Gay (March 23, 2017) (07 11 2024)

Gay (March 23, 2017).
Filmed July 11, 2024.
My Email:
Mar 23, 2017, 12:00 PM
I used to wonder what was wrong with me.
The kids in middle and high school would repeatedly call me gay in a critical way. It made phobic and shameful.
Circa 2009/2010, I was very confused and unsure about my sexuality.
I used to fear people knew I was "gay". At work, at school, even at home. And I felt such shame, it made me want to avoid socialization and hide by myself.
I wound up repeatedly saying to my Mom that I'm gay. I was trying to get a burden off of my shoulders. She acted like it was a major crisis.
This was prior to my hospitalizations in 2011.
My fear of being "gay" fizzled out over time. Now I see it’s not a big deal. In fact, I think I'm a little bisexual.
Even present day, 2017, I still get uncomfortable in social situations. Let's say I'm hanging out with my guy friends, and there is an uncomfortable moment. I begin to get "tizzy" and fear I'm coming across "gay". I begin to fear he knows I'm "gay", I feel weak. But it's really just an uncomfortable moment. I'm projecting what I feel about myself on him.
Dr. Garrett's Email:
Mar 23, 2017, 12:25 PM
Yes, I think this is an example of projecting your fears of being gay into imagining what someone else is thinking, with no solid evidence for your inference. Another thing to ponder. When the word "gay" occurs to you, what precisely do you mean? It might be a helpful exercise to first define what it means to be "gay" then see how precisely you meet that definition. For example, a conservative definition of a gay man might be a man who has ongoing sexual fantasies about men that occur over the course of the day in a variety of settings as he encounters other men, an no such fantasies about woman. Ongoing relationships with men that involve sex (rather than women), where masturbatory fantasies are not about women, but rather about men. What is your criteria for being "gay"? What criteria do you meet?
My Email:
Mar 23, 2017, 12:39 PM
To me, gay means being more sexually attracted to men than women.
Sometimes when I masturbate. I like to fantasize about older men. And I fantasize I am the “womanly” person. Submissive.
And I used to feel such shame over possibly being “gay”.
However, I think I’m just bisexual. Because I’m attracted to women too.
In fact, I’ve only had “in person” sex with women (no men).