"Psychological undoing... unfreedom... invisible... incredibly dangerous." Thank you, Laura, for your definition, description and victim outcomes of coercive control. This is one of the best conversations I have heard on this topic. Thank you, both.
Yep, same here. It's more common that most people realise. My stalker is a workmate I spoke to 3 times in 3 years, 2 of those by e-mail. Take care of yourself.
Laura, I have only found you and your channel in the last few weeks and I value hugely what you have done and are doing to protect us from stalkers and other predators. My stalker was my ex-husband. I had a second domestic violence order against him and he was also a vexatious litigator. It was so difficult to get anyone to listen back then. He was/is arrogant and threatening and out for revenge. I thank you for the women now who are going through the terrors and threats of violence and who now have the coercive control laws in place. You are in my eyes a hero.
I feel like we probably have some experiences in common. I found Laura Richards by Googling 'coercive control' and 'DV PTSD' almost 10 years ago as a DV and post-separation abuse victim doing research on what the heck was happening to me. I have come to an unstable acceptance-(ish) that I won't get justice for myself, and that I, and other women in my ex's path are at an exponentially greater risk of harm than an average Australian citizen, especially since we still haven't criminalised coercive control in Western Australia. I'm interested to know more about how police responses have changed (or not) in the context of all of the discrete incident complaints that make up a pattern of coercion and control in Australian states that have criminalised coercive control.
Got to say Gary, Laura is right up there as one of the most interesting guests you've had on What an achiever she is and amazing work she has done and is doing in her field of expertise. Will have to subscribe to her own podcasts and listen to her past broadcasts. Congratulations to you both on such an informative and to me educational couple of episodes,
We need court judges who solely deal with domestic violence cases as they will be able to see patterns in every case. Also a separate section in police who deal solely with domestic violence cases.
I think what people don’t really get when they are trying to reassure victims that something is relatively unlikely to happen to them, is that statistics really don’t matter to the individual. If the likelihood of something life threatening is very low, but you’re in that small number of people it happens to, that low probability means nothing. So much fantastic work done over so many years, collaborating with so many different agencies & parties. Incredible work to make changes for the better.
20:00 I can’t think of a strong enough way to say how strongly in agreement I am of this, wow. It’s always “well, what was she doing?” when it should never be the question while finding an explanation of why a horrible crime was committed against a woman
I am so glad that I have found this channel, and have had the privilege of listening to two informed and experienced people with open minds wanting to stop this horror situation in its tracks, rather than wait for a death to occur, then chunter on about 'wanting to learn lessons'. It is so refreshing to be given facts, findings and clear narratives that can be followed rather than fluff, spin and and sound bites signifying 'little or nothing'.
Fantastic conversation between Gary and Laura. I think the biggest education that needs to happen is actually women and young people coming through their late teens. Most women wouldn’t recognise this happening in their life for it to even be reported. Very important work - thank you for highlighting coercive control.
I disagree. Many, many women, and even teens, recognize the danger they are in, and they and their families report it, but then nothing, or very little, is actually done to protect them. Or worse, their stalker twists it to appear that they are somehow the victim, or at least that the true victim is just “overreacting”. The problem isn’t knowing, the problem is truly stepping in and actually protecting them.
@ I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I hope things are changing now with the new laws. Many people I’ve spoken to have no idea about coercive control. I guess the more people that know about it and recognise it the better. If more people know about it, they can help hold the system accountable to take it seriously.
As someone who has been stalked by an ex narcissist partner, this is what terrifies me! Ive been living in fear for 4 years and the NSW cops have done absolutely nothing!! I even had an AVO in place Australia wide and each and every day, that psychopath would text me, stalking me and family and friends. I had to delete social media and get another phone number because of him. Even worse is my neighbour has been stalking me since i moved in to this place and constant abuse and harassment from him, his mates and son has been a constant nightmare for me. I have severe PTSD and agoraphobia due to him attacking my son one night and strangling him in front of me. Again, Port Macquarie NSW cops DID NOTHING!! Even the domestic violence cop said that taking out a restraining order against my neighbour is worthless!! Really?? And this is WHY women are stuck in situations where they live or end up murdered!! The system is a joke in Australia 🇦🇺 especially when cops like that cant be bothered to do the paperwork, and it is my opinion that a cop that doesn't care about the safety of a woman in domestic violence, then he himself is a perpetrator!! No point in trying to speak with a member of parliament as they too ignore it, even more disgraceful is the commissioner of police that ignored the evidence of the elderly woman who was killed by a cop.. absolute joke!!
So sorry you're having ongoing stalking problems. I hope you can move to a safe place and get a lawyer who'll throw the book at him - let him know he could go to jail. Hopefully, you could keep your address private.
@@Lizzie-h3j she showed up randomly, at private events where she wasn’t invited, even on public transport where I was trapped, somehow tracked me down on a holiday, and this was in the 90’s before social media.
I’m so sorry you went through that too. I was stalked for about a year by a neighbour with schizophrenia (legitimately - over the course of the year I had the chance to talk to his dad and his dad confirmed his adult son was non-compliant with medication and also drank alcohol and smoked the green too). The guy had a delusional belief that I was his wife and that I was under a spell which was keeping me from him, and I strongly believe that he would’ve SA’d and killed me eventually, if he had the chance. His behaviours were creepy (leaving “gifts” outside my front door, for example) and they escalated over time. On a couple of different occasions he did attempt to capture me but I got away. The police said they couldn’t do anything because he didn’t actually physically harm me - one copper told me that he could understand why the guy was “interested in me”, because I was “a very attractive young woman.” I was so traumatized that I’m missing literal months of memories from that year… People think it’s not a big deal because he didn’t physically harm me, but I have no doubt that my life was in danger… it’s just that I was the only person who had that belief, so no one helped or even took it seriously... That year completely ruined my life and I’ll never be the same… I wouldn’t wish that kind of psychological torture on anyone 💔😞
This is such great educational content - thank you. As a lived experience person, I would also add that the target aka victim should also be helped by Police in terms of assisting the victim to articulate and provide the required evidence to support Police prosecution. When you are going through it, your focus is not on gathering evidence …you are so traumatised and experiencing extreme cognitive dissonance. Meaning you are not a functioning, organised and logical person while your safety (mental and physical) is constantly under threat and compromised.
Thank you. That's why specialist victim advocates as so important. I founded Paladin with Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworkers for that role as it is so hard as you say for victims to deal with the trauma and then battle the criminal legal system and all the demands placed on them - and stay alive
Thank you , fascinating interview Gary .That is so admirable Laura what you have slogged away tirelessly for literally years upon years to create this incredibly valuable support system/ service. I am so pleased that you are finally getting the recognition that you so wholly deserve. Thank you so much for all that you do and for pioneering this all, with such determination, sophistication, strength & grace. May l ask either of you if there are any services in Australia to help victims currently suffering with creepy (af!..Sorry!) stalkers with legalities here in Australia ?
We have such a long, long way to go before we get enough police or court protection for victims of stalking and domestic violence. At least Laura and colleagues have started gathering evidence and using it to train front line workers who might be faced with these confusing cases where the stalker is charming and deceptive and the victim is so beaten up, they almost confess to the offences themselves. Many victims are not generally considered to be at risk of these kinds of harm (eg male victims of domestic violence). Thanks for your presence educating the public so we too can understand and perhaps identify the red flags of coercive control or other questionable behaviours in dangerous people.
Thank you, Laura Richards. Education, ankle bracelets and registers sound look a good move forwards. Thank you for also speaking about the Menendez brothers. The legal system failed them and I hope that they are released and that significant changes are made to better protect children and young people.
I really admire Laura's ability to explain coercive control in a way that is so engaging that it makes sense to people that haven't experienced it. I don't know if I have the language to get across to you how valuable that is for victims and survivors trying to get across to others why they have the level of concern for their safety that they do, or who maybe don't understand as yet what their level of risk is.
Thanks for highlighting why the focus is on female victim, male perpetrator - because the problem dwarfs all the other configurations. There are of course many male on male DV situations (male relatives, or gay partners, the latter being about equal in homicide numbers to the number of women killing male partners). Funny how the _'what about the male victims'_ crowd have zero interest in these other types of male DV victims. I have done these stats for about 20 years now. A man being killed by a female partner is his LOWEST risk of all other types of homicide. It's the opposite for women, being killed by a current or former male partner is by far their greatest risk of homicide, being around 50% to just over 60% of female murders - and that stat is near identical for the UK and AU. Thanks for the stat on female victims killing abusers.
Laura is brilliant 👏🏽 very important guest to have on! "death by 1000 cuts"..so many of us have witnessed coercive control relationships, or sadly, been in one. ankle bracelets is a fantastic idea 👍
A great big *YES to ankle bracelets* after the first breach. But, it should have a secondary proximity unit for the victim, for a head's up. When being stalked, the worst thing is being hypervigilant all the time, and just not knowing if you will turn the corner and see the stalker. Nor is it just a short time either, the 'average' is about two years post DV separation (some longer, even indefinitely, others for a bit less than two years, depends on the narcissism or psychopathy of the offender). That is a very long time to be in a continual state of stress.
Domestic violence calls is one of the most dangerous calls police get. How much a data base of these repeat offenders listed might help them be better prepared to meet the call
It doesn’t matter if he loves her, she doesn’t want his love and if he can’t respect that it’s a major problem. I had a relationship where my “no” wasn’t respected and that is abuse and we need to see it that way. When someone won’t respect your “no” then you should be wary of them no matter what kind of relationship you have.
Amazing podcast! Laura is pioneering a much neeeded new knowledge and perspective to the help the endnagwred women need. Can you please list the links to go to for stalker help?
I am such a fan of Laura. She is a fantastic and engaging speaker. Thank you Laura for all your work and expertise. It was this podcast that helped me recognise coercive control by a male friend's wife. I believed him in a heartbeat, and I am grateful that, he and his son got out in time
It's very telling that Anthony Albanese has ignored that 101 women were murdered in 2024 in Australia. Change happens from the top down, and Laura Richards is 100% correct, that men don't live with this fear on a daily basis, and therefore downplay it when we seek help.
Also men are scared of other men, which I think is another reason they don't intervene. Because they know what men are capable of. However abusive men don't usually target other men. Men needing power and control over their female partners will never make sense to me, they only pick on physically weaker and more vulnerable people. Other men don't understand as women we have to gauge risk every day, let alone if you're being stalked and deliberately terrorised.
This is very true, many people don’t know this. Ankle monitors just record where you WERE not where you ARE. The only way to monitor these people is to put them in jail.
Maybe you can help my mind, filmed for 7yrs in a shower, caught him, saw t all and jailed. Is out, and can legally move next door to me. Am in QLD. Oh yeah police bailed him back to MY ADDRESS
I'm quite obsessive and stalky, but without threatening behaviour, so if Laura wanted to talk to someone about how to stop obsessive stalkers stalking, on a psychological level, and run any ideas past me, I'd be open to that. Not on a podcast, but privately. Admittedly, I'm a woman, and I'm not a psychopath or narcissist (I've checked with the Mental Health Services - instead I'm OCD, with PTSD, and possible Autism), so I may not be able to help, yet I may be able to offer some insight, which could help her. Everything I've heard on this podcast appears to be true and correct, from my personal experience of being on both sides of this.
great work Laura problem is there's no crime until crime has been done ... until then its just assumption based on others behavior .. its the nature of crime
Well, yes, but you've missed some major points made in the podcast. The research now exists that, based on patterns repeatedly observed in real world data allows risk quantification - how likely it is the victim faces significant harm, based on history & behaviors of a perpetrator. Additionally, newer laws are increasingly in place (based on understanding what coercive control consists of) that allows earlier intervention by law enforcement in cases of escalation, e.g. before a fatal encounter occurs.
The fact is, generally speaking, if a person's set on killing someone, nothing will stop them. Knowing facts in advance is all well and good, but she didn't explain how she would have stopped Pesh from shooting Clare .It's right there for all to see, they had information and laws that at best could only deter, but at the end of the day, he still killed her.
I respectfully disagree. While sadly, there's no changing the past, documented outcomes have now demonstrated lives saved & $$ saved using this systematic model. With effective education, improved attitudes of law enforcement professionals & the courts, better understanding of actual risk & earlier interventions with laws punishing coercive control, it is absolutely possible future Clares can be saved.
Gary I have only ever watched a few of your podcasts but you keep talking about when abused women and the shame of their situation leads them not to talk about it and not report it. In my mind it's not only the shame thats important but the history of the police not taking them or women in general, seriously OR the courts not putting womens lives first. Why would any woman in their right mind take all the massive risks in reporting crimes when nothing is going to be done about it by either the Police or the courts or both. As I'm sure you know often reporting on and taking away any minute part of these pos control, only makes their abuse escalate and often leads them to get the idea that they are even more powerful. That they can do as they please and up to the point of actually killing the woman, they will get away with it........
The Tories had 12 years to find a heart and alas, they’re still looking. I’ve lost track of the number of times they chose to not safeguard the community.
@maureenobrien9661 i need ai to expose the lies that have me locked up and deemed psychotic, and so many children at risk from pedophiles, that is all.
I have real issues with the cohersive control laws. The reason being that they could easily be misapplied. For example, it's common for men to take on control of finances in a relationship, purely because there is a general assumption that men are generally better with finances. Also, showing concern for your wife or girlfriend's wellbeing could be easily and unfairly seen as control, when it's a legitimate concern for their wellbeing if they go out with friends etc. The court system is already heavily biased against men. To me, this has the potential to destroy relationships and lead to false accusations and unfair penalties on men for having done nothing wrong. VRO's are already given out generously by courts. They are often weaponised by vindictive partners to control things such as child custody and to smear the reputation of a former partner where no wrongdoing has occurred.
All your "concerns" sound suspiciously close to attempting rationalism & justification. You might take a look in the mirror & educate yourself a bit more & seek feedback from a qualified non-biased professional (e.g. therapist.) I mean this as a completely sincere suggestion; you may, going forward, save yourself and others a lot of - let's call it "mess."
how about teaching the ladies to be nicer? not excusing the crime.. but for sure those ladies did something to drive these dudes crazy too. instead of all these girl boss icons we now have in media.. that makes them believe they can take on these dudes. you cant. so be smarter, and nicer.
Laura Richards does such admirable work in the face of great ignorance and wilful neglect on the part of law enforcement.
thank you Michele
They continue to fail women every day
"Psychological undoing... unfreedom... invisible... incredibly dangerous." Thank you, Laura, for your definition, description and victim outcomes of coercive control. This is one of the best conversations I have heard on this topic. Thank you, both.
Agree!
Very good use of language. Laura speaks so well and confidently.
Having been stalked on and off for 4 decades the damage it does to your psychological well-being is huge.
I was stalked intensely for a year and it completely ruined my life. I’m so sorry you’ve been through this too ❤️🩹😞
@TheNurseWhoLovedMe89 hank you,
that's horrible , I hope it's over for good.
❤️❤️❤️❤️
Yep, same here. It's more common that most people realise. My stalker is a workmate I spoke to 3 times in 3 years, 2 of those by e-mail. Take care of yourself.
Laura, I have only found you and your channel in the last few weeks and I value hugely what you have done and are doing to protect us from stalkers and other predators. My stalker was my ex-husband. I had a second domestic violence order against him and he was also a vexatious litigator. It was so difficult to get anyone to listen back then. He was/is arrogant and threatening and out for revenge. I thank you for the women now who are going through the terrors and threats of violence and who now have the coercive control laws in place. You are in my eyes a hero.
I feel like we probably have some experiences in common. I found Laura Richards by Googling 'coercive control' and 'DV PTSD' almost 10 years ago as a DV and post-separation abuse victim doing research on what the heck was happening to me. I have come to an unstable acceptance-(ish) that I won't get justice for myself, and that I, and other women in my ex's path are at an exponentially greater risk of harm than an average Australian citizen, especially since we still haven't criminalised coercive control in Western Australia.
I'm interested to know more about how police responses have changed (or not) in the context of all of the discrete incident complaints that make up a pattern of coercion and control in Australian states that have criminalised coercive control.
Wow! She's amazing! Thank you for having her on. I'm also so sick of hearing the victim blaming. Shifting the shaming is such an important movement.
Got to say Gary, Laura is right up there as one of the most interesting guests you've had on What an achiever she is and amazing work she has done and is doing in her field of expertise. Will have to subscribe to her own podcasts and listen to her past broadcasts. Congratulations to you both on such an informative and to me educational couple of episodes,
Well said and her podcast is really great and informative and supportive of the movement she's championing.
We need court judges who solely deal with domestic violence cases as they will be able to see patterns in every case. Also a separate section in police who deal solely with domestic violence cases.
There are specialised DV police in each PAC, they’re called DVLO’s (Domestic Violence Liaison Officers) but there’s not enough of them.
I 100% agree.
And trained juries. The way defence lawyers can confuse jurors into acquitting perpetrators is horrendous.
I think what people don’t really get when they are trying to reassure victims that something is relatively unlikely to happen to them, is that statistics really don’t matter to the individual. If the likelihood of something life threatening is very low, but you’re in that small number of people it happens to, that low probability means nothing.
So much fantastic work done over so many years, collaborating with so many different agencies & parties. Incredible work to make changes for the better.
20:00 I can’t think of a strong enough way to say how strongly in agreement I am of this, wow. It’s always “well, what was she doing?” when it should never be the question while finding an explanation of why a horrible crime was committed against a woman
I am so glad that I have found this channel, and have had the privilege of listening to two informed and experienced people with open minds wanting to stop this horror situation in its tracks, rather than wait for a death to occur, then chunter on about 'wanting to learn lessons'. It is so refreshing to be given facts, findings and clear narratives that can be followed rather than fluff, spin and and sound bites signifying 'little or nothing'.
Thank you Laura I'm so grateful for everything you do you are brilliant ❤
Laura is one of the rare experts who truly gets it.
LauraYour work is so important ❤
Fantastic conversation between Gary and Laura. I think the biggest education that needs to happen is actually women and young people coming through their late teens. Most women wouldn’t recognise this happening in their life for it to even be reported.
Very important work - thank you for highlighting coercive control.
I disagree. Many, many women, and even teens, recognize the danger they are in, and they and their families report it, but then nothing, or very little, is actually done to protect them. Or worse, their stalker twists it to appear that they are somehow the victim, or at least that the true victim is just “overreacting”.
The problem isn’t knowing, the problem is truly stepping in and actually protecting them.
@ I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I hope things are changing now with the new laws.
Many people I’ve spoken to have no idea about coercive control. I guess the more people that know about it and recognise it the better.
If more people know about it, they can help hold the system accountable to take it seriously.
As someone who has been stalked by an ex narcissist partner, this is what terrifies me! Ive been living in fear for 4 years and the NSW cops have done absolutely nothing!! I even had an AVO in place Australia wide and each and every day, that psychopath would text me, stalking me and family and friends. I had to delete social media and get another phone number because of him. Even worse is my neighbour has been stalking me since i moved in to this place and constant abuse and harassment from him, his mates and son has been a constant nightmare for me. I have severe PTSD and agoraphobia due to him attacking my son one night and strangling him in front of me. Again, Port Macquarie NSW cops DID NOTHING!! Even the domestic violence cop said that taking out a restraining order against my neighbour is worthless!! Really?? And this is WHY women are stuck in situations where they live or end up murdered!! The system is a joke in Australia 🇦🇺 especially when cops like that cant be bothered to do the paperwork, and it is my opinion that a cop that doesn't care about the safety of a woman in domestic violence, then he himself is a perpetrator!! No point in trying to speak with a member of parliament as they too ignore it, even more disgraceful is the commissioner of police that ignored the evidence of the elderly woman who was killed by a cop.. absolute joke!!
Pretty much similar un Ireland..I am do sorry for all you are going through. Please write all in a diary 🙏
l hear you. After being roughed up by my then boyfriend NSW Police told me to leave 🤔🤦♂️
@fionagrant2023 they're useless!! Absolutely a disgrace!
So sorry you're having ongoing stalking problems. I hope you can move to a safe place and get a lawyer who'll throw the book at him - let him know he could go to jail. Hopefully, you could keep your address private.
Stalking is not funny. I am a bloke that was stalked by a woman and it was terrifying.
I wish I was that popular with the ladies 😐
It's so frightening because you don't know where they are but they know exactly where you are. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
@@ArchimedeanEyenot funny. Read the room. Watch Fatal Attraction and ask yourself would you like an Alex in your life?
@@Lizzie-h3j she showed up randomly, at private events where she wasn’t invited, even on public transport where I was trapped, somehow tracked me down on a holiday, and this was in the 90’s before social media.
I’m so sorry you went through that too.
I was stalked for about a year by a neighbour with schizophrenia (legitimately - over the course of the year I had the chance to talk to his dad and his dad confirmed his adult son was non-compliant with medication and also drank alcohol and smoked the green too). The guy had a delusional belief that I was his wife and that I was under a spell which was keeping me from him, and I strongly believe that he would’ve SA’d and killed me eventually, if he had the chance. His behaviours were creepy (leaving “gifts” outside my front door, for example) and they escalated over time. On a couple of different occasions he did attempt to capture me but I got away. The police said they couldn’t do anything because he didn’t actually physically harm me - one copper told me that he could understand why the guy was “interested in me”, because I was “a very attractive young woman.” I was so traumatized that I’m missing literal months of memories from that year… People think it’s not a big deal because he didn’t physically harm me, but I have no doubt that my life was in danger… it’s just that I was the only person who had that belief, so no one helped or even took it seriously...
That year completely ruined my life and I’ll never be the same… I wouldn’t wish that kind of psychological torture on anyone 💔😞
Thank you for part 2
Incredible guest.
Thank you Laura for the work that you do
Really respect the work you do Laura Richards.
Outstanding and invaluable presentation. Thank you.
This is such great educational content - thank you. As a lived experience person, I would also add that the target aka victim should also be helped by Police in terms of assisting the victim to articulate and provide the required evidence to support Police prosecution. When you are going through it, your focus is not on gathering evidence …you are so traumatised and experiencing extreme cognitive dissonance. Meaning you are not a functioning, organised and logical person while your safety (mental and physical) is constantly under threat and compromised.
Thank you. That's why specialist victim advocates as so important. I founded Paladin with Independent Stalking Advocacy Caseworkers for that role as it is so hard as you say for victims to deal with the trauma and then battle the criminal legal system and all the demands placed on them - and stay alive
Thank you , fascinating interview Gary .That is so admirable Laura what you have slogged away tirelessly for literally years upon years to create this incredibly valuable support system/ service. I am so pleased that you are finally getting the recognition that you so wholly deserve. Thank you so much for all that you do and for pioneering this all, with such determination, sophistication, strength & grace. May l ask either of you if there are any services in Australia to help victims currently suffering with creepy (af!..Sorry!) stalkers with legalities here in Australia ?
We have such a long, long way to go before we get enough police or court protection for victims of stalking and domestic violence. At least Laura and colleagues have started gathering evidence and using it to train front line workers who might be faced with these confusing cases where the stalker is charming and deceptive and the victim is so beaten up, they almost confess to the offences themselves. Many victims are not generally considered to be at risk of these kinds of harm (eg male victims of domestic violence).
Thanks for your presence educating the public so we too can understand and perhaps identify the red flags of coercive control or other questionable behaviours in dangerous people.
Thank you so much Laura Richards
Excellent interview and thanks for all your great work in getting this information out there..
Thank you, Laura Richards. Education, ankle bracelets and registers sound look a good move forwards. Thank you for also speaking about the Menendez brothers. The legal system failed them and I hope that they are released and that significant changes are made to better protect children and young people.
I really admire Laura's ability to explain coercive control in a way that is so engaging that it makes sense to people that haven't experienced it. I don't know if I have the language to get across to you how valuable that is for victims and survivors trying to get across to others why they have the level of concern for their safety that they do, or who maybe don't understand as yet what their level of risk is.
great podcast again Gary, thankyou.
Well done Laura thank you for this x
This brilliant woman's life and work needs to be shown in a movie. I vote for Gillian Anderson in the title role.
Thank you Laura! This was so needed. X
Thanks for highlighting why the focus is on female victim, male perpetrator - because the problem dwarfs all the other configurations. There are of course many male on male DV situations (male relatives, or gay partners, the latter being about equal in homicide numbers to the number of women killing male partners). Funny how the _'what about the male victims'_ crowd have zero interest in these other types of male DV victims.
I have done these stats for about 20 years now. A man being killed by a female partner is his LOWEST risk of all other types of homicide. It's the opposite for women, being killed by a current or former male partner is by far their greatest risk of homicide, being around 50% to just over 60% of female murders - and that stat is near identical for the UK and AU.
Thanks for the stat on female victims killing abusers.
Would have been great to have had Laura on the grooming gangs investigation.
Laura is brilliant 👏🏽 very important guest to have on! "death by 1000 cuts"..so many of us have witnessed coercive control relationships, or sadly, been in one.
ankle bracelets is a fantastic idea 👍
Spot on It's invisible
A great big *YES to ankle bracelets* after the first breach. But, it should have a secondary proximity unit for the victim, for a head's up. When being stalked, the worst thing is being hypervigilant all the time, and just not knowing if you will turn the corner and see the stalker.
Nor is it just a short time either, the 'average' is about two years post DV separation (some longer, even indefinitely, others for a bit less than two years, depends on the narcissism or psychopathy of the offender). That is a very long time to be in a continual state of stress.
If a threat has been it should ALWAYS be taken seriously. People who love don't threaten. Predators do. I've been there.
Domestic violence calls is one of the most dangerous calls police get. How much a data base of these repeat offenders listed might help them be better prepared to meet the call
It doesn’t matter if he loves her, she doesn’t want his love and if he can’t respect that it’s a major problem. I had a relationship where my “no” wasn’t respected and that is abuse and we need to see it that way. When someone won’t respect your “no” then you should be wary of them no matter what kind of relationship you have.
Amazing podcast! Laura is pioneering a much neeeded new knowledge and perspective to the help the endnagwred women need. Can you please list the links to go to for stalker help?
I could listen to her all day
I am such a fan of Laura. She is a fantastic and engaging speaker. Thank you Laura for all your work and expertise. It was this podcast that helped me recognise coercive control by a male friend's wife. I believed him in a heartbeat, and I am grateful that, he and his son got out in time
Very interesting interview, thx😮
What was that link to the stalking support site ?
Laura Stanley
Paladin
What a strong and amazing woman, brilliant mind 👍
Repeated patterns Scary
This woman is a saint and has saved lives.
It's very telling that Anthony Albanese has ignored that 101 women were murdered in 2024 in Australia. Change happens from the top down, and Laura Richards is 100% correct, that men don't live with this fear on a daily basis, and therefore downplay it when we seek help.
Also men are scared of other men, which I think is another reason they don't intervene. Because they know what men are capable of. However abusive men don't usually target other men. Men needing power and control over their female partners will never make sense to me, they only pick on physically weaker and more vulnerable people. Other men don't understand as women we have to gauge risk every day, let alone if you're being stalked and deliberately terrorised.
Ankle monitors are useless unless they are monitored in real time 24/7. What police force will pay for that?
This is very true, many people don’t know this. Ankle monitors just record where you WERE not where you ARE. The only way to monitor these people is to put them in jail.
NSW Police are pathetic. l wouldn't go to them for help. They have zero interest in helping vulnerable people.
Maybe you can help my mind, filmed for 7yrs in a shower, caught him, saw t all and jailed. Is out, and can legally move next door to me. Am in QLD. Oh yeah police bailed him back to MY ADDRESS
I'm quite obsessive and stalky, but without threatening behaviour, so if Laura wanted to talk to someone about how to stop obsessive stalkers stalking, on a psychological level, and run any ideas past me, I'd be open to that. Not on a podcast, but privately.
Admittedly, I'm a woman, and I'm not a psychopath or narcissist (I've checked with the Mental Health Services - instead I'm OCD, with PTSD, and possible Autism), so I may not be able to help, yet I may be able to offer some insight, which could help her.
Everything I've heard on this podcast appears to be true and correct, from my personal experience of being on both sides of this.
I love her!!!!
great work Laura problem is there's no crime until crime has been done ... until then its just assumption based on others behavior .. its the nature of crime
Well, yes, but you've missed some major points made in the podcast. The research now exists that, based on patterns repeatedly observed in real world data allows risk quantification - how likely it is the victim faces significant harm, based on history & behaviors of a perpetrator. Additionally, newer laws are increasingly in place (based on understanding what coercive control consists of) that allows earlier intervention by law enforcement in cases of escalation, e.g. before a fatal encounter occurs.
Did Pesch have any previous stalking or female obsessive behaviour noted?
How can we help friends and family in domestic violence situations?
Love is as love DOES...
Its not what you say, its what you do or dont do that reflects 'love'.
Coercive control and stalking is part of human trafficking cult tactics. It is to be of up most concern
The fact is, generally speaking, if a person's set on killing someone, nothing will stop them. Knowing facts in advance is all well and good, but she didn't explain how she would have stopped Pesh from shooting Clare .It's right there for all to see, they had information and laws that at best could only deter, but at the end of the day, he still killed her.
I respectfully disagree. While sadly, there's no changing the past, documented outcomes have now demonstrated lives saved & $$ saved using this systematic model. With effective education, improved attitudes of law enforcement professionals & the courts, better understanding of actual risk & earlier interventions with laws punishing coercive control, it is absolutely possible future Clares can be saved.
Triggering.
Thank you, I found this incredibly interesting.
I believe very much that the powers that be do think women lives matter.
An ankle bracelet +500 km from where the person lives to give the victim time in case they cut it off to be notified
500 km is not nearly enough distance from a perpetrator!!
Gary I have only ever watched a few of your podcasts but you keep talking about when abused women and the shame of their situation leads them not to talk about it and not report it. In my mind it's not only the shame thats important but the history of the police not taking them or women in general, seriously OR the courts not putting womens lives first. Why would any woman in their right mind take all the massive risks in reporting crimes when nothing is going to be done about it by either the Police or the courts or both. As I'm sure you know often reporting on and taking away any minute part of these pos control, only makes their abuse escalate and often leads them to get the idea that they are even more powerful. That they can do as they please and up to the point of actually killing the woman, they will get away with it........
The Tories had 12 years to find a heart and alas, they’re still looking. I’ve lost track of the number of times they chose to not safeguard the community.
The real life lady that is afraid for her life, …. Can’t you counsel her to leave before it happens?
Please help me ai, no one will help me or the children.
What help do you need?
@maureenobrien9661 i need ai to expose the lies that have me locked up and deemed psychotic, and so many children at risk from pedophiles, that is all.
Stop interupting her! Let her speak!
❤
Re the Menendez brothers: I would feel comfortable with the younger brother being paroled, but definitely NOT the older brother.
I have real issues with the cohersive control laws. The reason being that they could easily be misapplied. For example, it's common for men to take on control of finances in a relationship, purely because there is a general assumption that men are generally better with finances. Also, showing concern for your wife or girlfriend's wellbeing could be easily and unfairly seen as control, when it's a legitimate concern for their wellbeing if they go out with friends etc. The court system is already heavily biased against men. To me, this has the potential to destroy relationships and lead to false accusations and unfair penalties on men for having done nothing wrong. VRO's are already given out generously by courts. They are often weaponised by vindictive partners to control things such as child custody and to smear the reputation of a former partner where no wrongdoing has occurred.
You sound as if you might be guilty of coercive control yourself.
All your "concerns" sound suspiciously close to attempting rationalism & justification. You might take a look in the mirror & educate yourself a bit more & seek feedback from a qualified non-biased professional (e.g. therapist.) I mean this as a completely sincere suggestion; you may, going forward, save yourself and others a lot of - let's call it "mess."
how about teaching the ladies to be nicer? not excusing the crime.. but for sure those ladies did something to drive these dudes crazy too. instead of all these girl boss icons we now have in media.. that makes them believe they can take on these dudes. you cant. so be smarter, and nicer.
So now you're blaming the victim. How absolutely horrible of you!! It's always the woman's fault to ppl like you. Gross!!
How about YOU learn what an ignorant comment you've made. Way to demonstrate misogyny, victim blaming, and all-around assholery.
I totally agree with you. Stop blaming the victim. Be nicer to abusive control freaks! How ridiculous. @@Sadietabby