Breaking the Habit of Smalltalk | Omid Scheybani | TEDxKish
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 มิ.ย. 2015
- Smalltalk is a broken concept that disregards the vast potential that lies in these first encounters. What if we could redefine the way we meet each other and how we initiate conversations?
Born in Germany to Iranian parents, Omid works with Google in charge of strategic cloud computing partnerships throughout Latin America. He is a world traveller and storyteller.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
"Each stranger out there is actually just another friend that we haven't met yet".
For extroverts they tend to enjoy small talk by making themselves look impressive, but for introverts they abhor it, to them small talk is a sign of dishonesty.
This is one of the best comments I've ever seen
Yes agree feels very dishonest when some just wants small talk all the time.
amen
I'm an introvert and I hate small talk.
It’s dishonest
The interest has to be genuine, if it's not silence is better.
Estoy de acuerdo.
@@dylanmorrison8543 yes it is
Small talk has its place. If you break in with unorthodox questions people may get on their guard and you'll kill the conversation before its even had a chance. He's right to promote deeper conversation though. It's much more rewarding for everyone. After a couple of rounds of small talk is probably the best time to utilise his philosophy.
I agree with you that small talk is necessary, too, in certain situations. Likewise, while it's true that we feel more satisfied with "deeper" kinds of conversations, it's also true that we don't always want to connect in that deeper way. It's a common perception, for instance, that introverts despise small talks. Well, coming from an introvert like me, I would say that while I totally crave for deep conversations, I would never want to do it most of the time, with just about anyone. It becomes meaningless and tiring, too. I don't always want to connect with someone and I believe that's perfectly fine. Small talks put us in a comfortable place as well and sometimes that's what we simply want and need. It's in fact refreshing, too, when we can just be superficial and give ourselves a break from taking ourselves and life seriously.
Yep like do we have to connect with every single person on a deep level?Share very personal thoughts and experiences with everyone?I find people that drone on about their personal lives and thoughts/opinions very boring,
Great comment.
Exactly. Can you imagine a stranger asking you out of nowhere what your relationship with your mother is like? Lmao
Daena de Guzman Yet don’t need to take deep conversation seriously. To small talk very painful boring and not fun to engage in. Small great as conversation starter but not fully as longer conversation.
Its one thing to ignite and intellectual conversation, its another to sound like a federal agent
a fine line we walk
“Predictable Superficiality” an intelligent insult.
If a taxi man asked me how I would describe my mother I'd get out and get another taxi...
+hoboguru hahaha he didnt say describe your mother.
hoboguru why would you ? Lol
hoboguru That's harsh. Suppose he looked like George Clooney, Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. ☺
hoboguru hahahaha "hello there where to? What's your favourite feature about your mother? Nice day huh?"
Bruh I’m dying
Omid : What makes you happy today?
Taxi driver : Ten years ago today my wife got in my taxi, I took her and made her my wife.
Omid : Wow! That's so special.
Taxi driver : Yup, don't think anyone is still looking for her now so I'm safe.
Omid : Have a wonderful anniversary.
LOL
This is an amazing talk. Thank you for making me realise that it is perfectly fine to show your deep interest in another human being.
I so dig this!
Just my thoughts on the topic of conversing with other people. In my ears, silence is always more beautiful than "predictable superficial" small talk. But the deeper the conversation the more it spices up life:)
!!!!
+Bukola Ayinde So Bukola, what aspect of the Yoruba culture do you love the most?
+Akindele Bankole apparently the "beautiful silence...."
lol
Jasprit Singh
Evidently
Typical Finn ;-)
well said, "our motivations, our memories, our emotions"
I've never really been a fan of smalltalk, and you perfectly articulated why. Great talk.
Thank you so much for this talk. I've noticed for a long time that there are so many people I'd like to know more about and to connect with on a deeper level. I often had no idea how I could build up that connection or I was too scared to ask the right questions in the past. This video really encourages me to dive deep and overcome superficial conversations ;)
Simple and short talk but so inspiring, beautiful and profound
what a beautiful speech! And very inspirational! A curious heart to know a stranger is all you need!
i'm really interested to see what would've happened if he didn't get those cards with conversations starters at the event. my belief is that it would've been a whole different story.
as a person that truly values this type of deep, meaningful conversations, i also think that, realistically, them happening is more a matter of coincidence. the best conversations i've had (from what i recall) just happened to happen with the right people, at the right place, time.
he has a great point. i also despise the 'how's the weather' kinda talk. but thinking that every conversation has a high possibility of being meaningful depending on the effort that we put in sounds a little bit naive. it's not taking into account what the other person thinks at the degree it deserves.
bottom line: from my experience, best conversations are not forced, they're natural and sometimes that comes from the annoying scripted who what where etc questions. perhaps i'm not getting the full picture, but that's what i believe.
arnold21 My thoughts too. Deep, meaningful conversations often happen spontaneously and they're not forced at all.
This is mindblowing. Thank you so much for the great lesson!
yessssss!!!! I totally agree!!! I find small talks lame, a waste of time, a drain of mental energy and totally unfulfilling
Thank you Omid... you validated what so many of us are awakening to today and that is the connection to others. Very much enjoyed.... we could talk for hours.
This is a very critical and great to skill to have! more often than not small talk doesn't create the strong connection between two people (whether it's networking or relationships) It's more about the deep profound conversations where you get to unravel one's true self! Omid I appreciate the wisdom given in this speech, it has me trying to break out of small talk as often as I can!
what to do when the conversation comes to you with TMI of all their merits {too much info}
When your mind isn't polluted by smalltalk or talk and thoughts of any kind, you can pick up more about a person you're around. The subtleties of someone's personality escape you when you use the verbal medium. That's probably why religions often have a vow of silence.
love this. It's so great
One of the best Ted talks!
really opened up my mind. cheers!!
so amazing and inspirational
I really love this
this is a fantastic speech. thank you for this. ❤️❤️
great job omid!
This is the Best Ted Talk i have ever came across. Now i have the confidence to initiate conversation with strangers. Thank You So Much OMID!
This is beautiful and really true
One of the best talks I´ve seen. I tried it and I learned two new, or no it was 3 persons. I didn't learned something about them but also about me. I will try this every time I met someone new or if I talk to completely strangers.
How did it turned out?
Beautifully expressed
Great ! I really like this presentation ,it makes you to think how do you talk and actually we tend to ask predictable questions ,which not interesting and simple,so thank you
Thank you so very much.
This Ted-talk made me happy today
Thank you so much
this is exactly what i needed to know. Very inspiring!
Thank you! Here is a list of questions you can use! www.omidscheybani.com/thepositude/2015/9/3/50-smarttalk-questions-ready-to-use
Brilliant!
I have understood is we are around the wrong people, but the question is; where is these people, how can we find this amazing and genuine people!! I want to confess whoever Is reading this I am very frustrated and so to a point where I turn my acquaintances or “friends” away for some time, after so long I don’t know if you feel the same way but I feel lost and all this time I feel is me the issue and after this amazing speech I can assure it not me but the surroundings I have my let inside my life. 🙏 so thankful.
I agree with this as I’m sure a lot of others do as well. My only question is, how do you engage in “authentic conversation” when in more lively social situations?
Great talk Scheybani... 7 billion people in the world has 7 billion unique life experiences to understand.... Daily we meet some many people...We need to talk to starangers always with good intentions.
great talk. thanks Omid
Coooollll! Thanks for sharing!!! It's worth thinking of the things that can bring us together!
Loved this
Absolutely underrated!
so great
I so agree with this and have been practicing in-depth conversation in my life :D
Great talk!
Love it!
Really wonderful speech!! This video definitely deserves more views!!! :-) great job Omid 👍
It is an excellent lecture.
great talk.. definitely a good question to ask "what made you happy today?"
Will try it out tomorrow at work
Very inspirational
Inspiring talk.
thanks for ur great sharing omid
I totally relate to this talk. Although I used to talk a lot about myself, I've shifted towards focusing on other people and letting them tell their story. The key is to avoid making it an interrogation but more enabling them to talk about what they care about. You first need to build rapport and show that you genuinely want to learn more about their lives and then ask the questions they want you to ask. They are usually the most obvious. I saw a comment below that said that people don't like lots of questions. That's true. It's about giving them a voice, not the third degree. :)
What a coincidence that two people so like minded, named the same and from Ontario support Omid's views!
I'd enjoy more of this
Imagine someone is having a bad day and they run into this guy and he asks them deeply personal questions. Small talk is there to make sure the conditions are right before deeper conversations.
beautiful this is what we are made of
These ideas should be applied in real life .. I Just wonder why they're so undervalued?
Woooow I like this one
Thanks it's amazing video 🙂...
It is a nice speech. I agree with many things, which he said.
Man this was much needed Ted talk. In the last year i seemed to lose interest in people and i was always going for the same old questions, now i can see why i was getting board with people . Its really sad but i don't remember the last good conversation i had .
awesome.
Boom.. this has changed the direction of the conversation
I wish more people would adopt this kind of view on conversation. I've also found that by throwing out a statement, often something funny, it seems to invite people to start relaxed conversations with me. This has always been a very effective way to meet women, by the way ;-) I think it makes people feel like I'm approachable and easy-going. It's one of the best ways I've found to start good conversations and avoid smalltalk. I usually don't open with direct questions to people because it has a tendency to make them feel like they're being interrogated, especially if I initiated the conversation.
super enlightening😃
I have been in china for three years and had the chance to meet people from different cultures. From my experience people hesitate to share their true thoughts and opinions unless they trust the other person.
this needs more views
Awesome
excellent
Thank you for that talk. I agree with some of what you said and I can put aspects of your talk into practice. You have some good points and I will incorporate some of your ideas into my conversations. However I found small talk a good way to break the ice, thereby making it easier to proceed. Some people can't even small talk much less proceed to meaningful and memorable states as you suggested. So ideally I've found that one or two bits of small talk open the way for more insightful conversation. You're also right in that conversation can leave a good feeling. Thank you. Win UK
This was amazing!
Brilliant
Kish !!! didnt know there are TED talks taking place in Iran !!!
y not
What a great finish :-)
Feeling enlightened 😄😄
Very good
This is very helpful, give me ideas in making conversation with some expats friends.
I'm so excited to try this! I would like to have more deep coversations with my parents, but I'm worried they will be upset with some of my beliefs 😟
Big Colt It's often easier to have a deep conversation with a stranger than a family member.
sonder
n. the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own-populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness-an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk
Poetic
sincerity will take you far in life.
smoke weed everyday 420 blaze it $$$
The problem is that some people simply don't want to share that kind of information about themselves!
Yet deep conversation are not just about share information about themselves.
Vielen dank Omid, Du hast sehr gut gemacht. Ya glaube ich das wir konnen das welt besser machen wann denken wir mehr uber die leute mit wem sprechen wir. Gut.
This is also known as selection bias, where people in this experiment were primed for deep meaningful conversation. My observation is that small talk is a litmus test of whether conversations starters can lead to more than acknowledgement, and then there is the issue of polite and eloquent conversation endings.
This talk was great. It's an amazingly simple way to look at things and appreciate more of what is around us
This video is useful, I actually use some of the thing I learn on her for my video.
Introverts are shy to start a conversation, but once it is started they convert it into meaningful conversation
Wooooowwwwww..........from now on.......let's talk
I agree, that the smalltalks are not good. In this way you will never get to know a person in depth.
In Russia you can easily be asked of very unexpected things and unfamiliar person may describe all his or hers life in details.This is normal for many people in our country. But I didn't notice this makes people better or happier. Small talks can't be implaced in this way I believe.
Small talk is necessary to get a rapport. It is not something that should be disliked. It must be incorporated with follow up questions to get a natural transition to deeper conversations. Do not be misguided that deep talk is all that matters.
You learn through talking to others but there is also a danger of being candid about yourself. You can be robbed, taken advantage of if others know too much about you. I usually talk about experiences that are in the past and can't harm me now or topics that are not about me but informative. All conversations usually start out with small talk such as how are you doing.
Ken, you live in a pretty nasty place if people take advantage over talking to eachother like that
Kiwi planet earth?
We Germans hate small talk. That brought us the stereotype to be rude. We are ok with that, we are rather be seen as rude than superficial. Rudeness (we call it honesty) brings you farther in life and makes better friendships.
Sounds nice
I agree 100% with you how a stranger could be your friend . previoslly I've got a very deep & funny coversation with girls I forgot their names but not their warm words or stories .
however , do you know when the "predictable soperficiality " most hurt ?
when it comes from someone who used to be closer in the past than now & u have to contenue this poor conversation bcs of an ice wall that has builded for unreason excuse .
Me gusta su acento del idioma de Shakespeare
Guatemala ❤
Watched this at 11pm and I was a little disappointed that I cant practice this right away. Impactful talk.
Brandon Stanton is the master of this.