I really don’t agree with her.. Being with someone who is still in love with another woman, so that we do not end up single!?? We deserve a man being in love with us, not with his ex. It is not a matter of insecurity, is a matter of dignity.
Thank you for sharing that information. I dont agree with what she said either. I've experienced a Similar situation and it's not a feeling knowing your playing 2nd to another woman.
Even I can't agree with this.. even u May also have a dark past..u can also have an ex that doesn't mean you'll say to the opposite person that may be i can again come back with my ex..then what's the point of serious dating here? A person who himself doesn't want to get over his ex and still has contact, there's no need of you,u need to realise that.
Christinefisher7 I agree with you. My whole thing is what if we decided to be understanding to the situation and he still decide to go back to his ex? He will say, I was honest with you. Don’t be a fool.
A K Hi I have a similar situation. I ended it the moment I found out he lying about seeing each other’s. However I like him and we were a good match. I reflected myself. Most people with different problems. Not saying the issue will last forever but everyone has them. These kind of men too. I guess what she was saying is to give these people and you a chance if you do feel strongly. If you do the right things, he could compare and know you might be a better match. I do believe people can change. But...but you might get a lot of hurt in the process. You decide if he worth it really
No woman should be with a man who’s not over their ex’s..let that insecure boy dealt with that bs before getting into another relationship with a woman. Women aren’t here to baby insecure men with low self esteem that job is for their mothers..not girlfriends and wives
Well said. These men just want to use some woman for sex and companionship when they can offer nothing because they are emotionally invested elsewhere. Walk away from these men you deserve better
I have had personal experience of being married to a man who was not over his ex and it sucks. If a man tells you straight from the get-go that he is not over his ex, then BELIEVE HIM. If you carry on seeing a man who is still hung up on his ex and if you fall in love with him, then you are setting yourself up for a LOT of pain and heartache. He will be constantly talking about her and when he isn't talking about her he will be thinking about her and all the time your heart is breaking because you want the one thing that he can't give you.....his love. And the thing is, if he has been honest with you from the start, you can't even be angry with him because he DID tell you that he was not over his ex. You will become insecure, vulnerable and unhappy and there is no point in telling yourself that it has nothing to do with him and his ex because it has EVERYTHING to do with him and his ex......the bottom line is this: He is still hung up on her because he STILL LOVES HER and he still wants her. I'm sorry Ashley but I disagree with you when you say that being in such a relationship as this is better than being alone......it isn't. I wish that I had listened to my gut instinct and walked away from my husband when I knew that he still loved his ex. It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. Such relationships are extremely one-sided, because you are the one who is doing all of the hard work whilst hoping that one day he will forget about HER and focus on you. Ladies, ask yourselves one question; Do you really want to be in bed with a guy who is wishing that it was his ex he is making love to?
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
@@KatieWang Hi Ashley and thank you for replying. I agree with you that a man's actions speak more than words, and my ex husband's actions told me from the get-go that he still loved his ex. I admit that at the time I was extremely vulnerable and lonely.......I was desperate for love and I think that this made me blind to the truth, and also, by the time I was able to fully admit to myself that I was his second option, it was too late....I had fallen deeply in love with him. As you can imagine, the combination of being deeply in love and also feeling very vulnerable is a lethal cocktail for disaster. Don't get me wrong....I truly believe that he WANTED to make it work with me, because he knew that there was no way back with the ex.....she had remarried years ago....but he would be CONSTANTLY talking about her......you know Ashley, I have never met this woman but after 5 years I knew EVERYTHING about her.....it drove me nuts. When you are in this kind of relationship, you are only getting 50 percent........eventually I realized that as much as I adored my ex husband, I was no longer prepared to have half of a man......I felt that I deserved 100 per cent. Don't get me wrong.......if a woman can accept that she is second best in her man's life and that he is still carrying a torch for the ex, then good luck to them.....but I believe that for most women, it is very painful to be in the shadow of the woman your man still loves and it is better to leave. I am only sorry I waited as long as 5 years.....it is 5 years of my life I will never get back.
I'm just wondering how many girls were left heartbroken and with trust issues after following this advise. Know you worth! Your mental self care comes first!
I respectfully disagree- I just went through this. The guy and his ex dated 5 years and she broke up with him. I met him when they’d been broken up for 10 months. I was extremely patient, had fun, etc. Our connection was wonderful, but he broke it off with me abruptly and was very emotional. He wasn’t over her. I’d caution anyone to date a guy that hasn’t been broke up for at least a year. He will want to play the field again and isn’t healed yet. He will use and discard you.
I am in the situation now so your comment is on point. Also the fact that their ex dumped them made them value them more. In his case, his ex was even abusive and possibly a cluster b type. It's been 9 months she dumped him. We have had a great connection emotionally (maybe because he feels so raw and needs to share) and a physical spark as well. Yet yesterday I asked what if she would want you back now? He responded 80% of him would go back in a heartbeat, and 20% would struggle. it's still a very pendulum type of life. So I guess I should just run away?
That's it! I was not even in a rebound relationship. I was in a "situationship" with a man being out of a 5-year relationship for 2 months. His way of coping with the break up to offer me sexual exclusivity only and no commitment. This did not seem to be a bad thing at the time, considering I was a vulnerable grieving widow for 2 years at that time. But I was so wrong.. it was demeaning, tacky, and toxic. Healthy people should want healthy and happy "relationships" with people who are not emotionally connected to an ex.
He forced me to sit with HER and their boys during a memorial dinner!! I was so uncomfortable and asked him WHY he made me so that when I was uncomfortable with HER!! He did t CARE how I felt and said this “ I didn’t want her to be alone”. She cheated on HIM and is living with his best friend!! She got pregnant and divorced hIm! 😢. I could not wrap my head around how this was OK??
I am the ex. My ex bf is a fearful avoidant. He expressed deep feelings for me, pulled away , and eventually monkey branched to another. That's what avoidants do. They feel deeply, but can't handle feelings. We were together four years in a mostly good relationship. He wanted to date and still be friends with me, business as usual. Nope!! I walked away. He expressed his feelings again as I left. Point is, he still has feelings for me! He still texts and calls. I ignore him.. Do you really want to be a rebound?? Do you really want to be in a relationship and have him return if the ex will take him back? If he loves his ex you will always be second place. There is nothing you can do, even if he remains with you. His HEART is with his ex!
This video reminded me of an old story: I once had a chat with a taxi driver on my way back home from the airport. He was married with 2 kids yet confess about the one woman he still hold a torch for. « The one that got away » the one he still thinks about 15 years down the line. And that person was NOT his current wife.
desagree.. my mental health is more important than staying w someone who still has feeling w his ex . not running away just be realistic. there are so many men on earth why woud u makd your life difficult and stressful. i’ve been in this situations for so long and it did not work. some people are going to love you no matter what you do, some people will never love you no matter what you do.
Who was crying while watching this . It is really hard to come out this stress when you know your bf still can't move on and you cant blame him for being authentic
it took me 2 years to get over my ex boyfriend, I did all of that by healing with self love, not depending on someone else. So if he’s going to attempt to bring me into his little pity party, I’m not for it. Thanking god that I found skill into looking deeper through a man’s actions and what comes out of his mouth. I’m not worth as being a rebound baby, go do that with someone else 😘
if you go about it with the attitude of friendship and getting to know the person. You'll be fine, your life doesn't stop. You shouldn't stop meeting other people in the meantime of getting to know him. If you cut off all your social life for a man thats emotionally unavailable, that's just you not being smart. You should know your self worth, you should have security within yourself, and just enjoy getting to know the guy. But don't stop your life. why would you? they aren't
He ll never be over his ex..cz he z a man n doesn't let things go easily but a woman can let go easily cz all her life she is taught to let go and accept..
I don't think you're a woman. Because that's the biggest mistruth I have seen today. Women are taught to never let go of their emotions, and be surrogate mother-figures to deadbeat guys who are too emotionally immature to fix their issues in their relationships.
@@beefortebrea9386 I think you didn't get what I meant..let go here was not emotions but just the stubbornness..I do accept the 'Titanic' dialogue that a woman's heart is a hidden treasure of emotions (I dnt remember d exact dialogue). What I said was that men aren't always as considerate as women..they are not submissive by nature but they wish to be the dominant ones..it's all very natural..so if a man isn't over his ex (if he loved her truly) it's the duty (as I think) of his gf to still stay by his side. I didn't mean that women can let go of emotions easily..they can just hide them..and please stress upon this that I had used the word 'easily' in my reply and also the term 'things'. It's you, ma'am, who replaced things with the term 'emotions' and changed the whole point of the reply. And, ofcourse men won't be over their ex if there was love involved..same goes for women but women are more dutiful in such things than men that's why they are the birth givers (not the men) and have got strength despite having a soft body.
I guess maybe I’m the exception but I met my boyfriend back in summer of 2014 and we instantly had a connection, we spent a lot of time together, talking all night on the phone and we had a strong connection/attraction for each other.. only problem was his ex gf was still around, she came back once her boyfriend dumped her and crawled back to her ex who is now my boyfriend. They weren’t dating just hooking up. They were already broken up for 3 years before I came in the pic so the break up wasn’t fresh but once I came in the pic she felt threatened by me and tried getting back together with him again, he only knew me for 2 weeks and knew her for maybe 5 years at the time so he was unsure bc he had history with her and was still getting to know me, plus they dated for 11 months. He finally decided he wanted to give me a chance bc he realized that they weren’t right for each other and his only reason for ever considering to take her back was only bc he was comfortable with her. He chose me. And we’ve been together for 5 years now. I’m happy I didn’t get hurt this time.
Ashley Kay Oh yeah definitely, don’t get me wrong it hurt finding out that he had to think about it but I also have to remember that he still didn’t know me and had a lot of history with her, it’s always easy to stay where you’re comfortable, like a job for ex. But I know if he was really all that serious for her he would have cut me off completely for her and he didn’t. I know the end of the day he chose me, he’s with me. He dumped her after 11 months in HS and it’s been 5 years with us and he won’t let me go 💜. The only thing she had over me then was familiarity, now she has nothing over me! Plus he told me the biggest flaw between them two was that he couldn’t hold a conversation with her, that they’d be in the same room together for hours and barely talk and that it was really awkward. He obviously cared about her but admitted that the connection wasn’t that strong and that they weren’t ever right for each other, and told me that if he took her back that they probably wouldn’t have lasted longer than maybe a few months. It was just a vicious cycle between the two that needed to end.
So, the message is - accept not being the man's first choice out of fear of ending up alone. Sacrifice your self respect, because having a man who doesn't quite love you completely is better than having no man at all.
@@KatieWang hi Katie that's exactly what you are saying, you are saying accept he's emotionally unavailable or be alone. You are alone if he's emotionally invested elsewhere, and then you have zero self respect if you stick around listening to him talking about her all the time. Heck when he's having sex with you he's thinking about her eeeewwww.
@@makeitcount2985 that's the real madness, I can't even deal with that. If he needs me fine if not then I have to bounce no need for me to stay. Can't handle a man who is not over his so-called ex. Just imagine the word ex makes me sick 😦
It's a nice idea in theory. In my experience, if he has children with his ex and he has ever loved her, you are literally nothing to him unless he has ten minutes of free time. If she has an opinion, or tries to keep her kids away from you, or "needs" something, you no longer exist. So when he feels like he wants some fun, or has the time of day for you, he's gonna suddenly think you're happy you've now made the list of priorities after he chose her over you in every situation. I'm an independent, hard working and strong person but when a guy is half out the door thinking about and trying to please someone else at your expense, it's absolutely horrible.
Idk about the running away thing. The guy I was seeing had an “crazy” ex that wouldn’t back off for the whole 7 months harassing me and him when we were dating. Come to find out he was still doing favors, communicating with her , and when he went to jail he gave her all his important financial things; bank info, credit cards etc. ohh no child I had to go. That’s a lil too much. We had several talks and I gave him many chances to get that situated but he still wouldn’t cut her off so I had to exit ✌🏽
Ashley Kay exxxxactly now he wanna still communicate and b friends wit me but I talk to him occasionally and don’t answer the phone I become more unavailable. Clearly he don’t have no balls. Ugh nooo thanks 💯💯
spot on! we all rebound. so what! MOST of the time we all move on and fall in love again. life meetings aren't perfect timing. sometimes you have to be brave and strong if he /she is worth it. don't let a good catch get away ;-)
I like your comment, that's a smart and wise standpoint. Of course we all have scarred from our past. It is never fully over for our unconscious mind. However we need to be cautious and take care where we engage our heart if there are too many red flags. We don't want to be used as an object and want to be seen for who we are. But love requires to take risks after all.
@C. Williams right! If all these women are truthful with themselves...they have someone in their heart when someone new comes along....its human nature. Obviously if he talks about an ex constant and is in touch too much for your liking...listen to your little voice. But we all are pining someone at all times. Be far and reasonable that your new love is same same. And if you are rational you will realise as you let go of yours he is doing the same. It's a cop out to always say your a rebound relationship. It's stupid. Every relationship would be if that was the case. Personally every relationship I've had improved from the one before. Not all men are power players. His honesty can be because he truly cares about you. As long as the feels are coming you will move past it no problem. It's normal.
I don't agree with you that if you are insecure because your partner is so invested with his ex that he talks with her often and runs errands for her its Not your issue (it's his issue, he's unavailable, it's your issue for accepting sub par treatment) . It is not healthy to be with a man who is emotionally invested elsewhere. The guy needs to get over his ex before dating. I am okay but being around a man who is very clearly still involved with the ex is not healthy for anyone. I'm not going to be a man's option, that might have worked for you, it does not work for me. He didnt want to tell her about me or tell his family about me, I was a secret, meanwhile he's still investing in her its not healthy
To all these videos suggesting that it is ok to date a guy who is hung up on his ex "so many men, so little time, how can I lose? So many men so little time, how can I choose?"
I need to know what to do ive been seeing this guy for over a month but the only thing he talks about is his ex wife how he loves her and wants her back and they have 2 boys together but she doesn't want him just the boys he tells me we're just friends and he knows I have feelings for him..i don't know what to do
Katie I’m trying really hard to see this from your point of view but I just can’t in good conscience be happy with a man who USED ME to get over someone else, like that’s literally what it is, how can I be happy in this situation? Obviously he will never admit to using me, but if he is feeling sorry for himself that he is not with her, and he’s with me, that’s exactly what he is doing.
Did he actually say he feels sorry for himself that he is not with her and he's with you? How do you know for sure he'd rather be with her than with you? How do you know for sure he was "using you" to get over her? Are you sure that's exactly how he feels? --- The main point I was making is to give yourself the emotional security that he isn't giving you. From the sound of it, you're doing the exact opposite. You're giving him the responsibility to make you feel safe, and since he isn't doing that, you're making yourself feel insecure. It's not his responsibility to make you feel safe. It is YOURS. You have the option to leave him at any moment if you believe that's what will make you feel safe. But just don't stay in that situation and then blame him for something you have 100% control over.
Katie Wang I watched your video about how to know if he is using you as a rebound and he checked every single one. He would never admit that he used me, or tell me plainly that he felt sorry for himself, it’s the things he said about being dumped, said girls only want aholes and that “they all dump him”, and that she just stopped loving him and it came as a shock to him, just many many things that I cannot mention or else id be typing for a long time. Either way, we got serious and I still dont have the security from him. How can a relationship like this truly be sustained if the only security I get is from myself, why have him around. Anyway, thank you for listening
@@KatieWang so in a relationship with a man, it's not his responsibility to make you feel safe, loved and secure by not being emotionally involved elsewhere? Then why be in a relationship at all. He doesn't have to invest at all it appears
I knew my ex was still in love with his ex. I only left because he shut down. He wouldn't say one way or the other what was going on. It was the lack of communication for me. He was breadcrumbing me and I wasn't going to allow it. Trying to hold on to me til he figured out whether he wanted her are not. So I made the decision for him
I agree with most of this except I would only be super platonic with a guy who is not over his ex, not date him. Build connection and friendship only until you are 100% sure he wants to be with you truly and is over his ex.
Ok, I do not agree. And here is why (from my personal experience not books). First of all, if he is still in love with his ex but is with you means he is a cheater, he doesn't respect himself, he is not serious in what he wants, and he can cheat on you too! I dont want to be the band aid! Yes, he likes you but he loves his ex more! His mind in busy with his ex not you! He will probably end up staying with the band aid, BUT this doesnt mean he will love you, it can be only cause he got comfortable wearing the band aid and kinda doesn't hurt that much wearing a band aid. Second, every time things will not go well in your relationship, he will start thinking about his ex! Having the second thought that : " oh, she would have been better!" So down in his heart its not you, its his ex. And "probably" after years he will forget her... It really depends what you want, deserve and how much you know you are worthed!
I agree with her to an extent. If a guy is honest about his emotional state with his ex, that is good, because you have the power to slow down, pull away, or just walk away from a rebound relationship. All the other things she was speaking on with the pink pencil didn't register with me, but her intentions were in a good place.
the comment section is so angry. i was relieved after hearing this. Thank you Katie. I dont feel insecure because he tells me he doesnt want to date the last girl long term, but she still contacts him, and i was there when she did, and he kept checking his phone even when she didnt text him back. It makes me feel uneasy, but ultimately he is an honest guy and i do trust him.
I find myself agreeing with her - the fact that he’s been honest with you, especially about something potentially very difficult, shows great vulnerability. I further find her message about taking the opportunity to see how you feel within the dynamic to be a highly important one. I feel like if he’s willing to invest in you and see where things go - and his actions support growth within your relationship- then to a high level he is committed to growing something with you and healing from his past.
I watch this video because I wanted to get help with my situation. I realize I was his rebound. And I had to admit I am very heartbroken. First, this man wasn’t honest with me. It was his actions that told me he wasn’t over his ex. I disagree with this video. Know your worth. Don’t allow someone to make you second place.
Thanks for your comment Nicole. If you're a rebound then that is a different situation, and I have a video about that here: th-cam.com/video/7gSmJHswHtI/w-d-xo.html And if your man doesn't treat you like a queen, then yes I agree, you deserve someone who do.
I had the same situation, I just ended a one month relationship because of this and a few other things. He said that he was being honest, he wasn't I could sense it. I'm not going to be second best for any man
I dated a guy with kids and he was complaining about his ex all the time. Yet he helped his ex with everything. She stole money from him. Abused him verbally and she even physically attacked him. 3 years past and he didn't even sign the co parenting contract. He keeps going to her house and cooking dinners. Still supporting her financially. When I started dating him. He never told his ex he was dating and I was like a slave. Cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry. I became a PA. Last straw he was babysitting his kids at her place and he slept over. And the next day he acted like nothing happened. When I got mad. He demanded that I should apologize. When I didn't he went with her on vacation and I just find out through SM.
Hello Janine, it depends on what you mean by "he's not over her" and what he's actions towards you say about his intentions for you. Men know how they feel about a woman pretty early on, just because he's not over an ex doesn't mean he's not serious about you. If you need help deciphering the different, please email us at katie@evolvedwomansociety.com
Totally disagree with you, there is no need to date someone who is still emotionally attached, It is not because of insecurities, it is because this person needs time to heal, a broken person is not gonna be able to give you their 100 %, he/she is gonna constantly be trying hard to be over his ex with you, ‘’ the rebound’’. It probably worked out for you and your husband, but the right thing to do is let this person go and advice them that they still need time to heal, keep them as a friend, it might hurt because you like this person. But there are plenty fish on the sea to choose from.
There is nothing wrong with being alone! If he is not able to make the woman he's seeing feel secure, she does not have to stick around and go through the suffering and anxiety! If it were me, I would invite him to go get the woman he wants and stop wasting my time!
Wow I feel REALLY GOOD that My Man decided on his own free will and not because i was chasing and begging HELL NO I was to HURT with him so I walked away knowing My Worth💯💯💯 Now WE have a Wonderful Healthy Loving Relationship Living Together for 2 yrs has giving US lots of growth and maturity and WE indulge IN OUR LOVE 💕 EVERYDAY 💋🌸🐸🐞🐧🔐💚💜
I'm currently going through this, I realised I was getting crumbs from him because he is still hung up on his ex, I walked I don't know much right now I'm uncertain whether he'll realize my worth or not but it hurt more to stay and watch him be uncertain about me
Let me add another type of woman you cannot complete with-his mother. It took me 25 years to finally walk away-broken hearted- especially because I knew from the beginning that it was an impossible relationship. Toxic mothers don’t go away, even after they die
Smh absolutely disagree if he is clearly not over his ex leave him alone if you want something serious. That is a recipe for getting your heart broken. However, if you are also still getting over an ex or your not looking for something serious go for it. But it is a huge gamble dating someone who is not completely detached from their exes. Theres plenty of other fish out there that have taken the time to heal first.
Stop going off in the comments about how we should drop the person, if you know you should then why are you even here? This video is obviously for people who don't want to give up on the person.
Women are trained to put up with way to much substandard behavior from men, being with a man who is not able to invest in you the way you deserve is a HELL NO, even if you have to be alone. Is it better to be alone than to be made to feel less than his ex, I'd say yes
I watch these videos to understand what I am experiencing that I can't put a name to it. Life is about choices and experiences. If you choose to be with a person who has ex issues, that is your choice. But people are sharing their painful experiences when they tried to be with a man with ex issues and how it damaged them. I think we all can learn from others experiences.
I can’t thank you enough for the help and clarity your video had gave me. I’m going through the same exact situation you are describing, and I felt so identified with the case. I realized that the moment he came clean i did things right, but then the pain took control over me and I started to do all of the things that could push him away, and even though I don’t know if I screw up so bad it’s to late, I’ll still try to straight up things and do things right. Again thank you and wish me the best of luck.
@@deekum6557 Well! he is still with his ex (now girlfriend) since then and i moved on. That hasn't stoped him to text me and even asked me several times to meet (i don't know why would he do that) but i declained his invitations. I don´t want him back. Too much troubles
Thank u for the advice after 8 months! I had very hard beginning in relationship and your video helped me. It took 4 months of suffering, now i am finally happy with my bf who seems to be happy with me as well and forget about his ex :) Ladies, my advice is: if u really want that guy, go for it! But remember, here are no garanties and it could be extremely hard to deal with the guy whose heart is not completely yours...yet ;)
Really terrible advice. 2 friends waited years, even 10 Years waiting for him to stop treating like an option. Both ended badly. Boundaries upfront do not put up with this right away.
I think the assumption here is: people will stay in a relationship based on what other people say, but that's not really true is it? People stay in a relationship for their own reasons. Only your friends know why they truly stayed in those relationships.
My partner has deep emotional entanglement with the mother of his illegitimate child, fathered while he was still married. Nineteen years later they communicate constantly, and have even reunited in the past. I would rather be single than tolerate this inappropriate behavior.
Thank you soo much for this video...he actually realised that he was wasting time thinking about his ex n now he hates her..and we r finally back together.🎉
Great video Katie, thank you so much! Specially dedicate to what you said "Life will reward you when you if you are willing to be courageous and try even when you are scared".
I'm not sure why here in the comments section: there seems to be a prevalence of this idea that if someone isn't over their ex or the hurt means they're not worth as a person to keep around, even as a friend. You're willing to immediately cut them off because they aren't giving you what you're seeking for. So what? That doesn't make them that bad of a person. Mrs. Katie seems to be making a goddamn good point: nowadays one tends to seek for attention and leave one's self esteem in the hands of another person's validation (reciprocal) of oneself. Why are you so scared of rejection and hurt to the point you would want to disregard another person's right (to reject us) and later treat them as if they're *not worth* keeping around? And why do you tie the word 'dignity' together with what you deserve or not? Everyone has dignity and rights to do their own thing. As long as they're not abusive, violent etc. It seems that the wrong mindset seems to create many delusions and continuously feeds the ego with bitterness and no healthy views necessary to foster functional relationships. Then why do you wonder that all the men or women you meet are, simply put, on the same wavelength as you, and don't care at all? Take a good look at yourself (as in how you interact with the world and function in relationships, even what relationship you have with yourself) before you judge others (and what they have to offer you).
Thank you! I needed this but I want to add something; your views are right until and unless your boyfriend loves you, it is not fine if he doesn't love you but loves someone else.
Thanks for your comment Geeta... yes, of course. But a man can also be in love with two people at the same time. And then we get into there's different types of love. There's romantic love and then there's attachment love. My man had attachment love with his ex and romantic love with me. He eventually grew into having attachment love with me as well, but that happens overtime.
I was seeing a guy she found out he was seeing someone who was me. She calls him to ask if they can work it out. He txt me 2 days after not returning my calls, txt to tell me she ask if the could get back together? He told me he really like me, didn’t want me in a messy situation bcuz he’s not sure what he wants to do. I told him thanks for being honest, okay, I wish him well
No no no. I dated a guy who told me early on he was still in love with his ex. I should have run. I didn't. We lived an hour away from each other. He wouldn't let me go to his house because she lived nearby. I couldn't go out with him near his house because that's where they used to go. Then he went on vacation with another ex. He couldn't talk on the phone with me because that would be disrespectful to her. Basically I never saw him Monday thru Friday and was lucky I saw him once a week. And when he was at my house and he got a phone call he was with his sister or on a jobsite. I'm finally done. Stay away from anyone that says they're still in love with their ex. Believe them.
He told me three times when he was drunk that he loved his ex and for that we changed and could never go back and I can't give him my love anymore because he can't stop loving her and I don't hate him, I really like him but I don't think he's ready for me yet.
Katie, I'm facing a similar situation, still recent. We chatted online and he wanted to meet and talked. He was honest at the first day and told me about the break (both agreed to remain good friends) between him and his ex/gf and bit more on the 2nd time meeting. We can always connect well and talk so comfortable for hours just fine. We haven't started official because i think he wants to get things straight out first. He told me that he's lost and trying to figure things out, so I haven't asked him what relationship we have or why he still wanted to meet me if things are not clear with his ex/gf yet. He doesn't talk about her often when we meet, even names, or what she looks like unless I ask. We normally talk about random topics related to religion, relationship, my crushes, someone's issues, and suddenly it leads to a bit about his. Im glad that he doesn't. What should I ask and/or when is the best time? Many would say I should stay out of the situation like that since it's bad, but I do agree with you that it's like I run away. In a relationship, many challenges can always happen, even if it's not his ex comes back, but it might be another guy who tries to step in between. What if I meet a guy who clearly wants me in the beginning, but his previous ex decides to come back after a few years and wants him back or he might cheat half way. Do I just get out of situation like that? I believe that the right person will stay, what's yours will always be yours, regardless of the situation.
Hello Tiffany, since you have just started dating him... and he's already telling you about his ex.. I think you should "definitely" continue to date, talk to and meet other men. There is a lot of unknowns and uncertainty around this guy. He may develop more feelings for you.. but he also may not. Hence why I recommend you keep your options open. Don't put all your eggs in one basket (in him) when there's a lot of uncertainties here.
@@KatieWang Thanks Katie. Actually, i don't think we actually date yet, just more of getting to know each other and we met twice so far. I'm just trying to clarify what we are and how he feels about the ex/gf before moving further. I know i won't start with him unless he's completely ready and move on because I don't want to be his rebound.
In loving, pain is part of it. I like her advise. I will definitely give it a try. If we break up, then so be it. Atleast you try. Its not love if you're afraid of the pain. Take risk. We are talking about love. Thats for me!!! If you disagree, I respect that.
Well your tip is not helpful you are teaching a woman how to be doormat in a relationship and pretend to be okay even if you feel broken inside, which is letting a man goes elsewhere his mind thinking about his ex while you are with him. It is not sucks? You are his present and his still not move on with his baggage? It is nothing to do with what you say" insecurity" but a respect to your present relationship who are dedicated to you and only you. And then your man secretly thinking his ex, this is not nice!
yeah, sooo...... my bf was with his ex for 7 years. They were married for 5 years. They've been broken up/divorced for 4 years. He had a girlfriend for 2 years before I met him. They have no kids. He still has his ex wifes clothes, her art, her photos, won't update his IG since the divorce even though he's active on it all day everyday. Has old video on his TH-cam that I saw but he has since put on private. When I asked him if he was over her he blatantly says no.... but as you can see from what I'm telling you this isnt the case. She's currently an artist and I can't even explain to you how angry he was with me when I followed her artist page. What do you do when every sign is there and he won't even admit to still having feelings and even going so far to say he doesn't. Because clearly he does.
First of all: not every sign is there that he still has feelings for his ex. The fact is they were married for 5 years, divorced for 4 years, he has his ex wife's clothes, art, photos, has old videos (of them I assume?) on youtube that he has made private. You're making those facts mean he still has feelings for his ex. How do you feel when you think this? And how do you behave around him when you think this? My guess is you're feeling rejected/anxious/angry, and then you're questioning him and questioning your relationship. When you think he still has feelings for his ex, you question your own feelings for him. When you question being with him, you'll more likely make him question being with you. Whether he actually has feelings for his ex, you can never truly know (unless he tells you, and even then how would we REALLY know that's true?). Only he knows the answer to that, and he has the right to withhold that information or not. In the end, it doesn't actually matter whether he has feelings or not, what matters is what you're creating in your relationship when you think the thought: he still has feelings for his ex.
I really do not agree with this "piece of advise", if you are preaching self value then you should value yourself enough to be with someone who is not hung up on someone else. Why should someone give their 100% when knowingly they probably will not receive it back emotionally,. I agree happiness comes from.within but self worth is knowing that you are worth someone elses 100%.
I understand, I've been secure for almost 2 years now, but I found things like notes and things her ex gave to him on his apartment and I don't like that, for me it's like he isn't over his ex, do you understand how I feel? I'm going to talk to him but for real, who is he going to choose, his memories with someone that is not there anymore or me.
Fantastic video! An ex is an ex for a reason. I also agree that honestly is a very good trait. She's right also about pushing him away. The more energy you put into the ex, the more he thinks about her. I've decided it's worth a go with the guy I am with. When he told me I gave him time and space to make sure he didn't subconsciously hold resentment against me. We talked more about it the next week. I told him I wasn't going to be sitting here waiting on him forever but I have no other plans or intentions with anyone else.
Ashley, just love the last thing you said about being courageous even when you're scared. I'm 62, divorced 15 years. Met a great guy 2 years ago who's now in middle of his divorce. We're sort of friendly, I 'd like more but terrified to scare him off...
Um actually im also in this kind of situation that this guy flirted me.. and its been a month and i got attached to him.. after he said that he still missed his ex-gf sometimes (he just broke up with the girl about 2 mos ago), so i asked him for clarification: what is our relationship really in and he said, "FRIENDS?" damn, i'm hurted about that haha.. months of being with fun and excitement with him and its turn to makes me upset and angered to myself.. "woa i just got fooled" and now i dont know what to do if i will stay being friends with him and wait for him fully move on from his ex or run away but the thing is, i really like this person and i dont want to give up on him but its hurts me a lot when he just played me and makes me nearly rebound...ha idk nowㅡ.ㅡ
Thank you so much, your advice is very helpful especially when you know you are with a great man, however he still not fully over with his ex. Working out a relationship first rather than walking out right away and to give yourself a time limitation at the same time is worth to try.
What if he's denying his feelings for his ex yes still entertaining her I can understand a child being involved but and I would never want to interfere with that
what if he got distant a bit and he said that he needs time and he is not able to talk about it right now, what to do? Leave him alone and let him come to me when he will figure out ?
This made me feel so much better! Going through this right now and it’s hard everyday to decide if I wanna stay or leave but after watching this I think it’s worth fighting for
What if all is going well and then he tells you he still has feelings for his ex and says he doesnt want to leave you but you dont deserve him and breaks up?
I date a guy he didn't tell me until after I was pregnant with his child that he stills loves his ex and told me that wore done that was a lie after I had his child he left me to go back to his ex they now married. I not finna be scattered again I loved his so much I wanted to spend my life with him and he knew that and still left me for his ex?
Hello to whom it may concern I can recommend you to a great and powerful man who helped me get my ex back recently without stress and delay and he can also help you just as he did mine too
My ex fiance left me for his ex that cheated on him and he dated her for a year and a half 😞 he never talked about her or anything. We were together 5years and engaged
So wat if ur with a man for 4yrs n he nava tell u he's not over his ex...but u relaxed he's still texting n calling n meeting up with her behind ur back and wen u confronted him he denied it?
You made so much sense and I was wracking my brain. - recently they referred to one another as Sweetie and yah it shocked me. I have no claim on he or a one nor should I ever - I want to continue to enjoy him and that sounds wonderful until maybe he goes a different path
I Being with a man For 6 years now, he said he loves me he wants to marry me and so on... But Only problem he said he still has feelings for her. ( ask him to if he wants to go back with her) but he said no he'll never going to do so.... But he keep her things like her hair clips, old notes... And It hurts me so bad. 🙂 what should i do
Maa'm I loved your advised❤❤ It helped Me a lot and thought me things which noone would advise rather they just ask to stay away From the one i love And But you thought me something really helpful😊😊
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I really don’t agree with her.. Being with someone who is still in love with another woman, so that we do not end up single!?? We deserve a man being in love with us, not with his ex. It is not a matter of insecurity, is a matter of dignity.
Thank you for sharing that information. I dont agree with what she said either. I've experienced a Similar situation and it's not a feeling knowing your playing 2nd to another woman.
Even I can't agree with this.. even u May also have a dark past..u can also have an ex that doesn't mean you'll say to the opposite person that may be i can again come back with my ex..then what's the point of serious dating here? A person who himself doesn't want to get over his ex and still has contact, there's no need of you,u need to realise that.
Christinefisher7 I agree with you. My whole thing is what if we decided to be understanding to the situation and he still decide to go back to his ex? He will say, I was honest with you. Don’t be a fool.
@Spooky Spectre I love the image your words painted.
A K Hi I have a similar situation. I ended it the moment I found out he lying about seeing each other’s. However I like him and we were a good match. I reflected myself. Most people with different problems. Not saying the issue will last forever but everyone has them. These kind of men too. I guess what she was saying is to give these people and you a chance if you do feel strongly. If you do the right things, he could compare and know you might be a better match. I do believe people can change. But...but you might get a lot of hurt in the process. You decide if he worth it really
take it from me now if he’s not over his ex let him know that you can’t be with him until he’s a 100 percent only with you i regret so much
No woman should be with a man who’s not over their ex’s..let that insecure boy dealt with that bs before getting into another relationship with a woman. Women aren’t here to baby insecure men with low self esteem that job is for their mothers..not girlfriends and wives
Well said. These men just want to use some woman for sex and companionship when they can offer nothing because they are emotionally invested elsewhere. Walk away from these men you deserve better
Do yall even like men ?
🎉🎉🎉
I have had personal experience of being married to a man who was not over his ex and it sucks.
If a man tells you straight from the get-go that he is not over his ex, then BELIEVE HIM.
If you carry on seeing a man who is still hung up on his ex and if you fall in love with him, then you are setting yourself up for a LOT of pain and heartache.
He will be constantly talking about her and when he isn't talking about her he will be thinking about her and all the time your heart is breaking because you want the one thing that he can't give you.....his love. And the thing is, if he has been honest with you from the start, you can't even be angry with him because he DID tell you that he was not over his ex.
You will become insecure, vulnerable and unhappy and there is no point in telling yourself that it has nothing to do with him and his ex because it has EVERYTHING to do with him and his ex......the bottom line is this: He is still hung up on her because he STILL LOVES HER and he still wants her.
I'm sorry Ashley but I disagree with you when you say that being in such a relationship as this is better than being alone......it isn't.
I wish that I had listened to my gut instinct and walked away from my husband when I knew that he still loved his ex.
It would have saved me a lot of pain and heartache.
Such relationships are extremely one-sided, because you are the one who is doing all of the hard work whilst hoping that one day he will forget about HER and focus on you.
Ladies, ask yourselves one question; Do you really want to be in bed with a guy who is wishing that it was his ex he is making love to?
😭😭😭😭😭 we are same
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
PREACH LORRAINE 💯🙌🏻 WE HEAR YOU !! IM GONNA HAVE TO DISAGREE W ASHLEY TOO . Why stick w someone who’s clearly not over their ex. Thats unhealthy for yourself it will drained your emotions! GET OUT MOVE YOU ARE NOT A TREE
@@KatieWang Hi Ashley and thank you for replying. I agree with you that a man's actions speak more than words, and my ex husband's actions told me from the get-go that he still loved his ex.
I admit that at the time I was extremely vulnerable and lonely.......I was desperate for love and I think that this made me blind to the truth, and also, by the time I was able to fully admit to myself that I was his second option, it was too late....I had fallen deeply in love with him.
As you can imagine, the combination of being deeply in love and also feeling very vulnerable is a lethal cocktail for disaster.
Don't get me wrong....I truly believe that he WANTED to make it work with me, because he knew that there was no way back with the ex.....she had remarried years ago....but he would be CONSTANTLY talking about her......you know Ashley, I have never met this woman but after 5 years I knew EVERYTHING about her.....it drove me nuts.
When you are in this kind of relationship, you are only getting 50 percent........eventually I realized that as much as I adored my ex husband, I was no longer prepared to have half of a man......I felt that I deserved 100 per cent.
Don't get me wrong.......if a woman can accept that she is second best in her man's life and that he is still carrying a torch for the ex, then good luck to them.....but I believe that for most women, it is very painful to be in the shadow of the woman your man still loves and it is better to leave. I am only sorry I waited as long as 5 years.....it is 5 years of my life I will never get back.
I'm just wondering how many girls were left heartbroken and with trust issues after following this advise. Know you worth! Your mental self care comes first!
I respectfully disagree- I just went through this. The guy and his ex dated 5 years and she broke up with him. I met him when they’d been broken up for 10 months. I was extremely patient, had fun, etc. Our connection was wonderful, but he broke it off with me abruptly and was very emotional. He wasn’t over her. I’d caution anyone to date a guy that hasn’t been broke up for at least a year. He will want to play the field again and isn’t healed yet. He will use and discard you.
I am in the situation now so your comment is on point. Also the fact that their ex dumped them made them value them more. In his case, his ex was even abusive and possibly a cluster b type. It's been 9 months she dumped him. We have had a great connection emotionally (maybe because he feels so raw and needs to share) and a physical spark as well. Yet yesterday I asked what if she would want you back now? He responded 80% of him would go back in a heartbeat, and 20% would struggle. it's still a very pendulum type of life. So I guess I should just run away?
Im the Ex and this is very true.
That's it! I was not even in a rebound relationship. I was in a "situationship" with a man being out of a 5-year relationship for 2 months. His way of coping with the break up to offer me sexual exclusivity only and no commitment. This did not seem to be a bad thing at the time, considering I was a vulnerable grieving widow for 2 years at that time. But I was so wrong.. it was demeaning, tacky, and toxic. Healthy people should want healthy and happy "relationships" with people who are not emotionally connected to an ex.
He forced me to sit with HER and their boys during a memorial dinner!! I was so uncomfortable and asked him WHY he made me so that when I was uncomfortable with HER!! He did t CARE how I felt and said this “ I didn’t want her to be alone”. She cheated on HIM and is living with his best friend!! She got pregnant and divorced hIm! 😢. I could not wrap my head around how this was OK??
I am the ex. My ex bf is a fearful avoidant. He expressed deep feelings for me, pulled away , and eventually monkey branched to another. That's what avoidants do. They feel deeply, but can't handle feelings. We were together four years in a mostly good relationship. He wanted to date and still be friends with me, business as usual. Nope!! I walked away. He expressed his feelings again as I left. Point is, he still has feelings for me! He still texts and calls. I ignore him.. Do you really want to be a rebound?? Do you really want to be in a relationship and have him return if the ex will take him back? If he loves his ex you will always be second place. There is nothing you can do, even if he remains with you. His HEART is with his ex!
This video reminded me of an old story:
I once had a chat with a taxi driver on my way back home from the airport.
He was married with 2 kids yet confess about the one woman he still hold a torch for. « The one that got away » the one he still thinks about 15 years down the line. And that person was NOT his current wife.
Oof...
WoW
Exactly
Why waste my time, people always go back to exes bc it’s familiar
"Always" is not very accurate. I know plenty of people who never go back.
@@KatieWang "often" is accurate
desagree.. my mental health is more important than staying w someone who still has feeling w his ex . not running away just be realistic. there are so many men on earth why woud u makd your life difficult and stressful. i’ve been in this situations for so long and it did not work. some people are going to love you no matter what you do, some people will never love you no matter what you do.
He is the best when it comes to recovery ex back💔💔😭
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Who was crying while watching this .
It is really hard to come out this stress when you know your bf still can't move on and you cant blame him for being authentic
it took me 2 years to get over my ex boyfriend, I did all of that by healing with self love, not depending on someone else. So if he’s going to attempt to bring me into his little pity party, I’m not for it. Thanking god that I found skill into looking deeper through a man’s actions and what comes out of his mouth. I’m not worth as being a rebound baby, go do that with someone else 😘
if you go about it with the attitude of friendship and getting to know the person. You'll be fine, your life doesn't stop. You shouldn't stop meeting other people in the meantime of getting to know him. If you cut off all your social life for a man thats emotionally unavailable, that's just you not being smart. You should know your self worth, you should have security within yourself, and just enjoy getting to know the guy. But don't stop your life. why would you? they aren't
He ll never be over his ex..cz he z a man n doesn't let things go easily but a woman can let go easily cz all her life she is taught to let go and accept..
I don't think you're a woman. Because that's the biggest mistruth I have seen today.
Women are taught to never let go of their emotions, and be surrogate mother-figures to deadbeat guys who are too emotionally immature to fix their issues in their relationships.
Men aren't pen and ink, if he actually focuses on fixing his emotional health he will get over his ex. It's not your job to fix him.
@@beefortebrea9386 I think you didn't get what I meant..let go here was not emotions but just the stubbornness..I do accept the 'Titanic' dialogue that a woman's heart is a hidden treasure of emotions (I dnt remember d exact dialogue). What I said was that men aren't always as considerate as women..they are not submissive by nature but they wish to be the dominant ones..it's all very natural..so if a man isn't over his ex (if he loved her truly) it's the duty (as I think) of his gf to still stay by his side. I didn't mean that women can let go of emotions easily..they can just hide them..and please stress upon this that I had used the word 'easily' in my reply and also the term 'things'. It's you, ma'am, who replaced things with the term 'emotions' and changed the whole point of the reply. And, ofcourse men won't be over their ex if there was love involved..same goes for women but women are more dutiful in such things than men that's why they are the birth givers (not the men) and have got strength despite having a soft body.
I guess maybe I’m the exception but I met my boyfriend back in summer of 2014 and we instantly had a connection, we spent a lot of time together, talking all night on the phone and we had a strong connection/attraction for each other.. only problem was his ex gf was still around, she came back once her boyfriend dumped her and crawled back to her ex who is now my boyfriend.
They weren’t dating just hooking up. They were already broken up for 3 years before I came in the pic so the break up wasn’t fresh but once I came in the pic she felt threatened by me and tried getting back together with him again, he only knew me for 2 weeks and knew her for maybe 5 years at the time so he was unsure bc he had history with her and was still getting to know me, plus they dated for 11 months.
He finally decided he wanted to give me a chance bc he realized that they weren’t right for each other and his only reason for ever considering to take her back was only bc he was comfortable with her. He chose me. And we’ve been together for 5 years now. I’m happy I didn’t get hurt this time.
Ashley Kay Oh yeah definitely, don’t get me wrong it hurt finding out that he had to think about it but I also have to remember that he still didn’t know me and had a lot of history with her, it’s always easy to stay where you’re comfortable, like a job for ex. But I know if he was really all that serious for her he would have cut me off completely for her and he didn’t. I know the end of the day he chose me, he’s with me. He dumped her after 11 months in HS and it’s been 5 years with us and he won’t let me go 💜. The only thing she had over me then was familiarity, now she has nothing over me! Plus he told me the biggest flaw between them two was that he couldn’t hold a conversation with her, that they’d be in the same room together for hours and barely talk and that it was really awkward. He obviously cared about her but admitted that the connection wasn’t that strong and that they weren’t ever right for each other, and told me that if he took her back that they probably wouldn’t have lasted longer than maybe a few months. It was just a vicious cycle between the two that needed to end.
I'm happy for you. I wish the person I was talking to a year ago had this mentality, but his actions just proved he wasn't the right guy for me.
They were just hooking up um
@@EvolvePeaceLove I know that lol that was before we started dating though so IDC. He's mine now lol
That’s so sad for you
I really don't mind being alone.
So what you trying to say settle for a person who's not whole.... Hmmm
Ari m 😂😂😂🤣settle for half eaten sandwich 😂😂🤣ok bye
Why the hell would you want to even get involved with a guy who's not over his ex girlfriend..I just don't understand this advice 🤔
So, the message is - accept not being the man's first choice out of fear of ending up alone. Sacrifice your self respect, because having a man who doesn't quite love you completely is better than having no man at all.
Don't remember saying any of that.. but ok. Appreciate your comment!
I got the same thing from this smh...
It's such terrible advice right???
@@KatieWang hi Katie that's exactly what you are saying, you are saying accept he's emotionally unavailable or be alone. You are alone if he's emotionally invested elsewhere, and then you have zero self respect if you stick around listening to him talking about her all the time. Heck when he's having sex with you he's thinking about her eeeewwww.
@@makeitcount2985 that's the real madness, I can't even deal with that. If he needs me fine if not then I have to bounce no need for me to stay. Can't handle a man who is not over his so-called ex. Just imagine the word ex makes me sick 😦
It's a nice idea in theory. In my experience, if he has children with his ex and he has ever loved her, you are literally nothing to him unless he has ten minutes of free time. If she has an opinion, or tries to keep her kids away from you, or "needs" something, you no longer exist. So when he feels like he wants some fun, or has the time of day for you, he's gonna suddenly think you're happy you've now made the list of priorities after he chose her over you in every situation. I'm an independent, hard working and strong person but when a guy is half out the door thinking about and trying to please someone else at your expense, it's absolutely horrible.
Idk about the running away thing. The guy I was seeing had an “crazy” ex that wouldn’t back off for the whole 7 months harassing me and him when we were dating. Come to find out he was still doing favors, communicating with her , and when he went to jail he gave her all his important financial things; bank info, credit cards etc. ohh no child I had to go. That’s a lil too much. We had several talks and I gave him many chances to get that situated but he still wouldn’t cut her off so I had to exit ✌🏽
Ashley Kay exxxxactly now he wanna still communicate and b friends wit me but I talk to him occasionally and don’t answer the phone I become more unavailable. Clearly he don’t have no balls. Ugh nooo thanks 💯💯
spot on!
we all rebound. so what!
MOST of the time we all move on and fall in love again. life meetings aren't perfect timing. sometimes you have to be brave and strong if he /she is worth it.
don't let a good catch get away ;-)
I like your comment, that's a smart and wise standpoint. Of course we all have scarred from our past. It is never fully over for our unconscious mind. However we need to be cautious and take care where we engage our heart if there are too many red flags. We don't want to be used as an object and want to be seen for who we are. But love requires to take risks after all.
I don't agree with you, no one is someone elses bandaid. Get over your ex before dating
I've never looked at it like that. "We are all rebounds." You are absolutely right
@C. Williams right!
If all these women are truthful with themselves...they have someone in their heart when someone new comes along....its human nature. Obviously if he talks about an ex constant and is in touch too much for your liking...listen to your little voice. But we all are pining someone at all times. Be far and reasonable that your new love is same same. And if you are rational you will realise as you let go of yours he is doing the same. It's a cop out to always say your a rebound relationship. It's stupid. Every relationship would be if that was the case. Personally every relationship I've had improved from the one before. Not all men are power players. His honesty can be because he truly cares about you. As long as the feels are coming you will move past it no problem. It's normal.
I don't agree with you that if you are insecure because your partner is so invested with his ex that he talks with her often and runs errands for her its Not your issue (it's his issue, he's unavailable, it's your issue for accepting sub par treatment) . It is not healthy to be with a man who is emotionally invested elsewhere. The guy needs to get over his ex before dating. I am okay but being around a man who is very clearly still involved with the ex is not healthy for anyone. I'm not going to be a man's option, that might have worked for you, it does not work for me. He didnt want to tell her about me or tell his family about me, I was a secret, meanwhile he's still investing in her its not healthy
Thank you, I appreciate your comment :)
Do not be a crutch for a man who will only leaving you needing one and the cycle of hurt continues on.
Hello it's works i can't believe am with my love again messseg him can help you too...
Friend contact him immediately now to get help ,everything will be fine with a good result.
To all these videos suggesting that it is ok to date a guy who is hung up on his ex
"so many men, so little time, how can I lose? So many men so little time, how can I choose?"
Move on if he isn't. Move on.
Bless, thank you. This helped a lot. Literally just entered the idea of running away today.
Omgs girl same🥺 😹❤😛
I need to know what to do ive been seeing this guy for over a month but the only thing he talks about is his ex wife how he loves her and wants her back and they have 2 boys together but she doesn't want him just the boys he tells me we're just friends and he knows I have feelings for him..i don't know what to do
Katie I’m trying really hard to see this from your point of view but I just can’t in good conscience be happy with a man who USED ME to get over someone else, like that’s literally what it is, how can I be happy in this situation? Obviously he will never admit to using me, but if he is feeling sorry for himself that he is not with her, and he’s with me, that’s exactly what he is doing.
Did he actually say he feels sorry for himself that he is not with her and he's with you? How do you know for sure he'd rather be with her than with you? How do you know for sure he was "using you" to get over her? Are you sure that's exactly how he feels? --- The main point I was making is to give yourself the emotional security that he isn't giving you. From the sound of it, you're doing the exact opposite. You're giving him the responsibility to make you feel safe, and since he isn't doing that, you're making yourself feel insecure.
It's not his responsibility to make you feel safe. It is YOURS. You have the option to leave him at any moment if you believe that's what will make you feel safe. But just don't stay in that situation and then blame him for something you have 100% control over.
Katie Wang I watched your video about how to know if he is using you as a rebound and he checked every single one. He would never admit that he used me, or tell me plainly that he felt sorry for himself, it’s the things he said about being dumped, said girls only want aholes and that “they all dump him”, and that she just stopped loving him and it came as a shock to him, just many many things that I cannot mention or else id be typing for a long time. Either way, we got serious and I still dont have the security from him. How can a relationship like this truly be sustained if the only security I get is from myself, why have him around. Anyway, thank you for listening
Agree with you, he uses you for sex and companionship and whatever else you can give him while keeping the door open for the ex. It's disrespectful.
@@KatieWang so in a relationship with a man, it's not his responsibility to make you feel safe, loved and secure by not being emotionally involved elsewhere? Then why be in a relationship at all. He doesn't have to invest at all it appears
I knew my ex was still in love with his ex. I only left because he shut down. He wouldn't say one way or the other what was going on. It was the lack of communication for me. He was breadcrumbing me and I wasn't going to allow it. Trying to hold on to me til he figured out whether he wanted her are not. So I made the decision for him
I’m in the same situation right now but I’m afraid to leave
@@treatbag i hope you left.
I agree with most of this except I would only be super platonic with a guy who is not over his ex, not date him. Build connection and friendship only until you are 100% sure he wants to be with you truly and is over his ex.
Ok, I do not agree. And here is why (from my personal experience not books). First of all, if he is still in love with his ex but is with you means he is a cheater, he doesn't respect himself, he is not serious in what he wants, and he can cheat on you too! I dont want to be the band aid! Yes, he likes you but he loves his ex more! His mind in busy with his ex not you! He will probably end up staying with the band aid, BUT this doesnt mean he will love you, it can be only cause he got comfortable wearing the band aid and kinda doesn't hurt that much wearing a band aid. Second, every time things will not go well in your relationship, he will start thinking about his ex! Having the second thought that : " oh, she would have been better!" So down in his heart its not you, its his ex. And "probably" after years he will forget her... It really depends what you want, deserve and how much you know you are worthed!
The moment he makes me feel insecure, is when I'm out!
I agree with her to an extent. If a guy is honest about his emotional state with his ex, that is good, because you have the power to slow down, pull away, or just walk away from a rebound relationship. All the other things she was speaking on with the pink pencil didn't register with me, but her intentions were in a good place.
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the comment section is so angry.
i was relieved after hearing this. Thank you Katie. I dont feel insecure because he tells me he doesnt want to date the last girl long term, but she still contacts him, and i was there when she did, and he kept checking his phone even when she didnt text him back. It makes me feel uneasy, but ultimately he is an honest guy and i do trust him.
I find myself agreeing with her - the fact that he’s been honest with you, especially about something potentially very difficult, shows great vulnerability.
I further find her message about taking the opportunity to see how you feel within the dynamic to be a highly important one.
I feel like if he’s willing to invest in you and see where things go - and his actions support growth within your relationship- then to a high level he is committed to growing something with you and healing from his past.
I watch this video because I wanted to get help with my situation. I realize I was his rebound. And I had to admit I am very heartbroken. First, this man wasn’t honest with me. It was his actions that told me he wasn’t over his ex. I disagree with this video. Know your worth. Don’t allow someone to make you second place.
Thanks for your comment Nicole. If you're a rebound then that is a different situation, and I have a video about that here: th-cam.com/video/7gSmJHswHtI/w-d-xo.html
And if your man doesn't treat you like a queen, then yes I agree, you deserve someone who do.
I had the same situation, I just ended a one month relationship because of this and a few other things. He said that he was being honest, he wasn't I could sense it. I'm not going to be second best for any man
I dated a guy with kids and he was complaining about his ex all the time. Yet he helped his ex with everything. She stole money from him. Abused him verbally and she even physically attacked him. 3 years past and he didn't even sign the co parenting contract. He keeps going to her house and cooking dinners. Still supporting her financially. When I started dating him. He never told his ex he was dating and I was like a slave. Cooking, cleaning, doing his laundry. I became a PA. Last straw he was babysitting his kids at her place and he slept over. And the next day he acted like nothing happened. When I got mad. He demanded that I should apologize.
When I didn't he went with her on vacation and I just find out through SM.
What if he tells you he’s over her, but you begin to find out, he’s not? Not sticking around for that?
Hello Janine, it depends on what you mean by "he's not over her" and what he's actions towards you say about his intentions for you. Men know how they feel about a woman pretty early on, just because he's not over an ex doesn't mean he's not serious about you. If you need help deciphering the different, please email us at katie@evolvedwomansociety.com
Totally disagree with you, there is no need to date someone who is still emotionally attached, It is not because of insecurities, it is because this person needs time to heal, a broken person is not gonna be able to give you their 100 %, he/she is gonna constantly be trying hard to be over his ex with you, ‘’ the rebound’’. It probably worked out for you and your husband, but the right thing to do is let this person go and advice them that they still need time to heal, keep them as a friend, it might hurt because you like this person. But there are plenty fish on the sea to choose from.
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There is nothing wrong with being alone! If he is not able to make the woman he's seeing feel secure, she does not have to stick around and go through the suffering and anxiety! If it were me, I would invite him to go get the woman he wants and stop wasting my time!
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Wow I feel REALLY GOOD that My Man decided on his own free will and not because i was chasing and begging HELL NO I was to HURT with him so I walked away knowing My Worth💯💯💯 Now WE have a Wonderful Healthy Loving Relationship Living Together for 2 yrs has giving US lots of growth and maturity and WE indulge IN OUR LOVE 💕 EVERYDAY 💋🌸🐸🐞🐧🔐💚💜
I'm currently going through this, I realised I was getting crumbs from him because he is still hung up on his ex, I walked I don't know much right now I'm uncertain whether he'll realize my worth or not but it hurt more to stay and watch him be uncertain about me
Maps More Honestly if he’s moved on that should be your answer... if he hasn’t that’s your answer as well....
Thank you for this! I'm with you. I'd rather try my best then run from it due to my insecurities
Let me add another type of woman you cannot complete with-his mother. It took me 25 years to finally walk away-broken hearted- especially because I knew from the beginning that it was an impossible relationship. Toxic mothers don’t go away, even after they die
Smh absolutely disagree if he is clearly not over his ex leave him alone if you want something serious. That is a recipe for getting your heart broken. However, if you are also still getting over an ex or your not looking for something serious go for it. But it is a huge gamble dating someone who is not completely detached from their exes. Theres plenty of other fish out there that have taken the time to heal first.
Stop going off in the comments about how we should drop the person, if you know you should then why are you even here?
This video is obviously for people who don't want to give up on the person.
Obviously, you aren't a TH-cam citizen, so you don't know that TH-cam recommends videos to people.
Women are trained to put up with way to much substandard behavior from men, being with a man who is not able to invest in you the way you deserve is a HELL NO, even if you have to be alone. Is it better to be alone than to be made to feel less than his ex, I'd say yes
Taehyung's Pimple right
@@makeitcount2985 thank you
I watch these videos to understand what I am experiencing that I can't put a name to it. Life is about choices and experiences. If you choose to be with a person who has ex issues, that is your choice. But people are sharing their painful experiences when they tried to be with a man with ex issues and how it damaged them. I think we all can learn from others experiences.
I can’t thank you enough for the help and clarity your video had gave me. I’m going through the same exact situation you are describing, and I felt so identified with the case. I realized that the moment he came clean i did things right, but then the pain took control over me and I started to do all of the things that could push him away, and even though I don’t know if I screw up so bad it’s to late, I’ll still try to straight up things and do things right. Again thank you and wish me the best of luck.
What happened at the end?
@@deekum6557 Well! he is still with his ex (now girlfriend) since then and i moved on. That hasn't stoped him to text me and even asked me several times to meet (i don't know why would he do that) but i declained his invitations. I don´t want him back. Too much troubles
I don’t agree with this video at all. When I’m with him, it’s good but I can’t get a hold of him over telephone, what’s the effin point?
Thank u for the advice after 8 months! I had very hard beginning in relationship and your video helped me. It took 4 months of suffering, now i am finally happy with my bf who seems to be happy with me as well and forget about his ex :) Ladies, my advice is: if u really want that guy, go for it! But remember, here are no garanties and it could be extremely hard to deal with the guy whose heart is not completely yours...yet ;)
Really terrible advice. 2 friends waited years, even 10 Years waiting for him to stop treating like an option. Both ended badly. Boundaries upfront do not put up with this right away.
I think the assumption here is: people will stay in a relationship based on what other people say, but that's not really true is it? People stay in a relationship for their own reasons. Only your friends know why they truly stayed in those relationships.
So basically be a doormat
My partner has deep emotional entanglement with the mother of his illegitimate child, fathered while he was still married. Nineteen years later they communicate constantly, and have even reunited in the past. I would rather be single than tolerate this inappropriate behavior.
If he is still your partner then it seems you are tolerating this behaviour.
Thank you soo much for this video...he actually realised that he was wasting time thinking about his ex n now he hates her..and we r finally back together.🎉
Great video Katie, thank you so much! Specially dedicate to what you said "Life will reward you when you if you are willing to be courageous and try even when you are scared".
I'm not sure why here in the comments section: there seems to be a prevalence of this idea that if someone isn't over their ex or the hurt means they're not worth as a person to keep around, even as a friend. You're willing to immediately cut them off because they aren't giving you what you're seeking for. So what? That doesn't make them that bad of a person. Mrs. Katie seems to be making a goddamn good point: nowadays one tends to seek for attention and leave one's self esteem in the hands of another person's validation (reciprocal) of oneself. Why are you so scared of rejection and hurt to the point you would want to disregard another person's right (to reject us) and later treat them as if they're *not worth* keeping around? And why do you tie the word 'dignity' together with what you deserve or not? Everyone has dignity and rights to do their own thing. As long as they're not abusive, violent etc. It seems that the wrong mindset seems to create many delusions and continuously feeds the ego with bitterness and no healthy views necessary to foster functional relationships. Then why do you wonder that all the men or women you meet are, simply put, on the same wavelength as you, and don't care at all? Take a good look at yourself (as in how you interact with the world and function in relationships, even what relationship you have with yourself) before you judge others (and what they have to offer you).
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Not dating a guy who’s stuck in the past. If he’s not done living there, let him be. Everyone deserves to be priority.
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İ hope he marries her and i bever see him again .İ want him away from here ...
Thank you! I needed this but I want to add something; your views are right until and unless your boyfriend loves you, it is not fine if he doesn't love you but loves someone else.
Thanks for your comment Geeta... yes, of course. But a man can also be in love with two people at the same time. And then we get into there's different types of love. There's romantic love and then there's attachment love. My man had attachment love with his ex and romantic love with me. He eventually grew into having attachment love with me as well, but that happens overtime.
I was seeing a guy she found out he was seeing someone who was me. She calls him to ask if they can work it out. He txt me 2 days after not returning my calls, txt to tell me she ask if the could get back together? He told me he really like me, didn’t want me in a messy situation bcuz he’s not sure what he wants to do. I told him thanks for being honest, okay, I wish him well
Hello to whom it may concern someone who helped me restore back my broken marriage and he can also help you just as he did mine too
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I should just stay single it's better this way the guy I'm currently seeing is friends with his ex I'm willing to walk away
No no no. I dated a guy who told me early on he was still in love with his ex. I should have run. I didn't. We lived an hour away from each other. He wouldn't let me go to his house because she lived nearby. I couldn't go out with him near his house because that's where they used to go. Then he went on vacation with another ex. He couldn't talk on the phone with me because that would be disrespectful to her. Basically I never saw him Monday thru Friday and was lucky I saw him once a week. And when he was at my house and he got a phone call he was with his sister or on a jobsite. I'm finally done. Stay away from anyone that says they're still in love with their ex. Believe them.
You are so wise. I'm so glad I found this video.
This video just saved my relationship. Thank you so much for sharing ❤️
He told me three times when he was drunk that he loved his ex and for that we changed and could never go back and I can't give him my love anymore because he can't stop loving her and I don't hate him, I really like him but I don't think he's ready for me yet.
Solid choice.
Tf?? My insecurity????
Katie, I'm facing a similar situation, still recent. We chatted online and he wanted to meet and talked. He was honest at the first day and told me about the break (both agreed to remain good friends) between him and his ex/gf and bit more on the 2nd time meeting. We can always connect well and talk so comfortable for hours just fine. We haven't started official because i think he wants to get things straight out first. He told me that he's lost and trying to figure things out, so I haven't asked him what relationship we have or why he still wanted to meet me if things are not clear with his ex/gf yet. He doesn't talk about her often when we meet, even names, or what she looks like unless I ask. We normally talk about random topics related to religion, relationship, my crushes, someone's issues, and suddenly it leads to a bit about his. Im glad that he doesn't. What should I ask and/or when is the best time?
Many would say I should stay out of the situation like that since it's bad, but I do agree with you that it's like I run away. In a relationship, many challenges can always happen, even if it's not his ex comes back, but it might be another guy who tries to step in between. What if I meet a guy who clearly wants me in the beginning, but his previous ex decides to come back after a few years and wants him back or he might cheat half way. Do I just get out of situation like that? I believe that the right person will stay, what's yours will always be yours, regardless of the situation.
Hello Tiffany, since you have just started dating him... and he's already telling you about his ex.. I think you should "definitely" continue to date, talk to and meet other men. There is a lot of unknowns and uncertainty around this guy. He may develop more feelings for you.. but he also may not. Hence why I recommend you keep your options open. Don't put all your eggs in one basket (in him) when there's a lot of uncertainties here.
@@KatieWang Thanks Katie. Actually, i don't think we actually date yet, just more of getting to know each other and we met twice so far. I'm just trying to clarify what we are and how he feels about the ex/gf before moving further. I know i won't start with him unless he's completely ready and move on because I don't want to be his rebound.
He's not yours though he's in love with another women, he must get over her before dating you
In loving, pain is part of it. I like her advise. I will definitely give it a try. If we break up, then so be it. Atleast you try. Its not love if you're afraid of the pain. Take risk. We are talking about love. Thats for me!!! If you disagree, I respect that.
Well your tip is not helpful you are teaching a woman how to be doormat in a relationship and pretend to be okay even if you feel broken inside, which is letting a man goes elsewhere his mind thinking about his ex while you are with him. It is not sucks? You are his present and his still not move on with his baggage? It is nothing to do with what you say" insecurity" but a respect to your present relationship who are dedicated to you and only you. And then your man secretly thinking his ex, this is not nice!
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yeah, sooo...... my bf was with his ex for 7 years. They were married for 5 years. They've been broken up/divorced for 4 years. He had a girlfriend for 2 years before I met him. They have no kids. He still has his ex wifes clothes, her art, her photos, won't update his IG since the divorce even though he's active on it all day everyday. Has old video on his TH-cam that I saw but he has since put on private.
When I asked him if he was over her he blatantly says no.... but as you can see from what I'm telling you this isnt the case.
She's currently an artist and I can't even explain to you how angry he was with me when I followed her artist page.
What do you do when every sign is there and he won't even admit to still having feelings and even going so far to say he doesn't. Because clearly he does.
First of all: not every sign is there that he still has feelings for his ex. The fact is they were married for 5 years, divorced for 4 years, he has his ex wife's clothes, art, photos, has old videos (of them I assume?) on youtube that he has made private. You're making those facts mean he still has feelings for his ex. How do you feel when you think this? And how do you behave around him when you think this? My guess is you're feeling rejected/anxious/angry, and then you're questioning him and questioning your relationship. When you think he still has feelings for his ex, you question your own feelings for him. When you question being with him, you'll more likely make him question being with you.
Whether he actually has feelings for his ex, you can never truly know (unless he tells you, and even then how would we REALLY know that's true?). Only he knows the answer to that, and he has the right to withhold that information or not. In the end, it doesn't actually matter whether he has feelings or not, what matters is what you're creating in your relationship when you think the thought: he still has feelings for his ex.
I really do not agree with this "piece of advise", if you are preaching self value then you should value yourself enough to be with someone who is not hung up on someone else. Why should someone give their 100% when knowingly they probably will not receive it back emotionally,. I agree happiness comes from.within but self worth is knowing that you are worth someone elses 100%.
This really helped me thank you so much x
She's describing every woman who ever won on The Bachelor
This is fantastic advice and exactly what I needed. Thank you!
I understand, I've been secure for almost 2 years now, but I found things like notes and things her ex gave to him on his apartment and I don't like that, for me it's like he isn't over his ex, do you understand how I feel? I'm going to talk to him but for real, who is he going to choose, his memories with someone that is not there anymore or me.
Fantastic video! An ex is an ex for a reason. I also agree that honestly is a very good trait. She's right also about pushing him away. The more energy you put into the ex, the more he thinks about her.
I've decided it's worth a go with the guy I am with. When he told me I gave him time and space to make sure he didn't subconsciously hold resentment against me. We talked more about it the next week. I told him I wasn't going to be sitting here waiting on him forever but I have no other plans or intentions with anyone else.
Ashley, just love the last thing you said about being courageous even when you're scared. I'm 62, divorced 15 years. Met a great guy 2 years ago who's now in middle of his divorce. We're sort of friendly, I 'd like more but terrified to scare him off...
Um actually im also in this kind of situation that this guy flirted me.. and its been a month and i got attached to him.. after he said that he still missed his ex-gf sometimes (he just broke up with the girl about 2 mos ago), so i asked him for clarification: what is our relationship really in and he said, "FRIENDS?" damn, i'm hurted about that haha.. months of being with fun and excitement with him and its turn to makes me upset and angered to myself.. "woa i just got fooled" and now i dont know what to do if i will stay being friends with him and wait for him fully move on from his ex or run away but the thing is, i really like this person and i dont want to give up on him but its hurts me a lot when he just played me and makes me nearly rebound...ha idk nowㅡ.ㅡ
Thank you so much, your advice is very helpful especially when you know you are with a great man, however he still not fully over with his ex. Working out a relationship first rather than walking out right away and to give yourself a time limitation at the same time is worth to try.
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What if he's denying his feelings for his ex yes still entertaining her I can understand a child being involved but and I would never want to interfere with that
If he's truly denying his feelings, and he secretly wants to be with his ex - then why not leave him for someone who only wants to be with you?
Subbed! Ashley you are fantastic at what you do!
Thank you for your video. This is exactly what I need now.
Glad you enjoyed it!
what if he got distant a bit and he said that he needs time and he is not able to talk about it right now, what to do? Leave him alone and let him come to me when he will figure out ?
It's bean a year he is saying now that he cannot forget his ex .
This made me feel so much better! Going through this right now and it’s hard everyday to decide if I wanna stay or leave but after watching this I think it’s worth fighting for
Thank you Kylie :) Best of luck!
Pls keep giving updates
What if all is going well and then he tells you he still has feelings for his ex and says he doesnt want to leave you but you dont deserve him and breaks up?
I've been seeing this guy for 2years since 2018. He broke up in 2017.
He's still not over his ex. But wants me as well. Is it even worth a shot?
Let him go.
I date a guy he didn't tell me until after I was pregnant with his child that he stills loves his ex and told me that wore done that was a lie after I had his child he left me to go back to his ex they now married.
I not finna be scattered again I loved his so much I wanted to spend my life with him and he knew that and still left me for his ex?
Hello to whom it may concern I can recommend you to a great and powerful man who helped me get my ex back recently without stress and delay and he can also help you just as he did mine too
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My ex fiance left me for his ex that cheated on him and he dated her for a year and a half 😞 he never talked about her or anything. We were together 5years and engaged
Keke Foster Sorry to hear that. You deserve better.
@@bihwhat3441 i know we live together and I miss him so much
@@bihwhat3441 it's ok tho because now I'm that ex that he won't be able to get over while he's with her
@@kekefoster9288 I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT AMEN
So wat if ur with a man for 4yrs n he nava tell u he's not over his ex...but u relaxed he's still texting n calling n meeting up with her behind ur back and wen u confronted him he denied it?
Then you don't have a relationship. No trust in a relationship = no relationship.
Great advice ! Thanks !! I needed to hear that
I disagree it's better to be single instead of being unloved in a relationship.
Best video i've seen on this topic.
You made so much sense and I was wracking my brain. - recently they referred to one another as Sweetie and yah it shocked me. I have no claim on he or a one nor should I ever - I want to continue to enjoy him and that sounds wonderful until maybe he goes a different path
Thank you so much great advice many appreciated
You're welcome!
I noticed you said he can be honest about "certain things" but not all things....
I Being with a man
For 6 years now, he said he loves me he wants to marry me and so on... But Only problem he said he still has feelings for her.
( ask him to if he wants to go back with her) but he said no he'll never going to do so.... But he keep her things like her hair clips, old notes... And It hurts me so bad. 🙂 what should i do
Maa'm I loved your advised❤❤ It helped Me a lot and thought me things which noone would advise rather they just ask to stay away From the one i love And But you thought me something really helpful😊😊
After how long does he makes you priority?
Honestly he always made me feel like a priority.
What is he won't admit he has feelings for her?