I just sent this to my son. I’m coming out of the fog with my son’s father and how he has seemingly purposely been harming our son. My son has a video game addiction. He has been playing with his dad since he was 4. My son’s dad was an alcoholic (he even showed up buzzed the day I had him and I have a photo hold him faded with a toothpick) up until 2022. He has been in and out of the home with promise to change but never did. As a father, he has never taught our son anything or really parented. They play games together. I had to beg him to take him to the gym with him. When we weren’t together, he would pick our son up, but never bring his homework over. He would pack his TV and video game system with him though. My son would tell me how they never had food, but would come home and eat everything up from me. If I fussed about his grades not cleaning up after himself, etc. he would tell myself son I was being a nag or moody and they would laugh at me. This year, one time when I took his game away, his dad told him he should run away from home. Last week, my son went over for the weekend and didn’t come home for a week because “he needed time away from me.” Which was just to be able to play his game in peace. This past week, I hid his keyboard so he hadn’t played in a couple days.I needed to use his phone and noticed a conversation where my son was complaining about me. His dad asked him if they were going to the gym, my son said no he wasn’t in the mood. His dad asked if he was going to get on the game to play call of duty, my son said no mom won’t give me my game back, his dad then said, well you’re 17 almost 18, anytime you want to move out and get away from her moodiness let me know. He has always told me, “if you don’t know how to parent, give him to me. He doesn’t do that to me.” Our son starves for his attention because he doesn’t really give him any besides gaming. He has never set up any appointments, been to maybe 3 parent teacher nights, never looks at his grades (he hasn’t gone in person full time since 8th grade because he can’t focus to do his work and he games in all his free time) he doesn’t even have his license because instead of putting him in drivers school, in which I asked, he bought him a PS5 while he already had a gaming PC. Anyways I say all this to say I’m sad I didn’t know the words/psychology for it all before, but I do now. I have 4 months left with my son being a minor. I’ve already started the process of him seeing a counselor. Thank you for your work and knowledge.
Explaining to your psychologist.. explaining to your lawyer.. that they're not obviously mean or scary or the hitting type and that's what makes it so difficult to point a finger at. They know not to be violent or overtly mean. Her behavior changes are not obviously terror and fear. It is anxiety, confusion, obsessiveness, hyperactivity, insomnia before and after visits, waking up with terrors, difficult behaviors when with the safe parent.. I will never forget what it was like when I lived with him.. what *I* was like.. how it changed me.. how I behaved.. and that is what she is and is going to go through. She is going to be bottling up and suppressing subconsciously and then when she gets back to her safe place and the 'invisible' pressure holding it in is gone.. boom.. it all comes out, not by choice, it's just how it works. I experienced flash rages after leaving. Thank you so much for sharing. We are all grateful for your validation in a very lonely place that much of the world has yet to become truly aware about, but it's inevitable. Just like it's inevitable that our children will see the difference that we make. 💜
Watching on replay. This makes a lot of sense!
I just sent this to my son.
I’m coming out of the fog with my son’s father and how he has seemingly purposely been harming our son.
My son has a video game addiction. He has been playing with his dad since he was 4. My son’s dad was an alcoholic (he even showed up buzzed the day I had him and I have a photo hold him faded with a toothpick) up until 2022.
He has been in and out of the home with promise to change but never did. As a father, he has never taught our son anything or really parented. They play games together. I had to beg him to take him to the gym with him. When we weren’t together, he would pick our son up, but never bring his homework over. He would pack his TV and video game system with him though.
My son would tell me how they never had food, but would come home and eat everything up from me. If I fussed about his grades not cleaning up after himself, etc. he would tell myself son I was being a nag or moody and they would laugh at me.
This year, one time when I took his game away, his dad told him he should run away from home.
Last week, my son went over for the weekend and didn’t come home for a week because “he needed time away from me.” Which was just to be able to play his game in peace.
This past week, I hid his keyboard so he hadn’t played in a couple days.I needed to use his phone and noticed a conversation where my son was complaining about me. His dad asked him if they were going to the gym, my son said no he wasn’t in the mood. His dad asked if he was going to get on the game to play call of duty, my son said no mom won’t give me my game back, his dad then said, well you’re 17 almost 18, anytime you want to move out and get away from her moodiness let me know.
He has always told me, “if you don’t know how to parent, give him to me. He doesn’t do that to me.”
Our son starves for his attention because he doesn’t really give him any besides gaming. He has never set up any appointments, been to maybe 3 parent teacher nights, never looks at his grades (he hasn’t gone in person full time since 8th grade because he can’t focus to do his work and he games in all his free time) he doesn’t even have his license because instead of putting him in drivers school, in which I asked, he bought him a PS5 while he already had a gaming PC.
Anyways I say all this to say I’m sad I didn’t know the words/psychology for it all before, but I do now. I have 4 months left with my son being a minor. I’ve already started the process of him seeing a counselor.
Thank you for your work and knowledge.
Mine switched and flipped as a teen, but once they bully a parent they have made a decision to use control. It only gets worse.
Explaining to your psychologist.. explaining to your lawyer.. that they're not obviously mean or scary or the hitting type and that's what makes it so difficult to point a finger at. They know not to be violent or overtly mean. Her behavior changes are not obviously terror and fear. It is anxiety, confusion, obsessiveness, hyperactivity, insomnia before and after visits, waking up with terrors, difficult behaviors when with the safe parent..
I will never forget what it was like when I lived with him.. what *I* was like.. how it changed me.. how I behaved.. and that is what she is and is going to go through. She is going to be bottling up and suppressing subconsciously and then when she gets back to her safe place and the 'invisible' pressure holding it in is gone.. boom.. it all comes out, not by choice, it's just how it works. I experienced flash rages after leaving.
Thank you so much for sharing. We are all grateful for your validation in a very lonely place that much of the world has yet to become truly aware about, but it's inevitable. Just like it's inevitable that our children will see the difference that we make. 💜