This is a great video! I also just published a video on fear of failure which goes hand in hand for fear of rejection. Its also my first video, so I hope it can be useful to others!
This is so so good. I recommend it to everyone. Fear of rejection holds so many people back and keeps them from stepping into their calling and spreading their message. People NEED to hear this!
Rejection is a sign of strength to stand up for what we believe in. It's not negative at all, it's testament to rich diversity of human experience and belief. Everyone has an opinion, blessed be those free enough to express it. Cursed is he whom is unwilling to listen learn and adapt. Great video.
I dealt with the fear of rejection for a very long time! When things are left unsolved it affects us until we examine those things just like you said. Unfortunately some people take a long time to come around to taking a step back to viewing their life and realizing that we have the power to overcome these occurances!
Overcome rejection with girls by knowing almost most girls are insecure because they want someone is the opposite, know that everyone is similar like going home to do the same things people do at home, we all do weird shit, we all have quirks, we all have bad habits, know what you are good at and getting rejected feels like getting struck out in baseball. it doesnt last long. Plus the more you try the easier it is to try
Its called reality. Work on yourself and self worth without blaming or excusing the people, situations and unforseen circumstances that people felt entitled in their mind to ever experience. Its acceptance. Across the Board.
This has really touched home to me. I was afraid, for a long time, to try new things, all because of fear of rejection. I started a project here on TH-cam earlier this year because I finally overcame that fear to take the first step. Your encouragement to be myself and to push forward is just what I need at the moment. Thanks.
Fear of rejection is a very strong feeling. I know because I have been through it, and I have felt the true intensity of it when I was much younger but the older I got, the more I had to get over it. Fear of rejection is a temporary thing if you make it out to be. Off course you have to accept it and not be ashamed of it in order to fully overcome it in the long run but here is one simple truth: TIME IS LIMITED. We all have dreams we want to accomplish. We all want to live that life where we are happy and have that feeling of finally belonging and finding our place in the world. But we have so little time to do it! The fact is the older we get the more demanding our life becomes. You don't want to be a dependant forever, you don't want to sit on the sidelines while you watch other people excel in life, you don't want to be jealous of others because they have what you were longing to have, those people did it, they got over it. We are not alone, everyone goes through struggles and fear of rejection is one of those struggles. I had to learn to overcome fear of rejection by actually doing the thing I feared the most, which was actually getting rejected! It wasn't so bad, being ignored, not being acknowledged wasn't as apocalyptic as I thought it was. The more I got rejected, the more I laughed about it and the more free and relieved I became. I can say I am much more tougher than I was when I was younger. The key point is, we cannot make everyone happy, and people are going to talk trash behind our back no matter what, so you might as well dive in and get dirty. It's not so bad, the only thing you can really gain from it is success.
"Harsh critics are jerks...they see something remarkable in you..." - I could quote several inspiring things you've stated, but I will make this short. You are an amazing, inspirational being, and I thank you for being you, my friend!
I went through rejection numerous times in my life and very key 🔑 to me is what you Mr Brendon say about it. shifting the focus, minding the most important things in your life and never look back or ponder about hatters and their stinking sentiments.
Hi Brendon, Thank you for this. I actually got rejected today from a job interview and I felt like the world is going to end already. It was a job that I really love the most.
This guy doesn't get it. Deep fear of and feelings of rejection come from experiences during the formative years of one's development. These fears and feelings can be overcome but it must be done through the reprogramming of the subconscious being.
Absolutely. This shit doesn't work. He says not to fear of rejection because so many people are not bad to you, but what if your own parents rejected, shamed or treated you badly while you grow up. Should someone has the right to fear, then?! The first people in your life didn't accept you, didn't give you respect. It's very hard to believe that other people would. And this comes from the unconscious level. This man is not a psychotherapist! So people don't buy his crap, please!!! There are so many like him. He found a niche of making money. That's it! He is just trying to get popular trough total bullshits making fun of people that need qualified help. Paul McKenna is just as bad as this guy. He made millions of dollars by selling books with similar crap! So please people open your eyes! Psychological work must be made with the help of therapist or at least with a book written by therapist. And that therapist should not be Paul McKenna. I've tried his stupid books. They don't do anything at all. They only have this huge blown like huge babbles titles to make you buy it! Real stuff doesn't need this ridiculous titles!!! Like "Change your life in 7 days". WTH, does anybody believe that?! That life can be changed in 7 days?
Vanya Staleva You're projecting your negativity onto people that you put too much faith in. I've heard way too many stories about misdiagnosis of mental disorders by qualified psychiatrists to put any faith in them. These educated fools can guess, but your unconscious/subconscious mind is more accessible to yourself than to them. You can learn a lot on the "personality disorders" page on wikipedia. It's surprisingly more informative than many other online psychology resources. I wish you well.
Vanya Staleva You clearly don't understand the difference between life coach and therapist. You sound like you have some deep seeded issues from the past that need to be resolved. That's the job of a therapist. The job of a life coach is to help you achieve your goals and reach your potential. One could say that a therapist has more of a focus on the past while a life coach has more of a focus on the future. A life coach's job isn't necessarily to treat psychological disorders. So you need to see a therapist because you sound like you have an attachment or abandonment issue
JoMama123451234 "life coach" is someone who is making money by selling you nothing. This is the difference between psychologist and "life coach". It's a made up title.
You got me in tears! I have been in this big hole for weeks and this video made so many emotions explode inside of me... I dont know how to describe how i am feeling... I personally thank you for being such an inspiration! Lots of love from London :') xx
First time watcher here: I red about the fear of rejection on the Third Circle Theory book but could not exactly understand the odds and the math behind it plus the haters who critize you. Now I fully understand it, thank you so much for doing this Brendon, instantly subscribed.
As another commenter mentioned, fear of rejection originates from the subconscious mind, therefore it needs to be healed at the level of the subconscious mind. Getting facts and data, as Brendon provides in this video, appeals to the conscious, logical mind. Emotional issues need emotional healing.
I believe your raw speech is a wake up call for many people out there. Yes rejection is a fear. Although it is difficult to overcome, i believe it can be overcome if you ask yourself the right questions repeatedly everyday. Your fear attacks everyday. Then fight it everyday. Everything, or mostly everything can be overcome with practice. Thank You Brendon.
Thank you honestly. I have had a lot of fears in my life and I have been watching your segments and it has opened up a whole new world that I'm going to embrace.
He's right about everything he's saying, but it's very logical and fear of rejection is completely illogical and irrational. When helping people with this you have to go to where they are first. Logic usually won't solve this problem.
Thank you friend, I have lived exactly like this for the past 30 years despite all my achievements and evolution. This is exactly what I needed to get a grip!! This is such a deep subconscious emotion that limits every action of yours!
Brendon, you are such an inspirational person, I never committed to listen to one person's speech. but the way you speak and the logic you add to it makes it real and from the heart. God Bless you. and thanks for your care for others to be better
Hey Brendon, I've been rejected by at least 120 people and that is a major part of who I ve met in my whole life. And I mean it were rejections that have shaped my life. I've been rejected even by my family. So please don't tell me that it's a rare thing. Cuz it hurts my life. And I feel I cannot make any friends except for 3 or 4 people that are amazing.
I've had the fear of rejection my entire life and haven't found a way to get free of it yet. I've let in control my life and control my actions. I've isolated myself and have stayed away from others in fear of getting hurt. I only have three really good friends and that's it. I'm the black sheep of my family. I was rejected by them and ostracized and have nothing to do with them now. I get so offended when people don't even acknowledge my existence. It's like them telling me that I don't matter, that I have no value, that I have nothing to contribute to in this world. And that's what hurts me the most is what other people judge and label me as. :(
Brendon is "My Reason" for more than I can write, struggling with depression, anxiety disorder and Lyme Disease that is progressive forcing me to work from home due to its debilating nature THANK YOU will always fall short of the breath of fresh air that he has been to my life.... where there was once so much uncertainty 😇
I agree with you that the math says - don't be scared cause the people who are nice to you are more that the people who have been rude, but that's the conscious level. Actually the fear of rejection comes from the unconscious level of someones mind. And this is the psychology of human. Fear at all have a practical meaning, so I don't feel you should be so hard on people who are at a certain age but still have the fear of rejection. This is one of those things that one have to work for it to overcome it. It's not just going to dissapear because you make them feel ashamed of that they still have the fear. So what do you expect - they will magically say - "oh, how unreasonable was I to have those feelings, I should emediatly change"?! One of the most important principle of dealing with problems is admiting the problem and accept it and feel ok about it, NOT ASHAMED. Only after that, you can be calm about it and act practically. Here you say - how unacceptable the fear of rejection is, how ridicilous. Stop saying to people how wrong they are. You are not psychologist! I think you are just good presenter, but you have no good case, it's just presentation. Make your research about this thing!
Plus you do what you do, not to help people but to make them excited about your crap, so they buy it and you get richer! That's the oldest trick in advertising - "excite to buy"! There are a lot of you out there and people buy your crap because they have no reall knowlege of their own psychology. What people need is a real psychoanalising and exercises that are created by good, real psychologist, not your crap!
I notice when I realize I AM the person I am and I do what I LOVE, that which I AM passionate about... That which I am and that which I love is factual, there is no choice... as soon as I totally accept and value this actuality that cannot be changed by me, I'm not sensitive to rejection anymore. You only feel hurt due to rejection because it resonates with your own rejection towards yourself. Seeing and relaxing with the factuality of who you are and what you do makes rejection something about them, not about you. Thanks Brendon, I love your talks!
That was a blessing. Instead of pity, however, send a positive prayer to each of those people. If they truly want the best for you, a prayer or "good vibes" can only produce a poet fun feeling in the giver and recipient.
I love this message and your spirit. It’s expert advice for anyone who spends their life worrying about being liked, seeking approval and fearing not being liked. Thank you for opening our eyes.
One thing I’ve learned in life is that what people do shows who THEY are not who YOU are. I used to be bullied from 3rd to 10th grade and that hurt deeply. I felt deeply rejected and felt like I was bullied because I was unloveable or flawed. I have healed from that and ironically I have done door to door sales for 7 years. Face to face rejection happens everyday in this job from more people than any other job-period. But you know what I’ve learned? The people who try and hurt you do so because THEY are hurting. Understanding that has set me free and given me the confidence to be professional and respectful despite constant rejection. It’s not about a small percentage of people rejecting you, it’s about knowing who you are and being that regardless of what other people decide to do. Tell yourself that you love rejection because it makes you stronger and gets you closer to success. It’s a necessary price to pay for success.
i love you brendon you uplift my confidence not to consumed by rejection....i am lesbian ..and because of it i was suffreing rejection,humialtion ,descrimination for many times...but now you gave me idea how to use my weakest point to be more self determined and more positive in every aspect of my life..thank you...i watched all your teachings and it touched my life so much..i love you...help me to be one of your project soon...
This is great focus on dealing with those that in life that do not impact us tremendously. However rejection by those closest to us have a much deeper and significant influence, such as a parent, a friend, a partner.
We all have a fear of rejection. I think we are conditioned to feel the need to be accepted and approved by our society. This fear is not something we are born with, it is taught. It is the shame of rejection that burns in our memories. The shame hinders us because we don't want to feel it again, so we are often reluctant to take risks. I recognize that rejection is part of life, but we don't have to reject ourselves. Instead, we can empower ourselves and rise above that fear. The people who matter will support you and the people who shouldn't matter should be left in the past.
Oh my! You touch on the very core aspects that either drive a person or hold a person back. It all boils down to choice, what kind of person do I want to be fearful or brave ...Two thumbs up to you sir!! Oh I Love your shirts.
This was by far the most inspirational thing I've listened to, and after coming home from a horrible day at school this opened my eyes! I'm so grateful that I watched this!
I have such a high fear of rejection that I don’t like ordering from restaurants, because I would feel embarrassed if they didn’t have what I wanted. So I can rarely introduce myself to new people
Thank you Brendan, you share amazing advice that has truly helped me through some rough patches in life. This message rang personally clear for me. I've always had a large imagination and big dreams but feared to share it out of rejection. I've been learning tons on the idea of loving oneself before you can profoundly love others. Rejection was something that always held me back but beginning to allow myself ultimate manifestation of oneself. I've faced enough rejection in life for being optimistic, loving, gentle and it usually comes from the other side of the spectrum; the pessimists. I'm about to embark into the Game Industry and expect tons of no's before I hear the first yes and someone takes a chance on a man of character. No need to write a life doctrine but wanted to say thank you for all your uploads, they have all been impactful and uplifting during these times of struggle. Shirt rocks too! Have no fear, for not all of us our shallow minded :)
The best way of not feeling scared of rejected by others is by having extra self confidence and have an expectations that not everyone will accept your point of view or sales pitch. Period
hey Brendon, i really like how you explained this video, you definitely helped me and im going to share this link with others who are really having a hard time with rejection, true words of wisdom man
I'm sending this to my business associates -- and also to a few friends and family. This is something I learned a long time ago -- but it's always great to hear it again - and, frankly, I just happen to love the way you present things.
amazing, thank you ! some people are critical because they aren't open minded and they don't try to understand your values and your reasons to do things or where you come from, like Brendon say it's ignorance. Some people are harsh because they believe it will bring you motivation to become better, but they might miss the point. so you can be a teacher to them and tell the how and what really is a motivator for you.
Brendon your motivational videos are stunning and contains a lot of morale! I am really awestruck by your panache and Witt! people like you are unique and are extremely rare! We will always support you!
Maybe people only get rejected an average of 5-7 people because after rejection they are unwilling to risk it again. And or it takes a long time to recover
In addition, imagine what would have happened if the world's most influential people(Dr.King, Ghandi, Cesar Chavez, etc) kept their mouth shut because of what others thought or because they were afraid of rejection? they wouldn't have been the great people they were and they wouldn't have made change. I really needed to hear this. thank you so much!
Now isn't saying that your shirt is ugly is a form of rejection. Not being negative just real. Good points on reasons for other people rejecting you especially the "self-booasting" part.
Brendon, I have subscribed to your videos which I am finding useful in my life as an affiliate for an online company here in Kenya.Thanks for making these videos free and at an appropriate length.
This is great :) It really puts things into perspective when you consider the numbers of critics compared to supporters. Also, the 4 reasons why people are being critical is on point. Thank you!
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Thank you so much for you sharing, Brendon. I'm about to share some of my ideas with the world and you have just supported me. I love you, man...
Just as I was listening to this I though it would be great for kids who are bullied (and then noticed your message about that below) and not just kids, some bullies don't grow up and we find them in our work place or elsewhere. Really just negative people in general. I've been thinking this for some time but never had it put together. Hearing you explain it helps a lot more then my own mind that has just been kind of a jumbled mess. Sometimes I think its harder to listen to yourself then it is hearing it from someone else. Thank you!
Goosebumps! Thank you Brendon for doing this kind of videos! You help so many people to get on the right track! Thank you TH-cam! So thankful to have access to all this!
Yeah the last parts really hit me, and you know what, he's right. Just need to go out there and do our stuff and ignore the em that'll have something to say about it. You earned a subscriber buddy. Thx.
I understand your point, and what your saying has great merit. I do have a few qualms with the video which I want to bring up. My biggest issue with the video is that it is too focused on the solution, and less so on understanding and empathy which genuinely heal (both from your guidance perspective, and the self-perspective of the viewers). I can see that you're trying to help, and not be insensitive, but when you suggest that fear of rejection shows that people live "unexamined lives," it can really hurt people's feelings, because it shames those who experience this. This is partly because those who experience fear of rejection tend to "over-examine," and tend to feel a discrepancy between how much they understand compared to how frightened they feel. I understand you were using this to segway some of your facts about the numbers and percentages... but if your goal is to guide those who experience this, you can begin by being more considerate with these moments in the video! As for my own two cents, my alternative advice to your video is that those who experience fear of rejection can begin to give themselves permission to fear rejection. It is the bodies natural response to a perceived threat learned from past experience, so it makes sense that it will arise. Try to empathize with this aspect of your body. This is the way of vulnerability, and looks at the fear right in the eye.
Agree. This can really make people feel worse than when they start watching this video. It's like he's just trying to convince us about how dumb we are for fearing rejection, without any empathy at all.
I truly believe people find fault in you because being you and living your life to the full can shine a light on the lack of faith they have in themselves. Having the confidence and courage to attack what you want from life somehow frightens them and it can make them feel less then :( It's sad but if they can't get on board with your amazing fun filled life adventure then they get left behind. "It's their life lesson, not yours!" Xx
I had a fear of being rejected in sales. I was intimidated and fearful of a stranger saying “no” to me. But every time I went out, I overcame that fear and I began to close deals. Conquered that one. Fear of being rejected by a woman. Yes. Still working on that. Occasionally I’ll get the strength to intro myself
In my experience at age 33 rejection has not gotten any easier in the last 23 years I still feel like that 10 year old child and I feel I experience at least perceived rejection on an almost daily basis. Listening to this has added to my shame and humiliation that I’m still not over this like I apparently should be long past It’s the perceived judgement and prolonged anguish that always prevents me from truly following through on getting real help I always think it’s too hard and too late
Yeah, he didn't do a great job of being mindful of how his message could come off to those struggling with shame. I hear you, your opinion is valid, and on top of that, I agree with your opinion that this misses the mark. I get the impression that his enthusiasm is a hammer that he uses a lot to get things done, but this topic is sensitive and requires some more finesse, especially for the people who need the most help understanding it. Let's team up and reject the parts of the message we don't like together! ❤
My family criticized me continuously for many years. Its not that there are few people who criticize you. It's the fact that they do it for so long. And the fact that families are supposed to support your every step but they don't. House without good foundation may stay still for some time but then collapse because of some wind. This is what I go through daily.
Hi Brandon, I really enjoyed this video. Don't limit the expression of who you are and what you can give to the world because of what people may think of you...LOVE IT !
Here it is an ordinary subject that makes controversy. Why? The answer is simple. Before the answer came the question? Are you a child or an adult? Brilliant Brandon! I we are adults here. We may talk about insecurities. Anyone that not adds value to our own personal growth we have to ignore them. I love the saying on the end of the video. “Go on and be great and never apologize for that.”
Thank you so much brother. You took the words right out of my mouth and articulated what my heart and soul has been wanting to say ! Keep up the Awesomeness ! God Bless & Best Regards Kenneth
I love this. It took my second time watching it to really resonate. When I took the comparison exercise, I came up with a percentage based on 1,000 people of 0.005%! WOW, did that put things in perspective! And the pool of 1,000 is a tiny fraction of the people I have encountered in my lifetime both personally and professionally. Then, I qualified the 5 people who stuck out in my mind and none of them were happy people, and certainly not one of them would I go to for advice. And that is where I struck gold. None of the people who rejected me hold any value in my life now. And that is where I found my release. I am healthier, more successful, and happier than any of them. So much for their influence, right? So, allowing them to hold me back with any negative self-image is absurd.
I was rejected by my parents. Seriously. First my mother rejected me and then my father rejected me right after hurting me deeply. My fear of rejection was huge, it was overwhelming, it was great. I worked on it soooooo hard. I purposefully got myself into situations which could mean rejection for me. After a few years and a few rejections I stopped being fearful. I just stopped. Now it is not an issue any more. Now it does not scare me. Any character weaknesses can be changed if we work on them.
Brendon, this was awesome (brought tears to my eyes). I know people who are soooo stuck on what others think that they are afraid to do what they really want to do and it makes me sad for them. If they lived the way you encourage, their lives would be so much richer, fuller and a more complete reflection of their truth. You are brilliant (I know my opinion does not matter, but I had to share it). ;) Thank you for posting this!
I always love watching Brendon's video's and assigning them to my clients. While at the High Performance Academy Brendon gave the challenge to do videos once a week if videos were our goal. Slowly but surely getting there. My videos aren't quite to his level yet but if anyone would like to watch them and give suggestions that would be AMAZING, always looking to improve.
I like how you are trying to bring numbers and pragmatic facts to prove your thoughts. But the fact about rejection, the most unfortunate I'd say, is that it is not a question of words or explicit criticisms but it is instead more related to body language. And this is a lot more common. The question you should have asked is not "have you ever heard someone tell you bad things ?" but "have you ever felt rejected ?".
Oh my lord, this video hit really hard, u are so right man, I got regected once in my life when I was 18 years old by a school director and another person, I was there to ask for an internship in that school and they tried to test my abilities and so regected me saying that am not good enough and I should go back home and prepare more then come back again... That event terribly effected me and in consequence I'm struggling now to move on and face some kind of situation like job interviews.. I have always this fear of rejection that holds back... Am now 24 I graduated with the highest degree in my class and am a polyglot however I feel like being a loser, still can't find the job I deserve so I just work mediocre jobs that need no qualifications.... Last week a friend of mine recommended me to an RH for a job and could not go for the interview due the the same reason...
Loved that. Thank you Brendon. You really helped me you know. I used to fight against haters. I thought that they have the power to ruin a project I was working for but their attention helped us. It's great to forget them. Thanks. :)
sometimes when you get rejects from beloved people it hurts a lot,and you lose self esteem .But Thanks to your video ,it motivated me on to be what I am and be confident about it ,it was such an emotional video .But thumpsUp!
Yes, I am an adult and fear rejection from my prospects and clients(only). I do not care much about other kind of rejection.... Why? Because it happens constantly in sales, days in days out, and I never get used to it.
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and I think it is great. At the risk of sounding like a critic though, I would just touch on one minor point by saying, don't waste time on pity. Pity adds nothing to your life. It is just a distraction that forces you to dwell on the negative. Offer something constructive or let it go. Some people are dogged in there ignorance, so let them have their choice and their burden. Easier said than done, I know.
I know it feels like end of world when you are rejected by people close to you. But I agree with him that the ratio is very less. And mostly later rejection happen frequently after a heartbreaking rejection since after that we loose faith in ourselves and stop being ourselves - turning into someone unsure, confused and approval seeker.
I totally agree with what you've said and my mother is the only one who is ever critical of me and what I'm doing and I've thought it was because she was afraid of me being successful.
Thank you for the video. You opened my mind up just a little bit more and because of that I realized that more people will like me just for being as I have always been.
After listening to Brendon Burchard I had several TH-camrs come to mind, and this video message should be shared with all famous TH-camrs... The fear of rejection is pretty bad for most communities within those Channels and TotalBiscuit is a great example who legitmately does not like most of his fanbase as their mostly jerks... Which understandably so to critize them, Brendon thanks for the words mate!
Unfortunately a lot of the people who disliked this video are the ones who have all their focus on the negative and on fear. Honestly, if you get offended by his good intentions that is your own fault. This whole channel is meant too better yourself and do good, why would he be trying to personally put any of you down? Good god. Go look on the mirror and love yourself for Petes sake.
+Ashes To Ashes I disliked the video, because I think it is dismissive, superficial, and minimizes the very real pain that rejection causes some people. It's also the cheapest of pop psychology and self-help gibberish. It's frightening how easily people are influenced.
"God will bless those who are rejected right in front of people who rejected!" All success stories have 1000s of rejection... Still they didn't loose hope n moved on..... Moving on and trying is quintessential in life but one needs God to support, to wipe tears n encourage as well...!! Be positive ... Somewhere your dreams are fructifying for a better n higher self but it is invisible right now!!
The big problem of rejection is that most people who reject you are the ones that you care the most about. Thats why it hurts so much.....
So true!
RockandRoll1992 yeh it hurts alot.
That’s all I kept thinking
This is a great video! I also just published a video on fear of failure which goes hand in hand for fear of rejection. Its also my first video, so I hope it can be useful to others!
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"Go out and be great and never apologise for it", brought tears to my eyes.
This is so so good. I recommend it to everyone. Fear of rejection holds so many people back and keeps them from stepping into their calling and spreading their message. People NEED to hear this!
Rejection is a sign of strength to stand up for what we believe in. It's not negative at all, it's testament to rich diversity of human experience and belief. Everyone has an opinion, blessed be those free enough to express it. Cursed is he whom is unwilling to listen learn and adapt. Great video.
In and of itself it might not be, but the WAY people reject others can be VERY harmful.
I dealt with the fear of rejection for a very long time!
When things are left unsolved it affects us until we examine those things just like you said.
Unfortunately some people take a long time to come around to taking a step back to viewing their life and realizing that we have the power to overcome these occurances!
Overcome rejection with girls by knowing almost most girls are insecure because they want someone is the opposite, know that everyone is similar like going home to do the same things people do at home, we all do weird shit, we all have quirks, we all have bad habits, know what you are good at and getting rejected feels like getting struck out in baseball. it doesnt last long. Plus the more you try the easier it is to try
very
interesting!
Now there is someone with wisdom under their belt.
Its called reality. Work on yourself and self worth without blaming or excusing the people, situations and unforseen circumstances that people felt entitled in their mind to ever experience. Its acceptance. Across the Board.
I think this comment helped more than the video thank you
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This has really touched home to me. I was afraid, for a long time, to try new things, all because of fear of rejection. I started a project here on TH-cam earlier this year because I finally overcame that fear to take the first step. Your encouragement to be myself and to push forward is just what I need at the moment. Thanks.
Fear of rejection is a very strong feeling. I know because I have been through it, and I have felt the true intensity of it when I was much younger but the older I got, the more I had to get over it. Fear of rejection is a temporary thing if you make it out to be. Off course you have to accept it and not be ashamed of it in order to fully overcome it in the long run but here is one simple truth: TIME IS LIMITED. We all have dreams we want to accomplish. We all want to live that life where we are happy and have that feeling of finally belonging and finding our place in the world. But we have so little time to do it! The fact is the older we get the more demanding our life becomes. You don't want to be a dependant forever, you don't want to sit on the sidelines while you watch other people excel in life, you don't want to be jealous of others because they have what you were longing to have, those people did it, they got over it. We are not alone, everyone goes through struggles and fear of rejection is one of those struggles. I had to learn to overcome fear of rejection by actually doing the thing I feared the most, which was actually getting rejected! It wasn't so bad, being ignored, not being acknowledged wasn't as apocalyptic as I thought it was. The more I got rejected, the more I laughed about it and the more free and relieved I became. I can say I am much more tougher than I was when I was younger.
The key point is, we cannot make everyone happy, and people are going to talk trash behind our back no matter what, so you might as well dive in and get dirty. It's not so bad, the only thing you can really gain from it is success.
I love this : Go out and be great,and never apologize for it!😊 Brendon is the best! Thank you!
"Harsh critics are jerks...they see something remarkable in you..." - I could quote several inspiring things you've stated, but I will make this short. You are an amazing, inspirational being, and I thank you for being you, my friend!
Your optimism is rare in the narcissistic world. Feeling good!!!!
Wow "Go & be *GREAT* & *Never* apologize for it!" I love watching Brendon Burchard's videos.
I'm 54 years old. Male, Learning about Fear of Rejection now.
I went through rejection numerous times in my life and very key 🔑 to me is what you Mr Brendon say about it. shifting the focus, minding the most important things in your life and never look back or ponder about hatters and their stinking sentiments.
how do u shift ur thinking from haters and to the actual goal??
I am addicted to your videos. And what a great addiction. So motivating!
+Haley Graves What rejection are you afraid of?
Hi Brendon, Thank you for this. I actually got rejected today from a job interview and I felt like the world is going to end already. It was a job that I really love the most.
This guy doesn't get it. Deep fear of and feelings of rejection come from experiences during the formative years of one's development. These fears and feelings can be overcome but it must be done through the reprogramming of the subconscious being.
Absolutely. This shit doesn't work. He says not to fear of rejection because so many people are not bad to you, but what if your own parents rejected, shamed or treated you badly while you grow up. Should someone has the right to fear, then?! The first people in your life didn't accept you, didn't give you respect. It's very hard to believe that other people would. And this comes from the unconscious level. This man is not a psychotherapist! So people don't buy his crap, please!!! There are so many like him. He found a niche of making money. That's it! He is just trying to get popular trough total bullshits making fun of people that need qualified help. Paul McKenna is just as bad as this guy. He made millions of dollars by selling books with similar crap! So please people open your eyes! Psychological work must be made with the help of therapist or at least with a book written by therapist. And that therapist should not be Paul McKenna. I've tried his stupid books. They don't do anything at all. They only have this huge blown like huge babbles titles to make you buy it! Real stuff doesn't need this ridiculous titles!!! Like "Change your life in 7 days". WTH, does anybody believe that?! That life can be changed in 7 days?
Vanya Staleva You're projecting your negativity onto people that you put too much faith in. I've heard way too many stories about misdiagnosis of mental disorders by qualified psychiatrists to put any faith in them. These educated fools can guess, but your unconscious/subconscious mind is more accessible to yourself than to them. You can learn a lot on the "personality disorders" page on wikipedia. It's surprisingly more informative than many other online psychology resources. I wish you well.
Vanya Staleva You clearly don't understand the difference between life coach and therapist. You sound like you have some deep seeded issues from the past that need to be resolved. That's the job of a therapist. The job of a life coach is to help you achieve your goals and reach your potential. One could say that a therapist has more of a focus on the past while a life coach has more of a focus on the future. A life coach's job isn't necessarily to treat psychological disorders. So you need to see a therapist because you sound like you have an attachment or abandonment issue
JoMama123451234 I think you don't know what you are talking about, hahahah
JoMama123451234 "life coach" is someone who is making money by selling you nothing. This is the difference between psychologist and "life coach". It's a made up title.
You got me in tears! I have been in this big hole for weeks and this video made so many emotions explode inside of me... I dont know how to describe how i am feeling... I personally thank you for being such an inspiration!
Lots of love from London :') xx
First time watcher here: I red about the fear of rejection on the Third Circle Theory book but could not exactly understand the odds and the math behind it plus the haters who critize you. Now I fully understand it, thank you so much for doing this Brendon, instantly subscribed.
Go out and be great and never apologize for it. Love that
As another commenter mentioned, fear of rejection originates from the subconscious mind, therefore it needs to be healed at the level of the subconscious mind. Getting facts and data, as Brendon provides in this video, appeals to the conscious, logical mind. Emotional issues need emotional healing.
I believe your raw speech is a wake up call for many people out there. Yes rejection is a fear. Although it is difficult to overcome, i believe it can be overcome if you ask yourself the right questions repeatedly everyday. Your fear attacks everyday. Then fight it everyday. Everything, or mostly everything can be overcome with practice. Thank You Brendon.
Thank you honestly. I have had a lot of fears in my life and I have been watching your segments and it has opened up a whole new world that I'm going to embrace.
He's right about everything he's saying, but it's very logical and fear of rejection is completely illogical and irrational. When helping people with this you have to go to where they are first. Logic usually won't solve this problem.
Thank you friend, I have lived exactly like this for the past 30 years despite all my achievements and evolution. This is exactly what I needed to get a grip!! This is such a deep subconscious emotion that limits every action of yours!
Brendon, you are such an inspirational person, I never committed to listen to one person's speech. but the way you speak and the logic you add to it makes it real and from the heart. God Bless you. and thanks for your care for others to be better
Hey Brendon, I've been rejected by at least 120 people and that is a major part of who I ve met in my whole life. And I mean it were rejections that have shaped my life. I've been rejected even by my family. So please don't tell me that it's a rare thing. Cuz it hurts my life. And I feel I cannot make any friends except for 3 or 4 people that are amazing.
Thank you Sir.
I have been suffering from chronic fear of rejection and that has made me to dim my light. No more .
I've had the fear of rejection my entire life and haven't found a way to get free of it yet. I've let in control my life and control my actions. I've isolated myself and have stayed away from others in fear of getting hurt. I only have three really good friends and that's it. I'm the black sheep of my family. I was rejected by them and ostracized and have nothing to do with them now. I get so offended when people don't even acknowledge my existence. It's like them telling me that I don't matter, that I have no value, that I have nothing to contribute to in this world. And that's what hurts me the most is what other people judge and label me as. :(
Brendon is "My Reason" for more than I can write, struggling with depression, anxiety disorder and Lyme Disease that is progressive forcing me to work from home due to its debilating nature
THANK YOU will always fall short of the breath of fresh air that he has been to my life....
where there was once so much uncertainty 😇
go out and be great and never apologize for that
This is one of the most thought provoking and inspirational videos I've ever seen!
I agree with you that the math says - don't be scared cause the people who are nice to you are more that the people who have been rude, but that's the conscious level. Actually the fear of rejection comes from the unconscious level of someones mind. And this is the psychology of human. Fear at all have a practical meaning, so I don't feel you should be so hard on people who are at a certain age but still have the fear of rejection. This is one of those things that one have to work for it to overcome it. It's not just going to dissapear because you make them feel ashamed of that they still have the fear. So what do you expect - they will magically say - "oh, how unreasonable was I to have those feelings, I should emediatly change"?! One of the most important principle of dealing with problems is admiting the problem and accept it and feel ok about it, NOT ASHAMED. Only after that, you can be calm about it and act practically. Here you say - how unacceptable the fear of rejection is, how ridicilous. Stop saying to people how wrong they are. You are not psychologist! I think you are just good presenter, but you have no good case, it's just presentation. Make your research about this thing!
Plus you do what you do, not to help people but to make them excited about your crap, so they buy it and you get richer! That's the oldest trick in advertising - "excite to buy"! There are a lot of you out there and people buy your crap because they have no reall knowlege of their own psychology. What people need is a real psychoanalising and exercises that are created by good, real psychologist, not your crap!
this video opened a new door in my life...in one word..it was AWESOME
I notice when I realize I AM the person I am and I do what I LOVE, that which I AM passionate about... That which I am and that which I love is factual, there is no choice... as soon as I totally accept and value this actuality that cannot be changed by me, I'm not sensitive to rejection anymore. You only feel hurt due to rejection because it resonates with your own rejection towards yourself. Seeing and relaxing with the factuality of who you are and what you do makes rejection something about them, not about you.
Thanks Brendon, I love your talks!
That was a blessing. Instead of pity, however, send a positive prayer to each of those people. If they truly want the best for you, a prayer or "good vibes" can only produce a poet fun feeling in the giver and recipient.
I love this message and your spirit. It’s expert advice for anyone who spends their life worrying about being liked, seeking approval and fearing not being liked. Thank you for opening our eyes.
One thing I’ve learned in life is that what people do shows who THEY are not who YOU are. I used to be bullied from 3rd to 10th grade and that hurt deeply. I felt deeply rejected and felt like I was bullied because I was unloveable or flawed. I have healed from that and ironically I have done door to door sales for 7 years. Face to face rejection happens everyday in this job from more people than any other job-period. But you know what I’ve learned? The people who try and hurt you do so because THEY are hurting. Understanding that has set me free and given me the confidence to be professional and respectful despite constant rejection. It’s not about a small percentage of people rejecting you, it’s about knowing who you are and being that regardless of what other people decide to do. Tell yourself that you love rejection because it makes you stronger and gets you closer to success. It’s a necessary price to pay for success.
i love you brendon you uplift my confidence not to consumed by rejection....i am lesbian ..and because of it i was suffreing rejection,humialtion ,descrimination for many times...but now you gave me idea how to use my weakest point to be more self determined and more positive in every aspect of my life..thank you...i watched all your teachings and it touched my life so much..i love you...help me to be one of your project soon...
This is great focus on dealing with those that in life that do not impact us tremendously. However rejection by those closest to us have a much deeper and significant influence, such as a parent, a friend, a partner.
We all have a fear of rejection. I think we are conditioned to feel the need to be accepted and approved by our society. This fear is not something we are born with, it is taught. It is the shame of rejection that burns in our memories. The shame hinders us because we don't want to feel it again, so we are often reluctant to take risks. I recognize that rejection is part of life, but we don't have to reject ourselves. Instead, we can empower ourselves and rise above that fear. The people who matter will support you and the people who shouldn't matter should be left in the past.
Dear Brendon,
I want to say thanks for helping me develop my skills.
Oh my! You touch on the very core aspects that either drive a person or hold a person back. It all boils down to choice, what kind of person do I want to be fearful or brave ...Two thumbs up to you sir!! Oh I Love your shirts.
This was by far the most inspirational thing I've listened to, and after coming home from a horrible day at school this opened my eyes! I'm so grateful that I watched this!
I have such a high fear of rejection that I don’t like ordering from restaurants, because I would feel embarrassed if they didn’t have what I wanted. So I can rarely introduce myself to new people
Me to it’s weird
Thank you Brendan, you share amazing advice that has truly helped me through some rough patches in life. This message rang personally clear for me. I've always had a large imagination and big dreams but feared to share it out of rejection. I've been learning tons on the idea of loving oneself before you can profoundly love others. Rejection was something that always held me back but beginning to allow myself ultimate manifestation of oneself. I've faced enough rejection in life for being optimistic, loving, gentle and it usually comes from the other side of the spectrum; the pessimists. I'm about to embark into the Game Industry and expect tons of no's before I hear the first yes and someone takes a chance on a man of character. No need to write a life doctrine but wanted to say thank you for all your uploads, they have all been impactful and uplifting during these times of struggle. Shirt rocks too! Have no fear, for not all of us our shallow minded :)
You've just did something very good to someone very far away. I wish you all the best!
"go out and be great and never apologize for it" - Brendon Burchard
The best way of not feeling scared of rejected by others is by having extra self confidence and have an expectations that not everyone will accept your point of view or sales pitch. Period
I think I just fell in love with ur channel. GREAT WORK !!
hey Brendon, i really like how you explained this video, you definitely helped me and im going to share this link with others who are really having a hard time with rejection, true words of wisdom man
I'm sending this to my business associates -- and also to a few friends and family. This is something I learned a long time ago -- but it's always great to hear it again - and, frankly, I just happen to love the way you present things.
amazing, thank you !
some people are critical because they aren't open minded and they don't try to understand your values and your reasons to do things or where you come from, like Brendon say it's ignorance. Some people are harsh because they believe it will bring you motivation to become better, but they might miss the point. so you can be a teacher to them and tell the how and what really is a motivator for you.
Brendon your motivational videos are stunning and contains a lot of morale!
I am really awestruck by your panache and Witt!
people like you are unique and are extremely rare!
We will always support you!
Keep on preaching man cause I think everyone should live their life how they want to not on someone else's dream or based on what someone else thinks
Maybe people only get rejected an average of 5-7 people because after rejection they are unwilling to risk it again. And or it takes a long time to recover
In addition, imagine what would have happened if the world's most influential people(Dr.King, Ghandi, Cesar Chavez, etc) kept their mouth shut because of what others thought or because they were afraid of rejection? they wouldn't have been the great people they were and they wouldn't have made change. I really needed to hear this. thank you so much!
Now isn't saying that your shirt is ugly is a form of rejection. Not being negative just real. Good points on reasons for other people rejecting you especially the "self-booasting" part.
Brendon, I have subscribed to your videos which I am finding useful in my life as an affiliate for an online company here in Kenya.Thanks for making these videos free and at an appropriate length.
This is great :) It really puts things into perspective when you consider the numbers of critics compared to supporters. Also, the 4 reasons why people are being critical is on point. Thank you!
Thank you so much for you sharing, Brendon. I'm about to share some of my ideas with the world and you have just supported me. I love you, man...
what a great message Brendon!!
Very few times do motivational speakers are someone's idol... but in your case, you yourself are my role model !!
Just as I was listening to this I though it would be great for kids who are bullied (and then noticed your message about that below) and not just kids, some bullies don't grow up and we find them in our work place or elsewhere. Really just negative people in general. I've been thinking this for some time but never had it put together. Hearing you explain it helps a lot more then my own mind that has just been kind of a jumbled mess. Sometimes I think its harder to listen to yourself then it is hearing it from someone else. Thank you!
Goosebumps! Thank you Brendon for doing this kind of videos! You help so many people to get on the right track! Thank you TH-cam! So thankful to have access to all this!
‘Go out and be great and never apologise for it’. Yup
Thank you Brendon. You never fail my expectations of your message.
Yeah the last parts really hit me, and you know what, he's right. Just need to go out there and do our stuff and ignore the em that'll have something to say about it. You earned a subscriber buddy. Thx.
I understand your point, and what your saying has great merit. I do have a few qualms with the video which I want to bring up. My biggest issue with the video is that it is too focused on the solution, and less so on understanding and empathy which genuinely heal (both from your guidance perspective, and the self-perspective of the viewers). I can see that you're trying to help, and not be insensitive, but when you suggest that fear of rejection shows that people live "unexamined lives," it can really hurt people's feelings, because it shames those who experience this. This is partly because those who experience fear of rejection tend to "over-examine," and tend to feel a discrepancy between how much they understand compared to how frightened they feel. I understand you were using this to segway some of your facts about the numbers and percentages... but if your goal is to guide those who experience this, you can begin by being more considerate with these moments in the video! As for my own two cents, my alternative advice to your video is that those who experience fear of rejection can begin to give themselves permission to fear rejection. It is the bodies natural response to a perceived threat learned from past experience, so it makes sense that it will arise. Try to empathize with this aspect of your body. This is the way of vulnerability, and looks at the fear right in the eye.
100% agree with what you said. Also... much better advice than this 9 minute nonsense.
I think it was empowering. What he meant was to hold yourself to a higher standard. It's a balancing narrative.
Agree. This can really make people feel worse than when they start watching this video. It's like he's just trying to convince us about how dumb we are for fearing rejection, without any empathy at all.
I truly believe people find fault in you because being you and living your life to the full can shine a light on the lack of faith they have in themselves. Having the confidence and courage to attack what you want from life somehow frightens them and it can make them feel less then :( It's sad but if they can't get on board with your amazing fun filled life adventure then they get left behind. "It's their life lesson, not yours!" Xx
Ahhh….I LOVE this! Stop listening to the jerks! We have a crowd of people who accept us just the way we are. 🙌
I had a fear of being rejected in sales. I was intimidated and fearful of a stranger saying “no” to me. But every time I went out, I overcame that fear and I began to close deals. Conquered that one.
Fear of being rejected by a woman. Yes. Still working on that. Occasionally I’ll get the strength to intro myself
This right here - this is why I admire and share everything you say Brendon. Thank you for providing this video for me to share :)
In my experience at age 33 rejection has not gotten any easier in the last 23 years I still feel like that 10 year old child and I feel I experience at least perceived rejection on an almost daily basis. Listening to this has added to my shame and humiliation that I’m still not over this like I apparently should be long past It’s the perceived judgement and prolonged anguish that always prevents me from truly following through on getting real help I always think it’s too hard and too late
Yeah, he didn't do a great job of being mindful of how his message could come off to those struggling with shame. I hear you, your opinion is valid, and on top of that, I agree with your opinion that this misses the mark. I get the impression that his enthusiasm is a hammer that he uses a lot to get things done, but this topic is sensitive and requires some more finesse, especially for the people who need the most help understanding it. Let's team up and reject the parts of the message we don't like together! ❤
My family criticized me continuously for many years. Its not that there are few people who criticize you. It's the fact that they do it for so long. And the fact that families are supposed to support your every step but they don't. House without good foundation may stay still for some time but then collapse because of some wind. This is what I go through daily.
Hi Brandon, I really enjoyed this video.
Don't limit the expression of who you are and what you can give to the world because of what people may think of you...LOVE IT !
Here it is an ordinary subject that makes controversy. Why? The answer is simple. Before the answer came the question? Are you a child or an adult?
Brilliant Brandon! I we are adults here. We may talk about insecurities. Anyone that not adds value to our own personal growth we have to ignore them.
I love the saying on the end of the video. “Go on and be great and never apologize for that.”
Thank you so much brother.
You took the words right out of my mouth and articulated what my heart and soul has been wanting to say !
Keep up the Awesomeness !
God Bless & Best Regards
Kenneth
I love this. It took my second time watching it to really resonate. When I took the comparison exercise, I came up with a percentage based on 1,000 people of 0.005%! WOW, did that put things in perspective! And the pool of 1,000 is a tiny fraction of the people I have encountered in my lifetime both personally and professionally.
Then, I qualified the 5 people who stuck out in my mind and none of them were happy people, and certainly not one of them would I go to for advice. And that is where I struck gold. None of the people who rejected me hold any value in my life now. And that is where I found my release.
I am healthier, more successful, and happier than any of them. So much for their influence, right? So, allowing them to hold me back with any negative self-image is absurd.
your like a flow of positive facts! i feel so bad for being ignorant of all these facts! Thank you brendon :)
I was rejected by my parents. Seriously. First my mother rejected me and then my father rejected me right after hurting me deeply. My fear of rejection was huge, it was overwhelming, it was great. I worked on it soooooo hard. I purposefully got myself into situations which could mean rejection for me. After a few years and a few rejections I stopped being fearful. I just stopped. Now it is not an issue any more. Now it does not scare me. Any character weaknesses can be changed if we work on them.
Brendon, this was awesome (brought tears to my eyes). I know people who are soooo stuck on what others think that they are afraid to do what they really want to do and it makes me sad for them. If they lived the way you encourage, their lives would be so much richer, fuller and a more complete reflection of their truth. You are brilliant (I know my opinion does not matter, but I had to share it). ;) Thank you for posting this!
I always love watching Brendon's video's and assigning them to my
clients. While at the High Performance Academy Brendon gave the
challenge to do videos once a week if videos were our goal. Slowly but
surely getting there.
My videos aren't quite to his level yet but if anyone would like to
watch them and give suggestions that would be AMAZING, always looking to
improve.
I like how you are trying to bring numbers and pragmatic facts to prove your thoughts. But the fact about rejection, the most unfortunate I'd say, is that it is not a question of words or explicit criticisms but it is instead more related to body language. And this is a lot more common. The question you should have asked is not "have you ever heard someone tell you bad things ?" but "have you ever felt rejected ?".
Oh my lord, this video hit really hard, u are so right man, I got regected once in my life when I was 18 years old by a school director and another person, I was there to ask for an internship in that school and they tried to test my abilities and so regected me saying that am not good enough and I should go back home and prepare more then come back again... That event terribly effected me and in consequence I'm struggling now to move on and face some kind of situation like job interviews.. I have always this fear of rejection that holds back... Am now 24 I graduated with the highest degree in my class and am a polyglot however I feel like being a loser, still can't find the job I deserve so I just work mediocre jobs that need no qualifications.... Last week a friend of mine recommended me to an RH for a job and could not go for the interview due the the same reason...
Loved that. Thank you Brendon. You really helped me you know. I used to fight against haters. I thought that they have the power to ruin a project I was working for but their attention helped us. It's great to forget them. Thanks. :)
sometimes when you get rejects from beloved people it hurts a lot,and you lose self esteem .But Thanks to your video ,it motivated me on to be what I am and be confident about it ,it was such an emotional video .But thumpsUp!
+Samia Mohamed I know how you feel it does hurt
Yes, I am an adult and fear rejection from my prospects and clients(only). I do not care much about other kind of rejection.... Why? Because it happens constantly in sales, days in days out, and I never get used to it.
This meant everything. I have been struggling with this for too long now. Thank you so much Brendon!
I am a new fan. Thank you and God bless!
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook, and I think it is great. At the risk of sounding like a critic though, I would just touch on one minor point by saying, don't waste time on pity. Pity adds nothing to your life. It is just a distraction that forces you to dwell on the negative. Offer something constructive or let it go. Some people are dogged in there ignorance, so let them have their choice and their burden. Easier said than done, I know.
I know it feels like end of world when you are rejected by people close to you. But I agree with him that the ratio is very less. And mostly later rejection happen frequently after a heartbreaking rejection since after that we loose faith in ourselves and stop being ourselves - turning into someone unsure, confused and approval seeker.
The way he was explaining himself for the fear of hate comments seemed pretty much like he fears rejection.
Moral; no one ´s perfect
Awesome video Brendon! Our attention is limited. Give our attention to supportive people who deserves our gifts, not the haters.
I totally agree with what you've said and my mother is the only one who is ever critical of me and what I'm doing
and I've thought it was because she was afraid of me being successful.
Thank you for the video. You opened my mind up just a little bit more and because of that I realized that more people will like me just for being as I have always been.
After listening to Brendon Burchard I had several TH-camrs come to mind, and this video message should be shared with all famous TH-camrs... The fear of rejection is pretty bad for most communities within those Channels and TotalBiscuit is a great example who legitmately does not like most of his fanbase as their mostly jerks... Which understandably so to critize them, Brendon thanks for the words mate!
Unfortunately a lot of the people who disliked this video are the ones who have all their focus on the negative and on fear. Honestly, if you get offended by his good intentions that is your own fault. This whole channel is meant too better yourself and do good, why would he be trying to personally put any of you down? Good god. Go look on the mirror and love yourself for Petes sake.
+Ashes To Ashes Very well said!
+Ashes To Ashes I disliked the video, because I think it is dismissive, superficial, and minimizes the very real pain that rejection causes some people. It's also the cheapest of pop psychology and self-help gibberish. It's frightening how easily people are influenced.
I'm not offended by his good intentions. I'm offended by his stupidity.
You could say the best logic in the world to my feelings they just don't listen. I don't know how helpful this was for me at least.
"God will bless those who are rejected right in front of people who rejected!" All success stories have 1000s of rejection... Still they didn't loose hope n moved on..... Moving on and trying is quintessential in life but one needs God to support, to wipe tears n encourage as well...!! Be positive ... Somewhere your dreams are fructifying for a better n higher self but it is invisible right now!!
Wow, I looked for a lot of help with this and you just spoke my language - really brought my self-image into perspective!