I was married to my accepting wife for 51 years. I cared for her with MS for almost 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate (stand or walk) for the last 15 years. I used a hoist, wheelchair, powerdrive etc. Before she passed I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband and she said "Of course. That was easy. Why wouldn't I?" Not interested in forming a relationship with a man. Too old now. But both my adult kids are very accepting, which is special. I was a Baptist Pastor years ago but was told I am not welcome to even attend church, since I am gay. I never was. I went through 13 years of reparative therapy including electronic shock therapy. It did a lot of damage, but it did prove medically that I am gay. Now I'm enjoying being who I always was.
@ronsmith2241 How fortunate you are that your wife was accepting of you being gay. I have a gay friend who has that same relationship with his wife currently. It amazes me. I was not as fortunate. I was married to a woman for 47 years and we had 2 sons. I often thought of coming out, but there never seemed to be a right time. I finally did come out to her ,and it didn't go well. It was always like an elephant in the room. I was thinking that we would probably have to get a divorce, but she got dementia around that time, and I couldn't bring myself to divorce her at that point, I had to take care of her. She passed away 2 years ago and I am now attempting to start my life as a out gay man and it is a real challenge, to say the least. My sons don't accept me, and most of my old friends don't as well. I will be 70 in a month,and feel pretty alone.
@@richardbuckwalter8571 and @ronsmith2241 thank you for sharing your stories and I’m truly sorry for the hard things you both have had to face. 😢 Do you have any advice for a gay person who wants to stay in their heterosexual marriage? How does a person manage the longing for a same sex relationship? Does the pain and grief get easier to manage?
I married my high school sweetheart when we were both 18 back in 1978. We were married for 40 yrs and had 3 beautiful children together. I knew I was gay at 13 but was convinced I would be "cured" from those feelings over time. Instead I suppressed them as much as possible and remained closeted for almost 40 years. Through therapy I was able to finally find the strength to come out. My children and now ex-wife have been very supportive. Love can be defined in many ways and can change over time as life happens. My ex-wife has always been my best friend and we will always "love" and support each other. Navigating my life now as a out and proud gay man has been both exciting and terrifying.
The one thing I would absolutely hate in this type of situation is for a person cheating because they feel the need to explore to figure themselves out. Cheating is cheating. There is no justification when already in a relationship that hasn’t “ended”. You do not get to use this as a crisis while figuring out your sexual identity. Lastly, Happy Birthday Keegan. Wishing you, many, many and more many more. 🎉🎉🎉
Not sure why you brought up cheating in this scenario because it's not the case or topic of discussion even though your point is somewhat hypothetical. It certainly wouldn't make the writer of the email feel good...
@@chriscansdale6389 Maybe he's referring to cheating more about the lie and not being 100% real with their intentions. I'd personally feel cheated and used if something similar happened to me. It's a difficult topic for sure, but I would like to bring up that there's a difference between discovering yourself and using other people's feelings to cover up.
@@chriscansdale6389 Cheating was implied in the discussion. Not a “feel good” situation, or discussion for that matter. Talking about it can make one feel guilt just because of internal thoughts.
*Does it really matter if that past relationship was with a man or a woman?* You've both grown, you've learned, and it sounds like you loved in that time together. That pairing is part of who you are today. Take it forward. *IMHO, It's helpful to remember that every relationship will fail until the one that doesn't.* (Best advice I ever received!) Fail...fail again...fail better. Life...love...and sometimes heartbreak...are part of the journey. Take all the joy you can out of the journey! *HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEEGAN!* *HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY JOEL AND KEEGAN!*
I agree with your comment. The only thing that I would challenge would be the lie. I mean, if you're in a relationship with someone, you're expected to be honest with your partner. What's the point of being in a relationship if something so fundamental is not real. I put myself in the shoes of the wives or past relationships thinking, why would he lie that way?, why would he even try to seduce me if the feelings weren't completely real? Am I not lovable that I'm only worth being used? I could've been loved for real if I knew. I'd personally feel cheated and used. I know times have changed, so it's easier to be gay now, which I'm super grateful for. But, I'd say it does matter if you're not attracted to your partner. Normalizing this behavior shouldn't be accepted. Imagine other scenario, if someone is only for your money, yeah, we both grew, but was the love real? How can I trust you? Just some thoughts.
Hey Morris, that sounds difficult. Good on you wanting to figure it out, and reaching out to get help for that. The first thought that comes to my mind is two maybe sit with the missing her, which I will admit is not pleasant or easy, but while you're doing that, just get curious about what are the things that mattered to you most. With the goal of eventually allowing what comes up to shed some light on what you miss about her, and your relationship. At the very least you will be left with some important information about what you want in your relationships. But it might also help you uncover an answer to your own question. And unfortunately I think we can love a lot of people and and yet is far fewer people that we can truly make a solid life and future with together with them. I wish you luck and Healing For The Broken Heart
Having a situation myself where I broke up with her after 12 years of ups and downs but over all frustration because she would never try to change for the better like get a stable job or join me in bettering our health and habits. 12 years of opposite schedules, I’d use winter to recoup and live on her schedule. 12 years wasted pretending I was ok, being something I’m not and trying to support the two of us while she took everyone else’s advice on our life over working with me. Now alone with barely anyone I knew who in can go to, the guy who opened my eyes refuses to talk to me and I’m stuck living with her as toon mates for six months. Thank you so much for everything you two do someday maybe I’ll find another guy to shoulder life with and actually live instead of just sit inside at a computer like she always did.
Happy Birthday Keegan! This was an interesting topic. Only "Morris" knows how he felt and feels about his girlfriend. He gets to define his feelings for himself. It seems like "Morris" may have been concerned with how to explain his feelings for his ex-girlfriend to family, friends and future boyfriend, especially since it seems he wants to pursue gay love. I'd love to hear from him like 6 months from now to see how this issue has unfolded for him.
I enjoy your podcasts immensely. Thank you for them. There’s no question in my mind that I loved the woman I was with for 17 years. Her two children I consider my kids and I have a wonderful relationship with them but none with their mother. I always felt there was a piece missing and thought it was because she did not want to get married because she had some deep-seated reservation about me which if she did turned out to be correct. I had sex with a man for the first time when I was 41 and then I knew instantly what I had been missing. I began having sex with men on the side. I stopped having sex with my partner. Of course, everything deteriorated and when I fell in love with a man at 44 going on emotionally 16 everything fell apart. We stayed together another year, miserable for both of us but I was determined that our daughter would finish college which financially required that her mother and I stayed together. I would do that again for my daughter in a heartbeat. I am not proud of the pain I caused my former partner and have made amends for it. In many ways it was the best of the relationships I have had. On the other hand once I knew about my sexuality I was off and running to live life honestly and legitimately. I had no choice but to pursue my destiny. I was in public life, and therefore I came out publicly. I’ve had two relationships with men, one of which did not end successfully, and another ended sadly. From those two relationships I earned a graduate in codependency but I have a graduated and that is no longer an issue. I am now closer to antiquity than to the blush of youth but I’m comfortable in my own skin and happier than any other time in life. I’m living where I want and how I want. I’m involved in volunteer activities and have companionship with guys including hot sex. These younger guys find something engaging with me and I don’t question good fortune. I am content and grateful. It saddens me to see so many gay men my age pining for a partner and having regrets about failed relationships in the past or living a lonely life. I wish I good bottle whatever it is I have going. I would make a fortune distributing it. Thank you again for your inspiration, good common sense and delightful humor.
Love and infatuation re two different emotions. I have been in Love twice in my life. My first love died and my second love.... well that was odd and I'm not looking for anyone else as I still love him.
I am dating a few people at the same time right now and feel so much love. My ex-husband and I shared a connection with music and were nesting partners but we did not in the end have the same values and, I'm not sure if we really had too much sexual compatibility. I date men, women, and non-binary people, so it was just individually not a good match in hindsight.
I feel our sexuality doesn't define are capacity for who we love. But, the key element is desire. As a gay man I could love a woman. But, I wouldn't desire her. Not without effort or forcing myself. When I look at another man there is no effort it's just natural for me. So maybe the question isn't if you loved her, because I believe you did. But did you ever truely desire her?
I was married to my accepting wife for 51 years. I cared for her with MS for almost 26 years. She wasn't able to ambulate (stand or walk) for the last 15 years. I used a hoist, wheelchair, powerdrive etc. Before she passed I thanked her for accepting me as her gay husband and she said "Of course. That was easy. Why wouldn't I?" Not interested in forming a relationship with a man. Too old now. But both my adult kids are very accepting, which is special. I was a Baptist Pastor years ago but was told I am not welcome to even attend church, since I am gay. I never was. I went through 13 years of reparative therapy including electronic shock therapy. It did a lot of damage, but it did prove medically that I am gay. Now I'm enjoying being who I always was.
@ronsmith2241 How fortunate you are that your wife was accepting of you being gay. I have a gay friend who has that same relationship with his wife currently. It amazes me. I was not as fortunate. I was married to a woman for 47 years and we had 2 sons. I often thought of coming out, but there never seemed to be a right time. I finally did come out to her ,and it didn't go well. It was always like an elephant in the room. I was thinking that we would probably have to get a divorce, but she got dementia around that time, and I couldn't bring myself to divorce her at that point, I had to take care of her. She passed away 2 years ago and I am now attempting to start my life as a out gay man and it is a real challenge, to say the least. My sons don't accept me, and most of my old friends don't as well. I will be 70 in a month,and feel pretty alone.
@@richardbuckwalter8571 and @ronsmith2241 thank you for sharing your stories and I’m truly sorry for the hard things you both have had to face. 😢 Do you have any advice for a gay person who wants to stay in their heterosexual marriage? How does a person manage the longing for a same sex relationship? Does the pain and grief get easier to manage?
@@richardbuckwalter8571oh my god that is so heartbreaking I'm so sorry. I really hope things work out for you my god 😢😢😢😢
@TheNiland43 Thank you for caring, it means alot!! ❤️
I married my high school sweetheart when we were both 18 back in 1978. We were married for 40 yrs and had 3 beautiful children together. I knew I was gay at 13 but was convinced I would be "cured" from those feelings over time. Instead I suppressed them as much as possible and remained closeted for almost 40 years. Through therapy I was able to finally find the strength to come out. My children and now ex-wife have been very supportive. Love can be defined in many ways and can change over time as life happens. My ex-wife has always been my best friend and we will always "love" and support each other. Navigating my life now as a out and proud gay man has been both exciting and terrifying.
The one thing I would absolutely hate in this type of situation is for a person cheating because they feel the need to explore to figure themselves out. Cheating is cheating. There is no justification when already in a relationship that hasn’t “ended”. You do not get to use this as a crisis while figuring out your sexual identity.
Lastly, Happy Birthday Keegan. Wishing you, many, many and more many more. 🎉🎉🎉
Not sure why you brought up cheating in this scenario because it's not the case or topic of discussion even though your point is somewhat hypothetical. It certainly wouldn't make the writer of the email feel good...
@@chriscansdale6389 Maybe he's referring to cheating more about the lie and not being 100% real with their intentions. I'd personally feel cheated and used if something similar happened to me.
It's a difficult topic for sure, but I would like to bring up that there's a difference between discovering yourself and using other people's feelings to cover up.
Things can be comparable but not the same. If someone cheats in an abusive relationship, as you put it "cheating is cheating", right?
@@chriscansdale6389 Cheating was implied in the discussion. Not a “feel good” situation, or discussion for that matter. Talking about it can make one feel guilt just because of internal thoughts.
*Does it really matter if that past relationship was with a man or a woman?*
You've both grown, you've learned, and it sounds like you loved in that time together.
That pairing is part of who you are today. Take it forward.
*IMHO, It's helpful to remember that every relationship will fail until the one that doesn't.* (Best advice I ever received!)
Fail...fail again...fail better.
Life...love...and sometimes heartbreak...are part of the journey. Take all the joy you can out of the journey!
*HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEEGAN!*
*HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY JOEL AND KEEGAN!*
Beautifully written. Completely agree.
I agree with your comment. The only thing that I would challenge would be the lie. I mean, if you're in a relationship with someone, you're expected to be honest with your partner. What's the point of being in a relationship if something so fundamental is not real.
I put myself in the shoes of the wives or past relationships thinking, why would he lie that way?, why would he even try to seduce me if the feelings weren't completely real? Am I not lovable that I'm only worth being used? I could've been loved for real if I knew.
I'd personally feel cheated and used.
I know times have changed, so it's easier to be gay now, which I'm super grateful for.
But, I'd say it does matter if you're not attracted to your partner.
Normalizing this behavior shouldn't be accepted. Imagine other scenario, if someone is only for your money, yeah, we both grew, but was the love real? How can I trust you?
Just some thoughts.
I've noticed that Keegan is a hand-talker .. was the hoodie a birthday present ?
Happy Birthday, Keegan! 🎂🎈🎊🎉🎁
Hey Morris, that sounds difficult. Good on you wanting to figure it out, and reaching out to get help for that. The first thought that comes to my mind is two maybe sit with the missing her, which I will admit is not pleasant or easy, but while you're doing that, just get curious about what are the things that mattered to you most. With the goal of eventually allowing what comes up to shed some light on what you miss about her, and your relationship. At the very least you will be left with some important information about what you want in your relationships. But it might also help you uncover an answer to your own question. And unfortunately I think we can love a lot of people and and yet is far fewer people that we can truly make a solid life and future with together with them. I wish you luck and Healing For The Broken Heart
Good advice!
Also, Happy Birthday Keegan! 🥳
Happy Birthday Keegan! 🎉🎉
Having a situation myself where I broke up with her after 12 years of ups and downs but over all frustration because she would never try to change for the better like get a stable job or join me in bettering our health and habits.
12 years of opposite schedules, I’d use winter to recoup and live on her schedule.
12 years wasted pretending I was ok, being something I’m not and trying to support the two of us while she took everyone else’s advice on our life over working with me.
Now alone with barely anyone I knew who in can go to, the guy who opened my eyes refuses to talk to me and I’m stuck living with her as toon mates for six months.
Thank you so much for everything you two do someday maybe I’ll find another guy to shoulder life with and actually live instead of just sit inside at a computer like she always did.
Happy Birthday Keegan! This was an interesting topic. Only "Morris" knows how he felt and feels about his girlfriend. He gets to define his feelings for himself. It seems like "Morris" may have been concerned with how to explain his feelings for his ex-girlfriend to family, friends and future boyfriend, especially since it seems he wants to pursue gay love. I'd love to hear from him like 6 months from now to see how this issue has unfolded for him.
I hope you have a Happy Birthday Keegan! Enjoy your day!🎂🎈🎂 (And a good episode too!)
I enjoy your podcasts immensely. Thank you for them.
There’s no question in my mind that I loved the woman I was with for 17 years. Her two children I consider my kids and I have a wonderful relationship with them but none with their mother.
I always felt there was a piece missing and thought it was because she did not want to get married because she had some deep-seated reservation about me which if she did turned out to be correct. I had sex with a man for the first time when I was 41 and then I knew instantly what I had been missing. I began having sex with men on the side. I stopped having sex with my partner. Of course, everything deteriorated and when I fell in love with a man at 44 going on emotionally 16 everything fell apart. We stayed together another year, miserable for both of us but I was determined that our daughter would finish college which financially required that her mother and I stayed together. I would do that again for my daughter in a heartbeat.
I am not proud of the pain I caused my former partner and have made amends for it. In many ways it was the best of the relationships I have had. On the other hand once I knew about my sexuality I was off and running to live life honestly and legitimately. I had no choice but to pursue my destiny.
I was in public life, and therefore I came out publicly.
I’ve had two relationships with men, one of which did not end successfully, and another ended sadly. From those two relationships I earned a graduate in codependency but I have a graduated and that is no longer an issue.
I am now closer to antiquity than to the blush of youth but I’m comfortable in my own skin and happier than any other time in life. I’m living where I want and how I want. I’m involved in volunteer activities and have companionship with guys including hot sex. These younger guys find something engaging with me and I don’t question good fortune.
I am content and grateful. It saddens me to see so many gay men my age pining for a partner and having regrets about failed relationships in the past or living a lonely life. I wish I good bottle whatever it is I have going. I would make a fortune distributing it.
Thank you again for your inspiration, good common sense and delightful humor.
Just found HHH and very much enjoyed whatIve seen so far. Looking forward to watching future episodes.
Thank you! That's very kind of you ❤️ we look forward to creating them!
Happy Birthday, Keegan. 🎉
Great discussion
I love love love Keegan’s shirts.
My ex wife and I agree that we were great roommates, and we should have stayed that way.
Love and infatuation re two different emotions. I have been in Love twice in my life. My first love died and my second love.... well that was odd and I'm not looking for anyone else as I still love him.
Happy birthday Keegan 🎉🎂🍾🥂
I am dating a few people at the same time right now and feel so much love. My ex-husband and I shared a connection with music and were nesting partners but we did not in the end have the same values and, I'm not sure if we really had too much sexual compatibility. I date men, women, and non-binary people, so it was just individually not a good match in hindsight.
I feel our sexuality doesn't define are capacity for who we love.
But, the key element is desire. As a gay man I could love a woman. But, I wouldn't desire her. Not without effort or forcing myself.
When I look at another man there is no effort it's just natural for me.
So maybe the question isn't if you loved her, because I believe you did. But did you ever truely desire her?
Love is love doesn't matter if your in love with a man or a woman. It is what attracts as sexually more so.