And it's the best special I've seen in a really long time!!! Anyone who hasn't watched it yet is REALLY missing out!!! Go and see Ashley for who she really is: a master of comedy who deserves all the recognition for her craftsmanship!!! ✌️❤️😁
Seen your special a few times now.. and during it's premiere! It kicked ass!!!! Also shared it!!! Congrats again to Alayna on school!!! Now.... onto my reply for today's episode.... Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner!!! This was so inciteful and the comedic chime-in's were right on time and hilarious!!! This was sooooooo great today!!! You all are my faves!!! Wishing Mak the best with her therapy, and I hope it does wonders for her mental health!!! Love you guys... 🥰
It's frickin incredible! Not just the quality of the jokes but also the quality of the filming was on another level! Watched from the UK, and personally in comparison to UK comedy I've not be comfortable with jokes that purposefully make people feel uncomfortable but with Ashley you know that the jokes are not coming from a malicious place and they're not jokes being said for the sake of a joke they have a purpose to get her audience on board with her comedy and to breakdown barriers. I hope Ashley tours to the UK soon ❤
We need Alayna's sister to guest on the next pod just settle this debate so we can have peace in the household again 😂 also the fighting over who would be more good to her is low-key adorable
SAME!!! And also what she started to say two episodes ago re: potential childhood trauma causing her to NOT LIKE SUGAR!!! The masses are restless with anticipation.
Next time y’all are together in person you need to make Ashley watch all of the Twilight movies with you and film her commentary because it would be absolutely hilarious
The way mak & ashley talk about SPF and if they actually get along one-on-one is such an accurate portrayal of father-kid relationships 😂. Nobody knows what to say to each other 😂
EPISODE INPUT: I love how long you guys are giving updates but i would love more questions so i think you guys should let it run to an hour- hour 15 in order to get to more questions without dropping the super fun banter
Or just flip the order: do questions and closeout the episode with updates. I don't personally care either way, but I feel like longer recordings are a bigger ask.
Girly Ashley walked herself into that one when explaining what it’s like having a therapist. Mac reassuring her that no one was thinking about their therapist in a sexual way 34:46 😂 thanks for bringing chosen family to life. Truly are awesome people! 🧡🫶🏼🧡🫶🏼
i love how i always forget it's wednesday and i'm pleasantly surprised to see the new episode's out dshfbdshjfbdshfjbds perfect way to start this dayyyy
One thing I learned is that it is also important to tell your therapist when they say something about you in a way that you feel is misinterpreted or inappropriate (timing or wording). Hard to explain. My therapist worded something in a meditation that I felt was quite insensitive to trauma in such a vulnerable state where it is much harder to interject and correct the wording. I realized after and told her the next time and it was a very good practice of not people pleasing and stating my boundaries.
I think the biggest thing I've found in picking a therapist is knowing what it is I'm trying to address and having them on the same page. I saw a therapist who was very nice but I would leave feeling like 'damn, i talked a lot and I don't feel like we achieved anything.' It was more like talking to a friend than seeing a therapist. In contrast my next therapist was very good at directing the convo and also had a clear plan to work on what I was expressing concerns about. She totally changed my life. Also, don't be scared to leave if you are feeling like you're not getting what you want from your sessions. Even if they are a nice person and good at their job. Not every therapist is a fit for every client!
I'm a counseling intern GIVING therapy and I got some perspective and reassurance listening to this from my side as well! I really appreciate y'all talking about therapy so often.
Team Theodore shirts would be awesome😂. ETA: As for the therapist conversation. Therapists may push you in a good way that feels uncomfortable, but never let a therapist tell you who you are. They're not supposed to do that. Many therapists don't address their countertransference and end up interpreting what you're saying through their own "stuff." Therapists are supposed to touch base with you to make sure they're on the right track, not jump to conclusions or make assumptions. I've had bad experiences with a therapist who tried to tell me who I was and what I must think when she barely knew me, I had just started seeing her. That's a HUGE red flag.
Dude, this is why I love you guys! I get so much from this podcast. I know I need therapy and when Alaina said therapy just to get you above drowning.............goosebumps! I ha ve been saying this, I'm drowning, for months. I got on depression meds and I know I need to get in counseling! Thanks guys, love a straight-ie 😉
Way to go! Getting started is often the hardest part - both with meds and therapy. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for choosing to do both, instead of only relying on the meds. They help, but I feel like once I started therapy, that's where the real changes/improvement happened, cos it's like taking painkillers for a broken bone, and not going to the doctor/getting a cast. It'll heal, kinda, eventually, but would heal so much better with a cast on too. You've got this!
Wanted to add to the CBT therapy discussion for anyone that is neurodivergent. CBT might prove the opposite of beneficial bc of the way our brains are already wired to be self reflective. However, in the states most insurances will only approve CBT therapists for treatment so I would recommend finding a therapist that lists CBT along with other options. My person favorites for neurodivergence are DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and art therapy. Also make sure your therapist has a diverse client base and education if possible to avoid medical misinformation due to medical bias. Hope this is helpful for someone!
I'm glad someone else said this! CBT always felt like self-gaslighting to my autistic brain, and I've made so much more progress with different modalities. If CBT doesn't work for you, don't think that's all that therapy can be!
I was going to say this, CBT was the most traumatic therapy for me. I went away thinking I was meant to make fun of my depression and make songs up about it. And having to gas light myself constantly. Wouldn’t recommend personally.
Only 5 minutes in and I'm smiling so hard. Really needed my chosen family today as I'm hosting my out of town, unaccepting, blood family. Super exhausting. Thank you Ashley, Alayna and Mak for being here today 💜
Re: knowing a therapist is right for you. I for a long time thought I needed to get along with my therapist really well and like could be friends with them if we met organically and it was this goal of mine to really make my therapist like me for years and it led to some really unhealthy relationships with therapists. I had a therapist who spent half our sessions talking about herself. I had a therapist who tried to convince me I wasn’t gay and it was just my intrusive thoughts. I’ve had a therapist ditch me at the peak of my chronic illness. Ultimately I think bad therapy can be way more damaging than no therapy. So making sure it’s a professional relationship with strong boundaries is really critical!
I love yall so much, and just need to say that CBT has always felt like gaslighting to me. For years, therapist after therapist gaslit me, didn't help, or sometimes made things worse for me. I had been depressed for my whole life and my own interest in psychology and behavior (which I turned into a career, but not with humans) has helped me way more than any therapist ever has. As well as TikTok. I found out at age 30, a year and a half ago now, that I am autistic, and that realization has saved my mental health and given me a will to live. I feel pretty bitter and resentful towards CBT as a whole, and I know so many people who have had similar experiences. Edit to clarify my words: Realizing I'm autistic "alone" wasn't what saved my mental health, but it was the biggest piece of the puzzle that I was missing despite all of my knowledge about behavior and psychology.
I feel like cbt only works *in combination* with other forms of therapy. Like I’m okay with my therapist giving me “strategies” if she will first listen and give me insights into what I’m feeling, instead of just treating me like a problem to be fixed
is it possible that cbt didn’t help because of your autism? i’ve heard cbt is not meant for all autistic people, depending on the symptoms you struggle with. although i do believe what these other replies said, that that may be primarily if its on its own, but combined with other therapies can still help. but not everyone is the same so to each their own!! i know people whose certain methods have changed their lives forever that only made me feel more alone, so i understand. it’s never good to write anything off completely, but to decide it simply may not be right for you if you know something else that does is totally okay!
I had CBT as a base followed by meditation focused group therapy, then meditation/acceptation based therapy (all as a combination program). This was SO GOOD. My mind just works different now. From recurring depression + quite severe anxiety to only light anxiety in moments and almost no depressive periods (which I can just reverse after the first signs pop up). Like actually life altering.
thank you for this b/c i think i’ve been needing to know that there’s something out there that works lately, and am so glad you have found something that essentially healed you
24:59 Mak: When it comes to therapy, the chemistry is important. It’s important if you trust your therapist enough to let him into your thoughts. If you think you can’t talk about certain topics, then you should reconsider. It’s really a matter of how comfortable you feel and about if you think, what your therapist does, will get you somewhere.
I started therapy when I was in a super toxic relationship and EXACTLY what Ashley said- when you say the truth you know you can't go back from it. I knew I needed to end that incredibly co-dependent relationship, and once I told my therapist, I did it immediately after my session. Truly my entire life changed for the better in that moment
I absolutely cry in sessions with my therapist when I have a breakthrough. And I feel completely safe to do so. I love all the vulnerability you shared in this episode, as well as the rivalry between Ashley and Mak over Alayna's sister. The special was AMAZING!
Ashley, my partner and I watched your special last night and it was SO GOOD!!! I was dying! I’m on a new medication that’s making me feel kinda awful right now and that was exactly what I needed. You are incredible! I was even more excited to catch all of you this morning in the afterglow of that performance. You are all amazing, talented, generous, incredible women and I look up to all of you! ❤❤❤
I love this podcast so much! Also, we need Alayna to finally be able to say the thing she wanted to say! (And from previous episodes lol) #StopInterruptingMommy 😅
I need Ashley to write a book about being a queer woman going through therapy for basically her entire adolescence. I've had therapy on and off with nuns (not even kidding) when I was 14 ish (when I was starting to realize I'm bisexual). Just now I'm starting to go to an actual nice therapist who I feel heard me. It's completely changed the way I think and act. I'm able to understand my motivations better (and Zoloft lmao). Ive been really liking this podcast and watching queer women talk about these things !! Ive been watching 89% man centered content almost all my life just because that's what's pushed at me Thank y'all for this podcast. 💕
A lot of stuff has been happening in my life recently and it’s really taken a toll on my mental health (which already was just shit). THIS is MY therapy. I totally forgot it was Wednesday and I needed this so bad… I’m gonna grab a snack and watch u guys talk abt whatever, with so much desperately needed joy. Love you guys.
I'm in therapy but not consistently and I think it was Ashley who said that your therapist needs to model a good relationship for you. That really has me thinking because my therapist is great but he has so many clients that it's hard to fit me in sometimes and this episode is making me realize that I might need some additional people to help me
To prepare for my therapy I also just write down what I want to talk about in my notes app 😄 I do it as things come up so I don’t forget, and yes it keeps you accountable!
This is perfect timing. I lost my dad when i was 8 & now that I'm 24 I'm like actually feeling affected by it, and I think I have a lot of loss trauma. It's starting to affect all of my relationships, and I'm hoping to start therapy soon
Laughed so hard for the entire beginning and then got hit over the head with a realization while Mak was talking about wanting to be Superman. So good!
i love this podcast so much, when you guys open up or talk about deep subjects it makes me feel like im so comforted and not alone, but you also joke around, its such a nice mix
This is so topical. I just had therapy today. I wish I could afford to go more often. I feel like going once or twice a month works for getting current Events off my chest but I don't get any deeper than that. 45 minutes goes ridiculously fast and I definitely do tend to get to more important things near the end. I really like my counsellor but I don't feel like I'm developing any skills.
What Ashley spoke to about her meditation, the space it brought between her and her emotions is almost EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for because I can’t even identify emotions due to how intensely I feel them. Based on what Ashley said about it I now think meditation will be very helpful when I hadn’t thought so before.
This is possibly the most helpful episode in terms of mental health. U all described CBT & other forms of therapy in a very understandable & easy to grasp way. I've had a very similar experience w therapy as Ashley & it helps to also hear how others have navigated that similar path. Thanks fam!💜
Listening to Mak talk about how she is working on trying to not fix everyone’s problems made me feel super seen because I do the exact same thing. As soon as someone complains about something or talks about something wrong I think “how I can fix it for them”
This is the first podcast I’ve listened to that made me feel so safe. The way you talk about therapy is very soothing to me as I had a student psychologist and am now looking for someone outside of school. You guys make me feel safe, thank you for being you
On the topic of CBT - it sounds more like Ashley is talking about ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) which is a lot more about creating distance from unhelpful thoughts and practising mindfulness than CBT (which looks to focus in on a unhelpful thought and how we can turn that into a helpful thought). Dr Russ Harris talks a lot about ACT if anyone is interested :) From personal and anecdotal opinion, I think it’s more helpful for autistic/neurodiverse people than CBT
Ashley .. seen your special a few times now.. and during it's premiere! It kicked ass!!!! Also shared it!!! Congrats again to Alayna on school!!! Now.... onto my reply for today's episode.... Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner!!! This was so inciteful and the comedic chime-in's were right on time and hilarious!!! This was sooooooo great today!!! You all are my faves!!! Wishing Mak the best with her therapy, and I hope it does wonders for her mental health!!! Love you guys... 🥰
Legit every time I hear about visual queues like that mic drop at 21:13 I switch from podcast to TH-cam and back again, and I swear every pod recently there's been comments on tops soooooo great method for doubling views!!
Ashley awesome job on your special I accidentally stayed up way to late so I could finish watching it‼️ I even put a reminder on my calendar and everything
I watched Ashley’s special. So funny!! And I had an awful day but once I got home I realized that you guys would be posting this and I was so happy and it made my day so much better!!💗💗
Haven't watched the vod yet, I just wanna say before pressing play, I loved your special!!! I gave myself the best kind of headache laughing. Best viewing of a comedian I've ever seen, without question. You're amazing!
I stopped this podcast in the middle of it to call my therapist and make an appointment. Thank you for the unintentional reminder and slap of motivation. Happy you are all my family ❤
I’m 3 years into my therapy journey now. I started bc I was drowning and now I’m floating higher these days :)) I love therapy and truly think it can change your life. Thank you guys for being so vulnerable. Ashley, I am trying to break cycles right now. I know why I’m doing the things I do and I sometimes feel helpless in it. It’s really hard and it sucks but hearing you talk about going through that is nice and makes me feel less alone. Also love the dead dad jokes and references. I lost my dad 4 years ago when I was 19 and it just gets harder. Again knowing you’re going through that as well makes me feel less alone.
Thank y’all so much for being so vulnerable and having such quality conversations about therapy. I am so impressed by all of you and so grateful to have found your podcast
Loved all the therapy talk this episode! Alayna was spot on about CBT and getting you out of feeling like you’re drowning. I definitely need some more digging into the core of things, going to try psychodynamic in the future! In terms of Mak asking how do you know if a therapist is a good fit for you, for me it all boils down to if I like them or not and do they make you feel comfortable. Hypothetically, could you imagine going to get coffee with them? Of course there’s the bad eggs out there who are chronically late, fall asleep, or forget names so there might need to be a little shopping around but once you find the one to stick with, I think you’ll know.
I really needed this episode today! Currently suffering from my therapy hangover from yesterday, and took so much comfort in knowing that you guys have the same or similar struggles with the therapy journey as I do, thank you so much guys for being so open and honest ❤❤
As someone who used to always leave heavy stuff to the end of the session, it was not so much a "I know this is coming and I want to drop a bomb and run away" but instead it was genuine fear of letting my brain go to that place and admit the thing. It would take weaving my way there to finally feel like I could say it.
I need to add this to my list of hilarious episodes. It is right up there with the inspirational episode and the bullying one. Keep it up. You guys really put a smile on my face every time.
This is a great episode,i have have been in therapy since i was 9 and last year I started DBT I got help from my therapist to get diagnosed with borderline personality and also helped me come out as non binary this has changed my life
Re: therapy, wanted to add an anecdote about how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) isn't for everyone. I have a lot of developmental trauma and was placed in therapy because of it from ages 9-14 and tried again at 18 but didn't find it helpful. I did some more research during the pandemic and found that more of a somatic approach was incredibly helpful, especially because I have no memories of the traumatic events. I'm very self-aware and self-analyzing and so a lot of the time I know the root of my issues intellectually but that does not translate to processing it (I'm also emotionally repressed, again because of the developmental trauma). I've been in therapy for 3 years now and I've made so much progress. All that to say: If you find that therapy doesn't help, it might be the wrong kind of therapy for you! P.S. I also write down notes before and after therapy so, like Mak, I remember to say what I want and also that I will push myself to be vulnerable (which is terrifying).
Yes THIS ! Was going to say CBT is a top down approach, where for people with maybe some more trauma, or with some deeper seeded issues they need to work on usually a bottoms up approach is more helpful (body based - more right brain vs CBT which is very left brain )
Thank you guys for talking so openly about therapy. I was so scared for a while to ask my parents to take me to a therapist but I’m so glad I did. I did therapy and took a separate DBT class for the first 6 months which was SOOO helpful and since then I’ve just been going to therapy but on my own I revisit DBT skills often to make sure I remember my coping skills. I’m an “out of sight, out of mind” person so I do often have to revisit coping skills to remember them. But yeah, DBT and therapy are truly life changing!!
I was really lucky (is that the word? hm) in that I came into therapy after spending a lot of time with a group of folks who were into our local rave scene and one of the Most important things they drilled into each other (and me, though I only smoked weed) was that if you find yourself across from a paramedic you Don't Lie To The Doctor. They're not cops. They aren't going to yell at you. They can't save your life if you lie to them.
#teamtheodore and, Ashley, your special was fantastic. I watched it instead of studying for exams while taking pictures of it on my screen and spamming friends and family ‘til they showed me it on theirs. You’re very talented, and I hope that it reinforced that your hilarity is universal, and your dedication is evident. Idk if anyone from pod or comment section has advice, but… I’m new to therapy (6-ish months?), and I feel that I luckily have a good connection with my therapist, but I’m getting kinda tired of CBT. I feel like I understand what’s going on and how to fix it in the short-term… so do most therapists do multiple styles/forms? Would it be kosher for me to ask her about that? Bc I don’t really want to re-bare my heart and soul to someone new just yet.
I think I would sit down and reflect with your goals and where you could see yourself moving towards. Ask yourself how isn't CBT serving you or how it is. And of course, it is completely fine to bring up that CBT is getting tiring and ask if there is a different discipline that might fit your goals better. I understand that is is exhausting to switch therapists if you've found a good match, but at least you would know that is an option in the future. ❤
Really love this podcast, it's an easy listen and really relatable 😅 think all of us need therapy at some point. I grew up in an environment where if you had therapy you were weak. It's totally wrong, therapy has made me stronger and given me more self awareness. I used to journal a lot but struggled with keeping up with it but I should get back into it because it did help 😊 love you guys, keep doing all the cool things you're doing ✌
ashley's special is out!
th-cam.com/video/Ay6jUYPH644/w-d-xo.html
And it's the best special I've seen in a really long time!!! Anyone who hasn't watched it yet is REALLY missing out!!! Go and see Ashley for who she really is: a master of comedy who deserves all the recognition for her craftsmanship!!! ✌️❤️😁
@@Kassandra_Karma all the call backs the whole way through were incredible
@@AB7640 All the way to the end🤌😄
Seen your special a few times now.. and during it's premiere! It kicked ass!!!! Also shared it!!! Congrats again to Alayna on school!!! Now.... onto my reply for today's episode.... Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner!!! This was so inciteful and the comedic chime-in's were right on time and hilarious!!! This was sooooooo great today!!! You all are my faves!!! Wishing Mak the best with her therapy, and I hope it does wonders for her mental health!!! Love you guys... 🥰
It's frickin incredible! Not just the quality of the jokes but also the quality of the filming was on another level! Watched from the UK, and personally in comparison to UK comedy I've not be comfortable with jokes that purposefully make people feel uncomfortable but with Ashley you know that the jokes are not coming from a malicious place and they're not jokes being said for the sake of a joke they have a purpose to get her audience on board with her comedy and to breakdown barriers. I hope Ashley tours to the UK soon ❤
We need Alayna's sister to guest on the next pod just settle this debate so we can have peace in the household again 😂 also the fighting over who would be more good to her is low-key adorable
Big Shoresy energy there
Yessssss please!!!! 😁☺😆
I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE THING ALAYNA WANTED TO SAY
Same!
SAME
@@AlaynaJoyOfficial I thought it would end up being such a good patreon plug 😭
Same! What did Alayna want to say?!
SAME!!! And also what she started to say two episodes ago re: potential childhood trauma causing her to NOT LIKE SUGAR!!! The masses are restless with anticipation.
Ashley telling Mak to wear sunscreen is peak chosen family parenting ❤
TH-cam felt very strongly about letting me see Ashley do a keynote speech at GETT tonight.
😂 I get that all the time too
Always 😂
Yes! Same! I wish I saw it before April. I would’ve totally been an annoying peace of shit and pranked with it
Saaaaame lmao I watched it and said awwwww
lol same, I actually watched it all the way through cause holy crap I wish my professors were like that lol
Next time y’all are together in person you need to make Ashley watch all of the Twilight movies with you and film her commentary because it would be absolutely hilarious
omg yes!!
+1
Omg I would watch the hell out of that
+
that’s a fantastic idea i hope they do it
The way mak & ashley talk about SPF and if they actually get along one-on-one is such an accurate portrayal of father-kid relationships 😂. Nobody knows what to say to each other 😂
Wow, the burn about not crying from phone sex has gotta be worse than the actual sunburn Mak's peeling from.
Do u know in which episode that happened? I don’t remember lol
@@jesselox3470 this episode bestie 😭
@@Ray-zy7vb aCtUaLly, I think she meant where Mak first mentioned the crying thing, girlie. 🤗 😂
@@samamo90 thank u i was like why am i being soft dragged 😭🤣
@@jesselox3470 2nd episode around 11:30 😊
The way Mak said: "Alayna did you see my instagram story of my climb?" She was def talking to mom Alayna. Love this family. 🥰🥰
It makes me so happy to to see how much more lively mak is, hoping she’s feeling less burned out.
When Mak and Ashley were arguing over Alayna's sister, I was fully expecting Alayna to just blurt out: 'I'm Switzerland!' 😂
EPISODE INPUT: I love how long you guys are giving updates but i would love more questions so i think you guys should let it run to an hour- hour 15 in order to get to more questions without dropping the super fun banter
yesss
Or just flip the order: do questions and closeout the episode with updates. I don't personally care either way, but I feel like longer recordings are a bigger ask.
By the sounds of it they're all super busy, I'm sure if they could go longer they would
Girly Ashley walked herself into that one when explaining what it’s like having a therapist. Mac reassuring her that no one was thinking about their therapist in a sexual way 34:46 😂 thanks for bringing chosen family to life. Truly are awesome people! 🧡🫶🏼🧡🫶🏼
i love how i always forget it's wednesday and i'm pleasantly surprised to see the new episode's out dshfbdshjfbdshfjbds perfect way to start this dayyyy
Ashley your special was so hilarious!
I definitely played it on all my devices at home! Stayed up till 12-2am for it! Supporting from Germany 🫶🏽💕
One thing I learned is that it is also important to tell your therapist when they say something about you in a way that you feel is misinterpreted or inappropriate (timing or wording). Hard to explain. My therapist worded something in a meditation that I felt was quite insensitive to trauma in such a vulnerable state where it is much harder to interject and correct the wording. I realized after and told her the next time and it was a very good practice of not people pleasing and stating my boundaries.
The Twilight References😂😂❤ Mak you are so right!❤
I think the biggest thing I've found in picking a therapist is knowing what it is I'm trying to address and having them on the same page. I saw a therapist who was very nice but I would leave feeling like 'damn, i talked a lot and I don't feel like we achieved anything.' It was more like talking to a friend than seeing a therapist. In contrast my next therapist was very good at directing the convo and also had a clear plan to work on what I was expressing concerns about. She totally changed my life. Also, don't be scared to leave if you are feeling like you're not getting what you want from your sessions. Even if they are a nice person and good at their job. Not every therapist is a fit for every client!
I hope we talk about Ashley's special next week it was so good
alayna's sister has the option to do the funniest thing possible after ashley's show
I'm a counseling intern GIVING therapy and I got some perspective and reassurance listening to this from my side as well! I really appreciate y'all talking about therapy so often.
Team Theodore shirts would be awesome😂. ETA: As for the therapist conversation. Therapists may push you in a good way that feels uncomfortable, but never let a therapist tell you who you are. They're not supposed to do that. Many therapists don't address their countertransference and end up interpreting what you're saying through their own "stuff." Therapists are supposed to touch base with you to make sure they're on the right track, not jump to conclusions or make assumptions. I've had bad experiences with a therapist who tried to tell me who I was and what I must think when she barely knew me, I had just started seeing her. That's a HUGE red flag.
Ashley, your vulnerability about relationships and therapy is So deeply appreciated❤❤❤
Dude, this is why I love you guys! I get so much from this podcast. I know I need therapy and when Alaina said therapy just to get you above drowning.............goosebumps! I ha ve been saying this, I'm drowning, for months. I got on depression meds and I know I need to get in counseling! Thanks guys, love a straight-ie 😉
Way to go! Getting started is often the hardest part - both with meds and therapy. I don't know you, but I'm proud of you for choosing to do both, instead of only relying on the meds. They help, but I feel like once I started therapy, that's where the real changes/improvement happened, cos it's like taking painkillers for a broken bone, and not going to the doctor/getting a cast. It'll heal, kinda, eventually, but would heal so much better with a cast on too. You've got this!
Wanted to add to the CBT therapy discussion for anyone that is neurodivergent. CBT might prove the opposite of beneficial bc of the way our brains are already wired to be self reflective. However, in the states most insurances will only approve CBT therapists for treatment so I would recommend finding a therapist that lists CBT along with other options. My person favorites for neurodivergence are DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy) and art therapy. Also make sure your therapist has a diverse client base and education if possible to avoid medical misinformation due to medical bias. Hope this is helpful for someone!
I'm glad someone else said this! CBT always felt like self-gaslighting to my autistic brain, and I've made so much more progress with different modalities.
If CBT doesn't work for you, don't think that's all that therapy can be!
I was going to say this, CBT was the most traumatic therapy for me. I went away thinking I was meant to make fun of my depression and make songs up about it. And having to gas light myself constantly. Wouldn’t recommend personally.
Only 5 minutes in and I'm smiling so hard. Really needed my chosen family today as I'm hosting my out of town, unaccepting, blood family. Super exhausting.
Thank you Ashley, Alayna and Mak for being here today 💜
Re: knowing a therapist is right for you.
I for a long time thought I needed to get along with my therapist really well and like could be friends with them if we met organically and it was this goal of mine to really make my therapist like me for years and it led to some really unhealthy relationships with therapists. I had a therapist who spent half our sessions talking about herself. I had a therapist who tried to convince me I wasn’t gay and it was just my intrusive thoughts. I’ve had a therapist ditch me at the peak of my chronic illness.
Ultimately I think bad therapy can be way more damaging than no therapy. So making sure it’s a professional relationship with strong boundaries is really critical!
Yeah exactly, like don’t be afraid to ditch your therapist, I had like 5 before I found one who actually works well with me
I love yall so much, and just need to say that CBT has always felt like gaslighting to me. For years, therapist after therapist gaslit me, didn't help, or sometimes made things worse for me. I had been depressed for my whole life and my own interest in psychology and behavior (which I turned into a career, but not with humans) has helped me way more than any therapist ever has. As well as TikTok. I found out at age 30, a year and a half ago now, that I am autistic, and that realization has saved my mental health and given me a will to live. I feel pretty bitter and resentful towards CBT as a whole, and I know so many people who have had similar experiences.
Edit to clarify my words: Realizing I'm autistic "alone" wasn't what saved my mental health, but it was the biggest piece of the puzzle that I was missing despite all of my knowledge about behavior and psychology.
I feel like cbt only works *in combination* with other forms of therapy. Like I’m okay with my therapist giving me “strategies” if she will first listen and give me insights into what I’m feeling, instead of just treating me like a problem to be fixed
@@whatcanidooo definitely agree with this!
is it possible that cbt didn’t help because of your autism? i’ve heard cbt is not meant for all autistic people, depending on the symptoms you struggle with. although i do believe what these other replies said, that that may be primarily if its on its own, but combined with other therapies can still help. but not everyone is the same so to each their own!! i know people whose certain methods have changed their lives forever that only made me feel more alone, so i understand. it’s never good to write anything off completely, but to decide it simply may not be right for you if you know something else that does is totally okay!
The special is doing great, Jojo was just on the other pod, now this one is trending-- and yet, y'all deserve even more 💖🌸✨️🧢
I had CBT as a base followed by meditation focused group therapy, then meditation/acceptation based therapy (all as a combination program). This was SO GOOD. My mind just works different now. From recurring depression + quite severe anxiety to only light anxiety in moments and almost no depressive periods (which I can just reverse after the first signs pop up). Like actually life altering.
thank you for this b/c i think i’ve been needing to know that there’s something out there that works lately, and am so glad you have found something that essentially healed you
The way I’m gonna be at the show in Winnipeg casually peeking for Alayna’s family resemblance
THIS PODCAST IS KIND OF MY THERAPY! Thanks for everything! ❤
Obviously we only see part of their lives but Mak seems so much happier and lighthearted this episode which is so nice to see 😊
24:59 Mak: When it comes to therapy, the chemistry is important. It’s important if you trust your therapist enough to let him into your thoughts. If you think you can’t talk about certain topics, then you should reconsider. It’s really a matter of how comfortable you feel and about if you think, what your therapist does, will get you somewhere.
Lets bombard all the major streaming services to cast Ashley Gavin!
yes to everything Ashley said about dating (un-)therapized people. I'm so here for vulnerable AshGavs. And Mak. And Alayna, obviously.
I started therapy when I was in a super toxic relationship and EXACTLY what Ashley said- when you say the truth you know you can't go back from it. I knew I needed to end that incredibly co-dependent relationship, and once I told my therapist, I did it immediately after my session. Truly my entire life changed for the better in that moment
I absolutely cry in sessions with my therapist when I have a breakthrough. And I feel completely safe to do so. I love all the vulnerability you shared in this episode, as well as the rivalry between Ashley and Mak over Alayna's sister. The special was AMAZING!
Mac was spicy on this episode . She’s never made me laugh more than this 😂
YOU ABSOLUTELY CRUSHED IT DAD!!!👏🔥 so happy for you 😁
Ashley, my partner and I watched your special last night and it was SO GOOD!!! I was dying! I’m on a new medication that’s making me feel kinda awful right now and that was exactly what I needed. You are incredible! I was even more excited to catch all of you this morning in the afterglow of that performance. You are all amazing, talented, generous, incredible women and I look up to all of you! ❤❤❤
I absolutely love how this feels like I'm just hanging with some friends. The banter is doin it for me 😂
I love this podcast so much!
Also, we need Alayna to finally be able to say the thing she wanted to say! (And from previous episodes lol) #StopInterruptingMommy 😅
I need Ashley to write a book about being a queer woman going through therapy for basically her entire adolescence. I've had therapy on and off with nuns (not even kidding) when I was 14 ish (when I was starting to realize I'm bisexual).
Just now I'm starting to go to an actual nice therapist who I feel heard me. It's completely changed the way I think and act. I'm able to understand my motivations better (and Zoloft lmao).
Ive been really liking this podcast and watching queer women talk about these things !! Ive been watching 89% man centered content almost all my life just because that's what's pushed at me
Thank y'all for this podcast. 💕
A lot of stuff has been happening in my life recently and it’s really taken a toll on my mental health (which already was just shit). THIS is MY therapy. I totally forgot it was Wednesday and I needed this so bad… I’m gonna grab a snack and watch u guys talk abt whatever, with so much desperately needed joy. Love you guys.
I'm in therapy but not consistently and I think it was Ashley who said that your therapist needs to model a good relationship for you. That really has me thinking because my therapist is great but he has so many clients that it's hard to fit me in sometimes and this episode is making me realize that I might need some additional people to help me
so chaotic at the start 🤣then great insight into therapy and what to think about before going. thank you!
To prepare for my therapy I also just write down what I want to talk about in my notes app 😄 I do it as things come up so I don’t forget, and yes it keeps you accountable!
One min in all l want to say is ASHLEY, REPRESENT US EDS LESBIANS PROUDLY!
The chaos of this podcast is amazing 😂♥️
This is perfect timing. I lost my dad when i was 8 & now that I'm 24 I'm like actually feeling affected by it, and I think I have a lot of loss trauma. It's starting to affect all of my relationships, and I'm hoping to start therapy soon
Laughed so hard for the entire beginning and then got hit over the head with a realization while Mak was talking about wanting to be Superman. So good!
i love this podcast so much, when you guys open up or talk about deep subjects it makes me feel like im so comforted and not alone, but you also joke around, its such a nice mix
today mak is glowingggg
This is so topical. I just had therapy today. I wish I could afford to go more often. I feel like going once or twice a month works for getting current Events off my chest but I don't get any deeper than that. 45 minutes goes ridiculously fast and I definitely do tend to get to more important things near the end. I really like my counsellor but I don't feel like I'm developing any skills.
What Ashley spoke to about her meditation, the space it brought between her and her emotions is almost EXACTLY what I’ve been looking for because I can’t even identify emotions due to how intensely I feel them. Based on what Ashley said about it I now think meditation will be very helpful when I hadn’t thought so before.
I think the best therapist is the one you can tell the most difficult things to and feel safe. Take the time to find the right one.
This is possibly the most helpful episode in terms of mental health. U all described CBT & other forms of therapy in a very understandable & easy to grasp way. I've had a very similar experience w therapy as Ashley & it helps to also hear how others have navigated that similar path. Thanks fam!💜
Listening to Mak talk about how she is working on trying to not fix everyone’s problems made me feel super seen because I do the exact same thing. As soon as someone complains about something or talks about something wrong I think “how I can fix it for them”
This is the first podcast I’ve listened to that made me feel so safe. The way you talk about therapy is very soothing to me as I had a student psychologist and am now looking for someone outside of school. You guys make me feel safe, thank you for being you
On the topic of CBT - it sounds more like Ashley is talking about ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) which is a lot more about creating distance from unhelpful thoughts and practising mindfulness than CBT (which looks to focus in on a unhelpful thought and how we can turn that into a helpful thought). Dr Russ Harris talks a lot about ACT if anyone is interested :)
From personal and anecdotal opinion, I think it’s more helpful for autistic/neurodiverse people than CBT
P.s. I think lots of therapy types are great and I also love you all and your podcast ❤️
Ashley .. seen your special a few times now.. and during it's premiere! It kicked ass!!!! Also shared it!!! Congrats again to Alayna on school!!! Now.... onto my reply for today's episode.... Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner!!! This was so inciteful and the comedic chime-in's were right on time and hilarious!!! This was sooooooo great today!!! You all are my faves!!! Wishing Mak the best with her therapy, and I hope it does wonders for her mental health!!! Love you guys... 🥰
Mak is totally Jacob and we love it. We love the twilight references
I like when this pod start at 9am in Europe when I'm at work 😁
👋 Have a nice day everyone 🤗😘
Legit every time I hear about visual queues like that mic drop at 21:13 I switch from podcast to TH-cam and back again, and I swear every pod recently there's been comments on tops soooooo great method for doubling views!!
Appreciate y'all and your teams!
Ashley awesome job on your special I accidentally stayed up way to late so I could finish watching it‼️ I even put a reminder on my calendar and everything
I watched Ashley’s special. So funny!! And I had an awful day but once I got home I realized that you guys would be posting this and I was so happy and it made my day so much better!!💗💗
Haven't watched the vod yet, I just wanna say before pressing play,
I loved your special!!! I gave myself the best kind of headache laughing. Best viewing of a comedian I've ever seen, without question. You're amazing!
Ashley your Special was so good , totally worth staying up till 2am. I'm gonna watch it again today ❤
Loved Mac's energy today
Love yall’s banter. Mak is the absolute cutest human on the planet! ❤
I stopped this podcast in the middle of it to call my therapist and make an appointment. Thank you for the unintentional reminder and slap of motivation. Happy you are all my family ❤
Best Day of the Week!!!😍😍😍💞❤😁😁🥰 Love you all and Also ASHLEY I LOVED THE SPECIAL!!!❤❤❤
I’m 3 years into my therapy journey now. I started bc I was drowning and now I’m floating higher these days :)) I love therapy and truly think it can change your life. Thank you guys for being so vulnerable.
Ashley, I am trying to break cycles right now. I know why I’m doing the things I do and I sometimes feel helpless in it. It’s really hard and it sucks but hearing you talk about going through that is nice and makes me feel less alone.
Also love the dead dad jokes and references. I lost my dad 4 years ago when I was 19 and it just gets harder. Again knowing you’re going through that as well makes me feel less alone.
Thank y’all so much for being so vulnerable and having such quality conversations about therapy. I am so impressed by all of you and so grateful to have found your podcast
Tonight we ate a hearty healthy soup that looked a little off putting, but once we started eating it, we felt so much better.
Loved all the therapy talk this episode! Alayna was spot on about CBT and getting you out of feeling like you’re drowning. I definitely need some more digging into the core of things, going to try psychodynamic in the future! In terms of Mak asking how do you know if a therapist is a good fit for you, for me it all boils down to if I like them or not and do they make you feel comfortable. Hypothetically, could you imagine going to get coffee with them? Of course there’s the bad eggs out there who are chronically late, fall asleep, or forget names so there might need to be a little shopping around but once you find the one to stick with, I think you’ll know.
petition for a spin off climbing podcast.
I really needed this episode today! Currently suffering from my therapy hangover from yesterday, and took so much comfort in knowing that you guys have the same or similar struggles with the therapy journey as I do, thank you so much guys for being so open and honest ❤❤
The energy of this episode is incredible
I just died at Ashley THROWING the mic @ 6:11 to check if Alaynas sister is following her 😂
29:00 Agreed. I did CBT therapy and have a ton of tools now for anxiety, but it feels like I still need to dive into the "why I am the way I am".
Lol I immediately went into protective mode as soon as the crying joke was said. Mak, never change.
Great conversation about therapy! So much truth and good advice!
As someone who used to always leave heavy stuff to the end of the session, it was not so much a "I know this is coming and I want to drop a bomb and run away" but instead it was genuine fear of letting my brain go to that place and admit the thing. It would take weaving my way there to finally feel like I could say it.
Loved your special Ashley! Love Wednesday mornings ( I’m from the UK). fave podcast 💘
Watching this the night before my first therapy session. Thank u
The chaotic energy of this podcast is amazing hahaha
Back in my happy place 🥰 makes me feel like things aren't all horrible. Thank you (and your team) so much 💙
I need to add this to my list of hilarious episodes. It is right up there with the inspirational episode and the bullying one. Keep it up. You guys really put a smile on my face every time.
I just watched the entire episode on TH-cam. Time to listen to it on Spotify now, listening to you guys helps me calm down. Love you all ❤
This is a great episode,i have have been in therapy since i was 9 and last year I started DBT I got help from my therapist to get diagnosed with borderline personality and also helped me come out as non binary this has changed my life
This is so chaotic and I love it 😂
Re: therapy, wanted to add an anecdote about how Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) isn't for everyone. I have a lot of developmental trauma and was placed in therapy because of it from ages 9-14 and tried again at 18 but didn't find it helpful. I did some more research during the pandemic and found that more of a somatic approach was incredibly helpful, especially because I have no memories of the traumatic events. I'm very self-aware and self-analyzing and so a lot of the time I know the root of my issues intellectually but that does not translate to processing it (I'm also emotionally repressed, again because of the developmental trauma). I've been in therapy for 3 years now and I've made so much progress.
All that to say: If you find that therapy doesn't help, it might be the wrong kind of therapy for you!
P.S. I also write down notes before and after therapy so, like Mak, I remember to say what I want and also that I will push myself to be vulnerable (which is terrifying).
Yes THIS ! Was going to say CBT is a top down approach, where for people with maybe some more trauma, or with some deeper seeded issues they need to work on usually a bottoms up approach is more helpful (body based - more right brain vs CBT which is very left brain )
Thank you guys for talking so openly about therapy. I was so scared for a while to ask my parents to take me to a therapist but I’m so glad I did. I did therapy and took a separate DBT class for the first 6 months which was SOOO helpful and since then I’ve just been going to therapy but on my own I revisit DBT skills often to make sure I remember my coping skills. I’m an “out of sight, out of mind” person so I do often have to revisit coping skills to remember them. But yeah, DBT and therapy are truly life changing!!
I was really lucky (is that the word? hm) in that I came into therapy after spending a lot of time with a group of folks who were into our local rave scene and one of the Most important things they drilled into each other (and me, though I only smoked weed) was that if you find yourself across from a paramedic you Don't Lie To The Doctor. They're not cops. They aren't going to yell at you. They can't save your life if you lie to them.
#teamtheodore and, Ashley, your special was fantastic. I watched it instead of studying for exams while taking pictures of it on my screen and spamming friends and family ‘til they showed me it on theirs. You’re very talented, and I hope that it reinforced that your hilarity is universal, and your dedication is evident.
Idk if anyone from pod or comment section has advice, but…
I’m new to therapy (6-ish months?), and I feel that I luckily have a good connection with my therapist, but I’m getting kinda tired of CBT. I feel like I understand what’s going on and how to fix it in the short-term… so do most therapists do multiple styles/forms? Would it be kosher for me to ask her about that? Bc I don’t really want to re-bare my heart and soul to someone new just yet.
I think I would sit down and reflect with your goals and where you could see yourself moving towards. Ask yourself how isn't CBT serving you or how it is. And of course, it is completely fine to bring up that CBT is getting tiring and ask if there is a different discipline that might fit your goals better. I understand that is is exhausting to switch therapists if you've found a good match, but at least you would know that is an option in the future. ❤
i do a little happy dance every time I remember a new episode is out so i'm engaging for the algorithm
Really love this podcast, it's an easy listen and really relatable 😅 think all of us need therapy at some point. I grew up in an environment where if you had therapy you were weak. It's totally wrong, therapy has made me stronger and given me more self awareness.
I used to journal a lot but struggled with keeping up with it but I should get back into it because it did help 😊 love you guys, keep doing all the cool things you're doing ✌