i feel like a ghost + checking my po box + still talking to him
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2024
- In today's bonus vlog, I go downtown by myself for a while to clear my head, get McDonald's so I don't have to cook, check my PO Box and open some subscriber gifts (thank you!), and talk about music and Andrew some more. But I didn't cry today! That's a success. Thank you so much for watching.
HOW TO SUPPORT ME
▶ Buy Me a Coffee - www.buymeacoff...
Donate $2 or more to support me and the channel at the link above. Thank you!
▶ Donate on PayPal - paypal.me/life...
▶ Buy Me a Book from my Bookshop Wishlist: bookshop.org/w...
If you want to send a gift, here are some of the books I'd love to own!
▶ Llewellyn's 2023 Magical Almanac (For Incense and Color of the Day) - amzn.to/3iQFdBD
▶ LMNT Electrolyte Powders (Get a Free Bonus Sample Pack) - go.referralcan...
Disclaimer: Some of the links above may be affiliate links, which means if you click through and make a purchase I get a small commission at no additional cost to you. Thanks for your support!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MUSIC IN THIS VIDEO
🎵 Shadow Play (Anna Landstrom - Epidemic Sound)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CONTACT ME
Cindy L.
101 Hammond Drive
2470
Hot Springs National Park, AR 71914
Email: lifepluscindy@gmail.com
Website: lifepluscindy....
Instagram: / lifepluscindy
![ILLSLICK - WINTER IS COMING [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/dwTMeM1zIhQ/mqdefault.jpg)
You may not think he’s manipulative but there was also a time when you didn’t think he was a cheater.
Lying is literally a form of manipulation 😭
I believe some people are so called manipulative by accident especially people who also have mental issues they are truly NOT Aware of what they are doing, just acting in response to their mental health. Not all people who do these things are narcissists.
ouch!
@@crzycatlady65Girl who said anything about narcissism? 💀
Yep. This is exactly what I was thinking.
you cant be a serial cheater without being manipulative and you dont need to be an evil genius to be manipulative either
Yeah this. It's displaying black and white thinking
@@TheSecondOne123 exactly. Everyone can be manipulative. Andrew would've had to have been manipulative, sneaky ect if he had sex with 5 women whilst living with Cindy. It doesn't mean that Andrew doesn't have great sides to him. But 5 different women, that's alot of lying and covering up
As a therapist, and someone who's gone through what you're going through, stop talking to him. That dopamine hit you get from interacting with him is not worth it and is just making the healing process longer. It's like reopening a wound over and over. If he contacts you to retrieve his belongings, treat it like a business transaction. Otherwise, zero contact.
Amen. Been through it myself. 30 days NC does wonders to move forward
I don't think she's going to do that😢but we must let her choose. I know there will be a part 3 of my life is over.
Honestly I wanted a guy back who rejected me and these truthful comments to her are even making me question my situation and im not even in a relationship he left and triggered my rejection issues that I had in me from being a child and I so badly wanted to be w him but it is toxic and I know it deep down :( this channel has really opened my eyes alot probably meant to land here lol
I get her though it's so hard and I wasnt evem in a relationship I sometimes just feel like im never going to be able to have a healthy relationship and my life is ticking im 29 :( all I've ever dealt with is crushes and then people that just left me
Well said!
If you really are a therapist (I actually am getting my masters then PhD in Psych) then you would know that that is easier said than done for someone with BPD which she has. Its very difficult for someone with BPD to go cold turkey like that especially when this was a 15 year relationship and she doesn't have all the coping skills yet. The appropriate advice as an actual therapist would be to teach her coping skills and SHE has to use them and make her own decision on how she handles her marriage. A friend would say go cold turkey not a therapist.....our job isn't to make decisions in our clients lives or for our clients (yes, I'm aware she isn't your client, but then you saying you're a "therapist" is a moot point). I'm not saying you are wrong, just simply that especially for someone with BPD, that isn't easy and can't always be done.
"He's not manipulating me" is like a line from a trailer to "My life is over: Part 3".
Cindy, you are doing a great job and we are all rooting for you, but lying is manipulation. He was capable of lying for 10 years. You are full of love and empathy and he is most likely using that to his advantage. He made you think the relationship was ruined by your BPD, while he was cheating.
💯 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Exactly this. That was manipulation. Continuous, lasting manipulation. Does it make Andrew a cartoon evil man who's destined to hurt people forever ? No. But to say he's incapable of manipulation is just wishful thinking. Anyone is
Yeah….. That part where he put it all on her was fuckin awful.
AND SO IF THERE IS A PART 3.. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO HUN..STOP FOLLOWING . JESUS CHRIST🙄
@Elana Mccullum they're just warning her and helping her see it. You seem like the type who doesn't care and just wants the drama
It’s hard watching Cindy come up with excuses for Andrew in her head, I can tell she’s coming around to the idea of forgiving him and eventually going back to him. And whos to say whats right or wrong, it’s just tough seeing her slowly going back to someone who hurt her so deeply. Cindy, whatever you do, just remember to look out for your heart.
I'm glad I saw this comment because I wouldn't be surprised if she does take him back, and I hadn't been seeing anyone else mention it.
@@ScarletOShaunessy same
I sense that deep inside, she already made the decision to take him back. I kinda understand her desire to do so given that they’ve been married for so long. I just wish that this time around he actually makes an effort to became a better person…
I was in same position and wanted my ex back. The truth was I was used to being part of a couple, I could not imagine being with anyone else ( we were together 18 years) but that was wishful thinking and I knew it. I would never trust him again, meaning if he was late home from work I'd be suspicious, I'd constantly need to know where he was, if he texted someone I'd be suspicious, if he wore cologne or bought new clothes....absolutely anything could make me suspicious. The rejection I felt, from the only person I had loved, crushed me and made me feel inadequate. I knew emotionally I wanted him back, but in reality there is no going back. I agree Cindy wants her partner back but I believe the paranoia she will feel if she does/did would show her as much as she would like to go back.... she can't or it wouldn't last long before she would leave. It's a mental fight between logic and emotion.
He's 100,000% a manipulative person. To "avoid" your wife of 15 years in such a childish way as to throw away his phone, dump a tonne of heartbreaking stuff on you and insist you dont talk to him but to his mum - and that's only from the info we know. He left you to deal with all his stuff on your own. He's not mature. He's not got your best interests at heart - only his own. Because yes he's "hurting" but its only because he's losing power and control over you. He knows what he did is wrong, hes known it for a long time, but two wrongs dont make a right and a bunch of flowers dont mean he's changed, or actually loves you.
💯
You're the only one who can decide what is right for you. But I feel like it's important to note that cheating IS manipulation. I know you think Andrew isn't capable of that, but I'm sure there was a time you believed he wasn't capable of sleeping with someone else. Whatever you decide to do, I just continue to wish you happiness, peace, and success. ❤
As is sending the 'so sorry' flowers
Exactly these flowers were 100% manipulative
Cindy, if he had genuine remorse why has he done the same thing over and over for a span of 10 years? Please think about what you would say to one of your friends if they were in your situation. If B's wife had done what Andrew has done, what would you say?
And he would be in Kansas right now wouldn't he? He would face her, apologize profusely, and send her flowers everyday or do sth of that sort. I think if you're really sorry you would do anything and he is doing less than the bare minimum.
@KenyaGirly who are you replying to here? I don't disagee but I just don't think it fits as a response to anything said here.
Everything points to her taking him back. Scroll through the comments. She's ignoring comments like yours and liking comments encouraging her to take him back. She even liked a comment saying cheating is "forgivable". As much as I don't want to, I'm done with this channel - this is all going to end up horribly. I can't bear it.
@@brunoruggbyrne I know. I noticed but I'm not going to say what she wants to hear just for ❤ The worst decision she could make right now is getting back with him. If that happens, I'm done too. I can't keep watching this cycle - it really upsets me to see someone so blinded by love that they'll let their spouse do anything.
He left you in another state at the drop of a hat and ghosted a job he had there. He made you feel like everything was your fault at the beginning. He talks to you when he feels like it. He's cheated on you for many years. I don't know what else to say, but that this guy is trash. Everyone who is commenting seems to have been in a relationship with someone like this. I have been with someone like this. Please please please stay away from him. Sorry if my comment is upsetting. It's not my intention. We want you to do well and are rooting for you.
Cindy, what I can say is, you are in the middle of it. You can't see it clearly. He is not a manipulative person? Remember those 5 times he cheated? Isn't that full on manipulation? He sure said, did, and made you not notice a thing. I am sure he actually lied to you more than you know or are ready to acknowledge, which is ok. We don't always want to believe others, and sometimes it is so messed up that we don't want to have it all at once. Did you listen to those advices and list the bad sides of him? I don't think you did because I can see how rosey your eyes are. You still "find the good" in him and want to believe you know him better. My mum never sugar coats anything. For years, I thought she was just biased toward my fiance. She liked him, but she didn't think he cared enough. She was right. She was full on right. She saw it clear because she is not the one "drunk in love and blind". She could see when he was selfish, manipulative, careless, ..etc. You seem to forget these times whenever something positive happens with Andrew. You did the same when he came over and said, "let's move on together". it is the same with the flowers. You went with the best idea behind his gesture.
Many people, including myself, can see, he is being selfish, trying to keep you hanging on him, following the same pull/push tactics many narcissists do. He is manipulating you. He is trying to get back on, and because he wants that, he will be considerate, even seem genuine, caring, loving, ..etc. I know that. I saw my fiance do that after leaving a month before our wedding. Why do you think I gave him time and was ok with being "on pause" while he figured himself out? I even believed I made that decision and was in control. Turn around, and he was totally treating me as the side piece of his life that he has saved for rainy days. He push me away and keeps me away from all his important stuff, but comes to me or wants me around for himself. I can't make you realize this. You will, with time. We all did. Your brain will let you see it. I truly hope when you do, you won't be as hurt as many of us were. It hurts me to see this because it is almost a repetition of my experience.
👌
And then making her think he was trying to get back together with her and moving back home to start new and up and leaving, only taking the clothes on his back. Telling her he was gonna throw his phone away, don’t follow him, contact his mom for everything. I just hope she does what’s right for her. Don’t wanna see her hurt all over again after she’s come such a long way, again.
@@AwfulGlitter Even the catapiller is telling Cindy to be realistic and shed the old. I hope she meditates on that idea and sits with it. I truly want the best for her. However, pain is not bad. We all went through it, and we all learned and grew from it. It is sometimes very important to feel the pain for us to experience and understand the sense of peace. One can never exist without the other.
It wasn't even just five times, it was 5 women and some were one time.
How can you be soo sure about whether he was lying about other stuff or don't when in other vlog Cindy said she speaks with him and she's pretty sure that he told her the whole true? You know better her situation? You speak with him by yourself? Please just stop assuming that you know something better than those people do. Your not in their shoes. You don't know everything about their relationship or even about those people. Cindy has her own mind. And beside everything she know him better than any of us regardless of what he did.
Honey I feel like you are in denial of how he truly is. He is manipulative. Even if he is bad at it... the flowers were clearly an attempt to tug at the heartstrings. Of course this is coming from my prospective as I've done a lot more healing from my traumatic relationship. You'll get there eventually but my advice, take everything he says and does with a spoonful of salt.
Exactly my thoughts. That type of behavior is love bombing. He had years to be a good husband and now that he realizes Cindy is ready to move on and leave him behind he is desperate. Flowers can never make up for cheating with multiple women.
Same. Honestly if they get back together I am done with this channel. It’s an abusive relationship and it’s a huge trigger. He literally made her feel that she was the problem and move her to Arkansas as a “gift”. That’s insane. How is that not manipulation?
This! Also, she wasn't totally honest in her vlogs because she made out he was trying to talk to her and she ignored him but now she's saying he ignored her attempts to contact him and then sent flowers. This whole situation is just so upsetting. I really hope Cindy can see what's really in front of her soon. I wonder what B makes of all this.
I feel like she's sort of immune due to the constant exposure. It worries me that she's so forgiving of his abhorrent treatment. "Sending him songs" literally made me gag. This whole relationship reminds me of a bleeding abused wife saying "but I love him."
@@sherrymoore6853 It just made me really sad when she said that. This guy really has a hold on her even after doing all this.
I'm gonna be your "honest blunt sister" here so I'm sorry if it hurts. But holy crap girl. It's beautiful you see good in everyone, but please, remember. There isn't. Unfortunately that's going to be your hard lesson to learn. There isn't good in everyone. At the end of the day you're right, this is your path. But, don't be so naive.
You are absolutely correct about this. It's difficult for an empathetic person to admit and realize, but it is totally true.
@🦋Nvda Agehya🦋 and I know cause I use to be one of those empathic people. I still am but with boundaries. Don't be so empathic to people who will never put you first. It's a hard lesson to learn, but it's true, and I've been walked on like a rug for far too long so I understand. So I totally get it. I idealized men I "loved" as well. I use to see good in everyone. So I truly empathize with how difficult it is.
@Pixie_damsel same. My bf and I just went through that. His "friends" got super involved in our relationship, made assumptions that I'm abusive?? Lol I've never hurt a fly, I have two beautiful kitties that I'd never even think of hurting, my bf has stood up for me telling them they're wrong and just making assumptions cause he works out of country so he hasn't seen them in a while cause he's been busy, so they made assumptions based off nothing. They decided they didn't want to be his friend anymore, and he's only now realizing that maybe his friends aren't what he thought they were. I kept telling him "I know you're upset cause you see good in everyone, and that's a beautiful thing, but it's rose tinted glasses, there isn't good, you could have a 20 year friendship and only realize when something doesn't go their way, they're not what you thought they were" I'm sure your husband will learn that someday, but again, I use to be the same. I had rose tinted glasses a lot too. So I feel it. I know it very well lol
@@apocalypse92 damn people are so weird
@Hazel Maplewright why I said it's her path. I know I'm not a part of her relationship. For all I know he could be a Saint and she's not who I think she is. I don't personally know them both. I'm not going to get involved. Nor am I going to give her advice on her relationship, but telling someone to stop having rose tinted glasses on, isn't relationship advice. It goes for all of life. From one person who's be there done all that to another, that's one way to get walked on by anyone, lovers, family, friends. If she continues to be with him, cool. Happy for her. You're right. No one should be giving advice on her relationship, when none of us truly know either of them. But this isn't relationship advice, lol. It's all aspects of life.
These comments come from so many people who care for you and are on the outside of the box and can see what you cannot through your pain and love. Wouldn’t you rather people say truth then be an enabler to you? No one wants to hurt you as you are hurting enough, but truth, truth is he is being manipulative, whether he knows it or not. Everyone is capable of manipulating. The more you work on yourself , he wants you back. You are a loving, caring, loyal and very beautiful woman. If you did get back together, the worry and stress you would go through wondering is he cheating, is he lying. You deserve not to settle for anything but the best for yourself. Once a cheater, always a cheater. It’s just easier each time they do it and they get sneakier. That’s for men and women. With his issues, he has years to work on his self. Please listen to people who care about you and have more likely lived it, like me as you are worth way more than settling. Much love to you Cindy!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. ❤🦋❤️🦋
This is a good comment. Perhaps Cindy should really think about what the relationship would like if they did get back together- every time Andrew went out or messaged someone, she would be wondering what he was doing? That would drive anybody mad. I'm really worried that she'll be doing all this again with Andrew when she's 50. She could have an amazing next 10 years full of fun, laughter and bettering herself or she could go back to him and do this all again at 50.
Angie Lindsey your post is the kind of post I wish she would read and like so that we would know she knows we are saying these words because we do care and worry for her.
@@roseability86 I'd be worried too as he is always on his phone.
You also always find out more and more from outsiders who knew things and did not tell. How I finally moved on… I got tired of being made a fool. I feel for her as I did not listen either. She will either wake up and see her worth or carry on in this situation and loose more time of life. She will have to learn on her own in her time I guess. I wished I had ALL these people during my time of crap to care so much. I was more angry that I was made a fool of than anything. He knows her weaknesses and he knows she is a loyal person. He will use that to this advantage. Cheating just once should be a deal breaker let alone 5 times. I’m sorry to say I will bet a million it was more than 5. I so wish she would see her worth. Makes my heart ache to see this actually. Much love to all from Iowa!!❤️🦋❤️🦋
The minute you get in a new relationship Andrew will claim that he’s a different man now and will beg you to take him back. Be prepared for that to happen. He will repeat offend. Don’t fall for it please. You’re doing great, Stay strong!!!
Haha yep. I met my now husband online and when I was AT THE AIRPORT to come home (ex was watching the kids so he knew where I was) the "Im so sorry I'm such a shit person I didn't deserve you" email landed in my inbox.
I forwarded it to my bestie with 5 rows of 🤣 emojis. The actual nerve of these people.
It's been 7 years now and I've recently gone back to therapy because I'm STILL trying to wrap my head around the fact that people who can behave like this exist in the world. I just cannot wrap my head around how someone can be so deceptive for so long. It's utterly foreign to me. We have kids so I couldn't cut him off completely, but one has just reached adulthood and the other is almost there. I'm looking forward to a time where I don't have to deal with him at all and I can finally fully heal.
I think it is important to remove the stigma from the word manipulation. Just because someone has good intentions, it doesn't mean they are not manipulating. Manipulation is the human response to desire. We do good to get something. we do good because we love someone. that doesn't mean what we want is good for both people. Sending flowers might be a sincere loving response, but that's still emotional manipulation. It is still him doing something because he knows it will make you feel a certain way. saying all of this with love. I wish you the best!
"he's not a bad person, he's just done bad things." How else are we meant to judge but by a person's actions?
@KenyaGirly No matter what people are put through it is not a good enough reason to cheat!! If he was unhappy and felt he wasn't treated well then he should have just left. It would have been less painful than sleeping with 5 women to make himself feel better.
That is actually a very harsh and cruel way to judge someone. People are more complicated than just their actions. I saw someone mention that following this logic, Cindy is also a bad person, which she clearly is not, just because she struggles with her disorder (and I understand that Cindy made the right steps to change, but was she a bad person before?) I'm not trying to excuse actions, but don't label people like this. You don't know them, you can't just say someone us a bad person based on such shallow observations. Judge how they behave yes, stand up to them yes, but not labeling people doesn't automatically make it impossible for you to seek justice for what they have done.
@KenyaGirly you think you're making a point but you aren't. yes. the actions she was taking while not in therapy for her BPD were making her a bad person. she acknowledges this. it is the very reason she sought help. she was doing bad things. the entire point of her getting help and managing the disorder is so that she doesn't become/continue being a bad person.
so. yes. lmfao.
you can judge actions for what they are, but you can’t truly know and judge someone’s heart. this goes for good actions and bad actions.
@KenyaGirly Okay! You have a nice day as well! ❤
Oh no...if he does move back to Arkansas like you mentioned in a previous vlog, I think I know where this is gonna go.
I think he’s gonna conveniently get a job at that mcdonald’s now that i’m sure pizza hut won’t want him back 😅
@@dinealone0 oh God you're probably right 😂
This video really makes me feel like you’ll forgive him and welcome him back with open arms. I may be wrong but that’s just the vibes I’m getting. I fully understand that it’s your life and you’re free to do as you please. But it definitely makes me feel a bit worried and sad. I’ll never have a positive thing to think or feel about Andrew so it’ll make it hard to just welcome him back to vlogs and such. But I’ll continue to watch for your sake if that’s the path you choose, please just make the right decision for your own mental health and well-being ❤️
This makes me angry. You were suicidal because that cheating POS left assuring you you were the problem, while he was fucking other women and lied to you continuously for 10 years. Do not take him back, do not defend him. He IS manipulative and a bad person. I know you are heartbroken, but for a moment try imagining this is happening to your friend - what would you advise them?
How does your therapist feel about you contacting him so frequently? Talking to your ex for hours at a time might feel good and validating in that moment, but it’s making the healing process so painful and drawn out…there’s a reason people go no contact with those who hurt them.
Btw manipulation is rarely intentional and it’s not only done by “bad” people. Mentally unwell people may not even realize they’re doing it - or that they’re victims of it. There’s a reason the flower situation made you as conflicted as it did.
PSA - really excellent manipulators can and do manipulate their victims without them feeling manipulated
What's PSA?
@@catherinemiss6360 public service announcement
@@nevadaite of course, yes. Thanks
And many manipulative people are mentally ill.
quick edit to specify; that i fully support you no matter what you decide to do with the whole andrew thing its your life! and in no way is this meant to be hateful or hurtful
Dont take this the wrong way, Im glad you're healing in your own way with Andrew- but please dont say he isnt capable of manipulation...deceiving and love bombing may not be done directly but...that IS what he did. What you think you know of him may not apply when it comes to this specific situation..
Please hear people out about that- We've been there.
The only reasoning for cheating is poor communication, poor effort and lack of impulse control. If he wasnt capable of manipulation then why did he almost let you think you were the only issue? No relationship is without its issues-my issue here is you done things to change and he....sends flowers. He's gone this far and honestly making me feel like he expects you to feel the way you feel with this love bombing. Maybe that isnt the definition of manipulation but it IS part of pattern.
At the end of the day, its obviously up to you where this goes but im very worried that you may be unable to see that he IS capable of doing what most cheaters do and tbh here...He's doing that.
Ultimately its how you feel and its your relationship and im just a rando on the internet but im just very worried because you honestly deserve way more and have come so far that if it comes down to it, you deserve to be loved FULLY and have someone put in the effort to fix their issues the same as you did without stomping your heart out. Love doesnt always have to hurt.
Anyway, dont take this as hate please. As always much love💕
Her Email address is posted around here somewhere. That could have Been an email
Everything he is doing now is by the book. This is exactly how cheaters behave.
Perfectly said!
@@crzycatlady65 Yes and it could also be a comment which it was....no one is making you read a long comment and I saw way longer ones on here.
Lux..we say all this because we care! I wish she could see that! We're not trying to be mean to her! We are all worried about her and a lot of us have gone through the same thing! We know the pain!
I don’t want to offend you, but he is an awful person along with being an awful husband. The things he did to you are unforgivable and now he has the audacity to love bomb you to manipulate you again. Please stay strong girl 💗
@KenyaGirly you're not wrong
@kenyagirlyWhy is that relevant and why are you spamming this comment everywhere?
@KenyaGirly you are one sick puppy
@@gallirei I agree 100%!
@KenyaGirly what a garbage comment. Just so you know being abandoned by a partner after getting a big diagnosis is incredibly one sided. Women are left behind way more often than the other way around. So this checks out
Edit: The way he said to not contact him nor forgive him… the way he made you think it was all your fault…Cindy, he taught you’re weak, that’s why he said that. He was sure you’ll still forgive and take him back… it’s so obvious. (I wish you would see what everyone else are seeing.) But at the moment he saw you do exactly that, he’s desperate to get you back? Well… Cindy, don’t fall for that. He don’t want you to be happy and be better on your own… he wants you desperate. Btw there’s many forms of narcissism and I won’t say he is, but from what I saw, he fits into covert narcissist pretty well (or at least he’s using those manipulation tactics)…
Please don’t take it the wrong way. We love you! ❤I love you Cindy and I wish the best for you. Give yourself some time to figure it out if you truly want him back…
Oh the denial pains me but I’m rooting for you to open your eyes. He IS a bad person and he IS manipulating you, come on girl.
Girl. He is a manipulative person! The flowers are just that…him playing games to make you think he loves you. Someone who truly loves you does not cheat on you with multiple women and then leave you….they respect you and treat you with kindness. You deserve better.
I feel like you're telling yourself a lot of lies about Andrew that ultimately support the idea you have of him in your head. That's just tough love. Us folk with BPD tend to hold someone on a pedestal, not for who they are but for who we need them to be. Andrew IS showing you who he is, he's just telling you something entirely different and that in of itself is manipulation. Andrew has: cheated on you with 5 women, abandoned you and said it was your fault, and is now using your love language to try to make you be who you were for him, because it was working for him ultimately. He has needed you this entire time but has had the audacity to hurt you like this. You're going to do whatever you want, but I know it when I see it because you're a lot like me. Do not allow him to win you over. There are so many better women or men out there (dealers choice). He will not love you as much as you love him.
When you have intimacy problems, you shouldn't resort to cheating. That is never OK, and can't be explained away. Even if he is struggling, he has to take responsibility for his actions and get help.
I agree.
Him not being manipulative as a person doesn't mean the flowers weren't manipulative. I really do feel for you Cindy, I know how horrible this is. No one wins here.
A manipulative person is making another person believe they're not manipulative.
I understand how you're feeling Cindy, I also feel lonely and alone, I have no friends or family.
Music is also a big part of my life. I want to become a singer and I was a dancer before.
It's hard to leave the person that you love, but in this case, you should do that.
Oh, Cindy... He hurts you, then says sorry and you keep forgiving him over and over and then he hurts you again.
First! Also wanted to say that I follow another youtuber who was dumped after being with him for many years and she also went through what you are going through now, but a year down the line she is happy and doing all the things she wanted to, and shes really thriving! So it takes time to heal ❤ also dont let him come and go as he pleases, a clean break is needed sometimes.
What's the name of the channel?
Definitely share the name of the channel. I think it would benefit many including Cindy.
it may not be andrew’s intention to be manipulative but his actions are exactly that. you are still healing so i hope you realize this over time. i don’t mean to sound harsh but you are such a genuine person who doesn’t deserve this. much love 🤍
Cindy. When you take him back, you will live in constant fear that he will leave you again, that he cheats again. What will you do when you find out he is talking to other women again? When he cheats again? All of those times he left you, he basically forced you to do the hardest things alone: pack his shit. Don't you find that inconsiderate? Your heart is in control again, sister. Hope your therapist talks to you before you reunite as a couple.
A good friend will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. It’s not healthy to spend hours talking to your ex on the phone and the rush you feel from hearing his voice is not worth your mental health in the long run. Please Cindy, cut all communication that doesn’t involve the legal side of things. He IS manipulating you. He led you to believe that the marriage failed because of your BPD. He took you to Arkansas and abandoned you. Sending flowers is a pathetic attempt at either reconciliation or to clear his own conscience. He has you where he wants you and it’s up to you to put a stop to it, as hard as it may be. I’m sorry if this hurts to hear, I just think some tough love is in order as you really seem to be struggling with your thoughts and feelings. It can help to have an outsider’s perspectives, someone who isn’t tangled in the mess. You deserve better than someone who’s been cheating and lying to you for years.
ALL of this.
In the video showing her receiving the flowers she said "why would he do this NOW?" She had told him more than once that she liked getting gifts, specifically flowers, from him and it doesn't sound like he sent them often. For him to do it now after what he's put her through is clear manipulation, even if he isn't intending to be manipulative.
Going no contact is always difficult and often painful. Nobody said it would be easy.
"it was a beautiful day to haunt the world" ❤️❤️❤️❤️this is so inspirational to me for when I'm stuck in depression mode. Thank you
...i watch your old videos and he wasnt some GREAT GUY to you. We forget how bad we were treated after they leave and it stops. i love you Cindy. Theres a much better way to live!
❤❤❤❤
Cindy, I don't often comment on any videos but as someone who was a victim of a covert narcissist I'd like to share something with you.
He's drawn to you because you're capable of feeling empathy, and to someone like him it's a sign that he's going to get the one, most important thing he craves - attention. There's a void inside him, one that cannot ever be filled. And whether the attention you provide is positive or negative doesn't really matter, because he's programmed to be "fueled" by any type of strong emotions he ignites in others.
You mentioned he's not a manipulative evil mastermind and I'm willing to agree - but it doesn't change the fact that his condition has been there forever and he's incapable of getting rid of it. He's not an evil mastermind but he's STILL capable of hurting your feelings, ruining your life, erasing any possibility of you having a happy future with someone who truly loves and respects you. Even therapy proves to be very ineffective when it comes to covert narcissists, because of how well they manipulate people. We're like objects to them. He's perfectly happy to mimic your affection and lovebomb you when he knows he has to, but as soon as you're not able to fulfill his particular needs he cheats with multiple women. That's because he never TRULY felt what he was claiming to feel. He's simply incapable of it, just like he's incapable of feeling guilt due to lack of empathy. He made a conscious choice to destroy your trust, to destroy your world. And I want to stress that it wasn't your duty or responsibility to cater to his needs all the time - it's not how long term relationships work, and demanding it would be extremely unrealistic on his part. But this is exactly how people like him operate and you need to open your eyes to that.
The gist of it is, he knows you're hooked, and he's about to use you up again if he's persistent and apologetic enough. There's only one thing that can signal to him that he has no power over you - that's introducing a zero contact policy. No responses, no gift accepting, no picked up calls even if you stay silent on the line. No opened doors if he appears at your house in the middle of a rainy evening with tears, flowers and a heartfelt speech. No conversations, even if you made yourself believe they're helping you heal. You will never be able to be friends with him. Not even acquaintances. You're prolonging your own suffering because you're used to him, and the only person who's going to benefit from this is Andrew.
I've been where you are, as did many other women in your comment section. We feel and understand your pain. I wish I could say it's going to be easy, or that this person is capable of change but I'd be lying. I wish I could show you how self-destructive the path you're choosing right now is, because I chose it a few years ago as well and wasted my physical and mental health on a pathological liar. You may think that we don't know him as well as you do so we must be wrong, but a large number of women who've dealt with narcissistic abuse take steps to educate themselves on this topic. We see him and we judge his actions instead of his words.
We see Andrew for what he really is. Trust us. Put yourself first.
The most perfect comment
This comment needs to be pinned for how perfectly well written it is. I hope she sees it and takes the time to read and take in all of this. There’s so many stages in these types of situations, and unfortunately some of them involve being in an on-again, off-again relationship. I hope that isn’t the path she goes down and she instead accepts that no contact with him is the only way she can heal. Once again, thank you for typing this out. Honestly, anyone who is currently in the same situation that Cindy is in can benefit from reading this.
"he's not a manipulative person"... omg Cindy, the denial. I feel sorry for you. I see where this is going. you will be back together and still be toxic to one another.
If he hurts you again by manipulating or cheating on you again, i know no one deserves to be treated like that but man, you chose him.
Andrew may not be a bad person, but he is a terrible husband.
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Exactly! There is a big difference. In the same light, my step-grandpa is a great granddad, but was an AWFUL father.
THIS.🎯
Bingo
@@bridgetkennedy3271 my grandma was the same !!!
No, just no. He doesn’t deserve your sympathie. That baby man cheated on you while you were pregnant! Cindy those flowers are worth nothing
I don't know Andrew at all but I still think sending the flowers was an asshole move. You do whatever feels right Cindy 💜
The hallmark of manipulative
Which she doesn't think he is 🙄
And it made her so distressed and confused but you’re right ultimately she has to do what she feels is right
After avoiding her for a couple days at that
Cindy, this is coming straight from my heart. A person who isn't manipulative would have never contacted you again for anything other than strictly arrangements for separating after the first time. What a non manipulative person certainly wouldn't have done is get your hopes up and SIGN A LEASE with you only to leave again with just a text. Even if you think he isnt manipulative, I don't see how you can ever trust him again. Being married or living with you doesn't matter to him he can still leave at the snap of a finger, without even talking to you. And now he doesn't even have to decency to let you grieve the relationship in peace and eventually move on. Everything is in shades of grey of course. What he has done to you was absolutely unforgivable. It doesnt matter if you've both hurt each other etc made mistakes. He only cares about the relationship now that you're trying to move on. You don't need him to be happy. On the contrary, he will repeat this behavior when things get rough over and over again if you take him back. Believe his actions not words. He's shown you who he is.
I still think it was a really weird idea to randomly send flowers. It's just unforgivable to cheat... literally nothing feels redeemable with cheating. It's nice to see you want him to get his help and you too, but separately. You clearly care and have some love for him, and have definitely disconnected somewhat from him... it's nice to see you progress for a better future for yourself, and for him.
Totally plus they were lousy flowers
he might be just clueless.
@kenyagirlyGo away
@KenyaGirly OMG who are you exactly?! Like I've responded to your other exact comments..Nothing can make another person cheat!!! If he was so unhappy why not leave instead of cheating on her 5 times! What's wrong with you?!
@KenyaGirly actually some us have morals and find cheating reprehensible (unlike u clearly). So if Cindy had came on here and said I cheated on my husband multiple times I would’ve lost all respect for her. Are you saying you wouldn’t have ? Weird.
You’ve left multiple comments implying Cindy is unforgivable or somehow deserved to be cheated on bc she has BPD. Literally stfu bc I’m SURE she’s already telling herself that in her head. She doesn’t need you dragging her down too. You’re sick and twisted. You need therapy to find out why you want this woman to feel even more terrible than she already does after losing a child, getting a major diagnosis for a mental health disorder that essentially has no “cure”, and having her partner of 15 yrs cheat on her.
OH FFS!
💯
"we accept the love we think we deserve" if you want to be loved by andrew that way, so be it.
sadly, this. I wish her the best.
I know it’s hard to hear other people speaking badly about someone you still love despite having been hurt by them. But I think deep down you know that staying in contact with him is just making this process longer and more complicated. You know in your heart that you can’t take him back. So even though it’s hard as hell, I’d cut all contact at least for a proper long time.
Ugh, I hope she doesn't take him back again... I feel like it may happen. She can do better and deserves better.
I think it’s important to remember that just because he might not be actively thinking “I’m going to manipulate her into doing what I want” doesn’t mean he’s not being manipulative. What he’s doing is lovebombing. All of this is about him and how he’s feeling. No thought given to how it may damage your process to have him popping in and out.
EXACTLY. she CRIED when she saw those flowers but I bet that sending them made HIM FEEL FUCKING GREAT!!!!! he’s super fucking selfish, same as he was when he fucked those other women!!!!!!!!
when he left the first time I don't remember you sending him flowers. what I remember you doing is starting therapy, group and individual, and starting to learn how to be more independent. in other words, real change, real actions. not just going online and ordering flowers for a doordash worker to pick out.
@@tikusblue You have to remember the second time he left. He’s definitely realized she’s not desperate and frantic for him to take her back anymore like she did the first time. That’s why he sent the flowers. It’s all because he’s losing control over her and he can’t take that. I obviously don’t know for sure but it’s as if he doesn’t want her to get too far away from him because that means she won’t care about him anymore. It is very easy for a manipulator to reel someone back in when they realize they’re losing the grip; especially while they are in this state that Cindy is currently in. She’s obviously not fully removed from him. And she can’t be because of him leaving all of his stuff in the apartment for her to deal with. It’s dragging out her grieving process. She has to constantly see all of his things and there’s so many happy memories of their relationship in that apartment with her constantly. It has to be doing something emotionally to her. And I think sending something as personal to her as flowers was enough to start confusing her thought process.
I'm sorry and please don't take this the wrong way, but I can't watch the video after the comments shed light on you defending his manipulation again. I am always rooting for you to find comfort in your independence, but when he succeeds in reeling you back into his power over and over again, it is just an uncomfortable watch for me 😞❤ Sending all the love and strength to you Cindy!
She’s hearting the comments that are defending Andrew. I truly think she’s gonna go back and I might have to unsub.
I agree, it's starting to get uncomfortable to watch. It's a bit sad to hear how she defends him. Oh well. I won't be here for "My Life is Over, Part 3"
@@TivaC then don’t watch
“Why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.”
Put the hammer down. You’re so used to the pain he’s put you through and you are addicted to it. Time to step away. These repeated blows from him aren’t worth it.
I swear he’s a covert narcissist and got off on his control and power of you and the adoration and love you gave. Now he sees you’re so close to moving on and he can’t take it. Find that anger from your last video when he thought sending you $10 grocery store flowers would make up for the past. This man is manipulative and knows exactly what he’s doing. Run. And go no contact.
Edit: the entire move to Arkansas was a total manipulation. “His final gift to you” as he put it. Fucking bullshit.
That's a really good quote there
I can't believe cheap grocery store flowers won her over so easy.
Cindy, honey, don't go there. You still have a long way, and it's okay to take a few steps backwards, BUT don't try to justify him. Cheating is manipulation. Cheating is selfish. Cheating is lying. Cheating is doing something wrong behind your back, fully knowing it will hurt your feelings. So, yeah, he is manipulative.
Agree! Not to mention you don’t accidentally cheat on someone. He intentionally betrayed Cindy by sleeping with someone behind her back and lied by omission for years. There’s no coming back from betrayal like that, trust is very hard to earn back and Cindy herself has said she could never forgive or excuse infidelity. If he can cheat, then he’s more than capable of manipulation.
@@HulaZombiex 5 different people. Not the same person over and over. So 5 people he has got in that position with.
That caterpillar on your leg was your sign of things to come!!! It may be slow and steady right now but one day you will flourish into something you never thought you could be!!
this is feeling like there'll probably be a "my life is over part 3 video" honestly
I wonder if she's not telling her family because she does want to get back with him.
@@roseability86 I struggle with a LOT of what Cindy share with us, so I do know how she is feeling. I came back with my ex a LOT of times knowing he cheatead on me. I understand her, but I think we have the right to warn her still, do u know I mean? like... THIS IS NOT HEALTH!!!
@Creusa's Drag Race yes it does feel like there will be a "my life is over, part 3". She's going to take him back. Mark my words.
@@CreusasDragRace It's an incredibly toxic relationship. very sad to see
@@Lanaaaaa45 I just wish she would wake up
I'm currently moving cross country so I can't watch this, but I wish you the best Cindy. He's emotionally abused you for a long time, so don't be too hard on yourself if you give in sometimes. You deserve someone that really cares about how they make you feel.
People always take time to reveal their true intentions, don't fall for it. You might have a moment of happiness but countless ones of pain and betrayal, so please don't fall for his words. You deserve better Cindy, you really do.
i know it's incredibly hard to finally rip off the bandaid. it's very easy to fall back into his arms at this point in time. but you've been so strong. you *can* do this without him. you will find someone that isn't andrew that will truly love you and respect you. that would never put you through the heartbreak that andrew has. abuse and cheating aren't the normal ups and downs of a relationship. of course, it's ultimately your decision, but you deserve infinitely better than him. i've been with an abusive cheater and it took me multiple tries to finally get away but it was the best thing i have ever done for myself. i did it for myself because i decided loving me was more important than loving him. regardless, i'm always wishing you the best cindy.
I get feeling invisible or like a ghost, while depressed or grieving. It feels like you could just walk through a crowd of people and pass right through them... I'm sending you love and inner peace
Cindy, if receiving flowers is speaking your love language, you should buy yourself a bunch. It's a beautiful act of self love. Also, do you enjoy gaming? I find it's super easy to forget the world and lose a few hours while playing. Maybe you could schedule some game time for the evenings when you know you're going to have a difficult time. ❤
This is great advice!! Although when people are going through a hard time it can be difficult to be interested in hobbies, even really immersive hobbies like gaming. It's definitely worth a try though!
6 and a half minutes in, and I can’t watch anymore. This is going to end up horribly. I just can’t watch what’s going to transpire.
Same here. I had to turn it off.
I think sending the flowers is manipulative. You said he had porn addiction but didn't think he cheated in real life, but he did. You say he's not manipulative, but what do you call it when someone cheats with at least 5 women and lies about it for a decade? He knows you need to move on, yet he sends you flowers when he knows you craved gifts in the past, that he *did not give* when you were together. It's not that hard to find guys who are deeper thinkers and like 90s rock, that's like 30% of men 40+ 😂 plus a man could be into that stuff and be a total fuckin asshole. My ex husband was quite a talented musician, could play lots of instruments and he wrote music. He liked NIN, Deftones, classical music, rap and bits of everything, he mimicked all genres of music and I thought it was amazing when I was young. But he was a narcissistic, insecure, abusive person. If you truly wanted the best for someone, knowing the relationship ruined them, would you send gifts and try to keep stringing them along?
Denial is also a stage of grief, you're trying to downplay him consciously, repeatedly cheating on you. I can imagine you getting back together with him and he will break your heart again. I hope however you choose to play this works out for you.
Love that you're loving Tool, Third eye is amazing xxx
22 seconds in and here to say, please don't feel terrible about mixing up dates. I know that's easier said than done but everybody has done this at some point and you have a lot on your mind so trying to keep track of things like this is more difficult right now. It wasn't deliberate and no one was hurt so don't beat yourself up about it - you have enough going on and I'm sure your friends were understanding for those reasons.
He is manipulating you… he cheated for years and hid it: he left you at a cafe after telling you you two were getting back to together… he blamed you for the break up the first time. There is no excuse for the cheating. If he was unhappy he should have had open communication and told you what was wrong.
If you take him back you realize it is highly likely he will cheat and break your heart again years down the line as he knows you will just forgive him no matter what he does.
Stage of grief 1: Denial
I wish we'd get on to anger. This denial is going to crash her channel. Every one can see that turd is manipulating her except her. It's getting too hard to watch.
@@sherrymoore6853 I agree. It's getting close to where I can't watch anymore, I can't see her get hurt again. I know she probably thinks that we're being harsh towards Andrew but I think she forgets that she has been broadcasting this entire situation to her viewers. I understand we don't know the entirety of the situation but we know enough to have a gut instinct about someone.
Let me play in the very same fire that burned me beyond recognition because it will be healing. Cindy, I care about you and am not saying this to hurt you. (I swear) You are not a good judge of Andrew's character. Have a thousand strangers on the internet had experience with Andrew? No but you have and you'll bear those scars for the rest of your life.
You have to realize Cindy that he is love bombing you and manipulating you. You have to block his number and stop talking to him otherwise he going to keep taking advantage of you and try to crawl his way back into your life, I know its hard but you deserve better honey. Please don;t take this the wrong way but he has cheated on you multiple times and somehow still blamed you for all of it. You are doing so great and making unbelievable progress and you are such a strong inspiration to us all, sending you hugs and healing
One of the hardest things I had to learn was that not all manipulators are evil, conniving, or planning what they're doing to you like its a game of chess. Most of the time, it's just someone trying to get out of a negative situation that they find themselves in. What matters is he did things and lied in a way that hurt you deeply. He gives you the flowers you wanted, but only when he's trying to win you back. That is not something a nice misunderstood person does. He doesn't have to be evil, he doesn't have to be a monster. But he can selfish, and I think that is enough to say that you're better off apart.
Dear Cindy, I know a lot of people that date or dated manipulative people and believe me one thing: those people always defend their partner and their partner’s behaviour by saying they have issues.
This is just proof that his manipulation worked.
Everyone has issues. Everyone messes up. But that man cheated on you, multiple times over the years. He left you once. Came back. Then told you about the cheating via text (he did not even have the decency to tell you in person) and then literally ran away. You don‘t treat a person you love this way. Never. There are no excuses.
These comments might seem harsh and unfair, I know. But we care about you and your well-being. And your own happiness is the only thing you should care about!
Cindy, if he could cheat on you, he is manipulative. When a guy excuses flowers for "making up for the past", then he is trying to manipulate you. Don't let him!
That caterpillar is a sign for you to give it a little more time, and you are about to turn into a beautiful butterfly and come into your own Cindy.
I was also gonna comment on her last vlog with her spirit guide being a snail, aren't they about taking time and keeping yourself protected?
You’d think she would know that with all the spirituality work she does
@@KourttneyL that’s kind of rude
You thinking that he's not manipulating you is a sign that his manipulation is working. As a person who was manipulated I know it's not easy to realize what's going on. You believe that this person has good intentions and doesn't mean to hurt you. But their intentions aren't important, what's important is that it effects you and hurts you. It's going to take a while but I know that one day you'll see the situation clearly and who Andrew really is. Stay strong Cindy ❤ you're doing so good and you're so much better off without him!
Also, your videos helps me so much, I'm really young and my situation isn't even close to yours but seeing you fighting for yourself and celebrating small accomplishments is what really inspires me! Lots of love all the way from Poland and remember that you're beautiful and amazing and we believe in you ❤
He didn't seem invested in y'all before but now he wants to try and "win you back" after abandoning you and letting you think you were the only problem, leaving you twice and cheating? I wish you the best, Cindy. I feel like you are making things worse for yourself by talking to him as he is being manipulative in my opinion. I hope you heal and recover and put yourself first so you can move on.
It’s kinda crazy that you would berate us for having a negative opinion of Andrew when literally all we have to go off of is what you portray in these videos. Either way, I hope you stay strong til the end. ❤
I have a friend who has a boyfriend (his not a cheater for all I know) and she really only talks to me about him once every few months when she's upset with him or wants to break up with him. She never tells me what likes about him, how she feels about him, what he does for her, how they spend time together, anything. Then I'm supposed to give her advice in these moments of crisis. And all her friends tell her to break up based off what she says, she doesn't and she's upset with them later.
Everyone grieves and let’s go at different points. You are going through grief, and the last stage, acceptance, comes at a variety of times for other people.
For some people, it could take a week, for others it could take years.
What you are going through is valid and natural. Your feelings are valid. You can and will get through this. We believe in you!
“A real man doesn’t have time to cheat because that man is too busy providing all of which a good woman deserves.” - Ritu Ghatourey
If he is really sorry and loves you and wants what’s best for you he’ll just let you heal and leave you alone.
Cindy, I am very confused. You say one day you are disgusted, angry, upset. You post your life on youtube. You are in the middle of it yet you are crying, expressing your pain while at the same time you are making excuses for him. You didn't just start thinking this way. Your husband has learned you yet you refuse to truly acknowledge how you have been manipulated you even make excuses for his behavior. Which is it? A person can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you. He has you on a hamster wheel. You have to get off the wheel and live.
Girl I got chills when you read about the vulture in that book. What a fantastic gift. Hold on to moments like that, of confirmation that you are doing the right thing, they will guide you thru. ❤❤
If he thinks he can get you to accept the cheating, he will do it again. Please don't get into this cycle.
Cindy, kindly, you're making a huge mistake. Believe us, a lot of us, myself included have a lot of expirience in dealing with lying/cheating/manipulative people. And his behavior checks all the boxes.
I'm sorry you're unable to see this yet and I'm so sorry for future Cindy that one day will drop these rose-tinted glasses.
It seems to me that Andrew sees you as "old reliable" a sure thing", your version of him, gentle, music loving curly haired hippy is rose coloured understandably, but please he IS a manipulator and a liar, it takes both those skills to cheat so efficently that he wasnt caught. He also shows narcissistic behaviours, everytime you do well, he is there, he wont let you move on because Narcs dont like being alone or being left behind seeing someone they control move on without them. I think your absolute devotion plus the BPD behaviours makes for a perfect environment for someone like Andrew. You are stronger whether you believe it or not, you also NEED to be alone for a while to be just Cindy! I truly want was is best for you, and watching him bread-crumb you over and over is so humiliating. Im sorry if this is upsetting to read, but omgoodness Andrew makes me so mad for you! Also cant wait for the crystal mining video! :D
Cindy, I think you also might be putting yourself under pressure by sharing all this. Because you kind of made out that you were the one not contacting him but in this, you said he sent flowers after ignoring you for a couple days when you were telling him you wanted to contact him.
It honestly sounds like he may actually be currently even messing around with another woman hence why it didn't suit him for a couple days to talk to you.
Then he sends flowers and is on the phone.
He really is messin with you it seems
In the last vlog you said something along the lines of “it’s either getting drunk or contacting Andrew” and I think that really says a lot about how he makes you feel. I know you share a lot with us yet I don’t want to be intrusive or tell you what to do. But think about it, Cindy… Take care ❤
The pupper content just melts my heart every time! The candle thing was an especially sweet gift, and I hope going to your mom's place and planting those seeds will be healing for you too. I lost my own mom more recently and she loved gardens and she especially loved roses. I might not have her anymore but sowing roses for her in her place felt in a way like I was both getting one last connection to her but also like my head had come up out of the water for the first time since she passed. So I hope you can get comfort from doing something similar too.
I think a lot of people make the mistake in thinking it takes a mastermind to pull one over on people, or that manipulation always takes intention because sometimes you do it without realizing. I don't think your ex is a narc or pure evil, just a broken dude who makes mistakes and a lot of selfish choices. I do think its odd that he expects you to drop things when he wants to talk, but when you want to he just sorta leaves you on read. Kinda like a game of push you pull me. But don't feel bad for not ditching the flowers. I think a lot of people remember their own hurt and how tossing the bouquet away provided some catharsis in their situation. But sometimes its just hard to want to throw away flowers that are pretty you and like. Tbh I probably would have kept them too. Heck I woulda just been feeling more bad about the fact someone else in that store picked them out and had to deliver them and I woulda felt like throwing it away wasted that person's time since they were the one who did all the footwork on it!
But yeah grief makes it where you feel alone in the world and like everyone and everything just moves on and passes you by. Where you feel like the only one in the world who is just being crapped on by life in those moments. But I'm still happy and proud of you for getting out there, out in nature, and soaking up some sun. Its hard to pry yourself out sometimes and do things of self care like that and easy to forget to take care of you and just indulge in small things. Heck it makes it easy to forget that even just sitting outside is so nice and will do good for you.
I really look forward to your next vlog and hearing about the crystal mining! I've never gotten to do something like that and until now I never even heard of that being a thing!
Manipulation isn’t always nefarious or conscious. Him sending you flowers after a period of no contact after years of begging him, while good intentioned, is inherently manipulative. It’s also textbook love bombing :(
When you love someone is very difficult sometimes to accept their flaws and dark personality traits. Not saying that you don't know Andrew,you had a 15 year relationship with him,but sometimes the people that we love do bad things to us on purpose and they know it. I grew up with a narcissist mom and still today I caught myself making excuses for her behavior,because I love her,🤷🏾♀️but I still keep my distance from her. Is safer for my mental health and my feelings.
This is one of those times where you have to ask yourself, are thousands of people wrong, or am I right? Do what you want, but people will get sick of hearing about it when you won't do what you need to help yourself.
Good luck girl, I truly mean it. Just don't see the point in commenting when it's obvious you're only wanting certain comments (by seeing which comments are liked and which aren't).
As I’ve been reading comments, I remembered one thing she said in the video that has me a little concerned. She said something along the lines of “we only know what she shows and tells us on camera”. While that is very true, it has me worried she’ll either keep more of the things she knows we will disagree with out of videos or she’ll just stop uploading. Of course, she has every right to do these things, but it doesn’t mean they’re the right decisions.
Generally speaking, you’re gonna have an easier time hearing what you wanna hear. It takes time to actually accept that you can be wrong and it takes a lot of actual effort to change your mindset and go against what you feel is comfortable. I hope she follows this and does exactly that, but I’m genuinely worried that she may just get mad at us for telling her what she needs to hear and end up ignoring all the warnings.
Blaming everything on Cindy's BPD is in some ways convenient for both of them.
5 times!! FIVE TIMES!!!!!!!
Cindy I adore you and care for you but if he felt remorse at all he would have felt it the first time he cheated.
one time can be a mistake… FIVE TIMES IS A FUCKING CHOICE!!!!!!
I’ve been a silent viewer since you’ve been active on your sims channel and I’ve been here since your first vlog but this is the one thing I can’t stay quiet about. Please don’t take this as hate or me being mean but, he IS manipulating you whether he means to or doesn’t. He’s consistently bread-crumbing and, love-bombing you.
The first time this happened he put you on the verge of committing suicide, breadcrumbed you the entire time by teasing you with meeting up, having hour long conversations with you or just randomly showing up and then not talking to you for days??? Just to leave you hoping that he’ll maybe see it in his heart to come see you again??
Second time, he told you he did you a “favor” by giving you false hope of getting back together and starting over by moving back to Arkansas, he gave you all this love and all these promises, just to actually abandon you there. He ran away from you. He’s a coward. He cheated on you, several times and couldn’t even say it to your face. Then tells you he’s never going to talk to you again and leaves you devastated. Then a couple days later he’s back just like the first time to presumably do exactly what he did the first time but now he won’t feel guilty because well you already know about the cheating so if he ever cheats again he can say it’s all your fault because “you knew so you shouldn’t have taken me back knowing i might do it again.”
And this flower thing…….. he doesn’t talk to you for two days KNOWING you wanted to talk to him, KNOWING your mental health struggles and randomly sends that shit? He knows how much you used to rely on him and he misses that. He feels guilty. He did that for his own benefit, his own feel good, not yours.
I really hope this doesn’t come across as hateful. But what he did to you and continues to do is so gross. We really just want you to be happy Cindy and I’ll support you no matter what you decide to do. just trust your gut. ❤️
Cheaters don't change I'm convinced by that. Maybe if they seriously work on the issues that led them to cheat in the first place for several years, but otherwise no chance.
My dad was just like that, he started cheating when I was a child. My mum was unaware of that for several years as I was too uncomfortable telling her, because of our fucked up family dynamic. After I finally told her like 5 years ago she separted from him for a few months, but he did the same things that Andrew did, like sending flowers and saying things like "I will never do it again".
They soon came back together, although now living seperated. He never stop cheating until his death last year. He just became smarter about hiding it, that's all..
So glad you like the book Cindy! And the messages sure seemed right! Sending so much love!❤
❤ Thoughtful gift
I was in a very bad relationship when I was a teenager that spilled into my young adult life. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome. He would do a lot of the same things that Andrew is doing. Leading me along when we weren’t together because he knew I still loved him. I did get back with him many many times over the past 5 years. He would promise me all these things and how he would be a better boyfriend and change the things that hurt me. I believed him, so I would always get back together with him. He lied, he would never do those things. He would never change. And then I’d be back at square one, heartbroken all over again. I did this for years and it was so bad for my mental health. I haven’t spoken to him in over a year, and it has been incredibly healing for me. Sometimes cutting them off completely and ignoring them is the best thing to do. I’m telling you this because I see so much of myself in you when it comes to this and I just hope that you can fully heal from this. I love your videos and I’ve never wanted to see someone succeed more than you. I came for the sims but I stayed for Cindy ❤
Girl please dont be so naïve. He didnt change and he wont change if you take him back. You are slowly starting to excuse him for cheating on you. This is not good you will again lose everything you achieved. I want to believe that you are smarter and stronger than this, I know that you are so please dont fall for this. HE IS MANIPULATING YOU, this doesnt necessary needs to also mean that the is an evil person, but he still is toxic and apparently doesnt want to let you to move on without him
a candle is probably the only gift you can get that it's acceptable to say "I can't wait to burn it!" right afterwards 😂
Glad you go the candle you wanted!
Throw the flowers back into the earth. Let them go. Stop staring at them!
Tough times always make for scrambled brains and easy to forget or blur details together. "It was a beautiful day to haunt the world" is a wonderfully profound statement. It's hard to not feel like the world is just passing you by while you just remain /their/ when you're going through some tough things. But keep hanging onto that feeling that life will get better. Once you've hit what feels like the bottom there's only one way up from there. And even if life tries to make you feel like there's not then that's when we reach for some climbing shoes/picks. One day things will be fine. One day you will feel fine. One day you will wake up and not have those same feelings and worries.
But also thank you for sharing when you're out and about in the world. I've only ever been to arkansas for a short period of time in my life and I often forget how beautiful it was.
I’ve read quite a few comments that already say everything I want to say. I hope you take some of these words to heart but… At the end of the day you’re going to do whatever you think is best for yourself. I hope whatever that is brings you happiness. ❤