Thank you for turning your bitter experiences as a child, and then abusive marriage into a force for good...healing, restoration and new healthy pathways. Your presentations are clear, concise and well grounded in both research and experience. Appreciate you so much. I'm so glad to have a TRUE OVER-COMER as a guide and support via youtube. Bless you!
You have perfectly described my X-husband of 20 years and what he did to my children to alienate them from me and the damage that it caused them. He was a very evil and abusive man and I almost didn't survive.
Been there, done that; actually I'm still dealing with it. Thank God, my youngest child is now a young adult and I think finally seeing thru the all of the manipulation. It's a wait and see process, and I'm just hoping she's broken free of her grip.
thanks for this video. i suffered from this type of parenting and guess what? i was dianosed with a borderliner personality disorder. i have been doing years and years of therapy and although i made great progress i struggled accepting my bpd. After seeing this video i feel lucky, because i could have become a sociopath or a narcicist not even realizing that i need to change. i didn't even know how much i needed this information on my path of self acceptance. THANK U
Alienation doesn’t only or “almost exclusively” happen in relation to divorce or custody battles. My husband’s ex (narcissistic) applied many alienation techniques with the kids during their marriage. It reached its peak during the divorce even though the children were nearly adults by then and no custody issues were involved. The fallout continues to this day.
That's is excatly what happened to me .my son was 15 when I was alienated from him an now he's 21 an still bitter towards me .I feel like he's not coming back
Since that kind of parent tends to like sticking together with other like minded community members it is not possible to go no contact if you are a stay at home non-narcissistic parent from indigenous family background different from your narcissistic partner because that would mean your children involved are going to end up being forced to go from one foster home to another until grown up or they will be having to be under the care of one step parent after another instead in a string of their richer narcissistic parent's future failed marriages with others instead too until they are grown up because believe it or not courts tend to favor whichever parent has the most income.
If this had been a known or defined form of abuse in TX during my divorce in 2010-11, my daughter Rachael would not be estranged from me now, and she would not be the confused, bitter mess she is now. I love you and miss you Daughter. You are still the love and light of my love. I pray for the day we can reunite. - Dad
You describe my son's mother right to the letter, her verbal abuse was off the charts, she did it to keep me at a distance and she isn't arguing specific points or a perceived wrong doing. she just goes on the attack for sport and she believes that family court is giving her leverage through the child for the ransom demand
This sounds like my life!! Finally there is someone who can validate this kind of evil! The latter is exactly right on target! Im still living it and it will not stop! The law does not protect the victim
Thank you so very much. You are giving free advise and I just really do appreciate this. Wishing you tons of subscribers and because you do this, I just know you will be blessed.
Your right about time being critical. The problem is that children don't have a grip on their introjects and end up with adult codependency issues when their just children. This is is the reason they are treatment resistant if their still able to see the alienating parent.
Wow! After 2 years of this I have come to the conclusion you are 1000% on point! You have literally taken what's been in my head and spoke it out loud! Aside from the justice systems choosing to be oblivious to what is right in front of them, with a boatload of evidence. Lack of trained professionals are sadly an issue in this equation too. Appreciate ur vid 💛
Hi Jill. Could you post a video about aging narcissistic parents and how to cope with them? Thanks so much for all of your videos!!! I truly appreciate them! :)
My ex husband alienated our daughter from me. The damage is real. I never thought it would be possible my daughter and I had such a strong bond but my ex was successful. I didn’t intervene due to many reasons but mainly my ignorance. I’ve lost my daughter and I fear it’s permanent. Nothing in my life has ever caused and continues to cause me so much extreme pain. It’s been traumatic. It’s ruined me in so many ways.
It's horrifying how many people do this to their children & ex's. My mother (a covert/communal narcissist) did this shit to me every chance she got. Thankfully it wasn't too often because my father had me most of the time and I knew better than to believe her even at a young age because I saw with my own eyes who my only REAL parent was. She actually moved across the entire country when I was 6 & took me and never thought my Dad would follow but he did. He made a life for us in a strange place all because of her. If it wasn't for him sending me back east every Summer I never would have known anyone in my family. As it was I never was able to be as close to any of them as people typically are. She did that based off an argument with her mother. She did all of that and then never even so much as offered to pick me up from the airport, let alone pitch in for the flights. Selfish doesn't even begin to describe her. I forgave her to an extent & we were able to be friends later in life but she was never a mother.
I know a woman who made more money than her ex. She would buy her daughter expensive items ( i.e., Canada Goose coat) then demand half the money from her ex. When he inevitably could not afford it, she made her daughter think he didn't care. It is cruel and abusive behaviour.
My Stepchild age 15 1/2 surrounded by narcissists. Grandma (My Husband’s Mom) is a Hoarder , Granddad ( Her Mom’s Dad) Habitual Cheater, Mother (her mom), and I now I’ve come to believe Dad (my husband). She has Golden Child behavior, but seems depressed, no real friends, kind of dull personality, YET a door slammeR, and extremely sore loser at anything, lies, and blames other for her school behaviors. She plays all these people against one another, and I have become the scapegoat or am being triangulated. I backed off the child completely this year, I GIVE UP! I cannot love her through it. We are in counseling to salvage this marriage. I have my own issues (I have long disengaged from) deadbeat dad, narc mom (unworthy daughter), emotionally and financially abusive Ex and two children who are now young adults. It’s 9 years now, I DONT WANT FLEAS FROM THIS‼️
I’ve been in the process of divorce since January 2019 , starting in August of this year my 10 year old daughter started being less responsive to me. As of the new year when I had her mother removed Thru a temporary injunction that wound up lasting only several days; the judge moved her back in the house and now my daughter is disrespectful of me , hates me , doesn’t want to see me ; told her friends and neighbors how awful I am. Words really can’t describe the pain in my soul.
Now my narc mother is referring to me by my first name to my son. Let's just say your name is Karen. Would it be right if I said to one of your children, "Me or Karen can help you with that, Karen knows a lot about that stuff". You see how my narcissistic mother tried to insert a compliment in, along with encouraging my son to disrespect me or see me in a lesser light other than a mother? I never knew that narcissistic mothers were so envious of their adult daughters that they can actually be considered criminally insane. They actually get more envious an conniving with time. No contact is the order of the day.
I am 28 years old and just realizing that my borderline schizoaffective mother who I did not grow up with alienated me from my father whom I did grow up with, sister, as well as my stepsisters and ESPECIALLY stepsisters. It is absolutely gut wrenching and I feel I have ruined these important although not perfect relationships because my crazy abusive mother brainwashed me and it is stomach turning. Literally devastating.
How could anyone have so much influence in the home you spent the most time in while growing up while not living in the same home with you? I wonder if some school counsellors could have just as much influence on a child while growing up.
@@francesbernard2445 she would call me multiple times a day, I would spend weekends there. I isolated myself from my family that I lived with by staying in my room and not talking to them very much, and would tell my mom all my feelings.
@@bluaurora8635 Sounds like she may have been looking to her children alone to feel all of her emotional needs. That in itself would be confusing to any child. Unless she knew alone that you were living in harms way there. .
@@francesbernard2445 yes she does do that. She acts like I am her mother a lot of the time. Calls multiple times a day. Tells me way too much about my dad and personal things. It’s kind of gross sometimes honestly.
Wow, the obsessed alienator sounds eerily similar to my experience, except that my children were adults when the alienation became solidified. I believe he began working on them years ago, as young adults. We are now estranged, I being the evil parent who might get a crumb of attention whenever they, perhaps, may be feeling guilty(?) I'm not sure. Other parent seems to have had vulnerable covert narcissist "victim" traits, in addition to traits of anti-social behavior. I'm doing better now, but I can tell you, the initial pain after the divide is unspeakable.
Excellent video Jill, thanks. You have been through it. My daughter is a golden child of my ex wife, now deceased. She has adopted her mother's cluster b disorder, and has been attacking me and my family. We had to go no contact. One of the saddest situations I have ever seen. Thank You for your channel.
You might want to look at Dr. Childress's list of pathogenic parenting. The kids just adopt the behavior, not the disorder (in most cases) and therefore you can help her out of that behavior by getting a good alienation coach if you so choose. I have seen this work for people to reunite with their adult children who were previously awful to them.
This video was comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. Comforting in that hearing you talk about the obsessive alienator it's like you know my situation personally, and that I am not going crazy. Heartbreaking because if I believe you then I have 0 hope of saving my kids and it's already too late. No one has ever listened, courts, police, child welfare, only the kids psychologists have seen it and then they were stopped from going there.
I lived this kind of nightmare from the time my daughter was 5 until she turned 18 earlier this year. Now I can breathe easier because at least my ex can no longer try to take her away from me. He has done all sorts of evil things over the course of those years: he called CPS several times and we became bankrupt and homeless for one full year because of his financial abuse, which had been his ultimate goal all along so he could get custody. Luckily that happened when my daughter was already 16, so she was able to refuse going to stay with her father. She actually preferred living in a group home. I'm happy to say that we both now have an apt.
My ex has done this to me!!!!! But after 2 years it finally took an experienced social worker to see him for what he actually is!!!!! My children are in care now and they are safe and we can finally start healing together thankyou so much for this video its helped me to understand a little more 💚💚💚💚
This has been to me. I'm the cust. Parent tho. Boy was I naive trying to allow a continued relation. 17 years into this he has escalated. Very scary. Loved your comment about your house. Omg did that home.
So, I have an ex who has done a smear campaign, has dragged me in and out of court claiming that I have alienated my children from him. He was given final educational say, and immediately went and changed the high school childrens schedules to what he deams they should be taking. My 17yo did not like this, and has had truancy and grades fall, this child was/is the scapegoat (beat buy his dad with a belt, ex blamed it on wellbutrin) cannot do anything right by my ex, or feels that he can say anything without fear of my ex calling the police on him (yes my ex has called the police on him and even told my son that he[my ex] would rather have my sons go to the juvenile lock up rather then just allow them to go home if they all didn't get along. My ex told police this too. My ex told my sons once that they would never see thier mom again and my 17yo got so hurt by this he lashed out so my ex drove them to the police department. My ex has also demanded reunification therapy, our 2nd therapist, (first one quit after my ex constantly argued with her and talked down about me in sessions with him and the boys) asked for my son to make lists to help him talk about issues, after therapy my ex would tell him that his lists weren't real or his real feelings. Point is my son no longer trusts his Dad. At all. And now that he is 17 (custody issues have been dragged out for 3 yrs by my ex) he has built up his own coping skills to deal with his dad, and now I am being accused of alienating. I have no problem with my sons going to parent time with their Dad or what that relationship is, that is solely between them, I don't bash, won't talk about their Dad on the phone to friends, my attorney or therapist with my children around. They do not hear any of my grieviences because they are mine, not my childrens. Just be careful about these videos because now as the target of my ex, he has built up the story in his head of how it is me and he now demands the 90 deprogramming therapy suggested, without doing any work himself or taking responsibility for his actions. 3 OSC's and 2 TRO's numerous replenishings of my retainer to my attorney is alot of time that would be better spent on healthy kids rather than constant bashing by my pro se ex,(he has had 4 attorneys quit, along with the irate Guardian who quit bc of him very loudly in court)
Thankyou so, so, so much for explaining the difference between alienators. I’ve seen the results of alienators in the volunteer work I do but I’ve never understood the differences between them. It’s been so difficult to rise above the overwhelming feelings of hatred washing over me. Listening to this has for the first time allowed me to pick myself up and find some strength. I had almost feeling like I was dying under the feelings of hatred. In my situation the power of the ‘flying monkeys’ recruited by the narcissist alienator has been breathe taking. Public vilification, rejection and hatred is soooo true also. The obsessed alienator wants to turn the targeted parents home into a mental institution, jail or cemetery. Just wow!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Believe it or not I have a friend who is dealing with the extreme alienating parent right now , his children are ages 20 and 18 years old..They were living with there doting father when the narcissistic mother left them at the ages 8 and 10 years old , she came back into their lives because she is having extreme financial woes and needed child support from my friend who is now on permanent disability because of a terminal heart condition , and a veteran..She has squander over $300,000.00 of the children’s inheritance , the 18 year old son was manipulated to come back and live with his mother two years ago..The 20 year old is totally confused and out of control emotionally, he is now paying her a court mandated reduced child support amount in addition to having to deal with her reintroducing her evil confusing abuse on the adult children which is only good until the 18 year old turns 21 years old.. There’s no one in the court system who will even entertain his side of this 20 year old nightmare..
Here in greece all women do this in my case i had a narci husband now ex never said any thing bad about him but he is a drama and saying things to the kids but thet just dont listen they respect him but dont listen i never talk bad i dont care, i always say your acts show who you are, i want my kids to have their mental health ok
The child becomes an angry puppet on strings...you lose the child you spent valuable time raising that child. Poisoning and should have a prison sentence devised for it...PERIOD.
I feel like there should be a fourth alienator, this are the passive- aggressive alienator. You know the ones who does it in a subtle way. Usually creates drama and will make the him/her appear to be the innocent and takes the victim role.
I've finally figured out my ex is doing this to me and my son. We had a parenting plan since November that stated I had overnights every Thursday. Every time I asked, he said no and called me mentally unstable for saying I would go to the police to enforce the order.
Haley Doe you need to call an attorney and file an order to enforce and an order of contempt. Every court order violation of the parenting plan must be sanctioned by the court, or sooner rather than later, he will completely alienate you from your son.
It isn't only a parent who alienates the other parent away from the target parent. For example frustrated in their private lives female professionals in institutional settings sometimes will all work together along with a narcissistic relative in trying to remove an infant from a single mother for themselves. I witnessed that dynamic twice in acquaintances once in a situation where I was asked by a generous with her time social worker who lives in the same city as me to help the target escape from. In the same kind of vanity people practising communal narcissism treat young people who seek the counsel of not pre-approved by the communal leaders first with penalties done to them that they are undeserving of. Penalties like accusing them as a student of pliagiarism when nothing of the sort happened since the counselling source had no professional qualifications anyway.
I've been alienated from who I am told is my son since his birth over 17 years ago. My situation was a premeditated plan from the child's mother as she told me a couple days after announcing her pregnancy to me to get lost, she then became extremely abusive verbally,...... I would continue to receive phone calls being told I was dumb to think she liked me. I was insulted for offering marriage on the same evening that I was told of the pregnancy. I paid child support while being alienated. 5 years later, she wants to go to court to sever any rights I have by wanting full custody. What actually happens is that my attorney Mike Schmitt and Hearing Officer Linda Pilato trap me into being policed by child support enforcement. Law Guardian Ella Van Loon writes up an Order that starts me with 6 hours a week of visiting time and ZERO holidays. No Due Process to prove me to be unfit, only slick talking attorneys wanting to launderi my money through Title IV-D so CSEU can get matching funds. The people in family court are just as manipulative as this woman. I'm doing everything I can to get out from this premeditated scam. $80,000 paid out for this ransom demand and I have not seen the child since 2011 and only saw him a few times prior to that. Now his first name has been charged because the mother identifies him as a female. I couldn't make this nightmare up if I tried.
Omg my ex projected and used me as a scapegoat I need to chat with you as I never had my kids lie about their dad. He set me to making me look like an obsessed alienator. I am a nice parent. I lost everything! Is there anyway I can chat with you as I was traumatized to the degree of loosing my life as I always believed in co-parenting. Lmk if I can chat with you! I was blocked then now he’s totally hurting the kids I’m sick of this
I wish I had seen this video in 2005. It describes my X and much of what she did to me and our children. Now she has started on alienating one of my grand daughters from my son and his ex-wife.
Recently I started to wonder if I was alienated, but it's hard to tell. My "mother" is a narcissist (grandiose type seems to fit her style), but I was raised by my grandma in my early years as this "mother" left the country and came back when I was about 6yo. I never met my father. He never tried to contact me and I didn't ask about him as this was somehow a taboo in my house. I felt that asking would be a shameful thing to do as I should't be interested in a person that is not interested in me. As an adult I found out that there is a grave of a boy that had my last name. I asked my "mother" who this child was and she told me that he was my half-brother. I found it weird that she didn't ever mention this before. My grandmother once told me that I have a half-sister and showed me a photo. If not my grandma, I wouldn't know. Recently the police came to my house and told me some people found my father dead and that they contact me because he was homeless and someone needs to take the body and they found me in a database. That's when I contacted his family and they even invited me to the funeral. That is all so weird. He was an awful father, but I am still less repulsed by him that this disgusting "mother". I don't have any contact with her. My family is so lame.
JILL could you put a video up that deals with parents that have dementia in their 90's and are going in a home. They raised me as the malignant narcissists that they are. There is karma but for me too.
I had an obsessed alienator that didn’t pay full child support on his scapegoated son, but did pay for his golden daughters. He also called the police on me, and succeeded in turning our kids against me. I would describe him as a narcisstic sociopath/psychopath. Now I live alone, and my kids couldn’t care less about me. It’s like I never had kids. :(
I was vindicated on all 9 investigations ..that was minor compared to the sad effect on the children by the continual alienation program of the ex-pouse and mother in law.
What about my ex wife who’s a covert narc, her mom is a narc as well, she’s been alienating my newborn since she was in her belly. Since the pregnancy I have seen the baby in person the day AFTER her birth, not even sure she would have told me. Paternity test came in and 3 weeks later she’s taking me for support. I am filing for custody to begin a relationship with my daughter. Hope you can help me understand more thanks
The law Guardian in my case started me with chaperoned visits to paint a picture of unfitness but there was no evidence of unfitness because I had been alienated from the child. This was a dog a pony show for TITLE IV-D FUNDS
It’s funny because he accuses me of Alienating our daughter against him. But he’s doing it. But I have been worried he’s going to hurt her he love-bombs this is worrying because he teaching her this is love. I don’t want to end up like me. Sometimes I feel like I going crazy my whole family and the family I married into are narcissistic. I had to tell my daughter he’s not a safe person to tell to. He has done things to alienated her himself I’m trying to protect her. He’s insane what do you do. I don’t encourage her to have any kind of relationship with him. He has trained her not to bother him since she was a toddler. She wasn’t aloud to ask him to get her some water. This man has turned dangerous! He’s not Healthy!! What gets me is I’m protecting her now from him abuse! But he’s so fake. These people are dangerous for your child. He has full blown NPD. He’s been violent. He screams at me on a regular basis. I trying to get her out of this house. They used my daughter to hurt me he knows if he hurts her he hurts me. He hurt my dog over a Thanksgiving because I love her. He doesn’t even talk to her everyday. He runs his games on her. He ignores her for days on end. Good luck getting the court to help you they don’t care in my area.
What about when they wait until they are 18, then pounce hard. This happened to me. I haven’t seen my daughter in almost 4 years. Even though my parents hated him while we were married… he and his new wife’s were duped into his plan as well. Since I had her for the majority of her life, I pray someday she sees this.
What can be done when there is a situation of the court siding with the obsessed alienator with grandparent involved ? My child is medically kidnapped, Guardianship abused ( removed me as a permanent guardian for our daughter that I set up the Guardianship for based on her needs) after being abducted and interstate kidnapped and made a ward of the state ( Florida harbors child kidnappers ) she was kidnapped to. Enmeshment with our oldest daughter who has aged out of the system. I have been behind abused by this and traumatized in addition to the courts siding with the obsessive alienation, twice. Thank you for validating my experience- I need help no one is helping no one is listening.
I agree with most of what you said and it was very-well presented, but I disagree that the attention given to the alienated child will cease when the money'financial issues are resolved. My ex-wife lied and manipulated the courts on multiple occasions, but I am the only person in her life who ever challenged her. She ALWAYS gets her way, so when I challenged her and fought for what was equitable, she became enraged. My children are in their 20s now and she will continue alienating for the rest of her life because I stood up to her in court. You do not challenge her or you will face her wrath and she will make you pay for the rest of your life. This seems to be common with other alienators.
My mum tried to do this with my dad. Stop working as soon as we grew up and realised our dad is a loving and caring father. He has always provided for us (mum hid that from us) he would slip 1000 through the letter box every two weeks to contribute to my mums rent along with paying for our shopping. Now we are grown my mum labels our relationship with our dad ‘a competition’ she’s so fucking weird.
Unfortunately some parent alienator really have the children so much against the the alienated parent .I unfortunately lost .my son was alienated at age 15 an now he's 21 an he is so bitter towards me an treats the alienator is all wonderful
What do you do when you have an obsessed alienating, cluster b, narcissistic ex husband? He has called dcf on me twice. And is threatening me to come up with an agreement in child support, and if not, he is going to try and flip custody. What do I do?? Please help!!!
Hold tight. Dont respond. At 17 year mark still he is at it. Hold tight. Work with kids never loose hope. I've been on the very extreme end. Deadly end. My heart is with you.
Alice Holbert thanks. He just texted me sending me long message apologizing because he is sick physically sick and emotionally sick due to this stress. He wants to be friends and doesn’t like that we don’t talk. I’m like ummmm why should we. We divorced and your with the woman you cheated on me with. Plus did me so dirty with calling protective services on me and Called my sisters property management where she lives saying I’m staying there with my kids while I get back on me feet due to the divorce and you want me to be your friend?
My name is Craig I need help desperately in Indiana. My story is long as you can imagine. My children were removed from my custody by the local DCs who will not hear me out on this happening to my children. I've read all I can and listened to everything I can on this subject. But me being the targeted parent the DCS will not even look at this as a possibility of what has happened from me. Only believing my ex and children I get any therapist to consider this. I have undeniable proof but the courts won't even allow me to introduce any piece of evidence. The courts have manifested my guilt based on the allegations of my ex and the children's as well. But these allegations were not even proven in anyway other than I was denied any chance of defending myself based on my trying to use the alienation as to what had been done. I'm poor of course broken and need to help my children get this exposed . Help please I can't let this be passed over my children are in severe harm's way. The DCS system refuses to even consider my pleas of them at least examine this if I'm wrong ok I can except it. But I know I'm not . My ex has a hate for me due to psychological or some form of mental health issue. DCS knows she has issues but have continued to allow her contact with the children but because the girls refuse to attend visits or any communication with me for over 6 months now. Claiming they are fearful of me and that the only one they want is my ex. DCS can't understand what is going on. And none of the therapist involved will acknowledge the possibility of alienation. None have any exposure or training with it. What can I do I am out of options and no where or way to go for someone to step in and help. It's for my daughters. I am not out to prove any innocence on my part in anyway . I am guilty of seeing this take place and not being able to catch it for what was happening in time to know what I was dealing with. The relationship between me and my daughter's deteriorate over the course of a year to the point Where when DCS showed up at my door with their allegations of abuse and neglect by my ex and my daughter's lied to back them up to get away from me . They were brainwashed into thinking they would be given to their mother by her and others in her family. It was all for a custody change she was after. But in the divorce she was found to not be the best place for the girls she has a drug problem and hasn't done anything to change her life. She's trying to fool the system into thinking she has. But they are on to her. But the girls are so damaged from this and I'm going to lose them as well if I can't get DCS to see the truth of what took place. I'm scared to death that I'll lose these girls and they will never get the proper therapy or truth untill this has caused them irreversible issues for their future lives Sorry so long but that's just the tip of this iceberg. Any help in direction is much appreciated. Thank you. Craig
What do you recommend with an obsessed alienator and an older child that is 23 and working full time. She has not responded to texts, phone calls or emails. There were a few week where she seemed to be very upset with me, and what she was telling me were things that her father told her.....they were his words not hers and there was nothing that she had to back up her statements. She is an adopted child and was/is on the autistic spectrum and also very high functioning.
Mi hijo cuando viene conmigo llora porque quiere regresar con su papá porque el es el que vive en nuestra casa y yo soy la que tuve que salir. Pero ya estando mi hijo en casa yo hago que quiera estar conmigo y ya se le pasa. Pero cuando vamos a una cita médica y estamos en el mismo espacio su papá y yo me rechaza abierta y enérgicamente. No logro convencerlo, parece como si le hablara a una pared, me ignora completamente y se comporta dulcemente con su padre. Y si me presta atención es para decir cosas hirientes. El tiene 4 años
The legal system knows all about this tyranny. But it makes far too much money from standing aside and watching parents and children being abused. It has lifelong consequences, leading to sicknesses and maladies that funnel even more money into the pockets of the so-called professionals. The entire ordeal could possibly be put down as the rawest personification of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' that any parent or child could ever face
My daughters mother is definitely an obsessed alienator this is hell on earth, been in her life from day one cut the cord and everything. I’m literally weak from a broken heart, why is it the ones who care end up hurt so much
I currently “ keeping”my daughter from her father because he is an emotionally & verbally abusive narcissist. He also has a drug problem, I used to let him come see us and spend family time but he has abused and treated me Soo poorly. I think we just need time away from him. Am I alienating her from him when I feel it’s in her best interest right now? I tell her he loves her but he has been hurtful and just not in a good place mentally right now. I struggle with this...I have let him speak to me Terribly and have forgiven him for the sake of my child and her having time with him but then it happens again. I can’t do it anymore...
why don't psychs ever refer to parents who alienate their own child ? some parents seem to be addicted to this or maybe oblivious to how stupid and incompetent a thing it is to do
I had no idea you’d been through this, though the low view and comment counts explain why. I think sadly this phenomenon you’re describing (which I also know, but from the perspective of the instrumentalized child, now adult) is likely just an exaggeration of the natural order (reluctance of the majority’s average-range intelligence to see out from within idiocies inflicted upon it thereby functionally handicaps us with the practical limitations of much lower intelligence). This is what IQ as the most frequently-cited resiliency buffer against psychopathology is telling us, and is why fallacious pseudologic becomes (culturally, by generational turnover) legitimized into VERY EXPLOITATIVE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE baseline “truths” like the existence of a god, an afterlife, free will, “democracy” (a semantic trick supporting the longevity of governments that don’t regard their subjects as any less a resource to be managed than other governments) and even good and evil (which are clearly not even real if they can be something different to me than they are to you). If the outcomes of elections mattered to anyone other than (fully-lobbied) incumbents and their (fully lobbied) opponents in our artificially constrained two-party system we unwashed masses of the bewildered herd wouldn’t be misled into thinking somehow an us versus them mentality is working for rather than against us. The inevitability of being governed does mean one needs a government that’s enough of a badass to protect him or her from the other pimps uh governments in the neighborhood, but no impulse to govern others arises more from concern for their interests than protection or advancement of one’s own-so all governments seek to expand influence and increase authority…otherwise they wouldn’t be governments LMFAO. Funny thing about gods offering guaranteed third-party forgiveness is that if they weren’t devices of conscience and ego the unforgivably remorseless probably wouldn’t have inextricably linked these fabrications to their other self-serving (refusal to grow up) supernatural immortality fantasy (which gets less impractical with an afterlife into which it can be indefinitely postponed). Speaking of alienating parents, would JofNazareth have even been able to defend himself against the folie a famille his mother inflicted as a coverstory for her likely infidelity or possible rape (which would have made him the son of an angel and not of her made-up-god anyway, but this alibi’s a magic trick so go with it lol--because newsflash not mistaking a grave robbery for “resurrection” obvo has something to do with why the sephardim and ashkeNAZIm saw through his messianic delusion). And their subsequent (beginning with gaslighting á la “new testament“) entitlement as the original mastarace has something to do with that very atypically genocidal “eugenics“ program AdolfH tacked on to the H’caust too, but narcissism-as-religion clueless enough to have cruelly excluded him in childhood (for being only half-Khazar) is far too lacking in insight to do the math and figure out he was just retaliatorily trying to steal the act of their own made-up god’s so-called “chosen people“ with that. I’m not saying we shouldn’t stop malice or that the absence of free will somehow implies the meaninglessness of intent, but it’s a (normalized) fool’s errand (in which most of us engage nonetheless) for us to consider or discuss objective truth/reality in subjective terms like good and evil. Truth is absolute, so of course unchanging, but it is a limitation of human existence to know only our own experienced and observed perspectives on reality. For instance, non-acknowledgment of this limitation presumes such lunacy as divorcing parties straightfaced-endeavoring toward custody arrangements “in the child’s best interest“ in their own very indifferent midst of serving their own interests in direct contravention to the child’s. This is not a moral criticism of divorce but my observation that character frailties are definitively inbuilt to all relative ignorances, so actually are vulnerabilities around which society will not hesitate even to construct entire enabling industries. If the divorce industry (a.k.a. Family Court and the attendant therapeutic and legal specialties) were actually interested in serving some societal good (as much as itself) it would require divorcing parents to acknowledge that their children’s BEST POSSIBLE outcomes are automatically constrained to what can be managed with less than half the available personal and financial resources available to commit. Even Craig Childress who dared to make the enlightened observation that parental alienation is an issue not of child custody but of child protection said there was limited data on the dynamic when both parents are narcissistic for unknown reasons. This, despite what would seem to be obvious reasons of an alienated narcissistic parent (in part because of their own posttraumatic betrayal blindness) not giving enough of a fuck to report it or care (duh). I well know the dynamic of scapegoating parents’ happiness to collude with their kids’ exes (as much as to scheme against us attempting to turn our currents into exes), so winced at the realization your dad and ex-husband did to you what my mother and father did to me with each other and various friends and partners (mine) throughout my life. I’ve never heard you talk about your mother. Is it possible your father alienated you from her? I hope not. Props to you and (especially) your child(ren) all around. 😐 Video’s low popularity well shows not so much the relative rarity of alienating divorce petitioners or respondents (and their tendency to be on either side of that) but the preference society has for charismatic lies over less-palatable truths I think.
Doesn't care about the children. He doesn't give consent for the children to see the therapist. He promises the children to come and fetch them. Then does not turn up. This man is heartless
Thank you for sharing your story and educating people on this topic. What you described resonates so closely with my experience.!! It was so unbelievable, I felt like I was in a brain fog. After years of therapy, I learned that my ex’s patterns (learned from his mother) are consistent with NPD. The projection never ends. I was labeled “controlling and adversarial” for trying to set any boundaries. I was labeled “too sensitive” and “too distant and aloof”. Videos like yours help people going through this feel sane and less alone. Again, thank you so much!!🙏
Thankyou so, so, so much for explaining the difference between alienators. I’ve seen the results of alienators in the volunteer work I do but I’ve never understood the differences between them. It’s been so difficult to rise above the overwhelming feelings of hatred washing over me. Listening to this has for the first time allowed me to pick myself up and find some strength. I had almost feeling like I was dying under the feelings of hatred. In my situation the power of the ‘flying monkeys’ recruited by the narcissist alienator has been breathe taking. Public vilification, rejection and hatred is soooo true also. The obsessed alienator wants to turn the targeted parents home into a mental institution, jail or cemetery. Just wow!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Thank you for turning your bitter experiences as a child, and then abusive marriage into a force for good...healing, restoration and new healthy pathways. Your presentations are clear, concise and well grounded in both research and experience. Appreciate you so much. I'm so glad to have a TRUE OVER-COMER as a guide and support via youtube. Bless you!
You have perfectly described my X-husband of 20 years and what he did to my children to alienate them from me and the damage that it caused them. He was a very evil and abusive man and I almost didn't survive.
Been there, done that; actually I'm still dealing with it. Thank God, my youngest child is now a young adult and I think finally seeing thru the all of the manipulation. It's a wait and see process, and I'm just hoping she's broken free of her grip.
I know exactly also 20 years I was completed discarded and replaced
Same here
thanks for this video. i suffered from this type of parenting and guess what? i was dianosed with a borderliner personality disorder. i have been doing years and years of therapy and although i made great progress i struggled accepting my bpd. After seeing this video i feel lucky, because i could have become a sociopath or a narcicist not even realizing that i need to change. i didn't even know how much i needed this information on my path of self acceptance. THANK U
Alienation doesn’t only or “almost exclusively” happen in relation to divorce or custody battles. My husband’s ex (narcissistic) applied many alienation techniques with the kids during their marriage. It reached its peak during the divorce even though the children were nearly adults by then and no custody issues were involved. The fallout continues to this day.
Yes
That's is excatly what happened to me .my son was 15 when I was alienated from him an now he's 21 an still bitter towards me .I feel like he's not coming back
Only way to stop the continued abuse from narcissistic parents is to go no contact as soon as you are able.
No contact is the only way to get past this horror. THE ONLY WAY.
I missed my window 3 years ago, I stayed because I didn't know. I've got another one coming up.
Since that kind of parent tends to like sticking together with other like minded community members it is not possible to go no contact if you are a stay at home non-narcissistic parent from indigenous family background different from your narcissistic partner because that would mean your children involved are going to end up being forced to go from one foster home to another until grown up or they will be having to be under the care of one step parent after another instead in a string of their richer narcissistic parent's future failed marriages with others instead too until they are grown up because believe it or not courts tend to favor whichever parent has the most income.
If this had been a known or defined form of abuse in TX during my divorce in 2010-11, my daughter Rachael would not be estranged from me now, and she would not be the confused, bitter mess she is now. I love you and miss you Daughter. You are still the love and light of my love. I pray for the day we can reunite. - Dad
❤
You describe my son's mother right to the letter, her verbal abuse was off the charts, she did it to keep me at a distance and she isn't arguing specific points or a perceived wrong doing. she just goes on the attack for sport and she believes that family court is giving her leverage through the child for the ransom demand
This sounds like my life!! Finally there is someone who can validate this kind of evil! The latter is exactly right on target! Im still living it and it will not stop! The law does not protect the victim
Thank you so very much. You are giving free advise and I just really do appreciate this.
Wishing you tons of subscribers and because you do this, I just know you will be blessed.
You nailed it! The obsessed alienator is highly disordered. I’m dealing with this now with the ex covert narc.
I know exactly
Your right about time being critical.
The problem is that children don't have a grip on their introjects and end up with adult codependency issues when their just children. This is is the reason they are treatment resistant if their still able to see the alienating parent.
Wow! After 2 years of this I have come to the conclusion you are 1000% on point! You have literally taken what's been in my head and spoke it out loud! Aside from the justice systems choosing to be oblivious to what is right in front of them, with a boatload of evidence. Lack of trained professionals are sadly an issue in this equation too.
Appreciate ur vid 💛
Hi Jill. Could you post a video about aging narcissistic parents and how to cope with them? Thanks so much for all of your videos!!! I truly appreciate them! :)
Yessss
45 recommended , but no contact , after you give them a kick in the goolies or box
Pleeeaaase do a video on the aging Narcissist.
My ex husband alienated our daughter from me. The damage is real. I never thought it would be possible my daughter and I had such a strong bond but my ex was successful. I didn’t intervene due to many reasons but mainly my ignorance. I’ve lost my daughter and I fear it’s permanent. Nothing in my life has ever caused and continues to cause me so much extreme pain. It’s been traumatic. It’s ruined me in so many ways.
@Happy Dog I’m sorry
It's horrifying how many people do this to their children & ex's. My mother (a covert/communal narcissist) did this shit to me every chance she got. Thankfully it wasn't too often because my father had me most of the time and I knew better than to believe her even at a young age because I saw with my own eyes who my only REAL parent was. She actually moved across the entire country when I was 6 & took me and never thought my Dad would follow but he did. He made a life for us in a strange place all because of her. If it wasn't for him sending me back east every Summer I never would have known anyone in my family. As it was I never was able to be as close to any of them as people typically are. She did that based off an argument with her mother. She did all of that and then never even so much as offered to pick me up from the airport, let alone pitch in for the flights. Selfish doesn't even begin to describe her. I forgave her to an extent & we were able to be friends later in life but she was never a mother.
I know a woman who made more money than her ex. She would buy her daughter expensive items ( i.e., Canada Goose coat) then demand half the money from her ex. When he inevitably could not afford it, she made her daughter think he didn't care. It is cruel and abusive behaviour.
My Stepchild age 15 1/2 surrounded by narcissists. Grandma (My Husband’s Mom) is a Hoarder , Granddad ( Her Mom’s Dad) Habitual Cheater, Mother (her mom), and I now I’ve come to believe Dad (my husband). She has Golden Child behavior, but seems depressed, no real friends, kind of dull personality, YET a door slammeR, and extremely sore loser at anything, lies, and blames other for her school behaviors. She plays all these people against one another, and I have become the scapegoat or am being triangulated. I backed off the child completely this year, I GIVE UP! I cannot love her through it. We are in counseling to salvage this marriage. I have my own issues (I have long disengaged from) deadbeat dad, narc mom (unworthy daughter), emotionally and financially abusive Ex and two children who are now young adults. It’s 9 years now, I DONT WANT FLEAS FROM THIS‼️
That's why this will never end. The courts make way too much money from enabling this behavior.
I’ve been in the process of divorce since January 2019 , starting in August of this year my 10 year old daughter started being less responsive to me. As of the new year when I had her mother removed Thru a temporary injunction that wound up lasting only several days; the judge moved her back in the house and now my daughter is disrespectful of me , hates me , doesn’t want to see me ; told her friends and neighbors how awful I am. Words really can’t describe the pain in my soul.
Now my narc mother is referring to me by my first name to my son. Let's just say your name is Karen. Would it be right if I said to one of your children, "Me or Karen can help you with that, Karen knows a lot about that stuff". You see how my narcissistic mother tried to insert a compliment in, along with encouraging my son to disrespect me or see me in a lesser light other than a mother? I never knew that narcissistic mothers were so envious of their adult daughters that they can actually be considered criminally insane. They actually get more envious an conniving with time. No contact is the order of the day.
Yep.. the Narc will get the child to call you anything but "Mom"!
Jill, YOU are a Life Saver in so many ways
I guess passionately accurate is a better expression. You have a good combination of spirit and truth. Very effective ecause it lacks any edge.
I am 28 years old and just realizing that my borderline schizoaffective mother who I did not grow up with alienated me from my father whom I did grow up with, sister, as well as my stepsisters and ESPECIALLY stepsisters. It is absolutely gut wrenching and I feel I have ruined these important although not perfect relationships because my crazy abusive mother brainwashed me and it is stomach turning. Literally devastating.
How could anyone have so much influence in the home you spent the most time in while growing up while not living in the same home with you? I wonder if some school counsellors could have just as much influence on a child while growing up.
@@francesbernard2445 she would call me multiple times a day, I would spend weekends there. I isolated myself from my family that I lived with by staying in my room and not talking to them very much, and would tell my mom all my feelings.
@@bluaurora8635 Sounds like she may have been looking to her children alone to feel all of her emotional needs. That in itself would be confusing to any child. Unless she knew alone that you were living in harms way there.
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@@francesbernard2445 yes she does do that. She acts like I am her mother a lot of the time. Calls multiple times a day. Tells me way too much about my dad and personal things. It’s kind of gross sometimes honestly.
Wow, the obsessed alienator sounds eerily similar to my experience, except that my children were adults when the alienation became solidified. I believe he began working on them years ago, as young adults. We are now estranged, I being the evil parent who might get a crumb of attention whenever they, perhaps, may be feeling guilty(?) I'm not sure. Other parent seems to have had vulnerable covert narcissist "victim" traits, in addition to traits of anti-social behavior. I'm doing better now, but I can tell you, the initial pain after the divide is unspeakable.
Excellent video Jill, thanks. You have been through it. My daughter is a golden child of my ex wife, now deceased. She has adopted her mother's cluster b disorder, and has been attacking me and my family. We had to go no contact. One of the saddest situations I have ever seen.
Thank You for your channel.
You might want to look at Dr. Childress's list of pathogenic parenting. The kids just adopt the behavior, not the disorder (in most cases) and therefore you can help her out of that behavior by getting a good alienation coach if you so choose. I have seen this work for people to reunite with their adult children who were previously awful to them.
This video was comforting and heartbreaking at the same time. Comforting in that hearing you talk about the obsessive alienator it's like you know my situation personally, and that I am not going crazy. Heartbreaking because if I believe you then I have 0 hope of saving my kids and it's already too late. No one has ever listened, courts, police, child welfare, only the kids psychologists have seen it and then they were stopped from going there.
I lived this kind of nightmare from the time my daughter was 5 until she turned 18 earlier this year. Now I can breathe easier because at least my ex can no longer try to take her away from me. He has done all sorts of evil things over the course of those years: he called CPS several times and we became bankrupt and homeless for one full year because of his financial abuse, which had been his ultimate goal all along so he could get custody. Luckily that happened when my daughter was already 16, so she was able to refuse going to stay with her father. She actually preferred living in a group home. I'm happy to say that we both now have an apt.
My ex has done this to me!!!!! But after 2 years it finally took an experienced social worker to see him for what he actually is!!!!! My children are in care now and they are safe and we can finally start healing together thankyou so much for this video its helped me to understand a little more 💚💚💚💚
This has been to me. I'm the cust. Parent tho. Boy was I naive trying to allow a continued relation. 17 years into this he has escalated. Very scary. Loved your comment about your house. Omg did that home.
So, I have an ex who has done a smear campaign, has dragged me in and out of court claiming that I have alienated my children from him.
He was given final educational say, and immediately went and changed the high school childrens schedules to what he deams they should be taking. My 17yo did not like this, and has had truancy and grades fall, this child was/is the scapegoat (beat buy his dad with a belt, ex blamed it on wellbutrin) cannot do anything right by my ex, or feels that he can say anything without fear of my ex calling the police on him (yes my ex has called the police on him and even told my son that he[my ex] would rather have my sons go to the juvenile lock up rather then just allow them to go home if they all didn't get along. My ex told police this too. My ex told my sons once that they would never see thier mom again and my 17yo got so hurt by this he lashed out so my ex drove them to the police department. My ex has also demanded reunification therapy, our 2nd therapist, (first one quit after my ex constantly argued with her and talked down about me in sessions with him and the boys) asked for my son to make lists to help him talk about issues, after therapy my ex would tell him that his lists weren't real or his real feelings. Point is my son no longer trusts his Dad. At all. And now that he is 17 (custody issues have been dragged out for 3 yrs by my ex) he has built up his own coping skills to deal with his dad, and now I am being accused of alienating. I have no problem with my sons going to parent time with their Dad or what that relationship is, that is solely between them, I don't bash, won't talk about their Dad on the phone to friends, my attorney or therapist with my children around. They do not hear any of my grieviences because they are mine, not my childrens.
Just be careful about these videos because now as the target of my ex, he has built up the story in his head of how it is me and he now demands the 90 deprogramming therapy suggested, without doing any work himself or taking responsibility for his actions.
3 OSC's and 2 TRO's numerous replenishings of my retainer to my attorney is alot of time that would be better spent on healthy kids rather than constant bashing by my pro se ex,(he has had 4 attorneys quit, along with the irate Guardian who quit bc of him very loudly in court)
Thankyou so, so, so much for explaining the difference between alienators. I’ve seen the results of alienators in the volunteer work I do but I’ve never understood the differences between them.
It’s been so difficult to rise above the overwhelming feelings of hatred washing over me. Listening to this has for the first time allowed me to pick myself up and find some strength. I had almost feeling like I was dying under the feelings of hatred.
In my situation the power of the ‘flying monkeys’ recruited by the narcissist alienator has been breathe taking.
Public vilification, rejection and hatred is soooo true also.
The obsessed alienator wants to turn the targeted parents home into a mental institution, jail or cemetery. Just wow!!!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Believe it or not I have a friend who is dealing with the extreme alienating parent right now , his children are ages 20 and 18 years old..They were living with there doting father when the narcissistic mother left them at the ages 8 and 10 years old , she came back into their lives because she is having extreme financial woes and needed child support from my friend who is now on permanent disability because of a terminal heart condition , and a veteran..She has squander over $300,000.00 of the children’s inheritance , the 18 year old son was manipulated to come back and live with his mother two years ago..The 20 year old is totally confused and out of control emotionally, he is now paying her a court mandated reduced child support amount in addition to having to deal with her reintroducing her evil confusing abuse on the adult children which is only good until the 18 year old turns 21 years old.. There’s no one in the court system who will even entertain his side of this 20 year old nightmare..
Here in greece all women do this in my case i had a narci husband now ex never said any thing bad about him but he is a drama and saying things to the kids but thet just dont listen they respect him but dont listen i never talk bad i dont care, i always say your acts show who you are, i want my kids to have their mental health ok
The child becomes an angry puppet on strings...you lose the child you spent valuable time raising that child.
Poisoning and should have a prison sentence devised for it...PERIOD.
I feel like there should be a fourth alienator, this are the passive- aggressive alienator. You know the ones who does it in a subtle way. Usually creates drama and will make the him/her appear to be the innocent and takes the victim role.
Both parents did this to me with obsession toward eachother
I've finally figured out my ex is doing this to me and my son. We had a parenting plan since November that stated I had overnights every Thursday. Every time I asked, he said no and called me mentally unstable for saying I would go to the police to enforce the order.
Haley Doe you need to call an attorney and file an order to enforce and an order of contempt. Every court order violation of the parenting plan must be sanctioned by the court, or sooner rather than later, he will completely alienate you from your son.
It isn't only a parent who alienates the other parent away from the target parent. For example frustrated in their private lives female professionals in institutional settings sometimes will all work together along with a narcissistic relative in trying to remove an infant from a single mother for themselves. I witnessed that dynamic twice in acquaintances once in a situation where I was asked by a generous with her time social worker who lives in the same city as me to help the target escape from. In the same kind of vanity people practising communal narcissism treat young people who seek the counsel of not pre-approved by the communal leaders first with penalties done to them that they are undeserving of. Penalties like accusing them as a student of pliagiarism when nothing of the sort happened since the counselling source had no professional qualifications anyway.
Both parent until I was 25 I said did not want to hear it.It hurts the child.
Grandma, uncle, and dad were obsessed alienators. Divorced for 30+ years. Alienation is still happening to this day.
I've been alienated from who I am told is my son since his birth over 17 years ago. My situation was a premeditated plan from the child's mother as she told me a couple days after announcing her pregnancy to me to get lost, she then became extremely abusive verbally,...... I would continue to receive phone calls being told I was dumb to think she liked me. I was insulted for offering marriage on the same evening that I was told of the pregnancy. I paid child support while being alienated. 5 years later, she wants to go to court to sever any rights I have by wanting full custody. What actually happens is that my attorney Mike Schmitt and Hearing Officer Linda Pilato trap me into being policed by child support enforcement. Law Guardian Ella Van Loon writes up an Order that starts me with 6 hours a week of visiting time and ZERO holidays. No Due Process to prove me to be unfit, only slick talking attorneys wanting to launderi my money through Title IV-D so CSEU can get matching funds. The people in family court are just as manipulative as this woman. I'm doing everything I can to get out from this premeditated scam. $80,000 paid out for this ransom demand and I have not seen the child since 2011 and only saw him a few times prior to that. Now his first name has been charged because the mother identifies him as a female. I couldn't make this nightmare up if I tried.
My daughter is now over 1 years old and I’ve seen her for less than two hours. She has ignored every advance I have made to see my daughter
Omg my ex projected and used me as a scapegoat I need to chat with you as I never had my kids lie about their dad. He set me to making me look like an obsessed alienator. I am a nice parent. I lost everything! Is there anyway I can chat with you as I was traumatized to the degree of loosing my life as I always believed in co-parenting. Lmk if I can chat with you! I was blocked then now he’s totally hurting the kids I’m sick of this
Dawn Foerch Mine Also very Narcissistic and always looking for new supply he’s very needy and an alienator
I wish I had seen this video in 2005. It describes my X and much of what she did to me and our children. Now she has started on alienating one of my grand daughters from my son and his ex-wife.
Recently I started to wonder if I was alienated, but it's hard to tell. My "mother" is a narcissist (grandiose type seems to fit her style), but I was raised by my grandma in my early years as this "mother" left the country and came back when I was about 6yo. I never met my father. He never tried to contact me and I didn't ask about him as this was somehow a taboo in my house. I felt that asking would be a shameful thing to do as I should't be interested in a person that is not interested in me. As an adult I found out that there is a grave of a boy that had my last name. I asked my "mother" who this child was and she told me that he was my half-brother. I found it weird that she didn't ever mention this before. My grandmother once told me that I have a half-sister and showed me a photo. If not my grandma, I wouldn't know. Recently the police came to my house and told me some people found my father dead and that they contact me because he was homeless and someone needs to take the body and they found me in a database. That's when I contacted his family and they even invited me to the funeral. That is all so weird. He was an awful father, but I am still less repulsed by him that this disgusting "mother". I don't have any contact with her. My family is so lame.
Splitting what is it , and Many people do not understand this word Splitting, and what it does to them in a relationship.
JILL could you put a video up that deals with parents that have dementia in their 90's and are going in a home. They raised me as the malignant narcissists that they are. There is karma but for me too.
My ex and his new common law girlfriend both are doing this and my whole family sees it!🥶
Grand parents can be just as nasty.
I had an obsessed alienator that didn’t pay full child support on his scapegoated son, but did pay for his golden daughters. He also called the police on me, and succeeded in turning our kids against me. I would describe him as a narcisstic sociopath/psychopath. Now I live alone, and my kids couldn’t care less about me. It’s like I never had kids. :(
A similar thing is happening to me
I was vindicated on all 9 investigations ..that was minor compared to the sad effect on the children by the continual alienation program of the ex-pouse and mother in law.
What about my ex wife who’s a covert narc, her mom is a narc as well, she’s been alienating my newborn since she was in her belly. Since the pregnancy I have seen the baby in person the day AFTER her birth, not even sure she would have told me. Paternity test came in and 3 weeks later she’s taking me for support. I am filing for custody to begin a relationship with my daughter. Hope you can help me understand more thanks
The law Guardian in my case started me with chaperoned visits to paint a picture of unfitness but there was no evidence of unfitness because I had been alienated from the child. This was a dog a pony show for TITLE IV-D FUNDS
It’s funny because he accuses me of Alienating our daughter against him. But he’s doing it. But I have been worried he’s going to hurt her he love-bombs this is worrying because he teaching her this is love. I don’t want to end up like me. Sometimes I feel like I going crazy my whole family and the family I married into are narcissistic. I had to tell my daughter he’s not a safe person to tell to. He has done things to alienated her himself I’m trying to protect her. He’s insane what do you do. I don’t encourage her to have any kind of relationship with him. He has trained her not to bother him since she was a toddler. She wasn’t aloud to ask him to get her some water. This man has turned dangerous! He’s not Healthy!! What gets me is I’m protecting her now from him abuse! But he’s so fake. These people are dangerous for your child. He has full blown NPD. He’s been violent. He screams at me on a regular basis. I trying to get her out of this house. They used my daughter to hurt me he knows if he hurts her he hurts me. He hurt my dog over a Thanksgiving because I love her. He doesn’t even talk to her everyday. He runs his games on her. He ignores her for days on end. Good luck getting the court to help you they don’t care in my area.
This is mine number three it’s very sick but my daughter is seeing through it!
Great advice. However something has gone wrong with the last few minutes as it is a repeat (& then the video ends abruptly without a conclusion)
Thank you. Al.
What about when they wait until they are 18, then pounce hard. This happened to me. I haven’t seen my daughter in almost 4 years. Even though my parents hated him while we were married… he and his new wife’s were duped into his plan as well. Since I had her for the majority of her life, I pray someday she sees this.
What can be done when there is a situation of the court siding with the obsessed alienator with grandparent involved ? My child is medically kidnapped, Guardianship abused ( removed me as a permanent guardian for our daughter that I set up the Guardianship for based on her needs) after being abducted and interstate kidnapped and made a ward of the state ( Florida harbors child kidnappers ) she was kidnapped to. Enmeshment with our oldest daughter who has aged out of the system. I have been behind abused by this and traumatized in addition to the courts siding with the obsessive alienation, twice. Thank you for validating my experience- I need help no one is helping no one is listening.
Is there a way you can talk about parallel parenting and coparenting?
I agree with most of what you said and it was very-well presented, but I disagree that the attention given to the alienated child will cease when the money'financial issues are resolved. My ex-wife lied and manipulated the courts on multiple occasions, but I am the only person in her life who ever challenged her. She ALWAYS gets her way, so when I challenged her and fought for what was equitable, she became enraged. My children are in their 20s now and she will continue alienating for the rest of her life because I stood up to her in court. You do not challenge her or you will face her wrath and she will make you pay for the rest of your life. This seems to be common with other alienators.
My mum tried to do this with my dad. Stop working as soon as we grew up and realised our dad is a loving and caring father. He has always provided for us (mum hid that from us) he would slip 1000 through the letter box every two weeks to contribute to my mums rent along with paying for our shopping. Now we are grown my mum labels our relationship with our dad ‘a competition’ she’s so fucking weird.
Unfortunately some parent alienator really have the children so much against the the alienated parent .I unfortunately lost .my son was alienated at age 15 an now he's 21 an he is so bitter towards me an treats the alienator is all wonderful
What do you do when you have an obsessed alienating, cluster b, narcissistic ex husband? He has called dcf on me twice. And is threatening me to come up with an agreement in child support, and if not, he is going to try and flip custody. What do I do?? Please help!!!
Hold tight. Dont respond. At 17 year mark still he is at it. Hold tight. Work with kids never loose hope. I've been on the very extreme end. Deadly end. My heart is with you.
Alice Holbert thanks. He just texted me sending me long message apologizing because he is sick physically sick and emotionally sick due to this stress. He wants to be friends and doesn’t like that we don’t talk. I’m like ummmm why should we. We divorced and your with the woman you cheated on me with. Plus did me so dirty with calling protective services on me and Called my sisters property management where she lives saying I’m staying there with my kids while I get back on me feet due to the divorce and you want me to be your friend?
@@kajekaje1432 Say No to emotional contact with your x. Just communicate business like about the kids. Continuing educating yourself about NPD.
Bmore Mom yes that’s what I do. Thanks
Absolutely he claims victimization and the Canadian RCMP are seeing this now!🥶🇨🇦
goddamit this is crazy, and this helps, thanks.
Is it that the CANNOT distinguish the child's needs from their own or WILL NOT distinguish the child's needs from their own?
My name is Craig I need help desperately in Indiana. My story is long as you can imagine.
My children were removed from my custody by the local DCs who will not hear me out on this happening to my children. I've read all I can and listened to everything I can on this subject. But me being the targeted parent the DCS will not even look at this as a possibility of what has happened from me. Only believing my ex and children I get any therapist to consider this.
I have undeniable proof but the courts won't even allow me to introduce any piece of evidence.
The courts have manifested my guilt based on the allegations of my ex and the children's as well.
But these allegations were not even proven in anyway other than I was denied any chance of defending myself based on my trying to use the alienation as to what had been done.
I'm poor of course broken and need to help my children get this exposed . Help please I can't let this be passed over my children are in severe harm's way.
The DCS system refuses to even consider my pleas of them at least examine this if I'm wrong ok I can except it. But I know I'm not .
My ex has a hate for me due to psychological or some form of mental health issue. DCS knows she has issues but have continued to allow her contact with the children but because the girls refuse to attend visits or any communication with me for over 6 months now.
Claiming they are fearful of me and that the only one they want is my ex.
DCS can't understand what is going on.
And none of the therapist involved will acknowledge the possibility of alienation. None have any exposure or training with it.
What can I do I am out of options and no where or way to go for someone to step in and help.
It's for my daughters.
I am not out to prove any innocence on my part in anyway .
I am guilty of seeing this take place and not being able to catch it for what was happening in time to know what I was dealing with.
The relationship between me and my daughter's deteriorate over the course of a year to the point Where when DCS showed up at my door with their allegations of abuse and neglect by my ex and my daughter's lied to back them up to get away from me .
They were brainwashed into thinking they would be given to their mother by her and others in her family.
It was all for a custody change she was after. But in the divorce she was found to not be the best place for the girls she has a drug problem and hasn't done anything to change her life. She's trying to fool the system into thinking she has. But they are on to her. But the girls are so damaged from this and I'm going to lose them as well if I can't get DCS to see the truth of what took place.
I'm scared to death that I'll lose these girls and they will never get the proper therapy or truth untill this has caused them irreversible issues for their future lives
Sorry so long but that's just the tip of this iceberg.
Any help in direction is much appreciated.
Thank you.
Craig
What do you recommend with an obsessed alienator and an older child that is 23 and working full time. She has not responded to texts, phone calls or emails. There were a few week where she seemed to be very upset with me, and what she was telling me were things that her father told her.....they were his words not hers and there was nothing that she had to back up her statements. She is an adopted child and was/is on the autistic spectrum and also very high functioning.
I’m dealing with an obsessed alienator and I don’t know what to do
Why does r video cut off?
I need help! I am involved in a severe case and I have no resources or help.
thank you.
My mother has turned my son against me...tried to turn my daughter against me but she was smart enough to not be blinded by grandma's money.
So smart
He refuses to access help he’s very Narcissitic, he tries to block me at every turn I had to access help from family
Mi hijo cuando viene conmigo llora porque quiere regresar con su papá porque el es el que vive en nuestra casa y yo soy la que tuve que salir. Pero ya estando mi hijo en casa yo hago que quiera estar conmigo y ya se le pasa. Pero cuando vamos a una cita médica y estamos en el mismo espacio su papá y yo me rechaza abierta y enérgicamente. No logro convencerlo, parece como si le hablara a una pared, me ignora completamente y se comporta dulcemente con su padre. Y si me presta atención es para decir cosas hirientes. El tiene 4 años
wow!
My ex. is such a successful BAD MOUTHER
The legal system knows all about this tyranny. But it makes far too much money from standing aside and watching parents and children being abused. It has lifelong consequences, leading to sicknesses and maladies that funnel even more money into the pockets of the so-called professionals. The entire ordeal could possibly be put down as the rawest personification of 'damned if you do and damned if you don't' that any parent or child could ever face
my son (age 14 at the time) was given a car for not wanting to come with me
My daughters mother is definitely an obsessed alienator this is hell on earth, been in her life from day one cut the cord and everything. I’m literally weak from a broken heart, why is it the ones who care end up hurt so much
I currently “ keeping”my daughter from her father because he is an emotionally & verbally abusive narcissist. He also has a drug problem, I used to let him come see us and spend family time but he has abused and treated me Soo poorly. I think we just need time away from him. Am I alienating her from him when I feel it’s in her best interest right now? I tell her he loves her but he has been hurtful and just not in a good place mentally right now. I struggle with this...I have let him speak to me
Terribly and have forgiven him for the sake of my child and her having time with him but then it happens again. I can’t do it anymore...
why don't psychs ever refer to parents who alienate their own child ? some parents seem to be addicted to this or maybe oblivious to how stupid and incompetent a thing it is to do
I had no idea you’d been through this, though the low view and comment counts explain why. I think sadly this phenomenon you’re describing (which I also know, but from the perspective of the instrumentalized child, now adult) is likely just an exaggeration of the natural order (reluctance of the majority’s average-range intelligence to see out from within idiocies inflicted upon it thereby functionally handicaps us with the practical limitations of much lower intelligence). This is what IQ as the most frequently-cited resiliency buffer against psychopathology is telling us, and is why fallacious pseudologic becomes (culturally, by generational turnover) legitimized into VERY EXPLOITATIVE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE baseline “truths” like the existence of a god, an afterlife, free will, “democracy” (a semantic trick supporting the longevity of governments that don’t regard their subjects as any less a resource to be managed than other governments) and even good and evil (which are clearly not even real if they can be something different to me than they are to you).
If the outcomes of elections mattered to anyone other than (fully-lobbied) incumbents and their (fully lobbied) opponents in our artificially constrained two-party system we unwashed masses of the bewildered herd wouldn’t be misled into thinking somehow an us versus them mentality is working for rather than against us. The inevitability of being governed does mean one needs a government that’s enough of a badass to protect him or her from the other pimps uh governments in the neighborhood, but no impulse to govern others arises more from concern for their interests than protection or advancement of one’s own-so all governments seek to expand influence and increase authority…otherwise they wouldn’t be governments LMFAO. Funny thing about gods offering guaranteed third-party forgiveness is that if they weren’t devices of conscience and ego the unforgivably remorseless probably wouldn’t have inextricably linked these fabrications to their other self-serving (refusal to grow up) supernatural immortality fantasy (which gets less impractical with an afterlife into which it can be indefinitely postponed). Speaking of alienating parents, would JofNazareth have even been able to defend himself against the folie a famille his mother inflicted as a coverstory for her likely infidelity or possible rape (which would have made him the son of an angel and not of her made-up-god anyway, but this alibi’s a magic trick so go with it lol--because newsflash not mistaking a grave robbery for “resurrection” obvo has something to do with why the sephardim and ashkeNAZIm saw through his messianic delusion). And their subsequent (beginning with gaslighting á la “new testament“) entitlement as the original mastarace has something to do with that very atypically genocidal “eugenics“ program AdolfH tacked on to the H’caust too, but narcissism-as-religion clueless enough to have cruelly excluded him in childhood (for being only half-Khazar) is far too lacking in insight to do the math and figure out he was just retaliatorily trying to steal the act of their own made-up god’s so-called “chosen people“ with that.
I’m not saying we shouldn’t stop malice or that the absence of free will somehow implies the meaninglessness of intent, but it’s a (normalized) fool’s errand (in which most of us engage nonetheless) for us to consider or discuss objective truth/reality in subjective terms like good and evil. Truth is absolute, so of course unchanging, but it is a limitation of human existence to know only our own experienced and observed perspectives on reality. For instance, non-acknowledgment of this limitation presumes such lunacy as divorcing parties straightfaced-endeavoring toward custody arrangements “in the child’s best interest“ in their own very indifferent midst of serving their own interests in direct contravention to the child’s. This is not a moral criticism of divorce but my observation that character frailties are definitively inbuilt to all relative ignorances, so actually are vulnerabilities around which society will not hesitate even to construct entire enabling industries. If the divorce industry (a.k.a. Family Court and the attendant therapeutic and legal specialties) were actually interested in serving some societal good (as much as itself) it would require divorcing parents to acknowledge that their children’s BEST POSSIBLE outcomes are automatically constrained to what can be managed with less than half the available personal and financial resources available to commit.
Even Craig Childress who dared to make the enlightened observation that parental alienation is an issue not of child custody but of child protection said there was limited data on the dynamic when both parents are narcissistic for unknown reasons. This, despite what would seem to be obvious reasons of an alienated narcissistic parent (in part because of their own posttraumatic betrayal blindness) not giving enough of a fuck to report it or care (duh). I well know the dynamic of scapegoating parents’ happiness to collude with their kids’ exes (as much as to scheme against us attempting to turn our currents into exes), so winced at the realization your dad and ex-husband did to you what my mother and father did to me with each other and various friends and partners (mine) throughout my life. I’ve never heard you talk about your mother. Is it possible your father alienated you from her? I hope not.
Props to you and (especially) your child(ren) all around. 😐 Video’s low popularity well shows not so much the relative rarity of alienating divorce petitioners or respondents (and their tendency to be on either side of that) but the preference society has for charismatic lies over less-palatable truths I think.
Doesn't care about the children. He doesn't give consent for the children to see the therapist. He promises the children to come and fetch them. Then does not turn up. This man is heartless
Gardner’s model is flawed
I wouldn't alienate you 😏❤😍
Thank you for sharing your story and educating people on this topic. What you described resonates so closely with my experience.!! It was so unbelievable, I felt like I was in a brain fog. After years of therapy, I learned that my ex’s patterns (learned from his mother) are consistent with NPD. The projection never ends. I was labeled “controlling and adversarial” for trying to set any boundaries. I was labeled “too sensitive” and “too distant and aloof”. Videos like yours help people going through this feel sane and less alone. Again, thank you so much!!🙏
Thankyou so, so, so much for explaining the difference between alienators. I’ve seen the results of alienators in the volunteer work I do but I’ve never understood the differences between them.
It’s been so difficult to rise above the overwhelming feelings of hatred washing over me. Listening to this has for the first time allowed me to pick myself up and find some strength. I had almost feeling like I was dying under the feelings of hatred.
In my situation the power of the ‘flying monkeys’ recruited by the narcissist alienator has been breathe taking.
Public vilification, rejection and hatred is soooo true also.
The obsessed alienator wants to turn the targeted parents home into a mental institution, jail or cemetery. Just wow!!!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻