to hook up with the guy I'd been seeing. We were in our mid-30s back then. She was a single mom, and my sister and I would hang out with her every evening. It now made sense why she would ask how J and I were doing. He didn't know we were friends. I stopped seeing her stories on IG and focused on healing. She was upset I was not looking at her stories, and she told my sister that her friendship meant she had to be loyal to her (my sister), not me. She clearly doesn't understand friendship. It was hard not being part of her son's life anymore, but I had to be true to myself and honor myself. I like having peace. I never really told her I'm ending the relationship, I just pulled back, and she eventually deleted me from all social media. She knew I knew. No need to talk about it out loud.