Parents, How Do You Deal With Regretting Having Kids? (r/AskReddit)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ย. 2024
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we also gotta really stop pushing the "kids = ultimate fulfillment" narrative. its fulfilling for some people and kudos to them but parenthood isnt meant for everyone and thats ok. i know im not having any, too many mental issues, i want to travel, and i like quiet time by myself
For real.
Definitely agree.
I can tell from your profile pic lol
What can I say, hair dye is at least cheaper than heroin
I hate society or whatever for pressuring everyone to have children. Not every person is meant to be a parent.
Reddit: "I know he didn't ask to be born into this world, and I hate myself for putting my son through so much stress. I have cancer, and I can't take care of him as much as I'd like."
Updoot: *cheery music*
InkTheOne I was just about to comment about that
yeah got to switch to some more neutral music in the future
"I was conceived on his 18th birthday" is an incredibly upsetting sentence
Wonder what the age gap was
I was thinking that too. Sketchy as hell.
I feel like most people don't think it through, they just see cute pictures or think "I watch my nephew twice a week so I know what's like to be a parent." BS
So,my mother birthed me to trap my father in a marriage, which succeeded...until he divorced her and took my brother and me. While he did "the right thing" it was clear he never wanted to be a father. Now that we're adults, both of us are trainwrecks. My brother has never held down a job and can't handle life sober, and I have such severe anxiety and depression that a day doesn't go by that I don't think about killing myself.
Bloody Quill 38 I’m sorry about your struggles.
I hope you find a way to heal from the past and thrive in your life! ❤️
LISTEN TO ME.
DONT KILL YOURSELF
I LOST MY MUM TO DEPRESSION
I UNDERSTAND ITS THE WORST
BUT U CAN GET THROUGH THIS
GET THERAPY
I WILL BE YOUR FRIEND
Bloody Quill 38 We never escape having lived through a messed up childhood. I did too...and now have to deal with these problems daily. I feel your pain. 🌎😢
I had my 1 at 26 and still wasn't prepared. I never wanted kids and mine was an accident. She's amazing and the world is better with her in it. But, I still have that regret. Regretting having kids has nothing to do with the kids themselves. It's more like watching my life plans going in a way I never wanted. I had to give up so much I wanted to accomplish. My daughter told me recently that she doesn't want kids. If that's what she truly wants, I want her to be more careful than I was. My mom was surprised that I wasn't upset that I won't be a grandma. I completely understand why my daughter doesn't want kids. I 100% support her.
You girl are freaking awesome! Never doubt that👍
I never wanted a kid also but knew shit happens. My son is well the product of birth control and condoms not working. I love him he is the best thing that i know is mine. Not having kids is great just let her know shit happens. Thats the best way i can say it.
@@aprils.8350 My birth control was recalled. Didn't know until after the positive pregnancy test.
There is no accident what do you expect once you lay down with a man? especially if your tubes aren't tied
If the sex was consensual the pregnancy was planned. The kid wasn’t an accident, that was a choice.
I decided not to have children. As a woman in my 20's everyone told me I would change my mind (and continue to tell me I'll change my mind despite having my fallopian tubes removed). Some of the reasons I chose not to: I have mental illness. Nothing that would render me dangerous to a child, but in the past I've been a danger to myself and I couldn't knowingly put a child through the trauma of growing up with a depressed parent. And if it's genetic, I'd hate to pass it on. I also don't believe in bringing children into the world when there's so much suffering. No one gets through life unscathed, and since suffering is inevitable then objectively it is better to not suffer and therefore not exist. Overpopulation. No, I'm not saying there's not enough resources for more people, I'm saying that there's so many children in foster care that already need homes and don't have one. The idea of having a child because I want it to look like me and not saving one that's already here makes me uncomfortable. Also the responsibility of caring for another person is an added stress. If I ever end up homeless, I'll only have to worry about myself, not about finding shelter/food for a child, too. There's more, but those are the top reasons for me.
People tell me all the time it's selfish but I actually don't think it is. I love children, I just don't want any of my own.
Sarah N. You’re not selfish AT ALL honey. You did what is right for YOU. That’s what really really matters. ♥️
Sarah N. Also, Sara I wanted to tell you how much it cost our highly intelligent son to go to Uni Pre-Med, and then Med school, then more $$$$ for Internship. Imagine a Rolls Royce car PER YEAR, with all the fancy trimmings!!! He had many many scholarships here & abroad also. And he STILL owes! He graduated right after he turned 25. That waaaaay young. So don’t you ever feel bad. You’ve done the mature, smart thing. Don’t doubt yourself!!!! 🦠😷🧫🧤♥️
I feel the same way (also female). I dont get how thinking of the well-being of someone else is considered selfish? Honestly during this quarantine, we may not have enough food for the population.
@@buddyholly4672 that's exactly it. People have told me I just don't care about children. Hello? I probably care more about children than the average person because I'm thinking about the well-being of children that aren't even alive yet. I think a lot of people that have kids forget that the child they have is going to grow up and live a life of their own and that life is going to inevitably have hardships and there's no way to know for certain that their life will be good enough to be worth going through all that hardship for, you know? A child is a living, breathing human being that will have their own struggles and trauma.
It is not a selfish decision, and you have many good reasons for making that choice. I'm in the same boat. Now that I'm nearing my 40's, people have finally realized that I will NOT change my mind, and it will NOT happen by accident. (I can't tell you how many times I heard "Oh, kids have a way of just happening!") I also had to deal with people asking me whether I was considering my husband's feelings, or just my own. He and I have ALWAYS been in agreement about not having kids, but more people seemed to respect his decision. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. It's a very personal decision, and it needs to be treated that way.
I'm high functioning autistic, but I know that I could never have children. I feel no maternal instincts towards babies. Not even towards my niece and nephew. I feel love and affection towards them, but I never once thought "i should pop out a couple of these for myself!" I am also not great at handling basic tasks like dishes or laundry, I sometimes have breakdowns over them. I wouldn't be a good mother and I hate when people tell me that I'll change my mind and want kids. I like kids, shit I'm even great with them. But I'd be a horrible mother and I should never have kids. I would hate it, get overwhelmed, and potentially turn abusive. No way am I changing my mind.
Same💖
And I’m the complete opposite. Even as a single mom with a severe physically painful born illness and the mental and physical exhaustion of being alone since their dad deuced with no family in my life and doing it alone I KNEW this is what I was born to do. Be a mom. Just like in your case it’s just something you KNOW. Don’t ever let anyone try and tell you that you’re wrong. People that try and say females can’t be complete without children are the most selfish people and just want to fit it…and usually look at their children as objects and use them for their own attention and are horrible and narcissistic to those babies behind closed doors. Who cares what other people want in their own lives? People like you who are honest with themselves are the reason I still have faith in humanity. Thank you!!
I’m autistic as well and I don’t believe I would make a good mother. I also have a hard time being attracted to anyone and I get no enjoyment out of sex, anyway. I just don’t fully grasp the concept of getting married or having kids.
That’s sad, pls don’t let anything pressure u into this life changing experience if u know your heart’s not in it. Leaves a long and difficult legacy for future gens that may suffer from such a decision.
I remember talking to my therapist and I mentioned when she would want kids? And she said she doesn’t want kids, she doesn’t plan to have them..and that blew my mind as a high schooler- like “you can decide to not have kids?!” I realized I was very corrupted by the idea that women are meant for only living up to being moms and I still to this day am confused as to how mind blowing is was for me to come to realize that I have a choice and I decide what I want to do/be for my future.
Same experience kinda but with religion at 13, my science teacher was the first person who ever expressed they were non-religious and was nonchalant about it. Wasn't telling us no to believe but somehow it came up and she just stated she didnt believe. Growing up Mexican with super catholic parents/family and even school most everyone has a faith it shook me to my core that you could question it all.
And that's what I did from that moment forward I questioned everything and became atheist for a bit but now agnostic. But as you stated it may have been a small moment but the eye opening experience that is was to me was mind bending.
Same here when my ex told me he doesn't want kids. I was confused and hurt but then I was like.. do I really want kids? It never crossed my mind that I have a choice. They brainwash us from early age that we've to. Today I'm childfree
I've never asked if my parents regretted having me because I know that even if they do that they'll never admit it. I DO know that my mother is disappointed that I have no interest in having kids, though. Mostly because every time she sees me having a friendly conversation with a single woman she looks like she's got a giddy little secret for the rest of the night. It's annoying. I can barely take care of myself and she wants me to add a kid to that mix. How about no?
I'm fn grateful and nearly hopeful for the human race that you are self aware like this. Thank you.
I have fibromyalgia and I see so many people who fit the criteria to have the degenerative diseases ruled out. Seems that it's as if there is a prerequisite of depression and anxiety. Oh, and to the *men* out there: you can absolutely 100% get fibromyalgia 😔
I am so angry for all the people who choose to get pregnant, without thinking. My sisters and I have such a hard time existing and even tho out parents do not play a huge role in our lives anymore, they still try to make our lives more miserable as they are. And they blame us for their problems. Like we chose to be birthed
Do-gooders always rush in with 'you have undiagnosed post-partum depression, it's a thing, there's help' but never stop to think that maybe the mother means every word they say with no hormonal imbalance influencing their mental & emotional state. That is WAY too dark for people to consider and deal with. Post-partum sounds far more socially palatable.
The breast cancer story broke my heart
There's was this Doctor who talked about about a certain fear, I don't remember the name, but it was the fear of dying, most people fear death, but mothers fear leaving their child without a mother alone in the world, and feels more terrified by that thought than death itself, its so it's so beautiful and fucking awful at the same time I can't stop crying
I hope this highlights how important it is to take the decision to have children seriously- even in the best of circumstances it can be extremely challenging and will consume a significant proportion of your resources time, money and emotions. Post natal depression can strike anyone, even if the baby was very much wanted - please get help if you are struggling. Choose the person you parent with carefully as the qualities that might make someone desirable as a young person can be less so once you have the responsibility of small humans - that crazy, reckless irresponsible person might seem fun now not so much when you are depending on them to participate in raising a family. If you don’t want children USE contraception (and use it properly). Contrary to what the media likes to tell us parenthood WILL NOT necessarily make you a better person (in fact it can make your flaws even more glaring), it DOES NOT suddenly grant you sage like wisdom and it will definitely NOT “fix” a crappy relationship. It can be incredibly rewarding but involves a lot of commitment and my personal belief is that once you make the decision to have a child then they deserve to have their well-being prioritised ahead of your “desires” (not being a martyr though since being mentally healthy is crucial to good parenting as well). Important to understand that historically humanity hadn’t really evolved for one person to bare the sole responsibility for raising a child - in the past people tended to have wider social networks that all contributed to their care so if a person is spending a majority of the time doing it alone it can be a lot of pressure and expectations to deal with 24/7.
I'm 27 with no kids. Pretty sure I can't even have them. I don't want them due to various mental and physical illnesses. Also I prefer a more solitary lifestyle and I need peace and quiet to stay stable. So no smol humans for me. Both parents and all friends support it. ❤
As everyone should support your opinion and honesty. So many people out here have kids to fit in or because it’s “expected” of them and never wanted them to begin with. These are the worst parents who see their kids as objects or the “2.5 kids and a dog” Jones’s. They use their kids as objects to fit into society and those babies know that. It’s horrible people can be so selfish.
@@boogie0413 some people actually won't be friends with me because I don't have kids. Like I was never part of the popular crowd and never will be. Lol
@@boogie0413 also it would be more selfish if I had kids that I don't want. It's not fair to have a parent that doesn't love you or want to take care of you. I fought so hard for the love of one of my parents. I have it now but I'm traumatized so I still go out of my way to make sure I get to keep that love. If I had a baby by accident I know I'd learn to love it but there would always be resentment.
@@RavennaRose928 their loss. Just remember their all living behind a mask and are living their fake lives. They’re living a lie.
@@RavennaRose928 exactly
I hope people realise it’s not a weakness to ask for help or admit they are struggling. You can never be a perfect parent rather aim for focusing on providing the important things love, support, security, food shelter.
Left an abusive household with a single BPD mother at 16. I got pregnant at 17 and had her at 18.
My teen romance wore off after I grew up and it felt like he didn't. We're on good terms as friends, but not as romantic partners. He's funny, charismatic, but quick to tempter. I'm anxious, self critical but really creative intelligence and self aware of the world around me.His family is lazy with anger issues, mine has chronic kleptomania and have had loads of mental illness I didn't find out about due to my mothers adoption.
I'm about 90% sure shes gotten every bad gene in my pool as well as her fathers.
The constant lying, stealing disrespect general lack of personal care and well being scares the hell out of me. I don't want her to turn into what my parents were. Shes violent quick to anger easily frustrated, can't concentrate on anything and very destructive.
I feel so apathetic to motherhood now. I see friends with kids who are quote unquote 'normal'. They are generous, easy to like whereas my kid is not. I know this isn't the way its supposed to be, and it makes me really regret having her when I did. I had no long term supports from my family without consequences. I was way too young to be having a kid and I worry how different my experience will be re-experiencing motherhood as I have gotten older now that I'm married to someone else. I don't want her to see different treatment between her and a sibling, in how I interact with them in their formative years. I know there will be a lot of anger and resentment. I hope she sorts herself out and grows out of her horrible habits and grows to become a well rounded adult, but I am really afraid of what the future holds for her.
I love her to death, I would do anything for her. But theres a lot of resentment in the way she has grown, despite everything I've done to try and raise her the best I can. I could have done a lot but I chose her and she chooses to attack, demean and destroy the things that mean the most to me of what I have left of a broken home. It's very hard to feel sympathy for her sometimes, but I'm trying. Just wish I could have another shot with her now that shes older.
I hope she finds help, therapy might be a very good idea
11:40 pretty much my life except my mom is also lazy and is the one who yells and hits us. She gets pissy at everything and now I'm stuck in quarantine, I just want to be with my friends..
Sorry to here that hopefully it will get better
@@06Zenn thank you, but I dont see my mom changing at all any time soon. I can even disagree with her politely. I've tried speaking time her about this but she freaks out and smacks me, I just wish I could be in a normal family yk?
I have the same problem. I am verbally abused by my mom, and I can't wait to move out at 18
@@crunchycereal94 Just remember as you become an adult you have the power to change things, not easy and might mean you have to live in a shelter, a friends couch etc...but always remeber once you hit the age the ball is in your court
I got all my parents bad personality and none of their good. My siblings are a good mix. Remove me from the picture and my family would be great. Good thing is I know this and try to mitigate myself to let them enjoy life. I fail a lot though and should just leave them alone. The fact that I'm disabled has no bearing on who I am, just that I can't live alone. Its nice to know that some parents know they shouldn't have had a kid but try not to mess the kid up.
So glad I’m never having kids. Never want them, pretty sure I can’t even have them.
Some of those people just infuriate me. Like wow who knew having children meant 5h of sleep per day, spending all of your money on them and having zero time for yourself... Please just actually research and seek actual day planning from parents. It's a huge decision to make.
Les Bains Douches I can understand your frustration. Many cultures seem to glorify parenthood and family. There’s a lot of psychological and emotional stuff that gets exposed. I think we should have more convos about it.. like why we want this or should we do this?
Jess P of course but I mean everybody should be thinking about it, are they not adults? You are supposed to do minimal research before doing major changes volontarily. They research jobs, areas to live in, diets, skincare but not bringing another human being into existence?
Exactly! Being a parent is a 24 hour job. No breaks, less off time than what you're used to, lots of these people 👏do 👏not 👏THINK about these things and it infuriates me to no end!
well this was depressing in many ways
Raised exes kids they thought it was great because I took them to speech therapy, did arts and crafts, decorated their rooms, got them ready in the morning and potty trained. They went to work and made new friends and the wondered why I drank so much at night. Just to clarify my parents were amazing and I tried to do as good as them but I'm not.
I'm so glad that my family help each other with the kids in the family
I have plenty of time to think about it, but I tend to get 2nd thoughts just by remembering how I grew up.
My wife and I had our first daughter 1 month after our marriage and I kind of resented her (which I still feel guilt for) because she wasn't planned. I wasn't ready to have kids and I want to just enjoy the marriage for a couple of years. 3 years later I told my wife that I had scheduled a vasectomy which she tried to convince me otherwise. 2 days before my surgery my wife came up to me looking really worried and told me that she's pregnant. I thought of course you are. I had the surgery still and 9 months later our second daughter was born. The crazy thing is that the second time seemed so much easier, not because the second one was better behaved or anything but because I had felt more prepared and now had the experience. I loved both my girls like crazy but second daughter is my absolute favorite and I feel crazy guilt about it.
That's a hard thing to face. Good on you for recognizing it. Do your best to bond with daughter 1. Good luck!
Good luck to you! Please try not to associate your first with that hard point in your life. She’s an individual and you guys could have a great relationship someday! 😁
That's exactly what happened to me, but the reverse, I got pregnant at a time when it was the last thing I wanted, wasn't planned, hoped to enjoy life with just my husband for some years first, had a second daughter who is also my favorite, probably because she was planned, makes a difference when it's a choice and also more prepared.
As a Mexican with parents and almost all family from Mexico, teenage pregnancy is just so commonplace. Why this is connected is because of the amount of times ive heard "if I could have waited". And even the first example in the video stated something I've heard over and over. "If I could have the same child but later".
It's one of those things, you understand they want to word is nicely. But all you are still doing is stating out loud you regret being a parent right then and there.
Seeing so many examples of people being stuck with their poor life choices while growing up ensured I didn't make the same mistakes.
And no matter how nicely you try to put it, its a shitty thing to say. And no matter what mental gymnastics or excuses you make saying its not the child its you....no the issue stems from their existence, just purely existing. And you not being able to handle that...
And once you make a child feel like a mistake, congrats...you've placed that onto them for the rest of their lives...just like the few examples in this video, where children posted because they have trauma from knowing they were a mistake...
Wow thank you for this! I’m sitting here the whole time traumatized by some of these. Not trying to compare but 99 percent of people in this video have had it easier than me and my kids and I don’t regret my babies. I’m SO grateful for them 24/7 and it makes me work HARDER to be the best mom I can. I’ll take all the physical and mental struggles any and everyday. My kids will never know because the joy in their existence and being their mother over rides anything and everything. But also, yes even though their father disappeared and we starting dating at the age of 15 I made sure to finish college, THEN get married, get financially stable and THEN make it an option to have our first child which happened at the age of 25. It’s about choices and not repeating the cycle. Yes. Shit happens and “accidents” or as I prefer to call them “unplanned gifts” do happen to people but MOST (definitely not all) can be prevented with a strong mindset and thinking about what you want for your babies once you have them. People who are irresponsible and take getting pregnant and having babies for granted or to fit in with the Jones’s…those babies KNOW they aren’t wanted and like you said…are filled with life long trauma AND unfortunately without realizing why they are sleeping around freely (for the need of being wanted by someone or anyone) repeat the same cycle as their parents. I appreciate you for writing your comment and being blunt and having the common sense to see through these excuses and everyone trying to play the victim
Because Mexican girls are idiots who don’t think what the consequences of opening their legs are. They’re blinded by love, and as soon as their baby is born, the father disappears and the teen girl is left alone to raise the baby. This leads to the baby being abused and neglected the majority of the time.
They just convinced me to never ever have kids ever!! 😅
1:33
IF I KNEW THEN WHAT IIIIIIIIIII KNOW NOW I WOULD HAVE LOOKED WITHIN AND LET LOVE IN SOMEHOOOOOOOW
My sis and I are 18 months apart and fought constantly as kids.
I dislike kids so much that I regret other people having kids.
You know you were a kid
Lynel Boss Doesn't mean he can't hate kids. I hated kids since I myself was a kid
@@rac1equalsbestgame853 I don't hate all of them but some kids I hate some I dont
Good one 👍
@@rac1equalsbestgame853 So edgy
Little one in the thumbnail - “JUGGALO FOR LIFE! WHOOP - WHOOP !!”
I hate myself.how can i love a kid.
I watch these sometimes and think of my best friend. She went from "Nvr have more than one!" (she had a boy and a girl early on) to "I want another that's just ours ya kno" after she got married this year. WtAf? Absolutely not. Nope. No. *NO.* Plz reddit, keep solidifying my decision to be one and done and thank you.
Jesus this was difficult to read....
I know so many great patents who had awful children. There is an inherently component.
29:23 the original cozette!!!!
I've decided that I'm never having children. If people say that, out of me and my brothers, I'm the most like my dad, fuck it. My dad ruined my life, so who's to say that I won't do the same if I bear children?
The fact you are your own person... and saying that would just be an excuse from the responsibility of just being a shitty person unto yourself. My dads an asshole and we have many traits in common but im still my own independent person...we all are..
This made me so sad 😔 for life
I don't regret having kids for a second, I have 15, but only one lives with me, never met the rest, might if they try to find me when they get older, but that's just how being an egg donor works ;)
awkward slow clap...good for you I guess..
I have some intelligence in this field......unlike some......i had a terrible childhood and I made the decision at a very young age that I didnt want kids because I didnt want to take the chance of resenting them or making them live the way I grew up......so u know what!! I did everything I could to keep from getting pregnant and I had a hysterectomy in my early 30s due to problems.....so I don't have to write posts talking about how much I regret and hate being a parent like these people
I think i was the only 1 that got a girl preg. Married her but refused to have more.the next guy had 1 and 3 with her.he luves in his car.
If your autistic, or have a disability that can be passed down you shouldn't be having kids...like foreal wtf is wrong with you openly and willingly passing those things on? Willful ignorance? Idk it's just wrong. Not trying to be ableist but in my opinion having kids you know will be messed up is so wrong on every level and there's just no justification for it.
Put them up for adoption.
Things like these make me wish the reproduction method in Brave New World becomes real. Only without the creepy parts.
1:37 welp this is depressing
Dont regret mine, just wish the circumstances where different for them.
Anyone else shocked when their comments show up in videos like this?
The real question is why did you not regret having kids
My kids are hilarious I think maybe they get a little out of hand
excellent video my bro ,u deserve more views
The first one is basically my mom
15:28
Give up on him
Why I don't want kids
I hate how human children are so dependant on their parents
5 hrs of sleep is easy
I ate my children tho
Chicken Nuggie Productions
That’s an easy way to get rid of them, after all.
With or without chilli sauce?
Sometimes I feel like a failure of a woman. I see a cute baby with chubby cheeks and I feel nothing. Like it's cute, but in the same way a stuffed animal is cute. I just don't care. There's this girl I work with and every time she sees a little kid she goes "aww" I don't get it they look like weird aliens.
youre not a failure! kids are thugly little creatures lets be real. i mean as someone with uh....previous "womaning" experience?? (im ftm trans) it can be hard to live in a world where your only "value" to our wider society's eyes is just "when are you going to have kids?" and it SUCKS lol. youre not a failure of a woman just because you dont fit this one mold :)
Oh poor woman’s only getting 5 hrs of sleep per night. I’ve got no kids and if I’m lucky 1- 2 times per month I’ll sleep 5 hrs in a night. I don’t understand why people need 6/7/8 hours per night
Harry Bhoy 81 cool
First
Nobody cares
Nobody cares
Did I ask 🔫
Is it 2001?
Nobody gives a crap.
Is this really what you base your self esteem on? This is really sad.
Wow,🙄 troll much?😑
I’m sure I am here to be a mom. I have two brilliant, wonderful sons! One is a MD in LA. testing & treating his butt off over this virus, & the younger one is a Managing Engineer for Corp. Apple in CA. & lives in San Fran. I miss them awful. Please, only have these precious gifts if you are SURE. I READ THIS one time & it stuck with me. A man died & went to heaven. When he met Jesus, he said “If you’re so mighty & powerful, why didn’t you give us the cure for cancer??” Jesus responded “I did, you aborted it.”