I am a Christian (haven’t always been) and I see Pete’s point and completely agree. I haven’t heard someone describe it so well, but that is exactly what it is. It’s hard to truly get to know people at church, because everyone is too busy out Christ-ing one another to just be themselves. Hanging out with a Christian for time I call “waiting to fart.” It’s where everyone is just waiting to see how human the other person is so you can act human too. It’s clucking exhausting.
emptyy elvis thanks my dude. Use it liberally! Luckily me and my wife attend a church that is more focused on the message of the Bible, and less focused on how people should act. Our Pastor is just as likely to break out and sing Bob Dylan as much as he is to sing some old hymn written in the Appalachian mountains. Yet, there are still some folks that act like they never fart and life isn’t meant to be fun.
#truth #Jesus is perfect because we are not. I would not attend a church that wasn’t focused on Jesus the gospel and working toward perfection while simultaneously accepting the fact we were made human. I also did not grow up Christian. Quit the opposite. I think the devil is just good at perverting things. Stay on the path my brother.
Vanadyan if i may. I have had to attend alot of churches in the past few years. I try not to judge as i realized i am not looking for the perfect church but the church that realizes we are not and never will be. Keep looking don’t settle God will put you where your supposed to be. Interestingly enough i just attended my second service today at a baptist church i really like. Who woulda guessed. #prayers
Holy water has nothing to do with Christianity. That is a roman catholic tradition and the stagnant holy water in them fonts at the front of catholic churches has been tested and contains a lot of bacteria, obviously. Catholicism is not Christianity. There, i ruined that joke.
@Clay Chiarelott The list of reasons is endless. Jesus said in Matthew 23:9 "And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven." But in catholicism they call every priest "father." The second commandment according to Exodus 20:4-6 is as follows, "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments." But catholicism has images and statues surrounding and filling every one of their buildings. 1Timothy 4:1-3 says "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron; Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." Priest of the catholic church are forbidden to marry and commanded to abstain from meats on Fridays during lent. It is not a coincidence that they are ignorant of what God's Word says and that they follow the same exact doctrine that God exposed as doctrine of devils. Catholicism is an establishment of man's traditions, not a Church of Christ. A Christian knows better than to pray to Mary and saints. Mary can not save one soul, Mary didn't die for anyone's sins. "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" -1 Timothy 2:5.
Joe Mcginnis all forms of Christianity stemmed from Catholicism. It is a type of Christianity. That’s not even up to debate in any academic or religious circles lol
Hi! Former minister here. There's a lot of very valid stuff in this video. I'm not going to follow that up with a "but..." and a bunch of religious-speak. There's just a LOT of VERY VALID stuff in this video.
I don't know why you thought the comment section for a 20 minute video going into painful detail over why Christan jokes suck ass was the ideal venue for you to regurgitate your own tepid joke anyone who has ever stepped foot in a church has heard at least twice, but hey, you do you
@@Wnick56 That's not a whoosh dipshit. He got the joke, he just thought it wasn't funny. People like you are the reason whooshing has been passé for years.
this episode gave me a new level of appreciation for Pete Holmes. The guy jsut gets it, and he has a very elegant way of expressing the complexity of christian hypocrisy
Yeah, being a Christian, I am more than aware that the general community of Christians is very... restrictive. It’s frankly very sad that there are so many intolerant people out there who wear the skin of Christians. I’m just relieved to say not all of em are like that
@@Nyx-03 Agree. The place I go and the fellow believers I know are all about being real, admitting our fears and weaknesses etc. I feel bad that Pete had such phony fellow believers around him that let him know it was ok to not be perfect.
His made-up joke set-ups are funnier than any of the Christian Jokes. I love his commentary here, and how as critical as he is, he's still coming at it from a compassionate perspective. I grew up very similar to Pete, and SO much about Christian culture makes me cringe so hard.
One of the hardest parts of Christian culture is that many, many, MANY people who call themselves Christians are not a Christian at all. I knew more than one child molester at my church growing up. More than one dude... and every one of them had the same thing in common. They were terrified that they were going to go to hell. So what did they do? Go to church on Sundays, call themselves a Christian, molest their children the other 6 days of the week. Those guys aren't Christians. They aren't good people. They're evil. They're the evilest of evil. And they're the ones who go around telling everyone that they're a Christian. An actual Christian and lover of Christ you should know by their actions, not because they tell you.
I found Jesus on my own and I always get creepy vibes from the " Christian culture " too friendly, like it's forced. And these are the goody two shoes I normally avoid.
@@noeeon9910Where was he? I looked for a couple of decades, and I swear I checked EVERYWHERE! ...at least twice, _and_ with help, but you come along and find him on your own. You're making the rest of us look bad! Sorry, not sorry - I couldn't help myself. Cheers.😁🍻
I think Peter Holmes just touched my soul in a very uncomfortable way and put into words something I have spent 10 years trying to figure out? I don't know how I feel about this.
This is a good joke: BILL HICKS: CROSS JEWELRY A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a cross? That's kinda like going up to Jackie Kennedy Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
Jackie Kennedy didn't die from a rifle. In the case of the cross it's what it represents; Jesus' death > Resurrection > etc.... I don't think He would mind if people actually wear it to remember why he died. Fr. For those frontin with it on that's another story. For people that think Jesus would be simple minded and only think 'the cross is where I was killed' and not have a thought beyond that I think could gain more understanding reading through one of the Gospels.
That is a reworked joke- I heard it from Lenny Bruce. He said if Jesus was shot, would Christians were pistols around their necks? This joke totally changed my mind about using the cross as a symbol . Truly brilliant logic- and so obvious once you see it!
I've been a fan of Pete Holmes for a while now, but this interview solidifies all of the reasons why. This interview shows him in a casual light, unrehearsed, just telling us the reasons of his comedy and performance are LOVE and MOTIVATION. This is why I will continue to support him in my ways possible. It is a blessing that an entertainer with these type of good intentions can grace us!
Being Christian is about following Christ's teachings. Christ dined with prostitutes, tax collectors, etc. He never pretended ugliness doesn't exist, or stayed away from it. The opposite. Norm Macdonald was a fantastic Christian comedian, especially on his show. He made edgy jokes with foul language that wasn't mean to people and I think often poked fun at bitterness.
Pete Holmes is legit one of the most thought-provoking comedians working today. I have yet to see a clip from him where I wasn't floored by his humor, timing, and just outright humanity.
I liked him on the platfrom especially because Tom was really smitten with Pete and egged him on it a good way to further bits. You can tell Tom loves windows into peoples lives
The one bit he has on one of his albums where he's talking about how nothing makes sense makes so much sense to me lol. It's exactly how I view religions. Like, no matter how much you believe no one will ever know what tf is going on, so why worry about it.
Idk who he is but he seems very likeable, relatable, and just truly authentic. He had a lot of perspective to offer up that was indeed intriguing and thought-provoking. Man's rivers run deep for sure!
So a guy cracks a wise one suddenly he's the best thing since sliced bread? Lot's of people make jokes, many of whom don't have the problem of having to preface everything with a trigger warning the way this apologist does constantly.
I will remember this joke for the rest of my life. Thank you for giving me this gift of blessed holiness. I can’t wait to tell this joke over and over again.
Pete Holmes is probably one of the most underrated comedians ever! Brilliant is an understatement of how good his show was! I did not know this about his personal past and what incredible insightful thoughts on this subject he had. Well done man!
@@nvlarcht wait... hear a real orgasm? I'd say 99% of the girls I've been with went super quite leading up to the orgasm, and half were quite during the orgasm. I'd say you more feel an orgasm than hear it.
@Carlos Rodriguez Don't you think most atheists have a better understanding of believers than vice versa? Especially in the US where most atheists were born into religion...
@Carlos Rodriguez You didn't specify 'born-again' in your original comment but I see where you are coming from. Even then, I still feel that most atheists have a better understanding of the born-again mindset than vice versa. It ticks a lot of the cult boxes after all... Edit: I should also add that while atheists see religions as having some similarities we are aware of the differences as well. Most atheists look down on Islam and christianity especially due to the harm they cause though other religions are certainly capable of causing harm as well. I've noticed that born-again Christians tend to be the loudest and most hateful anti-abortionists, and I've always assumed this was because they feel that they have more to prove plus a number of points Pete Holmes made.
@Carlos Rodriguez It was just a factual description. Christianity is literally a doomsday cult as it satisfies many of the criteria of being a cult (believes the world is going to end, etc.). Born-again believers tend to double down on the behavior that is the most cultish. I know it can be difficult to hear that as 'cult' has a fairly negative connotation but it can also be used objectively. I'd be interested if you have any research or evidence you can point to, but the born again Christians I've met could most accurately be described as lapsed Christians. I don't know of any outspoken atheists that have become born again but there are countless priests who have become atheists. What I'm trying to say is that I don't think any strong atheists have become born again. I say this from the experience of talking to any born again Christians and almost all of them had no idea about common atheistic beliefs. A surprisingly large percentage of them claimed atheism was just about wanting to disobey god/ wanting to be immoral (which couldn't be further from the truth).
I'm not gonna lie that bathsheba joke had me in tears because it just brought back memories of all the times the preacher cracked corny jokes. I always say the irony of Christianity is that Jesus was a rock star of his time who literally sought out the worst of society and mingled with them. He didn't judge them or tell them they were horrible he even defended them from others.
He didn’t accept their actions though. He told them they needed to repent. He didn’t surround himself with sinners because he condoned their actions, but he wanted them to change
Genuine, immutable bliss. Those are the only words that can describe the feeling your words have delivered unto me in this moment. Except now I have to find compelling reasons to NOT do it.
Goofy comedians are rarely stupid people. If you want to spot the dumb comedians, look for the ones who try to present themselves as intelligent, like Tom segura.
I have been a Christian since I was a child, Im 45 now. I take the bible seriously. I question everything. And I love comedy! I love Pete Holmes, especially the batman stuff, or ProfessorX bits where he fires the Xmen. I love Bill Burr. I love watching Kill Tony will all their good and bad amateur comedians. I can quote so many lines from great comedians. My coworkers laugh every time I start a story with, one time I heard this comedian say... I am a REAL PERSON! I am not FAKE! Jesus was a real person, and not fake too! But church people are so incredibly fake, itś so off putting. They are some of the biggest reasons people avoid Jesus, and itś so bass'ackwards from how it should be. Keep on doing what you do, Petey! You are awesome! And do you really think God doesn´t love some Metallica, of course He does, everyone loves Metallica! Even if Jesus really is tone'deaf, He loves some enter sandman!
"X the devil out of it" is also a real thing that people say, so the current version of the joke isn't wrong. Also it doesn't matter because they both suck.
I have family that’s “super religious” and a cousin that whispers when he talks about drinking ginger beer. GINGER BEER! The thought process is amazing. You believe Jesus turned water into wine, God knows all and is always watching but if you whisper then ur getting away with something Jesus would call you a dork for.
My dad was a pastor and used to tell us Christian jokes. Ex. Did you know they had cars in the Bible days? It says the disciples were all in one Accord. It also says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury. Why did circumcisers have so much in the Bible days? They got to keep all the tips. (This was considered off color) Yeah.
A few Christian jokes I actually like: Jesus says "Those who live by the sword, die by the sword." I think we can take His word for it; I mean He was a carpenter who died being nailed to a piece of wood. Nobody ever talks about Jesus's miracle of having twelve close friends in His thirties! Jesus told John to come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and received a toaster. And by the way, the holy water one was a butchering from the original mediocre punchline: you boil the hell out of it! (But 'oh no! You can't say hell!' 🙄)
And that's the rub. A Christian joke that's dirty or mocks Christianity isn't a Christian joke. For example: Jesus was popular with the ladies because he was hung like *this* (stretching your arms out) Or another: Even Jesus in the desert said three times, get behind me Satan.
I grew up going to church and I can tell you exactly how the bored kid got roped into that. He was the funny one in the youth group and the yanked him in for this filming because they figured he'd get a real kick out of it. I was one of the funny kids, and I drew all the time and I got pulled into crap like this all the time. Pete's a hundred percent right about the whole shame and not being able to have doubts, or a life, when you're in that lifestyle. I remember just having doubts about my faith and just asking my youth pastor "how do you know? How can you take something on faith alone?" And I remember him telling me if I didn't know, then maybe I didn't belong in his church. Real great mentoring there chief. Another example I remember is one of my good friends at the time was the leader of the youth praise brand, he was out of high school, he was seeing this woman. She was one of the, I don't knpw what they called them, chaperones I guess. But they had to come forward and apologize to the entire youth group for their "inappropriate" relationship, like any of us gave a damn. They were both consenting adults, nobody knew they were sleeping together, I did, but that was because I was their friend, but I guess some parent saw them kissing in the parking lot instead of being in the service and went and tattled on them. It was no one's business what they did behind closed doors, or when they were alone. It was ridiculous. I stopped going so regularly after that. It's crazy how Christians so often will eat their own. And before anybody jumps in, I don't want to hear the whole rant that every body goes on about religion and specifically Christianity. I'm not inviting that. Frankly, I see it as just another form of proselytizing and I already bowed out of one version of that, I don't need the other. Sorry for the rant.
Very late to this comment. I just wanted to say, I am an atheist, and that hurt hearing about how your pastor let you down like that. I'm ok with other people having faith, but I cannot stand how the structured part of Christianity is so far from who Jesus was. The man went to the beaten, broken, and sinners, and became their friends. Not as things to be pitied, but to be treated as equals.
You are talking about a surface level christianity. People who tell you, you can't have doubts, you must act a certain way. But we are human. we must admit that, submit to the will of God, die to self, become Christlike. When this path is honestly followed, and not given lip service to, to impress others, things begin to change. When you're praying for what God wants for you, not what you want from God, little by little you will begin to see the power of God. You will see miracles. And it will come at a terrible cost too you. Thats the dying to self. It is difficult. It is emotionally wrenching to turn your back on your innate will for comfort and getting things your way and even for your very life. John 15:13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. If you want to see the power of God all you have to do ask and do. But don't ask your pastor ... well, you can ask you pastor.... but you need to ask God. If you are honest with youself and Him, He will answer. Hebrrws 11:6 Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
And that's why churches are really gambling halls where the house always wins. Try complaining at a casino that THE GAMES ARE RIGGED Make friends with the asphalt Be a theologian
I remember gonna to a Superbowl party at my church and I was super excited and then after we started watching it they turned the TV off during the commercials because they show beer ads,I left very quickly.i hate how many Christians hide their head in the sand like we don't see that stuff at home,the world is a tough place and you can't hide from evil no matter what.
Another Christian here agreeing with Pete's very well put point. There shouldn't be two different experiences, and we shouldn't be so uptight and segregated from the rest of the culture. Bill Burr is my favorite and I encourage others to check him out with an OPEN mind. They're just jokes ppl.
jackson girardeau Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving - Ephesians 5:4 You’re going to hell, buddy.
@@Quaquadaqu I think Burr does it to bring joy which matters and builds others up which would be a Christian principle although I know he has stated he is not a Christian. That passage is also talking about one's own speech, not a third party. Christians are called to speak the truth in love. Telling someone they are going to hell because they like a comic misses the entire purpose of that chapter of the bible btw
@@Quaquadaqu if you truly believe someone is going to hell for cussing, you're a fucking idiot. You shouldn't take a book that was written second hand, translated and rewritten hundreds of times as literal word for word on how to live your life and pass judgement on others. - Josh 1: 19
i can't believe how insightful his views were. comedians are truly modern philosophers in disguise. the bit about people "seeing the fruits" of that connection and "pretending they have it"... ive never heard a more accurate assessment of the self righteousness found in some religious communities (across all faiths, as well).
Loved Pete Holmes' comedy for awhile but never knew about his Christian upbringing, I was also raised Christian (Lutheran, no longer practicing) and appreciated the hell out of what he's saying here. Good shit
One told us not to have any images that are idols, the other is an image of an idol. True Christians that are not decieved do not accept that picture of that long haired hippy that people say is Jesus. It is idolatry.
@David Ortiz your really showing your ignorance here. Jews have written record of Jesus, who they had put to death on the cross, in the Talmud. You live in 2019 A.D., do you think the world is 2019 years old? 2019 years from what? Ignorance is not equal to stupidity, so i am not calling you stupid. It would be like calling a first grader stupid because they dont know algebra, when in fact they are juat ignorant because they never studied algebra. So when they see 9+X=18, they just think the person that wrote it is stupid to think they can add numbers and letters. You are just like that first grader to me. I just really hope you do your homework and learn the truth about the things that you insult people for knowing.
@@villanelle529 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, LOVERS OF PLEASURES more than lovers of God - 2Timothy 3:1-4. So your response doesn't surprise me. Many people think giving short time pleasure to their bodies will somehow "heal" their sorrows or depressions or help them unwind. I have come to the knowledge and understanding that a "quick fix" is not a good fix. Jesus, aka the Word of God, is a more permanent "fix." Not many will accept this truth; but to those who do, He will heal them and give them true life, that is not of this world. No more trying to find fulfillment in life by sexual pleasure or drunkenness or material posessions or by being liked by people. I no longer have the burden of trying to make sure i don't offend people, no more feeling bad about using a female for my own pleasure, no more spending money on material things that i think will impress others or bring me short lived happiness. Jesus changed my heart, which in turn changes my look on life and how i should live it. It is not problem-free, but i would never exchange my current way of living life with my past ways. Jesus gives a very different and longer lasting joy than sex ever could. I pray that you find that joy in your life. God Bless You!
@David Ortiz No. I think you mean "were my ancestors form from the dust of the earth?" To that my answer is "Yes. In the image of our God, my oldest ancestor was formed."
Picture of Jesus on the cross from the waist up, captioned "Jesus loves you this much". This was an actual Church's sign for a very long time, I think it still is. Always makes me chuckle
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth” I swear that bit from proverbs is telling you to jerk it as much as you want just don’t sleep with someone until you find your other half.
I couldn't tell you, I was in a motel in Cody Wyoming, all I remember was Bringham young in the channel title, the whole channel was mormon rip offs of TV shows people would know
As an ex-Christian (raised into it and left around 20 years of age), this video hits so close to home that I cant stop watching. It sums up how the original intentions of the following's founders is so likely skewed by this point that it's basically nonsense. Would love if you had him on again!
You may have just not been around the right people. There are absolutely churches filled with people who are self righteous and twisting things for their own benefit, but there are many churches filled with wonderful people who just want to share the gospel and use the original text as their guide.
Pete's right though. The problem with most religions is that for some reason you're told to suppress your most human of needs, instincts etc. When it's not possible. It's not healthy or safe for men to not regularly empty some built up testosterone. Like not even that far though. Look at the kids trying to tell jokes. They arnt laughing or having fun because they realize the absurdity but ate afraid to not be chastised or published for it and that's wrong. ESPECIALLY! Since religion isn't like, real. Not in the faith sense but on a tangible one. People being abused or published over shit you can't quantify or is really tangible is absurd to me. Imagine being punished because you don't know the paragraph on page 79 in dealthy hollows, like excuse me fam? No thank you. My friend Ryan growing up was forced to be a catholic right. Ryan's a creepy adult now.
I was raised in a church like this...anything not of the church was called "worldly". There were very few outings the youth had that were truely fun. The most fun we would have was when a group broke away to break the church rule...aka being normal teenagers!😂
@@XenoTravis I got into you made it weird hardcore for the first two years or so and I felt a drop in quality so I stopped for a while, just sayin this reminds me why I like him
@@MidwesternFilthMixes He said a couple cringy things, but mostly took Norton's side. He was stuck in an argument between his boss and another one of his peers. Seemed like he was mostly trying to stay neutral and out of it. When you're an adult you'll understand there are situations where it's in your best interest to not stand on a soap box shouting your beliefs. Sometimes you do what you can to smooth over a situation and have it end. Not every single argument is a good point at which to make your stand. Learn to pick your battles and maybe someday you'll be successful like Pete. Judd was the one who was a real douchebag, but that's normal for Judd. Not sure why people were upset at Judd being Judd.
Pete is such a class act. I love Tom and Christina, but they're fixated on teasing the kids in this video and making fun of how they're dressed. Pete is on another level. The tragedy is much broader than these kids. The fact that he's got such good patter with T+C but also hangs onto his bigger point makes me respect him.
This is wild. Pete is interesting cause he’s all over the comedy world but I feel like he’s still so criminally underrated. Nice Try, The Devil is one of the funniest albums I’ve ever heard
Christina's vitriolic comments about their apperance and Tom's halfheartedly calling these kids nerds are a bit heartbreaking. They are teens. Teens hates everything mandatory, and this whole joke vid screams "fun youth pastor activity!!!". Pete was really on point though!
I met Pete Holmes in a room full of comedians. We were close up face to face for about 5 seconds. Without knowing anything about him, in that moment, I got an impression that he was like a close friend of mine - and in this video, with these insights - I see how true that impression was/is.
Re: sacred raisin cakes, that’s a reference to Ashera - baking cakes for the goddess Ashera was a fertility ritual. “…they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”
Wow, didn't know about Pete's past in the church. Growing up I felt the exact same way about the fakeness and hypocrisy. I wouldn't have left if people had been more honest like this
I mean Idk if they could be more honest, religion is by its nature based on deception and manipulation, that not to accuse ppl of the church of intentionally lying, it could be self deception as well
I picture the kids in this video hearing that, and having like a genuine kind of confused innocence going "wait... I don't get it". I feel so bad for them, what do they look to be, maybe 16, on average? They've obviously known nothing but the total deep end of that world from their parents since the moment they could talk.
Pete Holmes is a great example of someone with a healthy and forward moving relationship with religion. If we had more people like this, we'd be in a better spot for sure.
I already like Pete Holmes, but this is like a really respectable interview. I really enjoy George Carlin's style of cynical atheism after falling hard out of catholicism, but I respect that Pete is still like an atheist in a Christian's body and Christianity is like an ex who cheated on him, but he's still cordial with.
I would absolutely love to spend a few hours just talking with him about my youth in southern Baptist churches and getting picked on for not having a regular hair style, or the way they acted like it didn’t matter what you wore to church as long as you where going but what they really meant is for the next 4 hours prepare for anyone over 25 to give you the Holier-than-thou looks and get the rest actually talking shit. I had jeans and a polo shirt on and it was the nicest clothes I had. I was a 12yr old going to church solo and unprompted… and that’s when I learned that I would rather pray in the dark in my bedroom than take the one dollar I manage to save from skipping lunch one day at school and eat that day than give a church that revolves around the need for Money.
I am a Christian (haven’t always been) and I see Pete’s point and completely agree. I haven’t heard someone describe it so well, but that is exactly what it is. It’s hard to truly get to know people at church, because everyone is too busy out Christ-ing one another to just be themselves.
Hanging out with a Christian for time I call “waiting to fart.” It’s where everyone is just waiting to see how human the other person is so you can act human too.
It’s clucking exhausting.
Brian Eels well said I’m using this
emptyy elvis thanks my dude. Use it liberally!
Luckily me and my wife attend a church that is more focused on the message of the Bible, and less focused on how people should act. Our
Pastor is just as likely to break out and sing Bob Dylan as much as he is to sing some old hymn written in the Appalachian mountains.
Yet, there are still some folks that act like they never fart and life isn’t meant to be fun.
#truth #Jesus is perfect because we are not. I would not attend a church that wasn’t focused on Jesus the gospel and working toward perfection while simultaneously accepting the fact we were made human. I also did not grow up Christian. Quit the opposite. I think the devil is just good at perverting things. Stay on the path my brother.
Vanadyan if i may. I have had to attend alot of churches in the past few years. I try not to judge as i realized i am not looking for the perfect church but the church that realizes we are not and never will be. Keep looking don’t settle God will put you where your supposed to be. Interestingly enough i just attended my second service today at a baptist church i really like. Who woulda guessed. #prayers
fucking exhausting*
The funniest part of the holy water joke is that it's supposed to be "boil the hell out of it" but that was too edgy so they cleaned it up. 🤣
I bet the card said boil the hell out of it, and the kid changed it on the fly.
The worst part is that, by removing the word "hell", you completely destroy the pun. The joke doesn't work anymore.
Yes, but that really doesn't save it.
Shoulda said "heck" instead. I could see Ned Flanders saying that
was looking for this comment
One of my favorite Hank Hill lines is from the Christian rock episode: “You’re not making Christianity better, you’re making rock n roll worse!”
Love that line. I use it whenever I can.
The exodus quote from that show is pretty good too. m.th-cam.com/video/8AANFNECBg0/w-d-xo.html
I just sent this to my church. This is such a valuable gem of a video.
I like South Park’s “You don’t know anything about Christianity, Cartman! … I know enough to exploit it like Creed!”
He actually said "you're not making the Bible better, you're making music worse". But yes, that's the best line ever lol
"How many lollipops can you lick before a Jew goes to hell" no punchline needed, I laughed way too hard.
I almost choked to death
17
Just that set up is better than any of the christian jokes' punchlines
We all did.
666
"You're going to tell me the mysteries of the universe and you don't know that this joke doesn't work?!"
"How do you make holy water?"
"Boil the hell out of it."
How do you ruin that joke?!
Because they can't say Hell. Its a swear.
Holy water has nothing to do with Christianity. That is a roman catholic tradition and the stagnant holy water in them fonts at the front of catholic churches has been tested and contains a lot of bacteria, obviously. Catholicism is not Christianity. There, i ruined that joke.
@Clay Chiarelott The list of reasons is endless.
Jesus said in Matthew 23:9 "And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven." But in catholicism they call every priest "father."
The second commandment according to Exodus 20:4-6 is as follows, "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments." But catholicism has images and statues surrounding and filling every one of their buildings.
1Timothy 4:1-3 says "Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron;
Forbidding to marry, and commanding to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving of them which believe and know the truth." Priest of the catholic church are forbidden to marry and commanded to abstain from meats on Fridays during lent. It is not a coincidence that they are ignorant of what God's Word says and that they follow the same exact doctrine that God exposed as doctrine of devils. Catholicism is an establishment of man's traditions, not a Church of Christ. A Christian knows better than to pray to Mary and saints. Mary can not save one soul, Mary didn't die for anyone's sins. "For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus" -1 Timothy 2:5.
@@seamussouleater wouldn't the correct term be "cuss", because apparently the word "curse" is also banned for no reason?
Joe Mcginnis all forms of Christianity stemmed from Catholicism. It is a type of Christianity. That’s not even up to debate in any academic or religious circles lol
Hi! Former minister here. There's a lot of very valid stuff in this video. I'm not going to follow that up with a "but..." and a bunch of religious-speak. There's just a LOT of VERY VALID stuff in this video.
Derek Brink
Why “former minister”? What’d you do you?
@@negativeindustrial woke up
@@negativeindustrial He probably figured out that it was a nonsense cult.
@@swagmonster7 Naw, you don't get kicked out for that.
This comment, your picture, and even your videos, you truly are the walking embodiment of reddit
Jesus had a Honda, but didn't talk about it. "He did not speak of his own Accord".
Dustin Smith fucking booooooo
I don't know why you thought the comment section for a 20 minute video going into painful detail over why Christan jokes suck ass was the ideal venue for you to regurgitate your own tepid joke anyone who has ever stepped foot in a church has heard at least twice, but hey, you do you
@@WilliamMurphy-wp79 whoosh
@@Wnick56 That's not a whoosh dipshit. He got the joke, he just thought it wasn't funny. People like you are the reason whooshing has been passé for years.
Jesus built my hot rod.
this episode gave me a new level of appreciation for Pete Holmes. The guy jsut gets it, and he has a very elegant way of expressing the complexity of christian hypocrisy
Pete Holmes is soooo articulate. and he speaks so clear with so much passion. I love it
Best sermon I've heard in years
Pete Holmes’ take on Christianity is so insightful. Definitely bring him back on soon please
As a believer, I wish more Christians would listen to this clip. So good.
Yeah, being a Christian, I am more than aware that the general community of Christians is very... restrictive. It’s frankly very sad that there are so many intolerant people out there who wear the skin of Christians. I’m just relieved to say not all of em are like that
@@Nyx-03 Agree. The place I go and the fellow believers I know are all about being real, admitting our fears and weaknesses etc. I feel bad that Pete had such phony fellow believers around him that let him know it was ok to not be perfect.
He enlightened me. Now I know that there's a scripture in the Bible that tells you to do butt stuff with your wife
Nice try Pete
Also, "what do you call a vampire with hay fever ?" The punchline should have been Nosferachoo.
That's great
Still a corny wordplay, but better than pollen count. 👍🏼
Count blessyoula
At least I smiled. More than what I got from the fun suckers.
Youth pastor didn't want anyone to go looking up what that word meant
I fucking love Pete! He's so wholesome and angry!
His made-up joke set-ups are funnier than any of the Christian Jokes. I love his commentary here, and how as critical as he is, he's still coming at it from a compassionate perspective. I grew up very similar to Pete, and SO much about Christian culture makes me cringe so hard.
You're right about his jokes. But even if the jokes sucked, his aww shucks doofus preacher voice would still be hilarious on it's own
One of the hardest parts of Christian culture is that many, many, MANY people who call themselves Christians are not a Christian at all.
I knew more than one child molester at my church growing up. More than one dude... and every one of them had the same thing in common. They were terrified that they were going to go to hell. So what did they do? Go to church on Sundays, call themselves a Christian, molest their children the other 6 days of the week.
Those guys aren't Christians. They aren't good people. They're evil. They're the evilest of evil. And they're the ones who go around telling everyone that they're a Christian.
An actual Christian and lover of Christ you should know by their actions, not because they tell you.
I found Jesus on my own and I always get creepy vibes from the " Christian culture " too friendly, like it's forced. And these are the goody two shoes I normally avoid.
@@noeeon9910Where was he? I looked for a couple of decades, and I swear I checked EVERYWHERE! ...at least twice, _and_ with help, but you come along and find him on your own. You're making the rest of us look bad!
Sorry, not sorry - I couldn't help myself. Cheers.😁🍻
@@FakingANerve Is this an example of cringe Christian comedy?
I think Peter Holmes just touched my soul in a very uncomfortable way and put into words something I have spent 10 years trying to figure out? I don't know how I feel about this.
Listen to You Made it Weird with pete holmes
thanks bro!
You're not the only one. Do with that information, what you will.
just to tag on to purityctrl. check out the episodes with rob bell and peter rollins.
Pete Holmes is the antithesis of comedy and goodness. he's a fucking disgrace
This is a good joke:
BILL HICKS: CROSS JEWELRY
A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a cross? That's kinda like going up to Jackie Kennedy Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
Jackie Kennedy didn't die from a rifle.
In the case of the cross it's what it represents; Jesus' death > Resurrection > etc.... I don't think He would mind if people actually wear it to remember why he died. Fr. For those frontin with it on that's another story. For people that think Jesus would be simple minded and only think 'the cross is where I was killed' and not have a thought beyond that I think could gain more understanding reading through one of the Gospels.
That’s a really shitty joke. Maybe worse than than the car painter joke.
You guys have shit humor lmao that Bill Hicks joke is hilarious.
That is a reworked joke- I heard it from Lenny Bruce. He said if Jesus was shot, would Christians were pistols around their necks? This joke totally changed my mind about using the cross as a symbol . Truly brilliant logic- and so obvious once you see it!
The cross didn’t kill Jesus the Jews did. So it doesn’t even make sense as a joke.
I've been a fan of Pete Holmes for a while now, but this interview solidifies all of the reasons why. This interview shows him in a casual light, unrehearsed, just telling us the reasons of his comedy and performance are LOVE and MOTIVATION. This is why I will continue to support him in my ways possible. It is a blessing that an entertainer with these type of good intentions can grace us!
Couldn't have put it better myself. To me, this is where Pete Holmes thrives. I fucking love that Golden Retriever looking SOB.
Watching this is 2022 and I completely agree with your take.
I used to listen to Pete’s “You Made it Weird” podcast. I stopped when I no longer commuted to work. I need to listen again.
Being Christian is about following Christ's teachings. Christ dined with prostitutes, tax collectors, etc. He never pretended ugliness doesn't exist, or stayed away from it. The opposite.
Norm Macdonald was a fantastic Christian comedian, especially on his show. He made edgy jokes with foul language that wasn't mean to people and I think often poked fun at bitterness.
As a non believer, I agree
Haven't heard Pete Holmes in a while. Such a great dude
Pete Holmes is legit one of the most thought-provoking comedians working today. I have yet to see a clip from him where I wasn't floored by his humor, timing, and just outright humanity.
Have you watched Crashing? It’s so good.
I liked him on the platfrom especially because Tom was really smitten with Pete and egged him on it a good way to further bits. You can tell Tom loves windows into peoples lives
The one bit he has on one of his albums where he's talking about how nothing makes sense makes so much sense to me lol. It's exactly how I view religions. Like, no matter how much you believe no one will ever know what tf is going on, so why worry about it.
Idk who he is but he seems very likeable, relatable, and just truly authentic. He had a lot of perspective to offer up that was indeed intriguing and thought-provoking. Man's rivers run deep for sure!
So a guy cracks a wise one suddenly he's the best thing since sliced bread? Lot's of people make jokes, many of whom don't have the problem of having to preface everything with a trigger warning the way this apologist does constantly.
My favorite part is at the end when Tom admits he gets pegged by his wife. Good for you Tom.
Joel Sterling my lungs hurt from that j joke
Ole Tommy Bunz, and his sacred raisin cake.
PEGAsus, babayyy
from his jokes on his specials, he expressed this a looooooong time ago.
Isn't he just saying he wants her to peg him. Not that she currently does.
Why do women love Jesus?
Because he was hung like this
(Spreads out arms)
Stamper
I will remember this joke for the rest of my life. Thank you for giving me this gift of blessed holiness. I can’t wait to tell this joke over and over again.
Oh my 😄😆😅😂
this joke shocked and violated me the first time I heard it.
That's stampers joke
"you're here to tell me the mysteries of the universe, and you dont know this joke ain't gonna work?" Fucking love this guy
Pete Holmes is probably one of the most underrated comedians ever! Brilliant is an understatement of how good his show was! I did not know this about his personal past and what incredible insightful thoughts on this subject he had. Well done man!
I feel like Pete Holmes would be an expert by now at spotting fake orgasms.
You gotta hear a real one for reference first
Very underrated joke
bang bang!!
shots fuckin fired
@@nvlarcht wait... hear a real orgasm?
I'd say 99% of the girls I've been with went super quite leading up to the orgasm, and half were quite during the orgasm. I'd say you more feel an orgasm than hear it.
Respect for Pete Holmes increased quite a bit.
same, that's a refreshing perspective on spirituality within an organization, makes you think
@Carlos Rodriguez Don't you think most atheists have a better understanding of believers than vice versa? Especially in the US where most atheists were born into religion...
@Carlos Rodriguez He is very honest.
@Carlos Rodriguez You didn't specify 'born-again' in your original comment but I see where you are coming from. Even then, I still feel that most atheists have a better understanding of the born-again mindset than vice versa. It ticks a lot of the cult boxes after all...
Edit: I should also add that while atheists see religions as having some similarities we are aware of the differences as well. Most atheists look down on Islam and christianity especially due to the harm they cause though other religions are certainly capable of causing harm as well.
I've noticed that born-again Christians tend to be the loudest and most hateful anti-abortionists, and I've always assumed this was because they feel that they have more to prove plus a number of points Pete Holmes made.
@Carlos Rodriguez It was just a factual description. Christianity is literally a doomsday cult as it satisfies many of the criteria of being a cult (believes the world is going to end, etc.). Born-again believers tend to double down on the behavior that is the most cultish. I know it can be difficult to hear that as 'cult' has a fairly negative connotation but it can also be used objectively.
I'd be interested if you have any research or evidence you can point to, but the born again Christians I've met could most accurately be described as lapsed Christians. I don't know of any outspoken atheists that have become born again but there are countless priests who have become atheists.
What I'm trying to say is that I don't think any strong atheists have become born again. I say this from the experience of talking to any born again Christians and almost all of them had no idea about common atheistic beliefs. A surprisingly large percentage of them claimed atheism was just about wanting to disobey god/ wanting to be immoral (which couldn't be further from the truth).
I'm not gonna lie that bathsheba joke had me in tears because it just brought back memories of all the times the preacher cracked corny jokes. I always say the irony of Christianity is that Jesus was a rock star of his time who literally sought out the worst of society and mingled with them. He didn't judge them or tell them they were horrible he even defended them from others.
"Took a little peek-a-boo?" 👀
He didn’t accept their actions though. He told them they needed to repent. He didn’t surround himself with sinners because he condoned their actions, but he wanted them to change
"He didn't judge them" Have you read the Gospel?
“How many lollipops can you lick before a Jew goes to hell?” Jfc man that killed me 😂😂😂😂
I have fantasies about forcing certain family members to watch this clip Clockwork Orange style
I CAN'T CLOSE ME GLASSES
@@flyingardilla143 glazzies
Genuine, immutable bliss. Those are the only words that can describe the feeling your words have delivered unto me in this moment. Except now I have to find compelling reasons to NOT do it.
stopped reading 9 words into your comment, I think I got the gist
I also got the jizz of it
20:41 “me threither” from Tom goes unnoticed and I feel like it deserves more recognition 😂 he looks around like “anything?”
Can we just stop for a second and appreciate how incredibly intelligent Pete Holmes is... dude is a goofy comedian, but is NOT a moron. Wow
That's how it goes. Intelligent comedians can play the fool well, and often did.
Cringe
Goofy comedians are rarely stupid people. If you want to spot the dumb comedians, look for the ones who try to present themselves as intelligent, like Tom segura.
Everything breaks Pete's heart.
It's sad to see idiots all around you haha
I have been a Christian since I was a child, Im 45 now. I take the bible seriously. I question everything. And I love comedy! I love Pete Holmes, especially the batman stuff, or ProfessorX bits where he fires the Xmen. I love Bill Burr. I love watching Kill Tony will all their good and bad amateur comedians. I can quote so many lines from great comedians. My coworkers laugh every time I start a story with, one time I heard this comedian say...
I am a REAL PERSON! I am not FAKE! Jesus was a real person, and not fake too!
But church people are so incredibly fake, itś so off putting. They are some of the biggest reasons people avoid Jesus, and itś so bass'ackwards from how it should be.
Keep on doing what you do, Petey! You are awesome!
And do you really think God doesn´t love some Metallica, of course He does, everyone loves Metallica! Even if Jesus really is tone'deaf, He loves some enter sandman!
The punchline for "Dracula with hay fever" should have been Nosfer-achoo
That's not even the same vampire and it still makes more sense.
"Because they were Cluckin' around?" I laughed too hard at that
Ch4RL13 Ch4LK I thought the chicken joke was going to end with “playing with their cocks”
20:41
Tom's disappointment in saying "Me three-ther" then cutting his eyes at Christina
It's boil the HELL out of it. Still a bad joke, but they could at least get the bad joke right lol
right. it literally doesn't work without the word hell. The word has to be in the bible somewhere, why can't they say it?
You arent allowed to say H-E-Double Hockey Sticks.
@@Brismo7 that's fucking stupid as shit
"X the devil out of it" is also a real thing that people say, so the current version of the joke isn't wrong. Also it doesn't matter because they both suck.
Wait really? they say Hell in my church and in ccd too lol thats fucking weird
Pete's fake laugh freaking slays me.
Dude is fantastic.
I have family that’s “super religious” and a cousin that whispers when he talks about drinking ginger beer. GINGER BEER! The thought process is amazing. You believe Jesus turned water into wine, God knows all and is always watching but if you whisper then ur getting away with something Jesus would call you a dork for.
My dad was a pastor and used to tell us Christian jokes. Ex.
Did you know they had cars in the Bible days? It says the disciples were all in one Accord. It also says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in his Fury.
Why did circumcisers have so much in the Bible days? They got to keep all the tips. (This was considered off color)
Yeah.
I smirked.
Those sound like regular dad jokes with religious themes
I chortled.
was he the BTK killer?
Which of the disciples was best at basketball?
Peter. He denied Jesus three times.
A few Christian jokes I actually like:
Jesus says "Those who live by the sword, die by the sword."
I think we can take His word for it; I mean He was a carpenter who died being nailed to a piece of wood.
Nobody ever talks about Jesus's miracle of having twelve close friends in His thirties!
Jesus told John to come forth and receive eternal life.
But John came fifth and received a toaster.
And by the way, the holy water one was a butchering from the original mediocre punchline: you boil the hell out of it! (But 'oh no! You can't say hell!' 🙄)
lol preach!
The person making the video wouldn't let them say Hell...
And that's the rub. A Christian joke that's dirty or mocks Christianity isn't a Christian joke. For example: Jesus was popular with the ladies because he was hung like *this* (stretching your arms out)
Or another: Even Jesus in the desert said three times, get behind me Satan.
there's gotta be a joke of "even Jesus couldn't absolve the sins of these things" to be had in there somewhere...
I grew up going to church and I can tell you exactly how the bored kid got roped into that. He was the funny one in the youth group and the yanked him in for this filming because they figured he'd get a real kick out of it. I was one of the funny kids, and I drew all the time and I got pulled into crap like this all the time.
Pete's a hundred percent right about the whole shame and not being able to have doubts, or a life, when you're in that lifestyle. I remember just having doubts about my faith and just asking my youth pastor "how do you know? How can you take something on faith alone?" And I remember him telling me if I didn't know, then maybe I didn't belong in his church. Real great mentoring there chief.
Another example I remember is one of my good friends at the time was the leader of the youth praise brand, he was out of high school, he was seeing this woman. She was one of the, I don't knpw what they called them, chaperones I guess. But they had to come forward and apologize to the entire youth group for their "inappropriate" relationship, like any of us gave a damn. They were both consenting adults, nobody knew they were sleeping together, I did, but that was because I was their friend, but I guess some parent saw them kissing in the parking lot instead of being in the service and went and tattled on them. It was no one's business what they did behind closed doors, or when they were alone. It was ridiculous. I stopped going so regularly after that.
It's crazy how Christians so often will eat their own. And before anybody jumps in, I don't want to hear the whole rant that every body goes on about religion and specifically Christianity. I'm not inviting that. Frankly, I see it as just another form of proselytizing and I already bowed out of one version of that, I don't need the other.
Sorry for the rant.
Very late to this comment. I just wanted to say, I am an atheist, and that hurt hearing about how your pastor let you down like that. I'm ok with other people having faith, but I cannot stand how the structured part of Christianity is so far from who Jesus was. The man went to the beaten, broken, and sinners, and became their friends. Not as things to be pitied, but to be treated as equals.
You are talking about a surface level christianity. People who tell you, you can't have doubts, you must act a certain way. But we are human. we must admit that, submit to the will of God, die to self, become Christlike. When this path is honestly followed, and not given lip service to, to impress others, things begin to change. When you're praying for what God wants for you, not what you want from God, little by little you will begin to see the power of God. You will see miracles. And it will come at a terrible cost too you. Thats the dying to self. It is difficult. It is emotionally wrenching to turn your back on your innate will for comfort and getting things your way and even for your very life.
John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
If you want to see the power of God all you have to do ask and do. But don't ask your pastor ... well, you can ask you pastor.... but you need to ask God. If you are honest with youself and Him, He will answer.
Hebrrws 11:6
Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
@@TK0_23_ That's a long winded way of saying "You just didn't do it right"
This is the reason I don't go to church.. It all seems so fake.
And that's why churches are really gambling halls where the house always wins.
Try complaining at a casino that THE GAMES ARE RIGGED
Make friends with the asphalt
Be a theologian
I remember gonna to a Superbowl party at my church and I was super excited and then after we started watching it they turned the TV off during the commercials because they show beer ads,I left very quickly.i hate how many Christians hide their head in the sand like we don't see that stuff at home,the world is a tough place and you can't hide from evil no matter what.
What he’s describing is like hanging out with religious family. There’s a barrier from actually connecting when you can’t just be raw and funny
Pete Holmes just conceptualized the existential flaw with religious fundamentalism
yeah like theres just one flaw with religious fundamentalism jezzz you never read the news or what?
Daniel Ambition Speaking more on his ability to articulate an existential point of view, not on the lack of evidence which supports the claim
fundamentalism is not a requirement of religiosity
Words that mean soemthing
In any religion, the folks with the lowest IQ are the Fundamentalists.
This was a delight. Thank you.
Another Christian here agreeing with Pete's very well put point. There shouldn't be two different experiences, and we shouldn't be so uptight and segregated from the rest of the culture. Bill Burr is my favorite and I encourage others to check him out with an OPEN mind. They're just jokes ppl.
jackson girardeau Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving - Ephesians 5:4
You’re going to hell, buddy.
@@Quaquadaqu I think Burr does it to bring joy which matters and builds others up which would be a Christian principle although I know he has stated he is not a Christian. That passage is also talking about one's own speech, not a third party. Christians are called to speak the truth in love. Telling someone they are going to hell because they like a comic misses the entire purpose of that chapter of the bible btw
@@Quaquadaqu if you truly believe someone is going to hell for cussing, you're a fucking idiot. You shouldn't take a book that was written second hand, translated and rewritten hundreds of times as literal word for word on how to live your life and pass judgement on others. - Josh 1: 19
ALL41REVIEW Enjoy Hell, buddy!
@@Quaquadaqu actually all I have to do is ask for forgiveness before I die. Even if I just killed someone so I'm good thanks.
i can't believe how insightful his views were. comedians are truly modern philosophers in disguise.
the bit about people "seeing the fruits" of that connection and "pretending they have it"... ive never heard a more accurate assessment of the self righteousness found in some religious communities (across all faiths, as well).
Loved Pete Holmes' comedy for awhile but never knew about his Christian upbringing, I was also raised Christian (Lutheran, no longer practicing) and appreciated the hell out of what he's saying here. Good shit
Hey how do you get christian comedy?
You get regular comedy and boil the funny shit out of it
My favorite christian joke:
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.
That's really great.
One told us not to have any images that are idols, the other is an image of an idol. True Christians that are not decieved do not accept that picture of that long haired hippy that people say is Jesus. It is idolatry.
@David Ortiz your really showing your ignorance here. Jews have written record of Jesus, who they had put to death on the cross, in the Talmud. You live in 2019 A.D., do you think the world is 2019 years old? 2019 years from what? Ignorance is not equal to stupidity, so i am not calling you stupid. It would be like calling a first grader stupid because they dont know algebra, when in fact they are juat ignorant because they never studied algebra. So when they see 9+X=18, they just think the person that wrote it is stupid to think they can add numbers and letters. You are just like that first grader to me. I just really hope you do your homework and learn the truth about the things that you insult people for knowing.
@@villanelle529 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
Traitors, heady, highminded, LOVERS OF PLEASURES more than lovers of God - 2Timothy 3:1-4. So your response doesn't surprise me. Many people think giving short time pleasure to their bodies will somehow "heal" their sorrows or depressions or help them unwind. I have come to the knowledge and understanding that a "quick fix" is not a good fix. Jesus, aka the Word of God, is a more permanent "fix." Not many will accept this truth; but to those who do, He will heal them and give them true life, that is not of this world. No more trying to find fulfillment in life by sexual pleasure or drunkenness or material posessions or by being liked by people. I no longer have the burden of trying to make sure i don't offend people, no more feeling bad about using a female for my own pleasure, no more spending money on material things that i think will impress others or bring me short lived happiness. Jesus changed my heart, which in turn changes my look on life and how i should live it. It is not problem-free, but i would never exchange my current way of living life with my past ways. Jesus gives a very different and longer lasting joy than sex ever could. I pray that you find that joy in your life. God Bless You!
@David Ortiz No. I think you mean "were my ancestors form from the dust of the earth?" To that my answer is "Yes. In the image of our God, my oldest ancestor was formed."
Picture of Jesus on the cross from the waist up, captioned "Jesus loves you this much". This was an actual Church's sign for a very long time, I think it still is. Always makes me chuckle
AsterixtheGaul7 that’s legitimately amazing. Probably a bit sacrilegious but also kinda deep.
Same picture "nailed it"
That was genuinely profound Pete Holmes. Excellent commentary that sums up why people can't stand evangelicals.
“Drink water from your own cistern,
running water from your own well.
Should your springs overflow in the streets,
your streams of water in the public squares?
Let them be yours alone,
never to be shared with strangers.
May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth”
I swear that bit from proverbs is telling you to jerk it as much as you want just don’t sleep with someone until you find your other half.
Never liked Pete Holmes before but this is hilarious and he is spot on about what Christianity should be about
Should watch his batman skits, if you have ot. Fi d them very funny.
This is possibly the best discussion on Christianity I've seen in a long, long time. I never knew that Pete Holmes ' ideology was so close to my own.
Check out his podcast if you haven’t already.
Four years later. I think there's more of us than we realize...
Soooooo perfectly said. I love each moment of YMH, But wow. This moment is so true.
I have a similar upbringing as Pete and his point is dead on about christian music, comedy, etc. and acceptance of frailty and honesty.
Tim's face at the end when Christine mentions the "holy raisin cake" act... 🤣 love your show, put it back in Stitcher Radio without a paywall! 🤣
"How many lollipops can you lick before a Jew goes to hell?"
Also,
The Holy water joke.
Naw.
The punchline is "you boil the Hell out of it..."
One time I was In Wyoming and there was a mormon TV channel that had it's own Mormon Seinfeld rip off. It was INSANE
SlenderFam 27 that never happened
Do you remember the name of this show? It sounds awesome
I didn't know mormons watched tv
Oh god I really want to watch that show now XD
I couldn't tell you, I was in a motel in Cody Wyoming, all I remember was Bringham young in the channel title, the whole channel was mormon rip offs of TV shows people would know
A better answer to Count Dracula would be a nosferAChoo
bless you my son :) i was thinking NOSEferatoo but thats even better :D
That joke is of the exact same quality as the original.
That was my guess! Too good for this vid it seems XD
A different joke but along the same lines i just thought of.
What do you call God when he has hay-fever?
Sneezus
nah this was a worse punchline
What a wonderful, real conversation. I gleaned quite a bit from these fine folks.
As an ex-Christian (raised into it and left around 20 years of age), this video hits so close to home that I cant stop watching. It sums up how the original intentions of the following's founders is so likely skewed by this point that it's basically nonsense. Would love if you had him on again!
You never were a Christian
@@kensteel9872 How very Christian of you to pass such judgement. Tees and pees, big fella.
You may have just not been around the right people. There are absolutely churches filled with people who are self righteous and twisting things for their own benefit, but there are many churches filled with wonderful people who just want to share the gospel and use the original text as their guide.
Pete's right though. The problem with most religions is that for some reason you're told to suppress your most human of needs, instincts etc. When it's not possible. It's not healthy or safe for men to not regularly empty some built up testosterone.
Like not even that far though. Look at the kids trying to tell jokes. They arnt laughing or having fun because they realize the absurdity but ate afraid to not be chastised or published for it and that's wrong.
ESPECIALLY! Since religion isn't like, real. Not in the faith sense but on a tangible one. People being abused or published over shit you can't quantify or is really tangible is absurd to me. Imagine being punished because you don't know the paragraph on page 79 in dealthy hollows, like excuse me fam? No thank you.
My friend Ryan growing up was forced to be a catholic right. Ryan's a creepy adult now.
So you spit on Jesus. Not cool man.
Confirmed: Tom Segura is into pegging
Piss on me, beat me.
I was raised in a church like this...anything not of the church was called "worldly". There were very few outings the youth had that were truely fun. The most fun we would have was when a group broke away to break the church rule...aka being normal teenagers!😂
JW?
Like usual it's about control. Such a basic human trait.
@@winstonmarlowe5254 You forgot the E
@@theophrastusbombastus1359 what
This made me like Pete again
Again? Why didn't you like him before?
@@XenoTravis Watch him on Jim and Sam
taxidrivernwo yep I saw him and that pansy Judd on Jim n Sam
@@XenoTravis I got into you made it weird hardcore for the first two years or so and I felt a drop in quality so I stopped for a while, just sayin this reminds me why I like him
@@MidwesternFilthMixes He said a couple cringy things, but mostly took Norton's side. He was stuck in an argument between his boss and another one of his peers. Seemed like he was mostly trying to stay neutral and out of it. When you're an adult you'll understand there are situations where it's in your best interest to not stand on a soap box shouting your beliefs. Sometimes you do what you can to smooth over a situation and have it end. Not every single argument is a good point at which to make your stand. Learn to pick your battles and maybe someday you'll be successful like Pete. Judd was the one who was a real douchebag, but that's normal for Judd. Not sure why people were upset at Judd being Judd.
"Why did a fight break out in heaven?"
"Someone called St. Francis a sissy."
Wait, was that a Deadpool joke 😅?
Pete is such a class act. I love Tom and Christina, but they're fixated on teasing the kids in this video and making fun of how they're dressed. Pete is on another level. The tragedy is much broader than these kids. The fact that he's got such good patter with T+C but also hangs onto his bigger point makes me respect him.
Pete thinking the fart mic was a sound byte in the full episode had me laughing my ass off.
Fart mic is the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Does anyone like it besides Christina? Tom certainly doesnt seem to like it.
@@menwithven8114 best idea ever
@@menwithven8114 I mean I clearly liked it, otherwise I wouldn't have commented about it.
@@werealljustpeoplepodcast3805 obviously some people like it I wasnt being literal
Thats all she can do to be funny
That moment when your name is Devyn, you know your way to the mall, and you like Oreo cheescake
This is wild. Pete is interesting cause he’s all over the comedy world but I feel like he’s still so criminally underrated. Nice Try, The Devil is one of the funniest albums I’ve ever heard
Christina's vitriolic comments about their apperance and Tom's halfheartedly calling these kids nerds are a bit heartbreaking. They are teens. Teens hates everything mandatory, and this whole joke vid screams "fun youth pastor activity!!!". Pete was really on point though!
Yeah wasn't a fan of that part.
this is still one of my favorite ep. idk what it is about pete but he hits this part of my brain that ends up in uncontrollable laughter
Will Tom ever learn how to ear earphones properly? Tune in next week to find out
I relate to Pete so much. He's on to that next level. Thanks for talking about this stuff!
good morning Julia as soon as he goes full throttle he will get it in 4 strokes :)
Same bat-time same bat-channel
I bet he can spell w-e-a-r, instead of ear!
The Nephilim King old person who doesn’t understand how comments work confirmed
"The Book of Job is a laugh riot."---Gore Vidal
I have a new found respect for Pete Holmes. 🙏🏼
I've always loved his style
I met Pete Holmes in a room full of comedians. We were close up face to face for about 5 seconds. Without knowing anything about him, in that moment, I got an impression that he was like a close friend of mine - and in this video, with these insights - I see how true that impression was/is.
Pete Holmes is so on the money. Being real is the thing. Burr is very truth.
Re: sacred raisin cakes, that’s a reference to Ashera - baking cakes for the goddess Ashera was a fertility ritual. “…they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.”
12:20 I haven’t laughed this hard in sooo long lmfao the lack of reaction followed by a jump cut
Wow, didn't know about Pete's past in the church. Growing up I felt the exact same way about the fakeness and hypocrisy. I wouldn't have left if people had been more honest like this
I mean Idk if they could be more honest, religion is by its nature based on deception and manipulation, that not to accuse ppl of the church of intentionally lying, it could be self deception as well
I’m sorry you had that experience. I’m hoping that at some point you’ll try another church because many are filled with wonderful people.
Tom. I behalf of your fans in Erie, PA...ugh. Juniors is the bottom of the barrel and I am glad you don't need to do those gigs anymore.
*On behalf
Fuck Erie it's the worst city I've ever been to
You don't need to hear Jimmy Fallon's laugh to know it's fake.
Pete Holmes just became my favorite comedian for that point and explaination.. on point.
I dont know why but i laughed way too hard at pete talking about the hairy faced people at the airport, its so true 😂
“Totally a Devin.”
Cuts deep
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as a choir boy
Too early man.
😂🤣ouch!!!!😃🤣
I picture the kids in this video hearing that, and having like a genuine kind of confused innocence going "wait... I don't get it". I feel so bad for them, what do they look to be, maybe 16, on average? They've obviously known nothing but the total deep end of that world from their parents since the moment they could talk.
BAH-ziiiingah. Yeow! and a woowoowoo..
Okay, that was pretty good...
Hands down my favorite YMH clip ever. Pete's rage is amazing!
Never knew Pete Holmes was so insightful, I'm an even bigger fan now. Rock it Bad man!
I appreciate this whole, very authentic discussion.
“Christians have a childish sense of humor” *farts into microphone*
Pete Holmes is a great example of someone with a healthy and forward moving relationship with religion. If we had more people like this, we'd be in a better spot for sure.
He’s a believer though. it is ‘healthy’ to a believer.
I already like Pete Holmes, but this is like a really respectable interview. I really enjoy George Carlin's style of cynical atheism after falling hard out of catholicism, but I respect that Pete is still like an atheist in a Christian's body and Christianity is like an ex who cheated on him, but he's still cordial with.
Ex-Christian of forty years here. Pete is my new best friend.
If you never saw Pete's show crashing it is incredibly underrated and a must-watch!
Bill Burr is doing the Lord work. Legswipe and all...
Legsweep = gentleman
tagfat Keep it simple. Don’t blow it. Count your tithes.
reminds me of John Ritter
Pete is so impressive. His comedy is theology and philosophy and very, very funny.
"I appreciate your rage about this"
I would absolutely love to spend a few hours just talking with him about my youth in southern Baptist churches and getting picked on for not having a regular hair style, or the way they acted like it didn’t matter what you wore to church as long as you where going but what they really meant is for the next 4 hours prepare for anyone over 25 to give you the Holier-than-thou looks and get the rest actually talking shit. I had jeans and a polo shirt on and it was the nicest clothes I had. I was a 12yr old going to church solo and unprompted… and that’s when I learned that I would rather pray in the dark in my bedroom than take the one dollar I manage to save from skipping lunch one day at school and eat that day than give a church that revolves around the need for Money.