Great Vid Jess! 1.They are using you for whatever gain they perceive they are receiving and they don't want you discover this. They are not with you because they love you, they are with you because they are benefiting in some way that is meaningful to them. 2. They really don't care about you, your feelings, or what you are talking about. That bored, blank stare, when you are talking about a heartfelt situation, once you have seen it, you can't unsee it. 3. They know you are the only one in the relationship, (doing the work for both of you), and they don't want you find that out. They do just enough to fool you that they are in the relationship too. 4. They really only want a mommy or a daddy. They want to be eternally single while receiving all the benefits of a relationship. 5. They don't and won't ever have your back. In fact they are smearing you right now in every they can, prepping those flying monkeys and useful idiots to believe them when you discard you. 6. They are minions of satan. They worship the dark side. The evil that these people do can only come from one source.
Thanks comforting to be aware, yet the power to resist is weak and weaker by the moment? I am grateful for your comments and your time, thanks again! I will keep all you said in mind and readn it every day for at least a week .../
It's a THIN LINE between love & hate. That's what I heard. Toward the end of our so called relationship, I KNOW HE KNEW I was onto him. He looked "far away" in his cold eyes. I finally left him over 11 years ago, with a lot of knowledge of the narc. Oh, I was cool about it, that's why he never tried to come back. Great video, Jess.
I noticed mine go ballistic when I was non phased by her antics. She would say things like " I was sick and you didn't even ask how I was doing or I lost my job and you didn't offer to help or check on me. Once she went crazy on me because I asked her what was wrong, I felt the discard coming and she wanted me to be hurt or not expect it. I called her out on always playing the victim and she was backed into a corner. Once she sent me a picture and I gave it the thumbs up emoji, you would have thought I shot her cat " do you know how many men think I'm attractive". Well maybe you should have sent the picture to them. For two years I went on this rollercoaster ride until finally I walked away from her and blocked her on every format. It hurt for a while and I was and still do often look for the random hoover attempt but, I realize that this woman is a figment of her own imagination. Anyone who has to tear down Popeyes because she thinks her chicken sandwich is better or hates Tabitha Browns accent just because has internal mechanism issues. She tried to convince me and people around me that I was a terrible tyrant and that I was only interested in my own self aggrandizement. When the truth is she was projecting all her issues and when it didn't work she simply discarded me. The last hoover was in Jan and it was a phone call. I grey rocked her and have not heard from her since.
Change your number so she knows you are not interested in hearing from her. Then with the new number let calls go to voicemail in case you have a flying monkey you don't realize in your circle. Be well & keep healing.
@@looks68 Hope she doesn't. Sometimes they go away forever. Or they can stay away for months or years then pop back up. Just stay strong & resolved!🙏🏾☝🏾🥰👍🏾❤💜
Here's a secret!: after they mess up bad, they'll launch an attack full of blame, insults, and gaslighting for a while, then they'll flip the switch and apologize, take blame, talk sweet, compliment, and do a big chore thats been on hold forever, just to win your attention for being "good". But never really fixing the issues, lies, laziness, and lack of income. And we reward the "good" version in hopes to encourage more of THAT behavior. But if we DONT fall for that tactic, the. WE will be called a B!t(h
Love it! Thanks for the affirmation! It's so easy to ruminate and then start believing that I need to voice my truth to all their minions, but that would only strengthen their campaign. I am finding joy in my journey with new emotionally healthy friends and hand-picked "family."
My narc wife and her mother always claimed she could do better than me, and the mother would discuss my wife's previous men with her in front of me. How disrespectful can you get? But at the end of the day, those men didn't stay! Wonder why if they were so terrific?
I’m working on my indifference and apathy, but it’s been an emotional roller coaster because of my brain ruminating and me having to re-wire it. This guy literally tried getting me back to cheat with me on someone he started dating for not even for a week and he’s still with this person and blamed me (of course). And my mind keeps annoyingly glossing over that at times to the good moments that I know are false.
@@annettedevries7559 Thank you! I’m miles better than I was initially and the incident happened about two months ago. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care or even think about him at all most days, but there are some days where my mood just takes a turn and he pops up in my mind. I hate how narcs jumble our brains in that sort of way.
@@ShodakonFury i now exacly what you mean. But i,m really glad. To hear. You are doing fine. And where in this together. If there is something. You can always make a comment. So why can help eachother. I,m glad that you are doing fine now. You can do it. And you deserve so much more. Lots of love annette from Holland. A big hug. 🤗❤
So on point, honestly so best to avoid them at all costs. I'm trying to learn to feel sorry for the narc (even though i have been through unimaginable b.s.), I'm hoping that will help me heal.
Thanks so much, Jess for being here this gloomy Friday morning in the great Northeast! 😌 I don't remember if you mentioned "secret financial manipulation"! That is/was a "Biggie"! Thanks! I loved this topic! Hope you have a great weekend! 💞
I'm so glad that you decided to watch with me Peter! No, financial stuff wasn't on my list but definitely something worth mentioning! Have a great weekend!
They use their predatory level of observation to try to analyze you and aggressively 'volunteer suggestions' couched as constructive criticism when often what they are projecting upon you is of far greater fault magnitude within theirselves or of negligible nonexistent within you. But they claim near perfection. They will not listen to the charitable advice of others as they are 'stuck in repetition' mode in their behavioral mistakes.
May sound unorthodox but depending on your kind of narc just get drunk with them talk them into specific areas of interest and watch and listen trust me!
@@JessStanley when I've done it, it only seems to get him more rageful and then turn it on me that I'm a "cold hearted woman" (that's the TH-cam friendly version lol)
I was a codependent and was used as a result then criticised for not being being helpful enough. Indifference to these folks and silence is sure fire way to deal with them. They have nothing to come back at you with.
One day while loafing on the couch you'll extract a small tuft of lint from your navel and realize that person isn't much different than the navel lint teetering on your fingertip. All that remains is for you to gently blow or flick that lint to the floor. Also if you can't get passed codependency there is no law to say to whom, you could be with a good natured closet alcoholic or a philosophy major, just saying.
She (the Narc), blew-up in my face, with a huge hurtful insults. Diring the tirade I kept totally silent and let her vent her spleen. It was horrible, how anyone could invent such hateful accusations, seems so hugely contrived, I was stunned. Two days later I found an envelope with her handwiting and just her address on it ...I ignored it. For a Good two months I made certain to keep myself totally aloof from any of her machinations, totally. Then one morning sitting in the ~Garden with a Friend she plonked herself next to me and carried-on as though nothing had ever happened> Since then she has been cooing and atterntive to the enth degree ...I am smitten by her charm and beauty, find it impossible to ignore her, so we are now back almost as we were before the debacle? Why am I so weak, all my friemds see it and keep warning me to stay-away from her, but ...but ...? Help!!
You are with the devil. Your mind sees what it wants to see to keep you there. She's nothing more than a manifestation of your desires. They are empty inside and broken. She doesn't love you because she doesn't even love herself. I bet you that she has a high sex drive. I bet you that you guys have had sex everywhere. I was with a narcissist and they all are possess by the same spirit. They honestly are the DEVIL. Their aim is to seek and destroy.
Has anyone had their ex turning up in there home town making excuses saying cause of work? This is what is happening I've also told him if he Carrie's on I'll go higher now hes threatening me saying I'm harassing him and if I go to his head office telling them why is he turning up in my home town that he will go to the police. Its him who's turning up dont forget he lives miles away
That exactly what Anastasia Steele has done in Fifty Shades of Grey books. Even if narcs turned the story in a kind of "love". In reality her natural teenage naivety just exposed Christian narcissism
I feel my Narcissist is smarter than the usual hardcore. he will not hang with smarter people than him. he picks younger people to hang with. I guess most likely because younger people are more likely to "look-up to older people. and sO, trust him". well. he must see I know him well, he has not come to see me. he stays away! this Narcissist is malignant. he tricked another people to do his dirty work. he tricked a younger person to do his dirty work. it didn't work! it's really sad he tricked that person into coming to see me, because I now see that person too for who she really is. it's a bit ironic how they feel they can trick a person a 2nd time. but truly it is sad! I have come to pity him. because he cannot see himself and what he has done to himself!
Great Vid Jess!
1.They are using you for whatever gain they perceive they are receiving and they don't want you discover this. They are not with you because they love you, they are with you because they are benefiting in some way that is meaningful to them.
2. They really don't care about you, your feelings, or what you are talking about. That bored, blank stare, when you are talking about a heartfelt situation, once you have seen it, you can't unsee it.
3. They know you are the only one in the relationship, (doing the work for both of you), and they don't want you find that out. They do just enough to fool you that they are in the relationship too.
4. They really only want a mommy or a daddy. They want to be eternally single while receiving all the benefits of a relationship.
5. They don't and won't ever have your back. In fact they are smearing you right now in every they can, prepping those flying monkeys and useful idiots to believe them when you discard you.
6. They are minions of satan. They worship the dark side. The evil that these people do can only come from one source.
That sums it up.
They pretend to care at first to make you
surrender.
Thanks comforting to be aware, yet the power to resist is weak and weaker by the moment?
I am grateful for your comments and your time, thanks again! I will keep all you said in mind and readn it every day for at least a week .../
It's a THIN LINE between love & hate. That's what I heard. Toward the end of our so called relationship, I KNOW HE KNEW I was onto him. He looked "far away" in his cold eyes. I finally left him over 11 years ago, with a lot of knowledge of the narc. Oh, I was cool about it, that's why he never tried to come back. Great video, Jess.
I noticed mine go ballistic when I was non phased by her antics. She would say things like " I was sick and you didn't even ask how I was doing or I lost my job and you didn't offer to help or check on me. Once she went crazy on me because I asked her what was wrong, I felt the discard coming and she wanted me to be hurt or not expect it. I called her out on always playing the victim and she was backed into a corner. Once she sent me a picture and I gave it the thumbs up emoji, you would have thought I shot her cat " do you know how many men think I'm attractive". Well maybe you should have sent the picture to them. For two years I went on this rollercoaster ride until finally I walked away from her and blocked her on every format. It hurt for a while and I was and still do often look for the random hoover attempt but, I realize that this woman is a figment of her own imagination. Anyone who has to tear down Popeyes because she thinks her chicken sandwich is better or hates Tabitha Browns accent just because has internal mechanism issues. She tried to convince me and people around me that I was a terrible tyrant and that I was only interested in my own self aggrandizement. When the truth is she was projecting all her issues and when it didn't work she simply discarded me. The last hoover was in Jan and it was a phone call. I grey rocked her and have not heard from her since.
Change your number so she knows you are not interested in hearing from her. Then with the new number let calls go to voicemail in case you have a flying monkey you don't realize in your circle. Be well & keep healing.
@@clusterbfreekarynsmith2190 I doubt that she’s going to try to contact me again
@@looks68 Hope she doesn't. Sometimes they go away forever. Or they can stay away for months or years then pop back up. Just stay strong & resolved!🙏🏾☝🏾🥰👍🏾❤💜
Here's a secret!: after they mess up bad, they'll launch an attack full of blame, insults, and gaslighting for a while, then they'll flip the switch and apologize, take blame, talk sweet, compliment, and do a big chore thats been on hold forever, just to win your attention for being "good". But never really fixing the issues, lies, laziness, and lack of income. And we reward the "good" version in hopes to encourage more of THAT behavior. But if we DONT fall for that tactic, the. WE will be called a B!t(h
Called much worse!
Love it! Thanks for the affirmation! It's so easy to ruminate and then start believing that I need to voice my truth to all their minions, but that would only strengthen their campaign. I am finding joy in my journey with new emotionally healthy friends and hand-picked "family."
My narc wife and her mother always claimed she could do better than me, and the mother would discuss my wife's previous men with her in front of me. How disrespectful can you get? But at the end of the day, those men didn't stay! Wonder why if they were so terrific?
Yes Jess, as you say, more pity than contempt🤕
Thankyou so much for your excellent work 😘
I’m working on my indifference and apathy, but it’s been an emotional roller coaster because of my brain ruminating and me having to re-wire it. This guy literally tried getting me back to cheat with me on someone he started dating for not even for a week and he’s still with this person and blamed me (of course). And my mind keeps annoyingly glossing over that at times to the good moments that I know are false.
It, s absolutly not your fault. They try to blame us. You deserve so much better. Hope you are doing fine now. A big hug for you 🤗
@@annettedevries7559 Thank you! I’m miles better than I was initially and the incident happened about two months ago. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care or even think about him at all most days, but there are some days where my mood just takes a turn and he pops up in my mind. I hate how narcs jumble our brains in that sort of way.
@@ShodakonFury i now exacly what you mean. But i,m really glad. To hear. You are doing fine. And where in this together. If there is something. You can always make a comment. So why can help eachother. I,m glad that you are doing fine now. You can do it. And you deserve so much more. Lots of love annette from Holland. A big hug. 🤗❤
So on point, honestly so best to avoid them at all costs. I'm trying to learn to feel sorry for the narc (even though i have been through unimaginable b.s.), I'm hoping that will help me heal.
I WILL NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR THEM. I JUST WANT THEM TO STAY AWAY FROM ME SO I CAN LIVE MY LIFE FREELY.
@@treelover1050 Agreed, just cut them off and try not to think about them at all, they're predators and only get worse with age.
Thanks so much, Jess for being here this gloomy Friday morning in the great Northeast! 😌 I don't remember if you mentioned "secret financial manipulation"! That is/was a "Biggie"! Thanks! I loved this topic! Hope you have a great weekend! 💞
I'm so glad that you decided to watch with me Peter! No, financial stuff wasn't on my list but definitely something worth mentioning! Have a great weekend!
I am super excited !
Ready!
They use their predatory level of observation to try to analyze you and aggressively 'volunteer suggestions' couched as constructive criticism when often what they are projecting upon you is of far greater fault magnitude within theirselves or of negligible nonexistent within you. But they claim near perfection. They will not listen to the charitable advice of others as they are 'stuck in repetition' mode in their behavioral mistakes.
Before I knew better, i did certain things to ensure I'll ever get a hoover!!!
Indifference is the best sign of healing. Living a much better& healthy lifestyle.💜❤👍🏾💃🏿🥰
Thanks Jess🙂
May sound unorthodox but depending on your kind of narc just get drunk with them talk them into specific areas of interest and watch and listen trust me!
Good content Jess. Yeah…I can add another dirty dozen to that mix. Thank you 🙏 for sharing.
Well said 👌
Awesome video, Jess!
Thank you very much!!
I dont desserves are their key words
Indifference is a really hard thing for a codependent to do.
you can get there - mindset change IS possible
I don't disagree. You absolutely can get to that place though. Don't be hard on yourself. Takes time.
@@JessStanley when I've done it, it only seems to get him more rageful and then turn it on me that I'm a "cold hearted woman" (that's the TH-cam friendly version lol)
I was a codependent and was used as a result then criticised for not being being helpful enough.
Indifference to these folks and silence is sure fire way to deal with them.
They have nothing to come back at you with.
One day while loafing on the couch you'll extract a small tuft of lint from your navel and realize that person isn't much different than the navel lint teetering on your fingertip. All that remains is for you to gently blow or flick that lint to the floor. Also if you can't get passed codependency there is no law to say to whom, you could be with a good natured closet alcoholic or a philosophy major, just saying.
She (the Narc), blew-up in my face, with a huge hurtful insults. Diring the tirade I kept totally silent and let her vent her spleen. It was horrible, how anyone could invent such hateful accusations, seems so hugely contrived, I was stunned. Two days later I found an envelope with her handwiting and just her address on it ...I ignored it. For a Good two months I made certain to keep myself totally aloof from any of her machinations, totally. Then one morning sitting in the ~Garden with a Friend she plonked herself next to me and carried-on as though nothing had ever happened> Since then she has been cooing and atterntive to the enth degree ...I am smitten by her charm and beauty, find it impossible to ignore her, so we are now back almost as we were before the debacle?
Why am I so weak, all my friemds see it and keep warning me to stay-away from her, but ...but ...? Help!!
You are with the devil. Your mind sees what it wants to see to keep you there. She's nothing more than a manifestation of your desires. They are empty inside and broken. She doesn't love you because she doesn't even love herself. I bet you that she has a high sex drive. I bet you that you guys have had sex everywhere. I was with a narcissist and they all are possess by the same spirit. They honestly are the DEVIL. Their aim is to seek and destroy.
Has anyone had their ex turning up in there home town making excuses saying cause of work? This is what is happening I've also told him if he Carrie's on I'll go higher now hes threatening me saying I'm harassing him and if I go to his head office telling them why is he turning up in my home town that he will go to the police. Its him who's turning up dont forget he lives miles away
his/her insecurities...
That exactly what Anastasia Steele has done in Fifty Shades of Grey books. Even if narcs turned the story in a kind of "love". In reality her natural teenage naivety just exposed Christian narcissism
I feel my Narcissist is smarter than the usual hardcore. he will not hang with smarter people than him. he picks younger people to hang with. I guess most likely because younger people are more likely to "look-up to older people. and sO, trust him". well. he must see I know him well, he has not come to see me. he stays away! this Narcissist is malignant. he tricked another people to do his dirty work. he tricked a younger person to do his dirty work. it didn't work! it's really sad he tricked that person into coming to see me, because I now see that person too for who she really is. it's a bit ironic how they feel they can trick a person a 2nd time. but truly it is sad! I have come to pity him. because he cannot see himself and what he has done to himself!
This is just run of the mill classic narc behavior-they just always have to feel smearier and more superior and act accordingly
❤️
You forgot the biggest secret of all, feed them after midnight and they turn into gremlins and for the love of god don't get them wet.