I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I have been strongly believing for 3 years that this is what I have. My problem is not uncertainty, but certainty that a lack of pure, sweeping infatuation is not there. When I was 16 I had a VERY strong crush that lead to nowhere, but completely changed my view on life and knew this is what I wanted to feel with someone. I was swept off my feet. Problem is, with my partner and ex-partners I have never felt that (although there were certainly feelings), so it's very hard to convince myself that it doesn't exist. My core believe is that when you feel that "something else", then that is the person. Despite this belief, I haven't been able to refrain myself from entering relationships I don't completely feel infatuated with. As soon as I see in them the desire for commitment, my thoughts start to fire and my stomach starts hurting so much, but still I don't want to leave, despite online advice suggesting that this "pit in the stomach" is a clear sign you should leave.
Once again spot on. I spent a lot of time "measuring". Thoughts like "Is this fun?", "Should this feel more pleasurable?", "Should I feel more loving feelings?", "Should I be happier in this situation?", "How connected do I feel to my spouse, to my friends, to my family, to my pets?" Most therapists want to spend the hour talking through these thoughts with the intention of either understanding where this comes from, or making me believe that I do feel (insert feeling), which as you point out is an unnecessary waste of time.
I really hate these feelings. Even today it's happened again. With me it manifest as not feeling good enough for them... I always feel like they will find fault in me and decide to leave. Or that they will cheat on me and it plagues me til I basically self destruct and break up with them, and then when they do leave i just feel worse. I am ready to get the help I need at this stage ROCD doesn't only hurt the person with the intrusive thoughts but also the other person in the relationship.
I love how you explain things, in a way that you are serious but at the same time it’s looks like your pissed off at world haha 😂. But honestly Thank you for this video ❤️
But one question that I’m confused when you said “once you accept that maybe your with the wrong person and it will lift and you will see clearly” did you mean you will see Clearly how ocd works or like you will know if we’re with the wrong person? I was just a little confused on tha
I have chronic ROCD, I didn't know it was even a thing until 4 relationship attempts in. My current relationship has been longer than any of my previous ones because I didn't immediately act on my checking like I did my other short lived relationships. Glad to know this is a manifestation of my OCD.
This video is incredible. I could feel my nerves disappear. I'm going to watch this video about 8 million times! EVERYTHING you said totally relates to me.
Hi Rob . You are a lifesaver . The way you talk about Rocd is incredible and simple to understand . A question . I used to be in an relationship with a narc where i felt super infatuated / in limerance . After we broke up the next 4 relationships i had were nowhere close to that level of infatuation but all of them were healthy . I always sabotaged the relationships because i couldnt't feel the intensity / limerance and i can't feel it now . Is this still ROCD or is it an addiction ( love or romance addiction ) . Are they intertwined ?
@@gradinaruflavian I can sorta relate to this. maybe on some level the healthiness of these newer relationships is uncomfortable to you, because you were so used to being with someone that mistreated you. personally, I've been in a couple toxic relationships too, and it's really intimidating when someone who's nice to me shows me love, because I'm so used to drama and avoidant behavior. the infatuation with narcissists is a common thing and they use mind games to intensify those feelings in vulnerable people, which would explain why you may have felt that way about them. my advice: next time you enter a relationship with a nice, healthy person, sit with the uncomfortability- do your best not to sabotage, and treat them right. after a while you will start to appreciate them too. remember also that love is not about infatuation or limerence, it's about commitment, devotion, bonds, etc.
@@allthelittleworms hey thanks for the reply . I actually overcame rocd . I got married to the person that 3 years ago gave me discomfort for being too healthy haha , today i feel 95% cured because my brain got used to the doscomfort . I did a lot of exposures trying not to do compulsions ( mental and physical , the mental ones are the hardest to detect so be careful ) , and yeah , things got better . Reading a lot of books about what love really means helped , there is hope at the end of the tunnel . With each passing year when i look back i can t believe i was the same person with rocd . Best of wishes
I’d been complaining about my boyfriend to a therapist and after a few sessions she said maybe he’s not the one, and she pressed me for an answer. I said I didn’t think he was. That was the worst day of my life - from that point onward (a year ago now) I spiralled into ROCD, but didn’t know it was ROCD till a couple weeks ago. I spent the last year constantly trying to problem solve and figure out my feelings for him, crazy obsessive thinking over it and crazy compulsions (journaling, videos, etc), almost breaking up a few times. But I was never able to fully let go. Maybe because I don’t want to face the pain. Realizing it is ROCD has been helpful. Although, the trigger that kickstarted this whole ROCD was me admitting he wasn’t the one, so it makes me wonder - is my ROCD in response to the trigger of losing him? If so, I’m not sure if that’s an intrusive thought, since I actually admitted he might not be for me. It seemed more like a gut check than a fleeting thought. It’s hard to know what my true feelings are since I’m on so much high alert around him, and because I’ve had this thought in my head now. It’s hard to feel good around him. I’ve had glimpses, but it’s definitely been more negative feelings than positive. I recently “checked my gut” for the first time in a year (as I’d been too afraid to before), and I got the same response of “it’s not him”. I don’t really know what to do or how to proceed.
I relate to this a lot. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I had this cringe response to her from the first moment, and my head went "definitely not". But we continued with no expectations, and I ended up finding many beautiful qualities in her and we have had great times together. But the cringe feelings constantly came up too I have done the gut check too several times. I then never got myself to break up, and knew it would be really painful. All that is to say I am trying to wear the anxiety with her now, because I don't want to lose her even though I have these terrible feelings that I don't want a future with her and that I cringe about her. I'm hoping that if I accept being with her, that the cringe impulses will lessen.
@@rolzen866 maybe I'm not qualified to give advice but I relate to both your stories. I've got rocd pretty bad and I worry about whether or not she's "the one" often too. what I do know, from experience, is that this uncomfortability you're experiencing will lessen over time. I can't know your personal stories, and I'm not positive about the origins of ocd, but if I had to guess you've probably had some attachment issues in the past, right? I try to be understanding towards myself when it comes to these things. a lot of the time, this anxiety is a way of your mind trying to protect you from being hurt again, by compelling you to avoid intimacy. hopefully this helps. at the end of the day if you choose to love someone, you make successful efforts to have fun with them, and you both treat each other well, there is nothing standing in the way of them being "the one."
My girlfriend told me she has never had sex outside of a relationship but has hung out with other guys before.. and I can’t get the thoughts and mental movies of her having sex with random guys out of my head. Not sure what to do.. I can’t keep asking her for reassurance that she didn’t hook up with a bunch of random guys before we started dating because she already has said she has only had sex in relationships.
I'm attracted to someone but can't commit...it's the back and forth of "do I or do I not commit". What are the non-reassurance steps to gain more internal clarity to move forward?
I have one question, is it usual that ROCD latches onto things that are 'real' somehow? Like you actually find other people attractive which is real but ROCD makes a thing out of it, right? Because in other topics OCD creates EVERYTHING and in ROCD I feel like there are human things that ROCD latches onto…
How do you deal when getting triggered? It just makes me spiral. What I hate most about this theme is that it seems so fucking real and it targets the thing I care MOST about. Like I rather think I have 100 deadly diseases than this, but maybe my priorities aren't great.
Is it possible for it to be Ocd if my intrusive thoughts are not: what if I don't love him, but affirmations: He bores me. I don't like him. I don't love him. I don't want to be I. This relationship.???
I disagree with you.Teaching people that they don't need to confess and forget about confessing. What I find with all o.C.D coaches is they just keep telling the person with o.CD to totally accept themselves and unconditionally.Love everything they do meanwhile.Meanwhile some of what they're doing is bad
I love how you focus on finding happiness within.
Happiness is an inside job for sure!
I can say for sure that you are really in the front line of fight against OCD in the world.and the world owes you so much.thank you so much Rob.
Thank you for the kind words.
Haha 😂😂 lovely comment! At least he saves many relationship 😅
I always think this same exact comment!!!! You guys are doing brilliant work!!!
I have never been diagnosed with OCD, but I have been strongly believing for 3 years that this is what I have.
My problem is not uncertainty, but certainty that a lack of pure, sweeping infatuation is not there. When I was 16 I had a VERY strong crush that lead to nowhere, but completely changed my view on life and knew this is what I wanted to feel with someone. I was swept off my feet. Problem is, with my partner and ex-partners I have never felt that (although there were certainly feelings), so it's very hard to convince myself that it doesn't exist. My core believe is that when you feel that "something else", then that is the person.
Despite this belief, I haven't been able to refrain myself from entering relationships I don't completely feel infatuated with. As soon as I see in them the desire for commitment, my thoughts start to fire and my stomach starts hurting so much, but still I don't want to leave, despite online advice suggesting that this "pit in the stomach" is a clear sign you should leave.
Once again spot on. I spent a lot of time "measuring". Thoughts like "Is this fun?", "Should this feel more pleasurable?", "Should I feel more loving feelings?", "Should I be happier in this situation?", "How connected do I feel to my spouse, to my friends, to my family, to my pets?" Most therapists want to spend the hour talking through these thoughts with the intention of either understanding where this comes from, or making me believe that I do feel (insert feeling), which as you point out is an unnecessary waste of time.
A pointless task as you highlighted, a never ending path to a dead end.
I really hate these feelings. Even today it's happened again. With me it manifest as not feeling good enough for them... I always feel like they will find fault in me and decide to leave. Or that they will cheat on me and it plagues me til I basically self destruct and break up with them, and then when they do leave i just feel worse. I am ready to get the help I need at this stage ROCD doesn't only hurt the person with the intrusive thoughts but also the other person in the relationship.
I love how you explain things, in a way that you are serious but at the same time it’s looks like your pissed off at world haha 😂. But honestly Thank you for this video ❤️
Edwin Amilio Garcia Morales 😂😂😂 OCD recovery requires a forcefulness to make change in ourselves.
OCD Recovery HAHAHHA first I was like “i didn’t know that Ricky Garvais knew about OCD” hahahahaha
But one question that I’m confused when you said “once you accept that maybe your with the wrong person and it will lift and you will see clearly” did you mean you will see Clearly how ocd works or like you will know if we’re with the wrong person? I was just a little confused on tha
Edwin Amilio Garcia Morales 😂😂😂😂😂
Once you have got to a point of acceptance you can see it but if you hunt that feeling it will hold it back from you.
F*ck! Finally a male video on ROCD. Been wanting this for a few years now.
Mark Anthony’s Music Picks 😊
I have chronic ROCD, I didn't know it was even a thing until 4 relationship attempts in. My current relationship has been longer than any of my previous ones because I didn't immediately act on my checking like I did my other short lived relationships. Glad to know this is a manifestation of my OCD.
Amazing video! Thanks Sir
This video is incredible. I could feel my nerves disappear. I'm going to watch this video about 8 million times! EVERYTHING you said totally relates to me.
Great to hear 😊
You're a life saver, thank you.
really good video, thank you
The very best ocd coach out there! Keep it up Rob!!
Thank you for your kind words.
Haha the toxic relationship thing is what's affecting me. My childhood trauma exaggerates everything!
Also
.....very very encouraging!
Hi Rob . You are a lifesaver . The way you talk about Rocd is incredible and simple to understand . A question . I used to be in an relationship with a narc where i felt super infatuated / in limerance . After we broke up the next 4 relationships i had were nowhere close to that level of infatuation but all of them were healthy . I always sabotaged the relationships because i couldnt't feel the intensity / limerance and i can't feel it now . Is this still ROCD or is it an addiction ( love or romance addiction ) . Are they intertwined ?
Thanks for the heart! Any advice ?
@@gradinaruflavian I can sorta relate to this. maybe on some level the healthiness of these newer relationships is uncomfortable to you, because you were so used to being with someone that mistreated you. personally, I've been in a couple toxic relationships too, and it's really intimidating when someone who's nice to me shows me love, because I'm so used to drama and avoidant behavior. the infatuation with narcissists is a common thing and they use mind games to intensify those feelings in vulnerable people, which would explain why you may have felt that way about them. my advice: next time you enter a relationship with a nice, healthy person, sit with the uncomfortability- do your best not to sabotage, and treat them right. after a while you will start to appreciate them too. remember also that love is not about infatuation or limerence, it's about commitment, devotion, bonds, etc.
@@allthelittleworms hey thanks for the reply . I actually overcame rocd . I got married to the person that 3 years ago gave me discomfort for being too healthy haha , today i feel 95% cured because my brain got used to the doscomfort . I did a lot of exposures trying not to do compulsions ( mental and physical , the mental ones are the hardest to detect so be careful ) , and yeah , things got better . Reading a lot of books about what love really means helped , there is hope at the end of the tunnel . With each passing year when i look back i can t believe i was the same person with rocd . Best of wishes
Thank you for this video its greatly appreciated from a sufferer of rocd 👍
I’d been complaining about my boyfriend to a therapist and after a few sessions she said maybe he’s not the one, and she pressed me for an answer. I said I didn’t think he was. That was the worst day of my life - from that point onward (a year ago now) I spiralled into ROCD, but didn’t know it was ROCD till a couple weeks ago. I spent the last year constantly trying to problem solve and figure out my feelings for him, crazy obsessive thinking over it and crazy compulsions (journaling, videos, etc), almost breaking up a few times. But I was never able to fully let go. Maybe because I don’t want to face the pain.
Realizing it is ROCD has been helpful. Although, the trigger that kickstarted this whole ROCD was me admitting he wasn’t the one, so it makes me wonder - is my ROCD in response to the trigger of losing him? If so, I’m not sure if that’s an intrusive thought, since I actually admitted he might not be for me. It seemed more like a gut check than a fleeting thought.
It’s hard to know what my true feelings are since I’m on so much high alert around him, and because I’ve had this thought in my head now. It’s hard to feel good around him. I’ve had glimpses, but it’s definitely been more negative feelings than positive. I recently “checked my gut” for the first time in a year (as I’d been too afraid to before), and I got the same response of “it’s not him”. I don’t really know what to do or how to proceed.
I relate to this a lot. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years and I had this cringe response to her from the first moment, and my head went "definitely not". But we continued with no expectations, and I ended up finding many beautiful qualities in her and we have had great times together. But the cringe feelings constantly came up too I have done the gut check too several times. I then never got myself to break up, and knew it would be really painful.
All that is to say I am trying to wear the anxiety with her now, because I don't want to lose her even though I have these terrible feelings that I don't want a future with her and that I cringe about her. I'm hoping that if I accept being with her, that the cringe impulses will lessen.
@@rolzen866 maybe I'm not qualified to give advice but I relate to both your stories. I've got rocd pretty bad and I worry about whether or not she's "the one" often too. what I do know, from experience, is that this uncomfortability you're experiencing will lessen over time. I can't know your personal stories, and I'm not positive about the origins of ocd, but if I had to guess you've probably had some attachment issues in the past, right? I try to be understanding towards myself when it comes to these things. a lot of the time, this anxiety is a way of your mind trying to protect you from being hurt again, by compelling you to avoid intimacy. hopefully this helps. at the end of the day if you choose to love someone, you make successful efforts to have fun with them, and you both treat each other well, there is nothing standing in the way of them being "the one."
My girlfriend told me she has never had sex outside of a relationship but has hung out with other guys before.. and I can’t get the thoughts and mental movies of her having sex with random guys out of my head. Not sure what to do.. I can’t keep asking her for reassurance that she didn’t hook up with a bunch of random guys before we started dating because she already has said she has only had sex in relationships.
Hello! I notice that I avoid my partner when I get anxious. I love him so much, but my anxiety pushes him away. Why is this?
I'm attracted to someone but can't commit...it's the back and forth of "do I or do I not commit". What are the non-reassurance steps to gain more internal clarity to move forward?
Luke Pratt what are you specifically scared of?
@@OCDRecovery I have the same issue. I’d be glad to expound.
I have one question, is it usual that ROCD latches onto things that are 'real' somehow? Like you actually find other people attractive which is real but ROCD makes a thing out of it, right? Because in other topics OCD creates EVERYTHING and in ROCD I feel like there are human things that ROCD latches onto…
How do you deal when getting triggered? It just makes me spiral. What I hate most about this theme is that it seems so fucking real and it targets the thing I care MOST about. Like I rather think I have 100 deadly diseases than this, but maybe my priorities aren't great.
We need to move towards triggers not away. Also remember everyone thinks their OCD fear is the worst and they would rather another.
@@OCDRecovery yes you're right. It's just so hard to cope sometimes.
OCD will feel as real as it can get otherwise it wouldn’t be the disorder it is.
Is it rocd when you idealize your partner and think they are the best person on the planet, or is it just borderline personality disorder
i feel like i have this EXACTLY but about carts…
Infatuation is not a pre-requisite to having a loving long term relationship.
💯
I kinda laughed at the internal chasing list because I do every single one.
Until it’s pointed out it’s easy to miss.
Is it possible for it to be Ocd if my intrusive thoughts are not: what if I don't love him, but affirmations: He bores me. I don't like him. I don't love him. I don't want to be I. This relationship.???
yes. sometimes ocd comes with statements, i can guarantee you that
Classic ROCD
Toxic relationship thing...God...plzz tell me how to know if it is rocd or wrong relationship
My boyfriend isn't toxic but my brain making him toxic abusive etc etc 😑
I disagree with you.Teaching people that they don't need to confess and forget about confessing. What I find with all o.C.D coaches is they just keep telling the person with o.CD to totally accept themselves and unconditionally.Love everything they do meanwhile.Meanwhile some of what they're doing is bad