Will needs to proceed with caution regarding online relationships. My cousin fell for a man who lived in the UK and she's in the US. They talked, video chatted, etc..and she thought they would get married. She ended up flying to the UK to meet him in person. Turns out he's already married and has children and was a horrible person!!!! My cousin had sent him a sentimental piece of jewelry, money, etc... Scam artist for sure!!! Not saying that your online person is fake, but please be very careful!!!
Oh no! That's awful. Unfortunately this is all too common. Especially the already being married bit. But it's even easier to scam in this way online than in person with someone in your city.
I think your relationship advice is spot on, no matter your sexual preferences. It may be hard to hear, but it was honest, based from experience and self-awareness, delivered with respect and kindness.
Will, I feel you. You sound so much like younger me. Two things stick out to me in your letter given my own experiences that ended horribly. The word submissive might just have meant sexual, but if it also describes your demeanor/personality, meaning if you're an agreeable person, which is so lovely and good, then what Joel and Keegan said is extremely important. Be careful, proceed with caution, and keep your eyes open. The second thing is that you described him as argumentative, to a degree he would get banned, which is another bad sign. Antagonistic people are usually much nicer in public and in the first few months of getting to know someone than they are with their closest relationships. This combo of authoritative and submissive, combined with naivety is so risky. And I fully understand the desire to be with someone you're already smitten with and dismissing all their red flags and telling myself I just need to trust it the relationship won't go anywhere. Trust your self and your gut (not your heart, they are different), and if you don't know what that is saying, slow way down until you do. From someone who lost decades to that kinda dynamic you've described sucking the life out of me cuz I didn't see it at all clearly and just wanted it to work, please guard yourself. Also, online is so easy to get scammed, even with what seems authentic expressions of attraction and affection. Just walked a friend thru losing almost a year's wages to a love scam where he "really wanted to help her get in a better place financially and knew this great company he was investing in that he was investing his own money in and making a lot of money. " he was a very convincing person who found her two most desperate needs (affection and financial securty) and promised both while sounding very strong and assured (eventually pushy, but she only realized that after it was to late) Anyway Will, you got this. Protect yourself, and look for folks who are confident without being arrogant. ❤🤗
I’m so thankful for the honest advise you gave. I almost got caught up in a similar situation. He was a very handsome Russian guy and the connection was there until he began talking about a sick mother and the horrible financial situations they were in. At the time I was very lonely and looking for someone to connect with. All kinds of red flags popped up and it made me immediately cut off all contacts with him and I’ve made a conscious decision to try to make local connections with the LGBTQ people in my community. Thanks again guys.
@@NickP16 Feel free to visit and explore - it's not dangerous at all and every major city gots gay club, bathhouses.... If you need a help to find it - let me know!!!
My advice - run fast, in the opposite direction. Red flag - getting banned online for being aggressive & argumentative. Obviously he’s pretending sweetness & light to get Will into his clutches. I thought it particularly interesting that he told his mother, who wasn’t absolutely opposed, but urged him to be cautious. She’s correct, mums always know. I understand Will sounds smitten, but it’s a fantasy that sounds highly unlikely to have a positive outcome if taken further.
Truly. This story was giving me red flags from the get-go, on both sides honestly. Getting banned is something that is extremely easy to avoid for chill people. Plus, the fact that OP said they were young and having trouble fitting into queer spaces due to conflicts of ideals was worrying. If it's so extreme to the point where you can't even vibe with the community recreationally, then something's amiss. So to find an argumentative person online who you fall for due to common ideals? To most likely be the younger "submissive" one in said relationship,, and for both of you to have what is most likely more "traditional" views? This sounded like a nightmare setup that straight women everywhere are trying to avoid daily. OP's gonna get themselves in major trouble, even if it isn't a scam.
Russian gay guy here. I agree with everything you said. Will should remain skeptical and try to look at the situation realistically. I believe that maintaining communication in the context of friendship, while simultaneously looking for a partner in real life where he lives is the best option
Speaking as someone who met my husband (of 16 years) online, I agree with much of what Joel and Keegan said. We were part of the forums of a Star Trek fanfilm (pre-Facebook). It was a community of divergent thoughts and opinions; it was a place for folks to find their identities, find their tribe, as well as express a diversity of opinions and beliefs. It wasn't a monolith. I was cautious when I was first messaged by this guy (and I hadn't come out yet, so that provided a layer of "protection"), but we did take the steps to get to know one another, both online and off-line. And at the same time, we'd built a community of friends, both on and off-line. So it worked out, but as said, don't dive head long into this thinking that it's going to be "happily, happily ever after" right away. I also want to express a word of caution regarding Reddit... My husband is an avid Reddit reader, but the one thing that he frequently shares with me, is how people come there looking to justify as specific set of beliefs/opinions. As said, don't go looking for your tribe among those who "preach to the choir," so to speak.
Excellent advice!!! Even when dating face to face you don’t really know what kind of person your dealing with until you spend time with them . But I think its especially true with a social media relationship. Love comes from spending time with someone and going through the ups and downs of relationships. How people react through the good and the bad!
The issue I would look out for is the other person asking for money in any form. There are tons of scammers that use various methods to find people. In the end they end up asking you for money. That would be a red flag for me regardless of how much or what form they would want the money in (buying them a phone, or iTune gift card etc).
I had a long-term friend (and client) who fell into a long distance relationship with a person in the Philippines. This went on for a few months, and my friend started sending this person money to finish their education. I tried to warn my friend that this was not a good idea (sending money), but my friend was an older gay man and he was desperate. Long story short, my friend blew through something like $250,000 USD over the course of a year or so. And my friend ended up broke and without a relationship with this person from the Philippines. Very sad outcome, but my friend would not listen.
Keep up with the long distance relationship and wait until he starts to ask for $$. I have experienced this twice. The request then quickly turned into accusations that I owed him money.
I see the point but don't accept the assumption that in personal connections are superior to the online ones. People are different and they need different things at different points in their lives
As everyone has mentioned, proceed carefully. To be blunt, you are not in love. That is not to say you aren't developing feelings and forging a connection. But, if it has indeed only been two plus weeks of communication, you have known this person long enough. So, guard your heart and reassess some things. You aren't as alone as you think, and this guy isn't your only lifeline. There are other people out there. As a young college student, I'm guessing you have a lot of the world to still experience.
My advice. Keep your heart open. Find mates that are coupled and hang out with them. You’ll know within a short time what kind of man you’re interested in. They will try to fix you up with “decent” guys. Get into fitness and nutrition. Meditate. Get proper rest. Don’t get drunk anymore- stay bushy tailed!
Always be aware of what’s going on. Never underestimate the the thought “I’m an American, why would they lure me into another country for something so small” Understand hate has no limits when hateful people are given so much power to do hateful, hurtful things freely! Also isn’t it ironic how he doesn’t agree with gay people because of his strong, traditional views and is love with someone who lives in a place where they could be jailed and or beaten to death because of it conservative, traditional values! 🤷🏼♂️
What do you guys think about gay partners who have an open relationsip, but tend to for purposes of simplicity, keep their outside relationsips with "straight" guys who occasionally cross the line on the "Down Low" so to speak?
One point that was not mentioined but is certaily very current, especially in Russia. These online relationships provide the Russian partner with a possible means of getting out of his homeland and into a more LGBTQ+ friendly. This does not entierly pertain to Russia. I'm sure there are many homophobic countries that gays would want to get out of. In Russia's current case, their military action and consequent travel restrictions, combined with possible military constription, make getting out an even greater priority. I'm involved with a similar situation myself except I am the older and "wiser" and my Russian lad is a very young man in his twenties. My experience tells me to run as fast as I can, however, knowing his situation, I want to help if I can.
While it may take months, very much a grooming technique, when money comes up you need to cut them off. Since the start of the UA/RU conflict, I have seen an uptick in people, ostensibly from the two countries, who will communicate with you for a month or two then will suddenly need money for one thing or another. I had two, supposedly different people, tell me the same story about a dead grandmother and needing money to privatize her apartment to inherit it. A healthy dose of suspicion will keep you safe. My overall advice: keep your eyes open and your wallet closed.
Taking the emotion out of this, looking at the pure logistics of the situation; as A Russian male, his chances of getting out of the country and then getting somewhere that you could both go to safely is highly unlikely and likely to also not be a permanent situation. Russia is guaranteeing their own isolation for many years to come. I see big red flags...
Imagine for a second everything is genuine on both sides. How would logistics work?. 1) Will the American gay guy come to Russia?.. I hope he's not that insane. 2) Will the Russian guy come to the US?.. Who'll pay for a visa and all expenses around it? Who'll sign visa sponsorship? Who'll provide until the Russian guy gets a work permit? Essentially a kid? What can he do for a living in America? Is he willing to take a job?😮💨😮💨😮💨
Will, do you work in a ln information sensitive industry? Unlikely because you are a student. Are you wealthy and could he be financially scammed? Or scammed to get a residency visa? Or could there be potential for violence? It may work out but it may not. You do need to proceed with caution. Caution is crucial. And to add, his admiration for your ‘submissiveness’ is a true red flag. It may just be a ‘bed’ thing but perhaps he will want you to carry that through life. Which is a worry.
if he's in the states there are conservative groups for queer folks that this young person could become a part of. At the very least he could not be isolated and totally reliant on this long-distance connection.
Discuss topics like that in the context of the particular nationality is rude and terrible! His mother is a nationalist! And you should say that as well. Of course online relationships are difficult. Of course it even can be dangerous. But not because of the certain original country of someone.
The problem is that either you are in one camp and support everything that one party stands for, or you are in another camp and are supposed to defend every talking point of the other side. I dare to say that the majority of people have a mixture of opinions that sometimes align with one side and sometimes with another. I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative, and I find it hard to affiliate with either Democrats or Republicans. Unfortunately, there is nobody else _allowed_ to compete with them. I guess it makes me a "conservative gay".
@@teebrowne-prince3085 They are not on the ballot in many states and are not _invited_ to debates (similar to Ralph Nader with his Green Party). To ensure that they are not included in the debates, the eligibility rules are changed based on their performance. For instance, when Johnson got on the ballot in all states, they added a requirement that he must have support from more than **% of the population, based on hand-picked polling agencies. This makes it impossible for them to win or have a voice. So, yes, I can call myself a libertarian, but it is meaningless.
Conservative gays always baffle me. It's one of the most oxymoronic things I can think of. The politics of suppression, living in the past, (and in practice always bigotry) conflict entirely with gay & queer liberation. Does it originate from self-hatred? A person's sexual orientation is not a choice. Their politics absolutely is.
Will needs to proceed with caution regarding online relationships. My cousin fell for a man who lived in the UK and she's in the US. They talked, video chatted, etc..and she thought they would get married. She ended up flying to the UK to meet him in person. Turns out he's already married and has children and was a horrible person!!!! My cousin had sent him a sentimental piece of jewelry, money, etc... Scam artist for sure!!! Not saying that your online person is fake, but please be very careful!!!
Oh no! That's awful. Unfortunately this is all too common. Especially the already being married bit. But it's even easier to scam in this way online than in person with someone in your city.
I think your relationship advice is spot on, no matter your sexual preferences. It may be hard to hear, but it was honest, based from experience and self-awareness, delivered with respect and kindness.
Will, I feel you. You sound so much like younger me. Two things stick out to me in your letter given my own experiences that ended horribly. The word submissive might just have meant sexual, but if it also describes your demeanor/personality, meaning if you're an agreeable person, which is so lovely and good, then what Joel and Keegan said is extremely important. Be careful, proceed with caution, and keep your eyes open. The second thing is that you described him as argumentative, to a degree he would get banned, which is another bad sign. Antagonistic people are usually much nicer in public and in the first few months of getting to know someone than they are with their closest relationships. This combo of authoritative and submissive, combined with naivety is so risky. And I fully understand the desire to be with someone you're already smitten with and dismissing all their red flags and telling myself I just need to trust it the relationship won't go anywhere. Trust your self and your gut (not your heart, they are different), and if you don't know what that is saying, slow way down until you do. From someone who lost decades to that kinda dynamic you've described sucking the life out of me cuz I didn't see it at all clearly and just wanted it to work, please guard yourself.
Also, online is so easy to get scammed, even with what seems authentic expressions of attraction and affection. Just walked a friend thru losing almost a year's wages to a love scam where he "really wanted to help her get in a better place financially and knew this great company he was investing in that he was investing his own money in and making a lot of money. " he was a very convincing person who found her two most desperate needs (affection and financial securty) and promised both while sounding very strong and assured (eventually pushy, but she only realized that after it was to late)
Anyway Will, you got this. Protect yourself, and look for folks who are confident without being arrogant. ❤🤗
I’m so thankful for the honest advise you gave. I almost got caught up in a similar situation. He was a very handsome Russian guy and the connection was there until he began talking about a sick mother and the horrible financial situations they were in. At the time I was very lonely and looking for someone to connect with. All kinds of red flags popped up and it made me immediately cut off all contacts with him and I’ve made a conscious decision to try to make local connections with the LGBTQ people in my community. Thanks again guys.
My advice: whatever you do, just don't go to Russia, it's very dangerous.
I’d love to go to Russia someday, but not anytime soon. Like he said it is really dangerous right now.
@@NickP16 Feel free to visit and explore - it's not dangerous at all and every major city gots gay club, bathhouses.... If you need a help to find it - let me know!!!
Lie!
@@rayne1462 Ohhhh pleeeaaase do not lecture me about wars - westerners got no rights to even talk about it!!!
I wouldn't recommend going to Florida either.
My advice - run fast, in the opposite direction. Red flag - getting banned online for being aggressive & argumentative. Obviously he’s pretending sweetness & light to get Will into his clutches. I thought it particularly interesting that he told his mother, who wasn’t absolutely opposed, but urged him to be cautious. She’s correct, mums always know. I understand Will sounds smitten, but it’s a fantasy that sounds highly unlikely to have a positive outcome if taken further.
Truly. This story was giving me red flags from the get-go, on both sides honestly. Getting banned is something that is extremely easy to avoid for chill people. Plus, the fact that OP said they were young and having trouble fitting into queer spaces due to conflicts of ideals was worrying. If it's so extreme to the point where you can't even vibe with the community recreationally, then something's amiss. So to find an argumentative person online who you fall for due to common ideals? To most likely be the younger "submissive" one in said relationship,, and for both of you to have what is most likely more "traditional" views? This sounded like a nightmare setup that straight women everywhere are trying to avoid daily. OP's gonna get themselves in major trouble, even if it isn't a scam.
Russian gay guy here. I agree with everything you said. Will should remain skeptical and try to look at the situation realistically. I believe that maintaining communication in the context of friendship, while simultaneously looking for a partner in real life where he lives is the best option
Speaking as someone who met my husband (of 16 years) online, I agree with much of what Joel and Keegan said. We were part of the forums of a Star Trek fanfilm (pre-Facebook). It was a community of divergent thoughts and opinions; it was a place for folks to find their identities, find their tribe, as well as express a diversity of opinions and beliefs. It wasn't a monolith. I was cautious when I was first messaged by this guy (and I hadn't come out yet, so that provided a layer of "protection"), but we did take the steps to get to know one another, both online and off-line. And at the same time, we'd built a community of friends, both on and off-line. So it worked out, but as said, don't dive head long into this thinking that it's going to be "happily, happily ever after" right away.
I also want to express a word of caution regarding Reddit... My husband is an avid Reddit reader, but the one thing that he frequently shares with me, is how people come there looking to justify as specific set of beliefs/opinions. As said, don't go looking for your tribe among those who "preach to the choir," so to speak.
Excellent advice!!! Even when dating face to face you don’t really know what kind of person your dealing with until you spend time with them . But I think its especially true with a social media relationship. Love comes from spending time with someone and going through the ups and downs of relationships. How people react through the good and the bad!
Whenever I here the phrase "the LGBT Community" I can never quite understand what they're on about...
As a hetero man with Russian experience....watch out when they ask to mail then a $6000 diamond engagement ring - or $3000 to travel to US.
Keegan is very intelligent - he really shows great insight into the human experience. Fantastic to listen to.
The issue I would look out for is the other person asking for money in any form. There are tons of scammers that use various methods to find people. In the end they end up asking you for money. That would be a red flag for me regardless of how much or what form they would want the money in (buying them a phone, or iTune gift card etc).
I had a long-term friend (and client) who fell into a long distance relationship with a person in the Philippines. This went on for a few months, and my friend started sending this person money to finish their education. I tried to warn my friend that this was not a good idea (sending money), but my friend was an older gay man and he was desperate. Long story short, my friend blew through something like $250,000 USD over the course of a year or so. And my friend ended up broke and without a relationship with this person from the Philippines. Very sad outcome, but my friend would not listen.
I have an acquaintance who was the doing the same thing the last time that I saw him. The young guy was in Malaysia.
Very sound advise.
Excellent advice!!! Why are the accents from northern England so bloody sexy???
Keep up with the long distance relationship and wait until he starts to ask for $$. I have experienced this twice. The request then quickly turned into accusations that I owed him money.
Take good universal care
Lots of universal love colin 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Run, run away really fast
I see the point but don't accept the assumption that in personal connections are superior to the online ones. People are different and they need different things at different points in their lives
As everyone has mentioned, proceed carefully.
To be blunt, you are not in love.
That is not to say you aren't developing feelings and forging a connection. But, if it has indeed only been two plus weeks of communication, you have known this person long enough.
So, guard your heart and reassess some things.
You aren't as alone as you think, and this guy isn't your only lifeline.
There are other people out there.
As a young college student, I'm guessing you have a lot of the world to still experience.
My advice. Keep your heart open. Find mates that are coupled and hang out with them. You’ll know within a short time what kind of man you’re interested in. They will try to fix you up with “decent” guys. Get into fitness and nutrition. Meditate. Get proper rest. Don’t get drunk anymore- stay bushy tailed!
Always be aware of what’s going on. Never underestimate the the thought “I’m an American, why would they lure me into another country for something so small”
Understand hate has no limits when hateful people are given so much power to do hateful, hurtful things freely!
Also isn’t it ironic how he doesn’t agree with gay people because of his strong, traditional views and is love with someone who lives in a place where they could be jailed and or beaten to death because of it conservative, traditional values! 🤷🏼♂️
What do you guys think about gay partners who have an open relationsip, but tend to for purposes of simplicity, keep their outside relationsips with "straight" guys who occasionally cross the line on the "Down Low" so to speak?
Forgive me, but “straight guys “ don’t sleep with men.
That would be closeted dudes.
My gym is full of men on the DL
They’re gay …or bi at best .
His heart is "annexed" by the Russian man
What is your issue with Russian
One point that was not mentioined but is certaily very current, especially in Russia. These online relationships provide the Russian partner with a possible means of getting out of his homeland and into a more LGBTQ+ friendly. This does not entierly pertain to Russia. I'm sure there are many homophobic countries that gays would want to get out of. In Russia's current case, their military action and consequent travel restrictions, combined with possible military constription, make getting out an even greater priority. I'm involved with a similar situation myself except I am the older and "wiser" and my Russian lad is a very young man in his twenties. My experience tells me to run as fast as I can, however, knowing his situation, I want to help if I can.
While it may take months, very much a grooming technique, when money comes up you need to cut them off. Since the start of the UA/RU conflict, I have seen an uptick in people, ostensibly from the two countries, who will communicate with you for a month or two then will suddenly need money for one thing or another. I had two, supposedly different people, tell me the same story about a dead grandmother and needing money to privatize her apartment to inherit it. A healthy dose of suspicion will keep you safe. My overall advice: keep your eyes open and your wallet closed.
Taking the emotion out of this, looking at the pure logistics of the situation; as A Russian male, his chances of getting out of the country and then getting somewhere that you could both go to safely is highly unlikely and likely to also not be a permanent situation. Russia is guaranteeing their own isolation for many years to come. I see big red flags...
Just don't let money get involved. Firm.
Do each of you have a role. Submissive? Dominant? Or are you both versatile?
Keegan is looking hench 😳💪🏻
The guy in grey shirt is daddy lol
Meanwhile on Russian TH-cam your guy just posted: "HELP! I have an online relationship with an American man!"
Imagine that! 😂
Imagine for a second everything is genuine on both sides. How would logistics work?.
1) Will the American gay guy come to Russia?.. I hope he's not that insane.
2) Will the Russian guy come to the US?.. Who'll pay for a visa and all expenses around it? Who'll sign visa sponsorship? Who'll provide until the Russian guy gets a work permit? Essentially a kid? What can he do for a living in America? Is he willing to take a job?😮💨😮💨😮💨
Love is love, love is gay, gay is fantastic 🥰 This I believe 🥰 l love the Rainbow Family 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈 W Gay Wedding 💞👍
I'm Gay and I'd love to find a Russian husband.
Will, do you work in a ln information sensitive industry? Unlikely because you are a student. Are you wealthy and could he be financially scammed? Or scammed to get a residency visa? Or could there be potential for violence? It may work out but it may not. You do need to proceed with caution. Caution is crucial. And to add, his admiration for your ‘submissiveness’ is a true red flag. It may just be a ‘bed’ thing but perhaps he will want you to carry that through life. Which is a worry.
aim to meet without it costing you money
SCAMS!
if he's in the states there are conservative groups for queer folks that this young person could become a part of. At the very least he could not be isolated and totally reliant on this long-distance connection.
You two have never been to Russia. And it's not a crime to be gay in Russia. You two went to Florida with the same law as Russia. But you still went.
Many people exaggerate the problems, especially the Western media. Most Russian gays move to Moscow and live well there
It's dangerous in both places, be honest.
There's gay marriage in florida
@@aidadam0 there was gay marriage in Russia before 2024.
There's also governor Ron DeSantis, the most Anti-LGBTQ politician in the USA currently. @@aidadam0
Discuss topics like that in the context of the particular nationality is rude and terrible! His mother is a nationalist! And you should say that as well.
Of course online relationships are difficult. Of course it even can be dangerous. But not because of the certain original country of someone.
She’s just being a mum .
@@richardurch446 not just a mum unfortunately
Dear Deidre….
Only the gay version 😀😀
Yeah. More conservative gays!! Love it!!!
The problem is that either you are in one camp and support everything that one party stands for, or you are in another camp and are supposed to defend every talking point of the other side. I dare to say that the majority of people have a mixture of opinions that sometimes align with one side and sometimes with another. I am socially liberal and fiscally conservative, and I find it hard to affiliate with either Democrats or Republicans. Unfortunately, there is nobody else _allowed_ to compete with them. I guess it makes me a "conservative gay".
@@TT-hl3sm libertarian-ish maybe?
@@teebrowne-prince3085 They are not on the ballot in many states and are not _invited_ to debates (similar to Ralph Nader with his Green Party). To ensure that they are not included in the debates, the eligibility rules are changed based on their performance. For instance, when Johnson got on the ballot in all states, they added a requirement that he must have support from more than **% of the population, based on hand-picked polling agencies. This makes it impossible for them to win or have a voice. So, yes, I can call myself a libertarian, but it is meaningless.
@@TT-hl3sm that's why I registered as a Republican, even though I'm more of a Libertarian.
Conservative gays always baffle me. It's one of the most oxymoronic things I can think of. The politics of suppression, living in the past, (and in practice always bigotry) conflict entirely with gay & queer liberation. Does it originate from self-hatred?
A person's sexual orientation is not a choice. Their politics absolutely is.