Timestamps: 1. Why therapists don’t just TELL US when they can see something in our story that we don’t see ourselves? 3:44 2. How would you identify the line between worrying or being anxious about something (where it would help you prepare in a good or productive way) and being too anxious where it would be... 19:07 3. Hi Kati, Any tips for dealing with rumination? My anxious brain NEVER EVER RESTS. 25:41 4. Do you have any advice for how to get into the habit of living like a productive functioning adult? 32:50 5. Do you think there are some jobs that are magnets for people who struggle with mental health? 40:55 6. How can I stop letting other people's opinion of me affect my emotions? 44:12 7. Have you ever dealt with someone who deals with chronic suicidality? Suicide has been in my thoughts nearly since I can remember as well, altering between passive and active thinking throughout my life 54:37 8. People always used to describe me as outgoing and overall v social. but ever since I started struggling with depression, I have become socially very VERY awkward. 1:04:27 9. How do I help a friend deal with a significant amount of self-hate? They take every opportunity to but themself down to the point where they have had a near suicide event. 1:09:58 10. I'm still trying to get an understanding of the whole transference thing. I was wondering what your answer is about transference in the therapeutic relationship when the therapist is the same sex as the client? 1:12:42
I love that you talked a little bit about ‘high functioning’ depression. Sometimes I feel invalidated because I do all the things like sleep well, get out of bed despite not wanting to face the day, take a shower daily, go to work full time, go to school. When asked by, for example, a psychiatrist if I have trouble of doing any of those things, I seem normal because I just live my life on autopilot, but with depression. Makes me feel like a fraud. My outward actions are a mask for the inward sadness.
When my stepmom got diagnosed with cancer, she went from being a hustle "I'll sleep when I'm dead" productive person, to being able to do very little because of a lack of energy. She and a friend began celebrating the little things like she'd text her friend and say "I fed the dogs" and they'd celebrate that she got that done! Sometimes with mental health its the same way if we are struggling just getting up and showering and making our bed is a huge accomplishment! I love your podcast Kati!
I think a video on depression among healthcare workers would be awesome. As a student nurse I see the problem everywhere plaguing students and professionals alike.😥💙
“I’m an empathic bad-ass” is such a self-empowering thing for Kati to say, I might be getting second-hand empowered from it. So apt; I affirm this statement
It was late, I was exhausted, I couldn’t stop playing out possible scenarios (negative ones), my normal go-to get out of my cycle wasn’t working, I told my bf I was having a hard time with it and asked him to help me distract me, he started having me repeat tongue twisters and within a few minutes I was laughing and giggling and thinking of how grateful I was that he was there to help me ❤️
For question 5- I remember when I was in undergrad (2013-2017), being taught in my Abnormal Psych class that the top 5 careers that also had the highest suicide rates were: 1. Social worker 2. Psychologist 3. Dentist. 4. Psychiatrist 5. Doctor (in general). I'm not 100% sure if this was the order- I remember social worker being first, being surprised that psychiatrists weren't higher on the list, and also being shocked that dentists were there in general. It's very interesting to think about.
Re: suicidal feelings. Here's how I have dealt with it. I know that suicide is my "default." Whenever I have strong feelings, all I tend to recognize is I feel suicidal. That's my sign that there are feelings underneath I need to dig out. I don't have to think it means I have to kill myself, take action. "Suicidal" is a feeling just like fear, anger, guilt, shame. (In fact I usually figure out shame is underneath.) I have promised myself I will never hurt my body period. Angst about that done. No more should I or shouldn't I. (Which btw, if you are asking yourself that, in my mind you are not 100% so the answer is always no.) And I have talked to my therapist about it. You have to. I told her from day one suicide was my default and it didn't mean I was going to kill myself. It meant basically that I was overwhelmed with feelings and let's stop and figure it out. I tell her not to take my feelings as less serious, because I sometimes fear that could flip me - buy I also told her that for sure when I felt in danger of the real deal, I would let her know. And I do. Right now with covid and I've been home alone for 4 months having just had 2 serious deaths in my family and an episode of breast cancer since Dec - one my mom of covid, of course I'm stressed. That's a LOT! Of course I'm feeling like "this may not end well" for me but we are talking about it. And I know what I'm feeling under the circumstances, is normal. And well, yeah, grief! Hope this helps even tho it's long. Basically, suicidal is an adjective, a description, not a verb, not an action. It describes how you feel not what you "need to do." Talk about it!
I think feeling suicidal is a feeling for me. Or my defense mechanism maybe. I totally relate that feeling suicidal is my default. I'm not raging to go kill myself right then and there. I guess for me, it's just me running back into the closet to hide. It's a little more nuanced than that, but I can see it being anything other than actively seeking how to die
Thank you, that’s very interesting! Und bist du deutsch? Du hast einmal Angst (autocorrectur) geschrieben und ich freue mich immer, wenn ich andere Deutsche finde.
After reading a few other answers, and hearing yours, I have a few new thoughts on question 5. I had actually started college in the fine arts, and I would argue that's another field that 'attracts' certain types of people. I think jobs that involve working directly with someone as a means to help or serve someone else draw empaths or the rescuer types. This would include first responders, medical field, teachers, most not-for-profits, and religious institutions. I think the other jobs would be ones of creating or self-expression, like visual art, music, theater, writing, culinary arts etc. ......I'm even more curious on this now than ever
Yay new episode! Also, I think the episodes are getting better and better quality wise, both with sounds and with you developing your “podcast voice” :)
i feel like the vet industry attracts a lot of people with mental issues maybe because being with animals or helping animals brings them some comfort. I work in the vet industry and Ive met a handful of people with self-harm scars and past or present depression experiences, myself included.
Thank you so much for diving into all that about suicide, it's so important to talk about it, and it's so difficult to deal with being suicidal and opening up about it when everyone will just go "you need to be sectioned", "suicide is never an option" or just freak out, and it's difficult to find useful material on it online as well. Maybe you could do another video about that. I watched at least one you made before, but I'd like to see more. Some things that I would like to hear your thoughts on are when you know that, yes, you may/will/can get better at some point (which is what everyone always says), but how will you hold on until then? And when the "knowledge" that suicide is a way out, is something that helps you manage to live one more day, or one more hour. In my toughest periods I used to think that "I can live today, cause if things get too bad I can self harm, and if that doesn't help, I can commit suicide". It might sound paradoxical, but both sh and su was like a supporting and comforting hand to hold on to.
I completely understand wanting a client to figure things out on their own but sometimes it's good to have things suggested to them, like Kati mentioned. Before I came to terms with my trauma and abuse, I had an idea of what had happened but I didn't know if it was right or if it was "bad enough" to be considered what it was. It would've been nice if I had a therapist who validated my thoughts rather than only sympathising and I probably would've come to the conclusion a lot quicker, especially since people can doubt themselves a lot. It wasn't until I read about other people's experiences calling it for what it was that I realised I was right.
As someone who struggles with mental health, I can confirm that people who struggle with mental health are seemingly more drawn to jobs in which they can help others. A few of my friends and myself (who have mental health issues) want to become therapists/psychologists so we can help others who are like us and have struggled.
Thank you for talking about hustle culture. Living with ASD and ADHD in a society that glorifies and values productivity above all else is so, so hard!
Dentists, in my experience, are sticklers for fine detail. It is a positive trait in that career. But as a Vocational Rehabilitation counselor I worked with a lot of people across many fields, and you can ( although cautiously) find similarities in personality as it relates to career choice. In the case of someone in a job demanding precision in detail, if they also have rigid ways of thinking or act on impulse. Mental health problems may result.
Kati, to the "letting go" aspect: The way I understood it what is meant is letting go of trying to fix the situation and accepting it as is rather than just letting go of all emotions. So are you to listen to your anxious voice telling you you need to fix something or else it's gonna be really bad or rather just focus on calming your emotions and let go of trying to fix it. So I'll try to give an example of how this could be really relevant to know: Say you are working on an application for a job and it's really stressing you out. And you notice how you are getting some of these worrying thoughts. And now you don't know: Are you going to try to continue and risk getting lost in your worrying thoughts for hours while making unnecessary corrections or are you going to try to calm yourself and risk having lost quite a bit of time when you could have just completed the application and risk stessing yourself more because the deadline is coming.
Hey, I appreciate your analysis to this question! I was the one who wrote it, and I think Kati's answer was helpful, but your interpretation was more accurate to what I meant, which was basically whether you should give into that anxious/worrying voice and try and fix or prepare for a situation, or not to spend time fixing/preparing and trying get yourself to stop worrying/ruminating (and I guess this is what I meant by "letting go", if that seems to make more sense). (Additionally, I wrote the question when I was specifically questioning my worry about the (general) future.)
I work in the veterinary field as a veterinary assistant. There is a very high suicide rate in our field. There has also been a very high rate of mental unhealthy in the practices I have worked in....myself included. I suffer from GAD, MDD, insomnia and OCD. I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I am thankful for every single day.
To be able to think outside the box (personal bubble) is always difficult. Great points to be able to reflect - it's a start but only if people want to start - it's an individual choice. Thanks again Kati
I think, how you introduce every one of these videos with : Ask Kati ANYTHING and this higher voice is super cute and I really love this - like in the song, but even better. Love it and love your videos, you are really cute in general and do help me a lot :)
Another great episode 😊 I’ve seen “Comparison is the thief of joy” listed as being a Theodore Roosevelt quote but who knows if that’s true. “If you want to be remembered, just make a good quote” -Anonymous
If it's TR, chances are we have heard Brene Brown say it. I immediately thought of her when you said it. It sounds like Brene - who quotes TR a lot. 🤔❤️
Thanks for answering my question Kati! It was the 6th one. The person did apologize to me. I liked what you said about looking for evidence to support that the person doesn't hate me.. and that I can move on past a conflict without the rumination. And I started writing out the things that I have done in my life that I am proud of. You're right it did make me feel better. I'll try to keep it up so that my confidence can grow stronger and stronger.
I love this podcasts. I never ask a question but I always learn something from other people's questions, and usually Katy ends up answering mine too :). Thanks, Katy!
Thought stopping. I use don't don't don't don't don't and the other one I use is don't want to. I didn't realise that that is what it was I was doing as it is something that just cuts in and sometimes the thoughts seemed reasonably benign, though they were moving from topic to topic. It is like a different part of my head has a protective short circuit that it uses.
If I selfhate, chances are there is something I am trying to communicate. Telling me that I am okay is not always that helpful, because it doesn't go to the bottom of the problem. Struggles with expectations and genuine problems with understandanding relationships in combination with guilt and shame is often misinterpreted as low self confidence.
I'm usually here to poke at things and _question_ them like a cat throws pens off the table, but answer to the first question was really interesting to listen to. Yes, yes, do a whole video!
Hello Kati, I'm Currently watching the most recently uploaded episode of Ask Kati Anything, witch by the way thank you for these episodes. They have restore that one day, I can become a Social worker, and advocate to change systemic understanding for people living with mental health challenges. The quote was said by President Theodore Roosevelt
Opinions that don't matter there is so much personal and emotional questions s in this podcast and so much in deep answer s given I want to share that wish I had someone to talk to properly about my mental health I spend time honestly dealing with it myself these video s are where I can just watch and listen and learn about different mental health problems
6. Wow, we really interprets this question completely differently! I get mad when people ask me to stop caring about when people are mean to me! Why on earth does everybody assume this is the case? Instead, it's the comparsion thing: if I tell people I have never manage to get my everyday life to work, most people say that that is not okay which confirms I am not an okay person because others think so. But nowdays I get angry with them instead, trying to stand up for myself. People might say that it's a bad choice to have anxiety: these are the things that make me shut down my connections to other people. If we are talking about close is much worse. The more I mean they mean well, the more angry I get. I used to beat myself up and cry, but nowdays I just get upset. For instance, a close friend of mine said to me "I urge you as your friend, start take care of your life!" That contributed to ending our six years + friendship. The more truth there is to what people say, the more upset I get. I here those things every day from people, for gods sake!!! Again, it's the comparsion thing you were talking about that is going on. Also, I am told to stop caring about what people think about me, because that's about them, not me. At the same time the very same persons can advice me to listen to what a certain behavour of mine give for impression. That's a direct contradiction! People tell me not to care if I get rejected, but to learn that the ones who accept me, do accept me. But then at the same time, I am told to try to figure out what scares people away, that certain behavours are not okay! Again, contradiction after contradiction. My friends say that I mix up behaviour with who I am. THAT is when it really hurts. I have been struggling to find people with whom things work out my entire adult life, for god's sake!! I know from these things from the very beginning! HERE is where the question how I can stop caring about what others think about me comes in! I thought that was the question. Therapy has not helped me; they avoid the subject all together and say I have to figure out this on my own!
Thinking about/planning for socializing, even with people I know well and care deeply about, makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. It makes me feel panicked. I know socializing is inevitable especially since I'm married. So when we are around people, I fake it and try to be funny and entertaining and then when they leave, I cant not hurt myself. I pick at my skin (face and body) until a wound is created, I bite my arm or hands, I repeat in my head (and sometimes out loud) everything I said and that they said until I have to run to the bathroom because the nausea is overwhelming.
Really insightful, mature thoughts about suicide there! I have reached out to online forums sometimes, but there typically people want to find solutions and try to change my and other persons' thoughts instead of focusing on understanding them, which isn't helpful at all. Merly, pointing out how something should be is rarely helpful. If it was therapists would be superfluous.
MY therapist never comes out and says that what I'm doing is wrong, she says things like " remember when you drank so much last week I wonder if that's what was made you feel so anxious" when she knows damn well what happened and never just comes right out and says it and it gets kinda frustrating but I love her to death and I know she is doing it because I had to come to that realization on my own.
In Austria teachers are very common to burn out (the school system isn't very good, they have too much work but don't get paid enough) and this is also causing an increasing rate of burnout and mental health problems among students. Also doctors here have a high burnout rate. Most of them have to overwork like crazy. I think because there aren't enough doctors - or at least where I live there aren't enough. When I was in hospital I also noticed that almost every doctor and many nurses smoke - many of them seemed to get nervous if they haven't smoked in 1-2 hours.
OMG!!!! I literally asked a question about those “AHA” moments! 🤗 think I got it in too late but I love that your talking about it! Iv been waiting for my AHA moment for years and I think iv found it!!!!!
Regarding careers. I think when someone is majorly helped in some way by something whether religion or diet or therapy or medicine or being coached in boxing or anything - that person is more likely to try to help other people the same way. They like master it and start evangelizing it.
Professions with the highest rates of anxiety, depression and suicide: 1. Medical doctors 2. Dentists 3. Police Officers 4. Veterinarians 5. Financial Services 6. Real Estate Agents 7. Electricians 8. Lawyers 9. Farmers 10. Pharmacists In Australia and New Zealand we, sadly, have a real problem with our farmers killing themselves, particularly during times of prolonged drought. It is very tragic. It is a mix of extreme helplessness because a drought might show no sign of lifting and they have had no income (sometimes for over a year) and our culture of tough men not speaking out about their fears and feelings. In the past few years our governments have begun to implement steps to change this insidious culture of being tough and "sucking shit up".
9 hours of sleep sounds adequate for an average* But that's because some people are fine with a little more or a little less (depending on the person). Where I run into trouble is maintaining a scheduled sleep cycle. I frequently have trouble accomplishing my goals because the world, or myself, are too often at odds with the timing of events. Getting up then showering and starting my days are more difficult if I'm not well rested in the morning or if I start my day too late to be most efficiently productive(like if I get up after noon).
I’m so happy that other people also shared my question about therapists not being able to just tell us what they can see that is still obscured from our own view. I think we all kind of know that we have to work it out ourselves, but it’d still be nice if it could be a bit easier 😉 If you do a longer discussion of this, could you also cover WHY it is so hard to see that stuff ourselves, and also and TIPS you have for working towards those AHAH! moments? I feel like 5e combination of emotional abuse and emotional neglect just makes that SO tricky. I really want to understand but my internal stuff makes it so difficult to see what I need to see. (This isn’t really relevant but what finally tipped me over was when I was blaming myself for my dads recent abuse and saying it was my fault because I’d tried to put a boundary when he was saying shitty thing. My therapist was like ‘so, the problem is that you said stop?’ and I said ‘exactly! I could’ve just let him say it’ and she said ‘if a woman who came to your shelter said that the problem was that she had said ‘stop’ to her partner, what would you say?... 😳it did really knock me internally and I had the ‘oh shit, how..? what..?.. oh boy’ response. She had said similar stuff many times before but somehow this time it really hit me, you know? In a good way, but oof - like a punch to the guts...maybe the shift is that I was finally ready to see/hear it)
Opinions that don't matter good evening just checking out the new ask kati anything podcast the first question definitely was helpful and good advice I like how you share so much advice and helpful tips with us all this podcast is just getting better and better loads of questions better sound and like your style nice orange top 🙂
Hi Kati , thanks a lot for your videos. The question about chronic suicidality I felt like I'm the one who wrote it. I have also struggled with chronic suicidality for as long as I could remember. Now I'm in therapy but I feel I'm always scared to talk honestly about how bad I wanna do it because I don't want to end up scheduled which happened to me a lot of times and only made it worse. I just keep lying about it and pretend it just passive when it is so active. I haven't found someone who knows how to help me yet without putting me in hospital involuntarily
"I may have not had said what she wanted me to say but that doesn't make me a jerk, right" Surprisingly, this still sounds really wrong in my head. Like, the way I understood it when I was raised was that not agreeing was considered rude and that the rudeness was my opinion and view and feelings and not if I was being loud or cussing.
I think a lot of us are taught this. It’s also kind of the “customer is always right” mentality. But when we are putting down a boundary or being a little more assertive and we feel guilty we should stop and ask “do I deserve to feel guilty? Did I really do something that was not right? What is making me feel this way?” My therapist used the phrase “un-earned” guilt and that really struck a chord with me. I’ve felt a lot of unearned guilt in my life from times when I didn’t do or say what someone else wanted me to-when I stood up for myself. I have the right not to be a doormat even though I always want to appease people or be nice.
Completely off topic for the video but your water glasses are SO GIANT lol literally every time I'm like "Thats a flower vase" and then it's your water glass haha.
What do I do I just got diagnosed With high functioning depression and anxiety? I think I had anxiety since I was born but I think my depression beginning of middle school cause of all the difference between elementary and middle school with loosing friends and diminish friendships over the school years. COVID-19 caused me to panic for some reason and I haven’t slept good for 3 months with only 0-4 hours of sleep a night than I started to take anxiety medicine and It took a month to work . Throughout the past month I’ve had suicidal thoughts, sleepless nights until I got sleeping medicine cause melatonin and other sleep aids actually wake me up. Also I had to do online school and had my graduation online.
Hey Kati I love your videos and watch them all the time! How do I tell my therapist I haven't been eating when I'm hungry sometimes? This isn't to be defensive but it's not me starving myself because I have still been eating just sometimes I get hungry and I don't eat. I'm scared if I tell this to my therapist I will be sent back into a hospital because I just got out of one 2 weeks ago.
The answer for 4 really leaves me conflicted. Like... we don't always set these expectations for ourselves. We need to survive. For that, we need to eat, pay our bills and care for our health. There are so many legal matters that set expectations, like filling out taxes or filling out other forms if one is entitled to get money from the state. Then, when we want a certain career, maybe there are just jobs in that career that are full time, even if we know we can only manage part time. Also, for me at least, the basis of getting my diagnosis is that I'm not managing to be a productive adult. I didn't choose to compare myself, but to be diagnosed with autism and ADHD I am explicitly asked like why I think I have that, and yes, it's mostly to do with not being able to do things like other people. It is also not my choice to compare myself when I am told so many times 'Why can't you do that, I can do that" and "This is so easy".
Listening right now and am laughing at #1 because my therapist told me about a month or so ago that I have twinges of depression. I don't think he meant it to be so earth shattering for me but *insert the glass shattering effect from himym* 🤣 everything made so much since why I was so irritated and had no patience with my husband anymore and felt so hopeless. It actually has helped me get through a lot of stuff because he pointed out to me that that wasn't me, it was depression
Listening to your memory made me cry a little I don't feel like I ever enjoy anything I just wait for the next thing hoping it will be better. It's hard for me to access the good memories when I don't enjoy anything. I do have sever depression for context I'm on meds.
Hi everyone! I think Kati might have explained/said this somewhere, but when and where can we ask the questions that Kati answers in these podcasts? I know how to get to her website but what do you do when you get there? Thank you so much Kati! I have only recently started watching your videos, but the few I’ve seen are so helpful, amazing, and relatable! Thank you!
My work causes me so much anxiety especially since all the pandemic stuff hit. I work in healthcare and I feel that it is my duty to show up and do the job, even if mentally and physically it is taking such a toll on me. I have to work so I can earn an income and there is not much else I can do with my degree except this but I am feeling so trapped and overwhelmed. Help.
Kati please answer this When dealing with bipolar disorder will a diagnosis be made if the client sleeps the normal 8-9 hours an wake up but still feel tired and take a nap later in the day
What do you do if a client completely shuts down during a session so you can't reach them? They are not moving, not talking and perhaps even barely aware of what is going on around them? I have ASD so this has happened to me.
love those Green guys!! lol I’d die to be a part of all their awesomeness - and ur awesomeness. Honestly Kati I think we could do some powerful stuff with out two brains together haha.
I was offered ect in hospital (actually, without asking me, they at once altered my meds when I got there, to accomodate ect, but I refused it), but that was before I was diagnosed with c-ptsd. Now, working on trauma in therapy, I wonder how ect would affect my memories and the ability to work through the trauma?
I had heard and understood that people who have had mental health stuff go on in their lives or families lives seek to give back because they can put themselves in the shoes of the affected family member or members. Persons who don't have that experience don't gravitate to helping professions. Not sure if there is facts to support that but it sounded correct. Your thoughts?
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Timestamps:
1. Why therapists don’t just TELL US when they can see something in our story that we don’t see ourselves? 3:44
2. How would you identify the line between worrying or being anxious about something (where it would help you prepare in a good or productive way) and being too anxious where it would be... 19:07
3. Hi Kati, Any tips for dealing with rumination? My anxious brain NEVER EVER RESTS. 25:41
4. Do you have any advice for how to get into the habit of living like a productive functioning adult? 32:50
5. Do you think there are some jobs that are magnets for people who struggle with mental health? 40:55
6. How can I stop letting other people's opinion of me affect my emotions? 44:12
7. Have you ever dealt with someone who deals with chronic suicidality? Suicide has been in my thoughts nearly since I can remember as well, altering between passive and active thinking throughout my life 54:37
8. People always used to describe me as outgoing and overall v social. but ever since I started struggling with depression, I have become socially very VERY awkward. 1:04:27
9. How do I help a friend deal with a significant amount of self-hate? They take every opportunity to but themself down to the point where they have had a near suicide event. 1:09:58
10. I'm still trying to get an understanding of the whole transference thing. I was wondering what your answer is about transference in the therapeutic relationship when the therapist is the same sex as the client? 1:12:42
Thank you Mirco!!
Micro hello thank you for this
Thank you so much 😊
I have been begging for time stamps on the questions! Thank you, you are a saint🙏🏻
I love that you talked a little bit about ‘high functioning’ depression. Sometimes I feel invalidated because I do all the things like sleep well, get out of bed despite not wanting to face the day, take a shower daily, go to work full time, go to school. When asked by, for example, a psychiatrist if I have trouble of doing any of those things, I seem normal because I just live my life on autopilot, but with depression. Makes me feel like a fraud. My outward actions are a mask for the inward sadness.
When my stepmom got diagnosed with cancer, she went from being a hustle "I'll sleep when I'm dead" productive person, to being able to do very little because of a lack of energy. She and a friend began celebrating the little things like she'd text her friend and say "I fed the dogs" and they'd celebrate that she got that done! Sometimes with mental health its the same way if we are struggling just getting up and showering and making our bed is a huge accomplishment! I love your podcast Kati!
“Comparison is the thief of joy” - I’m going to remind myself of this
I think a video on depression among healthcare workers would be awesome. As a student nurse I see the problem everywhere plaguing students and professionals alike.😥💙
“I’m an empathic bad-ass” is such a self-empowering thing for Kati to say, I might be getting second-hand empowered from it. So apt; I affirm this statement
It was late, I was exhausted, I couldn’t stop playing out possible scenarios (negative ones), my normal go-to get out of my cycle wasn’t working, I told my bf I was having a hard time with it and asked him to help me distract me, he started having me repeat tongue twisters and within a few minutes I was laughing and giggling and thinking of how grateful I was that he was there to help me ❤️
For question 5- I remember when I was in undergrad (2013-2017), being taught in my Abnormal Psych class that the top 5 careers that also had the highest suicide rates were:
1. Social worker
2. Psychologist
3. Dentist.
4. Psychiatrist
5. Doctor (in general).
I'm not 100% sure if this was the order- I remember social worker being first, being surprised that psychiatrists weren't higher on the list, and also being shocked that dentists were there in general. It's very interesting to think about.
Kati the occasional sound effects you do are so cute like the jujitsu ones and the train ones. I love it
Awe thanks Rin :) xoxox
Re: suicidal feelings. Here's how I have dealt with it. I know that suicide is my "default." Whenever I have strong feelings, all I tend to recognize is I feel suicidal. That's my sign that there are feelings underneath I need to dig out. I don't have to think it means I have to kill myself, take action. "Suicidal" is a feeling just like fear, anger, guilt, shame. (In fact I usually figure out shame is underneath.) I have promised myself I will never hurt my body period. Angst about that done. No more should I or shouldn't I. (Which btw, if you are asking yourself that, in my mind you are not 100% so the answer is always no.) And I have talked to my therapist about it. You have to. I told her from day one suicide was my default and it didn't mean I was going to kill myself. It meant basically that I was overwhelmed with feelings and let's stop and figure it out. I tell her not to take my feelings as less serious, because I sometimes fear that could flip me - buy I also told her that for sure when I felt in danger of the real deal, I would let her know. And I do. Right now with covid and I've been home alone for 4 months having just had 2 serious deaths in my family and an episode of breast cancer since Dec - one my mom of covid, of course I'm stressed. That's a LOT! Of course I'm feeling like "this may not end well" for me but we are talking about it. And I know what I'm feeling under the circumstances, is normal. And well, yeah, grief! Hope this helps even tho it's long. Basically, suicidal is an adjective, a description, not a verb, not an action. It describes how you feel not what you "need to do." Talk about it!
Thank you for this perspective! I think it's helpful and well thought out.
Very well said. Thanks for sharing.
I think feeling suicidal is a feeling for me. Or my defense mechanism maybe.
I totally relate that feeling suicidal is my default. I'm not raging to go kill myself right then and there. I guess for me, it's just me running back into the closet to hide. It's a little more nuanced than that, but I can see it being anything other than actively seeking how to die
Thank you, that’s very interesting!
Und bist du deutsch? Du hast einmal Angst (autocorrectur) geschrieben und ich freue mich immer, wenn ich andere Deutsche finde.
I so believe what you are saying. Thx for expressing it so clearly. I hadn't thought to look for the underlying feelings.
I'm relatively new to this podcast but I love it so far. I think Kati is really knowledgeable and relatable.
Welcome!!! I am so glad you are enjoying it so far :) xoxox
After reading a few other answers, and hearing yours, I have a few new thoughts on question 5. I had actually started college in the fine arts, and I would argue that's another field that 'attracts' certain types of people.
I think jobs that involve working directly with someone as a means to help or serve someone else draw empaths or the rescuer types. This would include first responders, medical field, teachers, most not-for-profits, and religious institutions.
I think the other jobs would be ones of creating or self-expression, like visual art, music, theater, writing, culinary arts etc.
......I'm even more curious on this now than ever
Yay new episode!
Also, I think the episodes are getting better and better quality wise, both with sounds and with you developing your “podcast voice” :)
Thanks for the feedback: we're working hard to make this podcast the best it can be. 🙌🙌
i feel like the vet industry attracts a lot of people with mental issues maybe because being with animals or helping animals brings them some comfort. I work in the vet industry and Ive met a handful of people with self-harm scars and past or present depression experiences, myself included.
''comparison is the thief of joy'' - Roosevelt.
Thank you so much for diving into all that about suicide, it's so important to talk about it, and it's so difficult to deal with being suicidal and opening up about it when everyone will just go "you need to be sectioned", "suicide is never an option" or just freak out, and it's difficult to find useful material on it online as well. Maybe you could do another video about that. I watched at least one you made before, but I'd like to see more. Some things that I would like to hear your thoughts on are when you know that, yes, you may/will/can get better at some point (which is what everyone always says), but how will you hold on until then? And when the "knowledge" that suicide is a way out, is something that helps you manage to live one more day, or one more hour. In my toughest periods I used to think that "I can live today, cause if things get too bad I can self harm, and if that doesn't help, I can commit suicide". It might sound paradoxical, but both sh and su was like a supporting and comforting hand to hold on to.
I completely understand wanting a client to figure things out on their own but sometimes it's good to have things suggested to them, like Kati mentioned. Before I came to terms with my trauma and abuse, I had an idea of what had happened but I didn't know if it was right or if it was "bad enough" to be considered what it was. It would've been nice if I had a therapist who validated my thoughts rather than only sympathising and I probably would've come to the conclusion a lot quicker, especially since people can doubt themselves a lot. It wasn't until I read about other people's experiences calling it for what it was that I realised I was right.
Yay, another podcast! I love them; they're something to look forward to each week.
As someone who struggles with mental health, I can confirm that people who struggle with mental health are seemingly more drawn to jobs in which they can help others. A few of my friends and myself (who have mental health issues) want to become therapists/psychologists so we can help others who are like us and have struggled.
True
Oh my goodness!! That train visual is right on!!!🚊🛤
Thank you for talking about hustle culture. Living with ASD and ADHD in a society that glorifies and values productivity above all else is so, so hard!
Dentists, in my experience, are sticklers for fine detail. It is a positive trait in that career. But as a Vocational Rehabilitation counselor I worked with a lot of people across many fields, and you can ( although cautiously) find similarities in personality as it relates to career choice. In the case of someone in a job demanding precision in detail, if they also have rigid ways of thinking or act on impulse. Mental health problems may result.
Kati, to the "letting go" aspect: The way I understood it what is meant is letting go of trying to fix the situation and accepting it as is rather than just letting go of all emotions. So are you to listen to your anxious voice telling you you need to fix something or else it's gonna be really bad or rather just focus on calming your emotions and let go of trying to fix it.
So I'll try to give an example of how this could be really relevant to know: Say you are working on an application for a job and it's really stressing you out. And you notice how you are getting some of these worrying thoughts. And now you don't know: Are you going to try to continue and risk getting lost in your worrying thoughts for hours while making unnecessary corrections or are you going to try to calm yourself and risk having lost quite a bit of time when you could have just completed the application and risk stessing yourself more because the deadline is coming.
Hey, I appreciate your analysis to this question! I was the one who wrote it, and I think Kati's answer was helpful, but your interpretation was more accurate to what I meant, which was basically whether you should give into that anxious/worrying voice and try and fix or prepare for a situation, or not to spend time fixing/preparing and trying get yourself to stop worrying/ruminating (and I guess this is what I meant by "letting go", if that seems to make more sense). (Additionally, I wrote the question when I was specifically questioning my worry about the (general) future.)
I work in the veterinary field as a veterinary assistant. There is a very high suicide rate in our field. There has also been a very high rate of mental unhealthy in the practices I have worked in....myself included. I suffer from GAD, MDD, insomnia and OCD. I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I am thankful for every single day.
To be able to think outside the box (personal bubble) is always difficult. Great points to be able to reflect - it's a start but only if people want to start - it's an individual choice. Thanks again Kati
I think, how you introduce every one of these videos with : Ask Kati ANYTHING and this higher voice is super cute and I really love this - like in the song, but even better. Love it and love your videos, you are really cute in general and do help me a lot :)
Another great episode 😊 I’ve seen “Comparison is the thief of joy” listed as being a Theodore Roosevelt quote but who knows if that’s true.
“If you want to be remembered, just make a good quote” -Anonymous
Thanks!! and that's the best quote ever.. hahah!! xoxo
If it's TR, chances are we have heard Brene Brown say it. I immediately thought of her when you said it. It sounds like Brene - who quotes TR a lot. 🤔❤️
Thanks for answering my question Kati! It was the 6th one. The person did apologize to me. I liked what you said about looking for evidence to support that the person doesn't hate me.. and that I can move on past a conflict without the rumination. And I started writing out the things that I have done in my life that I am proud of. You're right it did make me feel better. I'll try to keep it up so that my confidence can grow stronger and stronger.
Yes please whole video as about insights of therapy and why therapist don't tell us what they already see.
I love this podcasts. I never ask a question but I always learn something from other people's questions, and usually Katy ends up answering mine too :). Thanks, Katy!
Thought stopping. I use don't don't don't don't don't and the other one I use is don't want to. I didn't realise that that is what it was I was doing as it is something that just cuts in and sometimes the thoughts seemed reasonably benign, though they were moving from topic to topic. It is like a different part of my head has a protective short circuit that it uses.
If I selfhate, chances are there is something I am trying to communicate. Telling me that I am okay is not always that helpful, because it doesn't go to the bottom of the problem. Struggles with expectations and genuine problems with understandanding relationships in combination with guilt and shame is often misinterpreted as low self confidence.
I'm usually here to poke at things and _question_ them like a cat throws pens off the table, but answer to the first question was really interesting to listen to. Yes, yes, do a whole video!
I'm loving this podcast. Really got so into each of the questions and your answers. And I really love what you're wearing.
Yes, a whole video on 1st question would be great 😉
S M hello I agree the 1 st question was good and I enjoyed hearing kati give the answer 🙂
Thanks for the input Susie :) xoxo
Hello Kati, I'm Currently watching the most recently uploaded episode of Ask Kati Anything, witch by the way thank you for these episodes. They have restore that one day, I can become a Social worker, and advocate to change systemic understanding for people living with mental health challenges. The quote was said by President Theodore Roosevelt
Awe yay!!! I am so glad you are enjoying the episodes!!! and thanks for letting me know who said that quote :) xoxo
You look like sunshine in this video 😊 glowing!! Thanks for helping get through my weeks with your kind heart and advice
Really looking forward to this, thanks Kati💕💕How are you?
Opinions that don't matter there is so much personal and emotional questions s in this podcast and so much in deep answer s given I want to share that wish I had someone to talk to properly about my mental health I spend time honestly dealing with it myself these video s are where I can just watch and listen and learn about different mental health problems
Never heard of chronic suicideality, but the question was very relatable and helpful
6. Wow, we really interprets this question completely differently! I get mad when people ask me to stop caring about when people are mean to me! Why on earth does everybody assume this is the case?
Instead, it's the comparsion thing: if I tell people I have never manage to get my everyday life to work, most people say that that is not okay which confirms I am not an okay person because others think so. But nowdays I get angry with them instead, trying to stand up for myself. People might say that it's a bad choice to have anxiety: these are the things that make me shut down my connections to other people. If we are talking about close is much worse. The more I mean they mean well, the more angry I get. I used to beat myself up and cry, but nowdays I just get upset. For instance, a close friend of mine said to me "I urge you as your friend, start take care of your life!" That contributed to ending our six years + friendship. The more truth there is to what people say, the more upset I get. I here those things every day from people, for gods sake!!! Again, it's the comparsion thing you were talking about that is going on.
Also, I am told to stop caring about what people think about me, because that's about them, not me. At the same time the very same persons can advice me to listen to what a certain behavour of mine give for impression. That's a direct contradiction! People tell me not to care if I get rejected, but to learn that the ones who accept me, do accept me. But then at the same time, I am told to try to figure out what scares people away, that certain behavours are not okay! Again, contradiction after contradiction. My friends say that I mix up behaviour with who I am. THAT is when it really hurts. I have been struggling to find people with whom things work out my entire adult life, for god's sake!! I know from these things from the very beginning! HERE is where the question how I can stop caring about what others think about me comes in! I thought that was the question.
Therapy has not helped me; they avoid the subject all together and say I have to figure out this on my own!
Thank you Kati! This made me feel so much better, love your words and advice!
Kati you look so beautiful today!!! I love how color coordinated you are!!! Love the podcast!!
Awe thank you :) xoxo
podcast on my bday woot woot! can’t wait to listen :) best bday gift haha
Happyyyy Birthday Kayls! 💗
Happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Y’all are too sweet!!! tysm 💓
Happy Birthday!!! xoxo
Thinking about/planning for socializing, even with people I know well and care deeply about, makes me feel like I'm going to vomit. It makes me feel panicked. I know socializing is inevitable especially since I'm married. So when we are around people, I fake it and try to be funny and entertaining and then when they leave, I cant not hurt myself. I pick at my skin (face and body) until a wound is created, I bite my arm or hands, I repeat in my head (and sometimes out loud) everything I said and that they said until I have to run to the bathroom because the nausea is overwhelming.
Really insightful, mature thoughts about suicide there! I have reached out to online forums sometimes, but there typically people want to find solutions and try to change my and other persons' thoughts instead of focusing on understanding them, which isn't helpful at all. Merly, pointing out how something should be is rarely helpful. If it was therapists would be superfluous.
MY therapist never comes out and says that what I'm doing is wrong, she says things like " remember when you drank so much last week I wonder if that's what was made you feel so anxious" when she knows damn well what happened and never just comes right out and says it and it gets kinda frustrating but I love her to death and I know she is doing it because I had to come to that realization on my own.
In Austria teachers are very common to burn out (the school system isn't very good, they have too much work but don't get paid enough) and this is also causing an increasing rate of burnout and mental health problems among students.
Also doctors here have a high burnout rate. Most of them have to overwork like crazy. I think because there aren't enough doctors - or at least where I live there aren't enough.
When I was in hospital I also noticed that almost every doctor and many nurses smoke - many of them seemed to get nervous if they haven't smoked in 1-2 hours.
Yeah! Another podcast! Another episode and I'm sure I'll learn something helpful or interesting :)
Great explanation, Katie.
I love the don't compare bit I've been working on that lately n.n
Will have to listen after work
OMG!!!! I literally asked a question about those “AHA” moments! 🤗 think I got it in too late but I love that your talking about it! Iv been waiting for my AHA moment for years and I think iv found it!!!!!
Regarding careers. I think when someone is majorly helped in some way by something whether religion or diet or therapy or medicine or being coached in boxing or anything - that person is more likely to try to help other people the same way. They like master it and start evangelizing it.
Yay this podcast is how I break up my week 😂 I love it!
It's really important to not tie your productivity or success to your self worth.
Professions with the highest rates of anxiety, depression and suicide:
1. Medical doctors
2. Dentists
3. Police Officers
4. Veterinarians
5. Financial Services
6. Real Estate Agents
7. Electricians
8. Lawyers
9. Farmers
10. Pharmacists
In Australia and New Zealand we, sadly, have a real problem with our farmers killing themselves, particularly during times of prolonged drought. It is very tragic. It is a mix of extreme helplessness because a drought might show no sign of lifting and they have had no income (sometimes for over a year) and our culture of tough men not speaking out about their fears and feelings. In the past few years our governments have begun to implement steps to change this insidious culture of being tough and "sucking shit up".
I wonder how much this varies per country...
@@crimsontuba1 that is an interesting question. I believe there might be a few variations, but I'm told that it's a fairly standard thing.
9 hours of sleep sounds adequate for an average*
But that's because some people are fine with a little more or a little less (depending on the person).
Where I run into trouble is maintaining a scheduled sleep cycle. I frequently have trouble accomplishing my goals because the world, or myself, are too often at odds with the timing of events. Getting up then showering and starting my days are more difficult if I'm not well rested in the morning or if I start my day too late to be most efficiently productive(like if I get up after noon).
I’m so happy that other people also shared my question about therapists not being able to just tell us what they can see that is still obscured from our own view. I think we all kind of know that we have to work it out ourselves, but it’d still be nice if it could be a bit easier 😉 If you do a longer discussion of this, could you also cover WHY it is so hard to see that stuff ourselves, and also and TIPS you have for working towards those AHAH! moments? I feel like 5e combination of emotional abuse and emotional neglect just makes that SO tricky. I really want to understand but my internal stuff makes it so difficult to see what I need to see. (This isn’t really relevant but what finally tipped me over was when I was blaming myself for my dads recent abuse and saying it was my fault because I’d tried to put a boundary when he was saying shitty thing. My therapist was like ‘so, the problem is that you said stop?’ and I said ‘exactly! I could’ve just let him say it’ and she said ‘if a woman who came to your shelter said that the problem was that she had said ‘stop’ to her partner, what would you say?... 😳it did really knock me internally and I had the ‘oh shit, how..? what..?.. oh boy’ response. She had said similar stuff many times before but somehow this time it really hit me, you know? In a good way, but oof - like a punch to the guts...maybe the shift is that I was finally ready to see/hear it)
Opinions that don't matter good evening just checking out the new ask kati anything podcast the first question definitely was helpful and good advice I like how you share so much advice and helpful tips with us all this podcast is just getting better and better loads of questions better sound and like your style nice orange top 🙂
Hi Kati , thanks a lot for your videos. The question about chronic suicidality I felt like I'm the one who wrote it. I have also struggled with chronic suicidality for as long as I could remember. Now I'm in therapy but I feel I'm always scared to talk honestly about how bad I wanna do it because I don't want to end up scheduled which happened to me a lot of times and only made it worse. I just keep lying about it and pretend it just passive when it is so active. I haven't found someone who knows how to help me yet without putting me in hospital involuntarily
Love your podcast ❤❤❤❤
9:21, I would say miraculous, but that is so true!
At 45:00, my ears done perked right up.
I really liked this video. Thank you for your content
Kati you are going to have a nice full wardrobe by the time you finish your book 😍
"I may have not had said what she wanted me to say but that doesn't make me a jerk, right"
Surprisingly, this still sounds really wrong in my head. Like, the way I understood it when I was raised was that not agreeing was considered rude and that the rudeness was my opinion and view and feelings and not if I was being loud or cussing.
I think a lot of us are taught this. It’s also kind of the “customer is always right” mentality. But when we are putting down a boundary or being a little more assertive and we feel guilty we should stop and ask “do I deserve to feel guilty? Did I really do something that was not right? What is making me feel this way?” My therapist used the phrase “un-earned” guilt and that really struck a chord with me. I’ve felt a lot of unearned guilt in my life from times when I didn’t do or say what someone else wanted me to-when I stood up for myself. I have the right not to be a doormat even though I always want to appease people or be nice.
Another amazing podcast, yay Kati!! Thanks!
We need to change our definition of productive.
Completely off topic for the video but your water glasses are SO GIANT lol literally every time I'm like "Thats a flower vase" and then it's your water glass haha.
hahah!! They are giant.. I think they hold like 24 oz or something! lol! xoxo
Haha, I always think about that too, I want that big glasses, and in those colours!
What do I do I just got diagnosed With high functioning depression and anxiety? I think I had anxiety since I was born but I think my depression beginning of middle school cause of all the difference between elementary and middle school with loosing friends and diminish friendships over the school years. COVID-19 caused me to panic for some reason and I haven’t slept good for 3 months with only 0-4 hours of sleep a night than I started to take anxiety medicine and It took a month to work . Throughout the past month I’ve had suicidal thoughts, sleepless nights until I got sleeping medicine cause melatonin and other sleep aids actually wake me up. Also I had to do online school and had my graduation online.
I love your orange outfit :) Orange is one of my favorite colors.
i woke up for this video... totally worth it :))!
😁😁
Hey Kati I love your videos and watch them all the time! How do I tell my therapist I haven't been eating when I'm hungry sometimes? This isn't to be defensive but it's not me starving myself because I have still been eating just sometimes I get hungry and I don't eat. I'm scared if I tell this to my therapist I will be sent back into a hospital because I just got out of one 2 weeks ago.
The answer for 4 really leaves me conflicted. Like... we don't always set these expectations for ourselves. We need to survive. For that, we need to eat, pay our bills and care for our health. There are so many legal matters that set expectations, like filling out taxes or filling out other forms if one is entitled to get money from the state. Then, when we want a certain career, maybe there are just jobs in that career that are full time, even if we know we can only manage part time.
Also, for me at least, the basis of getting my diagnosis is that I'm not managing to be a productive adult. I didn't choose to compare myself, but to be diagnosed with autism and ADHD I am explicitly asked like why I think I have that, and yes, it's mostly to do with not being able to do things like other people. It is also not my choice to compare myself when I am told so many times 'Why can't you do that, I can do that" and "This is so easy".
My counselor just tells me I should journal and go for walks and if I don't she just says that I need to work on that.
Does anyone actually hear the background noises that kati keeps complaining about in her podcasts? I can't hear the truck or the airplane
Listening right now and am laughing at #1 because my therapist told me about a month or so ago that I have twinges of depression. I don't think he meant it to be so earth shattering for me but *insert the glass shattering effect from himym* 🤣 everything made so much since why I was so irritated and had no patience with my husband anymore and felt so hopeless. It actually has helped me get through a lot of stuff because he pointed out to me that that wasn't me, it was depression
Teddy Roosevelt said Comparison is the thief of joy.
My sister, who is a M.D., says that it’s pretty common in her field.
Listening to your memory made me cry a little I don't feel like I ever enjoy anything I just wait for the next thing hoping it will be better. It's hard for me to access the good memories when I don't enjoy anything. I do have sever depression for context I'm on meds.
Do I just have too high of standards of happiness?
I feel like I lothe everything I could work 24/7 and feel the same way about that then doing anything else. It all just feels the same.
Maybe it's what I surround myself with maybe I sabotage myself?
Idk it just feels like I have no good memories.
Thank you Kati
Hi everyone! I think Kati might have explained/said this somewhere, but when and where can we ask the questions that Kati answers in these podcasts? I know how to get to her website but what do you do when you get there?
Thank you so much Kati! I have only recently started watching your videos, but the few I’ve seen are so helpful, amazing, and relatable! Thank you!
My work causes me so much anxiety especially since all the pandemic stuff hit. I work in healthcare and I feel that it is my duty to show up and do the job, even if mentally and physically it is taking such a toll on me. I have to work so I can earn an income and there is not much else I can do with my degree except this but I am feeling so trapped and overwhelmed. Help.
Kati please answer this When dealing with bipolar disorder will a diagnosis be made if the client sleeps the normal 8-9 hours an wake up but still feel tired and take a nap later in the day
I found a shirt similar to yours! 😍
Woohoo!!! sponsor sponsor, its getting serious 💗
I know right?!?! Even if it is just one of my friends.. lol!! xoxo
This is a really good one.
What do you do if a client completely shuts down during a session so you can't reach them? They are not moving, not talking and perhaps even barely aware of what is going on around them? I have ASD so this has happened to me.
love those Green guys!! lol I’d die to be a part of all their awesomeness - and ur awesomeness. Honestly Kati I think we could do some powerful stuff with out two brains together haha.
Awesome!!! Sponsorship!!
Agreed. Love it when good people support mental health content! 😁😁
I was offered ect in hospital (actually, without asking me, they at once altered my meds when I got there, to accomodate ect, but I refused it), but that was before I was diagnosed with c-ptsd. Now, working on trauma in therapy, I wonder how ect would affect my memories and the ability to work through the trauma?
Amazing advice and dress
Retail for sure is a huge depressing job now. Especially during covid
What's the difference between transference and projecting?
I had heard and understood that people who have had mental health stuff go on in their lives or families lives seek to give back because they can put themselves in the shoes of the affected family member or members. Persons who don't have that experience don't gravitate to helping professions. Not sure if there is facts to support that but it sounded correct. Your thoughts?
26:35. Haha , fight or flight ninja.
2:50 & 25:50 - Same here.
8:43, what does a person do when they realize no change is possible?
Question 5: not-for-profit and education