I cannot put into words the suffocating feeling of growing up with narcissistic parents. This describes one of the most crushing aspects of it perfectly.
Same. Italy here. People like Jay are a true blessing. I began to breath in my life with other very popular professionals on youtube. Recently I have found dr Jay's videos . And I believe he deserves the same popularity AND many victims/survivors deserve to know him. Actually, he is helping me doing other steps in my recovery journey - and this is happening just by watching the videos and learning from the free tools he made available (plus, I bought his first book, I have just received it at home today). Really, I believe he is a great person AND a great professional, like dr Ramani Durvasula, dr Les Carter, Coach Jerry Wise, dr Rebecca Mandeville, and many other life-savers and life-changers. I can't do a complete list here... Anyhow, dr Jay channel is underrated, definitely. In addition, this comment section is a very helpful. So many thoughtful people writing here. Thank you
I agree with you 100%. In fact of all the presenters on TH-cam, Jay has helped me the most. And I also learn a lot from other viewers. I feel so fortunate to live in the time of computers and TH-cam, I wish we had this long long ago. I’m 73. The very best way we can promote Jay’s channel is to watch, comment, like, share and most importantly suscribe. I pray he reaches millions of subscribers so he can help soooooo many more people. Be well.
You are not alone. We are here with you and you are going to make it out and do great things - it’s just around the corner past the pain. Feel it and breathe it and let yourself go thru the motions riding out the emotions. I’ve learned that there factually is a collective of goodness working and we are all in it supporting your survival and independence - we know you are going to do great things that will one day heal and mean something profound. energetically we have your back and we will all survive this. Evil will not take us - the abuse we endured and survived so far proves it. Darkness always wants to take over light. The abuse was in attempt to get you to diminish your own light because your goodness and impact threatens the power of darkness. We must all collectively turn on lights for others. No one is left behind to remain entrapped in the darkness. Spread the healing. Let’s do this, we got this, we are warriors in training
Your integrity and care, as a therapist, shines through in this video. I appreciated the analogy of the liquid oxygen. Everytime I watch your videos, I feel so validated. I feel understood.
I wish I could like this a thousand times, Jay. I've done a lot of work in recovery myself and I'm doing well. But as you say there will often be times of ups and downs. Thanks to generous poeple like you, I continue to learn about all the different ways I may still be being affected by the narc parents behaviour even so long into NC. This topic is so incisive and I don't think I've ever heard anyone single it out to discuss before (and I've listened to ALOT on narc abuse recovery). I had multiple flashbacks while listening about instances over the years where I was punished/verbally attacked for 'choosing' others over the narc parent and how confused and hurt I used to be. How I made myself smaller and convinced myself I was more introverted than I actually am so I don't go socialising and have to deal with the silent treatment and hostility after. This situation (amongst having to deal with the parent in general) ruined my experience of university in so many ways. So much guilt! How even now, I catch myself not wanting to 'leave peole out' when socialising with this friend or that, thinking people's feelings of belonging is my responsibility. Phew! Thanks for bringing this out into my active awareness, Jay. I really appreciate you and all you are doing. I wish you all the best ❤
I was always subjected to a guilt trip if I ever tried to do things outside my family. In fact, even as an adult, years later my father would bring up times when I chose others (or even myself) over the family. I am full NC now and have them all blocked. Should have done this decades ago. Thanks Jay for the videos which have been an important part of my healing journey.
Omg. Yes, thank You. We should be gentle to ourselves. It needs to be learned like many other things, and it can be learned. I hope you are aware how important and valuable job you do for so many people. 💜
It’s amazing to hear things I was never able to articulate that are so 100% spot on my personal experience. Thank you Jesus for bringing me to Jays channel - rock on Jay you are killing it!!!!!
Thanks a lot for your help, Jay!!!❤ Your help means the world to me. You are helping me to understand my feelings, my anxiety and behaviour. Things that make me think I was kind of defective person have now a very clear and well founded explanation.
I have decided to raise my standard, even with my parents. To connect with me, the cost is empathy. Not intimidation and control. Not me living under the guise of being smaller in order to have someone else take up all the space. No. Me living for me, as me. The anxiety feels overwhelming so, I'm going to breathe and go through with it.
Fascinating video! Thank you very much! 🌼 If I spoke to other women as a child, my mother would always ask me if I loved them more than her. Or she would say very mean things about them. So to make me think that she is the woman to look up to and not other women. Or she would tell me that my friends don’t love me, but simply pretend. Everything to belittle and guilt me for speaking to other people than her.
@@charlesp.8555 Thank you for sharing! I feel it comes from a very low self esteem as well as jealousy. Narcissistic abusers are bullies. It is the same kind of mean students you would find at school (I have been very severely bullied for years and years by girls). I always say that my mother was my very first bully. I hope you are doing well too!
I know what you mean Cecilia ~ My mom didn’t start guilt tripping me until my 18th birthday. It was like her personality switched overnight… constant guilt tripping, criticism and nitpicking over seemingly nothing, weird expectations out of nowhere, moving the goalposts… I went no contact a year ago and I’m just now starting to not feel guilty about going to the gym 🤦♀️ I’m sorry you got bullied a lot in school. That’s one of the reasons I struggle to connect with other women as an adult… Keep healing and prioritize your mental health… even if it means you have to leave some people behind ~ ❤️
I relate this more to the idea of how panicked and lost I can feel when I’m no longer being controlled (such as freedom to make my own choices and so on like that). The rollercoaster I go through internally when I hope I made the right choice. Part of that also tho does have to do with fear of displeasing others or expecting backlash/punishment from others or just being told “I told you so” as if it is going to be confirmed that I’m some kind of inept fool with bad judgment if I make some “wrong” choice or a mistake.
🥹🎯 I think for myself what makes your channel so uplifting and hopeful is you spend zero time on demeaning or speaking pejoratively about the offender- your focus in on the victim and the path out- thank you for this. I know for myself it’s this crazy disconnect because I still love my parents- even though I have related to literally every video I have watched. Maybe a bit of magical thinking? Wish fulfillment and hope…I still learning how to hold the ambivalence within me. I have been so conditioned to make a seven course meal from scraps. I truly struggle in most areas of my life that “normal”upbringings take entirely for granted. This is beyond exhausting, confusing and anxiety inducing. I feel wrong for having these thoughts.
Thanks again Jay!! It’s been a year of no contact and a lot of the guilt over moving on, is starting to subside… I spent the first year just doing the basics in life and preserving my energy… I spent some time in anger and resentment, but watching your videos and going to the gym a lot, helped me move through that stage. There’s still a long way to go, but I can feel some mental and emotional space opening up…. Your videos are a Godsend !!
I've thought this is like when you have very, very cold feet and go to step into a mildly warm bath. The bath is fine, it's just mildly warm, but it feels like the water is boiling because your feet have been so very cold for so very long.
I realized my parents were threatened by my children. I was supposed to take care of them & neglect my children. I was supposed to be my family's slave. My DNA relatives hate the fact that I refuse to be a part of them. They pretend to care for me & my children just to keep us under them.
Most Drs specializing in personality disorder state there’s a lot of overlap between the two. It’s like two sides of the same coin. I’m in DBT therapy for my borderline. I have emotional empathy but employ many narcissistic defenses. I can work on healing these. “Heal NPD” channel is so informative and reliable in my opinion. It helps me deal with two probable NPD parents. I forge onward and upward! 💜
Jay, I am on my way to blowing a very calculated ultimate narcissistic injury to them. I'm just waiting now as if I was a chess player. Another great video; but I would really wish you would answer me sometimes; yesterday I asked what the total cost of your online course is, because I tend to not get it.
I cannot put into words the suffocating feeling of growing up with narcissistic parents. This describes one of the most crushing aspects of it perfectly.
Same.
Italy here.
People like Jay are a true blessing.
I began to breath in my life with other very popular professionals on youtube. Recently I have found dr Jay's videos .
And I believe he deserves the same popularity AND many victims/survivors deserve to know him.
Actually, he is helping me doing other steps in my recovery journey - and this is happening just by watching the videos and learning from the free tools he made available (plus, I bought his first book, I have just received it at home today).
Really, I believe he is a great person AND a great professional, like dr Ramani Durvasula, dr Les Carter, Coach Jerry Wise, dr Rebecca Mandeville, and many other life-savers and life-changers.
I can't do a complete list here... Anyhow, dr Jay channel is underrated, definitely.
In addition, this comment section is a very helpful. So many thoughtful people writing here.
Thank you
I agree with you 100%.
In fact of all the presenters on TH-cam, Jay has helped me the most.
And I also learn a lot from other viewers.
I feel so fortunate to live in the time of computers and TH-cam, I wish we had this long long ago. I’m 73.
The very best way we can promote Jay’s channel is to watch, comment, like, share and most importantly suscribe.
I pray he reaches millions of subscribers so he can help soooooo many more people.
Be well.
You are not alone. We are here with you and you are going to make it out and do great things - it’s just around the corner past the pain. Feel it and breathe it and let yourself go thru the motions riding out the emotions.
I’ve learned that there factually is a collective of goodness working and we are all in it supporting your survival and independence - we know you are going to do great things that will one day heal and mean something profound. energetically we have your back and we will all survive this. Evil will not take us - the abuse we endured and survived so far proves it.
Darkness always wants to take over light. The abuse was in attempt to get you to diminish your own light because your goodness and impact threatens the power of darkness. We must all collectively turn on lights for others. No one is left behind to remain entrapped in the darkness. Spread the healing. Let’s do this, we got this, we are warriors in training
Me too and i lost everyone close to me and blaming me that im the narcissist
Jay is a well balanced embodiment of skill, care and lived experience. @lishmahlishmah
So spot on . The parent will throw tantrums if they feel left out by the child
I've needed a good analogy for explaining the panic associated with the defiance of reclaiming one's value.
Your integrity and care, as a therapist, shines through in this video.
I appreciated the analogy of the liquid oxygen.
Everytime I watch your videos, I feel so validated. I feel understood.
I wish I could like this a thousand times, Jay. I've done a lot of work in recovery myself and I'm doing well. But as you say there will often be times of ups and downs. Thanks to generous poeple like you, I continue to learn about all the different ways I may still be being affected by the narc parents behaviour even so long into NC.
This topic is so incisive and I don't think I've ever heard anyone single it out to discuss before (and I've listened to ALOT on narc abuse recovery). I had multiple flashbacks while listening about instances over the years where I was punished/verbally attacked for 'choosing' others over the narc parent and how confused and hurt I used to be. How I made myself smaller and convinced myself I was more introverted than I actually am so I don't go socialising and have to deal with the silent treatment and hostility after. This situation (amongst having to deal with the parent in general) ruined my experience of university in so many ways. So much guilt! How even now, I catch myself not wanting to 'leave peole out' when socialising with this friend or that, thinking people's feelings of belonging is my responsibility. Phew!
Thanks for bringing this out into my active awareness, Jay. I really appreciate you and all you are doing.
I wish you all the best ❤
I was always subjected to a guilt trip if I ever tried to do things outside my family. In fact, even as an adult, years later my father would bring up times when I chose others (or even myself) over the family. I am full NC now and have them all blocked. Should have done this decades ago. Thanks Jay for the videos which have been an important part of my healing journey.
Two months no contact and I’m angry.
I think I am in the mad stage being treated that way.
Omg. Yes, thank You. We should be gentle to ourselves. It needs to be learned like many other things, and it can be learned. I hope you are aware how important and valuable job you do for so many people. 💜
It’s amazing to hear things I was never able to articulate that are so 100% spot on my personal experience. Thank you Jesus for bringing me to Jays channel - rock on Jay you are killing it!!!!!
Spot on, I can relate.
His name is Jay. ; )
Thanks a lot for your help, Jay!!!❤ Your help means the world to me. You are helping me to understand my feelings, my anxiety and behaviour. Things that make me think I was kind of defective person have now a very clear and well founded explanation.
I have decided to raise my standard, even with my parents.
To connect with me, the cost is empathy. Not intimidation and control. Not me living under the guise of being smaller in order to have someone else take up all the space. No.
Me living for me, as me.
The anxiety feels overwhelming so, I'm going to breathe and go through with it.
Fascinating video! Thank you very much! 🌼 If I spoke to other women as a child, my mother would always ask me if I loved them more than her. Or she would say very mean things about them. So to make me think that she is the woman to look up to and not other women. Or she would tell me that my friends don’t love me, but simply pretend. Everything to belittle and guilt me for speaking to other people than her.
Oh my dear. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Glad you are healing with us.
Have a great weekend.
No better way to make someone look up to you than to show them what a deceitful, gossiping individual you can be, am I right? 😭
My narcissistic father did the exact same thing with regards to other men. I hope you are doing better!
@@charlesp.8555 Thank you for sharing! I feel it comes from a very low self esteem as well as jealousy. Narcissistic abusers are bullies. It is the same kind of mean students you would find at school (I have been very severely bullied for years and years by girls). I always say that my mother was my very first bully.
I hope you are doing well too!
I know what you mean Cecilia ~ My mom didn’t start guilt tripping me until my 18th birthday. It was like her personality switched overnight… constant guilt tripping, criticism and nitpicking over seemingly nothing, weird expectations out of nowhere, moving the goalposts… I went no contact a year ago and I’m just now starting to not feel guilty about going to the gym 🤦♀️ I’m sorry you got bullied a lot in school. That’s one of the reasons I struggle to connect with other women as an adult… Keep healing and prioritize your mental health… even if it means you have to leave some people behind ~ ❤️
Looking handsome Mr Jay
I relate this more to the idea of how panicked and lost I can feel when I’m no longer being controlled (such as freedom to make my own choices and so on like that). The rollercoaster I go through internally when I hope I made the right choice. Part of that also tho does have to do with fear of displeasing others or expecting backlash/punishment from others or just being told “I told you so” as if it is going to be confirmed that I’m some kind of inept fool with bad judgment if I make some “wrong” choice or a mistake.
It is suffocating...... but alas we all move on in life. My parents have passed away. I'd like to think I've grown so much.
Thank you Jerry for it all.
Thank you for your encouraging and reassuring words.
You are so welcome
Fabulous analogy! Thank you Jay, it helped me so much ❤
You are so welcome
🥹🎯
I think for myself what makes your channel so uplifting and hopeful is you spend zero time on demeaning or speaking pejoratively about the offender- your focus in on the victim and the path out- thank you for this. I know for myself it’s this crazy disconnect because I still love my parents- even though I have related to literally every video I have watched. Maybe a bit of magical thinking? Wish fulfillment and hope…I still learning how to hold the ambivalence within me. I have been so conditioned to make a seven course meal from scraps. I truly struggle in most areas of my life that “normal”upbringings take entirely for granted.
This is beyond exhausting, confusing and anxiety inducing. I feel wrong for having these thoughts.
Thank you so much Dr.Jay, this is very informative. Love, prayers and blessings ❤🙏Love to your dog too ❤🙂
Thanks again Jay!! It’s been a year of no contact and a lot of the guilt over moving on, is starting to subside… I spent the first year just doing the basics in life and preserving my energy… I spent some time in anger and resentment, but watching your videos and going to the gym a lot, helped me move through that stage. There’s still a long way to go, but I can feel some mental and emotional space opening up…. Your videos are a Godsend !!
The Abyss is fantastic.
I really don't like the acting in The Abyss, but I do appreciate that analogy! Thanks for sharing! 😅
Thanks for watching!
Great video Jay. 🎉
I've thought this is like when you have very, very cold feet and go to step into a mildly warm bath. The bath is fine, it's just mildly warm, but it feels like the water is boiling because your feet have been so very cold for so very long.
Love this analogy. So apt.
I love the movie, "The Abyss!" Thanks for the awesome reference!
Yes, your video helped me greatly.
The movie clip helped me to better visually understand.
I will start reading about CMT now.
Thank you very much 👍🏻
You're very welcome!
Thanks for the analogy of The Abyss
Thanks Jay🙏,another awesome video,Have a wonderful week ahead✨🌈🌟
Thank you so much for your spot-on insight and suggestions. You have truly helped me understand myself and put me on the right path to recovery.
Your videos are so valuable! Thanks, man!
Glad you think so!
I love your work. Thank you❤
Thank you❤
I realized my parents were threatened by my children. I was supposed to take care of them & neglect my children. I was supposed to be my family's slave. My DNA relatives hate the fact that I refuse to be a part of them. They pretend to care for me & my children just to keep us under them.
It was my favourite movie of all times, especially the part at the end. My heart resonated with the energies.
Whats your dog's name?❤ 🐾
Her name is Brizo, she’s beautiful 😇🐾🐾
How to tell apart a parent with NPD from one with Borderline? Borderline seems so similar in regards of control/fear of abandon?
Most Drs specializing in personality disorder state there’s a lot of overlap between the two. It’s like two sides of the same coin. I’m in DBT therapy for my borderline. I have emotional empathy but employ many narcissistic defenses. I can work on healing these. “Heal NPD” channel is so informative and reliable in my opinion. It helps me deal with two probable NPD parents. I forge onward and upward! 💜
I mean what does it matter, the important part is their behaviour, not the label
I don't think I'll see this film.
Jay, I am on my way to blowing a very calculated ultimate narcissistic injury to them. I'm just waiting now as if I was a chess player.
Another great video; but I would really wish you would answer me sometimes; yesterday I asked what the total cost of your online course is, because I tend to not get it.